Karma Doesn't Care Feat. Kay Cola

Welcome back to good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Meela. Happy Wednesday, Happy Wednesday, my love. How are you feeling? Jolly? Holidayish? I'm feeling your holidays. I'm feeling about the jolly. Today's a holiday spirit. It's a beautiful shade of purple. Yeah, it's gorgeous.

I was trying to be like Christmas y with my green sparkly cannabis leaf Vintage Soul.

This is my holiday holiday weed. How Mom's smoke weed holiday. I like it. I like it. I actually have that same shirt. Yeah, this is my Vintage Souls.

Guys, so if you like the ship, go support a female old brand made here in the.

LA area, Vintage Souls LA. It's also free people and spread segel, so just killing it. That's a freeing. All our friends is doing big sheet.

Wow, b Accent, you don't like it, It's still true.

All of our friends are doing big ship because that's the type of women they roll with. Amen. How are you today, my love? I'm good. Hi. How are you feeling. I'm high. I'm drinking water. I feel great. I feel like very like balanced. Oh my god, is that a shirt? High and hydrated? Should the fun up edit it out? Keep it out anymore? Do you? I'm high too? Okay, anyway, you guys, we haven't really amazing guest here. Today I met this.

Special woman at the Dear Young Queen slash ask Ashley podcast dinner. If you haven't followed that, make sure you check them out. I fucking love Dear Young Queen. They have the the best mean account on the internet pretty much. And this wonderful woman I'm about to introduce was sitting at the end of the table and she was just spitting out just free game and I was like, who about you that?

Who is it? I need to know her? But she left before I got to connection with her. I think she should be on the show.

So then like I was like I was chasing her. I felt like a nigga looking for Like I was like in her DMS. I was like, hey girl, Hi, I know I didn't get to say hi to you, but like and then she didn't read it. I was like, fucking I gotta call Ashley. I'm like, Ashley, you know, the girl at the end of the table. I don't know her name, but she said this something about this, and like I really need to find her, and so anyway, without further ado, I'd love to introduce Okay Colon, serial entrepreneur.

I you know you can slide in my DMS anytime.

Well, I think I got put in like the general or or like the one. What's the other one? What's the third one?

It's like primary general requests the request, Well you have my number now now I were but I was like, I know I'm sitting in requests. She's never going to open this. You know are professional stalkers. We will find you. I love that even if you don't want to be friends, I don't be friends. Perfect. That was sore.

Even if you don't have friends, I love we have of people over past women.

I love badass boss women. So I'm definitely down.

Yes I do have Valley Valley girl status.

Yeah i'll hit you. Wait, but let's not give it our GEO locations. That'll be good.

Yeah, I'm sure y'all got stock I got stockers over in Alabama.

You heard the accent early The Valley of Alabama is when I'm saying, yes, the Valley of Alabama back. I love that she has the serious stalkers. Quickly she stopped me and then shut the fuck up.

No, like literally, people call my food truck and like at five in the morning, there's this guy.

And he's like, Okay, Kola, you know, I'm just trying to see trying to see what.

So you were what is this my life?

It's pretty wild? Wow, that's crazy.

Wow.

So basically we're not the first to stock you. It's no wonder. The one I was sitting in requests sit.

Well.

At the top of our show, we pulled a card and here Kay pulled the card.

She's scared because the picture on the card is a bit it's been intense, it's a bit heavy. But let me give you my tarot inside.

If you didn't know, this is I don't know what week this is, but this is deep December.

So we have themed months for the podcast. So this month is you know, kind of about digging deeper, releasing stuff for twenty twenty two. So we're ready. We're ready to just you know, do the shadow work. And oh I'm doing shadow work right now. It's tough.

Let's speak on it because me too, girl, Yes, me too. But well, hence the cars. So let's see what it says.

So today Kay pulled the nine of machetes, which is usually the Knight of Swords.

I don't know. She looks stressed. She stressed, stressed.

She's a little stress that someone's sitting up in her bed with nine machetes stacked behind her.

So her hands are her head is in her hands. She's a stressed not nine machetes. Okay, let's see what they're talking about today.

The Night of Swords suggests that dark thoughts and disturbing feelings are weighing you down and keeping you up at night. You are worrying excessively about a situation, and your negative thoughts are getting the better of you, leaving you stressed and anxious. The more you associate with your fears, the more they will rule your life. As you obsess over what's not working, the more anxious you become, and the

You anxieties my life. I just cannot your life. No, it's my life. I am not associated with car.

Just that your nine of swords are stacked upon each other on the walls, So too, are your negative thoughts. Be careful because the fear and morey and the Nine of Swords can become a self fulfilling prophecy. As you have possessed over what may go wrong, you are more likely to manifest your worst case scenario because you were inadvertly acting in ways that support your negative thoughts. I say this all the time. Preached on it, Bitty Taro.

Made cheat? You made a cheat? Man? You know? Why did they have to say they knew they were targeting women? They were in that Instagram post that he liked this? Literally?

