Hmmm, So welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices.
I'm Erica and I'm Neila, and it's Wednesday, Happy hump Day. Not only that, you guys, it's masturbation May. And we are on a diktalks?
Are we on a dick talks? Are we on addicts? Oh? Wow? Are we on a diktalk?
You think you have friends and there's loyalty, but there's none. Actually, I don't think I've had sex since three days ago.
So I am on tktoks. Okay, okay for those of you that don't know what we're talking about. Starting May first, I have encouraged the community to join me on abstaining from sex for the month of May, to do some inner healing, you know, just questioning whyest we're having sex with some of the people that we're having sex with, healing our vaginas, giving them a low break, doing some manifestation during this month, and coming back to self, especially
because it is masturbation May. So yes, we're abstaining from sex, and yes we are masturbating. Yes, yep, but she said, and I'm really excited because we have our first meet up tomorrow with the community on Patreon. So In order to join the Dick Talks, you have to join Patreon our Pasture Bedtime Tier, and it's worth it. Our Pasture Bedtime Tier not only has the Dick Talks, but it has so much other content that we don't post on the Internet and that we don't talk about on the podcast.
We have a roll up on there that we do. We roll up our favorite weed, We talk our shit.
We have blog book Sex Positions one on one where Eric and I reenact our most favorite, most recent sex positions, which I have someone to show you.
How you do. And Mila just posted her birth video which people have been crying about in the patreons. Have you seen it? I didn't watch the whole thing. I'm going to post mine. Mine is about six seconds long because my baby daddy was screaming like a psychopath during it and decided that he had had enough and turned the camera off. You don't need to see this, this will be it. It was a sea section, so you know, maybe not as beautiful as your vaginal birth. All births
are equal, but yeah. On Thursday, we're having a zoom call to talk about the Digtalks, and we're going to do that every week. Our third week. I'm really excited because we have Somaya of Sexual Essentials, who's going to teach us all about manifestation masturbation and that I feel like she told us that class is no longer offered over there, so this will be an exclusive drop to see all the insights to how you manifest during masturation, which is my shit. Yeah, and we also have Bruna
coming on too. And Bruna if you guys haven't heard us talk about Bruna, she's been part of our events, She's been a guest on our show. She actually did the episode called One Thousand Days of Celibacy because she was celibate for a thousand days, and actually she's celibate again right now and joining us on the Diktoks. So I'm really excited to talk to her and share and hear about her experience end upstaining from sex for a
thousand days, which essentially is like three years. And I know some of you guys too have already have been abstaining for a while, and I want to encourage you to join too. This isn't for necessarily if you've just decided to start. This isn't necessarily for people that aren't married. Because I think that taking breaks from sex, even in your relationships is a good idea to kind of like, you know, come back to self and you know, really think about resetting. Resetting is this nigga for me? Is
this bitch for me? And also just appreciating each other more, you know, in the in the upstaining and coming back to like why you guys really are together in the first place.
There's so many ways to experience intimacy, you know, And I realized I like all the ways. I like sex a lot, but also I'm a cuddling ass bitch and I'm also making out ass bitch. But yeah, if you can maintain a relationship and still like each other and love each other without oral and penetrative sex or having sex because you feel obligated to, you.
Know, and kind of coming back and you know, getting excited about having sex and courting and flirting, I love that. I mean, I honestly I feel more powerful than ever not having sex. I feel like I'm in control and not just of like you know, whether or not I'm having sex with men, but just I just feel more I don't know, confident overall.
When I did it two years ago, was it two or two, I did feel like so much more clear, so much more confident, and like I don't need that.
I'm cool. After like the first like two or three months, I got like settled in it. The first two I was acting crazy.
But yeah, I'm definitely, Yeah, I definitely can use it. I think it's a good reminder what you want and what you need, because I.
Think flour is your vision, right. I think if you stain, you'll be like, do I really like this niggad Or is the dick just good? Because a lot of times the dick is just good and then on a lot of times the dick isn't even that good. Yeah, that's true. It's like, God, I was digmatized for what It's just the only dick you're getting right now.
And you like it combined with the fact that you kind of like that person and that person likes you, and then you get fucking confused and dazed.
So anyway, if you're interested in joining the Dicktalks, the details are in the description of this episode, or you can just go to Patreon dot com backslash Good Mom's Bad Choices. Like I said, join our Pasture Bedtime tier and we'll see you on Thursday and every other week after that because we're going to have to hold each other accountable and have a support system. It is a
dick Toks support group. It is. It is a support group because I have felt weak and I know that it's hard, especially when you decide to take a seat. That's when they all start crawling out of the woodworks. It's like they know they can smell it on you.
They're like, you're not fucking and they're like their dick like a carriage, unting your face like you want, like hitting hitting your face?
Sure, are you sure? I do? But not really anyway, should we pull some cards? Sure, we're doing it digitally today. We're also not at our other office because we're so tired. Yeah, we've we've been really fancy and shooting somewhere else, but now we're back in the og spot because it is nine o'clock at night. Our kids are still not sleep.
We've ordered Thai food for the four hundred and ninety nice time in one year, and we're stressed in drinking hennessee because that's all Erica has to drink and that will do. And actually kinnesseee with lemonade is actually lashes. Today's card is the Star Spirituality, inspiration, serenity, hope, renewal. Financially speaking, if you have been having money issues, the Star tells you that there is a way to get
your finances in check. Now is a good time to make investments within reason, as the Star is an upright position signifies your finances moving in a positive direction.
It's nice. And speaking of that, we actually the wealth roles everything around me two day course and it was pretty amazing. There was a lot of women in there caring about their wealth and their investments. Yeah, so much information. Lous is just amazing. If you guys listen to our episode with the Wealth Witch with Loose Warrior, you know that she is a money generator and a wealth witch, and she really ties manifestation and spirituality into finances and
so her wealth rules everything around me. Course was that essentially on top of just teaching everyone about the basics of the stock market, which can be really overwhelming and you think that like, you don't like you're not invited into that space because you know, traditionally or historically it's been a space for like old white men. But really, when she broke it down, it's not that difficult to understand, and it's just a really great course I recommend. I
think she's having another one next month. I don't know if it's sold out because her shit be soeld out quick, but make sure you go check out Loose Warrior. In Loose, we trust, Luz In loose, we trust if you're interested in getting them finances together. We're not in money March, but baby, we're going.
