What's up, you guys. Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. On this week's episode, we are joined by Debbie Brown, who is the Chief Impact Officer at Choprah. She's also a mama author an overall just amazing human. On this week's episode, you can expect to hear about healing your inner child, identifying trauma, why children need someone to blame, what.
Man in history is to blame for the unempowered woman and.
I get a little emotional talking about a personal inner child realization that just happened. So make sure you guys tune in. I hope you guys enjoyed this episode featuring Debbie Brown. Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Mila and it's the first week of April.
Happy spring hot.
I know y'all love when I sing, and nobody loves it when you say you love when you sing? Okay, you are don't You are fucking off key all the time.
Don't get me started.
See you guys, what I tell you, don't let me freestyle on my voice. Okay.
So it's April, and you know we just are we're getting out of money March, which I hope you guys enjoyed last month because we had some amazing guests. I feel very much more empowered about my finances. I'm really excited because we are going to be joining Loose Warrior for her Wealth Rules Everything Around Me course starting on May first and second. I'm pretty sure it's already sold out, but we are. She is partnering with us US and giving four scholarships to four of our listeners to join
that class, and it's going to be amazing. So if you want to learn more about finances and feel more empowered, first of all, follow Loose Warrior because she's the shit. And secondly, make sure you keep look out for her next course because I think she's going to do another round, and look out for that giveaway because you could be in class with us.
We're students. We're students again. Yeah, I want to take a class. I know I have for like two years. I'm very excited to start here with my finances. I'm feeling very empowered this April. It's spring. It's time to birth some shit. Erica and I are birthing lots of shit, so amazing, so many things. So I'm feeling I'm feeling springy. I'm feeling ready to give birth to all of our things and run with it so I can chill by the pool in the summer.
You're gonna get you on that yap, baby.
We're getting on this fucking yacht if it's the last thing I do. Can't wait.
Well, I'm really excited because this month, I you know, there's not necessarily a theme per se, but I do want to focus on wellness, tapping back into our wellness, checking in with ourselves. You know, at the beginning of the year, we talked a lot about manifestation, and we talked a lot about you know, just healing. And so I'm just really excited because we have a special guest here who I feel like is going to like help, you know, kickstart this month off really in a really
amazing way. So Debbie Brown, welcome to the show.
Thank you. I'm so happy to be here with you. Guys. Welcome.
And if you guys don't know who Debve is, well you will by the end of this episode, and you should anyway. She is the chief Impact Officer at Chopra and she has her own podcast called Dropping Gems with Debbie Brown, which is amazing. Like I was listening to it on the car ride here and I was like, screen recording. Should I like to come back to this? I was like yes, like what so make sure you check that out. So, but welcome deVie, Thank you so much for joining us.
Thank you big fan of you guys. Really happy to be here and talk about all of the things.
So I know, DEBI from like a hundred years ago, not one hundred. We're still young, but so young prior to children I just infant prior to children's And it's been so cool to watch your journey. And I know we talked a little bit before the episode and you said kind of like you've always been kind of, you know, trying to tap in into this space, but you kind of didn't always feel like the space to do it,
or like yeah you be judged or something. Yeah, can you tell our listeners a little bit about you?
Yeah, so I mean speaking to that like that, I'll start there. You know, I think when I think about being a seeker and just kind of being on.
This path, part of what lent itself to that.
And I don't know if anyone will identify with this, but like I was the only child raised by a single mom, and I was a latchkey kid for many years, and like by nature of that, you go inside, you know, like I was my only playmate as a kid.
You know what, I never thought about that. I was just I was only child till I was like thirteen.
Yeah. Yeah.
And so usually, especially if you have a single parent, it lends itself to kind of like a high level of maturity really young, and you're navigating with a lot of adult language, like adult understanding, even if you're not ready for it. So it kind of lends itself to like a lot of natural ability to be in self inquiry, which I think is the foundation of our spiritual journey.
It's curiosity.
That's how we get to change, that's how we get to grow, that's how we get to heal. We get really curious about ourselves or our situations or how our life is unfolded, and we start seeking out the things.
That we feel called to.
So that like to that extent, like I, you know, I would consider myself I was the kid that, like the teenager that had self help books didn't apply most of it.
Wait were they chickens through to the teenage song are? Because that was it was.
