I could teach anybody how to embrace their sexuality without showing my skin or even talking like that. But yes, we have to understand that. When we were talking about like pop your throat pussy earlier, I was telling you know, I tell people like your throat resembles the inside of our vagina, and so your throat is the second thing that gives birth, and you're constantly giving birth. So whenever you're casting spells over your life, you're giving birth to
what you want in your world. So that's sexuality. You know, Sacral energy is not only just like how you use your vagina, it's also how you're able to manifest to create.
Welcome back to good Night, Bad Choices, America, and I'm Meila.
Happy Wednesday, Happy Hemp Day, bitches. You guys were in Atlanta right now. We're at the sci Content House, a girl Samaya aka Sexual Essentials aka Boss ass Bitch, who has a content house in Atlanta. So if you're on YouTube right now, make sure you go check out the STI Content House. If you're on YouTube, make sure you subscribe because I always tell y'all, but we always look
really fine. You put on makeup and today my titties are out because I always have the titties out for Samaya, and she is happy.
She's here right now.
She's actually sitting behind the cameras looking like she's watching Netflix.
Watching this episode.
You might be watching porn from this position. She's looking very comfortable.
She has a dad hat on a blanket, and I crust boogers.
Blast my friend.
But I still bust some cities out for y'all. So we're on intube right now. Make sure you go check us out.
Every time I think of Atlanta, I was thinking, welcome to Atlanta, where the play is play.
But I'm just not like a player anymore.
I got here and I said, let me call my hose, and I said, I'm not a player no more.
Because I have some zero hose.
I barely have any friends. I only have two friends. I was like, I'm gonna go spend time with all my friends. I'm gonna go early. And then I got here. I started looking through my phone.
Then you realized you can't the hold are not your friends. You can't call them anymore.
Yeah. I realized that because as soon as I was like trying to hit up people, he was like, can I eat your pussy.
I was like, no, no, I was just trying to get a free dinner. But no, now I can't even do that. You stupid, but just kidding?
Are you last to get free dinners? Still?
Is that?
Like?
Is that a I didn't learn Orlando have like an agreement that both of you guys can get free dinners.
I didn't ask.
You usually don't ask.
You don't ask if you want, if you want it to be a yes, you just do it and then you are you just you just get in trouble later you don't. I was gonna get trouble because it was just going to be a free meal. I wasn't going to be like a head giving session. So that's why I couldn't even get the meal, because I cut it. Because I'm an adult now, I'm a thirty five year old retired semi ho not a full time hume. Just a hell for your man, just a help for my man,
which is, you know, it's working out very well. I'm doing a lot of host shit over there. I might be like the biggest hope of my lifetime just in my relationship.
I love that for you.
Thinks doing a lot of host shit at my house and every crevice.
I'll make a note of that when I'm sitting on the couch.
You already knew that, girl, I know.
But like people wiping down things.
First of all, alas have access at their own house thinking about like, let me last saw this when my guests come over.
I'm just last.
Quarter, so I've been thinking about this.
Type of shit.
So I do sell your ship. I mean, if I was squort on some shit, but I actually I'm gonna clean it up.
I mean too.
I hope everybody is cleaning up there after that.
I don't think they are. And if you're listening right now, bitch, please clean up.
Wash the covers of your couch if you squored it on your couch because you didn't make it to the bed.
Bitch.
Well, there's certain things like I'll lay out stuff, and there's things that have covers that are removable to be washed.
Just for this purpose.
I would hate for everyone to come over and just like be laying down and be like.
Said she, miss Pussy.
I think I think, I mean, it might make you come back more, you know what I'm saying.
We did have that episode with shampoo, drum Pussy perfume.
Oh yeah, what did she say that, like when you're ovulating, populating.
You put your finger inside your pussy and then you put it on like behind your ears, everywhere you put perfume, like before an important meeting on a date.
This this is a life hat. Not going to use that. But you know what, I really did notice.
I guess maybe because I'm in partnership that when I'm ovulating, I'm like, you are really going in right now. It's like it's like a like a pheromone that you put out then the niggas can't resist. You're supposed to be getting pregnant, well, I mean that's what our bodies are meant for a procreation.
So just on a scientific level, not that anyone's getting pregnant.
Birth control.
Please clean your pussy juice off your.
Couch, especially if you're like me, because I'm a wet, wet pussy juicer and amic's a squirter. I haven't gotten my pussy juice is to squirt yet, but it's coming. So once, just one time.
What was the what was like the magic thing that unlocked it?
Just did you like notice like yourself getting out of your mind to get out of your way? Was there like some sort of sensation. Was it like fingers? Was it? I?
I was like standing on the side of the bathroom counter, and yeah, I was out of my mind on my way. It was like one of those like staycations we did with Ashley in one of those mansion houses that we so often do because we're fucking classy bitches. But yeah, I was just like, so that was nice. But I haven't quite I haven't ever gone back. It's never happened again. So maybe I'm done with Tantra school. I'll hit another,
unlock another level. Anything going on, new, anything going to share with the people.
It's almost my birthday.
Hey, it's what is this?
Witchy magic? Make your magic October? Make your own magic October?
Was that is that it?
Yeah?
Make your own magic October.
So October's my favorite month of the year for many reasons. Obviously, it's because a queen priestess, badass bitch was born Maka Amy, and then also because it's Halloween, and that's also my favorite holiday because me and you and our friends and our kids get really crazy.
We've been playing Halloween off its for like ten months.
Also, I feel like the weather's really good around this time. It's like getting a little cold, but there's still like those hot days. Random hot days usually in Halloween is like where the weather switches. It's like that day when all the bitches are dressed like hoo cheese, it's freezing.
It's true.
In La, it's like it's hot ninety eight degrees. And then the day of the Halloween when you want to wear nothing, it's like surprise, bitch, it's snowy. Yeah I know, and then you're then I'm really trying to wear like my leathers and my plaids and it just doesn't work.
I'm just sweating and looking cute. Also, our live show, you guys, if you have not got tickets for a live show, it is a very special live show because A it's in LA and it's kicking off our tour, and b it's my wife's motherfucking birthday.
So we're going to be turned turned with the capital T.
What did the kids saying turn? No, that's not what the kids are saying. Whatever, but that's what we're gonna be doing. Okay, it's gonna be lots of tequila, so maya shut up. There's gonna be lots of debauchery, lots lots of titties, and we really encourage you to come with your Houcci gearon, because we don't want to be the only bitches with Houchi gearon.
Yes, October twenty first, at the Teogram Ballroom, it's Confessions of a Good Mom and we are still waiting for more people to call in and leave their confessions on our hotline.
Can we dress like nuns? WHOA is that too much like Hucci nuns? Because it's confessions? Are only the priests like the confessions we could?
Yeah, that's kind of cool, right.
I don't know if the Christians are going to love that, but it's Catholic, Okay, same the Christians.
Catholic.
The Christians believe in the nuns umbrella. It's a humbreller, you.
Know what I mean. It's it's a umbrella.
Also, this month, this month of October is also very special because there's a Friday.
The thirteenth.
I love it.
I love it. I'm like, I can't wait to wear black that day.
It's getting dark, witchy energy.
Yes, which is so appropriate for our guests today because we have a very special guest today who is very very focused on the darkness.
She is she's focused on it. I guess yeah.
I think people get people get scared of the darkness, but we're all made up of darkness and light. There's balance that has to happen. So, you know, Erica and I are really with the dark shit, but now everybody is, especially black people. I think black people getting really scared where you'd be talking about with that devil shit, but it's not really devil shit. I mean, we all have a little devil in us right anyway, Sorry, Christians, come back, I'm just kidding.
Don't turn off the radio. Today.
We have a very special guest.
We're here in Atlanta, and we've been really wanting this person to come on our show for a very long time. So we're very, very excited to have Tatiana the trap Witch.
Oh wait, hold on, your mic is so far I know he put.
It so far away, supposed to be that far. Yeah, he said I could project my voice. Oh oh okay, I could project my voice into it. I could pop my throat post to tell you guys.
Pop that throat pussy queen.
So the feminine Liberator, the trap Witch, the mindset coach.
I love I would just love all of yours. I just love your whole page.
Thank you.
It's like a walking meme of just like yes, yes, I need to reshare this, I need to reshare this.
It's just like so much duality. I love duality.
I love people who are confident in living in lots of spaces at one time, and you like, really really hit that shit on the note.
I just did a class on that. I called it The Unbound Priestess, and I focused really on a sp virtual women. We are allowed to be multifaceted, and so many people don't want us to be multifaceted as women. They don't want us to be smart, they don't want us to be a hoe, they don't want us to be confident. You know, it's like we have to pick one thing. So my spiritual journey has all about being a multifaceted goddess and encouraging women, especially to be just that too.
Preach hallelujah. I told you it was church.
Hallelujah. Halla, bag, I'm not bad.
I was gonna say same.
That's a lot of what our platform was created in, like just being able to be a multitude of things and like be in your face about it and kick down doors and say here we are.
Bitches and all of our wholeness.
You know, there's so many I don't know why society thinks that we have to be one thing, Like if you're a writer, you can only write if you're smart.
You can't be a hope. You can't no such thing as a smart hope.
Well, it makes you, Like what I said in my class recently, is makes you controllable. People like predictability. They think that when they can't predict you, that you're a threat. So one of the points I made in my class the other day was like, we don't look at the moon and be like, bitch, you're such a fake bitch you show us every face every three four days, because like we really and truly only see one side of the moon. Yet we give the moon permission to change
every few days, and we don't call her fake. But as like women and as people, as a shape being shape shifters, people are like, no, but you were this today, Why are you this tomorrow? When we have so many layers to us.
I love that that's so true.
It's so true that we are often pigeonholed into like how we've shown up. And I think even Mila and I creating the space of our retreat business. Is one of the reasons is because as women like we even in our own friend circles, people like to pigeonhole you, like, Hey, I know you as this person, why are you showing
up as this person? So when you kind of are able to kind of isolate yourself and go off as kind of a lone wolf, which essentially is what these women do when they come to our retreats because some of them, most of them are coming alone, they're really able to give themselves permission to shape shift, like they finally have the ability to do that in peace without judgment because their best friend isn't there who knows them from what however long, or their partner or their husband.
And that's really where the transformation comes. That's really where the magic comes. When you're able to really tap into all the different sides that of who you are, the dark the light, and you can't have one without the other. You literally cannot have the dark without the light, the good without the bad. And you know, I think people think that the dark we talk about even dark feminine, which we'll talk about a little bit later in this episode.
