Yeah, welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Mela.
And it's Wednesday. It's Wednesday, it's wet, it's weird. Okay. Honestly, I know I can sing better than that because you saw my singing kills on the Jessica Rowes episode. Everyone saw it. They said, wow, once the album's dropping, they did, They fucking did. They were like, whoa iout expecting that. They like thought I was about to like pull some bullshit and they were like, whoa bitch, I can't really sing.
And I was like, duh, I'm just gonna keep the conversation going that.
The Wednesday that was that was me just fucking around. That was me trolling you. Oh okay, but if it's oh my god, what a Wednesday? Wow?
What have we done to deserve all of this this Wednesday? Wow?
I drink a lot of water today, guys, so I'm feeling really healthy. I'm on my first day of my waterfast. Oh so it's just water, water and tea for how long? Last time? I did five days. I'm gonna prob, you're just gonna drink water and tea for five days. I did it last time that you're drinking some juices or something. Then I went to juice. So you start water and tea for how many days? First of all, I want to tell people, I'm not a health professional. This you die,
you pass out, it's not my fucking problem. This works for me.
Now if you pass out, it's not my fucking problem.
I because people always ask me, like, when did your routine? I'm like, you don't want my routine. It's not good. It's not I don't know if it's healthy. I don't know if it's worth works for people, and it works for me. So it's water and tea, and then what it's water and tea for five days. I also do heated yoga during this time because I'm not sure to pass out, because I want to pass out a little bit, because you're not really doing anything unless you're passing out
a little bit. And then I go into juicing for five days maybe seven, and then from there I eat raw for like three days and then I go vegetarian. So this is a a two week. My birthday is in like two weeks. I want to do you want to die on your birthday? I want to be fucking snatched. Okay, but you're not gonna drink on your birthday. So if you drink only water, that's by the time I eat food,
I'll be eating food by then. Okay, But you know, the last time I did this past I realized how like I don't really need to eat, Like how food is really annoying.
Honestly, I agree, food is really annoying. I'm addicted to it because there's they sprink a little bit of crack in it in America, for sure, they're sprinking a little bit of like addictive crack or something very addictive and harmful to your body.
Not addictive crack. I'm pretty sure crack itself is just addicted. It's extra.
It's extra extra, some extra credatives to the crack, for sure, because I go to the supermarket and my body doesn't feel good about it, Like I'm like buying stuff because I'm used to it, but I also know.
It's absolute bullshit.
Like have you ever had something sitting in your like your refrigerator too long and then you're like, this is not food.
There's no way this is I literally just opened up Hawaiian bread that's been sitting in my cabinet, not even in the refrigerator and the cabinet for at least forty five days. You know, not one mold. Do you know how much plastic hasted be in our shit? And I definitely put in my daughter's lunch today, I know, I did the same thing. She's like, I want takis.
I'm like, this is sugar and salt. Sure, it's disgusting. Even I bought some bananas and I don't know if they were not organic, but they were green, so I had time for them to like ripen. They like stayed green but still ripened. I was like, this is not real. None of this shit is real. I'm really I'm stressed about it, but I think maybe I need to stop eating too.
Yeah. I know when I was on like day five of the water like around the last day at my water fast, I was like, because I was going to go from water back to like maybe vegetarian, and I was like, I'm good, what day is today? Oh? Day is one? I'm just like glad. I was just like
the day four or five. I don't know if anyone's ever done a water fast, but I literally felt like I was becoming enlightened, Like something in my brain started shifting true and I felt something change in my brain like less foggy, less like super clear, almost like more joyful, and then just like hat more patient. Just I literally felt like Buddha a little bit. I was like, is this like the makings of Buddha? Water is the makings
of Buddha. That's why I always say people going fast, that's true, but like you do have spiritual experiences when you fast, and every religion, no matter what religion, niggas be fasting. I really felt that way and then and then I really do like when I started to incorporate food, I was almost like hesitant. I was like, bitch, you have to eat, but I was like, not to, I don't really want to. I was like my body was
so pure, and then I did. I trashed the fuck out of my body after that, like I think right after that, went to New Orleans.
Bitch, I really want I really if anyone knows the gangster gardener, I really want him to come on our show because we need to start a garden.
Bitch. I know I have a whole backyard. I know, why don't we have a garden. Why don't feel like we're eating corn from God knows where? But yeah, but yeah, so I'm doing my fast because my birthday is coming and this tour and just the past month, I've just been just not taking care of myself. And I feel it every time my body does this to me, it starts screaming at me, my insides her it feels like they're on fire. I'm irritating.
It's really hard to take care. It's hard to take care of yourself when you're moving as quickly as we're moving, like in Costa Rica. It's easier because we're eating real foods because in Costa Rica they don't poison their people with the cracked and plastic, so like coming back here is always like a terrible adjustment to the plastic American food.
Did they feed us? So I feel you? And also, yeah, we just got back from a tour.
We've only been back a week, right, we've been back a week, and we were gone for eleven days and we went to five cities in eleven days. And yo, I've thought that I was a rock star, but I'm not. I'm not a rapper like I thought I had all the makings of like a super rock star.
But I think you do, I think I don't. I think I watched you. I watched you rockstar your life away, and I had to take intermediate breaks. I had to take some intermediate breaks, and then I felt weird at one time, at the very end, it was like, what's wrong. I was like, I don't know, but I want to cry. She was like, are you sad? I was like maybe. I was like I don't know. She's like, I'm worried about you. I was like, don't be and then like a few days later she's like, I'm I think I'm
cracking too. I cracked, you know what, Just I don't know.
It's like if all this adrenaline built up about what you're about to do, and we did. We had so much adrenaline. We literally wrote the show the day of the show, like the first day on Chicago we had no show. We just were like, I think we should come up with the show now. We had like makings of a show. And then finally the day of the Chicago show, not like the day before.
The day of. But that's how we work. That is we work.
We work well under pressure, which I don't know if it's good for our mental health.
It's not. It's really not. And then like we got into a fight.
There was We got into like a little like we gotta a look caddy with each other because I was like.
We need to go through that. Oh yeah you did. I don't like the way you talked to me. I think I'm tired of your fucking facial expression adopted from your fucking boyfriend.
It was, you know what, we we work well under pressure, but we also may kill each other in the process. But yeah, and there's a lot happening.
A lot happened.
I don't know if you realize a lot happened in the whirlwind of.
This the situation. What I mean with you, like you had you were dealing with a lot of ship. A lot of ship popped up.
I'm like, why right now we have a ship to do. I'm like trying to be a supportive friend. I also want to curse you out because we need to have a show. I was like, if I go on stage night and I don't know ship, I'm.
Gonna blame you. If I go up there and I don't know.
Shit, I'm gonna blame you. And there wasn't There were a few moments. I was just like, I forgot but nobody noticed. I mean, there was we were, you know what. Shout out to us for having a very honest show because you can't really catch it slipping because we're gonna tell you.
I was like, I got to pee up, be right back, y'all. She literally left me on stage to go pee. She was like, I gotta go.
I was like, okay, I got a peep, be your back. Like where in America you ever gone to a show? And the bitch said, she has to be. I'm about to sing this song, but give me one moment.
I gotta take a bath. But overall, the show was amazing, even though we made it at the last minute.
There's a lot of times throughout the show I was just like, we're crazy.
I was like, we're ridiculous.
There's a time in phil Every show is special, but there was like a time in Philly where our guests didn't get the memother were coming out yet, probably because we didn't tell them because we're telling too many things. And I was like, it's okay, let's just dance a little bit.
Do you remember. Yeah. I was like, Oh, she's not here yet, don't worry. I know because I can see or Lando go run to the back to go fetch her. And then I saw her with her sub on a leash walk walking. I was like, they're coming, They're coming, this up, Marley's coming, Okay. I was like, but in the meantime, just look at this dance move I can.
Do like like a grown ass kid, like, look, mom, look.
I put on this new outphit literally I was like, wow, this is crazy, ridiculous of us. But it was great. It was great. We had, our guests were amazing. I feel like every city had had its own special little twist and shout out to Tyomi and Chicago, so marvelous in Philly, wait, you know New York's Marley and Philly baby Mava and Cocktails in Atlanta and so Maaya in DC sexual aka Sexual Dot Essentials. Like it was just all perfect. It was really perfect. It was really perfect.
