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Happy coming. Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Mela.
Happy Wednesday, Happy Humpday, my people.
How's it going.
It's going amazing. I'm feeling really good. How's it going over there in my love I'm good.
I'm feeling refreshed. I'm back in ghetto America. But I'm still in the retreat state of mind. Yeah, so I'm good.
Same. Do you have an Actually I have an affirmation?
Sure, go for it.
My affirmation is I am safe and I am secure because of me.
I am safe and I am secure because of me.
We did.
We had a moment with that in Costa Rica.
We had a lot of moments in Costa Rica. So I don't know if you guys are just joining us on this journey, but Eric and I have had some milestones recently. We had a two hunchredth episode a couple of weeks ago. We're coming up on our four year anniversary next week, and we recently just got hot off the plane from Costa Rica where we hosted our first two retreats, and wow, fucking wow, I really I have.
I've had such a magical experience that exceeded my expectations so much it's really been kind of difficult to put into words, just how fucking amazing of a time we had. But one of the things that came up a lot during this time is just reminding ourselves that we have created safety and security because of us. Yeah. So we went to Costa Rica and.
Changed people's lives, Yeah, including our own.
Yeah.
Yeah. I think we had this grand idea to have these trips, to host these trips for women, and we had an idea of what we wanted to look like, but like, in all transparency, Eric and I have never either of us been to retreat, so we kind of were like, this is what I think it should be like, and we curated all these things, but what we actually experienced was so fucking magical, And which I think the thing is is that we knew that collectively, women harness power,
but I don't think we've ever experienced women harnessing power in this close contact, in this like open space, in this magical place at like one time. And I don't know if I've cried more ever in a two week span.
I've definitely cried more, but it was out of sorrow, tears of purity, tears of joy. I've never cried this much out of happiness ever in my life, not even not having a baby, and that feels I feel bad about that, but also I don't but because I did this just like birthing a baby that I don't know, like I think that me and Mila had some idea what we were doing. And I'm actually glad we've never been to a retreat because we were actually planning on
trying to go to one before we did this. But I'm glad that we didn't because we really had no like you said, expectation for per se also kind of created whatever the fuck we wanted to create, and because we didn't have a lot of expectation, we allowed space for it to just kind of manifest in the way that it was going to Both groups because we had two retreats were totally different, and I don't know, like, so the first retreat we had, we had a we
had like one really good friend there. Anie shut out to Nishe and actually talked to her yesterday and I was telling her that, you know, when me and Mila were talking about retreat one and how we didn't really realize it, but her being there kind of offered like a sense of security for us in ways, knowing that there was someone in the room that like we knew there was kind of like half our back. Well you know what.
Initially I was like, I don't I didn't think too much about it, but I was like, I thought it was going to be harder because someone we knew was going to be in the room because she knows us.
And she's gonna be like bitch.
But it ended up actually being like such a such a comfort and such a indication that things were going okay. Like if she was okay, I'm like, oh, okay, so it's going okay.
Well, she's my most curated friend, so she's she's high expectations for us like this, then we're doing good. Yeah.
But I think that we put so much time and you know, effort into curating this experience that every second up until the very second it began, we were like this, do we get this? We had to take six fucking luggages to Costa Rica, and not just the Costa Rica, but de Porto Viejo, which is five hours from the airport, so there was a lot of moving pieces to this
to this event. Obviously, each week we had over twenty women and we were just really focused on it going smoothly and everything getting there and so we I don't think we put that much thought into how it was going to play out. And there we only had less than twenty four hours between each retreat, which is crazy, but we had all this angst when they'm getting there. They you know, we heard they arrived in San Jose, which is five hours away. We heard that the bus
was leaving. We were like, we felt their energy getting closer. We had been on this resort by ourselves, and then they came and then I was like, oh my god, there's people here that we don't know.
Oh God, they're here. They've traveled a long distance.
I hope that we've They're going to like get everything that they expect. And like, one thing about Erica and I is that we talk often, you know, and we know that people are listening, and we know that we're affecting people with our words. But this is the first time we've seen it in intangible form this way, and it's it was It's fucking it was amazing. One of the things that like really set the tone for me is on the day day one, everyone comes in, they get roomed.
We had some fine niggas there.
Oiled down because it's us and that's what we would expect and what so we shout out to Gilly, shout out to Gilly the God and organic Zach.
We hired the finest men in Puerto to be oiled down in ladies, sweep and pass out joints and light them for all the ladies upon arrival, and also give shoulder and head massages to all the ladies while we went through you know, some of the rules, not rules, but just things they should know before going into their rooms and getting their roommates.
One of the biggest rules of the retreat was no apologizing. We took that from mel and like the most beautiful thing is, we took a lot of things from a lot of our experiences, a lot of our interviews, and we put implemented them in this retreat and it was fucking amazing. But after that we had a group musical
massage in the yoga shalla. It was a night experience that I don't think me and Erica really we had never experienced this, but Alessandra, the owner of Sonora, really reassured us that we should let this ride and just
do it. And I'm really glad she did. So we all join under this open air yoga shalla in the middle of the jungle that's lit by candles, and there was maybe like seven practitioners all wearing white, and a live drummer and live musicians playing, and the people came around randomly and played different interestment instruments close to our faces, gongs on our bellies, we had, we experienced head massages and feet rubs.
It was basically like sensual musical therapy.
And as soon as it began, it started to drizzle immediately, so we all kind of rush into the yoga shaala and pitch black outside. You hear the noises of nature, only crickets and you know, all the all of the wildlife in the jungle, and about twenty minutes in it just begins to pour. And for some reason, I just like all the hairs on my arms stood up because it just felt like the jungle was letting us know that they knew we were here, and they were like they were opening their arms to us.
It just felt super magical. I'm like, damn, what the fuck.
