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Happy Valentine's Day.
Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices.
I'm Erica and I'm Mela. Happy hump Day.
Bitch, Happy hump Day. How how you doing. I'm good.
I'm good.
I'm just enjoying the month of February. Love is in the air, Loving myself is in the air.
Yes, thank you guys for joining us this February where the thing for February is for the love of self, because we all know the most important love that we can have is the one for ourselves.
Amen.
Amen, How is it going. How's your week going?
My week is good.
I've just been chilling being a mom, being fine as fuck. You know, the typical shit that I do every day. My existence is a gift.
So that's it.
I feel you same. I'm just being fine doing good dance moves, you know.
It is such a great dancer.
Thank you.
I love the way dance.
Thank you. You know, just cooking meals because I'm also good at that, and just you know, just trying to be my best self and make my bed and shit, well I love that for you. Thanks.
You know.
Making your bed is really crucial.
You know, I'm usually getting to it, sometimes i'm not. It's like between the bed and the dishes. I'm just working on being a better adult. I really realize. My therapist and I have really been working on reparenting myself, which is really difficult when you're a real parent and you're parenting someone else. I'm like, wow, this is a lot of work, a lot of parenting happening. And yeah, part of that is making giving myself choice and sometimes
I get done, sometimes they don't. I think a part of loving myself is also just really I've been focusing on when the shit doesn't get done. I think I wrote a note this was so important last night, and I couldn't sleep. It was like the things I write in my phone is that I think are important, and I go back, I'm like, what the fuck does this mean? I was like discipline, Wait, oh my god, where is I must see what I wrote. Reparenting and mothering myself
simultaneously may require the most commitment, discipline and gentleness. Amen, Why am I writing this in the middle of the night. I have to write this down.
Really need to remind yourself.
Yeah, because that's what I've been doing. So I'm trying to be gentle with myself but also discipline, which yeah, it's difficult.
I see it, I feel it, and you're glowing.
Thank you. I appreciate that. By the time this actually comes out, will be topless and titties out in Costa Rica apparancing in the jungles, so I'll definitely be looking fine in the jungle.
Yeah.
So if you're not following us on Instagram and only listening to our sexy boyases, you should definitely go follow us at Good Mom's Underscore Bad Choices because there's definitely going to be a lot of nudity in our close friends if Instagram doesn't hate us and delete our account. If not, then maybe we'll start only fans in Costa Rica.
I don't know, I know, I was thinking that, like, there's this new play made I don't all the Playboy Playboy OnlyFans. I don't know how you call it, but King Nowir and Jet Sunning Jasmin are on there, and I was like, you know, I think I missed the only fans wave, but I think that you.
Can get on this one.
I think I can get on this one that's called Centerfold. I'm like, is this my calling? Do I need to do yoga and naked on Centerfold? Is that even an option? I don't know.
I think it is. I think anything's an option.
Oh God, I really do hope you get to I hope you started only fans while we're clostering my dream. Not really, but kind of, you know what it is. I was thinking about my nudity and I was looking at my own page and I was like, wow, I am naked a lot on here. It's true. It's eighty percent of my pictures are naked. I was like, God, those niggas who are talking shit to me weren't lying. And then I was thinking, why why do I need a lot of attention? I was like, no, bitch, you're
just generally naked. So if you take a picture, you're gonna be naked. All your pictures are naked because you'll be naked. Yeah, so you know, it's always a battle just being your true self, titties out and et cetera, which brings me to our guest today.
I like that transition.
Thank you. Actually, my favorite titties out mom on Instagram is here with us again. For is there a third time or second time?
Second we had her on. She came and hung out with us on a.
Zoom, so it's our it's our second time. Oh my god, having be Leche here with us, Hi and aby akabriy and today it's very special because we're also joined by her husband, Daniels. The Lynches are here, are in the building, so we had breon.
God, it was like the first year of podcast, I think, and she kind of shared what it was like to be in an open marriage with her husband and the process of that.
And at that time they had they had one child, and I think shortly after that she got pregnant again. And Daniel's putting it down over there, I will see, and we've kind of like, you know, me and Erica, if you haven't noticed, are very nosy bitches, and we'll keep up with your life and all your business. And so we've been keeping up with you love that and all your badns. I know, we like touched some bases
last time we had the zoom. I have so many questions because I know, like, okay, just to catch you up on Bay's status of her open marriage. You know, she was really like out there. She was dating mostly. It was like Daniel was having a hard time. He wasn't like finding anyone in the dating apps. And then update,
Daniel had a woman. And not only was Daniel had a woman, you know, like I also follow you on Instagram where I also stalk you, but you know, I remember you expressing that the one I don't know if it's the same woman. Now you guys can like tell me, but she was like the crazy thing is is the woman that he found kind of looks like me.
She's like artsy like me.
I was like, God, can't she meet someone different? Right when you're telling me that, and you're like, but you kind of love her so and then I think I looked recently and then you had somebody too.
To find somebody.
Yeah, I think that's it was, you know I think for me, like I really kind of took a break with mothering, Like I think I really underestimated how much I would love being a mom to babies and like how much I would be okay with my non monogamy not.
Being I don't know, so active. It has been active, it just hasn't been so active. So for me, I'm kind of in a for twenty twenty two, I'm actually thinking about, like, Okay, what kind of relationships am I seeking? Because for us, we don't necessarily identify as polyamorous. So what that means for me is like I don't have to love everybody that I'm seeing, Like my non monogamy can definitely be more casual, just depending on what feels right for me in the season.
Well, you said, for you, it's shifted a lot to more kind of virtual for yeah, I think that's such an old person thing.
Yeah, I think a lot of my non monogamy since I've had babies has like existed via like texting, which has been really fun and then only recently. Actually, you know, men, I'm more hetero than I want to be.
That's just not this.
Is most women who are pretty hetero feel this way.
Is just like I have to be me.
I'm one of them, right, I feel you so like I want girl?
I what It's true, you're more your head you're more you're more hetero and you want to be.
Yeah, I would like to be a little more lesbian because men get on my nerves and that's that's where that's where I'm better kind of I mean, no offense, Daniel, I don't know. It's not you. You find you find, you find.
One, you find one good one, and the chances of like finding a second one that you really like enough to like to bay up is is challenging.
And you thought you found not so good, not so good, it turns out.
Really I know you can speak more about that if you want.
But where I'm.