To keep this money following wearing money of March for the rest of our lives.
Yeah, I mean ever since then. I'm in it like i've been. I've been investing in cryptocurrency. My crypto is up right now. I don't know if anyone is into cryptocurrency, but I invested in Ethereum. They shout out to Ashley Runway, my homegirl, Ashley. She's really got me into the crypto space. I'm still confused a bit, but I'm learning and yeah, it's been interesting. But anyway, how are you, friend, I'm motherfucking tired.
I'm grateful, but I'm a little bit overwhelmed today. But good, you know, still good today. It's been a long fucking day.
We have a little I literally knocked on an airco store at fucking seven seven thirty in the morning. She knocked and I was like, whoa, she's what what are you doing here this early?
And it's now nine seventeen and we've literally been just packing, packaging all day, all fucking day. I love you guys.
You guys bought so much of our merch. I'm so grateful. I'm so tired, though. We just sold out of our bucket hat, which is our second We've dropped twice now and it's sold out again in like a day and a half. And if you haven't checked out our merch, please do It's it's it's almost gone. We're gonna have to re up. But yeah, we need help, we need help.
Yeah.
This is actually definitely every days like this. I'm like, God, this is such.
An independent this is an independent business doing a lot or done all the shit over here.
I am really grateful though, but you know, every day shit just you know, it's some days. Most days for us, technology works against me. I've been trying to sign up Luna for soccer for fucking three weeks. I can't log in. It's fucking with me. I'm like, it's fucking soccer, here's the money. Here's her name.
Why the fuck do I have just logging to register to upload her fucking birth certificate.
I'm her mother, I birthed here. She's at soccer. Just let her play. Don't make me log into shit, don't make me reset one more password. I bought her cleats, Like, what the fuck else do you want from me? If you email me one more time about this fucking logging, I'm want to freak out.
It's Mother's Day this weekend. Treat mother's nice.
I mean, honestly, like, motherhood is the most fulfilling, grateful, amazing, fucking self sacrificing thing I've ever done. But it is so hard, Like I just constantly feel like I'm.
Fucking it up. But I know I'm trying. I'm doing my best. I'm doing my best, and so are you.
Where we're at feeling overwhelmed and tired and like, are you questioning yourself?
You're doing a good job, you really are. You know. The other day I was on I shared something on our close friends and I got really a motion because I have been feeling like I have been very distracted from motherhood because I'm so focused on my career. I'm so focused on trying to move out of this house. I'm so focused on the multiple projects that we have going on that I have been feeling like I've not
been spending enough time with my daughter. And my daughter granted is an attention houji, but even so, I know in my I've been feeling in my heart like I have not been present at all. And so we got home the other night, and uh, she was kind of quiet. I had been working all day and had not played with her all day, and like, like, had someone else take her to soft her practice, had someone else do
something else for her? Like I have not been like I haven't been taking to her to any of her activities, like thank God for tribe, but also like I haven't been able, haven't.
Done any of it.
And so we got home and like she was sitting on the couch, which and quiet, just quiet, which never happens, and like I'm in the kitchen, I'm on the phone, distracted again, and I get off the phone and I tell her she has to take a bath, and she's like she's crying. It's like I don't want to take a bath. I don't want to take a bath. And I was like, well, if you're not going to take a bath. You need to go to bed. And she was like fine, and I was like, oh, that was
way too easy, Okay. So I'm like, all right, Well, she gets she gets dressed, and she's just like crying, and then she goes in the bed and she's crying, and I'm thinking, like, she's being dramatic, but also I'm thinking, like, God, I haven't believed in the very time with her. Maybe she's noticed. No, she hasn't noticed. Maybe I'm just being hard with myself.
No, whatever.
So she goes, she goes, I close the door, and then I go back and check on her in like ten minutes, and she's still crying. And I'm like, why are you still crying? Like you got what you wanted, you didn't take the bath, you're in bed, it's late anyway, Like what are you crying about? And like and she just couldn't like verbalize it. She was crying so hard that like she couldn't like say why she was crying. And so I was like, all right, well, let me list some things out, like like why, like are you
crying because of this? Because of this? She was like no, no, no, And I was like, are you crying? Because mommy's been really busy, and she said yes, and then she was like are I'm like, are you crying because I didn't play with you today? And then she was like you never play with me? Is like, are you upset when I'm on my phone? And she's like, you're always on your phone. I always tell you to get off your phone.
