After infidelity, you may believe your relationship is forever damaged. While you can never go back and undo it, there is an opportunity to build a wiser, stronger relationship than before. Whether you stay or not, the reflecting and internal introspection that can happen as part of the healing process carves out wisdom in us that can transform our relationships, whether with the person we are now partnered with, or in the future. This episode covers three different stages of relationships, what...
Jul 12, 2024•25 min•Ep. 146
As a follow-up to episode #138, “Losing Strategies,” this episode will cover “Winning Strategies.” There are five skills that, when used (and practiced!!), can make a massive difference not only in your relationship, but in how to view yourself. Self-respect is based on how we view ourselves, so growing our skills of being more relational will reflect right back on how we view ourselves. Tune in, pick one you want to practice, and watch your relationships change. To work with me, go to: https://...
Jun 28, 2024•30 min•Ep. 145
For most people, any kind of infidelity or affair is quite a life-changing blow, but the reality is that not all affairs are the same. In this episode, I go through several different types of affairs so you can educate yourself on what it is you are dealing with. Knowledge can be painful to hear, but in the end it will empower you to know what action to take. You will know if it’s time to double down on rebuilding a marriage that was already in trouble, or if he has issues he needs to deal with ...
Jun 14, 2024•38 min•Ep. 144
Join me this week as I share a personal experience of taking on a major project. You’ll hear some of the obstacles that made me want to quit, and the reasons why I kept going. This episode is less about a renovation and more about what it actually looks like in real time to make your dreams happen. It is hard work that requires more skill of you than what you may currently have. If you need some motivation to go after what matters most to you, don’t miss this one. To work with me, go to: https:/...
May 31, 2024•25 min•Ep. 143
A question I get asked a lot is, “Who should I tell?" After infidelity discovery, you may want to shout it to the rooftops, or tell absolutely no one. Tune in to this episode to get some ideas of who it might we wise to tell, and what to watch out for. To work with me, go to: https://andreagiles.com/get-your-life-back/ Follow me on Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/theinfidelitycoach/ To learn more from me, be sure to join my email list at: https://andreagiles.com/lies-about-infidelity/ Pl...
May 17, 2024•20 min•Ep. 142
As children raised by imperfect parents, we all have “core wounds” that inform much of our life. We may have had experiences we did not know how to process, and therefore made up stories of what those things meant that we still carry with us today. As we get older, we adapt and learn to navigate those painful stories through our various adaptations. Then as adults, we have an opportunity to look at some of our adaptations, and evaluate if they are still serving us, or if we can let them go. In t...
May 03, 2024•30 min•Ep. 141
In this episode, I cover 3 common myths circulating about infidelity, and 3 truths to counter them. With a lot of conflicting information out there, it can be quite confusing to navigate a clear path forward. By applying the principles discussed in this episode, you will be able to more clearly identify your own path and what is best for you. To work with me, go to: https://andreagiles.com/get-your-life-back/ Follow me on Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/theinfidelitycoach/ To learn more ...
Apr 19, 2024•30 min•Ep. 140
Most of my podcast episodes have been geared toward women who have experienced betrayal, but this one is for the men. First I address men who have been betrayed by their spouse/partner. I cover how betrayal affects men differently than women and why that is. Second, I address men who have betrayed their spouse. In my many years of coaching, I have learned that there is no black and white, and people are much more complicated than we make them out to be. You will learn some ideas that will help y...
Apr 05, 2024•21 min•Ep. 139
Growing up, we all take on behaviors that we use when our safety feels threatened. In this episode, I will be covering five strategies we use to try to get back a sense of safety. While these behaviors are common and we all participate in some (or all) of them at times, you’ll learn why they will ultimately not get you what you want. There may be a temporary feeling of “winning,” but in the end, we will be less connected with others, and usually less connected with ourselves. Tune in this week t...
Mar 22, 2024•34 min•Ep. 138
While we all want to be in relationships that are trusting and loving, at the root of it all what we really want is to feel deeply chosen. In this episode, I’ll share different examples (both personal and from clients) where the strong desire to know you are being chosen drives forward courageous action. I will also share how in order to feel deeply chosen, we have to strongly desire ourselves first. This pushes our growth as we develop into people who know what we what, and will hold a high sta...