At, but where I'm at now is I did start dating someone at the end of the year where there feels like there's some potential there and I'm like, oh, am I ready for like another boyfriend you say, last year or this year.
At the end of the last okay, okay.
Yeah, so so that's still like ramping up right now. It gets pretty new. And his name is also Daniel, so.
That oh you know, Daniel and Daniel and he's also Sagittarius.
Oh okay, yeah, so that's where my non monogamy is at right now. Otherwise, like I have play partners one in particular, but it hasn't been like super active. I've gone, I've had a lot of like really good first dates, but it's never good enough, you know what I mean. I'm just like, my time is precious right now, Like that was a good date, but.
Not good enough.
Do I really to do this again?
Yeah?
Exactly, Yeah exactly. So that's kind of where I've been. And Daniel's actually enjoyed a more active season of non monogamy because I've just like really liked me home with Yeah, I'm like, yeah, you go ahead.
Yeah, it's been more that it started over the summer, feeling like a little bit more of a role reversal
in that way. But most of my like I had like a couple of different connections that I was kind of cultivating throughout the fall that have sort of like some of them have kind of turned pages, Like some of them weren't really sustainable how they were kind of unfolding in the moment, so you know, and now I'm kind of back with like not a completely blank slate, but with a little bit more kind of armed with a little bit more self knowledge and armed with a
little bit more of like the task of the daunting task of really figuring out what it is that I want and what it is that I'm looking for. So, yeah, is that.
I have so many questions.
Well before we get into all the essions, I think we've really jumped in. And I'm sure people are like.
Wait, hold up, sorry, who are they?
What is going on? How? No?
No, no, no, no, it's good.
I mean that's just because like we know, we know you guys. We can have this conversation. But if you guys don't like we give you a little backstory on Bee and Daniel, I mean, or they can. But we met Bee over the internet, and By and Daniel have been in a non monogamous open marriage for how long eight years?
But married we've been married for eight but we were open before we were married. Even so, we've been open for basically the duration of our whole relationship, which has been about twelve years now.
Yeah, not always with like the label or the title on it, but like going back and examining the way in which we were doing things in those first couple of years, it did have like that spirit of openness.
To and was this your first open relationship?
Oh yeah, both of them? Right?
I remember we were so young twenty one. Oh yeah, I remember Babe telling us that she you met Daniel when you're in another relationship and you loved the guy, but you also love Daniel and you had always cheated like in high school, and and you're like, you didn't understand why, you know, like there's this huge label of being a cheater when you can just love multiple people.
And that was the kind of like word that thought began, right, And I just want to confirm because I said this and Eric was like, are you sure you guys met at Christian College?
We did?
I told you we did.
Christian It's very we're very different people.
Lead with that deeply as possible.
Leave it for me to dig it up.
Did you guys graduate? Yeah?
Oh my god, it's so beautiful Christian College love it is.
Oh my god. They gott to bring it back.
Back. They will not be putting us in like the alumni magazine.
They will not.
They should should well before we started this episode, you know, we always like to pull a card, and Daniel saying that he always pulled swords, and of course he did.
It's not reversed. Your biggest so my love, my Tarot queen, Hello, tell us what called Daniels.
So today we've pulled the four of Swords and we're pulled from the mahogany deck that we've been using by fellow Mama. So check that out. And basically the Four of Swords says it tells you to rest before you take on the next challenge. You have reached an important first milestone and must recharge your energy before the next phase begins, so you are refreshed and ready to go. Right, you just said that, you're kind of like, figure out
what's happening over there weighing. Even if you are highly productive and driven, take time out from your busy schedule to restore your energy and heal the body and the mind. Constant stress and tension will break even the hardest and most resilient of people, but brief periods of rest enable you to refresh your energy, concentrate, and focus so that
you are ready for the next challenge. If you've been going through tough times recently, such as a trauma or breakup or departure, relationship or family problems, financial or health worries, stress or conflict, then the Four of Swords comes as a sign to take a step back and regain perspective, take a day off of work, travel to a new destination, or spend time with your loved ones, whatever you need to do to take a break. Now is the time to make decisions, okay, Danielle.
Yeah, that's why I haven't been doing shit.
Check it in.
Yeah, the swords usually deal with intellect and decision making and those type of things, so that makes sense. Yeah, a lot of that.
I think you're definitely in a period of transition, like personally, so that makes a.
Lot of sense.
Yeah, I sign off on that.
And it mentioned breakup, which is also Yeah, I mean that's true.
But like I mean mostly what the entire fall, in the entire season of really like exploring a little bit more depth in my connections and in my relationships was like it really illuminated a lot about I don't know, my deepest sort of like boss level shit that I've got to conquer. So I don't know, like it would it ended up being a lot of lessons about like in the context of that like a relationship, but ultimately like it kind of transferred itself to really revealing a
lot to me about myself. Some of it good, some of it not so good, but all I don't know, in the service of being better and getting better.
Yeah, I think that people underestimate how much different relationships, even in friendships, actually are a reflect like can be a reflection for yourself and.
Likely seeing me talk about that.
You know, like like the more you interact with different people, different versions of yourself come up and different lessons and like, and then you're like, damn, who am I? This is what I want? Like because now you're you've met someone new and it's kind of triggered these different things about yourself, you know, and like so often in traditional monogamous relationships, not that I'm downting traditional monogamous relationships works.
For some people.
It works for some people, works for some people, but sometimes like maybe I don't want to say that you stuck, like you stuck your limited your you're stunted your growth.
But because well, it really depends on how people conduct their monogamy. But the vast majority of folks conduct their monogamy in a way that yes, it does stunt.
Well.
I remember on our episode you were talking about limiting your love, Like if I asked Daniel to limit his love with with this other person, then it ultimately that affects me and how he shows up for me, and like limit and it comes up in so many ways, like limiting you know how many people whatever, whether you're monogamous or not, but like even your capacity to love. You don't have to be sexually active with someone to
have an intimate relationship intimate relationship. But I think often even in monogamy, we close off even that to the other opposite.
It becomes threatening. It becomes threatening.
Yeah, it becomes threatening, which is toxic monogamy culture. It's not how everyone does monogamy, but it is how most people do it. And that's one of the things that's most unappealing about it for me is like I personally like really value growth and I I really I want to keep changing throughout this one life that I maybe
have on the earth. I don't want to stop just because I got married when we were in our early twenties, and non monogamy has been a huge, maybe the biggest part besides the motherhood of my personal growth journey.
