Families have a lot going on. Let Oli help manage the mental load with new cognitive help supplements for everyone foreign up, like delicious lollipocus pops or lollipops for kids. And for parents, try three new brainy shoes to help you focus, chill out, or get energized. Find these cognitive health buddies for the whole fam at Oli.com. That's O-L-L-Y.com.
These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. I am used to pushing out that side of me, and that is basically what you do in pushing when you're pushing a baby out. It's like taking the biggest poop of your life. I know. I'm sorry. It's a lot of information, but it really is like that. Can we use that as the intro clip for this episode? Oh, my gosh. And then music cues?
I think so. I think it would be great. What's up everybody? It's Kate. And JJ. And this is our Patreon exclusive. We're in the Trust Tree. This is the Patreon family. We were in Marital Therapy last week, which has been so good. The big thing for us is we've really had to reevaluate how we treat mistakes. I really feel like the foundation of a relationship and how you guys treat each other when you make mistakes. I'm not like they forgot to lock the door one night.
You know, it's like what if they keep making the same mistake over and over and over, and it really bothers you? That's like what I mean. How do you react? React to that. Little good dating nugget right there. See how they react to when things don't go their way or mistakes or if you made a mistake, yeah, that's a good one.
So if you guys are watching this on YouTube or the clip, this episode is going to be all about some real life updates and some real talk because it's been a while since we updated our people on what's happening in our lives. Wait, you're going to talk about pregnancy and birth and postpartum? Having a baby moving across the country. Okay, which was harder pregnancy? Birth or moving across the country to a new city and packing logistically doing it all or taking care of a newborn.
Birth was definitely the hardest. Because of birth as hardest. Hands down. Okay, I'm just going to make a second idiot for us. For pregnancy was the second hardest. Just the end was hard. Okay, like the last couple weeks before the baby. Taking care of a newborn actually wasn't that bad. Because the baby's been a good baby or because you're just amazing. Because we are a great team with the baby and she's also an angel. Okay, and so the easiest was moving across the country.
Yeah. Are you surprised by that list? Definitely. I mean, moving, I mean, packing sucks. But, you know, to be fair, you did most of it. Yeah. Yeah, we should ask this question to me. I know. We should ask it in reverse. Dude, the road trip was, people asked me all the time, like, wait, you drove while Kate flew. I'm like, yeah, and they're like, by yourself. I'm like, well, no, I had the dogs and they're like, but by yourself, and I go, no, I had the dogs. And they're like, you're serious.
I'm like, yeah, they're a great company. They are actually company. Like you can talk to them. You can listen to whatever you want and they don't complain. And they're not conversational. And they don't bother you to stop. You can stop whenever you want to stop. I'm like, that was the three challenges of a road trip with someone. Well, as they listen to you, they listen to what you want and they stop when, you know, you want to stop. I'm like, yeah, doesn't get better than that.
So same question in reverse. What was the hardest for you and of those pregnancy, birth, taking care of a newborn or moving? Man. I mean, I think pregnancy was the hardest. Yeah. It was so long, it was. It was, you know, they were hormones were just all over the place. They were, you know, I was getting to eight hours a sleep, like seven and a half. And no, you know, it's funny. I would say pregnancy just because you're your partner's hormones are all over the place.
And I had, yeah, I had to grow up in a lot of ways. Like it's one thing to do, conflicts and agreements when you're other person is like halfway shown up, but, you know, there were some conflicts and disagreements where it's like, okay, my partner's not on planet Earth right now. How can we maintain peace and move forward in partnership? And you have to make some pretty big sacrifices. And I don't think anyone may be explaining that to me.
I kind of knew pregnancy hormones were a lot and I knew postpartum pregnancy, you know, postpartum hormones were a lot. I just don't think if there's any way to prepare, you know, like your partner's not on planet Earth when it comes to logic and reason sometimes and that's okay. So that was the hardest. So pregnancy was the hardest. I would say birth, moving, what was the other one, taking care of the newborn.
I would say probably taking care of the newborn was second, just because people were dying on Instagram that I experienced like a physical symptom of stress for the first time in my life. You did. And I'll never forget it. JJ's first time ever experiencing stress. Like physical. In this body, which some just I can't. You want to tell them if you want to set the scene. It was like one o'clock in the morning. It was the first week, right? Yeah. It was like day five. Yeah, it was the first week.
I've been doing a lot. And it was the first time where the baby was pretty much inconsolable for an hour. Yeah, not even that long. She just was like really crying and it was JJ's. We were, we took shifts in terms of like my and it was JJ shift, but he called me, called in to back up because I go in there and he's like, I can't do it. Dude, okay.
So I'm prior to that probably five days, you know, like if you're a guy listening, just know, when you have your baby, your superman complex will come out in a good way. When that baby is born and your wife is like somewhat bedridden, you're not changing in one set of diapers. You're changing two sets of diapers. Okay. Your wife's diapers. Okay. Yeah. You're changing that baby's diaper. Yeah. And listen, you, you, nothing happened to you. Like you're good. Your body works great.
So when your wife is in bed and she needs water or she needs food or anything, you're like, you can't really walk that much the first week. Yeah, you're kind of like water like after having a baby. I'll just leave it at that. Yeah. So yeah, I'm like, well, I'm not going to about to make you go down the stairs to get your pumps. Yeah. Like if, if that's what you need right now, I'm not about to make you go downstairs after and clean them. Like as much as humanly possible. You're like a buttler.