It was like hot, not raining at all, and then boom poores and then as soon as the massage ended ended no rain. So like that was the first indication that like we were in synchronicity with nature, and this retreat was like about to be more mystical than I think we had accounted for. For me, that's what I was thinking while I was laying there.
For sure, I mean I felt the same I felt the same way. I think that, and I think that nature continued to show us that throughout the retreat, you know, being in Costa Rica and you know, doing this retreat. I think also we really began to understood how feminine the space is, just that the jungle is a woman, that mother Nature obviously is a woman. Ocean, all the
water around us. There was a lot of feminine energy, and I think that's why, unbeknownst to me, why I felt why I do feel so connected to Costa Rica.
But now it makes more sense really understanding that, and it makes perfect sense, and it is a testament to me and Mila's alignment and all the things that we do that that is exactly the perfect place for this retreat, and it was the perfect space for this retreat, especially obviously being a woman's retreat and just knowing to after the first retreat was over, just how important it is for women to come together how important it is for women to really tap into that femininity in a way
that feels safe, that has nothing to do with the masculine at all. And I think that kind of that theme just kept showing up, even by accident, even like going to the Breebrie, which is like an indigenous is the indigenous land in Costa Rica, which was our date was that day three experience. Yeah, and learning about their culture and how you know, how they revere the woman
and their culture, which I had no idea. I just think like the sacred feminine just kept coming up over and over and over, even without us being intentional about it.
Yeah, And I think not only just the sacred feminine, but like you said, being in an environment that is very feminine. I think we submitted to the elements a lot during this retreat, and I don't think that was even very much intentional, Like obviously we knew were like come to the jungle and take off your shoes.
But I think that.
Us just being in flow with the elements, with the fire, with the water, with the earth, with the ocean. Like, I think that giving women the opportunity to not only let down their guard, but to be amongst women that they could trust and feel safe with and to be in flow with the with the land. You know, there was no time like the welcome speech was welcome bitches, you're in the j and there's going to be bugs and animals and shit.
Get used to it.
There's no flushing shit down the toilet, you know, like it really, you know, in America, we're so hustle bustle, we're so wearing shoes, were so really wound up tightly that we forget that we are a product of our environment, we're a product of the earth, and that we kind of have to like remove all that shit to kind of get back to ourselves.
And it was.
It was really that, you know, there's a lot of naked dancing, there's a lot of skinny dipping. It was a lot of howling at the moon that was on my request. There was a lot of just freedom, I think I felt. I never I never realized how much women really need as safe space to just be women without the gaze of judgment of a man of judgment, just to be naked and free, without being like, oh, you're doing that for attention or you just want to be naked. It was really like, oh, look at her.
It was really just like, come and do whatever the fuck you want, this is the place to do it. And I didn't realize that. During our journey, Eric and I have really given each other permission to be ourselves and that has really pushed the podcast, just being transparent and feeling safe within each other. But when we opened up that space to the women to also feel safe and just come as they.
Were, it like magic happened.
Like a collective women collectively opening up and saying I'm willing to be vulnerable and I'm here open, I don't know anyone else here. Something really magical happened. I think when we're open to the experiences and we just let our guards down as women, when you're in alignment, you allow the magic to come in. And that really showed up for us in this retreat.
For sure. I think that I just want to shout out all the ladies who came out from both retreats, Retreat one and Retreat two. You guys are og retreaters and I fucking love them. I fucking liething. We love all of you, and we had such an incredible time and I'm so incredibly proud of you guys. Because most of you came alone, which honestly, I don't know if
I would have the balls to do. Now I do because I'm like wow, And that's something that I've learned from them, is like, Wow, look out, look at all these women that just said, fuck it, I'm gonna take a chance. I'm going to go to the jungle. I'm going to fly into San Jose voyage four and a half hours into the jungle to some jungle retreat center with two women I've never met, maybe just listened to
on the podcast. Some of you, some of them don't even listen to the podcast, just found us on Instagram searching Costa Rica and trust that everything is going to be okay. And you guys did that, and that shit
is that shit's amazing. And so I think I think that because they came in that way, there was a level of openness that that that each woman had that maybe in any other scenario might not have happened, Like if we had a retreat or like a meetup some like in New York or something, or like a meetup somewhere in their city, like the openness wouldn't be that way. Even just just the idea too, that you're going to be rooming with a stranger, and that you're trusting us
to make the best choice for you. And I think that that was something that too. When we were planning this retreat, I knew that they're coming, like, these women are coming because they want to be taken care of like and I wanted to take care of them. I wanted them to not have to think too much. I wanted us to set the room up properly, you know, really be intentional about the people that we pair them with.
And honestly, we don't. I don't want to say I don't know how, but the rooming situations were so divine and a lot of those women are real friends now, and so many women came up to me and was like, I love my fucking roommate. Oh my god, How did you know that I needed this woman? And I was like, I just me. And when me and Mila were going you should have seen our room we had, Like it was it was like making the band. We like printed out all these pictures and were like, okay, so she's
an Aquarius and she's a Gemini, Douteius and Gemini. I don't know what about Scorpio Pisces.
Yep, that's going well, I'm cancer, you're a scorpio, so they're probably getting lost. I don't know this age difference is maybe I don't know that she looks like she would like her. But like, just like we trust trust the process and so much of the things that we do, we trusted the process with that and literally spirit came through and was like yep, yep, yep, yep. And even where things got a little bit off and things had to change last minute, it still was the perfect fit.
And I think too, it was so interesting to see how these women showed up and then how they left because each and everyone was changed in different even looked different physically in different ways. Like there's one woman that was there who I don't remember how she found us, the doctor. I think that she just found us online.
