Therapy Saved My Life Feat. Yaris Sanchez

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As I left the car in the parking lot, I reach into my purse again, but this time for my iPhone. I could use a great listener, And at this point I didn't care who it was or where the empathy was coming from. I obviously couldn't have been killing it more as a professional. I mean, there was headed to an event where they were going to be honoring me for Christ's sake. The moment I set foot in any office, I was a queen, comfortable and commanding in her castle.

Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Nila.

Happy Wednesday, Happy Wednesday, bechees.

You don't even realize we need to do what? We need a Humpday shirt? Ooh, you know what I think?

I told you this?

You did.

I feel like me and Erica are pinking in the brain. I'd be like, let's do this, and then three days later she's like, I have the greatest idea. I'd be like, Erica, I literally said this to.

You when recently, like a month ago, Well, why didn't we do it?

Because I probably forgot I was expecting you to remember. I'm happy to remember.

Here we are.

We do you need a Humpty shirt? Because we'll be humped.

We do and our podcast comes out on Humpty because it's important.

Yeah.

Amen, how are you feeling?

I'm good. I'm good. I'm comfy in my good mom's merch today. You know, I have our vintage tea on. I know you look beautiful. I love our this shirt specifically because I feel like it just goes with everything.

It really does, and it looks classy and it just like it has a nice vintage wash on it, and it fits on the breast just perfectly.

It looks good with my gold accents and jewelery. Yes, there are about some gold loving beaches. I know. I tried to like this is silver. It's like the only silver thing I own. It's cute. I mean it has gold on it.

Yeah, I couldn't stray because gold is for royalties with silver flour coourse.

The fuck pants medium to wealthy peasants, medium wealth. It's for medium wealth. But girl, this is for grand wealth.

Oh okay, got it? Yal okay. I'm so excited.

I feel like I'm all energized because Costa Rica is very soon. I'm feeling in my wellness space. I'm ready to like just let go and crack open and cry and shit. I've been in therapy, so I'm just feeling just rather empowered and ready for twenty twenty two. Someone told me that twenty twenty one whatever, it's a year of a five, twenty twenty.

One and that's not good.

What but twenty do that? But twenty twenty one. But twenty twenty two is a year of a six, so that's good.

Oh okay, so yeah, but this year's good. I don't know. I'm not mad at this.

I'm not mad at twenty twenty two, and everything's I did well, We're not mad at twenty twenty one, twenty one. It feels better to be in twenty five.

Better here. But I was good there. I mean, I had a lot of anxiety, but I had to face it, and I feel better. I've been facing that, so I haven't had like a lot of anxiety over the last few weeks or months.

Yeah, I feel renewed.

I'm sorry, guys, I'm high. Heard the usual. I took a tink shure, which I usually don't do, but if you.

Ask me right before, She's like, should I take this? You got you really high? And I was like, yeah, but I had COVID. When I took it, I didn't know I had COVID and I took the shit and I was hallucinating basically, so I said.

I take it upon myself to take a full tink shirt today. Feeling good, feeling right.

Well, don't worry, baby girl, I'll take the reins from here. Thanks you guys. Today we have a special guest. We have yet me sucking it up, Saddy Sanchez us in our accents.

Today we have Chatty Sanchez.

You like my sexy voice, Chattis I did that?

Yeah, you guys made it sound really cute, really sexy.

Jatty Sanchez is here. She is the mama entrepreneur. Do her of many things. I've been stalking your instagram and looking. I was like, she's a chef. I'm like, I need to come to her house. Plus, her kitchen looks really nice. I was like, what is his countertop?

Me and Erica are like niggas sliding your DM so hard, Like she looks so pretty, she looks so cool.

Oh she could cook.

I love cook, I know, and actually sounds smart. Connected us and he was like, you have to meet her, egg because that's how you are. Yeah yeah, yeah, it.

Was like, no, you have to meet her. You guys are going to be best friends.

From now on. Like I was, like, he's so full of positive energy.

He's happy. Bay guys, we talked about talked about him in the past, but like, yeah, you've talked about him on this podcast. Yeah, and he but he's like one of my best friends. Like I love that man dearly, and his energy is unmatched. It's unmatched, and he's a great connection. Truly.

I had a dream about him last night, really, but I think because I was coming here. The dream was that he was trying to hire an assistant.

I literally feel like he's with health.

With health benefits.

Specially I got to care about over there care and ship.

I was like, Wow, this is a great job. We're going to give her health benefits.

Sounds like him, I really care about her well being, making sure that she can also get therapy while working with him.

I literally I wish that I could read dreams, because this is quite the specific one.

Very I have very wild, vivid dreams me too, very very wild vivid.

When's your birthday?

February eleven? Oh, Aquarius, Aquarius? What about you?

Guys?

Cancer cool even to the stars and moons and knowledge?

Yeah I am, yeah, you know you're rising in yours?

What tors rising capricorn moon.

Are you very organized?

Yeah, I think like I'm very organized, and I think like because Aquariuses are also very just like aloof and like very airy, go with the flow, right, But the Capricorn grounds me in which like I work really hard, I'm almost orcolic like, and i really need to accomplish things, like I'm very big on that. So that's where that comes from. And then Taurus is like super earth grounded down.

My daughter's a Taurus. I think my daughter too really game is my name some advice because she'll be a teenager one day? Yeah, they say the Taurus is also love luxury, which I've seen across the board. My god, seen it across the boarding my six year old.

Yeah, my friend's been calling me bougie lately, just lately, more now than ever.

But it's just because I just like nice things and comfortable things in my home.

Like I think as you get older too, like it's just like that's you lean into that, you lean into whatever it is you're meant to lean into. And Tauruses, y'all love some comfortable, luxurious shit at all times, including my six year old child, which is strange.

What does she what is it?

She just likes like, first of all, she's like a little bit o CD, like she needs things to be like organized and clean, and she just loves soft things like she's really into like, oh my god, my daughter too, yeah, blankets, soft, sweatshirts, soft, anything like yeah, And it's the same way and just like cute shit. She just always wants like I don't know.

Was speaking of the moons and the stars were such ally bitches. What's your sign?

What's your rising? I know what's your moon.

It's Tarot time, lady time, and today, well actually shout out to the mahogany tarot deck that we've been using to Kashira Hickson.

Go and check out the mahogany tarot deck. It's a black deck and it's mom.

But today we pulled the World card, and I I feel like, I don't know if we've ever pulled this card on the show, but the World card is I think it's about travel. And there's a naked woman wrapped in a purple cloth dancing inside a large lotrel wreath and she looks behind to her past while her body moves forward to the future, and her hands are two wands or baton's like the one the magician holds. It is a symbol that what was manifested with Magician has

Okay, maybe that speaks to you. I mean it speaks to me.

