The Standards Are Unfair It's Like I Want My Bible Loving Woman Who Loves Jesus With All Of Her Heart And Looks Like A Victoria Secret Model. Do you who look like a, you know, the equivalent of a Victoria Secret Model? Do I? Yeah, I do. I'm saying to the guy who loves that. Some people have told me that. Yeah. I'm packing heat. What's up, fam? It's your boy, J.J. And Kate Ness.
Your girl. Kate Ness. Today's episode we're pumped about because we wanted to make one of the best episodes we could ever make to ask the question that we hear over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. Where are all the Christian single men? So we're going to answer that question like as best as possible, as in depth as possible. We actually ask a bunch of young adults pastors. Passers have been pastors for 20 years.
Not just young adults pastors, but like pastors or men that are around a lot of other guys or just people that disciple men overall. Yes. So we're so excited to play their voice recordings for you guys and then we'll discuss it afterwards. Before we jump in, August 30th is the deadline for Camp HOD. We would love to have you there. We also have a Patreon matchmaking bachelor crew at what Christian Love is blind event coming up. Yeah, basically end of August.
So you got to be involved in Patreon again. And then August is a big deal, okay? Yeah, August 30th. We got end of kit for Camp HOD signups and our Patreon matchmaking. There you go. So fun. So we're going to get into this episode. We're going to go ahead and play. So here's what we did. We asked a bunch of people that we really respect. Yeah. We have a really good 10,000 foot view of what's going on in the church. Yeah. Historically and right now in our culture. And we just asked.
And like, who are around a lot of men, specifically single men, who disciple them, who hear from them, and who also are around a lot of single women so that they can also like in the church way on what's really going on here. So there's a variety of opinions or some like common opinions. Yeah. And then there's some variety. So it'll be really interesting. Also from like, you know, charismatic churches, from non-denominational churches, from Baptist churches.
Yeah. Like, there is a really give variety of different churches in different places and cities in the US. Yeah. We won't reveal that. They are technically anonymous. You might recognize a voice or two. Yes. But I can't wait to hear what they have to say. All right. So let's play it. JJ, Kate, I love this question. Where are all the Christian single men in the church?
Listen, every week I see hundreds, if not thousands of Christian guys walk into a church on a Sunday or a Tuesday for our young adult service. And I'm still faced with this question, where is my man? Where is my bow as? And I don't for a second think that we have a lack of Christian guys in our community, at least not here in Houston. But here's the truth. We don't always have a room full of Christian men. I think we have a room full of Christian boys.
And listen, whether you like this or not, I believe this is an accepted theory all around that girls mature emotionally and physically quicker than guys do. Now whether girls remain emotionally mature or stable, that's another conversation for another podcast. But the truth is that girls mature quicker. So they're looking for a man in the 60s. This is just like a stat I was looking up in the 60s. We saw that it was 8% of young adults who lived with their parents.
If you fast forward to now, we're looking at about 50% of young adults who are still living with their parents. And what this tells us is that young adults are taking longer to grow up or at the very least, taking longer to be a suitable candidate for becoming a spouse. Now I understand that people are like, man, it's just tougher to live today and there are many variables, whether that be the cost of living, unforeseen circumstances like the pandemic, inflation.
But the truth of the matter is you put all that aside, there are still some men who just won't grow up. So when I hear where are all the Christian men in the church, I would say they're here, they just need to grow up. That's just my opinion, that's my theory. Why is there a lack of Christian men? Why are there less single guys? Why does it feel more women are ready for marriage compared to men being ready for marriage?
I think first and foremost, what I always say is women are superior to men, meaning women are active about their faith, about the relationship of the Lord. They're showing up to church. They're doing the right things. Women mature quicker than men. As I talk to many guys, many of the guys are good Christian guys, but are saying, hey, I don't want to date at church. So there's pull number one, and number two, they're not in a season or they're not ready to date. They want to date the meaning.
