Weed & Suicide Feat. Natasha Amrita Singh

Ah ah, hello, oh hello, ah ah.

I just want to welcome to listen and say no hundred thousand ills on.

The front and the plunks.

I just want to look up at the only Yay, welcome back. It's good Mom's bad choices. I'm Erica and I'm Mela. Happy Wednesday. Hope everyone's having a good week so far. That you are setting goals making them happen.

I'm getting high, you're smoking.

That's best.

Wat It's always way, Yeah, it is, really, you know.

It's a good way to reward yourself for hard, hard, hard, hard day.

Had, especially being mom's. Yeah. Wow, that was really sad. Anyway, we're joining by a special guest.

We're joined by a special guest, my friend Natasha. I've known her. Yes, thank you for coming you.

I've known you for a long time now, actually like four years, no, as long as I has been born number four yea, Oh my god. So Natasha hit me up on and was like, or did you go through Nisha?

No?

I think I just said to you damn. And I was like, can I just be like Henda your belly? Can we collab? I was like nine months pregnant, Am I having your belly? Was like sure, fuck it.

Yeah, and then she feels like. I was like, do we do you have a photographer in mind? And she's like, yeah, I have one nishe you like? And then you is that hot?

Did I introduce you that?

You guys? Yeah? It was you for god, Yeah, it wasn't my choice and photographer was yours because now.

Right right right, speaking of Hannah, she does Hannah. She does a lot of things. She's going to Hannah and smoke.

And interview all that's the same time because she's fucking amazing.

Just regular life. But and she's also a mama. She's a mom.

She's an advocate for marijuana, an advocate for PTSD, and a business owner, entrepreneur, small business owner.

Let me beautiful, all things. Thank you, thank you, thank you for having me. I'm really excited to be here.

Thank you.

We're excited to have you.

We are.

So you you're not You're originally from Seattle, right, born yeah, bod In actually California. Oh you are, Okay, born to Seattle when I was four, pretty much lived there in my whole life, and then I moved here when I was like twenty four, twenty five, twenty fifteen, and then I just started working at a lash bar, but at the same time, I was actually working at twenty four Fitness from I always like to share this because women are.

Like, how do you get where you did? And just to encourage people because it's not just all about social media. I used to work really hard, so I was actually working at twenty four Fitness after eleven PM to six am, and then I went to a lash bar in the daytime, and so I can still network in all of that.

And I was doing like part time modeling and acting and I still do like when I can.

But I feel like Lashes and Henna is like my love before.

Actually, yeah, I sometimes do commercials. It's fun.

When I have to have time for it, I'll do it. But that's kind of how it all started. And it was twenty fifteen and four years later Rewind I had a baby girl. Her name's Amrita, and after having a good amount of clientele, I didn't want to leave my Shanti bar behind and I left it with a great technician.

And then yeah it would work and all that.

Yeah. Sure, I just want to say that I really really, really really love connecting and meeting with women.

That first one high so I'm like very in tune with my inner woman. But it just centers using so many ways my energy. I'm really into with my feelings right now, and I need to say this. I need to say that.

I do say it bites let not flow flow you know.

It makes you be like super honest, and.

Isn't it's nice organic California sungrown.

Yes, it makes again well yeah, and then it comes in to sexy like packaging. It's a box.

I mean they have a few things and tubes too, but I really like that it comes in a box. And it's like saving said you see life earlier because I was smoking these or yeah, he was smoking these and.

You can give that up happy day with smoking these, and I was just telling him, I'm like this, this is so detailed.

It has a little compartment for these matches, matches and a little like what is that a ram or something?

A goat with a bull It looks like a bull with it's a bull in a suit and shovel and then a beautiful pre rolled joint.

And it's like they use all organic fertilizers and they they sethentic like pesticide. Said there, it's so they're very they're like very fair well paid their employees as well. So yeah, it's a cool thing.

Back to my feelings. I'm sorry, Oh.

Yeah, sorry, but we went back to you.

Back here. I'm here with you.

You're saying, I like to be around women who like hustle and are true to themselves and do what they want to do, and that there's no limit where limitless. As women, I think we so often feel like we have to stay in one lane and we can only do one thing, and it's like tabooed and be like I'm doing this and this and I did this.

And I also do that, and I'm by coastal and I'm going to do this because we can do it all and you actually think it's not possible and actually.

Yeah, and you know there's a process and it's just it's wonderful to be around hard working, successful women that you know dwells into all aspects of their passions and their creatives.

And I love that.

Thank you, and I love you and I love you too.

I love you.

You're one of those women. I love it.

Reflections all moms do. Like I said before, it's awesome with moms together.

Moms.

I think it's real important that the company you keep is so important to like mind you. Yeah, yeah, I'm like the moment that I started being more conscious of the people that I surrounded myself with, my things started to change automatically for me.

You know, you're around people that aren't doing shit, but you're doing ship. There's something there's that Oh my god, did you think it was a ghost? Who is coming in my fucking house? Erica, I forgot to tell you that.

I thought it.

I thought about it, very paranoid.

No, because Jamila doesn't he even knocking, And sometimes she'll just bust in through my door and.

I'm just chilling. Imagine you can only bust in if it's open. But still that's not the point.

You not.

You know I'm coming. I'm like, I'm serious. Someone I know someone out there feeling. But it's not a burglar. It's fairy safe. Look it is eight oh two nine o two p. There we go high.

This is well, this is the thing about getting high. I was saying stuff out loud in my head. You just didn't hear me. Okay, okay, okay did we did?

We talk about feelings before interrupted to.

The feelings got out. They were out.

Well, you were Your cannabis is greats.

We can't remember saying at the moment.

Once it settles in, it's gonna.

We're talking about our feelings and talking about your feeling. It's always good. It's a good combos. Arter, it's a good combos I'm speaking of feelings. So you have a how old is your daughter? She's too.

She has doesn't thinking. I'm thinking feelings tantrum. She hasn't had she got into the tantrum phase yet because we live and like this crazy like my head deep.

Yeah, she's definitely like memorized logos now. So we've gone into the grocery store and she's like pulled out oreos and threw them on the floor when I said no oreos and then laid on the floor and and then I said, you know, let me know when you're going.

Oh, so that's how you deal with them. Yeah, so you're like, do you like just ignore her when she goes through.

I'll stand there with her. I can't just walk away. No, no, But I'm just saying, like everyone has totally some people, you know. I mean sometimes depending on how bad it is, and if like it's more than five minutes or three minutes, yeah, I'll put away the oreos and just pick her up and say, you know later, or you have to eat dinner or pizza, and then you get cookie and she'll agree to it.

So it's nice. She's still in that cute like, yeah, small phase. You know, they don't know. And she's like the more bigger they get, the more annoying.

Yeah. The older they get, they know that they can't know. They don't have to negotiate. When they're two, they're like, all right, I'll eat my dinner.

And then you're performing full sentences and screaming at you and that's important and it's like you know better, and that's why I'm more angry.

And they're absorbing things just at a much faster past in our generation.

It's the scariest part. It's all the absorption of information so quickly, the memory, you know what? Speaking of that, we're spoking weed right now.

And I actually was talking to my twelve year old niece and she she actually just had surgery on scolia, so so she's just sitting at home for the past six weeks. But she actually told me that in school, and these are twelve year olds, they're bringing vape pins to school and it shocks me, and I feel like it's very important to talk about these things. Where are they getting them from? Why aren't parents checking in on them?

