The 4 Step Path to Poly Feat. Kenya

Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife. She cooked, she cleaned, cared for her children and the man of the house, and of course she didn't talk back. She was both obedient and soft by nature. She was a good woman who always made good choices. We're good mom with bad choices, do single mom? Who said? But the patriarchy shared all their bad choices and found out they were so bad after all, we're experts.

Overshares and your new bestie.

Sit back and near the ride. I can do a pat mom.

Welcome back to good mom's bad choices.

I'm Eric fr I'm Nila, and it's motherfucking Wednesday.

Beach is hump day, beach.

It's a hump day, bitch. Are you getting humped tonight? Because I am an that's Arah.

I got humped this morning. Oh how are you, dear?

I'm good, I'm great. I worked out this morning. I got in the steam room. I recently joined a gym.

So your steam room at your house.

No, I don't have a steam room at my house. But that's thank you for thinking that. I do an I do with those are two different things, okay, whatever. I joined a gym finally because I was class passing my life away, and I got tired of the shit. I love class past, but I needed to just commit to the gym. So now I've joined, I've followed suit to view. I joined a boogie gym, and I love it because I'm a bougie bitch.

I'm telling you, like the bougieness is.

I feel like this is the era of boogieness. Like I wish that my bougie gym is more black. But then I'm also like, you know, I don't need any friends. I don't want anyone to talk to me.

But yeah, my boogie gym got the black people.

It's like a It motivates you to get to the fucking gym. It has to be boogie. I feel like about a spot every time I go. I'm like, this is the right choice.

Yeah, I saw my baby daddy at the gym. I saw school Boy Q at the gym. I'm definitely gonna say my baby daddy. And I saw Okay Cola at the gym. Everybody says I saw my ex's new girlfriend at the gym. The gym is pop. It was a very populicious gym experience today. I said, whoa, whoa.

I wonder if my gym will let me be the d inclusion.

Hey it's me just I just joined and I have a proposition for one.

Hundred dollars off. I can be your d I.

Appointed myself.

Here's my list of people who want to come, so just make it happen.

By Yeah, so it was good. I worked out with my baby daddy, which was very It never happened ever in life, so that was interesting. I'm getting ready to go on a trip with him.

I was gonna say when this episode comes out, we'll have come back from the trip with your baby daddy. You guys, we are going on a vacate. We're going on a retreat. But after the retreat, her baby daddy is coming with her child. And we decided, because we were crazy, we're gonna all stay in the same house.

Together, and that's going to be interesting. This is called growth. This is called evolution. This is called we are in a different place I think.

I mean at the end of the day, we had kids with the baby daddies. At some point, like if I, if I my baby daddy wasn't such a fucking asshole, and so by we would be friends too. Because Nigga I've known you for twenty five years. We've made life together, so that would be ideal, and I wish that it was more ideal. Maybe my distant future we'll have more of a friendship and Orlando and him of this beast.

So maybe I'll rub my baby daddy entered future energy.

On you, sprinkle it on over. Maybe he'll get some maturity or something.

Orlando, you're supposed to be supportive of this, don't you see?

Alicia Keys and Swiss beats, God, grow up.

This is why my life can not maturety anywhere.

So anyway, Yeah, that's that's where I'm at today.

Yeah, beautiful, I'm happy to hear that.

You know, seven years ago when we started this podcast, I don't think we'd ever thought we'd be any of us, either one of us. No one would be here. So lots of growth has happened. I'm proud of you.

Thank you.

Actually, check back in in June.

Yeah, we're like, let's see how I waited it.

I threw them off a check my inter June.

Actually we're acting. We're talking pre pre trip. I'm sure it's gonna be fine, though.

No, we have the kid there. The kid is there to buffer the thing. You guys are there. I made sure. I was like to me, like, you have to stay in the house, come with come with us.

So we're going at an adventure.

Bye, come, No, it'll be fun. He's fun. Yeah.

I mean I'm not really worried about him anyway.

I'm good.

I'm good. I'm good. Yeah. Great. I love that. I love that for you. It's not. That's like a bitchy thing, right, we established it. That's a bitchy thing.

I say it because everyone's saying it, but I feel like it's bitchy.

I remember the first time someone said it to me and I was offended. I was like, are you being a bitch? Oh, it's a reminder of my dad date today. I just always have a reminder to go on a date with my dad, but it doesn't never happen.

That sounds really sad. It's just that sounds really sad.

It's there, so I remember to do it, you know, or call him at least.

Okay, good, you know that's a good idea. Oh, actually, you know what.

I we had a party at our house this weekend for Sunday dinner and it was really nice and my dad came and he bought food and it was really nice. And then you know, I gave a speech about connection and then he hugged me for like eight minutes straight.

I'm like, are you gidding?

Your dad called me by accident the other day he did with all his friends. I forgot to tell you.

Did he speak to you?

Yeah?

Okay.

He called me on WhatsApp and I was like, Miles is calling me, and then there were like three other men on the phone. He's like, oops, I called you by accident, but how are you? I love you? And I think your dad is going through a soft era because like he's He's said a few things to me recently where I'm like, you know, Miles, he was softening up.

Oh yeah, he hugged me for like eight minutes at my party, so I was like, maybe this means he's proud.

He is proud of you.

Yeah, my brother came.

It was nice.

It was fun.

Anyway, you guys, we have a very special guest today in house, one that I have personally stalked for probably upwards.

Of a year to two.

You know, That's how my stocking is, just how I put the spidy senses, the frequencies out to who's going to be the guest. And this week we have the founder of the Progressive Love Academy, wife, mother, businesswoman, entrepreneur, matriarch Kennya Stevens. Not hello, polyamory expert Polly every expert. Okay, basically, you guys, she's mastering life.

She has ten husbands. She didn't want to be sensational about that. I want to know.

I got questions. Okay, tense, you got ten husbands.

I don't know how many. Oh, actually, I mean I have husband's boyfriends and friends.

They are different categories.

I can say clearly, I have four husbands that are life partners.

Will you say? Okay? Husbands in the traditional sense, like you guys walk down the aisle, put a ring on it, and then like went to the courts because you didn't go to the court to the court, but you have a ring for each fall four Like.

No, I only have a ring for the one that I most recently married.

Where's your original? Husband?

Said?

Good?

I don't wear that like I switch them out. I don't just wear them all at the same time.

I'm good.

You should I am not being bougie.

I should be boogie. You shouldn't be more boogie. Yeah, if you need them all four.

So this is my ring from husband number three.

This is my ring and one might feel less than the other though, because like one is like smaller than the other. That would yeah play egos, Yeah, oh lesson.

You should have you saw the hand. You should have stepped your game up. Okay, if you're gonna be number four, you gotta come with the fourth.

Yeah.

When I first found Kenya on the internet, I immediately showed Orlando.

I was like, look at her. She has a lot of husbands, and he was like, get that shit on my face.

He was just like, keep open minded.

No, he wasn't really trying to hear me have multiple husbands.

But I've been massaging it, and he massaging it deeply into his aura.

That's why she was on love like this. I'm like, you know what, she's here.

We should just talk to her so you can get a better understanding of the husbands.

You want more, you want more than one husband? No, I don't.

But I'm not opposed to having friends like other friends. I do think that.

I don't know.

I feel like there's probably a point in relationships where you're like, yeah, go hang out with bedseed nigga, you know, like, I just feel like I understand that there may be a time in our relationship where things will come up and like feelings, where other people may exist.

I know you're looking at me fucking crazy because.

A looking at her like that. Im she's she's She's not.

I know you.

So now are you judg meantal with Polly? No, just she's me ziom into her face because she thinks that I'm jealous.

Really, I don't know what. I don't think that.

I don't think think you're too jealous to ever consider polyamory.

I don't think ever. I just think that, you know, it's just you know, it's gonna take some time. It can'ta take some time. It does.

It's nothing to jump into, for sure. I'm not pressed.

I'm just I know that, you know, long term marriage requires a lot of layers of understanding and shit happens, and I'm not I'm not projecting that in the future Orlena is going to suggest there'd be another wife because I probably will cut him.

