Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife. She couldn't.
She cleaned and cared for her children and the man of the house, and of course she didn't talk back.
She was both obedient and soft by nature. She was a good woman who always made good choices. That shit, we're good mom's bad choices.
Who single mom who said fuck the patriarchy shared all their bad choices.
And sound out they were so bad.
After all, we're experts, overshares and your new besties.
Sit back and enjoy the ride. I can do it. Welcome back to good Mom's bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Meila. Happy hump Day, bitches, Happy med the fucking hemp day. It is SmackDown mid January. Are in the middle. I can't fucking believe it. I'm like, what the fuck? Why is time moving so fast? So fast? I'm so annoyed.
I literally was on the way here, like damn man, Like, can we just push pause for two weeks?
I need everything to chill. Well, we've had a very eventful like beginning of January, so you probably do.
I'm just like, there is I just feel like there's so many birthdays and celebrations and trips, and I'm like, can I just wash clothes last week?
Like clothes, You're you're already planning your next trip. I was like, damn, bitch.
My husband's turning thirty five. He's like, you plan it. I'm like, okay, house party, I'm thirty five. I'm like, can we keep our coins for one more month?
Shit? Got it? Orlando? You got the AIRPNP but on the credit card. Got it. She's trying to get me go to New York. I want to go again. Oh lord. I's like, come on, it's my first party in New York. I'm like, first party. We're rock stars. I'm like a rock star. Oh my god, Oh my goodness.
And yeah, So I feel like time swimming so fast, and I keep thinking about twenty twenty and how we have anything.
You think that this little past three episodes. Let's give me your hand. It's not coming back. It's not coming back, babe. I'm sorry, COVID three. It's it's six years ago. But it was such a good time, and you know, first it was scary, but then I know it was a big moment for us. Good time. We didn't do a lot some hairstyles. I cut her hair. There was a lot going on. Our kids were smaller, they were cuter, more agreeable.
There's mushrooms and backyards and nobody was on the highway. Yeah, you didn't have to wear any clothes. I really got my sweatpant game up that year.
We got accidental. We got accidental boyfriends, speaking of which I ran into at the the other night. At that party, this guy came up to me and was like, you know who I am? And I was like, you're The face looks familiar. He's like, you don't remember me, do you? And I no, No, I do know your face, but I just don't who are you. I don't want of people detest me in public? Niggah, Where do I know you from? And he was like poetry Bay, scammer bay. Why would he call him that? He didn't. I'm just
not gonna say that his name. I'm not going to give that man credit here. And I was like, oh shit. He's like have you talked to him? I was like, hell, no, have you? He was like no, I thought you would. I'm like, no, haiga, he's probably some more scamming a new bitch. He is in New York. He's in New York. Yeah, he lives in New York. I think, what a loser. Yeah, all the losers moved to New York or live there. Just kidding. I love New York. I love you guys.
I actually do really love New York. It's my favorite place on Earth.
I love New York too. I just I don't you know, I don't have a lot of friends there. I always go, I'm mean, I have Ashley, but I'm always like that was more popular here.
You always say that, like, who can have lunch with nobody? You know, to get my friend, you just gotta hit up the discord. We have bitches in New York. Actually, we got our homegrowl in Connecticut. Whose who will come over? Oh, Addieth call her? Yeah, there's a couple of people we have people.
I'm supposed to go to New York this weekend with Nanetia, and she's texting me this morning and I'm like, it's okay to say no, I know, I know, but yeah, it was just January is going to buy really fast. Twenty twenty six is here. I feel like sooner as the year starts, it's gonna be over in twenty In a blink of flash in a fucking hurry.
I'm not I'm not subscribing to this. I'm not either. I'm just telling you what time starting right now, everything's moving slower, you hear me, right now?
Okay, Yeah, it's been a good year though it popped off immediately. Great, I feel good. I just need like, I like, I want to move slower. I just want to have I wish each day was forty eight hours.
That'll be great, you know it? Can we like can we change? Like who even made it? Twenty four? Like who said?
And who is a person who said okay and go one two day one day two?
This is your one? Like who made up time? I hate it? I don't know. But what I really need is for Daylight Savings to stop, to stop. It gets it gets, it gets dark really early. I needed to end. It's like, I don't know why we're still doing this shit. It's like, is it supposed to? Are they trying to cause seasonal depression? Like I'm pretty sure they're trying to manipulate our brains.
I mean, they're definitely trying to manipulate our brains, but more so, they're trying to manipulate time.
Because I always say this, and I'll say it again. Where are you putting the hour? Because they I just saw on Instagram posts like don't worry guys. Starting next month, nightfall will start at six pm instead of four thirty, and then in April it will be seven And I'm like,
oh great, we gotta keep waiting. It does I don't They only do it once a year, right, I guess over the next few months, it starts, the sun's sunrise starts, the sunset starts to happen a little bit later, a little bit later, and by I want to say May, it's around like eight o'clock or like seven thirty or something, and a reasonable time, not four forty five in the afternoon. So yeah, I don't get it. Still still don't get it. How are you? What's going on? I'm good. I'm good.
I uh have a child that's sick from school today. A lot of shit happened actually today my child. Last night, I'm pretty sure I poisoned diary. I made her pasta and I I used some pasta sauce. I mean, I used some pizza sauce, which is the same shit. They're just like repackaging shit and calling it pizza sauce. So I used a pizza sauce and it had been opened maybe for like a week and a half, maybe longer,
I don't know. I thought, like refrigerator. It was a refrigerator, of course, and I looked at it and I looked around. I was like, eh, it looks fine, and I put it in and then like thirty minutes later, she's like, well, my stomach hurts. I feel that feeling like like last time when I projectile vomited it. Did she hear you say that? It's no? She said no. That's why I was like, oh fuck, And like I was gonna have some of her pasta too. I was like, do you
want some? She's like, I'll have more, and I was like, fuck, I want some of that, And then thank god I didn't. Did she projected al voma? No? But like generally, like usually when I re said she's not feeling well, I've learned because I'm like one of those parents never believes her kid working on it. It's called trauma childiod trauma. Because my mom did that to me. Generally, She's like she's pretty truthful about like not feeling well. So I
was like okay, So this morning. She woke me up at like five forty five in the morning saying her stomach was still hurting, and so I was like, Okay, what are we gonna do? Then? Also, I'm babysitting. Apparently I'm co parenting with my baby daddy's dog. My baby daddy bought my daughter a golden doodle and it's fucking adorable and I love the dog, and so I told him, like, when you go out of town, you can bring it over here, and so he dropped it off. But I
haven't heard from him. Yeah, because I heard it. I haven't heard from him in two days. I'm like, niggah, I gotta go to work. What am I gonna do with this dog? You should have never agreed to that. I mean, I love the dog. With the dog is here at the studio now. Because I had nowhere to go, I was gonna put the dog in the car while I went to the gym. But thank god, my daughter was sick so she could baby sit the dog while I went to the gym. And now the dog is
here with the with the kid. And on top of that, I just got a call that my boyfriend got in a car accident in my car. So you know, everything is great today. Everything is great. Okay, Okay, I'm alive and so is he, and that's all that matters. But yeah, I'm he got in a hit and run accident about twenty minutes ago. Seconds. Let's just say a prayer for chakem in my car. How are you well? Had a nightmare last night? Oh, tell me about it. I don't know.
We were together and there was a man stalking us. They're stalking me, They're trying to get in and like man or men? A man?
What do you look like? Hit?
A very heavy beard, like a dyed beard, like someone's baby daddy that we know.
Was he black? Yeah? Oh okay, that's all I can really remember. And it was so bad.
Like also, do you experience like I just started my cycle yet, like yesterday, and I feel like I sweat, like when I I thought it was just like sometimes that I have night sweats.
But like Perry, menopause, can.
You not say that that is not the only thing that means that is very disrespectful and assumptive.
You're not daying you're in menopause. It's called perimenopause. Is not the only apparently between the ages of thirty five to forty two, we are our bodies are already entering into perimenopause.
My mother is not even menopause yet and she's almost sixty second of all. You know, I have aspirations to have a child that.
Is not you can't have a child during pen and perimenopause. I don't ever beat that. Okay. I was just asking you.
Or on your cycle, I asked you to fucking talk when you're on your cycle, do you feel like you sweat at night?
No? I turned into a cycle path because.
I was talking to I think Ashley, and she was like, yeah, when I get hot at night when I'm I'm on my cycle. I was like, I didn't think about the cycle part anyway.
I had a nightmare.
