Never Thought I'd Say This Feat. Never Thought I'd Say This Podcast

What up.

Guess what? We are two weeks away from our Atlanta live show. We are so excited to connect with you guys, meet all you guys, mommies, daddies, and everyone in between. Make sure you meet us at BQE Lounge in downtown Atlanta October thirteenth. That's a Sunday. We are going to turn up, have some drinks, book that babysitter, leave them badass kids at home, and come out and have a

Black Mom's Blog.

So make sure you get those tickets on our website, Good Momsbad Choices dot com or you can find them on our Instagram. Make sure you spent those hories or any advice questions you want us to answer live at the podcast and we will see you there. So let's get to it. Today's episode is featuring Jody Sweeten and Celia by Are. I've never thought I'd say this podcast.

My little bad change your break start de.

Much done, Gill.

If you won't Jo your rope.

Be precise, jo my little change a line. Oh yeah boy yeah yeah, yeah, yeah boy, yeah yeah yeah.

Yeah night one night anymore than one night?

Yeah, just all might and you want STI.

Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Nayla. Happy Wednesday.

Hope you guys are having a good week. It's hot as fu in the valley. Oh my god, it's bad. That makes me this quickly, I know.

And the air conditioning I swear it works, but it doesn't really work in this heat.

In this what was it like five degrees today? It feels like it's gonna be How was your week? It was good. It was good. Went to the beach, hung out the kids. We had an epic beach day. We had a lot of people come out and hang with us. I was really proud of that. Yeah we did. You really catered. I slept all of our ship everywhere. Thank god. My Sebastian was there.

He did not know he was getting himself into when he said when he was like, I'll come to the beach, I was like, perfect, right, You're going to carry everything?

And he he was. He was so stressed. He was like, I didn't know. I didn't know what would be like this, and we used to like a cabana. It was like, get to work. No, he's not, I know Caan is never No, he's not used to a cabana. He he was committed to that. Yeah he was. He was stressing. He was stressing.

So I was like, you need to go sit and smoke, go over there, get away from me.

But i't that was great report on Yeah neither.

Okay, So we have special guests here today, our friends, homies podcasters.

Yes. I never thought i'd say this. Yes, yes, it's Jody and Celia.

Yeah, we're here and in all of our glory, which I forgot the.

Videotape this one. So it's this is fine. Lashes are popping.

They need to get there there there all the way in with the lashes.

I do see.

I'm like when I was getting lashes, I like and make them look natural as possible.

And they look like yours. They don't say anything to you at work.

No, they're happy. Well, no, they gave me ship about him when I first got them because of the shadow. Because for certain lighting things, when you turned a certain way, you just see the shadow on the inside. Of your eyes, so it looks like a weird thing, and they.

Were like, oh, your lashes. At first, they.

Didn't realize that they were extensions, so they like sent me back to makeup, and I was like, you know, of these are like attached, so you guys are gonna have to work around this.

Yeah, you have to read my face that I did.

I basically I it was an asshole, and I was like, you have to, you have to.

You're lighting for.

Me, pay for them.

Well, we're on our last yeason right now and they're basically killing us off.

So so yeah.

She did make them pay for it, just with her attitude.

Okay, but I'm not even like that unless I'm in my car universe, which we've established apparently.

Yeah, in the minivan. Nonetheless, she'll take you down. Do you have a minivan? I do have a minivan.

I have a minivan and a and my Mercedes.

So that's okay, that's a nice mom balance I have.

Yeah, I have my My My Mercedes was my treat to myself. I had never bought I hadn't bought a new car since I was since my well no, since I was like nineteen.

Was the last time I bought a new car.

So this was this was a while coming, and I finally was like, you know what, I'm going to treat myself and.

Lease a new car. So I got that one and then.

But I do also own the Chrysler Minivan, which I actually love that car.

She drives it like a motherfucker I do.

I've actually gotten compliments at the school for how I am able to.

My dad's and the parking.

Monitor and it was like, you swing that minivan around impressively.

I was f yeah, but you have three kids too. I have two. Yeah, I just figured we have a mini you have three. No.

Well, actually I was the super lucky that I was fortunate to get the minivan. I did like this commercial thing for Chrysler, and they gave me the fan.

For a year. Oh wow, yeah for free.

I'll I'll have a che And so I did this so that I got the minivan for a year, and then at the end of that year, I had the option to either give it back or buy it outright or you know whatever, traded in for a new one to pit And so after a year of driving, I think I was like, you are not taking this car because I fucking love the Minivan.

I love that listening. I would totally do that for you specific you know.

Yeah right, yeah right, just a caid. Yeah no, I wish, but but no. The Chrysler Median. Everyone that gets in it's like they're like, it's a spaceship. It's got the screen.

The kids.

We've taken it on road trips. We drove that.

Think the mammoths of the kids, Like everybody's got a row so that one can be in the very very back and.

The other one can be in the middle.

When they don't go to each other kids, the older ones go in the back and they gossip and talk and right sort are little ones in front of them, and the little ones have little their screens.

Right they watch.

And we've had we Celia and I have had many mom adventures in anything.

Tell our listeners college your kids are yeah, oh yeah, right, you want to go first? Yeah. I have two daughters, Zoe who is eleven years old.

And starting middle school. And I have Beatrix, who is turning nine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I have Harper who is twelve.

She'll be thirteen in October. Hoof is it fucking showing?

Uh? And then I've got Luna, like you but I call her Lulu and she.

Just turned You're the second person that we've had on that has a child named Luna.

She was actually the first. Well for saying like there's been different. Yeah, Luna is very popular. It's very popular popular. Well it's yeah, exactly, you're late to the Luna plant even other later you know what it's because John, Yeah, and Luna is older than that. Luna. Yeah, yeah, that was my great grandmother's name was Luna kid. Yeah, Zoe was was like right at the beginning, but there weren't a lot of Zoe's but her. But everyone now like her age like twelve, ten.

Eleven, twelve, there's a ton of Harper, but nobody spells it.

The way she's z O I e.

Even Beatrix is like a very yeah, that one hasn't caught up. Harper was the only Harper. There was no other Harper when I named her Harper. But then uh Neil Patrick Harris named his kid Herper, and then it.

Was like an exclusive Yes, OK, yeah's Harper.

Yeah right, I'm obsessed with his entire Instagram And as she knows, and one's like, where's their shitty parenting moments?

They don't have anything just because.

They're gay, because I with that help, because I'm single right now, that'll make me better parent. Their kids always look so cute, pretty and put together, and I'm that has nothing.

To do with the fact that they're gay. Probably the fact to do that they can, they have a lot of help. Yeah, I don't know that.

Yeah, my kids would look outstanding too if I didn't have to have anything to do with it, right, But they would look fantastically put together. Maybe their hair would be combed.

I don't know.

You you have a boyfriend, I do you?

Are you dating? Now? Well, that's not.

I'm on I'm on a dating app. I'm on Tinder, but I was, and I didn't like it it more than Tender. I didn't have any luck on it. I honestly, to be totally fair, I say on Tinder for the most part, because things like like guys with fourteen dogs.

No, like guys that have dick pics as their profile. Really, yeah, I didn't even say that. Yes, oh, I have a collection. I'll send them to you later.

Oh she sends them to me like this is just my entertainer.

Yeah.

Well, at Thanksgiving, my mom actually my friends were bitching about Tinder about like what's out there, and my mom.

Was like, that can't be really what's out there?

So they handed over their phones to my mom on Thanksgiving, showing her the Dick pics and also and also the the profiles, and then my mom didn't know how it worked, and so she was swiping on everybody.

But I'm swiping right on everybody.

Oh no, not me and Emma. We matched with a bunch of people we did not want to match with.

Yeah, but I was like, I'm just getting to the next picture, and I was like, I think I don't know how to work it either, because I've never done.

On the wrong mom.

Yeah, I could have easily have done that too.

The funniest part with your mom though, she was like I said something like I'm I was like, I'm going to dialoge, like I'm giving up on this, and she's like, you're being too hard on yourself.

No you're not. And then she was like, here's the thing, I don't worry.

I don't worry about Emma as much because she goes out and she works out of the house and you work in your house, so you're not going to meet me one So it's tender or nothing, and I was like, well, look what I have to, you know, look work with and she's like it can't be that bad. So she looks for an hour and then just at one point hands me back to my phone and we're watching her and she's going, oh my god, no, no, no, what is it? And she's starting her what is this? Why

And my boyfriend was there for.

Thanksgiving and she just turns to both of us she goes, you guys better stick together because there's not a lot out there. It's not And my boyfriend was like, I know, I've I've had to do it. Oh it's yeah. She's like, that's it, you guys. This is that you can't there's nothing else out there.

I know.

I was at what point, are You're just like oh, oh great, Like either stick with what you got.

Or wright buck it, because yeah, it's like the devil, you know, like I don't know who's the guy I dated that was like the least worst and all maybe maybe we.

Should go out again.

I'm not sure.

So since you guys have a kids older than us, and you know you have a boyfriend and you've been dating or you're not dating, sure at some.

Point didn't Oh, well no, I dated.

But how how did you introduce your daughters or your kids to Well, it was for me.

You know, my boyfriend I have a long distance relationship. He's in New York and I'm here and we've been that our entire relationship, which we've been together almost two years now, and so we had a lot of time before.

It was before we had to But.

