I'm Back With My Ex

Puts up you guys.

This week's episode is kind of deep, a little bit, gets a little bit emotional, just giving you guys a warning before you know.

We dive in.

We are diving and there's a confession.

Basically one of us has been keeping a secret and I didn't even know, well whatever one of us got back together with our ex I just wanted to give you guys a warning because.

Shit gets real April folds fuck out of here.

But what we did do is interview our exes. So yeah, jump in our time machine.

And take a walk down memory lane.

We find out who the fuck we were back then. And if you have any confessions that you want to confess, make sure you call our hotline that is eight one eight mom zero one five four. Don't be scared.

You can remain anonymous if you stated on the on the voicemail, just like our exes.

Just like our exes, call your Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Nila. Happy home day.

Hello.

How's everyone doing out there in our quarantine world?

How is everybody doing? Honestly, I have been doing. I've been going in and out of doing fine. And also on the rigid depression. So it just, you know, just depends what you ask me. How about you same?

You know, I go through days where I'm like, you know what, I'm so glad I'm home. I need to be home, connect with my kid because you know, you know, I'm always gone and shit. But and I'm like, I'm connected. I very i've connected or connected. She's part of me. I'm part of her in now space. But I mean, you know, I think it really helps that I don't watch the news because it helps, and like people send me shit, like you sent me something out yesterday. I

That's better.

But then also I feel like, also I don't have a wave of hysteria, like of course it's weird. I went to the grocery store the other day and everyone had masks on, and it felt like I was in a weird movie. But in which that was like what freaked me out? I was like, is this my new normal? But I think also because and I don't want to be insensitive, I'm not being insensitive. I just it hasn't touched me. Yet you know, Corona, and so I knock

It's just like.

I don't know, it's just I'm being it's not personal. It's not personal, and I don't not I don't want to. I don't want there to be a yet I need to say that right now.

But I've been praying lap just about like protecting my family, my people, my people's people, just because I know it is rapidly spreading and I know it's real, but again same, I don't know anybody personally affected by it. So I've just been trying to like keep my head clear and just pray for the people around me and for my family and my friends and myself and just to stay protected.

And at this point, I just feel like that's all we can do.

And also sometimes I go into these deep thoughts about how we need to get some anti viral herbs up our immune system, what herbs that we need to do that every day, and I just think this.

Is the time.

Well, I've just been I've been so much more mindful of my health me too. Yeah, Like I routine taking so many vitamins every day. I've been like working out. I've been just you know, been like I feel like I'm like nesting, like you know when they say you're like when you're like when you're pregnant. Like I've been like reorganizing shit in my house, like getting rid of shit. So I don't know. I mean, I feel like there's good,

Well, that's what That's what I'm really scared of, as far as our economy goes, and just how this is actually gonna end, Like when we come up out of this, what is the state of the world. I don't think we're gonna I don't. I don't hate to say this, but I don't think the world is gonna be how we once knew it.

I hope not, though, I mean, because I do feel like we're a society that, like things affect us for like a few days, and then we move on, Yeah, and then it's over and we're back to like our regular scheduled programming, And I really hope that that's not the case with this, Like I hope that people are more mindful. I hope that people are more cleanly. I hope that people are more connected and really realize that we are all in this together, in this life together,

No, that's what's gonna happen.

Good do I do? I can? I just do everything? AI They're gonna know what what?

What?

What positions are more or essential and not potential and then have the you know, the means to let them go because they've they've we've done it for three months or whatever the fuck this is gonna be. Honestly, I don't want to talk about it. Okay 's not okay, Honestly, I'm over it. Like we're in the house. We know why,

What I will say in this time of in the house, I've had a lot of self reflecting, and you know, over the obviously our podcast is generally self reflecting. We've done a few episodes about uh, you know, men are still hoes? Or turning a hoe into a can we be? Can you turn a hoe into a housewife? Or is

Today.

We decided that we wanted to interview our exes to kind of get perspective on what it is like to date us, I mean, what it was like to date us, because.

Honestly, like these exes are from a long time there, from a.

Long time ago, and it it'd be interesting to see like the growth and also.

Who they thought their perception of us, And just honestly, you only get our perception of.

Us from us.

So here's not an opportunity for us not only to hear someone else's perception that we were once intimate with a long time ago, but also for you to get the perception of us from someone else, because all you get is from us.

Wear the bomb and also like the type of people we dated then, yeah, and who we were then.

Yeah. So what let's get started. I feel like I'm on YouTube. I feel like when the kids a watch YouTube. But like, hey, guys, let's get started.

Well do you want to give So we're gonna call Jamila's ex first, So do you want to give a little backstory quickly? By the way, I'm really excited for Jamila's X because you know, I've, as you guys know, I've really gotten to know Jamila through the podcast or maybe you don't know.

But me and.

Jamila, like we're not close friends before we started this podcast, and now obviously we're best sties and you know, we're up each other's ass all day. But I only know Jamila to have dated men, you know, I only known her with I don't even really I didn't even really know her with her baby daddy was like the exit out and then the residual you know, bullshit that's you know,

She is, well, I mean, okay, most of my long term relationships, most of my relationships in general have been with women. I've only had two boyfriends, my baby daddy from high school, my high school sweetheart, and young Bay, which was like a long distance relationship I guess at this point a year ago or two years ago. So yeah, most of my relationships and like living with people, I mean like have been with women. And when I was living in Atlanta and college, I was a hardcorel lesbian

What were you?

I'm a fem Okay, not a stem and not a stem or of ag? A stem? What does AG stand for?

Aggressive?

Oh?

Like an aggressive aggressive girl?

Yes, so I'm gonna.

Call her right now because she has shit to do and we've been trying to do this.

For a week and okay, but uh is she remaining anonymous? Her name or I don't.

Think she cares, but I'll ask her when she gets on the phone. I don't know if I said it already, but she was my first girlfriend in college. I saw her, I was like, I like her, She's gonna be my girlfriend.

And then she was, so, you're sure you're not an ag? I may be an age honestly. So here, let's give her a call and see her.

I was going to give you a background on what happened, but let's just see where her what her perspective is before I blast myself.

Wait, it's okay, this bitch bitter.

Hi, it's me. It's me La.

Are you ready?

Are you ready to participate? Paid in the good Mom's bad Choices? Questions for the exis? I just made that up.

Okay, don gotta sound good.

Okay, this is Erica's gonna ask you some questions.

She doesn't know my lesbian side, and she's very curious to explore our relationship from ten years ago? Rights longer?

Did it? Was it longer than I? Oh? I guess it's like twelve years ago.

Yes, it was tough ASO.

I was like, I was like, actually eighteen dang, she's a baby.

Baby exact baby, I had like turned twenty one. I turned twenty one, like I went to before, So.

You're older than that.

Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah definitely.

So tell me how you guys met the short version I was there.

I was at the dorms, in her dorms because I stayed off campus and my homie lived in her dormitory and we was going to like the gay club that night. And I went to the computer lab and I was like, anybody wanted to go to gay club?

And guess who was like me?

That sounds about the same, And yeah, I.

Was like one of it was a lot of people that had a car at that talked. Most of my I had transferred.

