Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Mela. Happy hump Day, Happy twenty twenty two. It's twenty twenty two. It's the first Oh no wait, it's the second hump Day of twenty twenty two. Last week we brought a meditation because we figured you needed to come in Zen.
Yeah, you know, I love that meditation that we did with trap Yoga Bay. She's the shit. And it's just getting our confidence up because it is be confident, Janny Wary beaches. It's time to set the foundation of our confidence for twenty twenty two pretty much.
I mean, can't go into the year not feeling confident.
Literally, confidence influences everything, and that's why I think we wanted to start off January with this theme because confidence influences your parenting, it influences your sex life, It influences how it ive you are to other people, how you show up, how you maintain attraction, how you show up and work, how.
You sell yourself and work.
Yeah, I get hired. How you just feel overall, which is more happy in your body and in yourself. So I think it's really important and I'm happy that we're focusing on this this month. We just launched a challenge in January, so make sure you go check that out on on Instagram or also on Patreon. I actually posted a little mini episode on Patreon just talking to myself because you guys know I've talked about my journey and healing and how talking out loud has been revolutionary for me,
especially when I'm talking shit to myself. And so I recorded a like pump up mini episode basically talking to myself that you should listen to. But I want to encourage you guys to also record.
Your own, so talk to yourself.
Yeah, So this challenge is going to obviously the community is joining us, but we're going to be doing zoom calls on Patreon with our patrons twice this month, which I'm really excited about. I love connecting with everybody via zoom and seeing everyone's faces, even though some of you think just be turning your camera off.
Hello, people, don't be doing the hair every day, okay.
Bitch, I'd be up. We've been looking crusty on there.
I was thinking that I was thinking about just like the amount of whatever the fuck we've showed up on the podcast. It's just range like some days it just doesn't happen, and that's fine too, confidence but getting confidence.
But one of the things that I wanted to include on the challenge was the talking out loud to yourself when you're talking shit, but also doing something kind for a stranger or just saying something to a stranger, because I think that also is kind of like I think people struggle with that, and I think that that can help build confidence, Like just saying hey, how you doing, or like just offering your help to someone that like maybe wouldn't ever ask for your help kind of just
helps you feel confident in like your abilities to support people, your ability to show up for people. And then hopefully we're also talking about building karma, like because you know, if you listen to our episode with k Cola, karma doesn't care. And I think it's really important that we build our karma for twenty twenty two because some of y'all hoses karmas is fucked up and you need a reset.
You know.
Okay, okay.
You know the funny thing about like confidence is it's like it's really the term like fake it till you make it, Like how many overly confident people do you know that are mediocrely talented, and you're like, wow, you just tricked me in believing that this rap was good. It's just like it happens all the time. But it's like literally, if you believe it, everybody around you will
also believe it. I mean obviously, like hone in on your craft for real, but confidence like is not an illusion, but it is like this invisible I don't know, Like what's the word I'm looking for, Like invisible, Well.
It's intangible. You can't see it. You can just feel it, right, You can feel when someone is confident. You can feel that the room shift when someone who is at least
portraying themselves to be confident walks into a room. And it's true, like I think, I think part of the I think like the tools and like the foundations of confidence, especially if you're very, very insecure or you don't feel confident at all, is kind of faking it till you make it, until you convince yourself and then one day you wake up and you're like, I am that bitch.
And it doesn't like, as long as you believe it is really all that matters. Eventually everybody else around you will also believe it. I totally believe that.
I mean, even me, like, I have felt really unconfident so many times in my life, but people always say how confident I am, And I'm like, bitch, I must be. I'm an actress, you are, I'm an extress, Okay, because a bitch was feeling very insecure many many times even now in my life and the but but I would say, I think because I portrayed as if I was confident, now I can show up and be like, yeah, I
am actually confident in this. So I don't know. I'm just I'm really excited to get into this month and just really focusing with the tribe and this challenge and confidence. And we have some friends that are, you know, joining us. I want to encourage you to nominate a friend and spread the message because you know, we need emotional support fronts.
I totally need accountability. A partner part of it is being dry in January? Are you gonna be dry in January? My love, I'm gonna be My pussy's gonna be dry because I don't know if you saw my post, I launch a very specific one thing only I'm not gonna do no, I probably won't drink very much in January. Maybe a little bit at the retreat. I like to drink that is in my like, I.
