The Healing Phase is the deep work of unbecoming your codependency and discovering who you are beyond your pain, trauma, and survival self. This is where we develop the necessary skills, experience and expertise we didn't get growing up, along with amplifying our safety, our belonging, and deeply embodying our self-worth. Learn how I work with this phase and how you can start to in your life in today's episode. The Tool: https://sir.freetheself.com *** START YOUR WORK BY JOINING THE COMMUNITY Ar...
Jun 19, 2024•10 min
Survival is the phase we all start in. It is the phase where we realize our codependency and begin the big work of healing that codependency and become who we actually are. This phase is noted by the presents of: - Anxiety - Shame - Freeze and fawn impulses in the body - Feeling depressed, collapsed, powerless - People-pleasing, perfectionism, avoiding conflict to keep the peace, and more Learn what I do with this phase and how to exit it in today's episode! The Tool: https://drp.freetheself.com...
Jun 13, 2024•16 min
Quitting - It is necessary in the healing journey. Quitting relationships. Quitting fixing. Quitting chasing fantasy outcomes. Quitting. It makes space for new, healthy outcomes to come into your life. It makes it possible for you to face the pain that needs the loving care of your attention and loving care of community so it can heal. Quitting. That is what we explore in this week's episode. *** START YOUR WORK BY JOINING THE COMMUNITY Are you seeking guidance in navigating your journey through...
Jun 06, 2024•13 min
Episode: Why you only love yourself when things are going well When we live from a love equation that says "I'm only lovable when...", we are being controlled and manipulated. This leads us to invest precious time, energy, and attention on satisfying these conditions and then *maintaining* them. No wonder we burn out! Learn what do about this in today's episode: *** START YOUR WORK Looking for more guidance, tools, support, in your healing, alignment, and satisfaction? Start your work here: http...
May 23, 2024•8 min
Two Hidden Factors That Short Circuit Your Self-Love Really, actually loving yourself is a profound challenge when we come from codependency and love-is-earned relationship and family systems. We are striving to earn the love, earn the permission, become worthy, and demostrate that we deserve it. To break out of this prison, you need to understand the two hidden factors that keep you chasing love. We explore these factors in today's episode! *** START YOUR WORK Looking for more guidance, tools, ...
May 15, 2024•11 min
Episode: The ONE thing that absolutely prevents you from loving yourself Transaction, earned love teaches us that we must - MUST - seek, chase, and perform for love. This means we have to be "just right" in the eyes of the other or we won't get love. This means that when there are challenges, problems, hiccups, mistakes, love is in jeopardy. This means we start LIVING like we're always just on the edge of losing love. And that results in: - Anxiety about what others feel and think about us - anx...
May 08, 2024•8 min
Why You Struggle To Really, Actually Love Yourself When you're rewarded with praise, attention, or affection for doing something, your body will see performance and love as the same thing. When you're presence is met with warmth, praise, attention, or affection on a consistent basis, your body will see your existence and love as the same thing. You deserve to know the second form of love. Learn what is really going on and your first step in really, actually loving yourself in today's episode: **...
May 02, 2024•13 min
Codependency And Shame - What's Really Happening You cannot become free of your codependency until you break free of what I call "Your Root Identity". Codependency depends on a root identity. What is a root identity? It is an identity that you FEEL and experience as utterly true about yourself. You filter the world through this identity and it controls how you live your life. Learn what this root identity is and what do to about it so you are free from it. *** START YOUR WORK Looking for more gu...
Apr 19, 2024•12 min
3 Priorities For Satisfaction If You're Codependent Do you often feel: - Empty, frustrated, or used? - Wonder why your life is not fulfilling or satisfied? - Feel lost as to what you want, value, or even need in your life? Codependency has us prioritizing others emotionally, physically, mentally, and even financially or intimately. This happens through acts of people-pleasing, perfectionism, avoiding conflict, and even trying to fix their problems for them. We are confusing someone else's world ...
Apr 17, 2024•10 min
You're Not Emotionally Blocked - You're In Need Of Love The term and concept called "blocks" is prevalent in the self-help and healing world. It is something that sabotaged my healing, satisfaction, and personal alignment with my purposes and joy, as I was drawn to try to fix, eliminate, and overcome these "blocks". This wasted over a decade of energy, time, and money in my life, leaving me highly discouraged and feeling broken. Then I learned what was really happening and began thriving. I shar...
