I Look Better Naked

You guys, we are officially four motherfucking days away from our live show in Atlanta. We are so excited to meet you all. Make sure you buy those tickets. VIP has already sold out. Regular admission is about to sell out, so you want to make sure and get those tickets on our website, Good Momsbad Choices dot com or on our Instagram Good Mom's Underscore Bad Choices. We cannot wait to meet you October thirteenth, Sunday. Doors open at six

Welcome to Atlanta's Ammazon Boats.

Back to the Macan the clothes that Unlesson's back in.

The knock on this dome. It happened to know the one with the flow who did it was me. If the post they did in the road that Ludas didn't. That's cut supreme skating down. No nets touched and lean it just clean. As a matter of fact, got the team. No blood on the Snake's gonna keep it so my kicks is clean. Get the cream cops, see me flick my beans. I'm allergic.

That Jack was Christ and it hits the means point point pig pigs.

You away with the pork only still more needs a steak knife in a port? Did you forget your manner? Fruits with banners? Fluda Christ? Johnny Rockets when I can the wooly mana stabit to welcome.

Back to good Moms, bad choices. I'm Erica and I'm Mela, and it bitch is fucking tired. I know, I'm fucking exhausted.

I have never worked so hard in my life on anything.

I feel like every time we plan a show, like whenever we start committing to the date is non suck craziness. And that's why it took so long between March and now.

Like God damn, and we want to and we want to keep doing this. Are we sure? I mean?

I think once we get this kink out the way, it will be smooth sailing.

Oh, my god.

If anyone out there is thinking about starting the podcast, like honestly, just like really think about it. It's fucking hard.

It is, it really is.

It's exhausting and stressful, especially when you love it, but it's also rewarding.

It's no, it's been amazing, but I'm tired. I just obsessed about it. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed.

I really literally last night I could not sleep doing the visualizations I said to visualize, and I kept waking up like it was just.

It's crazy.

But then it also part of me makes me know that I'm doing something right, because if I can't sleep over this shit, this must be really.

Really good, right. I mean, anyway, we have a show coming up.

If you didn't, if you've been caught on, if you don't already know, because we've been promoting it for four hundred years, well not.

Really four hundred years, because actually we started planning this not that long ago, low key, it was like it was like five weeks ago.

That's not a long time to put a whole show and a whole other city together in a city that we don't really know people in like you do, but you don't.

But I definitely do not.

And pulling favors and finding venues and asking brands for shit and finding money and buy a fucking stage visor still haven't done that, and creating a.

Show and creating a show and we still haven't done that.

Yeah, it's a lot flights and.

Graphics and invites and invites and fucking newsletters and updates and finding fucking special guests and getting people to post to support you, but they won't because they want fifty fucking dollars.

Who Sorry but.

For those of us that we but you know what, I've realized in this process that we have some really balm ass friends.

We really do. We really like.

We have friends that are flying to Atlanta to support us. They're flying across the country to come to our show.

Bitch, I know, I know, and people who don't know are coming. I know. But even more so, people are traveling from other states, driving flying. This shit is crazy. Calm down and give me excited. I'm funny, I like, I don't even know how this happened.

You know, I'm just mostly scared because I'm I mean, I'm not scared nervous because in LA I.

Was nervous and it was like a lot of people we knew.

But from here, Like, it's gonna be a lot of people I know, but like I haven't seen in ten fucking years. I've think half people are probably like, what the fuck is this bitch doing? I don't know, let's go see. So I know I'm gonna be super nervous. We've got other people.

Involved now, I know we've like dragged people into the show trying to figure out what the fuck they're doing at the show.

It's just man, but we do it as goes to show like who our friends are, who supports us.

It's been amazing though it is. It's going to be amazing. It's going to be amazing.

We have great we have I'm excited to meet all the people that are going to come out. I'm excited to, you know, have our guests on.

We have to.

We've gotten like some really awesome guests and I'm excited to see how that all plays out live.

I think it's gonna be cool because we all have really different personalities, Like Danielle is totally different than us, and Shanisia is different than us, and we don't even really know more so it's just like but I feel like she's like us.

But we don't know because it's going to be a surprise. It's a surprised for us to be right, like maybe we should hang out with her before.

But and I have a really good feeling, like I haven't lived in Atlanta in fucking eight years, but I have a really strong gut feeling that everybody ever knew during the seven years I lived there is going to come out and support And I think that's going to be pretty bomb too, Like you don't have to see a bit in it years and you're gonna come.

Well, you're kind of unforgettable and lovable.

Thank you.

I love that. I love you too. Based on my Facebook, it's talking. It's true. Somebody somebody messaged me like I'll never forget that night.

I was like, oh shit, I was like, did I sleep with it? Like, oh no, it's not good. But I think it's gonna be awesome. I mean, at the end of the day, we're all gonna be drunk. It's at a bar our. DJ is gonna be really bombed. Actually, DJ Tabone I used to work with him when I worked at the Low's. He DJ'd in the lobby. But randomly Erica met him, well, she lived there.

I met him at a bar, Like was I at a bar.

I was at a bar, I was eating somewhere, and I just like landed that day in Atlanta because I was doing a movie and I didn't know anyone there except like my cousin who claimed she lived in Atlanta, but she lived in Peachtree City, which is like an hour and half a way. It's like not convenient at all. But I was in little five Points.

And we went.

I went to like a bar and like this guy with like this hair. I just remember his hair was like kind of tall. There was something going on with his hair.

It's tall. It was tall. It was something, something was happening.

And he was like we just exchanged numbers, and like he would send me music, like he would send me stuff from his SoundCloud.

So wait, so today, as I'm making the newsletter, I just put it in his SoundCloud.