Then when we did introduce him, it was because he was coming out here to stay. So it was you know, I think like the first night he came on a weekend that the kids were their dads. But it's like the first night or something. But my kids really love him, like he's very sweet with them. He doesn't try and force a relationship with them, like he just sort of

So he's I'm.

Always like, right, I'm away.

Yeah, I'm always like stressed about the kids, and he's like the kids are insane, Like it's fine. But introducing them was it was a few months. It was like probably five months in you know, on FaceTime first.

Yeah.

Yeah, they saw him on FaceTime a couple of times, and I also talked to them and like I told him, I.

Was like, y know, I'm sorry, there's this boy, like, especially my older one like because she was like, wait, do you have a boyfriend? Is it? You know?

And so we were I was like yeah, you know, and I really like him, and she was asking about him and stuff, and.

She's the judgier of the two, like.

Bee has never met a stranger in her life, but Zoe is like, I don't know, you like very much like that, and so she like she really really likes him now.

But it's been great because they really they get so excited, they get.

So excited when he's coming.

But they've also they have really taken time to develop a relationship. And it wasn't like I took you know, it took a while before I even really brought him up and then it's been it's been slow, which has been awesome.

Do they know you love him? Absolutely?

Oh?

Yeah, they like, you know, he comes now and stays at the house, but when the kids are there, we take him to the beach. We walk and stuff and you know, us together and yeah, they know, like they hear me say I love you, and they see him.

Yeah, oh, they.

See me, send him him, send me presents and.

Flowers, yeah, yeah, send their hair, tell me right on right, Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what I because that's yeah, they're gonna be real savvy too, for sure.

Yeah.

I don't want to think about that.

Yeah, but yeah, no, they know. I mean they like, my little one will be like, you guys are getting make out. Yeah, I'm like yeah.

That's part of the reason that I don't date, by the way, is I don't want to go through we're I'll be sitting at.

Some on the couch and like and I will give because she's like, you're making.

Out and like, yes, I'm sure my kids would do that too. It's the introduction part is hard, like, and it's part of the thing I don't. I don't date honestly in part because of that, because like trying to figure out how I can.

I don't want them to get hurt.

And they I was dating someone, as she knows, like I was dating someone long distance for a while as well, and they found out by accident because he and I had been friends for a really really long time and my older daughter would always like loved him. And of course she's also really fucking nosy, and like was in.

My phone and like saw that we were like she.

Just knew something was up.

She saw she's broken my take it all up in your place. Let me tell you, like three different times.

Yeah, I was like, let me.

I shot her picture of Iri and then she started like swiping, like I like everything in my body tense. And then she like there was like a screenshot of like Freddy and Irene. And I didn't even realize I took a screenshot. You don't even accidentally do. That was outside and she was like, what's this? Why are you picture Freddy?

My baby daddy?

Relax And I was giving my phone back and I'm like, if you would just want two more, we're gonna pic naked picture or something else? Not right, Yeah, yeah, like calm down. I don't have to give my kid too. Even she'll go through my phone to him, oh yeah, yeah, and the Luna was scrolling.

I'm like, wait, hold on, yeah, I think at one point, I don't know, yeah.

Because sometimes they're like can I plan your phone? You're like, yeah, sure, And then they started doing and I'm like, I don't know.

I literally didn't like come up on something recently. I don't know if it was me or somebody else. I was like, let me see that, right, yeah, oh yeah.

Harper used to take my phone and and like when she'd see that I was texting with him when she figured out we were dating, and then she was very excited. She would grab it in the midst of me texting him and then like run and start texting himself.

I don't really have I don't have any have any dudes on my phone. Oh my god, I don't talk any of you raise him.

I just don't really take it. She doesn't. You don't really should because someone could attack your eye. Yeah, but I don't. I don't, so I don't have anyone take four. So yes.

Ever so often I'll just send a picture of my boobs to my friend John.

Just because.

Because he's got all these health problems.

And so he'll joke and post things girlfriend, but I always put her to too, and she doesn't give a ship. So he'll be like, send news. I'm dying, and I'm like, I'll wait like four hours, and then I'll just hit him with a picture of just my boobs and he's like he'll just run back and he's.

Like, I love you. Yeah, my friends like that. We always able to send us nudes. Yeah, we have some of our listeners son nudes. It's great whenever she's in about Yeah, they get really into it. What angle now? And then sometimes I won't stop.

And you're like, okay, yeah, you're working with a no.

It is, and so much so that that like some of the guys will like just send them straight to her account, like directly.

I'm like, what what are you over there? Like encouraging? Why only send them to you?

Somebody sent us a picture. Somebody sent a thing. It was that like stupid X ray photo and it's just a giant dick.

It was Tinder. It was me. It was Tinder. Oh that's right, it was one of mine.

No no, no, but you screenshot it whatever it was, You screenshoted it and sent it to like Shon's Facebook on Shannon's Facebook, and you and I at the same time, didn't read each other's comments, but we commented at the same intact moment and posted it, and both of our comments just said you were like, I'm worried.

About his knees, and I said it.

She said, I'm worried about his knees, and you and I both posted like what mees?

It was just just just long down like this huge It was somebody's tender profile picture.

I'm not joking, but I don't it wasn't It wasn't him because I've seen that.

Right, it wasn't him, but that's what it was. Was it was a picture of an X ray with like a gigantic dick. Well you can't, of course not, but it was like ridiculous, and so I, you know, posted that can immediately, right, but.

You can see through the book.

I don't know, because you see the outline of like when you do it, when you do it, they maybe I think you can.

I don't know.

Anybody out there has ever taken an X ray that shows that she was.

Yeah, doctors had let us nurse I could send them.

Yeah, I don't like, Oh, okay.

I just I was a very big and I want to look.

I was like, I'm worried about the vagina. He's going to use that on that's a little.

I wasn't worried about that. I wouldn't look at I'm not worried about.

The j there's too big. There's things that are too big.

I never come on, you haven't made it, not in real life.

I have.

I mean no, I'm always right at that. Yeah, at the pleasure chest. I watched him and like, whoa, whoa, what is that? No one is sticking that anywhere.

I am for a challenge.

I never forget his name was Frank. His name is Frank, and his frank was Frankly Frank. It was crazy. How old were you? I was in college. But I just remember looking in the mirror and I was like like, yeah.

We tried. There's no everyone has that.

Everyone has the story of we're just instead of like a baby arm, that's what it looks like.

That's Gary track, of course.

God, you two eyes are the worst.

No really does kill the fun.

It's yeahs killed.

Oh my god.

I had to say to my younger daughter this morning because she was like, Mom, I'm out of underpants, probably because they were all in the laundry that she didn't.

Right, because right because they were She.

Goes, she goes, I'm wearing a pair of bikini bottoms to school, and set I was like, the fuck you are, so you've got a bunch of underpants, I'm gonna find you a pair, And also like, do you just want.

A yeast infection?

Like you you walk around all day in the sweaty bikini bottom at school?

The hell.

I was like, like, it's the same thing, mom, Yeah, it's really not. I'm pretty sure I've done that, so that's fine.

I'm just on her side.

I'm sure I have to, but I'm not gonna tell her that, right, tell her a lot of things that I tell them they can't just wear. I put her in a pair of exercise shorts that were breathaball and said, here, just worthyse you want.

You'll find anywhere. You didn't find anything, No, and she was wearing to dressed. I said, just wear the because they're all in the laundry right now.

Yeah, yeah, fucking assholes, tell you because you have girls?

What about on the other side, have your have your baby daddies dated or remarried? And like you have to deal with like the girls dealing with those women.

Mine is is recently engaged, okay, and do the girls like him, I mean her, or like, what's the deal?

I really hope they don't listen to this.

They're not the biggest fan. I think the I think that the little one likes her more than she.

Lets on a lot of the time. It's hard because I have conversations with them. I'm like, you don't have to do this for me, like I don't.

If he's happy, I'm happy, that's great.

Like, and I was with my ex husband for twenty years and so.

Like, I you know, I love you.

Guys been off now five we've been divorced for about five or four maybe it's four. And yeah, which, by the way, he knew the guy that I was dating, so that was super awkward. And I don't think they're friends anymore either, which is great. So we're all everything flew up.

It was very awesome. But yeah, they bitch about her a lot.

I can't decide if I think that's because they think they're being loyal to me, and so I have a lot of talks to them because I'm like, you know, if you think you're making me feel better.

By putting her down.

You're not.

You actually make me feel worse because I want you to be happy when you're with them. And I think she tries her best, and god knows, I do not envy that position like at all.

And I have two step.

Parents who I really I mean, I'm close with my stepmother.

I think she's great.

She never tried to mom me.

She was just my friend, a dugger.

My stepdad raised me more than my dad did, and I always really loved him and he was great, So I don't really have a problem with that. And honestly, my mom like really hated my father and really hated my stepmother and pitted us against them all the time, and that was that is a therapist, the most damaging thing you can do to a child.

And he actually asked me last night, so be got a magic eight ball for herthday, So that's now making all of her important life decisions.

Right, which I can't. I can't say that.

I haven't that much of my twenties wasn't spent basically shaking the magic eight ball and going like now what? So anyway, she had it last night determining I meant it exactly how it sounded, so it was a double on tandre there.

Yeah. So anyway, she was sitting there.

Last night making you know, major life decisions by the magic eight ball, mainly would she shower or go brush her teeth?

And it's kept saying it is certainly not so or whatever.

Great anyway, but she asked, she was like, I'm going to ask if you and miss Galley are gonna get married, because that's.