I think all of us are workaholics. Yeah, and the completetion sometimes it's like setting back, basking and what you've completed. Yeah, sometimes it's hard for me to I don't I complete shit. I don't even acknowledge it. I just keep going yeah, yeah, I know, yeah, we're company over here. But yeah, sometimes I complete ship and I don't even realize I completed it. Like I moved on so quick that I didn't even celebrate the win of the completion of the thing.

Well, because there's like then you've won and you have to hold on to the wind, and like how do you propel, Like how do you not go back down.

From the wind sphere.

That's like the thing I talked about last year saying how like I'm a little bit afraid of success because I don't know how I will maintain it, Like there's this like level of life, especially like I'm glad that like the progression of our podcast on our show has been slow, because it's like when people go from like zero to one hundred, Like I feel like there's even more anxiety are at least there would be for me?

Yeah, right, I always hear that it's much better. Like gradual successes is a lot long term mentality, right, you want to think long term, so it's gonna take a while to to.

Build, you know.

Like I always think like how jay Z didn't put out his first album, I think until he was twenty six or twenty seven, and I think something like that, which is considered like older, right, but look at him, you know, slow and steady, like when.

I mean look at no, look at uh this he two chains oh changed? Okay? Oh yeah, his career his forties, I.

Think he was he was, yeah, he was around for a minute, but like obviously did his pops in that.

Big success he had a different name.

He was like Rapha andandered it a whole different Yeah, and has come a long motherfucking way just being steady steady.

But I mean, I mean we're talking about men. I think the society is a lot more forgiving with men when it comes to that. I think with women especially, it's a lot different, especially if you're in certain forms of you know, entertainment specifically. Yeah, I mean, God.

Was the expiration on you? Oh my god?

What was I watching?

I was watching something about like this actress was saying.

Like the Hollywood expiration date for actresses is like forty, Like after forty her career changed and she couldn't even get acting roles, and like it was just like the agist in that in the industry of acting. I mean I've even felt that way too, like being like being acting since I'm like a kid, and then like getting older and older still not making it in the way that I wanted to, and be like am I going to age out of this shit or whatever?

I even get where I feel like I should be.

Yeah, I mean it's it's it's in so many industries, like the money, but I think that it's fake, It's not real. Obviously because we all age, I know, I'd just mean like not the aging part, but like that you have to like hurry up and accomplish this thing by a certain age, yeah, you know, and certainly like social media doesn't help that in any way. I know, you age out of that.

You just it's just all these expectations at certain ages, especially because you see like nineteen year olds, you know, like the millionaires, and you think it's just like everyone's supposed to do it at the same time, like the seven year old has a million dollar YouTube?

What the fuck am I doing? It's true, you know, seven year old in comparison is hard. Well that was a beautiful card, it is.

I feel really I'm looking forward to like I mean, I feel like we're embodying it, and I feel like I'm in that flow of just like you know, like finally coming up and even just like just getting our whole all of our shit organized one like slowly, one by one, including ourselves, you know, going to therapy, getting an account and getting this shit, like you know, the little shit, like just the little therapy shout out to therapy.

When did you start taking therapy?

And I love my therapist MS Marie.

Oh my god, you gotta stay therapist. Therapist.

Wait Marie, she's over here and I've seen it.

Yes, oh my god, yes, yeah, oh my god.

Yeah, I'm so yeah, that's fucking great.

So wait a minute, oh my god. When you just start going to miss Marie probably.

Like five and a half years ago, what five or six years ago.

Isn't she amazing?

I fucking love her.

I love her so much, like she's like mom Auntie.

Yeah, she just keeps she's so she keeps it real. Yeah, because I'm grateful that she was my intro into therapy. I did go to like maybe one or two sessions, but it was just like, I just love that she doesn't just of course she says, well what do you think about that? Right? And then she'll also be like.

Girl, you craty.

Yeah, girl, you already know that nigga's not for you. Yeay, she just like I even brought I had a boyfriend last year. We brought her a year before in twenty twenty years, I went to.

Go here, I brought trying to have you bring him in.

No, No, she didn't have him. It was him, And I was like, well, if we're gonna go to therapy. We're going to my doctor or my therapist. And we went and the girl at I could see her face. Like the first few sessions she was like, girl, what are you doing? What are you doing? And then like the last session we had with him, she was like, honey, you should come by yourself one day. You should come because I hadn't been in solo therapy for a while. So I came. Yeah, she did. She had a message

She's like, Nila, I went to see my therapist alone. She had to post it with bullet points.

Stitch. She had a posted with bullet points as to the reasons why, which she needed to talk to me about immediately. In the red flag that she was saying, she was like, you've done a lot of work on yourself, Like I know the work that you've done. You know you know that this is not right if you're in therapy. You already know, like it's too soon. You all should not be in therapy.

No, she's been such an integral part of my growth the last three years.

Like I love her so much.

That's so cool. That's so cool. I'm going to see her actually soon, so I'm gonna be like, wait.

A minute, I am see you tomorrow. Oh my god, tell her, I said, how I will.

I think she thinks it's weird that I'm like, so you know Erica, So you know me and Erica And I'm like.

Oh yeah, mother friend.

She's like, you know, they're usually like so quiet. I'm like, if you see me in public, you better speak.

I do.

I do feel better feeling connected to my therapist. I know some people feel like they have to confide in them, like very secret things, so there's like a level of like separation, but like I need feedback.

I need you to like she will say, like what happened to me? Not that you ask, but I'm like, yeah, I need to know about you.

Too, so that we I feel a level of understanding and like yeah, and she challenges me and will like she does.

And I'm early.

I'm early, and I'm probably like six sessions in and now you can't tell me, like are you in therapy successions?

Cetter, I'm like, you need to go to therapist.

I've been doing the.

Work, work work, and like, no matter how broke I am I'm going to transfer the money to take go to eve Marie. Yeah, I like whatever, but like this year, I feel like, is by any means necessary, No, Yeah, I will like whatever I need to do to maintain this level of just consistency and like like a real accountability partner that you're not can maybe brush off like it's your friend. Yeah, has been so deeply like I know that I'm ready too. That's what she asked me.

Let me take about this week.

When I first saw I went on Psychology Today to find her really yeah, and.

I found her at a Facebook group.

Really.

I found her on Psychology Today dot com and I was like, at the last I was in such a really dark place in my life. I was like with my ex who I was living with, we were having like just such a difficult time, and like she answered the phone, so we like schedule to call like an initial kind of like you know, asking a little bit of questions here, and I literally couldn't get a word out. I was sobbing crying. I was like, she was like, okay, honey, I'm gonna email you the forms. You just come like

I just like broke down crying.

Yeah, but she saw me right away and like she's been my bestie.

