Ola, It's Erica and we are so motherfucking excited because we just announced our second live show and it's gonna be in Atlanta. Yes, Mama, we come into Atlanta to hang out with all of our Atlanta Mama's zaddies, people without kids. Remember, you ain't gotta have the kid to come to a good mom's party. Okay, And this party is about to be turned up. It's October thirteenth at BQE Lounge Downtown, so make sure you get those tickets. Go ahead and buy that VIP bag because it's bomb.
We have some amazing, amazing brands in our VIP gift bag.
No bullshit, because we don't do that over here, honey. Anyway, let me shut the fuck up.
Go ahead and get those tickets on our Instagram at Good Bombs Underscore Bad Choices. We'll see you October thirteenth in Atlanta.
Peace.
Yes, yes, baby, no no, not the weak.
Song of Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Nila and I'm Erica. Happy Wednesday Wednesday. Hope you guys are you know, living your best life? Your best life, accomplishing your goals, setting your.
Boundaries, drinking your water drinking your water, doing your workouts, meditating, eating lettuce.
Speaking of meditating eating lettuce, I don't know. We just had a salad. She's feeling really letousy. Today is the first day of my workout story. I'm sorry. Next week journey, I'm starting my whole journey next week. Everything. Why next week? Why not? Because it's the first I needed to get it out of my system. Okay, so you got to get all this shit out. I'm gonna drink like lots of water next week. I'm not gonna eat any meat meat. I'm detoxing, and I'm gonna stop having sex. Are you
having sex? No, so you're gonna put you might have sex. No, I'm not having sex.
But you might have sex now. But so then you're just gonna I don't have anybody to have. You're gonna you're giving yourself space too, fuck ye just in case.
Yeah, okay, got it. But I'm probably not because I don't really have any potentials or neither zero.
I've spent a lot of time with my former potentials though, over the past like two.
Weeks, former potentials, former trembling drip lippe trembling lippe. Yeah, that's a good test. That's a good test.
And self control, yeah, discipline, which I lack a lot of, which is leading me to believe that I should probably consume less alcohol in order to make better decisions.
Absolutely no alcohol make runs everything. Yeah, like literally, I make bad decision. Everyone does. It's like I drink tequila and then my fangs come out. Mm hm. You always say that, especially the fang part. Yeah, because it's it's real. It's like sex vampire. Maybe you should switch alcohols. We every thought about that. I don't think it's good. It's still the same. I think any alcohol is just gonna
encourage me to do make bad trash. Yeah, maybe, like you know, take a month off, a month off of fliquor. Oh lord, just smoke, I just got scared you. We I do cool? Should I get it? I'll get in a second. Okay, uh okay. So, speaking of weird things that I'm going to do and I have done, I'm I met a politician. Oh my god, SHU say that.
Well, nobody knows what is unhinge And it sounds really official.
It sounds like he met Obama. Well it's not, you know, it's like wait, not like like it's a politician. I don't even know if you can considered a politician. Yeah, he's in politics, but like a much lighter range of light politics. And I met have on a hinge And I'm flying out tomorrow to San Francisco to go on a date overnight. So you just stay for one day. I'm gonna stay for two. I'm gonna leave Monday morning, so we gonna hang out. We can hang out on Monday.
Do you have any plans for this weekend? No, well, my parents are leaving.
They initially invited us, like the family to go, but since my brother is now off to college, they've been like doing a lot of dating.
Like nasty, Are they in therapy or something? Might I have to be in therapy? I don't know.
I feel like that's something a therapist would reckon. No, they're like happy and ship without therapy. So they've been like doing a lot of dating things. And they invited us and then like today she's like me and war you are going on our trip to where like Laguna, But like didn't say, like you come up like I think that she'ld have like they want to do a solo thing, which is fine, Like I really I.
Didn't really want to drive out to Laguna. So you're basically we're having a party eat your mom's house. Oh we could, right, yeah, why would I? This is where she doesn't like me. Okay, No one wants to drive all that out there. Yeah. Then she reminds me of a story. I'll probably just go to Ashley's house. Okay,
I'll be there. It just trids me a story because you said Laguna side story aside from my taking a trip to San Francisco for a date in high school and my junior year in high school, this stupid rich girl. Her dad's like the second richest person in the world. He created oshkosh, but god, oh god, damn and her mom. They sent all of these like ten kids in a limo to Laguna to stay at U like Saint Regis. It was like some classes hotel in Orange County Montage
or something. Yeah, like ten fifteen year olds. Me and my baby daddy were like teenagers then, and I have a picture of us. He has played. Oh my god, this is actually the sweetest thing I've ever heard. I've ruined him. He put like rose petals on the bed. Oh, oh my god, what kind of advanced romance? Was like the last time you had romance like that with him? I mean he is he romantic? What's your romantic? Can just try? Yeah? He would like make me dinner on
Valentine's Days and yeah he tried. I mean I don't I can't really remember like in the more adult years, but yeah, yeah, there's a little bit of romance. There was romance. I'm just thinking what parents allowed their kids to go to Laguna Beach alone for the weekend. Parents that are trying to fuck like get these kids out of oh so in car justified. Well, they're like, we'll deal with that later. We need time, right, Okay, I
don't know if I'm letting wanna do that anyway. Back to the prime story here, Erica and I have both matched with potential politicians on Hinge, and you know, I think now we're realizing since we started this podcast that we can never date a politician because their whole campaign will be ruined as soon as if anyone gets public like public notification that they're dating us, and all of our history, good, bad, and indifferent is somewhere flooting the internet.
And I told him that I told my politician too. I told you for so I do you stop calling him my politician? Like no, I told him that people. Mind, neither of us have even met the people. I've never met this person, and I'm flying to San Francisco to say this house for two days. I'm insane. This is something I would do, Like, am I can you do? You have to find my friends? Thing on? Are we having? I am sharing our locations? Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty
sure he's not creep. It doesn't matter. You've been talking. You never know, these politicians been doing some weird shit, thinking.
Like he might be wearing like some pantyhose when you get there, I actually we all know you'd be down for it.
Fuck you. I did fly to San Francisco in the early two thousands.