But I was like, oh shit, okay, so he's still popped popping Okay.

You know, Also that story like confirmed for me. I'm like, this is so fucking divine. Like all the years I lived in Atlanta. When I left Atlanta, I had no clue that I'd be coming back to do a show at my friend's bar, Like I've known my friend for a long time. And then when I'm like, oh, I'm gonna get my friend DJ to Bone to do it, You're like that sounds so familiar, And I was like, damn,

So it's it's true. It's so true.

Even one of our listeners recommended a videographer that used to be his student in second grade and he's a videoographer for the show.

And I'm like, this is cool. And you know what, that's another thing.

We have a like bomb ass network, not even friends of like people we know, but even our internet friends come through for us, Like we have somebody contributing to our gift bag.

Shout out to you girl, Like it's just.

It's mad love And I'm I'm excited about that.

Yeah.

So I'm I'm like so so so so excited, and I can't wait to do it. I can't also can't wait for it to be over.

We will be high for like five days.

I know, well after we do the show, a bitch is getting lat out.

I already I already thought it in my head. I'm like, get black out drunk, Like, don't get too black I remember.

I already told someone. I was like, I'm getting blacked out half my back.

We're just gonna we've we've already somehow pre planned that the after party is the strip.

Club for absolutely. We don't know what shop club. I don't know.

We gotta find someone with the money we got. That's like the only thing that needs to happen. Who has the money, whoever is listening here, who's ever listening right now, who lives in Atlanta, who's coming to our show?

We need you to secure the Daddy's the daddy with the bag to take all of us all the good.

I know one of you motherfuckers know the nigga with the bag, because whenever I went to Atlanta, I'll never forget. Like when I was out there, my girlfriend Amber, she was living out there for a while, and I met up with her and she's like, yeah, we're gonna go out.

But first, you know, we got to meet up with my friend, Oh my god, this is my life in Atlanta.

Used to go to meet up with my friend where you have to go to dinner first, Yeah, and like she's like he's not cute, but like we're gonna go to the club. We're gonna go to the strip club and it's gonna be bombed.

Don't worry.

You don't have to like, you don't don't have to flirt with hi, because there's be o the niggas there And we.

Get there and they I just remember we walked in the bar.

We walked into this club and they each handed us like yeah stack And I was like this life.

I sure hope Atlanta hasn't changed, because this is how I remember it.

Like I was like walking down the street and like I.

Don't want to eat the cafeteria today niggas just pull up like come eat.

We're like sure will My friends like we're never get in the car with no stranger. He tossed us the keys to his car and got in the car with somebody who was behind him and let us follow him in his car.

What I'm like, Yes, lord, that's amazing. Yeah, so that can be hell of dates lined up in Atlanta. Period. Got hell dates I do? I really did I have one? I have a date? You're taking me on that date? He doesn't. I don't care what.

He's already made the rest and the date is happening on the on the day before the show.

SDK. There's we I come.

There's stuff we haven't done, like what like a sign a sign like for behind us?

Oh my god, Well that's because we're waiting on some ship. But we do need to yeah.

Like tomorrow.

Yeah, we just got to do it regardless of that we need it right, yeah, or.

We could just take her handy dandy. We should bring that to we would we read ships and stuff.

We do.

We need to ship some we.

Can some from yeah yeah, okay, sorry, we're making plans on the podcast.

Okay, okay, podcasting everything. Every conversation Erica.

And I have somehow always goes back to work. We don't have personal conversations after this show. It doesn't exist.

Are you good? And we probably do need to like go.

On like a non talking of work trip.

That's impossible, Erica, It's literally impossible.

I even't feel even sometimes feel bad when people are around us because they're probably like.

Like, so we're just gonna talk about your podcast. Okay, yeah, yep, yeah, yep, yep. You don't like, you don't care about it, You're not my friend.

But you know what, I don't care because you know, when we started this podcast, there was a lot of people that didn't understand what we were doing. There are people that didn't didn't like, didn't understand the vision, didn't support the vision. And I didn't even know really what the vision was. I just knew that it made me feel

Tell a bit shit. You can't tell me shill.

I have real, actual people that fuck with what the fuck my vision was hereo, that what the fuck our vision is, and that like would genuinely enjoy the community that we've built.

And no shade, not a single paid like, not a single paid follow, not a ghost sloop.

I don't know what the fuck that is. None of that shit.

They will not be ten k and five likes, Okay, because this ship is built from the ground up.

Yes, and it couldn't exist with that all these with all of you guys that listen and support, support and message us and share all your fucking business with us, and like send nudes and send like really emotional shit and funny ass shit and like fuck, it's like every day me and she look a look at our shit and we're like sharing, like oh my god, you see the shit. This is fucking amazing, or oh my god, this bitch is hilarious, or like that Nick is weird.

Right, or like damn, his dick is big, right. I mean, it's literally like a family. I feel like I have so much more family. Like the other day, one of our listeners or followers whatever was messaging.

Me, but like she just work with her baby daddy.

She loves him so much, she has four kids, but he keeps cheating and she just wants to forgive and forgive. I'm like, boom, he ain't like either gonna be in an open relationship or you gotta eccel. But I'm like, so much deep deep shit you're telling me. And she's in Africa. I'm just like, this is amazing. I'm giving advice to my friend I've never met in Africa or I've never even been Yeah, it is.

It is reassurance, and I don't I don't even know.

It's still really if we know what we're doing, I mean we do, but we don't. And every time somebody asked me, I get so fucking irritated, like it's just growing.

Okay, so what are you gonna? It's growing? What's your ankle? It's just growth? Fucking asking these kind of questions. Look, therapy. This is therapy, Okay for everyone, it is.