Yeah, and I think that the way that we first approached non monogamy for us, it wasn't like, I mean, yeah, the sex with other people is appealing, right, that's kind of why you sign up for it in some ways.
Wait, maybe that's.
It also stemmed from seeing and feeling kind of the wrongness of being like okay, being at a wedding and feel like the geometry of the dance floor kind of get defined by like couples who are not just like like sexually monogamous, but like even like will shut off like like twelve energetically, like the twelve steps, or that's not the best number for it, like the thirteen steps that lead up to having sex with someone.
Right, let me, dancing with you doesn't mean immediately you're putting your dick in me, like we're just we're dancing and sharing energy.
But like you people like when you were related, you don't can't. We can't dance with anyone else.
I think most people voluntarily kind of surrender that.
Right, It's not even something said, yeah.
It's kind of a cultural expectation that, like monogamy also entails all of these other hyper rigid forms of like self control or self policing, or unavailability, unavailable an availability to people in the world around you.
And then it's marketed as well. I mean, I want to make you comfortable. I don't want to make him uncomfortable. It's always marketed that way, like, well, don't you want to make me comfortable?
They market both both sexes different ways too, Like men are like these men that can't help themselves.
So you don't approach a man and like.
Be appealing dance with him, because he'll automatically assume he wants to sleep with you, which I don't know.
I mean, maybe it's a fifty fifties thing there.
And then when any woman that would approach a man who's clearly here with another woman in joy and dance must.
Be a hub and conversation, right right, you know, it's just like.
We can't just all enjoy ourselves exactly and not want to have sex. But also maybe, I mean I've literally seen men like, oh my god, this happened to us. We were at a fucking wedding and we were asked to move some chairs and they were big ass shares and was in the desert. It was a long distance, lots of men, Me and.
This bitch carrying three stacked chairs in heels in the dirt. Men, men, men, they were with women.
Now not one man, see that's a perfect one man was like.
Hey, let me help you. No, Like, my bitch is not about to cuss me out for helping this bitch. They watched us carry those motherfucking chairs go.
I was like.
Audacity. I was like, if that was my man, I would be fucking embarrassed.
I was pissed. I was pissed.
I was like, kind of fucking men, they see us with these stilettos, this.
Dirt, They looked scared as hell. They didn't look out in our direction. Okay, they held their bitches hands and they didn't look at didn't like what they're like, you're mine, you better look at that bitch. I don't care IF's struggling. I don't care if she falls.
I think that's a good example. And like another thing for us is just how it breaks down community, like monogamy breaks down community.
Wow, that's you can't see. You can't see like a basic human need of carrying multiple heavy chairs across Like it's a basic you know, it's a situation where there's a basic human need there, right, and you won't even recognize it.
Right, It's true. I mean I think it does.
It's like it does break down like that community effort, the community help that it's just like we're all in it together and we all need help, and like we all need love all can experience each other's different versions of love.
You know, like I never.
Really thought about it that way, but that's so that's really interesting.
I know we like, okay, we had briefly discussed that this episode was going to be like the five ways to successfully open in your marriage, or like know, if it's time, and I think maybe that's step one. Do you have a need to to like broaden your community and continue to grow as an individual, Maybe that's something that applies to you, and it's time, that's how you know, like do we both have this same goal in mind to grow in this way and to like make our
community broad and comfortable in this way? Because you know, I was talking about it. For us, it makes so much fucking sense, right, like love thy neighbor show up, you know, like you could like I'm a very intimate person that way, Like I like to cuddle people like like like it doesn't necessarily.
Have to for me.
It is intimate, but it's friendly, like we're getting close, you know, like I have even in my friendships, I've always said this, like I want my man to be able to like be a protector of my friends too, Like if my friend comes and gets in the bed with us, like cuddle us. Yeah, you know, like I don't, like I want to feel that love and also feel the trust, you know, like, and I think when people put all this pressure like that's my man, that's my man,
I don't care if you're my friend. It's like, bitch, I'm your friend, so right, Like you don't think I'm a run off into the sunset, which you're richer man, Like I hope not, but like.
That's exactly why I don't care if you're my friendly.
Yeah.
Actually, and that's always been so weird to me totally, you know, Like and obviously for some people listening and for a lot of my friends are like, bitch, you're weird, and get the fuck away from my nigger, you know,
and please don't take your titties out. And for me, it's just like intimacy, and like, I really I want you to spend time with my friends and get to know them and like them and have a personal relationship because it's my friend, and I think that they're cool, and I think that you're cool, and I think that that makes sense, you know, whereas like I have even though I've been in relationships and known people for years, even with you know, and they're like, why are you
talking to him? Why are you getting I'm like, ask you about his grandma?
What the fuck?
Like?
Yeah, And I think you're hitting on Another reason that we really love non monogamy is it forces you to inquire a little more deeply, like why do you feel those things? You know so like for your friends, like why do you feel so threatened by me? I don't know having my tits sound front of your But like what non monogamy.
Forces you to do is like it's actually totally normal.
Actually that's one of the problems.
For me.
But okay, conversal, let's let's back it up conversation like why why can't I have a conversation with your husband without you there? Like why does that actually bother you? Like what is the deeper reason? And non monogamy forces you to grapple with those questions and to do that deep work that you wouldn't have to do otherwise.
And it's so true some.
People don't want to do it though, that's the reason.
That's exactly exactly.
It's like, ooh, I don't.
I don't.
I don't want to.
I shouldn't have to. If you're mine, I shouldn't have to think about exactly. That's not it's not about why I feel uncofortable? Is that why your chips have to be out? Like it's you that you're the problem, not me, And like that's just a lot of people don't want to dissect jealousy and like it's never jealousy, it's something else. It's an underlying thing. There's not You're just not just jealous,
you know. Like this happened to me this week. I have a lover, Orlando, and he is in New York, like living his best life, and he's always like checking and telling me things. And the other day and he's
also has a podcast. So the other day I was scrolling and he was talking someone one of his people that he has like a relationship with, also has a podcast, and I'm scrolling past her podcast and I see her talking about a sexual encounter and I'm like, I'm like waiting to see if she's gonna say who it is, yeah, and then she does, and then I was annoyed. I was like I'm annoyed, and I was like I'm gonna have to check in with this. I'm gonna have to
figure out why I'm so annoyed. I'm like, first of all, this is what I do as a podcaster, and I'm like, this is what anyone dating me has to deal with. And I was like, I don't like that. Don't date you. What you're asking people for you can't handle. Okay, perfect.