And man, and then like selling out certain cities while we're on the road, Like I just I just can't believe we sold out cities in cities I don't know people, I'm like, what I know. I was like, wow, you're crazy.
You like me, huh, that's so cool, that's so cool, that's so cool. I was really like pretty, I don't know, like not overwhelmed. But like, first I was very nervous. I said it like four hundred times. I'm sure you had listened, and I was like, I'm so nervous. And then I kept telling Erica. I'm like, it doesn't matter how nervous I am.
We have to do it. I was like, no matter what, I still have to do it. Yeah, And then we did it in h City.
It got easier and easier, and I get more confident, and I still fucked up sometimes, but it was still like it was the best, like the best.
I cursed out somebody on stage. She sure did, Yeah she did.
I was like, this, bitch, we'll get attacked even if I'm on stage.
I don't care. I didn't know. I saw there was an attack happening, but I was like she just I thought, like spirit touched you, and like spirit like just compelled you to like just go in. I was like, so she's gone, She's gone preacher mode.
It was just a bitch in the audience. I know, a regular bitch in the audience, one bad seed who wasn't even supposed.
To be there. I know, why the fuck did? She was a weird, strange energy.
When when Missus Marley came on stage with her sub I could just see. I just zoomed and then there was the bitch in the front and she was like, ah, this is wrong, this is wrong. Erica was like mid sentence, I was like, this is consensual and if you don't like it, I stood up out of my seat like you can.
Get the fuck out. She literally creeped up like a. I saw her like creep crawl, and her next started thing you know, I get, and I was like whoa.
I got like very feline like, like I was gonna pounce into the audience because I maybe would have, but I don't want to embarrass us, so I continued the show right after I nipped it in the butt. And then the bitch tried to like participate later and raise her hand and I was like, nah, bitch, you don't even You're never supposed to be here. You lucky to get kicked out. But security a security.
Do you remember us walking through like the kitchen and her lingerie? Like the security. I was like, oh my god, we as professional stars. We got the curney that Securtie couldn't do shit. If anything went down, he did. I just don't know how we thought we were ever gonna have him makeup ARTISTO or makeup in any city. It would make it like I don't know who were thought. We were like as far as planning goes, like it
didn't matter how early we got to sound check. We were barely making it by a thread to the stage on time.
Every time, every single time there rest at a time. I'm like, at some point in this tour, we have got to be on time. And you know, poor Orlando, not only to we like caddy out each other, but then we bring Orlando into the mix, poor thing. We're usually only used to doing things alone and like, we couldn't have done this alone, so shout out to him. But there's probably a couple of times we almost like
bit his head off too, yep. And I was like, I'm not your girlfriend, I'm your boss, and I'll fight you. I was like, is my relationship going to last after this?
Oh? Yet here you are, Here, we are We made it. There are definitely some really epic moments during the tour, one specifically in Philly where we had a competition and the bitch pulled her whole fucking wig off to participate, literally peeled the wig off of her head.
We have footage, so David, we're gonna send you this. Yeah, we got to insert it right here.
Okay. People were like, I thought you plan that, No, but she can't plan no shit like that. Matter of fact, I don't even I don't even want to. This is it's gonna go on. It's got to go on Patreon because it was just that fucking good. It's that fucking good, you guys, and what she was doing for the reasons of pulling this wig off Patreon only because I don't think I think YouTube will kick us off for sure.
But overall, you know, we're I've come to the conclusion we are very spicy bitches. You know when I when I think of our show and foot like full entirety. First of all, we had family members come to our shows throughout you.
Had family members. Did my family really showed up? I don't think I'm ever gonna invite you. Actually, well had my brother came, but.
My cousin came to d C. I mean my cousin came to Chicago. I had, I had. We didn't have any family in New York. We had like a lot of friends.
My man was there, but that was the first one, and I had to be like, hey, babe, so listen, so I want to do something weird on stage, just so you know. And then he came to every show after that, so you know, I broke him in real good.
Well, but that first show he came to, he kind of got the light version because he did get the lame Remember, we like we had to skip it, We had to skip some things.
Wow, but now he knows full throttle proud proud boyfriend is he is proud?
I mean we really, we really pushed the envelope with our boyfriends.
It's true.
I mean we really made it a point to get fine niggas in every city. We sourced them just so we could like rub on them and ship.
And we're not talking about our men. We're talking about other men that we bought and made them come. We bought men. We didn't make them come, but we made them come to the show. Yeah they probably came after.
Yeah, they for sure did. I was like, this is the best one hundred dollars you've ever made.
It's true.
I'm gonna rub up all over you. I'm the first time that greasy up with coconut oil. And then I'm gonna dance all over you with my dance moves, and then you're gonna enjoy this shit.
They did. They I still think I think the finest men, the finest man and men were in Chicago and DC. Those are the two finest men.
I could agree, except you know what, I don't care how fine you are. If you fucking spray me with tequila and my fucking eye, it's the fineness is over.
That's true. I thought he was fine, and then I was like, I hate you. Get the fuck off stage. Actually, I was like, what the fuck. There was a moment where Jamila asked for him to pour alcohol in her mouth, and instead of pouring it in her mouth, she literally I watched it, just poured it directly in her eyeball. I was like, do you hate me? With the fun and the other guy? I asked him to pour alcohol in my mouth and he proceeded to fill my whole entire mouth with tequila, not like a shot, like it
was overflowing. I had to spit the whole shit out.
Bradley Gaines and your cousin are probably not gonna get hired for this role again unless there's no alcohol.
They don't drink obviously. Yeah, well they f I can eat fruits and berries because what the fuck? No one's ever poured of some tequila ever and not even in a cup. I mean, but like when you can come, is that how you come? And bitches eyes like, what the fuck is wrong with you? I literally could have cursed him out on stage. What the fuck is wrong with you? Anyway? No, but you hooru at you huru. He was a sweet, kind guy and he was fine. He was fine, He was very fine. He only needed
one of them. I know. I wish we could could have went on tour with us.
I know we couldn't. He seemed quiet like he could he could do fine. The two guys in Philly were really kind too. They were They took their role to the next level. They were selling merch topless and apparently City Winery wasn't feeling that they made him put.
Their shirt they did. They made him put their shirts back on. Really, we actually got to call Christian about that. I don't like that. What the fuck?
Don't be telling my staff but their shirt back on? This is the experience.
Wow. I had no idea because it was Sunday. I don't know. They were tripping on Sundays and alcohols and things.
You know, we live in it like a very free state, so there's rules in other places.
I had no idea. Yeah, what else did we do in this stop? We did a lot. We did a lot of partying a lot.
We had to really embody our full rocks to ourselves in order to like last.
We did, I did. I had to. I had to keep drinking, even though I didn't want to. I didn't want to drink anymore, but I had like I had to. I mean it was part of the show.
We got drunk every night day one, and when we had a show with the next day and had to wake up at five in the morning for a flight, I was like, I don't.
Know, mak No. There was one night I had to tap out, like y'all went out, even my man went out with y'all. I was like, I'm going to sleep now, you guys, good luck, have fun. I'm going to sleep and rest. I think that's the only reason I survived. Plus I had to get on a flight because mom guilt. I think we talked about this in an episode before where I said I was gonna fly back to la
for one day. Oh yeah, with Macey. I was gonna fly back to LA for one day to see my daughter, but daughter do ants for five minutes, maybe three and a half minutes. I did that. I left Atlanta, flew to La surprised Iri. She was super excited. Then took her to school in the morning. She disrespected me. My daughter's at the age now where she doesn't want me to doesn't want to acknowledge me when I walk her into school, but wants me to walk her to school.