I am every day growing up. You know, I was like, why, oh, do you guys care so much? But I'm glad that they do.

But I feel like they people should have controlled like that about their on their kids right now too. I know it sounds like too much, but if they're already smoky.

I just think that there's just it's hard to keep it under control at this point because of social media.

But where are they getting fake pens from where do we get out fake pens? But at twelve years old in sochol now and well, and they're they're hitting it in school like they're hitting the vakee pens and elementary and going into they're selling in school like and she's like, I've never.

You know, I've never done it, but.

I know I don't know.

Even actually right, you know, they sell them on Amazon and kids are picking it up thinking that it's something good for them.

It's really not really kids you're.

Listening but a you're talking about vapens as in like THC they fake cell I pretty maybe it's like and they were like, I'm pretty sure someone says that they bought something because said it was tea with THHC but obviously probably got removed later.

It's like, literally, by I remember that, you cannot you can pick that out if it wasn't really you can literally maybe it was on you know, on eBay or something like that. But I think one of a cousin of mine and I had to educate him too. He's fifteen offline.

And you don't do that. You can't speaking of this topic.

Can't.

What was your introductory to marijuana as a teenager for you, or a teenager or a child. And then also, how do you intend or if you already have introduced your daughter to I do smoke around her? What's your parenting like? How do you what do you call our episode Moms to Medicaid? We're moms in Medicaid? So yeah, and I always want to know how what was your introductory and how do you how do you plan on introducing it to your daughter?

Well, she's two, so she doesn't really know what it is right now, but she definitely sees mongo outside and come back inside.

She doesn't know what she's doing.

She just knows that she's colaughing on the other side of the door, and she sometimes mocks me when I get back. But of course when she gets older, I'll educate her that it's my medicine. And she's already knows the scent of it. That's what I've smelt like for the past year, you know, so's I don't think it's

Okay, And I did at least four years of counseling.

I again, something I like to always share because it's not all about smoking weed. Definitely get like mental health and talk about it and share what's actually happening in your life so you don't think you're going crazy. But it's nice to know that my psychiatrist is okay with micro do siting on weed and letting me walk away after four years knowing that I was going to be okay and right, Yeah, it's been like a journey.

Can can you share like what you're like, what what specifically in your life? You know put you onto this journey of trying to I guess medicate or trying to deal with the PTSD that you've experienced.

In your life.

So when when I was younger, I the four years of counseling that I originally just mentioned to you. I did that because I was actually sexually abused when I was younger, and I for the longest time, I never obviously wanted to share it with anyone, But I finally shared it with my parents at the age of twenty five, and.

I worked through it with a psychiatrist. But it was like it was just weird.

After my second appointment, it was a it was a talk and a prescription handed to me. It was lithium, it was addirll, it was curcher lean, it was limicked, all all of these different things that they think that was going to magically clear me. But it was really just experiences that I needed to talk about and understand, like what happened to me that was most important. At

Right for me, and slowly I, oh, while you're on those medicines. Yeah, while I was on them. And this was at the age of like twenty one, twenty two.

Mind you, I'm really happy that I went into a psychiatrist to begin with, because I was I was in college at the time, and I was like working a full time job. As soon as I got out of college, I went right into Make of America, trying to follow my mom's footsteps and working a very full time adult job. And I thought I was losing my mind. But it was really all the things that I didn't deal with when I was younger, and I was questioning, like why did this happen to me? These things are not normal.

You know?

So I went in for help, and I'm glad I went. But the experience with medications did not work for me. So I slowly went off and drift, like drifted off of it and tried cannabis because of one of my cousins said it was working for her, and if it worked for her, I thought, maybe it will work for me. And I feel like it changed my life, like all of a sudden, I was doing better in school. I went through cosmetology school, got my license with flying Colors.

I mean, I started a business like just from scratch and it's doing.

Great, and I mean, I feel like it's what you want to make of it, And it's not always a bad thing if you don't abuse it, or if you can actually get shit done, it can be for you.

I mean, if you smoked me pass out, it's not for you, you know, or if you're not doing things or you you know.

And a lot of people turn off from weed because they smoke one strain and it doesn't help them, it's not for their body.

Like how long did it take to find the strain?

A while? Like, I mean a few months. And I describe it to women as looking for the right birth control. How many times have you tried several different birth controls? So what makes you think just one strain of cannabis is going to work for you? And I'm not saying with mental health these pills don't work for people, but for me it did it. For some people, they also have to go through a bunch of different times, so

But if I have like anxiety or I'm stressed out.

I don't do that. I'll choose like a hybrid or an indica to just calm my energy. Or I do very low dosages of edibles. Now. I started off with like two point five milligrams and like five milligrams and the highest I can personally go with ten milligrams. And I did that just personally on my own and trying it. But some people just have a ten milligram and they're like throwing up and they're seeing shit and okay, and it's not in its processes differently through your link.

Yeah, I was telling her into edibles when I eat edibles as no matter what does Yeah, it's not an oblind I feel like.

I was direct quote was first time that she would try. I felt like my eyes are shaking. It was like, what was your first experience of cannabis? Both of yours cannabis. My first experience with cannibal smoking or smoking.

I was.

Thirteen, and I'm pretty sure it was like I don't even know if it was really weird. Honestly, looking back on it, it's quite questionable, but I know I didn't get high, and I bought it and then I got I was in my friend's backyard, or I was by an abandoned pool of the house.

Now that I'm thinking about it, that's very strange. Then we went back and smoked in her guest house.

Shout out to Dylan Octagon. Then I left the weed of my pocket. My mom found it the next day. So the first time I smoked, I also got caught, yelled at, cried, she cried, I got yelled at.

My dad.

Maybe I was even younger. Actually I thought I was like twelve, actually around twelve. But I knew that she was smoking. I knew like I or I would see like things I thought I had.

Your mom smokes, Yes, I love, I need to meet your mom.

Love.

Yes, I mean she's not like a heavy smoker by any means. Like she she's like she takes one hit and she's like, ooh, you know good though that she's open to it. Yeah, but she wasn't open to her daughter doing it, you know.

And I get it because I have a kid now too, and I'm like, but I have a different perspective now just because I think because it just doesn't seem fair. It doesn't seem fair that I can smoke and then I have an issue when you smoke. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about why you feel like you want to smoke. Is it because you think because I smoke, that's why you want to smoke?

Yeah? So yeah, that's my story. What's your story?

Bol I honestly can't really remember, probably because I smoked too much. I don't really remember. I remember being like twelve. I remember I'm thirteen. I did a lot of such shit as is preteen and a teenager, so I was always experience life. Yeah, like I was drinking and like eleven, I think twelve, we went to like tried to sneak across the street from this YMC a dance and smoke weed.

But I don't even know if I really got high.

I wasn't really like a pot smoker, even like in high school, I was super happy. I can remember like a couple of times I got really high in high school. But I started really like smoking smoking in college when I moved to Atlanta, which is the most dumbest shit ever, because I was smoking fucking stress like called Reggie in Atlantic.

Oh.

I was literally about to say when she said she wasn't sure what it was.

Have you heard her. Have you heard or seen the video Reggie?

Though? The video you know what I'm talking about.

It's called Reggie. Oh, you can YouTube it. Okay.

What are you talking about except actual weed?

