Most of us have been taught that we should decide what we want and need out of relationships, communicate those things to our partners, and expect them to come through for us. Unfortunately, this sets us up for a whole lot of disappointment. In this episode, I’ll be going over the difference between wants and needs, and how to get those met. Instead of waiting for someone to take care of us, you’ll learn how to advocate for what you want without handing that responsibility over to someone else (...
Sep 03, 2021•26 min•Ep. 57
Something I often hear from clients is that they just want closure. They want to hear the apology. Know why it happened. Be free from all of it so they can move forward. Sounds good, right? We all want certainty, and we believe it would feel good to wrap up this messy, difficult time in our lives with a bow and put it behind us forever, whether we stay married or not. The problem with this is we often give the responsibility of this to someone else, thinking that if they just acknowledge our fee...
Aug 27, 2021•18 min•Ep. 56
Can you think of a decision you are putting off? Most of us aren’t very good at making decisions. We get in our own way by second-guessing ourselves, doubting our ability to decide, and worry about getting it wrong. In this episode we’ll be diving in to why we drag out decision making, and look at how much it is costing you to put it off. There are many seemingly good reasons we put decisions off, but it always comes at a price to ourselves. You’ll also learn about how to make decisions quickly,...
Aug 20, 2021•30 min•Ep. 55
We all like to know how things will turn out. Our brains crave certainty, and because of this we often believe that if we can control things, we can dictate how they will turn out. But there is a better way, especially when it comes to trying to control other people. We can influence others by how we show up around them, and it is far more powerful (and likely to get us the results we actually want) than trying to control them. In this episode, we’ll talk about the difference (sometimes subtle) ...
Aug 13, 2021•22 min•Ep. 54
This week I am joined by Jennifer Finlayson-Fife to discuss the intricacies of infidelity. There are many misconceptions surrounding infidelity, and those misconceptions can keep you stuck. In this episode, we take a closer look at how infidelity can be the catalyst for growth in both parties, why people engage in infidelity, and how to recover from it. Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is an LDS relationship and sexuality coach as well as a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in the state of Ill...
Aug 06, 2021•48 min•Ep. 53
In this episode, I share my thoughts on when it may be time to consider ending a marriage. Although in truth we can leave a marriage whenever we want, there are a few specific questions to evaluate within yourself and your spouse that will ultimately serve you in the future after the decision is made. While divorce can be a very hard thing to consider, let alone go through with, if one leaves for reasons they feel solid about, it sets them up for healing and a positive outcome on the other side ...
Jul 30, 2021•26 min•Ep. 52
Do you know who you are? When is the last time you answered that question? Most of us go through life thinking that who we are is what others define us to be. Knowing ourselves is the most important work we will ever do. The more we learn who we are, both strengths and weaknesses, the more we are able to accept all of us and challenge ourselves to grow. This in turn allows us to show up in relationships the way we want to, not the way we feel pressured to or expected to. Listen to this episode t...
Jul 24, 2021•23 min•Ep. 51
Most of us don’t know how to feel. We find all kinds of creative ways to block our emotions, mostly because we weren’t taught how to feel, or were shut down when we did express a feeling. In this episode, guest Sariah Bastian will share her story of going from years of unhealthy marriages and being cut off from herself to becoming an expert in finding safety inside her own body. Sariah is a betrayal trauma expert, as well as a master yoga instructor. With over 15,000 hours of instruction helping...
Jul 16, 2021•57 min•Ep. 50
We all deal with problems in different ways, but attachment theory can shed some light on why you do the things you do, and why infidelity has affected you in the way that it has. In this episode, you’ll learn what attachment theory is and the three different types of attachment. You’ll also learn how to develop into the kind of attachment that will help you show up in your intimate relationships the way you want to and that will have the most impact. Most of all, you’ll learn how to have compas...
Jul 09, 2021•37 min•Ep. 49
If you listen to podcasts and read self-help books, you have probably heard the terms “abundance mindset” and “scarcity mindset.” However, in this episode I will be talking about each of those things and how they pertain to you and your life. There are four areas where we experience abundance and scarcity (time, money, relationships and health). When we learn how to experience abundance in one area, it often trickles to the others. It is a way of being and thinking. When you understand what kind...