Bitch, if you don't stop referencing the early two thousands to see this guy. So you actually you're four hundred years old the early two thousands. You graduated in two thousand and six. How early could it?
Okay? It was probably like twenty.
Ten, Yeah, when I lived in Atlanta, late two thousands.
When I lived in Atlanta, I flew to San Francisco to see this other guy much further Atlanta, and he did have a like a obsession with pantyhose on me though, But I don't know if that would transfer to him. I didn't get that far anyway. Hopefully he doesn't want to wear pantyhose. Hopefully you have a good time. We're supposed to go dancing. He seems cool, is like a cool politician. But I don't know where this would go because I've ruined any possibilities.
Well, he knows, and maybe that's maybe he's not looking for a relationship. He's looking at a good time, maybe he thinks. So you can provide that for him. You're fine, girl, Thanks Eric. That's what friends are for. Hey, I'm just keeping it real. How is he going to be president one day? With with good mom's bad choices as his wife?
How he said? He said, well, maybe times are changing, he told me people like real times are changing, and he listened to the podcast like within like the first few conversations we had, and you I don't tell people. Really, I need to stop telling people because I'm like, you know way more.
Yeah, I don't really tell people, although I did tell this guy because he well, because he's not really a politician. He's like he works in community and stuff, and like tries to do change for the community, or in his text, is changing the world.
He wrote me this long wait. I wish I could get phone hold on we see if I have the right hair, because it was so It's like it made me not like him. My politician is not this okay? Here suck, Yes it is okay. This is what he said to me. Oh god, what if he listens to this?
I said, what do you do for work? And this is what he wrote me. I envision impact projects intended to significantly change the world, I wrote, and push policy intended to use the lever of government to control the most powerful entities on the planet. I run political, legal and advocacy of campaigns to empower the marginalized.
And I'm building a.
Conscious community center to focus on activism, development of cooperative businesses, and the cultivation of black political awareness.
That was this week. I would automatically know We're not. All I wrote was wow. Wait. Then he asked me what I did.
I was like, I don't even know what to say, Like I can't even follow up with that, Like I'm not fucking over here changing the world like one day at a time.
I mean, I guess, like you know that was a lot. I mean, I feel like I'm doing good with their podcast.
I feel like, you know, we are, you know, empowering women and also empowering ourselves and learning so much about us.
But I don't know, I wouldn't know how to break it down in that way. It's just so intense. We need to write better bios.
But then he say right, and then he told me that he asked me. I asked him, like, what are you looking for on hinge? And he said, he said my Michelle Obama and I literally just started laughing. And he was like what And I said, yeah, well that's not me.
And he' said what do you mean? And I said, well, I.
Smoke weed, I drink, I curse, I talk about sex. I mean, I'm sech a positive and I advocate for cannabis. And he's like, well, actually I was part of the legislation that passed in California to add to make cannabis illegal. So think you're so you're welcome, that's what he said. And I said, well, actually I don't know if it's you're welcome because now I go to cannabis clubs and they get taxed for everything, So actually I don't know
if it's're welcome. I kind of missed my local drug dealer, although now at least I'm more informed about what I'm smoking. But yeah, it's whatever. I'm not Michelle Obama is essentially what I was getting making.
Clear to shit me either.
I just and also I showed Jamila his picture and she was not impressed.
I'm not my politician is cooler than that guy. He went to the club last night and then went to a press conference this morning. So my type of guy.
Yeah, mine doesn't mind. I said, do you smoke weed? He said no, but maybe I should. But that reminds me. I have a glass of a bottle I should open right now. And I was like, oh lord, she talks a lot. He does talk a lot a lot.
It's also really weird. I've been talking to mine for two weeks straight via text. I've never talked to him on the phone. You never heard his voice. You're flying and I've never facetimed him or anything. What It's kind of like a surprise. I thought about facetiming him today before I get on the flight, but I was like fuck it. I yell, okay, well go for a girl. That's cool. So your dating de talk starts September first. Yeah, okay, so but what if it goes well with what are
you gonna do? I don't know. Okay, I haven't gotten that far. All right, what else?
So this episode we didn't have really a direct a direct direct topic. We have three kids playing in the other room right now, Irie, Luna and a friend from school, and they're both They're all three so fucking cute.
They're really cute. And are you gonna talk about your weird growth? Can you not call it a growth? Okay? So fuck parenthood. I got these like, I got it so strange I got I'm talking about this because I'm sure other parents somewhere in the world, hopefully kim relate. I got like a weird bump on my torso and I'm like, this doesn't look like a mosquito bios itching a little bit. They had like an indention on it. Then like a little bit later I noticed another one.
Then the next day I saw one there was like under my butt cheek, and I was like, what the fuck is this? So I started googling because I'm a Google queen, and I found it's some fucking child rash called molliscous, molluscous contagios or something. Mostly kids have it between one and tents. I probably got from of these dirty ass children. And for kids that get it mostly on their torso, under their arms, knees and elbows. But for adults, it's in their genital area, their inner thighs,
and the creases of their butt. Yeah, the creases of their butt apparently. So basically God hates me, and so do all children. Anyway, I started reading and they were like, oh, it's fine, it's contagious, but you can still send them to school. You could still be around people. Just wash your hands, don't share this, and that could It could lay dormant for six it could be there for six months to four years, okay four years. I was like, no,
what's not gonna happen is that? So I started reading my UH medic medicine cabinets for anything that looked like a strong prescription acidic based cream and I burnt those ships off. That's great, they're gone. Yeah.
Jimila took pictures of the underbut area and showed it to me and.
It did look concerned. I'm glad you figured it out. Do you want to see it now no, not really, it's burnt off. I don't I'll show it. Well, we're on camera, I'll show you after everyone's going to do.
Actually, you should shut show every If you want to, you want to see chamilla's growth, I'm sure you can join a Patreon.
I mean, I was really embarrassed about it, but I figured, you know, I was embarrassed. It's disgusting. No one can see it though I know it's there. I know, but and then what if I'm trying to get some I mean, you know what I mean, it's just disgusting and and like, it's not like chicken pox. I just think all rashes from children are discussing ring worms and disgusting. Molluscas contagios is discussing. And then I called my homegirls three kids. I'm like, I have this weird rash on my butt.