Do you get a drink in January? I mean, in fact, be at the retreat. But I just feel like I need.
A little like reset. I'm not gonna have sex in January because sex just gets me clouded. And I don't need to go into this year clouded. And I think last year I went in strong and then I got clouded. So I just want to be sure that I can maintain. I think that's the thing. We start a new year and then you know, you have all these goals and like these things that you like are vowing you're gonna
vow to not do and then you forget right. But like I want to the momentum throughout the year because you know, I don't know what happens in the spring, but like bitches get crazy and you start like getting horny and like in love and you don't mean it. But like this January, I need to go on very clear. I need to go dickless into January.
I'm dickless January.
Dockless January for Himila, because I don't have time for the fuck shit. And also I just have been really focused on, like honing in on my own energy. I have a really problem. I'm the part of the challenge where you give other people compliments and help people is not my problem. I'm like, hello, stranger, do you want to be my friend? Do you need to come to my house? Do you need to pee? You can come to my house.
Yeah, maybe don't do that part of the challenge. That part is not for everyone. But I think for the people that are shy and like you know that maybe just don't know how to like just get put themselves out there. It's a good confidence booster. But if you suffer from something I like to call hoarding people and cannot let the people's go, maybe don't do that part of the challenge. I for me, I'm not going dickless in January.
I me and Eric never Ridiculous on the same never dickless at the same time I did my dicktalks.
I feel like I'm in a good place because of that Dick talks. I'm pretty like, I don't know, like I'm very The dick is the dick. I am currently getting some great dick right now, and it could be clouding me. But I don't think so I think this person is actually a really good person, and I'm not. I'm good, Like I feel like my my pussy, like Wo'm giving the pussy two has been like pretty solid lately.
Yeah, I think it's more about who you're giving, Like I've had some really good dick.
It's just know what I'm saying. But do I need good dick? Wan the clouds the person.
It's not even that I've gotten some good dick recently that I'm not clouded at all, But I just don't feel like like then there's a part of me like is it necessary? Like it's great dick, it's no problem. I just I'm thirty three, it's a new year. Like do I need to be giving you my pussy? Probably not. I could wait forty five days reevaluate it, you know, Like it's not so much like that I give up pussy and then I get crazy and think we go together like that's never been my thing. In fact, you'll
probably go crazy and keep calling me. But I just think that, like I don't know. I drink, I get distracted, I do shit, and then I'm like sleep the next day, I'm like is this necessary to do that?
Are you sure you don't want to go dry in January?
Maybe I need to do both. I think that's the problem. I need to. If I don't go try, then I fuck up the dick tok because after like one o'clock hits, I'm like, huh, who's can I call for some dick? Scrolling through my phone one thirty the next Have you ever woke up the next morning and you're like, why the fuck did I text these people?
Drunk? That's why?
And they're like, oh, I'm with sleep. I'm like, ignore that.
Yeah, don't call me again. Sorry, Text you again in six months.
Text you guys six months when I get drunk again. Maybe, Oh my goodness. Anyway, how was your holiday? Did you have a good Christmas?
Everything was good.
I was a close of your ear.
The close of my year was wonderful. I spent it with you, like almost every day of your life, you know. I think me and Mila were trying to figure out what we're gonna do for New Year's blah blah blah blah blah, and ultimately we just came to my house ordered Ocean Prime because we were like, we're gonna go in bougie, We're gonna order it to go for the most fanciest restaurant we can find, and then we did. Our our friend ordered the food and did not order enough.
I think she ordered like half meals for each of us.
Had we had miscommunication because I was like, I'm gonna make greens and black eyed peas. I told our friend Ashley, that's what black people do in New Year's that's our tradition. She was like, okay, Mexican people eat to my lights. I'm like, well, I'm gonna make and I literally cleaned my house to jazz music and made like the traditional black mom fucking New Year's Eve dinner. And I was like, wow, I am an older woman. This is the epitome of me being in my thirties.
And then you didn't bring the food.
And then I didn't bring the food because I thought that she was ordering and I thought this is my, like my leftover food, So whatever, there was a miscommunication. We're supposed to have fancy food and black people food, and we only got fancy.