From this is wait, wait guys, this is my smart girlfriend who's the scientist and she's a biology major and she went to Spellman, so yeah, this is this is my bragging rights girlfriend.

Yeah. So yeah, so I pretty much was like the transportation clerk for everybody.

She was the older the club, and uh, you.

Know she was that was it?

Did she fun on the first date?

No?

No?

Oh wow surprising.

I'm rather surprised myself.

Did you know when you how long? When was it? When was it that you knew that you guys had some sort of like attraction tour to each other and that you know you you were actually going to start dating or did it just kind of happen.

Dang?

I mean I guess I just like assumed it was interested in when she wanted to go to the day club, and so that's really all.

I'll go ahead.

I don't need it. I didn't care she was like girls or not?

Did she did she make the first move?

I would say, I would say.

Yeah, yeah she did.

Okay, I had plotted on her.

I knew that.

I was like, she's gonna be my girlfriend. I don't know who that bitch is there? But there was another girl, no her, Chris, Did I say her name? Do you care if you say your name?

I mean, I don't know. I guess people. I don't know. It's fun with me.

Okay, Well I said it, Chris. Oh yeah, I saw her and I was like, Oh, that's gonna be my girlfriend. She's cute. And so that day she she wandered her ass in the computer lab.

When I was there, I was like bathing perfect. Basically I plotted on her. So tell me about your relationship, Like, did you guys you know what was what.

Was? Yeah?

Like, what was like?

So Jamila just ran us down like a list of like what the different like lesbian like I said to them like studs, stems, fems ags. I just yeah, what would you what would you say Jamila falls under?

Okay, I told you that's what she said.

I said, I think you're like AG.

She said I was? She said, what about a G? I entertained that I was maybe an AG for some time? Really yeah, uh huh? Well what do you think you are? Are you?

Are you?

What do you consider yourself?

I would probably say, I guess like in your in your spectrum? Are you think that you think like A or more more like and stuff? Or what is your spectrum? Oh?

I don't know.

I guess everyone has a different interpret soft.

Stood, which is like I'm not like super masculine, so definitely not but which I guess it's the max the max like the most meskline be.

Yeah, what's the most masculine?

You could be stud but butch okay, so it's butch then stud then then soft stud.

I don't like a soft study, so that's still no.

I don't wearing girl clothes.

Okay, so what is stem girl you don't wear cloth like.

It stay okay with like be kind of versatile.

Like you can wear boy clothes sometimes and sometimes I wear like.

Yeah, or they might wear like girl pants and like big shirt.

So what do you wear?

I wear?

Okay? So what was the hardest thing about dating Jamila?

How you guess you're just curious about like everything?

What do you mean?

I think like curiously about like the lifestyle. And so it was like for me, I guess I was I was like wanting to be in like a dedicated, like relationship scenario. And I think that once she got into like like the lesbian lifestyle, she wanted to explore like everything.

Like did she want to explore with you? Or she just wanted to kind of her you know people, did you mean a cheat on you?

For sure? No?

I didn't.

Definitely No, I didn't.

We broke up and then I cheated. That's not cheating.

Broke up and then I met somebody else. I think, No, I don't think that's just shut up.

So what happened? So what happened? Tell me when was the what happened? Exactly? What I mean? You're in your memory.

Like completely psarchotic in college, I'm happy.

You acknowledged that, but who was Like I can tell the truth, okay, if you can announce your TD.

But you you were psychotic in college?

Yeah, controlling, not like in patrolling in a bad way. But I just needed to know, like what she do? Like all the time, I was crazy, Like how long?

How long did you guys date?

It was like four months?

It was like first semester September to December.

It was so short. It was like so much happening in a small period of time. It was like so dramatic.

It was very dramatic.

Go ahead, wait, wait, I'm not done yet. Would you would you say that you loved Jamila for sure? Did she break your heart?

Definitely?

How did you break your heart?

Guess?

I thought that she felt the same way I did at the time, and when you know, things took a turn for the worst, like she really wasn't like trying to fight for a relationship, just like Okay, well.

This is just another person that wants to feel me, so I'm just gonna be at them.

Oh so she left you for someone else, basically that's how I feel. So then how did what did you how did your relationship? Like, did you guys maintain a really like, would you guys talk after that or when it was over?

Yeah, we're just doing the most.

Oh my god.

And when you said that is remembered all the most that we.

Were actually doing what was the most?

Did everything that people do in a relationship. That's my relationship.

That called police.

Actually that happened once.

Oh yeah, that No, that definitely happened. It happened when when I guess I thought we were still together, we wasn't.

You thought we were still together, but we weren't together, right.

I get. I know, I wasn't aware.

I guess there was some great area there.

Maybe I was broken up up with at the time because I thought we.

Didn't do Would you say that Jamila's communication is like clear or unclear when it comes to relationships, because it sounds like you thought you guys were in a relationship and she didn't.

I just think that she is going to do her own thing, Like I don't know if it was a communication thing.

I think like it was so she just didn't want to tell.

Was she the first girl you ever had sex with?

No, she wasn't the first girl I've had sex with, But she was the first girl that I was like officially ever in a like was my girlfriend?

And then so how did you tell your family? Like how did you guys introduce your families? Like how did that happen?

Well, I'm always been always like a very unapologetic person, and maybe to my fault of mine.

But I was.

We were only together like four or five months, but she came home with me for Christmas.

Break, like all three weeks. I was like, this is my girlfriend.

I'm a lesbian now and uh yeah, everybody, hey, what's up? She met she met my baby daddy, she met my baby daddy.

My mom, my dad, My mom was like, no, my mom.

My mom liked her because she was a biology major and so was my mom, and she went to Spelman. It was it was very odd because my second girlfriend, she was not feeling. She was like, why does she have to sleep in the room with you? I'm like, what are you talking about? So Chris. Everybody liked Chris. She liked Bobby, like you know what, Like there was no steps. I didn't break my family and I had called them a couple of times to tell them now

Yeah, so yeah, wait, I wait home. It was Christmas and then like bye damn February broken up.

Yeah, it was February and I I fucked up. I had somebody in my dorm room and Chris. I had met a girl at the club, and because I became obsessed at the gay club. She's right, and then and then I brought her to my dorm room because for some reason, I was under impression and we were broken up.

She was not.

And I locked in my door dorm room door, but we had like a joint bathroom between another room, and Chris here came through the other room through the bathroom, oh, and walked in on me and this other girl maked yep, and then what happened.

It was what did you do?

I basically sucked up the whole entire room, everything that was in there, tried to beat the girl up.

It was it was a lot.

She she threw a metal chair into my dorm mirror and it like broke, like I think.

The actual the other mirror. She's like, got arrested. You got arrested my campus police.

A campus police came, which is what what psycho lesbians are generally psycho but she broke I had the new Robin six CD I think she had given me.

She broke it in the hat. Oh you remember that specifically? Was it Robin saying maybe phone? Oh you broke my phone? Oh wow, you.

Were good at the had that was like part of the stipulations of me. I had to like buy you a new phone.

Did you buy me a new phone?

Yeah?

Oh yeah, because I remember I was a brazer. I remember those Motorola razors.

And I grabbed it and I like slammed it on on the ground in your room and broke it into pieces. And like the stipulation for you, like not the charges was I had to buy you a new phone, and I had to go to like anger management on campus for like two months.