Is that?

Did my ex write this? Literally? Sounds like him?

When you are repeating negative thoughts in your mind, you run the risk of manifesting them in your life. So the Night of Swords ask you to break the cycle. Every time a negative emotion comes up, replace it with a positive one instead. The nine of Swords reminds you that much of the fear and worry you're experiencing is in your head and not necessarily an accurate reflection of what is happening around you.

You're overthinking or obsessing over the worst case scenarios.

Yeah, it is time to examine your situation from a new perspective. Instead of looking for evidence of what is going wrong, put your attention on what is going right. Take a deep breath, and realize that life is not as dreadful as it seems, and that the more you worry, the more harm you were doing to yourself.

Yeah, okay, I don't believe in coincidences, Like I definitely feel like I was onto that card. I have a history of worriedness in the women in my family. On my mom's side, not necessarily on my dad's side, they tend to be like more negative. My mom's side is more a little bit more optimistic, but very worrisome, And

Yeah, wow, that's crazy. We actually just talked about this an hour ago.

Yeah, we're talking about negative self talk and how for me because I do that. I have negative self talk and it's so like it's so quiet that I do it all day and I don't even notice, and then suddenly I have anxiety and.

I'm like, why do I have anxiety? I'm talking shit all day.

Yeah, And so now to counter it, I literally have to it's not really it is positive self talk, but it's not in my head. I actually say it out loud, and I have to say it out loud and talk to myself, record myself, listen to myself talking well to myself back, because we don't really do that. We don't really actually hear ourselves talk good to ourselves. Yeah, I mean, in our heads, that's a powerful tool, but for me, what was more powerful is actually doing it out loud.

So yeah, I had that out girl. Yeah no, I'm definitely gonna take that tip.

I mean I used to think that, like the post it notes on the mirrors, I used to think all that stuff is weird. But now I actually get it now that I'm aware and more self aware. My therapist was telling me, how, you know, we don't realize that our subconscious controls everything we do, and conventional therapy typically focuses on you know, the surface and the conscious, and

And so now I have to replace all of those things.

It's so interesting that you what you said before about therapy, Like a lot of the things that we the place we operate from is from a place of like subconscious because we were talking about how we're sel self aware, right, Like we're self self aware, and I think a lot of times the most self aware people need therapy the most.

Yeah, because you will self aware the fuck out of ourselves all that. I know, I know what I did wrong.

I know, listen, I can name exactly what the fuck I did wrong. But it's like, Okay, well that's great, but like subconsciously, you're still doing it, So like, how are we gonna fix that that person that like you don't even realize is controlling controlling your actions.

Another thing with being super self aware is like that you have a lot of guilt and shame because you are so aware, like you're.

So like aloof and they're just like that's what I was.

I literally when I say ignorance is bliss, it's so true because people walk around you're not giving at all, just like you know so much and you care, You're constantly trying to figure it out, and you guilt.

Your guests, Oh my god, they just fucked me up. I feel fucked up. That's so true. Like I really guilt myself and I really feel really bad when I'm fucking up all the time, or like I'm not getting out. I'm not like evolving out of like doing this one thing or like fucking this thing. I know I shouldn't be fucking and I keep sucking up.

But I'm like, bitch, you were doing this last year, so.

Fucking angry, and then I'm now I'm realizing just because you said that, it's because I am self aware, I'm guilty and feeling so bad for even more.

Like if I was just like I give like, yeah, I fell on his dick. I have friends like that, like I don't give a find. We fought last week and you god damn right, I'm a fucking this week. I don't give a fuck. I'm like, that's not healthy. Which if I had more of that.

Yeah, no, yes, yeah, I think it catches up to you. But when you have a higher calling on your life, like you're not allowed to operate from that. When you're in your like higher vibrational you know that voice is there for a reason. It's like, sis, now, come on, we know, like everybody tries to say like, oh.

Everybody's a king and everybody's a queen.

Okay, whatever, But no, like, no, there's a reason that some people hear certain things or have you know, intuitive abilities, or just there's a reason that some people know that they're different and that there's a calling on their life.

And then there are.

People who are just fine with it just being mediocre, or they just being.

The way they are, damn, or being in the loop. They're comfortable in the loop. That's so fucking true.

I was just telling Erica, I'm like, I think I'm finally coming to this place where I like you too. I'm like, I think we're acknowledging that there's like, well it's been that way, but a force greater than us, a purpose greater than us, like even our friendship, even like the beginning of this like podcast, and it's just like taking this life form, it's like it's so much higher, you know, And sometimes it is that like I'm holding

Business is not gonna grow. Oh my god, that is very true.

I was like, I just feel guilty because it's just affecting everybody.

She was like, you need to relax. She was like, I think you're putting too much pressure yourself. I'm like, I just know, no, you're right. I had I told you about my oracle earlier.

I had her telling me a couple of years ago, if you don't let go of this man, your business is gonna suffer.

And sometimes we this is it's so crazy because.