What she calls him. His name is Miscal and she was I'm gonna ask. I was like, wait, yeah, m e s c a.

Yeah, Mescalito is from It's a character in a book that his mom really loves. Anyways, So yeah, so anyway, so she was like, I'm gonna see if you know you and miss Sally are gonna get married. It's like okay, fine, So she shook it and it said like, uh it is, you know, decidedly so.

And she was so excited.

She like she really really likes that means it's true.

But she was like, oh my god.

But she they both asked like are you going to get you know, you guys gonna get married, But I'm like I don't know.

I'm like waiting like I don't know, I don't know.

I'm not against the idea, like, but I'm with like you know, and I mean to be honest, like I'm probably more for it.

Yes, absolutely I want to, but I don't you know, I haven't been married before.

Yes, several times?

How many times? Three?

Yeah?

Wait? Wait wait right? I mean they're like a modern day, wasn't it.

That's one other time you're like, kim k sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Yeah, I'm done now, that's okay. No, no, no, it's not it's fine, it's fine.

No, I don't I don't feel And the thing is, I don't even I do.

I am all. I am like a big wedding for every single one. No, no, I've had three different weddings. The next will be destination.

No.

But anyway, so she got very excited about that, and she asked, she was like, is my daddy gonna get married?

And she was like, I really hope so, and it said like yes. She was so happy about that.

Too, And I told her, I was like, I hope your daddy finds somebody that he really likes, because I don't think I don't know that he's dated anyone. I don't ask because it's none of my business, you know, I know he asks her a lot, and I figure about yeah, and I yeah, this is the youngest, so you know, and like at the end of I'm like, that's honestly, really all I want, Like I want them to have girlfriends or wives or whatever they want. Like I want them to be happy. I really, I really do.

Like and that's what I try more, right, more people to love you.

Like you know, it's well, my kids once the once their dad proposed and they knew they were getting a stepmom, and then he told them, you know, when they were getting married and where whatever. Right away, my kids were like, are you gonna came? And I was like, no, nobody wants me there. I don't want to be there. And they were like, but there many times when you.

Guys are all together. I was like, you that the last thing that this new bride.

Needs who's also been divorced once before is to have the ex wife show up Like why is like yeah, hi like and they were like, but we don't want to go if you're not gonna trust me.

It's awkward enough when you get married to have all of everyone there, right, Well, that was all.

Other things, and they were like, well, are you ever going to be in the same place with all of our family, like meeting their grandparents everybody else. I said, yes, when it's neutral ground, I will be still speak to them, but I will be in the same room as you guys.

I said, but that's not neutral ground.

And I'm not that right, it's not I'm walking like wearing red being like right, but right, yeah, I mean it's that's not that's not good, but.

But it is.

I think it's I think it is hard though, like when you have kids and like introducing them to new.

People and you know, and like I've you know, I like I said, I was engaged.

I had an engagement that broke off and whatever, and

Think her dad, I don't. I don't know anyway, you know what. Trying to be very diplomatic. It was really sad.

Was was after the relationship I had, you know, after my marriage ended, that my.

Kids took it really personally because.

He had been my friend for so long, and especially again the older one like really had a relationship with him before, like she felt our connection with him, and so once we broke up and then subsequently just stopped talking like we had a you know, knock down boat fight and was over.

We hadn't spoken in a.

Year and a half.

Like she took it so unbelievably personally that it was like some like she just really hurts her. And then I was going, I think, you know this, I was going through her stuff about like six months ago, and I found a journal that she was keeping to him.

Happen and it had nothing to do with you.

It wasn't And she's like, well maybe if you didn't have kids, you.

Know, and I'm like, it was not. So she thinks that they're the problem. Yeah, yeah, she thinks they're the problems.

She did something you know that they I was weighed more down because of them, maybe, Like it's like it was the most It's really why I stopped dating because I never would have introduced her to you know, them, to him really anyway. And it took a couple months for them to even know that it was a thing. But uh, just watching how it devastated they were when.

He was gone. And I remember that as.

A kid whose mom, you know, dated a lot before she got married, that we would get really attached to these boyfriends that she would bring into our life and then they break up with.

Her, and that was that.

It is, I mean, it is it is hard, Like I know, you know, when I broke up with my my most recent ex and it ended very poorly and very dramatically, and that you know, the kids it wasn't like they could say goodbye or.

Ever talk to him again.

Yeah, and you know, it is hard because it's like this was somebody you know, like yeah, he you know, had faults and whatever and all this stuff, but like at the state at the end of the day, like my kids didn't end, you know. And so it still is even though maybe they weren't his biggest thing.

I didn't even probably know all his faults, so they they knew, right, and my older one knew more of them.

She you know what I mean. She she's a little more aware. But it's still you do You're like you feel.

Bad when you just suddenly have to remove somebody from their lives, and it is the thing where you like, oh my god, am I fucking everything up? Is this like the worst thing that's ever had?

Like?

Am I? You know? Am I?

Am I screwing it all up because I'm being selfish and I want her relationship or whatever.

Well that's how I felt though when I left my when I left my husband, honestly, like I was like, am I the worst parent ever? Am I ruining my kids lives? But I think every feels like that, you.

Know, but it wasn't working.

And I listen, I work with clients all the time.

It's like, actually, one of my my biggest clients, I think, you know, our biggest like category of clients is women getting out of bad relationships.

Comes me, usually moms.

And you know, I'm a friend of mine said it's me when I was getting divorced, And I say it's everyone else. Like it's a contract, any other contract that you enter into in your life, when you lease a car, when you buy a house. You know, if you go get a bank account, Like if you're not happy in that contract, no one's like, oh, just ride it out with the car that's not working. Oh your roof is leaking. No, no, no, you signed a mortgage, you got to stay in that house.

So it is hard.

But to your point about like not being able to say goodbye, that was like their issue with the ex. You know, at least with their dad they can see, but you know, him just him breaking up with me, and he did, and you know badly, Like it was you know a lot for them to take in.

Well, but maybe he's breaking up with you because of us, right, And you know I was like, I assure you it was all me. I remember.

I mean when my boyfriend and I first started dating, like you know, and I would have these meltdowns and he's so wonderful and so patient and kind and gentle with me because I would just start tripping out in my head and being like this isn't and.

Like not going what's going there?

And nothing's happened, like nothing was happening, and if anything, he was like being wonderful and like I love you and I'm like so excited for our future and this and that, and I'm like no, no, and so like, and I remember I was like, you know what I mean, like I'm.

Crying this whole thing.

I was like, you know, I'm just worried, like I have kids and it's it's a lot, like I'm a single mom and and he was like nay, He's like, I've known you for years. He's like, part of the reason that I love you is because you're a mom. He's like, he goes, You're one of the biggest fighters I know because of your kids. He's like, and I it's a package deal, Like this is I get that. I wouldn't have gone into this thinking like, oh I really love her, but ah, the fact that she has

And I think especially when you date someone who doesn't have kids, even being around like women that don't have kids are in settings.

Right, you're constantly because kids are fucking annoying. Let's be real, right, Yeah, it's right. Are they annoying? Not touching him?

Well, he would come to my house, right, he would come to my house, and I was like a.

Lot person and he right, and they put on shows and the whole thing. And he's like, I love it.

And he's like, I have three nephews that are exactly your kid's age, Like I love them. I love being around kids. They're all insane. My brother threw threw a fork at me and it's stuck in my calf once, Like that's.

Just what kids do. It's okay, don't He's like, I raised the four gud kid Like, yeah, it doesn't care. I will say.

It was like I can sit on my phone while they're having their circus and it's fine.

One of the funniest things, but it is.

It's like a self like at thing, like I have to keep the kids happy, and I have to keep you happy, and I have to keep everyone is gonna be.

Care and they usually look to you anyway.

One of the funniest and meanwhile you're losing your fucking mind as you're trying to make everyone happy.

Yeah.

One of the funniest things that Harper ever did was when the very first time that we were all in the same place, me and the kids and him and he you know, had come over and she they were like getting ready for bed or whatever, and all of a sudden, she just like looks at him and she's like, I just want to know something, and he was like yeah, And she's like, are you sleeping over tonight? And he just was like uh. And she was like, and are you sleeping in my mom's room? And oh yeah, and

And she was like, oh, I don't care.

I was just wondering and like walked away like she didn't give a ship, but it was so funny to see that happen where I'm like, Oops, didn't factor that.

And no, I think I think yeah, even though sometimes there's obviously like downs to the dating. Just like ship, there's downs to the dating with us. You gotta get rid of people, you gotta love them life.

Yeah, do you guys date? That's what I was gonna ask.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, But I think I think overall though, I think I think we're doing less. I think we're doing less damage more good than damage, I think, especially if we all have daughters. I think, you know, that's the journal thing. It was like the sad the hardest thing I've ever heard, and but honestly, I don't think that should prevent you from ever dating in the future because.

You're I think the kids need to understand that, like the relationships change things like Disney.

You know we're not gonna make no dating has happened, and then Prince Charming comes with because you're sleep and everything.

You know what we're like real, and then we would be doing our kids a big disservice.

Women to y the service, letting them allowing them to think that that is what it is it's not.

And that's why I try.

I mean, obviously our kids are four, but I try to be really honest and I try to be like I mean, you know, oh.

They saw me cry like I am really sad.

I mean I was, I was. I was heartbroken.

My heart is broken. I did, Yeah, I did. My feelings are hurt.

