Mama's in an Open Marriage Feat. @Baeleche

M m.

My baby said he wants to be free, but it is said me.

Tried loving chrystals and singing time.

Plays. I thought I could tummle his heart, but it's a fall look for me. It's just fallenough for me.

It's welcome back.

To good mom's back choices.

I'm Mela, I'm Eric from Happy Wednesday, Happy Home Day.

We have a special guest today.

You'll we have bree aka at be on Instagram, which, by the way, I love that Instagram.

Thank you.

I was really stoked to think about it for a minute, but it was happy with what I came up.

With, and we we we reached out to Beleche because as you know, Jamila and I have had throughout our podcast, as you've if you've grown with us, you know we've had we've gone through a lot of a journey about like how we feel about relationships and as they've returned, as they pertained to monogamy, openness and all those things.

I'm that bitch number one, number one no, And it's just weird. Basically we're in limbo.

Basically, even some listeners reach out to us and being like how could you flip?

I really like this is this last episode and like her beat what the fuck? You guys are changed your mind? You guys are open and cool and now who are you? Are you? How dare you be conservative? What is this? Go to church?

What's happening? And I'm like, I don't know, I'm trying to figure it out. And then you know, I saw that you know, you've been an open relationship for a long time. And for me, like I've never met anyone that's been in a successful open relationship for an extended amount of time. It's always been like pretty short and our last or a few guess ago, we had on Afne Wayne's who had a lot of strong opinions on open relationship. And she's she's older, she's five kids, you know,

And somehow her thinking has like I don't know if it's which polluted my brain or if I agree with it, I don't know.

I know she was very convincing.

She's like really well spoken, so spoke.

Oh my god, I'm so soft, A very delicate woman talking about very delicate man. Yes, I agree. No, I feel the same way. And it's really strange for me to admit it because I am a very free spirit. I like to flight with everybody. I hate to be limited in that I hate for someone to tell me what to do, which is probably my number one issue. Don't tell me what to do. So but I do also have a little bit of I mean, I don't know. I don't want to call it security your ownership or

Yeah, so can you just tell us a little bit about you and your mama? A one year old's one year old year old year old and you've been.

Married for it'll be five years this summer.

And in this relationship with him for though, like you said.

Ten years. Yeah, so you know him since you were twenty one.

Yeah, we met when we were babies.

Oh wow, And I.

Mean I think that's a part of the reason why we decided to be open, because so.

Even since you were twenty one, you've been open.

Well, how it all started was I met Daniel's my husband's name.

I met Daniel.

We were twenty one.

We had a magical night together, but I already had a boyfriend, and I was immediately very conflicted. But it wasn't my first time in that situation. It was kind of a thing, a pattern I realized that I was repeating, is that I would be cheating, and so I was like, I was like, Okay, is there something wrong with me, and it threw me into a little bit of a spiral because I really did love my boyfriend at the time, but I also really loved this new.

Person that I just met.

So what ended up happening is I had to make a decision, and I literally was like physically ill over it, but I chose my now husband, and months into that my relationship with him, I was still thinking about it, like, well, is there a different way to do things? Like is monogamy the only answer? And I was twenty one, and I'd kind of like, I don't think I knew the open relationships existed, or I'd only my only context was cheating, and like, there's been cheating in my family history too,

Love we have to give in that way.

So came across this idea and I was like, oh my god, it's me, this is me, And I was so excited.

And I told Daniel about it, and he was a little nervous, but he has.

He had never been in a relationship like that, right, neither, and so he was very open to it though, and really he just loves me so much and he wants me to be happy, and so he's.

Like, Okay, yeah, let's see what that's all about.

And so throughout our ten years together, being open has looked very different because we're individuals that are constantly changing and growing, and our relationship is always different because of that too, and our needs are always different. So at the beginning, it was like I'd make out with someone that when I was at a bar with friends and I thought was cute, you know, like, and then it's been and.

Then would you tell him that? Like, so that was the deal? Like what was in the beginning.

I think it's funny as a long time it was hard to remember, but I think in the beginning it I would I wouldn't have to ask before it happened, but he would want to know afterwards. But casual sex still like wasn't something that I was really doing anyways. So we didn't have to have that conversation of like, oh, well, can you have sex with other people until later, So it's really been like slow, I.

Guess, at different phases.