Oh my god, I didn't know this. I didn't go to management that way.

And then it worked allow me and I couldn't go with your anymore.

Oh oh my god.

Were you sneaking in at one point?

Yeah, you're in the back to go here on my friends.

I think I was helping you sneak in because I lived I lived by the exit, and I felt bad kind of well, yeah, you would like.

Me sneaking like for but after that it wasn't really that cool. It for a back too, like a few months, I guess, still like the summer.

We weren't cool for a while.

But then this is let me just let you into my sneaky horrishness. We weren't cool for a while, and I say it, I started dating.

Oh but you know, I started dating the other girl.

And when the other girl started getting on my nerves because she did, I started calling Chris and I was staying.

I had moved off a campus.

It was the summer, and I moved in with the girl and her parents, and then I was getting tired of her and I would have Chris sneak and come get me while she was at work from the girl's mom's house. And even one time, oh my god, this is so bad. Even at one time me and Chris went on a getaway. We went with We went on a weekend vacation and I had my girlfriend who was.

I cheated on her.

Wait, the girlfriend she beat up in my dorm room dropped me off at a gas station. I told her I was going to stay at my cousin's house, who lived in Georgia, and then Chris picked me up from the gas station and then we went on like a weekend get away like at a cabin or something.

Oh my god, So Chris, what would you say is Jamila's worst trade our worst trait?

I don't know.

I think it's maybe like not knowing like when to turn like to turn it and turn it down, like turn turned.

Down, turn turned down in what way? Like party or just like or just like sit down and be in a relationship like settle down.

I mean, there's her point, you know what I'm saying.

We used to go out and we'd be on club like together it like okay, maybe you were getting a little bud when you not when you out your friends without like yours.

We'll be together and she'll be like humping on on all these people, and like I'm like, what like the person a person asking a relationship.

I don't know if she like she knows how to turn off that like okay, now you're like with somebody so like a certain little my respect, you know what I'm saying.

Okay, so she has a lack of respect.

There we go.

Let's just believe that.

That was eighteen year old and me. But I don't know, this sounds a little similar I feel said, we're not in a relation. I think that's not me now, but I know her eighteen.

Year old self obviously, you know, well, I.

Would say the things that I've heard about Jamila and dating wise in the recent years that i've known her as that that people think that she's too friendly. Her her her men that she's dated, think that she's too friendly, which I think.

That's that and that's pretty much yeah, that's exactly I could. I could say that as I can say that, that's so what a nice to put it?

What's what's her best trait?

You no?

Like?

Because the thing about she's probably one of my only exists I can hit up. You cannot talk for the years and we'll come to the one day randomly and we could talk for hours about like the stupidest ship and still say the stupid jokes and we just last they will have about the best time. And so I feel like, you know, so if something about like her personality just makes me feel like comfortable regardless of whatever

Would you say you guys are in sex in sync sexually, Like, did you guys have really great sex?

Oh?

Yeah, I always.

Even all my friends like I will tell like they would we have like random conversations like what's the best like six.

Person parton you've had? And they would answer for.

I was like, I don't know, so so jamila's the best sex you've ever had?

Yes, I guess, I guess. I'll say. I mean, I'm like, I'm one right now.

But you said talking to someone right now. Basically, if that person here is not you, we're not talking about you.

I'm sorry, but the person that I would say, yes, but before before that thing, Yeah.

I get you got to say that's to be safe. I said, I get you gotta say that to be safe. It's cool and I'm just kidding.

Yeah.

Uh, would you say, what did you learn from the relationship?

I think I learned how to like red flag, see red flag?

You thought you learned how to see red flags?

You know, like from the beginning, if I'm know that this person's personality might not necessarily mess with me being as psychotic as I am, I probably need someone that's more like the type of person that checks in or reassures me that I'm like the only person for them. That's the type of person I need, not a person that's extra friendly.

Okay, we were you surprised to hear that I had a bit like having a baby, that I was a mom? Was that was that strange?

No?

I want a surprised to hear that you got pregnant.

Okay, Okay, I was probably more I was.

I didn't I thought it would be a great mom.

I mean more, I mean I didn't ever like, I didn't ever think like you wouldn't be a good umber nothing.

I thought it was a great mom. It's just I think you're I think you're a great person, just not enough to be in a relationship.

Okay, does Jamila's because I always make fun of Jamila, right because she always says like she's a former lesbian, and I'm like, you can't be a former lesbian, Like you either are a lesbian or you're not. And I always wonder, like, do women who are actual lesbians who do not entertain men? Is that annoying for you? Like do you think her lack of like her like I'm a former lesbian? I'm bye, but I'm like, does that annoy you or was it surprising that she started dating a man.

No, I'm not surprised at all. But I used to have to when we were together.

I would talk to Bob young Boom.

You would talk to Bob you don't say his name, you would talk you would, you would talk to her baby diving on the phone.

Yeah, we were together, and.

Oh wow, you really bring all of them in, don't you.

I mean Bobby, Oh god, he would never go anywhere, he would never like. We've been friends for so long, and she understood that. And actually, in the beginning of our relationship, me and Chris, we were such hardcore lesbians, or at least I was becoming such a hardcore lesbian that she took me to like a lesbian meetup group at Spelman.

What was it called? Do you remember Africa?

They have like an Instagram page.

They do Oh my god, attack me.

So I would love to see what's going on in Afrikiti.

I don't even know why the fucking lesbian group is called fucking Afrikiti.

But when I first went there.

I was like, well, I like, I like people, and all the lesbians are turning their noses up at me and saying like I was. I was like, lesbians don't like buy girls. And then I was like crowd and by I was like I like everybody, and they're like she wants her can eat it too.

So Chris, she always knew what what like who I was.

It wasn't like I was in denial, even though at one point I was like I don't need boy, I don't need guys anymore. I'm good.

How for a minute, did you yeah, we have sex with the strap on?

Right? Yeah?

Yeah you might.

You're the first girl who I've ever had sex with the shtrap on?

Really?

Ye?

Did you guys have three things? No?

No, no, you sound like you sound like Chris.

You don't sound like you built for three. She's not. I'm happy you observed so quickly.

She is not learn you know what I'm saying.

I already picked you up, but I got you that. I'm crazy. You know I'm a little bit like you. Okay, Yeah, I don't like to share a lot?

What uh?

Okay? So two more questions. Okay, how would you describe Jamila?

I would say that she's like loving, fun, like charismatic.

It's like a happy, sneaky person.

Thank you A happy, sneaky person. Put that on your LinkedIn. I'm definitely going to And would you ever date Jamila again?

You know, we had this conversation almost all the time, like when we have our annual conversation or once a year talk, we talk about it. If she tells me, you know what I'm saying, it's like, you know, like you're get married, and you know, like it's always a thought in my mind. But you know, I feel like it would just be because we would.

Have so much fun, you know what I'm saying.

I don't know if it would be like something week that could possibly be like serious.

We've never uh we uh, I'm gonna We've always had a lot of fun together.

We always have fun. Yeah, so it's safe to say that you don't regret the relationship now.

I think I learned a lot.

And I think it was like the relationship moved so fast because that fore much like seemed like myself because I feel like we was talking about get married and.