But see literally, but you have to cut him.

No no, no, no, oh.

You mean not not get rid of him. She means like actually, she means like violence. She means like, actually shame me first, do not?

No, I mean, we've had our experiences. We're not completely monogamous. We're not monogamous. We're honogamous. I forget to tell you, Like, we're honogamous. We are open to indulging experiences that are pleasurable with each other. You know, we're we're open into having the conversations and doing the things. And we've done things, but mostly together.

It's interesting. So last night I was watching Couples Therapy, and I my favorite show, all right, and so I've like tapped in and tapped out, and like, I was like, let me just start a whole new season. I don't care about those other people anymore. I'm bored. So I started with season four and there was a Paulle couple right right, and and then I was thinking. I was like, wow, I'm come here tomorrow and I'm gonna intervie Kenya, and like I'm watching their dynamic and that poly couple has

Yeah, I remember that. I remember that.

But like one of them like lives in Vegas half the time. She was the original Primary, so she was originally she's in the circus. She's the original Primary, but she wanted to go have like go do her career, and so the secondary has kind of come in and become primary sort of, but like it wasn't really spoken about. So then Primary decided to come to New York and spend more time and her her boyfriend was like not excited about it when she was like, wait, but I'm Primary.

It's not for the faint of heart.

No, No, I mean I know. And when I was watching them, I was like, this is there. I don't know. I'm only on I think I fell asleep like after episode three, but I was like, this ain't gonna work. Hey, they they might need Kenya because I don't know. Even the therapist was looking at them like.

She therapists do not coach Polly. I don't know why they're trying to do that.

She was looking at him like you have issues and these bitches need to leave you.

I mean there, you know what.

The one thing I'll say about Couple's Therapy is what you recognize is that everybody's issue stems from childhood, and it's so much and that this takes a gentle nudging to figure out from where. Yes, and most people are searching for things to compensate it, to fill voids that they haven't even begun to figure out.

Yes, and so it's like you're.

Never going to be in a relationship that's fulfilling because you're literally trying to avoid yourself and that shit doesn't work well.

I really, I've not seen couple's therapy, so I don't want to, you know, I don't.

I don't know their situation.

But nobody in growing up in the USA, in Western culture is ready for polyamory. Polyamory is not something you just decide to do. I don't know why people are doing that. Is it a fad? I mean, has it become a fad? Yeah? I made it a fat first.

I mean I brought it fat.

I brought a mainstream and now people think somehow it's easy.

It's not.

It's something that you really have to be prepared for. So that's what I do. You know, Okay.

So when you look at like couples like Neo okay, and his dynamic is not polyamoral. Okay, So I was gonna ask you, like, what is it? Yeah, what is the perception of what you've seen so far in their dynamic? Is that a polyamorous relationship or is that just a man getting his rocks off with a bunch of different women and them just getting polyandry. Polyandry means that I'm gonna be with all of these women and these women have to be monogamous. To me, that's not polyamory. So polyandry.

I don't even coach polyandry because that's like me coaching slavery.

I'm not I'm gonna help you get slaves.

I mean, that would be no. Not, it's not ethical I think of And I'm not judging neo. I'm just saying he shouldn't call that polyamory unless the women are also free. No, I don't think that they're they're not.

I don't know. I don't know.

I heard him say that they choose to be loyal monogamous to him, and so they choose to be Yeah, that's what if.

They didn't choose that, would he be okay with them? Yeah? Most of the men that i've just who call themselves Polly.

When I ask that question, because that's always my first question, it's always no. And then I go, I can't hear anything else you say, because nigga, you sound stupid.

Because they don't even know the name of the definition of what they're doing.

Right, soogyny, So how can I even yeah, how can we even continue the conversation? When you want people, you want things that are one sided. You don't want partners, you want minions and rights, indentured slaves.

Yeah, my husband came to me with that at first, you know, he he thought of polygyny. That was the first you know, that was the first stop on our polyamory.

Okay, So polyandry, polyamory, and polygyny, Yes, what is polygyny.

Polygyny is when one man wants to have multiple female partners, but those women cannot have other men.

Okay, but I thought that was that's not polyandry.

No, Polyandry is when one woman wants multiple male partners and all those partners are monogamous to her.

Oh okay, So it's okay, got, I gotta got.

And polyamory is more around that centrifugal force where everyone is free. That's where I live. I don't know any women who are polyandrous, except the ones who's lying to the man and saying that she's monogamous to them and she has a collection of men but that's not really polyandry because those men would know about each other. Right. All of the Pollyes talk about consent, talk about honesty, talk about, you know, being able to express yourself authentically

I'm not.

I don't believe in honesty so much. We should talk about that. Yeah, because a lot of people say, well, you should be honest, honest about what. Usually when people say you should be honest, they're saying you should tell me who you slept with. It's not really a thing authentic,

At eleven o'clock, I was here. I was with this person. No one is honest. Well, that's because because that goes back to that's even when we're talking about the difference between honesty and transparency, right, it's like right, transparency is usually when you're forthright, you're forthcoming, You're going to share without being asked.

But if you feel interrogated by the questions, you are not gonna I'm not gonna tell you shit because why the fucking you in my business?

Did?

Right?

And then you won't be transparent if you're secretly feeling terrified that you're gonna see jump down your throat. Right, But authentically, I could say, hey, I really don't feel comfortable sharing with you because last time you jumped down my throat. So I'm gonna hold that information that is authentic.

So I want to know where did this all begin for you? Like when did you begin? I guess you're in your journey into polyamory. Was that like, have you always been kind of just open or was this something something occur or a relationship dynamic occur where you're like, yeah, nah.

Well, I mean starting at the beginning, y'all know, all

That was our boyfriend. We like him, like we like him, So you know, humans are not a monogamous species.

Monogamous species only have sex with one other per lifetime, and if that mate should die, their sex drive dies as well. So humans are not a monogamous species. Four percent of mammals are monogamous. So you know, if you want to go all the way back where it started, I'm talking about you, oh me, Well you know this human it's in front of me. Well, in my marriage, I've been married for thirty years, so I think a year four of my marriage, I started having feelings for

Wait, so how did your husband take it when you told him at year four?

You know, my husband and I are very spiritual. We were also involved in spiritual community, so we already knew that, you know, you can handle emotion, you can handle people's authenticity. We had learned that through our spiritual practices, meditation and yoga and all the function way, and we were deep into this world. So he wasn't like what No, He was just like, okay, that's good. What should we do? He wasn't upset. And when he told me about another

I wish more people could do it, though it makes you friends first. So then after year eleven when this was revealed. Still know that you guys didn't open up your relationship then.

No, because I said, you know, he said, well, I'm thinking about prologyny.

No.

I was like, what, like we not Like I'm from Detroit, Like I'm not from Mississippi somewhere. I'm not from Africa. I don't know where they do polygyny.

If I was just telling him, if you would like to seriously pursue her, I would like to do that as well, and he would.

Just shut me down.

Never mind. Yeah, I mean he did a full U turn and for two years after that he dropped that conversation. I mean we talked about it over those two years, but it wasn't until I met somebody again and I called him from the conference I was at, like a green conference, and I said, babe, like I met this person who I'm resonating with. And this time he was like, go ahead and talk to him. Okay, just call me when you're done. Don't go to his room, just talk

Okay, Like, so what was that first experience, Like, I don't know if that was the not necessarily that experience, but the experience where you actually did take it to the next steps. I'm curious, Like, well, I try to take it to the next step with that guy. So I did come home.

I didn't at the conference, but I came home told my husband I like him blah blah blah, and he wants me to come to California and see him and talk to him and get like stay at his house. My husband was like, okay, but he I think my husband knew that if he wanted something, he had to let me go first. Like, if you're the main one who wants the thing, it's gonna behoove you to.

Let your partner have the same privilege.

If not, this is jail, you know, you're just a warden keeping your partner in the jail. And who wants to be a married who wants to be married like that. So he was like, Okay, you can do this. But I was so scared on that plane ride. Then I got to California. He was here working at a startup, and I got to his house and I just froze like nothing happened. My husband was at home. My husband doesn't even drink. I called him. My kids answer, where's

Like, he's everything, he's stressed, all the things he was stressed if he's drinking. So that's how it started.