They don't want to settle down. They're not ready to get married. It's not dating. It's actually married as the more you ask questions. So pull number one is saying the church is not a place for me to find a significant other. They don't want to ruin the community. The fear, the lie behind that is if I date a girl and it doesn't go well, I can't date anyone else at the church.
So that is the lie that they tell themselves, so they don't jump into that pool or they maybe date one person and it's like, this whole pool is done. The number two, it's the readiness. So for guys, they're saying, once I have this level of my career, once I make this amount of money, then I'll be ready for marriage. And the reality is when you start to ask a kid, what is that level? What is that timeframe? What is that amount? How do you know you will be ready?
They can't actually give you a clear answer all the time. So they're striving towards some sort of goal that's kind of just out there. So when you think about that, so guys just aren't quite ready. And then more women are showing up to church. That's just who they are. And I believe more women because of all of that, women are ready quicker for marriage than guys are. And I see it in premarital counseling that even some of the guys have this fear of losing my independence going into marriage.
And we quickly figure out, hey, that's actually a lie. That's not true. Here's what it means. So it's something that I've personally dealt with with guys walking alongside guys, 20s, 30s, 40s for the last five years, church and something, California. Some guys helping guys doing premarital counseling. And then once the guys kind of click it and they see everything as upside down, we live in the upside down kingdom. We flip their motives.
We see a lot of guys change course and it's really, really beautiful to witness and to experience. So it is absolutely a lot easier to be a Christian man today, who desires marriage than it is to be a Christian female. And I hate that that's true. But I mean, I meet solid girls all the time and guys aren't asking them out. So why? I think the foundation of the issue is pornography. And I think guys are, you know, they're scared to be rejected.
I think we've, you know, if you read the book, The Conaling of the American Mind, there's just been major generational shifts where generally speaking, there's a lot of guys who fear rejection. They're not asking girls out. Their standards are too high. They're, you know, secretly wanting to marry someone who looks like a porn star because well, they were addicted to porn and they've trained their minds and their bodies for that.
I think the foundation of the problem is pornography and it is a problem. And I think, you know, this is the hot take that won't be popular, but I think women do things that perpetuate the problem and it's tough because it's like, what do you do? And I think you have to walk in faithfulness and have the long game in mind and maybe you're trying to live your life to reset everything for the next generation. Maybe you don't even benefit from it.
Maybe you stay single, which is really, I know how hopeless that is to some women. But in reality, no one's ever gotten to heaven and they're upset with God because he kept him single. And you know, I just wonder when did heaven stop being enough for us? And you know, this life is short and I know that people rolled their eyes because I'm a married man with kids. But you know, there's a lot of married people who desire to be single and there's a lot of single people who desire to be married.
And so I think we have to return back to the full values on this or we're really, really hurting ourselves, not just ourselves, but future generations too. I don't think there are less single guys in the church. I just think from my perspective, most of them are just hiding from my point of view, there are a lot of quality single guys in church. They just don't know how to lead and they don't know how to pursue and the demographic of 20s, guys in the church.
There's often one or two types of guys I've noticed. The first one is like they are new believers. They usually have been a follower of Jesus fairly recently or up to two to three years. And this group is hiding because they're just nervous. Spiritual women can be a little intimidating. So these guys are expected to learn how to pursue a quality woman, figure out how to support financially, discuss how they're going to lead a family and all the while they're expected to move quickly.
Because if we're being honest, most Christian women know what they're looking for and they know what they want and if they have the person who they believe is that, they're going to want to move quickly. And so oftentimes it's quicker than the guy who's still trying to learn to lead himself is willing to move. So these guys are just intimidated. Meanwhile they have friends who are out sleeping and bragging about it. So they're trying to figure out how to navigate those friendships as well.
But that's a different combo for a different day. Or the second guy, second guy, they're usually guys who've been raised in church or have been following Jesus for a while, but have grown up in the social media era. This group, they just have no clue how to pursue a woman. They have no clue where to start and they often have no clue how to have a conversation. So if there's no understanding on any of those things and there's a lack of depth and what the lack of depth comes, a lack of intimacy.