I think those things are okay to say because and then you guess what, and then you guys your ship and you keep it fucking pushing because that's what we do, I think.

And my kids have seen that, or you know, because my kids have seen.

Like me get divorced or me leave a relationship or whatever, and there is that thing of like, wow, I really like this is this the example I'm setting? I'm like, no, you know what it is the example I'm setting. The example I'm setting is I don't stay. I'm not gonna stay in something where I'm not happy and fulfilled and with a partner. So this is just not you know what, wasn't working. So you know what, mom is gonna go off and you and I tell them all the time,

Again, that's okay.

Well, I think it's actually more important for our daughters to see that, to see us make mistakes and keep going and own them than to either stay in something where we're not happy or pretend that we don't or deny a piece of ourselves and be like, oh, well, I'm not going to have a relationship because I don't want you to do well. No, because I don't want my kids also to think that I'm putting all of my emotional right.

Yes, and I do tell them that too, like like I love you, but it needs something too, listen. I I mean, I'm sure if I met the right person, and I haven't, and that I'll go into our you know, when we were talking about our bad choices, I have some of them there, But I will also say I used not you know, with leaving my marriage. I think that was my you know thing for them, I had to get out and this is a strong.

Thing with him.

What I think I've been able to convey to them, and honestly, I did it as I learned it myself, was that just because someone hurts you deeply, which he did, doesn't mean that you don't get to love them anymore.

I I love him unconditionally. I told him that the last time we ever spoke.

I meant it. I'm not angry at him.

If just because someone breaks your heart doesn't mean that you have to turn into, you know, a bitter person and hate them because you didn't get what you wanted. I actually love him, and I don't expect her to hate him because I do, or anything like that. Like I'm not pine away for him. I wish him nothing but the best. I had to learn forgiveness in myself

Yeah, you know.

So since you guys we all have girls, and your girls are a bit older than ours, so have you guys. Just I just was thinking about this because because your daughter is about to be thirteen, and how did your oldest eleven?

Eleven? Okay, but she's know, I know, and I think about me terrifyingly developing.

I think about me at eleven too. I started my period of eleven. Yeah, that was very much she's got.

And I was already I.

Was interested in like sex or like making out something.

Yeah. And then I watched Euphoria.

I've been watched it triggered I was like, fuck, yeah, I'm like, is this what's happening in school?

I mean, I know when I was in high school, shit was going down.

Like yeah, I watched I mean, for me, I watched it, and a lot of it was like I could watch about two episodes at a time just because it was so vivid and real for me as far as a lot of my experience in high school, college in my twenties of what that experience, you know, minus the cell phone cameras and all of that nonsense, but basically.

The same behavior of right, right, But it was really because but still it was you know a lot exactly, but watching it and being like, yeah, this is what happens, this is this is actually pretty true.

Like how do you how so when they go into high school or like confronted with drugs and because of your experience battling addiction, Like, how.

Do you talk to them about that?

Do you?

I mean, how do you plan on talking? I mean before we recorded, you mentioned that you have a book and like, yeah, one day they'll read it.

Yeah, I mean they've My younger one apparently had googled me while I was out of town. At one point, my kid at school somehow googled me or whatever and then was like talking about and then decided to tell this was here's a great example and talk about like that mom shaming stuff. She was like, my mommy has a lot of boyfriends.

And she told her whole class, she told her little class.

Then of course her dad finds this out, and it's like, I don't know why she's saying.

I'm like, huh, thank you, thank you. Right, I'm like, yeah, because you know I had a lot, right, I'm like, oh.

It's because I do I have.

I'm like because I'm just getting all the dick and I'm telling I'm telling my kid about it all the time, right, and like, I don't know why she said that. I'm like because really after her dad, I had one boyfriend and now a second boyfriend and that's been six years, right, So like also the fact that he's like, you're fucking everyone, I'm like, no.

No, be taking an eleven year old's advice. No, this was the nine year old nine right, right, That's what kills me taking mad.

But then I was like, oh my god, because then it hit me of like, oh my god, my kids can google your fool me and everything about like my addiction and my book and everything I've talked about, which I'm not ashamed of. I'm very proud of where I am today, but it's i mean not something that I feel like they really need to know.

And googled. What did she find?

Well, she couldn't find much because it was at the school computer lab. So it was just like, you know, my mom's on full house and you know my that she.

I was was engaged and broke it off and whatever.

Nothing terrible. But I also am pretty open. I mean, my kids know that I'm sober. They know I go to you know that I I like, go and write recovery is important and all that stuff, but I don't. I mean, I haven't had the full on conversation with them yet, but I feel like now that my older one is starting middle school, it's definitely gonna be the like, look the been there well and.

She but she does though I tell her all the time, I go, look, there's I go.

Year. There's nothing that you're gonna tell me that I haven't done that's gonna surprise me.

Literally nothing.

So don't think you're ever gonna shock me or that I'm gonna be like I was like, if you can think about it, I've probably done it at least once and I and I said, and I'm really I said, I've learned some really hard, fucked up lessons.

And I told her that.

I was like, I've learned some really hard, painful lessons, uh, that I would love for you not to learn. I said, but I also know that my mom told me a lot of things that she tried to you know, impart her wisdom on me, and I didn't learn the lesson until I learned it myself. I said, So I also know you're going to have to do that too, and it's okay, Like it's okay, why am.

I so sweating? Oh my god? Here, and I'm also just I sweat now that's what I do.

I'm sorry.

Actually also speaking here, I want to open this door. It's getting hotter by this second.

Yeah, but anyway, I yeah, that's sort of.

I mean because obviously, okay, we have a whole show called Good Mom's Bad Choices, so there's definitely some ship done.

And I mean, like we'm got to talk about doing drugs. We've experimented, and I've done a lot of dumb shit.

I got a lot of cars with strangers, right, oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah, I've just done a lot, like all the shit your parents, all this shit.

That you're not supposed to do. Yeah, you do it. I've done.

Yeah, And unluckily, like I'm alive because our parents did some dumb shit too.

Well, I'm maybe not to the level I did, but my mom.

Is like I my mom, there's a reason that like we are who we are, right See.

My mom told me the other day at her fortieth wedding anniversary, She goes, oh, you saw the version of me I wanted you to see oh, she goes you saw the mom version. Trust me, I had a life before you, right, My mom was seven and I was like, she got married, so I like, and I think I.

Think emotionally stayed right there at seventeen years.

I mean, she just never but she didn't do like she literally just like never did anything. And because of that, everything was like taboo to talk.

Well, I mean, my parents never Like my mom didn't do the things.

That I did. For sure, my mom did nothing. But could you talk and my dad didn't either? Could you talk to your mom? I could talk to my mom about sex.

My mom was actually really really opened to me about with me about sex, got me birth control when I started having sex like she was, which I appreciated because I was safe because you know what I mean, Like, I felt like I could talk to her. She knew about it. I was on birth like I was okay because of that, which I really appreciated. But then there were, of course tons of things that my mom didn't know. Yeah, which is and I tell my kids that all the time.

Right, do you think there was anything your mom could have done from the path that decided to right. And do you think that your addiction or your whatever your experimentation did start in high school or.

Did oh yeah, my no, my addiction starter. I mean I was like thirteen the first time I drank. I was totally a blackout drinker and that was just what I did. And then like through my you know, teenage years, and then I got sober the first time in college, and then I fucked up again, and then I went to treatment, and then like most of my twenties were spent fucking up.

Like it was back and forth a lot. Did you get sober the last time before you had kids or.

No, I, well, I quit drink sort of. I quit drinking and doing like hard drugs and everything when I shortly after I had Zoe, I got sober again, and then uh stayed sober until after B was born, and then was in a car accident and prescribed muscle relaxers and that was my last. So my last like harah was not It was like two weeks long and it was not anything creazy.

So I haven't like drank or used drugs in a really long time.

So never had to like talk to your child about I'm just curious. I don't know, like, how do you navigate that space if your child is of age and understand? Right, wait, mom, he's acting different like you never had that.

Right, I never had. No, I never had. My kids have never.

I have never seen me loaded and and you know, God willing, I will never will because I still work on my recovery and everything, but you know it, I also want them to.

It's it's it's Lena's dad. She he has to get the key to deny and it okay, should I pause? H I told her for him open the door. If your dad the key, then I gave to you. Now you're fucking hiding the figure it out.

Never did I ever, never do I ever tell my daughter to open the front door.

And hopefully this doesn't become like open the door, they go that face?

What is.

Oh my god?

Because she's four, that's what they do.

And then she just runs away.

She's like, no, dad, right, thanks.

Literally everything I said not, guy's gonna come give him this ga she runs.

Okay, now she's back. I'm looking for her dad.

Yeah.

No, It's the thing.

Even when I think about, like I started drinking when I was eleven.

Yeah, like me and Danielle. Oh try I think, like I look at my daughter now and I'm like, have a party in a couple.

The first time I got wasted wasille was eleven at Jim Carrey's house with his daughter.

Really because I.

Went to a super rich private school where there was just access and parents were leaving their kids alone.

Right, But I didn't even I don't even think I saw.

Him, Like I know he was there somewhere, but like the whole day we were alone, the night we were alone, and I was like, oh, let's try, let's try this, let's mix them because we don't.

I remember doing that. Yeah, just makes it. Well, even pour a little bit out of out of the bottle. The bottles. Yeah, yeah, you can't kill it. Can't let them know you've.

Been drinking, right, And then I just remember being blacked out in the shower, then washing my hair in the shower, and then my mom picked.