Yeah. It was good though, And then we ate forty cookies. The toll House forty mini cookies are the fucking devil. We ate all of them.
We ate all eighty.
No, there was the forty pack. We ate the whole forty pack. Okay, I mean an argument I guess I would say is that it's still the same pack as a twelve pack. They're just mini mini, so really we ate like twelve cookies. That's what I taught myself. We did the vision boards. We made we made some vision boards, and then like around like eleven fifty six, we're like, oh shit, it's New Year's and then I was like, oh shit, I was like, what do we do.
I'm like, I was a timer.
I was like, I don't have cable.
I was like, push rewine, but I don't know that we've already dropped.
Were trying to find a video to stream on YouTube of the ball that had already dropped. I was like, this is so fucking slame.
It's so weird. There's no concept of real time.
It was so weird. I was like, so this has already happened, and we're just gonna play it on YouTube. So we did that.
No, we we did. No, we just counted down from Ashley's phone.
Oh yeah, thankfully she picked up.
I don't know how she got the timing right, but she We counted down, just the three of us.
And then we watched Pete Davidson and Miley Cyrus's performance, which I'm.
Welcome to Miami.
I'm still perplexed.
It's very confusing.
Actually, I think it was a parody. I don't know. I hope.
And that was it. Then we went to sleep.
It's about it one thirty and I woke up not hungover. It was wonderful.
Oh and then the next day we're like, let's go skiing, let's go to the spa. And then we just like gave up and we went our separate ways. And then as like, maybe we should do something alone, and I was like, I was like fine, and I was like, maybe she's right. So they me, Me and Erica booked a massage at two separate spas at.
The same brand spa, different.
Locations, and I was like, okay, this is nice. I should I should step into my I have a hard time being alone. I'm working on it. It's THO therapy. But I'm like, okay, this is right. I could do whatever I want, like, let me just figure it out. So first I texted the massage there, but she I can kind of eight. I'm like, that's too late. I'm like, let me just go. So I went to the massage place and then I had like thirty minutes to spare. And you know, a bitch loves appetizers, so I said,
let me go get an appetizer. I'm gonna be hungry if I'm in the spot too long. So I like smoked a joint, got some appetizers at the bar a loan, had a drink. Then I went to the spot and then I like got a massage and I stayed up in that motherfucking spot for hours. Okay, I was in the steam room like, hope nobody comes in here. No body. Womers came in for like five minutes, and I was like then she left, was like perfect. I literally stayed in the steam room for hours, got in the jacuzzi,
did my hair, did my makeup. I was really feeling mature. And then I was on my way home and I was like, you're still hungry. I'm like, yes, I think you need sushi, even though you have black eyed peas and greens and yams and rice at home. I'm like, go out to eat. So I stopped at like this new sushi restaurant on the way home, sat at the bar by myself. I was like, you know, like, oh, I'm so much him ordering food and then I see a nigga I know, come in.
Oh no.
I was like, God, why you gotta fuck with me?
I'm hard, be mature. Shit.
It was my friend's brother, I know for like twenty years. I was like DeShawn, He's like, oh, calls all his niggas in the back of me at the bar. So now I'm hot because they are loud and drunk and talking shit. I'm like, why did I You could have just not said she just not said shit, but they would eventually saw me Like the bar is only so big, it's like one black girl at the bar, No, there's three.
Me is one of them. So now these niggas are behind me talking shit, talking loud, trying to holler at bitches. There's a bitch over in the corner. I'm like, I'm pretty sure she's working to me, like anyone drinking champagne alone at a bar is working like a working woman.
Oh work.
Oh. So then they've blown up my spot and then they're like, we're going to a party. Do you want to come? And I was like no, and they're like, come on, just come and then I was like, god, it's only nine. I'm like, okay, So bitch goes to a party with these niggas.
I squeeze in the back of a Porsche like this way.
With my purse, my spoppers of course, the bag lady. I'm like, why am I here? And then I go to a party. I actually run into someone who's like, are you from Good Moms. I'm like, yes, I'm so happy you're here. I don't have any friends. I'm at these niggas. Then I was like, okay, bitch, just time to go home. They's like, come with me to Delilahs. And then I went to Delilah's and another drink, and then after that it went the majority went down the drain.
