Well, Hello, they're Healthy sh listeners. I hope you're having a great day. This, of course, is the daily podcast from Body and Soul. I am your host, Felicity Harley. TikTok sensation hit podcaster and life coach Margarita Nazarenko joins me today now. She has amassed a massive no a mega following on social media from sharing her thoughts on dating now. Some might say they're controversial, others think they're empowering.
She's discussing her new book today called The New Rules, and particularly why it's okay to want and need a man. If you do like what you hear from Margarita listening to Extra Healthy Issue, where she talks more about how to harness your female energy. You can catch that where we get your podcasts. Margarita, thank you for joining us today on Healthy She Congratulations on your new book.
Thank you so much. You're so lovely to have me.
Now, tell me why do we need some new rules when it comes to dating?
You know, I wasn't even aware that we needed these new rules until I saw the kerfuffle in which women are in when I started my TikTok. They are flustered and I understand why. I think there is something to be said about having rules around anything in life, whether it be working out, whether it be dating, whether it be friendship, because if you don't have any paradigm to work inside, you.
Don't know what's right and wrong.
I had messages from women where men treated them just appallingly, and they're asking me, oh, do you think he's the one? Do you think I should be with him? And reading it, it's shocking because there are no rules around dating. Everyone just does what they want, do what you like, be with who you want to be with. Great, but he's treating you like crap, so maybe he's not the one. So we do need some rules for women to not get themselves in these situations.
I think that's interesting because you know, you started your TikTok and it just explodeded, didn't it, with all people coming out agreeing with you, disagreeing with you, asking you questions. I mean, this is the whole basis of your book to provide answers to all these questions.
It was this explosion of women having these questions, and I think it's because we've been given so many freedoms just as human beings, as we should say what you want, say how you feel, do what you want. But we don't have enough wisdom, perhaps maybe from our grandmothers or our mothers or I don't know where the wisdom is gone, but there are no sets of rules and guidelines, and I think women are desperate for it, as are men.
That's why they sometimes lean on toxic role models, maybe like the you know, the Andrew Tates not commenting on whether he is or isn't, that's up to them, but we wonder, oh, why are men leaning on him? Well, maybe because we don't have any other role models right, And all I'm.
Saying is, well, maybe they shouldn't treat you this way. Maybe this is what you should do, or maybe this is what you shouldn't do.
And women jumped on it way more than I ever anticipated.
Because these are just my private thoughts and ideas. I thought, I'm going to go on there privately.
And put my thoughts on TikTok because nobody knows me on low and behold, it's almost at a million followers of not even followers of women who think the same way.
And I was like, wow, it resonates, so that was amazing.
It's actually extraordinary when you flick through you on TikTok or Instagram and say how many views each of your videos have got? And the actual subject matter. I found that really quite fascinating, like what are people what do they really want to know? Where are we where do we need more guidance when it comes to relationships.
The fascinating thing was is just they want it in these areas where women aren't feeling like men are putting an effort, men aren't chasing them, Men aren't, you know, deciding on dates, men aren't deciding they want to get married. It's almost like women are the complete drivers of the relationships.
And as much as that is what we wanted, we also now realize that's not exactly what we want and we kind of want to backtrack a little bit because it's not fun to not be pursued and wanted and you don't know if he even wants to be in the relationship.
Basically because you're making all the decisions new rules of dating.
Are they more for everyone, are they for a person and perhaps their own sort of boundaries or how do you say to you just trying to well, just set some parameters around.
The first part of the book, the beginning of the rules. The first five is rules about being yourself. That's detachment, that self confidence, that's the ideas of.
Who you are and who you want to be.
And the next part is being her with him, and that is some rules like it's okay to want a man, because yes, we've done the whole you know, yes, go girl, you don't need a man, but everyone secretly wants one and everyone wants to fall in love, like every fairy tale is about that, right, So it gets to your humanity, the fact that you want a family, you want to
be with someone. So it's not we've had this kind of metric of you know, it's okay to be independent and you don't need a man, but then we don't want to be lonely, right because we're human beings.
So actually that's not what we wanted.
So it's about going back on that and also about how he shouldn't treat you, and that it's okay to say you want marriage, and then it's a to say that you're not gonna you know, it's fun to be liberal, but so it's also okay to say that you want to get married.