Like the seven highly effective, you know, traits of teens and.
You were reading that as a teenager.
Yeah, you're very mature. Wow I was cold. This whatetererever? That too?
Shout out to duality.
But no, you know I think, I mean it took me years to apply as I think is the thing, right, Like we get the tools, but it's like when we embody is just about our divine timing.
So like, intellectually I had the tools.
Didn't always use them, but then as I got older, they started sinking into my heart and started being like a way of being. But yeah, I started my career in entertainment. That's how we met in the entertainment world many moons ago, and I was a radio personality for a while, did some TV, mostly worked in hip hop for close to fifteen years, and it was amazing.
It fed my curiosity in so many ways. I loved the music.
But then you know, I really felt called to spend like my three D life more connected to what my five D life looked like. So like I wanted to make the world that I was in for my work on Earth to also be more representative about how I actually spent my private time and like what I actually thought about and.
What I was actually interested in it.
It got harder, like I don't even in this moment, like I don't watch television at all.
I listened to.
The same three songs over and over frequency music like so it was just harder to stay or to feel like I had to really be enthusiastic about things that didn't feel like they're of interest to me in that moment.
So I took the leap.
Almost almost five years ago, I started my business Karma Bliss, and then the wellness kind of revolution really started happening and deepening in.
That time span.
And now I take up space in a multitude of ways, but yeah, I just mostly underneath it all, I feel grateful for the opportunity.
To lead a really curious life.
That's amazing. And I know that you're a mother too, and you have a little boy, how well is same?
He will be three in May, when like, what a lucky child.
You've right to have a mom that's done so much work, you know, and like I think for me and Mila too, like we I think being a parent allows you this unique opportunity to kind of like do everything that do everything over like question the things that you grew up knowing and change that perspective for your child, give them like more space and more grace in so many ways, whether that's you know, and play time, you know, boys playing with Marbie's and not being judged, or like little
girls wearing crop tops and not like you know, sexualizes, yeah, or mom smoking weed and it not being the end of the motherfucking world, or.
Just giving your child the gift of like taking a time out, identifying your feelings and labeling your emotions and like where our parents are like, right, you're.
Fine, You're okay, right, you are alive. So it's like, what a gift to be.
Able to have a mom that's aware and is doing the work and then offer that because I think that's yeah, that has been a big part of our journey, like figuring ourselves out and then in turn and being like, oh shit, we have this huge responsibility to not only figure ourselves out, but figure it out as quickly as possible, because we are an example of someone else, yeah, who inevitably will have to be figuring it out in their thirties if we don't start doing the work now so
they can start doing the work now.
Oh my god, that yeah, and it's like, you know what feels so good being a parent and like parenting with such thoughtfulness and such consideration. It's like every time we extend that kind of grace and dignity and unconditional love to our kid, we're just feeding it right back to ourselves. It's instantly filling our own hearts and healing wounds from childhood or giving us permission to like expand into the fullest versions that we are right now. You know,
it's wild. Like before I had a child, I legitimately used to think people over exaggerated about how much they love their kids.
You know what I mean, Like, Okay, we got it.
I got It'd be like that my kid is my world and I'd be like, I get it.
You gave birth, it's a child.
And now I'm like, oh my god, this is the deepest taking life right, it's the greatest hit my sacred child.
Like obsessed with being a mother, I could cry at the drop of the dime.
At the bat. Right now I'm literally free.
She's frollicking in the sand.
Yeah they're watering nothing. I know.
And see, you know what was like the greatest gift for me and being a mom? I feel like it healed when you stay open to it. Because motherhood is also one of the most triggering experiences you'll ever have in your life. Like you feel judged by your child, like you know, like if your kid is mad at you or doesn't want kisses, it's me, what's wrong with me? You know, by yourself. You feel judged by yourself, judge
by your own parents. Yes, the guilt, you know. It's like, oh God, everyone is running to check on you with your pregnant and then the second the baby is here, like my organs are still all over the place, like.
Oh, you're doing it wrong, and you're still doing it wrong.
And you're like, oh, but how's the baby. Why aren't you doing more for the baby? Where is she?
You're ware and she's ware. Why aren't you together?
It is so it's oh God, so many things.
But to it's like, like, my child looks exactly like me, right, like my son. We have the exact same face, still.
My whole face.
