When to Walk Away Feat. Amina Buddafly

Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh.

Yeah, oh god you killed me? Thank you?

Thanks.

I want to talk to you.

Yes, and time.

Taking me and you together up?

We can.

Maybe I can take you show.

Hey guys, welcome back to Frindal Advisory, Good Mom's Bad Choices.

This is Erica and Mila and we.

Have a special guest here today, my friend Amina Butterfly.

Hello. If you don't know Amina.

She is a super duper talented singer, beautiful single mama of two beautiful little girls, one that's sitting right here.

At you.

In the house, make sure to check out her Instagram is just.

Bu d d A. That's Fly. So how was your weekend? My weekend was really good? Wait this weekend? I went to New York this past weekend, did you? I don't know.

No, So we were we pre recorded our last episode and we told you we were pre recording it because we had Jamila had to do. She had a trip planned and she was going to update us on her trip.

Oh yeah, So I went to Jersey to see my homegirl and my little young thing over the weeks.

Again.

My friend has epic house parties, so she had an epic Memorial Day house pool house party all day shindig.

It was poppin shout out to Amara. Yeah it was fun. I had a good time. That's cute.

Yeah, I did a little went out to Brooklyn and hung out a little bit, chicked a little ass.

Yeah, that was really mostly it.

Yeah, Okay, I don't remember what I did Memorial Day weekends, we'll just skip mine.

Well, what did you do this past Weekause? When you did this past week, it was pretty fucking lit, bitch.

Well, if you were listening to our last episode, you know that I got invited to Nicaragua and I was conflicted on whether or not I was going to go. Well, I went, and let me just tell you, it was kind of a shit show. I mean it ended up being okay, it was definitely an adventure. But yeah, I went to Nicaragua, had to evacuate, had to evacuate the day that I landed because they're trying to overthrow their president. When I when I pulled in from the airport, the

Was like, Oh, it's okay, don't worry.

They just want money, and I'm like, oh, okay, don't worry.

So we pay them off.

Then we get to another place, but this time there's like they've like started little fires.

There's like little fires. Girl.

They had like closed the road off with tree trunks and then had lit fires like blowing off like fireworks, and they were like having a party, but then also had machetes and were masked and had AK forty seven So it was really scary for an American and Central America. So anyway, I finally got through, got to the hotel, went to sleep, woke up, and enjoined Nicarago for.

Like four hours. Then our hotel called.

Us and Steven need to come back and we have to evacuate because an American was killed and shit was going down and we weren't able to fly out of our airport anymore, so we had to rebook our flights of Costa Rica across the border in Costa Rica, which was definitely an adventure as well and.

Half hours ride from Nicaraga to Costa Rica.

The border was an hour and a half. So then like we went through the border, they stamped our passports. Like three other people looked at our passports and then we drove off. So then we get like about almost like forty five minutes into Costa Rica and there's another passport stuff. They checked our passports and they're like, you don't have a passport stamp for Costa Rica.

And I was like, yes, we do.

Someone stamped our passport and they were like no, it's for Nicaragua.

And I was like what, you gotta go back.

So we had to drive back again forty five minutes to get the stamp.

And drive back.

It was cool anyway, Sunday was great. I spent the day at the beach Nicaragua and.

It was good.

It was I'm tired, would you go back? I would go back to both places. Nicaragua needs to calm the fuck down, but after they do that, I will be back.

But for sure Costa Rica. It was fun and my trip was fun. It was cool.

It was kind of a lesson, like don't go on a trip with someone that you are not really that into.

Right, So did you feel obligated to?

Like, you know, women, we have this bad habit of feeling obligated because you know, the society we live in, I know, we feel like we have to give it up just because they gave us, like a nice gift.

Yeah, because I bought a plane tecut.

Well, that's part of the reason I went, because I told you, like, I wanted to like challenge myself because yeah, in the past, I felt like, oh, we'll be like if you know, I'm sure so many people listening can relate. Like you start to have sex, or you start to do something with someone and you're afraid.

Like you're you're not into it.

You realize you're not into it, but you're afraid to like tell them, so you just let it cap.

Because blue balls is a real disease. It's not even that it's like you don't want to.

Make them feel bad or you just don't want to deal with the awkwardness of like saying, hey, I changed my mind.

I changed my mind, and fuck that.

You have every right to do that, and I know that, but I still don't put it into practice because I'd rather just avoid it, you know, you know, yeah.

I damn, but it's grown age. Do you think we'd like be grown enough to be like no.

I know we're so independent not but it's just it's a fucked up thing like that that women feel a blog, you know, like obligated.

It's crazy, right.

So I was like, you know, if I feel like it, then maybe I will. But I didn't feel like it. I just didn't get them. I just wasn't feeling it like that. Like I think the guy that I went with is a really really nice guy and he's a friend, like we're genuinely friends.

But I just it's not there. It's not no, it's no, and there's nothing you could do about that. Like sometimes she's think, oh my god, what a nice person.

You kind of have attractive maybe I should like you, and then you're like, no, it's.

Not happening to happen. I was doing all those things. I was like, there's this. I was like, oh, why this sucks? Man, he's got a ship together. Yeah.

So anyway, it was a great trip overall ish, but I'm really happy to be home.

I'm exhausted. How was your weekend? A Mina would you do well for memorial I was in Vegas. Oh, I saw that. I was fun. It was crazy.

It was it was crazy but fun because we kind of like balanced it out, like I didn't do more than I think.

The first day we did like two parties, but the.

Second day we only did a day thing and the night we relaxed, which was great because I drove and the next morning I had to drive back to the kids.

So you went for one day, Yeah, I went for actually.

Two nights, two nights and one day. So the second day was just the day party.

All day and I drank too much, but I made sure that I you know, I was. I got my rest before the drive back. So yeah, it was good. I needed it.

I feel like Vegas day parties are way better than their even night parties.

I go to Vegas with the party.

I had day party than the night one. Yeah, right, Like it's just more fun. You're in the water, even though that water nasty, but after a few drinks you don't care.

