We're gonna switch it up and we're actually talking about green flags because you know we've been talking about red flags all season. What are some actual green flags go run yes run forest run towards them. This is good sign. Find them hunt them down lock them up lock them in a basement like. Oh my god. Okay serial killer. Okay. That's so creepy. Get all the prophetic words that they're the one. Hey everyone it's Kay and JJ and today is a season finale. Let's go season 11.
Our season where we are talking and have been talking about all sorts of red flags. Baby I have a question. Yeah. What was your favorite red flag that we covered this entire season. I think I would have appreciated hearing La Cray's episode. Oh you just have a man crush. No no about vision. Yeah. I think that would have been helpful for me. Yeah.
Or I think laziness. The one with Janine and Caleb. Yeah really good. I loved our episode with Maddie. I think that was so like don't date potential. That is something I really needed and also emotional abuse because that is something I was very unfamiliar with back in the day. Oh yeah.
So I I love the season and so today though we're gonna switch it up and we're actually talking about green flags because you know we've been talking about red flags all season. What are some actual green flags go run. Yes run for us run towards them. This is good sign. Find them hunt them down lock them up lock them in a basement like. Okay serial killer. Okay. That's so creepy. All the prophetic words that they're the one. Okay. Yes.
A few announcements will go through these past as we get into the episode we got to mention our Patreon community we just had and hang out with the level three or two three in pastry on the other night and it was so fun. We played like a fun little game where everyone had to say if you were to give a Ted talk a three minute Ted talk on a subject what would it be.
And that was such a fun little thing that you put together honey thank you it's a great ice breaker for your next small group or random function make them give a two minute Ted talk on anything.
I love that. I thought it was so fun. We love our Patreon fam. You get a ton of perks in Patreon but one of the main things is that even if you just sign up for five dollars a month you get a bonus heart of dating episode that typically you guys vote on but this next month it's actually going to be a Q&A where you can send in questions. And we will answer them all in detail on the show which will be really cool because we get a million questions.
So if you want to help us and just support this podcast it would mean the world we're pretty much out a hundred patrons now which was our goal. Well our goal was even bigger than that but we're fine with slow and steady so let's do it patreon.com slash heart of dating we'd love to have y'all. Don't forget hodc is around the corner. Heck yes Nashville 29th and 30th or online. Be there or B square is that the his own you say. Can we tell them the big announcement. What's the big.
Hey we just partnered with oh yeah go ahead. Now you tell them. We are partnering officially with the way church in Nashville Tennessee. They are an up and coming church. I love no hair and and just so excited to be partnering with their team in Nashville and that is such an honor. Let's go. So we are stoked it's going to be so much fun. So make sure you get in on it and also know if you want to come solo over 50% of the people last year in Atlanta that came came solo.
But you will not be alone. We have an app that launches about a month in advance you'll get to meet tons of people you can figure out room situations like all of that jazz you will not be alone I promise you. I wanted to let y'all know we have tons of free resources so today the one that I want to highlight is our one on red flags as we wrap up this season if you go to heart of dating.com forward slash resource forward slash red flags you will be able to download that free resource.
And also just go to our free resources because there's like a gazillion of them. Yeah isn't it I haven't looked at it but is it just after the day you have like a little checklist and you just check red flag red flag red flag. No it's like what really how do you make your list of red flags.
So we do have a question today it actually came from Brian in our Patreon community. Do you want to explain it JJ. Yeah so the question is hey JJ and Kate first of all you guys are the best we love you so much here this is the best podcast I listen to in the universe especially JJ like you're super super super wise and handsome.
I've been seeing this girl we went on four dates. I believe that she disappeared for a month and then she came back. Yeah they it's the four dates were spread out between multiple months. Okay great so very very loose schedules are very different it's very hard right there's kids in the picture so they're just both busy and what he says is a huge green flag is she's independent and she has a social life.
Like very filled right exactly and he loves that about her however once she's popped in she is desiring a little bit more to their dates and their connection meaning he intentionally has kept them light and playful trying to have as much fun as possible which is awesome we love that however she's responding now saying I've had a great time.
I just want something a little bit more like physically you haven't made any moves on me emotionally I feel like you know I just have a little bit more of a desire for intimacy with you. Right so what I asked Brian what I translate that to is that this girl just wants to know and see if there's really a romantic connection.
I don't know if she's per se asking hey Brian make out with me but I think she's more under the cover being like I want to see if there's anything romantically there and I get this girl I am that way I'm a helpless romantic so you know I think there's two parts to it they have to have a conversation in person about their schedules ideally in person and Brian can pitch it to her of like hey I'd love to see you more and continue to get to know you.