And it's interesting because through loving him, especially as a newborn, I was able to love myself more deeply, Like it really brought forward for me all any any like dormant againstness I had for myself, any feelings of not being in full acceptance of myself bounced off him. It's like even the small things that we might see in our faces and be like, oh I don't like that about me, I see it in his face and I'm like, this
is the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen. So I'm like, I need to be reflecting this same kind of energy back to myself. I have to love me the same way that I love him.
Yeah, yeah, no, I love that. It's so true. It does. It does tap into those dormant parts of yourself like you are like maybe ignored or maybe you didn't even realize we're there, and you're like, oh shit, yeah, that's that's not healed.
It also gives you the opportunity, Like I've said this before, but when you would do anything for your child, and you know, they mess up or they fall down, and you encourage them and you're there to their every every you know, back and call.
And then it dawned on me like I have to have the mother myself. I have the mother.
I have to attend to myself the way I attend to my child and like be as gracious and as gentle and like you're going to fall down and you're going to.
Get back up, and that's okay.
And I think it's easy to apply that to when you're mothering a child because we're just we're innately we know to do that hopefully, but we forget to do that for ourselves, and then we beat ourselves up so much, and it's like a lot of us are just children. I feel like I'm a child all the time. I'm like, who the fuck gave me? And human I'm scared. I'm like, oh no, just to eat. Yeah, she's six, and I'm still.
Like, that's my daughter.
I'm like, that's my daughter, that's my daughter, that's my daughter, and mother, that's my daughter.
That sounds like us talking about boyfriends.
Were like, I have a boyfriend. We have a boo boyfriend.
We don't have boyfriends anymore.
But so that one time that we did, we got really.
Strange time because that's how aligned we are. Got boyfriends at the same time, pretty much broke up at the same time. It was it was like we had to practice saying that. I feel like that sometimes with Ironman, I don't feel like I obviously know I've a child and she's mine, but sometimes I look at her and I'm like.
How are we here? We're here, We're still here.
We're good.
I'm not a teenager, like what Yeah, And I think.
About like my younger self, and I was so adamant about never having kids, like I was really like, I did not want kids at all. It's funny. I was having this conversation with my brother because he was judging my parenting and he was like, he was like, that's because you're two this and.
That, but which brother, my twenty one year.
Old Oh of course, of course, someone with no children, no, neither one of my brothers, no, right, no experience it.
Yeah, And he was like he was talking it was her eating habits, because my daughter's eating habits. Oh my god, they're just very annoying. She's just very Eric is ashamed, very we're making tiny progress, okay. But she had turkey pasta the other day. No, it wasn't there, but she liked it and it was sated. But he was just like, you're you know, you're to this, you're to that. And I was like, one day, when you have kids, you'll understand, okay,
And he was like, I'm not having kids. I was like and That's what I said, and he's like, no for real, and I was like, no, for real, That's what I said, Like with that Gusto behind it too, like hell no. And now having one obviously, I couldn't imagine not having one and just totally shifts so much in you and make sure you have to tap into yourself,
and I I think that's what. I don't know if we wanted to do the taro or we can do it at the end, but I think this is a good segue into what I wanted to talk to you about, which was healing your inner child and how important it is and how it can be a lifelong journey. I don't know if there's just like this one switch that like just turns on and suddenly like all the traumas or all the things that you've encountered as a child,
or just you know they're healed. But it's something that I think it's important to tap into and check in on often. And I was listening to your episode about meeting your inner child, and I was listening and I totally connected to when you were saying that, like you're the strong friend and that people lead on you, and you know, you started you started that, like valuing yourself by how much you could.
Take much hurt you could take? Yeah, how much?
And I was like, oh my god, like we do that. I mean, not just the strong friend, but like women women It's fine.
I'm okay, you know what, Like you know what I think about all the time when it comes to that. It's like, who was the first man that hated women? And how did he train everyone else to take his ways? You know, It's like what was the shift? Because women were always at the forefront of society and the forefront of households.
We were the healers, we were the leaders.
And then at some point things shifted, and then all books were written with women in a diminished role or not mentioned at all, you know, and all of a sudden women became.
Some research.
There's gotta be a trail back to this nigga. Okay, okay, I.
Broke this nigga's heart, and it's the world has never been the same.