I think, yeah, I think she And she's a little she's she's religious and she was actually gonna come with a friend and her friend was like I read I guess read the itinerary and one of the things said like self worship dance and she was like, m no,
like that's not that's not gonna work. I think Mela even had a call with her, not the friend, but had to call with her before she booked, and Meila had said, like, yeah, we're gonna do some witchy shit or witchy dinner, and She's like, yeah, I probably won't be involved in the witchy dinner, and Mila was like, oh, not witchy like witch but like magical like night theory.
It's just interesting to know, like, first of all, how certain words trigger people and make them like you know, make them uncomfortable, which is is good, but also like I think was a learning experience to us of like how to talk about certain things without putting a bad taste in people's mouth and letting them come in and see it for themselves so they can better understand what
it means. And that person in particular when she she was kind of quiet throughout the whole retreat, but at the end of the retreat, like to see her transformation blowing. She literally like came in like looking a little like sad, little tired.
Just like wound tightly, just like kind of observing, which is fair. Everyone's like, what the fuck am I getting myself into? But yeah, like just to see people like kind of like really blossom and open up in a way throughout.
The six days.
And that's the thing I think we realized too. I don't think we realized it until it actually took place, but the entire like, obviously it's relaxing, obviously it's fun, but we did some real work on these retreats. And the work that we did, I would like to say this was like an intensive therapeutic experience because it wasn't just one day or the last day. You know, we did work every almost every day. They were workshops and not in a way that felt like you had to
do homework, but it was just like spiritual work. It was self work, it was work of reflecting, it was a work of releasing. And I hadn't realized how much women need to release. We hold so much in. You know, we're responsible for so many people, respond we have so
many responsibilities. We've all experienced a lot of pain. We've all experienced hurt, disappointment, just loss, and there's rarely a space where you can just release that, you know, and not have to worry about how you look or if you're doing too much or you know, what it feels like or so I felt like we were given this unique opportunity to mother women and give them the tools to mother themselves.
And it really was an.
Intensive, therapeutic week long vacation and it was beautiful.
It was really beautiful. I also, I guess I didn't I think I know this just based on the podcast how well I've gotten this feeling, but it really became clear.
And I think I had this conversation with you a few times throughout the retreat, is that women don't trust women, and women a lot of these women like we get hit up all the time when we talk about like, you know, build your tribe and women saying I don't have a tribe in my city, Like I don't know how to find a tribe, I don't know how to begin, I don't have my Rika Tomaimila. I don't fuck with bitches, I don't fuck with I don't fuck with women. And
we had a few of those on the retreat. And I think that women need permission for first of all, women need permission period for some reason. I mean not not for some reason because society makes us feel that way, but like women need permission to release. But I think women needed the people that came on this retreat, I feel like really needed to re instill their trust in women, and I think that that's what this retreat did for so many of the women. There was like, oh my god,
there are women out here for me. Oh my god, there is a woman that I can trust. There is a woman that I can be vulnerable with. I'm gonna let go of whoever hurt me and allow these women to be the new people in my life. I think a lot of these women too are We'll be friends far beyond this retreat. And for those of you who don't have friends, who don't have women in your life, this is what I've realized is like these type of spaces are so even more crucial for you, Like it's
so important. And I realized how important it is for females to be friends, how important it is if you're a woman that's like, fuck, bitches, I don't fuck with women. You really need to You need to reanalyze that, because it's not serving you at all. We apse of fuckolutely need each other.
This was a real testament of that, Like just the power of women supporting women and empowering women, how it can shift the dynamic of everything, how you feel, how you manifest, the things you're calling in. Like the power of the feminine in general is so fucking powerful. When it's combined in a supportive and loving way, it is it just exceeds the like it just it really covers
you in love. It's like a very It was a very spiritual experience to see these relationships blossom, to see the relationships that I made, to see like, you know, shout.
Out to Malia and d from DC.
She was like, my sister told me to come, she said. She got on the bus and she was like, Oh no, they're gonna find out. I'm not earthy.
I just like to smoke weed.
So and you know, one thing Maliah said was that this was experienced was like speed dating for friends. That's what she said. This was like speed dating for friends. And I felt that because I was like, how am I gonna remember all these women's names, remember every single woman's name and like and have a relationship with them and have friendships with them and the fuck with them and know.
Who they are and like it.
Just even if you came in with this idea of judgment or like, oh, may not fuck with that person. They're from here, all that person's this this for that's I'm older, that person's young, like you did not leave with that same attitude because A we checked it, but B we continued to check it and see. We reminded everyone that we're all here and seek seeking something and it kind of really just brought everyone down to the same level and we were just just they are really
open to experience shit, there's no judgment. Was not like, oh look where she's over there doing when her titt's at at the pool. It was like, everybody's titties are out at the pool and yours don't have to be, but don't you want There's no nothing to be said about anyone else's titties being out. It was like truly, truly truly a safe space. Before we went, was like how do we how do we get women to trust women? Do we feed them fruit? I was do we float
them in the ocean? I was like, I don't know if we're going to float them in the ocean Erica or feed them fruit, they're gonna think we're lesbians.
But at one point during the retreat there was another.
Woman who I could tell during our zoom meetings was like, oh shit, what have I gotten myself into? And there was a point like deep into the Red Tree, she was like rushing to the yoga shalla to go get a massage. It was her birthday and she's like, damn, I didn't eat. I was like, you want me to go get your fruit? She was like yes, please, and I was like sure, So I went and got the fruit from the kitchen and then she was laying on her massage bed and I was just like, you want me to feed it to you?
I thought about Erica. She's like, will you?
And I was just like feeding her fruit while she was laying on the bed naked about to get a massage, and she was just smiling, and I was like, Erica was right, we needed to feed the bitches fruit.
This is how you build trust. Well yeah, I mean I was, I mean, I don't know. I mean I guess, yes, yes, I wish I could. I wish I could say that. I totally knew that. But it was symbolic.