I was like, that's one of your late night notes in your phone, right right.
I would have loved to scroll through your notes an episode scroll that would be good.
Oh my god, it's so deep in there, it's so emo, so much to do. Yeah, episodes, it's so emo. But you know, I text him, I was like, I don't know. I just wanted to check in with myself. I was like, I'm just telling you, not that it's an issue.
It's me.
It's a me issue. But I was thinking, I'm happy to have this relationship where I can address myself and then address it out loud to someone else, and then together we could work through what was the problem, Where is the issue lying? And like, the more you explore and sit in the feeling of like that annoyed me because immediately I was like, but how do.
You guys work through jealousy, Like, is that something that you guys encounter a lot? Is it like throughout the years? Does it get better over time or I think yes and no.
The thing that's interesting for me about it is that every connection will potentially like trigger different things for you, Like each person that your partner dates, just depending on who they are, and then also depending on where you're at, you know, how you're doing personally, maybe it'll trigger you more or less or what you got going on if I'm dating you know, somebody else, and it feels like kind of even There's a lot of factors. So that's been my experience with it throughout yeah time.
Yeah, I mean I think for myself, I've definitely gone through like seasons where I engage it more readily, like the jealousy and want to know kind of what's under it.
I'll also go through seasons of like total avoidance mode with it, like or even like denial of jealousy, you know, because it's it's easier to just kind of, you know, say that you don't feel jealousy, that you don't experience it, but really like what you're doing is kind of numbing yourself and so like, and then that needs working through, and so I kind of will oscillate back and forth
between those seasons. And sometimes when you think you're confronting jealousy in a real and authentic way, actually you take a better assessment of it and you're like, nah, I think I was not really facing what it was making me feel.
Times it's usually, like you said, what you're facing is something like within you, it has nothing to do with her, right, So do would you say that non monogamy also has like kind of helped you tap into certain parts that you need to heal within yourself, right percent.
I'll say a thousand percent.
Yeah, I mean I think this has kind of been on our minds a lot lately on the back of Daniel's last relationship, which you kind of touched on earlier. I think it was his most intense relationship that he's experienced since we've been open, so it's right, yeah, or.
That I've allowed myself to experience.
Yeah, So that was just a really it was just really rich with a lot of learning for both of us because I'm like, whoa, you really like this person? Like this hasn't happened before, Like, because you'll go on his dates and it'll have a good time, but like, this is the first person I was like, oh, you really like her, Like, oh okayah Saw, So I'm so happy for you.
So I was.
And I think that was so good for us though, because it flipped the script on like what we've been mostly dealing with, because I've had deeper connections in the past than he has, so we've kind of been on the opposite side prior, and so it was really good to both get to see the other side where I'm like, whoa, you had to deal with this. This is hard, Like my feelings are a little hurd like having to deal you dealt with this, like, oh my god, thank you.
And and then for him, like whoa, you had to navigate like two different people's feelings and your own, Like that's really.
Hard beside what it is you feel.
Yeah, And so it was really this latest relationship for us, I think taught us the most that that and he has so far.
At least in a while.
Yeah, but ultimately most I mean for me, most of those lessons are about myself, you know, and like I mean, I think one of the things that being non monogamous and like reaching these deeper levels of it with one another.
Has has really taught me, is I think I could have gone through like a lifelong I might have been able to go through a lifelong monogamous lesson, just like a relationship, just feeling content in, satisfied and assured of my good guyness, you know, and like feeling good about the ways in which I questioned patriarchy, feeling good about the ways in which, like I felt myself to be
a feminist. But like when you really put yourself kind of on the line like this and allow yourself to encounter those feelings of jealousy, and what's actually underneath them, like actually underneath them, is that like a desire to control? Like you know, is this a fear of like letting you express like your fullest and most authentic part of yourself? You know, Like, I guess it's really made clear for me how deep the imprint of like toxic masculinity and
misogyny and all of that stuff is. And yeah, that's not like a particularly fun thing to say, but I mean I think.
Seeve, I'm telling you, we got no I mean, but yeah, yeah to all that, I.
Think too, I mean obviously, I mean even talking about toxic masculinity. I mean, some men might some look at you and are like, oh my god, this is the ship. Like you're a guy and your wife lets you fuck other girls?
Like oh, and that's the fucking score man. And then they like what does she fuck other guys?
Yeah?
And you're like yeah and they're like.
Yeah, you know.
It's like it's because I think too, I think men this would at least what I've heard from here from men, and I think women are this way too in ways, but they're such a visual creature, so like when they think about, like, you know, sex, they immediately visualize it.
And the visual of it of a woman possibly.
Like receiving somebody else's intimacy is just like the ultimate ego kill for a man. And I guess we've learned and been a condition to believe like what the man manhood is, you know, like that they control and that they you're.
Exclusive to them.
And even in that me scrolling, I was like I wanted something exclusive and I'm like, oh my god, I've heard men say this to me. I was like only saying shit, and I was like, oh, I just want you to be like selected, and I'm like I was like I was like trying to host shame him. I'm like, I'm trying to host shame you.
Just let me.
Oh god, I hate how I sound.
That's so good for you.
I know.
I feel like and I even like last year. We started hanging out last year and I was jealous. He had another lover at that time, and it was a rift in their relationship because I don't think there anyone else had come along, and I was experiencing jealousy about certain things. But I'm the type like Daniel. I'm like, I'm too cool to acknowledge it. I don't care, and in fact, like in my mind I care, but I'm
like I was cool. I'm just gonna get somebody like it's cool, like I don't really care that much because I don't really care about them. It's not that serious. I knew I was like in love five minutes ago. But I can see how much I've grown in just a year, even in like a long distance like friendship that I could just call you and be like, oh, I forgot to tell you. It was really triggered. I trid to mention how trick I was. He's like why, I'm like, I don't know I'm working through it.
I know, I don't know how to shut the fuck up about my feelings to the people that I love. It's so annoying, and like, I don't know, I think I'm not non monogamous per se. I don't really know what I am because I'm not in a relationship right now. But I think that just being open to talking to the people that you love and your partners about how you're feeling, especially has been I mean, especially when you are together, like it becomes like you can't even keep
things in anymore. I mean, I'm sure like you guys, you know, share a lot, and I mean even talk to you talking about the situation that kind of opened you guys up and like you know, allowed you to.
Have to face certain things, and you to face certain things.