Yeah, and it's had it's had very different phases at at some points. It's been one of the things that when you guys spoke to Daphne that I a misconception about non monogamy that she kind of highlighted was that it's about sex and that people in open relationships, you know, they just want to fuck up people.

And that's not what it has.

Really ever been for my partner and I.

Not ever, there's been times, but what it's always been for us is I don't want to limit his experiences. And I think that when you decide that your partner can no longer be intimate with another person, you're just limiting them so much like and intimacy can look, as we talked about earlier, like a bunch of different ways. It can be deep friendship where you're meeting up with someone and cuddling and talking until three in the morning, or it can mean meeting up with someone and fucking

So that's kind of the basis.

I read a book once. I can't think about what book it is, and because that's one thing. When's the first time I was introduced to polyamory, I was that that makes sense. Oh, that that resignates with me. And that was literally I was probably like eighteen or nineteen and I read something and it was rather profound, and I think I've said this before in another podcast, but

That's what I really That's an aspect of it that Daniel and I also have. Really it's been hard, but we've really it's been rewarding. Is that we've had to face so many insecurities and so many fears and just things that we wouldn't face if.

We weren't in an open relationship.

And that's been really so hard, so so hard, but also, like I said, just really rewarding. And I feel like it's helped us both to grow as individuals and it's really deepened our marriage. And yeah, I mean, but I also I also want to say, this is really important for me to say, is I don't think that an open relationship is superior to monogamy. I think a lot of people who are in either camp will say that one is superior either, and I am not of that opinion.

I just think you gotta do what's best.

For you, right, and it's not like a one size fit. So Okay, I have a question. I went on a date with this guy. And when we got there, he's like, oh, yeah, I'm in an open marriage. And I was like, wait, wait, hold on, so you're married right now, like right now, like right the second I was like, I was like, wait, so you live with your wife? He's like yeah, Like because you told me he lived up the street. I'm like,

No, that's your hitting on something I think really really big and important and hard.

I've been.

I was also in a three year relationship and it worked really well because he was younger. I was twenty seven and he was twenty four at the time when we met. And he's a creative he's in a band. That's his priority, and so we didn't run into the problem of him wanting or needing more because what I had to give with from like in an open relationship still being married, was totally enough for him. And it worked for a really long time. But then I got

He didn't really he did from.

Time to time, but because he was very busy and I was seeing him like maybe once or twice a week, that was really.

Working for him.

But he met somebody else and he found himself on the other side. Going over there, he found he found himself on like my side, where he was having to navigate like two different people's feelings mine and then this new woman he was seeing and he couldn't handle it, and he broke down to me. He just like broke down and He's like, I can't I can't do this.

I'm so sorry. I met somebody else.

And I'm like, I'm so happy for you, Like I there is a limit to how much I'm going to be able to give you in our relationship together, Like maybe if we were together for like ten years, we would have to start discussing something like Okay, are you like, are you like a second husband?

Like, are we gonna have to introduce you to the family, like I can stay the chance? Did you ever meet your husband? Yeah?

Did?

Were they cool? They were cool?

I think that that was challenging because masculinity is hard.

Yeah, And I was I was gonna say that to you. Masculinity period. I think Unfortunately because of the society you live in, it's easier for a man to navigate an open relationship totally because you got pregnant. Yeah, Now there's this visual like reminder and like, are you gonna have sex with me? Is it gonna be something for your husband too? Oh? That's my baby up in there, Like you know what I'm saying. There's all these concepts, and then even for like just a man period, like, oh,

His have mostly been flings or just one night stands. He hasn't really found anyone that he's dated long term.

He is still kind.

Of deciding how he wants the open marriage to look for himself, like what feels best. Yeah, and I've had more practice at this point. And that's also a personality difference. I'm just more of an extrovert. I work at a bar people, Yeah, he's a teacher, he's more teachers.

Don't let you've had a few educators on.

I'm always like, wait, what's going on? Okay, l No, I mean cats can't be freaking. I'm just saying, it's not really a place, not at a bar.

Obviously, you're you're more you're engaging with people that are open, free, like open, but they're there to meet people.

Yeah, but there is something to like you always have to keep in mind in an open relationship when you're when you're dating other people.

And I think that.

People who are new to non monogamy, they don't realize this. And I've like coached people through this a little bit, is you have to understand that in your relationships that are not if you're in the primary that are not your primary relationship, there's going to be a lot of hurt and there's going to be a lot of endings.

Because how far can you take this? How far can you're literally in the market for a second exactly?