It was symbolic of just being able to nurture a woman without it being weird or or like I think even in our regular friendship sometimes you're like you have friends for so long, You're like you can't be like cuddle me, you know what EVE mean? Like you when you have friendships for a long time, you almost forget
to be like delicate with them. You forget to be like, it's easier to be delicate with someone you just met because you I don't know what it is like, whereas other people you've had, you have this hard exterior up and so you're kind of like, I'm good, I'm cool, I don't need this. But in this space, I I really understood the assignment of women need to feel cared for. And I and I and I realize Erica and ice friendship is not run of the mill. It's not like
all the time you find a friendship like this. Me and Erica are very platonically lesbian. We're always loving on each other, We're always you know, affirming each other. We have we've had the gift of recognizing it and continuing that theme in that thread throughoutur relationship. And so it really gave us the opportunity to like extend that to other people.
And it was really beautiful.
You know.
I felt the trust raise, I felt people.
Be vulnerable, and that's what we told them when they came, like, if you need to cry, that's fine. This is not a place to hold back, to hold back and in fact.
You know none of these bitches, so you have nothing to lose. You have nothing to lose.
And I think that was the big like everyone kind of realized, oh shit, I don't have anything to lose, coming in and just letting it go, letting dropping all of the bag and letting off the guards. And and I think I think that when me and Mila were kind of dissecting our friendship and trying to understand what we what we were going to contribute to this, to this retreat as far as like you know, we had a we had our own workshop, our first workshop ever,
and we were a bit nervous. But then I really started thinking about like what are what is what are the foundation of our friendship? Like how did we feel comfortable sharing? How did we feel vulnerable so quickly?
How did we feel like, wow, I can trust this person? And like it was it was a level of feeling like cared for by one another. It was a level of like I don't have shit to lose. I don't know this bitch. I'm just gonna ask or whatever the fuck I feel like asking her, and she's going to answer because she doesn't have shit to lose. I think just using our friendship as the basis of how we can get these women to connect, and actually that kind of we didn't necessarily have this whole thing wrapped up
in a pretty bow. When we were in that musical massage, like all of it kind of really came together for me because I was thinking how audio has been such a crucial part of our evolution, and how for me music and for everyone I think music is such it's something that is nostalgic, it's something that's comforting, it's something that tells a story. And I was thinking, like, what
is it that? What is it actually that made me feel safe enough to share some of the most intimate parts of my life with you, And a lot of that was I didn't know you. A lot of that was you being vulnerable with me early on and not holding back gave me the space to feel like I can share that with you. And then I think a lot of that too was me. I didn't realize who was listening on the podcast I was really talking to, and it was like I was talking to an empty
room essentially because I didn't think anybody was listening. So I felt safe to do that, and I was because I know that like, I'm not as open as Mila, like I'm not that's not And I realized that most people aren't, you know, like and so how was I going to get How are we going to get women that don't know each other that came out here from a foreign like came to a foreign country, are rooming with strangers to feel vulnerable enough to just open up quickly.
We only have five days to get these bitches to be besties. Were able to marry our friendship, our foundation of audio and feeling like no one's listening to equal
vulnerability for these women. And by the end of our workshop, women were crying and sharing some of the most intimate details of their life with each other and embracing and that really set the tone for the rest of the retreat, and I think gave women the opportunity to connect in a way that they would never I think a lot of these women in their daily life, had they met each other, they would be haters. Some of them would
hate on each other. Not to say, like, you know, if you're listening you were at the retreat, I'm not calling you a hater, but I'm just saying, like, there was a level of vulnerability and judgment that didn't exist because of where we were, because you had to surrender because you had no choice. You couldn't just pack up and leave.
You couldn't close someone you're comfortable with you. You were there alone, and it was like, damn, I could do this or I could not, but everyone's doing it, and it really wouldn't serve me not to. I think also, I think one of the things that came up during this, you know, this initial workshop, was just that it just
became very clear. So obviously, of course I incorporated Mila's moans because it's super important, but it made me realize just immediately how much people needed to cry scream, even if we didn't know where the root of their pain was coming from. You can hear your neighbors screaming, and you felt her pain. And I think that one of
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It doesn't matter if you want to judge. We all are hurting in some way. We've all been hurt, and like that common thread of just feelings and emotions and just having to to process them was I think what kind of initially cracked the shit open because it reminded you that everybody is dealing with shit. You know, when you share with someone, you don't know that, and even if you wanted to judge them initially, when you are blindfolded and then just hear their true feelings, then you remember,
like other human just like me. They're women just like me, and they're dealing with shit that I have no idea about. And it reminds you to kind of let your fucking ego down and kind.
Of just come to each other, women to women. You know. After we completed Retreat one, which was incredible, I fucking literally there was a moment I went into the ocean and I fucking cried by myself for like five minutes because I couldn't believe that this is my this is what I'm doing. I was like, what the fuck? This
is my job. I'm in Costa Rica with twenty plus women, showing them this beautiful beach that I've been on with my best friend with my kid, and now I'm back bringing these women here getting paid to do it, but also like beyond getting paid, like helping them heal something anything, whether it's the tiniest thing, and also healing myself while I'm doing it. I just couldn't believe it. I was like,
how did this happen? How did I do this? And it's and then I was thinking like, well, and I know we talked about manifesting all the time, but like early on in our podcasting journey, me and Mila, I think we were looking at like different people's instagrams and feeling like less than and like comparing ourselves and like, I remember, there's this one girl, what's her instagram my epiphany If you guys follow her, She's always traveling with
her child, living in the best fucking life, amazing photos, looking bomb ass fuck all the time. And I was like, how the fuck do I do this? How the fuck do I travel and like do cool shit and get paid. I was like, I really want to do this, we want to do this. How do I do this? And I kind of like left it behind in the back of my mind. But like that's the thing about manifesting.