Were we talking about getting married?

Yeah, it was like yeah, you know, what the hell is gonna do anyway? Like when we get married? And so but I think that I learned a lot.

Just I think like a lot that helped me, even though I obviously made way more mistakes going down the line, but I learned different things about like myself and like how serious I feel like I you know, I probably needed to tone down, you know, how crazy I was, which I have.

Actually, Oh that's really good to know. I'm actually way less sneaky and more communicative these days. Oh, that's so good. Just in case you're wonder Okay, just the case marriage was still on the table.

Got you? Got you all right?

Well, I think I think that's did I miss anything?

I think that's it.

I think that I feel like I got a true understanding of nineteen year old lesbian Jami.

Thank you Chris for coming through for me today. I really appreciate you participating.

Of course, you have fun today, be safe, wear your mask and I can't keep us updated on Corona. Yes, yes, yes, our our resident scientists.

This is also a resident scientist. When we have your any science questions, we asked, Chris.

Did you have any questions? Hit me up. I gotta answer for everything, all right.

But bye, I love you all right?

Bye.

Oh I'm like.

A sweating I don't even know why.

I can tell you're moving around like a crackhead, swaying back in the what are you gonna say?

What is this bitch you gonna say? And that was actually the better one?

Great?

Oh you left? Oh you left? You let the better one answer, I'm trying to get the dirt. I'm trying to get the TT. Why can't we get the t T?

I mean, we're gonna call that one too, okay, but uh, yeah, that was my very first lesbian girlfriend.

It was very serious.

Then.

Yeah, do you feel like you got a better glimpse at.

My lesbian life?

Yeah, a little bit. I mean, I guess i'd have to be there. Yeah, I think that some of the

I'm happily she acknowledged that because she's like a stud or whatever. But she's super emotional, super emotional, crying a lot. At one point, she was crying under my bed because she missed her mom, and I was like, you gotta call her, just callar.

And no, I couldn't. I didn't understand. I couldn't deal with that.

I'm not good at dealing with a lot of people's emotions. I have my own, and so just like you don't seem rational right now, like you gotta go. But just I was very heartless and sometimes I still kind of can be. And it's just like I feel like you should calm down, and like that's not something I would do, So what the fuck. I'm much more sensitive as a human being now, So yeah, I'm I've grown, I think

Got it?

Okay, So are you ready to call yours Erica?

All right?

Well when you give us a little intro on this one, yeah sure, Okay. So my ex is the ex I had before my baby daddy. We dated for three years and yeah, from the time I was eighteen to twenty one. Who was my first real I would say, like the first real boyfriend I had, Like I had boyfriends in high school, but I mean like mature boyfriend, like we had lived on our own, like we could do whatever the fuck we wanted when we wanted. Was your mom like him initially? Okay, she encouraged the relationship.

Okay, so.

Let's give him a and just a little backstory, like I have not talked to him and probably eight years we broke like we broke up, and then like I did not speak to him for years, like I would never I was always shocked that I never ran into him because we kind of ran in the same crowd. He's in the entertainment industry and some capacity are you Okay.

My armpits are sweating.

And so we ended. I'll let him tell you the story whatever, but.

So you won't be moving around like a crackhead. I'm gonna give you something to do.

Okay, I uh, we didn't talk, and we recently, like very recently, had a conversation, like I'm talking about like two weeks ago.

And this is why this this episode even came up. I think we had disgusted And then she's like, he randomly called me and we facetimed, and I was like, oh, and then we.

This birth this idea of calling our exes. Yeah, like so unlike Jamila, like who's had contact with her ex over the years, Like I've had zero none. So yeah, let's give him a call.

What's his name again, I'm not saying his name.

I think it's fine. Okay, his name is Matt.

Okay, hopefully the answers.

Oh my god, I'm.

Nervous to I know. I told you this one talking about you is strange. Hey, hey, hey, Matt, how are you.

Good?

Good?

So we are recording now, Hey, hi, hello, and I'm going to ask you a couple of questions about Erica and your relationship ten years ago.

Is how did you and Erica meet?

Oh my goodness, but I might get in trouble for this because I don't know if we were supposed to be paid Erica.

Oh no, it was. Yeah, it was like a great love affair. How'd you meet now?

I used to I used to work. I used to work at a record label and she was actually my intern.

So oh no, oh my god, it's been.

It's been within years. So you know, I don't think I can.

Get in trouble with this.

I think I think we're out of the scope of the time period of that. How what's your age difference?

Oh, four years? Four years since she was nineteen, I was twenty three.

Okay, yeah, I mean that sounds about it.

It was a little GARRONI Garni. So, because this is like a forbidden relationship, who made the first move? Who was the one initiating such relations.

It was totally me. It was obviously me, okay, trying to figure out somebody. I think there was people who say, like, hey, you guys should date, But I definitely have my owner and I'm sure I made the first move. I don't remember that in exactly when it was.

Yes, yes, we do. We know when it was. We were on set. We were we were I was, I was your intern, and we were shooting a music video.

And oh that day okay that day.

Because I also I thought we had already did some flirting or something.

But yeah, okay, yeah, I think we had flirted. I thought he was like he was like a few years older than me. He had a good night like a he had like a zone office, like he had a real job. You know, I was impressed and ship. You know, I was still like living at home. I gotta say this point, we're still living with your mom? Yes, so okay, yeah, it was my first car.

Yeah, so you moved from your mom's house in with him.

I never lived with him.

Oh, you guys never lived but you guys did live together.

No, we never lived together.

Oh okay, I thought you did live together, not with him.

But but basically might as well.

This classy internship provided you your apartment and then you're like grown.

No, this internship was an internship. I didn't get paid. Okay, okay, we'll go on.

Sorry, Okay, anyway, what would you say was how would you describe Erica in general?

Let me see, I mean, the first imperson I had of her was obviously sheems super smart, she was creative because basically what she did for me when she interned was she she used to review treatments. So basically like music video treatments would come in that I would have to read. I would have Erica kind of like go through them and just almost as if she was doing like script coverage, like give me, give me the gist of what this seems about. Right, So I immediately she

Wildly totally wild.

I think, look, I was coming from the Midwest, I'm I'm a country boy, and to start dating the California girl, it was like it was like night and day. So like the first thing I thought was like, Okay, she's super.

Free and she's you know, open minded and.

Kind of wild. Absolutely, but I don't know, I think.

Keep talking, but wild in a good way, a wild and a bad way did this and and.

Okay, super like super adventurous, yeah, super adventurous, like she would put me on this stuff like, hey, let's do this, let's do let's do that stuff I would never do.

So what do you think?

What would you think?

You walked away learning from this real hurt your relationship with Erica. With that being said, just how.

To be how to be free, how to be free, how to be open minded, and just not take myself too seriously. Right, that was the biggest thing that I took away, especially in my my relationships since my past relationships after her. Yeah, it was like it was it. It was a good look.

It was a good look.

What was the best thing about Erica in the relationship outside of that?

She was super uh caring, like it's super thoughtful, and she always liked to say, I I was never.

Romantic, and I agree toil the day I'm not romantic.

At home, nothing exchanged, and so.