It's called She's like, oh, the Mellusicus contagios. She's like, yeah, the girl's got it. Mm hmm. She was like, yeah, it's a kid's disease. Kids. She gets some kids. Shit, you're fine, kids disease. So basically like kids are dirty and disgusting, and stay away and let you have some. Let you have some well, I'm sitting really closer to you. No, I'm worried. I'm going to get it. I know. I
told Danielle and she's like, oh, that touch me. It's like, you fucking bitch, I'm not putting my butt on you while you're sitting on couches and things. I'm wearing. First of all, I'm wearing a band aid over it because i'm burning that bitch off. Second of all, I'm covered.
You can't you can't be You can't tell people shit is contagious and then get mad when they have an opinion about or not I want.
Because I know it's contagious. Can't you catching it?
And they can't make everyone look at it confirmed that it looks fucked up, then call it molliscus contagiosis, and then be mad when they're like, whoa are we gonna get it?
You have kids. You need to be understanding. I'm your friend. I don't wants contained. You're not gonna get it. It's gone. I'm burning. I was so desperate. I was relaxing my hair. I know I need to drop the cream and crack and I was like, oh, I know this, I know this shit burns some ship off. I just took a little bit of that relaxer, bitch, I put it on that did it burn?
Oh?
No, get a scar. I don't give a fuck. I'll take a scar over the molluscous contagiosis.
But it's probably not about burning it off. It's probably something underneath the skin.
I don't know. They said, as long as like if you touch it, you could you it could become contagious. But you're not touching it. But I showed you the one in my stomach. They're literally burnt off. Okay, Yeah, they look like scabs. Yeah, because I'm burning it. Okay, all right, if you guys encounter this, call me. I'll tell you what to do. Just criping the DMS. I'll tell you how I got ready to.
Take a little hair relaxer, rub it off on there, No, baky, I'm sure this is not Please don't take my medical advice even though it's working.
Okay, two days Melissa's contagios is gone. Oh my god. Anyway, So our last episode is with Scary Moms, and I hope that you listen to both us on both outlabs. It's actually fucking hilarious because I was drunk as fuck, and Carrie and Ashley were funny as fun and it was like, honestly the most professional setting we'd ever recorded.
There was like a producer, there was like an assistant, there was two sound people, and then like in a recording studio, and I came late and drunk and I called them a bitch a couple of times on an accident, but anyway, they loved us. So yeah, I'm so in contact. It worked out. What's going on with you? I went to the beach.
I went to the beach, had a solo self care day It's nice, which was like really necessary. I almost didn't do it. I almost called you to come with me, and then I was like, now I need to go by myself. I really need to like learn how to be okay by myself.
I know me too, I'm working on it. I'm never done. I'm not good at that.
Yeah, and like it's like, okay, if I want to be better at being by myself in like the man department, then I also have to like work on it, just in like my daily life. So I woke up and I really had nothing in a pressing to do.
Well. I probably did, but I was like fuck it. And so I decided.
I was like, you know what, I'm gonna go to the beach Iris with her dad for the next two days. And so I went there. I brought my White Claw shout out to Donna. Donna from from our meetup. She brought this brand called white Claw. She was advocating for hard Yeah, whitelaw for you. And then you know what, I looked all over the can, even at the beach. It doesn't tell you what kind of spiked with. It doesn't say what liquor. It is just as spiked, like it could just literally be rubbing out.
It tastes like that. But you would think they.
Would say, like what if someone has like a like a vodka allergy or something like.
I don't know, it's just weird. But it was like this, and I did some yoga on the beach.
I did wrote my journal, wrote some really profound things. Oh nic, yeah, you know, and I saw your post about writing. And it's funny because I went and saw.
A I guess he's a psychic. I don't know if he's a psychic charts.
This is years ago, and he told me that in my life, communication is constantly going to be an issue, and the only way to overcome it is I have to start writing.
I have to write.
And at the time, I was writing a lot because I used to like write music and stuff, and so I was like, well, okay, do that. But I guess I don't really write, you know. I mean, I guess I write. I would write in my journal back then too, but I always feel so much better when I do, And so I brought my journal wrote some stuff about the ocean. The ocean is so fucking crazy man, beautiful. I mean, I have like this very like strong connection
to it. And I was when I was sitting there, I was thinking, like, why is that why, I mean, besides the fact I'm a water sign blah blah blah, Like, why is it that the ocean brings me like peace and like forces me to breathe? And I think a lot of it too, is like I spent a lot of time there with my grandfather and I don't know, it just it brings me back to childhood of just like having really like good times, like without any interruption.
And also it's just so pure.
Like nature in itself, like the ocean in particular is well, it's not really pure because of pollution. But it's pure in the way that like it does what it's gonna do, gonna do nothing regard.
Nothing is gonna change it.
I mean, yeah, the molewarming and the moon whatever will change it.
But that's what its natural instinct is like.
And it's just so it does everything without I don't know, I'm gonna feel like people are gonna think I'm high, but it does everything without ego. It does everything in just such a pure way.
And it's like, that's how I want to live my life.
And that's because people aren't. People aren't that way. We're so jaded. So many things have like influenced us, whether or not we want to admit it or not. Whereas like nature and like the ocean, it's so strong, it's so majestic, it's so mysterious. It's so like calm, but also unforgiving, like it will fucking kill you and not give a fuck, you know. And so I was having all these moments, all these things I was thinking about.
There took a little nap.
And then trembling Lippe came to hang out with me for a little while, and he was sharing all of his wholeness with me. And trembling Lippe. If you guys haven't haven't listened to the podcast from the beginning, He's like a former guy that I met on Tinder. We're still friends now. We had a very intense travel story you should check out. Uh No, it's not the Safesome.
No, it was like it was like when we came back was like breakups.
And I don't know, I can't remember what the episode was called, something about breakups, because it was like we broke up, but we didn't really break up roun together.
Anyways. Around July love last last year, in July early August.
Yeah, And so we hung out and then we went back to his place and we ate, and I learned a lot of things about men, and that the fact that, like now that we are very much platonic, he shares, I mean, he's always shared with me things, but now I'm just like, wow.