I do feel like this is like my inside cancer weirdness, like people doubt it, doubted us.

No, it's not your inside cancer weirdness. They did they have. They're like, oh it's cute. Oh no, it's bigger than cute. It's ten point five. Oh my goodness.

Anyway, enough about about us, our podcast, on our podcast, what's going on? What's going on with you? Girl? What's that? I've just been kind of stressed out.

I may not really but kind of, but just in a weird journey I've been going. I forgot to get the therapy to day because I forget to write shit down because I'm slow. But I've never said this on the podcast before. I don't know why I guess I was embarrassed, but I don't really give a fuck. But I've been staying with my mom for like six months. I've moved out of my apartment to like save money, which I haven't done, and that's super fucking stressful because she stresses me the fuck out.

But I also, like, I feel.

Like maybe there's work that needs to be done, so I'm trying to not like I'm trying to be gentle with the situation, be gentle with her, and also like there's nothing to be embarrassed about. I'm grateful to have a mom I can stay with. Other people may.

Not have that option, you know, even if she gets on my nerves.

But the fact that I, like, I have somewhere to go if in the case, like shit hits the fan, that's something to be grateful for.

And I think for a long time, I was like, I'm thirty one, I'm staying with my mom.

I'm going on dates, not saying shit to people because I'm like, I just don't want to. I mean, it's nobody's business, but for anybody else listening, I realized recently, like I can't be transparent with some stuff. I mean, I could be untransparent with everyon the fuck I want.

And that's just really not the case.

You know, nobody knows what's going on in anyone's personal life.

That's what's going on in mind. That's what's been stressing me the fuck out.

But most recently, my dad got back into town, which makes this space even more cramped.

And do your mom and dad sleep in the same room? Yeah, in the same bed. Mm do they like? I don't know? Whoa WHOA? Calm the fuck down, Look, I don't know. I don't know. If I thought you might not, why I know, why would you even ask me? I'm sorry? They do? They do the way your mom be acted. She's getting fucked for real though, Yo, She's fucking fucked and getting mad.

Seriously, speaking of that, today, I posted some really for my nude post. This was a milder one. Erica took it when we were in New York and I posted it and like, I can't. I was about to post another nude on ours today and as soon as I was about to, like getting.

My caption together, and my dad's like, what's up? Why the fuck you gotta post these pictures?

I'm like, oh my, how many naked pictures in my whole life span of adulthood? Am I gonna have to fucking answer about? So today I got home together like tag teaming me about, like.

You're somebody's mother. I'm like, I know that. What does that have to do with your car is dirty? I'm like, what does that have to do with the nude? The not nudes?

I'm like, first of all, I can't post nudes on Facebook or Instagram. It's illegal, like flag you, I know, oh they flagged me before. I'm like you guys are acting like I'm doing fucking porn. It's like, how are you gonna get a job?

I'm like, I'm not. Don't you get it, I'm not getting a job. I'm like, what the fuck?

It's laughablet now, But I was getting fucking mad, like people are texting me.

I'm like, fuck those people, they don't have lives. And also, two weeks ago, my grandmother. Did I say this?

I tell people I don't remember, but he told me this is my this is my family drama, my family. I mean, my grandmother told my dad.

This bitch told me she's taking me off the insurance, her life insurance because I keep posting pictures with my dud's out.

I was perpleques. I'm like, I'm like, she's taking me off of her life insurance. You don't you don't deserve it. I don't deserve it.

Like fuck, my whole life is our granddaughter, Like that's out the window.

Did she do it? I don't know.

I haven't called her because ever since I heard, she didn't tell me directly. She told him then.

This this week, these motherfuckers want to come talking.

Shit about And then I told my mom. He said, you know what I said. You know what, First of all, my dad's not even on Facebook, so I know my mom showed him.

So I'm like, I'm just gonna block you.

You're so disrespectful and then make you like try to guilt you. You don't care, you don't care about how your mother feels, you don't care about me, so you don't care about me?

And like, how did this go from me posting a picture to me not caring. You went from the pictures to the car to you don't care about him, you don't care about them. I'm disrespectful, I'm a child.

I'm like, but the picture wasn't even like it's really not actually like PG for.

Me at Mela Underscore Mapo. It is the one where I'm holding my titties.

And it's a bridge in the background.

Yeah, it's very It's like it's the same thing you could see in a bathing suit. Calm the fuck down, and it just really and I've actually had an epiphany this week about questioning myself and just like having people around you that plant seeds of doubt in any aspect of your personality, close people, family, Mama, I think that it could really be deteriorate, Like it could really deteriorate.

That's not the interior.

No deteriorate, deteriorture, deter the trajectory of your life. Because me being my authentic self, this is what I'm doing here, this is my platform being myself.

Even if there's a titty in it, you know what I'm saying, But that is that Tity on Patreon, tities on Patreon. But I'm like, this is and then it really has me second guessing everything in my life, like am I? Am I a bad person?

Like is Luna gonna grow up one day and be like that bitch and all her naked covered titties on the Instagram?

And I'm like, am I gonna one day like ten years from now, I need to get a job.

They're gonna like, oh, you know, I'm really sorry to say this, but uh, we're not gonna be able to let you take this job, this corporate drop because that Instagram photo.

That one by the bridge. Yeah, And I'm like, am I, But I'm like, this is exactly.

This is a test, because this is the epiphany I had this week about really being secure.

In my decisions and who the fuck I am and what my purpose is. And I do have a purpose.

And I'm like a sensual sexual ass being and I'm tired of being shamed for it.

It's natural, it's my body, it's I'm not doing.

Porn poses spread eagle, you know, front page, centerfold, and it's.

