Two months ago, but we didn't have a place, so we moved to storage, which is already stressful. So I've been living out of a suitcase for like eight weeks and then like.
In the storage unit, moved to storage to storage. It was it was so stressful.
I mean like I stayed by Erica, I stayed by friends, I was staying with my mom, and then she kicked us out and then I was like, wow, I have no family, family support. And then we were like traveling a lot. So I was like kind of like suppressing the fact that I was like intermediate housing intermiture. I was homelessing, homelessing. Welcome back to good mone Bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Miila.
Happy hump Day, Happy Wednesday. How are you doing. I'm great. How are you doing? I'm good, I'm good. Ah you guys.
It's August, and this month we're talking about birthing all different types of things, babies, ideas, and this month is sponsored by our favorite black owned, woman owned brand, honey Pot. Y'all know, y'all seen Honeypot.
They're in Target, They're everywhere because it's huge shut out to black woman owned feminine wellness products.
And we're really excited because Honeypot has offered our tribe twenty five percent off their entire website.
That's a huge ass discount.
It's huge, and they have a lot of stuff over there because we care about you and we want you to prioritize your pleasure, just like and they.
We do care about you and we do want you to prioritize your pleasure. And Honeypot recently just launched their Pleasure collect which I love. They have a whole ritual of products or the whole product line, so you can create your own rituals around pleasure. So make sure you go and check out Honeypot and click the link in this episode description or go to honeypot dot co slash GMBC to get twenty five percent off.
Or use GNBC twenty three at checkout. Speaking at pleasure, yes, I know we're both in the Tantra school.
So on a scale of one to ten, where is your pleasure today? I love?
On a scale of wonder ten one to ten, my pleasure is I mean currently about it? I'd say it nine and nine and a half. Wow, pretty high on my pleasure scale.
What do you need from me to bring your pleasure to a solid tent to a ten spot. Today, I just needs.
To be nice to me, Okay, am I usually nice?
No, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying, just remember, be kind to me. That's all I really need. That's all you can provide all episode. I'll be super kind. We forgot we have to do our tantric speech to each other. I know, just like how lovely we each other are and like to ourselves into each other is tantric.
I wonder if Debvi, just like all day long, is just using tantric speach speech, because isn't that it's kind of supposed to be just a lifestyle, right, always using it at all times.
It is a lifestyle, and she definitely is because her husband is also a part of the practice and a part of her school. So I'm assuming all day long though,
over there just love bombing each other. On the healthy note, it's also about like pleasure, using tantric speech, being compassionate, using nonviolent communication, which is also kind of like a lifestyle, but also like using tantric speech to yourself, and like nonviolent communication with yourself is really where it becomes transformative because I think so often we think about like the outwards the outward pouring of.
Things, and really it starts with you.
And I think we forget that because we're not like actively talking about ourselves, talking to ourselves out loud. But if you know the inner voice, it's like how am I feeling? And what can I do for myself to bring myself to a ten spot? And like what are my needs? Because a lot of times people are not asking themselves their own needs because we're always asking what
other people need. And so I think that's the most transformative part for me because it makes me be like hyper aware of my own feelings and my own needs and like, for a long time, I even know what the fuck that meant.
So the age old saying it all starts with you, it really does.
It's age old, but it takes us to almost old to fucking figure it out.
Well, all the all the old age old sayings, they all they they're old, and they're sayings because they're real.
There's there's truth in all of them.
Sometimes you feel corny like saying those saying those things, but it's like, well, bitch, because it's true.
You gotta love yourself.
Well, it's true, and you have to be like, I don't know, you just have to be like really diligent about like advocating for yourself and evaluating what the fuck you need. And also just fuck, was I gonna say I forgot come back to me?
How are you? What's going on? I'm good.
Oh, that's what i's gonna say. Go ahead, we're gonna say no. I was just gonna say that. I realized that, like, if I don't feel stressed about something, then I'm like, I try to find something.
That stressed about.
And I'm like, that's crazy, But that's that's adulting. When you're constantly like go, go, go go, and then when everything's like not go, you're like, look at the color that pillow.
I hate it. You gotta change everything.
Yeah, Like it just like it's an active practice. Choy is an active practice.
I recently started micro dosing daily because I just felt like it was something. I felt like I been on edge a lot lately, and I don't necessarily. I mean, of course, there's always there's always things happening, there's always moving parts of what I'm doing, whether that's the.
Business or motherhood or my relationship.
But I just realized that, like I'm not sometimes I don't feel like I'm always coping well, and I need to feel more grounded because I haven't really been feeling super grounded lately, and I know, like for me, plant medicine and just in general, plant medicine just grounds you.
And me and Mila talked about this on like a few episodes ago that me and her we took mushrooms just randomly one day in the office shout out to Lizzie Jeff who left some mushrooms for us and the refrigerator in April, and I just got around to eating them and I ate a whole one because I thought it was a micro dose, which it probably is a micro dose.
It's just I.
Don't usually consume mushrooms in the micro dose setting. I'm always like kind of going all the way. But after that experience, I I realized I needed to start microdosing more often to feel more grounded because the work that we do, yes, there's a lot of grounding, but there's a lot of things that happened behind the scenes that no one really knows and understands that can make you feel super ungrounded. And so I feel I felt like I needed support from the plants.
And it's been helping, it's been supporting you.
Yeah, but it's been like I've been feeling like the microdosing a like every day, kicking in at different times, like sometimes way late, or like when I least expect it. But I like that though, because it kind of it always kind of creeps up exactly when I need it, And so I've been it's making me take lots of deep breaths and be really patient because.
Tantric speech is something I struggle with.
I realize, and with myself and with other people too. My patients gets really thin, and I can be I can say things that I don't really even mean. I just don't care in the moment sometimes, And that's just not how I want to be. It's not how I want to be portrayed by other people. It's not how I want to feel like I'm making leaving people feeling. So Yeah, shout out to Mamma mushroom. Shout out to
Mama mushroom. Shout out to microdosing because it's been helping me and I'm surprised, like I haven't really ever Like we talk about mushrooms all the time, but I'm always using them in such an intense way. I've never just used them in casual in a casual way, and so I've been enjoying the journey of microdosing.
