Everything you go through, you learn. I think that all men should study and understand postpartum. Agreed, because the problem is I had no clue. And if I could really apologize to my kid's mom for one major thing, it was my ignorance to how postpartum works. And I'm going to tell you why.
Welcome back to good mom's bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Mila. Happy Wednesday, Happy homp Day, My love. How you feeling, I'm great. You guys, we are in Miami.
Hey, you know this is our first time. This is the first time being in Miami together. True, and also recording, and I am the best. I don't think we should have ever been here in our twenties together, you know what. I I'm a firm believer that our friendship happened towards our end of our late twenties early thirties because we wouldn't be able to handle being friends in our younger twenties.
It would have just been like level ten wretchedness. So for the best of the people, for humanity, and for ourselves, we've only made it to Miami together at thirty five, when we're more a little bit more mature. So yeah, I'm having a good time. Can you take I just this is my first time really talking a lot today, so I feel like you can hear the recovery in my voice. Lots of things have happened in the last three days.
It's true. I sa our friend's birthday. So we're out here shout out to cash Ley and so we've been We've been, you know, good momming, bad choicing.
I feel like every time we're like, I coming to share. But I have this mental conversation with myself and I'm like, you know what, you're older like, we're gonna relax, We're gonna like get creative. We're gonna relax, drink a lot of water and do some work. And then I get to where I'm going and then I lose all sense of all of that shit. I'm like drugs, alcohol, pool parties.
So that's where I'm at. Anyway, how are you feeling about your You've been kind of turned up, have I Yeah, you're a very white girl wasted yesterday.
Oh thanks, we.
Were talking about you when you're looking or like, wow, look at you can totally tell me Eric is drunk. Yeah, because you act like a drunken white girl.
Perfect.
Nisia said she's so nice when she's drunk. You can totally tell her demeanor changes.
I was like, Damniti, she she's saying she's the post being a bitch all the time. Perfect. I love that. Thank you, Anisha. Thanks No. I've just been enjoying myself. I'm on vacation, I feelly. I haven't had a vacation a while, even though it does look like our life is a vacation. I know to some of you guys, it's fucking not. So I've been just indulging, relaxing, and I've had a great time. We had a book signing
shout out to NICKI. Thank you so much Nikki for putting together our book signing work at Moms and everyone that showed up and came out. I'm like, really happy that we really do have a Florida try about here. It was really cool to meet everybody and connect and.
Yeah, Bessie, well, without further ado, because I know the YouTubers hate when we do this. We have a very special guest with us today, you guys know, and June. We'd like to celebrate our zaddies. It's fine Zaddi June, our annual find Zaddy June is with us again, and today we've traveled to Miami and we're getting some Miami Florida guest and today we have producer, artist songwriter father Rico Love.
What's up with I'm listening. I'm like, damn, we got really good podcast voices. I don't know if I have the podcast voice. I was like, damn, I got to compete with some amazing voices. Here.
You are the voice.
What you're talking about.
All you do is curate voices.
What you do, That's why I can hear.
Yeah, I was gonna say, but if you think that we have great voices, I will take that. Hear that guy's real love things. We have great voices.
You know what. I'm happy you said that because last night I came to the conclusion I just remembered. You just reminded me. I was someone told us like, the streaming money is where it's at, and I was like, well, not in podcasting. And then she was like we should do a collab and I was like, Erica, podcasting is over, were rapping or we're going to be a group, so figure it out.
And streaming in music.
She was like, the streaming money is crazy and literally was like, so we're going to start rapping. I was like, I don't know, but if City Girls could do it, so can we. I don't know if you heard Rico, but we're the City Girls a podcast.
Okay, I.
Have a problem told us that he did say that.
I don't know if I co signed that. You do you do like fifty City Girls fifty? I don't know, Oprah, Okay, I.
Was gonna say six for to six. You're pushing it very five? What's the Wasted White Girl podcast?
That is not what we are.
I saw this clip of Tony Braxton speaking about how mean Oprah was to her on the show. And I saw the clip and Tony Braxton had just foul for bankruptcy and she went on Opra to talk about it, and Oprah was like berating her, Like it was like, do you feel like it's your fault? She was like, well, I'm Oprah. You don't you have Gucci plates? And she was like, yeah, you know, I'm Oprah and I don't have Gucci plates. And it was what was going on.
She's trying to put in perspective for her. I mean, I might need to release those Gucci plates.
I bit you think, I don't. I don't. I'm not surprised, like does Oprah seem like the nice aunt?
Like?
I don't know. I just always thought Oprah seem really nice. I know, her stance on the N where was always really.
Weird to me, because what is her stance on the N word?
Anybody says it, but that's like a grandmother energy exactly like somebody's. But I just thought she was aggressive about the conversation about it. You know, when I see I love I don't know if it's cool to say, but I love Cosby right, like.
Everything goes here, just love Cosby.
But I would always get upset when he would criticize the younger generation and names. And I feel the same way about Steve Harvey. I just don't. Really, I'm not a fan.
Don't don't get her started. But I just I didn't have to look over.
I hated the way that he was always anti his anti blackness young and you know, and I definitely as a forty year old now, I always say I have to say I'm forty at least six times a day because you yourself, whenever you turn forty, you always are saying, like, bro, I'm forty, I don't.
I don't shame about the new ship.
It is like, I'm I'm smart.
I don't do that no more forty like.
That, you like, I'm forty years what are you talking about? No? But as a forty year I do look at things that this generation does and I'm a little bit annoyed. But I always think to myself, I'm in a business where I have to try to understand it, right. So I think that the Oprahs, that Bill Cosby's and the Steve Abbys of the world, I don't think they gave my generation to fear a shot and how to you know,
perceive It's always a really harsh criticism it. So I think that now that I'm the age that they were when they were doing that, to me, I feel like I'm a little bit I understand it a little bit. But my approach to it is never like what are y'all doing and y'all shouldn't do this, blah blah blah. I remember when Bill Cosby want in a tire rate
about stop naming your daughter's laquishiaq was. I remember that and I was so annoyed with that because I'm like, that's not that's somebody's name, and you know, you guys will figure out and figure out a name for some crazy Russian and some you know, like difficult name that you feel like is European, but then you have a hard time saying Laquishia. It's very easy to say Luquisia. We said it.
I feel I agree. I feel like we got we got worship to worry about, like then somebody's fucking name.
I also feel like I feel like I feel like there's a thin line too, because some of the shit be some like level four hundred nigga shit, and I'm embarrassed, you know what I mean, Like I get it, like I'm I I'm with the ships and I'm and I don't like, I don't like us judging each other, like like I hate that, like we already got enough shit to like to deal with with everybody else judging us and putting like stereotypes on us and us walking into a building and have to like battle all those things
before even getting to anything. So I hate that we do it to each other, especially like niggas like Steve Harvey. I feel like he's like a performative monkey.
Tell the people how you say, you know, I think you made.
A comment about like perform like he don't. He don't. Basically, he didn't mind like chucking and jiving for the for the check is what he said.
Well, you know, I think that people of hit his level of success have had to make certain sacrifices and fit into certain boxes, and so they then think that everyone else, in order to reach that level of success needs to follow the blueprint that he followed, and if they don't, there's judgment there. And also he comes from a different time too, right, And now the whole thing, yeah, where things were not there is very black and white.
I get the perspective of I come from this time, and I get the perspective of this is how you should behave because that part of it I get. But I think that the approach, so when I talk about Steve, or when I talk about Oprah or even mister Cosby, is never like a y'all. I hate that y'all. I think that the understanding of that the times are different is there, but the approach in which you say is
always there. And I'm a big approach person. I'm a big Something can turn me off totally, even if it's I agree with what you're saying, But if the approach is like, bro, like, I think we should try to lead with love and be kind first, and that's better because what you're what broke my heart about Bill Cosby was like, you're telling people that the reason why you're not getting these jobs is because your name and your daughters.
This is and it's like you're telling black people that we can't express ourselves in certain ways and we can't be unapologetically black because it'll hinder our relationship with corporate White America. That is not something that a person who's donated millions and millions and millions of dollars to HBCUs should not be, you know, speaking like, Yeah, that shouldn't be your approach my opinion, But.
I think it encourages us to perform. It encourages us to like fit into these boxes and to and and unfortunately we've all we've all been like uh in ways, we've all had to be a product of that. Right, you walk into the bank, you know how to talk, you walk into the place, you know. But what I find and this is my biggest argument when I like people bring up shit like this, like, as black people, you can't wear the bonnet. As black people, you can't be loud. And of course I've gone to places and
niggas during nigga shit and I'm completely fucking embarrassed. Shut the fuck off, you're embarrassing us all. But my dad like put that like heavily on me or like you know, my dad was like, don't wear we ves and like all these things. And there are certain you know, like black people in our chuest natures were expressive, loud, like happy, full, colorful people. So it's like it doesn't make sense for us to try and conform to this like bland, saltless whiteness,
like we're never going to be that. So that it irritates me too, and I and I so I agree some.