Yeah. Yeah, they're nothing bad that can come of therapy.

She have a therapist, but yeah, everyone should definitely have therapy, no matter if you feel like, oh, I'm in a whole.

I think everyone would benefit from it.

I think the mistake that I've made the therapy is stopping once I felt like I didn't really need it. Oh yeah, but I will say that even her, she told me at one point like I've been going and she was like, you know, I think you're good. I think you should take a break, like oh I think. She was like, we weren't talking about shit. Let me tell you what about it.

You weren't just like key king right.

And she was like, girl, I don't want to take your money, Like call me when it.

Feels like, you know, yeah, when it feels like that, I appreciate that.

Yeah.

I'm like, okay, now I'm just in here, key King.

But now I'm back because some shit went down and I had triggering moment. I was like, Okay, I need to come back, and I'm gonna stay for a long time even.

When I'm good, Okay, never leaving there.

I know.

She shared something with me that was super like, I am such a cancer that I do. I like to feel connected with people. And I came in on my second appointment and she was like, oh, I mentioned my brother. My brother's name is Massi. She's like, I have a Mazzie in my family.

I was like, oh really.

I kept talking and she's like.

You know, when you came in last week, I thought you reminded me so much of my sister, and I thought about if.

I could keep you as a client.

And I was like, oh really, and she was like, my sister passed away and her brother, I mean, her son's name is Mazzie and I raised him. And she was like, and you, well, I guess she's like and she's such a light and you kind of remind me of her. And I was kind of triggered. She's like, but in twelve years of practice, she's never come in here, So I guess it's time.

And I was like about to cry. I was like wow, I.

Was like maybe.

I was like maybe.

I genuinely feel like in life, like as we coexist, like sometimes you have a message for people, and sometimes people have a message for you, and we miss opportunities not to connect with people that we feel like we don't know or we have guards up and like even strangers. You know, sometimes if you're open to receiving messages from every you know, every entity around you, God will send those messages that way.

Absolutely.

So when she said that, I was like, oh wow, Okay.

I was like okay.

I was like, I'm happy you decided to keep me and I feel like it's time too.

And I hugged her on my left.

I was like, because I'm fucking emotional for no reason.

Like thank you God, because you knew that I know that she needed me and I.

Needed her right now. No, it's true, I mean nothing. We know this that like pretty much everything and when you're in your alignment, like everything is divine, even this moment where we just discover that we all share the same therapist. I mean, it's this type of shit does happen all the time where it's like you can't it's not coincidence. It's not like there's just like an acknowledgement

So lately I've been really keen on this one because I like to control a lot, right, And I was like listening to this book by Deepak and he said everything is as it should be, nothing is out of alignment. And so I wake up in the morning and I like literally say that I'm not going to fight with the day. I'm not going to fight with what is. I'm not going to fight with whatever happens. Everything is exactly as it should.

Be in this moment period.

And when that like this level of like peace just washing it is over you, over me, Like when I'm like that's total like surrendering.

Right. Yeah, So everything is as it should as it should be, and.

Everything is as it should be, nothing is out of alignment.

Everything is as it should be, nothing is.

Out of alignment.

And wow, that being the affirmation right after this conversation.

It's so cool, honestly and truly.

I know sometimes like we have guests every week, we have productions every week, and like you know, there's a lot of conversations to be had, but like it's so good when it just it always just flows because we're in direct alignment, and it's like and that's how it happens in your alignment. This is totally off topic, not really, but I was reading in the comments section. Okay, I guess Tiffany Hattish had basically said something actually wants some type of love or relationship.

Broking news Tiffany hash single beach and comment un fucked up again because he keeps leaving bad bitches. I don't know, Like, how do you go from Angela Rye you have, Tiffany Hattish? What the nigga's got problems? I'm convinced. I don't care how woke you are in common. I know that there's something going on with it.

They're like the super woke ones, so that are like the ones that are asleep and like, just like you, you're overthinking it, nigga. Yeah, okay, yeah, I was like, they don't be woke.

You don't overthought it. And now I'm gone, you know. So I saw the cat.

And the comments my black love relationship coach.

Oh god, the trigger. Okay, So we have this therapist that's not a legal therapist on that has lots of followers, and she's a black love relationship coach. However, she's not in a relationship nor married.

However, she came in because.

She didn't know it's a black marriage relationship, black marriage and she's not married, never been, but she just wants to do. So we brought her on because if Jamila had a relationship like two years ago and she ended up cheating on him and she basically was like going to be the mediator in this conversation. It was on Patreon, and Miela was not pleased with this woman at all.

Well, I just after I like took a second look at the situation.

Not my actions per se, but just wait, what was the name of this episode? Because people need to look. If you're on Patreon, you need to go back and watch this shit. And then I did cheat it on Adventure Bay and then I cheated That's something like that.

And then I cheated and then I cheated whatever.

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Anyway, The fucking comment says, I know no one really wants to hear this.

No they don't, but you have to.

Women have to choose. Are you going to be a woman a career woman? Are you going to be a woman with a career, Because if you want love, you have to give it time to show up and like the time that you need. So it just triggered me that you think that as a woman, I should either be a career woman or a woman with career because I should be able to step away from my career to invest in a relationship.

But so she was saying that you can't invest in a relationship and also have.

A career, Basically, you can't have you basically, Like, I'm just I don't know.

It's so then why why can the men do it?

Exactly? I guess exactly somehow because the women are the women done sacrifice.

That's why somebody always has to find and it should be me.

I believe that there is a like a recalibration that is happening in society right now because men are not accustomed to women being busy. Like I was just having this conversation with a friend of mine. She's a chef and she's fucking killing it, and she was just saying, how like the past two men that she's dated have been like, yeah, you're too busy for me, Like I don't want to date you.

Yeah.

Yeah, they don't know what to do with themselves. Yeah, they're like what I'm like, so let me get this right.

You're making you're getting a bag, so.

They can't handle it. Yeah, Like she canceled like a like a dinner date like at nine am that was supposed to be like eight pm, and it was too much for him because she was about to go get a big ass bag for chefing, like an event.

That was stress out even like they even arguing me with me about this, because that wouldn't even be a question about on the other end, like no, please get them.

Go go get that money. I'll after you.

You don't pay on you, you know, just be cool about it.

I don't. Yeah. Yeah.

So I was like immediately triggered by that, and then I came up with my own, which I think is the truest and the truest.

It's fact.

I feel like if you are walking in your purpose, you'll for sure walk into your partner.

Amen.

Amen, Amen, that's absolutely right.

Because you know what, Yeah, because you're walking into everything. Everything is aligned.