Men are really course hose straight hose. They really are, I mean, and like I know not all are, but like almost of them. You would look at him and you would not think like.
You just wouldn't think like he's just he's fucking every day, not like he's not attracted at all, Like that's not what I'm saying.
It's just like, oh, he's a grown man.
He's kind of nerdy, Like he's like, you know, he's doing this thing like who has time, He's running his own business.
Like nope, they make bad time. They make that time. Oh for sure. Yeah.
His girlfriend had just literally come to pick up her star's ex girlfriend they broke up. I had literally come just to come pick up her stuff, and we had where at the beach when this was happening. I mean, I didn't know this was happening until he told me. And then I was like, wait, we're gonna go by to your house?
Is that okay?
Like obviously we're not dating anymore. I just didn't know if that was cool. He was like, no, it's fine. So we get there and she's gone, and then you know, he proceeds to try to you know.
Flirt and get me to you know, look up.
With him, and I'm just like looking at him, and I literally was just like.
Like, are you trying to get me to be her? Like pacified just broke up. Sets.
I don't even think it was that. I think he's just horny. Yeah, it is even like not even that. And I told him like straight up, like you have no compassion, and he's like, what do you mean? I was like, your ex girlfriend literally was just here ten minutes ago getting her shit out of here, and you were trying to pu your dick in my back, Like what is happening.
In the world? And I mean we were laughing about it, but I was like, wow, care, they don't care. They don't care. I mean, like, do you think men are so physically driven by their boners that literally, like even when I even like when I went through Young Fay's millions of whores. I don't even call them horse he's the horse women. And I confronted him because I'm crazy. He was just like, I have needs. I'd be horny, babe. I'm like, what ten bitches horny? Like I'm horny? Can
women twenty four hours horny? I leave twenty four hours ago? Horny? Yeah? Like you had to fuck why I went up the street? Thanks? Is it?
Is?
It? Just like physically, it's just like they their testosterone is just seeping from their pores. They have to let it out and get one out. I mean I think so he's like I masturbate every day, I take a shower. I'm like isn't that enough?
Oh my god, I mean seriously, I mean, I mean I masturbate every day too, not every day, but pretty much really.
Maybe like okay, like four times a week, okay, but not in the morning. But I didn't fuck every day.
No, I mean, if I had a man, I would, but I'm not gonna go seek out that every day.
Like that's a lot of work. I mean I go, I get under spells and like super horny, but like, for the most part, a lot of work.
But anyway, it was cool to gain that access that not that information, but all that unfiltered information.
But to have a better perspective on men in general or him. I mean, obviously he doesn't.
He's not like the standard this he's not like the mascot for all men. But it's just it's just interesting because he is, like he's not like.
In the entertainment industry.
He's what women would say, like is safe. He doesn't have a crazy job like you.
Know, and didn't pop bottles every week.
No, he's chill, does yoga, he's like self aware, he reads, he's down to travel. He's like a lot of women's dream girl. And I even told him, I said, you know, I said, you are rare in the way that, like last weekend he went to the Chicago to go see a girl he likes, like he's not gonna like.
But like I don't.
I don't meet men that are down to just jump on a plane and just go hang out and just do something fun, and like that's it. He was, He's rare in that way, and I'm like that, you know, And so I haven't been I haven't been able to find that type of connection with someone.
But obviously I need more than just that. It's not annoying when they have like one or two things, but a five fucking annoying. Yeah, but that was cool.
Other than that, I mean, yeah, I've just been really settling into this alone thing. Like I really am very very single. I've been single for two years. But like there was a time where I was very distracted by Happy Bay and now I'm very single. And at first I was, like I think last week I was feeling anxious and like kind of sad and depressed and needy, like I even went over to some guy's house to make out. Who oh and and.
Yeah, and then I was laud I mean, and nothing happened.
We just made out this week. He called me actually yesterday and I didn't answer. I was like, no, I feel like I'm getting better at it. I feel like I'm getting a little more comfortable with even with like just saying no, just saying no, even like yesterday, like with trembling lippee trying to get on me.
I was horny. His stick was out, I know, because someone liked me. I'd be like, hey, I fuck it. Yeah you No.
I'm not saying yeah, but like yeah, yeah, I feel like he you know, he should come. And then we cooked dinner together. He was coming up behind me and trying to kiss me, and I was like do no. And then he was like, I need to learn how to be friends with women. I'm like, you don't know how to be friends with women. And honestly, I don't even know why we're what are we doing?
Are do you?
I'm like, are we friends? He's like, yeah, you know, we're friends. And I'm like, I'm like, but you want to have sex with me? He's like well yeah, I'm like okay, but and but most women would be like that would turn them on, and it did kind of turn me on. Well, but that was almost just enough. Of what I needed, just.
That that was just that he wanted to Yeah, I see. I find like recently, I went to therapy for the first time last week and he made another appointment. I'm supposed to go Saturday, but I'm rescheduling because I want to say, because your priorities are fucked up. Yeah, pretty much. I'm just kidding. I want to eat oysters. It's a ver day weekend. Yeah, that's what I said to myself.
Justified it. I just I've been really examining my habits and they're the root of those habits because I find myself knowing what I need to do and still battling with like wanting to spend time with people just because I don't know because there's something that I'm avoiding and there's something that I'm to be Like, you been this way most of your life. Yeah, it takes.
Time to unlearn things and you have to like forgive yourself for that.