Erica would do little things like you know, bring me home something without asking or like you know, she was very like just giving me gifts and just little small things like it's so many things, but okay, for example, like I look through my.

Clops the other.

Day and I remember seeing a board game that Erica bought. I think it was like for Valentine's Day. But she had botic really cool board game. And I was like, yo, that was cool. It could be that young and that thoughtful.

Wait what kind of was this? The sex board game sounds about right, and.

And I'm and I'm being dramatic with that, but it was just it was just.

A little things like that, you know.

But you know what, you did nice things for me too. I remember you got me. He remember I told you that my DJ name was dj E Love And I'm telling that I think he did. He got me like lessons to be a d I think you did, like the Scratch Academy. I think I remember something about the Scratch Academy. I he was like trying to, you know, encourage my artistic endeavors.

That's wonderful. That was very nice of you. Would you would you say, as are sexually in sync? I think at one.

Point for sure? And absolutely.

Yeah, yeah, just at one point. At one point or what point was that?

I think?

I think.

I think, honestly, the relationships are declining. I think the two people aren't thinking anymore. So I would say I hate to put a number on that. I won't say eighty five percent of the relationship with sink because I mean, we we spent like every hour together, like we would, we would go everywhere together. We would to the point where it was like that became the problem. It was like we were two up underneath each other all the time.

So, so what were the problems in the relationship?

What was what was the like what was a dream something drama or like why did it end? What was not good about Erica in the relationship?

Well, I mean I won't say it not good, but I would say I think something that at the time I was insecure about was her freedom and how open minded she was, you know, And I think at times I will get jealous and deed controlling because she had friends, you know what I mean, She had a bunch of she's from she's from her life.

She had friends, she had a life.

I mean I had a life too, but she's a home, homegrown girl. So I would just be insecure about like, oh, she's going out, she's doing this, I would say. And it was basically my insecurities, I think what went wrong, But it was it was her her just like care free, smart, like care free like attitude about everything.

And basically Matt thought I was always cheating on him, and Matt always thought I was cheating on him. I had a lot of male friends. Were you cheating on him? Did you cheat on him? I flirted heavily. What who did I chow? Anyway, I don't know.

I don't know.

He's just assuming from ten. Well, let me let me just give you some perspective, because when I met Matt, I was in a whole relationship. Okay, like when I started interning for him, I was with this guy that I was in a long distance relationship with this guy in New York, and then that nigga was trash and Matt was like this, like like creative, Like I called him like nerdy the other day. He's like, you think

Made me call him on speakerphone.

And yes, and tell him that we could no longer be friends. Oh my god. And if you know Carlton.

He was like, what if you.

Know Carlton, Because Carlston's still one of my best friends. Me and Carlton have never had a sexual relationship at all, Like he is not I love that man so much, but he's not for me in that way. But Matt wasn't fucking with that. He didn't give a fuck. And so I'll never forget I had to call Carlton and be like and I just remember crying. I was like, I'm sorry, I just can't be.

Oh, yeah, I'm sorry for that. I mean, and that and that goes back to what I was saying is like I was just so insecure time because I mean, Erica was my first adult relationship, so I didn't know how to you know, I didn't know what I was doing, you know, but.

Yeah, go ahead, it comes on.

What would you say is Erica's worst trait, her worst one trait, her worst treat trade?

Honestly, I'm I'm I have no I couldn't tell you. I don't I don't know.

I don't think she has a worst treat.

I think collectively there's things that you might not, you know, I like about somebody, like what I was saying earlier about Oh, I just she was like sometimes too free, you know, and I think, yeah, I guess that sometimes it's free exactly, that's.

What it is.

I don't know if she's like that anymore.

So like when you say two free, like too friendly, like too too many male friends, Yeah.

I mean too olden minded even.

Just like too open minded.

I mean to me, I think you would explore at the time you explored it, like you would do anything.

I'm sure like you would do.

I don't know, I don't know what's anything just very say what what's anything with crack.

I'm just saying, like as far as like drugs, alcohol.

Drugs, alcohol, you know, you'll do anything, Okay, Okay, So she's she's.

I mean at the time, at the time, she was very experimental, which that's part of what I loved about her too, Like for to day, like if I think it's very addicted, I'm like super experimental, Like is that she's dope for that? She inspired me to like just break out of my shoel.

You know.

Once she told me, she was like, she's like, you know what, I think we were arguing. She's like, you know what I opened, I opened you.

Up like a little clam, like you're just so uptight you like.

To fill up tight and close up.

And I'm like, damn.

And she was hit her.

It hurt.

Did you What did your parents or your family think about Erica?

My mom? She was my mom and my sister.

They loved Dereka way.

Your sister did not like.

Me before, I mean, before we started.

Your sister threatened to kill me. I was scared of your sister for months. I thought she was gonna come for me from the Midwest. Yes, bitch, I thought his sister was going to track me down and like, beat my you're older or younger, sister older, she's older, she's super rat.

But now my mom, my mom loved love Eric. I mean even until, like I think a year after we broke my mom was still acting, Hey, did you talk to Erica? You know y'all did get back together. I'm like, I haven't spoken nurses broke up, so originally she stopped asking, But yeah, mom, Mom.

Definitely love.

Would you say that.

My dad right here?

No, I never met your dad.

Would you say that Erica is equally like or not equally or is possessive too and like a little jealous and crazy and possessive with her scorpio news?

None, that never came across. It's crazy. When we were talking the other day, she was saying, she's she's more like that now or her past relations.

She was like that, she was not like that, you know, so I can't say at all.

That she was possessively.

Now.

Were you guys sexually in sync?

Absolutely?

You know, obviously have man you know totally Matt.

Matt was the first person to ever make me squirt. Oh okay, well that's impressive.

Matt.

Are you the are you the guy? Are you the go to guy for that?

Are you the squirting guy? Like, if you've never squired, go to math? He will open you up like a clam.

Is that how you open pitches up like a clam?

Huh?

I guess, I guess I have Have you met anyone squirt since?

Then? Have you?

Have you met?

So you are the guy?

I think? I don't know.

I don't know, I don't know.

I'm trying to figure it out myself. But now I'm thinking maybe it's the mends that need. We need to figure it out who it is. I feel like you could make some money off of this. I will make you square.

Was she was?

She the best sex of your life?

Uh? You know what. I'm recently out of a relationship.

So I could say, yes, oh okay, you really.

I'll tell you.

You know something that fucked me up one time? Was And it's just how I always know how to cage with the relationship. Was pretty much like on into an athlete. I think the last two months of Eric and.

I being together, we didn't have sex.

And she said something one time like when we I mean, I think we were pretty much days from breaking up. She was like, I don't even want to have sex with anymore, right, I'm.

Like, damn.

And that always struck me because in differently, you know, when I went into relationship after that, or the relationship ended with me, that was a common thing. It was like, yo, but the woman don't even want to fucking nomore because she's just not inter and that It's so true. But I remember that was a that was towards like the last two months to Eric. But other than that, it was great.