It's the most confusing shit, Like she wants me there but like ten feet behind her. And obviously I was super tired, so I was like, what the fuck, Like I just flew out here, you better like walk with me, Like you don't have to kiss me, but like walk with me. Then that day, we had the homecoming dance, so I was like, okay, I'm going to do makeup on her. I put all this glitter on her. I brought the glitter with me because I knew he friends were gonna want the glitter. I'm like, gonna be fucking
cheer mom. Put the glitter on all these little little girls, and she does her performance and I'm like, oh my god, it's so great. Wow, so amazing. I go find her and I can't find her. Finally I find and I'm like, hey, babe, like that was so great, and like try to give her a high five, and she's like she curved. She can curve the fuck out of me. And I was like, hey, good job, and she's like anyways, I'm just like what
the fuck? I cursed her out, I know, like an adult from gront of her friends, and I was like, you think I am embarrassing, Now I will embarrass the fuck out of you. And then I felt bad because I did curse at her in fron of her white friends, in front of her white friends. I also kind of cursed at her little friend too, because her little friend is being a brat too, and so Bash'm was about to curse her out and I was like, no, you are stranger danger. I know this little girl. You need
to both need to relax. And then I had to take Iri to her friend's house because I was leaving on the Red Eye that night, and I was like, if I wasn't leaving right now, there'd be no fucking way you'd be going over to this little girl's house right now. I hope you fucking know that, and she's like okay, Mommy, okay. And then we get to the house and I'm like almost about to cry. My seven year old was gonna make me fucking cry. And the mom is like, are you okay? I'm like no. She's
like do you want to drink? I'm like no. She's like, do you want to talk to my friends? I'm like no, no, take my child, bye, take her? And then I said bye to Iri. She again played me, and then I went in the car and cried on the way to the airport. Poor thing. When she got to d C, I was like, are you okay? She's like no.
Like what She's like, she speak to me, I'm not having any more kids. I'm just decided today. She was like, I just decided this weekend. I don't want to do this shit again. Use there's no telling they might be mean to you, and they're true. Parentod do is a thankless job.
It is. I was like, it is. They don't give a fuck, there's no It's so true. I was like, really, I'm still hurt by it. Oh I'm paid. I literally brought it up like four times to her. I'm never gonna let her live it down. I know.
And then thing I said something to her like are you waiting mean to my friend at your cheer performances, these bitches are nuts.
Oh my god, especially after our time in Atlanta. We had quite a wild time there. So I was like coming down.
Oh that was after Atlanta. I after Atlanta, I came down. I was, you know what, like.
I was coming down from my fucking show highs of all the highs of highs.
Well, I didn't think about it, but I think having a lot of shows like that, there's so much there's so much of your serotonin and you're endorphins are running high, so much adrenaline is up down, up down. But when it's over and it's just so much like exchange, you're meeting so many people and you're getting like we're getting so many kind words, I was like, whoa, Like it's just like you see everything in real time. It is a lot a lot. It's like doing a lot of drugs.
It's like having a drug binge without the drugs.
That's what I mean. Like I'm coming down, like it was so much and then to be like, basically, you're so amazing, it's so great. And my daughter to play the fuck out of me. I was like, whoa crashings like the worst come down coke come down of all time, Like by your child Jesus, to come down has nothing on cocaine. Come down, It's true.
And then we got super crazy in Atlanta, mostly because it was my fault. And then I was pissed, and then I was mad at myself and I had to do all his work, Like I had to do all this self work, and like, I don't know if it's because A we were in retrograde during our tour, which I was like, why the fuck do we do this? Because we didn't confront the witches first. B it was about to like now, I mean, Monday was a full moon, Today's a full moon Wednesday. There's still like full moon energy.
But I have been feeling so many emotions and I really like.
And I'm in fuck and I'm in Tantra school.
So the day after Atlanta's show, I like was still drunk and I was like looking and I realized, I'm like, oh my god, it's eight thirty in the morning.
Pacific standard time. I have class right now.
I couldn't get the internet to work. I was like in basketball shorts that were not mine and Cowgirl Boots in the lobby drunk with my laptop and.
I was like, I can't get the internet to work. I gotta go to class.
It was almost like, it's okay, baby, you was not about to miss your class.
Oh.
So then I got on Tanker School and I was just like, I think I'm overwhelmed. My teacher is like, are you okay? I might be drunk. I might still be drunk.
You told her, yeah, But you know what it's like being in Okay, having this experience and being in school. Tantra is just teaching me to.
Pay attention to like the pleasure, what brings me pleasure, and like in all the categories, but you don't really you have to in order to think about your pleasure, you have to think about the things that don't bring you pleasure. And I've realized how much I haven't really paid that a lot of attention. We rarely really study our sources of pleasure physical, spiritual, emotional, and we don't
really like we don't think about it. So sometimes we're doing things that are gratifying and instead of pleasurable, they're like they're people pleasing sometimes or they're pleasing like you think it's gonna So I was just like having all these internal I was coming down. I was having all these internal thoughts. I was drunk, I was in school, and I was like, I'm not happy.
I thought it was gonna make me happy. It made me pissed. I was just like all over the place. I was crying and shit.
I had to literally sleep for a full day. And I just feel like with Retrograde, with five.
Cities, with the full moon that was coming and I was on my period, there was a lot. It was a lot, girl, there's a lot of energy. I think I just thought about me and my man having a fight at the sex club we also went. We also made time to go to the sex club throughout this Throughout this tour, we went to the sex club in New York, and me and my man literally had a fight in the sex club. Not only wait, now, let me go to the sex club.
It maybe clear we had a show, did all these things so that we stayed up all night to go to the sex club and then went to.
Drove to Philly. Right after the sex club.
We got from the sex club, packed up the car, took a car to Philly. Me and Erica had to immediately go to a speaking engagement with children. We did a speaking engagement directly after leaving a sex party with the Sun. Came out driving to Philadelphia going to a speaking engagement, and then we had a show two hours after that. It was the dumbest I'm like, we're not adults. There's no reason we should have money.
And I tried to be an adult, and then like last minute, I was like, fuck it, let's us go. I booked us a car. I was like, I found us a car.
They'll take us to Philly and there Lando got mad at me at the sex party. I was like, we did all this to go to the sex party, only for a niggas to curse us.
Out, like all stupid. I was like, they're ungrateful, I tell her. I'm like, they're fucking ungrateful.
We took them, we made this happen, and then we're the only ones that paid and suffered because we're dumb, fucking on fumes and Philly was a great show anyway, Yeah, it was, well, no one's gonna hire us anymore if they keep thinking we're gonna come.
Hey, it was great. You had a lot of great things to say, I don't know what I said at that speaking engagement. I literally told you me and I was like, bitch, I'm leaning on you because I have nothing left. I think you know what.
We wore the same outfits from the sex party to the speaking engagement.
We didn't even change our outfits. We were just like, this is it. Once she came downstairs and the same shit.
I was like, I'm glad you're wearing the same shit, because so am I.
I couldn't. I had no capacity to figure out an outfit. Bitch.
You know what, No matter how much talking we do, like we still have to grow up and do some self reflection.
I feel like we've grown up a lot over the last four and a half years, almost five years.
We have grown up a lot, But there's always space for more growth. Yeah, and I'm always perplexed that there's more to do.
Because I'm not Buddha yet. Maybe if I keep starving myself, I think I'm gonna start starving myself too. I don't think you can afford to starve yourself, I know, but I need to be Buddha.
What the fuck I am. I'm gonna be the size no matter what. If I starve myself if I eat every thing I am yesterday, and also like I haven't been like alone a lot, so like I had a break. Luna went to her the other side of this family and like, Orlando want to play basketball, and I was just like in my room, I started feeling high a little bit and I just cried. I just needed to cry really badly and just like let it out, you know,
like I felt. I don't know, I feel like when we came back, I've been feeling like overwhelmed with gratitude but having a hard time not feeling grateful. But I don't know, like me and Orlando went for a hike and he was like saying, like, oh my god, something about like our love has moved so quickly, and I was like mm hmm, it's like I know, it's so beautiful. And he's like it's like you're saying it, but it looks like it hurts you to say.
And I was like, oh my god.
I was like what I've never had anyone like pinpoint how I was feeling so with words so easily, and it was like I am happy, but it was hard, like my face and.
My feeling was like why I'm like, am I an evil bitch?