It's not gonna be perfect. Well, it's just it's just interesting to examine it, to be in it and be like, why are why are you doing this right now? Like even like I went and hung out like with Luna and her dad, and I just like felt myself wanting
to stay. And it's not like we're physical or like we we hardly really even talk, but it just like and I could tell that he wanted me to stay, you know, and I and I and I it dawned on me, like we both have things we've connected over these many years for so long because it's it was easy for us to like avoid ourselves with each other,
so it's so comfortable. And it's just like even with like you're saying about the ocean, like just being and being egoists and like not caring about opinions, just literally just being Like yesterday, I was feeling hell anxious because I got a fucking shot of espresso my trit and I'm allergic to caffeine and why I fucking keep drinking it. I was having major anxiety. And then Danielle left and
for some reason, I just start crying. I just start feeling overwhelmed with emotion and I just start crying, and then I like let some safe and I start taking really deep breaths and I just was just like letting myself cry. I didn't really know, oh I was crying for like I was crying for a lot of reasons, you know, like just like this fucking rash. Literally, I was like, fuck, it's fucking rash and fucking storage and
fucking bills. My phone bill is due. And then I was like laughing at myself crying and I was like taking deep breaths and it's like and I was just like, it's okay, everything's okay. I was literally saying out loud,
it's okay, everything's okay. You're good, You're good. And I was just like, if something major happened today, like if someone I cared about disappeared, if something happened to me, what are the things that would actually really matter, Like the things that I stress about and I like I care about, Like at the end of the day, I'm fed and my kid is fed, we're clothes, We're happy, you know, like I'm I have love in my heart,
Like I'm happy about those things. And I just was like telling myself chill the fuck out and just be and I was just giving myself permission to cry and to laugh and to breathe and to remind myself, shit's okay, Everything's okay. And it was so cleansing, you know, because so often we're so stressed out about shit and things and people that we can't fucking control anyway, and it's just like let that shit go, you know, and I just let myself be without judging it or observing it.
But I'm just in this space where I'm submitting. I wrote, did a little writing too, and I was just like this, I feel like this is a period of submission of like whatever's happening right now, allowing it to flow, and just like new paths opening up and allowing that to happen, and like facilitating that by observing it and making better decisions.
And I know sometimes I'm gonna fuck up, like I'm doing it this weekend, But at least I'm grateful to be growing and be oh self aware, you know, even of the fun shit that I do, because there is a lot of it. I've literally been like dependent on other people for like just filling up space in my life, my whole life, you know, my girlfriends, the guys I date, sex, whatever, drinking.
It's just something that I've always done. And I'm just like, at what point am I going to really fall in love with myself enough to not feel urged to just be around people all the time. So well, I think that.
I mean also like that, I think that is part of who you are too though, and also that and then like and so it gets confusing and that where's the balance? How do I find the balance?
Because I really do find fun and like meeting new people. And then I was battling about going to San Francisco and at first I was like, I'm not gonna go, and then I was like, he's like, you know, just come, and I was just like, what the truth is? Like, am I going to fall in love over the weekend? I doubt it, But I think he's cool. I think we're gonna have fun time, and I think we're the same in that space. Like I'm spontaneous, I like to explore. I like to do new things and new people, and
I think that's that's fun for me. So there is like honoring who I am and also founding boundaries and limits and when I'm avoiding myself by doing those things, you know, So I that's true, Like I'm still learning myself and I'm still giving myself permission to be, you know, like how I am, because I'm not going to be
just like you or just like this person. Like everybody's different, and I really enjoy people, and I really enjoy meeting new people and connecting with people and hearing new stories and like that brings me joy, you know, to bring other people joy and just to listen. Sometimes I think it's just like you have.
Like I think the balance is finding like when you're not when you're enjoying people but not running away from my responsibilities and yourself in order to enjoy those people.
Right, you know, that's like I can only give once I've given enough to myself. You need to be more like the ocean. I want to be like the ocean literally, And I was that too.
Was so I was watching the birds too, and they were just there was this bird and it was just like staring at the ocean, like sitting on the sand, just staring at the ocean.
I was like, I wonder what that bird's thinking about.
And I wonder, like he probably is enjoying this so much more than I am, because your mind is like one. Because in my mind, though I'm enjoying it, I'm also like being my mind is being infiltrated by a bunch of shit that doesn't fucking matter, and I'm having to keep having to force myself to focus focus, be present, be present, be present, Like literally, I like, I noticed how many fucking times I had to remind myself.
To be present me too. In there was nothing else I needed to be doing.
I was at the place I wanted to be, you know, Nobody was calling me, no one was stressing me out, you know, and it was just like damn, it's like so much stimulation in this world too.
It's it's it.
We're overstimulated between our flat I don't think our brain were made for this, like for all these phones and.
Computer everybody else's lives, like literally non so.
And like our evolution is being pushed at such a high rate like that we can't catch up. Like evolution happened slowly and like we had time to assimilate and like digest. Now it's like everything's happening so fast that I feel like our brains are like.
Wait, what what? Who are hard to? Who am I? Who am I? Do I like this? I hate this? I hate this. I don't like this part of me? Do I like this part of me? I want to be like you. It's just so much overstimulation. And that's why we do have to come back to ourselves. We do have to like quiet, you have we have to practice being present because we're so stimulated to do otherwise there's so much distraction. Even while I was meditating, I was like thinking about, oh shit, we need to post this,
and I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with me? No? Me too.
When I was at the beach, I was like, I don't even make a story for work. And I did and I was like, you know, and I was like, you know what, I'm not going to judge myself for this.
That's too.
It's like the judging of yourself for doing things also that that then that then makes you feel worse, even worse, you know.
So I was just like.
Trying to But I will say even though like my my my self care day was not perfect in the way like I felt like because I am I because I want to be this like super present person. Sometimes that comes with a feeling of guilt when you're not. I think most of the time it does feels like, oh do it. I didn't accomplish my goal today, which
was just to just shut my brain off. But I will say that like the past two weeks, like I've been feeling very tired, and I've been haven't been treating myself well, like I've been eating well, I've been drinking a.
Lot, not sleeping well.
And after yesterday, I woke up today and felt like, Okay, I'm ready to like I'm gonna go to the gym.
Well, tonight's like a super moon. And so I think there is a shift. I mean, obviously I had this strange meditative breakthrough yesterday, but and I've been I've been really feeling that too, because you know, September first will be at We're in the last quarter. We're in the last quarter of this year, and it's insane. I know, it's crazy, and I'm like, Okay, I have four months to be to do things differently, you know, like I've been living my whole life doing this, this and that. Well,
you don't have four months. You have your whole life.
Don't put that much pressure on yourself. And that's the problem. Yeah, you have, you have every day. It's like you're not gonna like become this other person next week, like little tiny steps, but just try to make them like you're gonna fuck up and you're gonna go backwards. And that's like what I was I've been trying to remind myself because I'm one of those people that like I want everything to happen perfect quickly, Like why do I feel this way? Why do I feel this way? I hate
that I feel this way. I'm judging myself for feeling this way. And it's like, okay, like what's that's? What's that saying like something wasn't built overnight?
