Yes, I'm in the middle of it, of it, or I've gone through it, or I'm on my third round and be like, that's it. That's where you get the magic juiciness because you're feeling the ship that you've kind of too much. Do y'all know, do y'all? Let me tell y'all. Do y'all know? Ten years into intentional journey and healing trauma, last year, I just found out that I had a mother wound.
Welcome back to Good MoMA's Bad Choices. I'm Erica. Happy Wednesday Tribe. How you're doing? Happy Wednesday Day? I'm feeling good. Yeah, you look cute. We got the green boots on.
You know, I really love these boots. I only want on a handful of times. I'm always trying to find like reasons to I.
Don't think you need a reason. I think it's I think they just they're they're in all the time type of boot they are.
I don't know.
If you guys notice, I'm a boot bitch. I love a good boot, a cowboy boot, any boot.
I love it.
And if you haven't subscribed to our YouTube channel, you should definitely do that. We sometimes we do what is it? What does the drip check, the drip check? We do the drip check today? Should we do a drip check? The drip check? So we have Jamila here in a satin short set. If you're watching YouTube, she just gave us a little sexy little dance. Oh yes, she's tiny, but she's thick as fuck. Okay. And then she has on the green cowprint boots, slight lime neon green color.
And oh look at that fat Wow wow wow. I don't know what any of these designers are so like they are They are unknown, but very very expensive.
They are probably China.
They are Italian leather, Italian from the from the factories of China, silks, maybe Paliesta, slightly leopard print.
And these are from my favorite Steve Madden, the Fashions of the high End of Stephen.
What's it like that?
Stephen mad Stephen Madden mad Madame? It's this.
It's a French Stephen Stephen ma.
Name is Stepte.
Oh these oh, these are from Steffan Modern. Who Stefan Modern? Oh you know, you wouldn't know. It's very exclusive, very very foreign, very exclusive. You wouldn't know anything.
These are from These are from a unicorn.
Actually, this is this is a unicorn cow of green. You wouldn't know anything about it because it's Italian. It's a green unicorn cow.
Wow.
And my, my, my.
Dear wife here she is wearing are those spice shiny spanex. It's a shiny spandex and she's going shiny spanex with a hinted glitter. It's formal but it's comfortable. It's formal but it's comfortable. Her shoulders are sparkling and also they have shoulder pads.
She's being like modern but retro.
Girl.
And she's of course with Doc Martin's. Doc Martin would love a sponsorship.
I would because I'm.
Like a badass, but because jam So if you have missed the YouTube, now's the time to check in.
Wow, everyone really needed that anyway. Anyway, I'm really excited to introduce our guest today. We have been uh stalking you for a bit via Spotify, using all of your amazing music to inspire daily nightly. You actually came to us through the tribe, so I'm always excited when we get a guest on that is literally passed on through the community. Shout out to Latiana. She actually joined us on our Costa Rica good Vibra treat last year and she shared shared you with me. So I'm just really
excited to invite to the show Tony Jones. She is an affirmation musician and just blessing the world with self love.
Yes, it's an honor to be here, seeing you guys on Instagram, hearing you guys talk about all the things. It's just really beautiful to be here. So thank you for sharing who I am and what I do in the world with your platform.
Yes, you're super grateful.
I was just telling her before, when you're in the other room that somebody else who I'm in school with, it's also part of our tribe.
She told me. It was like, oh yeah, and if you're Tony Jones, you don't know who that is.
And I was like, and I looked you up, so it's like, you know, yes, yeah, the circles are close.
Yes, we're attracting all the witchy women and I love it.
Yes, when I saw you guys, I was like, oh, Sis, what up? See you soon, see you soon?
Right, So it really be like that, like, oh, sure we know three people who might know each other.
I'll see you soon. Like I don't have to worry it's like I want you and I and I will see you. Every time I do it, it always happens.
I was like, yep, I knew it, and.
It's so funny.
We had a guest here before you and we're like, oh, so and SO is coming. She's like, oh, maybe i'll hang out and wait and huger.
I was like, okay. You know what I was also thinking too, is that so many people find us through audio and listening to your voice through audio. I had no idea what you look like until maybe like a few days ago, to be honest, no, I know. So I went on your Instagram and I was like, wow, it's so interesting, like hearing person's voice and then attaching like I really didn't. I didn't really put a lot
of I didn't know what to imagine. I knew that you had to be this beautiful woman because you have this beautiful voice and this beautiful energy that that radiates through year music.
I get it from my mom.
But yeah, and I would imagine that sometimes that's how people feel when they listen to the podcast, Like I think people have literally heard our voices in passing and be like you could Mom's bad choices like I've never seen you before. I just heard your voice and it sounds familiar, and I'm like, wow, that's so crazy.
That yeah, that happened to me in a public bathroom stall. I was like talking to someone and they're like, do you have a podcast?
I was like, I do, Like interesting, I'm like a radio personality, but not so tony. Can you tell us and share with us? You're like, just a little bit about you, like how did you? Where are you from?
From the d Yeah, I was a live coach for six seven years, you know, helping young people in Detroit public high schools and coaching women how to heal from workoholism.
Oh wow.
I started that twenty twenty fourteen, twenty fifteen, and I started these messages when it was like you know, getting your bag, your bad bitch, you know, team no sleep, you know. So I was very My message was very counter culture because I was like hell from workholism, self love, mental health. So it was a minute before it started to like, you know, spill over into the culture. And so as a life coach, I found myself like burning out.
You know. I saw a lot of my clients and audience benefit from the depletion of me, and I was like, man, God, you gotta give me something that's going to help you know, my clients and the women practice well being on to go and through literally through prayameditation, I got the idea of affirmation music and I was like, ooh, let me google that. And so when I googled it, I didn't
find anything that coined affirmation music. I was like, what, I get to do this, and so I went to I actually came to LA four month and this was years ago, well twenty eighteen, and I took all my journals, all my notes from retreats, you know, workshops that I've been to, and even personal writings you know, and came to LA and wrote Affirmations for the Girl and Ask a Woman, you know, which is nine songs that I wanted.
This was the trick because I was like, I want these nine songs to represent the nine months it takes a woman to grow a child. So as soon as they pushed play no, there's like no going back. You immediately start growing the woman of your dreams. And so I was like, this is going to help my coaching business.
I'm going to be a successful life coach. Yo. I released that album and Women's hit during Women's History Month three, nineteen nineteen, and I released that album two weeks later, All Hell broke, lose, my life completely changed, lost my job, house, all type of stuff, house broken, just all it was
just crazy. And then I think like a year later, I decided, you know what, I need to become an afrom I think there's something here with this because I was like this the first time I created something without a doubt and so and it was like the I was getting some coins. So that's kind of like the backdrop of like how I got into this like this. I never had you know, becoming a musician on my vision board, no shit like that. It was never into I wasn't never saw myself as an artist, so it
was all surprised. So it was like, you know, being an ambitious woman and being a nerd, you know, logic and things like that. I was just like, Wow, there's dreams happening that I didn't plan, that I didn't strategically put intention behind.
Well, I think, wow, I mean that's I relate to that so much because I think when you don't have expectation, it removes the fear. Yeah, you know, and I think that speaks to like me and Jamila's business here. It's like we started this shit low key by accident. It was not with it, but but for some reason, like it was the first thing we created or I created. And I think Mila too can speak to this without doubt. Yeah, without a lot of doubt.
Fun, Yeah, there wasn't.
There wasn't.
Don't put all this pressure on yourself to like perform or like to like hit this, like hit any any point.
Yes, Like let's put this out. I feel good about this.
Yes, And that made me feel like, Okay, how much more can I unplan my life?
Right?