Really not that big of a deal. But obviously they're old, they're fat old, but they're older. They don't get it.

And some of my friends don't get it, and then the same fucking age as me. But it's not for anyone to get but me. I don't have to convince anyone. I don't have to curse you out anyone, and I don't. And I feel like I'm coming into myself because I'm realizing, like I'm not taking it personal.

It's you. It makes you uncomfortable because you wouldn't do it. But this is not about you. It's about me, and that's it.

And Grandma, if you're taking me off, if you take me off of that fucking life.

So you told me that ship, I could not stop laughing. I was like, are my feelings are? It's kind of funny.

It's funny, but also like but then they told me the amount, like for ten thousands, I'm like, not even a hundred, Like you're taking me off for ten stacks.

Oh my god, that's better. Hope I don't you better? Hope I don't blow up.

First of all, my grandmother is not fucking going anywhere anytime soon. She's staying around to curse everybody else and smoke more weed.

So no, maybe should have said that whatever she smokes weed. Yeah, because Grandma's gonna listen and no, no, so I'd block everybody.

Basically, everybody's blocked, and if you have a problem with it, you are asked, can get blocked too.

I mean, I think it's like, I don't know. I mean, did you, oh you blocked? You blocked your mom?

I recause you know what I recently was on our page. I went to go look at her page and I was like, oh, that's there were no pictures.

On her page. Oh yeah, I forgot.

I want to And then I wonder sometimes because she sees me post on my other page, and then I wonder if she ever clicks to try to look and that she's.

Locked, and she never says anything. She forgot to say something. I don't know.

My mom doesn't forget much. I don't know, like for me like that, like our bodies and like my body posting naked, you know I post, I post not really naked photos.

You can't post naked for whatever.

But I'm just saying, like the pictures that you post, I wouldn't post, but I don't give a fuck that you post them. I think that's who you are and that's what you should be.

I see that.

I see the way the way the way Luna's how free Luna is, and what an amazing daughter you're raising, And your nudity on the internets or semi nudity isn't going to make her a bless of an amazing little girl or woman, you know. If anything, it's going to empower her to see that her mom lived in her full truth, you know, and that doesn't have to be what Luna is either, right, and you.

Know, and I allow her to be her, and I am allowed to be me and you're allowed to be you.

And that was I think that's what triggered me. She says.

They said something about my parenting, and I was like, what the fuck does that have to do with my parenting? Like I'm a great mom, Like Luna's fine, she's healthy, she's thriving, she's smart. My naked pictures on fucking Instagram are not affecting that, I think.

I mean, obviously, like the woman's body, it's always so we've been sexualized so much. Everything is so sexual and even if it is like so what if I feel like being sexy or whatever the fuck.

You're bold or whatever?

Yeah, you know, if it's if it's if it's in an if it's in the right setting, then it's acceptable, you know, if it's like an an.

Artistic, artsy like photo shoot. But I feel like most of mine are pretty low.

They are.

But I just mean, like, if you're Madonna, then it's okay, right. If I'm Rihanna, it's cool. Yeah.

Like if I'm getting paid a lot of money, then then suddenly that's okay.

Right, No one's questioning it.

Yeah, right, Because if I was like a pop and ass celebrity and I decided to do Playboy, no one would think twice about it.

No, everyone that's doing Playboys totally being like even like a Kylie Jenner to love people have problems with that. Even I have a little bit of problem with not a problem, but I just it's Kylie on Playboy.

She just a playboy.

She did recently Travis Scott, Travis, he's in it. He like shot oh he didn't shoot it. He like interviewed her and then like they were in it together. But she's not really nude, she's not really new.

I mean, I mean, Playboys tastes a lot, and honestly this sounds really strange, but as a child, that was one of my goals in life. I wanted to be in Playboy. And I mean not as a child, but like as a teenager. I was like, I would definitely do that.

I loved Playboy. I remember finding my ooh yawn.

I remember finding my dad's Playboys at a really young age. My dad had a Playboy's subscription, so he had like hundreds of Playboys under the sink in his downstairs bathroom, and at night, I would go down there and like look at all of them, and I was in awe of those girls, Like there was something a naughty that I knew I wasn't suposed to be looking at it.

But also I was like, wow, they're so beautiful. I'm bold, and I guess that's true.

If I can think of my like teenage self or and what appealed to me, it's still the same shit that appeals to me now. If I see a woman being bold and being comfortable and confident in her skin, I appreciate that. So it's not like I've changed much. That's why I think also irritates me.

I think for me, I have only become more bold and confident in my thirties. Like I think I've always been outspoken. I've always been like rebellious in certain ways, but I've also been careful and like cared deeply about you know what my mom thought about that, the decisions that I've made I've made or I'm making, or the way I'm looking, or because i I've been an actor most of my life, I've just been like I've overthought

Fuck I want to do.

I even remember when we first started this podcast, like us having me having to have conversations with you about the things I couldn't couldn't could and could not talk about, and like those things have kind of gone out the window at this point because I'm like, you know what, I don't at it's hard not even at one point she's like, I think you're still had to do the podcast with somebody else.

I'm like, no, bitch, I'm not.

No.

I think it was just like I was in, I was I was navigating, I was I was in. I was making a lot of decisions based out of fear, fear of losing things, fear of not of not being understood, and fear of being judged by people that I you know, I I've.

You care about it, I care about their opinions.

But I'm at the point now where I'm like, I don't really I mean, I still do care. I don't want to say I don't give a fuck, but I also have to live my life. And for me, like you know, posting nudes, that's not like, that's not really what I'm talking about when I pretend when I'm sick, when I'm talking about this is more so like the content of what we talk about, Like, yeah, I would divulging things about our sex life.