But I realized that I'm not used to things going as well. I'm not used to like feeling this good. Like I'm like in love. I'm going on tour. People are telling me that love me. They're giving me waste beads and shit. People are just giving this stuff. I'm like, this is too much, it's too good. I'm too happy. I'm like literally sometimes bracing myself for something to go wrong and looking for things to be wrong, and I'm like,
nothing's wrong. And I realized that in that moment, He's like, I know you're saying that you're happy, but your face looks like you're mad about it.
I was like, WHOA.
And I didn't even say anything because I was like, damn, I never I've never had anyone pinpoint the way I was feeling. I'm like, why am I feeling like it hurts to say I'm happy? And I was like, probably, I've never seen it. I've never seen that. I've never existed in this space before, like where I'm not like, you know, like I find things to worry about. I find fear. I'm fearing the future, I'm fearing the past.
I'm like whyen I do this like obsessing over shit, even like all the shit that we did, I was just like obsessing over it and it's like, bitch, it's over. But it was just like I'm having to I realized yesterday and my ie was high, but I wasn't high cry session that I have to believe that I deserve it and believe that I'm worthy of it to actually be present in it. And if I don't believe it, then it's like I'm happy, but I'm fighting it because it feels foreign. I'm like, am I just an angry
black woman? And I'm like, no, you just haven't. You haven't been in this place like im. I'll never forget Zosha telling us on her episode during Trigger, We're like Happily ever After and she was like white women and I like chuckled and laughter. But it's true, like if you only see people that don't like, if you've never seen it on yourself, it's hard to feel.
Worthy of it when you're in it.
And I'm like, I have the best friend the world, I have the best boyfriend in the wild, the best child, the best business. But I'm still like, like, is it gonna like something gonna happen. So I just had to like take a moment to like cry that out and like shed that those feelings of like.
Like you're safe.
You like when you have only existed in a place of survival, it's you do not know how to exist in a place of being present and just being happy and being not afraid of things didn't go wrong. So I just had to take a moment and tell myself,
like you're worthy, you're deserving. You worked hard for this shit, and like you did the work and that's why you have a relationship that's like damn, they're perfect, and a friendship that stam, they're perfect, and all these things that you deserve because you've done the work to get here. But like I had to cry it out by myself.
I was like, am I did I do mushrooms? I don't know. I feel like I for me, I have felt like not that I don't not that I'm not worthy, it's more so like I'm always like I'm such a futurist and thinking of like what's next, what's next, What's next, that it's really hard for me to be present.
The futurists just make it up. I don't think, so oh I never heard that word.
But like just like always thinking about what's next, what's next, because like I don't like things are shifting in my life but not I guess, like financially, like they haven't shifted in the way yet that I want. So therefore I'm not totally satisfied. And then I'm like, Okay, well, when you get that financial shift, will you then be satisfied Erica yea. And that's like my biggest and that's like one of my biggest fears is like not being
satisfied there. And then also I'm still I'm still working through totally walking in my choices and like saying to myself like this is whether or not this is who you are, This is what you're exploring right now and who you are and that's okay. Like thinking about some of the stuff we did, like even our show, like I was like, oh my god, was it too much? Did I do too much? Like how is this gonna reflect on me? Like is this too much for our brand?
Our brands? Like literally I was having after the show like thoughts like thinking about like is it like are wetting the line of sex and like too much? Like is target going to pass on me, Is this brand going to pass on me? Is like is my is beauty blender? Is my mom gonna see this and be disappointed? Am I disappointment? Like? Am I doing too much? Is this me? Am I being Jamila? Or am I being me? Like oh no, not it's me, no, not you. But like these are all thoughts I'm having, Like am I
walking authentically as myself? Or am I being influenced by like other people or other things? Or like is this me? Like like these are all things that like are like the sources of my anxiety of like really really being grounded, and like this is my these are my choices, this is what I'm doing, and like this is who I am right now. I might not be this person in six months. I might say you know what, hey, I
don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to do this anymore, and like feeling essentially insecure about it.
It is, but I totally get that, Like it's we're doing a lot, we're doing a lot on camera, and we're.
Doing it to ourselves. But I do because same, I did a lot.
I did a lot, and I like I said, like me, and then I was like mad at myself and it made me realize not like am I you or am I being myself?
But like what choices have been my own?
And what choices have been because I thought, like I thought it would be fun, and how many choices have I made that I thought would be fun? And then in it I didn't want to do anymore and then didn't stop myself and then really was upset with myself for days or months and for me like maybe like Harbord in my body forever or not ever because I'm making the choice to release it. But I understand like the exploration of is this me?
Is this what I want to do?
Is this bringing me joy and pleasure and fulfillment or did it seem fun at the time? I think, like we're in this like you know, you'll be, you'll be. We're in our mid thirties, and I think when you function as a woman, especially in your twenties and your teens, it's heavily influenced by other people and by being liked
women women. A lot of times in our society, women's value is about them being liked, and us being liked is about playing by certain rules or being wifed or our relationship status and it's it's rarely because it's like this is what I fucking wanted to do, fuck you, and even us being so deeply in fuck you, it's like did I need to do that?
Do I really want to do that? Am I that person?
You know? And so it's a constant like figuring it out, but like it's even hard to figure out what's my voice and what's like things people have told me or me acting out and rebellion because I do that too, Like sometimes I see myself pushing envelopes even in my relationship because I'm like, you can leave me, you know what I mean, Like it's just but it's not like, but it's not necessary to do that to begin with.
So I understand, like I kind of feel so much insecure about the show is because we've got a lot of love and stuff.
I mean, I don't want to say I don't feel insecure, it's just I think I've not I've had questions about some of the things, like would I do that again if I did it again, Like if we want tour again, am I gonna do some of these other things that I did on stage again? Or will I or should I stand in that? Is that something that I really want to go forth towards even more so, like just
just questioning all of the things. Essentially, I feel like I whenever I've acted out of my own normal character or like what I've been told to act, like, I have anxiety because I've been trained, I've trained myself to act a certain way for so long. I've trained myself to really care deeply about what my mom thinks, what you know? And then and also like those people have also made me feel like what would your daughter think? What would this person think? You know? And it's like
people are always gonna have thoughts, you know. People are always gonna have thoughts, and people are always gonna have opinions, But it's really about like, Okay, what do I fucking think? What do I think about this choice? Like if I'm standing outside of myself looking at myself, am I proud of myself? Am I saying go girl, yeah fuck that, go do that shit? Or am I saying, m that was cool for the time, Like do you really do
you want to do that again? Maybe not? I don't know, And like that's what I think It's been has been like me stepping outside of myself and really trying to like look at myself, look at my my choices, look at my even my brand, and like think long term, what is it? What is the end goal here? Or what is the goal or what is like what am I trying to feel? What is what is pleasurable to me?
And sometimes I can feel overwhelming and confusing. And sometimes I have the answers and there's really very very clear, and then sometimes they're not very clear. It's not very clear for me. We've had we've talked about how like finding men that would accept us for who we are, and how like we've put because of what we do, what we talk about, what we share, we've essentially xed out a large population. We've essentially x out, We've eliminated we've eliminated a large We've xed out a very large
population of men that would feel comfortable wifing us. Essentially. You know, it sounds horrible, but it's not. It's not horrible because I don't want those men and it wasn't
gonna work out. And but like now that I have found a partner that you know accepts me, and you know we've had and and because I'm still learning, like I've said, like I'm going back and forth about I'm still learning exactly what who I am, what my boundaries are, and like even that was like that confusion was even experienced in Costa Rica, you know, like where it's like, well, yesterday you said this was fine, and today it's not.
It's like, well, because I'm still figuring it out. I'm figuring out what this looks like for me as a girlfriend, for me as a woman, Like I don't, like I don't have all the answers all the time, and so sometimes friendships experience the byproduct of.
That almost our friendship over. But but.
Like now having someone that you know, you know is super proud of me and still feeling like this thing's weird anxiety about like like okay, I have the safe space,
but like, no, I do believe him. I think it's just it's my own inner work and it's has nothing to do with anyone, and like I think I maybe put this expectation of like this partner's gonna come in and then it's gonna like I'm gonna feel totally safe in all of my choices, and it's like I don't always feel safe in all my choices, and I realize it's not because of a person, it's because of the work that I have to do to feel safe in my choices.