I think a lot of people like their questions why people open up the relationship is like, well, when you open up a relationship, you open up a can of worms, and inevitably, like you open up the opportunity or the possibility that your partner could potentially leave you right like they might experience another unlock, some other version of love that they're ready to go deep in, and like you know, what is your thoughts on that or like, I'm sure
you guys have had these conversations before, Like, yeah, I think for.
Me, and this is what I tell folks because I coach other folks on their non monogamous journeys. Ultimately, you just have to accept that possibility, right, And then you also have to remember that even in monogamy, there are things outside of your control. Like even in a monogamous relationship, Yeah, your partner could leave you for somebody else, that's still an option. Your partner could just decide they don't want
to be with you anymore. Your partner could I don't know, pass away, Like, yeah, there's lots of things that could happen where that same outcome is there. So I say that first of all, like okay, But then second of all, and I think I might have said this the first time we chatted a long time ago. Is you have to trust that you love your partner so much that wouldn't you want that for them? Like if Daniel met a woman that was a better fit for him, then I am like, WHOA, because we're.
A good fit.
So like if that even said that to myself, by the way, I mean, you have it.
No, bitch.
For the record, I would not be happy for you, not the same.
Well, that's fine.
I aspire to it.
I aspired, and I think that's good. And I mean, am I all the way there?
Like if it were to happen tomorrow, what I would just be completely okay with it?
Of course not.
But I think in like my most highest self and who I want to be, that's.
What I would want for you.
I want you to be happy ultimately, I want I love you so much. I really I want your ultimate happiness and if that means being with somebody else.
And that's what I mean.
Yeah.
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Yeah, I'd say the cant like the can of worms that you're electing to open up is also like unraveling all of that. Yeah, your partner's gonna sleep with other people, Like, yeah, they're going to be swept up in kind of a new relationship energy with somebody else, and like you're gonna
have moments of like truly terrifying insecurity. But also like what else is in that can of worms or like all of the other things that you suppress in your self expression, like all of the other things that like, I mean, one of the things that it that uh an early kind of an early experience in our nominogamy, or like when you had your more extended relationship, is that really taught me about like my own sense of like judgment with creativity and like the way in which
I'm kind of a hater and I like just like or had been and had been and stifled my own creativity because of that. I stifled your creativity because of that. But like that was a can of worms that we opened that was like on the surface, it's about her sleeping with somebody else and having a relationship with somebody else. But actually, by getting in there, I also found that other thing at the bottom of it, and which to
me is yeah, there's lots on the bottom. It's like whatever you find, if you move through it, your relationship is most likely going to be better served. Like it's going to serve your relationship better for it if you can get through it, if.
You can get if you can get the way you just dissected, just broke that ship down.
I feel like I'm getting emotional that wondering, am I going to cry?
I'm feel like you thought of a cloudy boy these days, Daniel.
Right now, cloudy boy, I like him. I don't know what that means.
I think that's so beautiful and really thinking about it that way, that like, yeah, if you open up those can of worms, but yeah, ship might happen, but you might and some other ship that has nothing even to do with that person and it has everything to do with you and hopefully like you're like the journey and like this the expression of who you are at your most authentic self.
Yeah, and that's I think that's been. Did you want to say something, sorry, No, you go first. With this past connection that Daniel had, I told you, it was like the most intense one we've we've he's had so far, and it brought up a lot for me. And the intensity of the cannon worms, so to speak, was like, so it was so intense, and I had my first nervous breakdown. Actually, oh yeah, I had my first nervous breakdown. And then and you also had.
Like a week later or before days.
I can't remember which nervous I remember a couple.
But in that week of time, the things that we were able to like discover within ourselves a lot of it for the first time, like naming it to ourselves for the first time, and then bringing it to each other and being like, oh, look at this thing. It's ugly and doing that with one another, and then like seeing that we loved each other in spite of those ugly, ugly things. That is what brought us to this new level of depth that I feel like we've achieved.
In the past year.
Is really that week, honestly is like reaching new depths of ugliness and bringing it to each other and being like, Oh, you still love me and I still love you.
That's so beautiful.
It is beautiful things.
I don't know what you're gonna say.
It's kind of going back but good or just about it's just about the question. It's just about the question of like, oh, doesn't opening up your marriage open up that can of worms and saying like, well, underneath that
is like some more harmful shit. That's actually like if we wouldn't have been brave enough to kind of open up, and if I wouldn't have been brave enough to at least do the minimal of numbing my emotions through that, through that relationship of yours, we would not have gotten to that other thing that ultimately would have ended our relationship. Like me, but like that the sort of sense of like judgment.
And like suppressing her heart and all the thing.
Right, Yeah, her creative impulses, my creative impulses along with it, Like that would have done us.
In, you know, eventually, like that same very thing that you have, don't you don't acknowledge, well, it could eventually be the very If he didn't open.
The can of worms, he never would have found that, and then it would have fucked the whole thing up.
It would have and it probably would have done us in in like a much more a much slower death, in a much more harmful way that we wouldn't have been able to put our finger on.
Right, What is this?
Yeah, I think like in talking about like the stunting of love, you know, it's it's so relative. It's easy to understud I mean for some people to understand that, but I I never thought about it in the terms of other things in us that we judge other people and then therefore stunted in ourselves. Like if you're being judgmental towards somebody else for whatever reason it is, whatever reason you justify it, because we all do it, then
in reality you're holding yourself in that same capacity. And so it's also stunting though, Like you said, creativity, You know, I'm hating on whatever what I think is weird creative shit you're dreaming over there. But in fact, because i'm judging you, I'm limiting the things that I'm creating because i'm judging. The judgment is their period, because I think it has to be this level of cool to be
executed or whatever the fuck. And that was like such a beautiful way of putting that, because I, first of all, it's hard for anyone to be like, oh, this is the part of me that's ugly. And then you're right, it's always about acceptance. Are you still going to love me after I dig towards if I'm willing to dig towards it and then I figure it out, are you still going to love me and keep me? Or are
you're going to want to run? I think everyone, really there's always a level of fear of abandonment, oh entirely.
And I think the amount of healing though that you do and when you are able to get to that point is so deep. It's so deep when you're like, oh my god, this thing that I don't even want to say to myself. And I said it and now I'm saying it to you and you still love me, Like that is the best feeling.
It's it's so intimate, it's so intimate.
It's like the most intimacy I feel like that you can really have when you can do that with someone.
Yeah.
Yeah, And as I said, I feel like we've reached new levels of vulnerability recently because of that.