I don't have to worry about it if I'm too focused here that I'm not going to find love, because I'm going to find a love in alignment in fact, with my existence, because my existence is a part of my purpose in this realm. Like what I'm doing is so much bigger than me, and you're never going to step in and dilute that, and you're not going to shame me or guilty or make me feel bad for pursuing that purpose.

In fact, you're going to be in the purpose.

You're part of the purpose part. That's what you get to be part of it. You get to be team Meland. Yeah yeah, yeah, no, that's so true. And what a bitch to write that. Honestly, Well, of course you put like, I know it's going to know that the marriage counselorate. No. Oh, she wrote that. She's the one who wrote the comment. I said it, what a bitch. I wanted to I wanted to respond. I was like, let me leave. Some people say shit just for she wants people to go to her Instagram exactly.

And some women and you know what could.

Want to be Kevin Samuels. Oh my god, she's a female Kevin Samuel.

Kevin Samuels, Oh my god, she's the female Kevin Samuel. Kevin Samuels would tear her apart because she sounds like it.

No, she's not him, because it's just not the same thing.

But she's the opposite of him.

Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest. I saw that in the shade rim. I just everybody did know that I was pissed. I didn't like that, and I don't remember.

Ship, but if I remembered the specifics of this caption in this quote, I was very I just think that as like as multi dimensional women sexual beings. I mean, because let's face it, you cannot be a woman without also you know, you.

Can't remove the sex.

You can't remove the sex from being a woman.

What is it? Am? I mean? Sexuality? Sex, all of it, like is the.

Divine feminine that is a part of my existence. I just think that we get fed so much like false messaging around being a mother and also being sexual, even though that we had sex to be moms.

But I just like, how do you get a lot of backlash from that?

Because sometimes we do, I mean a lot of times we don't because people are empowered.

But like also just that like.

Your mom you should sit down, or like oh now you're my woman, you should have a seat.

Do you have to you like deal with those challenges because we do.

I used to a lot back in the day on my like ratchet thoughty days that it is still in me.

You know, I just grew up, you know what I mean?

But I would get that a lot, like just from people commenting and how man I dated.

I mean I think even I mean I know that you were a teen mom, and so like being able to feel empowered in your ratchet thoughtiness even at that age and saying can and just pushing through me like that's who I am, bitch. Where do you think that comes from? Was it something that you just kind of avoided avoided and or like ignored or and just.

I'm just always like like that's a good question, like where does that come from? I feel like I was always very big on like honoring myself at every stage of my life, like even as a young as a youngin like I was always like outspoken and like just very outgoing and just very like I am me, Like you're gonna take her, you're gonna leave it, Like that was always my attitude.

So that's how I dealt with it.

But I was how New York you yeah, yeah, and so but it did still affect me, like those comments had me. I went through a lot, Like you know, I was bullied a lot, cyber bullied, and it even like I was even suicidal at one point because of the bullying.

Just people saying you're a.

Whole you should.

They had said things like you're a terrible mother, not knowing who.

Who I am as a parent, You're a.

Disgrace, like you should die, like just like crazy.

Whit shit, like people are crazy, people are crazy online. But you know, as a as a young girl like eighteen nineteen, reading those things, I was very firm, I like on who I.

Was, But you don't know who you are yet.

I mean, you know what I'm saying. I'm growing, So reading those things, I took it very personal and I took it as and I brought it on as like part of my identity and I.

Lived with a lot of self hatred for a while. But yeah, this story could go no, no, I left. I mean, I think that's really important conversation, especially I know that you were a teen mom, Like how old do you mean had your daughter fifteen? I mean you're a child essentially a baby? Yeah, raising a baby, And I mean I'm sure there was a lot of even shame in that too.

A lot of shame.

So like, so me and her dad decided together to have the baby, but this was after I didn't want to at first, because I didn't want to disappoint my mom and all of this, but again timing and just you know, no incidences. It's so crazy how it happened. Like I remember I skipped school that day to go to Planned Parenthood and make the appointment, and you know, they give it to you in an envelope and stuff.

So I had the envelope in my book bag.

I walk in and my mom's like, so the door is there, the kitchen's right here, and my mom's like, you weren't in school today And I was like, yes, I was. She's like, no, you weren't come here, give me your book back.

I'm like, oh shit, Mom's just me knowing.

So she like grabbed my book back for whatever reason, like she never ever looked through my book back, but that day she wanted to look through my book back. She grabbed the envelope and was like what is this. She started reading it, so she barely can read English. She's you know, she's Dominican, and so she takes it to my sister and she's like, read this, translate this for me, and I like run away from home and you like like ran.

That moment out. You're like, I'm out. I ran for the door. I was like, I'm out. Then I ran for the door.

I ran away from home, like I like ran away, called my baby father.

I was like, let's run away. We were like planning the first like Bonnie and Clyde.

Oh that song that Dusney child that played in my head. We literally like ran away together. Where you go?

So like his friend's house up the street, the street, and like his friend was like providing shelter for us. It's so dramatic, but for how long?

Just for like a few hours, not providing shelter in teenage and teenage time, that's a long time.

We were on the run.

So my sister knew, you know, one of my sisters who was also Hella Cool, she knew about me having a boyfriend, so.

She would like always hide little secrets for me. But she knew where he was at.

So anyways, we got caught and his mom and his sister and him were.

Like, don't kill the baby, don't kill the baby.

And then I just then me and him decided and we're like, oh, you know what, actually, yeah, let's have the babies.

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You know, my mom took me the Planned Parenthood though she was like you're keeping this appointment. I don't care what you say, like you're keeping this appointment. So she takes me on. Took Planned Parenthood on the day. I'm in the waiting room and I.

Like, walk out. She wanted you to do.

Yeah.

She took me to the and I was always so scared of my mom. So I was like, oh fuck, I'm gonna go. Like she wants me to do this, I'm gonna go. So I like sat in the waiting area and I was just like I couldn't do it, So like I got up and I walked out, and my mom.

Was like, what are you doing?

She made like this whole scene up and was like telling the ladies to like make me go inside the room, and they were like, ma'am in this country, like this is her body, her choice, so she we can't force her to do anything.

And mom was like, what kind of country is this?

Like America?

America? And then like we go eat KFC, and then she starts talking to like my family and they're like yeah, she says she's gonna keep it. Not over that, not even conversation in front of you over fifteen minutes hasn't passed. Yeah, fifteen minutes later, we.

Like having fried chicken and she's telling my whole family in dr Then I'm like decided to have this baby. I'm just like, oh my god. But obviously now my daughter's like my mom's like.

Yeah, what was it? What was the what was your the support? Like after that, I mean you had you had men support.

So after that, I mean, me and my mom didn't speak for a bit. But then when I went to go get the sonogram to find out the gender, I didn't expect her to call me, but she like called me and was like did you find out?

And I was like it's a girl. She was like oh, and then like she was like all happy.