Oh my god, Facebook group, Alexander, who the fuck did it?
Yo?
I think about it all the time because like even in the little things, like I'm one of those people that will like have an idea and then be like so committed to it and go down all the rabbit holes. But it's like little things, right, like when even we think of, like in Christianity, how Mary Magdalene.
Is referred to.
We're supposed to believe that she was a prostitute. That was never written or mentioned. She was one of Christ's disciples, you know. And it's like the six in the six hundreds or the I think it was like the early sixteen hundreds, one of the popes was giving an address and put one line in it that referred to her
as like a woman of the night. Unsubstantiated. It was never in recorded history that this was truth, and then the men of the world ran with it, and ever since that's been part of the belief system that that's who she was. It was like one guy started a rumor about a woman and then okay, well.
We got that billions we found him t.
Wow.
Yeah, yeah, that's so interesting.
But it's like we think about shocking Actually, yeah, I think there's a rid of a lot of evil. Is the root of a hurt man? Oh my gosh, there's a lot of evil letics.
And then we all get saddled with this this idea of martyrdom being the basis of our value system, you know.
And it's like martyrdom.
Is always self sacrificing, it's never allowing help, it's taking pride in all of the ways in which you are, you know, considered really considered just a tool and service to everyone else, you know. And it's like that somehow became the fabric of what the family structure in this country was supposed to look like, what women were supposed to look like. And it's like, nah, nah, not no more. I'm not taking on any of that mess. Like my love for myself comes first.
Yes, No, I totally agree. And I do feel like there's like, I mean, I feel like throughout history there have been times where women there's been like this renaissance happening, right and I feel like right now there's a black renaissance happening. There's also like a renaissance of like female energy coming together and feeling more empowered and being able to say no, I don't believe that history, actually, sir, I don't. That doesn't sound about I'm good.
That doesn't work for me.
It's very off brand for me about Pope the sixth to me, don't do.
Some researching it back to you.
Oh my goodness, it's true. It's true. I've been talking to this guy who's like has a lot of rules, and recently he was trying to like really really justify why he should be able to like have a main woman and a wife and like also have concubines and like women on the side, but like but his wife should not, you know. And I was just like he was going into science saying there's more women and there are men and like all these things, and I was just like, I respect that for you, and I that
is really that sounds really good for you. I don't know if you'll ever find anyone who's gonna be cool with those rules.
I mean, I hear your science and all, but it just doesn't This is not a brand for me.
Yeah, Like I'm not gonna I don't have concubines too.
It's just not the basic.
Fairness in it all just doesn't add up like one plus one just you know, equals to sounds a little stupid, but it's just I mean, I know that works for some people, and I'm not you know, I appreciate anybody who knows what they want, but I'm at the place finally in my life hopefully forever, but that that's not what I want.
And you're cool, and that's cool for you.
And if you find someone who's aligned in that, great, but it's not me, you know, like, and I'm cool being cool here and we could stay here, but anything further the concubines down the line is not gonna work out. But for so long, women just are like, okay, you know whatever, you're gonna love me, you're gonna take me, you're gonna provide. Okay, no, no, there will be no more mekas. Okay, Like it's okay to submit, but if it doesn't align for you, that's okay too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's okay to search yourself.
For what feels like the right thing for you and not be dictated to like, this is our one life as this version of ourselves. I've been here a million times, but this is my one life as this person, you know. And it's like, that's the thing that I think is
the most ridiculous of what we were robbed of. It is the understanding that we always have choice as women, We always have choice, and we have been trained and forced and pushed to believe that we're supposed to be waiting around to be chosen, and it's like, no, I do the choosing. I do the choosing. I choose who I want. I also choose what my circumstance is going to be. And at any moment we can make another choice. There's never such a thing as like truly missed opportunity
or misstability to change your life. In every moment there is choice. There'll be the parameters that come with that, you know, which sometimes can be quite challenging, but you always have the chance to recreate your life, or recreate your partnership, or recreate your parenthood.
Yes, I agree, I agree. There's never a like. I think sometimes even women they're like, who are maybe like in their fifties or in their late forties, or kids or teenagers, they're like, it's too late for me, And it's absolutely not. It's not too late. It's never too late. I don't care how old you are. There's always a time to check in with yourself and change the trajectory of your life or change your views, or you know, heal from your.