Karma does not care that you didn't do the act right if you're next to somebody.

That did it and you're said, yes, it will come for you too.

So it's like or even if you know, for me, I was like a blessing to my ex and he was not supposed to get all this stuff I was giving him, So the universe was trying to force me away from that because he had to do his own stuff. Sometimes we try to save people from their stuff and we enable them.

They're never gonna grow if.

We keep like you're guilty by association with karma basically, and I never even really viewed it that way, but you're so right. It's like, and that's why your intuition will be yelling at You're like, bitch, I know you're not doing it, but you're fucking him.

He's putting all that shit inside of you.

You're saying it's okay that you're this person right now, I'm still gonna be here.

And even like you're innate want as women to like nurture and be there for someone, Like I've even seen myself in those very situations be like, well it's me, Like I'm not growing because that's my own thing and I'm trying to project onto him, you know, and I can care for him and also grow it.

That's an excuse, but the truth is, like, bitch, I was clouded.

I cannot live with the nigga not doing shit and do shit. It just doesn't work that way. It's literally by association. And I had to like understand that like cutting that tie wasn't me being a bad person. It was actually like fending for myself and for my child, and like it's not about feeling bad, it's about actually feeling good. And if being even close to someone that's toxic only feels good on like a lower level, then

Yeah, you're also preventing them from, you know, becoming what they're supposed to become because the pain of losing you or whatever that is, whatever lesson that is, they're never gonna get it if you're just sticking around and you guys are gonna be so enthralled with one another and blame each other for why you're this way and why he's this way instead of like, no, I'm gonna focus on.

What I'm doing and how I can be better and whether he does it.

I think as women we try to like make men see themselves too much what they're doing wrong. And I know, for me, maybe I think sometimes I was doing it so that I didn't have to address my shit. M Like, if I'm fixing you, then I'm perfect.

I don't yeah, like I'm good.

I just gotta fix you then I don't have to look at like all my traumas and all my stuff.

So well, if I fix you to fit my traumas and cater to them and make me feel good about this and that like there's that tool, yeah.

Which brings me to Before we started recording, we just were talking about astrology signs and that both my parents are Taurus and they have like the most long term toxic love affair I've ever seen in reality, and it's just toxic to a fault, like and there is that they love each other so much, but they just know I don't think they've been together so long. No one stopped to look at their own shit, heal themselves, become their own individual.

No one say like, Okay, this is enough, let's cut this shit here. You know.

They clang to this like childhood like love and comfort and this excuse that like the kids benefit from it. I'm fucked up, I'm a therapy right.

Didn't benefit right.

But it's like when you do that and you avoid yourself to a fault with other people, even people that you love, it can like you could fuck around turn and like wake up and be fifty seven and fifty like or sixty or you know, and be like, oh no, you.

Know, I never took the time to That's the trauma bonding though, and that's like when we were at the dinner when I was.

Talking about twin flame versus sole me.

A lot of twin flames, so that's your mirror, and a lot of twin flames get together based on their traumas. It's like, oh, your daddy you oh my god, mine did too. Oh we were like bonding in pain, right, and then it no, no, that's not That doesn't mean that this person is your soulmate or your life partner. It's just yeah, you have them in calming, which a lot of us do. A lot of us have, you know, our needs weren't met or some sort of abuse or you.

Know, drugging whatever, and then now we could clean together and we're never gonna leave each other, leave each other, but also we'll always think we might, and that's gonna be the argument.

You're gonna leave me, aren't you right?

You know?

So let me tell you guys something. I've never been dumped. And the reason I used to think, like, oh I must be I've never never been dumb, breaking breaking.

News, not for me never, but wait but wait, not as tight as it say, I'm like, it's because.

These dudes have abandon me, like I had to come to a realization.

I realize this in being by myself and analyzing what is the commonality between all of these men? They were like obsessive with me, like entitled to me and thralled and all these things. And I'm like, it's not okay, look, I'm fire, okay, whatever, But it's not that it's because they see something in me that they wanted their mother to do. It's somebody left them and it drove them crazy. And so anytime I'm pulling away, no, I gotta get you back, or I'm not good enough because you're leaving me.

I would hear that a lot. You make me feel like I'm not good enough. That's what I hear from men too. Why do you love me? Why?

Why do you think that there's also a trend in the men that you choose them to.

Oh absolutely, I choose men who have mother issues and need a lot of healing. I chose a couple of good guys, but I only chose them because.

They were good, not because I actually really liked them. And that's toxic too.

Do you think that because naturally you're a healer, you attract that or like, because like, how do you even in that you know, like, how do you fucking weep that out? Because for obvious reasons, that also doesn't work, and everyone, no one's gonna come all the way healed, but like, have you done some of the work, Like I'm not here to do the work for you, you know.

So that's what I'm currently working on, because my last few have just been so worked up. I'm like, what is going on? I'm like, Okay, both y'all have beards. Maybe it's the beard I'm.

Right now, but.