And then like after that, she would come home from work all the time with clothes and things for the baby and yeah, and then when I went back to school right away, just like I didn't even wait.

I think I waited.

Like two weeks and I went back to school because I was.

On a mission. I was like, what grade were you in? Ninth grade? I was a freshman. Oh my gosh, so you can already.

Know like all the teachers, counselors, everybody was like looking down on me.

So I had to prove some thing.

I'm like, I'm graduating on time in a New York assistant called Region's diploma, meaning you scored higher than a seventy five on all your exams, meaning that's like an above average or whatever, so you get like a special thing for that. So I was like, I'm going to do it, and I'm going to get my region's diploma. So I was, like, I'm back in school, like and yeah,

But yeah, that's amazing though, that you were able to complete like a complete A will first of all, complete high school because you had your baby in ninth grade. I mean that's four years of like really trying to navigate such a critical time in your life. And were you able to participate in like the activities of like a typical high school or were you just I tried.

Like, so I dealt with like a lot of like guilt when I would like want to hang out with my friends after school.

I dealt with a lot of guilt.

My mom never really made me feel guilty though, So.

I will say that, like my mom was never like a because I feel like she understood.

You know, I started working too, So I worked at the children's place after.

School, and you know, I was making a little money and I was like able to get clothes for my daughter from there because you get like crazy discounts and like whatever.

So like she wasn't like hard on me because I was also like a good kid all around.

I was just like, you know, just making this choice, yeah, making this choice, Like I owned up to this choice that I made, and but I would hang out with friends.

Yeah.

Like I went to school in the city on twenty third and seventh av I went to Fashion Industries, graduated with majored in fashion design. I like wanted to be a fashion designer, but I was able to have like a to the most part, a nice teenage what is it time dating.

My baby father?

I was eighteen okay, okay, yeah, we.

Was on some together forever.

Yeah.

So but and then you know, after eighteen, I was just like I started doing music videos.

So I got how did how did that happen? You were like, fuck children's place, I need to get this money real quick, and I'm too fine and cute.

People would be like, you should be in music video. You should be in music videos, and I was like, okay.

The fact that like music video specifically, yeah, you have a music video girl.

Look, so that Wassically that was my childhood dream.

I think a lot of us.

I was like, I want to yea Gloria on the big pimpin video was like my hero.

Yes.

Want.

I was like, when I'm older, my body will look like that.

My dad let his friend's babysit me, and they're like, what do you want to be in your girl? Or I'm like a dancer and they're like, like a ballet dancer.

I was like, no, like a video dancer.

Oh my god, say that's five.

I'm a background dancer. Like yeah, But I always wanted to do something in entertainment, like as a kid, I wanted.

To model or act or whatever.

So I was like, oh, you know, this is kind of like acting. I guess like I went and I was like on Craigs was like responding to ads all the time, like need video vixen, need video models. And then like I was seventeen, a junior in high school, and I got a fake ID and I.

Was like, you know, because you have to be eighteen.

So I was like, I'm eighteen And I got into this video for the dream rocking that thing, and it was just like such a bizarre time in high school becuse people are like, are you that girl like from the music video who was also a teen mom like, you're crazy, but I'm doing it.

Though, yeah, so it was interesting. I don't rarely do I get to talk about this, bringing up a lot of memories for me right now.

Did you enjoy it though? Like did you feel empowered at doing it? And then I like it?

Yeah?

You know, what I think is really interesting about this story is like a lot of times when you hear about like teen pregnancies, nobody really talks about the teenagers right a lot oftentimes that's taken away from them their choice. Like I was pregnant in ninth grade and I felt really connected to this like baby, because I was scared to tell my mom and eventually had an abortion, but I also felt like that was my only choice. I also felt like that's what I wanted to do too,

You you know you want to go to prom, Well.

You did that, and you made this choice, and you're not empowered in it. And it's just like, you know, everybody has the choice, a choice, no matter how old you are, as women and as girls. And I mean, I'm not like Luna would definitely try to make them keep her there, but you know what I mean. But like it's just it's nice to hear like a real story from like a success story ultimately, because it's not always the sadness or like.

It doesn't have to be I think. I mean, of course there's going to be like the trials and tribulations. It wasn't fucking easy.

You know.

And because my daughter had to grow with me, I call her like my little writer died, my little writer because she was with me through so many mistakes and so many like I couldn't give her what I wanted to from a young age. I couldn't, you know what I mean, So but then again, it's like when are we ever really ready for parenthood? We can be financially ready, like if we want to call it the readiness that

Do you think that because your daughter has grown with you, like and you kind of grew together, Like you were saying, what are some the like things that maybe I don't know, like maybe some of your regrets that have now cultivated and maybe you have changed, like maybe be able to rectify in some way or maybe not, Like was there ever a time where you were like damn, Like she had to experience that because I was a child and I didn't know better, you know.

So there was a point when I got really busy. So after I got into music videos, then I just like my life just took off. And this was like at the beginning of Twitter and social media and Instagram. So that's when like girls were like hosting parties, get in a bag real quick.

That was the beginning that I never forgot about that shit.

Yeah, I know it's because of.

This, but it was like heavy.

Yeah.

So I was like one of like the pioneers, like so to speak, because I was when Twitter first started and then Instagram came on, Like I think on Instagram, I got an Instagram calling twenty eleven, and so I was gone a lot, hosting parties and shit, hosting parties and shit and.

Making a lot of money. I'm making a lot.

Of money, yeah, yeah, And I was able to, like, you know, I moved out at a young age. I was like paying rent at twenty, like I was just like handling it all on my own, right. So I just feel like I missed out on some on some moments, and I feel like she might have like wanted me.

Around a lot, which a lot more because she ever, do you guys ever have those kind of conversations like about your pit past versus like who you are as a mother now? Because I know she's she's a teenager now, like how old is she?

Fifteen? Fifteen?

Isn't that so crazy to see her and like know that you had a baby at that age saying I.

Know this was like honestly, when she turned fifteen. This year was such an emotional like birthday because this is like when I gave birth to her, And you know, I always wondered about what this time would look like for us. Like I'm always like, oh my god, when I turned thirty, she's going to be fifteen.

What is that going to be like?

And like here I am, and it's just like, first of all, time please slow down, right.

But also what the hell?

Like, I don't know, time is just such a trippy concept for me.

I think especially parents really see it in motion. Yes, you see the evolution in your house every day you're like what the fuck?

Truly truly, but yeah, I think it was that.

And you know, she was like at the babysitter a lot, or like with my mom, and like I know, she didn't have the best time at the babysitter, which I didn't find out till later on that she just didn't like it. And like, you know, just think those kind of things in which I wish I was a little.