Let's see what kind of magic happens when I unplan it. Let me take some stuff off and leave more space. So in between then and now, I mean, it's been a few fuck boys, you know, situationships, distractions, and through every one of them, they've been initiations into the highest, highest version of me as a woman. And I'm grateful for all those experiences. You know.
Yeah, I think that's so like, that's so true.
Like I think we have such a strong grip on like the what we want to happen, and sometimes it's really in like uh, maybe having an aspiration but releasing the how or like exactly how it looks, you know, like you wanted to help people. You wanted to be a life coach, and essentially that's what you're doing, but in the different you know, over a different medium. And it's like, you know, I think we had a clear idea,
like we needed we needed to like see representation. We wanted to see like more single like single moms, like what's going on like another the other single moms are living their lives?
What the fuck where are you at?
And it wasn't like it was just like this notions like we had an intention, but there wasn't so much like there's not so much pressure built up behind it, like performing, and so it's just like the release of the release of the planning and the like detail of how it looks sometimes really is what like like catapults it to exist and like and take form in ways that you like your mind hasn't even grasped yet, you know.
Yeah, And it's actually given you the muscle to understand the energy of abundance. Because you do less, you receive more. You know, part of abundance is resting, right, you know what I'm saying, Just chill like how we garden. You know, It's like we're not always over the seed, Like okay, you ready, come on, how much sun? Come on, sunshine get it. You know we're not doing that.
That's just like I'm gonna water you and leave you here. Yeah.
I had a plant die when we were in Costa Rica. It's been a why for two years and my dad must have forgot to water it because it's like in a weird place and I was like what the fuck, and Orlanda was like throw it away.
I was like no, I like.
Watered it, put it in front, put it in front of the sun, and I think it's dead to hell.
And I was like no, no, no, And like.
The other day, I was like like one little leaf and I was like, ah, I knew you would come back, but I had no like like I'm like, if you die, it's cool.
You've given me a good two years.
But like I'm gonna keep I'm gonna keep like trying because I.
Love you, you.
Know, but it's just like yeah, like that that that idea is that like I know that you have the ability to re sprout and re like and to exist, and I'm just gonna like do the things that I know make you exist or feed myself and the way that I like, I need to nourish my my myself and then the dreams and the accomplishments will kind of be fruitful when it's time.
You know, that's the equation for sure.
I think hearing that you were life coach and that you helped women who you know, struggle with this idea of overworking, it's so interesting to me, especially because this month we're talking about money, and you know, in previous themed months around money that we've done on it has been heavily in finance, but this month we've been really tapping into different sources of currency, right, And I think that a lot of times are our worth is wrapped up in our in our in literally like financial like
how much money we make, or how how much we how much output we're putting out, you know, the overworking idea. And I think that's so I've never heard of a life coach that focuses on kind of the unlearning of that concept and that idea. I do feel like now in society there's still this idea of like get to the bag and yeah, and you know, I feel like Team No Sleep has died more for sure, and that
there is more I think. I think with the with the pandemic, it kind of shifted everything into like kind of pouring back into yourself, figuring out what it is that you know, what self care looks like for you.
But there's still such I think still amongst women too, there's still such a demand and a expectation, especially because we are stepping into a space and time where we are the heads of households and we want to be in ways, and there's this pressure that if you aren't still, if you aren't performing, and if you aren't creating, or you aren't doing something, that's like you're showing your work
that you're worthless. Yeah, you know, yeah, and and and that's not a and that's not a slight to the woman who enjoys work, because I'm one of those women. I actually really enjoy working. I don't necessarily. I think it's because I found my purpose and so it drives me. However, it has drained me too, you know in times and like really needing needing affirmations, needing voice, needing to hear my voice and and or someone else's voice to say
like okay, it's okay, you can slow down. Yeah, like the world will not stop if you still you know.
Yeah, we've been hardwired to identify or guess define our existence by bringing workers and producers and performers. We have a K through twelve education system that kind of indoctrinates you in that you know, you're there most of the year, majority of the day, majority of your life, K through twelve and to teacher, hey, you do this, you get an A. You do this, you get three stars. And then you go to high school the same thing. You get a certain score then yeah, raw raw. Then you
get that validation from the adults. Adults are like, well, accomplishment and you know, so you start and part of human psychology regarding our happiness, human happiness, validation is a part of that. Like when you're a kid and like look mommy, and look what I drew and it's just so scribbly scratched, like you know, that's still part of us even yeah, Like I mean, the whole reason why
social media exists is because we want validation. It's share, it's show and tale like how you did in kindergarten, Show and tale. So it's like, at the end of the day, we have to understand what we are and how we're designed. Why am I saying that, because you understand that when you first got to this place, they're telling you work, perform, produced, This is how you get happiness, validation, reward, all of that. So now we got these new ideas that says, I don't have to do this. I love myself,
I'm worth my rest, I'm worth my eed. So now we have to child, We gotta you know, decondition from that and feed the new ideas. This is literally like not any like hippie knowledge. This is like neurological facts. I'm sure y'all know you know what I'm saying. So you have to like kind of create like a marketing campaign, an advertising campaign that markets to your hearing, your senses,
your site, your speech, your everything around you. Like that's why vision boards are so important, mute affirmation music is so important because this campaign has to be advertising these new ideas for your brain to be like, oh.
Actually that makes more sense. No, right, it is, like it's crazy.
We have to have to produce a campaign to go back to our like natural our natural state because the truth of the matter is, like when we're indoctrinated into these programming. That's what they're doing. But they've done it for so long that it's program so it takes pro I mean, it takes reprogramming to get back to our like our natural existence. And even I was thinking, like you know about you working in like life coaching and
like workaholism is like for women too. We're programmed even as little girls, like you know, can it be a good girl?
Like it's not.
Easy, it's it's for love, and it's not even like it's not just performing in like a works place. And obviously like women are had a household and like heavily and like uh in the work field in this point, and you know, and we are trying to get to a bag and there is something to prove, like I'm independent and I can take care of my fucking self
and I don't need shit. But there's also like the aspiration for women to not only like now work but also like keep the house clean, take care of your children, for cook you know, like all the laundry should be completed, like be a good wife. Like there's like for love and for acceptance in society. And like if I go drop off my kids for a week, everyone's gonna be looking at me like what the fuck.
Are you okay? Are the kids okay?
Like, yeah, bitch, I need a break, you know, Like it's it's performative and it's like workaholism shows up in a different ways every area, and like for women, I don't think we even realize that that's a part of it, like feeling like our worth is tied to our productive productivity, even in like domestic invite, like even at home.
Even like the stay at home wife or the stay at home mom, not realizing and then and society definitely use that for sure, because people don't regard and don't respect the mother who stays home the ways they don't. They don't realize what a task that is. It's no idea,
you know. But yeah, I think it's I think that, you know, I'm so curious to know how you know this work and I know how this work has led you to I guess healing within yourself too, like being able to share these affirmations and write them down, like are they personalized to things that you're going through in your experience when you're writing these or a.
Great question it's literally my medicine. First it took me, I think after the last album that I did have five projects out, I was like, oh my god, this is for me because literally every time when affirmations for the Grown Ass Woman came out, immediately entered an initiation process of growth, like time to grow up, time to mature you. You know what I'm saying, You too childish in a lot of ways. When I had ic me mantras, as soon as it dropped, I had to go into
initiation of self awareness. That almost it was just like a lot me versus every me affirmation self love. It was like, oh, I'm about to fight. I'm fighting every demon like every like, and I don't even think it was mine. I think it was just like in my generations, you know, the the darkness of shame and guilt and blaming men like it's your fault, it's your fault, choose me,
choose me, give me more. Like it was just like all these things I was fighting with in myself and so for me, I look at it like this music is my medicine. First. I have to benefit from it first. It has to heal me first. And I'm gonna let the world watch me take my own medicine and I'm gonna share it with y'all in real time. This this my I've been so shocked, I mean completely like rock my world to realize how much I did not practice
my own message and music. I was like, whoa, I got so many music songs about hold your womb, sacred sexual healing through you know, boundaries, and I just have all these elaborate, beautiful songs, very sincere, but I'm like, I ain't practicing none of it.