Me up in the morning and was like, have you been drinking.

I was like, you never trust me, right, yeah, I can't believe you. I remember, Oh my god. And that's the thing is like my poor mother, and I say this to her. Now, I'm like, I'm so sorry because like.

The things that I just and that I held onto for the longest.

Like I can't believe you did this to me, like now that I have because I'm like, oh, she should have done more sooner, you know what I mean, Like, I can't believe it took you till I was like fourteen to call me a bitch, Like I was well into acting bitchy before.

I've beaten her now by calling my daughter a bitch, yeah last week, So you know, at twelve, it's just yeah, you guys.

Have much better. Like drinking stories. I was like, oh, those are like fancy. My sister and I used to.

My dad used to travel and so it was when the airlines would give you the.

Free little yeah yeah yeah.

And my dad doesn't drink, but I think it's because he's Jewish and it was free on boggeting this. So he had all these bottles of kgnac under like little air bottles of knak and my sister and I used to when you go to bed sit when we were there underneath like the sink where he put them, and we would drink them.

And they would be like tail craft. It again, oh God.

And then we'd fill him up with water and put him back and I don't think to this day he knows that that's what we did.

And then my mother had a bottle of vodka that she can.

Yeah, you know what you don't do though, with vodka is refill it with water and put it back in the freezer where you found it.

Because I oh, yeah, because then it explodes.

Well, my mom, but you don't know that when you're like twelve, thirteen or fourteen, vodka doesn't freeze.

That's actually kind of fucking hilarious.

My mom used to keep it underneath her sink because my grandfather, I guess, told her that you rinse your mouth of it because it's like really good your gumbs or something.

Because my mouth, yeah, because alcohol is great for your guy, so good it Really.

If she did drink, she'd be a nicer human being.

But mouth with vodka gets some fucking listerine.

Yeah, she did, And that's what I would That's what I would say if I were an alcoholic.

She never checked it because like she never really drank, and.

So when she got it, and it was like right before my stepfather really came into the picture, and my sister and I used to go into her bathroom and the shots and then like fill it up with the water and put it back out of the sink. And at some point after like Harvey moved in, right, he was like, why is this water? Yeah, he was like what do you have water under the sink? And she was in a vodka bottle and she was like, what are you talking about? It's vodka and he.

Was like, no, it has not been vodka for quite some time.

Right, maybe it smells a little like vodka on the cap, Like that's about it.

Like those girls are drinking your mouth.

Washed, like stop it. And then they put a padlock, that's what and then that you also can't drink and will probably get you.

D I'm sure what they pad locked their door after that.

But you know it's like do you tell like how much do you tell them?

How much?

You don't?

Because my I could not talk to my parents about anything remotely, I mean either, and so like maybeye, like twelfth grade, I don't even know that, like eleven, twelve thirteen, I didn't talk about sex and I was fucking I didn't talk about them.

I didn't talk about like drugs or alcohol, because I knew I was just.

Gonna be shunned and put in punishment for life right right. But then on the like the flip side, I was thirteen and like hanging out like you're even born thirteen and reading like bad girl books right hung out with this bitchroom school who I don't even know why her old stepdad was picking her up from school.

Wasn't even like her current stepdad.

She was like she was like the ex step dad, and she had she was troubled, like she had gone from home to home.

Anyway.

Oh, my friend Ashley's dad's picking us up after school. This nigga picked us up, pulled over, had a cooler in the trunk with like wine coolers.

I sort of know that I knew this was thirteen.

Jesus Christ then took us to the beach, bought a cigarette, and took us to the third Street promenade to steal what.

He what you're what do you mean? Wait? Was whose whose idea was the steel steal? And I guess it was ours or hers? I don't know. You like, yo, we're gonna steal some ship. He was like, Okay, we pull over, but he was away driver. She was literally troubled. He was obviously in some form of.

A perf because yeah, will we pick up four thirteen year olds get them drunk?

No, he like, pre had the cooler in there.

That's so creepy, sexy, don't get murdered.

That's thirteen. We're like what at thirteen? Yeah, you understand. No, he's trying to put his finger in your button.

Yeah, if you're lucky what it was stealing, come out the store, give it to him so we have more room to steal.

And then on another occasion, he took us to his apartment, which, no, this is actually really scary.

I mean, yeah, I'm already scared.

I'm scared too. I see. This is the thing. At thirteen, they're super cool and they know that and are like, thirteen, this is what's scary, is it? Not the other kids.

Shit, it's when they're like, oh, I found a cool adult that I'm gonna hang out drunk. But he were like no, no, no, no, that's not what we were doing.

And and oh yeah, we were drinking at his house. I think like in the shower. I wait, wait, he.

Wasn't like in the bathroom, but he was in the house, and like I mean, the scary part is now that I was thirteen and drunk and a blackout, really right, and so who I mean, Like, I don't think anything happened, but obviously the fact that this grown ass, unmarried man was just thirteen year old giving us alcohol. We were probably running around the like name right, I'm sure I didn't have just as much I have now, not much.

But the point is it's just like it's and so it's like, at.

What point do we be Like I'm like, Okay, Luna, you want to have a drink, We're gonna do it here at this fucking house.

Okay, no creepy step ex stepdads.

But it's like, how do you deliver the messages like I've done this ship, I've been there, I've done that, and there's creepy people.

But the thing is it doesn't oh my mom, goodness, dude, it's fine.

The thing is this, it's well, it's a fine line. And also it doesn't matter. It doesn't because if they're gonna do it, they're gonna do it whether you approve of it or not. If you approve of it, then they might at least tell you, but they're still gonna do the shady ship you don't know about, and if you don't approve of it, then they're just gonna do the shady sheit you don't know about. Right.

But here's the thing is they.

Could even if you know about it, they could still be doing that. That's just what teenagers do. And that's like watching Euphoria. That's the thing is you go like, oh, you see everything on that show from the parents that are cool with it to the parents and there it's they're all doing because it's that's what teenagers do. It's and it's actually an important thing that they do, is make mistakes and push boundaries. That's what they're supposed to

Thankfully, like I didn't get raped or murdered, right, But the truth is those things do happen, and like, how do we navigate dumb You've got to talk.

To them, my fa I mean, I don't you know, I think I talked to you guys about this, and you obviously know, like I came out publicly using cannabis for a PPD, and I you know, my kids know my kids will hand me my vape. They know where it is, like everything else is locked up. They can't get to it. And that's really more just for like because I don't know. I don't even know why I lock it up anymore. They would not touch it.

My alcohol is out.

They could definitely get into that way worse. But I mean, I've let Harper, you know, when she's like, I want to what does that drink taste like? Because my mom was so taboo about alcohol and all anything drugs or anything, and it's like all I want to do is get out of that house so they can try something, you know, And it's like I don't want to make that be the thing, so I you know, I'm like, well, here, you want to try a little civiline. You can have the wind, dip your finger into the whiskey.

Let me know what you think. You know, you're the same kind of thing.

She looks.

She taught herself how to make martinis and old fashions.

And find out I call her Sally Draper when she does that, I'm like, ah, ahead, a Sala Drapert me drink.

I don't drink very much, but when I do, it's kind of like she'll want to know, like how.

It all happens or whatever. I don't have a I don't have.

An issue with that.

And I also know it doesn't make a damn difference, like you said, because she's gonna do what she's going to do. And now she's in bought mitzvah season, you know, because she's almost thirteen.

Well, I'm fucking Jewish.

I remember what happens in bot mitsvuzz And I'll tell you because none of you are.

Guess what at thirteen years old, when people throw gigantic bought mitzvahs, there's a bunch of people, older people drinking and they.

Walk on around right and every and.

Then they put there down and they got someplace else.

And as a thirteen year old, you go and walk in the room and like the real quickly, and you write to your friends and then that you know and nobody else.

So that's the first time that I remember like drinking at all.

And so she came home from one batbits but I dropped her friend off and she came in the door, you know, and she was, you know, hanging out next to me, and I just like to her and I said, so, uh, what drinks did you try?

And she went, what and I was like, what drinks.

Did you try? And she goes, no, I didn't try anything, and I go, Jesus Christ Harper. I was like, you're gonna lie to me. You're really gonna lie to my face right now? What did you try? And she was like, am I in trouble?

And I said, no, you're not trouble.

Lest you lie to me, I said, just tell me and she was like, okay, well I try to look and Tonic and I like it and.

She goes no, and I was like, yeah, that was rough.

I was like, what else like? And she told me.

She was like, we all took SIPs and then there was this one and I didn't know what it was. And I was like, oh, yeah, right, you know it was turned out. I was.

I told my kids too about like lying.

I go, look, tell me, don't I go, And I know you're afraid to do this. I go, but one, I know when you're lying, yep, I go. And two, if you tell me the truth, we can work with the truth.

I was like.

And I'm not gonna get mad if we've got truth to work with. I said, but if you lie to me and I know you're lying to me, and it's like something that I'm like, then then I've got nothing and.

I can't help you. I can't get you out of it. I don't see right.

I was like, I might help you figure some ship out, right, No, like I'll help you hide the body, but you got to be honest that there's a body, right.

That's awesome because then Harper said at one point, she was like, well, I.

Didn't, but if you lie to me about it, I get that ship out of the drunk right, was like, I didn't really want to do it at first, and everyone was like daring, and I felt like I had to.