Yeah, that was not my night. I just went to massage and went to bed. You are the sex of the podcast.
Fine, this is why I can't be like left unaccompanied. If I do'm not have no supervision, then anything could happen. And then I don't tell you. I go to a week later because I'm like, oh, she's gonna judged me.
A're right, Well, I know, well that's cool. Shit. You know what, Sometimes you gotta go in with a bang, come out with a bang. I mean that's why I started this challenge late in January, because I figured niggas needed.
A second I was thinking, now, I was like, good thing. She waited to the third.
Yeah. I was like, everyone's still drunk or still contemplating if they want to not be drunk. In January, so and me included, I literally had a whole bottle of wine in my house, and I was like, this should just be hard liquor.
I feel like every mom needs wine and maybe not tequila. But this is the balance. This is this is the life that I live in my head trying to balance but just can't work it out.
Everyone's balance looks different, you know what I mean. Like, my balance is not your balance, Yours are not mine. It's it's all different. So we're all different people.
Anyway, we pulled a card today.
We did. Actually I sold a card and I'm terrified. Guys. It's the Devil card, which I don't know what this means, but we shall find out.
Let me see is that like the devil and then like two women at his.
Feet with yeah, two women with chains around their neck. Wait, no, it's a guy and a woman with a chain. Around their neck and they're chained together.
Oh wait, okay, I guess it's ready to listen to this. The devil card represents your shadow or darker side. This is for me and the negative forces that can strain you and hold you back from being the best version of your You may be at the effect of negative habits, dependencies, behaviors, sought patterns, relationships, and addictions. You have found yourself trapped between the short term pleasure you receive in the longer term term pain you experience. Just as the lover's card
speaks duality and choice, so does the devil. However, with the devil, you are choosing the path of instant gratification, even if it is at the expense of your long term wellbeing, like being hungover. In effect, you will have
sold your soul to the devil. Wow, this is really The devil card often appears when you have been tricked into thinking you have no control over your shadow self or these negative forces, and that you can never break free from their hold, and you believe you need it and you must have it, even if it means going against what you know to be right to obtain it. Deep down though you know it's to your determent, and you're only doing yourself and often others at disservice when
you cave into these lower needs and desires. To break free of these negative patterns, you need to acknowledge the hold they have over you and impact that they have having over your life. For example, the first step of alcoholics anonymous, what the fuck is an admission? We admitted
we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable. Okay, When the devil shows up in the Tari reading, see it as an opportunity to bring these negative influences into your conscious awareness so you can then take action to free yourself from their holds. Kind of like a January challenge.
This literally, yeah, it's perfect.
Shine your light on the negative patterns that you have been standing in your way for so long, and over time you will loosen the grip that they have on you. Given that the devil is a major arcana card, it is unlikely that you will be free from your addictions and dependencies overnight. It may be a reoccurring pattern for you, and it will take a tremendous amount of willpower and strength to free yourself from their influence. But know this. It is possible, and it is up to you to
make it happen. So there is I do have hope to stop drinking in the late hours of the night.
Apparently the devil will set you free.
Baby, how long time? Oh? The devil can also represent sexuality in your wild side. You may be exploring bondage fetishes in your deepest, darkest.
Fantast is yours, babe, this is your card.
Okay huh. If you can do this within a safe, sacred space, it can be very enriching experience. However, it has the potential to turn into something that may be unsafe or detrimental to your well being in the long term. So again, set clear boundaries, choose your partners wisely, and have your safe words ready to go.
Bitch, dick tacks, dick tacks, bing bong whatever is not what the kids are doing. I don't know.
They don't do that ever again.
Please don't ever do that again, big mong big dogs. Stop.
I don't like that.
I have no idea what the bing bong is.
I've heard it. I don't know what it means.
I don't know either, I just heard that the bing mo people say, keep day saying it aggressively, really loud. Stop.
Well that was rather intentional for January. Maybe for me, I need to manage my dark side so that I don't drink and then they come out like wild thangsky. I could do that. Thanks God, you're.
Already doing it. You're in therapy, you're working on your shit every week. So for some reason, Tristan and Chloe popped in my head and I was like, side note, did you hear about Tristan and Chloe?
Everybody did? And is everybody surprised? Does anybody care? I mean, baby daddy's been hoan since Hoan.
