Momchella

Una, crush a bit, little bit, bone it up, take it it lit feeling like two am summer night.

I don't care being on the wheel, driving drunk.

I'm doing my.

Thing, bon in the mid beside him, now, living my life.

And getting out dreams.

People told me slow my role.

I'm streaming out that I'm a dude, just what I want. Looking at hed, no turning back if I found, no one lived the tailor pull for found, if no one lived in missing bullets.

Welcome back to good Moms, bad choices. I'm Erica and I'm Nila. Oh, Happy Easter, Easter, Happy Easter. How was your Easter? It was good? It was jam packed.

Lena is very spoiled and loved by.

Many many people, so she got like fourteen Easter Bennies, Easter baskets, way too much candy, way too much crap.

But I'm happy that everybody else does it and I don't have to.

You know, Yeah, I was like conflicted about Easter.

I think I did.

I don't know why I was conflicted, because I did do an Easter eg kind of my house last year, but I just this year, I've just been so busy and so overwhelmed. I was kind of just like fuck Easter, and I was just like, I'm not very I'm not.

Even very religious. What is the point? I don't care.

I don't. I think a lot of it also just was like I was just stressed. I knew that I wasn't gonna like do anything really for it, like I wasn't. I forgot that I didn't get the basket.

I had no time. I guess I could have altered it on Amazon or something.

But I'm not a holiday like I'm not with the pagan holidays, you know, the pagan bullshit.

But I realized it makes the kids happy.

But it's really what I realized.

But it's not realize it's not I saw you you hit her eggs.

It's not gonna She's not gonna be like remember.

When I was four.

Get me an, I know it's not gonna happen.

And I don't like to like she got so much crap, and I'm like, I don't want to put your value into gifts.

Gifts.

I don't want that to be your level language.

It's true, but they're still kids and they even though you remember those moments, but you would get so excited just getting stupid shit you know.

Yeah, what's true. I got it from other people's family.

But like this morning, my mom was like, there's an Easter basket in my closet, so.

Did you put it out yet?

Because she told me that yesterday and I was like, oh, thank god, yeah right, but she she hit me that this morning we woke up. I totally forgot about it. I knew it was Easter, and she was like, did you do it? And I was like, no, I's away.

How am I supposed to do it.

She's like, I'll distract her on FaceTime because my mom's on town. So she distracted her and I quickly like got the easter basket, put it on like the bed, then like snuck into the kitchen, got the Easter eggs that she made also while I was out of town and had nothing to do with, and then hit them around in the backyard really quickly, like I was like ducking behind the window to make sure she couldn't see me and shit.

And then I came back in the kitchen and I was like, irie the easter bunny came. I think the funny came.

Oh my god, Luna's gonna go tell her best friend all this information Luna's sitting here with us right now.

She's like looking at me, taking notes, like, Mom, that's how I'm about to tell Irin audit.

This is how it happened.

So I so then Iri was like what and she went and she was so excited. Yeah, and then went in the backyard and was like so giddy. And then I was just like okay, like let meed to like sometimes you have to like disassociate yourself from like whatever, this religion, whatever it is that's making you feel negative about it, and just get down to what it really is is about making your happy. And so then I just went all Eastern in it. I was all in Eastern.

It's really dope, Like where is it.

It's in more Park, so it's like kind of like thousand Oaks, like you drive out that direction.

But it's beautiful. It's just like this beautiful farm.

And they have fresh produce you can buy there, get all these activities for kids. It is like a money grab because you have to buy tickets and some of the tickets are like just it's ridiculous.

Right, you know.

But I had this really nice mom, just give me tickets. I was like, thanks, Yeah, I already bought, like I bought like ten, but I really should have needed like twenty to like really do anything. And I was just like so happy all day. She kept saying like, Mommy, this is the best day ever. And I was like I kind of felt guilty because I was like I was gonna skip this day, you know, And.

Yeah, yeah, I agree, it's important for the kids.

And if I knew her grandparents weren't going to do it, and like, you know, like people close to her weren't going to do it, I probably would do it because I remember caring about the type.

Of ship for the kids.

I mean, my grandma was a tradition to get me a bathing suit every so I would look forward to be served strictly for the bathing suit.

That's yeah, summer's coming, your bathing suit. She even asked me, like, should I get ire a bathing suit?

She's like, I'm like, damn, this thirty thirty two year tradition, isn't it crazy when you realize like that this time goes by?

Today she had oh she had some the bubble gum measuring tape. Oh yeah, and youthing and I was like, oh, that's crap and love and then doesn't give me some like bomb. I literally turned four all over again. I remember in your mouth, your sugar, just loving, like pulling it out and pushing down.

It was just like a huge deal rolling it back in right.

It was just the thing.

That's so funny because even in her Easter basket there was a yo yo and I haven't played with a yo yo in so long.

She's like, what is this?

And I kept saying it's candy. It looked like a macaroon, like a fake macaroon.

I was like, it's candy, it's candy. She's like, no, this and I was like, what is it? And I was like, oh, this is a yo yo.

I'm getting nostalgic and realizing how time much time flies. I remember when I was four, and I like the discussing gum too and these weird ass holidays. And also I'm pretty sure Easter your red its origin is about sex. It's about fruit fertility, It's about yeah, it's about multiplying. That's a why eggs are for fertility, and rabbits because they fuckle up?

Are you?

Are you?

It's about the first of all, it's a spring equals Okay, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not disputing that it's blooming.

And no, it's about fatiguay but like not action, not sex.

Fertility maybe like oh yeah, sex like pro creat like creating babies like on that day.

Yeah, I posted about it a couple of Easters ago.

Did your aunt send you this conspiracy?

She didn't, She doesn't care about these topics. Topics she cares about. It's just not one of them.

Oh my god, I'm gonna find it for you, and I'm gonna report it. But when I find it in my history of instagrams.

Damn my pons or you just google hit easter, sex Easter, history of sex Easter.

Oh yes, I mean, I'm not.

I don't whatever. I don't know who knows. Airplane yesterday was.

For twenty Oh yeah, I was, Oh wait, I was, so I went to a I went it was even a four twenty. My cousin had a party and it was like a homecoming akay. She's getting into a roommate and so she had dinner and had people over coming. She was like it was yeah. She called it her front, like her whatever. Her roommate's name is homecoming okay. And it was taco night and no one was smoking. I was like, what the fuck is going on? I literally walked in. Why is no one high? Where's the weed?

What the fuck?

And she was like, you're right, I don't know. I have a joint. Should we go smoke it? I was like, yeah, that's oh my god.

So I didn't even really get as high as I usually do on four twenty, but I didn't adulge a little bit.

It's like Jamila, she was at a four twenty pat It.

Was just some la shit like first of a rack gets a real holiday, it is the fuck.

So I yeah, I got invited by a friend out medic Coachella, which we'll get in to this party. He sent me a link and all I saw it was like Neon lights and ship and I was like, that's like bomb. I'm like four twenty party Neon lights, Okay, I might need to have to do that. And then I was supposed to do my friend slashes and then we left lunch and heard my other friend were having conversation and the conversation took a turn for the worst.

Wait? Oh my god?

And so I was like, yeah, I'm gonna go with that one guy from the coach.