Apr 12, 2024•10 min
3 Things You Must Unblend From Others If You're To Thrive Codependency has us blending ourselves with others. What is blending? It is confusing one's self with another's reality. An example: You know their feelings and mistake their feelings for your feelings. This is a common form of being enmeshed with another. In today's episode, I show you three critical things to unblend from others so you experience more peace, confidence, power, and healing in your daily life. This is the path to becoming...
Apr 10, 2024•13 min
3 Things You Must Trust In Yourself If You're To Heal And Thrive Abuse and neglect conditioned you to naturally distrust yourself. You learned to discount the legitimacy of your lived experiences, the importance and value of your emotions, to seek your worth through pleasing others and being "good", and so much more. To heal, your distrust must be healed into trust. I share the 3 essential things you must begin trusting again if you're to align and thrive in your well-being, peace, and satisfact...
Apr 05, 2024•12 min
Navigating New or Foreign Experiences That Come From Your Growth And Healing Adapting to new results because you're choosing different people who behave differently is challenging. It is also one of the more risky parts of our journey, as we may turn to old behaviors to generate a sense of safety or comfort because it is familiar. I share the gentle approach I teach my students that helps them successfully adapt to new experiences and increases one's sense of safety as they grow in today's episo...
Apr 03, 2024•7 min
What secrets does your emptiness hold? Emptiness is often something we fear and can be really intense to confront if we're not sure why we're turning towards our emptiness. But what if emptiness wasn't something wrong? What if it could add deeply to your healing? What if your emptiness holds the key to more fulfillment and connection? Learn how to work with your emptiness and discover the secrets it has for you in today's episode! *** NURTURE is open for enrollment. Heal loneliness and emptiness...
Mar 15, 2024•8 min
What does it mean to fulfill or nurture a need? Needs are somatic - meaning they are experienced in the body, and their fulfillment is found in the body. This makes our needs interdependent experiences - both with you to yourself, you to others, and others to you. A need being fulfilled or nurtured means your body is having experiences that fulfill the desire that need has. Example: I want warm affection. I then reach out to a person who has warm affection for me, and we do things that are warm ...
Mar 13, 2024•8 min
The 3 Sides Of Fulfilling Connection Feeling connection and a sense of belonging invovles the interaction of three distinct "movements" we each do towards each other and ourselves. When we understand these movements and deliberately involve them in our relating, we experience more fulfilling connections. What are these 3 movements? - How you relate to yourself (You-to-Yourself) - How you are relating to others (You-to-Others) - How others are relating to you (Others-to-You) Let's dive into each ...
Mar 08, 2024•18 min
Do You Have Internalized Loneliness? First of all, what is "Internalized Loneliness?" It is an enduring, profound sense of being emotionally isolated from others and from yourself. I visualized it as my being in a transparent glass box where I could see others, hear them, and they could see and hear me, but we could never touch emotionally. This box also existed within my internal experience of life. I was in a box within myself, cut off from connecting to and knowing myself. I felt cold, gray, ...
Mar 06, 2024•15 min
3 Tips That Take The Sting And Shame Out Of Disappointing Others Disappointing others is a terrifying thing when we've been rejected, discarded, and harmed by it in the past. Yet, to thrive and enjoy our lives, we must be willing to navigate this, so how do we do that? Today I give you three tips that take the sting, shame, and intensity out of disappointing others. - Tip one: acknowledge the discomfort and allow it to be ok to be there. Use the Pause-Acknowledge-Observe practice to help with th...
Feb 28, 2024•16 min
A crucial and often not taught or discussed aspect of healing and growth is valuing, praising, and appreciating our efforts REGARDLESS of the outcome. Growing up, my worth and my confidence were deeply tethered to outcomes. If the outcome was the "right one", I was worthy, safe, loveable, and could trust myself. If the outcome was the "wrong one", shame, self-distrust, and repentence was in order. There was no *actual* room for error, mistake making, or discovery despite all the talk about there...
Feb 23, 2024•10 min
Is This Misconception Sabotaging Your Healing? In the early days of my healing, I would try tools, concepts, approaches, and practices in hopes they would change things in my relationships, life, or solve my problems. I felt frustrated, discouragement, and even resentment when this didn't happen. This is due to a misunderstanding of what healing is really about and what the tools are actually doing for you. Learn how to use your tools and practices so that you succeed in today's episode. *** NUR...
