Shift Happens Feat. Letoya Luckett

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What's up, Tribe, Welcome back to Mindful March. This week's episode is brought to you by Christine Michelle Carter. That's right, our girl believes so much in self love and mindfulness that she sponsored this episode Not.

Only that, but she wrote a beautiful.

And unapologetic memoir about self love and leaving a toxic relationship called mom AF. Let me tell you, if you read anything this month, let it be mom AF. It's real, it's raw, it's hilarious, and it will help you understand more about relationships, marriage, and most importantly, yourself. You know, good moms love a real, raw, funny, unapologetic mama, and Christine Michelle is that. If you haven't checked out our

Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices.

I'm Erica and I'm Mela and it's Wednesday. Happy Wednesday party people, Happy hump day, y'all.

How are you feeling, my love? I'm good. My neck is kind of fucked up right now, I like I can't really turn to the last like move my whole body. Hey, I know I woke up with a a thing. Am I a crank at my neck? And you know what? I was talking to my friend the other day and she her lung collapsed while I was in New York, and I was like, how's your collapse lung? And she's like, how's your neck? I was like, bitch, are we old? No, let me let me say a conversation that we're having.

And then her friend's was it a little wheezing? Her friend's lung collapse and she's like, I think my lun collapse too. I'm like, Erica, relaxed.

Why would I make it because you know, one friend who's lung collapse doesn't mean your lung collapse. And then I had another friend know that my friend downplays my there's something all the time. And then we have another friend something else happened. Then she's like, I think that's what I have. I'm like, bitch, you can't keep diagnosing yourself based on your friend's ailment. But then I went. Then I went and they were like, you have a sinus infection. So I did have something, okay, but it

I feel like I've been sick like two times in the last four years.

Household cough or whatever you call it was four months straight you were coughing. That was about that. It was a household and I just because I didn't go to the doctor. That's true. That was one time in four years. Okay, Well, I'm fine to answer your question. Oh good, I have to ibuprofen, so it should be kicking in any moment.

Between this, Rose and Ivy Profrien. Yeah, I'm doing good. It's been a smooth, smoothish week. We've had some ups and downs.

We had a little racism prejudice incident, our first, like discrimination against us in business, not our first. I'm sure. I'm sure there's been.

Many, but this was the most. This was the most blatant, and it was a little bit disappointing. But you know, when you're a badass bitch making money moves in a new space, then this is what happens. Men will tell you now and then you keep going. So today's the day we keep going and we stop complaining about it, because we did that for about twenty four hours, yep, and now it's over and we're moving on.

We are. It's a lesson learned, for sure. It is. It is well. I want to get straight to it because we have a special guest here today and I'm some of the fucking excited I've been like telling my friends and there I'm like, bitch, oh, like I don't think you know how excited I was, And she's like me relax. I'm like, okay, fine, we have LaToya Luckett here. She is authors sanger, just boss mama, just so beautiful, just like maybe it was a mattress girl crushed. Possibly

Sees me that we smoke weed and that it's not a weed friendly.

It's not a smoking space. So what you already clearly saw in the fucking lease that he sent us and we signed. And then he said, and I also know that you cursed, and I don't know if that's going to be issue. And I'm like nigga, and what world to do Anyone in the other spaces hear us talk to the recording studio. It's a recording studio, okay, And there's walls. It's a recording studio. It's a sound proof walls. That's what I was going to That's exactly what I said.

What I said is we're respectable women business women and parents.

Well, why would you do this anyway? He still said no, and then we proceeded to send him a nasty text message this morning, wrong I did. I said this discrimination periodic.

Look, but don't be nowhere.

You ain't want it and got a better life. That part. I was like, this is going this is going to be problematic in the future, and I have to whoop Alex's ass. So it's probably best that we let that one go. Yeah, we don't want that. We don't want that. So yeah, you know, I think here's to whatever new spaces. You know what. Look, let's take it. Cheers, take cheers to accepting what is for us. And that's it, Yes, accepting what is for us, not trying to fit a

I want to be in a space where it fits. I fit good and cozy and snug and just right. I don't want to be forcing it and be like poked a little bit.

And okay, I want to smoke in my goddamn studio that you know. I was going to compromise, but I'm trying to just do what I gotta do, okay, And smoking is part of my self care and the brand. So God said, girl, it ain't gonna work. You can't smoke it. We're not. I'm not gonna make this happen for you. God said, we need a can a friendly studio.

Yeah.

Speaking of strong affirmation, strong statements, do you have any affirmations for us today?

I do?

Okay, let me see you check your check your record.

Here's one.

So no, I keep all my affirmations like, oh, my bathroom when mirror, it's gotten to the point where it's so covered I can't even see myself anymore. But it's like the place that I go, of course every morning, and I do that before I do anything and say them. So here's like one from my mirror, my affirmation mirror. I am a divine light chosen and appointed by God. I am who God created me. I am who God created me to be without compromise.

Oh, I am a divine light chosen What I am a divine light chosen and appointed by God. I'm a divine light chosen and appointed by God.

I am who God created me to be.

I am who God created me to be without compromise without compromise, that last line, Now, that last line, compromise.

Yes, I think people forget that, you know, showing up as yourself is an act of God. I think people fight that because they pretend to be something else, or I think they're supposed to be something else based on people, And you forget that you came as you are, and if God didn't expect you to be this way, you wouldn't be this way. And it's in your best interest to be all of you and not to you know, shrink or fit into other spaces to appease people, because people didn't create you.

Yeah, no, they did not, and they will try to hold you hostage to who you were and all these things. And you are the designer of your life. And you can decide if you yesterday you like chicken and today you don't, that's fine. Oh wow, that's specific. People always want to to my eating habits, and I'm there to say I'm allowed to change.

I just want to say, if you would stop bashing other people's eating habits, then maybe people wouldn't be so weird about old.

Maybe bashing yours if you'd leave mine alone. Okay, Well, whoa ring here? Not like it. We love each other. We love it. Y'all sound like me, Aferia.

People are probably so happy we're doing any type of cursing each other out any other time.

You're like, I love you so much.

Me and Erica, we love each other so much. Let me tell you how much I love you. This week I discovered I'd loved Erica even more than last week because you know what she said. So I'm like, we are such lesbians without the lesbian. But I'm so grateful. I really am grateful for Like, as I get older, I've always had close friends, but like really grateful for the outlet to have a friend that I really do love this much. We went to we went to go eat dinner.

The other night, I was telling somebody and I was like, me and eric As sat in the car before we got to dinner and cried and told each other how much we love each other and our deep insecurities and fears, and then we told each other we're never leaving each other. I'm like, I don't need a relationship. I have my bitch. She hates part. She holds all my insecurities and she tells me it's okay. I mean, I do need a nigga. But you know what I mean, you don't need I

Really supportive, loving friendships and I'm grateful that's us.

You know what, Can we talk about that for a little bit because I'm at a place where, you know, of course I do desire a relationship. And when you come out of you know, a marriage and you're divorced and everything, you're like, okay, wait, coming out of this, of course I need my space.

