I woke up Invaigon and then's just chasing dreams in my statement got me feel like I'm made it, and I wake up and see frustration raising for Raymon. Thankfully they know me can get enough of a paper get on.
My fun by someone much that if you put it ame ma, I'm on one. And if you get a time, I'm mont forgot when I'm a pleasing behavior and.
We're all friend.
Hey, guys, welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and this is Nila and we are joined today by a very special guest, Nisia Boswell.
She is actually why don't we Why don't you tell us who you are?
Okay? Hi? Everyone, name for bab Blow and I am the creator of Black Mom's Blood. When we talk parents and culture and lifestyle, call a black point of you.
Yes, and we we at Good Moms. We are huge fans of Shanisia. If you haven't followed her, make sure to follow her at Good Mom's Black Good Moms at Black Mom's Blood. And we just wanted to We wanted to have you on because we've been watching your your social media and you you just it's you have a platform where like I think a lot of women. I
think that's why you have so many followers. They just gravitate towards your page because there's so much there's so much representation of things that we don't get to see all the time in the media, like just black love, black black breastfeeding. You know it is Black Breastfeeding Week this week, and just positive black images of mothers, whether they're single or in relationships. There's there's not necessarily one platform,
per se. I think there are now they're popping up more and more where where women of color can really go and feel represented.
So so thank you for that.
Thank you, And that's really where it came from. When I when I entered into this blogging world. Back then, there weren't a lot of us doing this, and so I kind of consider myself on a catalyst that made it more normal, and so I just wanted to see that in the block Inspritch. I want to see more Black women that felt comfortable talking.
About parenthood exactly.
So can you just tell us a little like where are you from? I know you live in Atlanta right now. Are you from Atlanta or how did you get there?
Are you? Like? What's your story?
What's your story, girl?
What's my story? My story is I've lived in Atlanta now for almost ten years, eleven years somewhere in the area. I will up here to go to Georgia State University. I'm from Mona Robbins, very small town down south, and like I always say, you know went, I came up to the school and I looked around and felt like all of my peers just kind of like they knew what they were going to do, and I had no idea, and so I kind of felt like stumbling weed was trying to figure out my way. I became a mom
pretty early on. Amongst all of my friends, I was pretty much the first one I have a baby, and I just felt so isolated in that apparently at that time because our generation, we're just not really having kids anymore. And then so when I became a mother and I started to get comfortable in that role, I realized that I didn't really also didn't fit that normal you know mom that just oh, I come home and I family, family, family, and my baby. I was like, I'm young, I'm a millennial.
I feel like I have a good time. How do I find a way to reach out for more moms to fall into the category that I'm in. So that's a little bit of the background of Live Black Mom's blog is what it is. It's not. I just wanted to make a comfortable space for the moms who don't fit that norm.
Did you when you started it, did you want Did you always imagine it being as big as it is or was it just kind of like an a little passion project or just your outlet.
I feel like it's so funny because I really don't know. I don't I don't want to limit myself and say, oh, I never saw it getting big. I'm a strong believer and in my own safface, so I was like, Okay, if I do this, it's probably gonna be okay. But I didn't really pursue it for that reason, I guess the small way to put it. I didn't pursue it from the beginning, like, oh, I'm doing this so that
it turns into the huge platform. And I feel that because it did come from a place of passion, people really connected with the genuineness behind it, and that's why Dick gets so big.
How old were you when you had your you have a daughter or son?
I have a daughter, she's five years old.
How old were you when you had her?
I got pregnant twenty two. I had her when I was twenty third set.
And then when did you start Black Mom's blog?
I so most it was actually in my second business. So when she was one, I started a skincare line and I ran that for about two and a half years. I started Black Month's blog when she was three.
Cool are you single?
Are you married? Dating? I am so single? Girl me, I've been in a relationship for two years.
How do you What is dating like for you? Because I'm I'm sort of new to dating.
I mean, I'm a year in and it's been interesting. It's fun at first. Then it's like.
Dating is definitely interesting when you're a mother because the one that times some strain is different, you know, And when you're single and you don't have kids, you can just kind of get up and go and give a lot more flexibility to it. And it just depends on what type of dating you're doing, because as a parent, sometimes seem like to be dating have a good time and that's perfectly okay, and sometimes you're dating for something more serious. And so I found out like when I
was kind of in my good time. Maybe when I wasn't really looking for anything serious, it was cool, you know, I just like I have London Street, what you guys going on? But that was the only day. And so when I started to get in a mindset of saying things are a little bit more serious, my daughter came to fight. So that was something I was there in front. Hey, you know my mom, right, do you have a problem
with that or kids? So to me to change the dynamics of the men that I chose to surround myself with, because now that I'm in that elemental space and saying I'm looking for something more serious, I'm way more selective about luck bringing my energy for sure.
What's what's the dating scene like in Atlanta?
What is it like us? Maybe not if I'd discouraging Atlanta. Dating in Atlanta is interesting because the men here, there's so many people, there's so many tea and we're kind of like in this space where every man wants to be Polly and they just believe they should have all their cake needed to. Really, yes, I don't.
I don't even know if I've ever heard of black men say Polly.
Girl. Atlanta is the hotel capital and it has went past the whole tep men and his women to the regular corporate man. It's one into the credative men. Nobody wants to get married. Everybody's trying to figure out their life, and so dating here is really hard because it's such an entrepreneurial, creative city. You're not getting there. There aren't a lot of traditional men here, and there's so many women right right, And there's so many beautiful women. Atlanta.
It's full of beautiful women, successful Black women. So it's not one of those places where it's like, oh, you're the queen of the crop and everybody's trying to get with you. It's pretty much the opposite. Then here have their share picks and yeah, it's not the easiest to be cadated.
Yeah, that's so interesting because that's like the word pollie. I feel like it's such a foreign idea to so many, at least I thought so.
Many Black maybe men, maybe not women, but to men.
I feel like, well, I just remember when she said the whole hotel thing.
That is true there there is like there is like a I used to live in the West End and there is like a very villagey black hippie like community in Atlanta, Like it's beautiful, but yeah, I could see that, like be my my my second wife's sister.