I fucking woke up and fucking heaps the sweat, and I was like, Orlando, He's like what this guy had a good nightmare. And I didn't fel like getting up to like put a towel or change the sheet, so I just rolled over. But I was like it was traumatic. I felt very traumatized. In the middle of the night, I'm like sweating, someone's chasing as and then like I had a live show but I was by myself. I was so weird. I'm like, why am I getting stalked maybe beaten? And then also I'm at a live show.
It was a lot going on.
But I had a similar dream the other night, but you weren't in it. But I had a dream that two white men, one with a big beard, was trying to break into my house and I and I didn't have I knew they were trying to steal my money, and so I tried to open the safe, but I was so nervous that my hands like couldn't like puitch the button. So and then I just threw the whole
safe in a suitcase, and Iri was with me. And then I was like, oh my god, wait, I have a gun, because I do have a gun in my house, and so I remembered where it was, but I wasn't in my house. I was like in the countryside, but the gun was in the dresser that it is actually
in my house. And and then I went to go put the the what is it called the magazine in and it wasn't like getting in, and then finally I got it in and I was like okay, And so I went downstairs like ready to shoot them, and then I kept hitting it and nothing was happening, and then they grabbed me and they started taking me out of the house and then they were like, you stay to Iri, and then they closed the door and it was just them and Iri in the house. And I woke up
fucking hysterically crying. And then I was like, Okay, it's just a dream. And I tried to go back to sleep, and then I felt guilty for going back to sleep after such a fucked up dream. Not guilt, yeah, like how could I go back to sleep after these two men are like going to take my daughter? Like I was just it's not really so anyway, I really I was fucked up.
I was like, I haven't had a nightmare a really long time, maybe because I didn't smugle weed last night.
But you have a weapon in your house. I have a nailed wood piece she Come's been giving me. After that dream, he gave me another gun lesson, So I think it's time. I think it's time. No, I really do need you need a weapon in your home. I have one in my home. I need to feel more secure using the weapon, and we need to just literally get with cha. Can and do come over and do these practices and then go to the shooting range. I'm down. I've been saying that for a long time.
You know, I feel militant, Like there's a militant side of me I haven't awakened yet.
So I'm yeah, I'm down.
And especially when we'd times like every time I see like one of these ridiculous fucking ice pullovers, in my head, I'm like thinking of the ways we should take them out. But it's just, yeah, I just violent. I believe in gun laws. I believe everyone should have the right to carry. I believe everyone should have one. Well, now you can open carry in California, you can't.
I think they just passed that. There's no way. I'm like pretty sure California has been had.
This has the strictest, like the most strict carry laws in like the country, Like you can have a gun, we're not supposed to travel with it, and if you do travel, it's supposed to be locked in your glove compartment or locked in the trunk, where it's like what the fuck am I gonna do with it locked in my glove compartment and it can't be loaded.
So it's like.
It's very strict if you get caught the gun and you and it's very hard to get a carry a like an open not open carry, but a carry license here, like they only do like ten a year or something.
Crazy. Okay, maybe I made that up.
Yeah, I don't know if that's true. I mean, maybe I help so because I want one in my purse.
Supreme Court appears likely to strike down California law banning guns and stores and restaurants.
Okay, So I mean that's the Republicans, that's the one thing they're doing. I do believe that if people assumed, if everyone assumed that someone else had a gun, there'd be less likely people to fuck with you. If you just assumed everyone was caring, like we're in Texas or something like that, I think there'd be less likely for someone to break into your home or fuck with you because bitch, I'm gonna assume this bitch is gonna shoot me.
So I just feel like, protect yourself. Anger shit. I know Iri was because I told Iri about my dream, well not not every part, but she was like, so it's like because I have a we have a baseball bat because it's scary. I had really dark thoughts about what was gonna happen, I know, but then don't put the fear into her exactly, which why I didn't tell
I said, you said you did tell her? No. I didn't tell her no, no. So then she was like, Mommy, do you know that sometimes when that bat that we used to have at the house, I used to just push it to my side of the bed. And I was like, you did, just like, I'm like why she's because sometimes I'd be scared in her old house push what we had. I had a bat under my bed and so she I guess sometimes she'd push it to her side of the bed. I'm like, gir, what you going to do with it? Right? Keep that shit on
my side, you know. And she was like, well, if someone came to the and to our door, now, would you use a bat? I was like, no, I would use it. And she was like why And I was like, cuz they would know I'm not fucking playing. Generally, if someone here's a gun, you just hear that shit, You're like, all right, never mind like and then I was like, wait, well, just I was like, if it's if we're out in public and someone approaches me, probably not going to like
point a gun in their face. We're going to see what happens, like, we'll see how I'm not going straight for the gun. So I don't want her to think like trouble equals shoot someone in the face.
I mean women, single women, single moms particularly, I think like we need mace, we need tasers, we need guns, we need guns. I think, I know there's a lot of things right now and like social about decentering men, which I also feel like, do we need to recenterment?
I think I feel like that.
So all that to say, when we think about decentering men, I don't think there's enough enough thought behind how can I protect myself and not rely solely on a man? How can I like, how do I feel secure without a man? And I think if we're going to decenter men, I think that is the first in place and foremost where you need to feel secure in protecting and providing for your own safety and your own family if and when you know, like your man is not present.
I agree.
But back to the decentering men, uh, like, what is it called like a fad?
The trend right now? Yeah? I wouldna say something mean, but then I then I decided not to because it's not true. I think that decentering men is important for women who have made, of course men the center of their world. For pigmies, Yes, that's what I was kind of gonna say. I like, not all of us need to decenter men, you know, like some of us that have not made men the center of their world probably don't need to decenter men, but probably need to recenter men. Yeah,
I understand. I think you need to recenter the good men in the world and not decenter all men, because then you're gonna be a lonely bitch. Because I know that. I used to think that, like maybe we should just live on a on an island full of women. I don't want to do that. I change my mind. I don't want to do that at all. Wait. I saw today this woman is throwing like an all all moms prom and they're all dressed up and Dan I was like, I was like, I am, I don't mean that gay, And I'm like, my.
Boy crazy, I'm like, I don't want to dress up with a bunch of bitches.
I was like, this seems stupid. They're gonna drink and what we're gonna do. I don't want to be in a colony full of bitches. I don't want that. I do like. I like bitches. I like I need niggas to do some stuff, including fuck me so and and pick up ship and take the trash out. Like there's certain things and privileges that I've become accustomed to now that I'm been in a relationship for a while that I don't want to give up. I want I need the man to be the center of the universe in
that way. I don't want to do certain ship, but I do think we should decenter toxic men. Ain't no good ain't no good men, but they're the good ones. No, we don't need to do that. You need to go to therapy, girl and figure out why men are the center of universe and why you keep attracting the wrong men.
Well, I know I've been at the center of women's universes because that's kind of how we are socially programmed, is that you know, our worth and our worthiness is tied to our dating status or like, if you're over thirty five and you don't marry, you don't have any kids, what's wrong with you? Like that's a huge Like, uh, we get spoonfit, we get spoon fed that concept and that belief system from like zero years old, so I understand it, but I think I realized that it causes
such a it's so it's so toxic. A I've seen women saying relationships for way too long and essentially lose themselves with their purpose and like maybe they're they're they're the possibility of them changing the world because they're so used to they're just obsessing over a man instead of themselves. And then also like just being dumb bitches, like being dumb bitches and desperate to keep a relationship by all means necessary, just to say they have a relationship hoping
to change someone. And I just I really fucking despise that on like a very high level, because we are so intuitive and we are so capable, and if we tap into our intuition and stop fucking thinking we need a man to make ourselves worthy, then you might find the right man and stop hating men you're dating the wrong nigga. But I do think there needs to be a campaign or rebranding of recentering good men, because I mean, we both said a lot of niggas ain't shit rhetoric.
I mean, listen, I am not excluded from centering men in my life, like I'm not. I'm not. Just because I'm in a relationship now doesn't mean I've deleted the past of where I have made a man the center of my universe, where I've allowed him to like dictate how I feel, how I show up. So I understand that concept of like decentering that man, decentering those the urges to keep choosing those type of people. But I don't think that.
