Taryn Brumfitt on making new friends as an adult

Oh, yes, you have tuned into healthy Ish, the daily podcast from Body and Soul. I am Felicity Halle. I hope you are having a healthyish day. Of course. I'm joined today by the wonderful Tarrant Brumfort. No doubt you know her. You know what she's done. She was the twenty twenty three Australian of the Year. Well, she's got a new mission to bring women together. She's going to tell us more about that today and also about well the perils and joys of making friends as an adult.

I'm great?

What I'm excited about this? Most of us know you as an amazing body positivity advocate. But you've got a new mission. What's this all about?

Yes, so I've teamed up with two of the most impressive people I've ever met. Their dear friends, doctor Jemmy Munroe and Mia Hanshan Jem has a PhD in performance psychology and Mea. We affectionately call her the Wayfinder because she has this knack for asking the right questions to help people get to.

Where they want to be.

And we've launched a community called the Oyster Sisters where we coach, champion and cheerlead women to I guess untether from the binds that have kept us small and unshackle, from the expectations that have cost us.

And robbed us of lots of joy, and also help.

Women quit playing the game the way we've been told to play it. So yeah, I think the main essence of the Oyster Sisters is a really around we are so done with the placards and platitudes that have They've inspired us for a sweet second, but then it's left

As well as a few pearls of wisdom too.

I just pick up on the word cheerleader. I feel like it's your whole concept is about just getting in a room with a bunch of women and just cheering each other on.

Yeah, it's so nice to be seen and heard and share familiar stories, in particular when we're trying to interrupt patterns.

I think when we're trying to do.

That, whether it's professional or personally, having other people experiencing the same challenges around us and sharing our stories actually is so inspiring and gets us to where we want to be. So yeah, cheerleading who you on at cheerlead.

To you just needs now.

Exactly now.

I mean the whole premise of this is coming together and finding your people. I mean it's so it's often really hard to make friends and find those people as adults. How have you well not only found these two other amazing women, but how do you navigate this?

Yeah? I think the only way that you can navigate friendships, especially when you're sort of when you're an adult and finding them is leaning into that vulnerability, putting yourself out there. It can actually be really awkward at times, but.

Yes, like it's like, do you remember in primary school? It's like would you like to be my friend?

Or I'm listening to my teenagers at the minute, I'm like, how does one become a boyfriend and a girlfriend? You're like, well, they're like, d you just asked, like, will you be my boyfriend? So there's the whole thing, and I don't think it changes much, but I just think the return

How did you get Let's talk about those two friends for a minute. How did you get past the awkward stage, you know, like knowing you've obviously got something in common and feeling a feeling which we'll talk about in a minute, But how did you get past that almost almost asking someone out in many ways? Or can we be friends? Or you know what did you do? Tell us about that?

Yeah?

I mean Genma and I in particular, we just kept running into each other everywhere. It was almost like the universe was conspiring for us to be friends, Like we're sort of at the Quantus lounge. We sat together on planes when we didn't know each other a couple of times, and then one day I parked in a car park in the city and the doors opened and she was standing there, and.

It was really kind of it's serendipitous.

Oh, we kind of need something needs to happen here that it actually has sometimes those feelings of a bit of a first date, you know, And I guess I experienced that after my marriage break down in twenty twenty, those feelings of, oh my gosh, I've got to put myself back out there and have awkward conversations and not know what to expect. That's the beauty of old friendships is that there's that sense of just knowing.

But I guess the.

Thrill and the excitement of new friendships is just that you don't know what's going to happen, what's to expect, And I don't know. For me, it's been worth it all day long to put myself out there.

So how do you know if you found your person? Describe for us the feeling.

But the feeling is definitely freedom and also joy. And I think you know you've found your person because they love you as you are and you can tell them your darker secrets, share the worst parts of you and they still love you regardless. I think the other thing is that they will sit with you, like in your very dark moments and not try and fix you. And on the flip side of that, they also celebrate your wins.

You know, your wins are their wins.

And I remember Jemmy and I sat around a campfire back in twenty twenty and I shared the worst parts of me, which they affectionately call my Mary Queen of Scot's side.

Of me bless and there was no judgment, you know, there was no shame, and there was this understanding and it was so nice to feel safe and seen.

And I think it's really special when you can share what's in your basement with others instead of bottling it up.

Well said, no, do you know what you were saying that I was getting, like all these warm feelings. I was like, oh ah, love friends. It's so good.

Yeah, that's all right, because when you feel shame about your worst bits, but they love you back and they're like, it's okay.

No judgment, still love you even though, yeah, what you did was really shit, that's right.

Yeah.

I made a really good friend, must have been eight years ago, and she's actually in friendship. So she runs a course called You Are Strong, and she teaches kids to be friends and how to navigate friendships. And she was the best person to make as a friend as an adult because she really taught me to trust my

Yeah.

Absolutely, And it just takes it takes a bit of encouragement, doesn't it.

But but yeah, we've all been there.

And I guess anyone who's listening who has that friend or that person that's sort of creeping forward, you know, lean in and catch them and and sort of make them feel comfortable and maybe even calling it out sometimes like this feels like a date, but whatever you need to.

Do having a laugh about it. Well for anyone listening who you know, I mean, we have a loneliness epidemic around us. Anyone listening who needs some little encouragement on tips on how to find you know, some people that they get on with, that they connect with, how can we go about doing this?

Yeah, I mean from our experience, we know.

I'm so glad that you've raised the loneliness epidemic because we know that you can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely, and that you can catch up with some friends and not feel seen, and that you can share your.

Your truths and not be heard.

So I think I think finding your people involved staying open and taking risks. And also it's really I think it's important for us to be clear about what we love to do.

What do you love doing.

And how you value spending your time.

Go do that and then be willing to move towards the people who love what you love.

I think also it would be remissive of me not to say, you know, we've started a community.

Through the Oysters Sisters.

It's a growing global network of women and it's safe, it's fun, it's inspiring, and it's a beautiful way to make connections, not just the surface ones, but really deep and meaningful ones. And I think the thing is that we, you know, jem MEA and I, we go really deep in our community.

We share it all.

We share our stories, our wobbly bits, the metaphorical ones, of course, and our great and I think it gives others permission to do the same and encourage others to let their guards down, and it strengthens their sense of.

Self and their purpose.

And it's fun and it's powerful to grow and thrive together.

Yeah, and I think you said, I think fun is the other thing we have to remember it. You can be vulnerable while having fun as well. Totally absolutely, Karen, thank you for coming on Healthish. Next time you just have that gut feeling that you and someone are connecting, just ask them out for coffee. It sounds a bit weird, it can be awkward, but do it. You never know what will come out of it. And as we know, the cornerstone of good health is well not only sleep,