I will say me and Matt had a very strong sexual relationship, like almost to the point that I think a lot of the like holding on to some of the relationship was based in sex, you know, like we you know, I don't. Me and him were the in the type of relationship where like we could spend twenty days together not leave a room and it feel like five maybe five days have passed and like and that

I don't know. I don't know if I remember exactly what, but it probably had something to do with me trying to be controlled, you know, and she was just like, man, fuck you. I mean she she did it so effortlessly, you know, Like it wasn't like I think if we broke up some times, but it was nothing we ever broke up.

More than like what we could two.

And it was always tough for her to like communicate that to me and me and vice versa. But the last time she did it, it was just like I knew she had made up her mind.

She's like, I'm done, you know. But I remember exactly what the action situation on that.

I don't do you remember I remember where I was when it happened. I was at the park with Shaka, and I was like sitting there at the park, and I was like, I just can't, we can't do this anymore because we were literally we had the most epic fights, Like I've never fought with someone the way I thought with Matt. Like I'm talking about like like five hour fights, Like we had to take naps in between to like

Didn't you break something of his? You told me like something important? Oh?

I threw some.

I threw just I threw some like he's a director, oh oh oh yeah, some film and filmed this project. And he had the tapes at my house and I got mad and I threw them and he wreaked out.

She told Flipped, I think that broke the bathroom, right, you broke you.

Broke a few things in my house. You broke the bathroom door, you broke my purse. There was definitely a lot of things that were broken. Matt's anger. He's a virgo. So it was the girl we just got off the phone.

Really mm hmmm. So that's a lot, you know, and he likes.

The things that he likes a certain way, and I don't know there were Oh my god, there's this story that I shared on the podcast that actually is about Matt, but it's.

He I don't Oh god, no, let's just leave that there. Wait.

No, I want him to know. I wanted to know the story because Matt, do you remember when we went to the like we were not together, we'd broken up in the summer, and we went to a ditty party. Like, I went to a ditty party and I saw you there. It was a white party. It was a white ditty party.

Oh right, right, you were with your girl.

Yeah. I saw him there, and I was like, oh fuck, oh my god. Like I hadn't seen him, you know, maybe in like a month or two. I saw him there and like we didn't even talk.

Did we talk? No?

No, no, we didn't talk.

Right.

I go back home and at the time, like I was kind of messing around with this other guy who had come over, Matt showed up at my door, knocking on my door. You didn't call first, No, he just showed up at like four am, five am, and I had the guy in my bed, and I felt I still loved Matt, and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. And also I just felt guilty. And also I was scared because I didn't know how Matt was gonna react, because the Matt is reactive, and so the niggad jumped

I do?

And yeah, I always wondered about that.

Do you remember that? Because you were like, I know someone's in there?

He kept banging and saying yeah, because you would you would normally open.

The door, like you know, and you aren't.

I knew you were all, but yeah I.

Did.

I mean yeah, I mean we young, young, dumb love we could all makes you do some crazy shit.

Oh god.

Okay, So my last question Matt is why do you date Eric again?

As much as I would love to, I just don't think. I just don't think it would be healthy. I enjoyed and and I think I told this last week, or maybe I didn't, but.

I enjoy just being able to talk to her like this and and it be so pure and there's no agenda. It's like she's more more.

Precious to me as a friend now than a lover, you know, And part of like just just I'm not gonna.

Talk, you know.

But part of why I reached out to Eric after ten years was because I had a relationship that I just ended and then we were together, if I'm want to say four years almost fine. And there was certain you know, parallels that things that I did wrong with Erica that.

I did along with my current days girlfriend.

Right, So part of me needed Erica as a form of number one. We never had full closure number two as a form of life. Just arab be like, Yo, I'm remorseful for.

Things I've done.

I'm sorry, and I want to learn about myself, you know what I mean. Because there's ship that I fucked up in this current relationship.

That's why I'm.

Singling it, you know what I mean. So it had a lot to do with that, and I think having someone like Erica, specifically Erica, I think that's just that's more precious thing, you know, fucking it up again, you know, not that I was fucking up, but you know, I just I don't even really.

Want to take that risk.

Well, well that's a big of you to to see you know, your patterns and to take responsibility and say, hey, maybe it's time for me to go within and see why am I reactive like this, Why do I Why have I done this to two people that I love? You know, not a lot of men are able to examine themselves that way and make change and you know, amend people you've hurt in you know, even ten years ago. So that's good.

Yeah, And to be honest, I feel like me and Matt like we have had this huge break, this long break, because I think we needed it. I mean, our relationship ended, like I don't know, we had such an volatile, loving, but volatile relationship that I feel like that time, that that time apart, like we wouldn't have been able to have this conversation like five years ago, you know, Like, yeah, So I appreciate you. Thank you for you know, opening

Why.

I don't know. I just think he's in a place in his life that he would benefit from listening to the episodes.

Well, if you want to send over some suggestion just from a just from Women's perspective.

I think this might be a good time for you to just open up and say, you know, sit back and listen.

Eric is looking at me like, what the fuck are you talking about? Well, you guys are not getting back together. He already thinks you're so free, so you might as well just let him benefit. He'll get confirmation about Yeah, he will.

He may need to be free too. I'm clearly, I'm clearly her friend. Open up like a clam.

And I started looking through some stuff, and I definitely I'm going to continue to listen to absolutely starts.

Well, thanks, no pressure, thank you, all right, Well, I'll call you later.

Bye, Matt sounds good, Thank you bye. How do you feel? Are you sweating?

I don't know.

And I'm really mad that you fucking encouraged him to listen to all my all the ship, but I talk. I'm just happy he's the one who was knocking on the door.

I didn't know who he was, and I don't know if he's gonna be offended now that he knows that you were just hot off some other dick.

Why were I know you were like trying to get me not to tell him?

I don't know why?

Why do you care what he's feeling so much.

I don't know.

He seems so sensitive. I mean he is, but I think I think it's I don't know, it's God that we can laugh about it. He wasn't my nigga at the time, like point blank. But I just feel like, I don't know. It's interesting to hear that perspective because.

I don't know.

I think my last in my like my last relationship, he would say that I'm free, but also I'm not. Like he would say that, like you're not. Yeah, like who are you? My real my like my last act on my realie, my last ax, my baby dad. Oh okay, yeah, this is so funny.

This is like a real like walk down memory lane.

I also think that it's interesting to hear that perspective too, because I think that ending that relationship or that relationship left me feeling like it took away a little bit of my freedom. It made me feel like, am I too free? I started questioning myself and I feel like now I'm as a single person. That's actually I've been single for almost it's gonna be three years this year, Like I've had a lot of time to reflect on that, and like I'm trying to regain that back.

So you think he robbed that of you a little bit your twenty kind of after that, you I have you led with like maybe I am too free because yeah, well, I mean, verbal abuse is real.

And then and then I also got into a relationship where I could be really free, and I was like, now I'm too free. I was so used to like the other you know, I don't know. I don't want to say he robbed me.

I allowed it, you know right right, well, we will only we only allow people to take away things. Yeah, I'm not gonna blame him for that, Like, but he probably prompted that. Oh absolutely absolutely no, I mean no, people do that to you and you love someone.

It definitely made me think about it, like, wait, am I like I never would.

Just being me questioning it.

Yeah, I mean, but they're definitely something. I was also doing some function too, I mean learning inappropriately. I was talking to like ex'es. I was, yeah, I was getting numbers at club, like what he.

