last night our oven caught on fire! Something had spilled in there and made a mess. My wife (being the incredible partner that she is) was cleaning it up. She had turned the oven up to like 500 degrees.I walked in and saw smoke coming out of it and said, "Is there supposed to be smoke coming out of there?" "Uhhhh, nope," she responded. I opened the door and saw flames. My wife calmly retrieved some baking soda from the cupboard, opened the oven door, and tossed it on the flames. They went out in...
Sep 29, 2020•6 min
In May of 2015, Pablo Picasso’s painting Les femmes d’Alger sold at auction for $179.4 million. Until recently it was the highest price ever paid for a painting. Guess how much time Picasso spent painting this work of art? Oh… about a day. In his lifetime, it’s estimated that Picasso created roughly 50,000 works of art. That’s nearly 2 pieces every day! It’s easy to assume Picasso’s greatness came as a result of raw talent, a natural gift, or his unique style. But the reality is that the reason ...
Sep 23, 2020•6 min
Did you brush your teeth this morning? My guess is that you did... at least I hope so. You've probably brushed your teeth almost every day of your life since you had teeth. It's a pretty logical thing to do. It prevents cavities, bad breath and gum disease (obviously) as well as a bunch of other great health benefits like preventing heart disease, dementia, and diabetes. But you probably don't think about all those things when you brush, do you? You just do it because it's a good habit you've de...
Sep 17, 2020•7 min
Sep 03, 2020•8 min
Some people think that to have a good marriage you have to get really good at letting the little things go. They think a good partner will look past the minor dysfunctions that show up in marriage. You just gotta ignore the little hurts that get inflicted over time. I mean, what good is marriage if you’re constantly talking about stuff that isn’t working, right? The science of researchers Gottman, Swanson and Murray shows that couples who have a low tolerance for negativity in their marriage are...
Aug 25, 2020•14 min
People frequently complain to me about their marriages. They tell me secrets they would NEVER tell anyone else. Don’t get me wrong, I love it. (If you’re unhappy in your marriage, and you reach out to me, that means we’re moving in the right direction.) Today I want to share with you an important pattern I’ve noticed during these with hundreds of frustrated, disconnected, and unhappy couples. They all want the same thing… Freedom. I know this, because the way they talk about their marriage often...
Aug 18, 2020•11 min
It's not often I get so excited about a package that I run to the mailbox to get it. But today, my package arrived. It was death in an envelope. My memento mori necklace. If you're not familiar with a memento mori, it's an object meant to remind you that you life is finite, and one day, you will die. Why did I buy it? I wanted a physical reminder that I could have on my body every single day to remind me to be present, and cherish every moment. I've been doing battle with distractions lately. TV...
Aug 11, 2020•5 min
Do you feel like the closer you try to get to your partner, the more they pull away? Maybe you feel like no matter what you do, your partner won't open up to you, they dismiss your needs and feelings, and things just get swept under the rug? Or... Maybe you feel like you're always failing. No matter what you do, or how hard you try, it's never enough. Your partner always ends up feeling disappointed, and you always end up blindsided by the "problems" they have with your relationship. In today's ...
Aug 04, 2020•45 min
Have you sat on the toilet playing Candy Crush until your phone battery dies, and then though, “What the heck am I doing? Or maybe you spent an entire day laying on the couch in a heap watching The Office… when then you notice the sun has set, and you’re still wearing your pajamas. You’ve wasted the entire day. And then you tell yourself, “I deserve this. I deserve a break.” Yeah, I’ve been there. Actually, a few weeks ago I had a massive depressive episode. Things had been building up… My wife ...
Jul 21, 2020•1 hr
Wanna hear some of the worst relationship advice I’ve ever heard? “If you prioritize your partner’s needs, and they prioritize your needs, your marriage will go well.” *Hnnnnnnggggh!* Sorry, that was the sound of me having an anger-aneurysm... This advice a recipe for disaster. Keep reading if you want to understand why. Here’s something I’ve seen happen more than once... Jonny falls in love with Sally becauses he makes him feel competent, and valued, and important. He loved that she relied on h...
Jul 14, 2020•54 min
Do you think your husband is a narcissist? When you first met him, he was extremely likable. He was charismatic, charming, and flirtatious. Everyone who met him immediately liked him… and you felt like the luckiest girl in the world that he chose you. Then, over time, things started to change. You started to notice that most of your conversations revolved around his needs, his wants, and his accomplishments. He didn’t seem to care as much about what was going on in your life. He rarely asked you...