So is that relationship over and like how does that even work? Like how do like do you actually meet each other hang out with one another? Like what are the do you have like these rules in your and how you're we're learning what we want for that not what you were going to say, That's not what I was going to say.
Maybe you're learning. No, I think it's been different for each person. Once again, like it's different for each person.
I don't think that's different. That's different from what I said.
Come on now, we said we're learning.
I know, like to try it this way with this connection, this way, with this connection.
No, I think what we prefer is.
I think what I prefer in an ideal situation is a level of friendliness for sure. And like we've definitely had some of Daniel's girlfriends like over like often and like hanging out the three of us with the kids running around, or like we like before the pandemic, we enjoyed hosting a lot, so we'd have, you know, one I remember one brunch we had like two of your girlfriends that were there, and like hanging around one of my play partners, and like everyone's just kind of there,
like chilling, and it's not a big deal. Like I think that's definitely my preferends. But with this last connection that Daniel had, because it was the most I'd ever been triggered, I found that I was a little more like nervous or has a tent to like to get to know her. So I think it just depends on each connection, but I think we do have a way that we prefer it. But it also is like contextual a bit.
Yeah, And I think every well, when I said that we're still kind of learning, I think every connection teaches.
You that the boundaries.
This wasn't this wasn't my favorite aspect of that. That as this wasn't my favorite aspect of that.
So even though you were kind of triggered by that relationship and by her and so it kind of made you less like eventually did you did being around her more often like kind of make it more comfortable or did you just kind of avoid it altogether? Well, she was really we were.
Her schedules made it difficult, so that was kind of the main thing. It was just like she was a mom as well, so she was busy. And then it was also on the shorter side like it was. It was a it was kind of a hot, fast but short connection, which is so we didn't have a lot of time. I think it would have gone that way, but but it didn't.
Yeah, it was just incompatible seasons in our individual kind of live family lives, is what it?
How do you being both of you being parents honestly because you have kids together you parent, how do you navigate with that? Like as far as like I know your bait, your kids are really young, but eventually they'll be older, Like have you thought about that?
And how Yeah, yeah, we have The way that we like to conduct our friendships is also kind of like how you talked about how you conduct your your friendships formula, Like we are really affectionate with our friends and we have kind of like an open door policy with a lot of our friends or people just like pop in
and they're over and we're all hanging out. And I think that the way that we think about it is is we hope that our relationships that are people that were purely platonic with versus people that were maybe fucking or people that were romantic with, that's not really distinguishable to our kids. So like there's no reason to be so explicit or forthcoming to them with like, oh, this is my boyfriend who like, fuck, this is my boyfriend who I don't know. It's like they don't you dad exactly.
It's like they don't need they don't need to know that.
And and I think that actually there's other polyamorous influencers on the GRAM that I in my opinion there they do too much with that, Like your kids don't need to know all the details of your life until they ask, until they're ready to know. It needs to be developmentally appropriate or actually or else you're actually doing more harm and giving them anxiety. They don't need to know that your parents their parents are non monogamous when they're in kindergarten.
Just go to school and like let their let.
Their friends know, and then like that doesn't not need to happen. So I think the way we're handling it is, but just trusting that because we're fostering a really open communication line with them, that when if they have questions, when they're ready, they'll ask and then we'll be ready to answer.
Yeah, you know, I mean just in the same way that you don't feel the need to define your other relationships in front of your kids or to your kids, like are your other friendships the same thinking about it the same way, And I think even asking the question of like, oh, well, how do you explain this to your parents or to your kids is almost like a symptom of the way in which we put like sexual romantic relationships like really hot like as like that at
the top of the hierarchy in terms of relationships, right, and so it once it's escalated to a certain degree of importance, then you have to say something about it. But if you're trying to do away with that sort of hierarchy, and it just I don't know, it just makes it less necessary, right, you know.
It's all I love you, they love me. We're friends totally, this is how our friendships work. Okay, So in the hierarchy, like trying to do away with the hierarchy of like your romantic relationship is at the highest. Like I know there's been these memes circulating right now or like these whatever, you know, the fucking internet, and it's like would you choose your wife or your kids? And I'm like, why is that a question? Like I'm always choosing my wife
because God said. I'm like, I don't understand who what wife is asking?
Meme?
Is this?
I'm not seeing the algorithm?
Are you on?
I see all these weird memes where they're like asking like do you feed your Like do you feed the man of the house first? Do you feed the kids? I'm like, why are we I was like, why do we have to choose?
Like and why?
And then everyone's applauding him like for choosing the wife and the comments. I'm like this is really fucking weird. But you know, like those are things we don't really question in our society, Like why is it that like if your girl, like your girl needs you but her man needs or she's out and you know it's my man, I gotta go. But like in a marriage, I think that's another thing because this is something that's the trigger for me, like I want to be the most important.
I would be the most important, and so if I call you, you answered, not two rings. But then I have to ask myself, what the fuck is wrong with me? I need to be the princess. It's me, you know, And she also needs to know that I am the main one and I'm cool with her. We're cool, but I'm a number one. And it's just like I don't know where that comes from either. But are there limits?
Like?
Are the limits? I know you said you're not necessarily like polyamorous. You might have like and it could be an intentional like just sexually driven like one off or whatever, But are there limits because you guys are primary partners obviously you've lived together, your kids together. Is there like had you if you meet a lover and it just goes on for an extended amount of time? And like, is that okay with you? On both ends?
And I think we've we've kind of bridged this before on like a minor level because we have kids before. But I was in a three year releaship and then I got pregnant with Daniel's child.
You were very careful about that.
Clear. I have questions about that too. I have questions about.
That's understandable and then it was like, oh, I'm going to be a mom soon. What does this mean for you? Boyfriend? I don't know? And so and also like so we had to have those conversations. It's like, oh, are we going to be co parenting? Like are you interested in kind of co parenting? Like so those conversations were.
Like starting to maybe be on deck.
But then we ended up mutually ending the relationship before the baby came, which made the best sense at that time.
How much how far a long were you before you ended the relationship?
It was pretty soon. I think I was like three or four months. Yeah, yeah, it was.
It was time.