Said we could be friends.

Did I cheat?

I think I cheated at the end for sure. And actually it's funny because and he knows this because I told him this. But Freddy at the time like my baby daddy, like he was. I knew him, like I had met him while I was in the relationship with with Matt because of friends. First, we were friends with secret friends. He didn't even know he was a secret friend. I just kept I knew Matt would not allow me to be friends with him or would not want me

I don't know you didn't leave the relationship the same why you came into it exactly.

I don't think anyone really does well. Sometimes you do with bullshit ask relationship, yeah right, but the ones that really deeply define you, define parts of your life and affect you in that way. That was definitely one of them.

Damn, that's crazy. We're like Clay, and every time we partner with someone, they make their impression on us, whether that'd be good or bad, and then you have to move on with that baggage or whatever. You've However, you've shifted your shape, your original you know what I mean, And sometimes it's for the better. But sometimes, you.

Know what also is funny too. I'm sorry, I keep thinking. I'm thinking back on this too because I'm thinking about that exact idea. And when we were talking when he first reconnected, like a few weeks ago, he told me, yeah, I remember when you used to be sitting on like the computer writing and like making tracks and like singing, like built making songs in front of me, and I

Back to how they were, right, know what I mean, somethings to go back after some things don't go back the same, not to the full capacity, but even maybe even to the higher capacity, because you're like fuck that, right, But everybody's different and every impression is different and It's like it makes me think, how do we had this perspective at eighteen? At nineteen, would we have gone into these relationships more conscious of that?

And like how can we prep our kids? I don't know. I didn't want to listen to shit. I know, I don't know, but now even dropping scenes right now like like you know what I mean? No, I know, I know, but I'm just saying me personally, like I would not have listened, you know, like I am so I still am, but it is much as I was then. I was so like, I need to live my own life. You can't tell me what to do. I know how I feel,

Tell her some shit real quick.

I see in my eye I could see like the I think I know it all shit in my eyes.

I swear to God, I was like, you don't know shite, whisper you no, no.

Shit shout the buck up, sit down, listen to her mom also, like, because there's there's things that I could have totally avoided had I just listened to my mother. And sometimes I battle with that now as an adult too because I know that. And then she she still continuously obviously gives me her opinion advice. I'm solicited, but I love you, mom, but sometimes i'm and I don't take it all the time because I feel like, okay,

You know, It's true.

It's just now being a.

Mom right right now and like being like and knowing how it feels to be that person. It's like fuck you, you fuck you.

Then you're like, but I've been there, I see it.

But I really think it's about That's why I think it's really important to start, like not conversations like that, but just like really be mindful what type of relationship we're making, because we know how they're gonna get and so we start now, maybe they'll I don't know, we could avoid it. Fuck, I have one more girl, Okay, who was the girl who she walked into the dorm room and was there.

Oh god, oh my god, it's like a Beello novella.

This is my second girlfriend ever that I guess I cheated on the one we just got off the phone with.

Well, how long did this one last? This was like maybe a year? Okay or two?

I can't remember this, but guess who will? She will?

Okay, make a wish's one eleven?

H Hi, how are you good?

We're recording?

Okay, okay, so this is Erica. Hi, how are you? I'm good, I'm good. I'm just gonna ask you if you you know, questions about dating Jamila?

See how that was for you?

Okay, okay, So how did you guys see how that was?

You?

Survey?

How did you guys meet? How did you and Jamilla meet?

Atlanta Club?

Track side?

Back in I don't even remember what year that was.

Oh my god, you're making this sound like.

Back on dirt Road, back over there, you know, over a back on it was a niggle to get a pop.

You know.

It's her a Georgia accent.

How long did you guys date?

I don't know, I like the years.

Say, okay, would you say that you guys were in love.

Uh no, no, we thought we were go right back in when nineteen?

But if I want to go back here now?

Hey, no, no, okay, you are lying.

I mean I mean I.

Thought we were.

How's going on back then? Yeah?

The lick it back?

Was it?

Whose fault was it? That it ended?

Both?

What is the Jamila's best trait?

Her sex feel?

Is that a trait likes what she's like, sexy, like the way she was.

She just it's some type of fluidity, man, you know, can't denier she can stick out in the room.

I like that.

I agree with that. What's her worst trait.

Or sex feel?

I love that answer? So can you elaborate on that?

Let's see, she knows it. She knows that she's good at what she does.

She has the ability to talk anyone out of anything, which is great.

It's good and bad. But you have to have.

The dater, really, you have to.

You have to have touch skin.

Yeah, you gotta haves tough skin. You gotta be confident within yourself. Can't be like you know, all in your feelings and shit.

But she's still still a caregiver, you know, So you just gotta look outside of just her eccentric ways, and note that she still loved you.

No matter what you know?

Right, So what would you say, Like it sounds like there was maybe drama in your relationship. What would you say, is the most dramatic thing that happened in your relationship?

Okay?

Oh god, you went through it quite a bit.

I think we just you know, it was just like, uh, all right, we both were young and cheating and ship doing stuff we ain't had no business not being honest with you, shoulder.

Oh so you both were cheating, were both cheated? Yeah, Okay, who started it?

God?

You did that?

She's saying.

I don't agree with it, because Jana is good boy. She was. She had a whole d like a whole shit o what oh my god.

Okay, So I had a diary. Okay, I'm a huge journaler, or I used to be. Like growing up, I journaled, so like I still journaled into college. And because I journaled, I got in a lot of trouble from my journals at school with my parents. People were reading my ship. But I'd like to journal. So at one point I started like a secret code. Then I still remember till

Whatever. I'm like, fucking eighteen nineteen, this bitch while.

I was at school at college. She finds the she must have been wanting to get her hands on that key, and she just she like decoded my journal while I was at school, but you were writing a secret code, Like like I liked to journal, but people kept reading my ship.

So I wrote in a.

Code, like who is who's always reading your journal? My parents?

My parents. I'm sorry to call you a bitch, just kidding, but like yeah, so this is like yeah.

So continue, Okay, I don't remember. I don't remember.

Basically, did you did you guys meet each other's parents?

Yeah?

I lived with her and her parents at one point.

Oh, what are your what did your what did your parents think of Jamila? What about you?

My parents liked Toya. I think my parents actually on this point were like I think they thought when I brought the first girl home that it was like h ha ha ha. And then I brought the second carl home and they're like, bitch. They were getting a little annoyed of my lesbianist and lesbianism. And I think we came We were staying at her parents house because I didn't want to go home for the summer because we were so in fucking love. And then she came home with me in the summer, and I think we were

Mmm, would you ever get back in a relationship with Jamila?

No? Why not?

Wud you guys talk?

Now?

Do you guys ever chat?

Now?

Do you know like the type of you? Would you say that she's changed much?

Yeah?

I think she's definitely a chron I don't think her personality has changed, which is great, that's a good thing personality.

But you couldn't You can't imagine yourself dating her again. I mean, no, would you got would you say that in your relationship you guys were like sexually in sync, Like you guys had like a really strong connection sexually or was it more like mentally.

Not sexually not sexually, No, definitely sexually, Oh, okay.

More sexually than mentally.

Uh you mean now?

Or then none?