Things annoying me across racial line, like regardless. So if I'm on the airplane and the plane lands and somebody gets on the phone and they're like he's a white guy, and he's like, yeah, we're a terminal shiit, Like bro, the same thing is when I get on the plane and I hear a black person no matter what color. But what I do notice is like frat guys are going to Vegas, right, You go to Vegas and you get in the plane and a bunch of the junk white guys are like, bro, you're in the fucking in
obacam in first class. Like that's like it's annoying. But people are like whatever, but we do it. But the word nigga scares the shit out of people. So when people like.
I kind of love it, I kind of love it. I love to kind of see white people squirm a little bit, like you're uncomfortable behind the.
Reason why it makes me uncomfortable in the sense that I don't like us. I don't like us representing ourselves like that. I prefer not to share it around white people unless they friends of mine, because if they're friends of mine, I'm like, nigga, I told you, they can't see it. But I just feel like when I see it in public, I'm like, we don't have to behave this way. And the problem is Bruce. Bruce says something
years ago that I thought it was genius. He said, I if a white man walks in here right now. The difference between perceptions is if a white man walks in here right now and he acts crazy and he's drunk and he's belligerent, we'll say that white dude is crazy, right, black man comes and does the same thing. The consensus is black people, So I always keep that in mind.
I always consider like, even if I'm in a situation where I be upset, I always behave myself in a way, understanding that when I do something, I'm representing all of us,
even though it's not fair. Sometimes I definitely, but I keep it in mind because I want to make sure that nobody can leave the situation and saying even if it's wrong, even if they're there, which is most of the time wrong to judge somebody based off one experience or judge a group of People's wrong to judge one person off one experience, but it's even worse to judge a whole race of people because of one experience you have with one person on a Thursday night at a
club who was upset, right, So I always keep in mind that it does happen, and I know that we can't lift certain things down, so I make sure I behave myself even when I'm angry. But I always believe that we don't know who anybody is until they're angry. So I always if I'm a good person, I'm a good person. Angry. I'm a good person. Happy, I'm a good person, said, how do I behave in a situation? I'm basing that off of who I am and my character.
Your character does not mean the mood character is different.
It's gonna it's gonna be.
My mood can be can change, but my character can never be. Question you can never change your character. Your mood can change, never change the character. When's your birthday?
Oh yes, sad, I was gonna say something totally still totally like some immature we're gonna say something important.
Go ahead, I work at now.
I need no speaking of imagery and representing the blacks, have you guys, have you guys seen Sukiana with a good CoA cheese video where she's getting walked like a dog with my blue face, I don't know one of the babies, one of the blues and.
No, no, no, it isn't.
Yeah, you know we're gonna get we gotta brush up on our rappers. So I don't like old. What do you guys think? Were you guys disappointed in her being walked like a.
Dog or I'm not disappointed in anything. That's her character, that's who, that's the character she plays.
It's at least her brand and support the brand. I wasn't really that mad at that. I said. This was her idea, so it wasn't.
Like he suggested it. But I also have seen her in the honest moments, and I understand it's a character when when Jessica Simpson first came out and she's like fishing to.
See is that right? Right?
She knew that she's not a moron. I know her best friend, Casey right, we met years ago and she's a good friend of mine. And I hung around Jessica once and I was like, she's actually brilliant.
Another name Jessica Jessica Simpsons talk about name is Jessica.
No. But what I say is that when a white girl acts really dumb and makes millions of dollars and creates a brand off being a moron, then it's like, you know, but to understand to not even be able to wrap your mind around the potential idea that this black girl is smart enough to sell take it a bag. And I know a lot of people I don't know a lot of guys that said said they fuck her, and guys took like you know what I mean? Yeah, So I know a lot of guys, and I'd be like, right.
So the point is this part of this has to be performative. Part is this has to say that this is a this is a brank, this is an opening, and.
We're all we live in social media times. Is it is performative. But I think about too, like you saying that, you know, when a black person does something wild, that it like categorized the whole community. And so I think when she did that, a lot of people were mad because they're like, oh, she's taking women back, taking black women, and that's what's gonna say. That's what I was going to say. I was like, you know, it's true because they people were mad at that as well, even though
it was this woman's free will. She chose to do that, no one made her, and she's she's she seems very assertive in who she is. Doesn't seem like anyone's gonna force her to do shit.
It's hilarious to me. I think it's comedy. I don't look at it. It's even like you know, like she's promoting. I think it's comedy. I think she's making a huge joke and I don't think anybody is laughing. But I think that a lot of people were laughing, like, but I'm with her. I'm thinking, but I'm thinking some people are not understanding that this is well. I think behind closed doors, she's like, are they nuts? They really believe that? I believe this stuff?
You know, she's smart. She's the only reason I started following her is because she was like a big She was a big like she was supporting like breastfeeding. She's a lot of kids, and how she was like breastfeeding and how it's like much more like healthy. I was like, oh, I wasn't expecting this from her, but that's where I
started following her. So it's your like you said, perception and what and then it's like you do one thing and it's a maybe a slither of your existence and then everybody's like perceives that that's your whole existence, and like like he's like especially for women, especially for black people, especially for mothers, especially for fathers, And I think like even for us, we talk a lot of shit, we tall a lot of our business and obviously like people,
we can listen to us in all seven hundred fucking hours for the last five years, but it's still a very small of who we are, you know, but you see a thirty second clip and I'm like, and.
That's what when you said earlier? So you don't like when black people judge each other. And I think that that's the key, Like we have to be able to be open enough to realize that this is a person speaking about one element or aspect of their life at one period of their life, one moment, how we feel, and we also have to understand it. Sometimes you'll blurt out something just based on the first reaction, and later on you'll think about it, like I don't think I
agree with what I said earlier. Right, we have to give each other that luxury. It's almost like a picture, right when people see like a picture of I don't know, Nicki minaj right, Nicki Minajen. It's a bad picture, right, and they'll be like, oh my gosh, she looks terrible, But you just had your friend take a picture for you fifty times because you didn't like the way that picture. Now she don't get to tell paparazzi let's take this
picture again. She's just walking and being herself. So I think that we have to be open and these are moments, these are seconds, these are quick spurts of reactions sometimes that people have. We have to give each other the grace to say, you know, maybe she just was feeling that at the moment, or maybe she was just a little bit you know, she just was being spontaneous and voicing out something that may not necessarily be how she
views things. And I think with Sukiana, though, I think it's like it seems very strategic and I get it. And it's like with Charlamagne, and when Charlamagne came out, I hated Charlemage. When he first came out there, I thought he was gossipy. I remember doing Breakfast Club. I remember doing Breakfast Club a few times and he would say things and I was just like, no, bro, you got to give. And he would. I saw he was he would do it on purpose. Yeah, but I see
that now he's coming around. I've always now I have for the past like maybe seven eight years, I've had this few mungous respect for him and I know him personally. But I think that to watch the evolution is the key,
Like we should always understand it. Okay, I can't hate you or not like you because of this thing I saw you say in two thousand and five, and then I see in twenty fifteen, in twenty twenty two and twenty three, and I don't like you, and it's like no, it's just like this person has, you know, like an evolution. It's like I've had an evolution. This person has the opportunity,
should have the opportunity. You have that evolution. Now, if that doesn't change, then I can maintain my level of annoyance.
Well, speaking of evolution, I want to get to know you a little better. I really don't know much about you, Greco Love, So, like, where are you from? What's your what's what's your what's your story? Obviously you're a major producer songwriter, but like, who were you before? Have you always been this? Like I'm like kind, open, accepting human.
You know, it's really cool. This is super humbling and nice because I've never done anything with people who didn't know me right, So that's cool because it feels like you can ask me and speak to me from away and not perceive or assume anything because you really kind of don't know much about me.
I'm gon keep it on, I'm gonna keep it one hundred. I We've did very minimal research, and I said, you know what. We're just going to talk him like we do and to know him right here.
Cool. So I'm a songwriter and producer. I grew up in between Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and New York. My mother's from Milwaukee, my dad's from New York. My parents I went back and forth with my parents growing up. I write and produced music.
I've also, have you always liked since a child been into music?
I've always been into music. I started my rap career. I started as a rapper and I was signed to Usher as a rapper. That's how I got my start, and then I ended up writing a song on a Confessions album to so, I wrote a song called Throwback on the Confessions album and I co wrote a song called Seduction, and that was my first time writing songs. And after that, after the label stuff fell too, I just kept writing songs.
So that was never your intention. You're just going to be a rapper. And then I said what I was going to be?
Jay Z were like, wait, I can actually write R and B songs?
Yeah?
Yeah, And a lot of rappers actually are pretty good R and B writers.
Well it because if you're a lyricist and you can, you can do it fast. You can slow it down.