It was a good run. But I think that we're open to kind of what non monogamy brings us, and thus far every challenge has only deepened our relationship. So I think the way that I look at it is the same way like if Daniell meets someone that he's really enjoying and then he's actually wanting to negotiate, like, Hey, I'd actually like to kind of maybe spend three nights a week at her house and like kind of split
my time a little bit. Like I can imagine scenarios like that in the future, and I think that it's all very much like as we go, Like I think our intention very much so our intention is to raise our children together in a home where we both are living, like that's definitely our intention. But life can throw curveballs, and I think once our children are out of the house, or at least older, I think that might bring another
shift to our non monogamy. If we're still non monogamous, we're also open to seasons of monogamy, if that feels right too. I think mostly it's just a posture of openness to what will be and trusting that will know how to handle it.
I mean, I think that's the most beautiful thing of all. Right, It's like like we talked about before, like you can be monogamous, you can be traditionally married, and still you know, shit can pop off, someone can leave you. Things can happen and you had no idea that they were coming, which I think, truthfully, in all honesty, if we're honest, that is generally what people are caught off guard by and angry about the how could you not tell me?
How I thought I trusted you? We had an agreement, right, It's not like you know, I think if I feel comfortable enough to be like, Wow, I'm really falling, like falling in love with this person. And it doesn't mean because I think we also have the understanding that if I if I'm in love with you, I can't also love someone else, right, that'd have to take away from the love from you and give it to someone else,
Not that I can have. I can love this person so much, and I can also still love you so much, you know. It's just like I think people are limited and they're thinking that way, and so I'm I always curious about that because you know, is it something that can maintain or are you all always asking the third person to kind of be a temporary fix in your relationship, which I have an issue, Like, I don't know, it goes both ways. I can you just heard me. I'm
totally bipolar. I'm like, I'm the most important. Also love when we want coral be free not really come back, you know. So I just I think that's, you know, something that I've had to think about.
I have a question about how you navigate safety in your relationship. I think that's I think that's something that I think a lot of people wonder in open relationships, like do you have certain rules on protection, and we're not protection protection.
Amount of time or what does that look like?
No, where aways use protection. And I think that there's actually statistics that non monogamous folks have less STIs than monogamous folks because in non monogamous communities that conversation is always upfront and people have more people to protect, so you have a sense of respect onsibility to each other where it's actually in my experience, like dating non monogamous men and sleeping with non monogamous men is always more
pleasant in that way because they're always more careful. They're always ready to be careful.
Because they have response ready to initiate that.
Yeah, right, versus you know.
Your average mail and like how.
Do you like, how do you meet people? Like are you on dating apps.
Or are do you has been mostly especially like in the pandemic times.
And are you just is it like on your dating profile? Like this is what it is. We're getting straight to the point here.
Yeah, certain dating apps are more friendly to Okay, Cupid has like a non monogamy setting you can yeah, and you can like you could actually link it with your partners so people can like click on your partner's profile and see them.
That's like field too and field.
Yeah Field, We've used field a little bit as well, because.
You guys don't generally like date together, played together.
We have, but it's it's not I guess it's not exactly our press.
I think we were. I think we're we have.
New frontiers ahead of us, so we're excited about you for a season.
Yeah.
I think it's more about having kids.
That's really limited that aspect because we like being home with our babies and their babies so they're needy, so it's not like we both can just leave right so exactly. So I think that's what has made that part not is easy realistic.
I think that's like a lot of the big misconception too, is that like people who are non monogamous are just like having orgies every day every weekend. Oh yeah they're and there, you and your partner must be having threesomes all the time. And what I find often is that people that are in anogamous relationships often play separately.
And yeah they don't. They've never some have never even done it together.
Yeah you know, I mean it's been almost exclusively separate.
Yeah, we just had our first experience this past summer together. It was great, it was super fun, it was perfect, the perfect first experience.
Yeah, we had. That was another situation where it's like, Okay, we've got childcare and it runs out at this time. So that also, like that also changes how it feels in the dynamics of it, but it also.
Yeahs relaxed, it's more planned. Yeah, I've definitely played a three summer of five. I guess, like I have the yep, gotta be out by four, let's meet at three.
Yeah, I know.
The last one I did when I was sleep and got out. I looked at her to school the next day, It's like, so happy, shouldn't wake up, amazing, don't judge me, guys, she was asleep.
I don't know.
I'm high, so I forgot. I was gonna say, well, I don't know.
I think we would like I don't know. I could talk to you guys for hours.
Honestly, I could ask you a million thousand more questions I know, like we wanted to.
We've gone all over the place, but maybe.
Like one final question I want to ask you guys, is like, what would you tell the non monogamous version of yourself, Like when you first started this journey. Now as someone who's been on this journey for a really long time now and that's still obviously.
The journeys is continuous, but like, what would you tell her? What would you tell him?
Go ahead?
You first, She's like, I need to think, I need.
To say apart from buckle up, Yeah, that's kind.
Of what came to mind for me.
I don't know, this isn't probably like the answer you're looking for, but from not looking for an.
Answer, Okay, So I generally just want.
To honestly, for me, I just feel really proud that I knew that it's what I wanted ten years ago. Like, I feel really proud of that because I'm I've been really right. Like it's felt so authentic and really affirming that the journey has gone the way it has. It has not been easy, oh my god, it's not been easy. It's been very very hard, but just so rewarding. So
I think, I don't know. I think I would just tell myself like, you know what you want, you know what you want, and like trust it even if it's scary, be brave, and yeah, I think that's what I would say.
Yeah, I think what you said at the beginning of it or at the end there like that be brave. I wish I would have been braver from the outset. I think, been braver to kind of face like the reality of what it was I was experiencing when like I was at home and you were out, you know, brave enough to let I don't know, the people that I saw are the people that I dated, see something other than just like the polished, like charismatic first date, Daniel,
you know, and see something like beneath that. Yeah, I think I will. I would have told myself to you're already doing this away like be braver and.
That's nice.
You know.
I have a question for you, Daniel, because I know, like the first time you came on our show, you had I think your your first baby was still pretty small, and I remember you discussing that, you know, for the first like three or four months of that pregnancy, that you had still had a boyfriend, And like, for you, how is that because I think that's that is like for the male ego. Let's be real, like that's the ultimate you know, your mind and you got my baby and you.
Yeah, do you I mean, do you really want to pick up that scab because it's no, No, I mean right, it's okay.
I don't think you really knew what about this last time?
And now yeah, she's not high anymore. Guys, it was not.