I'm mad that you were this upset and disturbed by Rihanna. She's a black woman, and I was a non black woman.

It was Tiffany. No, Tiffany was one of them.

I was just mads thick.

That's what I said.

She's thicker, she's getting older. It's ten years later. She looks like a woman. She looks bomb as fuck. Yeah, of course she's gonna get thicker. I mean they were like, no, she's just she.

Didn't They said, I didn't even tell my got this man.

They said, she really needs to put on another album because she's not getting any younger.

Yeah, she's not aging.

What the fuck? That's the problem with she's not aging, That's what I said.

Literally, she's got an album because she's not getting any younger, and.

She's Beyonce is aging perfectly, but not not Rihanna is not eating.

So did you not see wife?

Why is it a competition between Rihanna?

And why do they think Rihanna is aging terribly? What the fuck?

I was like, I was supposed to go back over there to do her last she so I was like, I just can't.

I can't bring myself to go back over there, said negative, And I.

Can't bear to put my fingers on your lashes after you talked about re read.

So I went to a four twenty party with the almost stranger because that seemed like a better idea.

So, you know what, fuck this I make it looks good tonight. It's it's four twenty. I'm gonna fucking celebrate that eye shadow. I didn't that eye shadow.

And you know, so I went to this fucking bitching ass cool ass weed party. First, all we get there, it's all these older, like very prestidious white people and like kind of celebrities and all in suits and ties and counts.

I'm wearing jeans and a T.

Shirt and a leather jacket, and I'm like, why didn't you tell me it was? I didn't know either. We're both totally plain dress. But they have like a rolling station of free weed and joints.

They're like people.

Cleaning the bong for you to take a hit and choose what kind you on Indica, CBD or satifa.

Damn that I'm talking about.

It was, Yeah, I was loucky jealous. I was like, this bitch went somewhere, didn't call me. Well fuck at some four to twenty weed shit, I couldn't go anywhere. I know, I knew that that's when I go Anywhay.

I was more jealous that I was just mad. I was like, I call her because it seems like you'd be into.

It, but I know you can't go, so I'm not gonna tempt you like that.

Yeah.

Then there was like this trippy cool art inside that was moving and ship.

It was virtual reality, right, Yeah, then I got into virtu reality. I was already stone. I almost fell because it was too virtual for my reality because I was high.

Yeah.

Those and oh so the virtuality was called micro dose and it literally felt like you took acid. Oh wow, I know that you might die because it was already that's an Easter egg rolling across the table. And then you're like in a carnival in virtual reality. Then you go to another room and there's like a live artist painting. Then you go another one there's a band and virtual real reality on the ceiling.

Then they're in domes.

Close the door, please, it looks so cute. Okay, I'm coming, Okay, we'll come in here.

Then then you could hear people's conversations at certain points in the dome because of how it's shaped.

So it was just a bunch of trippy shit.

And then if you do was in suits and ties and smoking in the exhibit, it was basically amazing.

So wow, I'm yeah.

So back to what's really important, which is our Coachella weekend.

So me and Jamila met up at Coachella last year. We were you were with b D.

I was with D. I didn't say that last year, but I was.

With I was with like actually my brother and my girlfriend Romo, and we're staying like way too far away.

We didn't have vi P, which.

Honestly, it doesn't make a difference. It doesn't make a difference, but it does no parking parking it does did we park vip?

Look?

How do we not exited the wrong side of Coachella this time? Which we'll get to and why it was a shit show. We would have gotten there quickly. But yeah, anyway, me and Jamila ended up going to Coachella this year together together.

We intended on like, we're just gonna swing by Coachella.

That's what we're like.

That's just gonna swing by, Just go swing by. You know, we can go to this party. I'm gonna go to the fast. We're just gonna swing back.

We're gonna do like real mature about Coachella. Yeah, we're not even gonna fuck Coachella even though we go.

For me, we don't need to.

Go, Okay, no headliners like who Okay.

So the night before Coachella that was her whole altitude, and the very night before at eleven PM, I'm like, Erica, I know we're going like like Coachella, but like, are you sure we don't need to take anything?

And she's like, I know, I know, I think maybe she at least.

Try and get some shrooms or like some Mollie. She's like, yeah, I was thinking Mollie. Okay, I'm like, okay, so we're on the same page. So I make a few calls. I guess all the all the all the dealers were hot on the streets because they're like minimum seven.

I'm like seven.

It's just two girls, just two ups trying to take it easy, not at Coachella. At Coachella, but not at Coachella. So we were totally like fuck it, we're not you know, we don't need that. We're just gonna go and figure it out. So we get there. Sorry, your ears are very crooked. Okay, So okay, So we're supposed to be chaperoning her baby brother and his friend to Coachella's.

We get there, everything's good.

Yeah, So we're shepherding my brother, who, by the way, is not a small child. He's nineteen years old. But my mom was like really concerned that he wasn't going to figure it out, and you know what, he probably wouldn't have because the airbnb situation was fucked up, and looky, I had to go because I booked the airbnb, and I was like, you know what, I have friends going.

We'll just chill and we're gonna do like mature things.

Yeah, we're gonna do mature things. So the first night, like we even like took a nap late, like we woke up at like twelve am after we took a mommy nap, like, and then.

We're like, we're gonna go out. So we went to a party. We went to what was it, oh, Ronda.

It was Ronda, Yeah, which Ronda, by the way, is like a party that's been in La for like probably like maybe like eight seven to eight years. And it's like a very house like used to be in a warehouse in downtown a leg go to like six am like house music. Everyone does a lot of drugs, and it's non binary, non binary, lots of lots of like strange like and just you know, free and weird shit happening in there.

We were basically right at home and I was like, fuck it, let's go. We did that and it was kind of whack.

It was cool, It was kind It wasn't as packed as it could have been thought it would be.

We were just.

Happy to be out, so happy. We're just so happy to be out. Way to get drunk, couldn't wait.

We were downing drinks as fastly as they were giving them as fastly they like pushed the bars being open.

We were thrilled.

A guy offered me to go back to his motel six. Oh my god.

That's so that's a huge highlight for me.

Huge win.

Oh my god.

Wait the guy the way. He also approached Emula in the parking lot. We were walking in the parking lot and he was like trying to cat call her.

I was like, oh god.

He's like come, he's gonna come here, and I was like, I hate when they get say come here first.

So we were on foot. He's in the car, which I don't feel like you're a kidnapt me.

Yeah. I was like no, no. I was kept ignoring him, and finally he was like, yo, I'm trying to flirt with you.

And we're like oh, and they're like, oh, okay, you're being really clear about what you want, so we should talk about it.

He's like, I'm meet I'm gonna find you when we get inside. I'm like, okay. The hundreds of the cars in the parking like, no, you're not. But mind you, my nipples are out and I'm wearing a Neon striped holder fish net top so in a Neon headband. So I'm sure he did. He found me as soon as he got inside and offered me to go back to his Motel six because he thinks I need to protector and provider and he that's.

Basically what he was. So yeah, that was great. It's a complete win for me.

And then it was we went home.

Right, No, no, we went back to so Happy Bay. I ended up going to Coachella too, and we ended up being staying in the exact same community, like gated community, which is so crazy out of all the communities literally around the corner. So we went back, we drank, we made pizza, we made Yeah, we went back to and we made cookies.