I think that once and and and and centering yourself. I think it's more like centering yourself, Like why do we have to decenter the man just focus on you? Well, I think I think we've had to decenter the men because most women will not focus on themselves. They will focus on the man. They will focus on the relationship. And so I think it's just like it's not a good example, but like Black Lives Matter, It's like we wouldn't have to say that if we weren't first fucking
systematically put at the bottom. But because women have so often put men before themselves, then there's this campaign of decentering men. But like, yeah, dub bitge center yourself, You're the sun. And I'm also I'm not exempt from this. Like I saw my mom in my opinion center, my dad so much that it drained the fuck out of me, and that growing up, I was like that will never ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever ever be me. And now that I'm in a relationship with a great man, I've had to really like check myself on my he man hating club personally, you know. So I'm like, you know, there's we talked about this before we started, about like I guess a rebranding of your mindset, and like when we first started this show, we were both newly out of like relationships with our baby fathers, and like there was a hue huge fuck niggas be ourselves, Like we were reclaiming ourselves. There was
a rebranding that happened. I guess there was a decentering of a men. There was there was a decentering of men.
And now we're in like it's eight years later and there's a completely different uh, Like we're in a completely different world. And so there's like a relearning of myself that I've had to like kind of accept like the party girl and I am the party girl. I am fun, but like also just not let it go but embrace this other this other route too, which has been like interesting. It does feel like a little bit sad. Yeah, I
mean that's what came up for me. The other night I did mushrooms and I was like moving through a few different things. It was pretty like lighted, lighthearted and joyful. It was having like a date night at my house. And she kinme like made up this game called for you, and we played. We made up for you know, you canna tell us how that goes? Take off of each
piece of clubs art. So basically each color is like so like red like hit a key he had like a key key he wrote a key out, so like blue equals massage, Red equals like lick, suck or bite, Green equals like a firm, like say some sort of affirmation. And then with the other color, yellow equals I can't
remember another thing. And then and then the way he plays like you pick a number like I say number five, and then that's how many cards you pick whatever the fifth card is, That is the I can remember the numbers also mean something seems this is a whole game. No, it was really easy when idea anyway, I won't give it. I won't give him too many information. But anyway, it
was fun. It was really fun, and I think that's why, like the mushrooms, Like I took the mushrooms and we played the game, and so like I entered into the mushroom experience already like doing something, like doing something fun, because sometimes when I'm doing mushrooms and like let me wait, and then I'm like my teether feel weird and then like gotta take depreas, gotta go cry, so like lay here, don't lay here. So I kind of bypassed that, which
was nice. But as so then we after we played for he you know, we laid down and and he was like just holding me from behind, and like I was just thinking, I like I did actually kind of cry because I was thinking about just like my identity and how like it has shifted so much over the last I would say two years. And one of the things that has shifted is my relationship with safety and always feeling like I can never be safe with a man.
And Shakim has shown me consistently that I am safe with him, like never has he ever made me feel unsafe. And so what I mean, like.
As far as like infidelity and like inflatlity, consistency, like doing what he said he's gonna do, showing up for IRI, like emotional safety, so if I share something with him, he doesn't like against me or like act weird or act different or pull away like if anything, he leans in more.
And so like these are all things that I didn't even realize some of those things I needed in safety until I was with so I started dating him, But I was sitting there thinking about just like yeah, feeling like that's not part of my world anymore, and feeling like sad, not sad about it. It sounds weird to feel sad, but like I felt like I needed to
have a funeral. Like that was the message, Like, bitch, you need to have a funeral for these, for this identity, this identity is not yours anymore, like your anti men identity, like not even anti men. Because I don't think i've I don't think i'm I don't want to say I've never been anti men. I don't. I don't think i've. I feel like I haven't. I let that part go
a while ago. Whereas like I know that there's good men in the world, and like I know that I believe that but the part around the trusting of them not necessarily gonna cheat on me, but like the holistic trust, Can I trust you in all the ways? Like it's one thing for me to be able to trust you and know you're not gonna cheat on me. But if I say, hey, like I need more of this, are you going to now act weird? And now I feel like, oh,
I can't share those things with you. So there was like it felt like I needed or I need to have a funeral for that previous that identity that is no longer fits where I'm at anymore. And I felt sad, and then I felt happy, and then I felt like, wow,
how have how have I not like realized this? And I was thinking about just how as people, not even just as women, how we hold on so tightly to our these identities that we say we don't want anymore, and then when things show up, how we still like grasp to them and not realizing how they're infiltrating into our relationship dynamics. And sometimes it takes a second for us to realize like this is not here anymore, and there's no space for this anymore, and I don't want
space for this anymore. And actually now I have to like, who is Erica as someone who has safety in her life? Like, have I fully even stepped into that version of myself because I didn't even realize I was still holding on to this identity. So in the Mushrooms, I kind of like at the end of it all, I felt like really happy. I was like, oh my God, Like I
feel like I birthed something like that. It's like a new piece of me now that is going to be allowed to show up as someone who feels safe not just with men, but like also like within my within other relationships, within relationships with my friends, with you, because I realized how that specific thing affects all of my relationships. The distrust, not trusting what people say they're going to do and then if they then if they don't do
what they say they're going to do. It's way heavier than it should be, just because people are human and like they fuck up, But it carries a way heavier weight because I have this like I've had I've had no longer had this deep distrust and wound and how
and how personal I take it. And yeah, so anyway that came up in the mushrooms is just like having this funeral for like your previous identities, and like encouraging other women or people to think about the ways that their lives have shifted over the last however and long, especially if you're in a better place or you're in a better relationship, and if you are still holding on to those identities and how they're showing up in a relationship and how it's time to fucking let the shake go.
It's funny, before we started, I just read something it was like ivery birth myself and I'm going through postpartum.
That's what it kind of felt like, because I was like kind of sad bitch in the mushroom. I was like, why am I sad that I have to let this go? Like I was crying about like finally letting it go.
I think that we I don't there's not enough discussions about like identity, and I think we're also in a time we're removing really quickly, and there's so much to do, and there's like birthday parties, kids, dad. Like I think just generally in adulthood life, I mean like time seems like it's going by faster because you have more responsibilities.
But I think that in that fast movingness. We don't give enough credit for the lessons and the evolution and the and like give more enough time to sit with self about reevaluating and rebranding and releasing the old versions
of yourself. And especially I think because I feel I felt this way, Like, you know, we've had a lot of discussions, We've gone through a lot of changes, relationship wise, friendship wise, kids, whatever, And I was just like, because we spent so much time talking about celebrating those breakups, and like it was such a win to get out of those relationships and to find ourselves and to decenter men and like center ourselves.
It was.
It's a It's a huge part of our identity, Like Good Moms is a huge part of our identity, and that period of time where we we healed and talked about it out loud and people heard is a huge part of our identity. And I also realized, like as I got into this relationship with Orlando, even though we've been dating and we've lived here for like four years, three and a half years, whatever, there were times where I'm like, I don't want to be one of those
bitches online always posting my man. I don't know those bitches online like always posting my han love. I am like, because those bitches used to really get all my nerves, or like bitches online like I.
Really want a man. I can't wait for my man to camp.
I'm like, if you don't shut the fuck up, bitch about this man to come, Like, if you don't shut up, he's not gonna come. But but I realized, like me feeling discussed with those type of women, I kind of like downplayed the love and the excitement of like what I was experiencing, And I'm just like, that's not you, so you don't have to worry about that. But like again, seeing my mom sent her my dad so much, it
just like put a bad taste in my mouth. But also just allowing yourself to have new experiences and not be so deeply tied to childhood experiences, your parents' experiences, like not not hoarding them as your identity and being able to release them and let it burn and then rebirth, and just becoming new people in different stages of your life and understanding how much that evolution serves the bigger
good instead of being like fuck men. It's just like people who say in bad relationships, it's like it's comfortable because that's what's familiar to you, but like we're not in childhood anymore, Like you're you know what I mean, Like whatever like qualms you have with your father I have with my mom, Like we don't have to hold on to that anymore. But you're right, like it affects all of your relationships, and I don't think women particularly
realize how much it even affects your female relationships. Like recently, we were having a discussion because obviously we're friends, we're not perfect, we've been friends for a long time, and you said something to me and you're like I felt like you abandoned me, And I was like I sat on that and I was like, I feel like that is deeper than just me, Like I know that you have a bit, like there's issues there, like with your father and like just men in general, and I like
that stuck out to me and even to you with me, like I feel like when women center men over relation, friendships or whatever, like I take that very personally because my mom. I feel like my mom did that a lot.
Like I felt neglected because my parents were so focused on the relationship and I had to be like wow, like I can't believe even like you always think about it in a like a romantic relationship, but you don't really think about it how to affect your your female relationships and your platonic relationships until you're aware enough and how much you have to like dig through that to realize, like when you're really sensitive to some shit, it's because
there's a wound that you haven't really cleaned out, poured up and bandaged correctly. It's like not really healed yet.