I think I was trying to put myself in a more emotionally evolved space with that, you know, and not react out of like that space of like possessiveness and toxicity and like all of that. But the reality is is I still felt that kind of like visceral nervous system response to it. How did you combat that alcohol? No, I actually that's probably a little bit true, A little
bit true. It's probably a little bit true. Yeah, I think that they're like, you know, Rihanna said a second ago, it's been a huge challenge and it's been a lot of hard work, and I think like, yeah, there have been a million things that I've just kind of like, especially early on that I was like, Okay, be a more evolved version of yourself, be a more evolved.
Version, But you didn't want to do the work that it took to actually.
Actually arrive there.
I'm here, I'm here, I'm buckled up like I'm a feminist, Yes.
Exactly exactly, And to be fair and to give you some credit, Like I think that I was doing that to some extent too, because you had not given me the experience yet of like really having to do the work which came with this last connection. I think that this really humbled me where I was just like, oh my god, I thought it was just going to feel a lot easier and I had to go through that same process. So I want to I want you, want to give you some credit.
Thanks, And I think.
Sorry, listening to your talk right now just making me feel like I need to explain that you were really signaling that because I was trusting when you said you were okay, that you were okay, because I feel like that frames me, like, but Chorie, so are you drinking any problems?
So it wasn't really like that I was drinking heavily before.
Then stop stop, I mean we've alsoppressed some shit.
Oh what point is is is I think that in this latest rendition of our non monogamy, we've really learned how to be honest, completely honest, in a way that requires vulnerability and in a way that really allows us to connect. And that's that's kind of what I thought we would say today. Yeah, and that that hits because I think before we weren't able, or you weren't able, I wasn't either. I guess to completely be honest, and with that, I think brought a lot of those those challenges.
Yeah, the drink, Yeah, No, you did, like you to be fair, You gave me opportunities. You gave me opportunities to actually say how I felt about it, You gave me opportunities to set boundaries. But I don't know. I think I found that it was easier to kind of numb yourself and like pretend you're more a more evolved version of yourself than you than you actually are. And so and eventually that work comes back to you.
Did you become resentful?
Mmm?
I'm kind of as like I'm a resentment prone person. So so yeah, yeah, no, I think so yeah, a little bit, a little bit.
I'm just I'm so, I'm I'm just I'm asking you so many questions because I'm so I don't know, I'm so intrigued by your level of maturity and your ability to I mean, like, obviously you're being honest. Like there was a time I was trying to be I was acting rational, but I wasn't feeling that way, and I wasn't being vulnerable and I wasn't really utilizing the plat like the space to be like this is how I
honestly feel. So I just feel like so many men miss this, you know, like so many men miss this part. They're like, yeah, I want to open a relationship, I want to fuck, you know, and then like when the tables return, it's like having to dissect your own toxic masculinity and like those feelings of like ah, I man,
hear me, roar. I think is like men might need a step by step play on, like yeah, there are things that benefit you guys in the patriarchy that and you know, ownership of your body and that like women don't have, are not empowered to do, or don't feel supported specifically by their partners and by their men to feel free and you know, fulfilling their fantasies and like fulfilling you know, saying yeah, these are my fantasies or
this is what I want. I may want to sleep with someone else, has nothing to do with you, but you know, I think I always wonder where are the men who get it, you know, who are willing to admit that these issues are so much like.
They got to do the work, They got to have these conversations. They have to find the language to say how they feel. And sometimes that takes time. Sometimes that takes facing shit, like if you don't even know how to express how you feel. And then on top of it, I'm assuming maybe even feel shame that you feel this way because she doesn't like, damn, she more evolved than me. Why can't I feel like that?
Like?
Why can't I show up like that? What's wrong with me?
You know?
I know I felt like that in relationships in the past, not even around monogamy, just in general, in other ways and other thought processes, And I'm like, damn, they're so evolved.
Why the fuck can't I be that way? Am? I?
Like?
You know?
So, I think there's like a shame that goes along with with that and being a man. I'm not a man. I don't know. I'm just saying what I think.
But I think at least having these type of conversations, and I'm so grateful that you guys came and shared you know, your story with us, and you know your journey in this space, but.
That these are the kind of conversations that need to.
Happen totally conversations that men need to hear, that women need to hear, that married people need to hear that. People that are listening to this at the beginning of this episode and said, what the.
Fuck is this shit?
Oh?
Hell now and now are like huh, Like.
I'm like, damn. Do I feel like I own my wife?
Yeah?
Did I buy her?
She is?
She mind?
I put a number of value on her?
Did pay for that wedding?
Did I want to block her in the basement or sud she be free to roam? I don't know, It's true. Daniel's so smart, damp.
Yeah, And I mean, I think it is important to note once again, like I think you've used the word time and this is really It's taken a lot of time to get where we're at. It's been twelve years, twelve years of unraveling, and I think for men that I'm unraveling goes a lot deeper. Yeah, And so I'm excited for Daniel to eventually work more with me as I coached folks on the particular challenges that men face. Though, I think that'll be really fun.
Oh my god, you guys are going to be like a power couple.
I think so couples everywhere you go.
I love that.
It's inspiring. It really is. It's like there's hope in the male race. Amen, Helia.
Well, thank you guys for coming. I'm so happy that you guys came all the.
Way to the Valley hangout.
Can you tell us, like, where can people find your coaching programs? How can they find you guys?
Yeah, So Daniel does not have any socials at the moment, but that may change.
I don't blame you, Daniel, it's nice.
I'm jealous honestly. But you can find me on Instagram at belach Underscore because Instagram keeps deleting my account so I keep having to make new versions of So Baila Underscore, and my website is Baylecha dot com.
You can find me awesome, awesome, Well, thank you the led Chase and.
Thank you so appreciate that needs.
To be your group website, like.
And we'll make sure to link all their information in the episode description. Make sure you guys follow us on Instagram, Good Moms Underscore, Bad Choices, follow us on Patreon. We just released an episode over there and we're talking about, you know, all the good things Gang bangs and.
Love and grandfathers.
You know, basic shiite, very deep, very deep.
Very Sexyreon dot com backslash good mom's bad.
Choices, don't forget to take care of yourself and love yourself.
Date yourself. I hope you guys are taking yourself on dates spending time with yourself. This month, we are really focusing on self love and what and doing all that stuff.
So we're always fucking focusing on.
Even if you're in a relationship, even if you're married. I think this is like a really good example of showing up for yourself and being honest about with your partner is really serving yourself and loving yourself. There's so many ways to love on yourself, and even in relationship. I think it's really important that you maintain that as you can see.
Amen, Hika, Okay, see you next week. Bye bye,