I've been down the stairs. I've been down the stairs. Dude, I did so much cardio that week. Like putting the, oh yeah. I was like at a box at the top of the stairs. We're at a big box where we put like the, I was just like, hey, Kate, just dump everything you need. Sorry, everybody. Our third co-host wanted to join. Hi. If you're watching YouTube, you can see S.V. Eleanor. She's got her bow. She's looking very cute. Her hair is looking crazy.
She might speak up with some very passionate opinions. We were talking about, we were talking about taking care of her, giving birth. Yeah. So we were talking about, um, most difficult, most difficult. We were talking about, I was saying that you said the second hardest thing outside of pregnancy was taking care of a newborn because you're taking care of your wife and the baby. Yeah, you're taking care of, taking care of two babies.
Yeah. And I was saying, do you remember the box at the top of the stairs? Yeah, the box was funny. We would just keep, I mean, instead of running up and down 10 times a day, I would run up and down five times a day because we would just load up a box at the top and I could take down the dishes and everything. So I would say, you know, experiencing stress for the first time that like one o'clock, I had to tap out, I let it head to grab Kate because she was up pumping.
That is the funniest thing of, um, those first few weeks. It's like you two are just like up at two, three, four, like just making it work saying like, hey, how's it going? You make eye contact. They're kind of like delirious together, which I think is a fun experience that you just have to make the best of. Literally the best advice I got was two things. Number one, um, and this is probably the most surprising thing about pregnancy and birth and taking care of a kid. Number one is this.
You have instinct. You have parenting instincts. You have spousal instinct. Let those instincts take over. Yeah. And it's pretty cool. Like we, I look at animals all the time with so much fascination at the instinct they have. And God has given us the same thing we have instinct. Yeah. Um, and that was probably the most surprising thing. Like you have instincts on how to take care of her. You have instinct on when you hear her cries. If it's a, I'm hungry cry. I'm cold. My stomach hurts.
Like you hear different pitches and you, you interpret their crying differently. It's fascinating. It's so interesting. Like you're like, there's a team I, but Kate's, um, breast with leek milk, if they hear the baby crying. Yeah. Is that not crazy? Yeah, it's wild. So it's something that is just nuts. So that was the most surprising thing. And the most challenging thing was, you know, the stress of it. So two things, well, that was the second most stressful thing.
So then you were going to say birth and then moving. Oh, yeah, moving was easy. Well, you know, with the stress, the other advice I got was from your mom, actually, you, when you're going through the stressful times, just enjoy it as much as possible. Yeah. Because it will, it will come and go like that. Yeah. If she's already sleeping through the night, I know. We'll never have to get up at two, three, four. Well, we'll see if she regresses.
Yeah. So yeah, so really embrace those moments, you know, it's kind of like when you're doing conditioning in high school, in your sport, to 110 degrees outside, and that one wants to be there, and then you look around and you're just kind of like, you have fun even though it's a painful struggle. Yeah. I would say third and fourth. Birth was always crazy to me because I remember watching a video about being present is from art and bevere. Art and bevere.
Yeah. And he was talking about how like her labor was like 12 to 14 hours, and he was there by her side with grabbing her hand, breathing with her, just super present every moment. And I was like, honestly, I was like, I don't know if I could stay locked in that long. Like, I don't know if I could go that long without checking my phone, just at a habit. I don't know if I could go that long without eating or just something, right? And your labor was like 40 hours.
And I was locked in for all of it with you. And I'm like, and hindsight, I was like, we went three days with like two or three hours of sleep. Yeah. Like, that was crazy, but it's not how you're like I said, your instinct takes over. If you guys heard that, that was all an orgy's ripping one. Good job. You got that from mommy. Okay. And she just spit up. So, yeah, I make do. So yeah, I would say, you know, birth wasn't hard, except for that.
Birth was super sacred, amazing, just the coolest moment of my life. I loved our wedding honey. It just, it doesn't hold a candle to birth. Yeah, birth was, I mean, I had a little bit of a different experience, but I do think it was like, ultimately amazing, obviously, but okay, so the fourth was moving across country. That was so easy. God would, God was so all over that. That was where like preparation, preparation. She just too did again, and again.
Preparation meeting like God's grace, meaning like I really think we underestimate how much we can prepare for things in life. And then when God's grace sustains our effort, that's a pretty awesome place to be. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So, should we give them some highlights? Like, I don't know if I should tell the birth story. What do we do? I think you can talk about birth. I think you know, you had a pretty unique laboring process. Yeah. I don't think it usually is that long.
And Eleanor says, sorry. If you all are watching this or listening, the rest of the episode, the rest of the birth story and including lots of tears, you can join our Patreon community, $5 and above patreon.com slash heart of dating. And listen to the episode by the way, next month in June, we are doing a matchmaking event. So, we want to invite you to that. You can apply to be match made within our Patreon community. We'd love to have you all.
Love you guys. Bye. The Heart of Dating podcast is created by Kate and JJ Tomlin. Shout out to our epic audio and video editor, Scott Carro. We have an amazing Heart of Dating team who helps bring this show to you each week. I want to shout out Kelsey Napier, our Heart of Dating digital marketing coordinator and Elena Gibson, our brand and community manager. We couldn't do it without them. Now, if you guys have never ranked us or reviewed us on iTunes or Spotify, would you consider doing that?
It would mean so much because our podcast can get more discovered and more people can learn how to better date as Christians. Don't we all want that? We launch our podcast each and every week on Wednesdays, so we'll see you next week.