And I was like, okay, well, hold on, I don't care that you wanted to try a drink. If you want to try a drink. Although I'm surprised because you could have asked me and I probably would have let you take your finger in something. I said, what I don't You don't ever need to feel like you need to drink or do.

Anything because your friends are doing it.

They're just trying to get you to go along with it so they feel right and they'll do it too. Like you can say no, it doesn't matter, like whatever, that's fine, and she you know, and she gets a weed as No, I mean, that's like nothing.

I don't care. Do you don't care if she starts.

To do you think that would you encourage her to smoke for the first time with you?

Or I hope she does?

Okay, Yeah, I hope she does. And if you're an age limit in your mind, of like.

I mean, I wish it was legal now because I'm much rather she's got anxiety and I'd much rather like be able to help her with that than put her on whatever medication some doctor's going to tell me that she probably should be on because she's got panic attacks.

I'd much rather prefer that. But I mean, right now, I would go with the legal.

Limit of what that is in our state, which you know is still having twenty one and you know, unless you get a med card, which I honestly looked into trying to get her a med card.

Her dad is vehemently opposed to that.

He's sober, and I understand that that's something that he doesn't get, although I also know that I have sober.

Friends that don't feel that cannabis should.

Be in that category. So I have a hard.

Time with it because you smoke it. No, no, no, no.

But you're but you know what, I know what you're again of me, and I appreciate that. I mean that you're you know. I will turn to to Jody and ask her, you know, questions around like what is you know? And I know that, you know, we talked about opioid addiction and studies, so I'll bombard her with studies and she's like, I.

Support whatever you do.

Yeah, I mean, I know one of the first times that we were we were starting to do never thought I had and you sets me right away or like I already told you know my manager that you're cannabis adocate and you don't have to take that out.

You don't have to put it.

No, I'm actually like I've already even though I'm sober, I'm a big cannabis advocate. I think it's I think it's actually much healthier in a lot of ways than anything, you know, a lot of medications. I think it's better for you than alcohol. I think, you know, there's a there's a lot of things. I think it's a huge yar for years, Cannabis is a gateway drug. No, I well, I'm always trauma is a gateway drug. Trauma is a gateway drug and trauma. Resolutely, trauma, trauma is the underlying root.

Cause of all addiction. It has nothing to do with what substance you use.

You you can use food, you can use food, you can use sex, you can use, shopping, you can you can use.

Anything to do with trauma. Trauma is the gateway. But if you don't have that underlying trauma that is leading you to search for something to make you feel whole, then it's not gonna be a problem.

Yeah.

If that, if you don't have the genetic makeup that makes you an addict, it's not gonna be a problem.

Yeah. Pharmaceuticals aren't addictive, but they certainly are things that people can you know, develop as a crutch as well. Opioids are, yes, for sure, but I meant like SSRIs but you.

Know, I mean those aren't addictive.

But certainly, the the the the attention that one can get from having any sort of you know, mental disorder is And if you're like I'm gonna try this new met and the I'm gonna do this new meta or whatever, like you can pile on sr SSRIs to different things all the time trying to do, you know, control your mood. And that's not to take away from any mood disorder,

I don't know what. I don't know if it's really not addictive.

You're telling me it's not well and like they always say too, like you know, five drunk guys will start a fight, five stone guys will start a band.

Yeah yeah, I mean if she comes to me before the legal limit, I mean I I you know, I just don't want to lose my kids, so I wouldn't want to do that. Well, she probably do it behind my back and then tell me maybe I prefer if I.

Was there, I would I smoked weed. I think I saw you like thirteen, Like I don't get really at high. But when I me and my best friend went to Mexico, her mom rolled this little joints. You know, Rappini contest in the morning for Easter Sunday. She rolled his little joints, put our winnings.

Out and gave us each Easter baskets and we chilled, you know. And I really didn't really start smoking weed until I.

Got to college, right, we were like sixteen, well high school. Yeah, and even then, yeah, like it was because you know whatever, it was like baass weed.

It was in Georgia.

It was brick weed, like what.

They call reggie, which is like stress.

Right, And then as an adult, you know, and then I'm like, I need way kill everybody.

But you know, I just I agree.

I think I think we're in a place where like doctors and parents are fucking bogus, and like little little Jojo has has anxiety, Little jojes depast.

Let him give him merry.

Just because he's not behaving for their going through cmonal changes that's actually normal.

Or trauma or in the household.

But people are so quick to give your kids some fucking pharmaceutical drugs. Like everybody's up in arms when the mom's getting high and totally fine.

And I also, you can use cannabis and not get high either way. Well you can just microdose. I'm micro dose and I'm not high like, I'm.

Just normal like and I'm just not stabbing. I don't want to kill them.

So I think there's that.

I mean, listen and then like women that get you, guys should talk to Kelly Osborn Bruce by the way, the Kanamammie.

Her story is, I mean, God, what she's gone through, she's amazing.

People get their kids taken away for using you know, cannabis that's insane, nursing or using it while you're pregnant. I get that there are studies that people are unclear on, well how are.

These people like hey, because I know that's a possibility, and obviously we're talking candidly about being moms that medicate.

How what happened, so we can avoid that.

Well, she would tell you, but I think with her at least the first time, I want to say, she was pregnant and you know, her doctor decided to test for it when she went in.

For like regular tests.

I'm pretty sure, and I'm pretty sure that's how she ended up trading things around.

You have to ask her.

I don't want to put words in her mouth, but and I'll connect you guys because she's amazing. But that here's the other thing, and people have come at me. I've I mean, I was remember last year they asked me to do a PBS show about this and I did it with the doctor and the doctor screamed in my face and told me I was fucking dangerous.

It was so bad that they couldn't air the show because he came.

At me so hard.

And he was a like maybe eighty five year old white dude with no kids, and it obviously never been fucking pregnant. And when I said, and I cited, you know, there's a huge study in Jamaica that they they did with women who smoked while they were nursing, maybe while they were pregnant, but definitely while they were nursing. And then on and they followed these kids for ten eleven years.

Wait study Yep, they were probably high too. Yeah, yeah, right there.

I was like, fuck you, dude.

But I always say that people and they're like, is it what about women that use it when they're pregnant or nursing.

My mom asked me that once and I was like.

I don't see a lot of like really big issues with low birth weight and a lot of mental you know, retardation in Jamaica and amstercamp And I assure you, right, they're doing that, like it's the same as you know in Spain.

It's very normal in Italy for that matter of brands.

To have a glass of wine once a week, even at once a night at dinner when you're pregnant is not that big a goddamn fucking deal.

They also have.

Raw cheese and japan sushi, right, Like, that's ship.

It's only because America makes everything super scary about money. Well that and also our food is terrible. Yes, it's not the same. No, we should be scared.

We should. I'm more scared.

I'm more scared of all the high fruitos corn syrup in my kids food than GMO.

Right than in two years from now, when the when big Pharma and Philip Morris have a steak in cannabis.

I garn fucking ty Well.

Love it writing out scared.

It's gonna put down every everyone that's been in this business for goddamn years. It's gonna go out of business like and it's gonna be like, no big deal and it's all.

It's gonna be like when doctors used told people to smoke because it was.

Healthy, I mean, in the sixties. But is we're drinking solon martinis while no one saw fucking hairspray. I mean, my grandma. I mean, and I hate to use this as a reference, but.

I was watching a documentary and they're talking.

About the crack era and they're talking about and the truth is, the research on crack babies was like, oh my god, we can't believe that there's this little There was.

The d R.

It's the ambitu.

Well it's the same, you know, it's the immediate uh detox and really what you see more of. Because I work with a place called the PICK, which is pediatric Interim Care center up in Washington State, and it's run by this nurse and this team of amazing women who she's she opened this house and they take in infants affected by drug addiction and fetal not fetal alcohosimm but well, it's anything that affects the fetus with it. When they're born.

Yeah. Well, there's also never been a legal study, which I constantly have to remind people where they're like, well, studies have shown no, they have those studies because it's not legal, so you actually can't do an actual, real study that would give you any sort of actual information. So that's a load of shit, So stop throwing those numbers at me. And it's so rare when they're looking at low birth weight and whatever else they're trying to

I'm gonna be fucking mad. I'm not gonna about something about like the kids don't learn.

As well when they're but when they start smoking at early ages, which I was like, also, bullshit, how are you testing this? But they very very rarely here, They have never because you can't isolate just cannabis. It could be cannabis and cigarettes and alcohol and meth and cocaine and opioids and who the fuck else knows it could be you could be on antidepressants, which also, by the way, have been linked to low birth weights, and we get prescribed those when we're fight and.

Then they're totally and they and they allow women to be on intipid depressants.

Well, there's two that they've approved in the last couple of years. They were super old Baby Daddy, and.

But then I know.

That one of them was it didn't used to be approved.

And then like I remember, I had PPD so bad with my first which is when I wish I'd actually realized I should use cannabis. I used it with my second because then somebody told me to and and that was very helpful. But like I remember asking can I use Gaba pin In because I had been on Gaba pint In for anxiety earlier in my twenties and it was great.

Also, yeah, Neurontin worked so well.

It's actually one of the few pharma suits I really really like. I use it for that.

I will still sometimes use it for that.

Can she for fruits? Now? Yeah? Also, why did we not wear our two teothes?

I know, I mean they're in matching twutuos and could not be I love it and you'd be in the pink guy being the black.

I was just whatever, Yeah, it's fine.

But anyway, I asked, can I use that when I'm nursing Gaba pintent and they were like, no, you have to use either Prozac or zoloft, and they because it's not approved for nursing.