I can't even pay my rent? Right, Like, uh noa not happening.
I'm down for being a survived got three to the guys who it's literally every man wants three girlfriends or three wives?
Like how play? You don't even want situation out of control?
Right, they've they've missed construed the like the basics, the fundamentals of the Polly relationship.
Right, you got to take care of all of them in the village?
Would you be would you if you found like a man, like an eligible man that was like had his ship together and could like financially and emotionally support multiple vibes?
How would you?
Would you be down for it all?
I'll answer that question by saying that I haven't found a man who's.
Right, you showed me him, and I'll give you an answer, right, right, that's the truth.
And like, do you co parent with your daughter's dad?
Yeah? Actually I co parent with my daughter's father. We live in the same apartment building.
Oh cool, Yeah we have Yeah.
We have a really good parenting relationship.
He I mean you're not.
It's not weird, Like, isn't too close. He knows how he knows what you're doing all the time.
Like or is it like a huge apartment building. He's on the other side of it.
It's a high rise. He lives in a pretty big building. So I'm on the fourth floor. He's on the eleventh floor. Okay, And yeah, everybody, whenever I talked about that, you know, I have the blogs, but I try to keep a lot of my personal things out of it. I'm getting to the place now where I can feel a little bit more comfortable and talking about it. But yeah, everybody gives the same reaction. They're like what, and of course they want to know there's still somethings going you know,
right right right, Yeah, it's the thing. It's cool.
I mean, it's convenient, Like I wanted the store. Okay, I'll bear it back. Yeah, come on, that.
Was funny because that that's the ideal standpoint, and it's getting better in that sense. But it wasn't always that way.
So so it's taking time to get to get to this place.
Yeah, did you guys move in there on like intentionally because it's got a lot to be getting easier, or.
So it has been. We've listed in this building, and when we were together and when we broke up, I ended up leaving. People say here, but it's been a very convenient part of Atlanta's living to town and it's you know, good area. I don't drive either. I have lived in Atlanta for ten years and I don't drive. And so when I got ready to find a place to move back to, I was like going back to my old building. I did not care to use here.
Did not start off like this intentional, like let's be great co parents to stay in the same faith, but I did consider that. I was like, well, this gonna makes me a little bit more convenient and easier when it comes to parenting our daughter.
Have you ever like seen him in the lobby bringing up a girl girl?
Oh? Yeah? When so when it's been two years since we've been broken up. He has been in another relationship at this point for about a year and a half. And you said it's been two years since you guys broke up. Yeah, we've been broken up for two years, Okay, and he has a new girlfriend. She's been around for about a year and a half. We actually just hung out about a month ter three weeks ago, it took her her She came with me and my daughter to the park. So it's saying that that has not always
been easy to the building. There were definitely some stressful times going on. I was him with other women and he was still you know, it was just interesting. So once we kind of established that being really over and this was it, it became easier, you know what I mean, and handling some things. But yeah, I've bran into him with women and I you know, yeah.
Damn you do you think that do you think that like that reality has made it easier for you to like move on because we always well I always talk about like even if you know something's over, once you have a child with somebody likes as women, there's like we're in we're like in bread to have.
This like responsibly.
Yeah, like we're supposed to get married and have this white picket fence like lifestyle. So like, even when you know you don't like this guy, you're like, no, it may work.
So what will you hold on to this?
You hold this like this idea, tiny little.
Part of this idea.
Yeah, yeah, I definitely agree to be there. My relationship with my ex was not the greatest. It looked really pretty on pape for everybody was like, oh yeah, I'll go hold the technal idea. And I don't say that as a way of bashing him. We were just young and we didn't communicate well, and we were we really were trying to do the right thing and raising our daughter.
But it's kind of like, just like you said, you can know you don't want to be with somebody, and because they are the father of your child, so like you have the duty to make it work. And for me.
What ended up really just divering the course. I got to this point with it where it was.
Like I want to have a peaceful light, and I found myself, you know, just very stressed out over things that were going on between us. And so one day I was just like, this is it. All we're going to focus on is co parenting. We have to get
along for our daughter. And that was way more important to me than trying to figure out our situation, because it was clear that there was no situation, and being in the same space and having interacts with him and things that occurred during that time really spurn up it for me. So once I let that go, it wasn't for him, and it looks for myself. I felt myself feeling angry and I'm allowed to make this perfect. Don't care like, let me I can get peace of mind.
And at that point I was able to see him away with him and whoever.
Was right, and you know, yeah, that's I guess it's like everybody's I mean everybody.
So sometimes people hold onto ship, but I think like the New Error Woman is more.
Like in tune with the fact that you know it doesn't really matter. Your happiness comes first. So that's right, that's most important because you can't be happy and raise a you can't be unhappy and bitter and raise a happy child because that child is going to sense that you know they are and to forgive.
It's never about the other person, It's about you, right if I don't forgive you and I nay, well, right, person started to look at your baby, daddy, and you know your kids call do you want to call that person? And who they are and taking their their reactions so personally and it's like this is the person. It helps you here looking a little bit better.
Well, yeah, yeah, I think that's something we've definitely talked about, for sure, like not taking things personally and just understanding that a lot of the reasons that maybe it didn't work out between you two, or me and my baby daddy or Mila and hers, it really has nothing. I mean, of course we all play our part, but at the end of the day, you don't have.
Nothing to do with you.
Yeah, a lot of a lot of the mistakes that were made maybe on that you feel like he or she did, you know, it has a lot to do with them and not try not to but try not to take things personally is so hard.
And people like, oh my god, you got you're so greating up. I was like, what it looks like.
Now right because it took time to get.
Yeah, we still have our moments, so I'm it's like I can't say it, you know, every day it's a possis Yeah.
That and it's a paired with expectation, which I feel like, you know, when you have a kid, your expectations just automatically change and you feel like, you know, you want to protect your child from anything anything you feel like it's not right, or you don't want them to experience, or you don't want them to see, or you feel like your partner isn't doing you know, it's just like ooh girl, I'm I'm working through both those things right now and I can't wait to be on the other side of it.