We made cookies.

Yeah, totally cool, calm night. We went be at five am, but just because it was just because.

We were trying to be crazy. But there was nothing going on.

Day two.

Saturday, Saturday.

Oh, we woke up a little late. Oh, I woke up at Happy Bays. Yes, I went traveled back, got dressed.

We got dressed.

Because we were going to a Fashion Mama's event. So Fashion Mama's is like a it's a mom group. Actually, I'm really excited because we're having their founder on next few weeks. Shout out to Natalie and it's a really cool mom group, very cool, like super cool, like really cool moms.

Like really really like I'm really cool, how happened? Really cool?

Not really cool, really really cool, really cool, really cool moms.

It's like these sohole house of money groups.

And of course Erica belongs to it.

Only because of my girlfri I didn't even know they existed.

It was Nisha, my my other homegirl, was like, have you heard of I've joined Fashion Moments?

Have you joined?

I was like, what is that? Just like you should try? And then I accepted me and then I said fuck it, and.

I'm glad I did.

Actually, yeah, So we went to they were had they had a house, They rented a house and.

Yeah, does she want some white rice?

Do you want white rice?

You want rice?

Okay, five minutes, Okay, I'll give it to you. Five minutes, I'm coming.

Okay, okay, you keep talking. She walked away. It worked all the way.

We went to they rented the house and invited like members to come.

You had like I got.

The email and I responded immediately and it's like, I guess it was like thirty members allowed or something. I got the plus one and social Gmail was my plus one and it was really dope. Like it was like this really cute house with the pool and like the husbands were invited the kids.

They had a play area for the kids. They had this like venos.

They had cast most importantly, they had cast Amigo cast amigos. They had like these little vendors selling bathing not selling giving bathing suits away. It was awesome. It was really cool to see that. But so we got there. We drank our alcohol there. We made sure we were like probably the only moms without kids. There was like a few, but we were there.

Which I was shocked at.

My moms are bringing their kids to the cella, which actually Coachella is free for kids under seven or six, I believe. And when we get really vi she said ten, I know, I think it's six though six Okay, it's free for them, and it's actually free for adults if you tune in a little bit longer.

Oh my god, I love you. Yeah. So we basically drank their alcohol. We left that party.

We then tried to go to the Revolve party, which ended up being a ship show. Second year in a row, Revolve its fucked me. I am now I'm done, done trying to be cool and go to the Revolves till next year. I'm done until next year when we get it in. We were like, okay, we're gonna get there early.

We're to revolve us.

We're gonna have a game plan. It's gonna go not terribly.

I'm so done with Revolved. I even had then the wrist bandsire I supposed to have. It didn't fucking matter whatever.

So yeah, so we've got to Revolve Party. We're like, fuck this ship. We're not going to Revolve Party. We're gonna Now. This is when Mission Sneaking to Go Chilla starts. It's like a very baby baby beginning.

What do we do.

We went to the house, we drank more.

We drank more.

Then we then we had a photo shoot.

We had a photo SHOOTI to bring out my list.

Oh my god, we had a photo sho a photo shoot, and then we ate Mexican food. Yeah, and okay, that's when it kind of all went downhill. So we got drunk at the MoMA event. Then we went back to Happy Bays house, got more drunk and more smoked more, we worked more weed, got more and more and more drunk. Then we went to eat Mexican food and got more drunk, and then what happened?

We went home?

No where did we go?

Okay?

Okay, So then this is when it all starts. So we were in the car driving back from Coachella. To me was like, I think we need to write the shit down because we're gonna forget everything. So I'm gonna write keywords that are like explain everything that happened.

So they're so here it is. Okay, this is the list of what Coachella consisted of.

Okay this year.

The list is called find your Friends, and the list goes fashion, Mamas, Revolve, cocaine, house, photo, shoots, Mexican was sexy, Didty party Now, Nigga rap, Cipher, no Fried Chicken, nap Mission, sneak into Coachella, Take mushrooms, find Alana, take more drugs, kid Ketty, Where's Kitketty? Erica, Snapchat glasses plus trolling balls, sitting down the middle of the road in traffic, Jesus sandals, found market, ravaged the house for snacks from the Growing Boy.

You gotta do what you gotta do, and where's Chris? So that is what happened. So just as if we.

Can explain the list a little bit. I mean, starting with the cocaine house.

The house had always mirrors.

So many mirrors. It was all white. It was the perfect place for cocaine. Did we do any No, there was none. Photo shoots. This is when we were drunk taking the photo shoots. Then we went and had Mexican food. Then we went to a ditty party, which I didn't see ditty there.

No, here's the thing we were bagging.

After the first party, were like, I wonder where the black people of Coachella are.

There has to be some black parties. So that's why we took her out to the ditty party with it. It was too black because I got there and I could smell fried chicken. I could smell it. It was there, but I could not find the fried chicken anywhere.

It pissed me off.

She was really upset. She literally was going inside of the house, like in the bedrooms looking for this chicken. I was like, bitch, the chicken. I don't it's gone just at this point, and it smelled like those black people.

That chicken was gonage.

We love a fried chicken. Leaving me ravaging the house for fried chicken. I was really young. It was really very young. We had like a rap battle that happened right in front of us. It was like I felt when one man was wearing a hit attatoo on his face and the young man was wearing a bulletproof vest type of fashions. I don't know if these are the new fashions the kids are wearing, but it appeared to be a bullet type of vest, but probably wouldn't couldn't protect you from a bullet?

No, no, no.

And then also he was wearing a choker, a Raiders diamond choker m hm. And he was from Atlanta, so that was pretty confusing. And then to make matters even better, him and his homeboy I suppose got into.

A rap cipher and me and Erka just happened to be like right in the middle.

We were like we were like the groupies in the middle, like egging them on, yeah, like oh yeah.

And then there was like a box, an open box.

People were like, I guess it was a box specifically for photo shoots.

They had lights.

And then every so often I would just look over and there's people in there having real serious photo shoots, and I would like tap Erica, like look, how serious that guy is and he was like giving.

Tyson Beck for it.

Yeah, it was every person that stepped into that box was like a super moment.

We didn't make it there, we didn't make it.

I was tempted, like, damn, are we supposed to take a picture for proof that we were at the ditty party at Coachella?

But yeah, we were way too high. And at this point, okay, here's another thing, we were pressed.

Yeah, super pressed.

We were superpress.

We had gotten drunk, but we're like.

We knew we had to leave Sunday mornings. So we were like, tonight's the night, bitch, we gotta get.

Fucked up this Coachella.

We kept saying, I can't believe it's Saturday and we haven't done anything crazy yet.

So we keep pressing Happy Bay because he has the stroom, yeah, the mushrooms, Like.

Please, I'm like, let's just take him now. And then I was like, wait, do I really want to take mushrooms out the strange didty party? And then then what then what?

So then we said so then we said okay, well wait let's go to Coachella.

So four of us get back in the car. We had to Coachella.

I take a mean hardcore, snoring, flabbering nap in the backseat.

Yeah, because I had what's falling off your head?

I was probably at least ten drinks in and that's a cross between tequila and covasier at this point.