Or I mean all the time I get anxiety about it, honestly, Like but.

It's it's done.

But then but then it's like like the feedback that we get from you guys, and like, wow, I'm so glad you share that because I can relate to that. That makes me feel like safe, right, that makes me feel safe me too, That makes me feel secure and like knowing that Okay, yeah, like it's.

Not really the big of a deal. Everybody has sex, So what he like stuck on my toes?

Yeah, somebody sucked on my toes and you know, whatever the fuck he did. If you have to, you have to listen to that episode on our patreon.

Oh yeah, that is from Patreon.

By the way, I don't know if anyone knows that we have a Patreon because we rarely talk about it, but we have a patreon where we do extra episodes.

Every month.

Episode you get to see the episode and today I flash a titty, so you see a titty today.

And we have some really funny episodes on there. We do we do?

You know I thought when you said rebellious, I thought about that today. I'm like, am I just rebellious?

Like?

Am I just like? Is it my ego? Not wanting to compromise?

But first of all, this has been a conversation in my life ongoing for a long time about like what I want to wear. I like, I like see through shit? Am I head on Rihanna? I do like like laces to like see through things. Those are things that I like, I'll gravitate towards in the store. And I've had comments from people close to me and like recent most recently, I'm kind of like, I'm not arguing with anybody, but

So everybody calm down, you know.

And I just and I thought about that today, like am I just being selfish because I just won't take it down? And I'm just like, it's not self it's and my dad's like, you're stupid, and I'm like, no, I'm not.

I'm not arguing. Oh I was arguing. I was like, shut the fuck up. But I'm not.

Like, that's actually how we like communicate in my family, which is probably not healthy, but it's just I have a purpose, Like I feel how I feel about my body in the moment, and that's just what it is.

And it's not about being rebellious.

They're not compromising for anyone, but I'm tired of feeling like I have to compromise things for other people. And I don't think that should navigate how you love me or what your perception of me. It has nothing to do with what's what's inside of my soul. And the more that people press that on me, the more it makes me rebel.

I mean a a rebel. Just be like, nah, I'm good. You know we're what we're talking about. You are. You are rebellious. It's all mine and that's are. But that's who we are.

I think that's where like as parents, like we have to be so careful because because like we really tried to.

I think our parents, you know, are a little more old school too.

And it's like that shit wasn't popping back then. All the internet didn't this, so like even posting a nude is like wait what But I think like they.

They have an.

Idea of what we're supposed to be. They have an idea of what's appropriate. Even like today, like I did a shoot and and my mom was like, you know, I want I want you. She's like, I'm going to be dressed like a little more conservative and I want you to be dressed sexy.

And I was like really, like I was shocked.

Oh okay, okay, shaka, you're not that blind, right, And my titties were fully out pretty much, and I.

Was, what do you mean?

Like I had like I had this like very like low cut top on like boob it was a boob be and.

I've worn my boobs out before.

And she said something about it, like in a negative way, like at an office, like that's inappropriate. But I'm like, so it's appropriate here, but it's appropriate, it's inappropriate here, but it's appropriate when it's.

When you when you give me permission, right, you know.

And it's like, I think that's what parent that's like, that's still that like parenting thing where it's like they still want to have somewhat of control over how they.

Want you to be perceived. And I think.

That's why and I and I and I was aware of it today when she when I felt like she was giving me permission to wear something that if I would have worn it in any other time or place, she would have maybe said something about it.

What kind of shoot? Was it just a regulation?

I feel like a shoot for like just like photos for me and her to have for like events.

Like different things.

Yeah, And I thought about that, and I thought about like, wow, what would I do, like how because don't like how do I break that that habit?

Well?

How do I break that habit?

Because there are things that I think, like with Iri, that I'm like, don't do that.

I don't like that. Then I'm like, is that are for no?

I know, I know, I know of course, like they're we're not faced with these issues yet.

Like if I wanted to walk around with.

Right right with her COUCHI out, you know, like and nipples out, what I have something to say?

Yeah, I probably would.

Well, I think I think what's really cool about this platform and us doing this is because even today in our comp when I'm screaming at them like I'm in twelfth fucking grade, I thought, I thought about Luna and Are and what our dialogue would be in a similar situation, and I'm like, this is not getting you anywhere, This is not getting me to do shit, And I thought, like, I wish you could just communicate.

Yeah, it's probably their approach.

Their approached like tell talking at me, telling me I'm stupid, like I'm stupid because I posted a picture like I and it made.

Me think, like how many times you call me stupid in my life?

And at some point I started to believe that, you know, and doubt myself, you know, doubt myself, and that's like just just like just probably hardcore Philly communication. But it's also it's also it could be detrimental.

Is that the right word. It's absolutely detrimental.

Maybe it's absolute, Well, I can, I can say absolutely, it's absolutely detrimental.

Detrimental.

No, you should never tell your child stupid, no matter what the fuck they're doing, especially if it's over a picture that's not stupid. You just don't like that and you don't agree with it. And maybe if they had, maybe if they approached you a different way, you probably still would not delete the picture, and you probably would still be like, no, this is who I am, but you might be able to at least the conversation not angry.

Would they understand Maybe not, but maybe they would more so, But they are not approaching it the right way.

And because it's always been an issue for me, I think I do get defensive because my other friends tried to, like annoying people close to me bring it up, because it's like, if you know me, you absolutely know that I prefer to be naked. I feel more comfortable naked. I feel more comfortable being photographed naked than closed. I feel weird, like I have to come up with poses and I just and I thought about all those things, like damn Luna's gonna be my age? What is how

My mom was so mad that I blocked her. Girl. How did she know? I said, I'm blocking you right now, and then she must have checked and she's like, you don't love me either, block me all the things I do for you. I'm like, so you don't have to see it? No I will.