I can't wait.
It's a beautiful place to be. Let me tell you at peace.
Yeah yeah, So did you when you had your daughter? Did you have a natural birth?
Home?
Birth?
Hospital? What was your what was your birthing experience?
I had a natural birth in a hospital. It was supposed to be a water birth. I've never crossed the park, so I sure without me every dural medication, and that was like the real goal. It was something I wanted to accomplish. I didn't get called up on it. I was like, hey, what happens. Happened, But that's what I was aiming for and I was able to accomplish that.
That's awesome. How many hours of labor are you in?
My labor was like still technicook and perfect, like I would. I had a pool twenty four hour labor. I went into labor at I probably wit what's my mother's house to live about two and a half hours pounce of here, and I was.
Like, I'm tired of getting pregnant.
I was thirty eight weeks fun and we went to the fair and I walked for about two and a half hours. I went into labor the next day around ten o'clock at night, and I had her. She's sixteen the next morning.
Oho, that's pretty perfect. M h, what's your when's what's your sign?
Just because I because, ah, yeah, we got this a cancer and a scorpio here, so we got all the water signs in his hour A.
Yeah we like you. What's your sign? Yeah?
I have like the multiple best friends scorpios anti sis.
What was gonna ask you?
Do you want more kids?
Yeah? I definitely want more children.
How many like one to ten I would like to have.
Realistically, I mean, if if I can handle it, we have exalting but children.
I mean you are posting the cutest babies all day. I wrong, like your ovaries must be like exploding.
Pain though, because I have baby fever. But I'm not going to have another baby, right? This is it? Yeah?
I was gonna ask you, Okay, so how do you balance being like a full time mom and business woman?
You have help?
Like is your daughter she's obviously has in school, so got home school?
Now, Cameron was so I would stay at home mom for a couple of years. She didn't start really going to school because she was about three four years old. I don't have any family in Atlanta. My house father, he doesn't really have family in Atlanta like that. That helps out, and so I was able the only one. I'm able to move the way that I'm moving because I have this course around me that is phenomenal, you know.
And I always tell moms that when you become a mother, you have to change up your circle because if you're only just being around your single friends with that party mindset, then you're gonna struggle, right. So I wanted to develop these circles of women and even fill some of my best friends who don't have that circle as well. But when I have a vis and things like Cameron, you know, my friends come out. She got just what they were
one her aunties. With her starting school, that's definitely been a blessing because I have my day time for me to do think I need to do. And her father and I have a pretty arrangement.
Where I have like.
Dad, so I have you know, the whole day.
That was.
How I wouldn't need to day and I have time.
And I'm like you have five days a week, six days yourself to do that. It's time for me to have some time alone so that I can confer formal connection with somebody else.
Yeah, hell yeah, that's only fair.
And girl, I absolutely commend you from like being cool and being able to go to the park with her, because I don't know if I could do it. I mean, like I understand being mature and wanting to know the person that's around your your child. You know, that's important, Like I need to know who you are as a person. So I get that, but like it does take like a big part of like, you know, it.
Also plays a part in what the what the approach of what the woman's approaches to you too. If she comes at you respectfully, and you know, you might you might change your mind. If she's crazy, then you'll.
Be like bitch, right but right, But if I mean, it was definitely a thing somebody that we knew what Oh yeah, it was awkward.
Wait, so it was like kind of like a mtual friend, not a natal friend, but.
Somebody kind of knew who was around.
Yeah, probably was around, and that's talk there. But the reality of it, I didn't want to do any more anymore.
And kind of that.
All the other extras are just extras.
Yeah, yeah, and look at the other person. She's not a bad person, Like, actually, she's not a bad woman. And when I really kind of step back to look at it, because the thing is my daughter, my daughter's father, I need him always to be the greatest things for me because she's my daughter's father, right, And it was
something I had to realize about myself. I was like, I'm not going to be able to be a woman for him and she kind of it is like that takes a life at mittad, but they worked well together, right, And so when I had to when I kind of got step into space, I realized that a lot of times women we find fault in each other instead of looking at that man and saying, it's ain't even about you.
And so once I had a basket up praise with her, I was like, I don't have any issues with her, and it might be going to stop him from dating her. She at some point will possibly be around my child. And it was important for me to let Cameron see me introduced her to her so that she wouldn't feel like she had to be put defensive of her mother, you know, She's a very protective of us, and so if Daddy would have done it, she would have felt like, I need to be in this position to defend mommy.
Let some want to know that mommy is mommy and I needed her, needing me and her together to know it's okay, you're right. Mm hmm.
That's big of you. I mean right now, no, like what.
No?
Okay, First of all, face is not always but I'm thinking, I'm just thinking. I'm just I'm just trying to visualize my future in that way and how like well, I also I just so basically, the my my baby dies, the reason we're not together is because he cheated on me profusely. The women that he cheated on me with were terrible people. So I just think about like him, the type of women that he'll date in the future. I'm like, what kind of woman is he going to
bring around my kid? I'm like, can I Maybe it'll change, maybe like he'll have some like aha moment and he'll date like a really like smart, well put together, you know, well spoken, respectful person.
But I pray to God that that happens and that we can go to the park.
I mean that.
I will say in how you had your relationship with training. I'm change is a lot. You know, we had to have issues with cheating, so I can imagine like he had issues and cheating and then he ended up person. I don't know if I could be this amicable because that wasn't the issue. We had other issues that did
not involve other people, right right. I think I wasn't involved in nominationship to started after me and him broke up, so I all those things taken into consideration place he was a part of how I'm able to do this. If he would cheating on me and all this stuff was going on, I could not. I don't know if I could be this easy about it.
I am so like, I'm so happy that you are open enough to like share that because you know, I I just think, especially in the black community, it's not something we see that often or hear about that often, and it's important because I agree. I think it's important. I think, like, if you want to date me, you're gonna be basically family with my babies, and I don't like them that much, you know, like if you want to eventually have kids together, like, well, this is gonna
be your brother in law. Like low key because it's a it should be a family dynamic, and I think that's important for the child to see the parents in like a harmonious relationship and you know, and everybody else involved in it. And I think in the black community, it's not something that we see and so it's foreign.