Meanwhile, I'm coordinating with my brother who's at Coachella to give me his wristband somehow because we are me are going to sneak in because me and Jamila were the only people in the car without a wristband.

But we has reassured me she had done this many times, it was very easy. Meanwhile, my baby daddy tell me everybody's going to jail. Hundreds of people have gone to jail who have snuck.

In this year.

Before I left, he specifically told me, oh, don't even try it. Hundreds of people are going to jail at Coachella. I've heard it and I was like, oh. I was like, Erica Beattie said, hundreds of people getting locked up.

She's like, what are you talking about?

Do it every year?

So we head on over to Coachella. I'm knocked out in the back pull it.

I'm like, oh, we're here, who wrapad wrap back on, ready to go.

Pike My Daisy dukes up. It's it's time to get popping. We walk about a quarter four miles to the front door.

No, actually was a quick it's a quick walk.

It's a quarter of a mile, okay, in dust and me and Erica. So everybody else continues when your can casually pretend at the very last stup that we're just you know, haven't.

Just we're just falling back.

Ay, we're just talking. Meanwhile, Happy bays inside. My brother's slipping off his wristband.

Giving him to our other brother's friend. Shout out to p K. Shout out to PK.

He then delivered both of their wristbands to outside.

Wait he gets into us, we slip them on our hands and then Eric and then Erica goes, don't be obvious. Pretend like to pretend like we're not together.

There's nobody, so we all walk in together but pretending we don't know each other.

It works. It's look, I'm a sneaking. There's there's a technique to just babe, baby.

We're all in line right next to other, like not like.

We go and we hug.

Yeah, and then then we get in and I'm like, we're in. She's like yeah, we're in.

That's it.

I'm like, oh, we're in'sig whoa Okay, so I'm pumped.

So they're like mushrooms mushrooms. Now I'm like, we need something down them with. We need to beverage. Fine, fuck like.

Okay, So we make her way.

I see a lemonade stand, I'm like, lemonade.

Lemonade is perfect. Way, then Happy Babe, he moves really slow, like a crap, and he's.

Like, oh, I see a juicerey, Let's get some pressed, fresh pressed juice. We're like juice ending in two hours. Oh, by the way, we didn't mention it.

We snack into Coachella. At the end of Coachella. It was literally like two and a half hours before it was over.

Okay babe, Okay.

Happy Way is convinced that he must have a fresh pressed juice.

Weird livid, so annoyed. I'm like, why are you fucking kidding?

We're just like a party, like yo, we don't care, and we're not time for health. Time to get this ship away at it. We're getting fucked up, fuck up.

So we somehow gear him away from the fresh press juice to the bar and then Cochilla. He had to go get a fucking twenty one year old bracelet first. Then you go to the bar, so that was the whole thing. And then who were we catching the end of the show at that point?

Oh uh, tame and Paula tame and Paula was dope, but we were mostly just focused on these Yeah.

I didn't I didn't even know who.

I was like, whoa mushrooms? Mushrooms?

Okay, So we get a drink and then.

Finally, finally I see the mushrooms in sight bringing him out of the zip bag and he starts just shipping them.

They're fucking disgusting, disgusting.

I'm cheering, like, this is what we're so excited to do.

Can't wait. It's some fucking you know, mushrooms were out of cowship.

Right, yeah, I heard. I was think there's other ways to make them.

There has to be at this point, right, And then who would Okay, yeah, okay, I hope they watch him.

I don't know.

We ate them mm hmm.

And then so then finally we ate them, and then and then then we walked and then Happy Bay still wanted gestures and we're like we're going to go. We got gotta go, so we I was like, peace, I'll see, we'll meet up later. We'll catulated. Let's just let's spread, let's spread our wings. And so me and Jamila then went to go meet up with my other friend and we couldn't find her at first.

When we ended up finding her.

Well, so I note, I was I had been talking about meeting up with this friend all weekend because she'd already established she had a party pack, a party pack.

So I was like, where she? Where she?

Where she?

Where is she?

Where she?

Keep mind, it's not my friend, it's never I think you've met her? Maybe what's in passing? Eric his friend like, hey, we facetimer.

Where is she? Where is she?

Where the fuck is hey? Where is Finally we start coordinating with them. I'm on the phone like, well, where are by the wine side.

Where Jamila's leading?

Leading the journey a red tree? I don't see a fucking red treat Okay. So finally we meet her. Apparently she's with a posse of maybe four others, six, four.

To five others.

They are clearly festival ready, festival ready. They're clearly festival vets. Yeah, I could tell by their like their their gadgets there fanny packs, they're out bags. Yeah, it could turn warm at any moment, it could turn hot whatever, ready for anything.

Yeah, they seemed really trustworthy. So that's when they pulled out the party pack.

That what you're trying to establish.

Honestly, it took about six minutes to get to the party pack, because that's how pressed.

Again, I will take full responsibility.

Pressed that I was, and her fiance breaks something in half hands.

It puts places in Menierka's mouth.

And I was like, what is this?

He's like ecstasy, and I'm like, do people still take this?

I haven't take this since they're only two thousands, and he's like yeah. She shakes her head at me, and I'm like, and I see yakat taken and we just there and at that, and right before them, we were like, I think those mushrooms start kick in.

They did literally looked at you.

I think tho MUSHes about to kick in. And then we took to take half of the next to Sea Pimp, which.

You know in hindsight, No hindsight is twenty twenty.

Okay, So then we're with the festival gurus and we're heading over.

To kid cutting.

Everybody needs to see Kit Cuddy because kid Ketty's cool, it's a second night had it's a kid.

Cutty is like, because everyone knows Saturday night is like that day that the party pack gets pulled out.

Yeah, and so kid Cutty is is the party pack? Kid Cutty's like, yeah.

I think he gave him a genre at the at the like it was.

Just a trap.

Oh my god, what I called it a drug trap? I get a genre, gave him a genre. It was like high It made total sense though it did. It was it was like trippy trip hop trap, trip hop trap.

I don't think he's like hip hop. I think he's more like trippy high hop.

Or some Erka was making lots of things once her things hit, so we head over to Oh we.

Head During that time, though, too, I was like I don't know how to feel. I was like, should I sit down?

I'm like, what, it's okay, I see it, it's go eat?

Are you done? What are you doing? Five minutes we're about to small Ladybug, go watch lady Bug. Oh my god, I can't believe that worked. Okay.

I didn't know whether I wanted to sit or stand or meet like and then were on someone or so much wheat already, and we're drunk.

We are drunkly, it's taking so much weat.

And then we were just so gung ho about the past and then we're when we it's hit. And then we were with this guru of fucking festivalers. They start keep going deeper. I feel like they kept going deeper.

In the crowd, and they were like they were like professionally, like they were professional crowdsurfers.

I was like, I've never seen a group of people surf a crowd so significant, so bonded, like they were together.

And like I was like, don't look anybody like.

It was just like there, I feel like a little squirrel. And thenet like a group of squirrels. The school of squirrels.

Could have been the mushrooms also, I'm sure it was.

And then we get to Kink Cuddy and he starts singing his trippy trappy trip hop trap, trip hop trap.

I'm like, oh, because that's kind of how Kit Cutty sounds.