Oh? Oh my gosh. Actually there's a type of weed that's called Reggie. It's supposed to be horrific. It's called it's short for like regular. Okay, yes for us, Yes, yes, that's exactly what it dressed stress. Remember that there's a funny YouTube video that's clowning on weed that's sposed to be called Reggie. Was supposed to be the worst weed on the market because it's like, okay, because I don't have access.

So it's like.

I went to college to smoke fuck ass weed for like a year and then I started getting smoking better weed, and then later and I was just like dead forever. And then I started to realize, like, oh, I need to pay attention to what I'm smoking or else I can be totally paranoid, totally useless, or I could be functioning now as a mom. Now is like as I've

This is what I need ups. But yeah, that's pretty much it.

But you know, when my parents always smoked with they weren't open with me about it until high school. My grandmother smokes weed, but I didn't know that until I became an adult. But it comes from a long weed smoking background. And now I can smoke with like my dad.

And my grandma together and it's great. It's amazing, you know, and it's my love. I almost got along with my grandmother.

You better.

How old is your grandma? During Christmas or Thanksgiving? Jimmila was on her. It's the story like smoking a blut with her grandma in the background. I love dancing. My grandma was so cool.

Yeah, oh my, I'm still trying to get my grandma to smoke me. So she's been smoking cigarettes since she was fifteen years old. And I've taken her to her like doctor's appointments and things like that. Her lungs it's like untouched. What it's She's in such good health. The doctor has like come back every six months. And for some people, yes, it works this way, but most people tobacco kills, right, yeah, obviously, so I sometimes sit outside and she's eighty and now she's okay with me sparking.

Up my joint and she's smoking her oh my god cigarettes, and it's it just took it like a nine months, you know.

And of course I cried about it afterwards the first time it happens, because it's just't oh my god. I never thought about it, honestly, being like an Indian woman too, Honestly, I never thought the first time I did it, though, she was like, oh hi did, like oh my god.

In Hindi like what are you doing? And like how do your feed How did you introduce your like this to my parents?

So when we moved back to California, like I was mentioning, after starting my shantyore, I took off because I had a baby and I moved back and I was hiding it for the first month. And I feel like, if you have anxiety and if you have PTSD and you're using this, you're not going to help yourself. If you're

And e't seven o'clock in the morning.

I just woke up and I'm like, I need you know, I have my coffee and I have two hits of weed and that's how I start my day and it's okay and it works for me. And so I brought in the weed and I grinded it in front of her and it was this tiny nug and obviously it's a plant, so I'm hoping that it's not something she's going to freak out about. And she didn't freak out.

And I came back inside and.

The first thing she said in Hindi was the mykonzi kais and that means who taught you, who talks to you for your mom, like who influenced you to do this? And I was just I started laughing, obviously, thinking.

That's what every mother says. I say, who targeting that?

And no.

One day, remember when I was doing counseling, and you know, I told them, you know, I opened up about what happened to me when I was younger. I've been doing this too, to just help me live better. And it makes me feel like myself again and just helps me. And after that, it's like a week later. I told my dad and that was hard because I cried through.

The whole thing for some reason. I don't know why, but like being the only daughter, I thought I was going to disappoint him.

But I came to a point in my life being a mom that I wasn't going to hide myself anymore, not for anyone, not for Amrita, not for my parents. And I can't live like that anymore, especially, like I said, after the incidences that I've gone through, it's too much for me to do anything more. And I I was very honest with him. I said, you know, Dad, if you don't want this under your roof, that's okay. You know,

I think they're okay with it. And it took a year afterwards.

You know, they had to see me all year long after that, and sometimes they would like come in and smell me and they're like, Natasha, and why are you you know, are you sure you want to keep doing this? You're a mom now. And you know, after a year later, they're they're proud and they're they're get what I'm doing. I think it was six months in my mom's bank manager.

Should be so proud of your daughter.

And she, you know, she was like, she's.

Doing so much. And my mom, I guess, didn't realize what I was doing. She just like, why are you smoking weed? Natasha?

No more smoking photos. I'm okay with you smoking cannabis. It's not that, but why do you have to post it on the internet. But I wasn't just posting it on the internet. I'm trying to tell her that I'm trying to break the stigma behind her culture and trying to tell you that I can still be a regular person and I'm still a mom. I could still work. Yeah I'm not perfect. Yeah i still have severe symptoms through PTSD, but I'm trying to use plants with repeals period.

Right And after hearing her bank manager story and what.

She said, I was literally bawling, like because like she finally started to believe slowly.

What I was doing.

And now like a year later, she's like picking out my Saudis for me. She's taking out my outfits for me, and she's supporting me.

And so it was my dad too, but beautiful. So Mom, you know, she's like, you know, parents' approval. As much as we don't want it to be important, it's the best gift it is. It's a gift, and if you can give.

That to your kids, it's like one of the biggest gifts you can give them because it's something they'll they're there.

They might not ask you for, you know what I mean, or.

Even if they killed someone, you know what I mean, Honestly, like if they know you first or whatever it might be, they just be okay with them coming to you create that space that they're okay with having this conversation with you.

Right, Just that transparency and that honesty is important and for the misty, you do it. And so they could also do the same.

M hm.

So do they ever? Were they ever?

Were they concerned you said you had a little brother. Were they concerned that you were going to pass on this Reggie?

And does he smoke? Yes, his name's Reggie, and yes, he totally names Reggie.

What Yes, And I'm like, he was actually one of the articles that I've talked about before because he he's one of the most traumatic incidents as I have and had, and he did attempt to take his life. And he definitely has been smoking in the evening. He said it calms him down and stuff. But he didn't want to do it in front of our parents because of respect. And he was so happy after I did it because everyone gets smoking at our house. Now it just doesn't matter.

Right?

What's happening? But I had literally had to sit down and tell them. People have fallen dead in front of me. I can't explain to you why or how, but I have severe PTSD and I can't control it, and I do this instead of taking pills. And now that there's more research, thank god, and there's so many men from the military after coming back from war that are using it, and again more and more research and doctors even vouching

Honestly, I feel like.

I mean, I think, I mean just I remember looking your Instagram multiple times and seeing like that you had experienced one death after another and they were all like suicides, and that is just like.

At some point for me, I'm like, I don't even know what to say. I'm just like destroyed over again. But like also I'm like, how does that?

Why?

What does it mean?

You asked me this on Instagram once and you said, like, I hope you come to terms of it. I hope it makes sense to you once And truthfully, I love that you both are like spiritual women.

I probably I feel like I committed to a side of my last life.

Hmmm, that's what it came down to, because I don't understand how so many people can just literally fall dead around me or in front of me, and it doesn't make any sense, Like how many of my neighbors have to like kill themselves?

How many neighbors? Hasn't really been three three neighbors. I'm still in the same building different. I'm so happy that you are like that, we're not. I'm not crazy when I'm like, there has I think that's that's probably true.

That makes I don't saying anything else makes more sense in my life. I after, like after it happened over and over again, like the last one was nuts. Like I'll do a short I'll do a short piece of all of them, what has happened in a row. There was an immediate family member that I'm not going to share their story yet because they haven't been they haven't

Then it was my brother an uncle of mine did pass away, and after that.

It became like really just weird, and I wanted to get my brother out of Seattle, and so I moved him out to Long Beach just to like help him and just start over. And one day I was going to work and I literally saw something fall from a

I'm getting like weird just talking about it. But that was another incident.