And even like I'm dating somebody and I like we went to Disneyland or some shit, and it was like a huge deal, and I'm like, dude, you're not gonna this is gonna continuously be an uphill battle because this guy is not going anywhere, you know, and.
Anywhere, and like, no, I don't like him that much. She sent some foulship.
But at the end of the day, I'm not gonna punish my child because of our relationship, you know, right. So I mean and especially as like as like you said, as women, it's easy to attack the woman. It's easy to dislike the woman. It's easy to you know, like not have that that sisterhood or you know.
That be the bigger person. But I you know, I think that's a big deal.
And the fact that you're open about it and discuss it, it's a great example of how it's supposed to be.
And I want to be I want to be very transparent here because I never want to paint the picture to women that I say physic before I sit again. It's not ue like even with things that are transpired, I still have my moments, you know, when he's like, oh, well we're going here and she's going to be with us. There's still that thing that makes my life. I don't want anybody think that I'm saying there's like, oh yeah, I'm just very poppin. I still I still definitely have
my moments with it. But when you and I'm sure you can attest to this, when you look at where you were when you were in your relationships where you are now. I'm so happy where I am, and so I always remember that I have peace and love in my life right now. I'm happy. So this all happens for a reason. So sometimes I just wanted to say that, you know, if anybody is listening to this thing, you're going through that, and don't be like, why can't I get there? It's not easy, and it's battle every day.
You're human, and it takes time. Time doesn't happen overnight.
I mean, even me slowly push I'm I'm still I mean, me and my my my baby's father. We're definitely in a better space than we were three months ago, you know, four months ago, and it just takes time and time and time more time.
And we haven't entered into that the dating.
I mean, obviously I've been dating, but not anyone serious enough to introduce my child to them and vice versa, so we haven't. That's a whole other like field, that's a whole other layer to co parenting and just all of that that I haven't even experienced yet. So when listening to you gives me hope but also makes me like, oh shit, God, damn.
The level of this show.
I thought I was mature. Maybe not.
If I'm the man who gets that too, because that's butble to understanding what men are.
Yeah, that's that's true.
They expect a lot, but then when it's time for them to for she was on the other foot, it ain't so easy. Mm hmm. But you know what, that's a big that what you said was really good, because sometimes I get like, you can get lonely or however you feel in your feelings, and you're like, have you got if you go back to like the mis how miserable you are in an unhappy relationship to being alone. You're like, oh, never mind, very happy, very grate.
I have more time now than I had when we were together, and I'm able to get more stuff.
Back, So can't be mad at that?
No, absolutely not, is okay? So it is like your blog, is that your like your main job or do you have another job?
Yeah? I think I am able to make that happen. I just started topography as well, So right, two main sources of income? Wait say the second one again?
Photography?
Photography?
Photography. Oh yeah, I checked that out.
I saw some of your work bomb than you.
I was like, oh, but she's a profession now, she's real classy, multiple talents and ship.
I saw I read your like the interview did or the photograph she.
Did with Erica Badum, which is awesome because who doesn't love Erica obsessed.
Like the Queen Mother Goddess, seen her like ten times I would see her. Yeah yeah, but I honestly like, it's so interesting because I've heard her talk about her her experience as a doula, and she.
Says she talks about in the blog that you read it that Erica was a doula to her ex partner, her baby daddies, two of her baby daddy's kids.
So I think that's full circle.
It was I think it was one. It was one baby father, two kids. Yeah, yeah, right for the for the doc.
Oh yeah.
And she said he's still my best friend.
You know, we're still best friends.
And I'm like, goals, I want to do it. Yeah, that's real.
Right, that's real, bro, that's inspiration for that ass for real. So, Okay, at what point were you okay once you started this five uh three? You said three years ago you started.
Black Mom's Blog.
It'll be three years okay, So like what were you always doing focusing on this full time?
Or did you have like a point where you were able to like just do solely this or.
Yeah, like, at what point did in your journey with Black Mom's Blog did you finally make it your full time job? Because I think a lot of our listeners and us too, like we're starting, we're just on this journey of our podcast and you know, navigating through social media and.
Just I mean, I think a lot of.
Our followers too have aspirations of you know, taking using social media and making it a full time job. I think so many people do now because our art, so much in our lives are driven by it.
Yeah, So at what point were you able to feel comfortable being like, Okay, you know what this is it.
I can walk away from whatever else, what other other sources of income and make this my full time thing.
So when I started Black homk Clog, I was a say home mother, but I have my own deals, right, I'm just gonna star off baying that my daughter's father was our primary source of income for everything. I was monetizing a little bit, but not that much. And when we broke up, I moved out. We moved in with some friends of mine, and I was like, Okay, I'm still going to blog, but I was also going to look for a full time job. With my schedule and being a mother, I'm sure you kind of tested this job.
Do not care.
They want you to sell your life to them. They don't care about weekends, they don't care about late night. And I was having a real hard time finding feasible income that would support my daughter and I And I think at the time Black Must Blog was sitting on about thirty or forty thousand followers, and I had I was like Okay, well, let me professionalize my blog and get a media kit and a Rake card and all that.
And I just started pitching and I was like, I'm sitting on this platform that could be something more than what it is. And so within six months, I had monetized the block out to about sixteen thousand dollars. So I was like, okay, so this has the potential to be something great. I also want to say, at the time that I got into blogging and monetizing, the market
was amazing for it. Instagram has since changed the algorithm, and I don't ever want anybody to think that, you know, oh, it's like it's just about the twenty things like it's become harder to make money on Instagram now. They kind of got hit to what was going on, and they've changed a lot of their things, like our supposeds to do really well, and they still do really well, but they've just changed the advertising market. So that has been an effect. So at the time this was maybe I
will say, three months into me monetizing. One of my mentors, she's one of my mentors now. She runs an eco friendly baby store here and she hired me to work there part time and It was great because it was still in the element of what I was doing. And I did that for about seven or eight months, and the blog was really starting to do well. But I noticed that because I was working and being creative for someone else, I wasn't able to focus on myself. So I made this decision. I was like, I have to
walk away. And it was a gamble because I wasn't making a ton of money at her spot, but it was consistent, and I was like, if I quit, then I'll be able to really focus on my blog and increase that. And I worked backwards. I was like, if I'm making this amount every month, what is it that I need to do on the block to make the same amount. So I made a plan. I gave her a thirty day notice and I walked away after a year roughly of monetizing. And so that was a year and a half film.