You're always on your phone. And I was like, fuck when your kids came, and she was like and you could tell like those were the reasons because she was like, yeah, bitch, yeah, bitch, I know you know, And at that moment, I was like, fuck, I'm caught. Like my feelings are confirmed. Like I haven't been like sliding, like sliding past her and her not
like realizing that Mommy's been trash lately. So you know, I went up in the bed and like I told her like I'm sorry and that I i'd just been like so focused on like trying to move and like my work, but like that I need to do better, and like I just started I didn't want to cry, but then I just started crying, and then we were both crying, and then like she like reached her little arms out and like held me on her chest like my fucking mom, like like was like petting me, and
I was like bawling, and then I was just like I'm gonna do better. I'm so sorry, Like you're right, like I'm on my phone too much and I want to be here for you. I love you. You're almost like I can't believe you're a Well that's when that's why I started crying. I was like, you believe you're almost six? Yeah, this is like two days before her birthday and cry thinking about it, and I just felt
like I feel like shit. I felt like shit. I mean I felt like, wow, this is afterwards, I was like that was such a beautiful moment that I could
share with my daughter. But I also felt like shit because I was like, I don't know how I'm going to change anything right now because I do have so much going on and I have to keep it moving, and like I know that there's ways that maybe I can incorporate her more, like her, you know, being a part of my work even if it's like not really part of my work or like made her feel involved and stuff, right, but I just was I got more upset after I left her because I was like, I
don't know how I'm supposed to like shift this, and I'm like, I just got like I was like I envy married people in that moment because I was like, if you're married me and to me, I always talk about like we're so glad we're not married because I've get to drive the kids off and have her own time and we get we get our space, you know, we get space. But in that moment, I was like,
if I was married, I wouldn't. I don't feel like i'd feel as a guilt, Like I'd be able to like pass her on to someone in my home and like he could take on some of this guilt or something, but at least take on some of the responsibility. And like her dad has just gone and just just making her all his own schedule and telling me his schedule and not asking me my schedule, and it's just yeah, anyway,
I just felt just reflecting on like single motherhood. Like when we started this podcast, you know, our daughters were
three years old. Now they're six years old, which is crazy, and there's so much more aware, there's so much more vocal about their needs and wants, and we've grown closer to them obviously in that time, and so I feel her when things when like when things aren't going the way they should, and to be honest, they're not really They're like and I don't I'm trying to find balance, but I don't think there's ever a perfect balance, Like
there's just imbalance. Often there's balance sometimes for sure, but then there's just imbalance. And I don't know, like Pete when I when I posted on close friends, like a lot of moms like you know, gave me advice, and I appreciate that because me and Amila we're new moms essentially, like we've been doing it for six years. Yeah, and so like hearing from other moms that have a ten year old or fifteen year olds and are like in school, have a job, parent like the same shit, you know,
it was nice. I'm just so grateful for like our tribe, especially like our secret tribe at Patreon, because I don't, you know, a scorpia. I don't feel like I don't like want to share aggraazing, even though I'm sharing the three now, but like those are really super emotional in the moment moments like when I can reach out to
my people and you guys come for me. I'm so grateful and that's really I was thinking about, like not feeling like I had community or not feeling like I had any mom friends when I start, when we started this podcast, and like the fact that I have so many people now and I don't know all of you guys, but like I feel like I know all of you guys.
You feel the support, you feel the energy, and you feel like you know, you feel that other people have been there. I genuinely feel the love all the time, you know, even if it's just like a couple of comments or a couple a line or two here, roll up in the DM there, I do feel surrounded by like powerful women that are going through similar experiences. So that's that's amazing, Yeah, because we did feel very alone in the beginning, and we desperately needed each other and everyone else.
It's crazy because.
Like, well obviously we're together all the time, so we are a reflection of one another, and we're a reflection of like a lot of times inevitably we are each other's business partner. And whatever you're experiencing, I'm often experiencing it too, and like whether or not I want to acknowledge it or stay vocally, like if your kids feeling neglected.
Probably chances our minds.
Too, because we're living a lot of like a very parallel life and trying to just balance a lot of stuff and you know, be successful and be rich and then like get to this space where we're not like hustling and bustling and moving all day. And but I've said this before, like there's this other fear like time is going by so quickly. Like they were three when they started. We were literally screaming in the other rooms. It's constantly for them, they'll be quiet, and then like
just three years later, they're vastly different. They can communicate so much better that you know, they're more in tune with their feelings. They're more aware and just trying to balance work and you know, justify getting rich so that they could live better lives. We can live better lives, work less, but then also trying to manage like personal lives and like niggas and like this shit that really doesn't matter, but like we still make time for it because well we're human.
It feels good, and it feels good and it's a distraction from reponsibility. So yeah, and you know what I've been like really exploring is that.
The same, the same trauma, The same childhood trauma that I'm healing from or attempting to healing from, or rather avoiding healing from, is meeting and wanting attention from my parents.
That same trauma, wanting attention, wanting love, and wanting to feel validated is like literally the exact same trauma that allows me to distract myself with like relationships or you know, guys or whatever the fuck it is, and like this crazy men, Like when I step back and even see you, just you know, be vulnerable and discuss that because obviously I have very similar feelings and I have like panic attacks and side like, fuck, she's gonna grow up and
like remember that I've just been on my phone or been working, and then by that time she won't give a fuck to hang out with me.
But it's just like, if.
I don't address that childhood trauma in myself right now, the need to feel attention, to feel like romantic love or whatever the fuck it is, I will inevitably pass that on to my daughter and maybe make her feel whatever the fuck I was feeling at my agent was like granted my my my parents were married and lived in the same household, but.
It was deeply.
Fucked up and they weren't healed, and like there was a lot of them going back and forth and chasing each other, you know. I'm like, really they had a very co dependent relationship, and there were so many times I remember being like, these niggas are so worried about each other, they're ignoring everything else. Like I remember vividly thinking that, and so I recognized so much how a part of me, a part of my distraction and wanting
to seek love and attention really stems from that. And obviously, like I I'd like to say that, I'm I try to do better than my parents and be more tentive, be more chill, be all these things that maybe they weren't. But at the very root of that need for attention, it's still me, this child, you know, And like I, if I don't do the steps, which is an everyday work to try and correct those things and heal myself, that I like, I'm going to pass that trauma on.
I was telling Erica today my statement, not my quote, that you know, dysfunction is like mold. If you don't attend to it, it will inevitably like spread into every other part every other existence, your family, your relationship, your relationship with your kids, and like that dysfunction is like trauma that's unhealed.
And sometimes it's hard to admit when you fuck up and when you're wrong and when you're not doing a good job balancing.
But that's a part of it, that's a part of getting back on it. But like that has been heavy on my heart because I'm an avoidant attachment. I have avoidant attachment. I have an avoidant attachment avoided, I have a confused attachment. So I will try to attach myself to someone and then attach myself into their life love me, and then be like oh no, no, no, no, no, never mind, just kidding and try and detach because I'm now I'm
scared of it. But it's just this vicious cycle of just like running, you know, running for myself, running from and just seeking validation and love and like admiration from outside places and you can't. You I'll be fucking searching for that forever because no one's ever going to love you better than you love yourself, It's true. And if you can't like fully give that to yourself, and how can you give that to your kids or to anybody else.
So yeah, there's just you're I mean, you're like our kids are mirrors.
