Myself Told Myself

Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices America.

And I'm Mela.

And it's Wednesday.

Oh that was necessary.

Yeah, you know, let's try to work on my high notes falsetto beautiful.

You're working on it for Beyonce?

Oh yeah, bitch, already No, and already we're gonna.

Need all the singing and dancing we can get this month because the cosmos we're not lining up.

And here, Susan Miller says the same. October is due to be a unique month that will not be easy for any of us.

By the way, Susan Miller, if you guys don't know who she is, I've talked about her before. She is an astrologer that I've been following since I was a kid. My mom was obsessed with her, and she'd be on motherfucking point astrologyzone dot com.

So continue telling us how fucked up October it's.

Going to be. Not only you're still twenty, we still have more than half the month. The planets will be in a frenzy the likes of which I have rarely seen. If you feel you've if you've seen enough surprises this year, I am sorry to report that there'll be a slew of them.

In October Fuck you Susan Warrior.

Mars is one of the prime instigators, but Surprise and minute Uranus will play a leading part too. Saturn, Pluto, and Mercury will stir the pot as well and add to the turmoil. When the planets get this way, it is because they want to shake up the status quote and force us to confront languishing situations that many of us would prefer not to address. As you see, there is method in the planet's madness.

One thing you can rely.

On is that when planets are in a harsh angle to each other, the universe brings in enormous energy so that you can deal with what happens. The squares and oppositions are the hard aspects, but they sure.

Do bring high energy.

The universe will always give you the tools you need when it brings you a challenge.

Well, I hope. So I've been doing a lot of heavy breathing.

I've been doing a lot of crying, a lot of heavy breathing, and I've been a really on edge parent and I've been really trying to lean on my baby daddy like express that I need support, I need I'm getting things in line and you know, for the usual that falls on deaf ears. Meanwhile, every time he gets his baby, he could drop her off at his mama's house for zoom school, for Friday night, for Monday night.

Don't let me. I'm just like, why don't you just help me?

You're just gonna drop her off anyway, right, but the fuck anyway.

Sorry, I've been doing a lot of breathing too. I've been I've been okay. I guess I've just been overwhelmed with all the things that we are doing.

I'm doing in my other work. This apsed and then relationship. I don't know.

If I realized the responsibility I was taking on being a partner.

I mean, I get it, Yeah, Like, I don't know if I realized the responsibility.

I don't know if I'm prepared. I'm not.

Some days are easy, some days are really challenging.

Currently it's been really challenging. And is it easier to just be alone?

Like I think back like six months ago, when I was alone and I was so like lonely, and I wanted partnership, and like I wanted this person to come and walk into my life.

Now he's here.

I think we want partnership as human beings a support system, but then we rarely take an account for having to be accountable for someone else's feelings. I didn't take an account for if this doesn't work out, how is that going to leave me feeling?

Just all the emotions that it requires.

Period.

It's just so much energy, you know, like even because I have so much going on in my personal life and then I like am breaking it broke up with somebody or I got broken up with and that took up so much of my energy. Like I was like, I can't go on, I can't do anything. Nothing's working out in my life, not love, nothing, and.

So it's just like so heavy. It's so heavy.

And I think the lesson in this is that we really have to be sustainable on our own before I mean, I.

Just before we introducing other energies into the mix. No, no, I totally yeah, I agree with that. I think that like, relationships can be a wonderful distraction and they can also be supportive. They can also feel like they're propelling you forward, you know, but they can also feel like okay when it ends any confusion, if you're not in a secure place, it can totally disrupt, you.

Know what I mean.

No, I agree, I do think that, Like I feel like I was ready in some ways for like a relationship, Like I have stability in my life in some ways, although like you know, it's it's all relative, Like yes, I can pay my rent every month barely, but it happens, and I have support and I have help, you know.

It wasn't that nice.

I need to see these texts.

I wasn't that nice, but I was.

It was more so like a cry to like leave me the fuck alone right now. This is me, This is this is me needing space, and you're you're we keep going. And so therefore now I'm like, now I've

Was screaming, throwing shit, beating each other up.