At the end of the day, it's not disgusting to want to have a family.
You know, I thought that, actually that that was your real seven. It's okay to want and need a man. It was really interesting because that could jar with a lot of women who are feminists and I want to pave my own way and I don't need a man to survive in this world. I actually quite liked that. You you know that you're right, like, deep down, a lot of us actually do want someone to go through life with. I mean, that's how the human species has evolved.
We are a species, and we're a mammal and we're and I love love. I love to be around my mum, she's my parent. I love to be around my husband, he's my you know. I love to be around my children. The fact that we're pretending that we don't want that is trying to break something that is natural.
So why don't we say, actually, I do.
Want to be with someone, and I do want a family, but maybe not with that toxic person, and maybe not right now, and maybe I do also want a career, and how am I going to do it? And let's get into them under it and really try and get through it, because it's not as simple as I can do it all myself.
Because actually I don't want to. I don't want to do it all myself.
I don't want to lift the heavy thing myself, as like as small as that, and I don't want a parent by myself.
I want someone to do it with. So sue me.
You know it's pretty. And you know what's fascinating about what you said? Do you know who's angry at me? Not women and not feminists, because feminists come to me and say, actually, yeah, I kind of do want a man will be nice.
Who's angry? It's men? It's men. Why men? What do they think of anger? To their voice?
I think they're angry because essentially what I see in men is that they do want to make women happy. At their core, they want to be liked by women. They do or that's what men want, right, And so we've told them, actually, go away, we don't need you, and then are like, okay, yeah, you don't need us. Well we'll let you go and we'll let you do what you want and you don't need us. And now I'm coming back and saying, actually, I need you to step up and be more masculine and you know, make
decisions and decide what you want to do. And they're angry about that. They're like, oh, this is not what I've been told. It's confusing to be a man. And I get it.
But sorry, sorry buddy.
Like that, I mean, I agree with you. I think it's very confusing for you know, what is masculinely today?
What does it look like? What does it mean?
I mean for them, they see the goalpost changing, and I'm not siding with them. I'm just empathizing that. I do get it's a human experience. I've got a son. What am I going to tell him. I'm going to tell him, you know, be decisive, pay for the date, do all those things. And if she says, yuck, you're trying to, you know, put me down as a human being, say I'm sorry.
I was just trying to be polite for me as a person me. If I invite you somewhere we're both female, I will offer to pay because I invited you. It's not about you know, I'm trying to you know, dehumanize you. It's just about politeness. So that's about rules as well, you know, just about I took it.
I just want to quickly mention real eight I thought this was an interesting one new other prize. What's this all about?
Modern dating has led me to understand because you know, I'm married and I have been for ten years, but I have seen that in modern dating, men are leading women down the path of trying to make them believe that women aren't the prize, and biologically we are.
Just biologically we are.
So when a man is like, why isn't she paying fifty percent of the day, why is I am? Also I deserve flowers? Okay, buddy, But that's not how it works, because at the end of the day, you pursue her because that makes you feel like you've achieved something, and she feels like she's achieved something because she's being pursued. That's just how the dynamic works, and that's what makes people happy. Unless you're maybe five percent of the people that don't want to operate that way. There is a
percentage who don't, but the majority do. So when you're sitting online and men are making you believe that they want this and that, and then they never marry you, but they marry the next girl who they do have to pursue, and you're wondering.
Why, why did that happen?
Well, because you brought into this idea that they've sold you that you're not the prize, but you are. So if you act like it, everything will go swimmingly for you. And if you don't, men will use you and then they'll reject you in the end, and they'll our habit with you for ten fifteen years, and then you'll be surprised at why has he married Jennifer.
Yeah, so true, Margarita, because Jennifer knew she is the prize. Yeah, exactly. Thank you for coming on health Fish.
I hope you enjoyed this chat with Margarita if you did, jump on rate and review it.
Of course, her new book.
Is out now. It is called The New Rules. Or you can share this podcast with someone who needs some advice when it comes to dating and building confidence. Anything else head body and sooul dot com dot you follow us on socials grob Our print edition which is out in your local Sunday paper and until tomorrow, stay healthy Ish