Everyone, it's Carli here and welcome to you. This week's Mojo Monday. So imagine being stuck on a roundabout, so you're going round and round and round, and you actually can't see the exit roads, so you know that they're there, but you can't find which road is going to take you out, so you just keep going round and round.
And that's what it's like when we ruminate. Our thoughts go in this repetitive loop, circling the same situation over and over again, trying to think our way out, trying to problem solve, trying to get rid of the thoughts, but getting nowhere. And in Japanese psychology there's a term for this, and it's called torowere, and put simply, it's when your mind gets caught so caught in your thoughts, caught in your and your feelings, you know, caught trying
to figure it all out. And in Marita therapy, to awere is described as a state of mental preoccupation, which is when your attention becomes fixated on what's bothering you. So it's quite normal to do this. The more attention you give it, the more intense it feels, and the harder it is to step out of it, so it becomes this self reinforcing loop. But there's a real cost to this because when all of your attention gets pulled into your thoughts, your world starts to narrow. It affects
what you do, what you don't do. You can hesitate, you avoid, you over analyze, you stop doing the things that are really important to you, and over time, you just stop taking action. And that's one of the key consequences. It leads to inaction and reduced quality of life. And what's interesting is this doesn't just happen in your own
mind anymore. Torawerre can actually become shared. So you might notice in conversations when you're going over the same issues again and again, you know, like in grip chats where everyone is validating the same frustration, or even on social media, where the algorithm keeps feeding you this content that reflects exactly how you feel. So instead of stepping out of the roundabout or driving out of the roundabout, you've now got multiple lanes feeding into it. And this means more attention,
more reinforcement, more time spent in the loop. And there's a word for this actually got from Ethan Cross's book called shift tis a research psychologist, and it's called co rumination. And while it can feel supported and even comforting in that moment, it can actually deepen that state of totuwerre.
So how do we get off the roundabout? The first step is to take a step back and ask yourself what here is actually within my control and what isn't Because often our attention is locked on the things that we can't control. So if we gently shift our attention towards what we can influence. And this is where old
wisdom and modern psychology meet. So in the book Shift, Ethan Cross talks about the importance of shifting our attention and in Marita therapy, the shift isn't about controlling your thoughts. It's about changing your relationship with them. And there's a concept called arrogamama, which is allowing things to be as they are. If you've been listening to this podcast for a while, you would have heard me talk about this
many times. This is my favorite Japanese concept, arugamama. It doesn't mean that you like the thoughts or the emotions. You're not trying to get rid of them. You just let them be. It is what it is because the goal isn't to eliminate the thoughts or even to feel better straight away. The goal is to live fully even with the inevitable challenges and the uncertainty that comes with being human. And this is where the shift happens. Instead of trying to think your way out, you move into action.
In Marita therapy, change doesn't come from controlling how you feel. It comes from what you do next, even with the thoughts there. So personally, what I have found really helpful is when I notice that I get stuck in this state of totawero, I first get clear on what I can actually control, and if in that moment there's nothing I can do to solve the problem, I'll do something constructive. So I will tidy up. I'll do a bit of admin,
like paying bills. A might clean one shelf on the kitchen cupboard, or do something that I haven't got round to doing before. It doesn't have to be big, but these are things that I can focus on, I can put my focus on. They are constructive and flexible use of my intention. I could easily go to my phone and scroll mindlessly. That's another use of my attention, but these are constructive uses and at the end of it, there's a sense of accomplishment and it doesn't matter how
small the task is. So that's how we step off the roundabout, not by finding the perfect thought or solving the problem of the rumination, but by loosening our grip on it, shifting our attention and taking action in the direction of what matters, and over time that's what expands our lives again, So have a great week everyone. I hope that was valuable and I'll catch you next week. See ya.