They're like, oh it's green, but at least I'm cool down now. But I can't do the non stuff anymore. Like if I do a day party, you're not making the night. Now dinner right at night night, we did dinner and that was it. There's definitely like a difference going into the Vegas as an adult. You're like, okay, hang, I you doing it. I'm here for the oysters and the steak and ship and then the spot.

Last time I went to Vegas, I went to the spot. I was like, this is how people do this night.

A right.

But as far as current events go in the world, Oh, Kate Spade died today, guys, that's so key. Kate's Spade committed suicide in her apartment in New York City. Somehow her husband was there during the during that time, her maid found her in her bedroom at ten thirty am and she hung herself with a scarf, and apparently there was a suicide note to her daughter, and I guess the police were alluding to the fact that she was having marital problems.

But yeah, that was really sad, unexpected.

Yeah, she's young, she's pretty young, and not to mention, she's Kate's Spade.

I remember, like one of Kate's bade bags so bad. When I was really.

I went to a bougie school and all the rich white girls had Kate's bade bags.

I was like, mom, I wanted Kate's spade bag. She was like what who taught you that?

And her and to think like me at like twelve, want of a Kate's sadeback. Her designs were very like mature. Yeah, they're still rich like for like they're for like old white Jewish.

Yeah, they're not like not my style at all, but everybody else. Yeah. So that's sad though, especially for her daughter is the daughter I think she's twelve. Damn, oh my god, no, it's bad. Yeah, that's the only thing I think of, Like when people like who.

Have kids, like I cannot really I mean obviously I have no idea, but like we have kids.

It's like, come on, get that shit together. Yeah yeah, I don't.

I don't know how you leave your child on this earth before you have to go, right, you know. It's just I mean, she has she had to be an unimaginable pain. But that's just I don't know.

I don't think. I can't understand that. I understand that's.

Why mental health is something that people don't want to talk about because like us, we don't get it.

I don't get it.

I won't ever do that there's no way I'm leaving my child against my will.

Or what not again? Will yeah, yeah, so that will yeah.

So that was really sad. Rest in peace Kate's bade.

Speaking of mental illness, Kanye's album dropped this week. He had a listening party in Womi, right, he did, and Erica actually has the theory on why the listening party was in Womi.

Not only did was he recording his album there? But what else?

I feel like that's where he goes to rehab and gets like his mental health in order.

Like what else is in Wyoming? Right? Like look, okay, I need to record in Waomi? Like why?

I mean it's beauty's don't get me wrong. It's so beautiful there, and I mean that's part of it. Probably he probably rents like the most epic house with the most epic view of mountains and has his beats probably like penetrate the like mountains and echoes, and ship.

Come takes some hell mushrooms and just strips out. I don't know.

All I know is that everybody that was like talking about how Kanye West was you know, you know, in the sunken place and all this ship, they.

Went to the party like they I'm like, how are you gonna talk?

Well?

T I he he was there, yeah, but also he that was publicity too, because then I came out with the song remember.

Did you see did you hear?

The Kanye West song with him and Tia are going back and forth about like, you know, white America and black lives man, not black lives matter, but just like the plight of the black man and why Kanye was like trying to lead us to love and ti I was like, Nigga, you crazy, h there's a song like that. Yeah, So that was a Poople City's son. And even Chance the rapper came out and was like, I can't. I don't. I can't really get behind this. I love you, but I can't.

But he but he went, you went mm oh wow, yeah you go. You gotta like, I didn't get it. They're still friends. At the end of the day.

You can have a disagreement with someone and still support them.

I don't know. I don't know. I guess it's okay. I just I just can't with Kanye. Yeah, what do you think about Kanye? I meaning, I mean, it's just the weird artists, typical artists.

I know so many artists that are like a little white polar and like, you.

Know, all these things.

So it doesn't really surprise me, but that upset me too that all these people that were making this such a big.

Deal, like you know, what he said, and then they go out there so support it.

Kanye needs a black woman in his life, clearly he hasn't. He just needs someone to hold him and hug him and be.

Like, boy, chill out, chill stop talking. I just I don't know, man, I don't know.

I just feel like all of it was done as a publicity's done not really for the greater good of anything, but to benefit.

His personal fame and.

His narcissi and his bank account, you know. And that's what that family's all about. They don't give a fuck about anything except fame and money. As long as they know what's up between them, they don't give a fuck what anybody else thinks. But that's unfair because people look up to them.

I think like, as a black person in America, you have to like not that you have to represent every black person if you're a celebrity, but like there's like

Like, well, he thinks he is.

He thinks he's contributing in a positive way. He's showing us that you have to be open and love everyone and everything.

But what I think Kanye does. I feel like he's living his life as a white privileged man. He had like white privilege. It's crazy, and it's.

Because he's where he came from that and he lives in this other world that's like outside of normal, you know.

So it's like, but didn't he put up post to like, you know, just almost being surprised that.

I was doing so well?

Like can he say like, oh thank you am a tea or just something I heard that he was just like so thankful that his album is actually doing good, like meaning like he didn't expect that.

Oh shut up, everyone was going after everything you did, you know people were going to listen, anyone.

Was But he made it seem like, oh my god, I can't believe it.

Oh god, it's like that Beyonce video where she's gonna be a video where she's crying. I mean, it's really a dary. She's like, She's like, it's like a YouTube video.

She's like, I'm just so grateful.

I'll just wake up every morning, I'll look at all the things that the Lord has given me.

And It's true she was having a moment. But I couldn't help but laugh, and I'm like, people look funny with you. No, it was just her voice and just everything she was saying.

But oh, speaking of them, did you see that Kim went to visit Donald Trump?

I saw that. You're gonna see that she went to visit him in the White House.

It was like a whole thing, like a photo op, like a photo of her next the photo was fake.

No, this is how I'm socially like, this is why my technological advancement suck. I thought it was like a photoshop, like fake photo.

But why what if they have to discuss.

Can you imagine a conversation between these two They're like, it's probably that I wish I would could have been a fly on the Wall to hear fucking Donald Trump and Kim having a conversation.