Jul 07, 2020•50 min
I hate working out… My lungs burn. Sometimes I feel like puking. And the next day I’m sore. ...But I love the results of a strong body. I hate cleaning the kitchen… Getting the gunk off the dishes. Wiping down the countertops and sweeping the floors. Loading and emptying the dishwasher. Nothing about any of that is fun for me. … But I love the resulting feeling I get when my house is clean. I hate going to the dentist… The anxiety of whether or not I’ll have a cavity. Getting poked and prodded. ...
Jun 30, 2020•8 min
Last week, New York Times bestselling author, Rachel Hollis, and her husband announced they are getting a divorce. Why should you care? Because whether you follow, admire, or even know who the Hollises are, there are some lessons to be learned in their failed relationship that could help you avoid their same fate. Rachel and Dave are arguably the most popular self-help couple on the planet right now. Rachel has written two New York Times bestselling books, “Girl, Wash Your Face,” and “Girl, Stop...
Jun 23, 2020•52 min
A few weeks ago I had to get to an important appointment. Lots of important people were at this meeting. They couldn’t have it without me. I was nervous. Wanted to make a good impression. Maybe even impress some people I really admired. I got in my car, drove out of the suburbs where I live, and got on the freeway only to realize… … it was COMPLETE GRIDLOCK. Bumper-to-bumper. A semi-truck had flipped, blocking nearly every lane of traffic. My anxiety levels shot through the roof. I started to sw...
Jun 16, 2020•9 min
I almost died rafting the snake river. Six other friend and I were paddling down the river when we got caught in an unexpected current created by a tight bend in the river. Our little raft slammed into the base of a cliff. The boat flipped. Bodies and oars went flying. Our river guide (who was not wearing a helmet) slammed his head against the rock and was bleeding badly. I heard people screaming, and splashing as they tried to get back to the upturned raft. Some were even trapped underneath. I ...
Jun 09, 2020•8 min
The other day I came home from work. I walked in the door and saw my wife on her phone at the table. “Hey honey, how did your day go today?!” She looked up at me with a hurt expression on her face. She told me how she felt judged and micromanaged. She felt like she was failing as a wife. She felt like she could never live up to my expectations. I was speechless. “What the heck are you talking about?” Turns out my wife – along with millions of other humans all over the planet – has a BRUTAL inner...
Jun 04, 2020•9 min
Pelvic Floor Disorders occur in 1 out of every 4 women. Things like urinary incontinence, fecal incontinence, uterine prolapse and chronic constipation are incredibly common. But just because peeing your pants after you have a baby is a common problem doesn’t make it normal. And here’s the kicker: 80-90% of women who experience a pelvic floor disorder experience some type of sexual dysfunction. Do I have your attention?
Jun 02, 2020•38 min
Growing up, I believed a horrible lie. I had this idea that when I got married, my life would revolve around my wife, her needs, her wants, and her dreams. And her life would revolve around mine. We would travel together… Pursue hobbies together… Clean the house together… Watch shows together... Raise kids together... Basically, we would do everything together. Neither of us would ever find anyone else attractive. We wouldn’t even have friends of the opposite sex. I would be all she needed. She ...
May 26, 2020•47 min
I’m not much of a sports guy, but I’m LOVE learning about people who are the very best at what they do. So over the last few weeks, I’ve been binging Michael Jordan’s new documentary, “The Last Dance.” In 1993, Jordan retired from Basketball and went to play Double-A baseball. The world was shocked. He was the best player in the world! He had just won 3 NBA Championships! Why wouldn’t he defend his title, and go for a fourth? The world was shocked. Nearly two years later, right as the playoffs w...
May 19, 2020•10 min
Did you know there are TWO types of anxiety? (By the way, there’s a difference between feeling anxious and having an anxiety disorder. This email is about the common, everyday experience of feeling anxious. I just want to make sure we don’t trivialize a mental health disorder that can be really challenging to deal with… ok, onwards.) Your brain creates the feeling of anxiety for two reasons. The first is to prevent you from dying. So, if your brain thinks there’s a tiger in the bushes, or a robb...
May 12, 2020•13 min
“My husband and I have been going to therapy off and on for over a decade. We made more progress in our marriage during the Epic Wives Experiment than we ever did during our time in counseling.” Over 500 women have gone through the , and I’ve literally spent hours sitting at my computer overwhelmed with emotion as I read the breakthroughs, testimonials, and transformations experienced by these Epic Wives. So, why does the Epic Wives Experiment work so well? Why are we so good at helping these wo...