And so and I think people like oftentimes aren't ready for that because it's hard, Like breaking up is never.

Fun, it's never easy.

But in non monogamy, you have to understand that that is almost one hundred percent of the time what the outcome is going to be.

So so with that, because you're in an open marriage, when you decide to date someone, they know that you're Is there a priority? Is your is your husband the priority? Or is that just like or is it just and everyone is on one even playing field.

I think that you're limiting.

There's there's a concept called relationship anarchy, and in that concept, you're not prioritizing one over the other. But because Daniel and I are married and because it's our agreement that we are each other's priority, that's the way that we do it.

But people do it no, I know, I'm just curious about how you are. That's that's the way that we do it.

And people are generally really understanding of that.

So do do you guys bring people home like in a group setting?

And we haven't.

We we still there's a lot of exploring we still have to do.

Are you guys open to doing that? We are?

We are open, Like there's a.

Lot of the do like girls.

I'm I identify as hetero flexible because I definitely.

Many words today? What is it discipline?

Discipline today and hetereral.

Flexible hetero flexible.

I because I'm ninety nine times out of one hundred, I'll be attracted to men versus women.

But every once in a while, I'm like.

Oh, maybe I would She's I'm really attracted to this woman, but I've never been with a woman.

I still would like to I'm still open to it.

But that's another like people assume that if you're an open relationship, do you must be just.

Total women get totally right.

That's another common misconception, and I think, I mean, I like to think that Daniel and are gonna get really wild in our forties once kids like once our season of parenting young babies and children is kind of passed. But that's not how it's been so far.

Do your okay? So you mentioned that you're you're group of like parent friends are kind of square. Are they aware of like the type of relationship you with Daniel have? They are? They are?

But I think I don't think that every one of them is comfortable talking about it.

So they know, but they don't.

Talk about it kind of.

She said they're all of her mom like her parent friends are kind of conservative.

I was I thought they're more conservative more than we are. So it's yeah, because of where.

You it's because of where I live.

It's because if Daniel and I actually used to go we went to a Christian college is where we met. This is so so a lot of our friends are like also form Christian, former Christians, some of them still are. But that's just the circle that we've been in. You know, it's nothing happy.

You found us.

The little devil comes up.

No, they're all amazing friends, amazing people.

It's just on this, on this particular topic, we don't really relate. I guess I sound like an anti religious heathen. That's not what I meant by that. No, I like presidents too, have the been my family like people like I have four black friends. Okay, so now that you have a small child and you're navigating this open relationship, how do you how do you like intend on introducing that in an apparent style, I know, like having an alternative relationship? Is the questions like, well, what do you

The last time we talked about it, I mean, because it would be coming up for a few more years, obviously.

Be careful. The four comes up quickly, scary.

But I think that we we don't want to make a big deal about it. I think we just want to treat it as very normal, because it shouldn't.

It shouldn't be treated any other way.

And I think just like, oh, like Daddy's going out tonight, he's hanging out with a friend.

Who's the friend?

Oh so and so like I think, just being as transparent without giving too much information.

When you are dating someone, are you guys? Do you in public?

Are you do go like public places and be in like like if someone saw you out with the guy you were dating, would that.

You're his girl? Like you are his girlfriend? You know what I mean?

Like, Oh, this must be like a relationship on its own regularly, right?

Does that happen? Yeah? Yeah? If only I only had the one like besides that.

One three year relationship, I only I was only always I'm asking it's because I think about this couldn't probably never happen, But I what if, like your child is older, like it's a teenager, and his friend sees you out and doesn't undergo your relationship and sees you out being intimate with or you.

Know, having PDA with me never met.

How would you arm your child, not arm them, but like how to be able to explain that to their friend or not.

You know, I just I'm just curious, like I have I've never never that's a good question.

I really hope that by then, like my child would have a complete understanding of what we were doing. And I think that I don't know, I just don't think an open marriage is that unusual these days.

I think that a lot of people are a lot more people are.

Doing it.

Based off like people I've just met, and even like dating apps are more conducive to it, like Okaycupid has been really great for us because it has an option like you can say, oh, I'm in a relationship with and you can link your worst profile, so people it's all transparent.

People are like, oh, this is this is.

What I'm dealing with.

So I think I think by then, I just don't think it's going to be that big of a deal and and I'll feel fully equipped just without shame people like, yeah, mom and dad see other people.