And so moving out of there, by the way, what California law does not allow you to move out because of mental health if you're yeah, And I want to mention that because it was so hard to move out of there. And I told them over and over again, like I cannot walk past the story anymore. But they didn't want to break your lease. They will not let you break your lease like that. It was the right and proper way I said it, But yes they will. They won't allow it. It's it's against the law to

Her life two days before Mother's Day and on Father's Day. Wow, that's crazy, tell me about it.

I'm still living there right now and she's not there, and like some mom of two daughters, and it doesn't I don't know. You see them all every day and you're like look at them straight in the face, and you don't know what happened? Like, what what happened? And then you hear it over and over again now in our generation, because people are just not satisfied with life where they're like their mental health is so disabled because things are not as fast as they could order it as on fucking Amazon.

You know, they think everything in life is supposed to be that way, but it's not. It's it's really hard to it's a journey.

Yes, thank you for turning on the heater.

I'm getting caught to you. I know you are, damn. That's yeah. And it just it just keeps on going on and on like in between that.

Honestly, I've seen a few other debts just laying in the road covered with a blanket, yes, just under bridges, and it didn't make sense to me why I kept crossing it. But like you said in the beginning, why do you think it happened? I honestly think I committed suicide in my past life, and I'm just here to help.

And then this is your this is your role, this is your doing.

All I'm supposed to do is just trying to help people live longer and just let them know it's going to be okay.

And that's and that's.

Amazing that you're like that you're aligning with your calling and that you're recognizing that.

And I don't know what else to do, right the fuck, I don't even know what else to do besides like smokeyed and try to help. And again, it's not weed that's going to solve all your problems. Go get counseling, right, it's not all about smoking cannabis.

But are you I don't know what else to do? Right? Right?

Right?

Are you still currently in therapy?

I actually had like a good talk with one of my clients and psychiatry, like just a few days ago actually, and I'm going to go back to therapy. But she's she gave me like really great feedback, and it's been it's been nice to hear it from someone that's professional. She works with a lot of trauma cases. And she

No?

Is it how helping me through my day to day yes? And having me a good mom yes, helping me work, yes.

But do you think that you'll ever be totally like free, No.

Because I can't even like have a normal dream at night, I mean without smoking cannabis. Like, once I have no nightmares at night, then I'm probably gonna have hope again. But until that happens, I don't know.

I hope I do.

I don't feel like it's like the end of the world either if I do have a nightmare, because I know when I wake up as a nightmare. But of course who wants to like the rest of Yeah, so slowly, you know, as I'm sharing all of this, I'm hoping I can learn and like share my process.

I was like, oh, I think talking about it too, is I mean, for me, even just having a podcast, it is therapeutic for me just talking about it, yes, talking to other people that can relate to you too, so you know you feel like you know, oh wow, I'm not crazy because.

When you're in just talking about it on Instagram, it's so cathartic, it's so amazing just talking about it, just writing about it.

Okay, she's like she wanted to say something. I was like, is it just a coffee?

Okay?

Did you guys just smoke too much food? No? No, no, no, I can like this one up again though. Can you ever be too high when when you're babyless?

And I mean I don't. Yeah, after a while you've been smoking for a while too, do you feel like you get high? Like you like effect you?

Yeah?

I think it does.

It affects me because again I don't. I don't chief all day, Like sometimes I can puff that wake up. Sometimes I'll have to, you know, sometimes midday's time. Sometimes I just wat to the end of the day.

Sometimes the whole day will go by and I haven't smiled, or two days will go by. I don't need it, Awesome, sometimes I do need it, you know, so you know.

When you do?

Yeah, yeah, I mean I think sometimes I overdo it.

Really no, but I mean Obviously, I do not smoke nearly as much as I used to before I had a kid. And actually I think it's only been more recently that I've smoked more because sometimes I go like a week without smoking, two weeks without smoking.

Not two weeks, but a week maybe not too I see you every week, and I love my Cannabis makes me a better parent, honestly, you know.

Like I'm more engaged. And it's not that I not be engaged without smoking, it's just when I'm not, and I spell certainly I am, you know, more present, more present, and exactly that's really what it is, being present. Yeah, I seem I.

Feel like whenever I, you know, smoke and I'll go back inside, Like I feel like I'm more of a child with her.

You're down to play all the games.

Yes we can be like I read that and Natasha with these dolls for the next four hours. It's gonna be okay, you know what I mean, until you fall asleep for your death whatever you want about four hours, but like or you know, whatever are you. Sativa is usually throughout the day, but my daughter doesn't not much, So stay awake with her.

Because before we started recording, we were we were researching, and we were saying, like, how in Hindu culture, wheat is actually a sacred plant and that you're saying like one that they say like and I always say this student, I think alsoin Mastafian religion, if it's even religion. But it opens like your third eye, and it connects you in a different way, and you and I feel that way when I.

When I get high. Have you ever this is for everybody too.

Have you ever like gotten high with someone you're dating and suddenly you don't like them anymore?

Yeah, I'm like, oh, who they are? I've done that and it's so dumb. That's what she really looked like.

Yeah, literally, and I know I'm not great like their your mask, you know, was off, yours came on and you get see your.

Goggles are completely gone, Like You're feelings suddenly are too clear.

You're like, fuck you suck. But I think it's actually not a bad thing because you probably can't hide what you're really feeling with your words either. It's so hard to hide, so you're looking at you can't be fake when you smoke wheed.

I think most people can't, like you just can't can't. In fact, you say too much. Sometimes said you're too said too much. You can't feel too fake.

Smoke weed before they take a light detective disk like they really should. They really no faking it.

One time I was like, when I first started in Young Bay, we were high.

I think we're high?

Was I just guilty?

He asked me a question and I lied and I didn't even know him, and I was like, it was just I thought my heart was like pumping in my chest and I was like, like, ten minutes later, was like, well, how.

About that question?

You asked me?

Technically, but I'm like, can you feel me sweatings? He can hear me talking? You know, I'm mine. I'm I'm like, bitch, don't ever get high again and lie.

That's what I like about weed, though honestly it doesn't like it makes you think. It makes you be your authentic self. It does like one thing with weed and one thing I feel like that it also helps me just be calm. If you go into a room, especially after you smoke weed, and you just imagine that everyone can actually hear your thoughts, you're gonna stop thinking negative thoughts period. You're just gonna stop, and it calms you

Just like tricks with Natasha. I don't know for everyone, but maybe it will help people.

Know that's hamaractly because I think sometimes people they shy away from weed because they haven't figured out how to, you know, adjust to it and relax into it or decide or like research and find the much of it. Most of the time the right strain, know the right dosage.

You know.

It's just like any medicine that you take. You're not going to take like ten mls of Nike will like I speaking of.

Medicine, And obviously this is wine that I have right here. For the first three years that I've had cannabis. You can ask any of my friends. They could not get me to drink. I just could not handle drinking and that together I just it was like drinking vicodin and wine together. If you wouldn't do that, don't do that with cannabis. And some girls parties come up to me and they're like, oh my god, so what is the strain going to do to me? And the first thing

And I'll say that over and over again. One puff is enough for most people.

Most people panic and get into their heads and overeat and throw up because they have too much and not the right throw up.

Well, one time I get someone and I can yeah, or like if someone takes to bong hit and do until they throw.

You have, I don't like.

I don't like. Do you like to dab? Honestly?