They both definitely had issues with abandonment and their mothers.

And I saw that as a thread, right.

I saw that The thing is, it's still weird, like anytime as a child and as a mother to a black son, I see that if the dad messes up for some reason, the sons blame the monk too. And so even if the mom was a great mom, not saying that all of them were great moms, but even if the mom was like the perfect mom, for whatever reason, they hold resentment and always blame the mom for abuse, Like how.

Do you blame your mother forget?

You know what I'm saying? Like all of that right, And I was even talking to my nanny about it. She shared a similar story where her husband was abusive towards her and she left and the son was like, I hate you. You broke up our family, and it's like your mom is you know, So it's this resentment towards mom. And if the mom was not a good mom, emotionally unavailable and never said I love.

You, they tend to become abusive.

Now on the flip side, women who were abused growing up, and again, abuse is a plethora of things, right, It's not just you know, physical, it could be emotional, anything, right, So what happens with women is we tend to draw in abusers, whereas men become the abuser. And so it's such a different dynamic between what happens to like the female and the male.

And so with me, I tend to attract abusers.

I've attracted really good guys as well, but I tend to like stick it out longer or try to fix or whatever it is.

I'm still currently trying to fix that.

But one of the things that my therapist did say was that people who love bomb you, do you guys know what love bombing?

Yes?

Okay, people who love bomb you in the beginning.

That is a huge red flag because they are trying to get you addicted to them because.

They don't want you to leave.

And so people who are in like normal relationships are not going to try to move things quickly.

They don't say I love you super fast.

So I'm trying to get like the tools to know what to look for moving forward, because my ego used to have me in this operating in this space of like I'm special and so yeah, he loves me quickly, and I had to get out of that, you know what I mean, Yeah, because there's a part of you.

Feel validated by that. And also, like if.

You're a lover, which a lot of women are, it feels like a movie. It feels like you're being swept up your feet, especially if it's like if it's reciprocal but someone you're also attracted to, if there's some fucking chemistry, if someone's like, I love you like this is because we're both feeling this way, and it's because this is special and not like this is odd. Why the fuck are we moving ten steps ahead? You know?

Nobody has fucked us.

Yes, the romanticizing of the fucking movies, the movies, the romances, the rom coms. That's dead movies. It's labels.

I mean the reason one of the things that you know drew me to you at that dinner was that conversation about twin flames and soulmates. And I can't remember quite remember like what the question was, like have you met your soulmate or something like.

That, and you had said that there's more. I think I believe that people have many soulmates, and I agree with that. The moment she said that, I was like, doesn't everybody know that? Doesn't everybody know?

And I was like, no, No, people really get in the zone that there was only one per there's only one type of love. There's only one, you know, all encompassing type of love. And because of that, they will hold on they will hold on.

To the most toxic love.

Yes, because they hold on to these different parts of this person that they identify as their soulmate. I wish more people gaze if you're listening, do you have more than one soulmate?

I promise you, like there's more than one.

Well, I think it kind of goes with like what we're talking about maybe the last episode basically that like everybody you meet and come and counter with is like I think a tool to like spawn you to the next level if you allow it. You know, like there are a certain purpose in each person that you connect with in a certain way. And sometimes a lot of times it's a lesson, like Damn, I did this again.

I'm like, I've come so far from that. Why the fuck is this happening to me again?

But like it's because if you don't get that first lesson, the universe students send you a second and third they're gonna look pretty fucking similar.

Bitch. That's like where you have to where the work needs to be done.

Have you guys ever read any statistics on because I'm just wondering, I'm like, are there just more narciss like not?

Okay, first of all, not everybody's a narcissist. I know, we use that word a lot.

You can have narcissistic traits and not be a narcissist.

I don't know, you can be a just an asshole.

We actually we had a Megan Doherty on She's a narcissist specialist, and she broke down love bombing for us and also we also I guess I actually think I looked up some statistics because I was curious.

Too, like are more other more men than female? And statistically guess yes, yeah, okay, there are more. What was what was the number?

Like it's like one, I don't know, I don't remember what it was she but it's on that episode.

Yeah, I'm curious because I just hear women dealing with so much of the same stuff, and like, I have a lot of guy friends and we have conversation about this because I want to hear both sides, Like I don't want it to just always be like, oh poor us, it's like the women are you.

Know what I mean?

So I try to, you know, hear both sides so we can collectively come.

Up with solutions. And it's tough to hear.

Like you attract, right, because I've always said when you are fire, you attract everything.

But it is what you're choosing as.

Well, right, because I have attracted really, really good guys.

And I didn't necessarily think that the quote unquote.

Bad guys were bad when I first met them, right, I just didn't take my time.

I just ignored things.

I was so enthralled in love and it felt so freaking fire and like it magical that the little you know, the little stuff where when you have your blinders taken off that you see later. I didn't see it then, you know, So I don't even know. I don't even know if it's what we attract. I just think people are really shitty, and just like they're really shitty people, there are good people.