Yeah, as not as normal as maybe you think it is. No, I'm not saying that because I think that.

I just think generally in the population that we live in honestly, I mean we live in La so sometimes in California we can feel like we live in like a bubble.

Yeah, rust a good bubble. Jamila is I'm gonna.

Just call you a statist because you're still judgmental when it comes to different states. I think California is like, no, it's it's like a unicorn state almost in ways, like we think sh it's normal.

That is not normal to everybody else are not. It's as awkward and weird as you make it. I think if your kid is not like okay, what if you're lesbians, I mean had kids in a lesbian relationship, We're going to have to address that. No, of course, but I'm just saying to her, to her saying that hopefully it's going to be normalized. I just don't think. I don't think it will be. Maybe more so, I think the conversation is starting.

I mean, like you said, you had to google what what years ago? Yeah, and we were having a conversation with someone today and she was saying, how like, yeah, I just wasn't like because I was saying, like, when I was in my twenties, like early twenties, monogamy was the only option in my head. There was no other option. And that's not because I didn't want there to be. I just didn't think it could really exist or what

And then I was like, okay, I can I know I can do this, you know, And now I'm back in this place where like, Okay, I did it, but like did I really like that shit or like what, I don't know if I did, Yeah, I think.

I mean also, Daniel and I are really open to not being open in the future, Like it works for us now and it has worked really well for us in the past, but that doesn't mean it's always gonna work for us, and we're also open to that possibility, like we don't know.

We don't know in five years are you'd be like what the fuck were we doing?

Right?

Why did we do that?

But like right now, it's what works, it's what we think is best and we're going with it.

How do you feel about okay because you mentioned okay Cupid has an ation, or how do you feel like, Okay, you guys are married, but I'm also going to sign up and make a profile to seek out someone else? The seeking? How does the seeking make you feel? Because it's one thing I feel like, Oh, I met this girl at work or I met this guy.

Well something you were talking about how you met a guy and he was married and he didn't tell you beforehand. And so Daniel, because it's summertime, he is interested in dating now that he has time.

But it's been difficult.

Because on his profile says say that he's married and people women will.

Understand, Yeah, they'll shy away from it.

And so he was like asking me, He's like, should I like take off that I'm married? And he's like really, he doesn't want to be dishonest, but like and then like let them get to know me and then mention yeah. But that's like it's a difficult thing to again.

Like what happened to you?

Like exactly and maybe clear I wasn't mad. This was probably when I was more on my monogamous side of things. It was are you Gemini, I'm on the cussed. Okay, I'm in the twenty second.

Oh okay, Jim May, Oh okay, okay, you're also cussed. Yeah yeah, how do you know? But it wasn't. I was mad, you know, I'm all for this. I'm like, oh, this is perfect. I need to know more. But yeah, I mean I can see we're like a normal chick. I would have probably clicked yes either way. I mean I found a couple on.

I mean I was having sex with a married couple that I found on, which was like a whole thing because I was like this exists, Like I didn't even know this. This is at first when I saw then, like the picture was a picture of a guy and I was like, oh, he's hot. And then it was like just the girl and I was like wait what, And then it was both of them and I was like wait what. I'm like first I was just very confused, and then I was like, oh, ship, this is two for one.

Yeah right, and they're fine, Yeah, she found a fine and I'm still seeing.

Them I mean now, and then oh nice, Yeah they're great, they're amazing. And then but that's why that's kind of like what opened me up to the idea because I saw their relationship because they have so much communication and they have a son and so their parents too, and they're navigating through it and they're beautiful, and I was like, I could be with my beautiful ass husband and also like, but it's it's not it's I don't she can't go sleep with guys though, it's there's no no.

Remember we learned today, swingers is your primary, is your primary, That's what she said. Well, swingers is usually when you have like each.

Of you have like another person that you're.

Like, that's what that's what. Okay, So okay, I thought it was like swap. Yeah, so I thought swingers initially was like another couple of another couple and then.

But it's not.

Clear, I thought, definis, I don't know. Okay, maybe we don't know. She can't sleep with other men and he can't sleep with other riches.

Oh together, they only sleep with people together and it's only ever women.

Okay, that is kind of unfair. Well, he doesn't want he's not interested in men, I know, but so she likes obviously likes men. I mean, I guess maybe maybe that's not maybe that's not what she wants.

Maybe she really she's satisfied enough with him and just wants women.