Sure, we're not singing any version of his songs right. Basically, my god, basically you should not listen to his music on any of these drugs. And then when you do It's like, oh, I really felt like I was in a fucking spaceship on Mars.

I kept looking at the stage like where.

Are we because it was all read and it was then and you couldn't see him.

I couldn't. Kyla kept looking over at me and be like, but.

Where do you see him? Is he moving around? Where is he?

Because I could see him on the screen, But when I looked at the.

Stage, the lights and spaceships that.

You were like concerned for his safety. You were like, is he okay?

Making that noise?

I don't even know it was good, but I couldn't make a little word he was saying. And then I felt like, wow, all of the festival goers we were with every song like they were just singing along. I'm like, oh, I not appreciating this because I don't know any kid cutty songs. Yeah I do know some what song Doing.

On the Suit of Beness No, no, never heard that song, or There's Man on the Moon.

But it is a lot, but I can't remember.

You if you hear them, you know you know what I mean?

The way my Ecstasy Slashroom dropped in the mid of his concert.

I don't ever want to hear him again, it scared you.

No, it's just too much. I'm gonna get clashbacks. And I was like, yeah, I don't know if I could stand.

Yeah.

I was like wavering around.

And then the worst thing of all happened, the worst.

The fucking concert ended and me and Erica ship had just started to go nuts. And suddenly I looked at Erica and I was like, we didn't think this ship through at all.

And we just starting oh my god, following people. My friend. We followed my friend and he was like, do you want to go to this Jeremy Scott party? And we're like, we're like, yeah, let's go. Let's go. So we start walking following him.

He's like walking really fack.

He's wearing his sweat, the sweat jacket, that sweat. It's a whole body sweat suit. It's like that running like the.

So we're just following the noise.

To the shoes, shoes, shoes, shoes.

There's a bug in there. Oh, go in your room. Okay, I'll go. Where is the bug? Where is it?

Ignore it.

It's not gonna not gonna get you. It's fine, it's nature. It's not coming for you. Tell her tell Luna, tell Iri, it's not coming for her. Oh Jesus, let me kill this goddamn bug. So the cons ended, oh wait, okay.

So his pants were going.

And we just were like following the sounds, so crush.

And then at some point I was like, wait, Jamila, wait, we came with happy Bay.

How can we leave him? We can't just leave him? What the fuck? And I was like, it's fine.

You said he needed space, right, let's just go. What else are we gonna kept saying, what are we gonna do? What else are we gonna do?

We don't know.

I said, we didn't prepare for this part. It's fine, let's just go.

We didn't even drive. We have a key, right, We're fine.

And then so she was like, so she like dials her phone, puts it to her ear. It must have rang like twice, and she she goes, well, he didn't answer, so let's go.

It was like that easy.

She's like, oh, he didn't answer, let's going, okay. So he continued to walk, and at some point we exited.

The festival, and not realize to this day, I regret it. I regret it was like an invisible exit.

Yeah, that's the thing. You even know when you're in and your out because it's so fucking out it.

So we start walking and we keep walking, and we just realized.

We lose the friend friend.

I think he was intentionally trying to lose us, because we were like we were tripping balls and I kept laughing. I couldn't stop laughing.

She would not stop.

I was literally would not just anytime I asked her something, she's like to the point I was crying. She's like, to me, what should we do? And I was like, it's kind of putting that.

I don't know. I'm just no help. I was just like, why did we do this? Oh my god, that's such a bad idea.

So we keep walking and then then we would find someone to help us, like someone who worked there, and they would talk.

To us and like we're like we're at one aim.

They're like, ooh, that's far, Like wait, what do you mean?

Can we go back?

And they're like keep going follows barricade keeping for about four.

Miles straight, and then I would just keep laughing, and then Erica was just looking so worried, and then I was laughing, and then we went to another We kept walking about two more miles and then went to another person like on a bicycle.

This time, this person pulls.

Out an ire the screen and I looked at so first, Erica is looking at it all intensely, and I look over to look at it.

Bitch.

Everything on the screen was moving really fast. There was things like gyrating.

And moving out red dots everywhere.

And then I looked at him. I thought that was hilarious. I started laughing some more.

She just did walk straight, make a ray. I was like, Okay, that's all I can do. That's all I can do.

No, And then at another point, Erica had taken a picture of the intersections before we left.

She thought it was gonna take.

It was a good idea, you know what had helped us in some capacity.

No, it didn't.

She took a picture of the intersection and and her highest fucking tripping out state.

We pull it up to ask for help. This is where can you help us find our car?

One of the signs is blurry, so all you can see is avenue, yeah and something. It was blurred conveniently. It was like because she's so really I remember asking guys and she was like, can you make out this street? And he was like, oh yeah, I think that says foth. And then the guy's like, I say, foalth, I ain't no fault, and I was like, I was like, I just kept laughing. He's like, I don't know where that is, baby girl.

I was like, oh my god, what's the point of having a picture. And then finally and then we're on the phone with Haavy Bass.

She said, I don't know, babe, come find us.

And then she had on these Jesus Sanda, Oh my god, that weren't really sandals at all. They're just stringing a cardboard at the bottom pretty much exactly, and she kept tying them.

They kept untying every five fucking minutes.

Like Jamila, wait the time my show.

It was dusty at one point to pull on their scarves. We were going against the grain and.

There was like thousands of people coming towards us.

And we were going against them. It was literally like Jamilam compared it. It was like Simba going against the pride. It was the fucking line.

The stampede we were in, it was.

It was it's all very animalistic. And at one point, like I was on the phone and I was like.

I was walking through that crowd. It was all this dust, and I was like, why am I even wearing shoes? What's the point of shoes? Just take them off?

And I just kept laughing, Oh my god, I'm finally no.

And then she's like, she's like, I just need to this is too much. I haven't been able to take the sulon That's what she says. I haven't even to take the sul n. This is too much. And I was looking at her, laughing still and she's like, we need to sit down, and I was like, okay, okay, So we sit down and we must have like put one cheek on the cement when headlights are coming straight for us.

Clay She's like, wait, wait, I didn't think this through.

I don't think this is the right place to sit down.

We're in the parking lot. The parking lot.

Which is also a field, but it's just a parking lot. So it felt like, okay, this is a field, it is safe. But nothing was safe. There was nowhere to sit so we could collect ourselves. We could not find where we were at. It was so intense, and to top it off, we were tripping balls all because we were so fucking gung ho about getting good Coachella going wild here.

The more of the story is, don't take drugs when you're pressed.

Don't don't take drugs you don't have a plan. We were so worried about getting high that we didn't know the plan. Yeah, the plan.

Oh my god.

Never take drugs when you only have a limited amount of time to be somewhere.

And also in the large crowd.

I don't think shrooms is a large crowds type.

Of well, you know what you could do them if if we were not in the crowd.

It was chilling listen to the music from away, just watching people that might.

Have been better. We were fully immersed in the whole experience.

It was so.

It was so worrisome. So finally we found happy. But oh my god, it was like this.

It's been two hours of us lost in the Pride d Erica's shoes coming on and off, me just laughing hysterically, watching ship move.

The lights were moving fast. I was crying, laughing. No words came out nice.

We both were laughing. I was like, I don't know what to do. You know what I realized in that moment. Some in that moment, I was like.