You lose them? How you get them? Right? Yeah?
And then she's steal them from someone?
Yeah, made mom she was pregnant. No, baby Mama was pregnant.
Honestly, Chloe is my favorite because she's the fellow cancer and she's the funniest. But also I have no sympathy. I don't, I don't, but I get it. Chloe we be Karen, we be Karen, we'd be Karen be like, oh, you don't like her anymore? You love me? Okay, It's true, You're not gonna You're not gonna do this to me, right, I know, you're not because I'm the momb and then it happens to you.
Fuck fuck you.
So you know, we've been on this healthy kick. I've been detoxing and really trying to get my health together. Same girl, Same And I'm generally like against doing meal preps because let's be honest, they're generally nasty and I don't want to reheat nasty food. But recently I have been trying HelloFresh. I love HelloFresh right. It just like totally minimizes the time I'm in the kitchen so I can actually enjoy my meal and spend it with my kid.
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Being a sexually empowered woman can be so complex, especially when it comes to dating.
Amen. Sometimes I just want to get straight to the point so that people know what I'm into and then we can get to the love and the dating and all that stuff. Right.
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That's right, make sure you download the Field app for free today at Field dot co slash good Moms. You're welcome. That's just sad. I would just and that's what like, even like those women you would think are the most confident women in like all of the land. They have all the money, they have, all the access they get, all the niggas they get, all the plastics, they get, all the big booties and all the things that they that all these bitches want now. And yeah, I feel
like the men they chose. The men that they choose kind of obviously says a lot about themselves and the confidence levels because he's been doing his thing. I mean, this is like the third time someone said a bitch was had his.
Baby, just like a second, here's like the second baby. You know what, This is an interesting conversation because especially for being confidence January, I feel like we have this concept of ourselves right, Like I like Erica and I both, I would say, are pretty confident women, and we present pretty confident and like I can walk into room and like not have any makeup on him. I'll be perfectly fine, Like I'm not gonna be like tripping about. It mostly
depends on what kind of event it is. It's very fancy and I forgot I'm gonna be that. But it's still interesting. You even in your perspective of self, you may feel like you have a certain level of confidence and self esteem, and then the people and the relationships that you keep will always reveal the truth the cracks, And like over Christmas break, I didn't want to talk about this nigga because who cares? But inevitably the nigga
is talking shit. I could just see that. You know what I told Erica, I was like this it provided me a glimpse of the life I used to live, and like the relationship that we had, I had to like reflect on myself after those interactions, like damn, who the fuck was I like five years ago that I was like living with this, living in this space. And then I was like how much has that seeped into my brain? Like I am aware of it now, can literally be like okay and I'm out catch you next
year or not? Probably not, But like it made me question myself, like how much do I love myself? Do I love myself? Am I confident? Because this is some like crazy, like this is this type of interaction with this person is just so low level, like I just you know, you watch movies, You're like, oh, that bitch is stupid. Why was she ever being in that situation?
I'm like, oh my god, I'm that bitch. But like just you know, sometimes it takes like different levels of checking in with yourself and your confidence and your self esteem to really like hone in on what that means. There's levels to this shit, and like just because you feel surface like you love yourself or like surface like you're confident, sometimes it requires that you like examine the company that you keep. Because there's been a lot of times in my life, even in this last year, been
in relationships with men that like haven't respected me. And I wouldn't ever think of myself as the type of woman who would allow that, but like every time I look up, I'm dating a nigga who's talking shit to me, And it's like there's some inner work that needs to be done, you know, and like I can admit that, and I can explore that, and thank god I have a therapist now because everything I'm like, hm, they've talk shit to me in my childhood.
But even like just hearing you talk about that and as your friend, knowing the journey that you've been on from then to now, like it's you've exuded so much confidence, like even in the way that you handled that interaction recently, like and not giving an energy and like really just knowing like, okay, niggah, oh is that what you think? Uh? Oh, the podcast is a joke. Okay, nigga, what are you doing?
But like it's just I think it's so beautiful as your friend to be able to see that because I have seen like that element of your confidence grow because there was a time where like you didn't feel confident, you didn't feel confident that you could could leave, could really detach yourself, you know, and could really walk away from that. And so I think that that's like you doubting yourself and saying, what kind of woman would you know? You're not that woman. You're not that woman, you know
what I mean? And even and you had to be that woman to be this woman.
