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We are doing a live podcast right now with our Patreon family. Hey guys, we can see y'all. It's so distracting. Seeing the most handsome and beautiful bachelor and bachelorette looking at us on their little Zoom pictures. It brings you back, right? When you met me? Yeah, I mean, this is how I first saw you. You're the most beautiful 4x6 little pixels I've ever seen.
And that's the best part. We're all single here on this call. Well, they are. Are you? They are. They are. And listen, we'll all be honest. They're all check. No, not we. They are all checking each other out. And that's okay. Yeah. And just like Jushenia said, they're very demure, very mindful. Yeah, very to me. Have you been using that? No, I have not even seen a video about that. But I haven't seen people post about it. Are you to me? Sure.
And to me are mindful. I don't know about that. I was saying that I'll do it today. Okay. So we have some questions that y'all sent in. And we are about to rapid fire these questions. I mean, some of them are spicy. So let's get into it. Are you ready for this first one? Let's do it. You guys ready. I haven't seen these at all. So I'm ready. Okay. First question. How do you connect with someone physically in a nonsexual way while dating for the first three months?
This person says I tend to be really shut off and have zero physical experience in dating and I can come off cold. I'm saying, dang. Hey, what would you say to that? Um, I'm with you. You first. Oh, as a guy. Yeah. Or so am I speaking for the guys or just general control? I don't know if this is a girl or a guy because it's anonymous. Do you think it changes face off gender?
So Sarah Lee, I wonder if we could speak to that though from each of our perspectives. Yeah. I think the first thing I would ask is, do you think without getting physical, quote, physical, like cross and physical boundaries, making out and stuff, you can still come across as warm. Absolutely. Here's it. Okay. Here. I wrote about this in my book. Okay. And that is the, you know, it is a plug for my book, but not really, but I did write about this. It's a plug, but not a flash.
It, you know, because I grew up in some of the peer to culture worlds and you could often be taught to shut down and disconnecting from your body, kind of like your body is bad. And so because there's like that extreme of like don't engage in anything physical, sometimes that makes us as Christians be very disconnected from our bodies. And then when it comes time to connect with somebody, even in a very PG physical way, because physical touch is okay and is important.
And actually as humans, like we need physical touch, like as a mom, like the baby babies need physical touch, we all need it. It's the first love that we receive is through a physical touch, right. And so we all need physical touch. But if we have become down to our bodies, and a lot of times that's happened through purity culture, unfortunately, we feel very uncomfortable.
And we begin uncomfortable with our bodies uncomfortable with physical touch. There's also the side, which I don't know if we can get into like if somebody's been abused, then they may also be very uncomfortable with touch as well. I don't know if this person has that in their past. The person just says I tend to be really shut off and have zero zero physical experience.
Now, I don't believe you need physical experience in dating, like I don't believe you need to have made out with somebody before to have physical connection with somebody. I think it first starts removing yourself from that person and being connected to yourself and your body as an individual.
And that means what does it look like to like feel your body? What does it look like to notice what's going on in your body when you like do you do notice your body in any capacity? Do you acknowledge your body? Do you take care of your body? And I'm not just meaning like do you go to the gym all the time, but I'm meaning do you when you're hungry? Do you actively feed your body and think about what you're feeding it?
Do you care about your body as like this living thing? And another thing just if you feel very disembodied from your body, I do recommend for people to go, you know, to connect to your body through movement of some kind. And so whether that be dance or and I know that's maybe weird for guys, but I do think this applies to guys as well.
So I would just say to this person and because it got so many votes, I feel like a lot of people feel this way. This all first starts with you being comfortable with yourself and your body. And there's nothing you can really another person can do other than respect your boundaries, of course, but there's nothing they can do to make you feel super comfortable with your physical body if you aren't already comfortable with your physical body.
Outside of that, I would say start small like just linger and touching the person for like three seconds and challenge yourself in the environments on dates to just sit closer to them, maybe touch them for three seconds at different points as you feel comfortable. But it has to first start with yourself and then you can start practicing physicality and those other simple ways on dates.
Yeah, I would also say practice with family and friends like as in if you have a sister or a brother, I'm not saying obviously kiss them. I'm just saying practice like being like physically intimate, the word sexual is actually so perverted by culture to sexually touch actually just means to physically touch and connect like embrace right like sexually connecting and I hate that it's so perverted because you know that is such a deep we intimate experience.
I love giving my mom a one minute hug and by the way, they're therapeutically for the effect of a hug to actually takes place you actually have to hug for about 60 seconds, which is kind of crazy yeah and my mom and I will hug for 60 seconds and it's just a deep warm expression of our love with one another so I'm just saying if you're probably close off physically in the first three months of dating.
You're probably also close off with family members with friends, you're probably not a very touchy feeling person and that's not just touchy feeling that actually has to deal a lot more with emotions and intimacy and safety a lot more than it has to just deal with physical comfort with someone else so true. It's great babe thanks.
Okay guys second question this one is also you know a tough a tough question but it's great I love it okay so I'm dating a guy who has a wandering eye he blatantly looks at other girls in front of me my friends say it's normal and everyone looks and I just being insecure. I mean this is a absolute heater of a question so I'm going to throw that one to you okay so number one I would say guys we're so sorry. You're so sorry.
Lovey and I apologize personally for the fact that you can only watch the rest of this podcast exclusive if you're in our Patreon community so what should they do lovey. Come and join us on Patreon it's a great way to support this podcast and yeah then you can hear the rest of this episode. We're going to be below for you love you have a great day. Bye guys. The Heart of Dating Podcast is created by Kate and JJ Tomlin. Shout out to our epic audio and video editor Scott Carro.
We have an amazing heart of dating team who helps bring this show to you each week. I want to shout out Kelsey Napier our Heart of Dating digital marketing coordinator and Elena Gibson our brand and community manager.
We're going to do it without them now if you guys have never ranked us or viewed us on iTunes or Spotify would you consider doing that it would mean so much because our podcast can get more discovered and more people can learn how to better date as Christians don't we all want that. We launch our podcast each and every week on Wednesdays so we'll see you next week.