You don't have to worry about it. If you won't see it, you won't have access.

And I kind of.

She kinda made me feel bad about it, but I don't.

I mean, if we.

Can't have civil, respectful conversations about it.

Or like, how about just don't say shit? You know? This is who I am. That's my biggest thing. That's the thing too.

It's like I've been this way over and over and over. How many more times are are you going to resist who the fuck I am? This is who I am. Your perspective is not changing it, it never has. Just give in, just like you've had to give in to who she is. When we've realized that our parents are people and they're not perfect and they fuck up.

Like speaking of which, Speaking of which, So we have all this conversation, all this argument, right, and I'm in the next room and then I hear my fucking mom they're telling me how immature I am.

And I hear my.

Mom like, my Dad's like, my phone's not working. She's like, well, maybe have people blocked on there. Let me see, give it to me I'll see. He's like, no, I got it. She's like, let me see. I'm not trying to look at your friones want to show you. He's like, no, I got it. I'm like, you're trying to go through this nigga's phone while calling me immature, Like you guys are crazy. You My mom, first of all, don't want my dad to go nowhere. If he could be like

Why who? Whatever?

Miles whatever. I'm like, but I'm in mature, okay. So and then I just it just made me laugh. I'm like, we thinkus are crazy? Well, I mean I think maybe it's both ways.

Like you have to kind of accept that they're not going to change that they're always going to take issue with your boobs and whatever you do with them, and maybe you find more they might they're never going.

To find peace with that.

So you have to find peace with yourself and knowing that you can't react that way.

And that and that's really where I've been at recently. I had a conversation with another.

Friend about some shit like this this last.

Month, and I'm just kind of over it.

I'm over everybody, and I'm actually, oh, I can't leave my mom's house because I'm staying there. But you know, I had another conversation with somebody that like rubbed me the wrong way that I've known a long time, and I was just like, I'm leaving.

I'm like, okay, well catch you later.

And then I had a conversation with myself because usually in the past I could harbor some shit. Have you ever like had an argument with somebody in your head? Yeah, Like, oh, like, I'm like this fucking like I can get mad in my remad remad, And I was just like, I'm going to do that. I'm gonna let that be with you, and I'm going to not take it personally because has

It's their al right, Like what if I hate that you take, you always take the same motherfucking photo. I hate that goddamn photo from the bottom looking up your nostrils. That shit is whack. It irritates me. But I don't fucking say shit. No, I don't say that. That ain't tri angle bitch, that's not cute. As a matter of fact, every time I see it, I get pissed. You know, No, I don't say that, So get the fuck off my

Own shit, and they they don't understand, you know, and you have to like just with the moment you.

Realize that not everyone is the same, Not everyone's gonna make the same decisions as long as they're not hurting anyone, They're not hurting you, you're not harming your child, Like.

Who fluckers hares?

Who fucking care short to be worried about whether I posted a nude or not?

And it's really it's too short to be arguing with you about it, like defending myself because I don't have to.

I'm a grown ass woman. So yeah, I'm like, we're you gonna kick me out?

But yeah, I mean, it's just I just feel like it's like, imagine, if I let someone continue to dim me down and continue to make a question myself and just be smaller and smaller, take up less space, it could really like I could maybe not be here right now with you having this conversation, too scared to discuss you know, what's important to me, And I think honestly, for both of us, I don't think we've realized that like this is therapeutic because we're exercising our throat chakra,

Not Jamala?

Right?

Jamila? Ja Jamila, Jamela, Jamala potato potato. You got you got a new nickname? Send it in jam Lily lely. No, I don't know.

My brother calls me Bella. When he was little. He can say Jamela. He was like Bella. It was like Bella, jam Mill, mills.

So many nicknames. Okay, what's anything going on with you this week?

No?

Not really I mean no, nothing, huge nothing. I'm trying to think. Oh, I mean nothing, no, nothing that I feel like it's gonna say this pressing right, it's worth my energy.

No, okay, no, no, I Me and Erica are hosting a Witchy Dinner and Manifestation meal on Sunday because we're smart and decided to have.

An event right before really just in case we'd have enough stress. Yeah, they're like, well, let's do something special. But you know what I will say about that. I think that.

We do no matter what we do, no matter how many things we put on our plate, will make it happen sometimes, so sometimes it's better like to just put it out there and then we have to commit or else we'll be like eight.

Months to another live show. No, it's true, it's true. We pull shit together. We sure do. We do that. We do that. I have stayed fully invested in this dinner.

At first, I was jealous that I just wasn't a part of it, and now I'm so glad that I'm not. I'm like, you know what, you and Anisia handle that ship.

I mean, on Sunday, we'll figure it out. It'll be fun. That's that's that's all, what do you what do you want to manifest? A successful show?

So money, Yeah, that's pretty much money, more shows, to blow the fuck up, baby.

Baby, baby baby.

That's really mostly yeah, just to be the better version of myself and to continue to be growing and loving on myself and making more money and getting the fuck out of my mom's house if she can't tell me about my nids.

On Facebook, and having a really live ass even more successful show than the first one, to kind of like snowball into the next thing.

What are you manifesting the same, manifesting an amazing show and more.

I think also I just want to, like I really want to.

I've been like working more and more towards the comfort of the loneliness, and just I want to keep manifesting that. I don't know strength, it's strength, strength and comfortability of just doing that.

And letting go of.

The past and like letting you say that, letting it go because I haven't fully.

I mean I have in a lot of ways, but.

I haven't fully, and it's time.

It's time. There's so weak.