So it's just like it's interesting how all those things play into a part of like a relationships being an adult, Like you know what I mean, Like those those same wounds can continue to poison your growth if you don't really let them go and really forgive and really like you know, remove those be acknowledging that like things have changed and you don't have to hold on to that anymore.
So I do totally feel that too. Yeah, it's it's it's it's something that like I think that you don't even realize until something different shows up. You know, it's hard to it's hard to like acknowledge the change, and even if you've had even if you have changed on your own, sometimes it takes like someone else mirroring this new piece of your identity for you to like be like, oh, oh yeah, I'm this new bitch now, and I think, like, for me, that's what that was. That's what the message
was the other night. And I was thinking about too, just identity in general, because I've been really I don't know if you've been seeing like this twenty sixteen trend that's been going around on Instagram where everyone's fucking posting two thousand. I'm slow too, because I was like, why twenty sixteen? And she comes like I was like, oh, I was like, why not two eighteen? That was a great year for me. I'm going to post twenty eighteen.
Between twenty sixteen and seventeen, actually from twenty all fifteen was good because I had my child, but from two thousand sixty to seventeen, those were like the worst years ever for me. And so like I went, I forgot that twenty sixteen was such a shitty year for me. So I went searching in my phone. I was like, I want to be part of the trend. And then I went looking and I was like, oh my god, this year sucked my asshole. This is the year like my I found out my baby daddy was like I
mean I found out. I knew he was, like, you know, doing his thing with other women, but he almost like we He got arrested in Europe, and I was my daughter was like fucking under two years old, and I was flying back and forth to Europe fighting a horrendous case. And I was also like trying to understand who I was battling my identity at that time because I was a new mom and even before I had my daughter, I was really kind of unsure about who I was.
And so now I had this human and then I had this baby daddy that was like needed me, but also I felt like had disrespected me. But I was like pushing that, pushing everything to the side and fighting my family around it. Like there was so much going on. I cut my hair off, Like there was so many things happening in twenty sixteen and it may be really fucking sad, And I was just sitting there like thinking like, Okay, I'm grateful that I have come this far. But I
realized that that year specifically still really triggers me. Like I cried in the car. I was like in the car, I was actually texting Freddy, I was like, have you seen this try in twenty sixteen and he was like, this is the worst fucking year of my life. I'm like, just your life, niggat, And have you seen this trend?
I just wonder if you've seen this, cause there were so many pictures of us in Europe and Iri being so small, and like I had videos that I don't even know if I'd ever even shared with him, like of him in the studio after he got out of jail, and Irin in the studio and us in the studio with him, and like just like us, like us on the plane after like beating the case and coming back
and things. I just never went to go back and look at and and just like how much that year affected me and how much I like, I just wanted to forget it, and I just wanted to move past it. And that's what I did. And then twenty seventeen, you know, throw through me for another curve ball. And then I actually saw pictures of us in twenty sixteen at the
pumpkin patch. Oh, and I was like, oh shit, because I like, of course I knew that we had I was trying to remember the few different times when we hung out after our babies were like three months that first time, and I was like, oh, it was at the pumpkin patch we hung out, but like there was so sporadically few and far between, but it was cool to see. Then the Niche's wedding shower, you were there too, because Luna was there. We were all wearing white at her I.
Think we started the podcast then we went through twenty sixteen. It was yeah, no, she got married, and when did she get married? She get married in twenty sixteen.
Oh yeah, you're right. Yeah, so yeah, we all had white on. Actually I had no pictures of you. We just had pictures of our kidies. So it was like, I see the seeds that were being planted. We drive together, is that event on the roof? No, this is something else. This was at her backyard, in her backyard of her grandmother's house, and she had all this like China.
We didn't drive there. That was her aunt's house or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.
So I was just witnessing the seeds that had been planted in twenty sixteen, even though that year really fucking sucked, and just thinking about identity, and then I was thinking about our friend Nietzsha and how and her transformation and her identity because at that time her identity was I'm a wife. I'm going to be a wife. She was committed to being the best wife and having that and
having the perfect family at that point. And watching our friend expand now like shout out to nishe, I love you so much and I'm so proud of you, Like she I told her, I was like, your transformation should
be studied. She's a Capricorn every time and really truly, and I hope she doesn't mind that if I share, just because I think a lot of women that are married or in long term relationships, especially with kids, but I would say even marriages where you've really like you've you've signed your name on the dotted line and like sacrifice, you agreed that this is what my life is now, aside from just having a kid, because yes, you feel that women you have a kid, but I think marriage
like adds an extra little stamp. And seeing her transformation from like kind of like reserved housewife to now full on outside DJ like she is, she is a DJ. She has climbed the ranks of DJs in a way I've never seen before. Okay, And I know that about my friend because, like you said, she's a Capricorn and when she decides something, she goes all the way one
hundred percent. But I just think like her identity has shifted so much over the last year, and I think that more women need to know that it's possible and need to know that you can do it that quickly. I think my identity it took. It's taken longer. It's taken me a few seasons to get there. But it's just a choice. It's like you make a choice and then you stick to it, and then boom. People are just so afraid to make a choice.
I guess like the year before last, we went on a trip with her and she was still you know, at the beginning of the figure out if she was going to have, you know, separate from the marriage or you know whatever. And I looked at her and we were having conversations. We had a lot of conversations about it within our tribe, and I was like, you need to leave them. I was like, you need to leave them. I'm like, let it go. I was like, stop fighting it, let it go, because if it's meant to be, it
will be it'll come back. And I was like, and you're you're kind of you're holding your blessings. I was like, you're really delaying your blessings. And everybody was kind of like, like, you think that was kind of too harsh, and I was like, no, and I probably did come off harsh and I didn't mean it harshly, but I could see, first of all, I know her, and I know her capabilities, and you're she's far more.
Self like.
She can she could execute some shit without a blink of a fucking eye. So I was like, girl, just trust me on this, and like seeing that transformation as soon as she made the choice, I was like, bitch, I told you.
I told you.
And I think sometimes like especially amongst women, because we're sensitive, we're afraid to tell our friends the truth. You know, we like coddle them and be like tiptoe around and fear that they won't take it the right way. And a lot of times bitches, especially when it comes to men,
don't take it the wrong way. And I get having to be sensitive or sugarcoat with our friends because with their with relationships, people are very sensitive, especially when there's kids involved and there's marriage and You've poured so much into it, but I think we do ourselves such a disservice not keeping it real with ourselves and with our homegirls.
Like she has completely made it completely. She's so much happier.
She there's so much life in her, you know, like her whole world isn't consumed with I hope this person does this, like when you when you were in a place where your whole sent like you're centered around. I hope this person does this. You will fuck yourself because hoping and wishing someone else outside of you does something is never it. You cannot make someone else do something. But what you can do is control yourself and if it's not good for you, if it doesn't feel good,
release it. I'm not saying don't try. I'm saying try. But women have the tendency get to tried too fucking much, try too much, until you have nothing.
You're drained.
And I'm like for twenty sixteen, I was looking through pictures and her bachelor party was that year and I didn't really know her. I think I just got invited because my other friends got invited. And I remember that was a day, like the day I chose to go to that I told my baby daddy, I'm like, when I get back, I want you to be out of the house, and for some miracle fucking of God, he actually listened. And I just remember so clearly driving to Palm Springs and being like, I'm done, I'm over it.
And of course it wasn't completely done, but it was the first time I was like, this is not it and I felt free, like I felt like something had shifted and it did, you know, and like it was like the baby steps that I needed. But for anybody listening right now who's in a relationship that's empty or doesn't feel good, or listen to how you feel, Listen
to your gut, listen to your conversations. If your conversations are centered around hoping someone does something different, or that you're not happy or you're not fulfilled, make moves, bitch, make moves, because the longer you wait, the worse it will be. And the longer you wait, the more you're delaying yourself from your blessings. And all I can think about in this season of my life now that I'm married to someone I could who is my best friend.
Thank fucking God for the people I walked away from thank God for when I ripped off the band aid when I really didn't want you, when it really wasn't comfortable. Well, you know, like my baby daddy was also my best friend, he was we were very close and like we went to I've known him for twenty fucking years, twenty five years, and it was hard for.
Me to do that, but I knew that there was something more.
And then after that there was another nigga I thought I loved and blah blah blah, yeah.
And like aborgin Yeah, but you know what the like hopefully the time gets shorter. Yeah, and it does, it does.