It was that the kind of person he was.

You have to keep in mind too, that who you are can change energetically by who you partner up with. You will you will someone can bring out the worst shit in you that you didn't even know existed. You have to really be aware of someone, Like you could love someone and they just not bring out the best part of you either.

Oh no, I definitely see that.

I think about like even with Happy Bay, Like I felt like I feel different in every relationship and then I'm like, but I know, I'm like the root of who I am is the same. But most I mean some people, that's that's not possible. Like they are there, They're always different in every relationship.

But I don't know. I just feel like.

I my patience has been, it's been, and I'm so focused on like I think I was telling you, was I telling you this?

Yeah, I was telling you this.

Like the other day we were sitting out there that like I hear you that I recently, Like I was looking at Ira the other day and she was just like I don't know, Like I think she was looking at the fridge for like orange juice. And I have this moment where like, of course I know as a parent that it's my responsibility to be.

Able to take care of my child and that like.

I'm working for her essentially she's my boss, but also like I want her to have this a great life. But like there's like this, there's like this transition from being like a non parent to a parent that like the selfishness part, it takes a while to like undo, like all the thing like when I go, like when I make money, I want to go shopping for myself and I have to remember, wait, I have to buy things for my.

Kid, you know.

And I'm not I'm past that those things, but those were things I had to learn, like to be mindful that you like you don't just automatically wake up one day and then like suddenly you're pouring every ounce of your being into your kid or sometimes that does happen and that's.

Cool, but sometimes with that you have to learn to bag back too. There it goes both ways. Becoming a parent is in such a training that doesn't come with training.

But then, so I was looking at her and I had this thought of, like, if I died right now today, at this very moment, what do I have to leave her? Would she be okay? If it was just on me, wasn't on anyone else except me?

Would she be okay? No, she would not be okay.

And I like, I was like, oh my god, I have to work ten times harder. I'm not making enough money. Like I suddenly got like so overwhelmed and like sad, and I was like, oh my god, I'm thirty two and I don't have enough money to like eat, Like I don't even know. I don't enough money to move out of my place right now, let alone buy a property.

Like you know, I'm like, I'm a fan. You're at thirty two, I'm supposed to, you know.

But I also know that I'm working incredibly hard and seeing results towards that and doing what I love, you know, So I try to be I'm just like okay, could be chill the fuck out, relax, smoke a joint.

You're okay, We're okay.

But it just made me think like I don't have time.

To be worried about dumb shit.

It's true, like and I don't want and I don't want to say dumb shit like other people's feelings don't matter, but like if it's not working, then maybe like we just shouldn't. And then I'm like, am I am? Is this fear talking? Or like do I really feel this way? Because I'm so hyper focused on providing a legacy for me and my children? Like I also, but I also want to do that with someone you know.

Yeah, I agree, girl, I get it one hundred percent.

And it is an overwhelming thought that somebody is solely responsible on you responsible. You're they're respond we're responsible to them, and I guess it never feels like you're I mean, I know we're working towards something, but it just feels like, fuck, am I I'm not where I'm supposed to be.

I don't know why who.

Wrote that thirty two was like sixty five, but you know, like we're so adults and.

Now I'm turning thirty three this month. But if someone was like that, you're Jesus here, I was like, I don't feel like Jesus was right, which I'm like, well, Jesus, come down.

Hell.

I'm like, you know what, Jesus didn't need shit.

Maybe it is my Jesus here and I should get the fuck out of here and go live like Jesus barefoot somewhere not here.

I think in our twenties, we just think like thirties, that's adulthood. That's when you've reached your adultness. And here we are in our thirties and we haven't. Bitch, I don't have a savings account. I attempted to ask my grandmother to co sign for an apartment. She agreed, and then at the last minute when they called her decided that she no longer wanted to do it.

And I'm just like I was having a moment like I'm I have no support, I have no one. What am I gonna do?

I have no options, and someone is relying on me. I can't rely on anyone, and I'm barely fucking figuring it out. And then someone is relying on me and she didn't even ask to be here, and that shit is overwhelming, you know, just just the little things like literally I can't.