Wowow, that's spomb I'm inspired. I'm like, take care out slid media kids.
Yeah, what was that? No, but the bomb is.
Really good and everything you touch on it is really uh useful.
So for our listeners, if you haven't checked it out, Black Mom's blog has like a bunch of really cool articles I saw like fitness stuff, recipes, like local things.
That you take your daughter to in Atlanta. And I know you guys do events too.
Yeah, we do mostly event pretty much going to Hot Life by Rome. It's actually started in January, normal fun. Around March. We did our first meet up of the year in Philadelphia and we didn't want to RUNTI. This year we did one in Orland and mostly Atlanta. So I have them about eight to nine months out of the year, once a month. Majority of them are free origination faith and it really is for women to come out and be able to connect with women in their city.
Cool like a mom networking event. Yes, yep, that's cool.
I saw you have.
You're doing some things for this week for Black Mom Black Breastfeeding Week. Yeap, what are some of the things you guys are doing this week?
So we pretty much dedicated the entire month of March or Marsh. We dedicated the entire month of August to black breastfeeding And as you know, month is March. Why do I keep staying Marsh August is the official months for breastfeeding with a national holidays technically for moms, and we probably the only ones that know about it. But and in our community, black women are the lowest number of women that breastfeed, our infant mortality rate is higher,
and so I really wanted to sit light on that. So, I mean, we've wrote articles, We've partnered with in Great brands, and our big event for the month of March was the nursusan that was helped to cut Sunday and it was just an event that we encouraged women to come out in solidarity to show support for black breastfeeding mothers.
Nice did you breastfeed?
I did breastfeed? Yes, like for how long? By asking? Yeah, I know, it's fine. I only readest for about six months. And even in those six months, I didn't do it exclusively right And at the time, like I said, I have my daughter when I was twenty three, and I just didn't know what to do, you know what I mean, Like, yeah, I was painful. I was always worried that she didn't
have enough milk. Like I said, I was only one of my friends I had kids, and there was nobody for me to talk to about it, and I just became nervous. And you know, her father was, oh, she's crying to must be hungry. And so we started formula and writing up pretty early. So this part of this too was very personal because I remember what I felt like when I was going to that, and I was like, how can I help another dow mom not go to that and know that it's okay?
So I wanted to provide those resources for my.
Mom's on the page that felt thotained tellings that I had when I was first seeing my daughter.
Yeah, did your mom encourage you? Or like, are you willing to have a lot of friends that our moms were like? Was it like did you like was there a lot of discussion about breastfeeding before you had the baby or was it just like, oh, I guess I'm supposed to do this.
There wasn't much discussion, And like I said, my mom doesn't live here in Atlanta, so and I was very I'm a very strong minded person. So when I have my mind but on something, there's not much you can say or do this than to convince me otherwise, Like I love my mom dearly. But even when it came to the birthing process, I want to have a natural birth, and I knew I needed to be as stress free as possible, so I allowed nobody in the room. I told everyone I would cause them when she was here,
and it was just myself and her father. So even when it came to breastfeeding, no, I didn't really Me and my mom didn't really have that conversation. I guess, you know, like my mom's supported of any and everything that I do. She is one of the most suppossed parents I've ever came across. And I'm not despised because she's my mom, Like she really is. Anything I've ever wanted to do, she has my back on it without
any questions. She has not back. And so because I've always known that, I didn't fear, oh she's gonna feel this way if I do this, And that pretty much been a huge motivation in my entire life. I know that my mom will support me. I don't care if I want to go go be a strip for tomorrow. She would support me, you know, and to have that from your mom really makes you feel like you can do anything. So that wasn't the issue. I just didn't know, you know what I mean.
I mean, like a lot I mean, like a lot of women don't know, like a lot of moms. It's all forlorn until you're in it, and then you're like, oh, I think this is what I'm.
Supposed to do.
Well honestly, I mean for me, first of all, I didn't even know Black Reastfeeding Week existed until this year.
He did it.
No, had no idea. And also.
While I've researched more about it, and I mean, you know, obviously we researched, you know, the statistics and like only sixty five percent of Black women even a temp breastfeeding, and that hospitals or nine times more likely to offer formula to black woman. Thinking about my experience with breastfeeding, I realized, like really recently, like the last two days, after really going in and really understanding all of this, I was totally influenced into giving my kid formula and that.
And now I'm like, I feel like taken advantage of I'm like, wait, what the fuck? I seriously had this moment even this morning when I was looking up some more stuff, I was like, oh my God, Like my my doctor never offered donor milk, never even suggested it. And I liked briacet feeding consultant. When I was I had a LA lactation specialist, and like when I gave birth, she came and she, you know, because Iri was having
problems latching. And you know, I breastfed my daughter for three months, and my doctor kept saying, well, you know, three months is like a good amount of time. You know, that's like what wow heard association said is like, you know it's the minimum amount, but if you're gonna do it, then three months like a good amount of time.
And uh.
And so around three.
Months, like she wasn't getting enough milk and I was really tired, and she was like, well, let's just give her formula. Never suggested donor milk, never suggested other ways, Like it wasn't like he didn't.
Try to fight for me to try to kill.
Ask you a question that m H when you were when you give birth, did you have private insurance or like public insurance?
I guess to say.
Private. Well, through my I had good insurance. I had good insurance.
Wow.
Yeah.
And and you know my mom breastfed me for a short amount of time too, So she was always just she didn't really encourage she did not encourage breastfeeding, but she.
Was like, if she's not eating enoughing, you need to get for formula.