And we have to do better at sifting through that.

I think, especially as haaling women, especially as like a seelers, like there's a light around you.

Erica tells me this all the time, and people are going to one and leg. Don't you remember your eyes, don't Erica's always telling ma'am Shannon La, a light brought light. Everybody wants to get some of this light because at Alabama or right now, Alabama Valley Valley.

The valley's Alabama Alabama Valley.

But it's true, it's true.

But it's like as you get older, you have to sharpen the tools to be able to better, you know, filter who's coming in and staying yeah, and not feeling obligated to motherfuckers.

You're only obligated to yourself.

That's one thing I think we're talking. I'm over here looking is Alabama Valley There it is. I knew it. It's called Valley in city in Alabama here on the show that's guys off the one oh three catches.

I can catch me outside. You have kids, right? How three kids? I have a three year old, a ten year old, and a fifteen year old.

Two girls, that's the youngest, and then i have a fifteen year old boy.

And I'm learning so much. Yeah, you're in such different stages, you know what.

No, Yeah, I have my fifteen year old when I was a mess, so he kind of I say that he kind of grew up with me. I mean, we're still always growing, but I can see it with how they all act because.

The different stages of who you were. Yes, that's so cool. That is pretty cool. It is wild.

Wow, And I have to work on my guilt and shame because again, when you are a mother, you know, like mom, there's those perfect and right like growing up with your son, like you make so many mistakes, and so I'm trying to work on like, yes I did that, but like I'm better now and I'm still trying to be better.

And then with my middle daughter, she just thinks I'm like everything, you know what I mean.

Like, so it's just crazy to see, like how they all, you know, react differently to me as a mother because of their different ages.

But do they have different fathers? Yes? All three? Yes? What is that like? I mean navigating parents? Was navigating three different men.

Like, I mean, oh my god, how to find balance within all of them? I mean, I'm gonna hope that you have peace and balance with all three? No, okay, no, no to Leo's in a virgo.

She has a type.

So the first one, I was only twenty and he was five years older than me.

And he had the gift of gab. So he.

Was from la but his family is from Detroit, so definitely gift of gab.

He's always been like that.

He was a businessman and he was able to like he walked it to me in a suit, got me the you know what, the restaurant, they got the lady with the roses, he bought the holdout.

You he girl. But I didn't know what that was.

I didn't a man if I had. And I told my son this the other day. I said, if I had the tools then that I had now.

But like, and this is.

What I love about the internet and podcast right, we are so much more aware of all of this stuff. Like I had no idea what a narcissist was, and I was that it was not I don't even think that was was it worth? It wasn't worse, it was worn likened it.

We weren't using it.

They were only office Okay, well if you're if your dude was buying you the whole roses. And I mean he took me shopping, like one of our first dates was like a weekend. It wasn't like go to dinner. It was like a weekend. And so my friends are like, oh, that's so fire. They're not telling me.

Like maybe not, Like this guy is not twenty.

Any friendship you to dinner thirty four Like wait wait, literally all of us are coming to dinner.

Let it move me and got me all these cars I had. He wanted me to quit my job, Like, no woman of mine is gonna work. You're gonna that whole thing is yeah, Oh my gosh. Yes, all your friends are trash, all your friends are hoses.

No, you the hope. Right, you have a boyfriend, now you don't go hang out with them. Yes, I'm your friend. Yes, but he wasn't. He was not my friend. He was really it was a mess. And then after him, I was so broken down. You know, second baby Daddy was just it will slid this way. And you say you need to laugh, I got you. Yes, you know what's crazy?

Okay, all the ladies listen, Fellas too, Do not get with anybody right after a breakup because you are so vulnerable. You don't know what the fuck you're looking at. It could be a whole demon and they will look like an angel to you.

Because you're so vulnerable. And there are.

People who literally go after people right after a breakup. I had an ex friend who I watched him and do it to four or five girls because these girls would never.

Fell them wow, otherwise when they were strong. This is a tactic. Do not fall for that shit.

No, that's a good piece of advice, right, it really is, because I feel like that's I mean women too, I mean that's when we need that.

We're like, please, someone come in, please come and love on me. Take this spot real quick, even if it's just for a time. And then a time gets comfortable, and then suddenly you look up and it's a year later and you went from one straight to the next, and now you really don't even know who the fuck you are. Yeah, And I was a people pleaser. I was a codependent people pleaser. So I would tell people know a couple.

Of times, and if they keep pressing it, I would be like, Okay, fine, you know, like I feel bad. I don't want you to think that I think I'm better than you, like literally shit like that.

This is.

Why are you talking to me like this?

Yes? Yeah, because my whole life people would try to like make me feel like, oh, you think you're better because of this or that, and I'm like I'm literally just chilling, like any of the thought why are you putting this on me?

So for a long time I would.

Overcommentate and like try to make people feel just so comfortable around me, because I know when I walk in a room, it's not it's not comfortable. I'm gonna fucking shake it up, like that's just how my energy is. But it's not in a bad way. But when you're not ready to be shaken, people receive it all different types of yeah mm hmmmmm.