I said, all right. One of my.

Clients just went through all this crap was nursing and had to get back surgery at the same time. It was a shit show, and she was like, they just put me on Gaba pintent. I said, do they know that you're nursing and she said, yeah, I said, and they said that's okay. She's like, yeah, all right, that is a what twelve year difference that you decided in that time? No, no, no, now it's fine right in fact that medication didn't change.

You don't know what you're talking about and at and a lot of people don't realize that's so much misinformation. There's not a lot of long term research. No, they don't have to have a lot of long term research to put to approve.

Shit.

It's not about the money. It could be like two years.

And that's why so many drugs will go for a long time and then they'll see.

The long term effects and they're like, oh shit, that's babies are getting born with mermaid fins, right right? Do that?

Oh?

They won't think because they don't do any testing. Well, I just watched the whole thing. Here's an amazing fact that we don't know a lot of testing and studies done on women and pregnant women are done on male test subjects.

There. It was just the whole thing, I believe.

I can't remember if it was Vice news I saw them, but it was a news source of legitimate news sources. Was not fucking Facebook or something like that. This was I actually was watching it and it was talking about how, uh, they don't know how There was one study that they were doing on the effect of some sort of like like hormonal treatment therapy or whatever, and they tested it

Do, and the ones that we need to test, the ones that we need to test on.

And that was and that was the things like, so you're testing and this is still this is still happens that you're testing things on men that are supposed to be for women because they don't want to do They want a bait quote unquote baseline that isn't affected by monthly hormonal changes. But the problem is is you can't

But that has a huge effect on the efficacy and the nature of the house. Believe believe.

So just so you know, like a lot of research on medical devices, implanted medical devices, all of that kind of stuff does not go through anything because you can actually there's a law that says that you can base it on previous models, but there's no limit to how many previous models it can be, how old those models were, and those models were, so you can actually say like, oh, we don't need to do any testing or any approval

Was just never tested on women.

Wow, that's so crazy as America.

I don't trust shit they.

Tell me, you know, I actually I love my physician who's amazing and he's worked in the field of like addiction treatment for a long time, and he's he's one of those people that like will go and I'm like this is you know, this is happening, and he's like, okay, great, He's like, I'm not going to put you on this.

A lot of doctors would do it.

I'm not going to do this because it's not you know, it hasn't been tested or here's the latest study on that, and I don't think it's effective, or this is not you know.

Like, way didn't you tell me?

He was the one that was like, I didn't have you ask him something about cannabis and he was like, oh, I'd always rather.

Like yes, but yeah, yeah, because you know, he was like, what is normally prescribed?

You know, he's like, I'm never going to.

Put you on an adavan or any sort of xanax or anything.

He's like because for someone.

With addiction, he goes, that's the worst thing you can do, because and right, and you know, when I was prescribed musclele axs for the car accident, he was like, I would have never put you on those. He said, soma's are actually one of the hardest and most dangerous things to detox from immediately said, even after like a month's use.

If you're using Soma's.

You know, several times a day, the detox from them often causes really terrible seizures, even after you've only been using it for a month. But people don't know that because they're just prescribed must or relaxers like they're candy.

Right.

Well, that's because big farmer makes a lot of money. It also gives to our politicians and so on and so forth, and we're off like that's what it comes out.

Yeah, it just takes like but I think all the most important thing to remember, Like.

But you know, because if we were joking about bad good moms and bad choices, you know, like that's I think there's so much shame put on what are supposedly bad choice like bad.

Women and for women.

That's what I mean, for women and for moms like men men can get. No one's ever gonna say to a guy like, oh, you know, like oh you drink, you know, or like when you had.

A baby, like you had anything. I'm like, has any god, has any dad, any single dad ever lost their kids because they spoke I curious about that.

I'm going to go look it up, like I doubt to, probably right, And because.

It's somehow when you become a mother, you're supposed to now be well And it ties back into the dating stuff. Now that you're a mom, you're you're a non sexual being. You're not a lot, You're you're not supposed to prioritize yourself, your fun, your enjoyment, your sexuality, your health.

You have but not too sexy, anything that you partook in before right now now you're a mom, and everything's different at the window. Just bring them over here. And that's why it's just like all the time.

When when we first started this podcast, it took us like two weeks to figure out the name, and I don't love it. Who I told and they're like, I wouldn't go with bad choices because like what's bad?

I was like, you know, well, that's why I apologize.

Literally, I don't think you're understanding like the context of bad, and like the whole thing is like all things that are supposed to be bad just aren't right, you know.

And then you have the bad choices, Well some of them could have done it out, but most of my bad choices, have good lessons good.

Absolutely, why for sure? No, But I'm and I'm the same way. But I think it's neat wally now.

But I think as moms, we we do feel so much shame, and we're taught to shame ourselves. Like there's times when I'm like, oh, I'm you know, like we gonna know how my kids or something. I'm like, oh, I'm excited to go see my boyfriend have some time, like to be a woman and to be like you know, and that's right, and that's a great and that's super healthy. Like I am a healthier person because I have sides

Like people like I know, oh, you know you're using that right, like oh you're like you had kids, right, and you're like, oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know, but like my vagina was so short after I had kids because.

You know, But can I also say, and in the time I've known you that that's new for you, And that's.

What I'm just looking over your shoulder at the dog shitting.

Okay very seriously and then like it was just turns uh yeah, no, I that's.

New for you.

I will say, just knowing you as long as I have, like you didn't used to put yourself first. You and we talk about this a lot because you've turned around, and that's that was I was gonna say, my bad choice because I didn't.

I didn't make some of the choices you did earlier on in life.

Right.

Oh yeah, we talked the terrible choices. But they but you know what they like you said, they weren't they were terrible, they weren't great.

Learn but I learned and I wouldn't change him because I had.

I had to really go there to be they are.

Yeah, but we talked about this music because we were talking about addiction and uh, and I said, you know, I feel very lucky that I've never been addicted to any sort of substance. I've certainly come I've walked a line on things for sure. Ope, it's being one of them. And then realized like, okay, I got that's actually not something I can ever do again. And uh, but I said to you the other day, I was like, it

When I finally got my you know, therapy license and everything.

It was like, you, you know whatever you need, well, I've never doing that again.

And you went through parts of that absolutely well. And I think too, because.

So seeing you with him has made me so happy and like she and her boyfriend give me hope because he just is so happy to let her be yes, yeh and not.

But I think right, And I think a lot of that too.

Growing in that direction came from realizing that my previous bad decisions don't mean that I'm currently making.

Bad decisions.

Right.

But I think I was constantly trying to prove to my daughter's dads, to my mom, look at okay, it's just okay, am I doing better? I'm doing better now, I'm doing like yeah, give me.

And now I realized like, oh wait, I'm not making I'm not making terrible. I'm actually fine, and like you, I don't have to like a right, like everybody's good. I'm working, I'm paying the bills, the kids are taking care of. Everybody's all good, like you.

She was with you and you she had to get me out of a bad date and she was with Mescal at the time, and I called me from New York to get me out of a bad date.

It was terrible lest day.

I went and uh and I.

Believe yes.

The guy cried at the bar, Oh so bad, you guys.

He was so bad.

I can't even that's like, and asked if you'd be h therapist was taking client new clients because he would totally hear me.

I was like, I fuck this, and she I should have just run out of the bathroom, but she called me to get me out, and then I called her and her boyfriend on speaker.

I was hysterically laughing, and I said to.

Them at one point like I was like, you guys, if it wasn't for your relationship, I would have already turned my vagina into a coin purse. And so just and and Miscal's response was.

It doesn't need to be mutually exclusive. I think you could use it for both.

Right, He was like, you could be both. And then and then I think shortly follow that was was could you take your speaker?

Right?

He was like, I don't need to be a part of this now.

And then now he's just like jokingly says to me the whole weekend.

He was like, you're a liar. I was like, I am not. He's like I watched you lie. I was like, right now, this is just really funny because he was like, now I know the.

Bar after he told me that this girl had grabbed his testicles.

I want to let them go.

So she he punched her.

In the face.

That was like the love of his life.

I'm not kidding, it was.

It was so I'm done.

This is why. But you need to say something. When I started gimming your light, when I was like, you know, I'm not doing that. Sorry, no, sorry, but you know.

I think it's really great that you have like the aware self awareness to be like, for a long time, I put a lot of men before me and.

Every yeah, and I did. I did do absolutely. I think a lot of women or a lot of people listen closely.

It's easy to be like, oh that bit smokes weed. She she drinks and turks. Those are bad moms. But people don't recommenc.

I wish I could. I wish I had.

It's not that I couldn't do physically do it. It's just nobody wants that. I don't have to ask to do it. I don't even as all.

Okay, But I think people people like to categorize levels of their bad choices.

There's quote unquote addictions.

And if it's not like some hard drug or some some like you know us who are very like, uh, this is the ship we've done. Then if it's easy to like turn your nose up at these clear spaces.

That right.

But a lot of women prioritize men.

A lot of women put men before them and let them outshine them and over their children. I mean that's like women. I mean everybody Loki has a dick addiction, right well, And I think we love companionship, we love right that, we love romance, you know what, that's our pred you know, thanks God.

But but I think.

It's important to be like I am addicted to fucking and sometimes I over fuck because I want I'm feeling a void, right, and and and acknowledging that it's like just because you're not like hungover every more, every afterwards, you feel it's still empty. You know, you're feeling you're not feeling that void, right, It's just important that we stop putting.