Yeah. And you know, I like, I like you.
Was the first out of all my friends to have kids. Nobody had children, so I had no one to lean on or like encourage me. And I was, you know, you know, as you know, like when you first have a kid, you're exhausted. Sometimes you just want the easy way. You're just like, just just make this easy. And I wish that there would have been someone that would have been like, no, like this is so important, like you should try to like there's there's other options.
Yeah, because I I I probably would have kept on. I probably would have kept one with that.
And but researching black breastfeeding by it was like, wow, it's so true. You don't really see black women. You don't really see a lot of images of women breastfeeding. It's usually white women or or like even just like women in other in other countries, like brown women or and if you don't see those things, then.
You don't know.
It's like it's not familiar to you.
It's forign and you know, I even even like I I was always I had some pretty hippie friends that I met in Atlanta when I was living in the West since and she had humburgs and breastfed for a really long time so luckily I had that my pissy's friend actually supports system and that guidance. But I was I gonna say, shit, Damna, they encourage me to breastfeed.
Oh.
But when I've really first discovered like Black Breastfeeding Week and I start looking into it, like when I when Lena was smaller, when I first had her, a lot of my white friends because most of my friends aren't black out here, and it's like they had questions like why it have to be Black Breastfeeding Week or what what does that mean? Like, you know, white people get touchy over black stuff for no reason because they just it seems.
Like you're separating yourself.
Right, But like, welcome to my world, my whole life.
But even like in that, I had to really dig deeper and realize that there is a difference in you know, how doctors push it for us and for them and the images we see and how much subliminally that plays into.
Our you know, are are? You know are like how how motivated we are to try And.
The history of the history of black breastfeeding is so interesting too.
And I setting an interviews being that very thing about because you know what a blog called Black Mother's blaw.
That is definitely a touchy topic.
And I've been called racist and people are like, well, why is this blackness? And you know, separation and it's all moms, it's all rescuing, and what's the interesting about it that I think when it comes to Black Breastfeeding Week, just like we celebrated, right, but it didn't come from a place of a good thing. It came from a place of meeting that spread awareness. And I'm like, can we just have that? Like it's not like it's a good thing that black women babies are dying more and
this is we're tasking. It's just the reality. It's the fact. So when other you know, rights to one in particular, they're like, well, why aren't we included in this? Well, y'all are resting your kids, y'all are as before y'all are able to do that. Like we're doing this to bring awareness of the fact that we're like when did like, can we have that serious?
Can we try to improve our community?
Like I realize when it comes to the work black they just they they don't like we have culture and they don't feel like they do. You put black in front of anything and becomes an issue because they're Latino Mom's flaws. There's a Latina magazine, you know, they eat Chinese food, they celebrate single to mayo, and they don't have problems with that. They're not like, why do these Mexicans get to drink for Sinco and we are included in that. They have an issue with the word black,
and it's because we don't have culture to this. They don't realize that the way that we do things are different in our households, our hair days, the food that we eat, the way that we relate to each other. They just don't see a kind of culture. So they look at it like, when you want to be Americans, you're American. Assimilates how we do things.
We're all one.
But in reality it's okay to accept and appreciate our differences. But we're the only group of people that they don't like to do that for that is so true. So nobody's attacking Latino Magazine and wondering why they don't feat your white women, but they're definitely attacking black mom's blogs because we seat your black women. And on the foot side of that would always say, you go to these websites and even if you don't go to a mom website,
like I remember I typed in. I think if you go to Google and you type in anything that has to do with a person, Like let's say we type in, you know, you're going to a garden party, you're looking for an outfit, and you go on Google and you type in garden party outfits and you scroll through, all you're gonna see is the white women, right, And that's hard for black women, like because the way that things fit us start the same. The colors aren't gonna be
the same, so there's very little reference for us. And that was a big part of it for me when I would get on Instagram and I'd look for certain things. If I type in like I need a bath time photo, so I type in bath popping up with people with the white kids, and white people don't realize that because it's normal for them. They're using seeing themselves. It's not. It's not it's not exclusive for us, right, So it's just the black.
That they have the issue with or black So speaking of that, like I was, I am curious about, you know, the reaction to your blog and your Instagram, Like, do you do you get a lot of hate mail or d ms on the regular like I'm assuming that, I'm assuming the.
Answer is yes, and like do you do you respond? How do you deal with that?
So I don't think it's much as that you see there. They come up every now and again. I don't want to make this thing like every week we get hate mail, because it's not. We don't. We don't get a lot of hate mails, but their occasions when yeah, I'll stay in a month's time, I might get approached two to three times by that person that either calls us racist
or question the purpose behind what we do. And I honestly trying to explain it to me because I wasn't to understand like if you come to me and you say she needs to be a racist for creating black Mom's blog, or you ask me, I'm not gonna be like, yeah I am racist. No it's not. And so I really kind of break it down and explain to them why this exists, and I give them, I give them homework.
I'm like, hey, if you really want to know the answer, I'll give you an answer, and I expect you to do these steps to and come back to me and let me know what you think. And so one of
the experiments when I give is definitely that experiment. I'll say, hey, I want you to go on Google and I want you to type in it in something of your day with like I'll let YouTube, so I don't want you to think that I'll do plans it, you know, and I want you to scroll for two or three minutes to tell me how many black people you come across.
That's one of the things i'll tell them to The second thing I'll do is I'll tell them to turn on their TV and watch it for ten minutes and tell me how many black people they feel on their television. And so I'll give them a little assignments and I'll say, hey, this is why we exit, and because the world is so exclusive to you that you don't even realize how
many black people you aren't seeing. How many TV shows you watch where there's only one black person, that token black person you don't see that you don't re see a you know, mainstream TV show that all black people and one white person. So I realized that they're ignorant a lot of times. And when I make that effort to make the explanation not put a tend, they get it. There are the few who don't want to get it and they just want to be angry, and for them,
I just there's no whole bunch flood that go. But I really do try to explain why it is the real thing, because my goal is to show we're not exclusive or we're not including anyone, And if you've ever been on our website, if you've ever been to a meetup, or you've ever been on our Instagram account, we don't bash any other race. We're just uplifting our rate and making us acceptable and accepts the other people. Which is said that that even have to happen.