Well you know, so yeah, I do know because we sit on a podcast every single week and and and give unsolicited advice about shit, and we aren't always applying to our lives. However, I will say that I think that is the first step. It is the acknowledgement, is planting the seed, is realizing like it is, even saying it and then going back and being like, oh shit, that's for me, that's.
For me, that's for me, or saying it over and over and over and I'm not even listening to the shit I'm saying, like, I know it sounds good, so I'm telling that, I'm saying it.
I'm not integrating it into my life.
And then it's like even the power of speaking it is like, damn, bitch, you said this a lot of motherfucking times, like are you shifting to make it a shift or like even like you've tried, you're trying a lot of times, and like can you give yourself grace in that time or like are you just getting up? Like because for me, if I find myself having a behavior that I don't really like, like but I can't like I'm sucked into it in ways, it makes me
like avoid it. I'm an avoid so there's ways like I will just like shut off that part of me. And it's like, no, bitch, you gotta go down the hall and figure it out, like why are you avoiding and why? But it's like the power of speaking. It is like where the power comes out because it's like releasing it. And right now we have a we have a merch drop. It's a beautiful sweatsuit from the Manifest University.
But the back says words are spells, yes, And I know for some people you know that can be off putting spells whatever, But it's the truth, you know, just like in the Bible there's prayers, you know, like there like there is so much power in speaking, and like even when you said like it resonated with me about you know, you were dealing with things that you don't
even think we're your own. And that's another thing, like I don't even think we recognize that, you know, until we're ready or until we were like take the time to actually tap into the feelings. It's like sometimes the feelings that we're harboring truly.
Aren't our own. There are we inherit things from from the women before us, from the men before us, and we are so we're trying to battle with things not even realizing.
Like I don't even fucking understand why I'm jealous. I don't understand why I'm angry. I don't understand like I've inherited, you know, like intense suspicion, like what I.
Can trush you like it doesn't feel like it even resonates with you, but you're holding it for some reason.
Yeah, Like I don't believe in that, but I've seen my mom believe in it, and I've seen like I've seen her be like almost held prisoner to it.
And listen to music that talked about it. I watched entertainment that.
All all the things we intake that we don't even realize just like plant into our into our into our hearts and our minds and our body.
I was listening.
I was reading George's book All All Boys Aren't Blue, and I haven't gotten very far, but it's really good. And he has a he has like a part where he says, I realized it was happy for me to identify with like it was hard for me to identify with happiness.
And he was like, and I feel like that's a lot for our culture.
It's like, you know, you always hear people say, like, where's that old Mary, where's the hurt Mary?
And you know, we all love hurt Mary.
Did he's out.
We all love hurt Mary.
And it feels oddly good to like relate to her pain, you know, Like it feels good just to like to go to that place of heartbreak because you've been there, you know. But it's like sometimes when you're like really happy and at peace, it's harder to kind of like feel safe in that. You're like, why do I feel like I'm happy? Like I'm in love? Like things seem pretty good, but it feels uneasy because it's easier for us to like identifying it and feel comfortable in the pain.
And when he said that, I was like, damn, that's deep, you know, because we've all heard that comment, and it's like we've all experienced struggle, even on a like cellular level, like on an ancestral level, there's been deep you know, like deep heartbreaks and family being pulled away from us in relationships, and like you know, and it lives in our spirit.
It does. It's it's like a it's a genetic archive in our bodies of the trauma, of the memories and things like that. So we have to understand, like especially as women in the central. Yes, the central nervous system is literally the kingdom. That the kingdom, and so when you understand that it has been it's it's a whole system that has been used to pain. It's used to a certain rhythm and cycle, and when you interrupt that cycle with peace with these it's like wait a minute,
we're not you were used the casts, you know. So it's just like it's all you know, for me, it's been a journey, like I'm sure for a lot of us of like self soothing the nervous system as you go into a space of normalizing you know, generosity, integrity, trust, goodness, you know, security, safetiness when you're experiencing other people because we're so used to experiencing humans the bullshit, you know.
We expect it.
When's where is it coming?
When's the bullshit coming?
And then it made me, you know that that really made me have to realize that, like you have to trust your growth, you have to trust your evolution, you have to trust that.
Like I mean, then obviously.
We've all back pedaled, We've all, you know, been with that fuck guy, and we're like, bitch, you're we're past this, bitch, are we still doing this?
Are we still doing this? You'll still have sick diking me, bitch. We didn't that whole.
Details for what you know.
But but it's just like that's that's a part of it too.
It's like it takes time, and it takes like it's a practice. It really is a practice, and and to the point where it's almost difficult to talk about And I think we should talk about this more.
That like there are no healed people.
And you can be an affirmation singer, and you can have a podcast and a microphone and you can give advice. And I can come up here and pretend like I've got all of my shit together, and I know all the answers because I've been podcasting for five years, but like the truth of the matter is, like, let's be real, Like it's gonna in our journeys, it's gonna continuously come up. They're going to continuously be.
Obstacles where we'll retract and we'll be like, bitch, you're better than this, and.
Like so it's just like a like you can know something and then to implement it an action, it takes time to get reprogrammed to that and then start to like like trust that I've grown enough that I'm going to attract the people that are for me, and that I can trust and trust myself that I'm choosing wise, so then I can let my guard downs, Like, bitch, you're not the person you were five years ago when you were comfortable on that fun shit, so be so be accepting of the people that are in your place,
in this place right now that you've attracted because you've done the work to attract the right circle.
That is that titty is definitely out.
Titties. Her titties fight, they fight the shirts.
Do you name your titties?
No?
I don't.
I haven't like the right titty, left titty but.
Do you name your titties? What are their names?
Veronica in Elaine, Elaine, Veronica is the bigger one.
Maybe if I name him, name them and identify them, they'll stop trying to come out like see me.
See me.
Like Veronica get In talked about this space.
She acknowledged us, and now we can have a seat.
You need to communicate with your titties, just like you need to communicate with everybody. Hi, you guys speak of communication, you also must.
We're going into a podcast. I can't have you about on the algorithm.
We were talking earlier before we hit record and were you were telling me that, you know, communication is uh is the ultimate self love is you know the basically is that what you said.
That's no, it's fine, You're close. Communication is no affirmations is the language of self love.
Is the language of self love. And that resonated with me because you know, we talk a lot of We always share an affirmation on the show. And you know, me and Smila have talked about just affirmations in friendships, affirmations with our children and just and and just also just come straight communication and just the power of using your voice out loud. And I mean obviously we know the power of that just because of you know, what
we do here. But I've realized, you know, in sitting down and talking every week so much, so much has come up for me where I'm like, oh shit, like I'm not over that, or like and and things even come up and you talk about this. I talk about this in the book that we have coming at you, guys. Make sure you check out A Good Mom's Guide to Making Bad Choices, which is on pre sale right now. Hit the link in this episode description humble Uh you.
Got some for gifts with it too, so shameless.
Plug plug plug plug.