Can we figure out a way to make this work though with our schedules being so busy I think that question in person would be great but I also would for Brian I would go ahead and I would ask her what kind of a date would make her feel really connected to him and just have her kind of give to him what would make her feel really connected and Brian could maybe give a few options and different ideas but this allows her to kind of choose the kind of date that maybe she is desiring to feel.
Like fill that romantic bucket or see if there's romance there and so I think that's would be an awesome way I would receive that really well if that's something I was looking for and at the end of the day then he can extend and have more conversations with her in person when they're on that date. That's a good answer. Now don't you think that the priority is to build friendship or you think it should be friendship and romantic.
I don't think it needs to be romantic where it's like tell me the depths of your soul I'm going to play in the super extravagant you know two dozen red roses candles let everywhere. What if that's what she's looking for.
It can be romantic in a sense of like romantic is really hasten the specific to her that's intentional and sweet so maybe he writes our very short note and maybe he does a picnic and picks out a playlist of music that she would really like like that's pretty that's romantic but it's not over the top. Okay so you can go romantic but stay grounded on planet earth exactly. Alright thanks Brian for that question shall we move into green flags babe I think so. Alright let's talk about green flags.
So red flags like we clarified are not deal breakers yeah their causes for further evaluation what would be your websters Kate definition of a green flag.
Oh this is really good this is all signs are pointing not all signs but this is a sign that's pointing to potential yes I still need to find out more here's a thing ladies and gents if you see one or two or three green flags it's not an immediate yes yes yes let me marry you marry me tomorrow let me be your prince or princess right this is okay great this is this is positive I feel good about this let me keep finding out.
More information the green flags are not a reason to start wearing those rose color glasses because then you miss the red flags and keep in mind everyone's going to put their green flags out the gate right everyone's going to put their first their best foot forward it might take a little bit of time to see some of those red flags.
So what you're saying is just because you see green flags doesn't mean red flags don't exist that's why we always talk about pace date them for 90 days before you commit to them and just continue to.
And just continue to pay sit out as you balance green like if you see zero red flags after dating them for 90 days that that in itself is a red flag on you because no person is perfect and somebody is bound to have some kind of red flag of like that's not great maybe it's not a deal breaker kind of red flag but it's a red flag that you at least notice okay they're not perfect in this area because hello nobody is.
So it's a red flag for you if you can't find a single one about it so ideally at the end of 90 days we should be able to tell you five green flags off the bat. Oh definitely and tell you three or four red flags off the bat or like at one or two it doesn't have to be an extensive amount of red flags you just want to hopefully be able to not have rose color glasses and see that this person isn't perfect.
Okay so they don't cancel each other out it's not a math equation. Okay but okay so green flags. Okay so green flags first and foremost before we get into the rest right our crown jewel green flag like the heart of the ocean. There's this one and then there's a million others. Right this has got to be spiritual loves the Lord.
No not spiritual but not religious okay but like deeply loves the Lord with all their hearts so mind and I would say in that like godliness this is more than they just go to church. Cool like semi green flag they go to church but that doesn't show me that much with their relationship with God. So even just checking the box of box of Christian like anybody could check that especially if they were raised a certain way and went for Easter and Christmas like we're looking for a depth of Christian.
Faith. Yeah let's put it this way green flag you do not have to guess spiritually where they are at yes it is so clear that they love Jesus from the way that they talk about them. From the way that their worldviews impacted by him and most importantly that the person in their habits and their actions reflect how much they love Jesus. Amen. Amen like let's put it this way another way you are second and the gap is so big green flag spiritually speaking.
Honestly you're like third or fourth like if I'm dating someone and off the bat I'm already promoted to number two. That's an issue. No no when you're dating someone and it is so clear that you are like their fourth or fifth priority after God after family after career after their community group after their friends like you are not automatically promoted to the number two spot.
That is a green flag. Yeah it's good that they have other priorities and especially if their number one priority has to do with godliness and the Lord and things of the Lord so absolutely a thousand percent. Yeah I love that I love how when I met you or vice versa like you can look at things about their spiritual life that say that looks awesome I want some of that.
Totally that looks great that challenges me spiritually and where I'm where I'm at. Yeah so let's talk about some other green flags shall we? Let's do it. Here's my one of my top ones you ready. Yeah no I think we're all waiting. You and your awkward pauses sometimes. I know we're all I mean the person like listen to this in our car ride like we're just waiting.
Okay first green flag is good communication and I want to be specific here because everybody has a different picture of what good communication looks like. Maybe my good communication picture is that person being in constant contact with me. And that isn't necessarily a signal of good communication. I think in early dating stages here are some signals of good communication green flags. They communicate plans with you.