Even like.

I get so easily distracted, and like I felt the same way they wrote a letter that she was behind on some of her letters, and I was like having a bad day because obviously I'm still like mourning from this breakup. But I was like something came out of me and like wanted to slap the shit out of me, like, bitch.

You don't really have time to be thinking about if somebody doesn't want you, she doesn't know five of her alphabet, you know, like literally someone like myself told myself.

Like girl, myself told myself, Yeah, I've had so many.

Of those limn girl, come on, and I I had to like step out of it, like and then I had to want I'm wondering myself because adventure Bay asked me because of course we're still hanging out on the week and.

No, but I'm cutting it off for real this week.

But basically, if I wasn't going through as much things as I was going through, would I still like want the relationship this bad or something?

And I had to think about that, like.

Am I finding like peace in this because it feels like somewhat some stability and like then also I was like, well, that's really sick and strange.

It's not sick that is usually the case. That is not unnormal at all. That's and I perfectly normal. It's not obviously you need to not try try not to do that, but yeah, I mean if you feel that way, I don't know what the conclusion is, but that is for sure valid for sure.

I mean it's so and if I love this person and I enjoy time together, and like at this point, we've like I do, I do feel like he make he makes me a better place in the relationship, pushes me, you know, just little things that there are qualities in him that I see and of course that I think are stable, and I think we're women like we we we long.

For that relationships. Of course, of course it is attractive.

But I also was like, you know, with or without this, my life is going to go on like it did six months before I met you, you know, so it's both. And I did find like a part of me with even like on top of everything else going on then that you know, it just was like a just like you know, a kill Bill's slow death. But I don't know. I think the good part about all of this is that I think we're becoming stronger women. We're becoming stronger.

Women, and we're with every transition.

With every obstacle, there is a lesson to be learned, and at least we're consciously focused on.

We're getting there, We're going to get there. We're getting there, We're going there.

Right.

So I think.

There's like this, it's funny you say a stronger woman, because I feel like there's this like conversation that women are having or have about like why do we have to be so strong? You know all the time that too, but also like I do, but and I feel like that's been like the conversation. But I do also want to say that, like we should be empowered by our strength though too, like I do want to be I am. I know that I'm a strong woman. I know I've been raised by a bunch of strong women. I can't

And some of it is like good and some of it is like is this healthy?

Right?

Like I don't know. It's interesting.

It's interesting to see because he is so much more emotional than I am. So I don't know, guys, I don't know.

But yes, what were we talking about? I'm high.

Energy, becoming becoming stronger women, give.

Me stronger women, yes, and kids and struggle then depending on us, and oh and also this life is hard.

Do we need a boyfriend?

That is what we were talking about life is hard. Do you really need that relationship?

Do you need a relationship or not?

I know, it's like you, it's it's and everyone everyone I talked to about it.

It's like you asked for it and then it's here, and then.

You're like a lot, a lot of responsibilities.

Yeah, can you reach orange juice and poor orange juice?

No drinks and water where it's accessible.

I don't know what her little ear rings right now?

Take them out. I think it's adding to her sat.

She looks so grown. I can't take it. She's already. Did I just do that?

Did I just do the thing that we say we're here to do? Do it?

Fuck?

She looks like.

A teenager, looks older. We'll be more specific.

You get to see her teenage face coming through with those earrings.

Yeah, but she looks like you, I know, because you look young anyway, you guys.

Oh side note, just to switch because I am excited about this. We are having a meetup in two weeks, so we can have two weeks. Oh my god, it's coming up on October twenty fifth. We are doing a drive in movie event with Outside Cinemas in downtown LA and we are watching Hokey Pokeys, which is.

One of my favorite.

Movies mine too. Wait, is Coco already.

Coco sold out?

You've already lost your chance. They know more Cocos.

But bring your kids or don't bring your kids.

I think I'm not gonna bring Iri to Hocus Pocus because two nights at the drive in with kids for me is a lot. I'm just gonna bring her to Cocoa and me too get witchy at Hocus.