So how is it being like a mom and dating with like is there like, is there a stigma? I mean there's already a stigma around being a single mom, right, but I think being a single mom with three different baby daddy's.

People or men or whoever they might be like sign up.

Yeah. No, I haven't necessarily had a problem with dating, per se. I've had a problem with bullying, especially you know, being a public figure on the internet, people will try to like throw that out there, or you know, if a guy likes me and the girl likes him too, she'll be like, oh, you know, and I promise you they don't care, so stop trying to.

Niggas do not care. They know they not at all.

So I'm like, no, but I will say that now I'm in a space where I'm definitely more like if my kids can't look up to you, I don't need to be talking to you. I just I need someone who makes my son want to be a better man. I need someone where my daughters can say, when they get older, I'm not gonna date you because my stepfather was not like that, right, So that's what I'm on and that does make it tough because it weeds out

It's true, you know, true, it's true. That's so important. Wow, that's so simple yet complex? Yeah, why would do Like why would we even have a stake ourselves?

I think we have to start looking at ourselves and our inner child and start protecting her, because we really put like I don't know what happens when we get older, but we just forget like that, we forget that beautiful little baby that like, if you see a seven year old girl over there, you're gonna like protect her from But we don't do that for ourselves, so we like almost disassociate like two different people.

Yeah that wasn't me.

You forget.

It's almost like as soon as you hit like out the house, you do you.

Like I literally kept telling my parents when I get the fuck out of here, I'm never looking back.

And I really didn't, like in.

My mind, something in those times literally shifted off and I.

Kept going and I was like, oh, you guys, are still fucking doing fucked up shit. I'm over here. No, I'm getting away from my tours. I'm out. Oh my goodness. You know what, we didn't share an affirmation. I know we're in the middle, but did you have one that you can maybe share what I do?

So when I broke up with my soulmate, I feel like I've only really been.

In love one time, and that was my third daughter's father ever in life one time.

Yeah, really when I really think about it, because I still love him, but I don't want to be with him, and I don't feel that way about anybody else. So I used to say, so, okay, So there's this thing that helps heal you. It's a Hawaiian thing and I don't know exactly how to pronounce it, but it's like.

A on aona ona or whatever, and you chance.

It over and over again, and it's basically, I'm sorry. You say this to the person that hurt you. You tell them I'm sorry, I love you, I forgive you. So I used to say that over and over again, but then I created my own I used to tell like, I would look out at the moon, I'm so fucking I would hold my crystals look out at the moon and say I love you. I hope you heal, like I would send that to him, but I was. But when you're saying that, you're also saying it to yourself.

It's so important to again vocalize like that's beautiful than take that with me, because I've been doing, like doing a lot of forgiving with my father and talking out loud to him, not to him, but like to him, and it's been so fucking healing to let go and release and also being able to send those healing things obviously like aut wards of affirmation and manifesting and I believe in all those things, but being able to send those to people, send that to people and to the

You're okay, I'm okay, I'm not no, I'm not condoning what you did, but I'm not going to let it overtake me and because it will. You know, I don't believe in revenge. I don't believe in getting people back. I just believe in you know, blowing up.

I believe in love, and like, if you could do that, then you can have love for that person, love for those feelings, thankfulness for that experience because it's brought you to where you are right now. It's like it's just gratitude essentially for the experience, no matter how awful it was.

Yeah, Like I think that that is the.

Ultimate hopefully, like what you're like, we're all trying to like aspire to be because it's really that's hard easier.

Said than that.

Absolutely no, And being a tourist, we're very stubborn and very.

Like we don't forgive. I know, you know we don't. We will hold a grudge.

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So podcasting is my therapy. I talk every day to you guys every week and it has become my source of therapy. Talking out loud is so powerful and that's why I'm really excited about this new app. It's called Swell. So if you like listening to podcasts and you know the power of audio, and you're definitely going to love Swell. It's a voice based social platform where you can have and host conversations with people all over the world on your time.

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Toxic, and let's just hear what people sound like so we know the intention behind what they're saying. You can download the Swell app for free on the App Store or play Store or by visiting www Dot Swell dot Life Slash podcast.

Gratitude. I will say, gratitude has got me through.

I've been homeless, I've been everything you could possibly think of that could happen to a human being that has happened to me. But my gratitude has literally gotten me through with so much grace and I believe favor So again, listeners, gratitude, that is it that will get you through your toughest time. Just being grateful for you know, this present moment, not again anxiousness as you're worrying about tomorrow. So staying in this present moment and just being grateful for your breath

You know what I'm saying. Just being grateful or that can help heal you. Amen, I love you, I hope you. Yes, I love you. I hope you. I love you. I hope you love you. I hope you. Yeah, that's beautiful. I'm going to adopt that to my list of informations.

I'm so intrigued by your journey too, so being you said you were homeless ones and now you have so many successful brands, Like, can you just I guess.