I need to tap into it more, like I haven't, I think, because you have to surrender to it, you know, like there's no not there's no control when it happens because you're not like all over the place. But it's just like it makes you sit down in ways, and I just sometimes I do avoid it because I'm like, I don't have time for that.
I don't have time for that right now. I have other shit to do.
Everything's always prioritized over I guess micro dosing.
But it's a micro dosing. You still can be you still can get to the shit.
You gotta know, no, I know, And I think I think it's just it's like an excuse too, Like sometimes I feel like, uh, like subconsciously, there's attachment to the hustle and bustle, there's attachment to the go go go.
There's almost attachment in weird ways to the stress because like if you're not stressed, and like, are you even doing That's the most unhealthy thing I've ever said, But it's true, Like I think, like Western society is super attached to productivity, productivity, and because we're attached to productivity, I think sometimes we are confused about what protect productivity actually means. You know, like if we're moving around that
we're like hustle and bustle in them. But I think we're most productive sometimes when we can chill the fuck out and we know that, but like it never feels like it's a good time to do that because there's a lot shit that needs to be done. So yeah, I think that the most like beautiful part about getting older and about evolving is that like every time you
check in, there's still more work to do. Just like you said, like, I'll curse some motherfucker out real quick, Like I could be patient for like five four three two.
It suck my dack.
I can go like from like super calm to like crazy and asc Orlando. I just cursed him out like seven minutes ago because he told me he wasn't going to put the key where I told him to put the key, and I called him all types of bitches.
And I was like, oh, I'm crazy, but I meant it.
I was gonna beat his ass, but I realized, like it should not take zero to five to make me turn into a different person. So I just you know, the evolution of like choosing who you are and then like committing to that person and then actively being like, that's not kind of me. Do better, try better, and like just self reflecting. I always do it like in my head, and I'm like, only people could hear the inside my inside thoughts. But I'm like, why don't I
have patience for this conversation? Why am I not listening? Does someone not listen to you as a child? This is how I think? And I'm like, listen and I try to focus again. But I think that is I'm enjoying not picking myself apart, but seeing like where there's cracks or where I could do better or evolve better. And I don't think everybody does that. I don't think it's easy to do.
It's definitely not easy to do. It's challenging.
Especially it's even more challenging to create new habits. And I've been recently listening to atomic Habits. It's this world renowned book or whatever, and I'm listening to an on Audible on top of listening to our own book.
Have you listened to our book yet? I've been listening to our book on Audible and.
It's it's like kind of weird to hear even't know we hear ourselves on the podcast. We don't, but we're more like it's more this like casual bantering, not like reading from something. But I've been I kind of I've been enjoying it and it's been good. And then I like, I haven't checked like the reviews, and I was like, oh my god, people like wrote nice things about Oh.
On audible there's different view.
Yeah, I look on Amazon sometimes, but other than that, I don't know what's going on in the world. But I do want to listen to it. I hate hearing my voice, so I have been avoiding it. But huh, I guess I should do that.
But you know, I think one thing that I learned about, one thing that stuck with me while I've started reading this book, is that creating well habits really habits really define how we look at ourselves. Like the habits that we have really define how we view ourselves. So if
we have bad habits, then we have negative self. Yeah, we have a negative view on certain things, like for example, if like I choose to you know, I have are I eat donuts every single day and I feel like shit, and I've gained weight or whatever the case may be.
I look at myself negatively in that way.
So creating new habits can drastically obviously change your life, but they have to be simple. And I think, he said, I think wrote it down. He said, Oh, it's a habit loop. You have to there's a queue, there's a craving a response, and then a reward.
A que a craving a response, and then overward a Q craving a response and then a reward. Okay, And that's how habits are created, because the Q and the reward it's almost like it basically like one day I leave, say I leave the studio today and I walk by a donut shop because as you can tell, I love donuts, as you can tell, and then I maybe I don't go in there at all, and then one day I decide to go in there, and then I eat it and I'm like, damn, that shit was fucking good.
And then the response is, damn, I should just fucking go. Well, the reward is also that it's good and it made my day for that moment. Now, every time that I I'm creating a habit. So when I walk to my car past that donut shop, I create a habit of like, oh, this is my thing. Like even in the morning when you you have a habit of I have a habit of drinking coffee, Like that is my ritual.
That is my habit.
If I don't do that, like for some reason, it feels like my day is off a little bit. So it's and the reward is is that I get to drink the coffee. I like the way it tastes, and I get a boost of energy, or so I think so in my mind.
But then that's the thing. Like who determines whether it's a like for instance, like say you did eat a donut every day, and then the reward is that it tastes good, and you know in that moment you felt good, but like you're gonna be.
Like I ate all those fucking donuts blah blah blah blah.
So like who what determines whether the queue and the reward are worth like following into that habit, you know what I'm saying, or like making like correlating eating donuts which the reward feels good and then later maybe being a negative self talk, you know what I'm saying, Like, because that's the thing about perception too, because like if you didn't have these other feelings about what like donuts.
Are true sugary or they have too.
Many calories, if you're like, God, I fucking love these donuts and it makes me happy every day, like coffee does. Your relationship with coffee is that it gives me energy and it doesn't feel like you're doing anything wrong. But if you in your mind, you've decided that you love donuts and they taste good, but you don't like how they make your you know, they make your body feel right in the instant gratification, but tomorrow you're gonna be like, oh,
I don't feel good. So it's like what dictates our perception of the thing. Because I've even heard that about like people who diet, and it's like, sometimes it's not about the diet, it's about the energy around the food, you know what I mean. Like if I don't feel guilty eating the snakers every day and then I'm not
going to gain weight from it. But if I feel guilt about like the energetic relationship between me picking up the thing and eating it, if it's like somewhere I feel negatively about it, then it is going to make me have those negative outcomes.