They really like force us to stare deep in our eyeballs and like fucking be like you have You're still not doing the work, bitch. Guess what I'm getting older? Oh you see that thing I did I do that you don't like? That's you, bitch, Like that's me being you because I'm watching you do that dumb shit And now I won't unlearn it because I've been watching it for too long. I don't want to say long learn it,
but I don't know. It's I think about like because we took these attachment tests, right, and last week we had Felicia latouron and she was talking about our attachment styles. I don't know if you guys have ever heard about this, but it's just basically based in childhood and like how we are as adults as in relationships essentially, and mine was when I took the test, I was just secure attachment. And people are really proud of being like the secure
like having secure attachment tendencies and stuff. But I don't know if it's all that great either, because there's a sense of like I don't need anybody, I think for me, but I do need people, but like no one's ever good enough, you know, And like that's what I've realized too, and I know that men have told me that too. Like men I've always said, like make me feel like I'm not good enough, and I'm like good you're not,
but also like I'm not perfect either. Fuck like even like recently I went on this secret trip and that
only like only close friends got to see. And uh, just like expecting men to be more than where I'm at, you know, like wanting men to give me shit that necessarily, yeah I can, I can give myself, and like this situation is a little different, but I was thinking about that a lot too, like my desire for like a man to have this and this and that and that, and it's like, bitch, you don't have all of those things, So how are you going to sit here and demand
that he does? And I'm like, well, because I want him to elevate me. I want him to motivate me. I'm already motivated. I'm on my way there, so you need to be there already. One of us needs to be there. Make the shit easier, teach me something, make it easier. But then I was like, well to say that,
you know, I don't know. I've been like battling these these rules I've made for myself when it comes to like the men I want, And I think that some of them are about valid for sure, But then some of them, I'm like, are these tactics to never set to never find that person? Are these like ways for me to be like mm almost but not really? She said, But she's a track stuff. And it's so weird because
I wasn't always. I've always been like a very much a relationship person, and now I find myself like making I don't know, like oh, like if I got like what if a guy I'm seeing and tell is like talk like test mentions another girl, I'm like encouraging them to like go with be with them.
Is it because you're testing it and you want to like test your like your own I sometimes test it.
It's just so I could be like, yeah, this is not really for me anyway, go like yeah.
I like I would like someone, and then I'll find reasons not to like them, and you know, because I'll tell about it, getting to school on time and fucking logging into that COVID thing just for them to get in. It's just so much fucking work, writing absent notes, making lunch. I can't every day I buy lunch for a little I like sop it subway on the way to school,
like every day because I'm irresponsible and she's bougie. She wants like sushi for lunch and tune its sandwich is specifically only from subway because she doesn't like my tune us.
It's crazy. I'm just like.
I do get envious too of married couples. That woman over there has her husband to pick up where she's left off, or when she wants to go cry in the bathroom. You know, Peter can fucking make dinner, but I can't. I can't cry in the bathroom and make dinner. The other it's one of the other and stuff we gotta eat. Usually the crying, I'll do it later.
And then you don't even do it, and it just builds up inside you until you fucking explode and curse your kid out by accident.
Speaking of that, the other day, my it was my mom's birthday and they made a really late reservation and I should have just been an adult mom and said we're not going to go, but she wanted to go, and I was like, we're gonna go and celebrate.
It was fucking late. She was acting.
She was like screaming, like like I was like, what the fuck is going on?
I'm like, we're not going.
No, She's like, man, she would break out into tears about not going. I'm like, what the fuck am I supposed to do with this? I'm like seeing the peak of like that early teenage like rebellious, and I'm I'm not prepared. I think, is there a class? Does anyone know, like the prepare moms for the stage class?
Because I need to take it. What is the stage like eight through seven through nine?
I don't know, tween age or whatever what they call it, Like, I don't know, like attitude I don't fucking know.
Do we need to develop the class when we get the answers?
Whenever that is, there has to be a meditation specifically dedicated to moms for their kids when they get attitude age?
How how do you manage? Somebody give me the answers. Yeah, you're doing a good job. You're doing a great job. You're a great mom. Thank you, you're a great mom. Thanks so that you're doing a great job too. Thank you, you really are. You're very patient. I love you. He teach me patience. We're doing the best we can what we got. Yeah, Okay, And inevitably our kids are gonna blame us for some shit. It's just inevitable. It might not even it's gonna be the most unexpected shit too.
It's like, that's what you fucking think I fucked up on. Not the forty times I let you go to bed at one am, but I was recording my podcast right at school. Not the times where like I didn't like talk to you for like twelve seventy two hours straight because I was packaging packages, Like you didn't get to my soccer game. It's gonna be like that one time that you made me not tug my shirt and you didn't let me be the fashionista I was meant to
be right, Like what the fuck? I'm gonna laugh and then I'm gonna cry again in her arms while she holds me.
Want to be holding me too, be like damn, this is is this my mom? Like there is some healing, some interro like some like exchange healing that happens, and.
I'm always proud and happy. Is some when she sees me not be weak, but like be less, be human right in like a lot of ways, I am grateful to let Lena see me be human because it lets her know that I'm not perfect, you know.
And like.
At the end of the day when she gets older and tries to blame me for her trauma, like I told you I was fucking up.
What do you want for me? I told you when you were six, I told you when you were eight. I'm telling you now, Like it's not as great. I'm sorry. At least I did like our parents, like I did everything perfectly right. And I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
I never said that. I never said that. I never said that. I don't know why you're so emotional. I like, look at my journal in nineteen ninety nine. It says my mom said. My mom literally always says you're so emotional. You're so emotional, Like, so, when what are you going to just accept the emotional and stop using it against me? You would raise an emotional fucking scorpio child. Do you think that's why you're like not? You try not to be emotional. I try not to be. I'm so emotional,
and I try so hard to be hard poor. It's I think I'm pretty emotional. It just comes out in different ways. It's like it doesn't necessarily come out in tears. It comes out like with like where people will like get like overwhelmed by my presence because I'm in a mood. Or it comes out with like my tongue when I like just say shit and I know it's mean, and then I have to apologize later like I do with you all the time, and then or just like sometimes
crying or sometimes just lashing out. Like it's just emotional in different ways. I think people typically think emotional means like crying whatever. No, yeah, it's not true. But I am emotional. I'm a motherfucking double scorpio. I'm emotional as fuck. And I'm like, I don't know, I just I don't know I have I guess I haven't always felt space to be emotional with my mom, and so when she says that, it really irritates the fuck out of me. And and so that's why I try to give Iri
the space to be emotional. But then sometimes i'm my girl, you're driven. It's like you are really really She's.