So and you know, it's also a testament like we judge ourselves so harshly because I was like even judging myself. We're doing the holiday fucking hangout, like bitch, you know good and god damn we only nothing good gonna come with this, But at least it's still progress. Like of course I'll I might tap in and try oh nope, let me hop back out real quick, you know, and
you do. I was like, oh no, but like uh, the process, and I thank you friend for like saying you have come a long way, you have grown, you are not the same person because it's just like I could. It's easier for me to see it now that I'm out of it. But even even after breaking up, like I've said this, I'm not very much. I'm not proud, but like this has been the first time, like I'm a year and a half baby daddy, dick free, I'm
an addict count me. It was kind of me because every year I'm like perfect, I'm not going down that road ever again, you know, because I do struggle. One of my struggles, and the devil card was trying to tell on me, like is like my lower self, Like I can like just be horny and just do some functionhit because I want to fuck literally like can he give had mm No, doesn't really look like that never mind or I no, no, those lips look workable.
But it was like not workable?
What's wrong with you?
You know?
Like I have been I have. I admit that I've been a slave to my flesh sometimes and there may be things like reasons for that, but working out of that for a lot like is slow, a slow process for me, and you know, like sometimes it doesn't feel fast enough and I feel like, damn, bitch, you thirty three, you still don't fect shit, you know.
But like, also, thirty three so young. It is in the scheme of life, like we put so much emphasis on age, and it's been coming up a lot in my life. Like I've been just like people, everyone in my life is talking about their age. People are acknowledging people's ages, and I've been thinking and like, my grandparents are getting old, like so many people around me. I'm just noticing time and age so much. My daughter's getting older, like all those things. But they're like, I don't know.
It's just like when I look back on this moment, this very moment right now, sitting here talking to you, and I'm seventy years old, eighty years old, fifty years old, I'm going to look back and say, baby, baby, like, enjoy the moment, Enjoy it, Enjoy every part of it. You're so young. Look your legs work. Look you got up off the floor when you were in Indian style. I can't do that no more. Appreciate every moment.
Appreciate that gang bang.
Yeah, appreciate the gang bang. It's part of the journey out of the gang bang into healthier gang bangs. Maybe that was a healthy one. Shit, who knows, Maybe you're on your way to healthier gang bangs.
Healthy.
But I think that I think that people put a lot of like emphasis on age and where you're supposed to be at, you know, Like I knew for sure when I was fifteen. By the time I was this age, I was going to be filthy, rich and like own on my way to retirement. Three children for sure, married for sure, Like I don't know about kids, definitely not kids. That was never on my That was never my my dream future. It was like husband and do whatever the
fuck I want, you know. And now here I am a kid, no husband, but I'm doing whatever the fuck I want. So it manifested in whatever way it was supposed to. And we all know, like manifestations always show up differently. They never are very rarely exactly how it is. And if they are, then that's that's part of a manifestation too. But I think a lot of times we look over a lot of our manifestations. I know I have because I didn't realize that they had shown up.
They just had shown up in a different way. So yeah, I'm high.
No, me too, that was my high rant.
What is this I'm smoking?
Circle Sativa sata.
But what is the name of this I am smoking? I don't know. Oh Lemon Durban, Lemon, Lemon Durbin. But yes, I'm proud of you, friend, Thank you.
I appreciate that, friend, and I'm proud of you.
Thank you, thank you.
And yeah, this is January, bitch, is you're ready to check in like every month because we're going deep, we're reflecting, we're getting confident, we're getting better.
You know.
The truth is like the only way to really be confident is to go deep. Like we're all flawed, and the confidence comes from accepting the flaws. Like nobody can tell me about myself because I know all the shit. I know the shit I do. I know, I'm super sensitive, Like I know I know the things. But when you are okay with the things and all that you encompass and like not trying to make it good or bad,
that's where the confidence, the confidence comes. Like, yeah, the guy who was talking with the guy, he's talking shit to me, and I was just like, none of this is even true at all. I was like this, I feels so sad for you. That's what I said. I said, I feel bad for you that this makes you feel good, and make like trying to hurt me makes you feel good. Why does this make you feel good? I was like, being a therapist, Okay, but this is not positive talk.