Yeah, I mean I think it is.
Well, it's your own perception of how it makes you feel afterwards. But I think even like okay for example too, like say I was sad that day and I decided to have a donut and then it made me good. It made me feel good, like that becomes you start to build that habit of Okay, when I feel sad, I want something sweet to make me feel better. Same
with weed or same with alcohol. You know, like whenever you have a stressful day, your go to is I need to fucking drink that is my and you create that habit because that's the reward.
The reward, I was some shit.
Yeah, so when I was I'm still I'm still very early on in the books.
I don't have all the answers at all.
But he said that to create new habits, you have to make it obvious, you have to make it attractive, make it easy, and make it satisfying. So you know, I've been thinking about just like some of the some of the habits that I want to create in my life, Like things that i've struggled with, which is like just certain routines that I know make me feel better long long term, but there's a reason why I cannot maintain them and they haven't become a habit, you know, So
what is the missing piece? Is it because they're not easy? Is it because your perception of the it's not obvious?
Like I don't know, you.
Know, yeah, I need to. I'm definitely one who goes with what feels good and so, like I do have a problem like being in routine, and it's taken me like thirty years to make my bed every day, you know what I mean.
But now I mean even for me, like I didn't always make my bed either, but I know when I make my bed because it takes such a short amount of time, it literally makes me feel like I've done one thing on my list that has made me feel good today. It made me feel like a responsible adult, and that I know when I come back to that room, whether everything else on the is a fucking mess on the floor, at least the bed is made.
No for sure.
And you know, my therapist told me, I don't know if it was Eve. I don't know if it was a therapist. Before that but like a long time ago, I was like, I have no discipline.
I have problems.
She was like, start with this making your bed every day, and I was like, this seems dumb, but like somewhere along the way, I just started to do it because I say, I like the way it feels when I come back into my house. But yeah, like just even the routine, like just being even in routine of self reflection, being in routine of being conscious of your feelings and evaluating them. Like it's really just like having the conscious thought to like observe your feelings without judging them and
then name them, you know, how am I feeling? And then like what do I need in this moment and then like asking for that, requesting it even if it's from yourself.
Right, So it's it's.
Not as being thirty five and trying to go back to like emotional school.
Well it's it's funny because it really again keep it simple, these age old sayings that we hear all the time, and it's fucking true. It doesn't have to be so difficult. Literally, just ask yourself a few questions and get the answer or you know. And I think society and like social media makes you feel like you have to like do all these steps and it becomes overwhelming and it doesn't
have to be. You just keep it simple day by day because I'm a bitch that will try to change the world in one day and I'm like.
Why is it not working? Have I failed? You know? So just a reminder to keep it simple.
Also, Like one of the things that I appreciate about tantra like this this specific like lineage and like that I'm learning of authentic Tantra by Debbie word Ericsson.
There's really no batter no good. There's no batter no good, and it's like.
Do you and then you you know, like obviously like be compassionate, do things in love, and be like morally and ethically, but like there's no such thing as like, oh you you smoke a joint every day, that's bad. Oh you had a bad day, so you went in like too, Margarita's that's not how you deal with it, you know what I mean. Like there's no judgment as the basis, and so it kind of gives you the liberty to kind of evaluate the balance and everything and what really feels good to you.
So like I appreciate that.
I think sometimes with like religions or certain practices, it's like this is bad, this is good, But when it leaves the ball in your court to like decide what feels good for you, like maybe for some people it's like partying on Friday and Saturday and resting on Sunday and Monday, whatever the fuck. But like when it's left
to you, then you don't like. Then you don't start to adapt adopt habits and that you actually like, and then have negative cognitive I always say this word, and I don't even know how connotation yeah with them, you know what I mean, Because it's like maybe like doughnuts aren't that bad, but someone told you they're bad, so
now you're feeling guilty about it. Or like you had a one night stand and like somebody told you that was bad, so now you're feeling guilty about it when initially you actually like it was great and you did fine. Not you did fine, but it was great and you
enjoyed it. So I think it's like a lot of it isn't like the liberty to self reflect and be in tune with your truly your own feelings and not the like feelings of the outside world or the opinions of your friends or your homies, or your family, or your religion or you know, all the things that were like kind of molded into believing.
It's like, hey, think independently.
I have your own thoughts, I mean, and that can feel challenging when you are plugged in all the time, and like we are in society just plugged in.
You know.
And so micro dosing weed, those all are a few different things that have helped me do that. Moaning, moaning, and I also get like questions. We've gotten questions about.
Where do you get mushrooms? Like how do I get them?
I was looking on to scort today someone was like, does anyone know where I can get mushrooms?
I think we should started.
I think we should started on micro dos in Houston.
I have a few people that I know, people that ship to.
This is me being we're done with that we're making. I was going to, well, I need people need it now, bitch, wait three six five, But I just I think, but if you're interested in I think even the mushrooms that I've been taking lately, there are chocolates and I just leave them in my.
Bathroom so after I or before I brush my teeth. I've been just taking half a bite in the chocolate. But if you're interested, I'll put I'll put a few people or a few links on our Patreon. So if you're interested in uh checking out some brands that could potentially shift to your city, make sure you go to our Patreon. I'll add them there. That's patreon dot com backslash, Good Mom's Bad Choices for your local drug.
Dealer, like you know, honestly, to be very completely honest, we put a lot of stuff on Patreon that we're not going to stay in the podcast. For instance, how to smuggle weed in nature's pocket, where to get mushrooms? Who makes this outfit that I'm wearing right now, who's pissing me off today? Pretty much all of that's on Patreon exclusive content drugs, how to transport them?
And who's pissing us off? Yep?
And the outfit of the day, oh oh ft is obviously o ft oh.
Speaking of outfits, this is my outfit of the day. Do a drip check? Drip drip check? Did I tell you? Luna?
Luna came downstairs and like all like high heels and like a vinchage soul sat and she was like, look at my drip I was like.
Who the fuck are you.