There's some drama, but she's emotional too, but it's so it's so crazy to be a mom and like I don't I am very emotional, and I wasn't given a lot of space to be emotional in my household either. It was kind of like yeah, like shuts, like shut up, stop, Like are you stop crying?
My dad was like laugh at me. My dad's like a jokester. Oh you're said, like ship like that. So I think that that does spill over. And then in my regular life when I am feeling emotional, I'm not acknowledging it and I'm not saying that I'm not I'm good. I'm good. Actually just get the fuck away from me, you know what I mean. And I'm like, I'm not good, I'm sad.
And I go through I go through periods where I allow myself to like be more emotional than others. Like the last year eighteen months, I cried a lot, and I feel like I've kind of come from that, but now I'm like, damn, bitch, do you.
Need to cry a little bit and just check it's you.
If podcasting has taught me any fucking thing in the world is like you're gonna constantly have to check in and have to scale and have to refigure like where you're at, you know, and if you're fucking up and and how you could be better. It's not Healing is not linear. It's a daily, minute to minute practice. Every minute,
every fucking minute. You have to like pull yourself out of anxiety, pull yourself out of depression, pull yourself out of sadness, and just remind yourself like everything's okay.
And this type of this world that we live in with fucking social media and time time time, do we have enough time? Have you called that person? Have you done this? Like there's just not enough time.
I sat on the phone on hold like three times this weekend for over an hour and then got disconnected.
Do you know how fucking irritating that is? But you still got a call back and do the thing. I haven't filed my taxes, but whenever I feel like when was the time? When did I have the time to do it? When do I have time? Like it's either filed my taxes or like have take a day or two for self care for myself because I've worked myself to the ground that past like ten days straight. It's like taxes can wait, and.
Then it's like, if I wait, if I don't tend to this right now, what's the worst that's gonna happen.
Government's gonna fucking come after me because I haven't filed for last year either. You have four hundred millions. Just I don't even know a really good tax person DM me. Who's gonna get me the most money back? The Hennessy eliminated both.
Sure anyway, this episode brought to you by Hennessy.
It is Mother's Day. I swear to God, we do love being moms. No, I do love being There are so many like beautiful experiences that I've shared with Iri over the last six years. Her birthday just happened, which was amazing, and she had a great time, and I'm watching her grow up is like one of the most It is the most amazing experience I will ever have in my life. You know, I guess I just worry that I'm fucking it up, But you know, she seems she seems like she's done right.
That's so every time I think I'm fucking it real bad, I see Little I think you missed me. She's like, yeah, okay, fun, Like.
Are you sure you were? Said? I was like just talking She's like, what, Ellen.
Never mind.
Anyway, let's shift gears. Okay, don't we have an advice questions?
We do.
It's a big one too. Today's advice question is a freaky one. Freaky, it's a little freaky. You love freaky everything. Oh my god, I have a little confession. So you know, it's masturbation may and I'm not really having sex. So I'm not really I'm not having sex at all. But I've been using this app called dipsy. You know, you heard me talk about it, and it is the most amazing app. It has hundreds of erotic tales that tantalize
my senses. When I tell you, this app turns me on, like I'm wet listening to this ship.
Matter of fact, let me just play you.
A little clip, because let me see what putting on over there. Okay, and this is our homeboy sharonas Jackson parted with dipsy and did a little episode and god damn, here we go.
First, and I guess her smooth scan who's trying to take and every feeling, not the movement entice hercles on her clip.
That's all you get.
That's all you get.
I never even thought about Sharona's like that except for a couple episodes in Secure, But suddenly I might have to go download Dipsy.
Girl, I'm telling you, And not only that if you need to wind down, Dipsy also has wellness sessions, sensual bedtime stories, and soundscapes. They have stories for every gender, every kink, anything that you're into they have stories for. And even if you're with a partner, you can listen to Dipsy and get turned on with your partner if you're in the car, like a form of four play.
It's totally a form of foreplay. And I'm so excited because for our listeners of the show, Dipsy is offering an extended thirty day free trial when you go to dipsystories dot com slash good Moms.
That's d I p s e.
A Stories dot com slash good Moms. Trust me, you guys are going to be wet, hot, and bothered listening to these stories. You guys, thirty day free trial, You're welcome. If you have any advice questions, don't forget to hit us up in our email and put subject line and hey, I'm not sure if y'all actually read your DMS. We do, but I need help.
I started dating this guy and he's so amazing, has his master's degree, super kind, handsome, good dick, and super well off. But he's into cuck holding. I don't know if I'm even comfortable with that. Does this mean he's bisexual. I wouldn't be bothered by his sexuality if you were, but I'm super confused as to what he likes in bed and what I should do since I have no experience with the situation like this. Do y'all know anything about this and what problems would arise or how I
should talk to him about it. For those of you who don't know what cuck holding is, it's a man who willingly encourages his wife or girlfriend to sleep with other people because it brings him pleasure.
Pass him over. That's what I told her. I said, girl, sounds like you came up. Sounds like a come up. Sounds like a motherfucking come up.
I continued the conversation with her, because you know, my freaking ass was right to the rescue you. She said that he's even down to have a male male female threesome, and I was like, I think you need to figure I think you need to try it out.
I don't think that.
First of all, do you know, I'm I don't think that being a cut caled makes you bisexual.
Biting means well, doesn't necessarily mean that he wants to interact with the man. It means that he just wants to see his woman be pleased, be penetrated, or like yeah, be pleased by someone else and be a spectator to that, either because he's you know, voyeuristic, or because watching the person he loves or cares about experiencing pleasure outside of himself turns me on. I kind of what's what? I'm a cut queen. I think I'm a cut queen? What what?
You just make that up? No? I think that actually is what you want to do. You want your boy for your husband to watch you. But see, like wife, the wife of an adultero's husband is a cut queen. Or maybe I'm a cut queen. I don't know whatever, this is the wrong definition. I want. I want to watch the person that I care about experience pleasure from another woman like I haven't. I haven't I have yet to experience it, but like I've encouraged it multiple times,
even on this little secret trip. I went on, I try, I wanted that to happen. I told him that I wanted to happen. Believe I think he believed me, but I think I don't know. Then then I think, like I scare man when I say that type of ship because and then I'm like, that's what I was saying too, like I pushed people, not like pushing people away, Like but I know for sure, and I do want to experience that. I might not like it when it actually happens.