I don't know.
It's like some Romans, but like Pisa, that leaning ass tower clearly was built.
So yeah, I've just been.
Yeah this baby steps, Try not to be so hard on yourself, you know. And like if you're going to say, I don't like you said earlier that you're going your back, you're backstepping by going to San Francisco this weekend, why you're not backstepping like you know? I mean, it doesn't mean you have to fuck this guy. I'm not, but I'm just saying, like know that though. Do you think I need to tell him that? No, it's your fucking choice.
Yeah, Like I don't have.
But that's the thing though, is women like because men fly us out or they do this, but sometimes we feel like.
Oh well fine, that's what my girl said. She's like, you're gonna have to fuck I was like, no, I'm not. I'm like, why would I My girlfriend was look at my crazy. She's like, it's very two thousand and six of you. But you guys gonna know what sex.
I'm like, I don't think I went to right and that was a true test because I'm not like that. I felt pressured, right, and he's still your friend, He's still my friend.
Yeah, yeah, I'm not. I'm not going with down that narrative because I don't and don't try.
To search for attraction if it's not there, you know, because sometimes I feel like that's what we do too, Like we try to find something attractive in someone really.
Well, the part about me is like it's very easy for me to find attractive parts of people because I like people, and I I just I find it easy to love people and be attracted to different things about people, Like it's not a standard, but I need to work on like not well only just finding it, like is it really like a true The only.
Thing that about that The reason why I think you should try not all the time is because you're you're literally like giving like you're giving energy away to that I know, and then you're taking on their energy. That's a lot because we are energy people. We're really based in that. I feel like that's why we have a connection, you know.
And it can be exhausting.
And when you do that, you don't have a lot of energy left for yourself, and all the work that you want to do is being wasted on all the energy you're giving everyone else. So then when it's time to work on yourself, it feels overwhelming, right because you have nothing left to give.
Oh my god, you know what song wish you used for this? It's all about me, me, me, me, me you you you you. I'm gonna get it up, get get it away. Sorry, no, we haven't used that. I don't think. Sorry, that was an easy, quick distraction. But you're right. And Danielle just has this conversation with me about, uh, that I give away too much energy and that that's exhausting and that it takes away And that's true, it's true,
and I have to be able to better monitor. Well, you've been doing it for so long you probably don't even know.
It doesn't feel like any doesn't feel like you're giving away energy, Yeah, because it's.
What you're an autopilot.
But imagine if you start taking away some of it, which might feel unnatural at first look, changed feels unnatural. It doesn't feel like you feel like I'm not this isn't me, this is not who I am. So then you're like, fuck this, I'm going back to how I was.
But it's like if change was easy, everyone would be fucking doing it everyone, and they're not. So I just feel like, what did I see? What did I say? What did I see?
On?
That was like a meme? Like my biggest flex of twenty nineteen is like.
Retracting people's access to me, Like that's the biggest flex.
I think, I think, I think I posted it and it was like I really liked me too. People don't like people who thought they had access to me don't. Yeah, And I think it's true. And I even was thinking about like because I've been of course I've thought about Young Bay and it's but I've realized it's a lot. It's a lot of based an ego like talking like just just ego based thoughts, cender thoughts about like him talking to other people and like missing him or whatever.
And it just dawned on me that why do I care so much about someone who's like really not caring that much about me, how dumb, And I was just like release that. Like release people who like if someone doesn't meet your standards and like respect you or give you as much energy as you give, it should be no problem to cut that shit off. It shouldn't even
I shouldn't even think about it twice. You know what I'm saying, like people who don't like the truth is there's we use people, We use each other, and we should we should be utilizing each other in positive ways to motivate, to inspire, to love on whatever. But once it's not a mutual exchange, there's no need for certain energies and people to be in your life. And you really shouldn't mourn them when they're gone because they don't fucking contribute well.
I think you have to mourn them or else you go back. Yeah, you have to, like you, I mean maybe not everyone. I mean everyone has their own process of letting shit go.
You have to evaluate if what they're contributing is enough for to maintain the relationship. Do I get enough from you that this is feels good? Is it nourishing me in spirit? You know? And if not, if it's just heartache and fucking me giving giving What the fuck is the point? That's in friendships, that's in romantic relationships, that's in any work relationships.
Like if you're now, it's like you want to know that what all the energy that you're putting in you're getting it back from that person.
Then you deserve that and we deserve that.
It's you know, but a lot of times we'll take what we can get, right, which is the problem. Take what we can get and hope because there's moments where they do give it and then we hold on to those moments and not looking at the whole picture of like, Okay, that was on Monday, but on Wednesday, the nigga was not calling me back, and Thursday and Friday and he still ain't called me.
Oh but there he is on Monday again. To tell them about the excel sheet the mom told you about.
Oh yeah, So I hung out with.
One of IRI's friends at school's.
Moms and she's been married for a long time and she told me that because I told her I'm single, and she was like, okay, well this is what you need to do. You need to create an excel sheet first of all, like actually an excel sheet, like you can't do this in your head.
Yeah, And she's like.
Yeah, she's like, you need to date at least seventy people.
I thought she said one hundred.
I was like, or she still like seventy to one hundred people, And I was like wait what She's like, yeah, it's crucial, and she's like and so on the Excel sheet, like everyone starts at the bottom and they.
Work themselves up.
So like say you go on a date with Bobby, Okay, that's not a good one. Say you going to bait or Day with Tommy. Tommy doesn't. Tommy buys dinner, Okay, he goes up. You go on a date with Greg, Greg buys dinner, okay, he goes up. Want to date with Tommy, he decides to split the bill.
He goes down.
Greg's still up. So these guys, they work up the list until you see who is in the top like three of your dating list. And she's like, for me, like I really like a guy that is What did she say? How did she describe him? I don't know, like guy's gonna chase her or something. She's like, obviously everyone's things that are important are different, so you have to decide what those things are and how you move them up the list.
So I was like, huh, not that organized.
