Fasting Isn’t About Food...It’s About Emotional Mastery

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Welcome to the Having It All podcast, the show about what it takes to live an abundant, loving life. My name is Matthew Bivens, and each week I'm helping you get out of your head so that you can truly have it all. Let's do it. What's going on everybody? Matthew Bivens here and welcome to the podcast. I'm pumped that you're here hanging out with me and if this is your first time, welcome. I'm hoping that you get some power, some encouragement, some...

tools, some juice from this conversation. And if it's not your first time, then welcome back. Happy to have you here. Today's episode is all about commitments and exploring the role that emotions play. and helping us to keep our commitments. And it's inspired by this fast that I'm currently doing. So for a few years, I was fasting once a week. Every Monday.

I would do a juice fast. And so I would stop eating Sunday night, you know, dinner time, and I would fast all the way until Monday at dinner time. And I've been doing that for a number of years. And then when Sarah and I got pregnant, I stopped. And what was interesting is the reason I stopped has a lot to do with the topic today, and it's because of emotions. It's because I didn't want to do it anymore.

I'm back on it. I had a conversation with a couple of friends a few weeks ago and I was describing fasting and what it meant to me and all of that. And I realized this is kind of hypocritical or maybe fraudulent of me to talk about. the benefits of doing these intermittent fasts for myself when I haven't been doing them in a long time. So last week I got back on and here we are a week later and it's Monday and it's about 2 p.m. So I'll be breaking the fast in a few hours.

And I am bundled up right now. I've got my hoodie on. I've got gloves on. I've got a heater going on in the room because whenever I'm fasting, I get really cold. Yeah, it's an interesting thing. Couple that with the fact that it's freaking cold as heck right now in Atlanta and it's middle of March, but you know, it's like 30 something degrees outside. So I'm definitely feeling the impact physically of this fast.

Along with being cold, I'm hungry. I've got juice with me right now, some green juice. I've got water, but it doesn't really satisfy that feeling of hunger the way that food does, so I've got that going on. And along with feeling hungry, sometimes I get a little irritable. I know last week Sarah would definitely agree that I was pretty irritable throughout the day. And I'm just going through the emotional pull.

that I feel with fasting. And it's really fascinating. And the reason why I do this is precisely because I get a fantastic opportunity each week to... explore my emotional attachments. In this case, it's my attachment to food. And I've told this story a number of times on the show. It's about the very first fast that I did.

This was three or four years ago. I had all my supplies ready to go, and I'm at my desk. I received an email from a client that the client was not happy, so it created a bit of stress in me. I'm on my fast, but I reached sort of instinctively to where I normally keep my snacks. And that was the first time that I recognized that I had an emotional attachment to food, that when I was feeling stressed or anxious or whatever.

particularly those disempowering feelings, then I would turn to food, especially sweets. And I think it was that sugar that I crave, sugar and salts that would really just help me feel better emotionally. So... Here I am doing this fast today, and it's giving me an opportunity to explore my attachments. And I love it particularly for that reason. Because as I've been...

becoming more aware of myself over the years. And as I've had others point things out, like my life coach, who's helped point out to me just how strong my emotions play in my decision making.

I realized that when it comes to commitments, when it comes to me making a commitment and holding my commitment, the reason why I continue to break certain commitments It has everything to do with emotions, simply not wanting to do something. And it's funny because I allow myself to get frustrated when I break a commitment. Like, for example, if I tell myself that I'm going to...

meditate every day for a week, and then I don't do it. And I get mad at myself because I'm thinking you can't even keep a simple habit like 10-minute meditation. What's going on, man? What's wrong with you? Why can't you keep that commitment to yourself? And I would just get in this cycle of berating myself whenever I would break those commitments. Or in certain cases, I wouldn't even make a commitment because I felt that...

at a certain point, my emotions would kick in and I wouldn't want to do it. And so I just wouldn't make a commitment in the first place. And, you know, I appreciate the awareness that my coach gives me, that fasting gives me. around the role that my emotions play because, you know, I understand that emotions are incredibly important and I consider myself an emotional person. I also consider myself an emotionally aware person. And so...

I want to be able to use emotions when they serve me best. And so in this land of making, keeping commitments, emotions don't serve me. They really don't serve me too well. And I can bring up many examples in my own life of when my emotions have sabotaged my commitments. And that's what I want to bring to your attention.

today as well. You know, where in your life are your emotions coming into play and just completely undermining a commitment that you make? And then where do you criticize yourself? or criticize another person, or whatever it is, because that commitment got broken? And where might you be failing to realize the connection that your emotions play in all of it?

Because as I just go inward in my own life and my own journey, and as I do things like this weekly fast, I really see, man, you know, it's my emotions that kick in when it's...

Saturday morning, and normally I go for a four-mile run with a group of people, but the alarm goes off. I just don't feel like getting up, right? Whereas my emotions that kick in when... I make this internal commitment to call my grandmother every week, but on my drive, you know, my 30-minute commute into town, I'd rather listen to sports instead.