That's why I want to know. I actually like this because when I master me, I often think about my lovers with other people and me watching them and me not like being involved. No, that's interesting. Actually when I got that question, I was with this guy that I'm saying and I explained it to him and he's like, what the fuck the fuck are you talking about?
Fuck?
No, I was like, oh no, when I was when Samaya was here Sexual Essentials Sexual Essentials, she were sitting on the couch and she was explaining, like her her desire to experience male male female and like the way she explained it made it so appealing to me, and I'd never really like heard it explained in such beautiful detail, and she was just saying like she's like I'd be willing. She was like, I'd be willing to pay for this experience.
Like I want two men that are like fuck with each other, not fuck with each other sexually, but like are cool like respect, like respect each other, have a good rapport, who adore me and who want to like shower me with affection and love, like sit there, cook dinner for me, like like whisper to each other about how they're going to like please me, and like you know, I'll handle the salad, you get the pasta, whatever me. Come in, like massage me my pussy, pour my glass
of wine, like really like wine, and dine me. And it doesn't have to be this nasty experience that porn, you know, presents this experience to be. It's actually like a beautiful experience. Often what we see in porn when a man is experience as two women, when it's like a romance scene, rarely do you see you know, vice. And so when she explained it that way, I was like that sounds fucking amazing, Like what, yeah, I want
to experience that, duh. But also there's so much shame about Like there's so much shame in even saying that there's so much shame and even being like, yeah, I would be open to having like two men cater to me at the same time in the same session. Like I remember I had an X and he was like he said that he had an ex expressed that to him and he was like, I would never marry her. I'm like, why, because then you don't like that one
thing can make you not love someone. I'm like, so you never love that person to begin with, right, And that's the thing with men.
They have these fucking rules because that's how society has made it, and then they.
Can just drop you that quickly. I think that's why I don't trust men.
I don't trust men to say or to keep me because I believe that there's so many things that are it's just it's so conditional. Ego makes love so like a male ego makes their love for women so conditional based on these standards that they.
Don't live by at all. Like we're different, Like we're different.
I had a conversation with this guy and he was like, well, women can get pregnant, so it's different. You know, I can experience different women, but I can only get pregnant once a year. I was like, but you can spread your seat, so I say, God intended for you years ago, nutt and bitches, and we just sit.
So because women can only get pregnant once a year, we're supposed to not have multiple sexual.
Partners, basically scientifically, like he's trying to make it like some scientific some male scientists came up with this, some scientific religious like. I was just like, and also also that there's more there's more women that there are men. So women are supposed to have one man, and men are supposed to.
Have multiple women. Why are there more men? Because God intended for who made them? Right? Fuck you right, honestly you would even be here without us or shut the fuck up.
It's just yeah, I do want I would want to experience that.
It's just so rare that you find two men that would be willing to do it in a cordial especially black man. Yeah, that's very rare, especially in the black black man's space. Damn, I want you know what, some of my I would be willing to pay for that shit too. When she said she paid for it, I was like, you know what, at least if you know you pay, you know you're getting what you want. And that's basically what she said too. She's like, I want to get the experience that I want and that's why
I will pay for it. And I was like, you know what, You're fucking genius. I'm getting on just for this purchase. Where are who connect us to the only fans of the men? Wait?
When I follow all those sites like black Polynation poly Couples, like they're always like, we're looking for our queen, I'm looking for my kings hiam miila, and I'm seeing it. I'm looking for my kings even right now, and we're looking for kings.
Wasn't that Daddy's aka Kings. The crazy part about this is like a little bit of part of me has anxiety.
About even saying this, even though I'm gonna fuck, but like I do, like, what if one of my niggas is gonna come and judge me and.
Drop me over this conversation? If you drop me over my secret fan, my public fantas, my secret public man, my secret public fantasies, did you ever really love me at all? Because you know that's another thing. Oh, back to our advice question.
We put our own fucking our own fantasies when it comes to sex. There's really no judgment in kink unless as long as you're not hurting anyone, and it's all adults and humans. I don't really think there's any weird
thing with kinks. There's no fantasy that's too weird. People fantasies to come up in all different places, in all different ways, Like you can't really judge a fantasy, and like there's really no spectrum of sexuality, Like I'm gay, I'm straight, I'm in the between, I'm fifty to fifty.
Like there's just it's just not that clear and cut.
You know what you do like and don't like, and like that's the part about having a partner.
And it changes you evolve. You're allowed to change your mind every day. Every day, Like I'm allowed to say, you know what, I don't want to do that, and then next week be like, you know what, maybe I've changed my mind. Like we get so married to these rules about what our sexuality looks like, what what what
sex looks like for us? And I don't know, Like I just I want to encourage all of us to kind of rethink the rules that we've made and not judge yourself and the rules believe and if like you or you're listening listening, and if you're listening to us talk about male male female and it sounds appealing to you, and suddenly you're like, huh, never looked at it that way? That might sound appeal Like, don't judge yourself for that. Yeah, like don't like I'm a slat? Oh my god, Like
why does that sound good? Because it fucking does sound good. That's all about you, you like maya set. Yeah, we give so much. It's time for us to get some shit back.
Oh my god, if I can't imagine if for Mother's Day we could buy that for ourselves, I mean, minus the dicktks. But I'm just saying, what if you could just if you moms everywhere, If this is your fantasy and you participate in this for Mother's Day, can you tell us about it more importantly than encouraging, I mean, I also want to encourage. If you have that fantasy
and you're a woman, don't judge yourself. But even more past that, if you're a man and you have these deep toxic beliefs that you are a man, and so only you can have certain fantasies and only you can fulfill certain fantasies and it's only made for you to experience certain type of pleasure. I really encourage you to break out of that bullshit, like it's holding everybody back, holding women back, it's holding shame on women, and it's just it's not helping this flow of life. It's not
you need to like think bigger. You need to be more mature. You needed to be more kinky, you need to be more open, and you need to be more free. Oh my god, talking about you being.