Childhood or I feel like almost like attaching to something too deeply with like, I think that's an issue we attach to our beliefs even and then we feel a responsibility to keeping them up, Yeah, to keep them up, to always be that way, to always agree with them, to withhold like, you know, I'm a Christian, I can't ever fucking be a Jew, you know, Like I'm this
you good, That's what I'm saying. Oh, people have so much attachment to their beliefs that almost there's like a sense of embarrassment if you want to fucking change your mind.
But guess what, you can change your mind.
You can wake up every day and change your mind no matter what it is, in love, in life and parenthood. If it doesn't work for you, if it no longer serves you.
You could peace out quickly.
There's no obligation to always believe one thing, to always be one way we are in fact, like if you don't change, if you don't evolve, if you're not growing, you know, you can't expect to be the same person who believes and feels the same way forever. I mean, I mean, catch me next week. I might be a wife with three concubines.
Who knows.
I doubt that, but you know what I mean it just like we have such an attachment as women, what we're supposed to look like and fit so pretty into this perfect box and what that looks like, and sometimes
that makes us lose a great sense of who we are. Yeah, and it could look different from woman to woman, like me and Ericas are crazy together, but we're also very different, you know, And I just I want to celebrate the differences and the change and the evolution, the growth, because I don't think women have had the opportunity to be in celebration of that enough.
Yeah, I mean, we're the more powerful species obviously, you know. It's like in many ways, you know, And I think that's that's really the greatest lie I ever told. And that's probably why that first man, whoever he is, like what would his name even be, you know, like asshole, That's probably why he turned everybody against us back in the day.
You know.
But it's like, we have to remember our personal power. And that has been the greatest tool of manipulation of women through history is leading women to believe that we are meek, leading women to believe that we are in need of being led and that we're not the leaders.
And that narrative starts so early, so you know, you.
Know, obviously, yeah, that is an amazing time for women and us feeling more empowered and.
Tracy back from Pope six beyond.
But like as far as like you know, he your inner child, I think I think some people, some people I think feel healed, right, yeah, And but as an outsider looking I know, I've met people they're like, I'm good, I'm healed. I healed from that, and.
I'm like, oh honey, yeah, maybe even including myself, I feel like sometimes I feel like I've healed from things and then it takes something a triggering moment for me to be like, oh shit, you.
Know, so what are some what do you think are some signs that maybe you have some inner healing and child inner healing to go.
Through, you know, I think, and that like that's such a beautiful point about this like idea of like are we fully healed? Because what I think it really is is in every moment, there's opportunity to deepen the healing, you know, And it's like it's so important to not look at it as like, oh.
Why am I getting so bothered by this?
Like I spent so much time I thought I was healed, and it's like you are, and you were and you did diligent, beautiful work which arrived you at this moment, the opportunity to get to an even deeper life that is clearing you and cleansing you and giving you more personal power.
You know.
It's like some of the stuff that.
We are working through is very literally our life's curriculum, you know. So many of the situations that for us are like the deepest traumas or like the repeated patterns. It's there because that is actually the curriculum we signed up to know and to learn on. I believe this adventure on earth that we chose to have, so there's always more healing available. And I think anybody that stands in a space of againstness, like no, I'm not willing to talk about that because I already healed it, that
shows that there's charge, you know. And I think the way to investigate where your wounds are are to see what do I have charge?
About?
What am I avoiding even in the tiniest ways, you know. And it's like the biggest gift is just being able to dive into it. Like I get so excited when I have more shadow work to do. Like if I find myself crying about something, I'd.
Be like, oh, there's a gift inness for me. Okay, I'll sit in it, you know, like.
Oh, that's a beautiful way I look at it.
Yeah, because it's like, you know, it wouldn't be there if I didn't need to look at it. So how much time do I want to waste? Right when it comes up? Do I want to try to run from it?
Do? So?
The more I do that, the more it stays with me, right versus all right, you popped up for a reason, divine timing. Let me sit down, let me look at this, let me explore it, let me think about it, and then once you decide to dive into it.
It's so easy to dissolve.
But I definitely think if we're you know, the way that that inner child wounding shows up is really everything.
You know, like it's really everything any.