And then I came home and we did repair. That's what couples don't really have in their relationship is repair.

What is that?

That's when you you know, you have your your animal that gets really upset emotional. Then you have your ego, which is your story. She's over there, she's probably having sex. What if he's bigger, what if he's better. That's a story, it's never true. And then you have your higher self where you say, Okay, what am I learning, how am I growing? How did I feel? And what does it mean? What do I need to do next time? That's your higher processing. So repair happens in your higher processing.

So did you guys already have these tools, like how did you know, to even take to take these steps with him.

Yes, from our meditation, from me having three home births, from us being initiated into you know, African traditional culture.

We had a lot of tools, but what we did is sort of reshape what we needed for.

Our relationship because you know, you're gonna what we found at your thirty here is you're always gonna have jealousy. You're always gonna have insecurity. You're always gonna be angry if some shit happened that you don't like. You don't mother fucking like it. Your animal is not going anywhere.

You know, I was, I was just looking at your page last night, and there is a real that I really appreciated that I never heard like it was it made much sense, but I'd never heard it like put this way. And basically you were saying like, yeah, like a lot of people are so busy suppressing the jealousy, suppressing the enemy, suppressing the ugly parts about themselves that

Or to let like to release it.

Instead, we're so busy being like ashamed of those parts of us. We shut them down immediately before they even see the light. And then there's no there's no integration of those parts of us.

And I was like that makes sense, you know, but it has to be done as a safe container, because some men hear that and some people speak about that online, but they don't show you how to set up the container.

They don't show you.

How to soothe that animal, because you can't just let the animal out, and then you don't know how to soothe it. You the person is not soothe the ball. A lot of people get in their animal and they don't want to feel better, you know what I say. They just want to rage, and that's cool, but we need to know that inside of the container.

We need to understand that first, like how long am.

We gonna let the animal room?

All right? Baby?

Put that bitch yet, it's time for dinner, okay?

And it's a it's a it's an art to be suitable. I have a question for you. So after this and after this happened, and because I think a lot of people listening probably heard like he was drinking, that means like why, well, that means it's not good, like you know, like that means like why are you fucking why are you stressing your husband out? Like clearly he didn't want this shit, Like it's abviously obviously you're you know you are. You have shown obviously you've moved past that point. And

Sure, my kids, we've been telling them this since I don't even remember, since they could talk, we told them that, look, you create your life. You can have, do or become whatever you want. We tell our children metaphysical truth, like we don't raise our kids with the same sheltering of like, no, you have to do it this way, because we want our kids to have critical thinking skills.

So we said, mom and dad, this is how we do it.

Now we're gonna tell y'all how to do stuff, how to wash the dishes, how to do y'all homework. But if you feel like you have a better way, tell us think for yourself, Mom and dad, We think for ourselves. Nobody's gonna tell us how to live because we are adults of sound mind and creative as fuck and beautiful and wise, and you know, we create this system for ourselves.

Oh that's my kid. Nobody does that at school.

But they're all divorced. All their friends' parents were divorced, you know, and we could have ended up divorced too. Because it gets.

That way at year ten, and nobody prepares you for it. It gets that way year fifteen. Nobody prepares you.

Nobody prepares you for the romance to start to wane for you not even to want to hang out with this dude, like my mom never told me that.

And you're like, damn, I got all the way to the decade mark for this shit to go, like to be to dry out.

And it's disheartening and you want to strangle someone because you've put so much y'all know, you put your effort as a woman into this. Then you get to a point where he don't even want to sleep it. I remember my husband said, I want a separate bedroom. We should have separate bedrooms. What I have invested in my entire youth, my entire Like, you don't want to have sex with me except for once a week now it was three days, it was every day, Like what is this?

But that's where we are now.

Would you say you're in love?

Hell? No with my husband? Yeah no?

Are you in love with any of your husbands? I was in love with my younger husband, Tiger that has Wayne. We're at year ten. See, we need to be prepared. I was not even prepared for that. I thought, like, oh.

So you think so this is a fact that for you think every couple that eventually they get into a space where they're no longer in love. And it's if you are able to move through that you get to the unconditional part. But the in love kind of dies it it does not or expands it. It expands into something. Thank you, you see that difference. It expands into something greater. In love is a chemical cocktail. Why y'all ask me this.

You've been in love, you know that you're in love, and then you go you're here, and then it's like, you know, that feeling is not the same from the first time, just like a crack here. You know you can't and you know and we all know this is a fact of life. Even your favorite food. Let's say your favorite food is macaroni and cheese. If you eat it every day for a month, is it the same as when you just really crave mac and cheese because you haven't had it in a while. No, it's different.

Do you find that some in some some ways. Some days you're like again, like that chemical cocktail is present

Well this is where marriage counselors come in and say, well, where's some different draws and go to a hotel, go to Costa Rica, you know, go do the because it will stimulate you in a different way. But the first time cocktail chemical cocktail, because that cocktail is meant to bond you, and so it's gonna be strong. It's come as pumping, you know, but once you're bonded, it's not going to be at that same level.

Doesn't need to be. I don't know why. As we got to ask the universe.

Oh I know why, let me stop lying, because humans cannot.

Exist without what love? What kept humans alive? Waterword, water and shelter?

You said it community, tribe, you can You could not exist today if it was just you two on the planet.

You don't have enough resources to go.

Get to this and the food and to go get the water. Humans need community to survive. So if we stayed at that in love with one person and tried to run off in the sunset like gibbons. Gibbons are real monogamous species. They live in a tree away from everybody else. Humans have to have community to survive, so that has to die down, so we go community.

You have to go bond with other people in order to survive, and so your chemicals in your brain are saying, Okay, you've established this love of this person. Now these chemicals are going on off because you need to continue to create bonds with people.

And it happened faster for men, and I think, no shit, Women keep it in place because we got more of the subconscious like memories, and we've been instill with more romance.

It's true we.

Socialize a different way, like yeah.

So we hold no.

Baby dewey, Baby dewey, bitches love to hold on.

Oh.

It was hard with my husband when we transitioned into unconditional love because I just couldn't believe it.

I could not believe this was happening. Was it a positive? Couldn't believe it or like a no? It was hardest sadness. Baby. I was not prepared for this. I did this on my own. It was no polyamory groups, right.

The first African American poly family to come out and say this out loud.

You understand. We were alone.

We started the first poly groups and it was just it was terrifying. I didn't know if this was gonna work.

You're like, I hope right. I was just like, this is hard.

But along the way we built every tool into it that we needed, and now we just wrote twelve books about it and we helped thousands of couples with it.

Twelve books. Wow, we've read a.

Lot of us now.

I think for the people listening to who are maybe interested in polyamory, or even just maybe listening and just being like, what the fuck? How like for you on this journey of being in love and then transitioning into unconditional love and then like meeting other men and then being in love, has ever read a point where you have felt like, especially in polyamory, because you have these different points of references right where you're like, oh damn, like,

But I loved the feeling of unconditional love with my husband once I saw that.

My husband.

See, this was my issue, and this is why I didn't have sex the first time I came to California with that because I didn't know if he would respect me afterwards.

Your husband, Yes, most of them, Like I didn't know.

Oh, I'll take a puff if we if we taken a time.

Off, let me you know, let me take a puff. Matter fact, we about to go deeper.

A cocktail.

We have cock tales of joints. Here me and Mila. This is a real smoker's ash tray. We have about four different different blunts that have a unsmoking Which one would you like? Close your eyes and pick one.

Well, I saw y'all smoking on the show. I brought my face. You don't have nothing good like that. But what were you saying? I was saying that I didn't know what unconditional love felt.

Like, and you were worried that he was going to judge you.

I was you would judge me, and that he would fall out of love because at that time, you know, we were just coming from being in love. What's next. I've never heard of unconditional love. I've never heard of unconditional love. I don't know if my I just didn't know what it was.

Well, I think, especially in this society, people really tell you that unconditional love really only exists between children and like their parents that like it's it's always going to be somewhat conditional.