I have so many amazing things happening in my life. I have my daughter is amazing and doing so well. And this is doing so well. I'm doing great at work. I feel more confident than ever and I feel like that's like that last like hanging fruit that really I know, but I think, I mean, I know it takes time, yeah, and I'm trying to be patient, but like and.

A piece of people always go there, a piece of you can always live there. So I feel like life isn't linear, and there's if we sit back and think about a time in our life, we can we can all those feelings, all that wherever placement we were that can we can relive that. But it's about being able to like detach from it and not like make it make you sad or you know what I mean.

Now, I also, yeah, there's that, but also I want to manifest just a more like just abundance in my life. And I mean that in so many ways, Like I mean that in like money, hell yeah, like having multiple streams of income because you know, they say the richest people in the world have seven streams of.

Income, creating more space.

Like I were so busy and I don't want that to stop, but like being able to manage my time better because I'm not that great at that, you know. Actually recently, you know, I've like I haven't really been able to devote a lot of time to you know, people.

In my life.

And like I've said this, like I don't know, do we talk about this before. I don't know, Like I think sometimes people think like me and you are just like hanging out all the time, just like people.

Are jealous if our bomb ass weren't slash best friendship.

But I mean like they don't really understand that, yeah, we are hanging out, but like we are working.

Yeah ninety nine nine percent of the time. I feel like people think this is a hobby.

And if they saw this fucking raport I'm looking at right now, they would know it's not.

Let me take a picture of our drivey for race sports better better make you understand.

But but like recently, I had a friend of mine who reached out to me, who I've known for a while, and he moved out here from New York with his wife or they I don't know if they're married, but they're essentially married. And he's like a great person. I love him dearly, and like when he moved out here, he told him that, like I was going to be there for him, right and I haven't been, and it's

Fuck.

And so he recently reached out to me and I was like, yeah. He was like, you want to come to my son's birthday party. I was like, you know what, I'm so sorry. I have not been a good friend to you. I have not been there for you.

I have not hung out with you. I have not called you.

And he was like it's cool, I understand. And I was like, I don't think I'm gonna be able to make his birthday party, but like, let's try to hang out another day. So we didn't get to hang out. I did obviously, I didn't make He's a birthday party.

We didn't get to.

Hang out, and then we made another I told him we can make hang out the next week. I ended up getting sick. I didn't hit him up.

I didn't cancel.

I didn't tell him, and then I reached out to him the next day and said, I apologize, And then he told me, like, you know, I realize you're busy, but like you know, I have a schedule too, and you know, I have a wife and I have kids, and you could have at least reached out to me and said you're busy. It seems like you're spreading yourself reallye thin, and I don't want to be part of your stress, so you can reach out to me when

Of just this. You forgot to tell me you weren't coming.

I just like I never followed up, and I get that, but like, can you imagine would you send a text like that?

Maybe I wasn't mad at he was one hundred percent rrectka for sending it to me. I just felt like, damn, someone called me out right, you know, and I'm like, damn, I and I told him, I wrote back, I'm like, you're right, I am spreading myself too thin, and I'm sorry that I missed that, and like, we can hang out next week, but I don't think you want to. But I'll circle back when I when I have more time.

So I but I want I have to figure out how to make more space.

Well, I think because we're focused on the same thing a lot of the time, which is like all the time. I think because I thought about that Lunas saying shit to me, I'm always working on my phone and I'm like, damn, she can call me out. But also I realized that, like I don't intend on this being the hustle forever. I don't intend on us too, being the whole motherfucking

I feel like that's what I tell myself. No, No, I think, and I think that's true.

I think if you talk to any person that has a successful business, they tell you that there was a lot of sacrifices they had to make to get here, and a lot of those sacrifices were time with people they love, you know, kids, friends, whatever it may be, themselves, you know.

And I feel like that we're in the.

Thick of that right now, and I'm experiencing a lot of guilt all around, like from in the friend department, in the kid department, Like even with Iri, I've been feeling like super guilty because I literally she comes home from school, I'm working with you. I feed her dinner in the other room. I barely even sit with her. I just put the TV on and then it's time for bed, and then I haven't even hung out with her.

And I've been doing that for like two or three weeks straight. No, I know. And it's like and then we feel like, you're here, we can see you guys are playing with each other. It's fine.

And that's why I'm always like, keep bring Luna please, because I feel bad.

Yeah, and.

She probably won't remember these times, and maybe she will, maybe there will be times that she's on that. It's just at that age now, both of our kids are at that age where they do remember.

But I do want her to look.

What I keep telling myself is that I would rather her see me grinding at something that I'm passionate about and see me working than not and sitting on that couch with her unhappy, right and not even present over there too, sitting there with dinner, watching cartoons with her, but depressed. Because that's kind of where I was before before this, not knowing what my purpose was, not knowing what I was doing, not even knowing like what makes me really truly makes me happy.

And that's what I keep telling these That's what I keep telling myself.

I mean, that's true, but I still feel like there is a balance, But there's a balance.

Sometimes the ship is going to be imbalanced. We have to do better at time in.

Sometimes the ship is going to be imbalanced. Though people always talk about balance, balance, balance, sometimes balance can't exist.

It just can't.

When you're when you're really grinding at odds at something, sometimes it's going to be imbalanced at times. And then you and then you go back, I mean, and then but then I'm like Is that true? Or am I just not good at sending by setting boundaries? Am I not good at setting boundaries?

You know? It's like it's fine a combination of all of that.

But I think that there, there is, there will be a time and it's coming that we're gonna look at each other and be like, oh my god, this shit fucking finally paid off.

We've done that to be here. I don't really know where.