No, I think it's not. I think it's the melodic sensibility. I think a lot of times artists now forced to be melodic in today's age because that's where music is, so the ones who cut through are usually the most melodic ones. I don't necessarily think that it's an absolute skill in this day and age. I think that some people are extremely talented. But I think in order for a record to work now melodically, it doesn't take much,
you know. I think fans now they like they appreciate the person and then if the song is okay, we'll accept, we'll elevate, we'll exalt this song because we like you so much. When I hear a lot of great, big, big, big artists with okay songs that people absolutely love because they love the artists. So it's different. When I was coming up in the business, it was more like if you had a hit, you were golden.
Well, you didn't have a lot of I mean back then, there wasn't a lot of access. You didn't feel like you can know the artists. It almost felt like they were like this bigger than life person, which they still are.
But because of social media, you can actually go on their page, see their tiktoks, get to know them, fall in love with them, so that when they put their music out, even if it ain't that great, they're like, well, I fuck with them on social investors, whereas before it's like you don't really know this, you really got a fund us.
Was really cool. The fact that I didn't know Whitney Houston, even though she was my girlfriend, Like, but the fact that I didn't know her was really cool. It made me like wow. Or the fact that the distance between and I was very obviously very young, with the distance between the Thriller album and a bad album was eight years,
and that was like anticipation. I can't wait now if you don't put out a record every lease in two years something like yeah, a new act has to put out music at least every other you know, a month or quarter right something a project and then established act. You can't go too long. Beyonce it has that luxury, you know what I mean, because she's Beyonce, and also she has to do other things with that within that time, because it's it's in the wather have you done for
me lately? Era? But I think that when I was you know, coming up in the business with a level of mystique. It was level of I don't know much about you, and that's the beauty of it. But now it's like you almost have to figure out how to sell your relationship and your publicist has to put you in this place, and like literally people are linking up like you know, like, oh, I'm gonna date this person
in you know, money bag Yo. MEGANI Stallion were dating for a little while because the publishers were like, this could be a good look, this thing will happen over here. So I think that that has shifted and changed the narrative musically. But in my case, when I came into business, it was you know, through usher and I ended up writing a song and realized I had a gift, and I just kept going and kept doing and kept doing and kept doing so when the label stuff fell through,
I just continued to write records, you know. But that's in a nutshell what I do. I write and produce records. I also have a music conference called that We Love Music Conference. I do mentor. I mentor up and coming producers and artists. Up until very recently, as the vice chairman of the Grammys, I was, I'm actually the vice chairman of the Grammys until June first. Yeah, so I still have to I did say that, but I'm also the chairman of the BMC, which is the Black Music The Grammy.
Is rigged, no, because they be pissing me the funk off.
No, No, But but I'm not actually.
Second No, No, it comes out after this comes out after first.
I want to ask you this, how how does the Grammys work?
People vote?
Who votes the industry? Right who?
Not the people?
Not the people? People, not the people, y'all vote.
It's not the people's choice of warr Who is y'all the board?
Who the Grammy board?
All right, So see that's the first that's the first step. Right, that's the first step. Right when you're watching the basketball game, you could say the referee is cheating because I know who is officiating the game. A lot of people say, is the Grammy's rigged? And then I asked them, who, how does it work? And you guys have no clue? Right, Well?
Is it?
I just feel like there's people in there that have and like it's in their best interest for certain people that they know. I don't know. Different. You're a producer, right, So wouldn't it being your best interest for one of your artists dominated.
Having all my artists been nominated.
Because there's other producers that are also on this board that also want their people.
Okay, so which one of them has their artists in it?
I don't know.
We don't know, right, I don't know. So we got But this is the thing, right, when people on social media and they're talking about things, they don't have me or anybody else to stand there and ask them those counter questions because if they did, they would respond just like you did, like, damn, I don't really do.
Let me ask you the better question. Do you think the Grammys actually represent what is what we as as a people are interested in? Like I find that a lot of times people win Grammys and I'm like, what the fuck?
Okay, So who are the people you're talking about?
The listeners, the people that are buying the music.
Okay, So that's the problem. We have a smaller percentage of black members who actually vote. So the problem is there's gonna be discrepancies. It's going to be definitely a different point of view when it comes to who wins and who loses. If black people and people of color aren't involved in the voting process. So what happens is if you release a certain amount of records and you qualify to be a voting member, but you're not a voting member. I asked for a rapper say I'm not nominated.
Why I'm not nominated? I'll say, are you a voting member? No?
How do you? How do you voting member?
You go down to grammy dot com. You're clicking, I'm very serious. Go to grammy dot com right now. You click the those three slat tab on its corner. It's gonna things gonna open up. It's gonna say membership. You click membership, and it's going to show you where you can qualify. Every March you can qualify. March first is where the deadline ends. But between February and March weather you can become a register to be a voting member.
And so many people qualify to be voting members. If every artist, if every black artist, all of their engineers, all of their producers, they're managed. Everybody who qualifies signed up to be voting members. Then when the ballots come around, when nominations come up, you can submit yourself and to be there. The thing about the Grammys is is not
about who's the most popular. So when people say why wasn't such and such nominated, they had the biggest album, and then you'll say, well, why this person won't because it was a better album based on the voting members. Now, sometimes it's situations where Adele winds album in the year and she says, I don't deserve this. Beyonce deserves this. But it's not because there's a bunch of white people in a little small room saying we like Adele Veteran's
fits our narrative. No, it's because the voting members are more familiar with that Adele record than they are that Beyonce record. And sometimes they don't vote for what they listen to. They vote for who they recognize. So what we have to do is we have to become voting members and make sure that we fight the power and we make sure we say I'm gonna speak up and speak out for this particular artist because I believe in them.
And if we have a bunch of people people fighting for certain artists, is this thing called for your consideration? Fo I see? And artists will put up a for your consideration post on Instagram. Into voting members and say, hey, for your consideration, I'm up for Best New Artists, vote for me. I'm up for Album of the Year, I'm up for Song of the Year. Vote for me. And that's how they promote amongst voting members. So a lot of times when people say it's you guys, now, it's
not the board that votes. We can vote, I can vote, I have a vote, But it's a twenty five thousand voting members around the country who decide. Now, if it's if we make up eighty five percent of how it works, and then and then, as far as TV goes, CBS, we have a deal with CBS CBA. We hire producers to produce the show. Now, just because the show is produced a certain way for visibility doesn't mean that you like.
For instance, if we put Beyonce in the front row and people say, y'all use Beyonce put in the front row, and y'all know she's gonna lose or she's not gonna win. By the way, she's the most all time winning Grammy Artists artist Grammy Award winning artists of all time, including Michael, including Mariah Yeah, She's won more Grammys than any human person in the history of the Recording Academy, right, so so, but she has the one album of the year. She's never won Album of the Year. So why is that?
Because I believe that sometimes those voting members are going to go with people they recognize. Do I voted for Beyonce to winn Album of the Year personally, right, So if she loses, I can't say, oh, it must be rigged. It must be I just literally have I'm in a room and I literally was running for Vice Share Again, I've done incredible things Advice Shair, never ever had any
bad energy, and I lost Vice Share seat. Right. I can't look at the room and say it's rigged you guys for whatever reason, even though I feel like still I'm more visible or more qualified, I've done incredible work. For whatever reason, I didn't win, and that's okay. I still chairman of the BMC. I still can represent a fight for black people inside of Recording Academy. But when I look into it, I say, it must not have been enough people representing me and the interest that I
believe in that room. So when Beyonce doesn't win, I'm just using her as an example. I feel in my heart it must not be enough people who look and understand who she is and the level of who she is and respect her music and our art in that voting process. So what we have to do is encourage people who look like us to vote. That's it. If we say fuck the Grammys, and I say, well, tell me about the Grammys, you can't answer it. Then you say in the fucking system that you don't know how
it works. I'm going to tell you what the Grammys does do. The Grammys is a nonprofit organization that show we do. The awards we give out is just to pay for the work that we do for a creatives. If you are a music person, you do music full time. We have an organization called Music Heres. You do music full time. You can be singing at a pub. You could be a piano player on a cruise ship. You could be a DJ. You can be a songwriter. I never had one of Grammy, never sold any records. But
you do music full time. You come to us and say, hey, Grammy's my roof is caving and I don't have money to fix the roof. We're giving you the money. If you say, my teeth coming out, I don't have money. I don't insurance. The pandemic hit. I don't have a job, I'm behind on my bills. We're giving you money. We gave away almost eighty million dollars during the pandemic.
Oh wow.
So when you think about the Grammys, all of those tickets that you buy to go to the Grammys, that money comes and we take that money and give it to people. But I think people of color have no
clue that that exists. And that's why. And if you want to say, if anything, I say that that can make some people uncomfortable when I go out and speak to our people about how it works, that can make people uncomfortable because a lot there are a few people, I think who are kind of like Leary about, you know, the look and the feel of the organization. But I do believe that, in its true essence, what the Grammys represents.
When you say fuck the Grammys, you're saying fuck the hundreds and hundreds of a million dollars that we've given to black creatives, or to creatives in general, or the potential that we have to help and build the music community. No other award show is doing that, No other award show is saying So when people say they did the Billboard Awards. Yeah, the Billboards a great, great show, right, But the Billboard Awards is strictly based off the Billboard charts.