I was like, can you walk us through every year you give us? Yeah? I mean so after my son was born.

You know when I told you I was younger and he made me quit my job, I was broke, like and I had never I've always been a hustler in my whole life.

I had jobs, you know.

From the time I had a job at Togo's, which is a sandwich place like subway, just so I could get a pager, so I could get a cell phone. I worked at foot Action so I could buy my I've always just been a hustler. But when I got with him and he didn't want me to work, I quit everything. So when I left him because he was abusive, I had nothing like literally, and they do that, they do that on purpose.

So that you feel like you have to stay.

But I also decided that I would never again depend on somebody else. Right, So I had like three jobs, and you know, I've been songwriting for a while and I was literally a starving artist. I was working with people like Eminem and Doctor Dre and all these like huge people, and I was still broke, and it was just like, what the hell started writing for myself when

And mind you, it.

Was Christmas time. I had two kids, and I didn't know it was gonna do what it did. I really didn't. But that's the way, that's what I'm saying, when you have gratitude and when you listen to the universe, like.

I made money that week. People don't make money.

The first five years of their business. And I made money the first day. And I just kept flipping it and flipping it and flipping it. And that's what I've just been doing ever since. This is the anniversary of your baby, of your other baby. Ye wow, so beful wow.

So Christmas five years, what was their first product, that's crazy.

So my first product was a scalp beverage, and I was trying to grow my Oh my god. So when you get weaves, like there's this thing that happens where your hair breaks off. You're like traction alopecia, which is like bald spots. And so I had that from wearing like weaves and wigs on tour, and I was trying to find something to grow it back really fast. And so I just concocted it for myself and people were like, grow, what are you using on your hair? I was like, oh, something under my sink.

Made it.

You know, my first few months in business, I was literally cooking just in my apartment, in my kitchen.

And how did you know what to put together? Was it just through trial and error? Like it's a lot of.

Research, a lot of research, a lot of figuring out what I knew what I didn't want.

I knew I didn't want anything toxic. I knew that, you know a lot.

See what a lot of companies don't realize with hair is like they they kind of do a one size fits all and so for me, I wanted to cater to texture and hair porosity because those things are very important when it comes to formulation. So that and I also saw a lot of things that were claiming to be organic and natural and I read the labels and they were not.

So I was like, no, no, want to be like that. I want to you know, step it up. So I think that's what I think. That's what set me apart. Like the intention was not to make money.

The intention was to solve a problem, come up with a solution, and help people.

And so people, you know, people are funny out here, They're like, what do you do?

And I don't feel like I help people, Like I literally, whether it's my music, whether it's you know, my mentorship, whether it's the hair care.

Like that is the goal is to like help you be fat, Like I just want you to be fired.

Like I feel like if everyone feels like they're fire, they'll stop hating on everyone else. The world will be a better place, yes, because everything is like rooted in like jealousy and brokenness.

And if we can just know, just get back to the individuality and loving people.

You love your face, love your body, like, get your health together, get your mental health together, like we can all get it.

There's enough for all of us. Yeah, so true.

Yeah, if you love yourself, there's like little room to like projectate in any former fashion.

Yes.

And I think when you are like your purpose is solving things and but also contributing to the world in a way, you become blessed, Like become blessed, you become aligned. Like I've watched how our business and our purpose has manifested and how enriched it's made other people feel and in turn enriched me.

Yes, you know what I mean, and like what a blessing. Yeah, and it won't get taken away from you.

I've had a lot of people try to like hate on I'm like, you can't take from me what you didn't give me, Right, this is from you know what I'm saying.

This is from you can't.

Yeah, your little snaky stuff isn't it doesn't work here. So yeah, when you have that intention in your creation, it just it's it's gonna last. It's infinite, Like it's literally going to outlast you. So even when we're gone, it's still going to be here.

Yeah, No, it it is. You're protected, Yeah, protected and how they feel because you're answering to the universe. When college, you're like I'm gonna do this.

And when you don't question it and you just do all the other shit that we you know, it will start to like to show you like this is right, this is exactly where you're supposed to be and manifest in that way.

Because that's why you can't put that make it no more right. You got to stop it. You're protective, you know what I'm saying. Like, when you're tied to something greater, it can't be held down. All that little stuff has to go the sacrifice. You got to cut that shit.

Yeah, and that's why it's always so quick, and that's why it's always so intense because if it was just like a little tap on the shoulder, we're not going to hear it.

But when it's shaking you up, like you have to hear it. So that's when you know, like you have a calling on your life. When stuff is so extreme. Yeah, like you can't deny.

Like you literally put out a product in that week you're like, oh okay, shit, and you know like that one, that one thing, it keeps propelling you floword like damn, I didn't even I spoke this and it came because it's intentional.

Yeah, through the pandemic through I mean literally everything. We made more money last year than you know, we did in all the years that we were you know, open.