It's like, yes, it's intentional and stuff, but sometimes it's like you saying it out loud, planting the seating you're subconscious and letting your conscious work on it, whether or not you even realize you're actually working towards that. And then I realized when I was in that water, I was like, oh my god, like I did it. How the fuck did I do it? I did it. I did it on my own terms, though, Like I'm doing it on my own terms, and I just couldn't believe it.
And then seeing Retreat one happened and then seeing Retreat two happen, you know, there it was a totally it was totally two different groups of women. Like Retreat one, a lot of healing happened, a lot of fun happened. Retreat to a lot of work was being done, a lot of healing work had to be done. This group was heavier emotionally.
They were holding on to more things. And you know, I think like Eric and I, we know, like we're aware of our power in some ways, but like we talk on the mic and then it's out in the ether and we go home, you know, and of course we get like DMS. We readed the reviews, but there was a point on the retreat and we were talking, so shout out to Jesse for coming and bringing coming
with the shits. But we're like our friend, one of our friends also divine fucking alignment just happened to be in Costa Rica finishing another retreat the day that the second group came, jumped on the bus with them, just took a whim, came impromptu to the retreat and really set shit off. I think we really needed her. I don't think again, Erica and I knew what we were doing, but I don't think we recognize the amount of work that was going to be being done and how much
space we were going to be holding. And at one point we were talking like, oh yeah, she was on the show to the girls. Some of the girls and never even listened to the show, but I remember two girls saying like, oh yeah, I remember I was in the supermarket, and another girl saying, oh yeah, I do remember this episode.
I was at work, and.
It just dawned on me, like wow, like all every week we do these things and they're being received in real time with real people all over the world, and it just really put in perspective how much like how much our words have helped people, how much like our words are being received by women, And I don't know, there was just a real wave for me of understanding of my own power and like I'm a friendly bitch.
You know. I said this all the time, and I do a lot of talking and a lot of like, I'm very empathetic and sometimes you know, growing up, I'm like, bitch, you've got to stop loving everyone. But in this work, it really made me realize like, oh, this is what I'm supposed to be doing. This is where my where the empathy and the love and the connection, my deep connections with everybody actually makes sense. I've been preparing for this moment. I've been preparing to love on women. I've
been preparing for to cultivate sisterhoods. I've been preparing to project my like my gifts in this way. And it was just so deeply like it felt like like like, I know, we've been doing this shit for four years, but it felt like, oh, like it all kind of like came together. It made sense, you know, like this
is the work that you've been doing. Sometimes we're talking talking, talking, talking our shit, talking about our sex, and it just seems like funny in a joke, and it is, but there's been real work done to arrive at this point. And when you see it cultivate amongst a group of women that are coming from all different places. It really really,
it really makes a difference. Like I'm like, oh shit, I am a healer, you know, oh should I do have this power to open up and in turn other people will open up too.
For sure. I mean, I think it definitely affirmed that for me as well, like what my powers are and what I can contribute to this world and what I've already contributed, and that I don't have to worry, and to go back to your affirmation about like I am safe because of me. I think that this retreat was a testament to that, that being able to complete it, being able to execute it, being able to just do
it overall. And it had nothing to do with anybody else, had nothing to do with a man, It had nothing to do with you know, anything, anyone doing us any favors. Yes, and that people came. It was like you put out the call and people come and it let me. It just reaffirmed that we can do anything, you know, we can do anything, and that we do we have a response, We do have a great responsibility because people do listen. People are listening. People are listening weekly, whether it's funny
or not. Like it's affecting them in one way. Or another good or bad, hopefully only good. And it's a responsibility that I happily take on. It's a responsibility that I love and accept.
It felt like the universe was saying, you know, we've been talking about there being like an awakening of thee of women in this time. We've talked about this a lot, talking about there being attack on free women, that there's being an awaken awakening of women, that there's a something happening where a lot of women are coming together.
And this was just like.
I felt the call be put out, and it was like, we need to re establish the sacred feminine and here you go.
That and death that for sure also and reaffirming the
sacred feminine. How masculine we are as women, How we've taken on so much masculine energy because we have had to, especially mothers, especially single mothers, who you know, have to figure it out even more so in ways and have to, you know, just take on a lot of the responsibility that is masculine and you know that independent woman per se that really and even we were having this conversation with this woman that we met towards the end of our trip, and she was saying, how the how women
have forgotten to and it made me think of Daphne and The Soft Woman. If you haven't listened to that episode, it's called The Soft Woman featuring Daphne Wayne's. Most of you hated that episode because she basically was saying how there needs to be a return of a softer side of women, that we need to not essentially submit to our man, but like be softer for our man, and
at that time I really did not agree. Now looking back two years later and seeing where we're at even in feminism, how feminism itself has a lot of masculine
energy in it. And the woman that I was talking to, Costa Rica, she was saying how the feminine, the feminist movement was has been very detrimental to the sacred feminine because it has removed a lot of femininity and made us have to move into this more masculine space where we have to prove our femininity and be aggressive and fight the good fight, and left this space of like real true femininity empty and like looking down on the woman who you know is happy, wants to just be
just be a mother. And I'm guilty of that. I'm guilty of like being super masculine. I feel like i've here. I hear it all the time too from men that I emasculate them, and I probably do. I probably do because I've had to take on so many roles and I don't have my patient sys. Then I don't have the time. Even if I do, I don't want to take the time and reaffirming that or reminding me that
it's okay, it's okay to just be feminine. It's okay too, you know, just really tap into just that and that me being an independent woman doesn't mean that I have to take on this role of I got I got to handle everything by myself. I got to do it all by myself. I got to carry all this shit by myself. Still, it's a balancing act because like now I'm back and I'm back into the swing of things,
I'm back to the reality of life. If I'm back to the reality that yep, I'm a single mom, still still here being single, and like, how do I balance this new found femininity with the reality of my life, and that is that I am playing many roles. I am also playing the role of father and at times with my daughter and not to diminish her father's role, but like, yeah, like I am taking on that role sometimes and how do I balance that with me wanting to feel feminine all the time?