Yes, I'm gonna get witchy at Hoka. Everybody else if you want to be your kids, it's fine though.

No, it's totally fine, but we just won't have ours. But go check out there's a link in our bio on Instagram. Or you can go to outside cinemas dot com.

Yeah, outside cinemas dot com.

Okay, outside cinemas dot com.

Fucking because I saw that Shopify thing and then I wasn't sure if it was net Calm.

I don't know what the fuck anyway.

Also vote, also vote, Also vote, you guys.

Vote.

I've heard the LA District Attorney is like in California can change this year if we really put our minds to it, And apparently that's really important.

Feel more strongly about government at a local level.

No, I mean that's true, absolutely, Like, actually, that's where it actually matters, because that's where the changes you see its immediately in front of you around your city, in your neighborhoods. Because this president shit is important. Where we have even more impact right now is at the ground level. Anyway, there's a lot of resources where you can look up things and figure out what what are like the best voting options based.

On your morals, your goals.

The things that are important to you, and that you can find out how to vote because, let's be honest, like, voting can be super fucking overwhelming. You open like I got the voting mailer guide and the shit is like long, I'd be high. I'm like, does this make sense? The words are all political and shit, and it's hard to you know, interpret exactly what you're voting.

For Gaskin for District attorney.

Oh Gaskin.

If you want to change how your city operates, functions, protects, serves, you have to know who you're voting for, who the best options are in your city. Do you know who's running for the district attorney and Yaser city?

Like these are things you should know. You should know what their views are.

Don't wait till you get to the poll to make it do a guessing game. I swear like that's essentially what people do when they vote. They literally just like fill out, like I like that name. Ooh she sounds nice. Oh Democrat, yep, Democrat Democrat, no question about it. And I just want to empower you guys to be empowered to do your research because there are guides.

Just there's people in your city, like leaders.

Of the community that have guides on their Instagram that tell you, you know who they would recommend, positions of power props, all those things to help you out. So shit, if I if I only I have like a master link I wish I did to put in the details of this episode.

I have the link for California.

So if you live in California and you California or LA also, some of these things differ based on like what part of LA living or where you live in California, you know. But there are some like general ones that you guys should know about. So I will share that in the bio or the details of this episode, So check that out.

Shout out to my.

Cousin DaVita Williams. Follow her on Instagram. She's really cool. She's an inspiration. She was also on Lizzie Maguire.

It wasn't Luxiper her DaVita, she would yeah, hilarious and.

She's done tons of other stuff. She's like a real actress and shit, oh oh my god.

So wait, the other day I went and got so you guys, I started this app called Circle Black, and so it's a service providing app where people like nail nail us, nail texts, hair stylists, messuse, babysitters, tutors, auto repair specialists, fitness trainers, florists, all of you guys. Please, if you're listening right now, make sure to check out my app Circle Black. Basically, it's like open Tables for

I can't remember what the fuck it's called.

Some shit where she rubbed something on me and it made weird sounds and warmed up my fat and.

Supposed to make it disappear.

I have to go a few times more than once, okay, but I do.

Thanks, Thanks Brandy.

So she was she was like, I listened to the podcast and I'm like, oh shit, and I was like, oh my god, you have to listen to I was like, I have this horry and then I was like, I'm going to read it to you.

I read her horri live.

I felt like I felt like I was reading like a bookook as she's like melting my fat.

I'm like, this horror story.

Is provided so silly? Wait was it this one?

Yes?

So after politics and stuff, here's a horry.

Politics and sex. Who stories? You gonna read it? Okay? All right.

The title of this horry is called Happy Squirrel Day. So I recently cut my baby daddy off and started fucking my best friend, who I call bestie Bae. I must have manifested the ship because he's everything I wanted my beauty to be and more. Bestie Bay is all about pleasing me, and he ain't scared of a little period blood like beauty, he won't get the job done by any means wet emoji.

So yesterday was a holiday for me. It was the first time I squirted.

Hey, here's what happened. I got off work early and went over to his house. When I walked in the door, he greeted me with a kiss and handed me a blunt and a mixed tequila drink.