Or women to men.

Men rarely you really find men they're willing to be have unconditioned love for women.

Women will forgive men time and time and time.

After they cheat, after they are disloyal, after they're dishonest. But if a woman does the same shit, fuck her, right, she's a whore.

Right, there's no recovery.

There's no recovery.

That's what it was giving us, a recovery for women, right, that sticks in us, even if you know your husband or you assume I'm disposable.

I guess I had watched enough TV, or heard that from enough men, or just felt that so much from society. I was just like, I can't do it. So once I did. Do you know?

Once?

I did get with men after that experience, clearly? But man, my husband's still loving me and still being willing to be with me like that, and still being willing to be in my house and work and pay.

I never worked. I've never worked.

You know what I'm saying. I'm not losing that.

Right. Take me back home, right, give me back home to my husband.

I have a comfortable home, beautiful life, three children, you know so. But yeah, but once I, once I felt unconditional love, it feels just as good as being in love. It starts. It's not the same chemical cocktail.

It's just a deep level of.

Safety and comfort and the freedom to know you can be yourself is better. Like to me, it's better than being in love.

In love, you got questions still in love? Is it gonna last? In love?

Is it gonna?

You know?

Being unconditional love, I know that he would never leave me, and I would never leave him.

We wouldn't have we wouldn't have a reason to, right right. I know that you do a lot of coaching for people that are, you know, in this interested or navigating polyamory of wanting to open up their marriages. What would you say, are like three three ways to know that

Are there any like, yeah, they're not ready. We have a four step path to open love. Step one is authentic communication. If you're not able to sit and fall apart in front of your partner and your partner holds space for you, you're not ready. If you have to keep half of your brain to yourself because you're worried about being judged, you're not ready. If you need to sneak around like people say they're Polly and they still cheating,

Okay, I got step one.

I'm already authentic because I say what I said on my mind.

That's not a gentlemen, are you hearing this? I authentically said, fucking giving sign me up, Polly right.

That's not authenticity. That is your ability to be radically honest. But honesty is not really needed in polyamory. Authenticity is needed.

What's number two on this path? Oh?

Number two on this path it gets a little bit deeper. I don't know if I can really go into each of the steps. Because do you feel like you've ever had a relationship where you were fully authentic or where the person was fully authentic with you? Right now?

Now you do? Yeah, okay, how does it feel safe?

Yes, it feels empowering, supportive, free.

Yeah.

But two has to do with having friendships of the opposite sex, can you Because some marriages you can't even have a friend.

Oh, I mean that's I mean, that's all we hear. I mean, that's that's what I not in our friend group. But what I see on the internet a lot is just like he can't have no friends, she can't have no homeboys. Like, yeah, you what you need a homeboyfriend and I remember and I've had that experience too, like even in my in my past relationships where actually just my past relationship where my partner really was like didn't

And I'm like, no, it's nigga Allan on you a year. It's isolated, it's.

Isolay, but it's also men saying I know men and no man wants to be your friend. They want to fuck you. Yeah, I've heard that men don't really want to be your friend, they want to fuck you. And I know because I'm a man.

Well, even if that's true, you're not. He doesn't trust that you're not going to right right. And now that goes back to authentic communication because he's not authentically sharing that. He's afraid about that and that would hurt him very deeply. And this is authenticity comes with vulnerability.

If you're if you.

And your partner aren't really vulnerable with each other yet, you're just not ready for Polly because Polly is gonna break you down. It broke me all the way down to finding the core roots of my insecurity. Like in my family growing up, for instance, I was the smart one. My sister was the pretty one. My sister's a pageant girl, honey, she five foot eleven, gorgeous. I was like, you know, five foot four, lets, you know.

And I didn't have.

No friends like she had the in crowd everything. So every time my husband got a woman, I was my inner girl was surveying who's more beautiful here? Because if she was, then I felt like I was gonna get to ill treatment because my uncles will be over my sister, she's so pretty and blah blah blah, and so my little girl would be right there in the room m hm, who is.

On the top room here in terms of looks?

And you have to start to heal that and start to know those connections in order to be Polly.

This is not a game. And the men have to do it too, and they don't hardly do it with monogaphy.

And once you realize that, once you rooted it back to that feeling and then what it's like, then how what is it required to then feed that little girl to heal a little girl like that is something like the whole other set of you know tools.

That well, that's lacing, that's e ft, that's forgiveness work. There's hundreds of modalities to do it. I do ceremonial work. This is what I do with my clients because they come to me and say, we want to be Polly, and I'm like, okay, sit on down, we about to do twelve months because you're gonna have to find these roots first. You're gonna have to be able to discuss this with your partner first, where if something comes up you say, oh my god, this is reminding me I'm

I need help is something a man has to say in Polly, who's ready? M I mean, I would imagine so many people fall off. They're like, fuck this shit.

Never mind, bitch sucking, never mind.

He's got me talking about I need help.

I didn't ask for that. I needed help.

I was getting pussy.

That's why cheating is easier. And it's sixty six percent of those married today are just doing that.

You know, Polly is a spiritual path. I never heard it. Doug talked about that way. That's an interesting, I guess way to experience it or see it. And it makes sense obviously too. You know that, like just being able to a be yourself number one is a spiritual act, and then just knowing that sexual energy is the most

Every year I got younger when we were probably I was getting older. I was getting older than you know, I stopped being able to fuck who I want to fuck.

Then I was.

Like my body myself and you love me, You're here, Like this was beyond And that's why I'm such an advocate of it. A lot of women used to tell me, Oh.

You're just doing that because your husband wants to do it.

No, baby, Like, okay, I'm doing I'm freak just because my husband wants me to be freaking. No, I'm a human.

I like freedom and again, and these are This is another misconception of polyamory. I think there's because there's so much shame around just just sex in general, like the the idea of a woman like actually be seeking seeking pleasure in her own way and enjoying it and saying I like that dick, and I also like that dick, and I want to know what that dick's like. Like, we're not supposed to ever say those things. No, everyone never, They only want one dick forever.

What are you imagine the man? Imagine the man.

And that the man is like, im no, no, no no.

The judgment that the man receives.

But if you're like, if you're the wife that's like, oh yeah, my man allows this. The type of man you have to be to stand in that and you're like, yeah, because I respect my woman and she's coming back to me and X Y and Z. It requires a whole other level of things because you have to be mad enough to not be like tam everybody thinks I have a woman's a whore.

Right, and I'm spoiled in that way because my husband's a Gemini. So geminis and typically are not super possessive anyway. So they do have OCD though. So he does like everything in the house to be you know, like everything to look good and feel good and like we're upstanding.

You can't look at me and say, oh, look at that.

No, look at this paid ass bitch who got three companies who run businesses in Africa in the US, and all my husband's wives and all my husbands work for me. So you're not looking at what you're typically looking at when you think of a sex pot, you know.

So that's been a benefit for me.

The other thing I will tell y'all is my ancestors told me again back to the spiritual path of Polly once I started to meet people, because you asked, well, what do you do if you're in love with this one and you're not in love with your husband? She told me, Honey, women used to understand this system, and I call this system the feminine choice Paard. So she said, one of your chakras are going to be spinning when

I'm going home. I will ride his dick tonight.

Like you know that, you know, yeah. But also when you meet a man who is spinning your.

Crown chakra, you know it. He's a guru, like.

I want to learn from him, like I want to know more.

I've known him in a past life.

Like we just talk and I orgasm.

But you know which chakra is spinning.

She told me this, Your hard chakra be spinding with the ones use friend zone because they're emotionally responsible and they are accountable and they will be there if you're hurting.

That's a heart chakra.

I call it support choice, so womb choice, support choice, crown choice and all. There's nine choices. And this is another art that women need to remember, because once I did, I stopped trying to get all of them from one person, okay, because they not all spinning with one man.

I mean, it's so interesting because like as a as a as a woman, you know, there's certain things that we know, and there's certain like even there's there was I'm a sexual woman.

There came a.

Point in my life and I realize, like, bitch, just because something's going off in you doesn't mean you need to fuck it.