I will dad like twice a year something like you want to just let actually club clubbing or something like that.

Club. I know it's probably not the right strain, Like I said, it's not not something I remember I thought to explode. Yeah, and it's my breast.

Yeah, it was too much.

It hurts.

And going back to a lower tolerance after that it's not awesome. Like smoking a dab and then trying to go back to Flower.

It's like.

Flower, it's not even Yeah, I couldn't, I can't. I won't you. Yeah, Flower, I know my limb is good, edible and dapping. No, yeah, and vake pins also, I mean they're okay here. I like good old flower, good old.

Flower is the best. Things are okay here and there. But now you know they have lead in them, so really be careful. We got your really a lot of vake pans No, no, no, I know I don't really smoke a lot of them, but they're being tested positive.

If we're going to Disneyland, yeah, take it, take the bake pen. Yes, yeah, okay, I can't join a Disneyland pen.

Yes, of course, Yes, I agree.

I call it my m yes, my panic pen. Actually, yes, Hanny, while you internet, Oh why god, I'd love to the High Hannah service, the Highness. I will Hannah tattoo out of this, Yes.

I do.

I love Hannah.

I Also I think it's cool to show you that I could still draw while smoking weed.

I might have been Indian in my last life because I do love Hannah. I've always loved Hannahs and some speaking you loved, and I love Bendy's.

I really do.

You were about to light an incense like a second ago. I feel like I did.

I love goats, Yeah, you love what gold, ghosts, gold, gold, everything I.

Look better and gold to just look better. So can you share, as a mama your birth story. I don't want to ask. We always like to ask mama. Is a birth story is not always great?

It was definitely a very long one, a very very long one. And so when I went into labor actually did know it, and I I was at Target actually the day that I was very excited to pack my goddamn bag to take and of course I went into labor that day, right, it always happened. I was thirty seven weeks pregnant and I'm at Target getting the last

I'm like, it's just normal.

But then it was a little bit more than usual. But I'm like, yeah, whatever, And honestly, it was leaking like that for a few days.

At that point. I probably didn't know, but it was fluid that was coming out of me.

My water broke a while ago.

Oh, I didn't know it until I got to the hospital.

But before that, I left Target and I went back to work and I did like three more clients. Didn't think anything was wrong actually until I saw blood because I didn't have contractions, and so I finally called Joseph Aretha's dad and I was like, all right, I'm bleeding. I should go in. My doctor said, I can't pack my bag, but I'm going to FaceTime you to do it.

Okay.

So he picks me up, and of course I'm doing my makeup the entire way there because I feel no pain right now, I'm chillin.

All I know is I need to get to the hospital.

And my mom said, you know, you need to eat before you go into the hospital because they're not going to feed you. So I made him stop at Taco Bell before that. Still nothing is happening. But as soon as we walked in, I was definitely in labor. But Amrita didn't come until two days later. And I was very like against the epidural. I was very against any sort of medication. And what was the other one that

Yes, Business is being born. I was like nah.

So after like twelve thirteen hours, I finally said give it to me because I wasn't having contractions. After that, I sat there and I like to share this because they gave me an epidural almost twenty four hours later, and my epidural actually came out of my back.

Isn't that too late to give it to you? I I two days with me too, and I got mine the second see, oh my god, it was a very long time.

I went to liber two, I got potosin.

I mean potosin on Tuesday, and I didn't get an epidural and give birth till Thursday.

Thanks good.

Yeah see yeah, when on on Wednesday and she came in on Friday, and by the time, like you know, twelve hours went by, I actually can feel everything down there, and I started screaming to the nurse. I was like, can you get this Catherine out of me? Like, get it out? It was just hurting and it was true. The oh yeah, IV actually came out of our back. And a lot of people don't know an epidural is not a shot. It's an IV obviously. Yeah, people don't know that until I have a baby.

I think it's a shot. Yeah, No, it's not. You press this button and things. Yeah, oh my god.

And so they finally gave me the shot. But by the time I started pushing, it can definitely feel everything. Pushed for three hours. Definitely had a high fever by the time she came because I was in labor for so long. But by the end we ended up doing a vacuum on her head, not an emergency six section, but it would have been that.

If she didn't come out.

And Aria was born two days later, but it was a really long process, and everyone's birth story, like you said, is different. But I didn't have any contractions, and the beginning was fun.

Did you start having constractions just as I gave you that fucking potosin? Not right away?

It was very light.

I have videos of me dancing with my nurse.

And it was full contraction, hurting, yes, because I never I was late and so they induced me and then getting a see section.

But and that epidural, Oh my god, I'm never at The doctor had his like assistant chewing it.

They kept missing like my spine, so they just kept poking me and I was, oh my god, you try to be so tense contractions.

It was the world and they want you to be in in this position while you have this huge belly right oh yeah, and then like if you could be paralyzed and you.

Have your contraction. Yes, it's it's it's quite serious in there. What is the vacuum? Like I've only ever seen like videotube videos.

Okay, so the vacuum really does sound like a vacuum, but it's seen it But like the size of a quarter, does it feel.

Like a pulling out?

Like do you fit it?

It feels like they're pulling Amrantha out. Did you feel it?

I just felt pain just because the epidural really didn't get you know. I just felt like burning the entire time. And yeah, she did. I just felt like a pop, like a you know, it just come out in a relief afterwards, and and it was just it was very small, was like the size of a quarter.

What was the vacuum the top of it.

It's a flat and it's a wire that comes out of it and there just it sits on their crown and it helps them. And it left a very small round mark on Aretha's head, which lasted like just a few days. But Amretha popped right out. I wish they did it sooner. I did have a third degree tear, which was a a lot of stitches. Oh girl, yes,

I mean because nobody talks about no one was dying after and having a heating pad, like, although that helped when you're breastfeeding, because you're contracting, that's contractions that you're having going back.

Your uter is going back to it's actual size, and no one wants to talk about that. So I always say, take a squirre bottle, take a heating pad, like, just take anything that's going to make you feel comfortable, because no one wants to talk about the after you know care of it, and fourth trimester is actually.

Worse Appeying on yourself, oh for the rest of your life after.

I mean I feel like I put on myself when I call, it will dribble out, like if I don't pay immediately. There's like a slow drizzler one time, I were like a full.

Piece, like gray one piece the other day and I like didn't go right when I needed to go, and I'm like, I look, there's like a little drizzle darky.

I'm like, this is fucking ridiculous. It was a drizzle. Gary Pennyliner's Moms After You give Birth.

Okay, well, I also wanted to ask you because I know Msa, I'm Rita's dad isn't like from the same background as you, And I know that's a big thing in your culture and Hindu culture, and like what was your experience with that or on his side and how did you get past that and what is it like now.

So I don't think actually it's just in Hindu culture.

I think it's just Indian East Indian culture, like or really only any culture all across the board. They just think black people are bad people for some reason. And that's just just being straightforward and honest because a lot of people say Hindu and it's not himdu I always like to crackt them because it's freaking everyone and they think they're not intelligent or they're not educated, and it's

I think that's like our culture. They just that's what they know, and that's what they think, and that's all they know. Well, I think they know. Like they're like people were realizing we we live long lives. We have we don't have to figure it out early, Like you don't have to figure it out.

When we're twenty no, you know, and we live in a very living different generation, Like we're living long.

People are just living longer in general.

Yeah, they're like having their thinking more about how they want to spend their life and.