Well, she went because she basically wanted to talk about prison reform because she uh has been funding this woman. Her name's Alice Marie Johnson. She's serving a life she's serving a life sentence in prison for a non violent drug related offense. And it's ridiculous. It's it's totally ridiculous.

You know, it sounds funny, you know, you was looking at me.

Smiling so hard.

Look, can you imagine Kim going to have a serious conversation about sucking like seriously, I mean the system. Can't you imagine her delivering like.

She does a lot of public speaking, So maybe she's, you know, she got it together. It sounds hilarious. I wish somebody but her having any.

Political stance in reality is just who It's a little bit of a giggle like she hardly.

I mean, I'm not saying she's stupid, but.

I wouldn't say, the bitch is a political genius, like I don't know.

Basically, she was trying to get Jonald Trump to pardon her.

And this is I'm just reading this and says Bloomberg News reports that Kardashian's plea for Johnson's part and wet like a termite that eats corn instead of wood in one ear and out the other. Yeah, it's got a lot of backlash.

I mean, people were clowning it.

I mean I have to say, Okay, you know what, if you can use your platform to help someone like that, woman will be eternally grateful for that, for that opportunity because she has a platform to help her.

I think that's my problem.

I think this bitch and her family have a bunch of billions of dollars and a lot of mostly like social pool and.

Up until now.

First of all, there's a lot of people in that situation in the prison system, like a lot of black people, a lot of brown people. This is just the reality that we live in, going to yail for an extensive amount time for like minimal proof and like little nonviolent crimes.

And bitch, if you just caught on and you're fighting, I mean, like not that it's one, you know, like one is better than you know, one.

Hundred and ninety nine is better than two hundred.

Yes, I agree, But like if you really cared genuinely and passionately about this topic, like this is not something that would have been new or would have been maybe specifically for this one person, it would have been like something you took a stand for, you know, like publicly a lot.

And this is just kind of random.

It is kind of right when your man fucked up and said some stupid shit about black people, Like.

You think you think, oh, you think it's like a decoy, Like yeah.

Yeah, Like, okay, well I'm going to the White House now because I got some shit to talk about.

Let's forget about all that other the beast right.

In twenty eighteen, I care, Oh my god. Sure.

Well. Also, I think, you know, the Kardashians just are known to just be I feel like they they'd take down the black man. They have taken down every black man they do. Like they need to do a social study on it. There needs to be a documentary how to emasculate the black man, know, like how the Kardashians like systematically broke down one by one like, oh, like the name was the name Omar Lamar, Lamar Lamar, Chris, the other with what was her husband's say, Chris.

The only one that got away was ray J. Ray didn't countcause she wasn't famous yet. No, he's no if anything.

Like ray J got away, he was okay, he started, he was he started the whole, the whole down.

Like but by the standards of how these other black men have ended up ray J one.

What about Tristed is in his game, like his bet ball game not so hot right now?

I don't know, but it's bound to fail. It's bound to fail. He's not gonna win. They're not gonna win the playoffs just because just based off we just based.

Off the Did you guys hear about the Kanye push A Ship, Well.

No, it's like a Kanye push it verse because Kanye, I guess produced in the album the track that was the distrack.

I'm not really much into the hip hop beef for what side are you on?

Well, I'm done Drake what what Drakes can do?

No wrong? In my eyes, I just don't really care. I mean, sometimes it's.

Fun, like a little rap beef is cute, but I'm like I listened to both of them and I was like, all right, Drake got a baby mama, surprise, surprise.

And Push is the one that exposed it. Yeah, I don't know her put her name out there. I thought it was girly. I thought that was feminine. She's a porn star. It's like gossip London or Paris. She fought like a sneaker though. Yeah, people care about stupid shit. Everyone thought they were gonna be Drake's first baby mom.

I'm sorry, damn yeah, God damn it, Drake, God damn.

Anyway, anyway, we brought Anina on because we are all mamas, yes, single moms, single moms, but Amina, like you have two beautiful daughters and you're out in LA.

On your own, like no family. How do you do it? Like old family?

I always people always ask me how I do it, and it's really no answer, like I don't, I.

Don't know you yes, exactly, When you have to you just do.

And it's like that with most things in life, like when you have to do something, you just do. But it was my choice to move away because if I would have stayed in New York, I would have had more help.

I know that.

But I just still think it was the best decision to go all the way to California by myself, because for me, it was you know, it just made me. It just healed me, and that's what I needed to be a good mom. So yeah, it's hard and I go crazy sometimes.

That's why I wrote a whole album about it. Talks about your album.

Yeah, I didn't write all the songs about my kids, but it's just inspired by them. Like most of the songs, the album is called Mother and the two first singles that I put out Loved my Life was the first. One talks just exactly about the struggles of what I go through every day just being by myself with them and not having you know, full time nanny or you know help in general, no family here, so I can't just like you know, drop off.

My daughters with my mom. Ever.

So yeah, whenever I want to do things for me, I have to like really arrange it.

It takes, you know, planning.

I have to really like schedule my time for to be able to still do my music and stuff.

But I recorded this album entirely at home alone, by myself. I didn't even go to the studio like you recorded it like not even the engineer.

But I made sure that I have, you know, the proper equipment and everything to make it really sound really good. So I made sure that I invest than that, and then I just worked whenever they would sleep, whenever I had the energy because a lot of days I planned to record and then I didn't get to it because I fell asleep with them, you know, things like that. So it took me really a year to finish this album. But I did it, and it's out. Ye yes, oh my god, it's great.

I love it.

It makes me feel powerful and strong and independent and all these good things.

But at the same time, like I said, I really go through it. Some days I'm like, damn, I just need a break. What do you like? Yeah, what do you what is your like? What do you do when you feel that way?

But you know, the good thing, the thing is that I know what gives me, what fuels me. So I make sure that I do my exercising, which is on irregular like at least every other day I work out.

I say it on the ground, I spend a lot of money on it.

Yeah, girl, because I'm abs girl, I'll be saying on your Instagram.

Really even not even on physical. It's more like mental makes me.

Yeah, it just makes me happier and just feel good and feel energized and feel ready to like be there for my kids and do fun stuff with them when I work out, So I make sure I put m time aside for that, and even if I you know, I bring them to the Venom with me almost every time I go.