Not last minute like the worst thing is they pick you up or like an hour before hey one so what do you want to do like that is a red flag in my opinion. Do they have plans because the plans and them having a plan also indicate that they will have more vision for their life in my opinion.
So do they communicate plans that's for the ladies looking at the guys and are they timely and response now I'm not saying timely equals they respond to you every five minutes or right when you text timely is you message them a question. And it doesn't take you five business days to get back to them ideally right. And then the other thing is they're not afraid to have hard conversations and this is this really comes up with when they have to DTR or tell you their intentions with you.
Slash you bring up where you stand with them and you want to check in conversation are they afraid to have that conversation do they kind of like rush out of it run away don't open up. Are they leading those conversations if you're a woman looking at the guy. Those are all things I would look for early on when it comes to communication.
Yeah, well so and what you mean by having so not just willing to have a hard conversation but they're also clear in them meaning they're going to speak and give you information that you are not going to like but they're going to be honest about it right. Yeah, they're going to be honest like it's easy to be honest about the stuff you like and someone's going to enjoy hearing right it's hard to be honest.
They're not sugarcoating people pleasing it to the point of they're not being honest with you because they're afraid to have an actual hard discussion. Well, it's like hey, we've been on a few days now and I noticed that you show up 20 minutes late every time. Yeah, I like that's okay if that's how you run your life. I just want to let you know that I'm not really cool with that. I don't feel good about that.
I feel disrespected when that happens like can we find a way to make this work for both of us right. That's great. Are they going to like shove it under the rug not take ownership get defensive watch how they respond in those situations. Oh, also I want to say with communication consistency like if they start out texting. So here's a great thing for ladies and guys if you start texting the person consistently like every morning.
Keep that pace up if you're not planning to keep that pace then do not start texting in that pattern. Yeah, they're texting you 10 times a day in the first week and then the next week you don't hear from them for four days. That is inconsistent. Listen, we've all done that. Like let's clarify we've all been excited about someone we're dating or have a crush on. And you can help it. We text them morning and night. Oh my goodness.
So the second something pops up that we don't enjoy or like about them all of a sudden we file them in our brain as a priority. We go from texting them right away 10 times a day to six hours, 12 hours, 24 hours all of a sudden we got busy. Yeah, all of a sudden right. So it's just the point is there it's like whatever your response schedule and that for me is like hey you know that you're not interested anymore. Stop playing the game. Like tell them be super clear, be super kind.
Hey, I've had a great time. I would love to just say just friends like that is so. And that's a good cue for you as a person. Yeah, like I'm not texting them back right away. I was really excited the first two weeks and now I'm not even like remembering to respond to them. Yes. Let me check in with myself. Am I really interested in that? If I had to make you choose tomorrow, would you date them again or not? Exactly. You probably say no and that's all you need to know.
I think like at that point, I mean that being said there's probably a lot more going on behind the surface for you and why you're saying no but that's another episode. Okay. All right, let's talk about a second green flag healing. Okay. They have done a level of healing in their life. What does this mean? They either go they go to therapy, ideally, they're not people that are like, I don't need therapy because my childhood was great. Right.
You know, there's a lot of people that say that but I'm like, hey, we talk about this in school of dating our eight week mentorship program. You could have had a quote unquote perfect childhood and there are probably still way little messages that you receive little lies that you started agreeing with and believing. Little T trauma small moments of trauma that compounded over the years and probably you have some form of triggers today and your parents may have been wonderful.
But if you look at your childhood and just say, I don't need that. That's for people who are really damaged like people who've been through abuse and addiction and abandonment and that's for them. Not for me. That would be in my opinion a bit of a red flag. Right. And it's not just the fact that they haven't gone to therapy or or reconciled with their past or gone healing. That the red flag there is the attitude towards. Yes. I don't have any problems. I'm actually good.
I mean, we all got problems. Right. Like that for me, the attitude and the heart behind that is more concerning than anything. Yes. So a green flag to me is if they've gone to some kind of therapy and if they especially go consistently, not just one and done, I'm like super impressed because you don't just go to therapy to deal with the situation. You go, do you tune up your car only once a year, like once every 10 years for an oil change or do you go every time you need an oil change?
I mean, you go every time you need an oil change to clarify. It's maintenance. Your mini Cooper was. Was an issue. I don't know. I mean, that thing was like like that. I needed to call like. TPS car protective services on that thing. It was so. She was so sweet. Well, you definitely did not treat her that way because that poor little girl anyway.
But now one clarification on healing that I don't hear that often, I think therapy is amazing, but there are like subsets of therapy that I think are still right count like interhealing, inner correctness, shadow work like there's a lot of different, you know, subsidiaries of interhealing and therapy that's still count. It's kind of like I'm looking for someone who's healthy and you say they have to go to the gym. They have to lift weights.