Yeah, it is, and it's sad that we even have to think twice about it because I also read on your blog there is a poor part you were saying, and when you first started this, you didn't see images of yourself or other moms, like a lot of black moms, and the ones that you did were like low key, like really whitewashed that you may not have even known,
you know. And I thought that was interesting because there's certain like there's certain things I want, like we're pretty prop, we're very pro black, I mean, we're poor, you know whatever, But there there were times, first of all, we live in the valley. We both majority have like non black friends,
and we have a mixture of friends. But I remember like our first episode or first like there was you know a lot of people, even my black friend was like, be careful saying this, or be careful saying now, because you don't want to limit your audience.
You don't want to exclude anybody.
And I had we had to think about it, and even certain posts like things I feel passionately about, I find myself like you know, like not second guessing, but like considering like people's feelings in.
That sense, like what made you like to f it?
Now?
Yeah, fuck it, fuck it, I'm not going to be on the I'm not going to be on the line here. I'm going to be as black as I want to be.
It's my ship.
And because there are very.
Whitewashed black mom blockers that are not as vocal about the struggles and the obstacles of actually being a black mom, so what like, yeah, you know, what was your motivation?
And you know, even to this day until now, I don't.
Even know I would say that whitewash. But they're also scared.
Yeah, well it doesn't mean like they're scared.
They're just scared.
Yeah, yeah, I would definitely say exactly what you just said. Before I ran Black Mom's, I had a skincare line here in Atlanta. It was called Yeo Mechanics, and Yao means mother and Kahili, right, and that Kink Caroline was not necessarily supposed to be this all only black skincare line, but because I am African American, a lot of my
customers were African American. So when I started to market an advertise, I realized a lot of my people were black holm there, right, And it was skincare, so it wasn't like this thing that had anything to do with black people. It was just you know, chap body, butter body, scrubs, these different things. And so as the brand started to get more popular, I got kicked up by a really big store here in Atlanta. And the first thing they said it was, well, your product seem like they're only
marketed towards black people. And I was like, oh, And so the woman wanted me to change my packaging because the logo was a it was actually a monogram image of myself, and monogram, you know, that means that it was just one solid color but my hair was up, so it was black people's in the fun and she was like, that just looks like it's only for black people.
Wow.
And I remember being so conflicted because I was like, ouh, you.
Know, it's my line.
It's me.
I'm not a yeah. And I was like I had followed all of these white companies that brand skincare line and they rarely had black advertisements in their in their platforms, and they didn't care. People still bought from them, it was not a problem. And I felt like I was like, I have to change my line to conform to the thing. And I felt so guilty about that because I did end up changing my packaging and myself did go up.
Those things did happen, but it is when you run a black owned business, it's like extra pressure to make sure. I highly doubt that white people they're becoming more conscious of it now, but they went years and years without ever hearing about whether or not they had black people in the advertisingness because they knew we would buy some in regardless. Now that avertiol right, And so that experience really shaped my blog because I'm a very pro black person and I was like, I'm tired of having to
be like, oh, the same for you. No, this is for black mothers, and we have many people that are part of it. We have other racists. We had white women that are meet up on Sunday. It's not exclusive to where they can't attend. They can definitely come. But this is for black women, and I wanted to make that known off top Black mom Blog. There's no confusion. I don't care how you feel about it. This is not for you if you have a problem for it. And I wanted to be very unapologetic about that because
of exactly what she just say. We're constantly in that position to have to consider them and they're just now starting to consider us.
Hey man, you said that's so eloquent.
You did you did so because you are you have this platform, and you have a daughter, and you know you you walk through this life as a black woman, and you have you deal with the struggles of every of a black woman in this life. How do you how do you prepare your daughter for you know, just just the things that she's gonna encounter in life, you
know what I mean? Like our daughters are three, so you know they're just starting into their journey in school and socialization and really understanding that even just skin color and what that what it means, and what it doesn't mean. How what are what are tools or what lessons are you teaching your daughter to kind of prepare her for the world we live in.
That's question because I think it acts at all like I've met moms and they're like my daughter's five, and I've never talked to her about the skin color. And one thing that my heads and I do really well on is that he's a jazz musician, and you know, jazz is very black. We've always been very vocal with her about who she is, what she represents, her hair, you know, thinks that she should love her surroundings. And so Cameron knows about different colors. She knows that people
come from different parts of the world. She knows when she's in a room when she's the only black person, Like I just wrote an article about her being the only to the black girl in her school. I mean I have the school, but in her classroom, she's the only black person in her classroom. And we have very lengthy discussions with her daily about that. And it's so funny because I didn't want to see her my opinions. So I asked her, was like, how do you feel
about school? And you know, what do you think about your classmates? And you know, so on and so forth. And one of the first things she says to me, she goes, there's a lot of white people.
And she's five, because you know, there's a lot.
Of white people. And she said something that really kind of it made me reevaluate some things that she goes, you know, my old school, there are a lot of people that look like me, that were my color. She like cuts her arm and she goes, those are my friends. And we would see each other and we say friend twin because we looked the same. And she was like, those people aren't at my school anymore. And as a parent, oh,
she broke my heart. Can hear her say that? And so I asked her, I said, you want to change classrooms because there's something you want us to do to make this better. And she goes, no, you know, And I'm very communicative with my daughter, and so for me, because we're in that situation, I look at it two ways because most people like I would never put my child in that situation, and you know, I would never see that I think is that she's learning lesson very
early about America. There are situations that you're going to be in where you're the only black girl. Also, I do believe in letting for see other cultures. I don't think you give me pro black and not understand other cultures, you know. So that's pretty good. And outside of school, it's my responsibility to constantly see her her culture of who she is. So all of her dolls are black, her books are black, the friends that she has, the
things that surround ourselves with. There's a heavy influence on African American culture. And we're the only people that think something's wrong with that. And I'll give the example. We had a say date last week with her friend in Korean and on Saturdays, his mother and his father takes him to Korean school with a four hour flat on the Saturday, and in that course they talk about Korean language, tradition,
dance culture, and nobody believes nine. But when you say I have to surround myself my child's with their culture, people are like, oh my god, you're still racist. It's just the word black. So we're constantly working with her outside of the school to make sure that she knows who she is.