So you know who's gonna win the Billboard Awards, or you have to do is look at the charts. Whoever had the biggest p they win. The Grammys is more given opportunities for people who may not have been heard but they had a quality album. There's a group called King three Sisters, three black females who had an a nomination when the Internet won Best R and B PJ. Moore Than has won four Grammys. You know, Robert Glaspers one Mini Grammys. Like these are artists that otherwise the
mainstream would not have known who they are. And that's the opportunity because it's peer based and it's voted on by your peers, and it's about who we feel like had the best record as opposed to who was the most popular. Sometimes those things go hand in hand. Sometimes they don't. Sometimes we get it right, sometimes we get it wrong. It happens.
Got it well. Breaking that down change my perspective slightly.
I just kind of made the show really boring.
I didn't know that.
I didn't even ever, I never even thought about how the fun this ship comes about. I'm just like, I don't know bonn Iver, I don't know who I was like turning off.
Me too.
I'm not mad at it. It's just I feel like culturally, just black and white people have just different musical tastes.
You know.
It's just like, you know, maybe a lot of white boys that those rap shows.
That's a fact, and they've.
Been able to take the problem is that we don't give hip hop. It's just do when when we a lot of times people will play it and it will seem like it's a novelty that I'm like, they're just goofing around, But like, this is a true art form and it should be respected. And I think that the difference is that they are. There's enough white people in the world to that if only white people like something, that'll still do well. It's not enough of us that if only we like it, it'll be able to what
we consider crossover. So whenever they do like it, what it does is it opens up for us to make a ton of money. So it's incredible when we're able to quote unquote crossover, which I hate that term, but when we do that it's incredible, and hip hop has been able to monetize on all levels. It's the most streamed genre in the world. It's the most powerful force there is. And the fact that other cultures like it and embrace it is beautiful because now we're able to
monetize in so many different ways. We're able to become use our image and our energy and our likeness to go and create other streams of revenue for ourselves because other cultures love and respect and appreciate what we create in our bedrooms and on our tour buses and our closets. You know, they sure do.
With the taste makers.
Yes, speaking of taste makers, we have our show. We ask our guests to share an affirmation. I was wondering if you could share an affirmation that you tell yourself.
Yeah. Every day I tell myself, I'm walking into peace, I'm walking into wealth.
I'm walking into peace, I'm walking into wealth.
Yes, And I decide every day what piece is for me in that day, and what wealth looks like for me in that day. What does it look like today today? Wealth is wealth of happiness and positivity. Right, Obviously, I want to make a billion dollars, which I think all of us do most of us. But I also understand that in order for me to have wealth. In that perspective, the way you do anything is the way you do everything. So if I'm wealthy and happiness and peace, then I
know that I can exercise that same level. If I can just grab peace the same way I feel I can grab money, it'll be the same thing. The way you do anything as the way you do everything. I want to be just as peaceful in my heart and in my mind and my body as I am financially.
I love that. What what are you doing in your life when you feel the happiest, Like, what are you doing in that moment?
Oh, my gosh, swimming with my daughter, with my kids, me and my son, riding bikes, or just my daughter leaning on my lap, watching the movie, my dad, my son leaning on my shoulder, my dad behind me, making some dinner, you know, my mom in some of the room where you know?
Are you married?
No? No? No?
Are your children by the same?
Yeah, I was married at one time.
How long?
How long are you married? For?
Three and a half years?
Three and a half years? Well, would you do it again?
No? Why you're done? Why?
I think it's an outdated construct.
Would you have partnership long term partner?
Yea, absolutely. I believe in connection and love. I don't believe in contracts when it comes to how we feel about each other.
Do you want any more children?
Yes? I love baby broth oh, I like babies, you know. And I think that speaking on that, it's so many people that would be upset that people do when people don't like marriage, right, Like, I don't ever see somebody get married.
And say so when you got married, it was it not what you expected? Like because your marriage didn't work out? Is it because it didn't work out as that why.
I never wanted to be married?
Then what happened?
I just no, No, I did it? I did it.
Did you have a whole wedding? Did you have like a whole not really whole thing.
At the house? I did it to to I don't know. I just did it because I was trying to make somebody happy, you know. But it definitely was something not something I ever wanted to do, you know. But it's if people like that and like that idea, that's for them, you know. I just don't like when people get upset when we say we don't you know, you don't agree with Dick your marriage, people get really angry and it's like, well, you're not going to marry me, you don't want to
be like, I don't even know he's so kids. What I think about marriage.
Is a concept of what we talked about, like being stuck in your ways, Like you know, when when the world is used to doing something a certain way, they're going to consistently try and hold you to that standard because that's the norm, you know. So it's like, why don't you like marriage? You're just like, if you say anything against the grain, people are going to come against you. Say anything against religion, anything against you know, marriage, everyone's.
Like and even with that religion is like, if you're truly understanding what your belief system is, then you believe in the power that you believe in. Then it's not in your you know, wheelhouse to tell somebody what they're supposed to do. Your job is to love them, you know, in my job. I'm a Christian, right, but I'm not an idiot, and most Christians, I think are idiots. Right, So when I look at that, I say to myself,
I know that I don't believe. I can't believe in my heart that God is going to make all these people burn in hell. And then I say to you, God is loved not for you, not for you. Don't do that, Yeah, don't pray to the Mary, Yeah, because you know that sounds ridiculous. So what I believe is that whatever I believe in my heart, the essence of what that is has to come out of me. And if it doesn't, then I'm not operating in the true essence of what that belief system is. And I think
in all things everybody has a choice. Then if I believe that it's my job to police everybody's choice, then what do I need God for? What do I need the higher power that I believe in for? You know? So I just don't believe in that. And when it comes to relationships and marriage, I think everybody has to do things the way that they do them. I personally don't believe that I should ever have to fight to not deal with somebody anymore. I don't think I should ever have to go to court to say I don't
we don't. We don't. We agree that we don't like each other anymore.
We're better, and we agree that we don't like well tell you that we don't fuck with each other anymore. We like to, but we're gonna pay them to make sure that you know, we don't.
You. That to me is crazy. That to me is ridiculous. You know.
But are your parents married?
No, not anymore but their friends.
So I mean, I just care because, like sometimes, you know, we see our parents' marriages not work out, like for me might. Neither one of my parents have ever been married, and so for a long most of my life, I never like ever considered marriage, never wanted marriage, because I just haven't seen it. I just haven't seen it. I haven't seen it.
Literally.
Do you think that because your parents were married and you did see that was kind of maybe also why you said, all right, well I'll get married. This seems like the next thing to do.
No, I never ever wanted to as as an adult.
So it was purely just to make someone's happy. You had no interest in marriage, you just had it.
Made it very clear.
I'm pretty sure, like sixty percent of men get married to shut the fuck the woman, to shut the no.
That that's that's definitely what happened.
I'm pretty sure.
But I also do understand that, and I don't fault my kids mom for wanting to be married or even though when we first met we both said we didn't want to be married. But I think that's sometimes outside pressure. Like when you're posting this happiness and you're in this great place, then somebody in the comments is like, but you don't have a ring. That's what we see. And I think that that's the problem that people, the pressure that people put on women. It's like, but you're not married.
He didn't marry you. He didn't.
It's like, well, well, first of all, that's what's on you.
That's your problem. He left you because you had a.
Baby's exactly right.
But men to that ship to women all the time too, I mean, should well every post we talked about anything matter like.
Well, yeah, that you're not married, that's that's why you had a baby without like that's why he left you.
But I think they suckers too, who do that, like I think anybody. I don't. I don't like I'm across the board with stupidity. I just see it as stupidity, right, And I think that anytime you try to put pressure on a person and that's can be overwhelming. So I can't look at my kids mom and say she made me marry her. No, I think that she felt something and I think that people put pressure on her to make me feel like this was and I but I
did it. I made that decision even though I knew in my heart that was a decision I shouldn't have made. The best part about any any of it is that how it protects me and when it comes to my children. And I think that's what I'm grateful for, because if you baby daddy, you get no rights when it comes to kids, Like somebody could literally leave the state and you have no control. O.
No, have you signed the birth certificate.
They still can leave if you didn't marry.
It's just to state it's.
Different, like you could literally just take the kids and move away. And since I was married, it kind of helps in that sense.
Do you think that if you get a divorce to you, the woman should give the ring back.
I didn't buy a ring.
There was no ring.
You're smart, man, I'll.
Give you this.
I was broke. I was broke. I went broke at the time of my marriage.
How many times have you been broke? He broke?
Not how many times?
If you're curious, you know you up you be down.