Yes, literally, because I would just be like huh m hmm something about that.

I like, you know, like there's like a conqueror, Like we are the hunters in ways, and so at a certain age, I'm like, bitch, no, you need to sit down. Like everybody's not everyone you're attracted you. Every flower doesn't need to be picked.

You know.

We know we're the hunters because we're the ones making the choice. Yes, and those men will serve any of us. Yeah, let me tell you what. Ask them.

They will serve any of us, But it's not us who will serve any of them.

We have to be spending somewhere. And yes it's not always about sex.

But there is also a level of unlockment. Like I I like Orlando is such a free man and it really allows me to be myself that it's so safe.

It makes me so.

Like even more dedicated and loyal.

To him because even like I told you that that morning after we did that, he gave me my fantasy fulfilledment, I literally woke.

Up and I was like, I love him.

I was like, this is why I tell you not to do this.

Like I feel like something shifted to me spiritually, Like even in the middle of the thing, I was like telling both of the men, I'm like, this is healing something for me.

I'm like, I'm really grateful. I love you both.

Thank you for this, because I don't feel I don't feel disposable for being free in my sexual and that's my high if you think about women, like we birth so like that's our highest creativity. I feel like something literally was unlocked, and I I think somewhere during it, I was like, oh my god, this is why they tell women not.

To do this.

Like I literally couldn't wait to fucking tell anybody. I call people the next day and some people were like, what, like are they to do?

What? Bitch?

Did you hear what I said? I found that the more I got to experience what I chose, not what somebody choose. And when you get married, your husband could choose I want to have sex, and now you may not feel like it, you're a bad wife. But I never I stopped having obligatory sex with Paul Amory, Like, never do I have to have sex if I don't want to?

Why is that a revolutionary concert?

Like we had we were doing that before, but anyway, once I found out about my own choice, it fed me in a way that it's just made me so creative. It made me successful, It filled my bank account, it made me be able to travel the world. It made me start.

You start attracting that energy that I can have whatever I want. So yeah, it just it just continues again.

It less than my menopause. So wow, I got it at forty four, Like I'm done.

I was like, yes, like it was.

It's just put me on a different trajectory. Has that changed your sex drive a lot? It amps it up, but everybody's amped up by thirty nine. Every woman sex drive goes up before menopause because it's like the body saying, Okay, come on, let's get this, get this. We about to be done. So you amp up anyway, But yeah, mine amped up and stayed up. I don't understand any thing women are talking about with the men of palace hormone. I'm like, what are they?

I'm like, are they having sex? No? No, they're not, they're not.

Well, if I couldn't choose who to have sex with, I probably wouldn't be having sex either. True.

So with okay, you said earlier, you have four husbands and boyfriends. They're just boyfriends have boyfriends. I can't count them.

Is there a hierarchy, No, I don't believe in hierarchy. They're all I don't have, like a primary. So your thirty year husband and KRL's not your primary. No, he just got married to somebody else and went and lived with her for two years.

Oh he did, yeah, but he was back and forth.

I don't want to claim somebody as a primary because it becomes obligatory. It's not that I don't believe in hierarchy. I don't believe in obligatory anything.

Are there are your husbands or even the boyfriends that you have, do they Are they already kind of I guess in the world of polyamory, or are you kind of like bringing them into this world and then they're learning through you.

I would love to meet men who are already into baby But our charge as women, as we have to educate because our men, we have to understand.

I hear the influencers saying.

Men did this and decenter men blah blah. I'm like, what are you talking about?

Have you looked at what we've been through for the past four hundred years?

And then women were the only ones Black women were thrusting through education, so we have an advantage, like in terms of education, I love educating men about this and I have to None of them that I've ever met knew anything about this world came ready like're like ready made. Yeah, men don't even come ready made for basic monogamous marriage.

They really they're not. Yeah, none of us really are women either that way. Yeah, it's not so.

I wish we could have a little bit more empathy and compassion for men and for everyone and for ourselves. Are I mean, are all your kids, Polly.

I know your daughter is because I watched her uncoupled the trouble and Thumple and that was that was I was really locked into that season. But I'm doing about the boo because I'm thinking as a mom of a daughter, and you know, I'm a pretty free woman, and I so I see how my daughter is empowered by that.

Have to you have to kill the thing that doesn't work.

And like I'm wondering from a you know, from am I understand from a woman?

I saw her on the show and she's very little baby yeah, oh yeah yeah. For the for the boys too, how have like? How have them? How them?

Am high?

My youngest son is engaged. No, my oldest son is engaged, and he's like works it.

He lives in Detroit, Michigan. The girl because she's just like me.

You know, you want your son to be with somebody who got She's like witchy and like sort of same skin complexion.

I just love her. I'm like your son.

He's twenty six, okay. Then my middle daughter you know her, she's a poll love coach. So I knew the poly fairy. Then my youngest son is twenty one and he is fine.

He's polly.

He still lives with me, and my friend came over and wanted to date him.

She's like thirty five.

I said, go here, honey. He needs lessons, baby, But he has multiple partners. I don't know if he would call himself polyamorous because he calls all of his partners casually.

He's like sony one. He's a kid.

Yeah, he's all one.

I'm fine, I'm single. Mind.

I'm gonna give you all the picture so you can show it like.

He's he's not.

Ye.

Listen, the moms will come. Mmm.

That's great.

Great, And we need more boys to see man, you know, just accepting women in there, in there.

That's why I'm so proud of my husband. He has been through the ring or with men, all the things. I mean, I have to just millions of nasty comments over the past twenty.

Years as we have birth this into reality.

You understand this is a reality now that women are not playing a game men. No, they'll cheap back. Oh they got a gaggle, Oh they date multiples. Yes we are because guess what a warrior stood up.

And I will do it again.

If I had to rewind those twenty years, I would do it again to see where we are now. Like this is beautiful. But my husband, he's just a trooper. He's a trooper. He's my best friend. You've probably never felt like this person will never leave my side.

There's nothing I can do. Does he have community himself? Like, does he have a I don't know, like a group

He has boys, we have big community groups, we do events, we have we've run communities for the past fifteen years. So we you know, we cannot exist without community. His women's support.

I say this, I mean it definitely requires you to be able to be held, not to not.

Be one of them guys to say nobody can know my business. People have to know your business. We want to know you, right right. That's what community is. We know one another right right. So it's it's it's it's it's a leap. Are him and Tiger friends good friends?

Oh? My god?

Yes, me and Tiger wouldn't be together without my husband. Tiger is Tiger, my younger husband, Okay, Tiger was a womb choice being a problem.

Womb choice is tumultuous.

So when you get with a womb choice, you know, because you're crazy, all of a sudden you bluop to say yesterday you had some some about yourself today And see, I wish women didn't feel shame if they just understand.

That's what they call digmatized. Yeah, it's a healthy version of digmatizing. This is when you're rebranding digmatizing bitches.

You've we're heeled a little bit, so now you've done the work, it will go from digmatized too.

Choice digmatized is when you're like that and you aren't aware and conscious of it. Womb choices when you know it's bring and bring up your daddy issues. Womb choice bring up your daddy is.

I don't know. I feel like it could be both, bitch, because I've done the woman and they've both been digmatized.

Which one you you only choose womb choices.

I knew that I was walking with a nigga that was fucking me good, but it was also bringing up like trauma and triggers, and I kept doing it because it felt good in him, in me it brought up your deaf issues. Yeah, that's what warm choice.

Is supposed to do.

No, that wasn't It was stigmatized.

Healthy choice, Yes, a healthy choice.

That brought them the trigger. Technically, when this happened, I had done a lot of work.

I was actively choosing to be taking It was a test.

But did you know right right?

And your wound was giving you healing. It's still healing even if it is digmatized. I hear men say, well, she made the wrong choice. She choosing the wrong men. Baby, every experience is here to grow us. Goot mom's bad choices.

Thank you.

You have to make the You have to make the bad choices to go into the better to to pulch you into the better place.

Right, the lesson is where the lesson is, where the juice is. But when you are aware, I just met me a warm choice and not one. But I'm very aware, So I know that he's going to bring out my daddy issues is going to come up. So I'm taking this slow. You understand there was a time I couldn't take it slow.