I don't know. I don't know. I mean like I'm having a good time.

But yeah, it's been tricky for him because because of that, and so I could see that's difficult.

I don't remember the question that I was answering, but oh, right, but I don't remember. But but that's it.

It's interesting that dating is just so different for him than it is for me, because men are a lot more open to dating a married woman than women tend seem to be dating another man the women that he has, because women.

Are possessive, we want.

I don't know, I don't know what it is.

I think that's what it is. I think women associate dating a married mammoth life being a sneaky, skeazy girl, even if your wife's aware. I don't know women. Yeah, I think women just are I don't know. Yeah, I'm not sure what it is. I would feel like men would care more.

And I think that mostly I have actually dated men who are also non monogamous, and Daniel has mostly dated women that are also non monogamous. That's just kind of the way it works best and he's mostly he's mostly dated women who are.

Already in a primary relationship, so that works out, That works out.

Yeah, But have you ever met any of his lady friends? No?

No, How would you feel if you guys meet a lady friend and a lady friend? I don't say, so ye are consistent and like, okay, and your son's getting older, are you gonna let the lady friend be around to the sun? What are the rules regarding the visitation?

I think that with every like with every situation, there just has to be so many conversations and yeah, until you come to that. And I think that if that were to happen either way, because we actually kind of had to start having that conversation because Jeff was still around when I was pregnant and Daniel was like, well, I'm like, can you not be around the baby?

Like what are we gonna do?

Yeah, And so we kind of started to have that conversation. But I like to think that I'd be really open to it, and especially if I think for me, Daniel and I kind of look at this differently too, which is common I think with with couples, is that you have different ways that you want the openness to kind of play out. Like for me, I like to know all the details when he goes out and I'm like, oh.

Like did you have a good time, Like I'm like waiting for him, like how is the date? I want to know everything.

I'm so excited, And but for him, he kind of more prefers not to know, and like, so we had to figure that out too. So but I think that if he were with someone long term, I would like to get to know her.

I would like to be her friend, but then he might not prefer that. I had to respect that. Yeah, and so it's like it's too weird Chillo.

Yeah, like you don't need to be friends with her, yeah, Signe.

You know.

But you know what, I have so much respect for your relationship because that's really at the heart of why it was interesting to me, the communication, like such pure honest communication with someone when it works, you know, And I'm sure it hasn't always been easy, and I'm sure there's been mistakes and things that have happened. It's a relationship, you know, but that communication is what kind of drew me in because I don't know, for me, that's like

And I know, like some people say that, but they still can.

Navigate through a relationship with not a lot of communication.

I just can't.

I'm the same.

So but I've also seen people and that's why I was like, well, maybe I should maybe you open relationships before me because and I also don't believe in monogamy, but I also don't like how I feel Wow, like what.

That that also like changes with more practice, Like you're the first.

Time letting go of like yeah, letting go that you are.

Just like the first time your partner goes on a date, it's gonna be so much harder than the fifth or the tenth.

By then maybe because he came back, you.

Hear and they came back and they still want you more.

But then you're also hitting on another thing. And this is a conversation that Daniel and I have had and I like to share with people, is that you also have to hold in an open relationship that they might not come.

Back right and that you're opening Pandora's book, you are.

And I think that.

At first Daniel and I I think that was something that we didn't realize but then but then, but then after we had more experience.

It was a conversation that we.

Had and we've realized that it's just a part of it.

And you you, I mean, it's the same way that your partner could die.

And you can't like hold on you know what I mean. You just you have to be okay on your own either way.

So it's like.

It's it's okay.

Like if if Daniel were to meet somebody else and fall in love and want to be with them instead of me, I would be devastated, of course, because I want to grow old with him.

That's our intention.

However, if he were to be happier with that person, if that was his truth and what he needed to do, then who are.

You to say otherwise? Yeah, And I think that's really beautiful, just like I understand that life happens, and if I'm here, I'm here like that could happen even if you're.

Not open exactly, And and and we've been together for ten years, so like that's what makes me like at this point, I think like I wouldn't I wasn't here six years ago.

Secure. I feel very secre in relationship.

But also I feel like what we've shared already has been so incredible and so beautiful and like given me so much goodness that if if it were to end that way, like we.

Still find something.

So yeah, yeah, and so I don't know, but I think that that's something that doesn't get talked about at a tens that.

You're opening that up, opening up that possibility.