Or it's my emotions that kick in when I tell myself that on my balance chart, which is the tool that I use to keep track of my habits and to create healthy habits in my life, when I tell myself that I'm going to score a 90% or above, And it's Sunday evening and I've got a 60 and that means I have to put in a lot of time to get those points. My emotions kick in and they say, eh, you don't really need to do that. And it's my emotions that kick in when...

I make these commitments to speak Sarah's love language because one of her love languages is quality time and words of affirmation. And sometimes I just don't feel like it. Sometimes I'd rather... watch a basketball game than spend that quality time. Or sometimes my tank might be low, so affirming her is something I just don't feel like doing. And it's creating this awareness in my life that the role the emotions play.

And as I do that, then I realize, okay, I can choose different than what my emotions are wanting in this moment. And so this fast that I'm doing right now gives me a chance to practice that. Because for me, it's one thing for me to know something, to understand this is how my mind operates, this is how my body operates. It's another thing for me to actually...

practice and experience it. That for me is where the lesson really sinks in. That's really where it can take root within me when I practice it and I keep that practice going.

So I really wanted to use this episode as an invitation. I want to invite all of you to practice with me. Let's all choose something small. that we can commit to for the rest of the month so that we can practice keeping our commitments despite our emotions. So it can be a daily habit. It can be a weekly habit.

Whatever you choose doesn't matter, but whatever it is, you got to stick to it. So for me, I'm going to keep up my weekly fasting. Every Monday for the rest of the month, I'm going to do a 24-hour juice fast. From Sunday evening to Monday evening, I'm going to be doing it. No matter how I feel, no matter what comes up for me, no matter if I have a business meeting.

at the most delicious restaurant in town, and they're like, oh, no, no, get whatever you want. Yeah, it's on me. I'm not going to give in to my emotions. I'm gonna stick to this. I'm gonna keep my commitment. So that's what I'm gonna do. So here are some examples that can get you going. Maybe you want to do a five-minute meditation each morning. So before you start your day, set a timer, find a quiet place, do five minutes of meditating. Or maybe you want to do 10...

push-ups in the morning. You know, again, before you get going, hop out of bed, crank out 10 push-ups, boom. Maybe at the end of the day, you want to do five minutes of gratitude journaling. You could also make a commitment to call a family member or call a loved one, someone you haven't spoke to in a while and do that once a week. Or maybe you want to go for a walk outside. You know, it's getting to be springtime. It's beautiful here in Atlanta when it's not windy and cold.

And so maybe you just make a commitment to go outside every day, take a little walk around your neighborhood. Or maybe you want to send an affirmation to a friend, shoot them a text, send them something affirming, something that will make them smile. Or how about... Committing to go to bed earlier. Go to bed 15 minutes earlier. Or wake up 15 minutes earlier. Or maybe you could spend some time reviewing your budget at the end of every week. Sarah and I do it on Sundays.

Just carve out 15 minutes. Sit down and just go through your numbers. Or maybe you want to be extra proactive and you want to spend 10 minutes at the beginning of your week writing down your intentions for the week. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter. You choose the habit and you choose the frequency. And together, we'll do it for just this month because it's really about doing something small in your life that can have a big impact.

What we're doing is exploring our emotions and how our emotions come into play and they create obstacles for us to keep our commitments. That's what this is about. So this is about keeping commitment to ourselves, right? And to create a little bit of accountability around this, I want you to share your commitment with me. And so if you want to share your commitment with me, you can do so in a couple of ways.

First, you can email me, mattcbivins at gmail.com, or you can hit me up at Twitter. I don't think I've ever given out my Twitter handle on this show. I don't really use my Twitter a whole lot, but for this, I will monitor it. And that's at Matt Bivens, M-A-T-T-B-I-V-E-N-S. That's me on Twitter. And you can also, I'll give you my Instagram as well. I don't do much on Instagram either, but you can.

Find me there, and for this month, I'll monitor it, and we can connect. And that's Matthew underscore Bivens. Those are three ways to get in touch with me, email, Twitter, and Instagram, and just share with me whatever your commitment is. And I would love to be there to support you, to act as an accountability partner for you in this practice of just holding our commitments and showing up for ourselves.

despite our emotions. So regardless of how you're feeling, you're going to show up. And even if the habit that you're choosing, even if the activity you're choosing is for someone else, like giving somebody a phone call or sending someone an affirmation, you still are showing up for yourself when you perform that action. Because you're telling yourself that this is important enough to me that I'm going to show up.

So I'm excited about this. I'm excited to continue to explore for myself. I'm excited to see what comes up for you. And yeah, I'm looking forward to see, you know, what we can create and flow into the rest of our year with. So please connect with me. I'd love to hear from you. And with that, we keep this episode short and sweet today. My name is Matthew Bivens, and here is to you having it all.

Quick note about the Having It All podcast. I am not a doctor nor a licensed therapist. I'm a guy with a story and a passion for conscious conversation. My thoughts, opinions, and beliefs are my own. So please consult with your doctor or healthcare provider. regarding any questions or issues you have related to your personal, physical, or mental health.