Like why did he call me?

We met last night of the club, Like I'm hurry up, Like I like this guy, you know, but then you start to measure and temper yourself when you understand it, when you're doing it all the time.

There's ever a point where Carl's like, I don't want to hear about one more boyfriend you met this week, you caause your boyfriends.

We need about one month and no boyfriends.

Well, he's like that with Tiger.

He really has to have He stopped fights, you know, he stopped Melei.

He's he's really coached Tiger and coached us when we need help. He sit us down, just like between you guys, between Tiger and me, and he's coaching y'all.

Yes, oh wow, can you imagine your husband listen, let me tell you and not be biased because it's your husband.

Like but but I get his I get his ladies calling me all the damn time too. I get his ladies calling me too. Carol, did this He's not calling me. Your husband's not talking to me, what you know talking.

See, I'm gonna just be honest with your candy right nowt This does not sound appealing to me. This is talking me off. The CALLI lags because I don't have time for I married time for my friends to call me with their problem. I'd be like, you call me about my nigga? Why I don't got to figure it out.

We're like, we're on good terms right now. Girl, girl called me and say your husband won't pick up the phone. I've called him one hundred and twenty five times. Can you get Can you imagine? I know he's right next to you.

That's what she said, Baby, we gotta change our number now. Absolutely not.

But this is what I'm saying. I'm glad is talk you off the ledge of Polly because nobody's ready. You have to understand that your animal will come up.

All of our.

Traumas come up through that they already come up in monogamy as you know.

Yeah, because I felt like maybe I could do Polly because I'm a voyeur. And I'm also not that that this is this These are the misconceptions that I'm saying, Like me thinking like these my kink's equal Polly.

You know, just now to play parties, right, just need a play parties puddles.

And also I do I I yeah, no, No.

These are serious, long term, lifelong relationships that you're cultivating.

I feel like maybe in another lifetime might be ready. I'm here to deal with other shit I don't have. I don't know if I have the It's not that I feel like I can also face those demons or those things without being polly necessarily, of course, I think

A lot of community, yeah, and so a lot of people want community. Like even people think of building houses or getting apartment they don't do it because they're afraid of those ego battles. But we just set up a container when our ego come up. We know how to do with ego.

Would there ever be a time where you all would co hap it together, like when you would love to I would love to have like what I'm going to do and what I am doing. I'm building one in Bali, one in.

Somewhere else Africa, Nairobi, and one in the States. I am going to build communities. I'm excited about it. But everybody has to have the trainings. It's no just come on in in this part. That's how it shit starts pops off. Yeah, I've already started the trainings. It's all available on my app Meta More Meeta Moore. You go and you start getting the training step by step, not for poll but for emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence I mean because it's going to come up and like any personal deep when you want close relationships, when you want shribe and you want in community and any family dynamic, there are going to be the issues because that's what's supposed to happen, and the triggers are supposed to come up in order for you to grow. And if you continue to isolate and shy away from those and there's never a set like really any growth.

Well if you if you isolate and stay away from them, they just get bigger because the universe.

Like she is it, this was her opportunity to do face this.

And then you're like no, no, no, and then what's what is stagnant dies? So you know, if you're growing and moving and shifting, that means you are facing those challenges, you're facing directly head on into them. You calling them.

I call the challenges like come on, Oh that's the come on, I'm ready, what's up? Like sounds like it's time for a challenge. So this is so nice. I'm so happy.

So many people are talking about this now. It feels really good, you know.

For I think for a long time, like early on me and Erica's podcast journey, we're like, we're gonna be open, We're gonna be Polly Polly's for us.

We've made upper relationships.

Because we were very much But I think there's a part of me that is like this is that's the that's the more honest way. I'm like, that is the most transparent, honest way, because essentially, like no one's ever gonna not want to ever fuck anybody else, Like I don't believe that.

I'm like, I know there's gonna be prettier bitches, thicker, bitches funnier.

But there's always gonna I don't know about funnier, but there's always gonna be other bitches. And that's just like we're gonna see people I like, you know, all the time, it'd be sexy men or whatever the fuck. And so to like to live a relationship that's not honest to the very the thing that's.

Inevitable is authentic. Yeah, authentic. It's silly.

Yeah, No, I mean, and I agree. I think that maybe I'm baby Polly. I'm not like like I'm like miniature Polly, because like I do think I know that I of course, like my attraction to niggas is never gonna die. It hasn't died. I love right now? Oh good? You know. And which choice to see? Support choice, Crown choice, womb choice, Oh can there be more than one?

Yes?

Definitely support, oh beautiful, definitely listens to you, definitely woomb oh wow, all of them, Crown too.

I just say those three, Well, I will tell you the other ones. We'll talk of the other ones. Right, Well, there's money choice, you know.

I think, like I'm trying to think, like what was the first feeling I felt being it was definitely support like I felt safe in his presence, but I was definitely very sexually attracted to him, like the first time I ever saw him. Okay, but I think, like even even in my relationship right now, in my dynamic of course, like I'm sure just like I've been attracted to men, I'm sure he has two. I've always known that, like I'm going to we're gonna have to play together at

How long have you all been together? Ye oh good?

And so I'm like, okay, maybe I could be like baby Pauline, like go do your thing. I'll do my thing. But I don't know if I could have four husbands and boyfriends. No, this is advanced lovel this is twenty years advance.

Nobody looks at me and thinks, oh, let me just.

Go do that, And also may not be everybody's desire, like four boyfriends sounds like a headache.

Yeah, I want you to be a little service. I don't want you to talk.

To most people it would be, but I'm not with them.

I'll make my schedule to see them like once a month the month. Yeah, cancer, I knew it.

I know.

With cancer. Bah. What's your birthday?

July twenty first, So Leo Moon, you're the craziest cancer Leo Moon.

Yeah, I like the attention.

Attention. I think fresh attention. As I say it on my show, fresh attention is what we deny that we want. That's that Leo. That's that Leo.

Yeah, I'm a Leo Rising and I'm June twenty second, so I'm the cusp on the other.

That's the crazy. Why would you try to switch it in reverse? Baby, I'm crazy.

I've said it like seven times in the podcast.

Everybody knows that.

Like, oh le cancer, Cassy crazy.

Yeah, it's Stacy.

So I think that what you're talking about, you know, when you see me, this is after years and years and years of getting off the horse, falling, falling, falling, having issues, concerns, dealing with it, using tools, writing books, helping others.

This is not how you start. It's not for the faint of heart. I like Baby. I think I'm Baby Polly because as I'm listening to you because I'm listening to and I'm like, oh, getting overwhelmed. I'm like, I don't know. And then I'm like, wait, okay, Erica, come back, where are you? What do you want? What do you like? Would you like, can you kid? You fuck one person for your whole Like no, I'm not, no, absolutely no, I know that for a fact. That's all I've I've

Guess they're not honest, because if they're honest, then Airby can be honest.

I know that's true. So that's what it was. And then and then I experienced that I was with someone who we were an open relationship, and then I found out he was fucking around with a girl, and I was like, oh shit, Like we were We hadn't really talked about it much. We knew we were doing it, but we had it. He had been like, authentically, I'm going to tell you that I actually slept with someone last week. I ended up finding out and he told me,

But like I used the term cheater, you were very creative and you were ver lying.

I was lying. I was a liar, cheating who you weren't married.

I was creative, I was mary.

I wasn't married. But I was hurting people. I was hurting people, you know, So whatever, it's fine. I just don't want to hear you think like that was bad. Oh no, no, no, I don't think it's bad. I have the tools want no, no, no, no, I am I honor my journey. If I felt bad, I wouldn't share it. I think that it's part of why I think i've what I realized is my my my instinct or my inclination or desires and wanting to explore them early on, very very normal things. Still it comes with

Let's call her Nicole, let's call her a lover.

Well, I'm just saying like that cheater or whatever her name, let's call her a girl who just had a lot of desire at a young age. I was thinking about sex very young, like probably when I was like eleven or twelve, I started thinking about it.