I just want to know it's ups and downs. I had a few really major setbacks in life, but I always believe in like that's a testament of who you are. Like if I ever if you ever speak to somebody who never fell off, I don't really want to. I don't need advice from a person who never experienced hardships. So in this game, it's a bunch of ups and downs. So when you go from being able to do so much for somebody and then you can't, I felt like, oh man, all I can do is give up my
last name. At this point, I was doing so bad in life at that particular moment. But I think that, yeah, you go through a lot of things in life. So yeah, I've been up up, up, down, down, down, up, up, up, down, down, down, up up up. You know, no prayer we should stay up, you know what I mean? But I think you learn as you experienced. You, like even with relationships, like everything
you go through you learn. I think that all men should study and understand postpartum agreed because the problem is I had no clue. And if I could really apologize to my kids mom for one major thing, it was my ignorance to how postpartum works. And I'm gonna tell you why, because I'm an ambitious person. When my son was born, I didn't know what postpartum was. So I'm getting up every day. Was I was on a rise
in my career, so I'm doing really well. I would go to bed from the studio four in the morning. I get up at seven, and I'm just And then you see somebody in the bed two three, and you're thinking, she's not ambitious, She's like lazy, like get up, what are you doing? Like you know? And so she had a career. I funded her career. Do this, do this go on? And I didn't understand it right. So it
changed the way I perceived and acknowledged her. And I didn't notice till I went to therapy, and my therapist helped me through it, because what he did was he said, stop talking about what somebody did to you. Even if somebody did something to you or made you feel this way, or called you names or did all these things, what about you either keeps attracting this or what about your
actions caused them, whether it's right or wrong. Because somebody could say I believe we behave how we're supposed to be. We should behave how we want to be treated, not how we are treated. You get what I'm saying. We should behave how we want to be treated. Even if somebody doesn't treat you in a way that you want to be treated, it's still your responsibility to behave how you would like to be treated. But I also understand that sometimes people are going to respond to how you
made them feel. It's still their response and it's still their choice, and it's not not my fault that you're responding that way. But you still have to understand that maybe to them, something I did to them made them see and view me this way. Okay, so let's start there. What happened was I didn't consider her in certain conversations, in certain places and situations in my life, in certain you know, scenarios. I just didn't because I didn't have
a respect for who she was. Why. Because I thought she was lazy, I thought she wasn't ambitious, not realizing this woman is depressed, she's going through postpartum. So throughout the relationship, as relationship got longer and long and longer anything in life, I subconstantly didn't think that she Her opinion meant matter. I thought she wasn't ambitious. I thought she was.
And I would look around doing this, not just.
Me, other women around me in my life, who I did business with, I would see them just having figure in this this hustle. So I thought she didn't have the hustle. Now cut to when my daughter was born and then life kind of got wonky for me and my money got crazy, and I'm still getting up and I'm grinding, and what is this person doing in bed? Not motivated, not working, not realizing the idiot, She's fucking sad, she's going through something. She don't know what's going.
On with her.
So that in my mind was like wow, And that's I didn't until recently when I was talking to my therapist, we're going through that, and I started he started just kind of peeling back the layers for me, like, so when did this happen? Like this person couldn't have just been so nasty and meaning to you for me to begin what happened. I started really going back and thinking Timeline, the baby.
Oh, these motherfucking yes she carried and fed and no no, and that I'm not just saying that because because I definitely uh am an active dad.
And you know, like I said, I keep my kids seven days, she keep them seven days. It is even down the middle when it comes to our time, but our children, and even though we don't necessarily care for each other, we definitely I've never had no problems with her when trying to keep my kids or use my kids. And I would never try to use my kids as a pawn or do anything. I've never even met her boyfriend or spoken to him. But one thing is most
people will be like, you should introduce me to your boyfriend. No. One thing I do know she'll never let nothing happen to my kids. So if she don't want me to meet her boyfriend, if she don't want to introduce me to it, it don't make me feel no way. Because one thing I do know for a fact is if a train was coming and he was about to hit my baby, she's jumping in front of them.
You trust the person, trust the person you chose to.
Have your children. But the mistake I definitely made was not understanding my ignorance right was like not understanding what postpartum was. And I don't want to say it's my fault, but my fault, like I definitely was an educated right.
Well, I mean there's not a lot of well I don't want to say there's not resources, because there are, but there's not a lot of push for men to tap into those resources. It's really women, like you need to know all these things. The men are just there to provide support. And we talk about I mean, we talk about this in our book, and mean we always advocate for men to read our book so that you really understand like the mindset of a woman.
When I say this, I really have to say this, though, women have to allow men vulnerability because vulnerability cannot be expected when it's convenient for you. If I'm sad and I'm having a moment and I'm expressing myself, then I shouldn't have to see fifty memes about niggas is the
new bitches, right right, I shouldn't have to be. But when it comes to certain issues, well why you tap in and understand it and be you want me to be sensitive when and it has to do with you, But sometimes I have moments to have to do with me that caused for me to feel a certain way, and I should be that should be respected as well. So I do believe that, yes, men are not educated on certain things. But I think that we would be more open to it if our role as men wasn't limited.
To provide her No, absolutely, I think I think women and men both really need a safe space to show up and be themselves. I mean, be human and.
I say how you feel and get emotional, say that this upset me, this makes me sad when this happened, this is how I felt, this is this. I definitely think that if we felt more safe to express the vulnerable sides of who we are, then we could be more sensitive to trying to understand. Because right now, we do everything we do to appease of women and not every person because some guys are so incredibly mature in
that place. But I think that sometimes we do things because it's like Shorty says she wanted to do it. Like when I talk to friends who mat like, yo, what you gotta take Shorty down here to see you? Like, Yo, let's go to the b man. I gotta go to her family ship, you know, not like oh no, this weekend, I'm with my wife and we're going to do this. But next week it's like, damn, bro, I gotta do this. I gotta cousin, and it's that's the honest and something.
And again, please people be mature enough to understand that that's not every person. But I meet I know so many guys who that's the energy is like I'm doing this because if I don't do it, she's gonna I'm have to hear her mouth exactly. So I think that men don't have the freedom. You don't ever hear women saying I gotta go to the Lakers games. Is this nigga want to go see Lebron? No, it's like you
we do what a woman wants to do. And then every once in a while it's like we're gonna do something you want to do and we're like, yay, right, But it shouldn't be that. It should be like on the trail, you know what.
I will say that the time when when we were like, I just don't want to do that. You should go do that with your boys, there's no problem. But yeah, it's true. I'll be like, you don't ever want to do you don't do everyone everyone to do? Should I want to do?
Like, we do literally everything you want to do. One time it's like, but I think that just give men. Give men the opportunity to say this bothers me. And what I believe in is when when my when my kids and mom and I decided we were going to split, I suggest it every morning, let's wake up before the kids get up, and let's just take a walk and talk, not talk about getting back together, because we know that you know, I'm much I'm a much better person and
not in a relationship with her. She's a much better person not in a relationship with me. Right, So I always say, let's get up in this walk and talk and let's express how we feel the problem was. We should have did that in the beginning. Now I'm not saying that that's not why it didn't work. I don't think we're meant to be together, right, But I do believe that the next relationship I get in, I'm going to implement all of the things that I went through.
Because we went to couple's therapy, and I remember so being so excited when the therapist said, you guys, just get up and walk in the morning, and I was like, I said that that was my suggestion, right, But I think that I look at all the things that the therapist tells you on the exit out of relationship, and I think, what if people implement it in the beginning.
So in my next relationship, I'm definitely gonna say every week, I want to hear everything that bothers you, whether it's about me or whether it's about your day or what everything makes you said. All I asked you that I have the same luxury to be heard in that sense. And also, every time a man says something about how something makes him feel, and you did it just now, Erica, you know what you did. You said, well, guys do
that too. You never have a moment where a man can express how a woman makes him feel without a woman saying, well you did this.
No, I was saying that women do that.
No, but when you're talking about comments and stuff, you said, guys do that time. But I'm saying that that always happens. He said, they do, and they do.
It's not nature to point out that, Hey, you're pointing this out about me, But I've observed that you also have.
But married j Blish since I was a kid. The niggas ain't ship. We've already known. We don't need any help knowing that, right, So anytime that we say that this girl did this to me, the first thing, the first response across the board is but what did you do? You did this? You know, and you know anytime, even I think a therapist is supposed to do it. But when any time you say this happened to me, and the first thing person will say is, well, what did you do to her? How did you cause And that
doesn't happen to women. Anytime a woman says he broke my heart, he made me say he did this, nobody's saying what did you do to him?
Right?
And that to me is lopsided. What I think we should be able to do is in the next relationship. I want to be able to say, let's go for a walk every day, let's go to lunch every week once a week, and just say what how your week
and what bothered you, what made you sad? So it is your day to talk about it, and then tomorrow it will be my day, they tell you, And then all you have to do is listen and take no. When I said this in the kitchen of the day, you responded like this, it made me feel like you don't hear me.
Well, there's a level of maturity that has to happen in these conversations because when you're when you're sharing that with someone there, usually their instinct is to defend their actions, or defend themselves or explain why they chose to do that.
Right.
So the hope, I guess, the goal is that when you have these conversations, they open up to the space where you guys cannot do less blaming and I guess scaling taking more accountability, scaling the accountability.