I think it's something you try to like pretend like what doesn't exist.

I don't or like say, we're opening it up because like I said, I think it's already fall in love with someone, that's what was meant intended to happen. Yeah, that's how it was supposed to life. Was that your life, that's your pathway, that's how it If you fall in love with someone that was going to happen either way, well that's kind.

Of like the awesome mess of life. Like right like at any moment, some of your life can totally change its path that you have to learn to honor it end even when it's painful, because that's honestly part of the only reasons why I've been able to get through some situations. It's just knowing, like I've always my mom is always like said to me that like time is the greatest neutralizer, and the time everything is always better. It just gets better because I truly enjoy learning.

And like feeling. I have a feeling like even the pain.

It's weird, you know, and it's like I want to feel life.

I want to feel that. I think that's the biggest thing after all this controversy of like should I be open, should I be closed? And even us on this journey, this podcast journey going through shit and working through shit and talking about it and growing and healing and saying, damn, this is making me have to grow. Damn, this is making me look at myself. I think the greatest the end goal is that we're all living on our path. We're all walking our path, we're all hitting the lessons

Think, I guess I've never thought of it this way, but I think in that way, an open relationship is almost easier because you're like, instead of resisting, you're just kind of going. Like because because even in committed monogamous relationships, like.

People are gonna meet people that they're interested in. That happens all the time. Infidelity is huge, so I don't know more because it's forbidden and because it feels sneaky and good, sometimes people can be come more appealing yeah than they actually are all the time. That's why a lot of people do. Right.

So I think in a way, you're like actually taking out some of those I don't know bumps, just like, well, I actually can do this, so I don't even need to make a big deal about it and freak everybody out.

It's just like something I can, I'm.

Allowed to do I can sit here and flirt with this beautiful woman at this bar and not be afraid that someone's gonna send my wife a fota.

Right. Oh my god, gotta say something, Oh, Shan Shambooty said. I saw on her YouTube she was saying that romantic relationships are the only space we are allowed to have ownership and jealousy. And then no one questioned it as Erica's friend, like and we had all the time when she s are hanging out with other people, I can't be like, hey, why are you hanging out?

You love, we do this together.

You take me at the party, you know what I'm saying.

But suddenly, like romantic relationships, we can she was saying that she's.

Saying that it's about it. Jealousy is not condoned in any atmosphere. If you jealous of your coworker, if you jell us of your friend, that's kind of odd. Yeah, But if you're jealous of something going on in a romantic relationship, no one questions that ego, No one questions that that's actually very unhealthy, right, because we've been we've conditioned ourselves to believe that it is. And that's how it's supposed to be, but in reality, jealousy is not a good treat.

Yeah, that's well, that's toxic monogamy culture.

It's just that we've really run normalized and then like even decided that like jealousy is proof, like it's proof that you really cared about me, right, Yeah, And I mean honestly, I still struggle.

With that too.

I'm like I'm undoing a lot still actively and like sometimes when actually Jeff, my ex boyfriend, he was not ever jealous. He was a very he was a pisces like very like just chow auto, a query and energy, and like he he was never jealous.

And I at like some points I would just be.

Like why are you not jealous? Like don't you want to be my husband? Like don't you like what's going on? And I had to like check myself obviously. But that's a product of toxic monogamy culture.

It's just like the way that we have decided monogamy should be done is.

Just that that's how you care if you're jealous. Yeah, well I feel really enlightened right now.

If it's the weird this conversation, I hope it's me. You know what I think we had a lot of sex conversation to day. I've like, we've talked about sex all day.

We have I mean not just sex, relationships.

Relationships and it's like, yeah, it's a beautiful thing.

It really is. There's a science to it.

It's my favorite thing to talk about. I was really excited to come on and talk.

Yeah, I want to know more about your mommy mommy vibes. Mommy vibes. Well, mommy vibes is kind of on hold right now.

But it was a photography project and I love that.

I really love.

Really I think I should be unpaused until further down is yeah, I just need to find I just to figure how I want to do it, because I also I shoot sometimes too, but I didn't feel confident enough behind the camera to be able to shoot it myself.

So that's why I contacted another photographer. You can do it, thank you.

We could shot that, we could practice, but I think the idea was to shoot other women and to make it be this giant project where I'm showing that mothers are sexual beings as well, and that that's okay, and that once you become a mother, it doesn't like neuter you. It doesn't mean like you no longer are sexy, you no longer have desire.