I'm like, well, I don't do that, but I hike every single weekend and I take a 30 minute walk every day. It's like, well, yeah, right. There healing doesn't look like in the traditional sense, but they're still very healthy. They're healthy. They're willing to get help, but I will say if someone tells me they've been a therapy or they've done work on themselves, especially if they tell me they know this is when I was dating.
They know attachment theory. I'm like, I'm already giving you a major green flag here. This is great. Yes. Because attachment theory, if they know about that, that means they've done work on the ways they show up in love, which is hugely helpful in relationships. What is helpful to you pursue and date someone who is aware? Aware. Okay. So some subcategories of this green flag of healing would be they don't talk poorly of their past or really in this case, their ex.
There is no circumstance in my opinion where you should just be bashing your past partner onto the person you're currently dating. Rather, what I look for is you to not be a victim of your past and instead talk about what you learned from past experiences, what you learned from that relationship. And I had to be very careful with that in my past abusive relationship. That was a very long time ago.
Instead of really bashing this guy because he did not treat me well and he was abusive and narcissistic and pretty awful, I instead as much as I could in dating was like, hey, but here that let's maybe I, yes, I can tell you some of the things that happen, but I really also want to focus on what I learned from that, how I feel from that, how I even got to the place of being into that relationship and what all of that showed me about myself.
You're not a victim of your past, instead you talk about ownership from what you learned being in that situation. You talk about it shame free because there's no reason to blame yourself for being with a really abusive, hurtful, horrible person, but you talk about it from a place of empowerment and ownership. That is a very big green flag. Okay, thank you, we're going to have to pause you because you're going to heat it up over there. Okay, I love it. All right, friendships.
That's another green flag. If they do them well, right? Yes. They don't have them red flag. You have no friends, I question that, but if you, even if you have a lot of friends, I don't care. I want to know the quality of your friendship. Right, so not just any friendships or a lot of friendships. Who are you like three to four people? Yes. Do they do deep friendship really well? Do they even have deep friendship? And by deep friendship, I don't mean you've known this person since you were five.
That doesn't mean it's deep. That means it's a long friendship. It doesn't mean it's deep. It's just like, right, a river. You can have a long river. It may not be very deep, but it's very long. So the friendship is long, but how deep is it? Yes. Interesting analogy. I didn't think about it like that, but that works. No, I think what's really hard for guys is sometimes with guys especially, we haven't seen each other in six years and we show up. And we didn't miss a beat.
I would maybe say, yeah, I have a great friendship. We can show up. What we mean is like, if we push pause on your life today and I ask, who are you actually doing deep friendship with right now? Yeah. Like meeting with, communicating with frequently, like, who would that be? And how are you guys practicing friendship? And what I mean by practicing friendship and relationship is, are you guys consistent with one another?
Like, is this something that is just kind of like scattered and like, oh yeah, we meet up. Like, every once in a while, of course, we're all busy. Now, like, are you guys consistent? Like, is this a priority in your life? Are you guys honest with each other? Like, hey, bro, I love you. And because I love you, I have feedback for you. Yeah, that's good. It's really easy to be honest about something, bro. You cannot believe what this girl said to me. Right.
You can't believe what my boss did. I'm going to kill him. That part's easy, but looking at someone saying, hey, I have feedback for you, because I love you. On an area that might be a blind spot. And I think we need to talk. That's what I'm looking for when I'm when I was dating. That's the green fly there. Yeah. And I mean, like, for example, I love my friends. I love some of my best friends. When I see them like getting really upset and dropping an F bomb. Hey, bro, I love you.
And I understand your upset. Maybe it's the next day. We can't be talking like this. Like your speech matters. And like, you're you're too important in the kingdom. Like your reputation. How you come across. Like, this is a big deal. Even if it's behind closed doors, like, that's what character means. It's like you're practicing, even with the words that you speak, they matter. Even behind closed doors.
Like, and I don't want to be in relationship with someone who's going to be constantly dropping. Courage words like that. Like, I just think you're better than that, to be honest. So that's a big green flag. And I always asked myself, and I know it's a kind of a weird question. But I would say I would meet the friends. And I would ask this from just like a perspective of character. Like, would I actually date any of their friends? Their friends could have been married.
But like, that's a good test for me. Of like, is are they surrounded by quality character people? Because if I look at all their friends. And I'm not talking about my friends. And I'm not talking about type. I'm not actually being romantically interested. It's none of that. But like, are these quality character people that like, I would even consider dating? Like, are because they're that level of a great man, right? And so I would say when I was dating, I would like literally ask myself that.