But I talk about my relationship with my father and how it's been a very long journey of forgiveness and for him, and even at points where I thought I'd already forgiven him and then it's come up that I hadn't and how speaking out loud and not even to
him has been extremely transformational for me. And just like you know, talking out loud, like I do this, we have I have this exercise in the book and that and I've shared on the show too, where I, you know, walking around there's a school in front of my house, and I was walking around the school vocally out loud forgiving him, like, in a way, my dad is here,
I can do this with him right now. But the amount of times in which I need to release and say this would be crazy for me to call him up and be like, Daddy, I need to tell you again, and how you piss me off on my sixteenth birthday and you know, like, but just the power of saying things out loud, repetitively is so important to the healing. Especially I feel like when you when you can't get the healing from that person too, because some people are like, well,
I can't forget my daddy. My daddy ain't here or he's not sorry, you know, and like using the tool of your own voice in releasing and and even recording your own voice and listen listening to it back, because you know, it's one thing to listen to someone's someone someone talk to you, but it's another thing. It's even more powerful in your own voice, hearing that from your hearing that from yourself, and I can only imagine how
powerful that has been for you. You have albums of yourself talking to yourself.
It's wild. I listened to myself. I'm like Dan, not that girl. We talk about. I'm like, oh, that's me. I'm like I said that, I wrote that. I was like, I'd just be like, whoa.
I'm like, where does she get we're in the source? Did she come up with this?
But I'm telling you I've been writing since I was a kid. I just didn't know it was of something valuable to share. But to your point about repetition, I want to make a statement about knowing thyself, knowing what you are, like, the power repetition is so important for you to translate what you know into your embodiment because it's like, think about billionaire, billion dollar companies and brands and icons and leaders in the world. You made it.
Why are you still hustling for our attention? You got your message in the magazine, social media, ads, on the bus, you know, billboards, commercials everywhere. Why you hustling for little old me? Why you want my attention and you constantly put it in front of my face to buy your food? You know it's because the power of repetition. It impacts the subconscious mind to influence your habits and behaviors. So when it comes to yourself again, you have to advertise,
you have to campaign, you have to market. You have to march period, so that repetition even if you like, man, I don't know if I want to be about that forgiveness game by my parents. The truest information and to say is I'm open and I'm willing where I'm resistant to be more forgiving of my parents. I look, I attract thought, partners, heart allies to help support me in that forget. You know what I'm saying, Get real, honest with yourself and where you're at. You know, I keep
saying it more and more and more. You know, yeah, yeah, it gotta be real. It got it. Like I mean, think about the guys who talk weird game like man, you're so beautiful, Like it's like fake, like come on, bru, shut up. But if somebody's like, hey, how you doing, like you know, just talk to you, like, hey, how you been doing since post pandemic? You know, just real human and human talk. It's more real. So when you talk to yourself, keep it real. Don't be fancy and awe,
you know, doing the most. Sometimes you gotta just be real with yourself with where you're at.
You know, that's the thing.
Like it's it is easy to talk to others it's easy to give advice. It's a whole different ballgame when it has to be applied to you. You know, it's a whole different like experience. You know, like I did a family constellation recently, and at the end of it, she is basically like telling me to repeat what she says, and she's like, mom, Like I'm talking to my mom, I'm talking to my dad, I'm talking to little Mila, and like, I've never met this lady in my fucking life.
We explained the people with consolation because people are like, what the fuck is that?
Yeah, okay, so family constellation is I honestly, I've only seen it once on like Love Sex and Gup on Netflix with fucking uh, who's the girl that does that?
I don't remember her name when.
So it's just really interesting thing where basically the person the practitioner, it has a person I go and they they create a field and you don't know who the people are in the field are going to be, and you just tell them some background about who you are, your family history. She asked me, like my immigration story, she asked me about my mom, my dad, diseases like that I run in my family deaths, that have happened, how people have died, just like general family history that
I mean some I knew, some I didn't now. My relationship with my parents have wonership with each other. So then she tells me to place these papers on the floor. She put full numbers on each paper. Place them on the floor, and then she's like, play somewhere every want and then show me. I was like, what the fuck She's like, now you know, go to the first go to which everyone calls you first, and stand on it and so and the other, and like if you don't do it online.
The other version of it is there are volunteers.
Yeah, I was looking at can I read this definition because I feel like it really okay? This is from actually goop.
Okay.
You meet with a group of strangers and each person has a chance to be the main point of focus of their own family constellation. A facilitator selects others from the group to represent significant family members, and you all work together by role playing characters and acting out familiar family dynamics.
Well here's the thing, is like say it for me, I was getting the family family constellation and maybe I don't know you guys, and they choose you to play in my field like.
I'm grandma, but I don't know that.
But you don't know. I don't know that.
They'll just put you in different places and then maybe I'll go stand next to you, or I'll stand next to you, and then you guys will channel someone who doesn't know me at all, and you'll be like, well, I feel sad, I feel angry. I don't and then like, well, look at number look at number two. How do you feel now? Like I don't want to look over there. It's really strange, and it's like or people just like.
I feel like a little girl.
Like you have to be really willing to be like captured by whatever energy captures you. But at the time I don't know. So for me it was these papers. I stood on the papers and she's like, well, how do you feel? And I was like, what the fuck are you doing? She's like, I know this is weird. I'm like, bitch.
So I'm like, I mean, my room's standing on a number one.
And I was like, well I feel, you know, whatever I feel, And then the second one, you know, I moved. She's like, go to show whatever number you feel called to go on next, and then the second one I went and I sat and I like felt like kind of.
Like like happy, like childlike. I don't know why I didn't think of it. And then I sat there for the lawn.
She's like, just just sit and see how you feel, see how your body moves. She's like taking notes. And then I was like, oh my god, I feel like I need to cry cry. I'm like, this is really weird. What the fuck are you doing to me from a distance?
What are you doing to me on zoom? So I start crying, like She's like it's okay, I know this stuff is weird. I'm like, what the fuck.
Is going on?
And then I moved through all the numbers, feeling and like just kind of giving her how I feel and somethings I felt nothing, sometimes I felt more of other things. Then we sat down and then she tells me who each number was one that I cried on.
It was my childhood's.
Self, so like, you know, you know, there's all these different and even the placements are significant, you know, like my mom was in between me and my dad, and like.
Do you feel like that?
You know?
It was just all these different dynamics, and then at the end we like move, we moved the papers to be in a more like I don't know, like flowing like place or way, and then I stand on one of the papers and then she tells me to look at the paper and she's like, Mom, I know, I know you did the best with what you can, but I am and I accept. Like it was like a like a like a speech to my mom, I speech
to my dad, I speech to my younger self. And I was just like bawling, and I'm like, this is crazy that this lady that I've never met in my life's telling me what to say and it's triggering me in these ways because it's things that I didn't realize I've needed to say, and I don't have the I didn't have the.
Strength to say, hey, Dad, you hurt me.
And I and I and I asked, I'm asking you for permission to surpass you, like if that's what she's telling me, I'm asking your permission that I like to surpass you in all the ways emotionally like, and it was just like this crazy experience and it made me realize, like, damn, I'm fragile and there are things that I need to say that I'm scared of saying and like how powerful, like even knowing the power and healing that words have given me even in this space, and feeling free in
ways to say all types of shit on the internet, you know, talk about sex, talk about like things I've experienced. But then when it comes to like the people closest to me and these intimate things and this pain that I've harbored or like anger that I haven't really like really addressed. Because now this like random white ladies telling me what to say to my mom and dad, I'm
fucking bawling. It was an interesting like practice to be like, Okay, there's obviously some like more there that needs to like be uncovered, but all that to say is just like even me in this space so comfortable speaking and then you you know, put in this environment where I have to speak to you know, the things that are like close I've so close to my heart, that are like I've been hurt over or held onto and not even realizing I'm holding onto, are much more or much more
difficult to release, like with words.
You know, it's like that throat chakra needs to be like.
Yeah cleared out.