Pushy. I thought about you this weekend because I was like telling someone like, relax, you need to relax, take off your jeans, relax. Why are you so like are you at peace?
And then I was talking about us on the boat and I was like forcing someone to relax and like be touchy feeling, and You're like, you can't just force people to be kumbayah with you, bitch. Everyone's not fucking receptive. And I'm like, I just wanted them to be love. I just wanted them to embrace each other and embrace me, Like you can't go around trying to kiss everybody in your toplessness. I'm like they didn't want to embrace me, and I'm.
Like, damn, am I a little forceful? I'm with my flow.
I'm like I never thought about it that way, but I'm like, I'm a force fully peaceful bitch.
You will get all this peace small with me me. Listen. I just don't want you to see the next me too. She's like, you're gonna get our podcast me too, because I won't stop hugging and moaning strangers. I realized it's a part of my gift.
I'm supposed to just like I think I'm supposed to like break people open and heal them and like.
Relax release with me. But even I'm a little pushy and everyone doesn't want to be.
Part of honing that gift is knowing when people are people are like past the point of like openness and now they've totally shut down and they're not going to receive anything you're giving them.
I'm still gonna try them.
Speaking of sex and speaking of freaky ship and all that stuff, and you know, it's Mother's Day, and you know we're all mothers because we're fucking so essentially, you know, people always shame moms for like enjoying sex and like talking and even even I was talking about sex when the people always so shocked, like, wow, you guys talk about sex so open, name like we have we have kids, Like we really we did the thing that like we were the God or whatever the Bible or Jesus whoever
the buck said, were supposed to do it like this deliberate. Literally he said, be fruitful and multiply. I listened. Okay, and now you don't wait to talk about it? The fuck is wrong with you. We have a horror story, guys, it's been a while. Who story. Yes, it's horror story at claw. If you're just you know, tuning into the podcast for the first time, or maybe it's you know, you tuned in the middle, you haven't heard what a horror story is. A horror story is a highly horrorsh hotel.
It's either funny, a little scary, a little wild crazy level ten socially horsh things. Yes, and we say horrish in the best way possible because we love to hear from you. And if you guys have any hotels, which we had, I've had at least like eight people recently tell me they have hotels. And then you guys don't send them. It's very annoying, like I don't care if you don't tell me, don't give me like three sentences that, oh my god, bitch, I had the craziest hotel. I
can't wait to tell you. And then I say, message me and write it beautifully and then you don't. Right, anyway, this is a hotel from a listener, And here goes. When I was twenty, I started dating a thirty five
year old man. My digmatized ass, fell into a situationship and dealt with a year of physical and mental abuse until one night I watched him choke one of the women he was cheating on me with, and she pulled cheating on me with after she pulled up and was screaming up and down the street that she be elbowed deep in his ass. Whoa, whoa, whoa, this sounds like amber. When she said she said, like Kanye different like that.
Oh yeah, I think they got it on Twitter. And it's just like I'll be fingering your booty hole and everybody else you and every nigga, any nigga like a little finger in the mood hole. I don't care what they say in ninety nine point nine anyway, he lived in an apartment with his best friend of twenty years, so I ran upstairs to tell him his boy had lost his mind. I'm hysterically crying, and this man starts sensually.
Oh okay, so the way, the way, Oh my god, I'm hysterically crying and this man starts sensually rubbing my back and shoulders. Fast forward to a month later, after his friend coached me through leaving him, I went to their apartment and fucked his friend, who gave me even better dick. My ex heard and recognized my moan. I know that he waited for me outside all night. When
I went to leave, I saw him. He tried to come for me, and I told him after what he put me through, I wouldn't feel bad fucking his dead, but his best friend and nephew was enough and worth no weight. Male mau female man nephew too. What's that story? Now?
This is the thing, fellas, And I'm not saying this with bragging, but I'm letting you know. Niggas always want to fuck with women. You always want to fuck with us and fuck with us and fuck with us and push us and push us and push us.
But no one will ever get the last laugh better than a woman, absar. We will fuck your dad, we will fuck your uncle, we will fuck your nephew, and you will cry. And that's what the fuck you will deserve because you're an abusive, fucking asshole. Last thing that burns me joy, This is my niggas. This is why no one trusts each other. Sign note. We really are about building family and community. But when a niggas doing some dumb ship, you can do about it. Yo. That
shit is so true. So whoever heard who said that's all r Kelly or Kelly? Yeah? Who ever heard him? And you know, actually, yeah, he heard a lot of people. Yeah, and it's opposed to me that hurt people, hurt people. However, a spiteful woman, it's not a woman you want to fuck with.
A woman who is retaliating against your bullshit will always always sink her teeth in.
Baby. I will tell you we could be the most loyal creatures.
We are the most loyal creatures, but when we want to get a nigga back, there's really nothing you can do about it. Niggas be fucking everybody, the homies, everybody.
I've heard hella stories from niggas about them. I've heard my nick. This nigga told me he fucked the mom, his baby mama is the baby mama, the baby mama's mom and her sister because he was given serving them weed. I don't want to hear shit. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it.
Like, just the shame that projected on women, just purely because we have a vagina that's not addressed to men is so incredibly fucking stupid.
We're the same, nigga. We are both human, we both have feelings, we both like to fuck, we both have fantasies.
If you don't get it, you're dumb. And if you can't accept it, you're dumb. And if you find a woman who's willing to pretend like she's down for the bullshit, she's cheating on you. So, Yeah, either be monogamous or be fair. Amen, Either be monogamous or be equal. We're equal If we're not each other's equal, k rocks, I don't really know what to tell you.
I'm talking to myself. You have a little little therapy session.
With your Yeah, as empowered as we are, as much as we talk shit every week, we're still we're still have shame associated with so much shame.
So I've been reading this book the Ethical Slug. I've posted it a few times on so I don't know if you guys have read it. Shout out to Alessandra for sending all the greatest gifts. Yeah, absolu all the time. Thank you girl. But this book is going to change my life. I'm only like twenty five pages in and I literally highlighted every page has at least like ten lines. I'm like, I'm basically highlighting the whole book and like reading chapters. I was reading them to one of the
dudes I'm seeing. I was like, we see this, this is why, this is what I need when I say this, And it's just really empowering and enlightening when it comes to the agreements that we've made around sex and how monogamy is really a new thing. It's really like a very new tradition.