But if it was only if all the friends were just like, oh, yeah, this is definitely a lukewarm kind of Christian. Or yeah, he might walk some of the walk, but he's not actually in it. Wait, so did I hear that right? You would look at their friends and say, would this be someone I would also consider dating? Yeah, but not in like that I actually would date them. But more of like, are they, do they have good character? Oh, I like that.
Yeah. So just to make sure you get, so when you're dating someone, look at their friends and ask yourself, would I date them? Could I see myself? Character wise. Could I see myself marrying them? No, no. Could I? Could I end up, how is your last name work with my? You punk, punk, punk, punk, punk, punk. No, but I actually like that. Like, in that what you were saying, what I date their friends, like, are they high character friends? Who I would really enjoy.
Obviously, we're not going down a hypothetical situation here. No, it's just a quick question. Like, is this somebody I would ever consider? Because that would make me more comfortable saying, oh, they're surrounded by high quality people. Well, because, you know, just for example, I definitely dated a girl or two and her best friends were absolutely not girls. I would ever consider dating. There's a great point.
I'm thinking the same thing with a few guys I've dated, but then I met some of your guy friends. I was like, okay, some of these people are really quality. Like, that makes a difference. So you consider dating my friends? Okay, so my gosh, stop it, okay, stop it. Hey, I want to also make this note on friendship, though. I'm a serious note that Tim Keller is always saying, you know, if they do friendships well, that's a better precursor for if they're going to do marriage well.
So if they have really deep, solid friendships that they fought for, that's a very big green, green flag. Yeah, I would say. I'd say it's one of the greenest flags. One of the greenest flags. It's a deep, rich, green flag. Very, very rich, Kelly Green. Wow, very nice. Look at the Eagles. The next green flag is healthy boundaries. And I would say in three areas, they honor boundaries and they honor and respect. And then they also know how to set and have their own boundaries.
So not only do they honor and respect yours, they also know theirs and they are setting their own. Right, meaning it's not just the focal point is on you and your boundaries and they're like, they're coming to the game and they're saying, no, no, like I have my own. I love that you have yours, but I have skin in the game too. I have a stake in this conversation as well. And it's not just all about you and where you want to set the line. Right.
I thought about this. This is deeply important to me. These are my boundaries here. Exactly. So I think that's another one where it's like, okay. Sometimes people just come in and everyone knows the term boundaries these days. So they might be like, okay, fine, you have boundaries. Cool, but right. Do they respect them? Do they really respect them? And then do they have their own? Like so many people haven't even don't even know what their boundaries are and are just kind of like running.
And that's to me a sign of a more emotionally mature person, which is why I think this is a green flag. Well, quick question. If you went into a relationship and they didn't have any, they're kind of like, whatever you say goes, I would that would be a red flag. Right. But maybe like a really quick practical tip would be don't share yours until they have thought about theirs.
Like give them an opportunity to think about it and say, tell you understand, I want you to come to the table and set boundaries of your own. I don't agree with you. Because it's all going to be on you. Not sharing your boundaries with them and waiting for them like a little game to share theirs. I think you should be forthcoming with your boundaries. I'm not saying with hold your. Oh, okay. Sorry. I'm misinterpreted. Well, I mean, but I would not want to share my boundaries.
Like, first of all, we're not going to hang out at 10 o'clock tonight, especially if this is kind of physical boundaries related to. Yeah. I'm just going to say, hey, honestly, I can share mine and that's fine. But for this to go anywhere, I want you to have boundaries that are rooted in a conviction for you. So go and think about it. Go listen to this episode. Oh, I see. Like they're not just following your boundaries. Right.
Like go think and dwell and come back to me and we'll talk about this when you have a chance to see your boundaries. And we'll talk about this when you have some sort of idea that you believe in or else you're just going to be totally dependent on my boundaries. And that's not going to work. But this is also they have their own boundaries in life, not just in the relationship like with friends with family, like with their job. Like do they have boundaries?
I'm not just talking about like in the relationship because this is early stages of dating. Right. I'm looking at do they know how to honor and sit boundaries in areas with friends? Absolutely. I really work. No, I hear you. I agree. Okay, last one. Now we have two more. Yeah. I love this one. 17 times in the proverb, Scott says he speaks through the wise council of many. Yep. Key word wise council. Wise council. Not just any Joe Schmoh. Do they have wise council in their life?
Yeah, do they have that? And this one I would say this is my biggest green flag and I would say a lot of people actually that I've dated in my life did not have this. If I could look at a percentage, it was probably 90 to 95% of guys I considered out the gate were great-ish guys, not all of them actually. But, um, but they when it came down to wise council, they didn't have it or and they weren't seeking it. And what do you feel like that signaled?