That here is per se right now, but I think we both I think we both know that that's I think we both know that that's eventually coming, and I think that's what makes us both grind that much harder. I don't think if we thought like I've had other I mean, I have a business, I have things that I really like to do. Nothing like I felt like about this, Nothing that I felt that I'm living in my purpose as much as this, And so I think that there like just like you can't we can't sleep,

Sign up for Patreon for real. But yeah, you know, motherhood is hard. Being an adult is hard.

It's like some depression, a lot of anxiety, a lot of worrying, a lot of stressing, a lot of wanting to be rich, and a lot of reminding yourself to get off of fucking Instagram. But that's we're all here together. You know, no one has it completely together. You know, there's we're not fucking Mary Poppins. It doesn't it doesn't roll that way. And I'm not saying we were, as long as we're conscious and we're actively working to be better and to know, like, Okay, we're fucking up right now.

Then, are we? Because are we like gonna like start working on our next one? New York? Okay, Well it's gonna be easier every you know what I do now, though, it's going to get easier.

But I will say, do you remember a long time ago, that long time ago, like eight months ago, where it took us like all day to send like three emails.

Do you remember that.

I was like when we were like pushing out emails for this, I was like, oh, look at us with email templates.

You know. Yeah, we're fine tuning the process.

So it's like, the more we practice that getting better, it will become more efficient.

I think, well, okay, we're fine doing the process of this, and then we're also going to fine tune the process of this plus motherhood as well.

Yeah, fine tuning that, and then we're going to fine tune the process of a show, and then we're going.

To find you know, so it's gonna get easier because we'll have we've done it fifteen fucking times. We've sent that fucking email forty thousand times.

So yeah, I see you. You're doing a good job.

I think that you get really guilty, you feel really guilt because you travel a lot, and I think, like, you're doing a good job. And I think also we don't have like baby daddy, well, I mean whatever, I don't know what your baby daddy tells you like to be like, damn baby doing a bomb ass shop being a mother. I know I'm a good mom, and I get it from like people on Instagram, which is strange, but I don't really hear that from like people really close to me. And it doesn't make me question myself

No, you need that, not you need that, You don't need it, but like it feels good. You get that from someone that is around you the most, like your mother or your father, right, but if they're attacking or your daughter's father.

But if they're a tacking you about this and that and your fucking Instagram photos, you're like, damn, you so quick to say this, But have you said you're doing a fucking good job.

Yeah.

Actually, my mom got mad at me like a month ago.

I was like, you're not doing a good job though, and I was like, wow, that was evil.

But yeah, we are doing a good job.

We're doing a great job with just the two of us for a fifty person fucking team.

Well, I think if no one has told you, and I know I told you earlier, You're a great mom. Thanks, you are a great mom. Luna is very lucky.

I see the watching her videos last night, I was dying.

And also like a little I was like I want what I was like, I was not like that. Why is she not? Like maybe I need to like be what am I doing wrong? This is wait?

I was like, why doesn't I read all the Spice Girls? What the fuck am I doing?

I know?

Literally, I was like, oh my god, how did I miss that.

ABC's Spice Girls get Honestly, I.

Was like, how does she not know Genie in the bottle? She doesn't like? Luna was like, knows the words.

And your defense she a lot of that's from youtwo, which is not good, Like how do you know everywhere YouTube? She I heard her like kind of singing and I was like, are you singing what I think you're singing?

But some things I do show her, but like I just it is important. They need to know Spice Girls. It's absolutely crucial. And sometimes I get excited like, oh, well you hear this album yet? What about Dirty? Wait? Hold on? Let me pull up a couple of things. You don't even know half of it, you know.

I'm just like, I'm just like, my most important thing for her to know is Eric Abadou.

I'm like, who is this? I always test her, I'm like, who is this? I forget? I mean she she's yeah. I don't know if she knows any But that's because.

I'm obsessed, and I've been obsessed since I was a kid. But I've also was obsessed with those pop songs.

Remember her live Remember her live album Eric? My mom had that.

I remember that? Yeah, girl, Yeah, how maybe she use that for this?

Yeah? I think you're right. Anyway, I really have to pee.

Okay, buy tickets to our live show if you're in the Atlanta and the nearby area.

All of our VIP tickets are sold out. You missed out because the gift bags bomb. But maybe we should have made more VIP gift bags.

Definitely should have made it fifty living and learn and learning. Yeah, we'll see you guys there.

I'm excited, and I hope you guys know, like, if you guys are experiencing guilt, or if you guys are experiencing shame from family members or you know, second guesting, a second guessing yourself, second guessing your career choices, and you've gotten a lot of no's and people don't understand your vision.

Just know you're not alone.

Like these are things that like I've heard a lot, and it wasn't until I started this that I really understood how it feels for like people to really just pass you up and be like no thanks.

Eh, nah, no what yeah, no, shit fucking hurts.

But if you just keep pushing and pushing, and like, I'm really lucky because I do have a partner. I have Jamila, and like we just encourage each other. But there's people out here that are doing this shit on their own, and they're starting businesses on their own, and they have to be the they have to be their own support system. They have to be you know, they're our own cheerleader and remind themselves, no, no, I got this, I got this. You're not alone, and keep going, keep

Yeah you know so.

And Mama, you're doing a good job and know thyself and then no one else's opinion or shaming or et cetera will bother you because you know what you're doing.

Yeah, anyway, have a wonderful day.

And join Patreon.

See us on Instagram, Good Mom's Underscore, Bad Choices.

Also follow us on Facebook.

Make sure you follow us on Facebook because we are becoming a lot more active on there, and we post a lot of more funny memes on their memes what's called.

Me okay memes and shit. Also, we have a secret Facebook page if you join the Patreon where we talk a lot about ship.

So yeah, all right, guys, catch you later.

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