But thank God for the fuck knows, or else I wouldn't be here and like to be on the other side and to feel the love and to witness it and to experience the love that I knew existed but I wasn't getting. I'm like, thank God for those niggas fucking up. Thank God for that little bit of intuition that I followed, because I would not have arrived here with you, here in the studio, here with all of you who are listening, and here with my man and like this life that I've I saw because the truth is,
we're all experiencing things like multidimensional. There's like another dimension of Mila where I'm who knows who I am?
You know what I mean? My car isn't fucked up? Yeah, sure, absolutely, you know. And it's like there is an inkling of that thread inside of you.
And that's why there's doubt, and I think people ignore it and they're like, no, no, no, no, no, let me just say I'm gonna be a good woman. And it's like Richard said, change, Yeah, like a good woman is A good woman is a woman who stands on business for herself, a woman who's like centering herself as someone's like this is not good enough for me, And I'm okay with saying that this doesn't feel good enough. And it's not personal. I think people are so take
things so personal. But make it personal about you, bitch. This is personal about you. It's not about any niggas. It's not about if you're poured enough. It's about you. If you're not happy, that is enough. And I'm not saying fleeting like just jump in and jump out of everything. But nine times out of ten, if you've poured and done everything and you're still not fulfilled, and something is still not being men.
That is valid.
Yeah, it doesn't have to be cheating, it doesn't have to be getting beat Granted I was getting all that, so but it's just like I just want this to be a reminder. I hope that we This is a testimony that like when you move and shake out of situations that no longer serve you, there's always more and greener grass on the other side. And like rebranding and re releasing and rebirthing is a part of being a woman.
We are sick. How do you say cyclical? Cyclical recycle bitches, We have cycles. We go with the moon. We were mooney. It goes up, it goes down, and that is what we do.
That is who we are, and that is a part like this is a part of like a part of centering yourself as a woman, is a part of accepting that we go through cycles and that there has to be release and rebirthing and re rebranding a lot of times. It's going to happen a lot and that's a part of just the phoenix. You know, you just have to keep on doing it. And the more you resist, the more it's going to like you're going to be stagnant.
Amen, hell Elijah, let the church say amen. I mean, look at Sierra. She could have been with future. Literally, thank God, thank God. You know. Um, I'm just gonna say something I was gonna say for God, it is no.
I'm just glad that we've at that point where we can look back and be like, oh my god.
I mean that's why I'm great. I you know, as much as I hate the phone, I am grateful for the phone because, like it really allows you to really go on a journey. Because when I was going on that journey, looking through those photos, I was like, damn, like look at my look at me. Like I didn't know shit, I didn't know what I was going to do. I was so deep in love and just like ready to just throw away my life in ways just for family, for what I thought was family. It wasn't even love.
It was just like I want to I want this. It's going to be different. I'm going to not be a single mom. I'm going to fight for my man when no one else wants to fight for him. And and I guess that like I know how loyal I am, and like I think that's that's something that like I
know is true for myself. But I've had to learn where to place my loyalty because I mean I have I think I've had I feel like, no, I want to say I've had discernment, because like I have like very clear discernment for people that like are not going to get my loyalty. But when I'm when len it's heart centered, when it's like Dick centered, died, it's Dick center, Dick center, get a Dick centered. How about don't decenter men decentered dick. I think that's what we need to
do more of. It's like, how about just don't put dicks inside of you so that you can see clearly, Oh my god, Dick's are contaminated. If so, if you just Dick's dick de centered, you wouldn't have to decenterment. You just need to dick dessenter because once you do that, you see a lot a lot more clearly. But I'm just grateful for the journey. I'm grateful for the seeds planted in twenty twenty sixteen, twenty twenty sixteen, twenty twenty sixteen,
and and that that year is fucking over with. When I was talking to my baby daddy, he was like, I never really talked to you about like how that year changed me. And I was like, no, you have. I was like, no, no, actually a lot. Actually you asked me, and that's the problem. I was like, I don't think you've really ever asked me how that year changed.
She said yeah. I was like, I don't think you know how that year affected me too, Like I know you were in jail, but I was outside battling my identity, going back and forth with our daughter, figuring things out, fighting lawyers. I was like twenty seven years old, like trying to figure out how to do this, and you know, I remember, like I've told him about that article, remember he wrote, Remember he did that horrible article where he said like, oh yeah, and he apologized to me. Finally
he apologized me the other day. He was like, I'm sorry for that. That wasn't right. I was in a really bad place and it was the devil is what he said. And I was like, is the devil? And I appreciated that, you know, like our relationship is interesting, Like you know, it's weren't a lot in a much better place. I know where to like, I know where to keep him in ways, and I think he knows where to keep me as well. I think it goes both ways. But I appreciated that, and I told him
I love him, like because I do. I do love him, and like I want the best for him, and like we did, we had, we did have a great life together and it's shifted obviously, but like I'm just glad that we can look back on that moment and reflect on it in a mature way and understand how far we've come. But fuck twenty twenty six twenty fuck twenty twenty sixteen. You can only get you can only get to this.
Place where it feels like not absolved or like there's
a resolution. But like when you let shit go you there is no room for forgiveness when you're still like angry and in it, you know, like even for me, like maybe I realized we were so young and like there was growth that needed to happen, and I we're I'm cool with my baby daddy and it's cool, and I do love him, I do you know what I mean, like as a the contribution to my child and to for that period of time, and but he was not my person and in any shape, form or fashion, and
like it's I'm and also even my parents fucked up relationship. They love each other, it's sick. They're obsessed with each other. They won't leave each other fuck alone after four hundred years, even though it's obviously not fucking good. But I am grateful for even being a witness to that because those that those were the things that made me get.
Out of that relationship. I said, I've seen how this looks forty years later. I'm good.
That was literally my only point of reference to say hell to the naw bach like no, no, no, no no, and that was like, that's what And I saw my mom stay and I thought that was so weak, and I was like, I can't be that. I can't be this person that I despised and saw her kind of
like lose herself. And I'm like, sometimes instead of like just just being grateful for the entire journey, even the bad stuff, even the good stuff, like I've had, I've had so much time to reflect on it that I'm I wouldn't even be able to appreciate where I'm at now had I not experienced all of those things, and like saw that that wasn't for me, and like moved on and released it, and like I'm very, very grateful for all of it, you know, And I think that's
a part of it, is like all the versions of me, all the versions of me that were like dumb and stupid and who knows what the fuck I was doing, you know what I mean.
Like, I'm very I'm just.
I think sometimes we like try to remove those parts of us, and for us, we can't because you could just go back and listen control a delete.
You can't.
We can't delete our wholeness unless the internet did let those Internet wipes out. But I'm just, yeah, like also understanding, I'm not that person anymore. I can forgive that part of me, and there's nothing like.
That part too. Is the forgiving of that, Like going back to the identity thing is like that came up for me too, is like forgiving myself for allowing the function, for allowing the betrayal of my trust and choosing the betrayal over and over and over again so that it became a part of my identity, for not choosing to do the uncomfortable thing, which is to say, you know, this doesn't feel good, this doesn't feel right, and I'd be like, well, let me just see, let me just
see how this feels. Let me just see what happens, and fucking around and finding out over and over and over again until now this is part of my identity, and so like part of that is the forgiving of yourself for even allowing that to become a part of you and to become so deeply ingrained in you. And I think that's part of the reason why I felt like it needed to be a funeral, like and it really needed.
To be a death, not just because of what other people have done to me, but what I've done to myself. I realize with women specifically there, especially when it comes to I think being kept in relationships, there's so much shame. There's so much shame and guilt about things that like the mistakes we've made being young in them being digmatized, and it doesn't always just like dissipate. There's almost like a covering of like a pretend.
It didn't happen. I'm you know what I mean, It's like I'm really fortunately for me I haven't had.
Of course, there's there's guilt and their shame because I just forget about it, which is probably dissociation and it's not healthy. But I realized for women that's still lit. I realized for women like, yeah, going back to certain times where you maybe weren't making the best decisions because you're young and dumb is painful and it hurts and it's hard, you know, because there's shame and there's guilt
because of decisions that we've made. But it kind of requires you to go back and forgive those parts of you so that you can so you can move forward and feel feel good about the mistakes, so that you're aware that that is all a part of the version of you that exists now, you know. And I feel like, I mean, even for us, I'm like, damn, I said a lot of shit. I have a lot of dumb shit I probably shouldn't have said.
But it's okay. It's okay to make mistakes.