Just challenging the like the social norms that we've been previously, you know we've adopted. That doesn't always have to look just like this, Yeah, you know, being flexible what that looks like, and you know, reforming it for our own redefining it.

Yeah, totally.

Like so after that, bringing justph and I just brought him in as a friend and my parents pretty much knew after he kept coming around a lot.

But I'm glad my parents so also, was it at that point when he when he did bring around, he was just a friend. He he was just a friend.

But we were actually like hanging out for a year and I think my mom understood who he was. And they were very because they always said, as long as you are happy, we are happy. And as long as he keeps you happy, that's okay. Whatever you guys want. And my dad's very like hardcore with just supporting what he kids, what his kids do, and he was like, if anyone says anything, I'll deal with them, you know what I mean, forget them, you know, as long as you're.

Happy or my children, you know, we got your back, you know.

And it's so good to again have that platform, not I mean that openness with your family, because that's another reason why I can advocate obviously, because my dad allowed.

This, you know.

So dating Joseph, yeah, it was very weird because you get asked the dumbest questions.

Like, oh my god, what is it like dating a black man?

And I'm like, from your family members, from just people people in general, and it's just superpod especially like Indian women too.

And I don't I'm not upset that they asked me this because they.

Want to know, they want to know, and they want to know how.

My parents adjusted to this.

Maybe because they didn't want to tell me that they were dating someone or had a crush on someone, or maybe they wanted to know how they could you're giving it up to yeah, or how they can open it up to their family. Whatever the reason it was, they were asking me. But what I saw was he's a human, Like what do you mean when is it like dating a black person?

Like?

That's one thing I actually hate a lot with our culture. Is the second thing that they feel like they need to say is their race. I don't feel like any person needs to say the race of what they're dating. Is why is it even necessary?

Like?

Does he keep you happy? What does he like do? Even? What do you guys do? How do you mean you know?

And you know?

How long have you guys been seeing each other? What kind of things do you do before? His race? All of these things are important.

And I actually got offended over time when people started asking me over and over again what is it like being a black guy?

Oh?

And like and I'm like all right, and and when someone wants to ask even like, oh my god, how is he in bed? Okay? First off, does he have a big dick, Like seriously, when people want to ask it, I don't answer that question.

I'm just saying that to me.

That's like they I mean, I understand, Like when we're younger, I guess you say things like that, But as you get older, I think talking about your sex life is freaking immature. Like I don't think anyone else needs to know. And again it is everyone else's opinions. I'm not saying my way is the right way, but when you're in a relationship with someone, that sex life is just between you two, and I would not want to go to my friends and be like, yes, that was so amazing lesson, like for.

What for what do I need to give you that for? You know what I mean? Like, and you know what, I don't think you're immature.

But I've also had experiences where I've had girlfriends.

That have gone over gone after. Have you ever had a friend of yours gone after someone that you abordating?

A friend like close She's saying, like, were you talking too much about someone's sex a friend like was trying to creep down I'm sure.

Probably maybe I don't know about it.

I have so over experiences in life That's another reason why I don't keep speak and I've learned not to over back to that experience. I've learned never to do. I don't.

I'm just being honest, you know, like over experiences.

Now I'm just like not But it's it's a question that I'm like, it's you shouldn't even ask. But really what they're asking is is this peenis bigger than everyone else?

Is that I've seen?

Why don't you just ask me that question? Is what the end of this story was supposed to me?

You know what I mean?

Because people are ridiculous about these things. And then obviously like is.

He the smart you know what I mean? Like, what does he do? It is true?

It is not true?

Thank god.

Yeah, I have two beautiful women here of this culture saying.

It not true. Not always.

Thank you.

Guys, don't have the next period point blank are if you guys want to.

Talk about this like, but for me, after a while, I guess it just got annoying with my group of people.

And then it went on to like because you're already like, Okay, why does that hatters raised?

Why does that?

You know?

It's like all these things.

If one person asked me about is dick And if it's really once you go black, you don't go about it?

Is that it's curious, it's curiosity. Totally try it. Then yeah, they don't know what else to say. My experience is not gonna be your experience.

To begin with with any category in life.

Wait, is it the first black I ever dated? Have you have you did first? Yeah? I feel like people would ask the same thing if I was dating an Indian man, like what's what's it like dating an Indian guy?

Oh?

My god?

Or like.

Ask you Yeah.

I feel like I don't feel like it's I don't feel like it's exclusive to black people.

I think it's probably asked more like maybe dated an Asian guy?

Yeah, but they I feel like in my culture, I guess or with my experience, people think it's like okay things to say, but like things like, oh my gosh, he doesn't have he doesn't sound hood.

I hate that.

Yeah, not all sound hood. And it's not that they sound hood. That's where they're from. That's they're yelized. That's the exactly what I say. That's her dialect. It's true, it's and it pisces me off. And obviously being in that culture, you just realize.

Like, but you know, it's also good that you can it. You just correct it.

And that's what I do now, especially being a mom of a mixed baby. Oh yes, it means so much more for me to correct these people. And I correct it very quickly now, and sometimes it you know, I might sound like I'm coming off rude, but I try to be very nice while saying it, because I hear things like, oh, I'm with this hair's curly, Yeah, bitch, she's.

And Indian women have curly hair too. Why are we commenting like.

Hair?

It's stupid.

It's just stupid. And over time I just stopped even hanging around women that even like want to say comments like oh my god, how do you lose so much weight? Like I hate you you're skinny, And if you're a good friend of mine and you want to say that, you're really saying that to me, And after you smoke, we you're like, why are you so fat?

How are you not a mom?

Don't have nothing else going on your life and can't make it to the gym? Why are you even commenting on my one's appearance? Or why someone's wearing this?

Mind you?

And maybe I did that, and maybe I had these friends in the past, but now that I'm a mom, I just don't want to make even pick up these tendencies. That's true, and think we will make you be like what the awareness after you spoke go back around to friends and you valuate them again. I'm like, they want to say, like, why are you wearing that? And like because they liked it, it's happening, you know what I mean?

And I can maybe I asked like that before, but now I'm like.

It's about growth exactly and change being okay and you being consistent with it afterwards and.

Realizing that it does matter the people you're around, and that the energy that you're absorbing.

Yeah, because your people say about not just like I guess, not just people. Women are culture thinks it's okay to say about just anyone.

It's not okay. They have like no filter in our culture.

You know, Natasha's here doing this Hannah on Jamila and it is gorgeous.

People can actually still draw after and where's your phone?

I took a picture, so let her finish, but I just want to take what sure doing it too?

Okay? You take a video a video of a video I.

Mean, this video is too far. I know you can cut off.

I have a question, do you think what do you think your daughter will identify as? Do you think she'll be I'm Birachel, I'm like Harris.

Huh, Kamala Harrisamala harrismala ha. Yeah, she's a mix.

I just want to because, like you know, as a society, we love to put labels on things.

You know, I feel like the world, first off, not just Kamala Harris, like the world. I feel like it is going to be brown already and it's so beautiful and I do feel like it's going to be easier.

But I also do worry about our generation too.

To make sure my people are not going to tease her being of Indian descent and of African American descent, Like are they going to say, like, you're not really Indian?

You know, to her? Is she going to be teased? And of what culture? What side is it going to be?