The tip for tat that take you more accountability.
Okay, you didn't melt. I thought she. I thought it. Women melt when he said it. I thought they. I thought they like, like dissolve into life nothing. You know, I just never heard.
You know that's why women don't take accountability.
I don't know. Oh you said it too, it's not I see they said accountability and nothing happened to them.
I wait, So you think men take more accountability than women.
I think member forced to take accountability. It's no choice. I'm gonna I'm a person who never ever, what do you mean? I tell you this. I'm gonna tell you this. I'm gonna tell you that's a perfect example. I was a cheater one hundred miles an hour, Like if you could, if it was the wrong way. That was called cheating, and they said do the limit. I was maxing out right, right, no breaks, right. But I have never, ever, ever, in the history of my cheating, ever said I did this
because you did this. I did this because you made me feel this way. I never ever made you feel like you was a pretty enough you was this now? No, my actions probably did because when you cheat, you can make a person feel like they aren't enough. That's a fact. But I've never ever not helped said. All I ever said was I'm wrong.
And when women she we say because.
I'm not, don't even say cheating just in general, but we do things.
We usually say.
It's always because of this.
You know, it's funny that you say this, because I've had this conversation last night with someone and a man and he said the same thing, like, I made the choices that I wanted to make because I wanted to make them. You made choices out of You're telling me that you've made choices because it's something I did, yes, And I was like kind of, yeah, exactly, and he was.
Like, no, that's not how life works. I'm going to tell you this. If a person spits in my face, right.
And I think, can I just say something, This is how men and our brains are so different than men's beames, like because women we are just more emotional. We are emotional reactionary out of our emotions where men are not.
Yes, so this is the every person in the world. I'm glad you corrected every person emotion. But how we react fond to that emotion was the level of either maturity or spitefulness? No, or you have the ability to a man is not. If a man was to respond on how something makes him feel, we call him a bitch assed nigga. When Tyree gets on camera and cry, we say this nigga's a sucker. If a woman does that,
we say, speak up, Queen Shadum. If a girl was to leave court and say this man is trying to take everything from me and blah blah blah blah blah. When Mary J. Blige is going through her divorce and all this stuff and they say he expects her to give him money, what right If a man was to doing that same thing, It's like, yeah, what pay that lady pay? She probably put up him so much from you. So I think that it's not about the account. The
accountability is forced on us. We don't have a choice but to be accounted because nobody feels bad for us. If a man is broke and a woman is broke, the difference is the woman feels like this is not supposed to be happy into me so much so it's like, don't text me, I got bills? Do don't date me and say what's don't see me? What's up? Text if my bills is this much? What so? Or they'll tell him. I had a good, close, close friend of mine. It
almost made me cry because this guy is not dating anybody. Right. This is one of my closest friends and he doesn't date. You got a kid, you got a daughter, and his kid's mom. I don't know what the situation is, but he doesn't date. And I said why not? I'm not where I want to be financially. And most people will say amen to that, but I said, bro love is something that shouldn't make you feel that way. You deserve to.
What if the person that's meant for you is going to trigger something or give you an idea or do something or help you in a way that's gonna excel you, accelerate your life to where it needs to be. You're rejecting the idea of finding love because society has made you feel especially black, society has made you feel like you don't deserve my girlfriend if you don't have money
right now, that is insane to me. Now do you deserve to be Does it make sense for you to take a bunch of trips and do all this and go to no, But you should be able to find somebody you care about. When a situation happens to a man, it is like, how do I figure this out? When a situation happens to a woman, not all women, by the way, So everybody's in the comments, it's gonna say I'm not like that. Not all people. It's like, this is not supposed to be happening to me. And that
is the difference. And as men, we don't have the luxury to not take accountability for things. We don't have that luxury, and if we do, we are called every name in the book. Women stand up for women, stand up for gay rights and gay men and gay thing, gay thing all the time. Right, But as soon as a man does something he might be gay. I think
he is right as soon as he's sensitive. But that's your best friend, but you will use that as to insult another a man because he's acting in a way that's expressing how something made him feel.
I think that's some women. I don't think that's.
All he said that I did see.
But I'm going to tell you I have to say this. I went through a situation in my relationship right where I was. My feelings were hurt. I was devastating. It was just like crushed, and I went through this was in twenty eighteen to that I made it. First of all, I was so sad that I wasn't heard. I've never ever, ever, ever considered suicide until I felt not heard I loved. I contemplated killing myself, not because of financial woes, not
because I was getting cheated on. Was because I was I felt like I didn't I wasn't heard by your partner, Yeah yeah, okay, and by by everybody. I don't want to put that pressure on my kid's mom, because I'm not the type of person that's going to sit around and say, you know, but I definitely think in all levels of my life, I was helping the artists, I was working with management, my relationship. Every point in my life, I was feeling like people were just not hearing me
or my feelings didn't matter right. I think that an openness to share how something makes you feel right gives you a freedom that people don't even understand. What I also believe is that the luxury of being able to provide or being safe enough to say that this thing hurts me, this thing affects me, this thing makes me sad, and somebody can hear you out and give you a hug and say, I don't understand how to help you
through this, but I can just be here. I can just be but I'm not gonna make you feel uncomfortable with that. If the first thing we do in our society is criticized any man who feels something, then every man, even if he's not going through it at that time, subcontinents, he gonna look at that and realize when it's his turn when he goes through something. Or I know, I can't even say that, I can't. I don't have that luxury because as soon as I do it, even men do it to men. You a man, broh, why are
you doing this? So when I went through this situation, I'm gonna go back to that when I went through this situation. I got on social media and I didn't realize at the time everything I was saying was subliminals. This was around twenty eighteen. I was on some real suckers shit like I ain't gonna lie, I have to be honest. I was on some like everything was a sub to Shorty, like while I'm in the same house
as like like you know what I mean. I was like every everything, memes, everything, and and you know, uh, every meme every I was just like I made a whole album called even Kings died about it because I was just that hurt. I just didn't feel hurt. I felt like and I was just subthing something something something. And obviously now I have a rule. I don't I don't anything I'm going through nobody would ever know. I don't post anything that has to do relationships or hurt
or this or somebody. Even if it's a funny meme that I think it's hilarious, I will not repost it. I don't because I don't ever want to be that person again because it was embarrassing. It was embarrassing because somebody came up to me around the time this was all happening, and a good friend of mine. He was like, you see, I'll be on your gee every day you got suddenly say about you good like. So I was like, oh shit, I'm wearing this shit. You know, I went
through it. I had a Kanye More why. I was just every day like literally for like three or four months. It would just NonStop everything right, And I think that one, I just don't think it's becoming of my character. So that's why I don't do it. But I also believe that when women do it, it's an amen section in their comments right, and they have that freedom. Men don't have the luxury to ever even feel that way, you
know what I mean. I was called every name in the book by her friends and crew like oh he's a look at he acting like this. But when it's turned around, I think men should just have the opportunity to express how they feel, not on Instagram. I think that's not that wasn't becoming. And I'm not proud of that moment in my life when I was behaving that way. But I do believe that I should have a safe
space to express that I'm hurt. I don't think it's my place to tell my business or talk about but if that's.
What you wanted to do, That's what you wanted to do.
I mean, I think that I just don't think it's classy across.
I think that men have suppressed their emotions so much that when it does come out, it comes out a bit bitchy, like a messy yeah, And so a lot of times people don't know what to do with it because this person has suppressed for so long, and then
it's just like and then they're like whoa. But it's like the more that you're able to express and the more you're able to be vulnerable, the mess starts to clean itself up and you're able to really understand, like, hey, this is how I'm feeling, and this is what I need from you. But a lot of times men can't do that or they don't feel like they have a space a sect.
Think me doing that was good in the sense that I'm able to learn and grow fast exactly.
You had to do that in order to reflect back and say, yo's like I never want to do it again, but like, but I needed to get it.
Out, and I'm glad that I did. But maybe a different outlet. Maybe what I.
Really wanted was to talk to to the person I was dealing with, and I want to, but but you couldn't. So instead I do just because one thing I don't do is I don't scream at women. I don't call them names, and obviously I never hit a woman. So if a woman is screaming at me, I don't know how to. She's gonna win that argument every time. Sometimes she'll be the loudest. I'm not going to be louder in you. It's just not going to.
She gets more mad and she starts yelling more because what the fuck.
Yeah, I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna. So I think that that kind of handicaps a person like myself because I don't expect I know guys who looks to be fun relationships because they fight like crazy and they get they both get to get everything out. I'm not trying to say it's good, it's healthy. It's very toxic, but at least they both get to express themselves because he'll say, shut the fuck up. I don't do that, So I can't exist in that way. My daughter is eight years old.