And and then something like really magical. I don't know magical.
I think.
When you are making space for things, when you're when you're encouraging women to let go of things and peel back layers. And you know, we had a manifestation dinner and like asking to call on the things that you want and asking women to kind of come in terms of the things that they've been holding on too.
They need to let go of.
I think a lot of times in our daily lives, we're holding onto stuff and just doing.
Doing, doing.
We're not even recognizing that it's layering the hardness on. It's just pasting it on, pasting it on more and more because we're just in survival mode. You know, you have to get shit done, you have to feed the kids, you.
Have to wash clothes.
It's just like every day happens, you forget about yourself, you forget that you've put all these heavy things on you. And you know, in week one, probably by like day three, women started to get sick and I became extremely scared. I was like, oh my god, bitches are getting sick. And the weird thing was, no, we all were eating the same meals and people were in separate, different rooms getting sick. It just wasn't making sense. And I was like, I just I don't want anyone to be sick.
We were when she says sick, I'm throwing up.
Throwing up like projectile, throwing up diarrhea like there is it was. It became like a lot of people were getting sick and then they'd be fine. So at one point a Landra shout out to the island Bruha. She was doing tarot readings, and she said to me, you know, I realized people are getting sick.
You know, I want you to know.
You guys are doing a lot of work and when you manifest things, you have to get rid of things and it will come out physically. And it dawned on me like, oh oh, I never thought about this emotional work manifesting physically. So I was like, okay, And actually that was the only thing I could make sense of.
It was nothing else was making sense.
I was like, oh my god, I hope nobody got COVID, you know, like we're in this weird ass times. If everyone anyone gets sick, it's a fucking the end of the world. I'm like, I hope it's not the food, and it wasn't. It was literally people were purging and because the work we were doing, it was coming out physically. You know when you come into a space and you were just cracked open immediately and you're just like, fuck it, I'm going to release these things I've been holding on
for years and months. Your body is almost in shock by it. You know, when you've let things add up and lie dormant and you're in your body and your emotions, it will come up in your physical And like I said, it was a very intensive six days and it wasn't like we were doing light work. We dug right the fucking immediately. We didn't have a lot of time, and you know, whereas Erica and I've had the opportunity to kind of gradually tell our story, gradually come to terms
with things, gradually release things. Every week, we've gradually said Okay, now I feel more comfortable, I'm going to.
Let this go.
You know, I'm going to say this, But we kind of just like cracked it open immediately, and you know, by the last day, everybody was fine. Everybody was in great spirits, everybody was healthy.
But you know what, it's even even when they weren't fine, like it was almost like they were I was worried that people were going to start flipping out, like I need to go to the hospital. No one said that. It's almost like everyone knew, regardless of what whether they were aware of it, that they were they that they had to kind of let it pass, and that they had to just be cool with it, and that they
had to surrender. And there was even one girl that she was like, when I was, I was throwing up and I couldn't stop throwing up five in the morning, at five in the morning, and something in me just said surrender. And no, they said let it go, let it go. And then when she did the next morning, she was fine. And so you know, and and multiple people too that are from Costa Rica were like, yeah, when you when you come to this land, be prepared to get sick. There's people for you to have to
let shit go. You got a land, doesn't let you hold on to shit on top of it. If you are one of those women that are holding on to a lot of masculine energy, all this feminine energy will purge the fuck out of you. And and that's that's what I witnessed in both groups. Both groups experienced this, and it was really amazing to see. It was really amazing to see each other, like roommates, support one another
and help each other. I think that also gave first of all, made people very vulnerable and allowed other women to support women through it. So not only you know, breaking down barriers with our workshop and all the work that was being done, but allowing the women to come together and support one another through those type of things I think was really important.
And then of course, you know, I don't think even Erica and I were aware that it was going to manifest that way and like illness, obviously that's not who you're wunning, but that's how shit happens. And then week two came and guess what, after the first workshop, same thing.
It just started getting sick. And at that point we kind of knew what to expect and we kind of told them like, don't worry, but this is what happened last week, and it's to purge and kind of be aware that you have to let it go, don't hold on to it, and it just was a continue, like a continuous thread, and the same thing. By the last day.
By the last two days, everybody was fine, you know, and it was like kind of like eerie, but like it was a testament that like, yes, we were doing work, and if you're not down was doing the work, you're not going to get what you came to get. You know. It's it's it was it was fun but and it was play, but it was also like time to come in and go back different.
One of the women that came week two, she has a new baby and she's married, and she was saying how basically like sex has been off the table for a while, and how and that being in this space with all these this feminine energy and allowing herself to kind of just like be vulnerable and break down had kind of reactivated her sex drive. And she was sharing with us like at dinner, which is I love this.