Shout out to earn your leisure AKA for shod who does the drip checks. And you know, me and Mela be laughing because some of his drip checks be hilarious. But he'd be dripping and he'd be dripping all over the world, so I can't even be hating on him.
High class dripping, honey luxury.
This drip check is brought to you by Revolve. They're not paying me. I bought this on Revolve when late one night at one am, You've got a lot of outfits at one am.
Yeah, it's my time. That's my time to shop. This was on pre or. It took about four months for me to receive. I'm glad it finally came in the summer. I can get ordered it in the winter extent so it has a matching skirt. If you're on our YouTube channel, you can check it out.
Cute, it's very it's giving me very early two thousands nineties.
I like it.
And then I got my my proud of boots hey, and I'm my tucked in Nike socks, and then.
I have these earrings.
This is a woman owned Mama owned jewelry designer. You can check them out on Instagram. They're really cute. Can we get a close up?
There?
You go see these ear rings? Yes, these earrings are by the Jewelry album. She's based in New York City. She's a mom and they're cute.
That's my drip check. What about you, boo?
Well, I'm wearing teeny tiny pink vintage soul's dress. I think this is called No, this is I don't know the name of this dress. This might be the Mela dress. I might be lying.
No, it's called something else, because I have that dress too. It's not the Meala dress.
No, I would have remembered because I bought it, and I would have been, like, I about the Meala dress.
I think, is it maybe in pink? It's called the Meala dress. Now I have the other color.
Well, there's a little slit and I even like put a little bit of like, I like tucked it here because I like it even literally little italy.
You're right, I'm not. I'm malfunctioning again. Her malfunctions malfunctioning cognitive Correspondently.
Listen, bitches, when you talk all day, every day, every week, you lose functioning, you lose function power. Literally, my mobile skills are being lost every day.
That's true. No.
Adventured Souls is my best friend Danielle owns it. It's made right here in La and it's a lot of the outfits would be learned, so check them out. We might even have a discount code. I'll put it on Patreon because it is pretty high end.
It's really high end. She'd be in like Fred Siegel and she no, she'd be in Free People and seagull. Yeah. Yeah, all my friends do CoA stiff. Can you pass our torch lighter? Please our fireplace lighter.
Moms need to have things that are large enough to find meanless. I also might barbecue after this, so just chill out.
Please light my vanilla backwood.
No problem, baby, I'll backwood you at back me up, back back back into the with the back backwoods in the studio.
With us.
Speaking of like choosing happiness and attitudes and like stress levels. You know, recently, this last three months has been a rather rough three months for me. I've been doing a lot of shit. But because we're always moving, you know, I don't know if it's a good or bad thing that I'm always moving because it gives me less time to process when I'm super stressed. But me and Orlando moved like two months ago, but we didn't have a place,
so we moved to storage, which is already stressful. So I've been living out of a suitcase for like eight weeks and.
Then like lived in the storage unit, moved to storage to storage.
Shit, I could have it that asteroid, but it oh wait heavy, it was.
It was so stressful.
I mean like I stayed by Erica, I stayed by friends, I was staying with my mom, and then she kicked us out like one regular Thursday afternoon at three pm for no reason.
And then I was like, wow, I have.
No family, family support. And then we were like traveling a lot. So I was like kind of like suppressing the fact that I was like intermediate housing intermitsure. I was homelessing, holmelessing, and I was so fucking stressed, Like I couldn't like I was happy about things, but I couldn't be in like my full tense spot because then afterwards I'd be like, oh no, like what am I going to do after this?
Go to a hotel.
So finally we found an apartment and like it wasn't like the number one one that I wanted. So I was having a bad attitude because I didn't like the carpets. I called Erica, I'm like, I hate it.
I have Oh, I have a steamer. I have a carpet steamer. If you'd like, no, thank you, I just bought one. You got a stop shopping at when I am. You don't even have anything on Amazon. It was Amazon Prime Day. I couldn't, Erica, you don't even have any carpet. I do have carpets in my living room in the area rugs, one area dirty, they need to be cleaned, and my couch.
Erica bought a marpet steamer, and she has one area a carpet and.
A couch one and it steams and it cleans. And you'll thank me later when your fucking carpets need cleaning.
Okay. Lando's over there nodding because he's gonna come to mind.
I already try to figure out how to pull them up and replace them on duy, even though I want to be a die diy, I was thinking that she literally i've seen her do that specific thing on stairs.
Oh that's intense. Yeah, I know, but I'm trying to let.
This there's you know what, I know that, Like, I think there became a time in history when which we as a people decide we don't like carpets inside of housing.
Yeah, COVID No, it was before that was before that.
Although like I don't agree with carpets. Like I remember when I was looking to move, there was this place that I went to and it was carpeted throughout the whole house, including the bathroom. Shut out, bitch, the bathroom was carpeted.
That's that's not even legal. And I was like, that's discussed.
That's not legal.
It's mold that could create mold.
It was in there. It was in there. It was like.
It was in there, and so I get it. But I also there is I like getting out of my bed and I have a little mini carpet because I have carpets in my house. You have ate car have carpet cut up rugs, but there's one right below my bed and I like getting out of my bed and not being on like cold floor.
So if do you keep just you have a rule.
To not have shoes on in the bedroom and to not have shoes in certain parts of your house.
I think it can actually be really nice. It's not nice, but tell me to be nice to you today. Okay, no, no, no. The point is we can be trying to be nice in a courage.
The moral of the story is Orlando was so happy to get our keys and he's like, baby, we're moving. It's our first place together.
And I was like, not good enough.
He's like, so you want to go stay by your friend again, or you want to I'm like, okay, never mind.
I love this I love this house.
I just realized, like, you fucking bitch, E've been stressed out of your mind for fucking eight weeks about not having a roof over your head, which is pretty fucking serious, and here you are, this bitch is giving you keys and you can't. I was literally fighting with the lady. I was like, you clean this carpet.
She's like yeah.
I was like I don't think so. Orlando is just standing there like shut the fuck up.
I was like, what is this for.