My daughter will never ever be able to tell a story of my dad was cursing at my mom. I saw my dad grab my mom. My dad called my mom this name. Now never, They've never my children have never seen me behave that way, and they would never see me speak about their mother behind the scenes in that way. I've never Nobody around me is allowed to talk about my kid's mom in front of my children. I don't care what they feel. I don't care what
they do, what she's done or made them feel. You're never gonna speak bad about my kid's mom in front of my children. I would never speak bad about her in front of my children. So when I think about character, I think about the fact that what if my daughter was in this room right now, is shaw me behave in this way? That's that's how I judge how I'm going to respond to arguments or you know, anything to this day, I don't. I don't scream and yell and call names and doing that.
How do you think, I'm sorry? I was gonna say, how do you think fatherhood has changed you?
Like?
What?
Yeah? I was going to say that, Like, you know, you've evolved a lot in your relationship, You've you know, reflected, you've been a divorce, You've had two kids, Like, how has you keep you saying like you said you're You're going to say you're forty a least.
Seven times to day.
He's forty, Guys, I get it.
I'm trying thirty five next next month, and I think I've said it like five times at least, like I'm thirty five. I'm a girl. Ask but how do you think that's? Like your evolution has affected your fatherhood and like what have you what have you gained in knowledge and lessons in fatherhood that's made you like a better parent than you were maybe ten years ago.
Yeah, who gets my time is very important to me, you know what I mean? Like my daughter sleeps in bed with me, so I don't feel comfortable just having random strangers in my bed because my daughter is going to be here. You can change sheets, but that's just still not the same. It's the energy, So I don't When I go home, I work very hard. My children always know me to be a person to work extremely hard, and they've been able to see that example. But when I'm not working, my piece is to go home and
be alone. I don't have to have anybody over just because I'm alone, because I'm not lonely. I enjoy peace, I enjoy my reading my book. I enjoy going for a swim my pool and watching succession and you know, and just catching them, you know, things like that. I don't need random company to feel like full. Yeah, so I think that's changed me.
And also you think a lot of that too, because you've done it all. I mean, you said you're one hundred percent on the cheating runway, Like do you think do you think as a man? As a man, especially in your industry, there's access to women, there's so much access, right, Like, is there a limit in which you're like, all right, I've had enough, this is done. And maybe fatherhood or marriage maybe it was like kind of the chapter into which.
Yeah, you're not so excited when I first I've been single for like three and three and a half years, three some years. In the first six seven months of single life, you're dating like crazy, You're going out, you're having a good time. Then I started realizing, like everybody I meet, I'm gonna asking myself with how would she be around my daughter? My daughter hasn't met any by the person I've met they, so I always ask that question.
I think that's how fatherhood has really affected me. I always think to myself like, would would you be okay around my daughter? What I feel comfortable having you picked my baby girl from school and she spending the day with you or with you?
Know how?
What will my kids think about you? You know? That is first and foremost on my mind when it comes to everything I do, is how will it affect my children? Anytime anything bad happens, any hardship, I'm always thinking like, what's gonna happen to my babies? You know what I mean? How is this gonna affect my children? You know? So it definitely makes like you don't know what love is in any way until you have a child and people think, well,
they're like, well you love your parent. Yeah, I love this shit out of my parents, But I never knew that I could love anything. I don't love my parents as much as they love me.
I don't think it we can.
It's impossible. It's no way for my child to love me in the way that I love them. It's not possible. So that makes you consider them in everything you do. And any person who doesn't I think it's some kind of disconnect mentally, because whenever I see guys who aren't active in their kids life, well, when I see women who just raise kids and don't and interact with them. It's something off, something happened, something is twisted in you.
I'm watching this documentary now on Armie Hammer his whole crazy controversy, and you look at the history of his family, his grandfather, his father, and how it all kind of trickled down.
I can wait, Green Hammer did he's the one who's going to move to an island and was working at was he like work? He's in famous actor?
Right? And then me by your name star who was like into bondage and anybody choking women and told him he was a cannibal and all the craziness.
Yeah, he's a he's a very he he like fell off and then he was like working at like like a bed and breakfast.
No, no, he was a cannibal.
His family is fucking loaded. Oh really, armand Hammer, that realed the arm Hammer.
I'm thinking of Armie Hammer.
That is his name, Armie Hammer. That's his name is armand Hen Hammer, and they call him Army Hammer. And he was an actor.
He is He's of the armin Hammer family.
What the fuck? Yeah?
How did I not put that together?
Oh?
Wow, I'm watching a documentary on him right now. But what I'm saying is to say, I look at how his upbringing affected him. It fucked him like he's fucking twisted, and it's when you look. So they went back and read a book that his aunt wrote about their grandfather, and it was like, oh my god, was it the same weird ship, same with this crazy control, just sick, twisted manipulation and all these things. So you saw all of the men kind of tricker down. I think about
things like that when it comes to my daughter. I tell my daughter she's beautiful a thousand times a day. I tell my son I love him a million times a day. I beg my son every day. Please, bro, don't do drugs.
Don't do this, don't beg him every day.
You know my friends are doing this. Just don't do it like please, I just want you to be because I care so much about them. Does that mean that
he's not gonna make a decision. What it does is I try my best to show him that I see this shit every day, Bro, This shit is real, and I don't want you to My love for my children it affects my behavior so that I can make sure that in front of them, even certain things like I know that my daughter watches Google's my name, she searches my name, So I'm careful about things I say and things that, you know, things I share, because I'm like, I don't want baby girl to ever get online and
see some shit from my dad and be like, what the hell? You know what I mean? Even me saying and shit right now, She's gonna be daddy, you know. But I look at those things. So when you ask that question to kind of can sing you down a rabbit hole of thoughts of like, wow, it's so many things to change about me.
Do you parent you're a boy differently than your parent?
Yes, yes, yes I do. And I'm like, I'm very much hands on with the time I spend with my daughter, and I'm very intentional about telling my son how much he has to protect her and how it's important for him to always protect her. But I say the same thing about his mom, like, like, again, me and my kids mom, we don't really care for each other as people, but we definitely respect each other as parents. And whenever she calls me and says, Karens is doing this, I
take it personal. Don't ever disrespect your mother. I don't care what you feel. You don't ever disrespect me. You called me and scream at me, tell me whatever you're feeling. And I think that I don't. With my daughter, it's more like I'm over, I'm like this. But my son is like he. I understand he he needs a certain level of freedom, he needs a certain level of space, he needs a certain level to learn, certain opportunities to learn and understand himself in certain ways. Baby girls like
I need, I need. She's eight, and I'm very like on her, like the things that he was able to do, Like she begged me for a phone, I got an iPad. She can do things. But I'm like over her shoulder, like what are you watching? What are you looking at? What do you Because I understand how impressionable you know, a young woman can be in today's society. I want her. I want her to always know. And I always tell
my kids, my son. I remember being in Africa and my son called me to for uber eats and I'm like, Ober eats from Africa. I never ever say my son called me. I was in La last week and my son called me like, can you give me a Uber from my friend's house. I don't say why your mother can't take I'm always yeah, because I want him to understand it. Anyway he is in life, in a good situation or a bad situation, called me. If I told you not to do something, you did it, call me.
I don't care. We'll talk about it later. And I wouldn't even reprimand them in that moment.
Give it a few days and say, bro, you want to leave that line of communication.
I want to feel safe, So when it comes to that, that's what the difference. But with my daughter, I'm more like, now, I'm going like where you're at. Like my son, I dropped off to a birthday party when he was eight or nine. You know, my daughter's eight. I'm never dropping off. I'm there because I also understand. I understand little sick moments, and you know, perverts can strike in an instant, like a pervert can grab your kid and do something to
them for two seconds, and he can. But that's the problem's And I'm not trying to say I'm right for this, but I do understand that the freedoms that I give my son is different than my daughter because I know how that can affect an eight year old girl. One instance, well, somebody not spent a bunch of time with it, but just can be in a corner and do something like that and it can fuck her up for the rest
of her life. I'm very you know, intentional. But that's why I'm so, so so blessed that I trust my kids mom. I don't have no I don't care what where they at, what they're doing. I'm not into what niggas was around. I don't care who was over there. I know for a fact she's not letting nothing happen to them kids. That's the blessed, Like, that's the most incredible. I couldn't ask anything more than that. We can hate each other for the rest of our like I do.
I am blessed to know that my children are safe and they're not in my presence.
Well people A yeah, that's the thing.
You know.
People have kids with people and then turn the other like turn crazy. But it's like, at the end of the day, if you lay down and decide to have a kid with somebody, let's hope at the very least minimally, you trust them to care for your kids. Yeah, you know, and it sucks sometimes like you have kids young and you didn't really think the shit through and you're like, damn, you're kind of more way dumber than I thought, you know, like,
can I trust your dumb ass? But like, you know, like the like I always say, I urge people at the very least, like at least have a baby the motherfucker you can trust, because I know, I see like a lot of men sometimes talking shit about their baby mamas and da da da, And I'm like, Nigga, that this reflects poorly on you because you're talking about a
bitch that you willingly had a baby with. So if you think she's this, that, and that, that's to me a reflection of you because this is the agreement you made with this person for the rest of your life.