That that that is what I feel very.
Like, you know, there's not on anyone else, Like there are things that he's healed in me, and like partners do that, like people come together and they heal certain parts of one another.
Well, also then it's also you have to you've never experienced the safety of being able to be in a relationship and address those parts of you. I think for women, we're so like, yeah, we're so busy pleasing our partners or performing in a way that's acceptable so we can be liked by ninety five percent and not not that it's we we forget that it's only here, it doesn't matter. But when we're not feeling safe enough to do that
self work, it's difficult to do that. And now that we're in places that we feel safe enough to do that, now.
That's almost like where the real work begins.
And it's daunting and it's really about like it's not even just like what brings me pleasure, but like even me feeling like happy but sad and like kind of like an attitude in ways, but having to question that, like where is that spirit coming from? And like in every every part of my life where that feeling comes up, that's not like super likable because I've thrived feeling like
I am a pretty bubbly, like friendly, loving person. But if I can't even address like the underlying darkness and not even darkness, it's just like are you really are you really moving out of love right now? For yourself for others, like even with my child. I read something recently about like you can't possibly know how to parent or what's going to come up, and I think it
was DJ Smiles. She had a post And you can't possibly know what's going to come up, you know, because you haven't parented before and you and you only are really parenting the way you've you've had it done to you. So there are times where I'm like, like I said, I'm not being like a gentle parent. I'm like girl,
like I'm not, and I'm having to check myself. But it's in those moments that I have to go within even and like look at my mom, look at my grandmother, and look at parts of them that I'm reflecting in myself, and like I've been like my mom just had a fucking attitude for no reason, and I'm like, what the
fuck is wrong with you? My grandmother like sweet woman, but sometimes like that mouth, but then seeing glimpses of that in myself and having to a be like I think we have to recognize like we do inherit certain things from our parents, absolutely cellular cellular and just be like that's not mine, like literally saying that to yourself, releasing that's not mine, like any insecurities all like the root of everything is weirdly where the work, the shadow
work begins, and it's it's not like necessarily beautiful, you know what I mean. Like I realized too, like how I can have an attitude with people close to me like or just like get it. I'll never do that with the stranger most of the time, you know what I mean. And it's like what is that? How is it that we forget to like operate in that place with you know, I always want to make strangers feel good. I always want to make people feel good because like that's my gift.
Well, you give strangers the benefit of the doubt more than you give the people that you love closest to you, because you've you've experienced them strangers you haven't really experienced. It's easy to love them, true, you know, but no, I feel you. I feel that. I feel that a lot. I feel like even just trying to like not like with that quote that she said or that whatever you saw on her Instagram, like me not have. I don't
have certain tools. I have to build them. I have to start from scratch because I don't possess certain tools that I need to as a woman, as a as a mother. And that's been one too, like because I did receive something as a child, I saw no example of it me having to now almost like face I have to face it because I don't have to have these tools for her. So it's like you have to remind yourself to constantly talking to her as like as
a single mother to her whose father is not around. Really, like how do we have these conversations because I never I've never had this conversation with anyone ever, Like even like that wasn't given to me either, because like that just I mean not that it wasn't given to me, but it was just like I don't know, like my mom did try, but it wasn't in the way that I think I needed and that's not her fault, you know.
And like same with Iri. It's like I'm trying to learn what she needs, but like I might, i might fail, you know, like because I'm literally building these tools in It's like I'm walking and like building something at the same time. Like I'm just like grabbing things like Okay, well this may be okay, let me try that. Okay, that didn't work. Let me ask this person.
And I've never seen it, how do you do it? And it's like big and it seemed but it's like it's.
But you do it. You just do it. And that's what I realized too. It's like okay, and sometimes you're gonna do it wrong. I like was really sad about this fee because I've been feeling it for like a while now. And then I was like, literally the other day, I was like, okay, so you're work. Like I really
feel like I've a I'm finally figuring something out. Something is happening like where I'm like I feel like there's more space in my life lately, or I'm really allowing it to be and I'm being able to understand and be more intuitive to what she's needing. But I just feel like also like you you don't know what you don't know, like you said, like and I might not get it right. And that's okay too, because that's part of the whole the whole journey of figuring it out.
But I don't know. I was reading something about this full moon and it was saying something about like it's being it's a heavy one for some especially like I think it was. I think it was sister's village Instagram. I don't know if you've ever looked, yeah, followed, Yeah, they're really good, and she was saying like tell me a rising sign and I'll tell you what the effects of this moon has on you. And so I was reading the comments and I got to Scorpio and it
said like something about what was it? I want to read it? Like did I take a screenshot of it? I hope I did. But it was just like basically inner child work, healing your inner child, like working on your a very important relationship, really finding the time to do it, and like like right now, like that's like so important to me because it's like it's crazy. I see the change in her. I see that she is literally like there's a shift happening.
Yeah, there's this age right now is like from girl like little girl to like young lady, Like, oh you're a person person. Oh you're communicating clearly. Oh you're having feelings and thoughts and opinions. It is like Luna has told me some stuff in the last week, and I'm like, who the fuck are you? And I'm like, oh, yeah, my fucking child. Yeah me, Like it's just like and doing it friendly than our parents did. I was.
I don't know, like I wasn't I wasn't sheltered.
But I I like my parents. My parents talk to me like a human And so I try to let Lunam feel comfortable enough to be honest, but I'm like overwhelmed by the information that she knows because it feels like, damn, you're a fucking adult.
This is what it's said. It said for Scorpio rising, this full moon is guiding you to reevaluate your daily routine and how you spend your time. Are there are things you shouldn't be spending each day doing or doing less of. It's calling you to release yourself of perfectionism and allow yourself to surrender to the flow of life. And so like, that's what I think is like happening to me too. I'm just like, I'm never gonna be
I'm not gonna be perfect. There's no way, like because even the pressure of having a platform like what we have, like where we talk openly about like trying to reparent ourselves and repairent our children and you know, do all this work essentially and then still in some ways fail like in this work that we're doing like privately essentially, Like it just like it feels overwhelming sometimes and daunting, like I have to get it right right, Like.
I have all the resources, Like am I supposed to give a fuck? I'm I'm not supposed to give a fuck. Yeah, it's like your's which your just Leo right my rising? Yeah uh yeah Leo. Let me see if I can find it.
But yeah, it was just it was just it's been like feeling that way, but I feel different of Leo rising. For Leo Rising, the full moon is guiding you to reflect on the stories you have been telling yourself and how they have been holding you back from your growth, connect with what life means to you, what do you
want out of this life? But yeah, so, but me and Iri have a So I was like literally on Discord the other day crying in the carpool line at Iris school because I asked everyone on Discord like I need advice because I was feeling really defeated after the way she treated honestly, honestly and and then you're telling me like that thing like the she like like are my nanny? Such as being mean? And I was like what the fuck? Like this is not my child, Like
what what is happening? And I've been noticing her behavior and I'm like it's I just feel like I'm seeing things that like granted are just probably you know, seven year old things, but also like, Okay, what can I do to like nurture this more? Like figure this out? More? What am I not doing? And so I'm like on Discord and like texting the Discord like Mom's like mom, emergency, help me help literally, And so all these people started
messaging me all this great advice. Like, man, I'm just so grateful for like the community we have because there's so many different perspectives and there's so many like older parents, like people that I can call on and be like, hey, what did you do? What didn't you do? Tell me what to do? What did you what would worked for you,
Like what does a be specific? I need a specific thing, and so yeah, they were all messaging me and then like that, I picked her up and I was like, hey, so I've decided that every Thursday, we're gonna have a mommy daughter day. We're gonna go home, we're gonna get dressed up, and we're gonna go pick a place. You pick this week. I pick next week. And she was like so excited. I was excited. Then my phone died.
I was like, bitch, this is was supposed to happen, Like this is what it's about, Like I'm supposed to be here, like I need to really be able to commit to this connection with her, and like it made me feel good, it made her feel good, and like I just feel like sometimes working parents, like you know, it's fucking hard, like you're trying. I just felt like I've been in this mode of just like did you eat, did you do your homework? Go to sleep? Did you eat?
Did your homework? Plate it okay? Okay here like you know, or it's like there's no real special time that I've that I've really carved out really just for her, and I'm excited to see how that moves moves a relationship forward. But like it's just been a weird time. I've been crying a lot and trying to figure this shit out. Well, it's okay cry. You need to cry, you need to move the emotion. You know.
I realize, like it's really important to cry, it's really important to feel, and like it's okay to cry even if you don't know why you're crying.
You know, it's it's important to like let it all come out however it comes out, and it's important to move your body. Yeah, it's yeah, I know, it's crazy. It's crazy to have so many emotions. Like they're good, like the tour was amazing, I'm so grateful. Then there's like this like so like emotional like vulnerability with my daughter. Then there's like anger because my baby daddy's is not shit and he's a fucking asshole. And then I'm just like why would I choose you? Get out? Like please God,
why just remove this person from my life? And then I have this amazing man who's just like the shit amazing, but also chat where he challenges me as well, and like we challenge each other but in like the best way possible. But like it's all like a lot of energy exchanges happening currently in my life, which I know feels like this grand tornado that's going to like shift a lot soon, and it's already on its way shifting. So I don't know. It's life is lifing. Life is lifing.
But you know, and I'm turning thirty something, yeah, and then I'm turning thirty something and I think that's too. It's a lot. There's a lot happening. Yeah, but it's fine. It's fine. I look good and everything's good, and I'm young and it's fine. It's just like the best time of your fucking life. I know. Birthdays are so weird. I just I don't know. It's like I don't want to do anything, but I know when it gets like on the day, i'm'd be like, why did I decide
not to do anything? I'm mad and I want to hang out with my friends, but also like leave me the fuck alone. That's just fucking scorpio. Yeah. Well, it's almost Scorpio season. It is Libra season, and they matter, but I'm just gonna go ahead and just call it declare Scorpio season now. It's Scorpio season. Now, A month Scorpio season.
What a beautiful thing it is to feel though, right like, at least we feel and let's says know we're alive.
And we're self aware.
Thank God for self awareness and for the ability to grow and to dig deeper.
No, being self aware is the greatest gift, you know, it is, and it's also my greatest curse, because sometimes a bitch wish it could just be like whatever, I know it, but whatever you know, it's like too much, Like I'm too it's too much. Sometimes it is so much. There's so many feelings. I feel so much. I'm like, is this because I'm a cancer? What the fuck? It's too much. I get tense. Literally, I freeze up.
There's too many things in my head and just like worried about too many things, everything is feeling hard.
I feel like though, I do feel like I have more space. Though I've been getting more space. I'm tired as fuck, but literally I feel like I have more space in my brain. The last few days, I think because I've just the wa No, No, I don't think. No, it's not that I think because it's been a weekend and I really didn't do work. I really was like I looked at stuff and I was like Monday, and I never do that. I'm always like okay, but I
just don't. I just feel like there's space in our business too, because we're investing in our business in a bigger way to create space in our lives. It's important and sometimes you have to do that. Sometimes you have to like do whatever has to do, whatever you have to do for that sanity in space. So I'm just but I'm grateful to be able to be able to do that. I've worked really hard and we've worked really
hard to be able to do that. And to people listening, like you've worked really hard to be able to create space in your life too. There's different ways that you can create space, and we have to do it or else we will go fucking I know.
That's what I keep thinking, Like how like sustainability, like how long can we go like this?
How long can our kids go like this? A long?
Like, you know, because we realize how quickly time moves when we see our kids like come huge overnight.
So yeah, yeah, that's where I think I'm at with it too. It's just like okay, wait, hold on, what let's recalibrate here, because like this is important, but there's a lot of other things that are important.
How am I going to be feeling at the most high, like the most How am I making use of my time where I'm like really having a good life, Like I feel really good about where I've put my time, what I'm doing, who I'm with. I don't feel bad about shit I shouldn't feel bad about. I can literally just be in joy and love, like not some underlying shit and not some like just really, how can I maintain being happy and having peace? And sometimes it's like, yeah, making making it.
Happen, boundaries and finances, finances. But that's why you have to listen to our episode with Loose, because she's the money witch and all of it's possible, and it's October. It's witchy October guys, and there's witchy vibes, and there's a lot of magic. And it's really about pulling all those things together and like acknowledging the things, right, we just acknowledge them, but then also like getting activated in them.
And that's also what I've been feeling too. It's like when I just feel activated, I'm like, Okay, I can do this. I got this. Yeah, you know, and believing that. And it's a full moon, it's Wednesday, but then full moon energy is still from Ari's moon is still present, and it's still vibing and doing its things. So if you're listening to this, I encourage you to go home, write something down, think about what it is that you
want to release or indulge in. Because it was also saying that this moon is all about like also kind of tapping into like your childlike energy, like being laughing, dancing, doing cartwheels. I think that's what I don't do. Do some cartwheels. Do a cart wheel today, See how makes you feel. It's usually pretty fun. Mm hmm. Don't hurt yourself first, just like I don't advise you starve yourself like me. Also, do you do a cart will you
hurt yourself? It's not my fault. Strive yourself and then do a cartrail like it gonna be freeze but it's the eight when eight diet and alkaline water at least. Also, I read one cart wheel a day.
I'm reading Debbie's book, and there's a therapist, a family, a famous family therapist that says four hugs a day is for survival. Eight hugs a day is for maintenance and twelve hugs a day is for growth. M So make sure you're getting your twelve plus twelve, twelve, make it twelve, make it twelve or more?
Which one? Survival? Four? Four? Damn like just yeah, it feels like it. Oh my god, it is like for survival. It's like.
It's like the half hug you gotta give people, like deep long hugs.
Yeah, cuddle people. I'm gonna pull a card because at the beginning of the episode, the Two of Ones two of One's let me two, we also have an advice question today, guys, it's been a while since. Uh, I feel like we've done advice questions.
Two of One's Personal goals inner alignment, fear of unknown progress, decisions discovery. That was reverse personal goals inner alignment for them. No, okay, a lot of pop ups a very popular sect.
It's become very popular. It's all because of us. They blew up. They didn't know why people do ask about them a lot. They do.
Really do we need a partnership with Biddy. Two of Wand's upright. The Two of Wands takes the spark of inspiration from the Ace of Wands and turns it into a clear action plan. You went through the discovery phase, and now that you want to manifest. Now that you went to discovery phase and know what you want to manifest, now you need to figure out how you're exploring your options and carefully plotting out the path ahead, accounting for
all possibilities and potential challenges. You are open to growth and exploring new territories so long as you maintain a level of certainty that efforts will work out in the end. When the two of one appears in a terror reading, you are not ready to make your move. It is more important that you establish a clear path before proceeding. The two of Wands is also about discovery, particularly as you step outside of your comfort zone and explore new
world and experiences. It may take courage to set out, but this card gives you the confidence of self knowledge. You know what your goal is and you are sure of its eventual fulfillment. Let your intuition and pression and passion and guide you as you confirm your next steps.
Hmm. That resonates a lot.
You have already come so far and now you feel ready for the change, this time with your long term future in mind. You may be complimenting como contemplating overseas travel, further education, or significant career switched to expand your horizons beyond your immediate environment.
Okay, with careful planning and moderate approach, you will set yourself up for success. Yeah, it's kind of what I feel too, like just planning out and like really taking time to really decide how I can nurture different parts of my life right now.
The two interiros often represents decisions of some sort. With this too, you may make a choice between sticking with what you know or taking a risk. You understand the world has something bigger or more meaningful to offer you, Yet you also realize that you must leave your familiar grounds to capitalize on the opportunity. Even though you already invested a lot into your current circumstances, it is imperative that you step out and explore your options.
I'm exploring all parts of what brings me pleasure right now, publicly and privately. Right, you know, publicly and privately. So what's that? That was the two of one? You hear my stomach? Yeah? I did. My stomach scrowling, guys, because I'm starving, diet guys, I'm not starving. Don't worry like, don't I'm not herexic geez trigger warning. Hold on, this is not arexia.
I want to be very clear here, spiritual, spiritually eight when eight de tax it is.