And everybody's like, you need time alone always. You need to gather yourself and you know, get to know you.

And I'm like, mich I know forty.

One years, I know me. I can't I know me?

Okay, and then I'm.

Forever changing so I can't keep up. But you know what.

I'm saying, like, I you don't want to feel like you need someone, but you do desire someone. And it's I think healthy to want to love again and healthy to want to be in a relationship again.

It's just like when is that?

You know?

And then they're like, well, don't do it until you have some therapy, right feel and you know, collect yourself.

And I'm like, whitch I am collect looking at the mare and talk to yourself alone?

Right, And I'm like, who was to be alone?

Sometimes?

Like the relationship you just gotta makes it real clear what you need to not get into again. And I'm like, actually, haven't really prepared that relationship really prepared me for the next one.

That's the therapy when right, I'm like, when is the right time to start again?

Because I feel like I'm rich, you.

Know what I mean? Like, I feel how long has it been? Well? Tell us, like how long has it been? Like what it has your love journey been? Yeah?

First of all, let me say nobody can tell you when the fuck you're ready.

I was gonna say, like who makes these time limits? Who makes these rules? It's like there it is. It's show true what you say though, Like people in society have these like time limits that you must do certain things before you can enter in the next phase of your life. Yep, And it's like why who made these up? It's coming up?

Who's the odds behind me?

My soulmate, my walk through the door right after this nigga leave, So I'm supposed to pass him up and do that because society said I need to wait six months.

Yeah, and they make the face too, even if they don't say it's like.

Oh, so, whend you guys start dating like oh six months ago and you're like, oh yes, it's like almost you don't want to tell people when yeah, like, how long? Two months? I don't care. I'm the bitch. Don't you say shit about my two month love? Okay, I'm in love. You shut the fuck up. But yeah, you're pisces right. Oh my god, it's the water sign. It's the water sign trinity.

Here, we're all here love and shit, wait are we all we're all on a scorpio.

Oh well still I'm a cancer. Yeah, yeah, we're here. We're here strong to say that we do need love. We're independent women, but we do love. I've been really conscious of not. First of all, we have this like women Empowerment podcast, and I think that men feel like they're not Like, I'm very clear not to make men feel like they're not needed. I do need, we do need and want men, and I do like, I'm very grateful for the divine masculine in my life and I welcome it.

But if it ain't the right one, you can fucking go. I have a lot of strong women around me, but like I I, we.

Could use more. We need you to get healed.

If you guys are listening, men, please starting to please and go to please.

You're not above it. We all did it. We all are doing the work. We all need to catch up. We all do.

Black men specifically, Please, we are doing the work. We are begging you to do the work so we don't all become lesbians.

I beg of you, God, but we don't want to end up a of small colony together. Want you. My feminism does not mean that you are not important. Okay so important, and I think that's where your little piece when you're an empowered woman. I feel like, especially in this time, like I feel like men feel like that they're like excluded from the conversation, excluded, they don't are not needed. And granted I have said nigaz ain't shit a lot, and I have also said that we can

So that's like, how do you know when you're ready to move on from a long term relationship or a marriage?

How did you know? Yeah? I think that because you've been you've been married twice. Yes, Okay, so I.

Must I must say, I'm going to say, and I'm not I'm not saying at all that like.

Time matters as far as the.

Length of like my first marriage, because it was very real, but I feel like, of course with my second marriage, we had children, We did a lot in a very long time, I mean very short amount of time. And I think when you get how do I answer this question without answering this question.

If you will question, I'm answering. I know, I am, I am. I'm gonna. I'm gonna really put some thought into this.

But I feel like, you know, just like you know when you're they're the one, right, I feel like you you go. Okay, wait a minute, my gut is telling me I feel peace with whatever the decision is, and and I'm going to allow God to lead and trust my gut and when you know a shift happens, then you have to trust what that shift is and and move accordingly and trust that everything is going to be okay. And I think that that's what I found strength in trusting myself. I found strength.

Is so difficult.

It is so difficult at times, but I definitely I tapped into something different and I knew that, you know, this wasn't a decision that was going to be made for just me. But I have little ones, you know what I mean, which makes a decision like that even even tougher.

But I think to go to just trust yourself, trust yourself.

I have so many girlfriends or women that I talked to and they're like, girl, I don't no like I'm married, and I love that I'm married, but I'm not happy in my marriage and what should I do? And my parents have been married for like thirty five forty five years and I want that same thing, but my marriage

One of my sisters in.

Christ had to tell me, like when we get up there and we say those vowels, you know, and we're you know, that covenant is made. It's a real thing. So when someone breaks the covenant and abuse is that in all its forms, then.

You know, the covenants broken, sweetheart, the contract is.

Yeah, I think that we narrow it down to, oh, if they commit adultery or if they do this one thing or whatever. It's like, no, we got to look into And I'm not speaking specifically on my situation. I'm speaking about even you know, conversations that I've had with you know, women who are going with.

You know, going through a divorce.

Like if you're finding yourself in a situation where we're looking at this covenant thing or we're looking at these vals we you know, we took and it's not lining up, then we got to ask ourselves some real serious questions.

We got a message from someone today about basically like abuse doesn't look like physical all the time. And I think a lot of people are like, well, my marriage is fine, my relationship is fine, Like he's not like beating me, you know, And it's like, girl, that there's so many different forms of abuse.

And in fact, it's scary because like verbal and like mental abuse is so it gradually builds up in a way that you become used to it. And so it's even more important that you check in with yourself because that's the type of abuse. Like it's one thing, someone hits you upside the fucking hand, you're like, oh shit, nigga, wow, that's a hit, you know, and even then, but just be being bitchous, will be like, oh well, it's not like I'm not like in a lifetime movie.

But like you have to really be clear.

And not only that, like abuse is a huge thing, but also just like I think honoring yourself if you grow out of something.

Right doesn't and yeah it doesn't have to be that, but if it doesn't feel good to you, and you've tried this and you've tried that, and I know, for me and like for most women, you've sat with that feeling for a minute, you've digested, you've thought about it, you're like, damn, this doesn't feel good, this doesn't look good.

I don't like how this feels. And then you stay because that's what women do because we're trying to honor our, you know, the family, the children, the standard we put in a lot of work and trying to make things happen a lot of times, and sometimes your growth is all the time. If your growth is not being honored in that relationship, it's time to go.

Yeah. Yeah, I think we give our lot. I think specifically as black women dating black men, we give met black men a lot of grace when it comes to shortcomings and being patient, and they would not give us that grace. I still love you black men, I promise, but y'all wouldn't like you wouldn't if I cheated on my my man, like it would be over period. But

No, I think it's generational too, because I've learned in certain relationships that I've been and even you know, with having a brother, like if you aren't doing what they saw their mama, do you know what I mean? Like we have grace with their development or you know, their shortcomings and all these different things.

But I feel like sometimes they'll.

Look at us and go, well, shoot, I watched my mama have three jobs and come home and cook and.