Maybe I can have Niche to make this listen, I can like send her notes every week, like maybe like once she make the list, it'll be easy.
So maybe we can have anisia like make make an like sixty people.
We'll just send her a text every day and be like hey, so he's went.
Yeah, I don't know how that works, but it probably does work, though I don't know. I don't know.
I'm just kind of like, I mean, I'm I'm I'm like chatting with people and stuff, but I'm.
So like, but you know, thinking about like being chased. I've come to the conclusion recently, like unless you're mad crazy into me, boldly loudly, I don't want it. I'm good, like uh, indifferent too, chill to relax, like I want to be pursued me too. I mean, I think it's a part of like the male female. I think guys have become so fucking there's just too much access. There's too many horrores out there giving away the milk, and the guys are just they don't still know how to
act anymore. And I was hanging out with Nan heard this dis guy she's dating who's from Texas, and he's like, literally, LA's the only place where I hear this open fucking relationship conversation. He's like, everybody I know in Texas is married, already having kids. Everybody. He's like, they were like doing that since college, like pursuing people because they knew they were gonna be their husband or their wife. He's like, I come to LA, everybody's dating multiple people and it's
just the norm. He's like, you guys are so fucked up. I was like, oh my god, is it an LA thing? Are we or all of our listeners disconnected by our millions of episodes about being an open relationships? You know, I don't know it's an LA thing. And I just think maybe God, like maybe women like I need to step up my standards, Like I could have crossed a lot of iguas off the list if I would have used her mechanism sooner.
Because but just because they show and they like they do these grand acts whatever whatever those acts may be, whether like it's I don't know, posting you on Instagram like women Crush Wednesday or whatever the fuck it used to and it only used to because it never happened. It would bother me, right, you know, because I was in you know, with with my baby daddy, Like I posted him all the time, and he never never posted. Really, I mean, it wasn't a secret we were in a relationship.
Anytime we were out, we're always super affectionate. Like everyone knew he had a woman, but on social media it was never that. And I remember there was this one post and it pissed me, like I like that broke up with him. Yeah, he posted a picture of him in this video and said caption this and like let everyone caption it and decide, and like that was the only time he'd ever posted a girl on his Instagram. Well, and I was like, take that shit down. I was like,
how dare you post another woman? Give people access to like creating whatever story they wanted, and like you have a good woman at home, no looking back on it, Like it's dumb, it's immature, whatever.
I think, it doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter, and like it doesn't matter because I won't do it until if you post another female and we're like, then that really bothers me, Like if you're with him and then he posts someone else. Yeah, and even like I was dating, I was just dating young Bay and he posted someone else and I knew we were just dating and he was saying other people. I knew he went to go see this girl. It fucking pissed. It pisses me off
to this day. I'm still mad about it because it's just like the audacity. I'm better than that bitch. Why did she like? Why what's so special? And I had other underlying reasons. I feel like he did that, but you know my dark secrets. I mean, I.
Can't say that it doesn't feel good to get some recognition, public display of recognition, and you know.
That this that I love her. Even when I look at other people, like men's pages that I follow, and I see them posting their girls a lot, like God, this is I'm so lucky or whatever, I'm like, Okay, I want a man like this. I want a man that takes pictures of me when I'm not asking and secretly because he just he just is down, is down for me. Oh my god, we're I was talking to talking to one of our friends at the beach, and she was like, I went to my man's phone. I
don't know what I was looking for. She was like, but I felt really I felt really happy because I found a whole folder dedicated to my ass, my secret photos of my ass, just my ass. Oh my god, that's the cutest thing. That's over. She's like, so I let it go. I just like twit the phone down is that cute?
I want a secret photo dedicated to me me too, That's really sweet.
That was really sweet. But like I'm I'm I realize now, at thirty one years old, I deserve someone who loves me like that, you know what I'm saying. Not to say everybody loves the same way, but a that's how I need to be loved and be like I deserve that. I love that way. I love boldly, I love loudly.
Well, you have to find someone that that's their lovely language, because that's not how everyone expresses their love for you for people.
I love that.
Hinge also has that on the app, like what's your love language? Yeah, physical tich, quality time food. Mine is physical touch and quality time for sure.
And gifts mine's affirmation gifts and yeah, affection Like I don't want to chase you to like give me a kiss. I want to like us to be making out mostly all day. I want like sec I want like Stephanie kisses. Oh my god, I need to tell her about that. Oh my god. That was like, Okay, we're at the beach. Are friend just had a baby, and I just happened to like turn around from the corner of my eye and I saw this sexy ass, long low tongue, tongue makeout.
I was like, okay, mama a newborn baby. I was like, just like, yeah, I want that too. Note to self, long kisses, long time kisses. Oh my god. Yeah. I just want to be madly, like have mad chemistry and atraction to my man and a mutual you know, like come home right now. I know it's hot. Anyway, I just want we should write this down.
I mean I want those things, but also I want to be okay, like I want I want all those things, but I'm more so to try to sweat. I more so want to be okay. I'm more mad at myself that I feel. So it's so like I feel this, it's so necessary for me, Like life is going to be better once I find this person.
It's not yeah, like you know what, and I used to I think I want my more so want that feeling to go away. Well, you know what I think it is because I feel the same way. I find myself in those thoughts, like if I had a partner, then, if I had a partner then and I'm like, I gotta stop thinking that, Like, if I had a partner, if he would help me, I'd have left financial burden. I'd have someone I can cry on my shoulder, I have someone to like brainstorm ideas, I had someone to
motivate me. These are things that are real. But yeah, we have to do that for ourselves. But it's I don't think that's bad to think that. I don't think it's bad, but.
I feel like, first of all, a lot of our episodes are about my relationships with them.
Wow, that's really sad, And are not in our non relationship non relationships with them and are wanting them and fuck them? And why can't we were great? Flower? No, we're perfect. They suck.
And actually, when I was at the beach yesterday, I was like watching this couple and I almost like, and this never happens because normally when to witch couples, I get jealous.
I was like, huh, I don't have anyone to like I don't, like, I don't have to consider.
Anybody that's nice, and like, for that bleak moment, that brief moment, I felt like lucky, lucky I did.