Jul 02, 2021•32 min•Ep. 48
To truly move forward from infidelity, internal changes need to be made. When we change on the inside, it becomes impossible to be the same as we were on the outside. It is very possible that our changes become uncomfortable for others to be around, which can make us second guess ourselves and our growth. In this episode, you’ll hear about 3 different clients and how I helped them navigate the changes they experienced in their families, whether they chose to stay married or not. Understanding ho...
Jun 25, 2021•22 min•Ep. 47
Most of us don't look forward to pain. We often resist it, run away from it, or go into painful experiences with dread and fear. In this episode, I’ll shed some light on how our most painful moments can become the most useful, and even sacred experiences we draw from. Whether it is emotional or physical pain, we can use the power of our minds to not only help us manage our pain, but to make it a powerful experience for us. Although pain is a part of the human condition, seeing it through the len...
Jun 18, 2021•27 min•Ep. 46
As humans, we love certainty. We want to know all the details of exactly how things are going to transpire. Because we are not always privy to that information, we tend to talk ourselves out of goals, desires and dreams. What if the “how” is none of our business? Are you willing to release yourself from needing to know all the details? In this episode, you’ll learn why letting go of the how will open you up to the magic that happens when we decide we want something and go for it. You’ll learn 3 ...
Jun 11, 2021•28 min•Ep. 45
It makes perfect sense that our brains scan for things we know. But it can be very misleading. All the best things are in front of us. When we look to the past, we miss out on the opportunity to create the life we want. We have so much capacity to grow, to become, to create. But if we don’t know how to envision it and go after it, we fall back into old patterns. In this episode, I will teach you how to tap into possibility. Every human has unlimited potential that can not be quantified, measured...
Jun 04, 2021•27 min•Ep. 44
Regret is an emotion that we all feel, but that we will do almost anything to avoid. The fear of regret can keep us stalled out, not taking the actions that will create the life we want. In this episode, you’ll learn why you don’t need to be afraid of regret. You’ll understand how regret can be both useful and harmful, and how to leverage it for your good. When we stop fearing emotions, we are willing to take bold actions, knowing that we will be able to handle whatever comes. If you want to mov...
May 28, 2021•18 min•Ep. 43
Who are you? What do you think of yourself? When is the last time you really asked yourself those questions? Where do you go for the answers? Your own thoughts or what you think others believe of you? Most of us look outside ourselves to determine our self-esteem and self worth. It then becomes a moving target - as long as people tell us what we want to hear we’re ok, but when they stop, then what? In this episode, you’ll learn some concrete practices and exercises that will help you develop you...
May 21, 2021•24 min•Ep. 42
When life throws us unexpected trials and curve balls, it can be easy to slip into doubt and fear. We can forget the hard-won lessons we have learned, become overwhelmed and lose sight of who we are and where we are going. In this episode, I’ll share five things that I know for sure. These five things have helped me throughout my life to navigate those times where everything seems upside-down. My five truths have reminded me what matters, and encouraged me to keep going, no matter how desperate ...
May 14, 2021•22 min•Ep. 41
Do you ever cringe when you hear that someone is being “such a victim”? We often carry such harsh judgement around this way of being, although most of us slip into it throughout our lives. In this episode, I’ll explain what victim mentality really is and all the various ways it shows up. It can be sneaky and seem very justified, but in letting it stick around can cause all kinds of unnecessary pain and suffering. While many of us have been victimized at some point in our lives, we can use the fe...
May 07, 2021•29 min•Ep. 40
Do you know what your values are or why they matter? We often hear of companies having values but skim over the importance of knowing and living by our own. In this episode, we’re going to dive in to what values are and how they can help guide decisions, know what to say yes and no to, and set parameters around where you will let your mind wander to. Knowing your values is crucial as you create a future you love. It becomes bigger than you - you are part of a vision. Listen, to understand how to...
Apr 30, 2021•24 min•Ep. 39
Pain is a natural part of life. We all experience loss, grief, and transitions. Suffering, however, is optional. In this episode you’ll learn the difference between the natural pain that comes with life events, and suffering that comes from our thoughts about those events. A great predictor of the experience of one’s life is how well they learn to manage their mind around their circumstances. The more the mind is kept in check, the more peaceful life will be. In this episode, you’ll have an unde...