Okay, I'm a leader. I've got this. I was a leader. I was like, we've got to take control of the situation.

And I was like, yes, yes, you're right. And then I just start laughing.

I'm like, not this, We're gonna figure this out. I'm gonna find this ship. We have to. We have no choice. What are we gonna do? Sleep outside like saying we have to what are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? We gotta find. We just gotta find.

It's gotta do it. We're like pumping each other out.

But I was shocking each other. You got it, I got it.

You're a ship and I was like, this is ridiculous.

It was a change, like ship talking Coachella, and also you're the ship.

We got this.

We don't have a choice but to find our house. Oh my god, we're just gonna have to walk home. We were closed, but not that close.

Oh my god. Okay, anyway, that.

Was really intense. And so then we got to the car.

Thank god, we got with the moment I closed that door, Oh my god, wait, did you keep him?

I opened the door on happy bassed friend and then I realized he was laying up against it, fall asleep. Closed, I didn't say, oh my bad. I was like oop, and then I got another side.

It was like the moment I closed the door, I felt like safety.

I was everything.

It was quiet and quiet, everything was.

Like and then like we were still hot.

It's like all the lights oh we got dark. It was just a different dynamic. And then we were like just laughing hysterically and how dumb we are, absolutely goddamn, ridiculously dumb we are that we just had to accept ecstasy from the early two thousands, and we also an addition to the shrooms we had just consumed. So then we had a brilliant idea that we should go to

I just was like, if you want me to fry some shrimp, I will fine. Nobody asked me, No one asked you to fry shit. But because like, so we're gonna go get shrimp right now if you want me.

Too, fine.

She's like, she's like, it's just too simple. Ingredients, fried shrimp, that's it. Vegetable invest well, that's it.

And I was like okay, So.

We had about a ten minute conversation about whatere we're gonna kind of snatch when we get from the store, only to find that the store was actually closed the entire conversation. So then we had another brilliant idea. We would go to our house, get our snacks and take them to Happy Bay's.

House because we had gone grocery shopping.

And we got there and we began to everyone started looking in the fridge, and then I got really like stressed, and I was like, yo, like because I kept thinking about my brother, and I was like, we.

Can't take all the food. You guys, we can't take all the food.

They are growing boys.

They're gondn't need food in the morning. They are growing boys, growing boys.

Her brother and his friend are literally six ' five, two hundred fucking pounds each, Like like, bitch, they're they're fine.

Oh my god, so let me talk.

We got the pizzas we went back, and I don't even know we just like I felt like I melted into the couch. We did flash was getting up, felt like I also had to do a handstand that stretch, stretch, stretch.

And then at one point she made up a song and it went like, you gotta do what you gotta do.

You gotta find what she gotta find.

And I was like, what song is that?

We're all like abruptly, she said it really confidently, like you gotta do what you gotta do, and we're like what's.

Like what, like what song is that? She's like what, I just made it that.

I just it just it felt appropriate at the moment, like.

How She's like, you know, we gotta do what you gotta do.

You know, we gotta find that food. We're gonna find it.

Oh my god, Oh wow, the movie arrived at the house.

Oh my god, I forgot.

I can't even go back far.

The snapchat glasses, Oh yeah, has anyone heard of snapchat glasses?

I don't even know they wind.

This has to be said at the Kitcutti concerto. In between not being able to find him, also fucking trolling balls. I look over at our friend's fiance and he like, I see something shine on his glasses and then I look like a little puzzled, and he like gives me this slick wink, and in the midst of my highness, I'm like.

Snick of men in black?

Is he watching us?

What the fuck is going on here?

And then I'm pretty sure I went on about my concert, pretending to know the songs and then look back over and he does it again. He like flashes a light and he like winks, and I'm like.

This, nigg is, it's fine.

He's like Snapchat glasses. If my phone dies, I got Snapchat glasses. And that was fucking oh my god.

They'll always live here. So fast forward back to now arriving at the house. We're just chilling on the couch and I don't even know girl, don't even Matt becomes a blur. We ate there was pizza that was cooked.

We saw nobody saw no one was there.

We made this whole story about what if there was a party happening there. We pulled up, there was absolutely no one there, and we're just chilling on the couch and we're like, I wonder where those other people went, like where because it was huge house of people, And then like more people came.

Like where did everybody go?

Yeah?

The girl sexy left her sexy yeah go had a sexy diamond chain literally said sexy across her neck.

I'm sweet and I'm Sweden sexy, and I found her sexy chain anyway.

Then out of nowhere, one of the guys comes out, emerges from like the bat cave with two a bottle of Cavassier, bottle of champagne with no shirt off, Like.

Where the fuck where did you just come from? We thought we were home alone, and that's when I clocked out.

I had to go in my private space with Happy Bay because no one could witness anything.

Else and I couldn't. I couldn't be around any more people. And then I say any more things.

I drove myself.

It was only around the corner, but it took me fifteen minutes because I was high, and I kept pep tapping myself, like I can't call her.

She don't know where you're at. You don't even know where you're at.

Find the house, Just keep driving to the street, looks familiar, Arnold Palmer drive.

Finally I made it home about fifteen minutes later.

We crashed, woke up around ten am. Checkout was at eleven am, and then also realized not realize we knew, we knew.

We had to get back to LA. To get back to LA take our kids to a fucking birthday party. Yes, and we had to be there by at least by two two.

Oh.

That was a rough right, ried a rough drive. I can't believe. I drove like I can't thought it was okay to drive. We're still kind of high.

We drove or We had to coordinate two separate drop offs of our kids to the party.

They had to meet us at the party. We had to and on top of it, it was, oh, fuck my knee. On top of it, it had nerve to be a seventies themed party. So we're like pulled up to the party late. We went through our Coachella luggage.

We had opened the truck. We're going through our leggings, rest outside.

In a parking like in a street, a residential street, and what we thought was disco like Coachella outfits, did full glittered to make up, and.

I definitely put full glitter on my eyelids.

And walked and successfully completed our task of going to Coachella, getting sucked up and making it a.

First birthday party to our homegirls first birthday party with the kids, with the kids.

Somehow, some I didn't think that. I didn't think that was gonna that was gonna happen. There was no way that was gonna happen. But it all came. People came through and on the way back, I said like we were eric and I was like, you know, maybe we're not like other moms, maybe we're a little out.

In a good way, but you.

Didn't say that, and I'm nodded left. Oh man.

Anyway, it was a really fun time. It was a really fun time. It took me about five day us to recover from that one day. But I knew that was gonna happened. I've been known, I've been known that my tolerance is my like recovery time is fucked up.

This is not a surprise, you know.

You get about when I was about twenty about twenty nine started happening. That's when I realized, oh shit, I can't do it all like I used to. And as I get older, it's more and more my recovery time, my recovery time, you used to be able to be like Okay, it's let's go right now.

I'm like, yeah, that took that took a lot out of me.

And I would like to say we learned our lesson and next year we're gonna.

Not go to Coachella.

But I have a feeling we're gonna get to Revolt. I would like fashion Mama is Revolt. We'll get there Revolt early, and we're gonna get in and we'll be fine.

We'll have a light light light like light turn up and then it's gonna be light a light like this year is supposed to be. And we we'll still do some fuck s because yollo.