To me that signaled like they're just fine getting poured into on a Sunday. They aren't looking for deeper discipleship per se. And I just had come to a point in my life where I just was not running my life that way. Like I had mentors and a counselor and a coach and like older wiser couples that would pour into me and I was like I'm really looking for somebody that has some of that. Now you didn't have all of that to be fair you didn't have that fully built out yet.
Yeah, well you know it's tough I think like when you move around a lot, you can have mentorship from a distance, but it's really nice to have mentorship around you doing life with you. And what? That's nice but it's not a need to like I had some council that was far away. Yeah, no I hear you. I think I see a lot of people stuck on the and person or remote one, which is fine.
I would say this and if you're listening to this and your guy especially and you have been putting off finding someone to disciple you or council you in person because you've been moving. Yeah, what like today are you pursuing someone like are you bothering your young adult pastor are you bothering your associate pastor on a weekly basis and hunting someone down to disciple you and council you.
That's what I would just ask is like yeah, I get why but what are you doing to say this is important and I'm not going to stop until I get it. Right, it's so it's such a big deal. Right. So that would be a very big green flag, very briefly another one is ownership and growth. I mean this kind of ties into the therapy healing council. But like somebody who's just willing to take ownership, I think that I just really appreciate that versus somebody who's incredibly defensive.
If someone just takes ownership off the bat early stages of dating for being late, doesn't blame it on other people like I could see them taking ownership and past relationships, even if it was 70% their partner's issues, them taking accountability for their 30% that to me is a really big green flag. So ownership shall we do and wrap up with some rapid fire. Yes, these some of these are are not prediscussed. So they're kind of off the top of our head.
So we'll spend what 30 seconds or less on each one. Yeah, we'll try. We can go back and forth. It's a rapid fire. Yeah, I know that's hard for you. So I'll try. No, that's hard for you. I talk really fast. Okay, you go.
Okay, organized, but not OCD. The reason I like this is because I love a man who's organized and who takes care of things, especially in his life, but not OCD to the point of like, okay, Kuku crazy needs to be positioned perfectly, but organized like to me shows a certain quality of living that I would say is a green flag. I disagree. I think I think to you organize for me actually is something I said organized, but not OCD.
Yeah, well, that's for me. I know I know what you're saying. Oh, super organized. Yes, I think it's awesome, but I'd say it's actually orange flag. Here's mine. Yep. Animal lover. Like big time animal lover. For me, that's a green flag. I don't think that should be for people listening what an animal lover. No, no, I think it is because for me, seems like someone being a big animal lover demonstrates a high capacity to have compassion and a very nurturing side.
Okay, I mean, I'm about the animal lover. I mean, if they also like love spiders and want spiders in the house because they love all animals, I'm like, yeah, that's not going to work for me. But, you know, I don't think that's a prescriptive green flag. I think that's like sure. So you disagree. I would say it's a green flag, but I don't think we should recommend that to our people. Okay, dang. You don't have to go that far with it. Okay, fine. Let's hear your next one.
Clean, definitely a green flag because guess what? Clean shows that they like to take care of things and clean shows. Hey, I'm going. I take care of myself. I take care of the things around me and I'm not a slob. And I think being a slob actually shows some things about your character. I mean, dude, this is sorry for those. Yes, seriously, well, I even just calling people slums is I had no, no, sorry, sorry. I would not recommend that one as a prescriptive green flag for everyone listening.
How does that sound? Sure. I think it's a light, very light green flag, but also cleanliness is not next to godliness hygiene. This is your personal wish list. Every woman just said amen hygiene is a green flag. They brush their teeth. I think it's like B.O. Yeah, you know, okay, no, no, okay, I can get with that one. I think a shower a baseline level of hygiene. They don't have dirt under their finger fingernails.
Okay, all right, just calm down. All right, I think a base level of hygiene is fine, a green flag. It's a fine flag. Okay. Here's one. They're punctual. They show a lot of time. Yeah, I like that. But you like it for you like it for other people walking orange and red flag and being punctual. Yeah, you're not on time. I know. I almost ever liked that about myself, but I do appreciate what I never did.
Not liking something about yourself is like saying I have naturally brown hair, but you know, I have no control over it. You have total control on being punctual and on time. Well, let's move on. Okay. What are other? Oh, you know what? I think some people would say and we had this conversation earlier in the season. Love sports, green flag, love sports. Is that a green flag? I'm saying I'm just throwing it out there. I don't think it's a green flag per se. I think it's just like, oh, whatever.