People are home, yeah, taking care of themselves. Yeah, I mean they're the pandemic wellness was. And then hair care is part of wellness. People are spending time growing their hair, cutting their hair, all types of their hair.

Yeah. I was doing lots. I had a lot of time.

Yeah, yeah that I mean we have now we have wellness stuff. So just like supplements. I created a supplement for anxiety, depression, insomnia, I created a supplement for your lungs, so many different things that just like you know, I really I created it because I was going through stuff and I'm like, Okay, what am I going to do to fix this for me?

Oh, it's helped me. This can help, you know, right, So and it's exciting to share that, right, like look, try this it works, right, yes, and like waiting for those results and then oh my god, it works. I'm like this this is what makes it so like what like you know, it just feels so good when I'm like, you changed.

My life, Like it's awesome, right, yes, just answering the call, You're like let me look some shit up in my kitchen.

Where's yeah, like changing lines for real. I've had people walk up to me and whole foods like here's your stuff, Like this is really you. I'm like, oh my god, it's so great. That's so cool that your kids get to see that too.

Oh man, you know what I mean.

You can see their mom shine and like be successful and know that, like because I know, being an entrepreneur, you are away from your kids. Like it is hard, there's no, it's difficult to balance. There is so much more imbalance than there is balance, at least in the beginning.

Yeah, and you can't turn it off. It's not you know.

I always tell people like nine to five, you get your weekends, you get like I don't get any of that. It's seven days a week from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep. So you know, it's definitely something that you have. It's a baby too.

Yeah, even if you're not working on it, you're thinking about it all the time, you know. And so yeah, like you're thinking about it, and it's like it's always there.

Yeah, It's always there. Yeah, And that's good.

And that's and that's like that part has given me a lot of anxiety in the past, but when I started being like no this and having gratitude yeah, and then like learning to release Okay, yes, you don't have to get that done though right now.

Yeah, yeah, it's teaches, it's yeah, it's definitely.

I'm trying to learn to relinquish like the controlling aspect of it, because it is the unknown.

You don't know. You know, you don't know what's sale. We're going to be tomorrow, like you don't any at any time, right.

But it's the same with if you have a job too, you don't know if they'll So we just have to learn to relinquish that control and have.

Gratum. I have a very big feeling that Christmas is going to hit hard for you again in celebration of the anniversary. Yes, and I need to get some of this, but I need to get through this.

In this hair, we have a purple shampoo for that blonde, thank you. I haven't used purple shampoo. I was literally thinking about that yesterday. I was like, am I supposed to be like putting some other ship in my hair?

It's blonde?

Ye?

Yeah, I'm so.

I'm not educated, but my girl didn't hit me on game at all, just bleached my hair aftercare.

I got you girl, Thank you, thank you.

Well.

I really enjoyed this conversation. Thank you for blessing us with just so many gems and sharing your story with us. Where can our people find you? You can find me at ca Cola, on Twitter and on Instagram. I'm trying to get my TikTok up. I don't know. It's tough. Is tough.

I'm like, dude, I missed the wave like Luhouse man, I was.

Like, oh, I was a clubhouse queen. I don't. I don't go on clubhouse anymore at all, but I have fun on clubhouse. Is tough. I'm trying.

You know.

What I'm trying to do is with TikTok Now. It's kind of like offer up and stuff like from mental health. You know, I'm not I'm not a d answer guys like like I do a little two step, but I'm not going to be you know so. But yeah, you guys can find me on those socials. I'm on Facebook too, and then follow my businesses.

They're in the link in my bio and we'll link everything in the episode description so they can find you easily.

And y'all we're so close to the retreat. I know it's almost that time. We're like like good six weeks issuway yeah, so excited. I know Costa Rica we've been to. Oh no, but right here it's beautiful. We might have to come to come to the retreat. We're doing at Women's Retreating Costa Rica. I love that.

When is that January thirty first fifth? And then we have we have two and then there's another one the sixth through the eleventh. Okay there Yeah, it's the Caribean science. We got security though, right because it's the Dockers. It's very you hold up here by yourself. Where the fuck is your security right now? Bitch in Alabama? What do you need to have in Alabama?

They're gonna be a coast to Rika Caribbeans and they need to be in Alabama.

Oh my gosh, oh my god.

We'll get security. I normally do have security or you know, carries the Okay, yes, I'm a tactic.

That's important. What Yes, absolutely, I need to be better. I need to do I know, we just kidding. I'm ready, don't ever come all right, hello, in my purse, I have something for you.

Oh my god. Anyway, you guys want to find us Good Mom's Bad Choices on all podcast platforms, follow us on Instagram.

We're tiktoking sort of too. We're trying to TikTok get over there. Yea, hopefully we're tiktoking lives.

It's good Moms Choice because yeah, the s wasn't available and follows some.

Patreon and get bumps content and all that other ship great and review this episode. Please go now, all thousands of you go do it. Why don't we have more reviews?

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Thanks right now, right now, thank you, right nice and solo record la. Then let's stay us Ranza