It's okay to release those decisions and move the fuck on, because if you don't think, these niggas are out here doing weird shit and doing things that they don't.
Feel proud of. I asked the guys the other day, I was like, have you ever had sex and felt like used after her?
That's what I asked the men who was I with. I was asking some guys like, have you ever had sex and felt like used or like a piece of meat after? And I want to say, Orlando said not really, and the other guy said, yeah, but it's not the same. It's doesn't it doesn't hit the same for some reason, because they have been celebrated for their sexuality where men where women haven't. So I still realize, like this is such a big, a big thing for us, especially if
you want to be married. Like I always say, I read I read this thing on Reddit one time and this this guy or this girl was saying his wife told him one time she went to Jamaica and like, let five guys fuck her and they were about to get married, And now he doesn't want to get married anymore.
Because something she did in her past. Yeah, because she basically, you know, got a train.
Got a gang bang, which I don't know breaking news, Fellas, if you have a straight woman, there's a small desire she wants to get gang banged because she likes dick.
Yeah, maybe I'm just speaking for myself. Whatever, No, I think maybe if she doesn't, if she doesn't want to get gang bang, it's because she hasn't had the seed planted in her brain. Yet shout out to Samaya planted this seed in both of our brains. I didn't even know I wanted it until she broke it down so beautifully and painted such an epic, cinematic picture of what it could be like and not be a train, in fact be goddess worship, a loving goddess worship. Yeah, it's true.
Her and uh Goddess Jesse both planted those seeds. Shout out to Semaya. She is a good picture painter.
One time, she's like, I could see you. It's a little cat, like a sexy cat, and you could be like you could do like pet play. And I was like, now, look at you. I think I like that. But it's true. It's true.
Like if you haven't seedd it a certain way, or you haven't seen it centered a certain way or look beautiful, you're gonna.
Immediately reject it. Everything sexual, everything. No, I'd never did that. Gross. For the longest I thought it was rape. I was like, sounds like I'll die.
And and for a lot of most men it is rabee because they can't control themselves, but for actual men, it's possible.
Oh my god. Speaking of which, my fake boyfriend broke up with me this weekend. I'm so mad. Maybe he waited till you're married. He's like, you know, she'll she'll understand she's married now.
I don't know if you guys know, but last year or the year before that, Orlando granted my this last year. Last year, I granted my fucking dreams of my fantasy coming true, which was having two men worship me in a sexual experience, and I got my goddess powers because I was unlocked.
It's like, oh my god, this is the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
This is why they tell you not to do it. They were telling me they loved me. It was it was a friend of mine that I've known for a very long time, so it was really beautiful and lovely. But he's wiped up this weekend.
He told me.
This weekend, my MMF boy friend told me he's no longer need a huh, that's why we need a back really with the fun he is in a relationship now, And I said foursome, he said no, And I'm really I was kind of sad. But also he told me the news when I was really hungry, so I was also like really hungry and there was like I had made food the night before, but there were like they ate it all and I was like, and then he's like I am with a woman now, and I.
Was like, Orlando, he's breaking up with us. He's like, bitch, if we don't shut the fuck out, I was like, just give me a minute.
I'm gonna need a minute. He was like, shut the fuck out. We were laughing, but I was kind of serious. I texted my friends like, you guys won't believe this shit, and well, my dreams are over. But shout out to Orlando, who could really take a joke because most bitches would have got slapped. I was really sad about it, but just thinking like this is never gonna happen again. Who else am I going to trust enough to do this?
Who's cool enough? But anyway, I don't know how we got here, but obviously I've I've resolved some of my my host shaming and my guilt around wanting to get gang banged.
Because I really like Dick. I realized I really like Dick, and you realize.
You just realized I realized I really like Dick, and I want to be able to have those experiences in a safe space. And I know it's not for all women, but let me just wish. Wish gets somebody to paint a picture, because you might change your much might insert some it's the smiest picture here.
Imagine it's late, it's late. You walk in, they're making you dinner, shirtless and oiled up. One comes and serves you a goblet of wine, and.
The other one is massaging your head and shoulders, slowly undressing you, asking you about your day, while.
The other one traces his tongue down the side of your neck, following all the way down to your breast, caressing your nipples, and places the blood in your hand and says, baby, smoke, relax, you've had a long day, while the other one affirms and says, tonight is all about you, baby.
You're so beautiful, You're so worthy, and we fucking love you. We came all this way to praise and worship and please you.
Are you ready? Yeah, And there's some conspiring on your pleasure. They're talking, communicating and saying you got that you got her feet nigga.
Yeah, maybe even one time you put one foot in one nigga's mouth and the other foot in the other nigga's mouth, well one sitting it and you're like, oh my.
Goddess, I'm a goddess on the bob and they're calling you a goddess and telling you you're the bomb, and tell you I'm telling you to repeat it, say it. Say you're a goddess, Say you're the bomb. And there's there's they're homies, so they're like, we're laughing in between, I'm kidding, what soap. There's a couple of jokes, and it's just I think. I think that you will attract this again in your life. I do, and just because you've already you've proven that you can't. You've already proven
that you can't. I've done that guy for a long time. So it's a matter. You've known a lot of guys for a long time. You never know. None of them are worthy. They might not be thinking of one. Maybe one is going to come out the woodworks. If anyone's hearing this, Hey, if we haven't talked in about ten plus years, hit me up. No gay shit, no diddy, Oh my gosh, that's inappropriate. Oh my god, it's true though.
I was actually talking to some friends this weekend. That's something after this about they're like, I could never do that relationship. I can never do that relationship. I was like, bitch, I didn't think I could do my relationship either. I was like, but there's a level of friendship and the level of honesty that we have.
And I was like, do you want your bitch to not tell you the truth about her fantasies because you can't.
Handle them, or do you want to be able to hear them and know that she's human? And like, there's a difference between hearing them and acting on them. I feel like nothing everybody's at everybody's not going to act on them. That's what I'm saying. I feel like, does take a certain man who actually I think that Orlando gets pleasure out of watching you get pleasure and also gets just pleasure out of being the being the man in the situation. So like, but not every man who's
going to have that perspective. But they might be able to hold space for his woman to share that. But some men can't even hold space.
Most can't can't do this shit. But the guy on Reddit, he was gonna not get married. This guy I dated told me, this girl told me she wanted to get two men. And I was like, you're a hoe and I never fucked with her, and I said, you're a dumb ass. You weren't even her negget, and she was
honest with you. But I realize, like, I think that's why I'm kind of extreme, and I like say things that go direct to the jugular because I know if you're if you're not involved in a way to understand that I'm a sexual being and I'm a woman and I'm a human, then like I'm going to say the thing that's going to trigger you, and I know immediately
it's not gonna work out. Like I'm not the type of girl for you, but like someone who a man who at least not to say every man has to do as I do or whatever, but like a man who feelings to handle the truth and still be like, I get it. I want to fuck two bitches too.
I like pussy. I get why you'd like dick common sense. You know, I guess I just really want common sense. Niggas. You want equal rights. I want equal rights real bad. Yeah makes sense. I wanted coal rights too. We should have equal rights in the bedroom and in the world, at least equal rights to share. Honestly, you know, like I don't want to. I don't want to.
Fear that you won't love me because I'd share a fantasy even if I haven't acted on it or whatever, Like all fantasies are not to be acted on.
So kinky shit you think about, you watch porn, you don't ever really want to do it. You just want to see it on the screen, you know.
And I think people put too much, too much like wait, wait on it, And there is a lot of guilt, a lot of shame. People are watching shit right now. They'll never tell anybody. Actually, I always ask people like, what's your porn category? Just to see how embarrassed they get, because that's all know how far you go? You said, you look at some nasty shit.
Generally they're not gonna I It'sy're already ashamed. They're not gonna tell you they're watching fucking whatever. Most people are shamed. What is it? Bukaki? What's BUKACKI actually I think that's the one where they tie you up? No no, no, no oh, yeah, you're right, that's bukcaki. You're right. I agree. We got to unashamed Americans, the men and the women. Women be fucked up A lot of fucked up. Yes, a lot of shaming, a lot of shaming ladies a lot,
But men be fucked up too. I'm realizing that now, and that's normal. I feel like I feel like the men been fucked up. They haven't fucked up, but we don't really.
I don't think we acknowledge how fucked up they are sexually because they've been empowered in it, but not in a healthy manner. I've realized as I started, like it's just in this tantric journey. A lot of men are attracted to the work because I feel like they haven't.