And because bullying still does happen, it still exists, how are you going to deal with that? How are we going to deal with it? And how am I going to make this woman a strong woman? And all I'm trying to do is talk about everything that I said today, like surrounding myself by good women, standing by what I believe in and things that I want them to be around. And again, if we are around people that I still love very much and they say something that I don't like,

You have to show them.

Like I get asked all the time, like how are you awake three hours a day? I mean just sleeping three hours a day and work all the time. It's because I saw my mom and dad work all day long. It's because I saw my dad barely sleep and work and it being normal and that's all they do. And so I feel like that's my normal and that's what I should be doing. But if I didn't see that, honestly,

I know, And that's wonderful, that's so hoo.

And like, yeah, mom, more was hard, and that's why sometimes I feel bad taking Luna with me too.

But I also like, I like, she knows what's going on, and so I have to go to work. So do you want to do this? You want to do that, you want to come with me?

I give her the option, but she knows, you know, that's I never thought about it that way. But the fact that you saw your parents and you went to work with them and you know what I mean, Like it's so deeply instilled in you from.

Another country too, seeing that too, like making it over, just surviving and yeah, it's just very inspiring.

Yeah, thank god.

More so, we're heading towards towards a place and I think we are in a place where women are working more. I mean when we're having babies later because they're putting their careers first, because they're taking their time.

And like, you know, all those things are changing, and like so kids can see their their mom working, you know what I mean.

I like that too. You know a lot of people ask me that I don't know if this is like a question that you guys want to talk about, but I can also ask all the time. They're like, you know, or is it an issue that you guys are not like together, you know, me and Joseph, And is it hard being a single pitter? And I'm like, we're not single parent we're co parenting. You know, it's really great. But I'm really glad that I did have a baby. No matter if this works out or not, I'm really

Is that worth it later?

And then your child doesn't even see you build your career better, and then they're suffering mentally because everything's just kind of handed down to them, but not handed down to it.

But yes, it really is versus. I'm actually glad that I had a baby now at a young age.

I'm probably wouldn't think this until I had her, and it is very hard at this age, but I'm glad. I'm that can see me working. I'm glad she can see this process and I can. It's something that she needs to learn that mom's going to be around and she's not going.

To be around.

Like all of these things are very important to install into her right now because of separation, anxiety, and just surviving in this world alone. Like so, I don't know, I don't feel like there's no right or wrong, but observing it from two different persons, I didn't.

Think about it that way.

That's such an interesting perspective, and now that I'm thinking about it, I feel.

Like you're right, Like, I don't know, I don't know what's right or wrong. I just after I have my mom's one of fifteen siblings, and my dad's when I'm eight. So I'm just listening to my family and just sharing, just sharing.

So but no, I think it's.

Important to see her, for your kids to see, to see their parents working, especially moms, you know, and especially girls. You know.

I think it's really it's crucial.

It definitely shaped me, for sure, and I've seen how it's shaped other people, like the opposite, like like friends whose parents like didn't work very hard or kind of always figuring shit out, like.

You know what I mean, and like it's just it's just it's just different.

It doesn't matter matter like what kind of job your parent had, as long as you saw that working hard.

You know, totally, it's worth that thing that you're installing into that very Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Should we do a question? Should we read a question and then we wrap it up?

Yeah, so we get one you get, we get people that submit questions to us, and should we do the one the one that we just got in our email?

Okay, so this is a question that came through for Yeah.

This is the This is the question that came through from one of our listeners. Okay, Anonymous, I'm thirty turning thirty one in May, but I still feel so childlike when it comes to managing my life. Crazy since I'm a mom of two. How do you, ladies, own your shit but also feel confident in your decisions. Do you ever feel that the scrutiny and opinions of those closest to you affect how you decide to move or make

But it's mentality, but it's hard as fuck.

Again.

Love you guys so much. We love you too. We love you. Oh yeah, now I remember discussion because were writing the car. We read this and I said, have you gotten there yet?

I also feel childlike?

I also we were just talking about before we started, like I can't believe about someone's mom and I'm completerly in control of someone's whole life being for the rest.

Of my life. It's like I feel inadequate, Saily.

I struggle with this because I'm a wild card, a little I'm very free spirited, and I've had very I mean, I don't know, like most people are probably more conservative than me in general, but I've also.

Always kind of been like, I don't give a fuck.

This is who I am, because mostly I can't help it, and I just think, come. I mean, there's always oh yeah, I had of time for oh.

Sorry, okay now, miss.

Yay. I just feel like.

There's comes a point in your adulthood where you have to stop. You can't please everyone, so you have to please your fucking self, and you'll find your like the most peace and the most happiness when you realize you cannot please everyone else and you just have to be confident and okay with whatever it is that you decide to do and know that people are gonna judge you either way.

Erica, Yes, I agree. I think I struggle with this right now all the time.

Actually, in some ways, some ways I'm really good at not giving a fuck, and then in other ways I give a fuck.

So I feel you, I understand.

I think you kind of have to like have those talks with you yourself and be like, what am I losing for if by not giving a fuck?

You know what I mean? Nothing.

For the most part, most people would say, you know, maybe maybe they're family, maybe like you. Maybe like for example, like you, like you know, you're come from a background that's you.

Know, pretty conservative.

I would yeah, right, And I know a lot of times in your culture and many cultures, if you go against what is considered normal or appropriate, you can be disowned in some capacity. Absolutely, And that's that's really hard. Like I can't imagine like having to make that, having to make that decision. But most of the time that's not the case. So what do you have to lose?

You know, what do you really have to lose? I don't know if there's an actual concert like step one, no, you know, you just got to decide. Oh my goodness, I'm gonna live for myself. I'm going to live too.

And once you decide, just like that day where you decided you're going to wake up and show your mom the weed, Yeah, you were going to like step out of your comfort.

I just couldn't handle anymore, like any more. Anxiety it's a feeling, it's a it's energy, it's I couldn't do it anymore. And after being a mom, you you girls can probably relate to this you just can't make room for there's no room, there's a room coming out and like being you know, one of the first Indian women in the world actually to talk about cannabis and be an advocate for it. I heard and still do here some crazy things like that you get like a bad mom.

Like?

Are you Indian?

You know?

They it's just the lack of my last name. Am I really it's a very. It's like a smith, you know for American in the American world, but it's a very in the cast system. I guess it's very high up. It's a very croud name.

I was going to say.

And so you know, they're like, you're know your disgrace and things like that, and it's terrible.

I was when I was researching, you know, suicide and everything, it was saying that like so many of the world's suicides come from India.

There's a lot in the world's high suicidal, right.

Yeah, And I think it's probably a lack of like talking about mental health and shame and not being.

Able to express that.

And I mean and also I found out a lot of that and the cast system playing into that too, like you know, like you going outside of your cast system, you know, could get you disown killed or disown you're not killed, right or Yeah, like arranged marriage and arranged marriages.

I mean the little girls are you know India, Yes, ending their lives.

Because they don't want to marry old men or whatever, you know, or the man they they're in love with someone else.

I think it has to do with like arranged marriage.

Yeah. Period.

I feel like I've ranged some arranged marriages work really well, Like I've heard them being like really working really well.

And then you know, some of them don't.

Know.

It's just like every relationship, it's very hit and miss. But I mean, after even hearing all of this stuff, I had to do. What made me happy at the end of it, and honestly is after having the acceptance of my parents.

They were Yeah, they only knew.

Each other for actually three days, wow.

And then they got married.