Clean and do this.

And it's a thing of if you're not meeting that standard, you know, you know, as black mothers, we are, I feel like raising the ball and sometimes like creating these oh god, like they think we're superheroes because we do stretch ourselves so much, and our sons watch that, and then whoever, you know, they start to date or they you know, want to marry or whatever, they have those

That's not fair.

I don't think that that's fair.

You know, it's absolutely not fair. And also because I've had this conversation with a man actually when you're saying this, had made me think of one specific person that I used to date, and he would talk about his mother a lot with me and how amazing she was and just this incredible force and like da da da da da, which is great. I love that that he revered on her mother. So yeah, but I feel like a lot of times these men or these boys, they don't know

I don't think even when I was a kid, I don't remember seeing my mom struggle with you know, dear divorce, the divorce between.

My mom and dad. And I now that I think back, I'm like, did I ever even see her cry? Like I All I do remember her doing is making sure you know, we stayed in private school.

She would go off to work.

She would work some weekend jobs as well, take us to work with her. House was always clean, our you know, we always had nice things, all these different things. And

Okay, it's okay to feel that way.

I don't always have to be all.

Right, you know what I mean.

And so we've had conversations about it since. But she was very very quiet about She was one of the moms that was very quiet and put on the cape, and you know, she she felt like she was protecting us from the pain that she was going through.

But that's that's that's how most moms are.

You know that, that's really how you know that, that's that's the like the image that we're given that you do have to be a superhero, that you can't let your kids see you cry, that you have to have everything taken care of. And for most of us, I think, especially for black women, that's what we've seen our parents do.

But like you said, it's not realistic. And then you're moving through life like what the fuck You're like, I'm fucking up, Like I'm weak, Like my mom didn't do this? Why do I do that? Why am I so like tore up over this? Why am I so tore up? Why can't I get over this? Man? You know? And it's it's it's really I think important for you. You

Can we make T shirts?

Right?

Because and I'm by the way, I'm just learning about like narcissism and all that whole gray and that is like the one thing that a narcissist doesn't have empathy.

And I did not know that people in the world.

Of course I knew there were bad people out there, right, but.

I kind of felt like everybody had a little empathy, seriously, but narcissists have like none, is what I'm learning, right, And so I guess me thinking the whole like with a car, you know, you buy a car and there's like the standard package and there's like the gold package. I thought that that, like empathy came with the standard package.

Yeah it's big.

It's not the rolldown when like it's still electric windows, but there's empathy there, you know what I mean. Like I just felt that that was there, and that's not like you have to actually purchase that extra you have to make sure that's on the list on the line sheet, right, and it's yeah, you got But when do you find that out though, right, because all right, say, if we're dealing with the narcissist, right, narcissists know how to cover up their narcissism until the time it's time to pounds.

I think that there are signs, and I feel like narcissis could only hide for so long. You can only be so calculated. I feel like if you're paying attention, there are going to be other things outside of just the lack of empathy that are going to like have signs, especially if you've dealt with the narcisst before or maybe listen to our episode how to Spot a narcissist. But it's necessary because they're tricky.

It's almost like a con artist. It is a con art.

It's like one step up from a sociopath. So you really got to be careful because sociopaths don't have any empathy. But you really I kind of I think I'm not the type of person.

Again.

Fucking cancer over here, who's like moving in precaution, Like I don't trust anyone that's not my m I do feel like God gives you your instinct and your intuition and you kind of know. But like if I feel like something's not right, I usually will I'll let that I'm examining it. You know, I'm gonna be kind and I'm gonna be trustworthy, but I'm gonna constantly be examining it and be like, hmm, that don't make that makes a lot of sense that you did that.

I don't like that that. I don't mean that'll add up. Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of times with this narcissist and the empathy conversation, I feel like they do cover it up or they show you so much empathy in the beginning that you do you assume that they extend that to everyone else or always or always and that it's always going to be this way, and then you see how I mean one of the ways that actually Megan Doherty, she was narcissist expert we had on

You, what the fuck just happened? I thought you loved me and you loved me so much last week.

What. Yeah, it's it's really it's scary. It can be a really scary place, and unfortunately, I think that there are a lot more narcissisms, more narcissists in the world than not, and honestly, I feel like the Internet is making them. I think you're I think you could be born one, but I think you can also like the environment in which the world where we're at, in the world where everyone is so self centered and cares so much about just themselves and not in a healthy way,

Because because you're newly single and kind of newly divorced, and you know, you're just trying to out trying to figure it out. Would you are you willing to say you would probably get married again or no.

Absolutely, Okay, I'm a wife. Okay, okay, I heard that, baby. Same.

You's gotta find the right not to be fine, but the right one will find right.

Yeah, I agree the same that you know, Like, you know, I'm not usually I'm not very worried, even though in like this space, me and Eric are always like we talk a lot. We're talking a lot of explicit content. You know, are we gonna find husbands? Is that we're gonna wipe vest? What the fuck are we gonna be a wife? Mes? So we can't even get a studio space? Were going a husband? Wait till our husband sees these clips, we get a divorce. But I feel very I do.

I feel strongly that what's for me is for me, and like who's supposed to love me and accept me will come, and that when they come and present themselves, I'm going to know it's them.

God's going to be like, bitch here he is.

Finally not the narcissist, right guy, because that one I thought was my nigga, But this one, okay, you know, I feel like all the practice I do feel I trust that all of the practice niggas that I've had have prepared me for my husband that is on his wife.

Yeah, what are your five? I would I wanted to ask you because you are single and maybe date. Are you dating? I don't know. It's hard in la Like no, I mean, like you know, it's crazy, like have you ever joined a dating app? Thing you would do? How can I d y R RAYA is like the dating app, it's like the Soho House of dating apps, but it's it's it's not great. Yeah, it's people in the entertainment. It's why if that's what you're looking for? Yeah, so

I obviously have no problem with dating or marrying people that are not in the entertainment industry.

And obviously it doesn't protect shit, so I mean, it doesn't guarantee anything.

Have both.

Just like me, I thought if I dated slightly out attractive men that they would never like, it would just be good, Like we'd be good forever like that. That doesn't work either, because then you got me and then you're feeling yourself. So no, no, yeah, no. Have most of the men you've dated been in the entertainment industry? No, I've had some.

I mean and and here's the other part of that, right, So if we're looking at a list, here, look at the numbers, right, right, So okay, here's the fun part about you know, yes, starting in the industry very very young, and it's almost like high school, right, or if I was a person that wasn't in the entertainment industry.

Right, you go to school, high school, college, the whole thing.

You have your community, you go to church. Right, So normally you're going to meet someone within that pool.

Right.

If I'm in the entertainment industry, started touring at twelve or not twelve, fourteen, sixteen, and that's what I've been doing a majority of my life, then I'm going to date within that pool. So what happens is when you go and meet someone who isn't in the industry, and you might you know, they asked, oh, who have you dated or whatever, which is like, now, then I'm thinking,

Then it's like, dang, you.