Oh, I was coming before then, Yeah, So like why don't you how to have orgasms?

From a very young age?

Maybe six or seven?

Yeah, yeah, I mean like I whatever I had kissed, I had been promiscuous young, and so I hadn't had sex yet, so I was thinking about it. Yeah for I guess for someone people would say, we're young. But anyway, what I'm saying is that in that relationship dynamic that

So you're a fucking lion. Yes, But ladies, let's take let's take the deeper level, because I told you polyamori is a spiritual practice if that were to happen to me now, because you know still does.

I had that with Tiger two years ago. I went to Africa, had sex on my project.

Manager, and anyway, he was upset, but I understood, like, yes, I vented about it. Like you're saying, that's some bullshit. You're venting, venting, yes, from your ego and animal that's some bullshit. What does my higher self say, Not that you fucking care when you're still upset about it. But my higher self said, oh, I'm seeing a reflection of what I believe about men. I have not healed from being called a freak by boys in high school or being you know, my dad doesn't hug me anymore once

Like polyamory and some like not maybe to the like from baby to full fledged, from baby to ken you know, like there. I feel like some aspects of polyamory are necessary for a healthy relationship because there's a level of authenticity and honesty that you have to be with yourself and a level of self awareness you have to have with yourself in order to make to have a relationship that is safe and that is unbreakable. Because when we talk about humanity, we talk about humans, men or women.

We are supposed to relate.

We are supposed to be be like our frequencies are supposed to move with music, with great acting, with great with beautiful singing, like there's always going to be an energetic combination that happens.

That is chemistry.

But if we deny that, and we deny that that humans to ourselves, then we are basically asking for dishonestly lie to me, tell me.

I'm the only one.

But because I don't want to, I don't want to dig into the other shit that doesn't feel I don't feel like doing that.

Mm hm. I also think like going back to the concept of not everyone can be everything for you, and it's a tough one, right, but like but honoring that And I guess when you when you start to destigmatize that concept and you are open to saying, Okay, this person spins my heart chakra yes, and makes me feel safe and we have a good time and we still share sexual energy and it's great and we fucking it's good.

Men fear failure and for what I've found when I when because I call it the art of placement, When I place a man, because they don't know what they are to you, that's up to the feminine to tell them.

We're the choosers.

So you know, if I choose a man, I'm going to place that man. He's going to understand what he provides to me and that I don't need any of the other things. But that gives him a greater chance of success. That's why all men love me, because you cannot fail with me. I know how to communicate, I know how to be authentic. I know how to pull out your vulnerability and authenticity. I understand your placement. I know what you are delivering and what you never need to.

And what is that? Yeah?

I told my daughter this is that she's this is this is the feminine in her power.

That's what it is.

I said, don't ever put a womb choice in your house. Just keep him out in the forest. He's a warrior. Why you put him in your house? He's bucking and knocking ship down. Yeah, he.

Supposed to be here.

Why you put in your house?

I'm not getting this is saying nothing over.

He's just nassy, you know.

So when you know, you know our mothers, God blessed them. How did they do this with nothing?

Nothing, no means, no internet to tell him, nothing, no meanings, nothing doing.

No means.

Let's just say I had nothing.

Guys, memes have really saved the world. I really mean. You just want a bit of smart and you have really improved everyone's one liner.

Yeah, I can't even feel very intelligent the things they already knew.

Fast delivery, precise, fast delivery of principles, spoke to the spokes right to your chair. You know. Wait, speaking of affirmations, we haven't. We haven't done any of our ship. But it's fine, my god, off base. No, it's fine. There's off base here. Okay. Do you have an affirmation though that you that you can share with our audience. We usually ask guests to share. Sure. Absolutely, nobody is doing anything to me.

I create my life. Nobody is doing anything to me.

I create my life. Oh I love that, Yes, I love that. Wow, this has been such a great conversation.

Can you think now they're going so deep?

I'm high like the women and our power, and like the revival. I always say that we're resurrecting the women, the wild and free women, And I do feel like it requires like warrior women to lead the way, because, like you said, our mothers, like they just sacrificing and crying and carrying on and chasing and trying to put a bull in a box and a daddy and the home and the food on the table. I'm just like it's a lot, and we I feel deeply that I've

My grandmother was was cheated on.

My mother was cheated on, like the habitual and and where I can see the pain, like I can feel the pain, and I'm just like, if we just have the.

The like the balls say this this, we're call that. Well. I think that maybe to heal this wound, you should just let Orlando have sex with other women. I don't

Looks like, which I'm actually shocked.

I think in any other situation I would have completely left anybody else immediately without.

Thought, Well, there's a safety shock with that's being spin spun in your in your relationship dynamic, probably too. And definitely, I mean you're definitely support choice with him. Yeah, so it's like you know you're doing You're doing the work. So I have hope in you. So earlier when you said that I was giving you a look, it's not a look. I wasn't. I don't feel like I was giving you a look. But maybe I was, because you know, my face is I can't. I don't know my face

Yeah, and that's all I ever wished for. Like, I want to be open, I want to do them.

I want to be realistic in my endeavors in my relationship, but I also want to honor the parts in may Or. I'm like, I'm raging, jealous, and I want to rage.

And well, we're gonna heal that little girl. Yeah, that's a part of you that we won't love on her. We're gonna bring her to the forefront and we're going to heal her. She's come out in your womb choice relationships and gone wow. But he didn't know how to hold space for her like I can shore Orlando, how to hold space for her and take half of her charge out in less than a month. You know, you

They protected me.

And and it's crazy when you can see them literally, when you're aware and you can see it come up and like, you know, you could ask yourself the question and like do I care am I?

And why am I? Feeling this way worries is like do I think this person's.

Gonna leave me?

You know that when you can work through and see all the parts of like as it comes up, as it happens, or when you're like okay, I'm okay, yeah, it's fine, you can eat that pussy.

Okay, yeah you can, yeah, yeah, okay.

You know, like just the the moving through it and when and when it and when she comes up and when when there's things that trigger that more than others. It's just an interesting It is an interesting journey in this relationship. And I'm grateful too for the the ability to just have the journey. Like there's no right now in my I don't know what I mean, Like I don't got to be Polly tomorrow.

I don't you know, there's no baby post.

Baby poly first.

Baby Polly does not involve Polly Pocket. I'm Polly Pocket. Look at my little.

She lives in that house and we close the door.

Not yet.

Oh that's I'm gonna give you a Polly Pocket for Christmas.

Every time Ma Orlando can play, I'm like, guess what, babe, I'm bringing Polly out.

No, I like that, really, don't I really hope a lot more people can think like that and really be realistic about where they are.

You're not there yet. That's it needs to be called poly pocket, polly pocket, you're not there, polly pocket? Or are you a poly pro or a poly pocket?

I mean, yeah, that's good. Obviously Kenny is a poly pro. I'm a poly pro, and the pros come to me. I've had pro basketball players, actresses, on NFL players, NBA. All types of people are my clients, and I support them in moving from monogamy to polyamory or from.

Poly fuckery back to Oh you also get them back to monogamy if they've been polyuckery and cheating and crazy and they didn't start off right.

Is it got to rewind?

Is it with the also trajectory of them becoming polyamor polyamory or like we have to start here, we have to go back here, start and then we can talk about going back there.

I coach people who have done bad polly back to sexual exclusivity so they can heal and get a better foundation create.

You have to have an emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is required for polyamory. That's why when people say they're poly I'm like emotional intelligence. Really is it required require for any relationship, family, even.

Life?

Yeah, I'm like, what the fuck I'm in a relationship? What the concern is? Like dual lingo teaches language. There wasn't before an app that teaches emotional intelligence, because what is the language of it?

What is it consistent?

But that's the most superior like that what your app does. That's when I app does, teaches emotional intelligence and then matches you only with those on your emotional level.

Oh, it's a dating app.

Yes, after you do the the training, you cannot come in here. Stem there's no swiping. There's only matching, matching with people who are on you meet a more meet a more meet a m O R Y A m o r e A.

Yes.