I picked up like a reptile skin. She's like, oh, that's tape.
I said, this is not tape, not reptile skin.
It was reptile skin.
I said.
The last tenant must have had a snake or lizard. She said, no, no, no, that's that's tape. An I swear to god I picked it up. I said, I said, so you're telling me the carpet cleaner brought a snake over.
I said, are you sure? Are you cleaning these carpets?
I could do it again. I'll do it again. I said, I think that's necessary.
Oh, so she offered to do them again.
She'd have a choice, bitch. I found a snake skin on the carpet. And then she's like, it's a tape. And then I picked up another pieces like this is the tail, oh, because it goes toll like a point there. I know, I think were probably and I'm with it, but not on these carpets.
It's my witchy shit.
So all that to say is like, you know, you gotta be like you have to be able to have the gratitude for the things you ask for when they come, even if they don't have all wood floors and knew.
Stoves.
So I just was like I had to take a moment and I realized, like, wow, I'm just ruining this moment. After we've struggled for eight weeks together, I can't just be happy. I have to complain, and I was like, what is that? Like, why am I actually like my mother? Why am I so attached to the feeling of like
being unsettled. And then I started to be like, oh my god, I'm gonna be able to like this rent is so high, like if I lived in Mexico, Escape escape, Yeah, like just like wanting to just find a reason to feel uneasy. And I'm like, that's so nuts. And you know, finally it got dark time and I couldn't really see those carpets, and I was like, you know what, I do like the apartment.
It is cute. It is better than the last one.
It is it is, and I'm grateful because I have a.
Place to go.
But you know, it's just like it's constantly this rat race, and so if you're not careful, you will get the things that you're chasing after and not even realize that you have them because you're so stuck in the mentality of being not safe or like in a frantic or in a panic. And I just had to take a moment and just be like, bitch, or they.
Don't show up exactly how you envision them in your mind. You have to really not have expectation of the outcome you almost which is difficult because when you manifest, you're asked to be very specific about what you want, but then also also being flexible and open enough to also allow what comes to be also allowed that to be enough in the answer to your manifestation, even though it's not exactly what you want.
Well, the thing is like the gratitude and like you know, we talk about manifesting all the time, and we manifest a lot of shit where some pretty powerful bitches, and then something's missed, some things don't come exactly how we ask like, and then we have to also accept that we are witches. But bitch, sometimes it's you. But it's like God has the final say.
You know what I mean.
I mean, like even with like us getting like best seller the first week and like that was gonna be manifested for like two years, and like I was, like, what the fuck, God, you trip it? Like I know you got my emails, but like not to say that won't happen, you know, and like we we found out that it can happen after first week, and it will, but just it's like being okay with like knowing that it can come in different forms and to be also ingratitude when those times come, you know.
And it's just like.
I think there was a lot of ego attached to it too, because I feel like, oh, I'm a woman of a certain age making myself so sold where you.
Are of a certain age. Everyone't google how old is right now, it's all over my Instagram. I don't like. And you know, I want what I want and I.
Deserve this blah blah blah, and I do.
But also, bitch, you agree grateful.
That you know you got ninety percent of the things that you asked for minus is hideous carpet and it's fine.
Well, it's also like you get what you're ready to receive, and you know there's things that happened before, like when we're asking for things to be called in Like I feel like you have to also be self aware.
Of like how do I say this without offending the people listening? And you good luck when you ask for things.
And but also you're actively participating in not there's an active participation in maybe like having limited beliefs around what you deserve. You're not gonna get everything that you ask for.
It's when you finally release those limiting beliefs that really not that the manifestation, This was the manifestation you asked for, but like it becomes even bigger, and you know, like when you when you remove your limiting beliefs around safety, home, not wanting to adult because you're like I don't want to be an adult, and you know a lot being responsible for your safety and just having like I guess, just full autonomy and responsibility around what you're asking for
and the things and the steps that you're taking. And I'm not obviously we take a lot of steps where we work really hard, and I'm just saying that the manifestation will always show up how it should based on the energy put into that situation. And if you have limiting beliefs around your safety and what you deserve and like feeling settled, you might always go to a place that maybe is like home but not quite home for you.
No, no, no, no, I completely agree. I completely agree because I realize in.
This this last three months to this this you know, like with life already being hard and like requiring a lot of me putting myself in this even more like stressful situation and then finally getting out of it and still like immediately my next thought was like, Okay, are we're gonna pay this rent? Is run is super high, Like this run is high for these non for carpets.
You know, that was my thought, But.
It was to it was to worry and stress that I couldn't before it was Oh, this is this is this is a year. Fuck it, this is a year, and I'll be in somewhere else next because fuck it, let's just take this. We can afford it, Like instead of just immediately just be like, oh we got this, I have a partner, Like I'm just immediately into panic mode.
So it has everything to do with like scarcity mindset and and just yeah, like getting outside of your own way, my own way about my relationship with money and my safety and that like someone's gonna come save me. It's only me, you know what I mean. So no, I just realized that, and I'm like, damn, you know I do. We have all these conversations and there's still so much more work I could be doing.
Oh.
I mean that's the whole point. That's the whole point is us talking through things. I mean, this is why that this podcast has been so I think powerful for both of us.
Is like us doing.
Function and then having stay accountable for it, because then we look up a year later and like there's certain things that we're still discussing and it's like, Okay, I'm still I still got work to do in that in that space, in that place for me, like you know, my thing is about like to enter speech and energy, like I'm going to be a peaceful warrior now. I promise I will not be a bitch and my facial expressions will no longer make people feel like I'm mad
at them. And it's it's definitely like it's an inner it's a thing for me of like I don't resentment and what feeling people like are going to disappoint me or like I'm always over I'm always giving so much and not getting what I deserve in return, and like I think that is the root of that for me, you know, And it's an ongoing shit because recently I've had I had that come up for me and I was like raging, and I was like, damn, I have
not resolved this. Like I was like having to. I literally felt my body like I was like I needed to like be violent almost, and I was like I don't ever want to ever feel like I am out of control of like my disappointment or how I feel or what someone says to me, and it is just yeah, it's a I'm still trying to birth this new version of myself. And I don't know if you ever fully just birth a new version of yourself.