Done dated a lot of industry, and I'm like, I'm in the industry.

How many college girlfriends did you have?

How many high school girlfriends did you have?

That was my high school? Tour was my high school you know what I'm saying. Like, and a person that's not in the entertainment industry, wo view it as oh she you know, they would see it as one way when it's really like.

No, brou how many how many of them?

Hold you knocked down in your neighborhood church?

Right?

This was my neighborhood.

This is where I was at. And I'm sorry if you had him on your wall.

Not even I'm sorry if you go to his games and you admire him or you look at his stats every week, but I'm bruh, that's my neighborhood. Like, so you have to understand that, you know, although my life was different than yours, it don't make me a whole orthing like just.

Letting the way you were admiring me exactly A few niggas you a right.

Period, not a few maybe or a few, doesn't matter, but whatever, Like it's in an entertainer, that's what's going to happen, right.

I think it's also I imagine it's easier to date someone in their industry, like even even in podcasting, Like I talk a lot, a lot of shit. You're gonna you get it, okay, cool, you get it perfect because everyone's not comfortable with someone in the public.

Eyety, Yeah, that's your community. This is a community, nigga. And if you can't, if this is your man crushed Monday, then that's not my problem. Also, Also, do I still like you if my last nigg is your man crushed Monday?

Probably not. We just talked about that on my I don't need to be too easily impressed with things. That's like an LA mentality too, Like can you not fan out? Please relax, just rely, relax, relax.

It be okay. Well, so you don't know if you're dating, right, like I don't.

I will say this, I have not been on an actual date since I divorce.

No, okay. Well, Also, I mean.

I'm sorry, can I just say this like it's gonna for the next one. You're just not gonna be seen in the public we mean that easy and not often so who That's what's going to probably make this process a little more difficult as far as going on an actual date is. I can't really just go on a date and be seen in freaking Houston's I know her, you know what I mean, because even if it's a first date, somebody can see us, take a picture and it's like, oh they together.

No, bro, Like, that's not what's going on.

So I have to be super duper careful with that. It's got to be like four months on the phone.

Or you could do a home date, but the home days just by the whole you might get married real quick, real fast. I'm in love, you know. The dack is confusing, So let's just yeah, step away from that. What are your like five non negotiables? Like what it now that like, you know you're single, you've probably learned some lessons. What are your what would you say you're five? People only say there's five non negotiables or you should have five non negotiables when dating? What would you say yours are

Like, let's i'd rather.

Do tell me flat out this is what's going on? Or I'm dating five of the bras, or you know what I'm saying, like I don't want to ever be married, that's never going to be a goal for me. Or I want five more kids because I'm not giving you that, or you know what I'm saying, like, don't put on the front, bro, don't lie about your life.

I don't want to have to find out something different.

About you later.

Just be like straight up, be straight up, be real, be authentic, and that's a liar is non negotiable.

Don't do that because once I find.

Out your lying, we've done period. So that's one. Uh let's see the status matter. No okay, no, no, no no. I want to be even leok with my partner, with my husband. I definitely do. And that doesn't mean just status wise, that doesn't mean just financially.

It means I mean, of course, in our beliefs, but.

Like it, when you start raising kids together and stuff, y'all got to make sure y'all on the same page. It's far more than having the same amount of money, because that's gonna change one minute. I might have more than some might fall through and then you got more. You got to be able to go with the flow on that. So as long as, of course, if the respect is there, but as long as you guys.

Are working hard and working.

As a unit and on the same page, I think that that's what keeps everything.

Even leoked.

So you're asking a question, So no liars.

No liars? Oh how did I say this? What I say? Are you gonna stop not saying that? I know I got no but I gotta, you know what, I gotta be a bunch of girlfriends. I can't do it. Like when when everybody says I've laid my lesson with that too, Yeah, yeah, yeah, everybody ain't sis nigga, did you fuck her? Right?

Let's start there. That's my favorite. And it's not always even that. It's really like she's laying.

Low to until till you break up again. When women do that like men that women men are bigger. I'm like brush, she waiting on her, She wait on her turn right, let me be around her one time. I'm gonna let you know exactly, meet a dinner.

If the pit of my stomach dropped. She ain't no friends, if we can't, if she's she's in.

Wait, if she's giving that face, if she can't be around and what ex y'all gotta have your own hangout. If I get a fake ass energy when I meet the bitch, it's not real and she has to go period. And I respect real.

Friendships and I'm not with that like bias shit like. But I can feel the energy because.

We're women, we're our intuition tells.

Us, so you know we do period. I'm gonna say. The other one is, I have children, So if you aren't good with kids or you don't have patience, because that's going to be another one of mine too.

But like you have to I don't want to say you have to at least have a love for children, you know what I mean, not that strong of love, but I need you to have a love for children, a very healthy love for children. That's what I'll say.

And understand that. No, if we get married, they don't come first. It's you, you know, once you come. And I learned that, like if you said.

If you get married, you'll your husband will become a priority and then the child.

The biblical order, right, so I try and go by the biblical order, even though that's harder said than done, and it's I've been on the other side of that, not happening twice, and it's it does interfere a little bit because you're like when you get married, right and you become someone's wife, and then there are other things that come before you, you feel it immediately, especially when you've been waiting to.

Be a wife and be first.

Or you know, feel like you know, desired in that position, Like it can it can be, it can be a thing.

You can be a thing. And it's harder to say as a mom with two kids, because nothing should come before your kids. Now, I don't I don't like, should you know right now? There's no should you know? Like everybody has what.

Works for them, and like the Bible says this, and this may work for this, and you can believe in the Bible and then still feel this way. And like I think that people and I agree, I feel like, you know, you come first, because I don't think you can pour it from an empty cup. But I also feel like people are triggered by a woman saying that, especially as we're talking, we're all women with children who are gonna be in relationships with men that are don't

Her kids or whatever.

But it's it's interesting because if your house ain't right, like you're not, you're not going to be happy.

M hm. So I think that's there's there's truth in that. And also i'd be feeling like, if you have the right husband, am I really gonna have to choose? No, You're going to our priorities together as a family as you are going to be the same, whether these are your come from your there are your kids if we're married, A and B if they whether or not they come

Then let's pour into our kids and pour into the other things. But I feel like people are so triggered by that, and even like even women who say like my kids are first or I'm first, I think I'm first is a big trigger for men. You know, I saw some stupid shit on the internet like who gets the who gets the plate first?

In the house. The kids are the man. I'm like, who makes it? This stupid ask questions, who's hungriest? I made the dinner, Nigga, y'all make the plates. I don't. I'm not doing that. I'm not like I done made chicken. I'm eating. I'm fucking eating. That's who's eating, right.

But it's like we in our minds we have these like hierarchies of how we love and like, you know, how we disperse our love. But everyone knows, aos women, it's eternal. We'd be loving so hard and so limitlessly. There doesn't really even have to necessarily be this, you know what I mean? But I do agree. I think if your relationship is not tended to you know, women know.

But once the kids leave too, it's just gonna be y'all. By the way.