Bit more prideful, mindful, mindful and present. Yeah, I think no matter what age we have kids, like there's always gonna be like especially your first.

Kid, you just don't know. There's no blueprint. You're gonna fuck up.

You're gonna do things that you're like later on, like damn, I could have been more intentional, Like damn should I have done that?

Yeah?

Damn sure that she did. This person have to know my kid, Damn, Like you know what I mean, there's all these like obviously when you're older, you're like a little bit more maybe aware of like the the hurt that you've experienced as a child, but as you like girl and you know.

Just be a parent.

It is really about growing yourself and realizing your parents fucked up with you so that you can provide a better, you know, like situation for your kid. And like I'm a safer place, but ultimately there's no avoiding it.

Yeah, there's something I take really to heart that I've been like making peace with. And I think it's like her, Okay, so I didn't really have a father figure, right My father story is very complex, but like for her, just but this was out of my control. I mean, like her dad is addicted to drugs and I'll cal and like to the point where like he's messed himself up mentally, like he's like not okay up here.

You know.

So I just like for me, it was like heavy because I'm like, damn, y'all like this, I didn't want to repeat this story, you know, making I've made peace with it, because do you mean to repeat the story in the sense of like no father cycle the cycle, the cycle, because like with your father around or no, yes and no, but not for the same thing.

Yeah, no, I get it.

I mean even the the stigma being a single parent, Like you're saying, like that's that's the whole that's what we are sitting here every day trying to like like destigmatize essentially.

But then it's also like it's very conventional at the same time, right, like the whole idea of like two parents in the home and why can't it be okay to just be a mom with with your child And that's also okay.

That's also beautiful. You know, you can also do both.

Doesn't have to be the story that I guess society has.

Sold us, you know, like despair.

Yeah, like two parents in the home, Like I have plenty of friends I have had two parents in the home and are like literally like on antidepressants and.

Like all kind of stand each other.

And because the parents, because the parents there is no perfect way to be honest, and like this is our way of doing it. Like I'm like, we're a little team. It's me and my kid, Like we're in this together. I always saw her that and and that's also.

Fine, you know. Yeah, and that's also so cool, so cool, you know, Like I feel like I don't know, I'm obviously we have girls, but I'm so grateful that I have a girl. I'm so grateful that, like if I'm gonna be single and be a single parent, I have my little girl, my little girlfriend. Yeah, and we are in this together and we can have these conversations and I'm going to make sure you're better than me. And I promise you that you will leave when I leave

Already, I can always tell she's she's way cooler than me, she's smart, she's just everything.

Like yeah, and that's where and that's where like all the shame and the guilt. Like I'm like when I see like what I consider better showing up, I'm like, okay, it's working.

Yeah, Like okay, I'm giving her all my good.

Shit, sprinkling our past trauma, and I'm like don't do that.

So also just like just like setting her up to be prepared for the gas lights, like to catch them, you know, Like I think that's as women, there's so much of that that happens second guessing ourselves. I'm just like, if I could just correct those little moments of like she's like, she says something to me, she's just like her dad wouldn't play the song she wanted him to play. She's like, Daddy isn't fair. He sometimes isn't being fair

He isn't fair.

I wanted to suggest the song too, you want to hear Booty Lshoues and I, but it was just like you know, just letting her know like sometimes people are going to play.

Do it anyway, you know, like turn up anyway, like no.

It's not you, you know, And it's just like as women, you know, specifically like apologizing like you know, but we first have to evolve about a certain shit that we were taught was okay to like then pass it down. But as we do, it's just like those cycles slowly begin to break, those cycles that, like, you know, like they're going to be so much more intentional than we were because we're giving to the game early, you know, less distracted by niggas hopefully, you know, like just like more.

The dating of boys is scary, you're around that stage, I'm scared, scared as hell.

But honestly, I'm on the the non gender what is it?

Non binary? Non binary? Sorry, I'm like, I sound so old.

This.

She's a star.

No more gender norms, mom, Okay, so then what what's happening? She's like, I'm she her but okay, I don't know.

She's just I'm just acknowledging that.

Yeah, so she's trying to teach me how this is going. And then like I think at one point she was like wanted to be non binary?

How do you? How do you deal with that? Not deal? But like I'm just curious, like especially for someone who's STI understanding it and learning it and like being able to support her if that's what she if that's what she wants to do for now or whatever.

Or long term.

Honestly, I just my kid, Like whatever is clever, you know what I'm saying, as long as you're not hurting yourself for anybody else. So that's my that's like my foundation. Like but yeah, like she has said, like she's bisexual, and I'm.

Like, cool, that's cool. That's the's up. That's everybody else, girl, you and everybody else.

Yes, right, so I'm like, okay, cool. So it's just but you know, dating not so much, like she's not really into dating.

I just think these labels.

So overwhelming, overwhelmed.

They're overwhelming for kids they don't even know, like today, I feel this way. So I'm this now.

But and it's so it's so I think right now, like and I'm all about the wave of inclusion, you know, like everyone's experience is valid. I do fear that it's such a thing right now.

That yeah, I feel like trend.

It's such a trend.

It's trendy, and it's like you know, I it's just it's a bit much. And I honestly like just for like, like for me feel hary about you want to feel, but like just for like clarity and like fluidity, can we just stick with the with the fun because I refuse personally, I'm never going to be like I'm a cisgendered woman.

I'm never gonna do that because the you know, like I just don't.

I don't feel like I should have to put a hyphen in front of being a woman. I have a baby, I believe, I like, I don't have to do that.

Like, well, now they're gonna sorry to cut you off. My friend just told me that at the g y N, they're making you say, identify specifically what women are you like like not like so like a period having woman, like a menstruating woman. I'm gonna be like in your chart because you know the.

Ob gy N would also.

But that's medical history.

You have to know that, like do I have am I am I experiencing preview.

Women go to the ob gyn, I guess.

Yeah, because if you're gonna if you have a vagina, no do you yeah?

I mean I'm not. I'm just saying, like, if there's any problems with it, I ask I need to ask a trans woman. I need to know. I'm curious, genuinely, genuinely, I'm curious, very curious as well, like do you have do they have to check in there?

Like from my understanding, I check in there. A doctor wouldn't even know from the outside.

I'll be g I m looking at your vagina going into inside of you. So I'm just curious if that's necessary, if there's like, if there's a specific there's got to be a specific doctor for trans men and women. Specific there should be I'm sure. I think I should take that on. I think that that be lubrative industry. And I think that because because, yeah, you have to understand what they've been through and what you're you know, observing anyway, I don't know who you got this.

Sorry, oh, because because she said that at one point she's like non binary and whatever, will I agree, like there are no gender norms, you know what the fuck you want, but just you know, let me just be a woman regular.