Had any anyone anywhere anything like to be intimate or sentiment or soft about it, Like they're like waiting to like what you say, you want to hold me? I'm like, yeah, they're not gonna tell their homies that, and then they barely want to tell their bitch that, so who are they gonna tell?
And this is important for the ladies too. When men have unresolved sexual energy, they're nutting that shit into you. That that's that that that whatever weird shit to have going on, whatever, like anger, they net that shit into your womb. And that is a lot of times why our wombs are dying or disconnected and we have no idea why, or like you feel like there's other entities, because bitch, that's not even your fucking shame and guilt and all other anger, Like that's somebody else's, don't.
Queen of Fua came on our show and shared about that, just how like who you sleep with like can become part of like your identity, like you really like you take on their energy. Speaking of which that leads me to, well, actually, yeah, actually that leads me to the other night at Nisha's birthday party when I sat next to our friend and I was asking him about his type. He's gay or maybe not, No, he's he's more gay, but he's fluid. He hasn't had sex with a woman in a very
very very long time. We're talking about Yeah, okay, I asked him, and I was I was asking all types of questions, like you've never asked me these questions. I was because I want to know, but I will tell you. I was like, I was like, kind of nervous, I've been nervous to ask you. You're like, I was like, I don't know.
Sexuality, his preferences, like how he likes to fuck like, you know what. I thought it was offensive to ask, like, guys who mess with other guys are your tougher?
I asked him, okay, what did you say, top mostly but he said if he meets a man that's masculin enough, he would have let him bought them. But he says it's very rare he has or that he would. But he was talking to me and he said that he got a sexual std bitch okay, elaborate like that. He went to the doctor because it was itchy and there was nothing. He went to a medical physician and said, hell, I'm about to call him. Something is not right it. He said it was it was like burning. Okay, then
what happened? It was sexual STDD So but you looked at that, I mean spiritual city, So then then I yes, I did look it up because I was like, is this the thing I looked at up today? Actually? And and it said that hold on, let me go back. I need to know more because I guess a spiritual sit isn't a medical term, but refers to negative emotional, mental, and spiritual baggage from unhealthy relationships. This was a physical This was a physical ailment though, and some people, they
might call it spiritual transmitted demons. Yeah, often discuffed in self help books to describe lingering, negativity or trauma that spreads rather than actual infections. I mean, think about it. If you're like in a fucked up relationship, you can get sick, and well this is it. You're not exempt
if you're gay or if you're lesbian. Think about like some of the people you have sex with and you get like a yeast infection, and you always get a yeast infection with them, always, every time, your body is literally rejecting them. And that is not the case when they go fuck other people or whatever. It's some people's literal little their shit does not go together. But yeah, yeah, and I think and we all.
But we know that in the spiritual, the spiritual principle, it's like the spiritual body.
It is sought like over the physical body.
So it makes sense that if you get a spiritual std that it would manifest in actual physical it.
Geniess, Okay, why does the Huffington Post have ten spiritually transmitted to disease. It's a whole article, but these are spiritually number one? What the fuck is this? Fast food spirituality? Faux spirituality confused, But this is dumb. It's isa. You can't I don't. You can't trust, you can contract fast, can't be trusted anyway. I don't even know what really, I thought they were reputable, so I don't know. They've gone bad. They've gone dark. They covered an I think
that's her name. She's she's gone dark. But they didn't they do They were cool at first. How did Anna do that? My parents might be pissed that Jane got the best of her. The white gene you know, not all the white, not all the whites. All the genes transmute how they do some of these whites, some of the other genes, some of the whites, some of the whites.
Jeans are for peace, some of them know some sometimes they get better, but they do get better sometimes, but sometimes it's literally in their DNA.
Anyway, historical. So yeah, the spiritual STD. I thought that was really interesting. That was such a fun party. I had such a good time at that party. I was I did Yeah, I wasn't drinking or anything. I had just come from like, I had a volleyball tournament, and I don't know if there's any other tournament moms in the fucking chat here. But that shit is intense. Okay, first of all, it's expensive. Second of all, it's a
real commitment. They're not fucking around. And I know that because I played club soccer, but I forgot, like now, being on the other side of it, where I have to be responsible, the one that's pushing her, I'm realizing it's intense. And so anyway, it was just like at this huge court there were maybe like sixty volleyball games happening at one time, people blowing whistles, people screaming, screeching feet on the court, like all types of shit. I
was like, I felt over fucking stimulated. And I was there for like six hours, and so when I left, I was like, I'm gonna die. And I was like, all right, I have tools meditate. So I was listening to meditation as I was driving. Then I realized this is this can be dangerous. Like I'm trying to do breath work and shit, i'm driving, so anyway, I pull over and then I'm like, I pull over. I'm so deep in it and I might guess I'm sticking like four inches into some one's fucking driveway, and I'm like,
I've gone far. I'm off I'm at c okay, and this person just I was like, I literally haz that. It's not ever happened to you where you're like so deep in like another space in your mind. Bitch. I thought I was gonna have a heart attack anyway, ga right, No, I was parked. I was parked, but I guess I had like stuck out in the driveway a little bit, and then she was trying to pull out. So I
was like, this is a test. I'd be okay. So then I went inside the restaurant and then there was a full band playing, and I said, wow, God, this is a test. So I went and I put my headphones on and then I just like I just put on like meditation music and I calmed myself and I felt so good at the restaurant. Yeah, I felt so good. And then I went and then I got to Nich's and and it was just good energy. I'm I was
just so happy for her too. I'm like literally like seeing my friend transform and like she has like a whole new group of friends. That's a whole other thing too, is like the friend expansion. I was like, she's so cool. Are these people okay? But like think about us, Like, I'm sure your friends and my friends when we became friends were like, who the fuck are these bitches? Okay, I guess Eric's going with Toma again. Okay, Jamila's new
best Erica blah blah, you know what I mean. Like, and you know, obviously Nisha had like just four hundred new friends. But I thought it's so beautiful because I know that, like, you know, she needs that, and she's she's killing it, and she has a good discernment and she has good taste, and so the people that are gonna be there are going to be in good taste than they were and they are stragglers, but yeah, it's a nightlife. I was like, can we leave her? She's fine, I told them with someone else.
I'm like, hey, she's new, just make sure he's not letting any stragglers day. He's like, yeah, I know, but I'm so excited for her. I think we left the party and me and Orlando talked for like the whole ride home.
Like she's fucking killing it. She's the bomp. Look how happy she is. Yeah. Literally, we were like so hyped up. I was like, we've talked about n she for thirty five minutes. But because we've seen our friend be so sad, you know, and just like we've seen like we've been so sad, like when you've seen someone be so fucking sad and like really fighting for something, like just like she saw me do the same thing, Like just like someone saw you.
Know, like when you come to the other side, it's really like you're winning.
Bitch, I saw you be there and now I see you here. We're not We're all this, Like, we're not all different. We're all the same. It's just a matter of who decides to like make the choice and say fuck this shit, you know what I mean. Like we've all been in like deep love, Like, bitch, your love for you that nigga is not more than the love I thought I have for this nigga. Okay, it's all
the same. It's all whatever whatever our capacity is. So like when you see someone that's like come from like the their capacity where like they're about to fucking burst if they don't make a motherfucking choice, you know what I mean, And then you see them do it, and they do it in such a fucking amazing, empowering, empowering, self centered way, like it's that's what you That's I hope for every woman. That's what I fucking hope for
every fucking woman. You're able to do that, that you're able to be that self centered at your brim when you're about to, like when everything is on the line and you're about to make either this bad choice that you know is bad because you know it's bad, or you're really about to just make a different choice because sometimes a different choice it doesn't that sometimes it feels like it could.
Be bad, like you just don't know. It's just the unknown. I'm gonna blow everything up right now. The unknown is better than the bad choice. It is thenown. Always trust the unknown over the bad choice, over the misery, over the gut, the gut feeling that something is not right here. Always say, when there's that gut feeling that just something is trust the unknown.
Literally, like that's why it's a quote, bitch, look trust the unknown.
But unknown, it's true. There was a time, like I don't know, when we went to salsa dancing. I don't know if you're there, and she smoked and she doesn't really smoke, but she got really sad head. She was like she was talking about she's like, you were dancing, you were having so much fun. And she told me like, I just couldn't dance. I didn't feel like I didn't feel confident in my body. Like she was like, I cry. I was crying on the way home. I just don't
feel good. I remember this moment, she's like, because she was like, you looked so free, and I was triggered, like it was a it was very specific. And that night at her party, the DJ played salsa music and we were dancing and I was looking at her and we were like spinning and dancing, and I was like, oh.