Obviously, I don't feel that way most of the time.
Hopefully I can like expand on that moment and make it last longer. But like I was like, oh, that's what that feels like, the not the need, the not need, the not the need to not feel like I'm missing out because I don't have a partner. And they were totally happy and that was cool, but I kept thinking to myself, like, oh, she probably makes decisions based off of him, or she feels like she can't do certain
things because of him, and vice versa. I do not miss that, And like that's that usually is when when you put that title on a relationship, and that's when those those things start coming up.
Yeah, well, can't do that anymore. Oh wait, why would you do that? I'm where are you at? Why did you change to the phone? Because I'm a human adult. And so then there's the other side of it. I'm like, I want to consider someone.
I want to not do shit.
I shouldn't be doing that shit anyway. I mean I think like half of the relationships I've ever been in is like to save me for myself. Absolutely. I think, like, but you're doing too much get in a relationship.
Well yeah, I mean we're young, we were most of us were really young when we started. I mean you've been you were with your baby daddy since high school, you know, and I know you've had the relationship since then. But like I started my relationship with mine when I was twenty two, twenty one, twenty two, I don't know who the fuck I was then, Like I really and I only knew who I was with him throughout my twenties, so I didn't really have a stronghold on that either.
It's like only these next these last two years, really have I had to really face and figure out who am I. And that's why it's like met with so much anxiety and met with so much like it feels overwhelming on top of also having a child and like you know, wanting her, like wanting her to know who she is, and I'm like still trying to figure my own shit out.
You know. I think people don't realize is you can get in a relationship and you can completely lose yourself because relationships. Often were told that you have to constantly be in consideration of someone else, and you can like mold into what somebody else wants you to be or with you, and which you think they expect from you, like that period this lasts like five years or whatever.
When I was with them and his dad, I completely lost sight of who I was, like completely, which seems crazy because I'm pretty much who I am, you know, but like there was just I was just in this weird, great area and my dad said to me, He's like don't He's like, be careful. You know, you'll forget who you are if you sit in a space too long with someone that's not for you. And I was like, fuck, that's true. And I feel like he felt a lot. He felt that way a lot in his relationship and
he's like fifty something. So I'm just like even now when I see my friends and relationships and they're like, I'm like, hi, hello, are you in there? Hello? It's you really have to be really careful about the relationships you choose to be in a relationship because you will become well.
That's why you've got to be so straight on who you are, right, And that's why we have a really special gift right now, an opportunity as single people to really do that and like not be so depressed about being single, you know.
Because I don't think we're going to be in any healthy relationship until we're really, say, really clear about who we are, and that will make us clear about who we want and when they come, it'll be easy to identify those things that oh no, no, don't like that.
And I had to think about it because like even with young Bay, like there was things I thought I could, like I wanted to change, and I was like trying to plant seeds so his mind would be a little bit more open, Like I know, my thought process is not like traditional and I'm just like just in how you look at women, how you view women and I you know men. So he's like, well, you're a woman, so this or you're that, and I'm like, I'm not
settling for an igu who thinks that we're different. Like we're different, but you're not gonna put your needs or you're your behavior before mine and justify things just because you're a man. You know what I'm saying, Like there's so many things I need you to be like low key a conspiracy theorist. You got to be just really spiritual. There's these things that I need that before I would be easy, it would be easy for me to negate or just be like, oh I can change this or
change that. But at this point, I don't really have a desire to do that. Like, you need to be in a certain space and then we can have crazy conversations and maybe you change my mind, but you have the least be here. No, we have to. Yeah, I'm yeah, yeah, that's true. It's true. I don't know. So this is about us not needing and wanting to be in a relationship all the fucking time. Just be cool.
I mean this that this week is how That's how I feel. Next week I could be like depressed again, who knows, but like I think my one self care day has me feeling like I mean, I don't know, I just I really kept thinking about that moment when I saw Hey, when I saw that couple, and I wasn't jealous and like or like.
Yeah, I was just like, damn, I don't have to consider anyone.
And honestly, when I thought about that, it's something that Happy.
Bay says to me all the time.
And then I was like, Okay, I get where he's coming from. I mean, I've been getting where he's coming from. But I think he might even be farther along on this. I've been single longer than him. I feel like he's a little bit farther ahead in his like comfortability being alone than I am. And that's why his that his like need to like be that way annoys me when really, like I'm starting to feel.
Like the same in a way. What does he always said?
He's like I don't want don't want to have to consider someone. I don't want to have to consider anyone.
And that's like so beautiful sometimes, like.
Like I'll all I have, all I have to do when I wake up in the morning is consider myself.
I mean, obviously we don't have that luxury. We have kids, we have to consider them, but like especially because we don't have like because we do have the consider kids, but if we want, but if that need to feel like we I want to, but I want to consider someone.
Okay, we have someone, it's our kid, use that use that as someone to consider.
That's the most important person. I mean, even if be going on this trip this weekend, Like I haven't done anything like that and like and like this in a long time, and I'm just like happy I can just get up and go bye bye. When to go see a stranger, catch you later. Maybe you don't like it, you can come back. You're not far super simple. If any anything else is dead, let's go make a list of qualities we wanted a man become.
We know.
Anything else, not really, I mean, the world is crazy.
People are crazy. People are crazy as fuck.
And I think we need to We actually have to go because we need to write something really quickly on your.
Phone in this press sent Oh we do Twitter.
But anyway, I hope you guys have Oh she looks really cute there. I hope you guys have an amazing week. That you consider yourself this week. If you are single, that you know, kind of just basking it, basking it, embrace it. You have no one to consider, to do whatever the fuck you want. It's beautiful, Like you're not gonna hurt any motherfucker's feeling, but you're like, just consider yourself, Like how beautiful is that to just be like, God, I love myself, I'm the bomb.
What am I gonna do for me today? But we'll catch you guys next week. If you're in Atlanta or in the Atlanta area, we're having a live show October thirteenth at b q E on Edwood and we would like to see you there.
Yes, we're gonna make a link right now, link in our bio for those tickets. Tell your friends, bring a friend, bring a friend, bring your mama, and have a drink.
It's gonna be fun and we'll talk to you guys next week. NY Audios, that's lunch