Yeah. I think it's more like if I who's going through that, I'd be like, baby, you don't have to update you do, you don't have to choose whatever you fall on. I'm good with. Yeah, we're cool.

Pretty much pretty much exists. Try it all you have, yes.

So most of the time.

Once Yeah, But you know what's also interesting is like we fear with the teenage years because we remember like how fast and horny we were, and you know, like based on statistics, though teenagers are having sex less less and later that because.

They're because they're more on the techy.

Yeah, they don't.

They like to connect virtually.

None in real life.

In person, they don't even want to do it, I know, like they're too scared because.

They just tell you to the screen.

Which is how did this change in like how like fifteen years that quickly I'll tell you.

How, you know exactly how the fun changed iPhones, Instagram, Vine, Twitter, like all the fame. Remember Vine? That was like the next thing like face Book Friends at a time, TikTok, right, wasn't it, Like yeah, Vine was TikTok. Oh my goodness, yeah I have Yeah, Like she's talking to somebody.

I wonder if they're still talking to this girl in France.

Okay in France, and she'll probably never meet her because she's fucking fifteen. So that's cool. She's getting to know I mean, you know what, Like it's interesting and it's cool that like kids can get to know people from other parts of the world in a way that they would never be able to at that age most kids. But then it's like, I don't know, like it's just such a it's just it's a crazy place to be because yes, you get to meet other people. But then

That's why I was like, I was talking about this with a friend the other day about like how honest are you with like your kids, And.

I'm like, I have no choice.

I gotta be all honest because this girl got Google and YouTube like so she'll like go and find out for herself and then MAM's a liar, so I can't even do that, Like, yeah, that's it. It's just like the age of like innocence is like gone, like because like literally they have access to everything they want to know. They just got to ask their good old friend Google. So yeah, And honestly, the Internet is raising.

Our kids because at this point, I know that's all. They'd be on those devices so much.

You know, it's it's crazy. I think about my daughter's only six years is fifteen. Look what is the world going to look like when our kids are fifteen?

Yeah, a lot it's going to change.

Yeah, that's eight years from now.

It's like, are they turning into robots? Like I'm happy to hear it much sex, but.

I don't know if I'm happy here turning it. I think they might need have more sex. Regular you need to connect, we need to everybody else.

And then now with the pandemic and the school and the sixty depart and you need to wear masks in school.

Weird.

I was just telling my friend, we're in we're in the middle of this like a really big transition in the world and history that we're caught in. Like it's happened before in other times, but we never thought that we would be caught in it. I witness to it.

I'm shocked and I can't believe it. Part of era.

Gosh, yeah, I mean I sent twenty years will be past it. It will be leveled out and doing some other net level Jetsons type shit that will normalize and look back on this moment and be like, remember when like people like there was a whole pandemic and like everything started shifting. People were all right.

Remember those poor people that we had in the world. I think we extirmated them.

Oh my god, remember when that U see his paper for money?

Oh yeah, forget about it with them cryptos, crypto coins and shit. Yeah, it's overwhelming people are.

Just sex workers and others just sex workers on them.

Maybe that's what I should do. We should just get our kids into that part of technology, because I feel like IRI could probably understand crypto better than I could, and like they can help make those decisions, like we worry about like first world like things, and they do, like actually know it would be first world. We worry about like I don't know, like the previous world things, and they keep us. I don't want to do it. I don't want to be involved. I don't I don't

I had a panic attack after I used the Oculus.

Have you ever used the Oculus with porn? No, girl, it's yes.

I was like dancing with this little robot and then I took it off and I started literally freaking out, like I was, like I had a panic attack, Like my friends had to like lay me down. Yeah, it was trippy as fuck. You wasn't a whole other reality. You take them things off you back in the room. That was crazy to me.

Could you imagine and eventually taking those things off and being back in the room is going to be the anxiety, like being here will be too much.

Yeah, that's kind of how it fell in a weird way.

Did you see the metaverse over there?

Did you watch the Matrix?

They couldn't find it.

That sounds like you and I watched all Look up, you've been talking about the metaverse this whole time.

The metaverse party?

What the fuck? I hate it here. I hate the metaverse. I don't want to be a part of it, but I have to be. We went to this metopy. I went to his party, and on the way up, this guy was like, you either got it. You gotta get in. Don't be stupid and not learn the metaverse and invest yourself in the metaverse. You'll get left behind.

Where who was telling you that the same of the metaverse party?

Snows?

No? No, it was skiing.

It was skiing. Everybody was wearing as a metaverse party.

First of all, wait, where do you go to a metaverse Hollywood Hills?

Of course, the actual.

Regular human party, but it was for the members.

Yeah what does that mean? Though? Break it down, like, what's the party?

Was just a regular party?

Girl?

I don't know. There was some people that owned some NFT like some NFT company and the obviously there's like there was yeah they were skiing, if you know what I mean, Oh it was skiing, and yeah we all had ski outfits on. It's just anytime we get invited to any sort of them, to anything we're in. So it didn't even matter if it was NFT whatever. If I get to dress up with a theme, I'm gonna.

Go, Okay, that's fun.

But anyway, I don't know if we have any horries my love. No, No, I know I don't have any. I have had sex a lot, but I don't know if it's been like cool. I did feel like I was making a porn the other day. There was like I just I realized that, like when you have sex, like really good sex, or at least for me, when I have really good sex with someone, like I want to just execute on a way higher level what I have mediocre sex. I realize my sex skills are very mediocre.

I pulled out all of them this weekend.

Yeah for you, thank you.

Yeah.

He has this like art exhibit behind his bed, and then he has a mirror right in front. And I believe that mirrored sex is the only sex I want to have in twenty twenty two, mirrored with like, yeah, Like it looks like I was in the museum. I fucked in the loof. I fucked in the loop. I told you. I was like I fucked in the loof. We were we were living art. It was great.

I like that.

That sounds good. That sucks with myself.

That's that's also crucial idea.

The other day.

No, no, because okay, So a big thing for me right now is like being by myself, being being okay with being single and putting all that love I still want to give on someone else to myself right, honoring myself and all of that. That's like the theme for me right now.

And so.

I had like a moment with myself where I got in the shower, I did a body scrub. Then I put on like my oils and like my lotion, and then like my hair. I did my hair up, put my robe on, I went to my room. I looked at myself in the mirror. I took my roball and I was like tambitch, like you fine. Yes, I was like you fine. And then I was just like playing with myself.

And then I was like huh.

And then I went to grab my toys and I had like the most amazing sex for myself. Let me tell you, I orgasm so crazy, like and I stayed with the orgasm. You know, I didn't like, Okay, I'm done now, No, I like stayed in it.

Yeah.

And so I was like shaking building and I was just like caressing my body and like yeah, I like literally made love to myself.