So if you've given eighteen years to them and you lose focus on him.

You're gonna be a ghost in the house, and he might have another bitch on the side by the way, because you've been paying all your attention to the ones that's gonna leave me in eighteen years and probably sometimes before then.

I left the house at thirteen to go pursue my career.

You know what I mean? So it it makes sense.

It's hard to say what it does make when it plays out, it makes sense?

Is that three? That's three? Okay? Cool? Oh? If he is.

Impatient with me and disrespectful, you get to cussing at me and talking crazy. If I got to pull my ignorant bitch out on you, you are not my nigga, no period.

You know what, I.

Didn't even know ignorant bitch was in there, Like I would feel her kind of rising up sometimes like ahe we might have to. She was doing her shoulders shimming and I was like, bitch, shuttle down, don't.

Even call for that, right what who's knocking at that door?

But if she got to show up, like show up, show up, and you almost lose yourself to her in a relationship and she keeps, she keeps winning up, she keeps showing up, yep, then this ain't it because that's not who I am.

I'm a very grounded, peaceful, happy.

Love life, joy having, hugging, being patient, just spread. I'm a fucking care beer Okay yep. So when have you seen when we do the rainbow? Like you know what I'm saying ignibition should not have to show up in that, you know what I mean, if you bring if you got to bring me out of that, if you really seriously have to bring me out of my peaceful space that I've worked so hard to keep and protect, then that ain't it.

That ain't it? So M.

Not going for that. That's that's probably number one.

I agree that respect shit and you know, and it's like the car.

You think it's the basic, you think it's the standard package, but that shit is not you.

I'm just asking for the regular.

Can we just start and push with respect, like don't curse at me, Like don't ever call me out of my name. There should be no reason that we need to communicate and there should be a like derogatory term or like aggression.

Are we on the same team?

Or sometimes they don't even have to cuss with it them. No, Sometimes it's just like a little belittling statement, the belittlement.

You know what, it's a little bit of that passive aggressive, it's a little bit of a few things telling you it's them death by a thousand cuts.

But what it really is a lot of times is like that insecurity and then another person and how that projects like sometimes insecure people will harm the people closest to them because it's most convenient.

No, no, that makes it way about that sexy, I'm about it, little dick energy. We don't want any of those God, please protect us. Amen, we don't want that.

Don't don't.

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So you know what, I've had some big dicks that had little dick energy. Really Oh, actually me too. I won't even get to see in what size it is if you get to talk. Sometimes sometimes they present the dick and then they present the talking to you crazy because they know you're gonna be confused once you get the dick. Well, the day you confused and then they start talking to you crazy, so you're still confused and it takes a little bit of time to get out of it.

And that's why I've learned you got to learn about the other before.

You learn about fat. Yeah, then you won't be confused, true, because yes, the d can spin you out of control and you're like, oh wait, no, I'm I'm in the vortext here.

And then you know, they get to talking to you crazy and you're like, oh, but the deed is good, but no, like I really want to get to know the person and see them. And someone said see them in at least twelve seasons before you make a decision.

Like winter, summer, see them. You know, do you think in your dating life now would you abstain from sex before? Probably for how long, like forever?

I don't know because I'm.

All the seasons. I'm all the seasons. Sounds like three seasons. We're talking as a few seasons. That's like a few times around. I'm travel want to see it travel. Maybe we can just travel to the seasons like in three months, like we can go you know, we can get to somewhere, we can get winter somewhere, we can go get spring fall.

You know, like they said international seasons in like twelve times before making a decision.

That's a long time. But what what if what if you wait and then and then it is you see the seasons and then the sexist trash. That's important too. That's just life, that's just life. At that point, life is lifing. Life is lifing, bru. At that point, life is lifing.

Okay, So what's going to be more important than like if you really meet a super duper nice guy, super attractive, loves your kids, got the breads, taking you on the vacation, like patient with you, lifts you up. I mean all these different things, like you are your best self with him with the d's trash.

I would like to but he's trying, trying, Try, trying is big, Trying is big. I've had that, I've had all these things and then that some things are lacking. But for me, well it depends what you're not negotiable, Yeah, Like my non negotiable is that, let there's sexual chemistry that even if the dick is not high on the like the spectrum, are you working towards it is something that you want to do? Are we talking about it? Like?

Are we trying, you know, are there things like maybe you just haven't tended to your sexuality. You haven't really like poured into that part of yourself. And I need to bring you out of your cage. That's one thing. But if it's just dead and not there and you have no like I can't do anything with this area, all those things really won't count. I need that, Like that's a non negotiable for me because physical attraction and intimacy and touch and are very important to me.

That kind of makes me tick.

But like like we've all had a really nice guy with all the really nice things and all those things, and then like that one thing is lacking, and it's just I can't get over this thing.

This is important.

I want to come home to my man and be like, yep, it's time. Oh yeah, I'm home and I'm happy to see you. Just come to the door, like I gotta go, bitch, I gotta go. This looks good right now, you know, like that that, like primal attraction is important and a lot of things, like I think women downplay that a lot. Like he's so nice, George is such a nice man, and he took Katie to gymnastics, and like that's cool, but like, do you want to rip George's clothes off?

You know, I need to be able to want to rip your clothes off. I want to do it.

That is non negotiable for me, Like because I am a touchy, philly person, I want to be cuddled.

I want to be all the things, and I want to be reciprocated. I do like I do. I want.

I want to I like the public.

I want yes, kiss me down like tongue, kiss me for a long period of time and hold my hand, let them know I am yours. Yes. Yes. I think men miss that a lot, Like I feel like women really need that and thrive in that, and like we need that like oh you desire me type shit, and men forget that. You know, they're just like whatever the fuck they're doing over there. I don't know what they're thinking about. But I want a man because I'm gonna do that for you.

I'm gonna I want to make you feel sexy and I want to make us feel you know, like I'm gonna compliment you and when you're doing it to me, I'm going to reciprocate that, like damn.

Me, like this, damn me, sexy. But if you're not telling me I'm sexy, I'm gonna forget. Yeah. I mean, I'm a words of affirmation type of lover, and I do need that in exchange. In ways, I don't need a lot of it. I more so need physical touch, like how I love and how I want to receive lover a little bit different. And I realized that recently when I was dating somebody like who's not a words of affirmation. He's not really a big words of affirmation person.

Yeah, I need Yeah a cancer, I need talk to me, come to me, talk to me and touch me.

Yeah, all day, talk and touch. That's what I'm It's a little a little boot grab. I'm cool. Oh thank you?

Yeah?

I think how many? What am I on? Three? I think that's fine? That was fine when yeah, patients one and then cuddles, talk in.

Touch and I'm consistent communication like and I'm not talking about you gotta call me five times a day, but a good you know, give me some texting, give me some calling, and oh my gosh, in the beginning, this is why I said, I don't know if I'm dating.

What's up with the new They don't get on the phone even to meet you, like.

If they met.