And so these guys are often great guys, but they hide. Well, they've hidden behind a screen most of their lives and never have had a deep meaningful relationship or relationships. So when they shoot their shot in the DM because they're too scared to actually talk in person and then they finally go on a date, they have no depth and they're viewed as shallow oftentimes and the girls like, I'm out. And that's often true.
Yet if they can learn to go deeper, it can lead to the relationship that they're, that the women that they're hoping to find. But most people think that time for that. So all that to say, I think they're out there. I just think they're hiding. So one of the keys, I mean, I like to always give keys. I think one of the keys is, you know, helping some of these young men mature. And I think that's a key to meaningful relationships that some of these Christian women are looking for. All right.
So much goodness and these voice and most. Thank you to these guys for sending their thoughts. It's so good. It's so smart. It's so smart. I want to start out my favorite little point, which is women are superior to men. Yeah, I thought you might like that one. I love that little comment. I was like, he won some, he won some brownie points with that one. Oh, yeah. I was like, okay. But really what, you know, what does he really mean by that?
Yeah, I heard this multiple times in a few of the voice memas that women mature faster emotionally. They are ready faster for relationships and because women are statistically the ones that are more that are buying self-help books that want to help themselves grow in every area emotionally spiritually, whatever, maybe not, I mean, and probably physically too. I don't know, but they are the ones that are more apt to go to church in general because yeah, that is in the DNA of women.
Like we see that stat all over the place that women statistically are more prone to self-help things, which church can be caused categorized in a way as something that grows you, right? So I mean, I think you just hit the nail on the head. Yeah. Three out of every four self-help books are bought by women. What does that tell you? Like point blank. That women are more inclined to grow and say, I need to change and do something about it. Yes. Whether that's wisdom, they're more growth oriented.
It's coming out of like a performance selling themselves play. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know, but I do know that's probably the biggest pain point I hear is men. It's just single men are not really growing up, nor taking the initiative. And in fact, and I know we have a lot of older listeners, but I do want to bring up this point that one of the voice memo men who shall not be named said, he said that, 50% of young adults today live with their parents versus back in the day.
That was about 8%. I think he said so 8% back in the 60s of young adults lived with their parents. Men now 50% live with their parents. Okay. So it's taking way longer to be a suitable spouse. And many guys are just not ready, you know? And another thing that kept popping up with that is that, you know, they want to be in a certain place in their career. They, you know, they want to get all these things together. But then when you question, like, okay, well, what do you need to get together?
They're like, well, I don't know, like this and the other, like they're, they're you don't even, they're not even clear on what, where they want to be to then pursue a woman. Yeah. Do you find that accurate? Yeah, I do. You know, keep this in mind. The all throughout history, you know, what the average age of marriage was. As soon as they hit puberty. Yeah. Super young. So that'd be crazy. 14 years old. We're just getting into high school then. Now these days.
And so you could say throughout history, there's been 15 year olds who are more mature and respond, more responsible than 30 year old men today. Mm. Okay. So the math ain't math and right. But I think it's a responsibility issue. That 14 and 15 year old was giving a huge responsibility, more responsibility than they could probably handle. And so they had two choices. Yeah. Or grow up. Right.
Well, and, and, and thing that you and I have talked about before is that we do see a lot of men in their 20s into their 30s that are really into like video games or living with their parents or just not progressing in their life, just kind of like remaining stagnant. Yeah. And I would say that I mean, I don't know a single girl who is like living with their parents playing video games. It's true. I just say I'm not, I'm not trying to come out the guys.
There's probably an element to passiveness there, uh, escapeism, right? Just escaping like the real world and the fantasy world. Uh, that's probably more of a trend. I would say by far and away though, with all those guys probably having common is they probably don't have a lot of responsibility. They don't have a rent to pay. They don't have something that is just way out sizes where they're at. Like a big career.
And I would say that's probably the common thing that if we talk to all these pastors, the second they probably grew up the most was the second that they had more responsibility that they could probably handle. Like it eclipse their maturity and capability level. So they had to grow up. And that's the case for me. I, you know, when, when people hear this episode, especially men, I hope you don't hear a criticizing heart because I was the same way.
I refused to grow up in a lot of ways and waited till marriage was the force function that may make grow up. And so, and that's me being honest. Yeah. Can I play devil's advocate for a second on the guys who don't grow up? Because I've also lived in big cities, LA and New York. And I feel like you see something a little different in these big cities.
You see guys that are actually very successful in their careers and kind of maybe even work a hallix, but they're not dating or they're dating, but not like don't really care to be married. And they'll say I want to be married, but they're just having fun. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, and then you see the older singles like are 30 plus, 35 and plus, 40 plus females being like so frustrated because you'll have a 40 year old guy who has a great career.
And either he wants a data 25 year old girl, okay, or he is just like still not sure what he's doing or where he's going, even though he has a great solid career and it financially has things in order. Man, I would just say this. That guy's probably going to have the hardest time signing up for marriage because that guy has everything. He's got a career. He's got lots of discretionary income. He's got his choice of women to pick from. Right.
Most importantly, he's probably got three or four single ladies always looking. Oh, yeah. He has his pick of the litter. And most importantly, he has autonomy. He has full autonomy of his life. Yeah. So a strong Christian when they're coming into the picture is like with her own set of desires, needs, whatever. Yeah. For him, he probably probably labels her as needy.
That's why dating the 21 year old, 22 year old girl who's a bright eye and bushy tail doesn't have the career yet isn't super independent. May seem more attractive. Yeah. I mean, we can psychoanalyze a lot about that situation, but I would say that's probably one that that guy will probably be one of the hardest people ever to convince, which probably goes to, you know, one of the guys notes, I do we have unfair standards. Does that have 40 year old? Do guys have unfair standards?
Does the 27 year old, does the 30 do men in the church have an unfair standard driven by pornography? Specifically, yeah, driven by porn. And I would say the answer is unequivocally, undoubtedly a million percent. Yes. Mm hmm. So they're looking at what I always say. Gosh, it's not my spicy side comes out talking about this because I hear you ladies. Okay. As much as I want to fight against this concept of where are the great, where are the good, awesome Christian single men?
Because I do believe in the men. I also get what it's like to see so many quality women around you and be like, I don't even know who I could set you up with, you know, like I just don't even know. And like the standards are unfair. It's like I want my Bible loving woman who loves Jesus with all of her heart and looks like a Victoria secret model. Yeah. Listen, I think I'm so glad one of them said that because you look like, you know, the equivalent of a Victoria secret model. So yeah, I do.
I'm saying to the guy who wants that. Some people have told me that. Yeah. I'm packing heat. Okay. Hey, what I mean is, listen, I actually think I'm excited for in the next hopefully decade where we have more research. People will look and say pouring in your pocket from the age of eight, nine, 12 years old has been single hintly the most destructive thing for an entire generation of men, especially if these men also want children. Oh, emotionally, physically, spiritually.
Yeah. Like it is just absolutely destroyed any ability to have relationship and intimacy, not just with a female partner with friendships too. So I definitely think porn, I mean, it affected me. And if any guy who has a history of porn, tries to downplay it or not really address it, just it's an assumption that you should have.
If you've taken crystal meth and you've experienced that kind of experience, like that radical enlargement of your brain of what the body might look like in that ease of access, like and you try to train through that to real life, it you're going to be jacked up. Yeah. Like you really are going to be jacked up. Now there's hope. There's healing and it's gradual, but I absolutely would double down on that statement. Yeah. Absolutely.
You know, it's like, I remember just locally in Tennessee, we have so many great girls and we're like asking tons of people like, give us the guys that are quality and then we find out maybe about like one single guy and we're like, okay, well, like then there the first question is like, you know, what are you looking for? And they're like, well, they have to be a certain age and they have to be this and they have to be this and it's so specific and it doesn't really have to do with character.