They love participating in sports or they like love watching like their watching. I would actually say it's orange flag. From the football lover himself. Yeah, totally. I mean, it's an idol. I'll hear that because man, we had some debates on Instagram about this. And suddenly, JJ is now saying that it is an orange flag. It could totally be an idol. Holy Moses. Thank you. Jesus. Hey, I have a great one. A little bit more serious since you're in a joking.
Oh, another green flag makes a lot of money. I'm just kidding. That's what all these girls say to me. Did you ever say that? No. Did you ever secretly hope for it? I mean, I secretly... Oh, okay. We'll just go ahead and cut that one off before you get yourself in trouble. Okay. Okay. I have a great one. They're super encouraging. That's great. They are such an encourager. Great. Green flag. Total, total, total green flag. Yeah. They're super close to their family. That might be a green flag.
But then I have to say on the other side of that, there may be reasons why they're not close to their family that are healthy because they have healthy boundaries. So I don't know. Like, I don't know. I kind of went back on that one. As I said, it's funny. Okay. Let's think of it. Yeah. It's not prescriptive. You know, other green flags. Oh, being kind to like restaurant workers or social workers.
Like anybody out and about if they are genuine, like if they're rude to them, I think that's a red flag. But if they're really kind and they don't treat people that differently, they're not entitled. That's a big green flag. A couple last ones. Yeah. Last one. Rapid rapid fire. All right. Green flag. She doesn't kick on makeup. Oh, gosh. You're giving me a love is blind. Like PTSD right now. Oh, was there. Okay. No. Oh, not guy. No, no.
I forgot her name. I missed your America. Green flag. She does not cake that thing up like a crabby patty. Yeah. I mean, sure. So similar to my hygiene, yours is like not, is that she doesn't overdo it with makeup. Yeah. Or I could say like this green flag. She's comfortable in her skin. Yeah. Yeah. Now, I have a lot more to say on that, but I hear what you're saying. And I'm just that's for a whole different episode about body image and blah blah blah. Totally. No, I understand. I love you.
But I think I think guys love a girl who's who is comfortable and who are identity. And I think when we can look in the mirror as humans and say, if I can change one thing about my appearance and looks, I wouldn't change a thing. Are you going to say the next green flag is modesty? Yeah. How do you know? No, I wasn't going to say green flag is who they follow on Instagram. Like if it or who they don't follow or who they don't follow.
Yeah. I guess in that case, like, and that does matter people that matters. Who are you consuming from? Are you just following models and a lot of people with shirtless photos, right? Like this matters. And if you think the person you're dating isn't going to look that up, I don't know what world you live in because we're in social media where there is a certain amount as Bianca Oltop says of acceptable stalking. Okay. And so they're going to find out they're going to look at who you follow.
And you want that to be a good representation of who you are. Okay. Green flag. They challenge you. Definitely. They really do. Now they don't challenge you for the sake of being right. And to get their point across that's a different thing. They challenge you in like in healthy, godly ways. Does that make sense? There's a difference between I'm going to challenge everything you say because I like to be argumented. Oh, I want to be. Yeah. I'm sorry. I hate that.
Yeah. Yeah. I just want to clarify. Okay. But they challenge you like to be better. They challenge you to grow. That's great. Okay. I have a question. Green flag. They're they're very blunt with the truth. Um, I would say there's a way. I mean, I would appreciate truthfulness. Of course, I think those some people use that as a as a scapegoat to not say things with watch their words and how they say things.
Like there's a difference between saying, hey, you really messed up there. That wasn't good to. Hey, so I'd love to maybe talk to you. Um, I noticed that you did this and it made me feel this or it came across as this. And I wanted to have a conversation about that. So that second one is still truthful. It's just the livery is is kinder. Yeah. I see what you mean. You know, like, because sometimes those blunt people, they ain't kind.
Okay. I have a question. Is it a green flag if a guy wears a backwards hat? I'm not a big hat girl. I like him on you though. Oh, so wait, what? I like you and hats, but I never really cared about guys wearing hats before. So gray flag. It's a whatever. Okay. What about this one meaningless to me? All right. You ready? What about? Is it a green flag when a guy when he goes reverse the car? He doesn't use the backup screen, but he puts his arm behind his seat. I like that. Yeah. Looks back.
Yeah, I love that. That's a green flag. That's a green flag. Hey, baby. That's a good one. Let me see you back it up. Okay. That was so weird. So you like buy your lip a little one. I do that. Yeah, baby. Okay. Which you don't, but. Okay. I have a good one. Is it a green flag if there's an overflowing trash can in public?