I've had a situation where somebody induced us, like a musual friend introduced us, and he texted me first, right, and I said, hey, you know, like I'm old school when it comes to communication, call me any time.

You never got the call. I kept getting the text.

Nor if you can't, if I can't even hear your voice, I.

See, Well how about you don't listen? How about you don't listen? Yeah, but I told you what I need. And this is this is red flag number one because I've done this too with a man where I've told this man at least three times and after three you just are ignoring me. Really have to one or two? But I gave you three times to let you know. I don't like texting because I'm the same LaToya. I do not like the text. I don't try as fuck

Well, if you would have heard me say it, then you wouldn't have taken it wrong. Like I can't really express myself through my fingers like that.

I'm on my phone all day for work. I'm making captions and posts. You think I want to text you thank you. I don't want to text you. I want to hear your voice. So if that, if that's what the the ghetto dayton Pool is about, this text and things.

And I don't need to be out there like I can't like and I'm not I'm not saying that I'm a needy broad as far as like, you know, needing someone to call me ten times a day and check.

In and do the whole thing.

Again, it's the basic standard car. He hello again. It's it's like.

Everything that we thought was in the standard package is like now in the goal package of a car, Like you have to like pay super extra to get this credit.

What do we do? Like, what's the payment? What's the payment plan? We already hello, we already look at us like what there is there's no plan. It's hello, it's a down payment. It's this I'm just carrious man. What is the what is the what's the upgrade? What's the upgrade? Is it a secret service? We don't know about. There's no secret service. They just need to go to therapy.

Yeah, but what changed Because I'm finding it in Olderman I'm finding it in forty fifty plus that they're texted more than they're talking.

And I'm like, I think that's how you date older guy. Wait, I call you wait. I saw this clip on the Internet and I was so annoyed. It was this man. He was he's a older man, so he's probably like I don't know how it was. He looked a little bit older, and he was like, yeah, you know. I keep telling everyone like, well, you have to you have to just get with it. Basically, ninety percent of my interactions are on Instagram. If I'm talking to a woman,

There's a lot of toxic masculine I don't know how you call it, fucking bullshit on the internet, like Kevin Samuels and he's like fifty and he also maybe I don't even know if he likes women, to be honest, like I've been dying to see him, so I could be like, do you even really like bitches? But that's a whole different conversation I'm not going to go into. But yeah, yeah, it's hard out here.

I'm confused.

I'm confused too, and a part of me is like, and this is no slight to.

The LGBTQ plus community because I am included in that some days, But like do.

You even like women? Sometimes I'm finding men and I'm like, do you even like women? Because and they might not. They might not. I think I just say that I'm cool with that too, Like, just I don't be here presenting yourself like a like a fucking eligible bachelor to my ass with a vagina, because this is not gonna work. Like I'm with you.

Like I want all the honesty and I'm gonna accept it. I'm gonna accept you as you are. You might not be my nigga, but like, I very much give me options.

Oh you have other bitches? Who are they? Like? What are we looking at? Like? Thank you? How? Like? Are they closes? Do you see them all the time? Why do you like her? Like?

Why can't she let her go? She's doing some shit that I can't do. I just want to know because I want to make the choice. But men don't give women the choice.

But they're scared of the choice because like say, for instance, they love me, if you're too, if you feel.

Like you tell me something that's gonna make me go, Like, all right, if there's a broad that you can't let go.

Of, I'm gonna make the decision for us.

Oh yeah, I'm not included in this, so right, they don't want you to make that decision, right, So they lie and it's like no, no, no, no, Like I would rather that because if now you're wasting my time and now once I find out or now once I see you know that she's not going away or whatever the case may be is, and I make a decision, you're not gonna like it, right, But bruh, at that point, you've made a decision in not letting her go.

Listen, they don't want equal rights for us. They don't want to go right, They ain't got to You ain't got time. So listen, LaToya. We have a game on our show boy that I like to play with our guests. Okay, now we've already had a lot of talks and we might have covered some of these things, but I just want to play so that we can get to know you quickly. And it's just a fun game. It's fun. It's called trigger.

Oh boy, go good.

And basically I'm gonna say a word and you have to say you know how you feel about that, like the first thing that comes to mind. Don't overthink it. Love necessary? Marriage again, bad habits? What are they? You want a few? Just one time? Management girl, me to lie to me about the time. Please? Could parenting? Working on it? That's all you can do? Being a single

Oh for the next one.

YEA favorite R and B artist right now? Oh that's such a great question. But what would they be considered?

Lucky day?

I know you're going to say that I like that lucky whichy ship? Mhm, witchy ship? Which witchy? Witchy? Which is witchy witchy? Spells and manifestations magic? Okay? Scared of the favorite sex position? Mm hmm. She having a visual she doesn't watched, She just watched her sex tape in her head. Oh, show on top pet peeve a liar, Destiny's child, iconic celebrity crush word. Dang Oh what is fine as candy mean? What? Yeah? It's fine girl? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

I think I like his smile, and he just looks like a tree, like a healthy alpha, heavy on that healthy.

Therapy, necessary masturbation necessary. It gets to regret. Mmmm.

That's a really good question.

That's a really good question because I will say this the thing that I probably could say, I regret.

So much beauty came from it, so I don't regret it. That's a hard one. So no regrets, then, no regrets, regrets, no divorce, tough, happily ever after does happen?

You think, I definitely even and if it's even, if it's ending with you being happily does it have.

To include somebody else? You know what I'm saying, Like, even.

If it's just I see a happy A lot of happy old ass bitches run around, right, they ain't never been married and never had no kids, And it's just like what I'm looking.

I'm ninety five and I look forty eight because I have to deal with none of that shit, no bullshit. I love that answer because I do think a lot of times the happily ever after is always tied to another person, and it doesn't have to and it's never tied to just yourself. No, it's gonna be happily ever after regardless. Well that's it. That's trigger.

And when I say love, I meant to go back to that.

I want to say always always.

Yeah, yeah, because I think I said I don't know what I said, but I think it's when you said love always.

I just want to shift quickly to you know, me and Mi La have been doing good Moms for this is our fourth year. Oh congratulations, it's our fourth year. And one of the one of the things, obviously, I mean, when we started this platform, we didn't really understand the community that we were going to be a part of connecting and just also how our friendship would be so valuable to each other and I guess be a representation for other women as well, and understand how important sisterhood is,

What I would have told my younger self was to not lose myself even being a team player in that situation, that I still matter, you know, I still have a voice. And I think in that situation, I left out of that situation feeling like I didn't have a voice.

Like I was.

It was hard for me to stand on my own, and I went into that situation so confident God as.

Confident I felt it, I saw it. I was so confident. But sometimes with a lot of partnerships, we lose ourselves to become one, or we feel it's gonna make us cohesive or you know, make the situation work out better, and.

You get so used to blending so that you.

So that you know everything is so seamless and cohesive, and you you the way you move. You can watch when people do like the couple's figure skating or the you know, it's like you're supporting the greater good you are and you have to almost lose yourself to be this one thing, you know what I mean. And so with DC, my role was like the soprano or whatever. So coming out of DC, that's the only thing that I thought I could sing, you know what I mean.