M m m hmm. Wow, that's beautiful, you know, any woman who goes back, goes back to the past as like as though as the museum and become an observer and like kind of like a three D virtual world of like going back to feel the feelings. It's not real because it's not in the now, but you virtually, through your spirit, through your emotions, through your mind, you go back and you feel the stuff that you really didn't have the skill sets to feel. You had to
survive those things. And when a woman does that game changing, because all you do is you open up yourself to deeply feel the joy from just being alive, the joy of being able to put makeup on, the joy of eating banana. You're like, why am I feeling gratitude for
just these little things. It's because you opened up your emotional intelligence to feel the pain first deeper, and when you're able to feel that, you just expand your skill sets, your emotional skill sets, to feel all the goodness that's actually here for us. You know, So congratulations for going deep. Thanks going into the museum of your childhood. That's not easy.
Yeah, I mean I've done it in ways, but not obviously in that setting.
And even erica like the fact.
That you need to do, Like it's like we know, but we have to remember, and then we have to honor the space where it's like, am I gonna walk around the block and talk out loud to someone who's not here?
You know?
You know, like am I gonna go to my childhood house and like go find me? Like it takes a certain mindset to be like even open to that, because, like you said in the beginning, and we've said this a lot of times, it's like, you know, if I tell people, like you know, people that they're like, that's some white people shit or some hippie shit, like bitch you did why you want to hear room and steptons
on numbers? Like okay, girl, you know, like it sounds wild, but like when we're open enough to access and then be like, you know, this is weird, but fucking let me see like how beneficial it could be, you know, and then feeling the shift and then having and then being in safe spaces enough, being in sister circles where you could be.
Like, hey, girl, so let me tell you what I did.
You should try it too, you know, and feeling safe enough to do that because a lot of times people like.
It's just that devil work.
You know, like people feel scared of those intuitive moments where you're like, damn, like something's telling making me go this way.
Just honoring that inner voice.
Yep, yeah, I know for sure, honoring I mean I think, I mean something told you that that was something that you needed, you were called to do and im and then now look at what you've been able to, you know, cultivate because of just following intuition, following just like something deeply deep within you that needed needed that.
The medicine, Yeah, medison. I needed it. Like I didn't know what I was doing. Never been in a studio.
I went to LA like I told you music before or no so music nothing. I came back and I applied for a loan, got the loan, and I got in the studio and I took what you know, I'm my background in psychology and I'm a neuroscience nerd, and so I took all that information to say, I'm gonna create my own process how I create music.
So I became like a mad scientist. Like every song had a whole life. You know how when you were kids and you played barbies and they had a whole name life. Kids drama situations like each song, like I gave each song that type of lifestyle, and I was like, this is my process, like and this is fun like it. So I was just like, let me just do this and see what happens. It wasn't about becoming a musician.
It was just a wellness tool. And then like a year later, you know, I became a full artist and in twenty twenty one was my first year performance ever in life, you know. So, I mean I came from the church, so it's like when you you know, I went to the wine Ins Church, so it's very music bas so it was like that a little bit helped a little bit, But I'm in vocal lessons. I'm learning
this whole thing, you know. But it's fun because it feels like a quest to see how much more can Tony Jones play this version of herself as an artist and see what else is here? Because it feels better. You know.
It's also a testament that you can switch it an you can switch your just switch your where you think your life's purpose is at any point, at any moment, your journey can change your profession, can change the way you look at you know, how you think you're going to get to.
The goal can.
Change, you know, and sometimes it's not through nine to five. Sometimes it is Sometimes it's affirmation, musical affirmation. Sometimes it's podcasting, sometimes it's whatever it is, Like it's okay, but when when you step into what you're supposed to be doing, you know.
And it may not make sense. It doesn't necessarily have to make sense. Like you probably put so much money into schools and like formal training and like we are so attached to that.
But it's but it's worked. But you've able you're able to still use use it, right, you know, I still able to use it.
Yeah, Because I started out as my big dream was to be a model when I was a kid, and then it evolved into like, well I missed out with my modeling years, so let me become a stylist. So I lived out in New York for a minute, you know, a hot minute, and was working you know for John Barbados and all these other design houses through sacks and things like that. So I saw like the fashion world. But then I was like, wait a minute, this is
fulfilling a talent but not purpose. And so but even come back full circle, I'm like I'm an artist.
It wait, hold on, I get to put the clothes on. Yeah, I get to perform, like, I get to be by, like I get to talk my shit.
Yes, I get to be fly. I get to share my mind. And I'm a thinking woman, you know. I get to share my depth and it be reflected backed at me by the millions of people that are like, yo, we deep too, we wretch it too, we think too. You know. What I'm saying is like, oh, because when you follow your purpose, God or whatever it is you believe in, will then bless you with all the seeds that you've planted along the way, and they'll start to moom, and they'll start to take form and they'll make sense.
I think about even you know, my journey here. And I wanted to be an actress my whole life. I wanted to be a singer my whole life. So I'm a writer and so I you know, I learned how to use garage band, I learned how to record myself, I learned how to talk in front of the camera.
I took vocal lessons. You know. I did all these things, and you know, some of those some of those dreams, you know, passed for me, or i've you know, I lost they lost their shininess and in ways, or I got discouraged in ways, And then I think about coming full circle and hit podcasting. When we started our show, I was like, oh, I know how to record audio. Yeah, not because I was trying to be a podcaster, but because I, you know, I was writing music. Oh I know how to edit video. Oh I know how to
be in front of a camera. Oh I know how to write some shit. I don't know if it's professional, but I did some writing once upon a time, you know. And how all these little talents kind of come up and they finally make sense and you're.
Like, oh, I got it, I got it. It's like nothing ever experience in your life is not ever used.
Every experience it's such like an important tool to like where you end up. And it's like that's why like people who have like bad experiences and it leaves a bad taste in your mouth. It's like it's always a lesson. There's always a reason.
And I also think like we're so.
Also programmed to think that our purpose in like in has to be like our profession has to be like with this like very strict training like it has to fit into this box, you know, and then it doesn't allow us, it doesn't really give us space to tap into our own gifts, like our natural gifts. And like I love to talk and I love people and I love to talk to people, but I didn't think that that was enough, you know, Like I can't just show
up as myself and talk. And I'm like, you know what I mean, Like that's not enough to like sustain a lifestyle, the lifestyle that I think I need to be, Like I want to have this, so I should. I need to go to school, and I need to have this many clients and I need to sell this many packages and then I'm going to be successful, you know
what I mean. It's like all the things that I'm good, naturally good at that I didn't think really had value are actually the things that are valuable and are bringing me monetary value and also like spiritual value.
Because I feel like.
I'm empowering, like there's a there's a strong cycle that's happening. Like I feel like I'm constantly in spaces with amazing women who have messages to offer me and lessons to offer me.
Because it's just the it's just the the cycle of the.
The giving and the receiving, the eCos ecosystem and like putting it out and being open to receiving it. And it's like I don't I don't know everything, but I've been I've shifted my idea of what like how success can look and really been like, oh, bitch, being a people person is a true skill and that's why you could be in Costa Rica and like, and I'm like when I say people person, like I want to sit deep and connect with you and learn about you.
I'm like, oh wow, that's so intriguing to me.
I had no idea that's who you were and that's what you were going through and it brings me so much like oh like that I went through that, and oh this is how you dealt with it, and that makes.
So much sense.
You know, Like this like information that I get to receive and give just from other women's journeys, and it's so valuable. And I didn't realize how valuable it was until I got into this space and like kind of blindly followed this, like it's just it's.
Like this hobby.
But it's like, you know, it's like we underest me that are natural gifts and abilities because we're so.
Yeah, programmed to think that it.
Has to come with a degree and we have to go to law school and you know what I mean.
And like back in the.
Day, people are like you, this child, she will be the midwife, This child is gifted. This child this is you don't mean like as a child, like oh, she's the artist or whatever.
The athlete, the doctor.
And you're not like contained, you can have more than one talent.
Yes, you know, and it's like no, actually, I do do this and this and this and this, and you know, and I'm good at it.