Damn that's true. I know how friends that went to Hebrew school. Hell of friends that like that have like separate things. My neighbor's kids go to Russian school on the weekends, and you're al I never even thought about it in that that those terms, but damn, that's that's super true.
Yeah, I was thinking of I saw that post on your blog about your daughter going to being the only black girl in her class, and I felt part of me was like, hmm, I wonder like if if she if because like for me, when I when my daughter starting school, she started summer camp and she's starting school, it was very important to me that she goes to a diverse school, Like it was I basically any time I walked into a school when I was touring schools and I saw all.
White kids, I was like, Nope, this isn't the one. Nope, this is one.
Took me a long time to find one, especially where we live, because where we live it is diverse, but there just are a lot of white kids.
It's not like shit.
Me Erco grew up and I'm sure you were one of three.
I was the only black girl in my whole high school. Yeah, my whole high school, my whole in my grade in high.
School, all four years, there was through like four black.
People at my Oh actually there was two. There was me and one other girl.
Oh okay, okay, just back up, get off the chair.
Now.
Erica's has a highly as highly scared of bugs and every time we record one attacks.
Or relax, it's just a spider.
We're gonna sew it.
Oh it's fun.
Okay, sorry. But when I saw your blog, I wondered.
I was like, I wonder if she did that intentionally, because yes, we do, we are going to have to when we do walk. We can protect our kids as much as we want, but we do have to prepare, prepare them for the real world. Or if it was just done by chance, or if you did research the school beforehand, or how that, how.
That came to be? I mean, obviously you can't. You know, your daughter's five, so when she's an issue, what's that preschool? Kindergarten?
Yeah, so you don't always know how the classes are going to fall, like well, who's going to be in what class? And in that way too, But I thought about that like and and me as a kid growing up, like I was in school, I had semi diverse school experience once. I well, middle school was all white and Jewish, all white and Jewish, and then high school there was a few black It was mostly black boys because they were athletes, and then me and one other girl in
her class, and it definitely definitely affected me. Definitely affected me, especially because I was raised by my mom is a Latina, and you know, she wasn't she wasn't like pushing black images in front of me. I was seeking them, like I was gravitating towards people.
Like I'm like, oh my god, where do you live? Can I come to see?
I come?
And I was like, maybe my mom drive me to like a Fox sales Mom. She's like, why the fuck you want to go to Fox Sales mom, because there's people that look like me there.
Dropped me off back in five hours by.
Yeah.
That's living in Atlanta, right.
The thing is the building that I live in.
I've lived here on and off for your new ten years, and that here before I had my daughter, and the school because we live in the city, and I'll tip a fire and say that Atlanta school systems are horrible. We have a horpal school system here and the area that we live in rezone, cannot attend schools, right, and because we live in Atlanta, I know, it never crossed my mind that her school might not have black people.
I I'm shocked actually when you said that, I was a damn really right, So that wasn't It wasn't.
I didn't think about that. I was like, oh, were living in Atlanta, of course those were black kids there. I just was more so concerned about her going to a good school. And it wasn't the purposeful thing as we had lived here for a long time, still live here, we can come pick her up. I just thought it super conveyent, and she was at a great school, great opportunity, like her elementary school has an engineering club. You know
what I meant was great. And so I didn't find out that it was completely white until we went to orientation because you can tour the school, but a lot of times the poor houses over the summer, the kids aren't really there. The teachers, the office that black. That
was great. But when we went to orientation the day before school and I'm starting in the classroom, I'm looking, I'm like, there's twenty three students and I was like, whoa, there was an Indian student, an Asian student, a biracial student, and my daughter and the other nineteen students were Caucasian, and so yeah, it was definitely the shock for me. And I kind of grew up in a similar situation where the schools I went to I had both the parents in the elementary school. One school I went to
was completely white. There were a couple of black people, but there weren't a lot. And then I looked on an all black and my thing worked for my daughter. I needed her to get a good education, and a lot of problems is that they are diverse. They do have people that look like our kids, but they don't have the same resources. The more fluent school JEF right, and so you have to pick between a good education and diversity.
And what I remember is when I was growing up, when I.
Think about the school that was mostly white, there were moments, yeah when I felt some kind of right. But we went on field trips, everything was great, My teacher was nice, you know, I remember those things that blackol My teacher was more stressed out. The kids, some of them had more behavioral issues which affected the learning overall. And so it's definitely been conflicting trying to figure out what did you do between diversity or good education?
And of all places like Atlanta the pent Areas, there aren't a lot of black families.
You know, that sucks.
That's so surprising. Yeah, well that's really interesting.
Yeah for sharing that because I think a lot of I think a lot of our listeners can probably relate to that. I know I can for sure trying to decide between diversity and the education that you're going to get. And unfortunately there's always who you kind of have to pick a side, but not always, but it's a it's an issue that comes up constantly lean and I think me and Mila with our kids starting to enter into school, it's something that you definitely have to take into consideration.
And unfortunately, unfortunately, do you have any more questions?
No, that was really good.
Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to day to talk to us and to.
Share your story.
We so appreciate you.
Yes.
Yeah, and just again for our listeners, make sure you follow Shinisia on app at black Mom's Blog.
And what's your website? Is it just black Moms blog dot com?
Right? Yeah, black blog? What's you're hearing?
Your photography well, your photography.
What's your photography page is yao dot photography E y oh dot photography and I'm working on the website. But the website is Gaophotography.
Moms do so nice to meet you, and we are coming to Atlanta soon and if we don't come there first, definitely let us know about your meet up in LA because we're coming.
Yeah, we would love to go.
That would be awesome. Thank you for having lad. Thank you.
Okay, guys, we'll see you guys next week.
Make sure you follow us at Good Mom's Bad Choices and we'll see later.
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