But like, there's a time I would have reached over and smacked you in the fucking mouth.
It sounds like he needs Maybe we should message him the challenge.
Well, you know what I and then I hit him with I love you and I hope you heal. I was like, this is funny. Look at me using my lines from the shower and shape a man. It's true, It's true.
I think that like even the even the worst people like I feel like if you send them love like you don't have to love them, you don't have to like them, you don't have to fuck with that.
I struggle with that. I struggle with loving people from a distance. I love you, and I feel for you, and I know you've been through I see things in people. I'm like, wow, that's a beautiful journey. Wow, that's beautiful that you started there and now you're here.
Oh.
Like I see things in people that like radiate light and I attract to that, but like I'm learning that that doesn't mean I need to attach to that. Like the flow of the energy moving and leaving is what I really need to work on. And I probably have abandonment issues that I need to like release because I have a problem with being like I love you and that's cool, get the fuck away from.
Me, right, It's hard. I mean I don't struggle with that. I struggle more with I don't want to say the other because I think I'm a lover. I think it's like the like opening up completely, Like there's only like I would say, like maybe like three men in my life that I've really really just been totally like open to completely, And that's scary for me. That shit is terrifying for me because like I I'm scared to be hurt by a man in that way because it's for
sure daddy issues. Like the pain that I experienced as a child with my dad was like the heartbreak of a lover or a man, Like now that I look back on what that felt like, it was like it was like that for me. And so I'm like if I just but I feel like I've been working towards like being more open in that space and feeling more confident, I guess, and opening up in that way. But I don't personally, I don't want to be open that open to everybody either, you know what I mean. Like, I'm
actually like, I like this version of myself. I like that quality about me. I think it for me personally, like eliminates a lot of function in my life, eliminates a lot of time wasted conversations. I don't really fucking feel like having, so I don't know, it's like it's like, but I know that there's a level of openness that like I am still working on doing because I'm still in the process of forgiving my father.
Yeah, I've only I could like put a spoonful of you and a spoonful of me. I know, Can we just like just give me a cup, give me a cut. I want to kept texting me some boundaries. Give me someone, don't give a fuck you get the fuck away from me.
More love, more love, love.
But that is the beauty of having friendship and being able to channel your friends and pull from your friends. And like, I'm gonna be really Erica right now.
What mea do we didn't have matching bracelets that said you say you do and I put what would you Meala do? What would you do? Well, well, yeah, it's perfect.
Do we need to tell those work shop?
Oh my god, do we need what would you Mela do?
We're gonna like, who the fuck is that? You know? Mila?
She does?
Crazy shit. I'm gonna make me one bracelet for each I'm I know.
I'm like, this is we need both of them. It's a heavy dose of both. Anyway.
Well, I'm happy to be beginning another year with my friend that keeps me accountable. And you know, slow progress is better than no progress, baby, And you're true, we're only thirty, however, care who cares? How many days young? And it's only one more day until we're not here, So live up, baby, live it up.
And oh my god, girl, we're almost going to Costa Rica. Can't wait?
Please God, you couldn't come close enough. I'm ready, I.
Know, I'm so hype for this trip and just hype to just like a leave America, be like go to another country with all these women. I still can't believe it. I can't believe that these women like we're like, yeah, we'll come sure, yeah, sure, make sure we treat Yeah, yeah, we'll be there.
I'm like, what, Okay, it's like the ultimate I don't know, like some of our work, Like this is the most intimate time I get to spend with, like basically people that we don't get to spend time with regularly from all over the world, and I think that's gonna be so special.
I'm so excited too. Anyway, Well, thank you guys for joining us today.
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Oh, if you're if you're watching this episode on YouTube, then you'll see I have our new merch on. We made a beautiful furry bucket hat because we are stylish.
We are so stylish. It is so retro. And guess what, we even got the kids one.
Yep, the kids got one. We use nineties babies even if we was born in the eighties, have to say, I mean, we were low key still babies then nineteen ninety like my mama was still like, oh look at that baby. I was still a baby.
True. This is a very nineties merch drop and you'll love it, So check it out and support single.
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Ella solo recorder La. Then let's just say us runs the INSC