But when we think about the dark feminine or the darkness. We always think of it as a negative, and really there's so much power in the dark. There's so much birth thing in the dark. I mean, we are created in the dark, in the dark of our mother's wounds. That's really where creation is birthed. And I just fish, I just if you're listening to this, don't be afraid of the dark.
Baby.
It saved my life. I told people all the time my brand the trap, which was birthed from a time where as an mpath I was tired of being a good girl that got walked on, and so I channeled these parts of my shadow. I didn't know that's what it was at the time. I was channeling these parts of my shadow to help me. I'm like, please, calling out to parts of myself to help me gain boundaries to advocate for myself. And so a lot of my work now is the balance between teaching people about empathy
but also channeling the healthy parts of your ego. And even when we're going back to like being multifaceted, people want to pigeonhole you into how you expressed as well, Like God forbid you're empathetic. They don't want you to use your ego when it is necessary, or you know, there's times when I am aggressive, but then there's times
I'm apathetic and I don't give a fuck. So people don't even want you to shape shift with how you show up and advocate for yourself that you know, like with the let's say you're the strong friend, they always just want you to be that empathetic, strong friend with
no boundaries. And so a lot of times, even when we're just looking to channel some of our darkness, most people's darkness comes from the parts of themselves that they're afraid to embody, or the parts of themselves that they feel like they're going to lose everything if they finally tap into when most of the times, that's when you gain all your wholeness, and then you gain the people that are aligned for you and the things that are aligned for you.
Yes, it's so true.
I mean that you can't you can't really access your whole self without accessing the darkness. And by ignoring it, ignoring it and avoiding it, you are kind of like you are avoiding the work that needs to be done to be able to pull up and show yourself and make real friends and make real relationships. Because if you're only functioning in one side of yourself, then people are only knowing one side of you, and so.
That's a level of spiritual bypassing. You know what I mean? And I tell people all the time, all shadow workers can be light workers, but not all light workers could be shadow workers. So until you tap into that shadow, there's only so much light that you can attract to you, and you're going to continue to repeat the same lessons over and over.
I think that the word shadow work is obviously something that if you're listening, you've seen it on Instagram or maybe you know what it means. But I'm curious to you, like, can you define what you view as shadow work?
To me, shadow work is all the work that needs.
To be done when it comes to overcoming your own stigmas, over becoming your own traumas, overcoming the parts of yourself that you're afraid to embody to get to your highs again. It's like, in general, people are very avoidant. People don't want to do the work. So to get to everything that you need to do, you have to be willing to go to your subconscious layers and to yourself, like why do I do the things that I do, and even for good people, like I have good people come
to me all the time. They're like, I'm such a good person. Why is it that I attract these things? That's because you have no boundaries.
You know.
Even good people's karma is to at times attract people that are there to teach them those parts of themselves. So that would be the shadow work for that type of person where it'd be like, Okay, why are you afraid to be aggressive? Why are you afraid to advocate for yourself? Why are you afraid to be to have a bit of an ego? You know, because like when we talk we get into spiritual talk, lots of people like kill the ego, kill the ego. I don't believe
in that. I believe in integrating the ego. You know, there's parts of the ego that is for your defense and for your confidence, but there's parts that are very self centered. But again, we are the center, right, we are the center of our story, so we have to know how to tap into when that should be the highest value to protect ourselves.
So a lot of for me shadow work is really.
For you.
That's something that's a stigma for you, that's avoiding you from evolving from your highest self and all the abundance that's for you, and that can vary from person to person.
I love that, and I think like everybody has everybody's soul comes here with the purpose, and we're here to learn a lesson and you know, and like if you're avoiding the lesson, then you'll have to redo it in the next lifetime.
Like that's one of my beliefs.
And so I think sometimes by avoiding the shadow work, you bound yourself to like be doing the same shit over and over again. And I think also people people are so reluctant to say, like what is my contribution to this cycle? So like if I'm attracting a certain type of guy or certain types of friends, and it's like, but.
I'm such a good person.
It's like, yeah, you might be a good person, But like you said, it's like there is some things that you need to dig deeper in to figure out why it is that this is something that you are continuously finding yourself in, especially because I think all relationships are reflections of ourselves.
You know, it's about it's about cultivating you know, spiritual discernment and protection. And again I tell people all the time because you know, as times as women especially like we don't want to take accountability too. Like there's tons of times where I hold men account I just hold
people accountable. And there's been times I've talked about things and women are like deflecting and blaming, and I'm like, what it sounds like is by all means, you've gone through things, but until you take accountability for the parts that you do play in certain cycles, you're forever going to be a victim. And so I said, I don't believe in like the bootstrapping method where it's like just resilience and stop being a victim. No, like the armor
of God and spiritual discernment. And this is the way I describe it, is like, Yeah, you went through a scenario where you're walking through a minefield barefooted, you get your left foot blown off. Let's not make that happen again. Let me teach you how to put on some shoes, how to navigate a mind feel so you can keep
you all the foot. So a lot of times people want to deflect and they want to blame and take no responsibility for hell, they have to show up because again there's parts of people that they think that like they're weak like I used to be that bitch, Like I used to be so in victim. It's everybody's fault and take no accountability. And now I can come to myself and to my spirit guides daily and be like, Okay, this happened. What part do I play in it? What part do they play on it? And what do I
do now? A lot of people are just walking around with so much repressed shit, so by the time it gets really bad, it's usually spirit bringing everything to the service to be like, bitch, playtime is over. And I had to go through that point in my life where spirit was like, bitch, place time is over.
Yeah.
That discriminative awareness.
I learned this word recently, discriminative awareness from Tantra, and it's literally like it took me a life. They kept saying it, and I know what the fuck they were talking about, until finally I realized. It's like I think sometimes we're taught that, you know, like you're not above anyone. You know, we're all human and we're all equal, and this is true, but like everyone does not deserve to
be in your energy field all the time. And like some people would say, like oh, that's ego, but it's like, no, it's just truth. You know, everyone's at a different level of lessons and sometimes if you poured you deeply into someone who's not where you're at, you are going to inevitably drain yourself of the energy that is supposed to
be yours. And so like the part about like the fire element is like discriminative awareness, is that, like, everybody's not where I'm at, and because I'm protective of my energy, I'm going to discriminate against some motherfucker is because you are not on my level, nigga, you know what I mean?
And that is okay.
In fact, that is my right in this and and my right and my purpose in this realm to be aware and also discriminate against some people because I recognize that you still have some lessons to go and it's not my responsibility to bring you up here, and you know, and sometimes it's hurts. And that's another thing about like your fire element. It's like attachment obviously, like we're humans and we're supposed to be connected, and you know, inevitably
we come into the world with other people. You know, you're birth through a womb, but you know, and there's also healthy attachment, but there's a lot of negative and unhealthy attachment, and we are bound by it, especially women, because we are nurturers and because we want to love, we want to pour into and then we get clouded about who we need to be attached to and when it's time to cut those attachments off and so like that.
You know, I'm not one of those people. For sure, I've been one of those people.
And so I'm just really like, I'm grateful for this conversation because I think that is something a lot of women struggle with, is like I love this person, I care about this person, even in family situations. But you know, it's like if someone is drowning you or hurting you and the attachment is no longer healthy, you have to have discriminative awareness and cut that shit off.
Do you know what limerence is?
No?
Okay? So I learned this term on TikTok that limerens, like a lot of women right now are suffering from limerens like limerence, like love obsession, and there's a lot of predatory content. In the past six seven years, it's been put on the internet between tarot readings, twin flames soulmate karme and women are literally becoming even more obsessive because now we have, you know, these things coming out. We have the capability to watch people that were obsessed with through the internet.
Like I don't know about you guys, but like when.
You came out, I was like, man, I see a little bit of Joe and myself and how I used to be. Because this is how it is women. We operate now at times where women get so obsessed and hyper fixated and attached that they're you know, stalking. And I always tell people all the time I made a pay with post probably like three years ago, and women came for me. I was like, bitch, I don't give a fuck. I said, women can be predators too, too, And I was like, y'all, bitches gotta.
Take accountability that when your dark feminine energy is not integrated at high levels, you can become the most succubius, manipulative, stalking ass bitch.
And I know that because I've been there before, you know what I mean, I've been there before. Like I take care of both my shit, you know. I like ran through an apartment gate and left the letter under his door because he wasn't answered about his message and he's like, you don't think that's a big much. I was like, no, you weren't answering, you know, And it's the truth. So yeah, people have to have that spiritual discernment.
And a lot of the women that I work with, again, we are in the lack, we are in the scarcity, so that attachment is hard to cut because they don't they're not aware of how infinite they are because of self worth issues. And to even what you were saying about moving purposefully, Yes, the more I feel spiritual you get, the more funny moving bitch you gotta be. I admitted this the other day. I was like, I am a funny moving bitch and that really pisses people off sometimes
because they're like, she's so calculated. I have to be. When you get really aware of your energy, most successful people are strategic with their energy. So I can't afford to waste time to be in cycles long or whatever.
So yeah, you can afford to be a funny moving bitch because so many women are not cognizant at times of what they're giving access to their energy, and so I really advocate for women being more mindful, not creating these attachments and knowing that you have to take accountability for your part. And a lot of women don't for that, limeer and shit, They'll be like, what do you mean, Like.
Well, the deliberance, let me learn a newer deliberate shit, limerent shit is it's it's fucked up because we are born into a society that places that places our value and our worth in like very in like entanglement with our relationship status.
I'm about to go in on that in a second.
So we're born into this society where if you come out, you know, you come out, you turn three, and they turn on the fucking Disney movies and there's a Prince Charming and this bitch is running off into the sun on a fucking fucking chariot, you know.
And then you're like, oh, that's what I'm supposed to do.
I'm supposed to have a man check, I'm supposed to get a finished school check the house, picket fence, and have babies boom, you know, and like if it doesn't go in that order, then you're like you're steady examining, like what's wrong with me? Instead of being like, oh, I'm fine, I'm perfectly good. But these you know, a lot of these men have some vibration reasing to do. And until you do that, I'm not going to lower mind, you know. And it's so our worth is so tied
into our relationship status and our marital status. Is that like our self worth is frankly confused, and so we become obsessed with companionship and relationship status and even become you know, like your online looking at relationships like I was Miella's and I'm like obsessed, you know, like, oh like that looks I want that.
I want that because it looks a certain way.
But the truth is is like as I think, as we become spiritually sharper, those the tests will come at a higher rate and it will become harder to like just like I'm back in like when I ued to be a Christian and there was a part they were like God will test you.
Now that you're Jesus's child.
The devil will test you to see if you're really like okay, this is like, but in reality, as you become spiritually sharper, there will be tests because it's testing your understanding of your self worth. It's testing if you really are devotion to your devotion to yourself, to your faith, you know, and your alignment with yourself and your self worth. And so sometimes it will be a fine ass, smooth talking kind of seems smart, but maybe you're not that smart.
Man that will dig you down and bring you in because everybody knows the womb is the easy way, and you like fucking raw, and then you're confused, and then you're like, oh, actually, actually no, I can't help him.
I can't save him. No, bitch, you cannot. You have to only save yourself. But a part of our nature and a part of our socialization is that we are supposed to be coupled or we are supposed to be, you know, saved in ways by this like divine masculine. And sometimes the test is in sharpening your skills, and the sharpening of your skills is like do you love yourself.
Enough to have discriminative awareness?
And so I just I feel like, the higher you get in your spiritual practice and your self worth, because I think those are one and the same, you will have tests, and a lot of times I do come in the forms of love, because that is something that for women is easy to tempt us with because of
how we're socialized. And I also believe the more you're in alignment with yourself and the more you are practicing discriminative awareness and you're cutting off people and being a funny acting bitch, but not really a funny acting bitch. It's like you are going to be constantly tested with your alignment to see if you're ready to go to
the next level. And I think sometimes it's like it's in cutting off the fat that you get to graduate to the next level because you're showing the universe, you're showing spirit that oh no, I really know my worth, I really know who the fuck I am, and it's not depending on a relationship or a person, and it's not like and it's about me. It's not about me saving somebody else, you know. And I think that's difficult too, because again we're teachers and we're mothers, and that's what
we do. We teach and we love and we pour into But it's like you have to know when when it's the right person or people to do that for.
I agree, I agree on everything is said, but I also I also am thinking about Limerens in yours. I think what you said about that too, is that like in the age of social media, like we are looking on Instagram and like ingesting all these different and pictures of what love is supposed to look like, and even even memes. I think about some of the like the things that I come across on my algorithm, and I'm like,
why are you attacking me? Or like and like but also knowing like it's either they're speaking to exactly how I feel and then I want to reshare that, or they're attacking me, and then I'm like, I feel insecure about this. This is how I feel. Should I leave him? Should I you know what I mean?
And then or like, oh, yes, this is what love is supposed to be like?
And just how the internet really, I think makes it such a tricky place to feel secure in your spiritual spirituality, especially if you don't have like a foundation and a grounding in it, and especially if you don't have a grounding in your self love and self awareness. You can see these memes and start to dictate your life based on what these things are, what these like, what's being fed to you. I've literally seen things that have pissed me, like I'm triggered now and now I'm mad at you
because I saw this shit. This I wasn't even mad at you ten minutes ago, but now I'm reminded of some dumb ass shit that you did, and now I'm questioning my self worth and whether I should be with you and like and then like, so, I don't know if that's how Limerens also works.
It does work like that too, And you know, I think we have to be so careful because like again, I think that there's so much predatory content out there right now, even down to like relationship podcasts and people who are positioning themselves as relationship gurus like I'm gonna be transparent, Like do I think every woman should listen to Shira seven? No, some of the advice that she gives is kind of like sex work advice, and I'd be telling people like not every bitch is built for that.
So we have to have as individuals or really strong internal compass. Even for me, there are certain femininity coaches that are on the internet and what they would position
as femininity. I could never follow that advice because I'm very in tune with what my not only who I am as an individual and my my makeup, but also what my mission is like for me, I'm not a traditionally feminine woman, according to certain femininity coaches, because I have to be very masculine in nature, not only to protect myself, but to protect my community and my women
and my army coming behind me. So I think it's really important for people when they're on the internet and they're taking advice or they're taking things in firstly acts like does this really apply to me? Like what's my internal compass set up? Like does this applied to me? Should I take this advice? Because again, this is how cults get started, you know, Like it's not fucking cults get started.
You know, cults and people going off their path.
You know, I when I did my Unbound preesess class the other day, I was like, quite honestly, I don't listen to a lot of male spiritual leaders in the black community because if I'm gonna listen to these men, they gonna leave me to fucking help because what they would say is a respectable way. I'm not that bitch, you know, I'm not going to be a bitch that's position next to a doctor umar or a nineteen key.
I'll be you know what I'm saying, I'll be well like Yousha kai War and was like, you know what I'm saying, like wop. So again, I think when we're taking in things, do not take everything as doctrine. You have to learn how to take the meat and throw away to bones. But a lot of people don't know how to fucking think for themselves. And that's true.
Like that you're speaking of something so like hitting it on the nose about like what is your position in this field here? And it's like, yay, yes, you have to know yourself. But like like you said, yeah, there's a lot of motherfuckers, a lot of black male leaders.
That yeah, we're not you're we're not going to get along. And We've had some of.
Those people on our show and I'm like, I can listen to it with a grain of salt, but I also know a lot of those I don't want to like generalize, but a lot of these male leaders do not respect the female spiritualists and leaders in the same right.
Especially if they look like us. And you said this the other day, you know why this is gonna blow your mind. It came to me the other day the same shit that they've done to women, where they're like, you're misrepresenting God, you're a spiritual woman, you're mis Like when Kiki Palmer came out with this stuff recently and they're like, she's misrepresenting him. I was like, why is there always so much pressure put on women or how we represent men? Why aren't we having this conversation about
how they fucking represent us. We're not having as many conversations. And some of this indoctrination comes from what we've put on women and what a spiritual woman should be, how you represent God, and then we put it in the spiritual community with these men. You guys aren't worthy to be represented those next to us. And I was just like, but who says I even want to sit next to that type of men? But again, certain women are literally changing who they are so they could take a seat
next to these men. And that's not even who's formally for them sometimes.
Right, Yeah, Like, just because I'm not wearing a head wrap and I'm not buttoned up to the fucking top button and I'm wearing a kitten fucking heel, does it mean that I'm not I hate I fucking hate them.
Well, you know, one thing I came to the realization and I said this the other day because you know, I get I'm gonna say I get tested. I'm not gonna say I get attacked. I get tested from many different sides because I'm truly an intersectionalist, Like I'm biracial, I'm a witch, I'm a former sex worker. Like when you put all that in the pot, it's like, why wouldn't you get attacked, bitch, because you represent so many
intersections that are taboo for people to talk about. But what I said the other day was and I listened, had a brain fart, but what we were saying about the kitten heel, okay, dark feminine, I'm not like I went to make DHD thing for a minute.
So what I.
Realize is for me, sometimes I get attacked because I'm too much of a feminist for men that don't want me to be in power. And I'm too much of a misogynist for certain women because I'm too sexual. And so what I realized recently is that there's so many women that do identify with this like overtly sexual, dark feminine energy, and we do get jealousy, we do get attacked by women because it looks to them what the
male gaze is about. Well, it's truly just who you are, right, But I realized the reason why that gets mistaken is we also don't talk about goddess veneration. We don't talk about goddess worship like we are very fluid women where we're like vigial titties look good in that pope amount. But people assume that that's just for the male gains, when this is who the fuck you are, bitch. I like my titties out, I like a seven inch heeld, my life, my toes out. It's like, it's not all
for men, and we love it. Away from the conversation, it's all for the male gaze. Well it's not.
And that's really hard for a lot of women curious and men, yes, men, but.
For women to really download and understand.
Yeah, well, because they've been shamed and so they've suppressed that part of thomselves because for acceptance, because they've been it's been fucking shoved down their throat that if you do this or that it's for attention. And so when you when you take that in and then you see a woman who's embodying her full self, whatever that looks, your first impression is that a you're going to project because I've never been allowed to do that and so
I can't understand it. And b you must be doing this because you're trying to take my nigga and because you want a lot of attention in your home.
Well, I think, yes, that's one layer, but I think the other layer is that is that also women have experienced the trope, like they have experienced a man choosing the other woman based on her comfortability in her divine or dark feminine.
Which you know which will happen.
Because if I'm comfortable in all parts of myself, I'm automatically going to be attractive to people males, and like that is another thing about like even this conversation is about suppressing the darkness or suppressing sides of yourself for acceptance, is actually going to do the opposite, because until you
accept all parts of yourself, no one else will. And it's like when I show up and like maybe my titties are out, and maybe you're confused by it and like you don't like it, but you're also like kind of intrigued and gravitate towards it's because you are seeing an example of someone who is showing up in their full self and so automatically it's it's it's appealing.
But even if you can't understand it.
But I think that like women are so have been so used to suppressing the natural parts of themselves because let's face it, you cannot take the sex away from the woman. It is all encompassing. And so if you're trying to avoid your sex, you're trying to avoid your sexiness, your sexuality, you are going to be partitioned, you know, like I don't know if that's the right word, but you're going to be you know, you're segregating yourself.
It's part to mentalizing yourself.
And so, you know, even for me, even growing up, I've always been like very in tune with my sexuality, very in tune with my body.
I do not like clothes.
If we could have a topless podcast, I fucking would, but you know then that would we be on only fans.
But can you bring up a good point? This is the point I've brought up to my audience a lot, is because sometimes people will want to say that you were indoctrinated through like the hyper sexualization of MTV. I was like, no, when when I was four years old, I was watching Pamela Anderson. I was watching pretty well. I remember watching Roger Rabbit solely to watch Jessica. I was like, put the.
Bitch on with the big literally like I like her.
I do like her.
And when you think think about this, think about when you look at her message, she goes, I'm not bad. I was just drawn this way.
And for a lot of us as dark femininess, who are going to be overtly presenting that, because it's one thing to be dark femine, but then to present in that way too, You're gonna get those taboos and you're gonna get this stigmas because you're literally a representation of a lot of feminine rebellion.
And so I did.
I did like a poll one time on my page and I said, as a woman, did you have any archetypes or you know, women in movies or whatever that you really loved that were aged inappropriate for your age? And have you found yourself coming to embody that energy or are you still ashamed because you want to? And it was so wild how many women were like, Wow, yes, I was drawn to this. And you know, I didn't want to play with Barbie's I wanted to watch dance
all queen. You know, I wanted to watch Zena. I wanted to watch Pam out with her today, you know. So I truly believe that a lot of us do come knowing our archetypes, but we're not allowed the space to explore them, and we just don't have the parents that can guide us, you know, because I do think, yes, there are things that are age appropriate, but having the right parent to guide you and be like, okay, well this is your expression, like I'm gonna let you do it.
My mom was always open with me with like letting me dye my hair and makeup and stuff like that. But for the most part, you know, like I've always been who I've been, and when I look back, I was like, that's vision who the fuck she was. And so really, when I went through my spiritual awakening, it was really just a return to who she always knew she was. And for a lot of people, it's like that. But a lot of people were just like, oh, no, you do this for the male gaze, Sorry, are you
do this? It's like, no, bitch, I wanted to be Jessica Rabbit from the Towels for honestly, god, I.
Think that's really I think that's a really good question to ask yourself, is like what were the archetypes that you were drawn to?
Were you just a child to thee? Yeah, because again like when you think about like did you have anyone in your like no, be that It's like no, like that's that's just what my spirit.
Wanted, which you were attracted to.
Because I was always drawn to the dark, like the dark witchy, like saying kind of like evil person, not even and like because I just feel like she was powerful and she was mysterious, and there was always like an element of sexuality attached to it.
Always I would tell people all the time, like I remember watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer when I was really young, and not just not the series, but the movie and being enamored with it. And then I remember, I literally remember to this day when the series came out and I was like standing in the living room and I heard the music. I was like, what's that? Or when the Craft came out? Craft the Craft.
I always say about that, and I was like I wanted to be Who's the darkest one? Miranda the crazy love Nancy and then she went a little off the deep in the end, but in the beginning, I was like, I fucking love her. I love her, And they were like, you don't like the like the light skinned black girl, that's more your vibe.
Like, no, bitch, I'm Nancy dark one.
But you know what that That's another thing I was just thinking about this conversation before I even got here, is that, like the beauty of childhood and of children is that they're just blindly attracted to what they're they're attracted to and without question and same like as a child, we were fucking in the valley, watching the craft light as a featherfucking stuff as a board, doing the Ouiji board and shit, and you know, as we get older, I'm like, is that some white people?
Shit, No bitch, you're just a witch from birth.
And same Jessica Rabbits and like even like me saying I saw Daphne and the whole foods and she didn't have braun. And I remember as a child thinking I want to be that type of mom. Like these are the things that I was automatically just drawn to not and then later in my life I question why I was this way or if something was wrong with me.
But like there's this like in a sense and freedom that children come into the come and come into the earth with that we take away from them and even us, like we both have daughters, and my daughter is like, you know, even they're they're young, they're eight and they're you.
Know, almost nine.
But I see her like dancing to certain music certain ways like like me, and I'm like, oh, that's dope, you know, like you were in tune with your sensuality and it does not scare me. But when I was a kid and I wanted to fucking work glitter, my mom was like, you're being crown you know.
Oh my god. One of my best core memories. Let me tell you. There was a point in time we lived in Pennsylvania in the nineties, just for a little bit, and I would go to the mall and we walked past Baker's and I'd be like, Mom, can I get the thigh high boots? Like I would beg her, I would scream. I was like, I want white thigh high boots. I was obsessed with And eventually my mom was like, okay,
they were flat. She got me them. But I'm like, why was I always obsessed with the hooker boots of the time I was a kid, I love them, you know what I mean? And my like my best haul we ever as a child, my mom made me a zena warrior princess outfit.
She like took one of her bootyas me too.
She took one of her boosier's and she like bedazzled it with like things for me, and then she like made a little leather skirt. She like cut it and made the pleats and I like had no titties of course, right, but like it was this booty. I was like, I'm seen again. Like a lot of us knew our archetypes, and I've always identified with the healer, the warrior, and the whore. Those are those are my archetypes.
How many archetypes are there?
Do we know?
No?
I mean I think it's different, yeah, but I just I've come to realize, like and again, like there people are gonna tell you, like you can't be all of them? Why not, like you jam at different layers.
And then that goes back to the conversation about like this this idea of how we're supposed to show up as healers or in the spiritual world or if you're a whore, just a whore and that's all you ever be and all the and like even the spiritual men and how they're like really.
Perpetuating a lot of the Like I.
Feel like it's like deepening the patriarchy in some way. This is c it's.
Creating and even more divide of like Okay, well now if you don't look like this as the healer, then you're still a whore.
Actually you're a bigger horror.
But it really is understanding that as a healer and when you have a community and you have a tribe, like you said, it's like, yeah, I'm feminine and I'm soft, but I also have to know that there's going to be a part of me because this is true, like that have a masculine energy because bitch, who the fuck are you talking to?
You know what I mean?
Because there are going to be men and people who are going to challenge us in our in our power and in our purpose, and we have to kind of have some of that energy to kind of deflect and and stand up for what we believe in because we live in a society that's so heavily one way and that, and we are like literally the pieces of the puzzle in this time that are breaking women out of that place, and so in order to do that, we can't be easily fucking confused.
I've had I've had a woman tell me that she thought my femininity was too aggressive, and I was like, well, I'm going to be that bitch to tell you that feminine leadership is not easy. One of the things that I think a lot of women, especially coming into the spiritual leadership space, is.
Like, this is gonna be easy for me as women.
No it's not, And you're going to have to have a level of aggression and boundaries and really show up because there are literally women watching you waiting for you to stand up for yourself so that they can feel confident too.
You know.
I went on a podcast recently that really wasn't necessarily something I had done before. I was very used to being on podcasts with like, like minded individuals, and I got thrown into like a Man of Spet podcast. It's called Anxiety Issues podcast one that we got thrown like the guy, the guy that I went head to head with. It was a good exercise for me because I was like, Wow, this is like what we're really dealing with, And a lot of my following was like that was just a
waste of your time. And you know, I said it wasn't because even if what you guys got for it was seeing me advocate for myself and stand on my square and no matter what the fuck he said, I wasn't backing down.
That's what y'all needed to see, and I said, and I didn't.
Have to fight him. I was in my femine energy. I was like, okay, bro, all right, right, Like that's what y'all needed to see, because you also give too many these men your energy. Some of these podcasts like women being angry in the comments like please, bitch, take back your energy because a lot of that's energy harvesting. You know, they're just using this shit to get rich
off of women who are angry. Yeah, And I also held women accountable in my following because I said, I've done so many great podcasts with men who are healing, who are doing the work, that are beautiful, and y'all, bitches be crickets on this ship and you went in for this man. So you're also a part of the problem what you give your energy to.
I mean, I mean that's true. And the energy, the energy harvesting is a real, a real thing. And I think, you know, for you talk going back to like being aggressive or whatever I think, and talking about the light in the dark, like I think the light feminine that like we hear on the internet, the soft woman, which obviously, like I think women we all want to be able to encompass that as well, is more like the nurturer.
It's like the one the woman that walks with compassion, who is kind.
And then the dark feminine is the one that's ready to transform, the one that's in her sacral energy that's you know, is the more aggressor. And I think you can't. You have to have both. You do even as a mother, like you have to have both. You can't be walking in your soft feminine when when a danger comes towards your child, no, bit, that's when that dark feminine comes through. And it's not necessarily a negative, it is just protection necessary.
Yeah, I tell people all the time, soft life has to be maintained. If you just think you're gonna get.
You can't light you have because you have to have hard life in order to know what soft life is.
You have to do. There's the duality that has to either. Self life is not linear, like I always even though I tell women like you can be yeah, you would want to align yourself, but maybe let's say with a consistent partner that allows you the most self life as possible. But as women, you're often attracting the masculine that's at the level that your masculine energy's at. So I always when I coach my women, I'm like, your masculine energy kind of has to be like your lawyer, like, what's
your agreement? So when a man's coming to the table with you, it's like, hey, this is my good sess, this is her contract, like these particulations to her agreements. Can you meet that? Yes or no? And if the answer is no, it's like, okay, well nice meeting with you. We're not coming into contract. But a lot of women are like, I don't understand why he can't show up as the man that I was like, because your inner masculine, your inner lawyer, has not presented a contract.
An agreement that you're happy with.
But again going back to Limericks, going back to lack, a lot of people just settle. People settle and they.
Don't advocate for themselves, and they just assume like this is as good as it's going to get.
And there's no other guys that you know as good or whatever.
So I'm just gonna like hope and pray and pour and hope that you get to where I want you to be at.
And even back to what you said earlier, like I found I've been on two podcasts spaces in the past months and this has happened for men and women alike, where people want to weaponize singleness right where you're like, well, you're such a bad spiritual bitch and you're so this, if you're such a catch, why are you single? We don't talk about enough that the higher ranking you are as a spiritual woman, the harder it is in the
dating pool. And you know, going back to to like some of the tests that we get is having an enemy in our fucking bed. You know. Like one of the best movies I've watched recently to understand spiritual attack was The Pope's Exorcist.
I just saw that.
You know what I loved about it so much was that demon like literally, you know, like resurrected itself.
And was like, I'm going for the top dog, right He's like, I want the top dog because if I get to the top dog, there's so much damage.
I can do right right, right again.
Whether it's spiritual women in leadership or just powerful women. Men have been used a lot because we have human female hearts and we want love. But you have to ask yourself what are you willing to do to have it? And there's times where like, yeah, spirit sends these tests where the fucking enemy sleeping in the bed, these spiritually just be real.
And that's why I even made the comparison of like what this is how I learned about this, like when I was like in church, when in eighth grade like that, that that was the only way I could put it, like the test.
But that's the thing.
It's like, no matter what you title it or whatever like package you put it in it, whether it's Christianity or Catholicism or Judaism and whatever the fuck, there's always going to be test. And so like, the spiritual realm is a spiritual realm. And when you're a spiritualist and you're a spiritual warrior and a spiritual person and a spiritual leader, it doesn't matter what the title is or
the label is, or what religion you are practicing. The further you get in your practice, there will be tests. And I like that you use the exorcis of the Pope as an example because it's true. There was like the the demon, the devil had strategy. My nickig let me tell.
You something I tell people all the time. I was like, I fucking give dark energy so much of their due because the motherfuckers work over time. Have you ever heard this pot It's like Chris Janner works hard, the devil works harder. But I was like, no, Like I meet so many mpaths and light workers that are scary. They're like, I'm so tired, I want to give up. And I was like, that's why that energy whooput you'll ask because
your work ethic. Like I was talking with my friend the other day about like you know what, Kim got dragged for saying, you bet just don't want to work. It's like it's the truth, Like you need to fucking work your ass off. Will be doing your work because the work ethic of dark energy. And there's people who want to avoid it. They're like, oh, if I don't go outside, then I will or if I don't do this. So many people avoid their calling and their purpose because
they're scary of this energy. When especially light workers and empaths were built for this shit. Uh, Harry Potter didn't go to the school fucking love and light. He was in the school gets the defense, agains the dark arts. So again, people don't want the spiritual discernment. It's like, why wouldn't you want the spiritual discernment? But it comes more responsibility, more responsibility. But yeah, the dark the dark energy, like their work ethic.
Is impeccable because they're constantly walking through it. Yeah, you have to walk through like like you said, I'm listening to you talk about just like the the light and energy workers that want to live in just the light and light energy. It's like, well, yeah, bitch, it's easy
over there, isn't it. So when something does come your way, you're exhausted and you haven't really put in the work spiritually to arm yourself for and do the work for these type of moments, for these types of this, for the work that you're actually being called to do.
Their spectrums you're about. So again, when you think about we have people who are unawakened, who are living in complete utter ignorance that doesn't want to take accountability, and then you have people who do awaken they're like.
It's all love and light and they're still in spiritual bypassing.
And wanting to live in that ignorance and avoidance is like, no, you have to kind of be right there in the middle and you have to you have to want to face the darkness head on.
Well, I have a question for you. We usually have to ask our guests to share an affirmation.
I feel like right now is a good time as we're trying to figure out what it is that drives us empowers us to kind of walk through these tind of these type of journeys, in these paths, do you have an affirmation that maybe you that you live by that it helps you.
I feel empowered.
You know.
It sounds so simple, but it's funny. My mom always my mom always says that I said this, and I wasn't cognizant of saying it's just like I'm gonna figure it out. That sounds so simple, But it's just like I think that so many people feel so like I said, deepen their victim and that they're not capable and something is like I always like pull myself together, like, but you we gonna figure this out.
I love that.
It's just you know, that's what just Kane is like, I'm gonna figure this out.
I'm going to figure this out, figure this out.
I'm figure I'm gonna figure this ship out.
And we always do.
We always do, not always not that we don't.
The people that stay in those in victimhood and stay in certain situations because they're like I don't want to figure it out.
I'm gonna just I'm good right here.
Yeah.
So if you if you feel that way, just listen, put write that on the mirror in the morning. I'm gonna figure this ship out because you can.
You can, but I will say I feel like a lot of women don't and men don't too.
You can figure it out if you wish figure it out.
Yeah, if you have the desire to figure it out and you know that you have the wherewithal, then it will.
Like life is a balance of surrender and action. You just have to know the moments when you have to surrender and the moments where it's you have to be accountable to take action.
And that's the that's the hard part people. That's where people struggle, you know, like when like how many biplaques?
Is it time? Should I chill out?
Maybe it'll change, you know what I mean, It's like a constant like you know, but I think that's where like the intuition comes in in that inner voice and whether or not you can honor it or not. I know, we like jumped right in, but I'm curious. We know we talked a little bit before we started, but like, what has your journey been into this work?
Well, going back to Buffy the Vampires, Like people laugh when I say this, So, like, I first of all went to I went to college. You know, I was a very I was a chronic overplanner. I started college when I was sixteen. I was done by like almost nineteen. I was gonna have my master's by twenty one, and I had planned. I was like and then I was like, I'm gonna, you know, get married, and I'm gonna do this spare life. Fuck your plans, Fuck your plans. So I went to art school and I was on path
to be a celebrity photographer. And when I started free say, I just wasn't enjoying it. And I remember going to see the movie Eat, Pray Love in two thousand and nine and I left the theater being like, I need one of those moments it's like, but you're like twenty one, whych fuck you need one of those moms. So I said, like I felt like I was going through a beginning life crisis, and so I like wish to the universe, like give me one of those moments, like I need to figure it out.
Like I'm doing what I thought I wanted to do, but it's just not working.
And so in twenty twelve, So the last real job I had was in two thousand and nine, and so in twenty twelve, I actually met a woman through one of my photographer friends, and she Ronnie Players clubbed me. She's Ronnie, but she's like, she's like, bitch, you need some money, you want a job? Like okay, She's like, show up where this come this place on this day? And so I went on the north side of Atlanta and lady was like, you got a car. How many days a week can you work? Can you start right now?
And I'm like okay. And my homegirl took me into a fucking room and it walks a white business professional man.
And he takes off his clothes and he lays on the table.
My friend said, sit in the corner and watch me. And I was like okay, and then this bitch is up there swag surfing on this motherfucker, you know. So she introduced me to the underbelly of the sex world here in Atlanta, and I became a sensual and tantric masseuse for five years. So I always tell people that it's you know, we can't judge how spirit works, but God gave me my eat pray love moment for five years to figure out myself and sustain myself being in
the adult industry. And that is where Spirit began to communicate with me. And I always tell people we cannot judge people, because yes, God sometimes comes to people in the trap, comes into the strip club.
And so.
For whilst doing that, because I had been a woman, you know, like many women like, didn't know my worth was in these streets anyway, fucking up with dumb people. And it was like, I was so grateful because the women that actually got me into they taught me to do it from a very professional standpoint, business.
Standpoint, and just you know, advocating for myself in boundaries.
And so I slowly started spiritually awakening and I actually got married in that time too. I got married. I did like a ninety day fiance type situation. He was Nigerian. You know, he was a scammer. I was like, wait, a Nigerian man was a cool with your career?
Because I was.
He was actually you know, so he was a scammerka.
He was so sinning.
We were very transparent with each other. He's like, I'm in this point of life and I'm scamming. I'm like, well, I'm in this point of life and I'm scheming. So then do some scheme, baby, So do the scheme and so our you know, our plan was to do what we need. I get him over here, we start our life.
And well, you literally met him while he was still in Nigeria.
So my homegirl that Ronnie Players club me was talking to his homeboy. He was like, oh he got a friend, and then yeah, OK. So then I was. I was in Nigeria and married him, came back and we were like working on getting him over here. And he was actually very spiritual. So I can admit. I tell people I was a toxic one in the relationship. So I was toxic. He helped spiritually awaken me.
A long story short.
During that time, I did something that I never thought I would do. But I cheated on him. I never I've never cheated in my life until I got married, and it was with a client and I snubbed my nose at bitches that we like, would fuck client. I was like, yeah, my life, would I do that? And I tell people it was spiritual. I met a guy in there and I was like, if he comes back,
I'm a fucking like not my type. And what it was was it was this really sexual affair that reminded me of the parts of myself that I had been repressing.
Although I was a sex worker, there was parts of myself that wanted to be the track, which I tell people all the time that guy ignited the track, which that affair ignited the track, which because I was still settling in that relationship with my husband, because there were so many parts of myself that he was not going to be able to tolerate as my husband, the person that I'm sitting here right now being vocal out front, like he would not be able to hang as my husband.
And so I had that affair and we just started falling apart. I remember one day I like messaged him, I was like, you think you a good husband? He's like you think you a good wife, and I'm like, fuck you, You're done, And he ghosted me right before we got like the visa interview. I was like, you finna go. He's like crickets. So in that time where I was like, God, like, if this is my husband,
let me know, They're like, it's not your husband. And so during that time, Spirits starts sending not only him as a messenger to activate me, Spirits starts sending people in Santaia. I'm actually a practitioner practitioner Santoria. I'm initiated sending all these spiritual people to like activate me. But the problem was for me, and going back to Buffy if you're familiar with the story of Buffy, like I was really out here and trying just my best city
girl life. I was like, I want to go shopping, I want to do basic bit shit, I want to go to club, and they kept sending these spiritual people like I'm like, I don't want to do that. So for you know, when they say people are like truly called, like when you talk about the like people that are in the Bible, that is like they was out here murdering folks and God's like, come let me use you.
And it was wild to me because I started getting these downloads like you need to start going to talk to people and empowering that I thought I was going crazy.
And so during the sex work. During the sex work, the best.
Part that kept me in for the longest time was the psychology aspect of it. I really treated these men like they were human beings, you know, like they weren't cash cows. And I was like, you know, what are you here for. You're either here because you're lonely neglected or you want to have your cake and eat it too. And I was able to maintain this business because I was really personal with them. But I really liked the
psychological aspect. So when I knew I was going to get out, I knew I was going to get into this work. I knew that I was going to be vocal about being a sex worker because I was either going to help people that were in it were trying to leave, or bridging the intersectionality of spirituality and sex work. So that's how I got into it.
I have a question because I think a lot of listeners and you know, don't necessarily always know what the I guess the nuances of sex work is yeah, and what that always means like because.
You know, I don't think you so pussy.
Yes, they think like, okay, so you are giving massages, are you actually having sex with your clients? Like some people like, for example, like we have a friend, mistress Marley, like, she doesn't have sex with her clients. She's a sex worker, she's dominator service.
Girl, and you cheated with your husband.
And I was like, I know what it is, but and that was just something I wanted.
To do, right, But I wanted you to explain that to because I think a lot of people have that assumption like, oh, well, you say your friend was going crazy, what would you say serving the client?
She was giving what we call a body to body massage, So what is that? So she's oiled herself up and essentially, you know, get on top of the person he was face down, you know, use her breast.
And use her legs and use her body just to stimulate him.
So but I just remember the first time I saw her, dude, I was like, you look like such a fucking goddess up there, Like it was just so powerful to witness her. So, yeah, I did did massages. I was not full service. Yes they did get happy endings, but I did not have sex with them in order to give them that. But yes, you're correct, Like so many people don't realize that sex work is, you know, from yes, escorting to dancing to cam work to BDSM all these things. So there's there's different.
Types of hoes that all don't require actual like penetration, yeah, penetration.
Yeah.
So then going back to how spirituality and your sex work started to intersect, like and we were talking off camera and I heard you saying basically that you've kind of not been dissuayed from spirituality or like the hoop lo of what it is to be a spiritual healer, because it is a bit.
Vanilla, It is a bit u.
A little a little too woo woo, a little maybe like not sex positive, yes, in spaces because of you know, I think some of that has to do with the perpetuation of like the patriarchy in our healing space and I as a spiritual woman, and that you cannot be a sex worker and also be healing people like you must be unhealed if you are capable of working in that space is usually the I think the perception. So how do you how has like bridging these two things?
What have been the challenges and like what is I guess the ultimate goal when it comes to bridging these two things.
One of the biggest challenges I had off the rip. So in twenty seventeen, when I left sex work and got into this work, it was a lot more taboo for women like me to be in the spiritual arena and saying I was a sex worker and be validated to be worthy to be in this work. So now we've had an explosion of sexuality coaches and sexuality coaches, but like when I broke in, that was just not as popular still, and so I had to really prove
myself as a worthy candidate to be in leadership. So I had to kind of like shut my hoe down a little bit. So I told people like there was levels where it was like the hole, the matter, and the high process. So I had to really really push to prove to my audience to the community that like, I'm the fucking high precess bitch. And now as I've reintegrated that I've been allowed to bring my home back out a bit more, you know, like bring my maiden energy.
My issue is and I think a lot of people's issue is is, like you said, with so much of the woogle, Like I tell people like I'm not really woogle, but I'm Wu Tang clan, like if I want to start a spiritual like like yeah, we the Wu Tang clan, like like I'm the healer with the tims on.
It like like it.
And because representation matters, you know, I don't really believe in having to code switch all the time to prove my fucking intelligence. It's like I don't want to call my shit a yoni Like I cringe. I was like, this is my fucking pussy, Like why can't just say pussy? And you take me seriously And that's why I feel like people like me and other people like you guys, like we are bringing this intersexuality of being Like I don't have to vanilla myself. I don't have to code switch.
This is my authenticity. And I realize, like I'm a very hedonistic person. I'm very much in my human and I think when people get on their spiritual journey, they think that they have to prove to people that they're spiritual by like repressing that energy. What is really who you are? I'm like, I'm a bit of a hedonistic ass bitch, like I don't want to have to sacrifice certain parts of myself and my duality in order to
prove that I'm spiritual. So I think with again the sexuality as aspect part, Like, there's so much people want to mask, mask it, like I said, with more socially presentable language or whatever. And I know how to do that, Like I could teach anybody how to embrace their sexuality without showing my skin or even talking like that. But yes,
we have to understand. So when we were talking about like pop your throat plusy earlier, I was telling you know, I tell people like your throat resembles the inside of our vagina, and so your throat is the second thing that gives birth, and you're constantly giving birth. So whenever you're casting spells over your life, you're giving birth to
what you want in your world. So that's sexuality. You know, Sacral energy is not only just like how you use your vagina, it's also how you're able to manifest create, You create, you know, solar plex and shock with the relationship with yourself and your power in this world. So I can teach everybody on those levels but again I tell people like, if you could sell sex, you could sell anything. You sell drugs, you sell anything. There's a lot of women that are in the sex industry that
could teach bitches about manifestation. This is why I advocate for Cardi B. I was like, you want to talk about a bitch that can teach you about manifestation? Is Cardi B?
Well you know what I was watching one of a clip that you had, and you're saying, Cardi B is your spiritual gurgul?
Yeah?
Well, you know why I tell people she was when I was wanting to leave sex work. Was when she was leaving, I would be sitting there and I would watch her just talk over her life about what she was gonna do and how she was gonna do it. And I also really admired her throat piece and her authenticity. And she just was like, I don't have to prove to y'all that it has to look this way for me to be intelligent a sport. So I started doing
the same thing. I started uploading my videos from you know, I'm doing my work, and then I'm like, Okay, we're gonna teach people about empowerment in between seeing tricks and Johns, and that's what I started building the track, which while I was still a sex worker. But yeah, Cardibi could teach you a lot about manifestation. What I mean, some people prefer Joe Despenza because it's just what's socially acceptable to them, But the same shit that Carti B does
Joe spends us two. At times. People are often comfortable with the representations that they're comfortable with, but they could also learn something from a bit that's different thing in them.
I agree.
I never really looked at it like that, and I think Cardi B Is actually a really good example.
That bitch can masage.
Obviously, shit, yeah she's killing it.
Yeah it's true.
And she didn't have no problem saying exactly what the fuck she was about to do and who she was gonna be. And I'm gonna be a rapper bitch. Yeah I was a stripper. I was popping pussy, but I don't give a fuck and this is who I am now.
And in healing and spirituality, representation matters because a lot of what we've been presented is not helping people.
You know.
I watched her Breakfast Club interview the other day and they asked her. They said, you know, female wrap has become oversaturated right now, Like, first of all, how do you feel about that? And does it threaten you?
She said no, because I knew it was gonna happen after I got in.
She goes, when I got in, I proved that if I could do it, someone else could do it. So I opened the door and she goes, no, I'm not threaten because I know my lane, I know my space, I know my authenticity. So I mean that in itself, literally a five minute sermon that she could teach somebody with. But again, people look for spirituality just to be presented in a certain way when people are giving you the lesson.
Well, I think it's so funny when people say that, like industries are oversaturated, especially if it's like an industry that is been there's been I guess, a decline on how many women have been involved. How could it be oversacked? First of all, there used to be like, no, not a lot of female rappers. Now there's too many. Now they're all talking about pop pussy and now everyone's mad, and now it's oversaturated, And I'm like, how can there
be an oversaturation of the industry? It's just women are stepping into the space, and she's right, she did open the door.
Now is the quality of music.
I mean, we can argue, we can argue the ethos of what people are talking about all day long, whether it's perpetuating patriarchy or advancing you know, allowing women to move forward. But at the end of the day, I feel like that's not a conversation we hear men have like, oh, it's oversaturated. With saturated always a space that's that's been generally like you know, there's been like a minority of really femininity in it, and then there's too much femininity and now it's oversaturated.
We're doing too much. It's so interesting, So.
Just curious too, like how has your journey into the spiritual space and now kind of transitioning more into the mindset coaching and just allowing I guess giving women the ability to tap into their throat chakra and all these things. I was reading an article that you were being interviewed and it's as a kid you were called like.
Was it called the mouth champion or something?
Yes, So like you've never really had a you've never really had a problem really exercising your.
Your throats or you kind of were shamed by it and kind of like so up until about six, they would call me mouth champion because I was very vocal and I was always intuitive. I knew how to intuit energy because I could recognize when adults were talking to me crazy, and so I would advocate for myself, and then I got called disrespectful, and then I got shut down, and then it became this game for like my uncle and my grandfather to like pay me to shut up.
So they'd played this game where they'd be like, oh, you get fifty dollars if you starved for four hours. He was like, well, shit, I want fifty dollars. It became this game to shut down my gifts. And then the board that I read the room or I read the energy, I would get in trouble. And that's always been an issue even up until my awakening, where like even in my friendships, like if I could read the energy and I could call it out, I would get
in trouble as you know, disrespectful whatever. So so yeah, it wasn't really until I got into sex work where I had to learn to be more personable because a lot of times when I did work with other girls they'd be like, man, how do you make the time go so quick? Like it's tortuous for me to be in there with them for an hour? I was like, I talked to them.
So that really helped me reactivate my throat chakra.
And then when I decided that I was really gonna take this to the next level, I like started going to like a bar and like, oh, you have to talk to the stranger if they sit next to you, or or you need to post a video and just get really comfortable. So I did not get this comfortable being this vocal really until twenty sixteen.
Again hmm, yeah, but luckily you recognize that and you shifted and you like gave yourself homework in order to like undo that.
And for a while, like I couldn't even do public speaking without crying, like the first five minutes because I told people like my heart in my throat was like coming back online, and I think it was like in such chakas like bitch you how you're fucking talking your shit?
It was like yeah, So it had to even go through that clearing to get.
To that point where like I was just really firm, and.
That clearing that's like energetically.
We forget that they're like our heart and our throat and our wounds and our throat and are like these things were all connected, and a lot of times if one is shut down, there requires like a realignment and.
That causes a lot of disease.
Yeah, physical We just talked about like energetic body governing the physical body, and it's true. And I remember like being a kid too, and I've always been very vocal and like being around other like my cousins and my parents would do some wild shit and I'd be like, what the fuck did you guys leave us here for three hours in the car, And then my cousins wouldn't say shit, And then my uncle would be like, you better shut her up, and he's like, she's right, we
didn't leave them, you know what I mean. And I never understood why everyone else was shutting the fuck up, Like I don't care that I'm nine, What the fuck is your problem?
Like I wasn't saying what the fuck is your problem? But I was like, yo, you know what I mean.
But it's like, as children, we have to be careful too, even as moms, you know, as parents that are listening, you know, obviously kids get slick with their mouth, but not like doing the things our parents did to us, which is like shut up mind, grown folks. Business be you know what I mean, be quiet going. It's like sometimes even I have to remind myself like this is
a kid. She's expressing herself, and if I shut her up too much or too soon, like this could damage her long term, especially as a little girl.
But like, yeah, it's like to.
Really like just being so aware of you know, where you're where you're not comfortable speaking your truth or you know, being vocal or you know, is can can definitely like uh, fuck up your creativity and you're like your sex, you know, like the the manifestation piece of like the alignment of all of yourself is super important.
You would be so surprised, like how many women I meet where it's like you can fuck a man, but you can't talk to him. You shouldn't be fucking him and you can't talk to him.
That was me.
So many women have, you know, repressed voices, you know, and even going back to the limber and shit where you get a bitch coming and reading where she's like, oh my god, I'm so obsessed with him. Oh my God, Like, you know, he's been ghost for six months, is he still loved me? I was like, well, bitch, if you couldn't text him and asked him what the fuck was up, then you shouldn't have been with him anyway, you know. Again, Like so there's so much repressed repression or like.
So much fear around being judged, and like, I have a friend like that, I'm like, bitch, you're fucking him, why can't you tell him how you feel? Isn't that weird to you that you're fucking someone and you can't express like that.
You like them?
There's that and also you don't want you don't want the answer. Yeah, there's a lot of just avoidance because you know you already.
Know the answer.
Most of the time, we know the answers. It's just we don't want the confirmation. We don't want to ask the question. And then you know, there also is just not being able to express. I mean there's been times too where I'm like, I know that I have questions, but I'll just wait and I'll wait, and.
I'm like spirit will give me the answer. Like, no, bitch, if you would have just asked the question, you would have got the answer.
A lot faster.
Instead, you're still here six months later, and Spirit finally said something.
If you just you don't want to feel like you're being too much, you're being too naggy. You're like, if I do this, he's gonna think I like him too much. Like bitch, you do well.
Like even it's even like when you're when you're first starting to dating, you don't want to tell the person you're dating what your intentions are. You don't want to be too much, Hey, I'm not really here to just casually date. Be like, well, don't say that on the first.
Day because you're scared away.
And it's like, well, if you're not exercising that that throat pussy your need that, you're just gonna be throwing pussy and then you're gonna be mad.
Speaking of exercising your throat pussy and not throwing the throat the regular pussy, I think for Patreon we should do an exclusive three Reasons three Ways to Free your throat pussy. So if you guys are Patreon members, you should go over there and see the three tips Tatiana is going to give us, because bitch just need to know how to exercise that throat pussy.
Or in the vein of is you know Warrior Princess.
Do you know it's funny recently? You know, there was that chick Callisto on there you move the blonde like a friend. I was like, what is she doing right now? You still love her? She's actually a spiritual teacher now in the Ashroms world. Yo, So I was like, see, we are totally aligned. I knew who the fuck I was. Where's sucking Zina? Lucy Lawless? Where is Lucy's chilling? Yeah, Pealisa's over there like in the Allstroan somewhere teaching people could leave yoga.
I thought I was the only person who thinks randomly three o'clock in the afternoon, what the fuck happened to that bitch? I like twenty years ago? That was on TV and like they go that I'm quick to google. Oh my, I just looked at This is such a side note, but not really because we're talking about the darkness.
But did you guys see that like super Famous wife swap where they like it's like a very hippie family and they go with like they switch with like a Christian family, and she's like, it's the darkness it's dark sooted, tarot cards and moons and stars, it's dark sooted. I've been made Shannie watch it recently because it was like the best fucking white swap they've ever had.
Please go look it up.
And she was like super anti anything not Christian, and now she's like huge with the gays.
That's what I found.
She looked it up and I was like, where is this woman now? And like the great the gates have embraced or so I'm like, see, like what happened? TV brought her back down? Okay, so the Christian woman who was talking about the darkness is now a huge icon with the gays. Have you seen that?
No, I'm literally showing you in the ft.
Well, maybe we'll add a link to the to the episode you can watch.
It's literally it's necessary. It's so good. Oh you know what else?
I don't know if you want to say this for Patreon, but you asked me to ask you a question, not like a reading, but like a message. So I asked her about our relationship and our business in the next year.
Yes I did. Yeah, you guys have a lot of beautiful opportunities and doors opening for you, and you should definitely take them, especially the ones that are in alignment with your gifts. I think with all women that I tell they have gifts, you want to be really conscious of what you want to put into the world, you know. I think when we talk about like solar plexus energy, it's like, how do you want to execute your power in the world. It's like the footprint that you're leaving
in the world. Like I think the best way to look at it is like if you had if you died tomorrow and your obituary came out, like what would it say?
Like your what would your program say?
And I think that the next year for you guys individually, you should get really adamant about what you're putting out there and who you want to be and how you want to be remembered, but also together as well. So it really it was interesting because what I got was like, but some door I was about to fuck it open. Y'all need to walk through them. But just get really adamant about what's in alignment for what's important for you.
Because I tell there's so many women right.
Now coming into their positions of leadership and adding like their good juju and their glitter of magic into the world. And that's a beautiful thing because for a lot of us, our grandmas, our aunties, our moms didn't get to do that. You know, a lot of them activated us to be able to do this. We have never been in a time whereas women we've had so much privilege, especially as
women in the West. And I always tell people this too, it's as women in the West, we can't downplay what we're doing because there's our sisters, like on the other side of the world that still don't have some of these privileges. So we don't know what we're doing that's potentially helping them and then helping you know, your daughters and the women coming behind us. So with the Internet,
like life happens like this. You guys started this podcast five years ago, and I'm sure it's like I tell people, it's not just the fucking Internet. The Internet is what you make it and tomorrow, like literally, you have access to the world. The world has access to you. You can hop on a plane and get to these places. So ask yourself, really, what you guys are doing with people having accessibility to you and what you want to
do in reverse as well. So, yeah, it wasn't really anything beside this, Walk through them doors and just get really fine tuned about what you guys are putting out and how you really want to change the environment and the climate for especially women. You know, all of us are feminine liberators. I just identify as a feminine liberator, but all of us are feminine liberators and what I love.
And I feel like this was so aligned at this time because although I don't have biological children, bitch, I'm a mother. I'm a mother, and I've been a matriarchal figure now for seven years in this community. It's like we're mothering other people's children. You don't know how many women are watching this that weren't given these lessons by their moms, And we are like mothering the children of other women. And so we're helping women develop into who
they were always meant to be. And so that's just a powerful thing right now in that sisterhood in the community of women. So pretty much is just like keep doing what you're doing.
Walk through the doors.
I think also the message I'm hearing from you too is just really be get clear, get clearer, get clearer on what is the what is going to be on that obituary.
Yeah, what is the message? What are you leaving here?
What is it?
I think that's in alignment. We've been talking about that a lot lately. You know, like five years goes by like pretty quickly. I mean it's been a long like you know, long working season. But I think we've also been like, what the fuck is our goal? You know, what is it that. I think when we started, we weren't this. It wasn't I mean, it wasn't really all we thought through. We just needed a friend, and then it kind of began to develop and evolve and we realized how important it was.
You you guys needed a friend. Yeah, that's how my business started to where it was like who do I talk to about this? And then just using the internet as like your diary to be like listen, I got fucking like, hell.
I to tell you something?
Yes, yeah, I'm confused, bitches, you know, perfect, come over, come over here.
We can all be confused and figure it out together.
Absolutely.
But yeah, I think we've been like just trying to be really clear or get clearer about our goals and like what our purposes. And I think it's it's developed and evolved as we get to meet amazing humans like you. We get like, I feel so blessed honestly to just like the mentors and the peace people, like the conversations we get to have because we are we're in the school of life, like we're in the which school that we've fucking created the curriculum we.
Were at Hogwarts.
And I get to get lectures by the people that I admire and that I see messages that resonate with me, and I get.
To literally like, hey, girl, can you come up?
You know what I mean without really having to have a like a relationship with them except from the Internet.
It's not weird at all.
And so I'm I'm super grateful again, like for this, this the University of good moms being able to I've been like, it's developed me so much, like my character, my personality, my once, my my abilities, my healing abilities, my leadership skills. And I probably wouldn't have been able to discover this without my friend, without women like you and friends that we've gotten to, like, you know, make
on this journey. And so you know, for anyone listening who's just joining the show, or maybe you've listened to a bunch of episodes, it's just like women, the community that we're you know, we create and the friendships we create.
Like we've been given such bullshit to say that we are not here for each other, because the only way we evolve is through each other, is through conversation, is through like oh, bitch, you too, Like you got fucked up me too, Like oh you didn't you dine some something strains for some change, me too, you know, And there's no judgment and there this is like the space
for that. And so I'm just every time I sit down, I'm continuously just like so grateful for the opportunity to have these conversations.
And just like you, we look at your page, I'm like.
Oh you know this person?
You know, how do you know me?
Alla, I'm like yeah, because I've been just talking all your friends online and now we're here. So it's like a sisterhood is some real shit, and like we are each other's teachers and we are each other's students, and and like this part of evolving and resurrecting the free woman, this is the part. This is how we do it.
And so it's spiritual. It's the spiritual sorority. If you're listening, and you know, you've been your inside has been telling you that you have a gift, or that there's something that you to learn, or that you know that parts of you that you need to let like unfold, do that shit. You know, if you're not, if you're listening,
it's not by coincidence that we're having this conversation. I always say this, so like, follow the synchronicities, follow the alignment because it could lead you to your best friend and your next best friend, and your next business partner, and to your tribe and to your people, and ultimately to your healing. And you're evolving to like priestess.
Amen.
Amen, Amen, Speaking of priestess and evolving, we pulled a card. Is it Tarot time?
It's Tarot time?
Bitches?
Is it Tarot time? Or is it horry time?
Mm?
I think Tarot?
And then we'll go into the horr Yeah, okay, you know you know the dark witches love some horries.
We do.
Even that, like, even when we started our show not really knowing the direction it was going in. It's so interesting that no matter what we had aspects of sex, because that's who we are, and you're gonna like it, gonna take it.
Tatiana pulled the Six of Cups.
This Six of Cups revisiting the past, childhood memories. Okay, Vampire, the Buffer, Xena and Roger Rabbit, innocence enjoy hmm. Our tarot cards are always on point. Okay, because we're super witches.
Okay.
The Six of Cups is a card that takes you back to the happy memories from your past, whether as a child, teenager, or young adult. You may simply be revisiting those memories in your mind, or may you travel back. Oh my god, this is so crazy. You may simply be revisiting those memories in your mind, or you may travel back to your childhood home or reconnect with your childhood friends.
You could go to a you can go to.
A high school reunion, or reconnect with an old buddy. A teenage sweetheart or past lever may turn up again. These connections bring you a sense of joy and happiness as you reminisce over all the fun times you had together. Take this occasion to explore whether you still have a lot in common and if you wish to continue the relationship now it's like with yourself.
The archetype.
The archetypes, right, The Six of Cups often shows an increased level of harmony and cooperation in your relationships. You are ready to give and receive without expectation. You're also willing to give each other the benefit of the doubt. Having moved on from the challenging emotions of the Five of Cups, it's time to turn over a new leaf and start afresh from a more positive place. The Six of Cups invites you to get in touch with your
inner child and experiences. Experience the fun, freedom, and innocence that comes with being a young child again being all of you, You might you might like to sit down with an adult coloring book, dance like no one is watching you, play your favorite childhood games, or watch Sena Zeena for your princess, or spend more time around happy children. Wh you give yourself permission to be playful, spontaneous, and creative. You connect more with your authentic self and your intuition.
Wow, is that not on point? At one point? I love that?
So you hear that.
Go back, think about the archetypes that we were attracted to as a child, Tap into that. Revisit if that's the part of you that you you've maybe let die in adulthood and how you can get back to that that that joy and how you identified or what you were drawn to during that time. Do some motherfucking cartwheels come to the good Faber tree.
We do a lot of cartwheels, a lot of skinny dipping, a lot of dancings happening over there, a lot of fun shit.
It's crazy.
This card said go back to your like visualized going back into your childhood home. Because I did that once, like a couple of years ago, and I didn't know. I didn't know what like pushed me into that place. I do know it was an argument with this fucking fuck boy I was dating. But I had never like
thought about visiting my childhood home. But sitting here in this house right now, like something fell and it like echoed, and it brought me back to this house I lived in briefly in Atlanta, and it was not in a good place. But it's just so crazy that we underestimate the exercise of visualization and how you can like spiritually time travel and go back to places and like visit
those versions of yourself. And just being here in Atlanta and like kind of thinking I'm going to come and have a lot of friends and do like, you know, go on a lot of free dates that didn't happen. Bitch, you need to maybe go dig deep into like the places you were in your life then that have been dormant and like the things that were coming up that I wasn't like skilled enough to to like kind of understand that.
So I'm grateful for that card.
Thank you for pulling that, and also just encouraging everyone listening to do some you know, time travel in your brain and see what comes up.
Thank you so much. This has been great.
Thank you.
Do you want to share a hory with our peoples?
There's so many, So I have a you that always stand out to me, but the one that really changed my life, that put me on this path. And I actually have an ebook that I that I titled this, but the e book was called for every man that doesn't treat you right, there's one that's gonna eat a cupcake out of your ass. You hear that? So I
like that. The very sexual affair that I had whilst cheating on my ex husband, I remember the real turning point was like this man brought cupcakes and champagne and we had like a floor picnic, and he was like I'm gonna eat this cupcake out, y'all.
Ass.
That just shifted something in me for life where I was like, bitch, for every man that does not treat me right, there's a man who's gonna have a picnic in my ass. So that would definitely be one that just shifted my whole perspective.
I did have a memory the other day. We're talking about childhood memories.
Just sounds so bad, but like, you know, I started having sex fairly early, but I remember like on a school night, I think I was like fifteen. Do you guys remember those like green inflatable chairs? Even lunch The other day, I was just doing something random. I was like, why did this flash back? But I remember sneaking a boy in my room and like I tied him and blindfolded him to that chair with like the black lights on, and shit. I was like, was that baby dungeon?
Yeah?
Yeah, I was like really into that shit. Like I was like, who taught me that? And I was like, oh, so that would probably be another one.
Not the inflatable share bitch.
I mean, if you have questions, like again, like I have so many just like memories.
I love that.
I love that I'm not a baby dungeon.
That's a baby dungeon. It was like, you know, it was like the soft inflatable furniture. And I used to like like stalk their m message You remember MSN messenger.
Yes, I'm like they even tell you, like what.
Music they were playing. So I would like create a playlist and they'd be like, oh my god, how did you know that I love the song? I was like I don't know, you know, so I was like, oh, I was really like kind of in that like dark feminine energy from them. So yeah, that was fun. I love that.
Do you have any I'm just curious, do you have any stories about during your time and sex work, like any sort of interesting or like creepy.
Yeah, it could be crappy or it could be creepy or kinky requests that.
Yeah.
I I I so again for psychological reasons, like I was very I had boundaries around what types of fetishes that I did. I had a man that used to pay me to blow up balloons topless. Oh so like you just like call me and be like what color balloons do you want? And I'm like pink and black and.
He would just pay me to blow them up and I would like.
Pop them under his ass, or like he brought birthday candles and like I would like the birthday candles and like burden them on his nipples. I've had a man ask me to shove a heel up his ass.
He's so festive.
Oh, I wouldn't have a heel held as Yeah, he bought me something was there, lube involved. He didn't even want that. He bought me pink latex heels and he wanted me to shove them up his ass, but for just safety reasons. I'm like, I'm not comfortable doing that. So he like licked the He would just like lick them and worship my feet. I had, you know, people who liked tickling, so they like hold you down and tickle you.
They would tickle you.
Yeah, I had a few times, and that was actually really good for me. Like you know how like I said, laughter is just so healthy. At first, I'd be like that took a lot of trust for me. I wouldn't necessarily do it like the first time, like we'd have to build trust. But I was like, that's just so much fun because you don't realize how much you need them.
Oh my god, that sounds traumatic for me.
It was hard. Hate guy was strong. I hate hate.
That might be like my biggest hate of all time.
You get defeat. I hate.
I totally like it. But it was fun.
Like I get irate, like great too much?
Did you get too tickled as a child?
I don't know what it is, but whatever Nigga thinks it's cute.
I get mad, like very angry quickly. So remember we had who did we have on that was?
Who liked to be tickled?
Come curious?
Yeah I'm curious.
Yeah. I was like, bitch, this sounds good traumatic? But did mommy play one time? And I was actually kind of proud of myself. Do they have a diaper and things? No? So like he asks for mommy play and I was like, how is he going to do? Like how am I going to do this? Like he acts for it like on the whim, and I was like fuck because he's a regular and so like he showed up late. He was like thirty minutes late, and like as soon as
I came through the door, I got in character. I was like, who do you think you are coming in.
This house this time of day and wasting you?
So like I had some textbooks at the at the place I worked out because someone wanted like, you know, like schoolgirl shit. So I was like, fold your clothes up on this chair, put them over there, and I was like, go stand in that corner for fifteen minutes. And so he's fifteen minutes. Like I made him stand in the corner holding the books up like this for fifteen minutes of the corner.
He loved it.
He loved it.
I was like yes, and you're like, damn, the time is up now bye bye.
Yeah. So I didn't have anything like exceptionally crazy. I really filtered because you know, fetish work gets complicated, Like I didn't go full fetish because you have people, a lot of people like waste your time and just like email you and play games. I kind of kept it like in light in the fetish. I loved ball torture, so like I had certain men that like paid me to slap them in the balls, and I'm like this is like for every woman that's ever been done wrong,
you know. So that was fun. I can't really think of anything else that's too crazy. I mean I had a few cross dressers, like I remember, it was it was wild because he didn't tell me. So, Like he was like probably like in his fifties, like from up north, like real thick accent, older white man pulled up in a red corvette. He's like, can I use the bathroom? And I'm like, yeah, go ahead, and he comes out in like a purple corset o panty hose in a wig.
He's like, do you think I'm pretty? And I'm like yes, and I'm like, damn, I spent sixty RECs to go to college and I'm here like.
Girling ass man, like he looked pretty and he's like, her name is Barbara.
Yeah, her name was Barbara. So that was interesting. It was just like but again, like that space prepared me so much for just being accepting of human beings and like where they're at. Because the scariest thing to me was that I had men that had wives that didn't know them right. So I had some people that were honest. I was like does your wife know this about you? And they're like no, and I'm like, how can you sleep next to someone that doesn't know you?
Wow? That fear of like just judged, yeah, yeah, that's again not being able to be your full self.
And then one time I had a this is not fetished. But one time I had a man that had elephant titus, like yeah, like and he didn't tell me, so like when I flipped him over, like it was just like a giant humor and it was literally like the elephant in the room. It really was. And he just talked around and he was like, do you think I'm a trust But I'm like, I have to hold space for this man because I'm sure he can't date regularly.
So I realized that he was using the service.
As a way to get the affection that he needed because he wasn't able to date regularly. So that's where I really began to have a lot of empathy for sex workers. And there's a really great movie called The Sessions with Helen Hunt, which is about being a sex surrogate where she worked with a man who was a paraplegic and he was a virgin and he wanted to explore his sexuality and try to get into dating and
she would facilitate that space. So I don't know if you know that, like there's such thing as like a sex surrogate certification. And I had a client of in the United States in a few states. Okay, we actually only have like one or two here in Georgia. But I had a client who told me about that because he was like, I'm concerned for your safety. He was like, you should try and do this legally, and I'm like, okay.
But when I looked back at our email, because he has sent me all these references, I was so grateful because what he saw in me was now the business that I have now, I just didn't see it yet. So yeah, but nothing too wild and and crazy.
Oh this interesting stories that I'm sure many people have never experienced and would be considered wild and crazy. Yeah, but I think it's really cool how the work that you've done in that space really did prepare you to humanize people and to really understand you know that ultimately, at our core, we just want love, whether that's from ourselves, whether that's from other.
People in safety.
Yeah, So being able to provide spaces for people and women like that is really important.
So I'm really grateful for the work that you do.
Yeah. I told peop all the time like that, that's where I learned how to be a safe space. You know. And sometimes sex work sex workers are the closest things that men are going to get to therapy. And I told you all the time, like, you know what if a lot of these things were legal and we could create in a way that it did help people, because
sometimes people need that form of therapy. But I was like, do you know how many marriages sometimes we say by dealer with your husband's darkness and sending them back to you. So I always encourage people because I think that people think that sex workers are just like desperate addicts and stuff like that. And I've you know, I've seen a lot of people be judgmental where I've worked with a lot of educated women and sex work, and I'm like
a lot of us have happy endings. We have happy endings, and we have empowerment stories, and we are multifaceted, and all of us don't necessarily get into this just on pure survival. I was definitely spiritually aligned to go through that world by spirit in order to hold the type of space that I do now for darkness. And so I'm really grateful too, because more people need that acceptance, like you said, need that love in the world.
Absolutely, that tantric speech.
You know, that love like no matter what, I don't care what if you want to put on those pantyhose. I love you, Bob or whatever the fuck your name is. Yes, you know, and like the fear too, like the fear that that breeds. Like imagine laying down with someone every night and they like, there's just one thing that you love, but you can't you don't feel like you can tell them.
That is a scary place to be.
Or imagine you're the wife and you open the door and your husband's in full yeah, and you're like, hey, what.
The fuck, I think we've got some shit to talk about.
But it's the same thing as just like laying down with someone and not knowing who they are, and like, that's why accepting yourself is so important and showing up in your darkness and your light so that you can, you know, find partnership and friendship and tribe in that same space and you're not cloaked and trying to navigate all these different spaces in different rooms because you don't feel comfortable enough to do that. Well, thank you so much for coming to join us today, having me. It's
so grateful. We're gonna stock your friends now. I know.
Yeah, I'm like I had your numbers.
On my algorithm.
I follow her at all your posts are always God, I'm my guess this morning with the trap Witch.
Can you tell people where they can find you on Instagram? The trap Witch, the trap Witch.
Make sure you go check out some of your courses. You still have the right.
I'm doing classes, master classes. I just did my Unbound Priestess masterclass. It was about you know, beauty, magic, adornment, duality, all of these things. But yeah, I do courses. I'm gonna be doing a lot more podcasts and getting on the road and doing in personal events and hopefully some retreats as well soon.
And you guys, if you are not on Patreon, make sure you go check out Patreon. We have a bonus episode with Tatiana where we're talking about that throat pussy. So click the link in this episode description to check out this bonus episode and extension of this episode on Patreon, plus a lot of other bonus content. Bimila have our personal blogs there. I share a lot more personal shit than I do on social media's.
We have other bonus videos and what else.
We have a retreat coming up in August of twenty twenty four and it's almost sold out, so if you bitches are being last minute.
Stop. You have almost a year to pay that shit off. Come for your.
Titties, do some cartwheels, hang out with us good, don't worry about anything, make new friends, and get in touch with your dark feminine And if.
You're in La on October twenty first come check us out. The tickets are in this episode description. Come hang out with.
Me on my birthday.
Make sure you subscribe to this channel on YouTube. Go leave a review on Apple Podcast if you haven't yet, and we'll see you next week.
In where to find us, Good Mom's Underscore, Bad Choices, or our beautiful website, Good Momsbad Choices dot com, go look at it.
Bye bye, as
Yeah