I would say every like religion is at the patriarch. All of these things that we deeply believe, even if we don't believe them, are ingrained in us so deeply, and it's just like, this is why we do this, This is why we have these conversations because I've talk to myself to talk to you, to break ourselves out of this bullshit because it's fake.
It's fake.
These these systems and beliefs that we hold so dearly, subconsciously and consciously are so fucking fake.
And but they even talk about how monogamy is that that's what you choose after reading the book, understanding you know all the aspects, and you choose monogamy and then that's what you really want. And that's okay because that's a form, that's a that's a that's a form of relationship. Obviously,
like that people choose when they have free choice. If there's nothing wrong with monogamy, and like, I don't I'm not going to sit here and you know, preach and say and you know people that are married, that have chosen to be with one person their entire life, and that's what they subscribe to you, that you guys are fucking wrong and that like that's crazy, that's crazy. Like no, like that's works for you, then that works for you. But there are so many other ways to love someone.
And yeah, I'm just is the ethical slight your new Bible. I'm just excited to explore that more this month, because I think in May we're really we're gonna have a few different guests on to talk about sex and the history of sex and kind of just explore what we want out of sex and love more and what we believe in want.
I think it's important to be like, damn, why do I when I say this? When I said damn, I kind of want to male male female for somebody like a little bit inside of me and cringe a little bit, like, oh no, I hope noyone hears this.
What is that?
Because I am free, and I like I pride myself in that, but also I'm not. There's still parts of me that are attached to wanting to be loved and accepted. And if you and if I say this out loud, can I still be loved and accepted? Can someone still want me as their wife or to keep me?
You know?
And like that's the thing, wanting to feel worthy enough to be kept. But the truth is wanting to be kept in general, you know, the wanting to even be kept.
Like so so much so that you will disregard your own feelings and your own desires and fantasies to appease someone else's idea of what you of what you should look like, and how you should be, even if that person doesn't subscribe to the.
Same behavior they want you to subscribe to. Huh. Anyway, it's late, the kids must go to sleep. Happy Mother's Day, guys. I don't want to what you guys are doing for Mother's Day, but I hope going to eat like what everybody does. You guys, are you know when we get some massages. I hope that if you are not during the dicktalks, that you get some excellent dick penis or vagina, both both together at once or separately, side by side. I don't know what I needed to do do it.
I hope your kids spoil you and on that day act right, just for that one day, Like I hope those kids just act the fuck right, you know, just that one day. I would say, when I have to talk a little chat with Irene, be like you know, on Sunday, like that's this week is Mother's Day, you know, like this this is my week, so please just bear with me. What is Mother's Day? Actually?
Should we ask thee oh yeah, come here, you guys, even though we're doing a blog and right in.
The middle of You're in the middle of a blog. What kind of blog are you guys doing? We're doing about Oh? Okay, okay, well we wanted to we're in the middle of the blog too. We wanted to ask you some questions. This week's holiday.
You know what it is?
Monday?
Oh you know what if Mother's Day mean yoursel but your mother's how do you celebrate us? Like? Guess that's it?
Yeah?
Okay?
What's what's your favorite thing about your mom's what you guys have different moms?
You share ideas? What is what is it a what's your favorite thing about me?
Mama? He always take her your school day?
That's it? Everything about me?
That's all you got, girl.
I know when you get saying about you that you're smart.
Oh thanks, baby, beink I'm smart.
I think like you.
You mm, you are bumpy.
That's not nice. Listen, your mom has apostrophy now, so she's working on that.
Really think I like it. And when you feed me food and as a baby.
When I sent you food when you're a baby. Right now? What about one now? Girl? Do you guys want to be moms one day? No?
No, really no, because the kids will.
Be Okay, I I know that. I mean, Luna, I know you want kids, but I do you want kids? No, that's I know.
I do not want kids.
That's not what you told me. Irin. You don't have to say that just because Luna doesn't.
Luda, I'm waiting for a better response for your favorite thing about me?
What do you think a job?
Job is to get money?
To get money?
Why do we need money?
They get to get some money and.
By some stuff?
What kind of stuff are we buying?
Clothes? Well?
What else does a mom's job besides get money?
Get that for your kids? Spend time with your kids?
Yeah?
You know you do? You know how much we love you?
How much I can't?
Your hands are too little for us to fit it all in.
That b Wait? Do it? I? Yeah?
Do you think we're good moms? Yes?
Yes?
Just good? Or like excellent?
Excellent?
Good or great?
Great?
It's good?
Bad? No? Are you like one of your best friends?
Yes? What what you said?
Yes?
Okay?
What's one special thing about your relationship with your mom?
Having fun?
Having fun?
That's it, that's all you got for us.
One special thing about my relationship with you, Luna, is I enjoy when we dance together?
What about you, mem.
When I do shock tack.
Okay, that's sweet. One thing that I love to do with you, Iri is saying in the car and make up songs.
I do that.
I do.
Like you taking me.
To school to school. That's your favorite thing. Sucks, that's your that's it. That's your favorite thing to do with me. Not are like dance parties.
We have dance parties too, or like.
Our singing competitions. Yeah, or you know all the fun activities we do together.
Yeah, that's all like ski yeah, yeah, cuddles, going in the pool. The real thing, right love is ski And the real thing I love is skiing and going in the pool.
Can you tell all the moms that are listening, Happy Mother's Day.
Mother's Day bye.
Just so you guys know, that's like the third time we've done that, and it is eleven.
We gotta go.
They're delusional and we are too too. I hope you guys have a great Mother's Day, Happy man asturbation may, happy dick talks, Happy Mother's Day. Take some time for yourself and don't feel bad about it, and make sure you check out dipsy because on some real shit, those the app is fire. It's it's firefirefire, matter of fact, I'm gonna listen to it as I go to sleep.
And that's a good idea, and have some sexy dreams.
I like that idea. I think I'm gonna do the same.
All right, We'll see you guys next week.
Happy sexy dreams, Happy Mother's Day.
Bye.