That's the that's the that's the thing. I'm actually good at it. I'm good at what I do. You know. That's the undeniable piece and feeling.
Worthy, feeling like, yeah, I am good at it.
And I don't have to.
Have a fucking law of fucking piece of paper from Harvard that said I'm good at it. Bitch, I'm telling you, and I've seen the results because my friends told me.
But I feel that your work is an affirmation, So you're constantly affirming what you do in your work. So like that's also like what a blessing for that to be the work, you know, and it's extraordinary.
I'm in awe that this has happened. Yeah, I'm in awe. I didn't mean to cut you.
No, I didn't have anything I would to say. I was just thinking like wow. Imagine I think for us like we think like wow. My work is really just really analyzing everything that I've done in my past that has gotten to me, that's gotten me here and and again, like connecting with other women and talking about what they've done.
Your work is literally like affirming yourself all the time, walking in whatever the choices are that you've made, and affirming yourself again, even after you fuck up, affirming yourself that's okay, they're gonna make a better choice and that. But that is also your job.
Yeah, And it's incredible because it's legit medicine because it has one of the most potent medicines in the universe, which is sound, which is music. Music has a medicinal legacy. It eventually became known just as entertainment. But music really goes into the psyche, into the places maybe your therapy sessions can get into.
That basic language that we've been limited to cannot We've been given this language as it means to be able to communicate, which is it's very important, right, But there's something other like otherworldly and spiritual about sound and the creation that that takes place with sound.
It's amazing. It's amazing that the testimonies of what this music has done to people is so extraordinarily overwhelming to me because it's my self talk and I'm sharing it with other people. But I also think it's just it's just having an open heart whatever you do, whatever you do, I don't care if it's like you just write. Just having an open heart component to whatever you create makes it more potent to actually touch the hearts and minds of people. Because people fucking hurting.
Right now, and a lot, like a lot.
I've been in spaces with people I haven't seen in years, and it's been around them whatever, and the obvious bleeding out that's happening, the anxiety, the mental like it's so obvious is like, oh my gosh, and I'm supposed to act like nothing's wrong.
I can hear you screaming.
I can hear you screaming, but you know, and we're like really really blessed to I don't be walking in spaces that we're like are questioning and our wellness and the love is always at the forefront, you know what I mean.
Like we're not like lawyers like scheaming, you know what I mean.
Like sometimes when you're in like a psychle job where it's not really like heart centered, you're not really aware that you're that you're bleeding out, that you're not speaking, that you're not telling your emotions, that you're not tapping into pleasure.
Because you don't get to talk about it all fucking day, all.
Day, were thinking about like my inner child, like I was triggered my trauma. If we could count the amount of times say triggered trauma and healing and fucking a week, it's crazy.
Shadow. We got the language now, right, but these are words that like maybe our mom my mom didn't like I'm having conversations with my mom right now and I'm like, whoa, you know that word. She's like, yeah, my vibration is high right now. I'm vibrating very high.
I was like, okay, well, I just also see and I don't know, maybe Tony, you can attest to this too. It's like, once you start really doing the work and allowing the affirmations to do what they're supposed to do.
You ultimately even start healing people that you didn't even expect to heal, like your parents, in ways, like your elders, I didn't have the blessing of this, this this magic that you make, or even just the communities and the circles that are being created now, Like granted, circles have been around with this is not the invention of so sister circles, but there's been a huge break and decline in it, and there is a resurrection happening and awakening.
And I just even know, like even with my relationship with my own mom, her coming to me for advice and ways without coming to me for advice, But this is a different conversation, and I'm like, Okay. The other day she said to me, she said, honey, you're so God, You're so smart. And we were talking about relationships. It
wasn't about work, it wasn't about business. It was about like her, her choices versus the choices that I'm making for myself right now, and how she sees that there is I'm making a different choice in ways that she wishes that she would have made or that she wants to make. Now, you know, and that's that's such a you're the contrast, such an interesting place to be when I don't know, like I haven't, I haven't always felt like the like I've been given the space to be
I don't want to be. Yeah, I guess like the teacher and that kind of dynamic and not to say like I'm like now I'm Buddha and my mom.
But you are you are.
There are aspects that I'm like, huh oh. My freedom was like I feel like a bit triggering for her at first, and then it's yes that we have and and now she's really seeing like the fruits.
The fruits see that when you get into that place of overflow, anybody connected to you, they have no choice at this point because you're connected to them. They're close to you, so they're there. You're basically like them that she's rug each other. Yes, you're signaling, so you're signaling to her killing because you're in your overflow. Now you're not trying to heal her from a place of I have to save you. I have to do these things
for you. I know you're you're coming from a place of abundance because now you're you're bloomy, you know what I'm saying. The tree is bloomy and it's bearing fruit, and now they see and like whoa, you know, and now you're causing thought, You're causing questions, you know. And that's that's where the awakening just starts to happen. And the beautiful part is she doesn't have to watch on TV and find somebody to inspire her. She could look
at her daughter. So it resonates in the brain a lot more because it's close to home, you know, it's more believable because I'm like, I'm seeing her do it, Like what if I could too? That's my daughter, you know, And.
I feel blessed to have a mother that's open to that, you know, open to those feelings to come through, you know. And I hope that I can be that mother to
my daughter. And I hope that that's the that's the standard and how mothers and daughters relate to one another as we continue, because I think that, like there's so many like lessons to be learned amongst elders and you know, and and and every and everybody else, not everybody else, but you know, yeah, get the village or like what's the opposite of elders.
Do you do you do you do? You have the children the youngest future. Yeah, yeah, it's this is what I believe. I believe the next five years things are gonna be so good it's gonna blow our minds. I can't speak. I really try not to speak for the world as long I'm a prophet. I have a message, but I feel in my womb, I know in a place. I don't know how I know, but I know good is more good here. I agree it's too many bitches healing.
There's too many, so many many house.
Healing, like like it's happening.
I feel that. I was, like, I don't know, like the fucked up. It is fucked up the world.
The world is a womb, and we are the majority.
We're remembering who the fuck we are and that ship right there. No nothing can penetrate that.
Nothing can penetrate that, because like the universe in which we birth is on our side. And if you go against us, and you go against this movement, it's not the universe is not gonna conspire in your face.
You won't see any abundance.
We've seen it. We've seen we've seen how the people against the against the cause we're out of here.
It's like what we need, we need, we do need the masculine period. You know. We were talking to Supernova about this.
That's the homie. That's the homie.
Yes, Yeah, And we were talking about this dynamic and the masculine and the feminine and just like how we can support one another and how we how much we need each other's support, and how women how women need to support the man's rebranding, and how men need to stop calling pussy's weak and just like just the coming together of of it and understanding though, like the power
and respecting the power of the woman. And I think there's been such a disconnect because there is an awakening of women that there's also like a hate campaign against men. And don't get me, don't get it wrong, I've been on the bandwagon at some one point or another, you know, but ultimately that that that that doesn't do anything to really help the collective. But I do believe, and he even said himself, like we are in a state of
emergency for men. It is like we have like we need, we need this because they're gonna start dropping, especially because there are more women. Yeah, you know, like absolutely, you know, and and not and not because but we don't want to be out on the world just women. I don't want to be on it is.
Important, it's important.
I feel like the world super super it will be if it's just women.
Here's here's this is, this is my this is my perspective. When there has been an extraordinary imbalance, extraordinary, So anytime there's been in balance, if there's extraordinary inflammation area, what you do is you start to do drastic changes and shifts and habits to bring it back to a you know, equilibrium state. So I feel like, yeah, there are some hate campaigns going on there, but a lot of people have interpreted high aggressive, glorious bad bitch talk as though
we're going against men, and that's not the case. It's like, no, we have to talk big dick energy. We have been in such a low state in our power and thrones that we have to say I am a goddess, I deserve this, I require this, this is It's not about we're trying to get you to come to us or
we're trying to manifest y'all. No, we're building ourselves up for being part of a society that has oppressed us on a global level for so long and have robbed us of our divine identity, our connection to the great mother that runs this whole thing.