It's an always birthing. Yeah, it's a forever labor.
It's like you're pregnant for you almost might give birth a lot of times, and then you do, and then you still got a nurture and that that baby.
I've been in labor for ten years.
It's rough.
There's some there's some definitely some more gasmic parts, but no, it's it's yeah and then yeah. And then even even because we talk so much and we're talking about, you know, our personal lives so much, there's even like a judgment of myself, you know, because like like in certain ways it could appear that certain things are completely together. And like even while I was going through this, I never I didn't say I'd never come on the fucking podcast.
One day, I was like, well, you.
Know, a bitch is fucked up because I moved on my shinto storage and I don't know where I'm going yet, you know, but like I can, like because there's insecurity around that, and like, oh, I should have worked in my credit for the last fucking five years.
Bitch, you're an adult.
But I put it off, and I put it off, and I put off until I'm in a fucked up situation. And that's about totally about my my wounds with growing up and like taking responsibility and feeling like I don't have a safety net or I don't like, oh, like you know, like a support system as far as like certain things. But at what point is it that you're like that's my responsibility?
Is only me?
I am my own responsibility, and like these are the things I have to, you know, and I'm hella powerful.
So why do I take on this this energy of that I can't?
But you do every time, And I think, like this is an invitation, especially you've just moved in, You've already had your trauma response, which was I hate it. There's fucking skeletons and fucking snake skin Orlando with you know, Okay, you did it, and now what are you gonna do about it? Like, now this is the opportunity for you to like kind of start I guess removing your that mindset and really making your place beautiful, and like putting all the motherfucking plants you.
Want, Okay, hopefully they all live, all my plants, always.
Putting all the plants, like making like you know, that top little loft like your little sanctuary, and and like keeping your space how you want to feel and how you want to feel about your home life, you know, because it's important. And I think that I think that is really important to you because you do. You're a maker of beauty. You make things beautiful. That's your gift, and make that use that gift in your home to help heal. That is what I feel like I'm being told to tell.
You thank you.
So I think I'm excited for you. I'm excited to bring my housewarming gift to you. I don't know what it is. It's going to smell good or feel good.
Well, that's something cancers really care about their home space, and they really care about like safety and comfort. And I realized that like putting myself in a space where i'm some like where that's at liberty is like not not not great for my mental health, but all so that like, yeah, I could move into anywhere and make a beautiful light.
And it's something I enjoyed to do.
I've been on Pinterest for like twelve hours and it's like it's fun for me. And I do like my place and I'm happy. I'm grateful to have a place. My daughter has a room.
Oh my god, you should get used the Etsy wallpaper place. Sorry, I just had a vision for your house. The ceilings are too high for ballpaper. But yeah, what a problem. My ceilings are so high.
Oh my god.
I live in Studio City and my ceilings are high, and my ceilings are too high. But I can't cop it, so I hate it.
Yeah, and I can't put my pole up because this ceiling.
Let that go.
Just go take pole dancing classes. I want to do my living room. You will, like Sammy on the internet. Well, I really admire your ability to not let stress over. I mean, I don't know if it's really if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but you manage stress way better than.
I managed dress. You really do.
I mean, I don't know if you're cursing other people out in the background or something. Maybe Orlando, I'm sorry you okay, But either way I would be a wreck in all spaces and places, not just with my neck.
So I admired that about you. Thank you, you handled it like a boss. Congratulations. I try not to.
I try not to melt downs because I don't think that's gonna help the shit. So I am at ease and I'm very grateful, and I'm even more grateful for the lessons too, you know, like.
Shit is rough.
Sometimes I'm not exempt, I'm not perfect and then but problems and obstacles are never permanent and I know that, and like, I think it's also been a trigger for me because like three years ago, I was moving out of the place with Luna and I was supposed to supposed to be temporary and end up I was staying with someone for like over a year and that was super challenging for me, and I didn't like share a lot about it because I felt embarrassed, you know, like
even for you know, with my you know, daughter, even
as a single mom. But I think being in this space two years later, three years later, I had to evaluate, Like I think it was a trigger, but also I had to evaluate, like, well, bitch, why haven't you worked in your card in this whole three years when you know the situation, you're not in the same situation, you're not the same person, and just accepting where there's where there has been growth, and also where there needs to be more pouring of fucking energy and that's okay, you know.
And it's just trying to stay calm, not panic, even though I.
Was very close to the edge, very very close.
But you know, overall, if anyone's listening and they're struggling in any area, like you know, everybody's struggling in ways. Shit is hard out here, like adulthood is hard, like being a parent is fucking hard, and just living is difficult, you know, and providing and you're not alone and whatever, even if it's an obstacle now, it won't be an obstacle forever. And just you know, diligently keep calm and know that you're safe, and then everything will eventually align itself.
And it may have carpets, but it will align itself.
Their magic carpets, magic carpets to the transformative snakes.
They are magic carpets. I've decided.
There are two balconies and two bathrooms and a loft.
And jeal I wish I had two bathrooms.
That would be a game changer, yeah, because, yeah, the one bathroom thing is not ideal.
It's really not. You have outside shower, though, I really love that shower.
I do. I do. I've had my relationship with my home.
I've lived there for eight years and that's where you know, me and my child's father moved when I was pregnant. So and I'm really grateful for my space, but I go in and out of like it's not enough. I hate this, like I want to move, And then I go outside and then I'm like, my backyard's dead. I hate, and then it rains and.
It's beautiful again.
I'm like, I love my backyard. It's so great. And you know, I want to move too. But you know, California, rent is not a motherfucking game, y'all. If you're thinking about moving to La think twice.
It's crazy.
And I have friends who are like, oh my god, like I'm selling my house for one point eight, but all the houses on the market are like anything good is like two point five. And I'm like, okay, yeah, I'm like, wow, our lives are different. And I'm like and and we have to move out of the country. I'll never live here. I can never afford sit here.