And put this label on you. You felt like labeled I did, and you.

Know that I couldn't sing lead because that was someone else's role when I came in. You know, as a kid, I used to lead all the songs in church or you know what I mean. I was even in like a the neighborhood girls group before I got into DC and I was singing lead.

Then I did not feel like I could sing lead when I came out of DC.

But that's because for so long I felt like I had sacrificed myself for the greater good, which was, you know, my role that I played in DC, and I am grateful that I was given the opportunity to play that role and sometimes First of all, I think that that's what made us so great is everyone played their role so well, you know what I mean.

So it worked out for the group, but I.

Think individually it did something to my confidence. Especially.

I mean, you were so young, I was so young.

So I think that that would be the one thing that I would tell my younger self is don't lose yourself, baby. You still matter, you know, still remain confident in who God created you to be, in the gift that He gave you, and it doesn't you don't have to shrink yourself to be good at your role. And so that would be the one thing that I would tell myself. I learned so much from that situation, and gratefully we're all still really cool and love each other.

I just start to kill today, and it's beautiful that after.

So many years.

The love is still there through everything that we've been through.

People can assume that we hate each other and it didn't work out and blah blah blah.

But we were friends first. I'm at being school like that was. We was in elementary school together, you know what I mean. And our commonalities is what brought us together. Our bonding over music are all these different things is what brought us together.

And I don't think that ever changed.

It's just a shame that, like, you know, when business gets involved, things happen, and we were too young to understand the business and what was happening.

Of course. Yeah, I would imagine being like fifteen sixteen, having so many adults with you know, just with so being impressionable, having altered aterior motives and just lies and not being able to know, like have discernment. Yeah, as you're still learning yourself, you're still learning your body, you're still learning so many things. You just started your period

But I learned you're right, I learned about sisterhood through being in DC, like.

We had a bond like no other, Like we were each other's best friends, we were each other's sisters, like for real, we knew everything about one another.

There was it was just so much love there.

It was so much love there, and I felt like, you know, moving forward from that after that, the friendships that you know, God blessed me with. That's what I've had is true love. A real tribe of sisters who loved me with all of my flaws. Who I can call and say, I'm having a real fucked up day and it ain't make it better or tell me the truth about myself, but you fucked up.

I need all that. Someone who's gonna love my kids and be there from my kids sometimes even better than I would. Someone that shows up for me I have.

I have that, and I'm so blessed. I'm so blessed.

And now I'm realizing that there are so many, unfortunately women that don't have that.

Yes, there are, there are. It is, it's it's it's a it's I started. We started this podcast because I felt alone and we felt alone. And now that we have each other and we've built this community and like have so many friends within the good Mom's tribe. Like we get hit up all the time about like I don't have a tribe. I live here, I've relocated here, I don't have any friends here. How do I make friends?

A marriage, Yeah, this is a marriage, is a partnership, it's the same thing. Yeah, I think that we have one way of looking at it sometimes and that's not.

Always the best way.

Like, you guys have a beautiful marriage, and when you guys decided to create this partnership, you have like a covenant with each other.

And what's crazy is I feel you will remain more faithful to this relationship.

Than a lot of people will in their love relationships because you know, you have that grace with each other.

You see each other, you appreciate each other.

I've heard the whole beginning of the segment about how you guys go on and sit in the car and talk, and we do that with our girlfriends. But this is that this is the thing that a lot of people wish they had in their relationships, their love relationship, but.

This is But yeah, this has taught me a lot too, Like this, I feel like this relationship and partnership is going to like contribute to my husband, Like when he comes, I'll have like this has given me better tools to be able to be like, Okay, this made me feel insecure, like like even just talking every day, Like I mean obviously we talk every day, but like just having a platform or we talk every week, and I've become not all the way, but more comfortable with just being super

On to be a hater. Well, we were talking about like what insecurities we have with one another, Like hey, like when you like this isn't a popular statement and this is honestly, this isn't insecurity, I'm gonna share like like there's been times where Jamila is like killing it, like she's like going off and she's speaking something, She's speaking about something so eloquently, and I'm like, damn, like

But you know, like even in the time of like social media and LaToya, you probably dealt with this much earlier, like because you.

Were in a public forum very early on, well, social media was not around.

God, thank god, you've dealt with public like just just public judgment and being in spaces with other women that you're close to and being on a platform with other women that you're close to that you love and still I'm probably I'm probably sure, like feeling insecurities and feeling ways that humans feel that come up, like jealousy, like triggers, like all these things insecurities, you know, and if you don't work on them and check check them and like

Inside of you.

But like being in a space with other women that you love on a on a you know, a platform, and people can, you know, make judgments and pick at you and say whatever the fuck people say because people are bored and.

Don't know what the fuck they're talking about. But it's probably prepared you a lot to be able to function in this new world where everything is public and people can see at a restaurant be like, oh, she's dating this person, or she's she has beef with this person, and be like, well, damn, Like this is my sister and I love her and I don't need to.

You've probably had a lot of tools to combat other outside criticism, whereas I feel like I'm learning that now, and social media in ways has helped and also hurt. But thank god, I have a friendship and a sister that I can like really have these conversations with and be like, am I crazy?

Like why do I feel like you're gonna leave me? Like you're my nigga and I'm going to be alone and miserable and like I'm.

Not going to succeed without you, you know, Like it's just even in a relationship, like we've built something together and there's fear like oh, you'll meet someone else and leave me, but really loving yourself enough and understanding your power enough, like no one's going to leave me and I'm gonna fucking melt and die like it doesn't exist that way, And in fact, these are normal feelings and we should express them and we should get used to talking about it because that's how we like work past

Yeah, well, I think a lot of times too, like it's the journey to whatever the goal is. If I'm if, I nine times out of ten, I usually do feel like, oh my god, I love that for you. That's amazing, You're amazing, But like I'm human, and I feel like every human, like it doesn't make me less of a friend or less of a person if I feel and insecure about my friend in some way and I feel like, like I said, this is not a popular thing to say,

And but the beauty is you, guys, And what we don't do in some of our other relationships is you guys communicated. This is how I genuinely feel, and she still loved you through it, you know what I mean? Like, I think that there's so much fear. We operate in so much fear, and I love relationships, and that's what kills it?

Did You know what I mean?

It should You shouldn't fear being honest or transparent with someone that you love, you know what I mean? And what doesn't matter what kind of friendship if the love is there, what is love patient and kind?

You know what I mean?

I'm going to be understanding of whatever it is you just told me I'm gonna be patient with you. I'm gonna love you through it. I'm gonna be kind with my words. I'm going to understand that this is a very sensitive issue with you.

Like what's so hard about that?

Yeah, it's crazy, Like, hey, I'm human? Is that is that cool with you? Yeah? And hey, I told you you probably felt the love and the release. I was like, think you exactly. I'm like, I don't even know why I'm having these feelings. It's so stupid, right, and it's so.