And then my dad came from Beachy and like so they started dating and they fell love. So she was in India and he was in Fiji or the other way around. Did I say India Fiji?

Fiji?

Yeah, yeah, Fiji island. No, No, you said Fiji.

Okay, good, So you're both your parents are from Fiji. Yeah, they're from Fiji islands.

There's actually a huge, huge East Indian population in Fiji from all of because British tik Us over with the agreement agreement and that's.

Like, was that like growing up on the island of Fiji, and I mean for them beautiful.

I mean they were working on the sugar plantation that a lot of workers came from Fiji for that reason.

So that's kind of like how it all started. And I think I think this is correct.

Like the Fiji Hindi language, that's what we speak, a dialect, but it's like a mix of all different kinds of languages. It's like if you know the Punjabi language and then you have Urdu, and then you have Arabic and then you have Demil and like Hindi and the Fiji and Indian languages of that because we came from all different

But they're still.

Happily married today and there's still flirt and stuff and sometimes I'm like ew, but you know, they went through their ups and downs too, and we did see that and it wasn't like picture perfect, but they're still married and together and happy.

Were they disappointed that you were pregnant before.

You great question. No, I don't think I've ever heard my mom so happy because me and a Martha dad were together like for a very long time after that, I mean before that, like five years almost, so she was very happy with it. And she's again it was all about me being happy and being okay, and they were okay. My parents are a very different breed. Sounds like, well,

They're very accepting or trying to be.

And I think after just seeing the experiences that I've gone through with so many debts, and I even explained to my mom, you know, the man that I found on Father's Day, he was an Indian man, he was the only child, and it broke my heart that he took his life on Father's Day, and I you know, explained to him like that. I'm just thankful for them being such open parents, and I think reminding them of that helps them do that because it really helps us live,

Oh, being authentic is liberating and can in some ways be revolutionary, and in any ways, in every way, in every way, in everywhere, being authentic is revolutionary.

Just share your story, is what I keep saying to people. Everyone always asks like, how are you doing? How are you getting to the cannabis industry. I'm literally just sharing my experience. That's all I do this whole time. And that's why it's so easy to just talk about it really because it's my life. I can't make this ship up like it's just what I've done to help my mental health. It's literally what it's helping me live another day.

You know?

And that's it's really just you get through day by day because anything can happen to you any day.

So one day at a time, people's one day at a time. Working on your confidence, yeah.

And knowing that who you are is the right person and being yourself is the most freeing thing in the world. Like you just stop having that feeling of anxiety, honestly, right, because even if a cover up who you are anymore, it doesn't matter if someone likes you or not, and you're gonna be okay, You're gonna be fine. Yeah, I say I always say this. If you're not paying my bills,

At the end of the day, we when we go, we go alone.

We come with them absolutely, And that's even because even like what you said, like I can't it's not for her, for my mom, for my dad, and for my daughter, for myself, Like we of course we do this network, but we come and alone, we leave alone, and we have to make children that are okay with ultimately who they are and.

Just share what's helping you if you can growing up now, it's I guess these social influencers that are doing big things in the world, all are really doing is sharing common sense. They're they're sharing life and how to get through life. And that's all it's about. Because this new generation, they don't know common sense. They don't even know how to do the simplest things in life, and that's what

You know, Like I always feel like they know too much and it's too much, too overwhelming, over at once, over.

Too much to download and understand, and it's like high, too much sensory, elite keep as much as your accessibility, the many many options that you know everything, you have a choice of everything.

There's always a choice, there's all you know.

It's like it makes everyone doubt and question themselves because there's, you know, so many options.

It's a blessing and a churus.

I would say, I agree, you know, and Instagram people use it for all the wrong reasons. Instagram should be a bonus in their life. It shouldn't be their main source of income. They should create a business and then get onto Instagram because your business card is really in person. I say this all the time to people, like if you if you lose your Instagram account and you're losing all of your business or something wrong, you already fucked up.

People need to realize that.

I went onto that after I started a job and after having client tell, after having things to actually share on there, but I had to like practice my skill too, and then it was a great tool to share my work on. But if you if you lose that tool, I will still have my clients that know exactly where to find me because they found me before that app, right right right, they know where to find me.

And no matter what life circumstances throws at.

You, and even if you can't go to work, even if you can't post anymore because you're mentally not okay, your business and your bread and butter is still okay for sure, you know what I mean, because you have nothing to talk about if you're going through something mentally, but you're gonna still have to have some sort of stability. So I hope all kids do that, Like make your damn bed before you log into that app, did you

That'd be my first thing I open. Or it's not it's toxic.

It is.

It's a disease. It's an addiction toxic. Yeah, oh my god, look this has been fun. This is really wonderful. We have wonderful Hannah Oh my god, we're gonna take this. Oh my god, it was so beautiful.

It was really cool.

This is thank you I've ever had in my life.

And your nails both did you do that the pink?

No, don't look at this nail. This is Erica has like Kin Saniara.

I had a photo shoot for Beauty Leather and it was like doing this campaign and so I put a crown. They wanted me to not get some nail art and this is not my steel and I feel very I don't know, just it's just.

Very bulky, bulky, and I need to get it removed. Beamed nails. This is wonderful. You need to do like Hannah, they have like they have nail art.

Can you do that? Have you done that?

I haven't done that yet on your nails. I've done like kinds of others.

Yeah yeah, yeah, and like on clothes and like fabric paste, fabric paint you can actually roll it up in this sucker and like do Hannah, I did this, like Onesie and things like that, just fun stuff.

Yeah, but from cake, you know, yes, piss everyone off. I'm not kidding. I'm just I know, I know. Wait, so tell our sell our listeners where they can find you. Yeah, Instagram, Natasha is what I want. Yes, and yeah check her out. Check out Natasha and thank you Natasha. Happy for coming on and your lash bar in Sudio City.

Oh yeah, sorry, I feel like everything's on that one page. But Hannah by Natasha is my platform and my Shanti. My Shanti bar is my lash and Hannah bar and Shanti means peace in Hindi. And that's why I named it that, because I feel like I met most at people four just making women feel beautiful all day.

So those two places maybe you can find me. We would really enjoyed having you. I love you. Yes, thank you so much for driving out here. I'd rather be here than the blizzard That'sandle's having right now. I'm sure I'm good on that too. Late guys, well, we will ring us up on last lights us up one last time.

And as usual, you can find us at Good Momsbad Choices dot com if you have any questions and you need any advice about.

Anything about a d m us or email us.

Also, we are having our one year anniversary live show slash party March sixteenth.

I thought it was a seventeen.

March March sixteenth, So make sure you check out the link in our bio for all.

That information and sign up for a newsletter for exclusive drops drops.

Yeah, actually you should sign up for our Newsletter's a lot of really cool shitt in there you.

Don't hear on the pod personal updates. All right, you gotta go, bye bye bye.

One line online and no send me, no flex beak gimee Donald's show, speed Time.

I just want to wake up a sea fizza.

Upatively be high?

Is the Presidential sleep leave?

What day Lanti and the Rols does spend it?

Wendell sent it Sundown one chine, break it down? One line on line and no send me no flex beak guine Donald's Shop.

If you, or anyone you know or love are having suicidal thoughts, please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Their numbers eight hundred two seven three eight two five five. You can also ask your primary physician if you have any therapist, or can seek help within your network. Sometimes talking to a stranger is best.

Please know you are not alone.