I love that, like we created a space where like women can like be really excited to share certain things, and like we're at dinner and she's like, you, guys, guess what I masturbated yesterday. And I came and I was like she and I was like, well, where did you masturbate because you have a roommate. She's like outside
looking up at the stars. Was fucking amazing. And then a few like a few days ago, uh, in our slack group, because we have, you know, our dedicated slack groups for each retreat, and Valentine's Day had just passed, and she was saying, Oh my god, I just had the most amazing like you know, I think I shared this with you guys, is that, like my sex drive had been really low up until this retreat and I just couldn't wait to get back to my husband and
going back Jesse. Shout out to Jesse, who we talked about it a second ago. Her instagram is Sweet Love Sanctuary and make sure you guys follow her. Gave her kind of a ritual to do with her husband or do you know, do with your lover on Valentine's Day, and she was saying how she got in the bath
with her husband. They poured honey all over each other, spoke positive affirmations to one another about their sex life, about their kid, about their financials, and they had the like the most amazing two hour sex experience that they've ever had. And I thought, Wow, isn't that amazing how feminine energy activated her sex drive. It wasn't about a masculine it wasn't about the masculine energy. It was something
about being in nature with a bunch of women. And I want to be clear, it wasn't like we're over there having orgies and shit. It was very platonic. It was very not lesbian. No, but that that was what she needed in order to kind of open up herself in that way and feel connected to herself that way.
She was saying how her body for so long didn't feel like her own because she was still breastfeeding, and that she didn't feel sexual, but being out there and being and tapping into herself and and it was She's one of those She's one of the people that I just loved watching her journey from the beginning to end, and her transformation was so beautiful. Uh, And just knowing that we just need each other, we really do, like
really we really just need each other. I mean, yes, men, you guys are so important and not downplaying the role of a man and how important they are. Y'all are the sprinkles on on top of our Sunday, but the foundation and like the meat of who we are and where we feel safest is with one another. And I'm just so grateful that I was able to witness that in real time, because I think even I needed to witness that.
And.
I just can't wait to do it again.
I really can't. I feel fucking activated as fuck. I feel like I needed that. I feel like I needed to meet every single woman. I feel like I'm coming back with like forty three new friends. I'm feeling humbled and just like just just humbled, you know, just in the magic that we were able to cultivate together. At one point, we had a lot of ceremonies, you know, we held a lot of we had a lot of altars,
We called in a lot of our ancestors. Like I said, we just really worked with the elements and with like with with ourselves, and I'm so grateful for the woman like coming in open that way. At one point we did a morn Every week was different. You know, what happened week one didn't happen week two, even the like you know, the itinerary which had to change slightly. And there was a point where we did a morning at seven am ceremony with Sylvia and shout out to Sylvia
who also did our natal chart. We have an episode with her, but we were doing a release, I believe, and someone said, you know, I felt my grandmother on my left side, and then someone else said, yeah, I felt like my grandmother telling me to just laugh, and I didn't laugh. I don't know why I didn't. I felt like it was an inappropriate time, but I was just like, in what other space would we be able to be like, Oh, I felt the I felt my ancestors on my right side.
It told me to laugh.
You know, we really created the safe space. Like I think sometimes we're so busy that we forget that the mystic is our communication with God, you know it is are there are these signs. Nothing is really just like a coincidence. Most things are intentional. And if you ask, if you open yourself up and ask to get answers, nine times out of ten, the universe is going to deliver to you. Now if you're it's different, if you're gonna be receptive enough to to to take them and
understand them. But it really brought warmed my heart that there were women who are willing to you know, speak on these testimonies and saying this is how I'm feeling, and this is like, this is what I needed to release, And this is like, actually I felt my grandmother to tell me this. Oh I was throwing up and I felt spirit tell me let go. I don't think we are put in enough friendships and enough situations where we can be transparent in that way because it sounds, well,
you know, it's like white people shit. You know, like, oh, if you scream and yell and moan like jump up and down, that's white people shit. You know, oh, you're you're fucking kombay eyeing naked around the pool, that's white people shit.
But it's like, no, a bit, it's human people shit. And we all need to do it.
And we're so caught up in being, you know whatever, with how we look and like having our guards up that sometimes things will be clear and will ignore them because it doesn't make sense. No one's going to understand that I'm not going to be like these this.
That, you know.
But most of the times, those are the voices you need to listen to. Those are the signs you need to listen to. And I was just grateful to have women, despite religion, despite background, whatever, they were all coming open
to tap into themselves. You know, this was a group experience and we did a lot of collective healing, but the tapping into yourself was really what we were pushing, like, it was really about what the work you're doing with you And obviously the support of each other just helped
because we're all doing the same work together. But I was just extremely grateful that we were all open to kind of understanding that answers and God come in many forms, and that that could be through ass that could be through dance, that could be through laughing so hard, that could be through moaning, that could be through screaming. You know, you know, literally there's a point like we were just
doing cartwheels naked in the grass. You know, it was just like an opportunity to be childlike and just not give a fuck and just be giggly and everything was funny and like we were smoking weed and it's just like there was there was nothing to be afraid of because there was no predators, there was no men. There was just it was an absolute safe space to just be.
Like I feel like I'm gonna twerk. My I want to twerk and I don't give a fuck, and no one's gonna come behind me and try to like dance with me, you know, like you forget how like that right there, like that concept when a Landra did our did a workshop where we were moving our bodies and just having fun and dancing, Like I forgot how how much we don't get to just be our sensual selves in public without feeling attacked, feeling the male gaze, feeling like we have have to be a certain way to
be appealing to someone else instead of just I want to fucking move my body just like this, because this is how the fuck I feel like it, you know. And like one of the women from Retreat one was like, I haven't moved I realized when I was in that workshop, Like I felt like I caught the Holy ghost, is
what she said. And she was like, I I haven't moved my body in that way and so long, and yeah, there's just so many amazing moments that I just it would take four episodes to really just dig all the way in.
And I don't even know if you if if that's possible, you'd really really.
You really have to come. You just gonna have to come. You're gonna have to come.
But like I was in tears, like at the departure of every group. I was just in an overwhelmed gratitude the entire time because I just felt like, I don't know, not like finally the podcast made sense, but finally like it did. It was just like came together. I was like, oh, this is what we've been doing, oh like getting women to trust each other, getting women to trust themselves, getting
women to come as they are. Like it really finally made sense to me, Like I feel I come back into this space so fucking activated.