Level of toxicity in your life, any way that that shows itself, typically there's always a pathway in a trail that leads back to a very specific moment in childhood. And the reason that really those like inner child wounds some times are so deep and so hard to look at, it's because they really usually revolve around us in our most vulnerable space as a child, and then we take
on judgment for how we responded as a child. And so it's like we're looking back at that same wounding with child eyes and child relatability and child charge inside of ourselves instead of saying, you know what, in this moment, I am a woman. I'm a grown woman. So let me look back on those childhood wounds through the lens
of this adult who now better understands life. You know, like our wounding in childhood really stems from lack of experience and us attributing meaning to the things that happened to us with a very limited language and a very limited understanding of the world. So when we're coming in to repair and to heal and dissolve, we have to come to it with the rational understanding of this happened. I was a kid, I interpreted it as this, which then lent itself to me, layering more and more on
top of it. Or this stem from my parent. You know a lot of wounding comes from our parents or the adults in our lives. And the reason it feels so hard to heal is because our parents are our first God, you know, like our family structure is our earth. We don't know that there's more world available to us.
We definitely don't know how it works. So if we feel this conflict about our parents, it's almost like we're in conflict with God because we're still looking at them through that lens, and so like being able to shed that is also and I know this can feel really tender for people, depending on what your parental experience was.
There's a multitude of ways that you know, people experience like deep hardship and the really the things that feel unmentionable about our lives, sometimes at the hands of our parents. But it's really important that we're investigating that wounding or that timeline to do it from the space of an adult who is now equipped with more emotional language, is more.
Equipped with like what are the processes of.
Being an adult? Things that you know, sometimes we take personally as kids. It's like when we become adults, you're like, oh, yeah, it wasn't because I wasn't wanted or neglected, like my mom had to go to work, right, you know, or like or you know, this happened or this circumstance. Adult life is complicated, and the circumstance lent itself to me feeling like this but if I look at it from the lens of what is true from an adult perspective,
does it still have to hurt me? Is there opportunity for me to re experience it, apply my understanding of now and.
Give it some grace and give it some healing.
Oh my god, that's so important. And I never even really looked at it that way, as like putting Erica as an adult in those adults and looking at it
like is that really what happened? Or let you know, it's so crazy too, because even today I was met with something that was really triggering for me, and it is it is, and I'm just listening to you now I realize I correlated the two, is that I was triggered today because there is a healing that has to happen for me amongst me and like my stepfather who like and for me, And it's rooted in my relationship with my father, who me and my father didn't really
have a relationship and he didn't show up for me in that way. And it's different now, but we're more so friends than we are like fatherly daughterly. Yeah, and my stepdad never really took on the role of being my father. Really, I think he didn't want to, like he didn't. He just kind of he didn't know how to. He didn't know how to do it, you know, because and as a child, I was angry about that and upset by that and.
Felt like, well, you should have tried harder.
Who cares if I said, you're not my dad, Like you should have tried harder.
I'm a child.
Yeah, And today, like we had an interaction that really triggered me, that irritated me, and it felt like he wasn't showing up for me again.
And I was.
Like, like, and it triggered me because my dad didnt show up for me and like you're supposed to be my other dad, Like yeah, And so today I, for the first time ever, I messaged him and I was like, we should probably talk, and like I know that he'll never do that, like he'll never reach out to me. So like as an adult, I'm the child, but I'm also I'm an adult now, and like I don't want
to have that experience anymore. I don't want to keep repeating this feeling because sometimes we're like in great spirits together and then other times I'm like what happened? Like did I do something?
Like why are we here?
Like what's going on? And it felt good to like it did feel good because I was feeling a lot of anxiety today. I was angry, and then I was like, I just needed to like talk to him. Why don't I just talk to him? Because I'm because I wanted my dad to talk to me and he and he kind of did, but not really. I wanted him to
talk to me and he's not. But I'm an adult, so I can go to him and I can heal that part of me and even put myself as an adult in the shoes of myself then and our interaction then and try to understand why he has chosen, why he did some of the things that he did. Yeah, and I'm just now, I mean, obviously it's today. It's like day one of embarking on this journey hopefully with him and like healing that and hopefully it'll help heal
parts of my relationship with my own father too. Yeah, but being able to like be adult about it is something that you just said that I didn't even realize. I kind of applied today. So that's so it's first of all, like alignment is so real. I'm so glad you're.