And it was a little bit both, I think. I mean, I definitely learned a great deal from Jamila. If it wasn't for her, to be completely honest, I would have known a lot of things about different cultures and things of sort.

So how how would you describe her? How would you describe Jamila?

Shit?

Always happy for the most part, you know, like there's nothing that you can't tackle.

And I don't even know if I ever really see her.

Sleep, to be honest, always sleeping about sleep, good spirit, great person.

What was your best date night?

Oh, we got quite a few, you know, I was you know, ship ain't did around.

A daily.

Huh. Yeah, she gave me a surprise birthday party.

I'm a Roman, God damn it.

Imagine. Yeah, I mean, I mean, we have quite a few good days. Like it was everything. They didn't have a lot of bad moms to toys. Then so.

All right, well, I don't know, hmmm's big. Sorry, I'm high girl.

We got high high Now I'm like I can sotell you're high too, she needs help? No high ass, No, it's us, we're high.

What would you say you learned from dating Jamila? Besides you know, I guess you said that she cultured you. Like, was it like something like was it like I'll never date someone like her again? Or was it something like I.

I love this.

What you said, but a long time to get over to because there's there's not a lot of women that that's a trait of hers.

It cannot be taught, you know, that's that comes from a dan you know a lot of stuff. It's just her.

It's her inter being, her personality like that cannot be nor limit. So it's kind of hard to hold up to that pet of story, you know, so.

To be it was difficult, but I dated it right now about my stuff, and I was like, you know, you know, it's a.

Yeah, but.

I don't get them wrong.

I was I was a young balk.

You are young?

What super.

A little bumpkin.

I brought an account l a girl. We're going to the club, but we were like doing all types of la ship and she's super shy. She's shy, and she's just like what the fuck is happening? And like we're going to the club. Take off your hand.

Yeah, I.

Got an idea has the same age. I think she's a year older.

I'm real.

Oh wow, Well yeah, that's great.

Well, I I appreciate you. I feel like I've gotten to know Jamila's former dating trends to compare now to her current dating trends, which are different, but there's some similarities. And I think that's just.

Natural right where we are who we are. But thank you for your time, No problem.

Thanks, I'll call you later.

By Okay, Oh wow, Okay, you're high.

I'm sorry. I just felt like she I'm just high. I felt like I don't know, I just felt like she wasn't like I don't know, I don't know. I just wasn't getting all the answers. I felt like she was You both were fine. She was being very You were fine, too, thought me because on the last who told the other girl more sh about her than you said on the phone with her.

Well, let me be clear and be clear.

She I'm a very spiteful person, clearly because I just realized she cheated on me early, and she was the first person cheated.

She was the first person.

No, not ever in the relationship and like it was just in a way that to me, I did not like. It was so blatant, and I think I was like kind of like young and dumbs. I didn't say anything. I didn't speak up for myself. She made me feel super insecure about these two bitches who I look back and I'm like, bitch, are you dumb? And I'm just like I just remember feeling so I love.

This bitch so much.

And she was just like blatantly flirting with these girls in my face. And I found out that they had fucked around, and after that it was just like, bitch, you should have never fuck with me.

So it was like, so you stayed with her? But then frightful shit.

Yeah, I mean basically I had like had a whole like Nigga and Philly that I was saying. Sometimes I got pregnant by him. He was he was fake Muslim. He didn't want to give me the money for an abortion, and shit, oh my God told me to call his brother because you don't believe in that. And they got like seven kids. Now wait, but how did she find this out?

Yeah?

Because she read my journal in the secret code.

What the fuck is the secret code? What is the secret code like numbers.

No, it's like shapes. I got shapes.

It's fucking symbols.

It's the alphabet.

What.

Yeah, how do you were writing full words with the shapes?

Yes, the whole entry.

Let me find out. Your mother fucking genius.

I don't know if it makes me a genius.

I don't. I don't know. I do.

I couldn't do it. I could show you yet, but they must have been short entries.

No, I've been doing it for years. I've had this since I was probably an eighth grade. I told you, I've had a chronic issue with journaling and people finding out. I got kicked out of school in seventh grade over it.

Wait, why'd you kicked out of school?

I went to a Lutheran school.

I hated it.

It was it was my first year went in private school. I didn't want to go. And I wrote in my journal at school and I was like, I said, how me and my mom had gotten into it? She had like kicked me. How I hated the school. I wanted to get finger banged. Literally, I'm like, I don't want to have sex. I want to do more than titty sucking. I'm like, I want to get finger banged, and they fucking I think that. I mean, I've gotten trouble from writing shit literally every day.

You know what.

I got in trouble for writing shit too, yeah, like my mom. Yeah not like that though, But like I said, I hated the teachers. I hated the school. Everybody was dumb and small minded and Christian or something. And at the end of the year, they're like, we don't know if we're going to see the nice Jamala we've seen all year or this this side of this sinful side of Jamala. Oh god side they called. They called like the Social services on my mom because I said, she

Girl.

Then I had Then I got a note read that I was a lesbian in eighth grade and I loved my my friend Asia, who I still love, but like I was really in love with her then. And then what else? I got caught with my journal so many times. So then this bitch I had made a code, and then this bitch decodes it and finds out.

The fact this is code. I can't fucking code. The bitch decoded your secret journal of shapes.

She did Wow, I mean, right, so I'm on the board. I can't wait to show you this anyway. Also was I started fucking my friend who was my like stud lesbian best friend and we had it bug but then I started fucking her. She also read that, and then I actually, right after this relationship, started dating my friend who I cheated on her with, which was like my

She stole money from me, she hit me.

She was just like the worst ever. But yeah, that girl was being super surface and actually she's very judgmental and she I just had sex with her recently, like a couple of months ago, and the sex was still good actually, but.

Yeah, she was super judgmental.

That would never work again.

Anyway.

I guess the conclusion here is, don't cheat on me first. I will never let it go, which is really sad, but true, ours.

Has more free than we think.

Erica was once a former free but then she now coming back to that we are both too free to be dated. If you are insecure in any capacity, we're not to be fucked with. Get you a California girl, especially if from the Midwest or down south, they will teach you the ways anything else. And also once you go Eric or Jamila, good luck after that. I'm just kidding.

I don't know. I guess it's just I don't know. And you know, Honor, I'm I'm really there's things about the past that I'm like, damn, I'm trying to get back to that. Then there's things about the past where I'm like, I'm so glad I'm not there anymore, I know, you know, like even being able to have a conversation with my ex and like the are the things I never thought I would be able to do. And that's

It's just it just was. It's just this whole episode for me is just because even even listening to your story, like I can, I can go on my mind and envision you, like going over treatments and flirting with your boss, you know, like I you know, like in a way, that's what even though we're not like if if you read a book, we'd imagine it, but even it's taking me back to these places and these feelings and who I was, and it is I'm grateful to have grown,

Right.

And yeah, I feel like we've jumped into a time machine and went to two thousand.

And six and I'm ready to be back quarantining because I don't want to be back in my time machine.

So let's get back in this bitch, go back in twenty twenty where we're quarantine.

Oh, everything's still here on my couch. I'm still here, still wearing a mask, and gloves.

Okay, so.

Thanks for joining us on our time travel and Happy April Fool's Day, and make sure to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts.

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