Thank you. Yes.

I relaxed on the couch while he rubbed my feet and listened to me talk about my day. He then smacked my ass and told me it was time for us to lay in bed. I said, okay, damn near skip to the bedroom. I got naked, and he immediately went to town, eating my pussy like he was starving. All while he was eating my pussy, I noticed that I was not one hundred percent relaxed, so I started.

Taking deep, long breaths. The deep breaths.

The deep breaths were turning me on even more, and now I was in tune with my body and the pleasures I was receiving these children in the background. Wait, see, you guys are definitely in the other room. I definitely felt that shit. It was weird because I felt like I was having an out of body the experience, and I was now about to coach myself.

To this orgasm.

With the deep, long breathing, I became more and more relaxed. He was still eating my pussy magically, and suddenly I felt the urge to release. In that moment, I legit said to myself, let go, and my pussy started running like a faucet. I mean, that shit was non stop. I screamed so loud I left. I felt like I was peeing and I had no control, and that man kept on going. I felt like I was on a I felt like I was on a cloud. Like he was drinking my juices with a smoothie straw smooth Yes,

Like a straw on top, like with the next to my pussy. Okay, I get what you mean.

Carltho'm sorry, I mean to interrupt your flow. He got up, smacked my ass and said let's take a shot. We took a shot, and that man took me back to the room and murdered my pussy.

Okay.

I love it here and I'm never going back. Thanks to episode one, those tips really helped.

Xoxo Squirtle.

That was beautiful. Yeah, shout out to click talk.

Yeah episode. What was the name of the episode? I got pregnant a sex club.

I got pregnant at a sex party.

Yeah, I got.

That's a great title. Yeah. I I had a story, but I'm gonna save it for next time.

Oh okay, okay, we'll share it. Yeah, we'll say that thing.

Well, we've got to go. We have twelve minutes before our next thing.

Yeah, we're okay, don't worry.

We're doing okay over here fairly, but it's we're okay. We're becoming stronger women.

Super super duper strong.

We're super Strong's silent cry for help, blink twice.

We are strong. We're not cracking at all, doing great over here. Nothing is going wrong, perfect.

Anyway.

Follow us on Instagram.

Good Mom's underscore Bad Choices and join Patreon because.

We need ten dollars and we're doing a lot of work for it.

Don't be tyrone, don't just be getting the free Also, don't be a freeloader.

Don't be a freeloader. Give us ten dollars. We need it. We're creating a lot of stuff over here. You'll enjoy it.

Sex positions, intimate conversations, intimate confessions.

Yeah, basically, it's basically our blog. It's our personal blog in many different forms, video journaling, pictures, weed, weed and children.

And you get added to our close friends on Instagram, which is pretty lit.

I know I had a little close friends story this weekend. If you watched it, then you know you know what I was up to.

And San Diego I love and we're in different places, having like two totally different experiences, and then it goes between slides and you're.

Like, I'm like, I'm gonna kill myself.

I'm at near getting close to that.

Fucking crying.

That isou.

It's like Ala gets the best of both world.

Do you know one of.

Us is survive?

We're switches all right, ww dot Patreon dot com, slash Good Mom's bad choices.

Yes, and make sure you go check out at outside Cinemas dot com to come hang out. Come to our event on October twenty fifth, Hocus Pocus dressed like whitch and make sure you check out our website, get our merch, enjoyed our newsletter and if you enjoyed this episode. I know we were like a little bit depressed, but I promise a lot.

We're more fun than this.

We are more fun.

We have fun. Leave us a five star.

Review on Apple, please please, We need to get them reviews up. We need We're almost to a thousand. We need to get to a thousand reviews. Come on, help some bitches out.

It's free.

Used to scroll all the way down, Scroll all the way down right now, and I Apple or whatever fucking Apple podcast.

It's so annoying. You have to scroll all the way down to the bottom and then it will say I.

Know, I don't know why. It's like they want you really work for them, start.

This fucking comment. We worked for it, so scroll God damn it.

Anyway, I have a great week, you guys.

Love Records, The Las three s

Ranz