Right. It's just so interesting. It has to do with looks, it has to do with age and viability of their ovaries, you know, and things like that. And I'm like, oh, no. No, frustrated by this. But men do have somewhat of that kind of leverage. Like we didn't talk about this, but the statistics, we're all the good, godly, single Christian men.
Well, yeah, okay, because some of the guys in these voice memos, which let's all find out maybe we list their churches because sounds like some of them actually do have a good amount of quality single guys in their churches, which some of our ladies are going to be like, where are these churches at, right? But if we looked at the numbers, but overall numbers, statistically about the churches, about 60% female and 40% male.
Now when we add in another filter and say, okay, what about single men versus single women? 70% female and 30% male. So we're all the good godly men. Well, let's just be very clear and look at the data. There are less godly men in a church, single godly men than women. It's, it's, there's half as many. And so, you know, we have to live in reality. In reality is that as far as a quantity number, just the data, there are less godly men. That's almost like one in four, right?
Four girls to everyone guy, is that we roughly work out to that almost? Yeah. So it is statistically true. Now I would say it's very easy to hear those woman and be discouraged. Yeah. Right. Like they have tons of leverage. They have a lot of power in choosing lots of women are going to feel passed up in the, I mean, the data says they're not all going to get married. Right?
And so it's very easy to live in that aspect, I would say the reality is women probably have too high of a standard as well in some ways. Yeah. And they're all looking at that one guy. Like we see this all the time in matchmaking and likes and Facebook and troze. Women all are going to gravitate to the most attractive. And there's, there's good godly men who are probably getting overlooked as well. Yeah. No, I mean, that, that's always a breaks my heart.
It's always, you know, I, it's true for both sides. It can be true for the females side too. It's like, okay, well, I want to find a good godly man. I'm like, okay, what about this brother in Christ? And he's awesome, solid, but he might be a little geeky. Maybe he's a little bit shorter. Maybe. And they're like, oh no, like I don't think I would date him, you know?
Yeah. And it's like, okay, well, and this goes into like the standard of what the women want to have also needs to be adjusted because not on character level, absolutely not, but more on, I think, physicality and not to say you shouldn't be attracted. We've already talked about this, but like a lot of women are also wanting that fairy tale spark upon first sight because we've been indoctrinated with Disney culture and romcom culture and, you know, the spark love at first sight kind of vibe.
And so if we don't feel that with a guy and we like look at them, we're like, yeah, he might be kind of attractive, but no, not for me. And it makes you think it's like not the quote story that we want. Right. And it makes you think there's that one single guy that I am attracted to. I mean, there's got to be four who are good godly men, quote, that I'm not really attracted to and they don't really count. Yeah. Right. So I'm there might be five, but I'm really only counting one.
Yeah. And so it feels even smaller than what it is. Right. And I have a question for you. I love this one. This came up a couple times and we see this all the time. A common trend is this guys are scared to ask out women. Period. Mm hmm. And then underneath that, there may be a scare of rejection and they're also maybe scared of ruining the community group. Yeah. And I see that. I mean, no person on this planet is not afraid of rejection.
I think today, there are people are more afraid of rejection because in someone mentioned in the voice memo because the digital era, you know, we have so much texting, DM conversations, we have less physical and person conversations and more virtual interactions and ever before. So it's hard to have in person conversations. It's hard to ask someone out in person.
I mean, back in the day, part of the culture was, let's go swing dancing on a Friday night and, you know, it was like you're asking a girl to dance. So you have constant practice of asking a girl to do something. Let me ask her to dance and then it's like just easier. You're also out and about all the time. It's not just a digital facade. And so there was more practicing of that muscle that we just don't have right now. Right. There's less of that practicing of asking girls out.
So there's more pressure on it and more fear of rejection because they're doing it less. There's more fear of the results. If you're doing it all the time, it's like, okay, like it, you know, like I'm confident in this, but I don't do it as often. And so now I have, it's, I'm, it's a pressure cooker and I'm afraid of what they're going to say. Yeah, experience team rejection and overcoming it is a skill. It's not a character trait or quality, right?
Yeah. It's something that you can absolutely get better at. And then scared of ruining community. Listen, this is so valid for two reasons. One, if the person you're dating is unhealthy and there's a big whatever, that's out of your control. But what I find more often is they're scared of ruining the community because they're dating like a fool. And what they're doing would ruin any community. Right.
And that's why you submarine and go date solo lone wolf, I grow outside your church because there's no accountability. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And they're going to be much easier. They don't have to worry about girls talking about them. Cross boundaries. They, well, not too. Right. Right. And girls have a responsibility in the church and I say this often in person Q&A's like ladies don't talk bad about the guy in the community that asked you out that it doesn't end up going anywhere with. Right.
Because if you do that, that is going to continue to contribute to why the quality guys aren't asking girls out in the church. Yeah. It's not very safe. It's not going to be safe. The more you, so first of all, don't even tell everyone in the church they're going around the day. I know it's fun, but don't do it because it causes all the pressure and then everyone wants to know.
And then when it doesn't go back, it doesn't go great and you're hurt by rejection, you're going to spew it to everyone. It just is not a good equation because now the guys are like, oh, wow, now all these girls in that girl group think I'm potentially horrible and I'm not, I can't ask anybody else out. Yeah. Totally. Now, what do you think about this?
I heard this a few times as a common theme, there are good men, some of them, or you know, might be boy, as far as immaturity levels, or they're new to their faith, they do have to grow up. Yeah. What is that process? Well, here's the thing. I want to talk about that, but I do often say that we know good guys, but then when I think about it, I'm like, but I don't really know these guys that well because sometimes when people say they're a good guy, I'm like, but are they?
Like, not just are they good on paper? A lot of people are quote, good people, but are they the kind of man that I want to set my baller girlfriend who is spiritually so sound and listens to the Holy Spirit up with? You know, like, are they on the same level? I've not just not looking to just set her up with just a good enough guy. Like, that's the thing. There's a lot of quote, good guys. But where are the strong male leaders? Where's the strong disciples men? That's the question.
Well, I think you just alluded to it. We don't have a maturity problem. We don't have a vulnerability problem. We don't have a growth problem. We have a discipleship problem. That guy, you just alluded to, you know, we know this good guy, but I don't really know him. No one really knows him. Because we've lost discipleship. And discipleship is all about being fully known in every way. Yep. Right? I am being vulnerable with someone and they're seeing me.
And that I actually had to do a lot of repenting. I harbored so much resentment and anger towards my dad, towards a lot of leaders and the baby boomer kind of era. Because I just felt like man, the torches of discipleship and the desire to serve the next gen and disciple the next gen, which is completely missing for a few decades of the church. And it just generally felt like they were so concerned with the pain of their own woundings.
They didn't have the capability or capacity to invest in the next generation. So we don't have all these problems. We have a discipleship problem. Right. Good men are not growing into great men. They, because they don't have a model for it. Because they're not being shown. Yeah. They're not, I say it all and men don't shame men into growing them. Right. Don't cut them down and into growing them. Show them what it looks like to be a grown man.
Yeah. And that's where I think for the ladies listening, like instead of us cutting them down and grumbling, it's time to pray for them. It's time to pray for godly men to come into their life or just that they would have the courage to step up and ask to be discipled by godly men. It's time to pray for more discipleship ministries for more churches to really invest in discipleship specifically of their men.
So that we can flip those numbers from being 30% single men in the church to ideally 50%. You know, like that is something I really want with love for the church to focus on. But we women, we need to pray for it because the more we get frustrated and tear guys down and say, complain, the less likely the change is actually going to happen.
I know this from experience, even just in our dynamic, the more I complain and about you needing to change something, the less you're doing it, the more I actually encourage you, affirm you, pray, the more you are actually willing and probably do change. Yeah, absolutely. And so, I mean, my question for you is because we've talked about it. It's been really, really good. As a woman, do you do in some ways you have to marry potential? In a way, okay, I always say don't marry potential.
Yes, but if we, but the hard part about this, I can't believe you brought this up on air, is that you always do marry potential to an extent. Don't marry potential of who you think they can be if they haven't shown you that they're already becoming that. Right. One of your favorite quotes. Who are you becoming by the things that you are doing? Who are they? And right. Who are they becoming by the things that they're doing by the people that they're around?
So the reality is they're always in becoming someone. Who are they leaning towards becoming? And if you consistently see them putting, you know, marbles into that marble jar, investing in that, they may not be at that level yet, but if they are consistently investing in it and you see that witness through time, you have other people that are in that person's life telling you and vouching for that that they're on this journey, then that's something you can probably bank on.
But the reverse is what I see a lot of people including myself is I could see the potential for him and I would try to help him into change. And I was like, but he could be this. Right. And I know he could. If the guy isn't already on that path or trying to do it or actively pursuing these things in some way, it ain't going to happen. That's the kind of potential you don't want to marry. I mean, I got a fun analogy for you. I would literally be looking at Donald Trump, your favorite, right?
Why are you bringing that up? I got a bunch of faces. Okay, hey, sis. And saying if Trump was truly, truly, truly born again and cultivated like an entirely new relationship with God, it was so vivid, so clear. And he did that. I mean, think about how effective he could be in the kingdom. Seriously, I mean, think about that. That is a crazy thing to think about. And then you start falling in love saying, I mean, there's think about that. This a fantasy. Right, a fantasy. This idea.
And this is a hypothetical, of course, because we don't know what it's like behind the scenes and where he's at spiritually like we can't. But I think it is somewhat clear, you know, who knows after the assassination attempt, I think it's somewhat clear, right? Those signs of where he's going, what he's doing, like he's not about to quit politics tomorrow and I can just go full-time ministry anytime soon, right? And so that's a weird example of, for example, whatever you want to call it.
But the whole point is like, I can dream of what they can be. Or what we hope they are. Right. But what's most important is the very clear examples of what I know to be true and day-to-day interactions in their life. Or they're going through what I'm seeing in front of me. Yeah. So in a lot of ways, you do marry potential with everyone, both guys' angriels. You're marrying potential because you don't know who they are or who they're going to turn into.
And the next year, five years, 10 years, but you're kind of making a bet. Yeah. In some way. So in closing, Kate, where are they? Do they exist? They are out there. They are maybe a little more few and far between. And we would all like at the moment. And I know that is hard for women. And for the guys out there that are in that 30% of single Christian men in the church, like we honor you, we see you. We pray for you seriously. And I don't think for women that all hope is lost.
But I do love one of the people said this. Like, the ultimate goal needs to be, let's all be in love with Jesus. And let's look at all of this in the wake of face of eternity, you know? Totally. And that's hard because with your equation, like if they're 70% single women, 30% guys, there's no way all those women will necessarily get married if that's how it continues to remain. So how do we look at this with the kingdom mindset? Yeah, I love that. I really do.
Like when did heaven stop being good enough? Yeah. And I know that is so hard, you know? But it is also true and it's also hard. Yeah, I mean, both of those things can be held together. Yeah. So we love you guys. We hope this episode was encouraging and helpful. And what we felt seen. Yeah, totally. Amen. The Heart of Dating podcast is created by Kate and JJ Tomlin. Shout out to our epic audio and video editor, Scott Carro.
We have an amazing Heart of Dating team who helps bring this show to you each week. I want to shout out Kelsey Napier, our Heart of Dating digital marketing coordinator and Elena Gibson, our brand and community manager. We couldn't do it without them. Now, if you guys have never ranked us or reviewed us on iTunes or Spotify, would you consider doing that? It would mean so much because our podcast can get more discovered and more people can learn how to better date as Christians.
Don't we all want that? We launch our podcast each and every week on Wednesdays, so we'll see you next week.