That makes me so happy.
I was like, do you remember when whenselves are dancing and you said you didn't feel free? And she was like I do and I was like see. I was like, see, look where you are, Like how this feels. I'm like, I'm so fucking happy that you jump timelines. That's what I told her, I'm so happy that you jump timelines.
Real people don't understand when you do that unknown, when you jump, when you trust that one thing that says something's not right here and you do whatever the fuck ouse the option is, even if you don't know exactly what it is like you jump timelines, you tell the universe fuck this, there's something better, and it's like a Mario fucking and all the coins come out like you
literally do, and it changes everything. Like I always say that one different choice would have changed everything, like our whole lives.
You know, generally, Like I'm thinking about jumping timelines, like if you're in a point in your life where like you know, you need a big shift, It's not you can't make a little decisions. If you want a big shift, then you have to make big girl fucking decisions. It's not like it's probably not like go to the go on Hike on Mondays. It's probably not that. No, no, So it's yeah, the jumping of timelines is.
But also, don't write in the show and be like I quit my job because Jamila, Melan, Jamila and Eric had told me to do it smart. We will not take responsibility for any of that. Like you got to put your ducks in a row.
Yeah yeah, but if you quit your job and just sorry, I mean like sometimes you got to do something something, Sometimes it has to go that far, you know what I mean, Like I'm not taking responsibility for your actions. I'm just telling you what I've seen, what I've witnessed, what I've heard through the grapevine of my life and other people's life, in your own experience, you know what I mean. Like this is you generally can't ask for big life shifts and not make big decisions. That's that's
not how it works. That's just basic math, bitch. Like you can't just do little things of course, like yes, the habits, like the disciplines all that stuff. Yes, But like generally there's going to be a point where you have to make a choice. Am I going to stay in this relationship or not? Am I going to stay in this house or not? Am I gonna, you know, stay in this state or not? Whatever it is, like,
it's going to require something big. So just don't be afraid, especially if you're in a place where you know that's that's what has to happen, and you'll know that. I always say this, It's like as soon as you do that one left turn, and spirit is going to give you a sign.
More turns start to more doors start to open. Things that you talked about will come. The thing, the thing, the opportunities you ask for will say yes, you've got to move. It's like it's like as soon as you make moves in your favor, God is going to be like yep, now keep going, now, keep going, and give you like treats along the way so that you know
I'm not tripping, you know. And it could be small, it could be big, but like watch watch the blessings literally and sometimes it's not so it's not so covered.
It's very obvious.
It's like you'll like put the phone down and make a decision and then be like, you got five hundred dollars.
It's literally because it's like they.
Don't even want to they won't even It's sometimes so obvious because spirit doesn't want you to miss it.
This is a congratulations. Now keep going.
So I like, don't underestimate the magic that comes when you choose yourself and the little things that start to align, because it's it is also part of the universe congratulating you and keeping you on your route. And like if all the things, if a bunch of things are going wrong all the time, it's it's likely that you're not making the right to decisions that are centering yourself.
Amen, as Shay, Let's take a breath, just some Meala Moons inhale deep hold excel sounds. Life is good. Life is good. Do you want to pull a card? Lady? Sure, we do have a bad choice of the week. Do you want to read one off? Sure? Is it a discord? Uh no, it's you know what we need to do. We need to make a channel, bad choice, a bad choice channel. Oh yeah, I love the bad mom. Not a bad mom, but a bad mom.
I had my boyfriend finger me while at my parents' house. It's kind of fun, very seventh grade.
I like it. Yeah, I like that. You know, they have to steal that. I have to steal that, I have to steal that.
There is something about like messing around in your parents house that feels like naughty and like quiet.
It brings you back to like your high school days. That's true.
I mean, just don't get caught, for just the love of God, because then everyone's gonna talk shit about you in the family.
I think that. I like, I've never thought, well, how I talked about my mom's other house, but not that house. Just like there's cameras everywhere. I feel like I'm being watched there because I've stayed there with people, like I've even stayed.
Yeah, I always forget your mom's house with cameras, Like you know they have cameras. I'm like, where my tits have been out for four hours?
The point are Oh god, but are you pulling it? Yeah? So I pulled the Page of Swords. Curiosity, floating verse the WiFi. My phone's about today? What is it? The page of Swords?
Oh my god, Orlando, like, my history on my phone used to be off and for some reason he turned it not off and so I can see my porn history.
I'm like, I don't need to watch it. No, come on, what's your category? Stay on topic? Okay, anyway, Page of Swords. The Page of Swords is fully is full of energy, passion, and enthusiasm. Enthusiasm. When this card shows up in a terror reading, you're bursting with new ideas and plans for the few. You may be excited about starting a new project, pursuing a new approach of learning something new. You have so much energy that you feel as though you could
do almost anything, and you can. The challenge, however, is whether you can keep it up. The Page of Swords often emerges when you are exploring a new way of thinking, a new idea, perspective, new knowledge or new technique. You have a curious mind and a thirst for knowledge. You're also very much in the exploratory phase and not mastery. You may be prone to making mistakes along the way.
As a sword relates to communication, the page of swords suggests that you are exploring a different way of expressing yourself with others and communicating your ideas and opinions. You may be drawn to public speaking, writing a big writing a book or a blog. I think it's time to start writing a book. Should we read this one and then maybe we'll get motivated? Yeah, you're right. Have you read the poll like the book? No? Have you? Who reads their book? Do people read their books? We did
once authors trying to edit it. I mean I read my book over and over again as I was writing, which is really confusing. Is you know how stressful it was? I think now it's time. It's very stressful. I actually I do know how with you. I was in the room. I was literally in the room, like Hamilton. Yeah, I think that also started like a lot of ship for me. Reading my book was like, oh bitch, you got more work to do. This is all still fucking you up. Anyway,
Now that we've gotten past it. We have other things to say. I'm sure. Yeah, where was I at the book? If you're looking for a sign to move ahead with a new project, the Painofswar says, go for it. There will always be challenges with whatever way you choose, and not everyone will be thrilled with your choices. But when it comes down to it, you need to follow your passions and go where the true energy lies. You're just talking about that true energy. Where does your true energy lie? Yeah,
you need to stay open. Well, this is something in relationships. If you need to give yourself a break from this from this person in return with fresh eyes. They have a lot to share with you, and despite their experience inexperience. May sorry, I'm reading in the middle of a sentence. It makes no sense. It may teach you something about yourself. We can read good anyway. Start starting, Start, start the transition, Start the new thing. It's the beginning of the year.
Don't worry about it being perfect. You know, the year of the Horse is coming. Yeah, don't overwhelm yourself. But if you're feeling the itch to shift, it's time to start the words of fucking Nike, just do it.
Do you still support Nike and the words of I don't know who's on the list. You can't even trust any big brands. Oh well, thank you for joining us today. We have been cackling for quite some time. We're high now, but I enjoyed that. I hope that this message resonates with you. And if you're looking to do this, powwow and person check out the Good Vibrant. We have retreats coming up this summer and we want to spend time with you in the jungle with your titties out.
It's life changing. It is a timeline jump, and it's literally that's a big decision. You truly like, if you don't know how to jump the timeline, come to the just ask our girls, ask the people that have come. You literally can look at the reviews, you can DM people in the discord and if you're in our discord, just say, hey, anyone been to the Good Vibratory Tell me about it, because it truly is like jumping timelines.
It truly is a big shift and a big decision and it's an investment, so it really is a big decision. Like you're like, do I am I ready to do this?
I don't know anyone who's come that hasn't left changed, you know in some capacity.
Yeah, it's true. So come join us in Costa Rica and make sure you subscribe to our YouTube follow us. Leave us a motherfucking review, please, you know we love a review and we'll see you next week night. Yeah, been so good. Can't you tell? I went through it rout since til I found out? Well, may might have been known earth. I used to be broken tail, now got the blues in to like Beyonce justll throat shot or pop in his cow. We're in our voices.
Patriarchy kept it in the box to exploit its women put the pee in power, so it's pointless.
They want me to be good, so I mean bad choices. Bad mom, not a bad mom, but a bad mom. It's in on fort Cannabis in their backbone.
Walked in boussos cap and I blew his cat balls.
Hot dog. Now I'm immune to the cat called her being no waisted straight to it like a dollar sign. Mother, rent the lover when too. It's like a water sign where you're rent the winter essential will when the summertime? I do it all? Ain't know when that needs a running by