Apr 23, 2021•16 min•Ep. 38
Boundaries are often misunderstood. Many view them as a means to control another person, a way to gain power over someone, or as something that will hurt the relationship. The truth is that a properly set boundary invites intimacy and trust. In this episode, I will be clearing up exactly what a boundary is, and what it isn’t. You will understand: How clear boundaries strengthen relationships How to set them from a place of love What the most important piece of boundary setting is Why boundary-se...
Apr 16, 2021•24 min•Ep. 37
Forgiveness can be a touchy subject. Why should we forgive someone who has caused us so much pain? I get it. In this episode, I’ll shed some light on how forgiveness is not actually for them- it is for you. I’ll go over what forgiveness is, and what it isn’t. Some of the ideas people believe about forgiveness are faulty and create additional pain. We’ll uncover those and learn what forgiveness really is about and why it’s such a gift to give ourselves. More information at https://andreagiles.com...
Apr 09, 2021•24 min•Ep. 36
Marriages can survive infidelity. But can the couple really thrive? This is a question I get asked a lot, and in this episode you’ll understand why the answer is a resounding YES! Rebuilding a marriage after infidelity requires some specific tools and mindset shifts. It requires resiliency, curiosity, and a determination to change the narrative surrounding the infidelity. In this episode, you’ll learn what these tools and skills are, and how to implement them. You’ll be able to identify what are...
Apr 02, 2021•26 min•Ep. 35
Pornography in marriages can feel threatening, shameful and impossible to overcome. In today’s episode, guests Lindsay and Danny Poelman share their story of overcoming the grip of pornography and creating a marriage much stronger than the one they had before. For so many, porn use can feel crippling. Many men (and women) feel intense shame around porn use which ultimately keeps them stuck. In this episode, you’ll learn how changing the narrative around porn use and empowering the individual can...
Mar 26, 2021•52 min•Ep. 34
Frequently called “the green-eyed monster,” jealousy is an emotion we don’t often want to admit experiencing. We judge ourselves for feeling it, as we wonder what is wrong with us, and wind up in all kinds of painful mind drama. After experiencing infidelity, jealousy can feel like a constant companion. Those pesky intrusive thoughts that creep in? The images you see? The incessant thoughts about “the other woman”? These are all normal to experience after a betrayal, but are rooted in fear and d...
Mar 19, 2021•18 min•Ep. 33
Most of us have been conditioned our entire lives with the messaging that we should just be happy and filled with pleasure at all times. When we don’t feel happy all the time, we avoid the negative emotion by buffering from what is actually real. In this episode, you’ll learn the real reasons why you buffer, and what it is costing you. When we buffer, we give ourselves a false sense of safety and security, but we are missing the opportunity to understand why we are buffering in the first place. ...
Mar 12, 2021•25 min•Ep. 32
Perfection is a myth, yet so many of us think that we should be perfect to be acceptable and loveable. We can easily fall into being over-achievers or under-achievers, both as veils to hide our perceived insecurities and flaws. This kind of thinking stifles our own development, and keeps us from developing real, vulnerable relationships with others where we allow ourselves to be seen. We may also block our own ability to really see others as they are. In this episode, you’ll learn if you are a p...
Mar 05, 2021•31 min•Ep. 31
When life doesn’t go the way we thought it would, it can be easy to blame God. Sometimes in our darkest moments we can wonder if He abandoned us. In this episode, guest David Butler and I will be discussing ways to cope with this painful experience. David Butler is a best-selling author, co-host of the acclaimed “Don’t Miss This” podcast, and educator. His unique view on God and scripture brings insight to this topic that will help listeners understand that they are not alone. In this episode, y...
Feb 26, 2021•1 hr 1 min•Ep. 30
In this episode, I’ll be diving into why it is worth leaning into the “cognitive dissonance,” or the space in between black and white where things feel a little more fuzzy. It is in this space that we grow. We try on new ideas, understand others on a deeper level, and create a safe place for ourselves, even when we don’t have all the answers. Even more importantly, when we can allow the discomfort of the gray area, healing takes place. If we can believe that someone who hurt us is both good and ...
Feb 19, 2021•24 min•Ep. 29
Thoughts create our feelings, but feelings are the fuel that create our experience with life. When we learn to leverage the power of feelings, there is nothing you are unwilling to do, because you will be willing to feel any emotion in service of the result you want most. In this episode, you will learn specific tools that will help you create the emotion that you want, and have an understanding of why both positive and negative emotions can be useful. Everything you could ever want is on the ot...
Feb 12, 2021•25 min•Ep. 28