It's like Mom's gone wild. It's literally Mom's gonna wild.

It's Mom's gone wild. It's like we couldn't. We're away from our kids, were on a little vacation. We have two days to get it.

Let's go. We're with the youngins, okay.

I even I had like text, Oh, I txt my little boo, like, who's out here? You know within drugs you've been on one day? Hey, I know you got all the crews and connections. You're Caucasian. I know your friends out here doing drugs to a drug and drugs doing drugs.

Can you do an intro? And then he did, and I was like, well, DOMMI to think someone's going to meet her strain who wants drugs with her homegirl.

He's like.

Yeah, so yeah, basically we need to grow up.

But also it was really fun.

And I had so much fune I did I have not laughed that hard in a long.

Hilarious It was hilarious. I laughed so hard. What it has Soul's face on it. It has Soul's face on it right there, up there. Okay, get the chair.

So that was great.

Yes, there's the other repercussions, just maybe naming, saying that we did hroom the next legal activities, legal activities. So this is our truth and yeah, we're sticking to it.

Oh.

Also on a brighter side, we're very mature and classy because we also started an intern.

Oh my god, we have a new intern. Guys, we have a team.

We're growing.

Oh my god. Yes, if you if you want to email a.

New intern, welcome her to the team.

Yes, her name is Mary, Mary the intern. What Mary.

Shout out to Mary and you can reach her at a S S T at Good.

Mom's Bad Choices dot com. Yeah, shout out to Mary. Tell her welcome to the Good mom Say what up girl?

Where we're going?

We're going big now.

This is this is the the first step of our growing expansion and game.

Open.

Hold on to your seats, guys.

Mary's on the team.

So we weren't completely useless all week. We've done that.

Yeah, we did that, and we went swimming and we had full mood.

We saw full move.

We had some crazy, crazy full What day was that.

Friday?

No, it was Thursday. It was Thursday because we posted like Friday, So Thursday.

I don't know if you guys felt, but last yeah, Thursday, something fucking happened.

There was a shift, Like we were with the kids.

At the pool and she was on the phone for a really long time, and I'm like, oh, you are the phone, get out this sense. And then I got this really odd phone call and then she came in crying, why are you crying, bitch? I want to tell you something. I gotta read a phone call. And then we both had really strange conversations.

With like shifting conversations, like things that needed to be said, yes that like even waiting to hear, or that have needed to be said, and I was feeling and I did not anticipate having that conversation at that time, you know what I mean.

It was totally.

Unexpected conversation separately. And then we went to the store and looked at the moon and the moon was gnarly huge, round, full and big, and we found it was like the pink full moon, like the easter Phone one.

And basically at that very moment, probably around four o'clock specific time, some shit shifted.

Yeah, and then I was and then I was like, what does this mean? This moon mean? And it's like when we read.

It, I was like, bitch, I was like, what, First of all, it's a Libra moon, and I was basically it was like talking about exploring, not exploring, like this moon is going to force you to make decisions about your relationship and let your value within your relationships with people and what you want and need, like the things you really want and you really need, you know.

I just didn't say it's something else. I can't remember.

But anyway, if you go on the hood, which is Instagram, you'll see it. And I was like, it just spoke to my soul and I was like tripping the fuck out and ever since then, Yo, by the way, you guys, oh, I know you guys have got to download this app called the Pattern.

I don't know if you guys have already downloaded it.

I might be laid to the party, but bitch, this shit has got me all the way fucked up because.

We've got Yeah, it's pretty intense.

Okay, So basically, if you've heard of any other apps where they like take your you know, your birthday, time of birth, where you were born or whatever, and they do your natal chart. So there's other apps like co Star, Like I used to be on this app called Coastar that I thought was pretty cool, but this ship, like you put all that in, but it doesn't even talk about horoscopes, you know, they never mentioned your sign ever, They really don't. They don't say anything just talking about you.

And childhood you can do compatibility charts with your friends, also with like my romantic partners. I haven't done I haven't done learning yet, but you know, like you put it in so many ways.

I did Iri, and it was crazy. Iri.

It almost made me feel like it gave me like some sort of like insight guide into her future in some way that I can like help guide her and encourage things more that I already have seen. Like I'm already starting to see the things that they were saying, like you know, how she'll be when she's grown, or like the things that might hold her back, you know. And I was like, this is so interesting, and so it kind of like, oh my god. I had a few friends downloaded and they're like, this is fucked up.

Oh yeah, one of my friends was pissed.

Yeah.

I had a few two friends like fuck this shit and read at your own risk.

But anyway, how do we get on to the pattern? Oh?

Oh, the moon are really weird conversations. But yeah, there was definitely a shift.

And what did you feel, Like, what kind of shift do you feel now?

Like, I don't know how I feel you still feel a shift?

Yeah, I just now I'm thinking about what that guy called and told me because okay, so this guy that I used to really, oh my god, be like head over crazy and love with I thought.

Speaking of witch, what I ran.

I ran into that girl last night, the one we met at the party, the singing girl bitch. I swear to god, she's at my cousin's house last night last night, and she was, oh, my god, I forgot to tell you.

What the one I said, yes, and I was like, do you sing?

I was like, wait, I met you at like a house in Encino one time. She's like, oh, you know, you know And I was like, yeah, you know, Jamila and she was like, oh, yeah, I.

Know, Jamila. I was like, whoa, this is too much. But the ship that's been.

Like this ship has been, the witchy shit that's been transpiring is really crazy weird. I feel like it's the it's God, the universe telling us get out of your witchy ship because you can have whatever you want.

It's strange because it's like just popping up.

I'm telling you that Thursday, getting both of that phone call thing, I was like, this is so strange. We're in tune with the shifts and we're noticing that things don't just happened. Conversations like that don't just you know what I'm saying. There's just things that are like it's like playing a video game and new levels are unlocking.

You protected that shot song like getting ding ding ding ding, like wafe forgetting We're getting it.

Oh, it's crazy.

Yeah, I know, I can't believe that.

Yeah, I didn't mean to interrupt you, but I was just like, oh my.

God, oh no, this guy I was like so psycho in love with.

Who whatever.

It was pretty brief and kind of made me feel like I was crazy, and I was pretty sure that person put a spell on me, which I'm I don't even know if it's still not true. And finally, it's been like a long ass time, like years, just gradually out of the blue called me and was like.

Can I talk to you?

You know, I just want to know if you feel that with anybody else, because I'm having a hard time, like I feel like there's nothing that's going to measure up to what we experience.

This nigga has never.

Even acknowledged that it happened. I thought I was bad shit crazy.

I'm like, okay, I'm I must be crazy, I must be really gullible. But anyway, that conversation happens. So now I've just been thinking about that, which is really fucking annoying.

But it's so crazy, I don't know.

But I also feel good that I'm like in a stronger place to look at it, because I'm like, that's nice.

And all.

No.

I got over it the first time though, because I mean even you know, I knew I wasn't crazy, but I was just like, sometimes.

You just need that acknowledgment.

Yeah, I mean that's really what it was about, you know that, Like you're like, Okay, I'm not like this needy, crazy person, Like this really happened. We shared something that's so real, felt big, you know.