I'm going to start praying tonight. You're supposed to pray instead of eat in place of your meals. I know I'm good. I told you tonight tonight, I started praying. Last night, I did some manifest I mean irin, it's some manifesting. Last night. I let some candles said some things. We did too. We broughte our ancestor money. We burned it. I gotta release it.
I left some eggs at the crossroads. All the things perfect, beautiful.
We have an advice question, okay, and this is from It's a mom advice question. It's very rude. Actually it's rude. Yeah, okay, Hi, I just started listening to your show, and wow, I'm so glad I found it. I love you, guys, love you. Can you please give me some advice to single moms who have been dumped by a long term boyfriend because he just wasn't ready to spend his free time with
me and my kid. My boyfriend of almost three years finally met my five year old daughter, and after hanging out with us a few times, he said he didn't feel right and didn't like that he was just there. I'm feeling like at I'm feeling at an all time low. Now I'm afraid no man will ever want me because I'm a mom. Plus I'm thirty four now and all my friends are married and live far. I can't even go out nowadays. Help fucking rude, rude? What the fuck?
First of all, thank god, thank god? First, like, thank god that he was like he just kept him moving. But let this be a lesson. Don't wait three years? Yeah, you don't. Don't. Why did you wait three years? The girl like she was two? Yeah.
I think that we do ourselves a disservice when we wait so long, because then people don't get to know you as the mom that you are.
There's a real whole other side of you, probably the one of the largest parts of you, especially at that age, because your daughter is like what two years old when you met this man, like you're in it, in it. He is not experiencing this person like that? Is you so coming into a space like that, like uh uh no, I don't even know why he would have waited. I wouldn't even waited that long. I was like, I need to meet your child, right right?
I mean he just I mean and honestly the let the week move on, you know if it's yeah, he's not about that life good.
Like keep it moving.
I'm happy or honest with me, but I wouldn't give up. There's definitely like there's definitely men that will love you and love your child and you're still worthy.
It doesn't matter if your mom.
For sure, one or three or five, whatever the fuck, Like if you went love that's something that is accessible. Yeah, and the right one, the right person that gets it.
But you have to be honest about your motherhood like
you cannot be. You kind of hid your motherhood from him too, Like I don't know what the circumstances are, like you know, if you want to further explain or not explain, if you want to further share, like I'm interested to know, but like you hid your child too, like you kind of you manifest these kind of situations when you hide parts of especially the major parts of yourself like that from someone who's supposed to love you, like especially I'm sure after three years I hope you
guys are in love, Like fuck that guy. But also next time, I recommend if you're feeling my first date, yeah, but like I recommend like reconsidering like the time in which you wait to introduce or at least I don't know present.
It's also it's also doing a disservice for your child because she's like, who the fuck is this.
The fact that your mother is like the coolest part of you. Actually, you're a natural nurturer. You know how to take care of a person, like you have this amazing, incredible, yes, anxiety filled responsibility. But it's literally like I look at motherhood as like that's my biggest flex that's my asset, Like I have no qualms or ways or like there's nothing around it at this point, you know, So just
start trying to look at it that way. Definitely don't look at it as that and thirty four year young girl.
And also like, yeah, I have a kid, I'm a mom. I have shit to do. I don't have time for any bullshit. So of your some bullshit, it's best you let me know now. I don't have a lot of time to play games. This is what I want, this is what I don't want.
And you can go out with your married friends. Go out with your married friends. This is not like you don't have to. I mean, obviously you guys are living in different lives. But make new friends or go out with your married friends. Don't not go out and make excuses to why you can't go out, Like it's not even about going out, but like, go outside, go outside, definitely go outside. Meet people. Yeah, connect join our discord, that's what that's what Discord's for. Go join the discord,
make some friends and meet up. Yeah. So I'm sorry that happened too, though. That's trash. It's really really whack. Do you have a hurry, Yeah, we do have a hurry. Let's see if I can find it. Oh it was a pegging horry. Oh I love those it was pegging hoy one moment. Please what I find the pegging horry? Who stories? Proceed with caution. This is from an OG listener shout out to you. So I was dating this woman at the time and she was very lesbian, very lesbian.
Note I know the time she was a total top and never wanted to receive, which is cool but was new but was new to me back then. I was twenty two, and I was young and dumb and full of cum. Okay, stream to it. Huh. One day I heard her talking with a gay boy best friend about how she topped him. I was so curious. That was the first day I heard about pegging my friend was My mind was blown and I was full, and I
was full of dirty, fucking fantasies. So of course I jumped on the Internet and joined some gay hookup site. For some reason, I thought only gay or by men be into this, ha ha ha, since the site was traditionally gay man. Since the site was a traditionally gay man site, and I was definitely a beautiful, big titty chick, I decided to be fully upfront and posted in my bio. I was there to meet someone who wanted to peg strictly for experimenting and no ongoing relationship. My inboxes flooded. Wow.
I never heard someone hear about a kink and go full fledged, like I have to do this.
Getting a gay profile just so like a fulfillment. She has big tits. Okay, she's ambitious, she has big titties, and she's going to get what she wants. I like it. I was so surprised even straight dudes who just wanted to fuck me, which I was confused about. But hey,
the Internet is a safe space. I had my pick of the litter, so I decided I wanted the hottest, most masculine straight man with muscular body, tattoo, tall, dark, and handsome, because at the time I was fucking mostly women and the hard body was mess was missing in my sex life. Okay, after finally talking for a while, we decided to meet up. I met the guy at Starbucks first to make sure I felt safe with him.
Starbucks, not even like a night bar.
They went for croissants you're getting okay, and a chai latte you're getting coffee to discuss pegging in the daylight. Just to meet him, to make sure she felt safe. Okay, she's okay. He was six to two, ripped. You know this person, He was six too, ripped, light green eyes, dark hair. He wore his wedding ring on one hand, which gave me a girl boner. He admitted he was He admitted he was stepping out on his wife to fulfill his desires because he felt uncomfortable admitting to them
to her. Of course, my moral compass was off that day, and I was thinking with my dick, so my devil horns were showing. My pussy was so wet for him, and I was ready to get it. He found not. He was opening up to you, and all you thought about was, oh my god, I love this bitch. He followed me back to the apartment. We walked to my walk past my gay roommate, and I threw him a wink. I got one of your kind. As we entered my room, I had already set the scene for him. Dildo's on
the bed so he could pick his sighs. I had some other toy set out. I was surprised that I wasn't nervous. I was fully tapped into my top energy and felt so powerful. He was six ' two and super muscular and strong, but he had such a soft, sweet personality. I knew he was about to be my little bitch. Wait the whey She wrote this strip slowly, as I said to him, no, no strip. Slowly, I said to him, make sure you keep eye contact with me.
Okay, Well, I really like how she's going from Starbucks straight to like strip.
He stripped down. His body was beautiful, every muscle so defined, his dick was smaller than I expected. I laughed. He liked it, and I could notice him smile as I laughed. I walked up to him and grabbed his penis what the fuck is this all this body? And where's the rest of this cock? He smiled and shrugged. Okay, so he is a sub got it. Get down on your knees,
you little slut. As he got down on his knees, I grabbed his chin and made him look up at me, stick my fingers inside of his mouth and made him suck. You're gonna be my little bitch today and obey every single command. If you are a good little bitch, then I will fuck the shit out of you. Then I will fuck the shit out of your tight asshole. His eyes widened and with joy, and he choked on my fingers and teared up. Stay on your knees and rust your head on my bed. Put your arms behind your back.
I handcuffed his hands together. Now hold still, this is gonna sting, a little, not a little bit sting. I dripped candle wax down his muscular back. His muscles flinched, but he did not move. He let out small moans with every drop, watching the wax harden on his back was It was turning me on way more. My God. I suddenly had an idea. I needed to save this memory forever. I asked him for consent to record our session. Can you send the video? I need to see this video.
You know who you are. Send the video. He consented, and so I invited my roommate into film us. He was elated. He grabbed my digital camera and was getting all the angles digital camera with my roommate in the room, the music pumping. Fine, This fine ass man at my fingertips, This fine ass man at my fingertips, ready for me to use and abuse him. I felt high. I needed that ass right now. He got on all fours. I made him look straight into the camera and prepare for entry.