You know.
Like my one of my closest friends said, if I was she said, if I was an evil genius that wanted to destroy the whole entire world, the one thing I will do is just make the women feel like they're less sand make them feel like they have to be the last one on the list by the boom, by the bank, recipe completed, cooked, baked. We ate it's over, you know, and we're living in that time. But now women are as you say, the resurrection. We haven't risen.
We have risen and we're learning.
I just had just heard rail Rapture. I just had the like.
But why do I why do I see y'all being lifted up?
Cue the Lime King of emoji right now here? Uh? You know, it's that's for sure true, I don't.
I just feel like people think that we're hating, and it's like, no, it's just not about y'all. Right Now, I'm what I'm doing with men and also book, I'm like, I'm pointing them the supernova. I'm pointing them to sacred sons, because I'm like, I've labored for you long enough.
I can't labor for us.
I can't. I can't be the rehabilitation center for your awakening.
Like.
Yeah, yeah, and you and I feel like men deserve her.
Energy, the rehabilitation center of your healing, Like I can't be that for you anymore.
Like we got Google dot com. We got resources, like whatever issue you got, you can google it.
To like see yourself. You have to admit you have an issue. You have to want to seek, you have to want to And that's why I think men need other men. You know they have they have at this point. And that's what we talked about too. Women, we cannot heal the men.
You can't as promises that all they needed us and we've allowed that, and you can't. You can't like go for it. We can support we're going, but you can't go to the place that you like, just like you can't heal us, you can't.
The men deserve us to be in it for this to be our posture. They deserve us to be in this position to say.
It's gonna benefit that I love you so much, I.
Have to let you go to yourself and be with yourself so you can get a real opportunity to see you because you're not receiving the reflection that I am.
Well, this is the time like as a structure is as a structure is like collapsing because it is, Yes, it's deeply uncomfortable for that it is.
It's deeply uncomfortable for some women.
You see the girls on the internet talking shit like you, this is about you don't have a man exactly, you know, because we're also we're all.
And I think about Sorry, I don't mean to interrupt you, but I can't help but think about the soft woman and how important I think there's both right, But then I'm like, yo, like there's also like a very strong campaign for very soft women, which obviously I resonate with this idea of being a soft woman, But I also like wonder, like is that also like going against also like not being too loud, not being too boisterous, not being and you are walking in your divine feminism.
It depends how you how you like, how you perceive that, because I feel like it comes both ways. Because I think a soft woman is I am a soft sensual sexy I don't have to say munch, I agree.
But I wonder if some people misconstrue that concept.
I don't think. I don't think people really know what the softening process is. They don't know like everyone has thought this, everybody has.
We saw that on trap yoga based episode.
Everybody has a different perspective in every and in different definitions. And what I've come to found is what I've come to find in my journey from elders and you know sagers that I've met that are in the nineties. At the end of the day, you got to feel your pain. You have to see pain as an invitation. You know, from white supremacy and justice, from fuck boys to childhood trauma. You have to feel that shit because when you feel that pain, it softens the heart parts that have been
hardening for so long. If you feel it, only if you feel it, you gotta feel it because then you feel you can feel the resistance, you can feel the stiffness and the firmness. And then when you allow yourself to really break and open yourself up, there's a softness that happens. Even a soft gaze to your past. You can look at and be like, oh, baby girl, glad we learned that lesson so grateful for him, so grateful
for my parents imperfections and weaknesses. It gave me exactly the lessons that I needed to be the woman under that you were able to get soft with all the things that have made you harden. And that's what I've learned from Elders and that's what I've learned from my journey. It's not just about the aesthetics of softness. It's about feeling your heart again, feeling that fleshliness that you had as a little girl before you knew trauma, before people
told you anything about yourself. You know what I'm saying. So that's how I kind of interpret it, and just from what I've learned, And when people who can testify that softening process, they can be like, bitch, yes, I'm in the middle of it, of it, or I've gone through it, or I'm on my third round, and be like that's it. That's where you get the magic juiciness because you're feeling the shit that you've kind of much
too much. Do y'all know, do y'all Let me tell y'all, do y'all know that last year, after ten years, I'm ten years into intentional journey and healing trauma. Last year, I just found out that I had a mother womb. Like I thought it was daddy issues that I saw the mother room and I broke. Y'all know Cleo Song, I love her music. That album. Mother had me in a motherfucking shambos. I said, how does this woman know
my my life? You know? And I was like, damn, I've been so I wrote down the men that have had me in like like you know, attachment, bondtchment, you know, whatever, if that's the word. And I started to see the parallel. I was like, oh my god, I've been singing my mother's love through men. And I don't know how long I'll be testifying about this, but it's so fresh to my consciousness. I'm like, y'all, guess what I found out? Like I got to the root of the bullshit behind
my patterns of the type of men I've chosen. So now I'm more equipped. You feel what I'm saying.
It's almost like I can't help but think. But now it's now you got to keep talking about it. I gotta keep to keep talking about it in order to heal the wound. That to heal the wound, that's the thing is that you don't discover the wound and then shut the fuck up. Yeah, Like that's where people fuck up. Yeah, is when you when you finally find the trigger and then you're like, oh no, no, no, no, don't you're not
talking about this shit. It's like, Okay, well, it's gonna just live in fester there forever.
I feel like I'm a woman on a horse in the middle of town, like the queen is dead.
The queen is that, Like that's how I feel like.
I'm like, I found that bitch. I found the roots that ruts there you are, come here, and then after it's like the rest so tusso it's like now they're there. I know. Now I gotta be soft with a part of me that has been self sabotaging, intimacy, romance, finances, you know, security, safetiness, worthy, you die, all of it, you know, And that's helped me be soft with my
life and the complexities of being multi dimensional. The duality of ego demons, darkness, shadow, sexy, wretched, contradicting, you know, it's I'm like, yeah, I'm all of it. Yeah, just wild on this bitch.
You're finding like the temple like housing it all and accepting it all and the pain and yeah, I feel that, I really really feel that, and like even I know I've talked about it lately a little bit like feeling really happy and then like still feeling like like a defense and I'm like yeah, and then like having to literally like physically disarm like yeah, like relax my jaw like that, like really feel myself like what like what are you holding on to?
Wow?
Like I just got chills, yeah.
You know, like where are you what are you defending? Or what is hurting?
Like what is it that you're like for no read like yeah, that's your first like your first response, you know, like think like negative, you know, or like the one really is like you're safe.
Even my boyfriend will be like you're good. We're good, Like you're safe.
You don't have to think about like you're not alone anymore. And I have to like in my body, I feel my body like.
I am embodied. I'm just.
Yeah, it's crazy, it's crazy, like why is this take so much work?
And I love that it's not I'm not the Holy one, And.
I'm even like continuously thinking and it's like with ego, with defense, with trust, like like you know in our Tanter practice where it's like there's a meditation and it's like positive positive thought, positive positive words, no positive thought, positive words, positive action, and it's simple, right, But it's like that's a whole cycle that has like that we're breathing out back into the universe. But I'm like, am I constantly thinking positively?
Or am I thinking?
You know?
It's like the change the shift of like like your mind and like I don't know, It's like it's like a circuitry. Yeah, it's a circuitry. Am I nourish in the frequency that I have done the work to arrive to to embody what I've been studying and learning and practicing and guessing it? Like is it coming home? Is it translating? I'm safe to believe that I've said to believe it? But am I safe to live in it? Am I living to act in it? Am I safe to exist in it? Without thinking about it?