May 05, 2020•19 min
“It’s the little things done often that make the difference.” This is my favorite quote from the world’s most notable marriage researcher, Dr. John Gottman. It’s easy to dismiss the quote as a great soundbite and miss all the wisdom that’s packed into it. So I want to spend a minute and tell you how this quote can change your life. Most people want to live a happy and fulfilling life. And the key to a happy life is great relationships. Research has shown again and again that the factor most dire...
Apr 28, 2020•16 min
“5. 4. 3. 2. 1. 0. All engine running… Liftoff! We have a liftoff!” In the summer of 1969, Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldren, and Michael Collins were strapped to the tip of a rocket containing over 500,000 pounds of fuel, staring at the sky. The burners had been lit, and the rocket catapulted them towards a mission that had never been accomplished before: Putting a human on the moon. I can’t imagine what was going on in the astronauts’ minds at that moment. What I do know is that for the years leadin...
Apr 21, 2020•15 min
A reader reached out to me a few weeks ago. “My husband hasn’t talked to me in 3 days. We had an argument, and he just shut me out. Is that normal? I want to talk about it… but maybe he still needs time to process. Maybe I just need to lower my expectations.” If I had a dollar for every time I had someone talk about how low expectations are the key to a happy marriage, I’d be a very wealthy man. And it’s heartbreaking… Because the idea that the key to happiness is low expectations is a complete ...
Apr 14, 2020•12 min
Gerritt was working long hours as a police officer. The job was intense and stressful. He’d come home at the end of the day exhausted after a long 13-hour shift, dealing with criminals and paperwork. He’d walk through the door, and it often felt like he was just met with a to-do list from his wife. He could tell his kids were growing more and more distant. Many nights they’d already be asleep when he got home. Then he started hitting up bars after his shift to unwind with a little alcohol. After...
Apr 07, 2020•53 min
I saw another heartbreaking announcement on my Facebook feed a few weeks ago. “If you haven’t heard yet, my partner and I are getting a divorce…” This couple had been married for over a decade. They had multiple children together. The news, as it almost always is, was heartbreaking. For many divorce can seem to come completely out of nowhere. For others, it feels like it’s a long time coming. And the first question people inevitably ask is “Why?” Why did it happen? Some people assume, “They must...
Mar 31, 2020•12 min
Are you a problem-solver? When your partner gets upset or frustrated, or you get in a little tiff, do you go right into solution-finding mode? If you are, welcome to the club. I, also, am a problem-solver. It’s hard to beat that feeling when you can make an annoying problem disappear. Unfortunately, our amazing problem-solving skills can be terrible for marriage. Research shows that 69% of conflict in a marriage is unresolvable, perpetual conflict. The kind of problems that don’t go away… ever. ...
Mar 23, 2020•11 min
Today I want to teach you the most important lesson I know. I’ve written hundreds of thousands of words in my past emails and courses. I’ve probably said millions more words in my podcasts. And don’t get me wrong, those lessons are all pretty good (if I do say so myself). But they don’t mean jack squat without the lesson I teach in today’s podcast. Knowledge is NOT power! Knowledge is the POTENTIAL of power. True power - power to change your life, your circumstances, your marriage, and your real...
Mar 17, 2020•12 min
I’m not a math guy. It’s a lot like folding laundry. I’m not bad at it, but I don’t enjoy it… like at all. But there’s one math formula I can get behind. It’s called the “Magic Ratio.” (Listen to today’s podcast on the Magic Ratio here!) If your ratio is on point, your marriage is almost guaranteed to be amazeballs. If your ratio sucks, so does your marriage. (It’s not me judging you… it’s the math.) Here’s how it works. Several decades ago, Dr. John Gottman had married couples come spend a week...
Mar 10, 2020•15 min
What would you do if you had to stand up and speak in front of 6,000 people without notice? Yeah... that happened to me a few weeks ago. I was at a conference, and the speaker, a very intimidating guy named Garrett White went out into the audience to do some coaching. (Save some veiny muscles for the rest of us, Garrett. Sheesh…) Anyway… I’m sitting in the audience, taking notes and minding my own business when suddenly Garrett is standing in front of me. He hands me a microphone and says, “Let’...
Mar 03, 2020•14 min