One above the other. Right.

And also to sit and I think because I you know, I've heard this a lot too, like you know, especially if you have baby daddies and you know custody shared and this and that. Like even on times that you have your kids, something comes up where it's like, oh, it's our anniversary or it's a thing, or did we have a dinner plan or whatever, and like, okay, well kids are with the citter that night. That doesn't mean you're prioritizing your relationship over your kids. That means to

Maybe right.

I went to that cannabis thing yesterday. I had my kids.

I left them for two and a half hours to go to this cannabis thing and post like, what are we supposed to do?

I don't have you know what the first will put posted stuff in my stories and in my stories.

Right away I saw that my ex husband had watched the story and.

I had an anxiety attack and I was like fuck, Like is he gonna say something to me, or is he gonna think I took the kids or whatever?

You know, I went there, and then you wait, like I was responsible about it. Of course I did not take them. But you don't have to explain yourself. We don't have to explain yourself.

Half the battle is accepting that it's okay yourself.

Right, Yeah, that's what I mean. It's it's oh, for sure. There's literally no.

Point on rearranging the babysitter, going on the date, going to the Canada's party, when the whole time you're like, why the fuck did I do this?

Right?

Alright, the kid I dropped her off.

I told Lid I was gonna come back and get her the other day, and I just got drunk. Yeah on Adam, I thought I'm gonna go back to them, but like after like two martinis, I'm like, I'm not going back for shit. Yeah, And then like at some point I was like, what they go back and get my kid, because that was like another back decisions after the fifteen martinis.

But but the ultimate thing was like she's.

Fine, fucking fine, she even remembers right and the kids. But I'm saying, like, be in the moment, do what the fuck you do, be happy about it, and let it's all okay, right, Like everything's gonna be okay.

It's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay.

And we all because, like you know, there's times that we there's a lot of times most of the time I'm like, no, I got my kids, I can't do this or that, or I do you know, I re arrange stuff. But like you know, sometimes when you're in a long distance relationship and he works and I work, and I work crazy hours and this and that happens. Like sometimes you're like, okay, I can't come back till the day after it Like okay, well you got to figure some stuff out.

That's okay, I think, like you you at least for me, Like I like, I was dating someone earlier this year, and I was spending a lot of my time with him, so much so that I felt like I was neglecting my daughter because it was something new, and I was like, well, I need this.

I wanted to.

Explore this, like and it's it's exciting, but but there's also a time where you know when.

You're not right, you know.

Too much, you know what I mean, And I had to have that conversation with myself.

But also I think for you that triggered you because that you didn't pair those people like he didn't come this way a lot.

It wasn't like something you could put you didn't feel like.

It was like it wasn't even no, like I was going going out there all the time.

That was what I've been with my long distance too.

Yeah, And it was like, but but that was my choice, you know what I mean. It was like and so but I had to at some point come back and be like, you know what I'm doing too much?

Yeah, right, let me sit my ass down.

And and but there's there's a there's I feel like there's not it's not a fine line, you know.

Yeah, you know when you're like when you need this care, you need that, and then you.

Know when you're like, okay, yeah, now I'm just distracted from my kid and I'm not present even when I'm with them. Right, there is a difference, right, And that's what I meant also about bad choices where it's like I'm not going to be that person ever again. I don't want to be that person ever again. And and sometimes I've done that to myself just you know, look,

Like that was not him.

That was on me.

But also I think it's also important, like you could also do that in the relationship with your kid's father.

Oh yeah, you know what, it's not. It's not exempted just single moms.

No, absolutely married women people in your partnerships with their parents their kids.

You neglect your kid for your partner and it be their dad.

I feel like my mom, like I would I went to therapy, haven't we all? Yeah the first time, my god, yeah, all the way I'm like, am I wasting my money and I'm pretty I'm pretty rational. I need to be going here, but whatever, and then you get in there and you're like, wait, this is weird but it's cool, but are we talking about Oh?

So of course that she comes up and I just and she's asked about my relationships my mom.

My dad, and I was just saying right, but I was just thinking, like my mom is and was absess with my father where he was at who waits with when you my mom was my stepdad?

And if he was leaving, where the fuck are you going?

And it's to the point where, like when my dad leaves till this day is like a grown ass woman.

I get like like anxiety about it, like why are you leaving? And I'm like, okay, I'll acting like a psychopath. But I adopted those feelings, you know, of like him not coming back, like I don't know what the fuck, I don't care.

It's not my nigga, you know, right, But I just I like I realized I lost respect for her growing up because I felt like she couldn't be alone.

Yeah, and I'm like my mom and even like when you said, like your mom someone being seventeen, still my mom. Yeah, my mom. They were together since my mom was like fourteen, my dad was seventeen.

And sometimes I see her now like as in her and like as a child, right like when she needs to make decisions at the supermarket and she's calling.

My dad yes, and my mom does this to my stepdad. But my mom got married and my dad when she was seventeen, but still her first. And she's the same with my sof she cannot be apart, she was not. She never gave herself the ability to developed. There was no there was no autonomy that was ever developed in them because they just had a man man the entire time and the informative.

You definitely, I mean I was like that for a long time. And honestly, I've Marie the first time I was twenty yeah, and I you know, I've struggled a lot with making men.

The priority and you know, and doing all that.

But I will say, like the healthiest thing I think for me now has actually been having a long distance relationship and having and also having a long distance relationship with someone who's absolutely amazing and who allows me the space to just be like we're not constantly up each other's ass on the phone all the time, Like it's like you do you, but you trust each other. We're completely committed and solid. But it's like I don't need to be up his ass, he doesn't need to know

You guys, being always been my maybe did you guys watch that? It's Ali Wong's Netflix rom com?

All right? So do I And I can't recommend it enough. And now I don't want to give too much away, but it's.

Not going to be it won't blow your mind or anything, but I will say that it was you know, it's a rom comm and it's about like, you know, got friends that were you know, boy boy and girlfriends that you know had a thing and then they go their separate ways, and when they become adults, they kind of find their way back to each other. And she is like the super successful person in the relationship public figure.

And he is like kind of still like farting around, and she basically like it's really good.

And and at one point, you know, like they're like on the verge of breaking up, and because he's a key, keeps having to like be on the red carpet and like holding her purse, and he's like, I don't want to be in the recruitula holding your purse and she and I was like thinking to myself as I'm watching it, like, yeah, don't make him do that, like, don't let him leave.

Don't let him leave. And then I'm so mad at myself. I think I texted you yeah.

And I was like, oh my god, why am I rooting for the wrong thing? Is like, what the fuck is wrong with me? That's how conditioned we are to.

Be, Like you have to give in, you have to change yourself, lady.

And then she doesn't and they break up, and I kept thinking at the end of the movie it was like not gonna be you know that, So whatever, I Am going to fucking run the movie you, but you watch it anyway.

But she's like, no, my boyfriend's amazing. He's like, but he's like, I'm so so. He's so supportive of me, loves everything. But he's like, please don't make me go Yeah, please, I don't want to do it, but he I don't want.

You, but he like the publicity, Like he can stand and holds your purse. He would, and he would prefer to like not go right, you know what I mean that he does so cool about that movie.

It was the very first wrong com I remember seeing where she was like at the end, she doesn't change it. She's like, fine, you're not down with this?

Fuck it?

You know.

She makes certain changes, like she listens to his advice and puts them into her career.

But she's like, I'm not. I'm not dimming down for you either.

You're fool with hanging on to my purse because this is who I am and this is what I do, and you're gonna love me no matter what the fuck I do, unconditionally or fuck it.

I'm better off alone and that is where I think I'm at.

Min don't dim your life for anyone, right. I want to have the relationship that she has with mescal or I don't not with you too.

You know, I'm good. I'll find something else, but I don't want to join your relationship.

So we're clear.

But I mean, but yeah, I I just want that, like if women should have what you know, what what she has and what I think other people, Well.

You know what, it took me long. I'm not going to long time to figure it out too. So it's it did not It was not easily earned. Ladies.

I'm telling you, I'm seeing the happy.

You too can be a complete.

Disaster because somehow figure out how to make bad choices and.

Be a good mom.

Yeah, we wrapped back around true podcasters, we're human, we are well.

Thank you guys, thank you and talking about I feel like this is five episodes that we just didn't want west around. Welcome to our show.

I love it.

Can you let our listeners know where they can find you. You're on all right?

I see I don't remember it, and so I put it all in her, but then she fus it up. Yeah, then I fuck it up on Facebook and Instagram. It's at never thought i'd say this on Twitter. I don't even know anymore Twitter. We've given up like, I'm just over it.

I can't do it.

So Instagram and Facebook is where we're activity and active, and then our email. You can email us at never thought I'd at ProtonMail dot com.

Yeah yeah, and then you can follow each of us.

And listen to the pod. It comes out on Wednesdays. All kinds of inappropriate ship.

Yeah.

So happy to have you, and make sure you follow us on Instagram, Good Mom's Underscore, Bad Choices, and come to our website Go moms by choices dot com.

Sign up for the newsletter. We have all cool types of lead ups. We have a live show coming up in Atlanta on October thirteen. That's a Sunday, and we'll see you next week. Bride Night ju on the best you never had, On the best you never had? Ye aye, my little.

Baby, change your break start don't know much done, yill work if you won't dis.

Your rope supercise come my little bank, change your life desert

Oh yeah I oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah