Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Mila. Happy hump Day, Happy hump Day. How are you great? I don't believe you because I'm lying.
Oh my god, oh my god. This is the first week ever. And people were like, how are you? And I'm like terrible. Actually, I'm actually doing fucking terrible.
I was in a bar the other night and this girl walked in and she sat next to me, and she had like a cookie gift bag and she's like, do you want that? I'm a bar. She was like, you know, Christmas time, so she's like, do you have kids? I was like, actually I do. She's like, do you want this cookie?
I'm like thanks, this is so nice of you because I'm having a really shitty day.
Oh my god.
I cried at the bar for like two hours.
Oh you know, but you know, I.
Never cried at the bar. I never tell people I'm having a shitty day.
So you know, it's fine. And maybe that's what you need to start doing in twenty twenty, admitting when I'm having a shitty stop internalizing your shittiness well, because then it displays in other ways. I mean, I'm not saying I witnessed it, but I'm just saying it's inevitable. Wolf Moon, apoet Apothecary, Apothecary, Brandon. Brandon told me that, yeah, I hold a lot in and I hold a lot of
them with certain people. You stop whispering, please, Okay. So I'm just listening to Brandon and I'm speaking my mind. And when I'm having a shitty day, I'm telling folks I'm not doing great, even if they're strangers at the bar. Good. Do you have a hard time telling people when you're having a shitty do? No? What you do you think I do? No? I mean, I know I'm pretty I think I'm pretty vocal about my feelings constantly, which is why I'm annoying. I wouldn't say I wasn't vocal about
my feelings. Well, I wouldn't. I didn't think I didn't really.
I guess I didn't analyze it, really, I guess not all my feelings.
Yeah, you guys, we're drinking tea.
And yeah, my spoon keeps hitting the thing and it's gonna be annoying. And I'm also like, ah sturbing. Yeah, we're literally double fisting tea and wine because also I need to drink. Also, I feel like I shouldn't smoke because last night I felt like I was wheezing and like so much so that I was like, do I need to go put on IRI's nebulizer? Do you have the puppy dog nebulized? Is that thing helping for her? I think so? Well, I haven't been using it lately?
Do you need want to borrow it? Yeah, but I need to put some shit in it though, I just I have this stuff.
I feel scared because Luna has also been like coughing for in the mornings for.
Like a while. Yeah. Yeah, no, so it was iration coughing for a while. It's getting better though, so the nebulizer. And then she got she had antibiotics, which the doctor like didn't want to give me for like months and finally they're like, fine, why wouldn't they give it to you? Because they were like, it's just a common cold. She's for a month at school, but it up. I'm like, all right, last my one, I was like, she needs fucking antibiotics. I'm gonna give her these antiotics I got
in Mexico. Okay, Well, like I found some money in my pockets, looks see look at the seventeen dollars. I needed every fucking penny. Sweet, you are blessed. I am blessed. You are. You know every time I'm feeling away, God's like, here you go, bitch, shut the fuck up. So grateful. I do believe in God. I do believe in the power of prayer. And in twenty twenty, I'm going, I'm gonna go. I've like actually been researching places to go to explore my spirituality weekly. Some of them could be
called churches. I hate saying that institutions institutions, but they seemed they seem like a little more like progressive. And I was thinking about a gope and then like someone explained a gobe love to me and it threw me off. I know, could you explained it to me? And it threw me off? It like really like killed, like was like really a red flag for my like intersectional feminism. I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? That? We just love these niggas no matter what we did.
I say that or is that what that particular person is. I don't know. Okay, I didn't research it, but my friend who was explaining to me what a gode love was because she was dating this guy who has this been dating this girl for a long long time, and she just won't go away, Like he doesn't like she's dating her, but he's also dating my friend. My friend is like, I'm not gonna sit here and wait for you to make a decision, and he's like, well, I guess the girl is like, I'll wait because she believes
in a godbe love and a godbe love. Wait. Quote me if I'm wrong, because I don't know who's listening. That goes to a gobe or whatever. But what I was told is basically that like it's for the bigger purpose. Like if you're in love with someone a godbe love is like, it's for the bigger purpose. You ride or die with them no matter what, because you see the bigger picture and your heart is filled with a godbe love. I don't know, okay, what I'm looking at it? Well,
there you go. What is the godbe love?
Okay? Is A is a Greco Christian term referring to love, the highest form of love, charity, and the love.
Of God for man and man for God. Wait, that's not charity. I don't like that word already.
It's the same thing, okay, an unditional love, which means that you love someone without expecting anything in return.
Yeah, I mean okay, there's like okay, yes, okay, I have a lot to say. Okay, yes, but like also no, you know, okay, we're okay, I'm okay.
I'm happy that this. I'm happy I looked this up. Expectation. I know we talked about this all the time, all the time, but this is a question I have, and this is just a friendship in relationship expectation.
Now, I know we're not supposed to have any expectation of anything, right, that's not healthy. However, also not realistic. Do not have any like I mean, not not realistic, but the world we live in, that's you have to untrain that. So I just I'm confused.
I need a deeper I need a better understanding with better standards of expectation.
Because it's true, like.
We could love this tree without expecting anything of it. We know it's gonna however it grows, it's leaning to the light, it's going through what it's going through, it's present, and we love it as is.
Okay, it doesn't have to do anything.
For us now, Erica, if I'm your best friend, and I love you, I'm conditionally agape.
How realistic is it? Like, of course I want to.
Just love you as you are, but like aren't there friend terms? And at some point, like like front expectations, I've well I've got all friends with just being crazy.
But like maybe it's like even like if they're crazy, you just love them from Afar, but you still love them. Maybe there doesn't mean you have them in your life, but you still love them. Well, yeah that's true. I love people even if it's from Afar. But I'm just wondering, I'm just I'm just wondering if that's what agape love is like from Afar. It can't be that, like you just endure fucking abuse forever because you're in a gope love.
And not even abuse if in a relationship and whatever kind of relationship it is. What you're giving is not being returned. But I know you can't expect you from
you can't expect you from other people. So at what point, like, at what point do you draw the line and expect something and maybe not just like you or look just like you would present your friendship or your relationshipness, But at what point is it like Okay, you're not doing for me what I would do for you, So I'm removing myself to love you from afar a copit.
I don't know. I have to ask a god, the minister, I mean to I'll get back to you on that one. Maybe I'll find out in my church journey, my my church tour.
I mean, this is a big lesson. I think this is a huge lesson that like it's probably a lifelong one that you have to kind of figure out.
But how do you figure it out with that like punching someone? I don't know. I mean I feel like, uh, have you had.
A friendship that you feel like your friendship style is one way and that friendship style is a different way.
Like their friendship style is different than mine. Yeah, of course I think we all have that. Yeah, there's no friendship style standard, Like are you how do you love friendship style? Be your a? I mean I have friends that are like the way they show their love for me is gifts, like like little things to show them like that that. I have friends that the way they show their love it's like it's like the love language loge.
So I guess love languages tran quality time or you know, And then I think your love languages, yeah, I can translate to friendships, and sometimes that's why your friendships don't work, because your love languages are different. M you know, just like in relationshipeah. I mean it's still a relationship.
But do you feel like maybe in relationships because it's more intimate, but do you feel like, uh, like, I never read that book. So if your love language is not the same as my love language, does that mean we are friendship's not gonna work? Or does that mean I need to not expect your love language to be the same as mine. But then we're just speaking fucking Spanish and Chinese and that's not gonna work.
I think also, so like, I mean, I don't know. I mean, I think sometimes we have a little bit of a few different love languages. Maybe that's why, like friendships work out. But I also think that expectations sometimes are held a little higher when it comes to love versus regular platonic friendship. Sometimes, I mean, there are times where I expect my friends to show up for me, you know, and more so like when a nig especially when a nigga's betraying me, Like, you better show up, right,
you know, pick a side. This hasn't happened to me before, so I don't know.
It's interesting because I feel like I have different love languages than some of my friends, and I feel like as I get.
Older it is not an issue, but it just makes there be less understanding. Well, I think also, like you're you grow out of people, just like you grew out of relationships, like with men, you go out of friendships that are platonic as well, you know, like you have breakups with friends too, they're not like mutually exclusive. And I think sometimes we feel like unless a friend has done something terrible to us, and like there's no there's no reason to end the friends.
Friends for ten years, been friends for fifteen years, we're gonna be friends forever.
But sometimes yeah, yeah, I mean, and I have friends too that like I haven't talked to and like, like, for example, my girlfriend Natalita, like she just moved back here and she was one of my closest friends in high school. Even after high school, and you know, we haven't really kept up with each other too much. We check in every now and then, but like we're not in each other's lives on a daily at all, on a monthly I haven't seen her probably in two years.
Do you feel like he's grow out of her? No? But I feel like that's a real flat that's a friendship that like those are the time friendships, or like I can come back to you and it's like and it's all good and there's no like animosity because you haven't been here for me.
Well, I guess, I guess that's a part of the expectation, Like if do I expect you to check in with me every week or call me every week, or if.
I see you like you know what I mean.
So I guess that's a part of not having expectation and then it works.
Yeah, I don't know. It's it's interesting what people's expectations are. I mean, because like my former friend who had very had a lot of expectations for me. Like her expectations were like, you know, she needed me to go visit her all the time, you know, and like she didn't understand why I couldn't because she visited me all the time. Well not all the time, but in her mind she she visited me all the time and put forth more effort into our relationship than I did. I beg to differ,
but that's her love. Her love language is I don't know, I mean my love. I would say my lovely just quality time too, but I don't know. I feel like our languages got mixed up. And she's just kind of a bitch anyway. So yeah, then there's that. Yeah, she's just kind of like sometimes she's just people just kind of a bitch. Do you think he said she was kind of a bitch as a friend? No, I never this our friendship ending or the way our friendship played
out was super shocking to me. I was like, WHOA, I always knew that, Like she was really possessive of me. I think that's strange too, and like really hold on to these like you're my like these terms, like these labels you're my best friend, like like we're twelve, like you're my best friend and you're my best friend, and you're my best friend next week and last week you're my best friend, but now you're like my kind of
that's like that type of shit. That's how I felt like, because whenever we'd argue, she would really like that was one of her things that she would always bring up, like this this best friend title, like you I don't know if I can you can be my best friend anymore. Like honestly, we're getting him out, like I don't know, like it's gonna take some time for me to like get you back there, because I literally was like on
the other line, like is this real? Like okay, but I was like nature, I was like, I don't want to make this is how This is how it works for her in her brain, so you know, more power to her, but this is just not how I work.
But you know what, now that you're saying this out loud and you know me and that ex best friend are the same, the same sign I maybe do have attachments to.
Like if you've been my best friend, this song and this is what's happening.
This is what I expect from you, and maybe not from someone else i've known last they've been less close to. But I feel like in myself, my own problem now that we're having this conversation is I do have deep attachments to things and people. It's fucking crazy. I will like reach out to people I haven't talked to you in years just to be like, how are you, how's that baby, how's that grandma?
But also.
If I've known you so long and there's things going on in my world or whatever, and we're I think we're that close, and then I notice, I don't know, I don't I don't know if it's an attachment to just the title or like the time spent and the time that's been put in, but it is.
I think I do have an issue just releasing shit. I mean, I get it. I mean, especially if you've gone through shit with people like they've experienced they've experienced things with you, You've experienced things with them that are either really traumatic personal private unique to your friendship that you didn't share with anyone else. Like, I get that, you know, I have that. I have that with with I have that with you, I have that with a few of my really really close friends. You know. I
have a deep attachments as well to people. I think we all kind of do well, not everyone, but I don't know. It's there's different levels. I guess it's a spectrum and.
And I just think I think I'm super sensitive and when I have given the title or I like, have attached myself to someone in a certain way, and then I peep that, I feel like it's not I don't know, like to my level of standard it is disappointing to me. It's very disappointing, like dream about how I'm gonna curse you out.
Disappointing.
But I realize that's my own shit that I have to like, that has nothing to do with anybody else but me. My disappointment in other people is just just that, my own that has nothing to do with anybody else.
That's something I need to better delegate well that and you also have to express it to them so they know so they can fix it. At least give someone the opportunity to fix it, because they might not even know what they're doing because their love language is different.
But I feel I feel like I in many cases I have oh yeah, I mean I'm not saying you specifically, yeah yeah, let people know yeah, I mean yeah. And I think sometimes in platonic friendships it's more for some reason, it's more difficult to express your feelings than it is in a romantically ship and you're like.
Fuck you, nigga, you didn't come home last night or whatever, you know what I'm saying, Whereas in friendships, so let's just be nicous, let's be surfaced. And I also don't believe in that, sir, I mean I think it's more so like I don't know, it's like what okay, I think it's more like it's easier to sweeping under the rug. For some reason, it's not as volatile as it would be with the person you lay lay your head with, lay down your head with, you know, or giving your
body to do. I think it should be that way. I mean, I don't know. I mean I think it's normal that it would.
Be and I'm not And listen, guys, I'm not the one like you haven't called me in four weeks, so you're now just friends.
You're now just wait. Did you see that meme someone sent us that was said, like, every time, like whatever you're dating is a guy. I had a friend. Every time they suck up, just take a letter out of their name until they're gone. Hangman, bitch. I was like, damn, it was like all my friends and all my men need to have long ass names or they or they need to be just like PJ. You get two chances, PJ,
that's it, hangman, bitch. Kind Of I kind of like that because I kind of feel like that's a good concept.
I think m m oh, my god, baby Daddy had eight I know, yeah, and my baby.
Yeah, it was like it was his middle name, his first name, last name, nickname, period after the junior. My goodness, oh my god, oh our wine t I finished my tea and now I've moved on to one. I'm just tell the ring between the two. I'm not sure how we got here. But oh, did you guys?
Have you guys heard are bonus episode for All Moms with Chazade and Susan.
Yeah, it's Fam Fam Fam. Yeah, we dropped a bonus episode last week. If you guys haven't checked it out, check it out.
Basically, our girls over at FAM have started a podcast, and you know, it's it's a different perspective than ours. They're married, they're not yet, but they're real, they're raw and uh look.
I'm still auditioning to be a wife, bitch. Okay, yeah, that's all. We're getting all married friends this year. Yeah, like, I need to surround myself with married people if I ever planned to be married or feel like I feel like you know, it's part of the manifestation. Surround yourself
with married people. You too will be married eventually, right, Susan and Charizade, right right, we're taking notes wait, like this one of them said something really compelling to that obviously, like we do sometimes, but I think it's been a minute, Like I think it was Susan. It was like, if I can offer advice to any new mom is to get the fuck off social media, because it's true that shit, we'll drive you crazy. I think I'm due for a social media break. Me too. You can't know or you
we keep one or the other. I need to do it. Well, we need to work out our schedule. I know, I know we do.
I mean, shit, it's not even I mean, I totally agree it's particularly especially for new moms, but shit, we all needed, like to take a break from it.
Sometimes.
I appreciate her saying that, because shit, I forget that I need a break. And then I'm on it NonStop and then I'm like, what the fuck have you been doing.
For two hours? I know, I know. So go check out girls out. Check them out. They're on Apple Podcasts, iTunes, Spotify, you can search them fam for all moms and yeah, how do we That was? Hey, what are we talking about?
Oh?
Oh yeah, your nails? You don't see them? Ooh day she did a good job. It's Rose quartz, no shit, Okay, making sure I got it. I told you she's good. That's really cute.
She doesn't really take new clients, but for you, I got my girl.
Oh yeah, well if she comes to you. It's what I'm saying.
I know.
I feel like we are like remember remember on, Remember on what the fuck am I trying to say in living color to the lady who always gossips in the house?
But you didn't hear that. So the other day I text Jamila and I was like, bitch in twenty twenty and even in twenty nineteen, why are bitches courting niggas? And I was like, what are you talking about? We haven't experienced this. I feel like I have been courting men. I feel like a man and I am you know whatever, you're whoever's listening, like, oh there you guys. You guys are falling into the narrative of double standards and gender blah blah blah. No, there's one thing I will say.
I don't want to have to court a man. That's where I draw the line with male and female. And like, oh, I expected do you court me, you pay? But apparently apparently I'm so thirsty. I'm just willing to do it. No, I think, I know.
My concept is that women be knowing what they want and when they want something, they want it, and that's fucking it. And that's also how I am if I like you, oh, are we gonna hang out?
Hello? Hi? Because like there's this guy and I've been like he was. He was the one who was like kind of reaching out to me a lot, and I was kind of like stand offish because he's I call him Forbidden Bay. This is a New Bay guy's Forbidden Bay. And I was like Forbidden Bay, like I don't know, like I probably shouldn't hang out with him because it's kind of forbidden. Like he used to fuck around with one of my friends and like, eh, not a good look.
I don't want to be that type of girl. I know their shit wasn't serious and she's moved on and she probably wouldn't care, but like there probably needs to be a conversation blah blah blah. So I was kind of hesitant, and then like I was like we started talking more and I was like, I kind of like he's kind of cool. I kind of want to know what's going on over there. And then I don't know when the roles got reversed, but forbidden, Bay is now being courted by me and like you took him on
to dinner. No, but I just feel like I'm like, he'll he'll make plans with me, won't hit me up, and then I'll hit him. Oh, he made plans with me, hit me up like four hours, like two three hours after the plans were supposed to happen, and was like my bad, da da da, And I was like, yeah, you're late, and he was like, what about what are you doing this weekend? I said, I'm busy, and then like he texted me this week that weekend and I was like coming out and he came and hung out
at our thing. Oh, at our Vision party and I was not in a good place party she was. I was super anxious, stressed out, and possibly on drugs that were not assisting in any of those problems. Yeah, pretty intense. She's like, we're not doing any more events. Ever. I was like, okay, you're right anyway. So then I want to hang out with him again. I try to make plans. He was like unavailable, told me it was gonna hit.
Then he said he was gonna hit me up to make the plan on Sunday, said he didn't hit me up on Saturday, didn't hit me up Saturday. Sunday rolls around. I told him I'm free after four, After four happens, still haven't heard from him. So I text him like what's up? And he's like what up? I'm like, are we still hanging out? And he's like, yeah, I'm down. I'm down, nigga, the fuck what you mean? You're down? What you need to be like obsessed with? So then I was like, he was like, well, what do you
want to do? And I was like, I don't know. What do you mean? What do I want to do? Figure it out? Do you want to lay up? Do you want to like watch TV? Do you want to chill? Do you want to go in a movie? You want to eat? I'm like, do you want to smoke? I said, chill? Smoke sounds good? So anyway, I went over there and she.
Called me crying, not crying, like I don't know, I'm just I feel like I'm courting these niggas, but I'm still going and it's raining.
Oh god, it's raining so hard. Why are you going over here? This is crazy? What kind of bitch goes to see a guy in the rain, literally like so mad at myself, but still going. It was literally pouring. I was on the freeway and scared for my life, but I was like, I gotta see what's going on over here.
I gotta see forbidden because it's forbidden.
Keep in mind, I told you forbidden days are always going to be more appealing because it's forbidden. It's like Adam and even the fruit and shit. He also talks about himself a lot. Wait, maybe a bad sign? Wait, like that he's so bombed. No, just like he just talks a lot about himself, Like like I was just yeah, yeah, what's his sign? Uh? They literally into my crystal bomb. He is a sad hm adventurous. I don't really know
much else, but yeah, I don't know. I'm just like I just feel like Also, like even on Hinge, it's like talking to these guys, I'm like, are we going to meet up? Or yeah, I'm like what are we doing? I ate up? A guy was like do you want to meet for coffee? Never like he was talking to me all the time, like the whole time, And then I made the initiation of like, hey, let's hang out haven't heard crickets. I'm talking to this guy who said he was into like what is it? Yeah?
And you know that sounds fun. So I was like he's like, I'm like, so, what are you into? And you know, and he's like choking and spitting and just I'm into everything except like shit in blood. I was like, yeah, me too, Yeah, that's where I drove around. And then he's like, well, are you gonna do something for me? Like and I was like yeah. I was like, well, I don't know, we'll see. He's like, yeah, we'll see.
Never heard from him again. Like what, niggah?
What what is all this fucking word for play? For no goddamn reason do you want to meet up right now? It's sushie, That's exactly what it is.
Just internet flirting. It's just internet attention real quick. You just like want to like start a combo because it's interesting and then he goes back to his wife. Is that it probably because you know I don't trust these niggas anymore.
I don't trust myself because I make bad decisions over people.
Damn. I just want to know, like, is it like I had a friend, like one of my best friends, actually my like my high school sweetheart. He's not married, about to have a baby, and his wife proposed to him. Oh, oh my god, I just saw that online.
That was actually popped in my head when we talked about courting niggas, like on one knee.
I don't know how it happened. No, I think they were on the couch and she just like pulled a ring out and was like, marry me or something. Would you do that? You don't pink? No, No, I wouldn't either.
Fuck no, there's no fucking way. There's no fucking that's where the double standard should live for me personally, there's no fucking way. And but the way I'm going driving in the rain, who knows. Who fucking knows?
So what happened when he got over there? We talked a lot about He talked a lot. I felt like I didn't share one story that bothers me when I'm on a date. I also didn't really feel like talking. Yeah, so I'm just like all right, and I was he kind of makes me a little nervous, so like I didn't really I was like, Okay, I don't want no niggas. That makes me nervous. I don't have time for that.
I'm like, I don't I'm too confident to be nervous. I don't have time if you make me nervous if not gonna work, I kind of not nervous.
Like okay, well I like to make a nigga nervous. I like that. No, you know what I'm yeah, but you know, like I've done that and it doesn't end well, Like I have to kind of obsessed with you because it's at some point the roles switch. Wait, I know you can't smoke, but is there a weed here somewhere? Yeah, we can't simp of it. We can't summit up in it. You want some for this? No, I don't want that goddamn canoe caneen. We could still supposed to was I
supposed to refrigerate it? We have this canoeen that King Noir gave us and I've had it since forever, since last year. You think it's okay. Should take a little sip, he said, Let me smell it. Oh still potent. Oh god, I'm ready to take a sip too. I'm not going through my back hurts. You're having a lot of anxiety this week. Oh my god, Oh my god. Why anyway, Yeah, we we we hung out, we talked, blah blah blah, and then like oh then he yeah, then we smoked.
We smoked like this new weed that it's like patent pending. It's called like caviar, calve gold or some shit, which I was like, how is weed patent pending? So whatever, I smoked it because you know whatever, because I accept all drugs. And then we just were sitting and talking. And then at some point, like I don't know, I got really awkward and I was like gonna leave. I was like I think I'm gonna go because you're not too high. Yeah, I was like, way you said I'm
gonna go. I was like, I'm gonna go. It's like I think I should go. I'm getting tired. The rain is pouring. What point, how long had you been there? Like two hours? MILLI an hour and a half, two hours maybe not even maybe not even two hours. And I was like, I'm so high. I I need to get out of here. Like and I kind of felt like he does he want me to leave because like I couldn't tell, like he was yawning, I've done that.
I have gotten so high that I'm like, what does he like me, is that this other bridge that's here?
Does he want me here? Does he get me to get out? And then I'm like, must leave, right, That's how I felt. I felt like, and you know, this happened one other time when what's happened a few times, but there was one specific time when I was hanging out with Reese and she gave me an edible edible and like, I immediately got super paranoid and I was like, she wants me to leave. I gotta go. She's ready for me to go. I'm imposing, Oh my god, I gotta go. And then I couldn't drive, so it was
nice bashed how to come pick me up? Blah blah blah. But anyway, so yeah, I felt like I should leave. And then he was like are you what are you? Where are you going going? And I was like, I don't know, I'm tired. He's like, I'm like I'm hungry. He's like, are you hungry? Let's order some food. I was like, okay, he wants me to say psycho, but good answer. That's why sometimes weed for real, like yeah, yeah, weed on the first day could be not a good look. And I was in his space too, like I was
in his environment. I just felt uneven, you know what I mean. I need not be under the influence the next time we see him at all. You're getting all types of mixed messages. So we ordered the food, we ate the food, and then we went to what we went and started watching this doc this documentary. I don't know if you guys have seen it. It's called Don't Fuck with Cats.
You gotta watch this crazy shit, so crazy, so crazy? Can I give me nightmares and murderous thoughts?
Oh my god? Lucas such a strange She looked like a murderer, like a beautiful, a beautiful murderer, but not like like a beautiful gay twink twink tink what are they called a tink twink? Narcissist gay murder? So why this would be, like, you know, first date, so material? I don't know, Probably because he knew we weren't gonna watch it. So we're sitting on the couch and then I'm sitting there because I'm like, oh, God, like and this is forbidden bay, like I shouldn't be doing this anyway,
should I? And that's another reason why I thought maybe I should leave. I was like, I don't know if I should be here. This is weird.
I started getting paranoid about your trifle and this call him trifling.
I'm already here, ready to go. Fuck. I was like, and I took a shower before I went. I was like, should I shave my pussy or should I not? Because literally that could be the determining factor what or not you know or not because that if you know, like sometimes bitches do not shave the pussy because they need to stop themselves. That's never. That's never stopped me. Never, not one time. I don't think it's really stopped me, but sometime or like, don't take a shower?
That stopped me not taking a shower maybe, but then I'll be like, do you have a shower?
Is there hot water?
Right? Paper towels, And I'm like, why don't you just take a real shower? This retired off you right now in.
The fucking bathroom, wedding paper, towels and toilet paper.
Trying to be quiet, turn the cheek on very quietly so you can't hear the water run. I'm also trying to like, go do it quickly.
Right because you know then he knows then your pussy say smells straight like hands the dial.
Oh my god, I mean this.
This conversation confirms my theory that women are honestly more mannish than men. And a lot of times our I, damn, what the fuck is about to go down? The guy is not even thinking about it. We're like, hmm, that dick might be big.
Well let me tell you. Yeah. So we started watching the documentary and at some point, like I was, I was sitting on the edge of the couch and he was like, he like moved a far away from me. And I was like, okay, like maybe he doesn't want me to leave. And I just sat there, like you know, and he was like, are you a cuddler? And I was like yeah. And so I went over there and laid on him, and I was like, okay, I guess this is I didn't make the first move. This is him,
not my phone, do anything. I'm just here. I went over there and I laid on him, and I could feel his dick in my back and it was I could feel it. And wait, but you were laying on him? Was it hard? No? Oh damn? And we I watched the Doctor marry for like a good thirty minutes and then at some point like he started kind of like grabbing around my neck and then like kind of like choking me a little bit, and you know, I don't know me. I love a good choking me. I was
like choking the jou. I was like, is this happening? What's he doing? Forbidden? Like before even kiss he was joking because I was like on like he was laying back and I was laying on top of him, and then we like then you know, you start kissing making out. We made out for like I don't know an hour, which is crazy. I haven't done that in a long time. And then you know it suck in the titties rubbing thing, and then what were your thoughts? Like, please share your thoughts? Wait?
What are my thoughts? Like? Should I do more? Like is this dumb that I'm just making out? Oh yeah? Oh yeah? Then we're just making out? And then I started like guilting myself, like I started being like am I mature for just one? Like? Should I just make out with it? I don't only want to make out, Let's just make out? And I was like is that stupid? Like what a record? What the fuck I want to do? I'm a grown ass? Woman, I can fucking slip his hand on my pants if I want to. You only
live once. And I was like, but also chill because you know have like you know, you want to have a second date, Like, don't do too much? What if he doesn't call you back? Do you think niggas have this conversation ever? Like like will she call me if we do too much? No? I'm like is it too much? And then I was like, well, also like I know what the fuck I want. I'm like, I'm growing, I got a kid. The fuck I don't give a fuck. And then it was like literally going back and forth
in my head like should I touch his stick? Should I not touch stick? Should I touch his stick? Should not touch it? Okay, I'm touching his stick. Okay, we're over the wharf the sweatpants. We're safe, We're safe for safe. We're just gonna stay here. This is it, okay. And then at some point I like pulled away and I was like, okay, let's just like watch the movie. And I was like okay. I was like, I need a break. You said that I need a break, and like we just watched the movie. And then I was like I
don't want to break. How long did you watch the movie? Like two minutes? And then like I got back on top. Then I was like, just went for it, just traveled it. And we definitely have a lot of chemistry. Uh, probably because it's written. And then at some point, like I took my shirt off and like we were just I don't know, like I was lifting up his shirt. I was kissing his stomach, and then like then I pulled his dick out, and then I was like, okay, like
fuck it, I'm gonna suck it. And then I did you pull it out?
I know there's this weird thing like how long we're gonna make out for what's gonna come?
We had been making out. We had been going at it for like an hour and a half. At this point, we were in like episode two of fuck Don't Fuck with Cats okay first, but not fucking each other. Don't episode of Don't Fuck with Cats but not fucking We were episode two and you know, each episode's an hour. I'm gonna say those episodes are long, so I'm like so then I'm like I do it, and like, wow, bomb beautiful. Penis really nice, really really wanted to sit on it.
But I was like Okay, you're better than me, so I'd be like, this is SIT's over come on.
No, that was like the only amount of strength I had. I could control that. But then after I was done, I felt bad I did not I was like, why did I do that? Because you want to know? But I did? But also like I just felt like I just made it too easy, especially for a nigga I'm courting, Especially for a nigga who has made no fucking effort at all. You know, we've all done it. I feel like I'm supposed to be past this by now. We talk about this shit all the time. Why am Why
did I do that? When I drove home, I was like talking to myself, you dumb bitch. Not only did you do that, it's still raining, bitch, You're driving home at three am in the fucking rain, got a nigga's house, who didn't make plans, who's forbidden, who made no effort eat you That part too, that part two, That part two made me feel like, why didn't you return a favor? Yeah? Well yeah, but also like I.
Know it wasn't that you're posting. It's a rapper sitting on it.
Yeah that's yeah. But also that too, Yeah, but I just just like it's he gonna call me? Like do I want him to call me?
There's something there's some weird thing about if a woman just gives the guy head and it's.
More hope. I felt like I felt like a hoe. I felt hoey.
I feel like I sucked dick and just suck dick recently. But I can't think it was dick.
It was I felt holley. And then there was also a point in time while I can't talk, where I was trying to make eye contact with him and I wasn't sure if he was like making it with me. And then I feel was like, what's going on? You have your fucking eye contact and lets me know you're in it? Or and like I'm not being a hoe, like we're being hosed together. We're contact with me, Make I contact me? Do you love me? Not love me? But you know? But anyway, my god, that Candleen, I'm high.
I haven't mean all day back doesn't hurt anymore. It's great. I'm feeling a little loopy. How much did you drink? Just a sip? But I haven't eaten all day and it's six o'clock. Ate one piece of toes. Anyway, I text him and I said, got home, made it home, good night, and he wrote, glad you made it home. Call me tomorrow, and that irritated the fuck out of me. Why call me tomorrow? You call me nigga? I mean, okay.
The call me tomorrow also made me feel okay, good that okay he wants me to call him, but then it also made me feel like, so I have to call you okay, you're crazy okay, And then I did even crazier. Oh no, what did you do? I didn't hear about this? Please? So I wanted to call him tomorrow. So it's tomorrow, right, and I want to call him right. I'm not ready, but I don't know what I'm gonna say. I don't have anything to talk about with him, so I made up something to talk about. What the fuck
did you make up? Crazy? Oh my god? Sorry? I called him and I was like hey, He was like, what's up? And I was like so, I was like, so that food you ordered me last night? Oh my god? Just lying I said would you order me last night? Made me sick. This was a lie totally. I was like I threw up and he was like, I told you that food wasn't good, and I was like, wait, why did why why did he order your food he told you wasn't good. Well, he ordered it because he
thought it was good. And then we got it and he didn't think it was good. He didn't even need his food. But I was stoned starving tie of course, because welcome to Elan and it was fine. It didn't make me sick. I I just needed an excuse to call it. I just wanted to blame him for something, because that's what we do everybody. I think you're crazy, I don't care because you know what, because someone who's listening has done some dumb shit like this just to
have a reason to call someone. Guaranteed, I'm just admitting it.
You know what's funny about this conversation is like if you have if you like a guy or you're like into him, these are all the feelings you had. But literally, as I was driving over here, I thought about this guy whose house I went over. He was like totally reaching out to me a lot of times, and I
was just like laowing him off. I went over his house like three times, but this one time I had taken Mollie, like in the daytime for no reason, and it was just rolling over into the evening, and so I called him.
I ever told this story.
And cause I was like, he's kind of short, but he's a big So I went over there, had sex, it was great, gave me head, left in the middle of the night, never reached out to him again.
And today I was like, wonder how like, oh, no, it's terrible. What are the guy's doing? Which I wish himul merry Christmas? No, I should just leave it. But I'm like, I didn't even think twice about it. I just was like, thanks by. But like when you like an a little bit, You're like, how can I call him?
Should I say?
Hello?
Yeah?
You got me, made me sick, I'm make me feel better, Come at me. Hello.
So it's like, it's crazy, how like our women, like our whole shaming women is like it.
All depends on.
How much we like the guy and how much we feel like he's into us.
I don't even know if he's into me. I mean, I'm so confused by him. I think it's just there's an allure around about him, around him, it's the forbiddenness. It's like I went to his home, it's beautiful. You know, he is a dad and like he cares a lot about his kids, and that's obviously a turn on for me. You know, he's adventurous. Uh, he's kind of suck He's sexy. He's also good looking. His body's bombed. He was cute. He has a big penis, Like you know, I have
never seen that penis. That's gonna suck you up. So anyway, I don't know, the point is I needs to do better. I'm not gonna reach out any Oh. I also text him today too because I'm crazy and said what because I told him I was building this thing for Iri, and like I sent him a picture of it, like I did it. Look what I did? Well, I didn't do it, but MISSION accomplished what he said. He hasn't responded. I think he's well. I know that he's busy. He's
out of town right now with family. So I am I think, Oh God, I don't want to say it. I think I've just been spiraling too. I also saw a happy bay recently. No did you when like three days ago? And did you make up?
No?
No, we're over that, right, mm. I don't know. I kind of like love him a little bit still, but like I don't want to like do that.
No, I don't.
I'm not saw okay, you know what you are so beautiful, you are amazing. I too. I just I don't know. I don't I don't want to. I'm not gonna like I haven't called him since I'm not pursuing it. I haven't even really been thinking about him. It's just when I'm in his presence, I get like rap, I like it's he does you know, he does a lot of deep deep deep sir, and you love a deep stair but also makes me but I don't his just like it's really intense and I get nervous. He's another one
that makes me nervous. And also I'm closed off too because I'm like, oh, we've done this, Like, don't try to like get me, don't try to deep stare me now, nigga. But I don't know. I've just been like revisiting old things. I don't know, not revisiting. That's the only old thing I've I've been I've visited. But I just need support. I need I need, I need to do better. I need to not message for bidd and Bay anymore and make him make an effort, and if he doesn't, then
there's no more Forbidden Bay. And really there shouldn't be any forbidden Bay, to be honest, because there's more bays out here. I think there are so many bays and our bay will come and be amazing. I need to I think I need a break.
I I know I need a break because I make I make the decisions with my vagina a lot.
I just not like a guy, and I just.
I just I need to do better for myself, for my energy, for my healing, for my trauma, whatever that is.
Whenever I feel figure the shit out.
So I'm just are you doing a detox again?
I'm doing Dick talks? You are? I have to? Okay? Starting one today? No?
Well yes, well wait I don't know when this comes out.
What twenty twenty?
Okay, Yeah, I'm gonna try and go a year.
Really, I think you could do it because you were really in it. I know you went like six months.
Yeah, I know I can do it. I just don't want to have but.
Once you start like you were feeling it, you were like not.
But for me, like escapism for me is like people sex, drinking.
What problems though, Dick.
Like that's my way of like getting high, like going away, I mean, like not like weed.
But you know what I mean, that's my escapism. So I just need to do better. I need to want more for myself. So that's my goal. Yeah, that's it. And that is mean I can't date it. Just I'm not fucking well, don't give don't give head because I don't feel like how afterwards? For sure, I'm never giving ahead again, like just just like that was the first time I've ever given not the first time. That was the first time in a very long time that I've given head. And that was it. Sometimes I feel good
about myself. Sometimes I'm like, thank god, I can go all the way. Well, I mean I I that was a given because I knew I wasn't going to do that, you know. But like the fact that that's all that, I don't know, it just it wasn't returned. It does it makes me feel like I did everything for you. I drove in the rain.
It's very high school, you know, it's roots back to high school.
You know what I thought about you too. I thought I kind of thought about you too. Oh my god, I really did think about you when I was giving himpet because you told you told me this, You told me and you shared on the podcas Hass that there was a time where you would give head, turned around like you wouldn't look at the guy, like you would
turn the other way. And at first I started that way and I wasn't even conscious that I was doing it, and I was like, wait, no, we need to turn around here, like we need to turn around here because I need to make sure like we're in this together, right, This isn't like a one man's situation. Lord Jesus, save me, Save me.
You know, we all need to be saved. But at least we know we need some saving. We need some you know, there's some fine tuning that needs to happen.
You know.
I also wonder how many years on the podcast we're gonna be talking. It's like here too, We're like we're gonna be better, gonna be healing, dick toxing. I'm not gonna be given any head. I'm not gonna go to any random's house and get some dick at night. It's gonna happen five years.
Look, Buddha didn't become Buddha in two years. Okay, it's a new year. New you. There's like some girl who's sent to horries. Okay, it's time for horse stories. Whose stories? Do we need to update our horse or horse sounds? Okay? Okay. It's spring twenty ten and I'm in eleventh grade and in Panama City Beach, Florida. Me and Mike. Oh, it's Florida. That's why me and my girlfriends had been in Panama
for about two days. At this point, we got dressed and headed to the beach like we did daily after breakfast. We get there and of course it's packed. It's packed of people like sardines, packed with people like sardines. Bitches are butt naked and these niggas have all their guns out, so exciting. The drinks start rolling in and the blunts start lighting. I'm drinking and mixing everything under the sun. We didn't care. Fast forward a few hours and we meet a group of guys. It was five of us
and six of them. One of them takes interest in me and we walk off from the crowd to some chairs in the distance up and then he comes out of left field and tells me he wants to taste me. And this. At this point, we are both faded and he's fine as fuck, so I say, bet I'm down. We walk a little further down the beach and he eats me out in broad daylight on the beach. Reckless as fuck, but this isn't the kicker. We go and
meet back up with our friends. All boot up. We ended up eating dinner around six pm with them and me and my dude exchange numbers. He texted me later on the later on that night, around like nine or ten pm and asked me what we were getting into that night. I told him we were going to a foam party and he said they may come through, but didn't end up seeing them. Once the night of partying was over, of course, around two am, I got the
what you do in text? I knew he wanted to fuck, and so did I, so I replied something kinky and he told me to come over. I know I shouldn't have gone by myself, but bucket I did. Took a taxi to his condo for hours from hours, about a seven minute ride, and met up with the dude. Him and all six of his friends shared the condo. There were two girls already there with two of the guys that I didn't know, but I sat down and was social.
After we smoked and chilled for a bit, he invites me into his room and I knew it was about to go down. He wasted no time. Once he's closed the door, he started kissing my neck and climbing on me, and I was so down. Fast forward about forty minutes were and we're all full on fucking, and we are full on fucking. It's great. Next next thing I know, I hear the door open and I jump to cover myself, but he doesn't. I was like, uh, who the fuck is that one of the niggas walked in and closed
the door. Bitch, oh bit, he was fine as fine. I was looking like, what the fuck were about to do? Oh my god? Pause, we need some names. The main dude, let's call him Tie. The nigga that I walked in, let's call him Kyle. So after Kyle closes the door, I'm looking crazy as hell butt naked, and so is Tay. Okay. Tay looks at me and asks if I'm comfortable if Kyle watched us. I was like, oh, sure, this is
kinky and I don't know. Oh my god, y'all. Two more niggas, one at a time, closing the door behind them about five minutes ago. Oh my god, girl in eleventh grade, I was scared, and every time Kyle was contact with me, like asking if I was comfortable, Kyle's the guy closed the door. The initial guy, No, Kyle. The other guy was asking her if she was comfortable, which I appreciate and kind of turned me on more that he cared that I felt safe. I'm like, oh
my god, he cares about me. Let's make sure I don't feel rapey. Okay. After a while of fucking with the three other guys watching what I knew was about to happen happened. One of them walked up and took his dick out and then asked me to lock it. I said, absolutely, girl, I was in it at this point, so hot and ready. He started eating me out while Tay beat his meat and made out with me. At this point, the other two guys had their dicks out,
beating it in opposite sides of the room. Within twenty minutes, we all were naked and they were running a train on me. Yup, the whole ass train, and I loved it. They were all dark and sexy and had big dicks. I was in I love this band. I was in a dream one would be in me and the other one would be beating their meats and meats. I gave Tay head once. Well, one of the guys was behind me, and that was different. This was my first multiples encounter. Well, girl,
you jumped in. Let's just go, let's just go cam base. It had a few threesomes after this, but this was new. Afterwards, afterwards, I was worn out. Everyone left the room but me and Tay. But me and Tay, and we knocked out. I woke up in a few hours later and went back to my condo. Told my friends I fucked Ay and that's it. Aren't you happy? We're your friends now.
After that trip, Kyle started dating one of my friend's friends who was on that trip with me, and I never to this day told her he was a part of the training with me. Oh my god. They are married with two kids, and I was at the wedding laughing my ass off. Yolo, whoa, that was really good.
I mean, that's actually a bomb hoary. Finally someone comes with the fucking shits. Oh, and you know what I'm all about.
It like, if you feel comfortable, if you don't feel like it's rape. Live your mother fucking life.
If it's safe, if it's not rape, if you trust, if you feel like there's trust in the room and respect, Like, I feel like it sucks that women like women have been have been labeled if you have sex with multiple guys at the same time, you're you're automatically like a slug but nigga Like, but nigga's be requesting threesomes and all types of shit on a regular basis, and there are no one thinks twice about it.
So I I feel like we should. I mean, I'm she fucking loved it. She felt empowered, she was in it, she felt comfortable, she was comfortable, like and you know what, I kind of love about the stories that she didn't tell me about it. I love that she told no one except now Toll. The twist is that she went to the wedding, Oh my god.
And I think women are sometimes afraid to admit that that's their fantasy. And for a long time for me, I wouldn't even let the fantasy come into my head, Like it was automatically shut off.
As as Raypie, any type of like any type of multiple men. I was like, oh, that's rape.
But until I saw savages, as you all know, and until like I really had to like remove the stigmas around what that meant because but.
I feel like I lived through you a little bit. I mean I was a little jealous. I know, like you're all chocolate, this sounds like my type of dude, and then all haspic dicks I mean ideal and you're the main event. That's actually it's pretty king bitch. Yeah. And then he let any you guys fell asleep together and you decided when you wanted to leave, right bye bye bye. Well that put me in a better mood, it did.
Actually, thanks, you're right, I'm actually kind of happy now.
It's not wonderful how liberating, like like sharing honesty and freedom, sexual freedom can be. And then that's so great, I mean, not that you absolutely have to indulge about, just to know like people are out here doing it, enjoying it. You may want to be out here enjoying it and doing it under good terms too, and knowing that like you're not, like you said, like you're not alone, and that.
People be fucking, people be fucking and people have all types of kings, all.
Types of sex. We literally just found a guy in a diaper from Horrible Decisions. Yeah, horrible Wheezy posted or that they both put they interviewed him right, yeah, and he his kink is that he likes to be treated like a baby and diaper. And then and then I saw someone comment and I clicked on her and she likes to be treated like a baby too. She has a pacifier though. He was even posted he's like, sometimes
I work. He posted a photo and he was like, sometimes I wear my diaper depending on how hard the workout is, but not.
Today it was too hard or something I read into. Yeah, I saw it. I did, I saw it.
I don't. I don't, I can't. That's not for me. I'm sorry that did you. I respect for your Absolutely, he's peeing in there. That's part of the whole fantasy. It's the whole he's.
A baby, Like I don't want to really change her.
No, they want And that's like the guy with the hinge date I went on and he told me that he dated a girl that wanted to be treated like a baby too, or a baby girl, a baby doll or some shit, and like she would want him to tuck him her in at night, and then she like kicked the covers off like like a little kid and be like ooh sorry, and then he'd have to come back and fix them again, and then she'd do it again, and then he got really pissed and I'm not doing this.
And then there was one time where she like came over, not probably not one time, probably all the time, but she laid on him and he wanted she wanted him to like brush her hair, and she kept talking.
To him like a little bean.
Stop baby, I mean I do like I like, how do you call it? Like play? Like role play. But I don't want to be a baby. No, I want to be like a realtor or like a lawyer.
I'll do like high school age, like babysitter, Like I'm babysitting your kids like seventeen.
I don't even have that fantasy. I don't want to be like too. Mine are all like occupational. I'm a lawyer, I'm a doctor, I'm like a therapist, I am a realtor. I work at a coffee shop. Why are all of mine like have to do right? Oh my god? Well, you know what this all means for everyone. There's just so much more of life to explore your kinks.
You don't really know what you're into until you try it, or until you think about it and give it some thought, or until you come upon someone you're attracted to who does it and.
Then you're like, hum, yeah, it's really it's bad a lot of times.
And also from the men listening, I don't know if this is how that anonymous Susie whatever you call her.
I don't know if that was like the perfect.
Way to go about it, five way or whatever that was, But I feel like.
What's the perfect way though, Well, I don't know.
Maybe should we have discussed this before we all got in the room or before she was naked?
Oh you mean like that wasn't Yeah.
But at least there was no forcefulness. At least there was permission being asked. I think this is so important for men, Like that could be a fantasy, but you have to really be delicate with the like, you know, consent again is a big deal, and not making someone you can ruin.
I like, talking about it before would not have been it wouldn't have gone by well, it wouldn't have happened maybe, and also it also would have just been to everyone. She would have been to in her head, I have to make a decision right now. Like she was already hot, she was already like ready, she would have been fucking you know, like well, I feel like and she felt like a connection with him, like they probably he was probably really into her, and like she felt safe. Safe. Essentially,
that's what it comes down is important. I feel like it's really that's that's what it comes down to. A lot of times, for the most part, at least for me, we're not I don't know why I selected Dick. I did I feel safe? I'm not sure, or you've just felt forny. I just felt like it was forbidden. I don't know. Okay, I really have to pee. I have to go between tea and mine. Well in the handle, guys, Thank you, guys, thanking them.
Thanks guys, Thank you for listening.
Make sure to subscribe to our newsletter at Good Momsbad Choices dot com. Follow us on Instagram Good Moms Underscore, Bad Choices. Make sure to check our website for upcoming events. And even though we're not doing anymore well, we are doing a tour. We are doing a show in La March twenty eighth. To be exact, we're super excited. It's going to be at the Blackbird Collective in Culver City. In Culver City, It's gonna be lit. It's gonna be fucking lit. You guys. Listen next. So we haven't had
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