And then I also do my workouts with them outdoors.

Like in our little yeah, hiking and we go for walks, and when I take them to the park, I do my sit ups there or whatever, my yoga stuff.

So I always kind of.

Some way, somehow make it happen to where I get my you know, do my thing as well.

And then I also, you know, I need like a a.

A night, like at least one night a week where I I go out, so I get a sitter and I go out and whatever, if.

I just go for some wine or something, it's necessary, like I need to do that.

So I normally say it's like some weeks it's warm than one night, but I do need like a night a week, whereas like you.

House to girl that you have to I think both of those things are so important. I mean, I think working out I kind of relate to that. I didn't start working out so much later until when I had I mean, I've always worked out, but then of course

Mm hmm yeah. And then yeah, go in out girl, Oh yeah one a week. Yes, it's necessary loose and yeah, I.

Just can't do too much of it no more because I know at seven am.

I gotta be a no matter what.

So I even when I do go, like I don't stay out all night. I'm like, do you ever think.

Like, do you ever think you'd move back to New York or you'd move back to because you're originally from Germany.

Yes, I don't think that I'm gonna move back to Germany. I don't know, maybe when I'm older, not like anytime soon.

I just can't imagine living there, like it's almost been half my life now that old when you moved from Germany.

Nineteen so yeah, now it's been.

Sixteen years that have been Oh wow.

So yeah, nineteen years home growing up. I mean it's a big part. But yeah, I don't can't imagine living there. I would move back to New York, but not now.

I don't.

I don't have the desire to be there, even though I love the city, always gonna love it, but I'm happy here right now.

So yeah, and you have I mean I love I lived in New York too, not as long as you, but I love New York. But something about space, Yeah, there's none of it there and you have to now with the babies.

I'm definitely happier here for now, but I do sometimes miss it. But I miss more than things that I used to do as a not a mom, like being you know without kids, right right, Yeah, it's been like fifteen years there, so I'm like I did I did.

So much there already.

Yeah.

Well, how like as far as like raising them on your own, like do when you imagine having kids? How did you imagine having them? Like where did you grow up with your both of your parents married?

Well, no.

They my parents were never married, but we were a family, and then they separated when it was eight, which was it was really bad and horrible, but at the same time and we, you know, me and my sisters, we it was good to just see our mom's strength and we trusted in her and we knew that we didn't really understand at the time what was happening, but we just knew that it's better if we just with mom.

Which is great. They're friends.

They're very close and every you know, Holidays and Christmas, we all together as a family. Even they never got back together, but everyone gets along now and like it just I mean, for me, I didn't imagine being.

By myself a two girls. Did you imagine how to kids? Did you always want? Yeah? I always want to kids. And it's crazy because I always wanted two girls.

Oh. I always used to like sometimes jokingly lie the guys like that I met, like, oh I have two daughters and just to see their reaction.

Yeah, and now I actually did. It's just crazy. And I love it.

But yeah, I didn't imagine being by myself. I don't wasn't you know ideally what I want it. But now that it is that way, I'm making the best of it.

And how's your relationship with their dad? Good? It's better now that we not together, and we get along better. We barely fight ever, but we also.

Don't really talk as much, and we definitely don't talk about like personal things, right you know what he does, Like I don't care, and he seems to not care anymore with me, So it's really about the kids and like, but it's this appreciation that we have for each other, Like he.

Like appreciate so highly of.

Me, and he still thinks, like I'm so just amazing and too good for him and all these things.

Is very like, yeah, appreciative. Oh yeah, you're raising his two girls.

That I'm the mom of his two daughters, and that I'm doing so well with them. Yeah, although I do sometimes think he needs he should be doing more, but it's you know, I'm I'm I'm like, I don't like asking people for anything, but he's the dad of my kids, so I should be able to ask him for stuff. But then I'm like always like, oh I got this, Like, no matter what, I always like I don't want to depend on nobody. Know.

I always been that way, So even though he is their.

Dad, I always feel that, like I don't need you for nothing?

Is that because your mom was like that?

Like being that way it just makes me feel like I don't need nobody in my life for nothing. I feel it. I feel like I don't know if that's like a.

Mom's point of view, but like when you acknowledge that you know, then you can kind of let go and release, like because you don't want to have expect there's obviously mention, have s, responsibilities, fathers, absolutely, but when you have expectations and they don't aren't met, that disappointment sometimes is like it's so disappointing that it makes you release all of that, Like I'm not asking you for shit, even because these are things that you should be doing automatically, and if

I begin at the point like what the fuck are you serious?

Are you?

There's never a time when you're not disappointed when someone does something that's not expected or dead ass wrong, especially for the mom, because we do fucking everything, every fucking thing that's be clear. And it's like the fact that even like at least he knows, like you're doing everything, and I'm gonna give you all the praise, like at least that's enough, Like all right, at least you know, but like you know, like there's people who don't do it and still talk shit.

I just know that he's somebody he like when I need something, it's like almost he never comes used to come through, and it's still that way.

So I don't want to get disappointed anymore, so I don't ask. It depends. I don't you know, even do that.

I just ask him because I got to go to Dallas in like two weeks for like three days, and I ask him, can you come just because I don't have anyone for three days for the kids, and he he can't give me an answer. So I'm already in my mind's.

Preparent right, let me figure it out.

So I got to figure it out by myself and whatever. I can't get mad because it's just gonna affect me and my mood.

And then right your whole because you ask someone that you know that she'd be able to say yes, but they can't.

But it's like, why am I even involving myself and your bs because I know you? But I know you, Yeah, I do.

I have that today, Like I think I don't know if it's like a black woman thing like because we're independent, but like I was reading some text messages my baby daddy sent me and Eric andos, like this is a regular, like disrespectful thirty five text message every weekend type of thing, like you're a bad mom, you're this, You're oh, you're a slack yeah, Like it's just like you need to grow up. But I'm like, oh my god, Like I want sometimes I want to like talk to my friends

I mean, I think, I mean, I think I've told you this in the past. Is like all you can do is change your reaction to what he says, because he's not.