It was so powerful.

It was like I felt like a goddess or something like I was like summoning.

Him the goddess you are.

Oh my god, that's first of all I'm really say, really to do that tonight.

You know I've turned on.

Now shut it nice, like pour yourself a glass of wine or something, make love to yourself.

Like yeah.

I was actually watching only the first few episodes because I don't think I can get any further this this show called c with Fine Ace Jason Momoa, and nobody can see in the whole anyway. The one of the women, one of the queens, is one of the one of her villages. She's like, I must pray, so then she like can't see, but she's like masturbating and praying at the same every time she needs to, like what the sore, She's like masturbating, masturbating and praying like and then she's.

Like and then at one point she even has a survey come in and give her head.

Oh, she's going to go to keep this going. So it's just like how she prays, that's amazing, That's how you should pray.

Wow, okay, okay.

It did feel very like a ritual.

That did feel like when I did that, it was very like because after that I just felt like so beautiful and empowered and so like just in my power.

It's like it's about like like always being there too, like being able to maintain that like feeling because I've had those experiences to in masturbation and it's so like I don't even know how to describe it, and I'm like, damn, why can't I just walk like this throughout life all

That's exactly a whole. And that's a whole not to.

Take the edge off every time you want to call that again, just go Jack, Just go do your thing real quick and then think about it.

Because your self worth.

Yeah, because it's like then you go and giving somebody that energy that like they don't even honor you or they don't you know what I'm saying.

But if you have that healthy, they don't even care to please you. How you would please you?

What are they giving you in exchange? What energy do they have? Like is your energy good? Or you haven't gone to therapy?

If you want a therapy, goes to therapy once?

Have you prove it?

You can't fuck mer therapy?

But what's your therapist's name?

The energy?

Energy?

Oh my god, no.

One hundred percent. That's facts. Yeah, And like sadness and they've given this sadness secrets.

S keep your secrets and sadness in your own dick. Okay, I don't need that.

Ship, but truly, yeah, it is an exchange of energy, and yeah, you gotta make sure you know who you've given that toy, truly. So that's why I'm like, you do know, I'm gonna stay to myself. I'm gonna, you know, do my little thing by myself and can nobody bother me? Like you know, it's been so nice. I've been enjoying being by myself. I'm like so excited to get home and like work on my desk by myself, like drink my energy, drink like myself.

No one's going there's no chance of your energy being interrupted. Yeah, and nobody needs to respond to that.

I need to check on like what do you do?

Are you cool? Are you hungry? Just now?

Now? Just my kid, just my that's enough, that's enough and that's enough. So right now I'm really cool with that.

How have you been doing that practice?

I just started. I talked about it and with Miss Marie the last time too. She was like, good for you. Yeahs choosing yourself it's not always easy. I'm like, I choose myself every time. No, but yes, it hasn't been long, but you know, I'm just I'm trying to manifest, like I want a life partner, I want a husband, like what's up? Like I want to be ready and I want to be ready when you show up.

And also I keep saying yes so whatever comes along, then I'm confusing the universe.

Confusing universe and blocking your.

Blessings, blocking my blessing. So I'm like, you know what, I'm going to work with God this summer. I was like, it's just going to be me and God.

That's how my friend I felt, that's how I felt.

Like that's very long because it's like it's me and God.

It's just me and God. I'm committed to God. I mean, I don't mean to laugh please because I was laughing too.

That just sounds crazy, like but.

To yourself, yeah, committed to God.

Commit Yeah yeah. So it was like it's just me and God this summer.

I said, Oh my God, that is.

I'm committing to God twenty twenty two and that's it.

I'm a monk of Mela, a monk of Mela Church, the monk of Mela Church.

Of Mela Church.

But you know what if somebody comes along with their schlong, I won't know that. I'm like, hmm, you might could get it then, like.

You can still have good you can still have sex, especially if you know, like you're having healthy sex. Yeah, it may not be like your forever partner sex and whatever, like do it I come, does.

That actful honoring to adults, like you know, consensual and all that.

Definitely working on my ability to understand that relationships don't have to be forever and that being okay with that and not feeling like I have to like cling and that like it has or like compete to stay in a certain space with you and like being grateful for like the passing of how like relationships in.

Hall Mmmm, because I think it's a women like stay with me on the boss.

Oh my god.

Wow.

Yeah, that's actually something that came up we certainly as well, like how I feel like in the past, and you know, it's come up recently where I tried to convince these unavailable men that I'm the one. But it's more of an ego thing because like I don't know you and I don't even want you.

I need you to see yeah, but I don't want you. So what the heck is that I'm like, that's toxic as fun. I need to like not do that. So yeah, like no, I just yeah, I don't know, Wait what was I lost my train of thought.

I just think that even the most woke and healthy lovers can be toxic in ways, do you know what I mean? Like, we all have things we're working through, but I think that as long as we're self aware and we're in therapy, I always say that the most self aware people probably need therapy the most because we'd be rationalizing our shit to know much. I know I'm doing function Okay, I'm completely aware that I'm participating in the fun shit. I will end this next November twenty

The shame and gill associated with fucking up.

Because you know, oh my god, yeah.

Because everybody else thinks that you're you got it all together, so when you don't, it's like, fuck, yeah.

I'm a fraud.

Right No, why you just said that to me? Right now? I wish I could have got a close upon her face.

I'm a fraud that came up with missus Marie last time. She was like, honey, you're human. Relax Like she literally was like, first of all, you're human.

Relaxed because I'm like.

I'm a fraud. How am I starting a wellness company and I'm not even well.

She's like, oh my god, I say this an like you're.

A you're a friend. She's like, honey, like you're huge.

Wellness is a journey.

It's a journey.

Wellness is a journey.

And then my best friend is like, yeah, when you said you need it embody, what you're trying to do? I was like, yikes, I'm like, bitch, why you tell me that?

I sounded crazy.

Sometimes your friend's just like, you know, let me let her figure it out.

I'm so grateful for having a community to be honest and sometimes.

Like I want to figure it out.

Oh my god, Well, thank you so much for coming on this ship, for having me.

I had so much fun.

This was very therapeutic.

Good.

I know. That's kind of about the vibe is this is my therapy. This is yeah, girl, this is amazing between Marie therapy.

Yes, these are great.

You learn so much from yourself and these talking to people from all walks of life and yeah amen amen.

So how can people find you?

So on Instagram? Yeah it is Underscore Sanchez. Yeah, just on Instagram. My Twitter got hacked.

Oh no, this episode is actually going to come out earlier. We least all of our video episodes early to our patrons. So if you want to watch our finesses talk our.

Shit, have something cleavage out today.

She always asks her cleavage out and make sure to go to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or you get a second. I love you and take care. Bye bye