Crazy because when you are in like your your love relationships and you guys do have those moments, that's when you have the best sex, right, Yeah, because you had a release. So I'm like, let's have more sex, let's have more moments like this, or if we can be honest and transparent and say.

Yeah, you know like what I do leave, I do want to call you ten times because I want to know where the fuck you are all the time.

But I'm not gonna do that because it can maybe seem great.

I don't want to do that.

So which I would never do that, say that I'm that person.

I am just saying that when you have those notice that when you do have those conversations, you guys get stronger and stronger, your connection gets stronger and stronger. So why not want more of that in your relationships? We have it in our girl you know, our girly relationships, but we don't have that in.

Our well o girl, girl, god, god, you know your relationshipate romantic relationships. I think more of that is necessary for sure. I feel like I used to offer more grace for men, and now I don't. I offer so much grace for my girlfriends, whereas now I've given, like I have these amazing friendships and now it's time to like I'm ready to like offer more grace to men. And like Jimia Lesband, she's like my practice relationship hilarious.

It's true, Like even in the relationship that I have right now, that's that's open. It's not monogamous, but like I am free to exist as I am, to come as I am. I'm free to be like I'm jealous, I'm insecure about that, and then mark through it. I'm like, Okay, maybe I don't need to, maybe I don't need to say that, or maybe I don't have a reason to.

Like things can shift relationships can shift. People shift. I'm not the same bitch I was in January. You know, I'm not the same bitch I was in fucking March. But like it's just practicing being like self.

Aware enough to communicate that to the people around you and notice when the people around you are not receiving it and can't and can't reciprocate that, because I think that's a big thing too. We grow up with friends that we've had for a long time, and then you feel stuck and being the person you grew up with them and they see you just as that and you can't get out of that. But like it's really good to keep checking in and who makes you feel good and who your tribe is.

Like I agree with that. Like I say this a lot.

Life is to be experienced with pleasure, Like life is pleasure. And if you're not experiencing like sex in all of your relationships and not literally speaking, but if you're not experiencing like breakthrough pleasure moments with all of your friends, break through conversations that may be uncomfortable, but afterwards you're making love Because I'm like, oh.

My god, I'm I'm so happy.

I can tell this bitch all this weird shit in my mind, you know, like it's it's not worth it. You know, if you don't feel those moments often in the relationships that you keep, it's probably not your people. You've got to find your tribe and you've got to find people that make you like even if it's you pushing yourself to be like this is my honest feelings. It's so important to fight for those type of relationships and go to the good vibra tree and find bitches

What needs to happen. Fact, your friendships and your.

Relationships should definitely motivate you to grow, even if it's uncomfortable. If you're staying complacent, if you don't feel like you're growing in those relationships, they're not for you.

I agree. I think this is a good time to check out what this card is. Okay, let's see. So at the top of the episode, LaToya pulled the judgment card. Oh boy, and here we go, here we go, and it's teot time. Baby. The judgment card. We've never pulled this card, I don't think, but the number twenty is on it. There are people below and then water it

There's water involved and hmm rebirth inner calling absolution. So the judgment card shows a naked woman, men, women and children rising from their graves, arms outspread and looking up in the sky above our angel Gabriel, the Messenger of God, blows his trumpet. The people respond to his call, ready to be judged and to find out if they will be accepted into the heavens or not. This is the most religious tarot card I've ever seen.

Actually, well Latoyan and broad the right. She was like, oh, I'll never pull a no car And I was like, come on, girl, I just pulled a car. Just just for a disclaimer, also for you too, because I know we talked about this. We didn't talk about this, but we we addressed this on the trigger and I'm uh, we said what you feel, how do you feel about which which you shit? And I know we reference WHICHI shit a lot on our show, but I think.

Just to clarify for people listening and for you, like if you are God fearing, if you're religious, if you're listening to our show and you're like, I'm a fucking.

With those witchy bitches. We when we say which, I.

Think the term I think the term has been very negative in like our society, but for us, I think, well, for me it's been very It's it's more about my divine feminine and the way in which I can utilize my magic, you know.

Alongside God.

It's like God's magic and how I've been able to harness it and like manifest the things that i want manifest this relationship.

And just that's when I say witchy shit. It's not like the.

Pagan like long long nose, like evil, Like we're not evil women but I think it's like think of Wizard of Oz, the good Witch.

Glenda, Remember Glendad. That's what I'm thinking of. Okay, so judgment upright.

The judgment card is calling you to rise and embrace a higher level of consciousness for the service of your highest good. You're experiencing a spiritual awakening and realizing that you are destined for so much more. This is your cosmic up leveling. You hear the call and you are ready to act. Tune into a higher frequency. Let go of your old self and step into the newest version of.

You, of who you really are.

The judgment card often indicates that you need to make life changing decision, but unlike those associated with the logical justice card, this decision requires a blend of intuition and intellect. You may be at a crossroads where the any choice you make will bring a significant change with the long lasting effects. Tune into your higher self, trust your judgment, and know you're on the right path. If you still need clarity on the situation, look to your past and

Not so unhappy, but I've been married ten years or whatever, and then they stay. But I think it's about your intuition.

I think I think we separate our intuition from religion and from like the God. You know, this very strict, rigid form of what God looks like. But I think that removes us from God, the image of God in which we were made of, and he kind of instills that in us, that intuition, so we're like, oh no, that's not for me, and in all things, we need to lead with that, you know. I think that's a part.

Of this pool, and I think that's our I think the lot of that is our superpower. As women. We got that intuition on luck, and not to say men don't, but we really got it. Amen, you really got that ship. I would have to agree. I would have to agree. Wells, thank you so much for joining us. This is a fun guy. I'm so grateful for you coming out here. I know that you left Mexico a day early, but oh my god, her friends are going to kick our ass. Would you take our friend? I mean I have to

I take trips, okay, but I feel like this one is the longest that I've I'm gonna be without them.

It's driving me absolutely. Like my mom was sending me pictures like, oh, look at this picture.

I have it t I was like, you just sent me into depression.

Yeah, I just do that. Oh I did not mean to do that. I'm like, just I don't know, more pictures.

I'll be trying not to, you know, look at pictures and get sad because my mom's guilt to be like, oh my.

God, I'm enjoying How dare I enjoy my life without my kids? Right?

No, it's I mean, I'm you know, it's it's the time where I am supposed to be alone legally. I'll say it like that, so you know, is tough, but it's it's, uh, what's necessary necessary.

We'll say it like that, and it's it sucks, but I'm best. I'm making the best of it. It's it might suck right now, but I'm gonna let you know now, like being able to drop them kids off is a

On my I G I'm on there often at LaToya like get l E T O I A l U c K E T T.

Yeah, that's where I spend most of my time. Perfect And you guys. If you guys are interested in joining us in Costa Rica this summer, make sure you check out the episode description. We have a link there you can book a call with us if you have any questions. Make sure you like and review this episode or just the podcast and roll on Apple or Spotify. Please support black pot Black podcasters. We really need those reviews and