Oh, my God. And instead of tossing the trash on the side or putting it on the top for the trash to blow over, they step up and they like a humble kind, selfless, servant-hearted person take the bullet for everyone else for all the mankind and stuff the trash down. You're not speaking from personal experience. Are you? That's not important. Is it? If you saw somebody do that on a day, would that be a green flag? If they, yeah, they are so selfless.
However, if they don't wash their hands after red flag. It's a green flag that they did that. That's kind red flag that they didn't wash their hands. Does the kind of green flag kind of outshining out way? Because anyone can have good hygiene. No, it's about hygiene now. It's about hygiene. Not many people are stepping up to the plane. I'm just saying there's not a lot of people who are stepping up and doing that. I had another green flag that I wanted to say and then I forgot it. Dang it.
Oh, a man who opens doors. I love it. Got to love it. Oh, green flag. You open my card door. You open the door. You take out the chair for me at the restaurant table. Boom. That's a green flag. Okay, well, wait, say he does it on the first date. I love it. But on the fourth date, you already see him. Slacking? Hey, what I'll be like, yo, is it just gentlemanly to... Would that then be a red flag that he knows it's important but is already slacking? I wouldn't like that. No, that's not great.
Be consistent. That's the, that's the thing that matters. Be consistent. So yeah, opening doors is awesome. A man who offers to pay without even being a question, green flag. In the beginning, okay, I'm not talking about later, you're in a relationship. That's different. In the beginning with the initial pursuit. Okay, I have a question. Also guys don't take her to a steakhouse. Like, don't spend $200 if you don't need to.
Okay, well, I was going to ask green flag. He takes you to the cheesecake factory. Oh my gosh. The first date. The big thing. Yo, you know what? Everyone needs to chill acts. Okay, first of all, we don't like restaurant dates. Well, given the background. It hasn't listened to heart of dating maybe. So I think cheesecake factory is fine. Well, there's a girl who got piss and refused to go inside because they pulled up for dinner. And he made reservations at the cheesecake factory.
Yo, this girl refused to go because she was so mad. No, that's, that is called entitlement right there. Sorry, my dear. That you are being very entitled. If you did not communicate to this man, the kind of restaurant you wanted to go to, then you have no right to complain or knock it out of the car. That is just not good. Well, you know my chief issue with this cheesecake factory girl. Yes. My number one. If I could sit her down, look at her dead in the eye and tell her one thing. It'd be this.
What? The cheesecake factory slaps. Why are you hating? I don't care the entitlement thing. The not being grateful. The complaining behind the back. Listen, what are we doing here? Why are we hating on the cheesecake factory? It's better than apple pees. I don't really know why this girl has a cheesecake factory. Cheesecake factory slaps. It's like nickel back. Everyone wants to hate it, but if we had to be deeply honest, I'm a nickel back hater. We could not live without them.
But, you know, I think there's a sense of entitlement. And ladies, you can't have an expectation unless it's communicated. And, granted, it is very different than the guy taking you to Mickey D's. And being like, hey, here's your McFlurry. Here's your kids meal. Okay. But I will be honest. If this was reverse and the girls take me on a date, and she took me to Taco Bell, and she pulled out the candle app on her phone and said, I promise you a nice candle at dinner. I made like a joke out of it.
I would love that. That might be funny. But, you know, I'm not going to say that. I would love that. That might be funny, but have something else on the back sleeve. I would like something else to do for fun. After that. So we're going to go ahead and do it. She's cake thing is ridiculous. Right, because cheesecake factory is awesome. And she's being ungrateful. And she didn't communicate. So you can't be mad, ladies, if you don't communicate expectations.
All right, let's wrap up this season finale. This has been a super fun season. It hasn't been a honey. I'm so sad. I know, but we got more episodes coming. It's about to be a holiday season. Oh, so. Just so you know, I'm already putting all the decor up. Yeah, she's a before before before harvest fest. Kate puts up that. No, not before Halloween the day after Halloween. Sorry, we don't call it Halloween. Which is today when this episode comes out. We don't call it Halloween or harvest fest.
Thank you. Stop. Um, but yeah, no November first hits. And I am ready to go. It is Christmas season. I'm counting down the days, baby. Five days as of today. It's actually kind of insane. Um, no, we're excited. We got a new season 11.5 coming out. Yep. What's it about? It's going to be about being single in the holidays. And all of the things that you deal with. Hate, love, enjoy, despise. All of it. It's for the grinches. It's for the Mariah Careys. It's for all y'all.
So it's going to be awesome. Dun dun dun dun dun. So we love y'all. We hope you enjoyed season 11. Don't forget we're on YouTube. Make sure to check us out on YouTube. Which? Leave us a review on this podcast if you've never done it. Because it helps us a lot. Okay, we love you guys. See you later. Bye. Bye. Bye.