Yeah. But again I have to go back to the fact that women do it all the time, you know for sure. I mean, so I think that it's in it's a phase that we all go through. Right when you first, when you're so newly upset, then anybody who listen, you're like, yo, this is what I'm going I hate this shit, right, So I think that you have that you still can express that disdain for whatever the actions were. But you make an incredible point, like you should be
able to say. And that's how I judge anybody I date. Now. I always think to myself, if I had a kid with this person, how would that be? What I feel like? If I if it wasn't to work out, what I still feel like? I could trust them around my children, Like I don't leave my kids alone with strangers. My kids have had the same babysitter since they were kids with my kid is with my kids right now, they're with my mom, and if they my mom and my sisters have no my rules. Don't drop my son off
or my daughter off to my son. He can't he's thirteen. But don't drop my daughter off to such and such house. I don't know who her father is. I don't know who his friend is, and I don't know his Don't take them over nobody's house unless you're right there with her, because I don't. It's not about oh, I know such and such. Yeah, but you don't know his nephew. You don't know the cousin, you don't know the aunt, you
don't know any of these people. So yeah, I got a trust that I'm in a relationship with somebody who understands that and understands like, you can't just be like, Oh she's down the street, that her friend. What who's over there? Oh she has a brother. I have a my babysit of Erica. She's incredible human baby since my daughter was born, and she her her niece comes over
sometimes with her when she baby says. Her niece says to me, I was leaving the house because she was coming in the babysit and she says, oh, I can't go to my mom says, I can't go in Charris's room. That's my son. I can't go in Charris's room. I'm like, you're fucking right, you know what I mean, somebody was there to tell her that even though my son would never do nothing like that. They don't know my son. That's the rules. My mom said, I can't be over here if it's just us, because I can't go in
Charris's room. You know, kids just to offer information, and I think that's cool. But if you don't trust that, you're right. You make an incredible point. You don't trust somebody to raise your children, or trust their character, trust who they are because anger is one thing. Again, I may not agree with how you responding anger, but your character.
Is going to be like the siren. Also, I think the tool is that we have to give our kids the ability to rely on their intuition and have agency over their body and use their voice boy or girl, because people are fucking weird people You thought you knew, people, you think you know family teachers, Like the truth of the matter is like we're building kids to go out into a scary fucking world. And the real tool, the
real valuable tool we're gonna give them. Obviously we're gonna protect them, but like we always have to give them the wherewithal to make decisions and be like if shit doesn't feel good, get the fuck up out of there and and call me and tell me. And ain't ain't shit. You can't tell me. And I don't give a fuck how old you are. I don't care if your boy
or girl. I don't give a fuck who it is. Like, have the ability to be like I tell my kid, like you can say no, motherfucker whatever you need to say. Let motherfucking o you ain't fucking around eight or other, Like let a motherfucking know, like you're gonna know, Like my kid is not probably that little that little one right there, she gonna tell yes, keep it moving.
You're predators, little eight year old.
I'm not fucking with her. So I like the world is scary, and like, are the biggest gift we can give our kid is a voice.
Even when I used to bathe my daughter, I used to say, Daddy, can't touch your private, you gotta touch you, gotta watch your private. So then when when as she got older, I would say, so if daddy can't touch your private, and who else can touch you? Nobody? Just me. I go through that all the time. Sometimes randomly, I'll just say, hey, believe in She's like, I'm like, daddy, it makes she was like what daddy, I say? Who can touch your private? Nobody?
My god, I'm so happy that you do that. It's important. It's important to not And we talked about this a lot on our show. It's like you can't just say it one time and just think you've covered the ground, Like you're like, okay, well she knows now. It's like, no, you need to normalize it almost And if they're uncomfortable, oh.
Well, I like, how was school today?
Oh?
You went to your grandma's house. I'm like, anybody touch your vagina lately? She's like, Mom, I'm like, just you.
Know, exciting exactly.
It's like, why are you being weird? I'm like, I'm not, Hi. I just got to ask the questions. I'm gonna ask you every other week. I don't care how nor did you write. It's got to cook, you know. Keep up, You're doing fine. Everything's good, school's good. They won't touch you, vagina, very well, good, good. Well.
Before we get out of here, we had you pull a card, and you pulled the chariot.
Card.
And the chariot represents control, willpower, success, action, and determination. The chariot is a card of willpower, determination, and strength. You have discovered how to make decisions in alignment with your values with the Lover's card, and now you are taking action on those decisions. When the chariot appears in a tarot reading, take it as a sign of encouragement. You have set your objectives and are now channeling your inner power with a fierce dedication to bring them to fruition.
When you apply discipline, commitment, and willpower to achieve your goals, you will succeed. If you are curious about whether you have what it takes to achieve your aim or complete an important project. The chariot is a sign you will be successful so long as you keep your focus and remain confident in your abilities. You need to use your willpower and self discipline to consecrate, to concentrate, consecrate too, to concentrate on the task at hand. You can't cut corners.
You can't cut corners or take the easy route, or you will fail. Instead, to see this endeavor as a test of your strength and conviction and recognize that victory is within your reach, but it's up to you to follow through.
Discipline. Seems like that applies to you. I can see that, and see being the.
Chariot, willpower, determination, Yeah, speaking your language, I like it. So we usually ask our guests before we leave if you have a horror story. We have a horror story. And since you are one hundred percent former cheater, I'm wondering if you have any hotels, any hiding women in closets, throwing them off the balcony. I don't know anything like that that could possibly you could possibly share with our with our tribe.
Yeah, very not. I'm not proud of some of these things.
You got a role first, so you can heal later.
They're part of the whole first, so you can heal later.
They're part of the journey. I got to tweet that, Yeah, make sure you're at the whole shirt that says it now later.
Ho now hell or he'll now.
Sometimes sometimes you hope first and you learn and then you heal.
Yeah, man, this is so bad.
Are you afraid of yourself? Are you afraid of your horrors? Ways a little bit?
Yeah, And I'm not even I'm not even. I don't even behave that way anymore. But I want to still feel like it's scary because yeah.
It's possibility.
And also when when I first met with my kids mom, I didn't cheat like the first year and a half, like a long time, a married, short time, three years like that. But I was in the relationship of fourteen so but until she put the pressure on me to move in, to move her in with me, I never want to live with her. I thought we had a great thing going. I thought it was amazing, like because you can cheat, was cheating.
I just thought it was like it killed.
Yeah. I love the fact that I would go pick her up, I would stay to night some night, she would stay to nice with me some nights I love that whole idea of not having and it scared me. It made me feel like suffocated, Like I have to live with this person and I don't want to live with somebody right now. I'm just now starting to do well in life. I don't want to have to live with anybody right So I think that that's what the relationship represents for me. Now it's like, oh shit, that's
a real commitment. I have to talk to this person every day. I have to make sure I do this. I have to I have to spend vacations with it, I have to go. This is oh shit. And I like to be alone. I travel a lot by myself, you know, and I want to do that. I want to freedom to do that, you know what I mean. I talked to guys. They be like, yo, you out there by yourself? Like yeah, damn, that's just crazy.
People are afraid of being alone.
I think no. But I just think guys admired that the freedom that I have to be able to get up and just say all right, I'm gonna spend the weekend. You can get a round trip ticket to Costa Rica for two hundred and fifty dollars. You get upgraded for free. If you executive platinum on American you go to a villa, a mansion villa in the forest for six hundred dollars a day. You stay three nights, that's eighteen hundred. All of that's two and a half grand that I spent
in four days. And I could have went to dinner on the beach and spent that on dinner and going to a club afterwards, righting me buying drinks. So I look at that and I say, damn, it don't cost me much.
Let me go and I'll take coast experience.
I go alone, and I can be able to have that expension and I have that type of fun. I do that a lot. Imagine you're in a relationship and you're explaining to this woman that you're dealing with, like I'm getting ready to go to Costa Rica by myself. She's like, you go to Jocko exactly.
That was personal. That was a personal Sorry I even attack you that way.
Well, speaking of Costa Rica, you guys, we have just announced our next retreat in Costa Rica. If you haven't checked out the Good Vibrra treat, We're going to Costa Rica for New Year's that's December twenty eighth through January second this make sure you click the link in this episode description, you too can come alone and have a beautiful experience. I don't know about any AMEX cards you want to use, but if you have one or would you say, remember Class Executive.
If you have one of.
Those, you can use that too. But Rico, thank you so much for coming on. This was so much fun.
It was fun. Shout out to Chelsea for connecting us. PR Guru. Where can the.
People find you?
I'm on Instagram at i am Rico Love, on Twitter at I am Reco Love, and.
Yeah, I say all right, We'll link everything in this episode description. Make sure you go and rate and review this episode. If you're watching on YouTube, subscribe, make sure you go follow the Good Vibra Treat. And if you want to get more juicy content that we don't release on the podcast, make sure you go check out our patreon that's patreon dot com, backslash, Good Mom's Bad Choices, and love you Bye Bye.
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