Going to change, and all you can do is change your.

Reaction to how to whatever he That goes back to what Amina said, like not being disappointed, not being mad.

I guess I need to take my own fucking advice, which.

Is usually how it goes, which brings us to our next question or for you a mina, because I have as single moms, we all can relate to this because I know this is a big thing for me. When is the right time to know like, Okay, I've tried all I can try, and I'm walking away and actually walking away and actually being like, oh my god, this is not healthy for me because obviously, as women were so brainwashed to be like.

Oh, you're gonna have a husband, you're gonna have kids. You don't have a big bucket fence and have a marriage and.

Be perfect, and anything that doesn't resemble that, you're like, oh my god, I'm disappointed.

Or this time it'll be different. This time is I mean the story of my relationships. Time is different. He learned his lesson, He told me, he promised me, He cried, he egged, like you know what I mean.

I gaveed him out. He learned, you know, like I went and cheated. He knows, you know, like you think all these things right.

I mean, I think for everyone is different because everyone has the point and and when that point comes, you.

Just know, like you just know. And for me, it was when I think like it, because I had many times where I'm like, Okay, this is enough. Now I'm not going to do this no more, you know, and then I ended up sing.

But the one moment that stood out was when I had one of my breakdowns where I was crying like on the floor and I had my youngest she was born already.

I was I think I was pregnant.

With wrong and I just like looked up and then Corey and my daughter was like right in front of me with his face like because I was crying so hard, and she was just looking at me with this just like she didn't understand.

And that was like when I looked at her and saw that. Hmm, I was like, she can't. I can't.

However, I have her experience and we need this way again. And that's when I made the final decision to like move out. That night, I told.

Peter, oh, I'm moving out, and I was actually serious this time. That was the and he of course did not take me serious because I had said it before. By this time, this was the day I was serious.

And then I started looking for apartments and that was it pretty much. And I'm the one like because they say sometimes like the emotional connection and physical connections are two different things. For me, definitely they were because I was emotionally detaching the way before the physical For.

Women, I think we can we detached me, totached me, totached me to toach you detachment, we're still like hopeful.

And then there's that one after.

I had moved to Cali. Like emotionally I was like even though I was in pain, but I was like detached but physically still, you know, whenever I would.

See him, You're right, It's so funny because it's like the opposite for me, I detach physically first.

First, I like my because it's almost like subconscious, my subconscious literally won't let me want like physically, I literally am like the desert down then, and I'm Sometimes I'd be like, no, I'm good.

We love each other. No, I swear I'm happy.

I swear like we had a great day to day. Why don't I want to fuck you?

Yeah, that's what don't want to say, because I'm detached. I'm not happy, you know. And if you ask my baby daddy, he would.

I mean, his biggest complaint our relationship was our sex life, because we didn't I didn't want to have.

It, and for the longest time I didn't know.

Well, I knew there were certain things, reasons why, but the main thing that I wasn't acknowledging was that I, like, I just I was already stepping away and mentally but I didn't really realize it, and my body was trying.

To tell me.

Whereas some people like they're mentally detaching on you and then physically you see them and you still want them. Oh yeah, definitely for a while. It took like on like more than a year.

Really, yeah. I think that's the number one thing for women too, like the biggest advice.

I mean, obviously everybody has their own time frame that like I knew a long time ago, like I knew, I knew when shit was over, you know, I mean, and it's like you keep you keep going to the motion, to keep going to the motion, to keep going to the motions, and it's like.

Bitch, you just worted five more years going to the oceans.

And it's like you knew, and that this exact things I deal with, like the disrespect and the psychotists, like like text messages forty five text messages and five minutes and shit like these are.

Things that pre existed.

So it's like everything, like if I'm completely honest with myself, because I like to be like take responsibility for self and my own predicaments, Like I knew.

I knew it was. I knew, You're not.

Like I can't see myself being with someone who treats me like this.

I was just like in this.

Like battered woman place where like I thought, like Jesus, when I was gonna come down and like annoy him, he was gonna be a man suddenly, you know, and I was gonna have this happy family and that doesn't happen, right, I know that's the same with me.

I think for me.

Obviously, like my defining moment was you know, I mean, he he had cheated on.

Me multiple times, but I think.

The last time was pretty tragic, you know. I felt like so I felt like the last time was like not only had I supported him through so many like life altering situations like almost going to jail for so long, like almost go about to go to jail for a crime you didn't commit, and you about to be locked

Would it look like I'm curious because doesn't apologize wasn't a good one. His apology would be like just like some like reaction. Just he would never say.

I'm sorry, I'm wrong. Oh no, oh no, my my, my, my might be da he is the king of apologies. Oh yeah, Like, I'm so sorry. So I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I'm Sexcity's like, I don't know, I don't know what's happy.

I just woke up and my dick was in her Like not like that exactly those words, but essentially that's what I heard. I just I felt like, Wow, I've done everything that I can possibly do in this situation.

It is not me.

Because for a while I was like, well, maybe I'm just letting myself. I've let myself go with pregnancy, Like I I've gained this weight. I haven't really been trying to like work out and get it off. I don't look like myself. I'm not fun anymore. I don't I don't want to go out. I just want to chill

I get it. I get why.

Maybe I need I need to work on this so that I'm a better partner for him.

But then even.

After I did all those things, and I like, because you're not fun because you're not happy.

Yeah, because that's what it is, like, Oh, you're a bitch all the time because you're unhappy and you're living with someone that doesn't make you happy.

And it doesn't feed your soul.

And he wasn't feeding me, and I wasn't learning anything anymore, and it just we weren't teaching each other anymore.

It's it doesn't all go one way.

I take responsibility for the things that I did too, but essentially we like, like we had our episode about monogamy and if it's natural or not, we agree to be in a monogamous relationship, and he wasn't following the deal, you know.

Like this is not what we agree to.

And then the disrespect of like the girls coming out, and then just like yeah, then the text messages that she that he was sending her and she was sending them to me and me saying the things that he was saying to her to get the pussy. I was just like wow, Wow, Like you have no respect for me. I always thought like okay, even though he cheated on me, I know there's some sort of respect there, and then

And I get that, I get that some I know that.