Wow, that makes sense because people want to date amongst mature other mature people like I don't even want to be out inside because everybody's kind of slow.

I don't date anybody who refuses to learn who's speaking their ego, their animal, or their higher self. If they don't know the difference between their ego speaking and their higher self speaking, we have nothing to talk about. If they don't know that difference, we have nothing.

To talk about yeah.

Yeah.

So often, even just in regular just a regular conversation with men, I you know, I'll be like, oh, this is a cool guy, this happened to us recently. And then the guy I started talking some stupid shit about basically how he should have women and his woman and I was like, where we talking about?

This is like happening I bad.

Remember, I just was like, Oh, this is a really nice guy who was like attracted he was talking to this girl.

But then as soon as he said that stupid shit, I.

Was like, I'm always so like perplexed by smart men

Think there's on a basic level, an emotional intelligence test is just to ask men questions, lots of questions about their life and where they are and who they are, and what they want, what their dreams are. I think many women don't do that, and so that is a good gauge. Are they willing to even answer right? Are they comfortable having a conversation?

I think I think yes. But I also think that there's so many emotionally unintelligent women too, so it goes both ways. So there's like women that feel like they're emotionally intelligent, but they're not. They might just be a little bit more than the person that they're you know, asking to have meet where they are, but they're not even asking the right questions.

By birth, women are more centered in that right brain unality. So by birth they may have it, but the skills and training they don't have.

Wow, well, thank you for your work and what you do. But before you get out of here, I would love if you could share a horror story. Who stories I know in all your adventures and polyamory, And maybe this is also misconception, but I don't think so, Kenny. I think I think you have some stories to share.

So Last of Great Stories.

Really wants to tell you a horror story. I want to tell out of the country.

Yes means pleasure in ancient cometic language, so that's where the word comes from. There were temple goddesses called tepts, and they brought peace through pleasure, so her tep means peace. And then just hold heaven on earth. I mean, there is nothing wrong with a woman her sexuality, her sensuality. This is the most natural ritual we can do together as humans. So I'll give you my horror story. One time we were on a cruise, me and Tiger. We went to Haiti and I had a balcony room. Honey,

They given me something I can't.

Get nowhere else.

See it now, It's like, what do you need coming this way? I take care of you. You take care of me, right, Okay.

So you know I had the room. I had financed that and it was the balcony everything. So we were going out in the daytime, you know, I'm getting purses and stuff like that. He runs into a woman that he's attracted to, and I'm so excited because he tells me he was like, just look at her, look at her.

I looked. She was very appealing. She was cute. You know.

She had a little skirt on and flowing in the wind and got some hips moving in the skirt.

Okay, so I clocked that.

We got back to the room. We had a great night. It was a cruise for his family reunion. Yeah, so his mother, who you know, is in a very strict religion, was hanging out with me Polly White. Oh, I can't say he would be so mad at me, but it's a very strict Christianity where they had a comfortable I.

Don't know they know.

I don't think they believe in that Jesus wasn't the sun. Okay, that's the only hint to drop. But anyways, Yeah, so we're back in the hotel room. It's nighttime. We a little tipsy. We got the kids all settled out because I raised my son.

And his son.

His son lived with us too, Okay, so yeah, until I got him back with his baby's mother and now they're more harmonious. So the son went back to her. Anyway, So we're in the room, we're getting into it. We're about to have a sexual interlude and we're I'm rubbing his back and he's, you know, about to enter my body. And you know, this is men that had this magical wind. It's always that entry point where you can feel the power of his wind today. So I'm feeling the power of his wind today.

What is he delivering to me? Today women aren't.

Giving it up. We're receiving, right, you ever seen the act of sex? We're receiving.

They giving it up? So he about to give it up? And what a guess, right gift?

And so I started to talk about and remind him of the woman. I said her hips was so nice, baby like, how did they feel?

Like? Feel my like?

I was telling him feel my hips like, how did hers feel?

They bigger? Huh? It was biggaus like this this this, I was telling him this, this.

This about her, and this man just lost control, like just to bring her into it, into it, even without her being there, just bringing her essence because I could feel it too. It's just a beauty and what she possessed in our sensual endeavor at that moment, it just we went wild.

I like that. That's a good that's a good test. That's a good one. It's a psychology, So that might be a good way to check. Bitch, can you do that? Are you going to be? Can you even pretend that you're man somebody else? That's one one drop, polly drop, that's that's a poly test. That's look, that's baby poll, that's baby. Probably one of what I think I could do that. I know I could do that. That's true.

You need so simulations? Is that simulations? That's a simulation?

Yeah, yeah, I actually I've done that a lot and I know about it.

Here y'all got old women sweating in here. I'm sorry you are not old. Bit. I know that.

Great, but I.

Love I wanted to get to age fifty for so long because teaching Polly for twenty years, it's like everybody's like, oh, they're young, that's just a tree.

By now, I and the expert in this field, what.

I do, what you did at the time into successful.

I got receipts. Well, Kenya, thank you so much. You didn't read her tarot okay, Kenya. She pulled the page of pentacles.

The page it's a man standing on a moey hill and the nice clear sky with the pinnacle in his hand.

Pentacle of money.

Pentacle of money.

Yeah. Usually it means like tangible things.

Money upright, manifestation, financial opportunity, skill development. The page of Pinnacles, like the pages of of all four tarot suits, brings a welcome message of new beginnings, inspiration, and the initial stages of a creative project or venture. Since Pinnacles rules the material realm, the court, and correspond to the element

Level up, lub level.

Level up, level up. Level.

Kenny is going to do our premarital counseling. Beautiful, We're going to be her first pre not already ten year or twenty year married.

Ready to do pree Like, let's get this.

I don't sugges people get married without me or get a divorce without me. There's no need to throw away our generational wealth and just keep starting over with the same issues.

You don't have them anywhere you are, there you are say that again everywhere you are, where you are for real. Well, thank you for saving marriages, Thank you for opening up your life so that people can understand that there's just so many ways to live and so many relationship dynamics to explore. And shout out to Carl for being that nigga. Can you tell the people where they can find find you?

Kenya, you can find me at Progressiveloveacademy dot Com on Instagram, I am Progressive Love Academy. On YouTube, I am Progressive Love Academy and the same on TikTok. You can get my books and of course download my app Meet a More, where you can practice your emotional intelligence and be linked with those on your emotional level.

Okay, sounds sexy great, and you guys, you know where to find us A Good Mom's Underscore Bad Choices on Instagram. Make sure you subscribe to our YouTube channel. Make sure you rate and review this episode if you're listening on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, and also make sure you check out our Couple's Retreat. It's almost time for our couple's

Yeah, this is even in the beginning. If you're building a foundation, you just need someone to do the vacation for you. Come and play and enjoy, you know, your relationship without any interruptions, without having to think about anything.

And also, you guys, it's May.

It is our two year anniversary of a Good Mom's Guide to Making Bad Choices. If you have not read it, if you've not gotten it, it's everywhere. It's written by us. We put a lot of hard work, sweat, tears, and all of our honest stories in here.

It's a prescriptive memoir.

And if you know someone who's about to have a baby, about to go to baby shower, this is a great baby shower gift because this prepares the mother. A lot of books are talking about what do you do with the baby. What the fuck do you do with yourself when you just give birth? There's a lot of things that a woman goes through that no one talks about, and we talk about it all in this beautiful book that we designed.

Well until next time, we love you. I believe. Yeah, I'm living so good. Can't you tell? I went through a drought?

That's until I find out? Well, maym have been known earth?

I used to be broken tail, now got the blues, hands and might beyond say just sell throat shot or pop in this cow wearing our voices patriarch and kept it in the box to what'spoids?

Women put the p and powers, so what's pointless? They want me to be good? So I made bad noises, bad mom, not a bad mom, but a bad mom. Gitters in on, put cannabus in their bath bomb.

Then Barcel's cap and I blewis cap boss hop dog. Now I'm immune to the cat called Herbie and the waisted straight to it like a dollar sign. Mother, rent the lover when two with it, like a water summer where you rent the winter essential will when the summertime, I do what doll

Ain't no one that needs to run it by