But that those things could coexist.

And I wanted to create images because I realized I hadn't seen many of them in the project was actually born because I was I love lingerie. I love lingerie so much so and I own a lot of it and I just kind of like wear it at home by myself often. And so I was doing that and I was holding my baby and he was really little, and I looked in the mirror and I was just like, oh, like I just saw like the power of that image of like seeing my body as like both nurturing and

It was just like the most it was like the most powerful thing ever. Just like staring myself in the mirror, like I need more of that.

You know what, That's so amazing that you saw that in yourself, you know because a lot of women look to other women like and that's beautiful too, but like idolize other women like beyond sing or something.

But when you look at yourself and you can see that, that's.

That's powerful, you know, and like I feel like we as women have to encourage other women to That's why that project is.

So it is it is get back to it strong like I felt, I felt it.

Thank you.

You guys really do need to go check that out. And that's why I'm I'm here for you. I am I support that, I like you. That's what I yeah.

And I think a part of my work because I mean, I'm still figuring out my personal vocation and I do want a part of my work to be coaching people, coaching women in particular mothers, maybe even in particular on how to own your sexuality and how to feel comfortable in your body.

And I think that that project kind of hits on that. I think it's so beautiful because like, really, that's why we're all here, you know, That's why we started this. That's how like, that's why whatever. When I saw you come to our page, is like, oh I like her.

That was another thing that I crossed my.

Mind because if we talked about that story. But just like even I started this podcast, you know, because that was the first thing that we talked about when she asked me, she talked about that. She first told me the tender story with her couple, and then she said, oh, by the way, you want to say this podcast? And I said, oh, were gonna be dishonest? Are we're going to be who we are? She's like buck it. Yeah. I was like, all right, I'm down because that's the

Thank you. I appreciate it. I appreciate it.

Thank you for coming on today. Thank you for having me. It was so great. Yes, it's really good talking to you. Can you tell our listeners where they can find you.

Yes, you can find me at at bay Leche on Instagram that's b A E L E c h E.

And that's kind of partle slide me a DM.

If you're interested in opening up your current relationship or you just have questions, I'm always happy to guide people through.

That's amazing. Anything don't you have at the Mommy Project too?

I do.

It's it's it's a private account because I.

Have people interested in it for maybe reasons I don't like. So it's at Mommy Vibes Project.

If you're interested in going to find that, Yeah, for sure.

I think like keeping it privately helps me control I can see, and also like the male to female ratio.

And like he was following, like I have.

I think I have like six year requests right now, but they're all men, and so I'm like.

Let's let's even it out. Let's pend on even it out a bit. You can find us that good Mom's underscore bad choices. Make sure to sign up for our newsletter on our website.

And oh, we're having a meetup at the at Forever Hollywood Forever Cemetery. We're going to see the Exorcist because we need to exercise exorcistics.

It is wait, what day is that? July thirteenth? I believe July fourteenth, the Saturday. That's the thirteenth of the fourties. Anyway, look it up Hollywood Former Cemetery. I don't know. Eighteen bucks. You're like, bring some wine, and I was thinking we should dress like witchy because it's a cemetery.

You have to come.

Have you ever been No?

It sounds fun?

Oh my god, so it's in the cemetery. It's old cemetery in Hollywood. There's like old like Hollywood. Starlet's buried there and just ran a lot.

Of like Jewish people there are anyway, they have it's beautiful. They have like all these beautiful like statues and I mean it's death, but it's beautiful.

They have this huge wall and then people come out and there's DJs and you picnic out there.

That sounds fun, yeah, And then they play a movie. And then they play a movie and usually the time is afore films. Sometimes it's like an old Hollywood film like.

Roman Holiday, or sometimes it's like Cheech and Chong and everyone's just getting high.

But it's really do that anyway.

Yeah, they're doing that, Arkles. That's what I'm gonna be doing at thee for sure. Yeah, I'm gonna do.

Anyway because coming out.

Oh my god, I think I may be the second eclipse too, around the time this thirteenth or fourth. Okay, whatever I do, whatever, never mind forguts. Alright, y'all, Well we'll see next week. Box attachments is the key.

To let go out who you still be.

Still?

Somehow?

I vibrate on your way.

I try to reprogramed. Mama. There's no change, but it just swong uk for me. It just swoll uough for me. It just fell a no, it's just all love for me. It is all love for me. It is all life.