I know that men say things to get what they want sexually, and I.

Know that's probably what that was.

But just the fact that you could lie on me, on our family like I couldn't, it was it drew the line for me. I was like, I can't do this anymore. And I was about to marry. I was planning my wedding, you know, so I have it was like too much on this. My family was about to pay for this expensive ass wedding, Like you're literally gonna let my family pay for this wedding and you're doing this, and just it was just so much. But I knew that that was that defining moment because even since that moment,

I just can't. You're pride take my pride will allow it.

And then also now hanging out with him, he's still he's still the same and I've progressed. I feel like I've flipped the pages, like ten pages and he's still on chapter one.

That's a huge lesson though, because.

You you'd like to think that you're like you're staying in your own lane, and you have to focus on yourself because sometimes in relationships we become obsessed with other person. They're not doing what they're supposed to do and they're not doing that. And there were times like Jamella, focused the fuck on yourself. But then when you realize, like as soon as I really left my baby's daddy alone,

But like, you have to be able to, like to.

Break away from those toxic people in order to get to that place, and you have to be willing to like completely sever.

All relationship, you know, and that shit doesn't hard. It's scary. It's so scary. You don't know the unknown. Like I knew what my future looked like.

I was gonna be married, we were gonna have another kid, I was gonna be you know, you know, I was gonna.

Have try to work on my career, but really I love focusing on his own because I don't like to deal with my own shit.

So I was gonna be like the trophy the trophy wife and whatever.

But how do you guys think because both of you kind of have like public situations because you know, like me and R you did this show and I know that probably got like so much backlash, and you do know your baby daddy kind of like gota like you know, a following an audience. Do you think that that, like knowing that other people knew your situations affected your like your ability to like go go away.

Yeah, for me, I think initially a little bit because when me our relationship was really great for a long time.

We don't get it twisted.

We did have a genuine I still love him, We have a genuine love for each other.

We had a very genuine relationship. People looked up to our relationship.

People were always saying that.

You sing that song Girlron.

People looked up to our relationship, Like even my friends would tell me, like, damn, you and Freddie like have such a great relationship, and we really did at the time. Even when they said it, I'd be like yeah, we do, thank you and so. But then when it went bad and people didn't see that side of it, I was like, well and I was holding on to like what it was or what people thought it was.

So yeah, I felt in.

A way not like jay Z and beyond right, you know what I mean, like not like oh shit, having a split this empire.

You know, but I did.

I think I was holding on to like what I like how our relationship looked to people.

And I mean even like social media, like if you have there's like low key you started people. You feel like people have expectations of these periods. Well almosto. People think on social media they know you and your relationship. You know.

I'm sure you know get that more than anyone.

I mean, and I think that I I mean, I didn't that affect me.

Is more like I'm the type of person when people say something to me, I like, do the opposite.

I don't listen to none of that. I'm like, you know nothing.

They can't make me do something because everyone's had been telling me for years, right that I needed to let go and leave, and I literally did it on my own terms. And I think that if we wouldn't have been on the show, it would have been the same.

Yeah, but you know what I will say, I mean it. Whatever we get, we're gonna take a quick break dis one moment. Please sorry about that. We're back. I was gonna say to mean it is.

What I will say is, despite like you having such a public relation relationship situation, I respect that, like no matter like what people were saying, because people are gonna have their opinion, especially for people like on social media. And you did what the fuck you wanted to do, because I'm sure because I know you're getting so much shit and people judge and don't know you and like in things they know.

But despite all that, you're.

Like I'm wanted to buy, you know, And by being honest, I got so much like just you know, judging and like people just with the negative stuff you know, coming at me, just because I was honest, for instance, about the fact that I was still physically involved with them after we separated. That made me just look so bad, but I didn't care.

It was how many people that were talking about you are doing that currently.

Yeah I know I'm thinking in my head like you're probably doing that.

Yeah, We're human, like, you know, sometimes we want what we want, but I couldn't, you know, lie like so many other women right.

And said, oh that's done. You know that's over with. The people would have liked me more.

But but you know, here to be so and women just always want I mean, unfortunately, women are the worst.

We are the worst.

We don't support each other. We want to tear each other down. We want to see each other lose, and we want to pick sides. And I'm sure in your situation, you know they wanted to pick sides. It was either you or the other, or his other the mother of his child, and they wanted to like have this divide between you two and make it a competition, or who's.

Smarter than the other one. Oh, she respects herself more than this. Why would you do this?

To do that? It's like, I don't know, but now I'm doing it.

They I don't know if she happens. This is not how I basically wrote out the blueprint. But now it's happening, and this is my life. Fuck you and fuck you.

It's not as simple as one, two three. Not everything is black and white. There's a lot of gray areas, especially when you have children, especially when you know you're confused and you know, and people aren't being honest and people are lying and you want to believe what they're saying, and it's just.

It's so much, you know.

And yeah, just like Jamila said, like I can only imagine, you know, do you just turn off your comments or did.

You just like not read them? Like how did I do that? Looking at it?

And then I mean at the time where the comments were really bad, I wasn't able to turn them off because I didn't have my verification yet. But then when I got that, sometimes I would turn it off, but I really kind.

Of didn't even want to do that. I just stopped looking because it doesn't matter.

Yeah, and then but I also am a really really great blocker, so we're whatever.

I had people just being negative, I would block them. So I blocked probably like I don't know if that wasn't don't you the book I do. I had a book, and that was after I moved out here.

I wrote it was almost my therapy, literally because at the time when I first moved to Cali, that's when I had I had already started writing the book, but it was not in the plans to actually make it a book, So I was just writing like a journal style.

And then when I moved here, I started.

Seeing a therapist because of my sadness, and I felt like, I just need to talk to somebody.

And I don't want to talk to any of my friends because they.

Told me so many times and that they all they do is tell me what I should do, but they're not there to help me through it. Every day every morning, I'm alone. So I wanted to talk to someone outside. So I went to see a therapist for like five months every week.