Mar 08, 2024•22 min•Ep. 137
After having conversations with hundreds of people from all over the world in my five years of being an infidelity coach, there are some patterns, trends and truths I have learned. In this episode, I share those 5 truths and how they have changed some of my views around infidelity. This is one you do not want to miss as it may change some of your views, too. To work with me, go to: https://andreagiles.com/get-your-life-back/ Follow me on Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/theinfidelitycoach...
Feb 23, 2024•31 min•Ep. 136
In a world that celebrates independence, it can seem like “weakness” to build relationships that require vulnerability. With “cancel culture” being rampant, it goes against the messages of the day, especially after infidelity, to fully lean in to building something that will last the test of time. In this episode I go over two common ways we relate with each other in relationships, and one that is less practiced but will get you far more traction. You will be able to identity where you are in yo...
Feb 09, 2024•29 min•Ep. 135
In the 2nd of this 2 part series, Sara Fisk and Andrea go deeper into people-pleasing. They go into more detail about how people-pleasing tendencies can put relationships at risk, and how stopping people-pleasing can help relationships heal. You will learn: How we are all deeply wired to people-please How it is likely affecting you post-infidelity to people-please How taking responsibility for our own growth (and letting go of people-pleasing) is crucial to healing Sara Bybee Fisk is a Master Ce...
Jan 26, 2024•42 min•Ep. 134
Do you struggle with people-pleasing? Is it getting in the way of making clear decisions for yourself in the after-math of infidelity? In this 2-part series, Andrea and Sara Fisk talk all things people-pleasing. You will learn: How we are all deeply wired to people-please How it is likely affecting you post-infidelity to people-please How taking responsibility for our own growth (and letting go of people-pleasing) is crucial to healing Sara Bybee Fisk is a Master Certified Coach and Instructor w...
Jan 12, 2024•26 min•Ep. 133
In this episode, I interview a former client, Lauren. Be prepared for an episode you will go back to again and again as there were so many gems and truths in her words. Lauren not only shares in depth her personal story with her spouse's infidelity, but she shares her journey of coming back to herself after years of feeling like she wasn’t enough. I guarantee you will relate to many of the things she shares, and feel inspired by how she has taken charge of her own life to make it something beaut...
Dec 29, 2023•57 min•Ep. 132
How do you define healing? If you think it means never hurting again, you can be setting yourself up for even more pain in the future. In this episode, I cover various ways we can sabotage our own healing, and clearly define what it actually means. You will also learn how to evaluate how far you have come, and what to be focusing on next. When we learn to change our expectations, everything feels less urgent, there is less pressure, and we grow our capacity to hold space for ourselves. To learn ...
Dec 15, 2023•24 min•Ep. 131
After infidelity, it is easy to fall into the trap of trying to take control of the healing and recovery of your partner. In this episode, you will learn why this is not a healthy, long-term solution and what to try instead. We will cover: Differences between men and women and why our healing looks different Why learning to create more internal safety will get you the best results Why trying to control our spouse often back-fires If you want help navigating the aftermath of infidelity, don’t mis...
Dec 01, 2023•19 min•Ep. 130
Sometimes we can use popular opinion against ourselves. We can listen to the opinions of others, rather than deeply searching our own hearts for what is true. In this episode, I use a powerful analogy to teach you how to do your own “investigating” into what is true, beyond what outside sources may tell you. You will learn how to see the full scope of your situation, rather than focusing only on the things that feel the biggest or scariest. When we learn to get a broader view, we make more infor...
Nov 17, 2023•27 min•Ep. 129
Romantic infidelity and financial infidelity often go hand in hand. Money is frequently spent on the affair partner, and in high-control relationships, spouses can feel like they have no say about where the money goes. In this episode, guest Tracy Coenen and I discuss: Hidden money Financial rights for stay-at-home moms Divorce settlements Financial options, even if you are staying married Tracy has been investigating fraud for more than 25 years, but she didn’t always want to be a forensic acco...
Nov 03, 2023•43 min•Ep. 128
Infidelity is one of the few things that can change everything, forever. There is no going back. How we deal with the “after” in infidelity is crucial. It presents an opportunity to change old patterns, learn new ways of being, and new ways to interact with one another. In this episode, you’ll learn how changing up the old patterns will serve you, whether you stay with your current spouse or not. You’ll understand why the only way forward is if both partners commit to being vulnerable, clumsy an...