Nobody can tell me shit. Like as I'm giving women.
Advice the release shit, I'm also like, bitch you too, you need to release those niggas that don't serve.
You need to release that.
If they're if someone's opinion of you is not like the opinion of yourself, fuck them, let them go.
You know.
I think it was just a really true testament to.
How you are enough.
We are enough as we are, and there really doesn't have to be There's just not a lot of extra to it. You are the fuck enough. And I think reminding women of that kind of reminded me of that, you know, like, damn, you believed me and you came here, and now I'm believing myself and I'm doing this, leading this workshop, and women are just like, oh, you know, I saw you on the internet. I saw you on Instagram being so sensual and sexual and free.
Like it made me want to come on the retreat.
I was like, really, I thought about posting that picture like fifteen times before I did it. But just knowing that we're all so deeply intertwined and like we're all here to serve each other and heal each other, and like, I know everyone on Instagram is like putting healer in their bio, but women truly actually are healers. You know, we are healers of one another, and like that that's that, Mama patchya, Like that's our like, that's our sacred gift.
We heal and we actually have the power to heal ourselves and each other if we just allow ourselves to surrender to what that looks like or doesn't look like. You know, this was a very untraditional retreat. You know, if you've been on a retreat, it wasn't like that retreat.
This retreat was different.
Came with niggas oiled up, came with blunts, came you know, it came with screaming and crying and meal and moaning. It came with, you know, it just came with a lot of different elements that I don't think we realized was going to cultivate this amazing.
It came with like real sisterhood. It came with like, you left with friends. If you don't have friends, come on this motherfucking retreat, you will have friends by the end. It's just like inevitable. You just there's no choice, You have no choice.
I know, I'm like planning a trip in slack right now, like we're going to hedonism. But yeah, I'm extremely proud of this work that we're doing. I'm extremely proud of of us. I'm extremely proud of every single woman who came out. I'm so proud of all of the healers and women who contributed their time and space to these women. It showed like we put a lot of work into this, and now we're doing another one and I'm looking.
Even I'm looking forward to that because I know.
Just the power of this shit, the power of purging, the power of stepping into your shit, the power of saying yes and yeah, it was fucking mystical, magical shit happened on this trip. Like on some real shit. Every day, every single day, I had goosebumps of Wow, this shit is intentional and divine and I'll never forget it. I definitely feel like it was life changing for me.
It was. It was a card started, my dear, because we never forget to do our tarroo time.
And the card that you pulled was the Night of Swords, and it's about It's about being ambitious, action oriented, driven to success, driven to succeed, and fast thinking. And basically it's as with all knights of the tarot deck, the Night of Swords is a man or woman on a mission. Once he has his mind set on something, nothing is stopping him. As a sword card, this night actively uses
the power of his intellect to achieve his goals. When the Night of Swords appears in a tarot reading, it is a sign that you are highly driven, ambitious, and action oriented. You are so highly motivated to succeed that you will stop at nothing to pursue your dreams. The challenges, difficulties and obstacles on the path of head of head don't phase you because you know where you want to go. Move forward with sheer strength and determination to make things happen.
It suggests that you were quick to take action and tend not to plan ahead, instead preferring to dive right in, thrive on high levels of energy and propel you forward and inspire you to take action to manifest your goals.
So I just I do feel like.
This has been We've been driving really fast in a direction and going really hard and knowing that the work was important, but this retreat solidified how important the work is, how important the mending of female relationship is, how important the mending of self and release. And yeah, that makes sense.
Yeah, I mean I definitely feel driven. I feel more driven than ever to you know, accomplish my goals to keep moving towards this, keep moving towards my own personal healing and being able to facilitate that for other women. A lot of me and Mila's work is our own self work that we you know, bring you out on our journey of healing and hope that you know it works for you too. And I think that that the
retreat was kind of a manifestation of that. And I just know that I can't stop here, I can't stop now, can't stop. I know, I really was feeling like goddess energy.
I mean, like, not only did it we pay to men to just like look sexy and like serve women, which made me feel really powerful. I was like, Wow, I made this happen. I'm a bass which we even bought them like matching shorts from Riot. Shout out to Ryant Swim, who's sponsored the Good Vibe retreat. But I was like, I like the idea of telling men what to do and telling them to serve us. I felt like that's a part of the sacred feminine that we
forget that, like, you're here to serve us. It's true, we're here to serve each other, but it has to first go go both ways. So like after the retreat, me and Erica had been around a lot of women for many, many, many many days and slept in a bed for like two weeks together, so we were kind of like our fangs maybe came out a little bit and this this.
Yeah, so we have an epic horry that we're going to save for Patreos now.
An epic Valentine's Day hory. When we were really channeling our inner goddess, our inner goddess.
Energy, and we decided that we were going to get what we wanted, and we did. We did, we fucking did.
Okay, even if we had to share it, we were going to make it happen. So make sure you turn into Patreon to get that story. I don't think that everyone needs.
To hear that story.
Yeah, yeah, we're going to save that for the Patreon. It's pretty fucking good. It's really good, pretty fucking epic.
We're rock stars. We are uh, definitely rock stars.
Definitely women who get what we want in all areas of life, and I encourage every woman listening to do the same. If you've been thinking about going to Costa Rica, going on a retreat, going to make some friends, I think that you found your place.
The Good Vibe Retreat is the bomb for sure. Make sure you go follow our retreat page at the Good Vibe Retreat so that you can be the first to know when our next retreat is because we've already planned it.
It's this year, so don't fret you don't have the way to next year. We're doing it this year, we're doing it twice. We're doing it again, and this is going to be amazing, just like it was this time. But so thank you, thank you, Erica for joining me on this journey.
Well that's it.
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In SUSSA, this is Yah Ellen j solo ball record Elas