You know?
It's like like the belief is one thing, the embodiment is something else, and that requires you can know, like I can know that that is bad for me, and I might still do it, but it's like I can know that's good for me? But like and then for me, it's like what is that self sabotage is? What is what is the obstacle that's keeping you from like implementing what you.
Know to be true?
I remember, well, I think it's disciplined. Yeah, And I think about like affirmations and the discipline that they really take to actually work, like do it still, yeah, Like you can't just do it one time and bitch your new bitch like, no, girl, like you really have to commit to to the to the work in any in any space, in any healing space and any and anything that you do, you know, And I think like that's where the work gets challenging.
Mm hmm.
The work gets fun.
It gets fun, gets challenged.
Because it can't be frustrating if you're like.
You know, it's kind of like it's like meditating. It's like the first maybe hundred times you're like this is oh God, Like you're anxious. You're like, oh i'll try later. That didn't do ship, that didn't work, or like I can't do this. I'm not good at this. Maybe I just can't do this. Maybe this isn't my thing, you know, maybe I made it all up, Like bitch, no, I think it's everyone's things for your brain to chill out, like it's everyone's thing for your brain to chill out
like you know. So it's it's a practice. It is, it's a practice. And so I'm just I'm just so grateful for the work that you do and that you've blessed honor and you've blessed our our community. I want to say it's for everyone, but I know how much it's it resonates with women of color and hopefully even men of color too. A cipher with another life with a man or some shit I want to do.
I want to do something with Super because I know Super, I know some of his friends, his allies I've worked with, so I trust his embodiment of what he believes and so and that's the only space I have for when it comes to masculine, Are you in integrity with your embodiment of what you know where it translates how you interact with people and women people you know you know specifically, So I would love to do something with a guy you know, it's it's it would be lovely because I
think people need to see more of that divine masculine, divine feml and playing around, you know, and not fighting. Yes, you know, we're done fighting. I have a song called deer Man where it talks about that. I don't listen to it right now because I'm still I'm still integrating some of these new found revelations about the men. I'm still digesting some things and processing some things. But at the time I was very zealous, like.
Men include men in the yelling and message, you know.
And so I wrote that song and I haven't listened to it and quite some time. I might have to listen to it and get back to see what comes up. If I resisted, like fuse, or if it's gonna be like, yeah, this is true, this is you know, we see you, we see you myself. Yes, do it all, you know.
Speaking of affirmations, we always do an affirmation on the show. So what a perfect person to do the affirmations for us to speak?
So is it? I just say it out loud? Okay, you repeat it. I deserve, I deserve my sovereign will, my sovereign will to choose to choose my abundance, my abundance, my emotional abundance, my emotional abundance, my mental abundance, my mental abundance, sexual abundance, sexual my financial.
Abundance, financial abundance.
This is my existence, this is my existence. I own it.
I own it.
I'm willing to do the work. I'm willing to do the work for it to resonate, for it to resonate and translate and translate into my embodiment, into my body. This is how it has to be. This is how it has to be for me, for me on period period, just because just because that on that that forever facts, forever facts, So be it, so be it.
Yeah, yeah, I love it.
I love it even how it like sound just like I felt like trickling through my body and like the clothes.
Just start following.
How saying it and just really going forward and not Sometimes affirmations can be short, but like at that that length, it's special.
It's really special. This was so lovely. This is so lovely, so lovely.
Ever were doing hotels you want to hear Tony's horror, make sure you check out our Patreon. We're gonna switch over to the Tribe channel aka Patreon, So go to patreon dot com backslash Good Mom's Bad Choices. We have a lot of other content over there, so go check us out.
It's for the top secret.
Ship goes top secret.
Good Mom's after dark. Well, first we're gonna do I think we should do?
Uh saro.
Okay, it's terot time. Y'all should have a jingle.
It is okay, yes, you just can't he Maybe we should sing it time.
It's territime. It's time music.
I know.
Yeah, we're sucking up the whole mystical music that play.
But that was fun.
So you know what when I was when I was shuffling for her, she chose this one. But there's another one that looks that jumped out, so I'll read both. The moon represents your fears and illusions are and often comes out when you're projecting fear into your present and you and your future based on your past experiences. You may have a painful memory that caused emotional distress, and rather than dealing with the emotions, you push them down
deep into your subconscious. Now these emotions are making a reappearance, and you may find yourself under the influence on a conscious or subconscious level. For example, if you had a car accident when you were young but didn't deal with the emotions, you may get sad or anxious every time you get into the backseat of a car. To remedy this, connect with your subconscious mind and release any fears or anxieties holding you back. Hypnosis, therapy, and shamanic healing can
support this process. The moon can indicate time of uncertainty and illusion, when nothing is what it seems. Be careful of making fast decisions when the moon appears, because you may later realize you only had half the information you needed. You need to listen to and trust your intuition so you can see beyond what is in front of you.
Hmm.
Wait, feel into your situations rather than thinking what they mean. Let go of your conscious mental blocks or negative self talk, and allow your intuition to guide you.
So wow, this makes sense.
We talked a lot about going back to that young person inside and going back to feel the.
Things limiting belief systems and negative self talk, reprogramming yourself.
And then this fell out as I was shuffling. Let's see what this means. You know those moments when you glance around and feel your heart overflowing with love and appreciation for everything you have created in your life. That's what the Nine of Cups is about. Emotional fulfillment, happiness, and contentment. When this card appeals and appears in a tarot reading, you're content in all aspects of your life relationships, work, lifestyle,
well being, and more. You're basking in the abundance of life.
Way where to go.
You're basking in the abundance of life and experiencing your emotions which such intensity and pleasure. This is why the nine of Cups is often called the wish card. It comes as a sign that the planets aligned and you have everything.
You wished for. You could not be happier.
If you made your wish and are patiently waiting for it to come to fruition, then this card is an excellent omen that they will soon be granted. Wow, deal with the shadow side and all your wish will be gifted.
Stop the negative self toxis and go check out Tony Tony Jones.
I am Tony Jones dot com.
Yes, Yes, that is that where all our people can find.
Is that the best place for me? I am Tony Jones dot com. I am Tony Jones on Instagram. I also have a membership community called the living Room where we do self talk together. It's all for women who I don't know. I just wanted to create a space where women didn't have to do something else, you know, so we really learn how to do being this and living not all for productivity and performance, but really communicating and kicking it, you know. So that's that chilling chilling
in the living room. Living room.
Well, thank you so much for coming on the show.
Thank you for having me. This is so fun. I felt like I was in a living room.
What we were going for, like.
The girl, then the woman, then I love all those goddess Then yes, they felt like that, Like.
The vibe here isn't connected to that the vibe here translates into the Instagram for sure. I feel you guys. I'm like, well they really feel this. I'm like, I love their family forever because y'all are really about that embodied ye.
You know it's so crazy like that you said you knw Supa because we were just talking to him about frequency and when you're amitting your frequency, you find your people and you do.
He came, then you came, and then here we are.
Yes, yeah, it's all we're all part of the circuitry.
Well, you know where to find us Good Momsbad Choices, Dot com Please go pre order our book, The Good Mom's Guide to Making Bad Choices. We are really putting out a collective manifestation to be New York best time selling authors. So please put your collective energy to have done.
And we need you. We need our try, We need you guys, And you know, I hope that our stories resonate with you, and I hope that you know you share the message. And I want to hear your feedback. It's our first book, you know, I want to know what you guys. Thanks, So I hope you'll support us and go check out our book.
And also check out our Patreon because we'll be telling a lot about how this book came to be, diving deeper into chapters, sharing a lot of the two year journey behind the scenes. And I think it's pretty it's pretty cool. So come check us out. Come here the uncensored version of every episode, and thank you.
We'll see you guys next week.
Bye bye,