Right you even if it took two and a half years for you to acknowledge. Oh, thank you for not letting me think I'm fucking nuts because I was feeling crazy. But yeah, other than that thinking about that, which you know it waves, I feel good.

I feel.

Just really aware, hyper aware of myself even when I don't want to be m hm. And I just feel a shift that the shift that's happening, and I'm with it.

I'm on board.

And so I feel like even when bord shit happens, I'm like, Okay, I see it and I'm looking at it and that's all I can do.

How about you? How do you feel?

I feel on board too. I'm just like I want to be better.

You know. It's this weird like weird like obsession sort of and I'm not always when I'm failing a.

Lot all the time.

But I want to, you know what I mean, and like I felt, I feel like the conversation that I had was basically, you know, a shift in my relationship that I'm by like non dating relationship, you know, not non dating, non boyfriend relationship, non titled, non titled relationship.

And you know it's just like, really give me.

I feel like I kept questioning, why is it that sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by it? And like sometimes I'm cool about it, I'm so excited about it, and other times I feel totally overwhelmed by it, and I feel like it's because in some capacity I feel like I'm not ready and also that I need to explore I'm not valuing my.

Still don't value myself all the way. I don't know.

I've realized that in this relationship. But it's not really to anything. That's his fault. He's done nothing to me, he has no part in it. It's me not valuing myself, you know what I mean, Like going above and beyond when it's not necessary, he's not asking me to do that, and then feeling disappointed if it's not reciprocated.

You know what I mean.

It's like obviously still having standards and wanting things like having expectations, expectations not even expectations, like things that you should you want in a partner you hope that they would do because you feel like they should they want to, or or at least the person that is for you would do. You know what I mean, That person just might not be for you just because he doesn't do

It is.

The journey is because it's like embarrassing sometimes to think how much I don't that I haven't valued myself in a way, Like.

How could I Who am I? Yeah?

I thought I was this this and that am I strong? This is who I project myself to be.

Right yeah, and a lot of that.

But it's like it's all I feel what I've realized. It's all in practice. You have to just keep It's not something that one day you just like, Okay, now I value myself. No, it's like a constant check in, like like get.

That out of your mind.

It's really the mental part of it. Get that out of your mind, Get that out of your mind.

Stop.

No, no, no, it's like that's not true. That's not true, you know anyway, And so I feel like I'm just going through like this, like I'm trying to like unfuck my brain right now pretty much about like how I

No, no, open it.

Oh my god?

Is I love pop?

I want that?

Oh my god. You can tell she's been maading a stugar how she's yelling. They're always okay, give me five minutes. Okay, does anybody else's minutes? Just five minutes? Okay?

Well if you want to eat that, if you want to eat that, you better give me five minutes.

Please, Oh god, Okay, we gotta end this ship.

Enough about it, our deep journeys to self healing anyway, they don't care.

Don't you want to know how I want to value myself? I value myself?

Oh shit, anyway, that's how I feel like. I just feel like I'm really focused on that my value in all capacities, money wise, career wise, relationship wise, myself.

How I value myself? You know what I mean?

Like the choices you make even when you known your gut.

You're like, oh, I shouldn't do this, but I don't give a fuck.

Because I this is because it feels good I feel. But if you value yourself, you eat healthy, you make the right decisions, you get into sleep, you.

Make those You choose to do something that's uncomfortable.

Right, yeah, I'm right there with you.

Choose to do something uncomfortable and then until it doesn't feel like choosing anymore.

Yes, and uncomfortable is not comfortable, so it's hard.

Yeah, it's like until it doesn't feel like choosing. Okay, there you go. Thanks, you're welcome. Thanks, thanks? Mm hmmm? Why did I take my hair out of what I didn't? Oh? Because because you did last time? Is take you out?

Oh?

Oh yeah? Why is it taking so long?

Okay?

Bye?

Beat it? You have something there? No, you don't need a lot.

You have had candy, all right, beat it bye, all right, go on, guys, we'll be in there in five minutes. Okay, okay, thank you. Can you close that door? Please be careful crawling over it? Okay, okay, Jesus close that thank you anyway. Yeah, it's hard. It's hard.

You're saying, how you fail yourself with your Momrida.

Oh uh, I don't know.

It's just it's hard to explain. It's like.

My mom, I think I feel more important to my mom than my dad in a way, like how they but that's not true your value and then but I know that's not that's not true. But yeah, and then in relationships obviously it's just like you know, just not valuing yourself, like go doing ship when someone doesn't deserve that,

Do it because it's like kind of good.

Yeah, I'm kind of like or you're hoping that if I keep doing you know, it's just so looking for that validation that's it's like that's not fair to them, that's just who they are, and maybe that's just not yea.

But yeah, so that's really like where I feel the shift.

And I also just feel very I feel very I don't know, like focused on like work, but also this and it feels like it's just flowing.

I don't know how to describe it. Like I'm not worried.

I read a recently and I said not to worry about any of those things.

Like I feel like I'm on the right path and as long as I just continue doing what I'm doing, it's gonna be Okay, We're gonna do something. It's gonna we're gonna figure it out. And I feel like that in like a lot of aspects of my life. I feel like getting lost at Coachella, yeah, I was like, we're gonna get there.

I'm gonna find one day.

Yeah.

I just feel very connected to like I don't know, there's not I don't I feel like a bit fearless. And I realized I feel a bit fearless because of the decision that I made on that phone call, you know what I mean, Like there's something in me that's like shifting and it's like be brave, do this, go against that. You're You're gonna be fine regardless, you know what I mean. If it's meant, if it's meant to come back, it'll come back. And if not, there's more, you know, there's more.

You know.

It's that's like kind of like where I'm what I'm feeling so much out there there really is and we get so like drawn to the first thing that like makes us feel something, and I don't want to do that, you know, not and no and not no disrespect to my you know that situation because it's deep, you know, very very deep. And but I feel like I'm excited because we are exploring the different facets of our relationship. You know, we know we have romance, we know we

Don't ever do.

And even now, like it's just like it takes time to realize the things that you maybe do or don't like about somebody because there's like this super intense fog period in the beginning where it's like desire, passion, sex, intimacy, oh, attention, urgency, attention, validation, validation, validation, because you're getting all this attention.

It's new, it's exciting that news, that new spark.

You know that now like the smoke settles and it's like, okay, that's still there, you know, but what else? And also are we ready for this even more? I don't know, you know, I don't know.

I don't think. I don't I don't think I am.

It's like about making the adult decision something in like that, Like the old Erica that loves to be in a relationship is okay, I'll get in a second. The old Erica would have been would just be like, oh, fuck it, like just go with it, go be your girlfriend again. You know you're in love, don't go against your just do it feels good. And then now I'm like, no, take your time. Like even though something in me it can easily fall into something like that, I'm just like, no,

Everything's all good. You know, everything's all good even if it isn't.

But anyway, we gotta bounce, y'all, because I'm leaving town in the morning and I gotta pack.

And I gotta fucking do a lot of ship.

So yeah, okay, donkie, Well we'll catch you next week.

I have a wonderful week and okay, oh my god. Okay.

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Cause Coachella was definitely good.

Bag could have went bad, but it was pretty good. It was pretty good, alright, y'all.

Bye?

So everything shinething, I'll

I'll be good