We will, but we will be able to do both.
But yeah, it's but it is like I don't want to move unless I feel like I'm actually upgrading my life, and my ego will not allow it.
And I'm just like, I will just stay here and do you have a great place?
And so but I've had to reinvigorate my space and my place over and over again. But ultimately, I know when I come home that one thing that I that makes me feel good about my space is that I know there's a certain way it has to.
Be in order of me for me to feel really good all the time in it.
And it's clean, it's clean and organized, and that's really hard with a kid, but you know, I that's that I know for sure. For people that are like I can't move, like it's just changed something. Maybe you're maybe that living room is junkie as hell, girl, clean that shit up and reimagine it. And sometimes it's just like those little changes that can change your perspective on your situation,
like reimagining the situation. You might not be able to change your situation at this very moment, and and a lot of us can't. And so I think just really taking the time to think about how you can change your mindset around it, how you can change the actual what it looks like around you is a fucking hack, because that's the only reason I'm a bit okay, and not only reason, but that's what as guests has helped me be cool in my spot.
Although I know I'm.
Moving at the end of this year or in January, it's happening right or shine, I'm manifesting that right now, and I don't.
Know it's gonna beautiful. And I might have carpets and said it might it might have carpets.
And also just like this is corny as hell that like home is where the heart is it is, you know, like home is inside of you and home is you know, And that's what I was thinking, like just in this process, like I've been relatively happy, you know, and like I have such amazing friends and amazing people around me that it makes it like I can't I can't be too
too upset, you know. It's just like when like Luna is pouring her love into me, and like I love you so much, mommy, and it's crazy like the things that like I'm super shows sad about like I hope she's good and thankfully, like she can go to her grandma's house and she's a room there and she comes back and you know she hasn't been like deeply at
a she's it's summer. My kid is super patient with me too, Like we're we sleeping tonight and like here over here, so Auntie's house, like, okay, when are you getting place?
I'm like soon, It's like.
Okay, you know what I mean, Like just like but just her love and her patience, Orlando's love. Like I was in this situation completely without a partner, and like.
It does feel totally different.
And we have been relatively happy and we're just pretending like we're taking staycations, you know, like let's just stay at the hotel, and like even though we're both deeply stressed, just together collaboratively deciding that we're gonna still be happy in it, you know, and like really just like that the love of my family and my friends really makes me feel.
That, like you know, like.
Warm and fuzzy inside despite feeling chaotic on the outside for obvious reasons. I just I am grateful because like I think and looking back, even when I was like didn't have a place and for like over you know, for a long time. It's just like I still looking back on the bigger scope of things, that was one year of my life, you know, like Luna may not even remember that shit. But just like, if anything happens to me tomorrow, at the end of the day, like I'm not going to care that I didn't have an
apartment for eight weeks. I'm gonna be like, Oh, my kid and my boyfriend, my friends Erica, like the travels that we did, the things that I've learned, the people have been able to collaborate.
With, you know.
It's just like sometimes we're so stressed out because like as adults, we're supposed to have it all together. Everything's supposed to look like this, because Joe and Sam and you know, Keisho over there look like they have it all together. And it's like like at the end of the day, just having love is really all we can take with us.
Amen, bitch, hallelujah.
So I love you and thank you for supporting me in this time that's been very chaotic for me and like very traumatic because I think I've been in this situation before and being patient with me and you know, supportive even when I cry randomly, and just also just like not judging me, and I'm never feeling judged by you despite you know, like just having you know, just different things come up and I know, like it's we're best friends and we like every like we have lived
such close, tight knit lives to each other because we work together and there's constant, constant stress and go.
But like, I appreciate you and I love you. I appreciate you to thank you. I love you. I'm so happy for you. I'm proud of you.
And I was gonna try and find something else beautiful to say, but I don't have anything else.
You know, the feeling, the vibes, I know, they're deep.
We meet Mela, I found out that I was Mela's husband in a past life, so it's true.
I just love you. I love you that much. I love you like a husband that's his wife and a best friend. I would want perfect I knew it well.
I'm interested to know what the cards say, honey, after today's conversation, because you know, the cards always have a message, and so it Tarot time, Tero time.
I pulled shout out to mahogany Taro dye. The Night of Swords no Night of ones, oh shit sorry.
Nine of Wands and the nighte of Wands means energy, passion, inspired action, adventure, impulsiveness. While the page of Wands marks the initial spark of a new idea, the Night of Wands shows the actual pursuit of that idea. When this card appears in a tarot reading, you are charged up with energy, passion, motivation, and enthusiasm, and you channel that
energy through your inspired action. You have a clear vision about what you want to create, and fueled by your passion inspiration, you're now moving forward with leaps and bounds to turn your vision into reality. This card is your sign to go for it. You are bold and courageous and willing to venture into unknown territories to further your mission and your dreams. You don't really care if danger lies ahead. In fact, it does.
Oh god, oh God, I love it.
And it becomes all the more exciting and thrilling for you. Adventures like this light you up because you know growth and expansion are waiting on the other side. Be a pioneer and take calculated risks to reach new heights.
Hmm, Okay, this is just a reminder too.
I guess maybe, well we are already we already this sounds like us all the time anyway, but also.
Take over the world. Fuck it, we could do it.
Be honest, have continue to be bold and brave and have these honest conversations, because I think that is our gift, you know, And I think that as being able to share and intimate parts of our life, whether they're in motion or after the fact, has been really radical and I'm happy to do it, even if it causes problems in my life, even though sometimes people get mad at.
Me, sometimes very Sometimes sometimes people get upset. Sometimes brands say it's too much.
I mean, I listened to episode we did rather recently and I was like, God, like, what is wrong with me? I was just like nothing, talking about like the Christians.
I'm like, oh my god, am I who am? I like an opinionated young black woman's like, what do they do to me? I do? I'm like, Jesus Christ, maybe I need to chill. Well, listen, that's right there.
That's the honesty, you going back and saying reflecting on something that.
I don't know if it's like because I know other people are hearing it. I'm like I mean, but I do have to be like, huh, that seems like a very strong opinion for someone who believes in Oh, people having opinion.
Usually opinionated people will have also strong opinions about other people's opinions. So that's where the growth comes.
You know.
Continuous birthay, the continuous twenty two month birth, twenty two year.
Birth, twenty two I've been birthing for twenty two years myself.
I've been trying to birth patience. But twenty nine years.
That's about sixty two hundred and ninety three days.
The baby is forty two percent ready, I'll let you know we crossed the fifty percent old crown.
And maybe we might stay there for about ten years. Oh that sounds pain such as life fish.
I really just want to.
Get the head out. Oh my goodness.
Before we started this episode, I just realized we have so many conversations and layers that like, there'll be three days later I'd be like, huh, we even finished that conversation. I wonder what the end of it is.
What was it?
Well, that's another one I just thought of. But this is when you just told me before we started about your mom had a reading and she said, are you trying to get pregnant?
Oh? Whoa really switching gears? Whoa whoa.
I just remembered, Yeah, well the fact we're birthing our new selves and maybe think.
About, oh yeah, well, I'm not birthing shit over here. There's no babies about to be born or conceived.
Now I'm now but to take my daughter off. You're pregnant. No you want me to e now my baby.
I've already I have three kids now.
No.
After this this, my daughter just increasingly gets more expensive, Like she's eight now, she's getting more expensive. I'm getting
more expensive also. So there's that problem slash blessing slash problem, because there's a certain level of life that I'm trying to live on my own, and I know I can't be selfish and not bring her along in ways, and so like We're about to go to Europe for sixteen days, and I didn't book the whole trip at once, so I like I bought the flight month months and months ago. So I was like, maybe if if I break it up,
it will feel so crazy, you know. And then I like booked an airbnb like two months ago, and then I booked another hotel like a week later at four am because that's when I did my shopping and then I didn't really figure out the rest of the trip. And then today we're leaving on Monday, I'm really like reflecting on, Wow, I haven't booked that other part.
Oh yeah, we have to spend money while we're there.
Oh I want to maybe buy something nice in Italy and be fancy.
How we're gonna do that? And then she's gonna want something fancy. So I was just thinking, like do I want to do this?
And if I had another one, like I'd have to restart this process all over again.
And I don't know.
I mean, I've always said I could be convince to have a baby possibly if I felt you know, I don't know. Maybe I just know. When my mom said that she had a reading and the girl was the woman was like, yeah, is she pregnant or is she trying to get pregnant? And she also that same woman told me that I was going to have another baby soon. I was I think I got that reading in November last year.
So I don't know. They need to relax and leave the babies away from me. Can we plan it?
Can we have a baby Back's.
Baby, Sell two Babies, Who wants to see Me? And Mela Pregnant Podcast. It's a whole new era of good Mom's Bad.
Choices, Good Bear, Good Mom's Better Choices, Part two. Because we're old, they were smarter. Now it could be cute, it could be cut. I think this is the part where I convince you. I mean I can't can't convince you. No, baby, Are you the one that's going to convince me? Not even not even my own man?
Damn? I think you should. I think we should do it. So Mila said that we're gonna have a Now you're never going to be a single mom.
I'm your baby daddy. And now we have Orlando, So you.
Got to now my man that I'm with is going to be the father and we're never going to break up because we're never doing that again. I know we're not till death to us fucking part, do you hear me?
Because we're doing it smarter, like we have so many people now and then like we even added Luna and I read to the equation.
So okay, well we have time because let me think about it. I don't know.
I'm on birth control. Thank God for the love of fucking Jesus about it.
Let me talk it through with my partner because he doesn't know if he wants to have kids either, so we're both kind.
Of on the fence. It's not like a necessity.
I'll check back in like January.
But he might be convinced if he thought, like I was going to become like super balling bawling balling from birth.
We can, I mean, we can do a strategy plan now.
Falling from birth. Those bitches got balling after birth? Are you pregnant? That's the storyline I wanted.
Those bitches got so much they got they were bawling out after birth.
Yes, I was.
I mean, honestly, this my life is much better now that I'm a mom. It did birth a new version of me. At birthed this friendship. It birthed a lot of like, I mean, shit, good mom's bad choices, so we wouldn't be this last five years were completely different. How do we not birthed for humans? So now we have better strategy plans.
That's so really yeah, I was, that's a really nice like way of saying we're gonna exploit our birth. I was like, that was so sweet and beautiful so when you see me and Mila exploiting our birth.
Just know it was a business deal.
Oh my god.
So I've been thinking how to take your new business to the next level, and I got the nine month plan right here. I'm on birth control. I put the non hormonal copper iud in because you're done tired of your shit. I'm tired of my own shit, and I'm very fertile, and ain't nobody.
Got time for that.
So when you're ready, I could take it out.
Okay, I'll let you know. Well, like, don't worry. Okay, let me just get past this trip and see how much this costs. Okay, I mean it's.
Gonna cost a lot. So you're gonna need another baby to blow the business out of the water.
It's true.
I'm just kidding. I'm not trying to.
Who's gonna raise it? I mean raise Orlando.
I mean I could give it to him, and then I don't know, maybe we can give you a betro to make sure they're both boys.
I know I'm having a boy, like many psychics have told me. I already told myself.
So I'm having a boil.
So I know that for sure, if I had another baby, if I had a girl, I would prefer that.
I would prefer a girl. I like girls. I know how to deal with them. Yeah, I like being responsible for the girls. I don't know if I want to be responsible for That's the thing that might be the life lesson that I have to learn that. Oh, that's the thing.
Like, if it's a boy, you could be less responsible. It's more than dad's thing. You're kind of like, here you go, true, true, Okay, enough of babies as a business, baby boys.
The birth of being born, I mean the business of being born. This is the business of being born. For Good Mom's Edition Influencer Edition, Well, let's get out of here. Yes, let's get out of here.
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I do not know what Toto solo record