Feb 21, 2024•9 min
Pain Not Healing? Try These 3 Things Healing one's pain is a difficult, nebulous concept until we start to actually get *experience* with it. This makes healing a bit of a catch-22. I've found that there are usually three habits that are keeping the pain locked in a loop in your body, perpetuating it's cycle. Once you can identify which of these is happening in your relationship to your pain, the pain will start to change. Sometimes it gets bigger or more intense first, then begins to gradually ...
Feb 16, 2024•15 min
The Important And Necessary Step Of Being Open And Available Being open and available enables your deepest healing and reconnection to yourself to emerge and become your normal. This allows you to be able to receive and contribute in a holistic, genuine away far outside the transactional, survival nature of codependency and narcissistic systems. Listen today to learn why openness is essential and how to begin nurturing it. *** The Daily Regulation Practice (DRP): https://drp.freetheself.com FOUN...
Feb 15, 2024•10 min
Isn't It Time To Stop Fixing Yourself And Start Knowing Yourself Instead? I discuss the importance between fixing yourself (something is broken in who I am) and knowing yourself (what is this trying to do for me?) when it comes to our behaviors, codependency, and becoming ourselves. **** Join my communities here: https://links.freetheself.com Discover the 3 Secrets To Healing Codependency Permanently in my free 70-minute workshop here: https://workshop.freetheself.com...
Feb 08, 2024•11 min
Healing happens in waves, stripping away layers of programming, bringing in deeper levels of sobriety. This can be intense. I'm going to share with you how I navigate this cycle so it creates more peace, keeps you in your capacity, and allows you to integrate your discoveries with care, honesty, and commitment. *** Want to learn more about thriving beyond your codependency? Take my free workshop and discover the 3 secrets that unlock your freedom, peace, and self-worth. Sign up here: https://wor...
Jan 31, 2024•21 min
Got Capacity? This one element is central to your peace, healing, and freedom Today we discover the central element that determines how fast we heal, how safe we feel in relationships, and even how emotionally available we are. It gives life to our boundaries and directs us in our lives. Not knowing this central element leaves us feeling lost, burned out, and enmeshed with others. Discover this central element and how to know it in today's episode! *** Enrollment closes this week for FOUNDATION!...
Jan 19, 2024•8 min
Your Sense Of Emotional Safety Depends On This... Feeling safe emotionally requires that we are able to access, acknowledge, and receive whatever is present for us emotionally. More specifically, your pain. In today's episode, I show you how to do this and what results it gives us when we do this. *** Enrollment closes this week for FOUNDATION! Get the details and enroll here: https://foundation.freetheself.com Join my communities here: https://links.freetheself.com Discover the 3 Secrets To Hea...
Jan 17, 2024•11 min
What Does It Mean To Belong? We need a sense of connection, inclusion, and belonging with others and ourselves. When this is not present, we are vulnerable to exploitation, to chasing unavailable relationships, and languishing in loneliness. Further, if we do not belong to ourselves, we do not get to define who we want to be and utilize our time, energy, and resources for creating what we value and desire in our lives. Discover more understanding and begin building this in your life in today's e...
Jan 12, 2024•10 min
Self-Worth Sets You Free Codependency has us sourcing our worth from outside ourselves. We chase it through approval and by avoiding rejection. We cultivate it through pleasing others, being perfect, and trying to prove our worth. And we lose ourselves when the other rejects us, discards us, or feels disappointed in us for whatever reason. Your freedom, peace, and self-love depend on you unblending your worth from this trap. Learn how this happens in today's episode! *** Learn about and enroll i...
Jan 10, 2024•11 min
Do You Have Emotional Safety? Our body needs to feel safe before it can advocate for itself. Specifically, it needs to feel safe enough to acknowledge and value it's own emotions and experiences so it can know what to advocate for. Codependency attempts to create this safety by pleasing others and/or being perfect. Liberating ourselves from codependency requries us to develop new means for emotional safety. Discover what this takes in today's episode! *** Learn about and enroll in the January 20...
Jan 05, 2024•10 min
Codependency is a reaction to unsafe, unreliable relationships. It required us to give up ourselves to secure three specific needs. This episode dives into these three needs, the biological cause of codependency, and the essential nature of resourcing and nurturing these 3 needs in specific ways to activate our advocacy response. Discover this key knowledge and begin the journey of experiencing more freedom, peace, and belonging in your life after codependency. *** Learn about and enroll in the ...
Jan 03, 2024•12 min