Oct 20, 2023•19 min•Ep. 127
Do you often feel like you “should” try to stay after infidelity? Or maybe you feel pressure from others telling you to leave because, as the saying goes, “Once a cheater, always a cheater?” In this episode, I shine a light on how to listen for what is actually true for you. Other well-meaning people will always have their opinions, but in the end, you are the one that has to live in your life. Desire is a strong indicator of the direction your wisest self wants to go. When you learn to listen t...
Oct 06, 2023•25 min•Ep. 126
In this follow up to my last episode, “Intrusive Thoughts,” I go into more depth as to how to navigate the thoughts that seem to take over and rob you of your peace. I share two points that will help you gain some traction and direction the next time an intrusive thought shows up. Point one is about how intrusive thoughts can keep us stuck in the past rather than seeing what is in front of us. I also talk about how sometimes staying in this space can keep us from our own growth and development. ...
Sep 22, 2023•16 min•Ep. 125
Do you struggle with intrusive thoughts? These are the ones that pop up, seemingly out of nowhere, and can derail your whole day. In this episode, I cover where these thoughts come from, and how to process them so they no longer have a hold on you. You will learn a strategy that will: Help you bring more awareness to the thought Give you direction as to what to do with it (so you are in charge of the thought rather than it being in charge of you). If you are like every client I have ever worked ...
Sep 08, 2023•21 min•Ep. 124
What happens when something you believed as true is challenged? Or when you make up your mind about something and immediately doubt it? Does it mean you made the wrong decision, or is something else happening? In this episode, you’ll learn all about cognitive dissonance and how it is an indication that something is out of alignment for you. It may be that your beliefs need to be reevaluated or expanded. It may be that you are being led into deeper self-trust and wisdom. While cognitive dissonanc...
Aug 25, 2023•29 min•Ep. 123
After infidelity, the decision needs to be made whether to stay or go. But for most people, that is only half the decision. Many people go through life being physically in a relationship but emotionally out. Some leave marriages physically but cannot separate themselves emotionally from their spouse, so they don’t really move on. In this episode, I help you identify exactly where you are in your process forward. I help you know how to more fully commit to getting where you want to go so you can ...
Aug 11, 2023•17 min•Ep. 122
When you think of yourself, do you identify more with being someone who has been traumatized, or as someone who is incredibly resilient, despite your trauma? Humans all experience trauma. It is inescapable. But what we forget is that as humans we are built to be resilient, and to rise above our trauma- not get stuck in it. In this episode, you’ll learn how to create more resiliency as you navigate the choppy waters of infidelity. You will understand how you are getting yourself stuck in the stor...
Jul 28, 2023•25 min•Ep. 121
Most of us understand the importance and significance of courage. It is an emotion that can help us to look at hard things in our lives. But if we are unwilling to take action based on our feeling of courage, we end up right where we started. In this episode, I share some ideas pertaining to infidelity about some of the ways we need to not only have courage, but to turn that courage into action to ultimately have what we want. I use specific stories and analogies to help my listeners know how th...
Jul 14, 2023•21 min•Ep. 120
How much pressure do you put on yourself to “Keep the Peace”? Maybe there are things you don’t say because you don’t want to create conflict. Maybe you just stuff things down rather than speak up and make others uncomfortable. In this episode, I discuss the concept of keeping the peace and where it often backfires. What if there is something better than keeping the peace? What if protecting your own peace over others' is the best work you can do? If you want to understand areas you are hiding to...
Jun 30, 2023•24 min•Ep. 119
In the aftermath of infidelity, it can feel like your life has been blown up, and our spouse sometimes does not seem to understand how much their choices impacted us. This episode discusses the importance of knowing that our spouse “gets it” in order to really move forward and build trust. I also discuss growing our capacity to look at ourselves and how the things we say and do affect others. Solid relationships are built on both people taking responsibility for how we each impact each other. Wa...
Jun 16, 2023•27 min•Ep. 118
In this episode, I welcome guest and self-advocacy expert, Samantha Nielsen to the show. If you have ever struggled in knowing how to speak up for yourself, this episode is for you. Samantha shares her own experience with watching herself shrink and be miserable until it became unbearable. She had an amazing transformation and completely changed her life. More about Samantha: Samantha is the happiest divorced woman on the planet! She believes that divorce is a necessary resource, gift and tool. ...
Jun 02, 2023•42 min•Ep. 117