His mouth was watering it. I looped up his ass and rubbed a loub all over my dildo. I traced his crack with my dick and rolled the tip around his asshole. His body quivered. I started to push my dildo into his ass and he let out a deep breath. My clip jumped and I felt the wolf inside me. How ooh. My friend made eye contact with me from behind the camera and he says, Oh, he likes it. He had a great view of my little bitch's face and him. Being a gay man, he knew when a gig,
when a guy was enjoying that ass. Fuck. Oh, oh my god, this is so long. Wait this is okay, girl, hold on, we might have just skip through some of this. Okay, where's the howling? Okay, he loved the feed by way. Wait wait wait wait, I continued to where is she gonna dildo this? Quickly I switched positions and made my little bitch get on top to ride me, and I rubbed his on his chest and complimented how sexy he looked riding me. He looked, he looked. He loved the
feedback in the dirty talk. It was so intense and passionate. We made heavy eye contact as he grinned deeper into Oh god, Jesus, not grinned, Yeah, grinded deeper. It is yeah, this is I don't know, this is you like this kind of porn? Though? Don't you pegging porn? No? Not really, no, okay, because this is not turning me on. I don't like pegging porn. I like like bisexuals as part of it is like the definitely like the little bitchness of it all. Okay.
I fucked him slow and told him I want to see him shoot his load on his chest, fucking him hard, stroking his cock fast, looking him in his eyes as I told him, you're such a good slut, talking all the dick, taking all the dicks like a good boy. Can't wait to find out who this is. I stroked along with the rhythm and started to moan. He shot his load and hid it all over his own face. I screamed in ecstasy, mind blown that we had just come together on the first time fucking. We all let
out a laugh and a huge breath. I looked over and asked my roommate, did you get that on camera? All of it? He said, what a downass roommate. Oh wow, that's a good roommate. Oh god, the story gets worse. There's more. Wait, let me just read this last part. Oh god wait. I let the man go shower while my roomy and I sat on the bed and shook our head, blown away by what had just went down. I knew then that Peggy was one of my all time favorite things, and I was hooked on the power
it gave me. I showed that video to anyone who would watch. Eventually, my backpack got stolen with my laptop and camera in it. I wonder if whoever stole it got to see that video. I'd love to run across it on some porn sites someday. Deaf great homemade film. The best part about the story. About seven years after this, I was a company Christmas party for my friend's work. I was sipping a beer panting the room, and a
tall man caught my attention. His back was turned towards me, but something about the back of his head looked familiar. He turned around and boom, it was my little bitch. We made a quick eye contact, and I got so flushed I had to turn around quickly. My friend noticed my energy shift and asked what was wrong. Told her that that guy over there was the first guy I pegged, and she was like Jason. She happened to work with
his wife and daughter. I noticed they had left shortly after we made eye contact, and never saw my little bitch again. But I have made men my bitch since, and they were always very grateful. How many bitches men? She has since made other men her bitch? Oh wow? You know? And they were always grateful for her for her guidance.
Yeah, that's the story of one determined bitch who was going to figure out if that was her kinkin.
I did not read that first. Before reading, I also didn't know how long it was. It was a novel. Wow, that was that's that's our first pegging. Oh no, it was on second second pegging. We had one on Juneteenth. I'll never forget that one. That was a very important one. So that's it. That was it for our horror stories. And if you have horror stories that you'd like to share on the show, please please message them. We need more horries. We need good juice, well written short horries,
like maybe like three paragraphs maximum. Send them to production at Good Mom's Bad Choices. Subject line, subject line horries. Mm hm, so I think that's a wrap, my friend. Yeah, ready, you're ready. I'm gonna go do yoga yoga. I'm gonna go do heatd yoga, drink alcohol water. What do you go to heat yoga? In short?
Oaks?
A few different ones, different ones.
I gotta be like, okay, Colon, tell our location, which specific one?
What time? My teacher? Anyone know our general vicinity? I live in Alabama, guys, I actually don't live here. Well, this has been nice. I love you. I love you. I love you very much. I love you very much too. And you're beautiful. You can have the best birthday ever. Whoa, whoa, wait a fine ass friend thirty something here I come. She's so fun. Oh my god, thank you. I'm excited for my birthday. It's it's good. It's life. I'm just I'm getting better, bitch, I know I'm getting better. I'm not.
I know I'm getting better. And it's it's crazy. I think it's just more so like thinking about the more moral mortality of life. I've been thinking about more, like damn, it's really short. It is short, and the bigger scheme of things. That's sure being pleasure the whole time. Yeah, it's too short to be like mad about you. You don't even know why you're mad. Just be like, be happy. This is the best ship ever. We're living a dream. We're like, fight it for it. Yeah, fight to live.
If I'm gonna fight to be happy, to be healthy, to be happy and be having fucking fun, I'm gonna fight for that ship because I.
Don't we don't know. It's a short.
Span and hopefully like that radiates, you know, to our friends, circle, to our kids.
Like you gotta live a little. You gotta live a lot every second, all day, every day.
Babe out what makes you happy for real and do that whatever it takes.
I'm a motherfucking philosopher. And on that note, DJ Jam Jam DJJ jam J Jam Pepe and Jam. Well, guys, make sure you go follow us on YouTube if you haven't watched this episode. We're fine. We all we do look cute today, we're looking cute. I feel like I'm like comfy comfy cash.
Yeah, I was kind of overcast today.
How do we always get the same memo? Are we both wearing baggy pants? And like we're Beyonce House of Dairy on.
We have the House of Dairy on fucking alert system. It's built in alert system. It doesn't matter what. We never discussed what we're wearing. It always goes together.
Though. Every time someone the other day was like, did you guys plan this cheetah look, I was like, no, we didn't. No, Like what do you think? I fucking called her and.
Said, hey, you're gonna you're gonna work out of dinner? So what are you gonna wear you're gonna rear treat a print O me too crazy?
What the fuck would we look like doing that? That'd be crazy? Oh my goodness. Anyway falls on YouTube. Also go check out our retreat. We just launched two more retreats in Coasta, Rica, So come hang out with your girls in February twenty twenty three and get chose natal chart reds. Do some healing, do some toerking, do some explorations, hang out with us. Eat healthy, eat healthy, get better, feel better, look better, find friends. I just want like people look better too. Do you want to get like
a real quick fine? Uh? Boast? It is I retreat. I retreat like botas, it's like health. It's it's botox of the whole spirit. It's like juvenidi for your life. It's Juvedim for your spirit.
And like unlimited syringes for five days.
So many syringers, but they don't hurt.
The non surgical botax of Costa Rica is so crazy.
I came back looking eight years younger. Yeah, then the effects last we like at least six months.
If you go to the jungle and just nestle your feet in, you'll get so beautiful.
Look young again. Just lay in the sun for five minutes. Costa Rica is plastic surgery. Fuck plastic surgery. You go to Costa Rica. Fuck doc to Miami. You only need Costa Rica. Honestly, I do look sexier there. Absolutely me too. I'm moisturized immediately, I'm hydrated. I'm happy. I'm like I'm moving. Yeah, I'm just moving, you know. An I clicked the link in this episode description to check out your to book your next Botox Costa.
Rica Surgical box trip, and check out our Patreon to be on our close friends and be included in our Discord community. There's a lot of things happening over there. They're doing some fellas, there's there's a lot of things going on this show.
Oh yeah, you've heard us talk about Discord a few times on this episode. If you don't know what it is, it's a community over there, So download the app, click the link for Patreon, and we'll add you to our Discord which is very much popping and they're fine friends in your city, like minded people. There's a lot going on. It's been The horri section on Discord has been going nuts this week. I don't know if you've seen it, it's shifted. There's a shift in the horrist section on discord.
I just think I saw a little bit. I was like, whoa, Okay, we don't need Yoni xx no more. Huh.
They said, we're gonna get it in an all shut and whatever when it sounds a little bit xx.
Oh my god. Anyway, we love you guys, and we'll see you next week.
Bye bye.
Likes Yo Ellena J.
Solova record the Lallos and Elasti.
They asked, mm hmm,