It was crazy.

Expensive, but it was it helps me, but I think it was worth it because it helped me.

Just look at things.

Differently and just feel just feel better about where I was at in my life. And that's also at the same time where I wrote the book, and the therapists actually encouraged me to, you know, keep writing.

And because I was.

Literally too depressed to write music because that's normally what I would turn to my music and make songs, and I was too depressed to even like when I looked at my piano, I was like almost like sad cause I couldn't. I f felt like nothing was coming, so I wasn't inspired. So I still needed to write and like let it out. So the book happened the other Woman mm, and people thought, oh you they other woman,

So yeah, I didn't message up sound I mean, you were the other right, I mean, there's another woman a right?

The other woman is always when I was with somebody, it was always either like EGS or someone new they cheated with, or and then at times, you know, I've I've been the other woman too to somebody that was in the relationship, and so it just made sense to name it that.

But it wasn't like I was talking just about me. But yeah, a book. I'm happy I did it. I'm proud of it.

Because it's just really a real, you know, a real kind of a real story of who I am, who I really am, And I think that people that works to show they didn't get to see that the real me.

When you read the book, you really understand.

And I had a lot of feedback where women were like, oh no, it makes more sense and I understand you more and that was good to hear.

So yeah, I mean I feel like it.

I con mention you for doing that because some women, I mean some celebrity women out there, they actually was. I was just happened to be on the internet, on the interweb on Instagram and I follow Amber Rose and she was posting about how like the Shade Room ruins lives and oh yeah, how you know you have to be a really strong person in order to deal with

Happened to be on a show during that period of time.

Yea, And literally before like when I decided to do the show, I didn't. That was one thing that I didn't really think about you did it, and not at all. I only thought about the positive that can come from this. I didn't think about any of the activity you were music because I never had people being so negative and not like me in my life before I was on TV.

Stronger, stronger. Have you ever had people like, of course people get crazy.

In your comments, but have you ever had someone in real life come like come at you, or like say something to you in the streets, or like been like.

Just no, it's crazy because there was so much hate online.

That's not crazy.

Every time when people run into me that know me, it's always been love. Like there was maybe one or two times when I was with Peter, like at the mall or something, and then the girl would be disappointed that it was me in that tower. I don't want to pat you with her, I would yeah, how about no that happened.

But other than that, no, no real hate, And that just shows you like you can't, you really cannot. I mean, it's hard not to take everything personally, but you are going to take personally.

But these people are just we bore gangsters literally bored with their lives.

They're never going to say anything to you in the streets, right, That's not It's just crazy the world we live in where it's just people just are so quick to judge you based on a relationship they think they know you. But I mean, I I am so like, don't have anywhere near the amount of like.

Scrutiny that you've had, but I've had people. I just get annoyed when people just are in my dms like.

Hey, it's none of my business, but you know, just wondering what.

Happened with you And.

If you preface a conversation with it's none of your goddamn business, right, did they just get so invested in your relationship?

And it's crazy even with like.

What you said about like not discussing ship with your friends, Like first of all, it's what First of all, I'll say, it's I don't want like it's one thing to talk about front like with my friends who have kids who actually parents ach because it's like you'll never understand how my baby's daddy he's dumb. I know, he's a dickhead, I know, but he's my baby's daddy. So it's like I can't. I want to scratch him off and like throw him out the back window and keep going.

But like I'm gonna have to.

Keep going back to Starckle pick his ass up because he's always going to be there.

So like to talk to someone that's non biased.

I think that's like that was It's important, Like that therapy is important because that disappointment just because like our our expectations of marriage and family are.

So like deep rooted in us.

To cope with that as mothers, that that we were letting go of that possibility or whatever is a.

Big It's a big thing.

Yeah, even sometimes I feel like this is gonna sound bad, but sometimes like even my like it's one thing like moms.

But sometimes like my friends aren't black. I'm like, I don't think you get it.

I want to like make it like keep in mind all my friends are not like most of my friends are not black. I got like three I'm like, you don't get it because you're not black.

I don't know if I don't have to disagree with they get so offended.

But there's some things like culturally it's just different. That's my baby's daddy.

Yeah, you don't want to fall into that trap. But I mean I think I think that. Yeah, I mean, everybody's everybody's baby daddy is a man, and and they do. She ain'tlide, they don't show up, they're inconsistent, you know, all those things. Not every baby daddy. I mean, I'm sure there's so many that are great.

Shout out to any of the good ones listening. You love he's laden to the d ms. If you single, we like single daddy. Have you seen that guy that keeps sliding in our dms and will not stop? Which one? There's some young kid? Why him? I always say, okay, take care of this. Oh how's your dating situations? Have you been dating? How's that? Well?

I I want to, but I don't want to force it. So it's like I haven't I just haven't met anyone that I really like, like enough to like. So I want that to happen. But then at the same time, I don't want to be looking for it, so I'm just chilling.

But I'm open to it.

No, but I'm scared because I already know I already encouraged her.

Everyone would be like, we'll be on the shame room now, right right right? I mean a Butterfly.

Oh my god, I totally encouraged me Ina to join Tender.

We already have this conversation that we're gonna encourage you all the wrong.

I swear Tinder, you need to pay me, like, like, as much as I talk about you, as much as I.

Number one, I do want to try. No, it's it's it's different for you, you know what I mean?

And even me like I don't know, I don't I don't like using it in l a like I like to use it out of town just in case anybody, like even like my like brother's friend sees me. You know what, I feel weird about it, But I feel like dating has definitely helped push push it along, push it along of the process of healing from my past relationship.

Definitely.

I mean, obviously I have to heal within myself and do what I have my own personal work, but it helps.

I'm definite.

Yeah, man, I'm excited about like now that.

You know, wonder like who I'm gonna end up?

Okay, But I mean, so now you you told us, and you just told us that you know, you've dated a lot. You've You've dated a lot of men that had like other.

Women or this and that.

So you have to have you like thought and looked hard at yourself, because this is something that I've had to do too, And like why I'm attracted to the Why why do I attract this certain type of person?

It's just that to me, Like when it comes to men, like the one of the if not the most important thing is like the chemistry and the passion, and like the attraction, I'm just attracted to the wrong guys.

So you have to like you have to like reprogram what that attraction means to you.

How do that?

Well, it's hard, like I told, like I was telling you when I was on dating starting Tinder, like I tried to force myself to go on dates with guys I normally would say no to r and like I still struggle with it. Like I've been dating someone consistently lately, and you know, there's things about him that are so different than like the father my child or like the people that I've dated in the past, and like what I equate masculinity to is like aggression and that's not right.

That's why you will guff. That's why you're fucked up in the first place, you know.

So it's hard. It's hard to like reprogram yourself. I'm still struggling with it, and I'm trying.

I'm trying to try. I'm used to like I like dark and mysterious men. I like the mystery. I like the troubled soul. I know. And it's like, I know, I know what the nice ones are just but I don't.

But I've I mean, my nice guy he's freaky.

You know what I mean.

I always thought nice guys were incapable of that, which is totally fucked up. And that's not true.

I'll be the first to say nice guys just joking.

Kind of. Yeah, No, it's it's true. Like when you start to do that, yeah, and you can't.

You can't force chemistry, you can't force attraction, like even if it's a nice guy, you can't force it.

No, But I mean you have to give it a chance.

You have to give it a chance because you might not be initially it might not be like this explosion of attraction. Like it wasn't this explosion of attraction with the guy that I've been saying, But it was like a steady like as I got to know him more and more, the attraction grew and grew and almost that's almost like better. Yeah, you know, I've always dated men that like we have this intense passion like off the bat, and it ends then.

It like fizzles out quickly. Yeah, you know. And I'm not to say that.

You know, you can't have that can't exist either. You can't have this intense passion with the man and him be like the man of your dreams and be the perfect manner for you whatever. But I don't know, I'm trying to go a different route. I encourage anyone listening to like try to go a different route. You know,

Story, I mean, did you think of any horries one?

But so they have to be dating related, not necessarily dating related.

I don't if you don't have one.

If you don't have one one, okay, I have a recent one, please please. It's not like a horror like I wasn't being a whore. It's more of like literally a horror story. And only some people might not think this is a horror story, but to me, I was a little horrified. So me and the guy, this guy were you know, looking up, we're kissing, and like I had decided, I didn't Okay, low key, it's the guy from Nicaragua.

Okay, you know, just stop with the my I didn't put it out there, okay, did I from Nicaragua.

I wasn't really feeling a nice guy, really great guy.

I enjoyed his company, but I just the chemistry is not there, and I I've tried to let it build, like I've just said, and it just isn't there for me and I really realized that on.

This trip, when I spent two consecutive.

Days with him, and you know, I got drunk. We like, you know, made out a little bit and then you know, I wasn't I wasn't down. I wasn't down, but he but I like, again, I was testing myself and I was like, you know what, I don't.

I don't really want to have sex. I'm sorry. And he was like why and I was like, I just don't.

I just I'm not into it. And he was like, well, can I hump you?

He's no way, you need to be clear, he said, can I hump? He was like, well, can I just hump you? She's laughing too, because it's hilarious. I feel terrible having this conversation in front of her child. Amina.

She's as our last episode is about all the things that children pick up on when we don't think they know what they're talking about.

We meant under too. We met that it only counts under two years old. Just like Disneyland, they're free under two, we're free under two. Yeah.

He asked if he could hunt me and I said okay, and then I was like, because.

I didn't know what else to do.

I know I failed at the Okay, I like semi accomplished my goal of like not doing but then I still compromised and like, okay.

Well I guess that's not so good. Okay.

And when I say hump, like not like hump with a penis out, like he was fully like clothed, like there was like he does underweirl on and he humped to me and I was like, well, what are you.

Completely what's gonna happen? Like, I was like, what's gonna happen?

Like when you were you gonna come? And he was like in a mandawaar, like are you ten years old?

No dog.

For him, because you should never repeat that again. Just do it if you're gonna if you want to do it, just do it. But please please refrain from asking anyone else if you can hump them.

And apparently I think it's a thing for him. He really it's not.

It's not apparently like he told me he likes to hump, like he's.

A humper like a dog. I don't know he likes to hump and he needs a humper. I don't Oh my goodness, I don't know. I didn't know that was a thing.

Still, I remember doing that in like, you know, middle school, early high school.

Yeah, because you're scared to do anything else.

It was like right before finger bak, you know it was it was like it was a grinding titty sucks finger bank slowly.

Genital start coming out of the underwear. Oh my god, it was so bad. Anyway, that's my horror story, the real one. But we have the weekend. Well does that conclude our today's episode?

Yeah?

I think just as a recap. Love yourself. Oh, also, you could drop your kids off with us all the time Monday. You're a part of the village. Call us if you need some help.

Hell yeah, because we're mom's two and sometimes we have the kids and we can't do shit, So might as well rotate.

Ye, might as well keep it in rotation. This one's blue to your hip. She might have a meltdown. No, but you know once she's normally fine.

Does she still breastfeed? No, you stopped about it. I said her early at six months, which is still okay.

Yeah, because some don't even do that. Yeah, how how long did Corey? Fourteen months? Yeah? Mel over here breast feed to Luna was four years old.

Rest fee bash me on the podcast Okay, this is about woman camaraderie.

Okay, do not breastfeed, just kidding. You know hands?

Have you seen my hands? Have you seen my little titties? That's two years of breastfeed. So if you want to check us out, check us out on at Good Moms, Underscore b Choices.

And make sure you check out Amina.

And Amina, Butterfly Des with DS with Des and check out her book The Other Woman and her album Mother.

And I think we're going to fade out with a song. Let's do it, thank you do it again.

She was a little soundtrack in the background. I know she was singing her little song. All right, Well, we will see you guys next week.

Have a wonderful week.

And call hi.

Maybe I can take you. Show you house girls, tell you out, you say, somebody to feeling you don't. Everybody got a God speaking m A. And though you seem kind of cool too, many guys have the most time to not how they got you wrong. You