Here right now.
I feel like I'm gonna cry because I'm just like, wow, Like it's been like a long time coming in my relationship with the men in my life because I haven't always felt safe and I haven't always felt like I could depend on them. Yeah, and I'm like, yeah, I don't. It doesn't have to be that way. Sometimes it's just a conversation that has to happen. So he feels like he's given given permission to show up for me that way. Yeah, you know, and so yeah.
And you know what, And it's so like, one, I just like, really prize you for doing that because.
It's so challenging.
Like that's so challenging because it's also feels, you know, there's a piece of you that feels like why do I got to be the one to do this?
And that's kind of like the stance I've always taken.
Yeah, it's like that's not serving me.
It's this is so powerful, Like this is the stance of like a really powerful, awakened person. And it's like remembering our personal power is so important because we find ourselves and this is just biologically how it works, how like the programming of our brain and our hearts really operates with certain people, we will fall into a role that is not.
Actually who we are or how we show up in the world.
And that is especially true when it comes to family and family enmeshment. Like it's really it's like you could be killing it in a boardroom, you could be leading in all these ways, but you get home and it's like, oh, yes, sir, or okay, or no one listens to me or you know, and it's like, it's always beautiful opportunity for us to continue to anchor in the truth of who we are in this moment. I think, like I definitely have two
thoughts around what she said. You know, a piece that's powerful but really challenging, and.
It takes a lot, a lot, a lot of practice.
So anybody listening, it's okay if you don't get it the first try the second third, like it'll come with the practice. But as frustrating as it feels, especially if we've been wounded by the adults that knew us as children, it's so important to realize like adults are flawed, like which we know now, Like we think about our friends and their wounding, we think about our wounding like adults are highly problematic, but we were children and we were
viewing them as safety. We were also trained to view them as that by television, by film, Like every American
ideal for family structure was built around this. You know, two parent household, two parents, and you were made in love and you know they wanted to have you, and then they raised you and always put you at the forefront, and they had a college plan available to you, and the mom was on the pta and the father provided and we have thisby and if they weren't safe and they unconditionally love us, well, news flash, that is not
true for ninety eight percent of people living. But there are these like unicorns that have been crafted as a legend for which our family structure, it's created, this comparable ideal forever and it's not true for any of us, like it really isn't. And when we give ourselves that freedom that none almost none of us you know, had that experience, it frees our hearts so deeply because it's the comparison that hurts when we settle into the what is this is the parent I was given? There is
spiritual curriculum to that. What do I need to know about this? How is this meant to actually be a gift to me, you know, And it's hard because sometimes those gifts are so painful, you know. And also a piece of it, we don't speak to enough as adults now that we're in these mental health conversations. So many adults from our childhoods have personality disorders, They have undiagnosed mental illness or personality disorders or complex post traumatic stress
or PTSD. They were barely surviving the things that happened to them, but they didn't have the language, and they didn't they didn't have the resources that so many of us have. Now It's like there are books, now, there are groups.
Now I can.
Open my Instagram, Like it cracks me up when I open Instagram on some of these psychology pages I follow because I'm like, I spent three thousand dollars on that breakthrough over that years, and today I get to scroll it and get the truths.
So simply, like, we.
Have things and we're having conversations that our parents never got to have either, you know. And when we go down that like family tree, it's like so many of our parents were in deep pain and survived abuse and for them, for some for some of them, you know, it's like something we say right now that I said a lot that I had to really get more humble about, was like, oh, I'm breaking the chains. I'm the ancestral
freedom for my lineage. Like you know, I am the person that came to Earth at this time to heal my whole family line. And I think everyone thought they were doing that, you know, like every like some of the things that I have against this about with my upbringing, it was literally one hundred times better than how my mom was raised, you know.
And it's like so for her.
There was so much honor and so much thoughtfulness and what she thought was the parenting she never got.
But to me, that parenting still felt flawed, you know. And it's like it's because.
We're each coming here with our individual recipe of what our needs are.
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I'm welcome, and people aren't always.
That makes me so scared to be a parent. I know, I know you're so scared to say I am. I feel like I'm I'm showing. I'm showing her all these new things. And what if she grows up and it's like not enough, Mom?
Will I break it to you?
I think I think that's the thing, is like we it is unavoidable to fuck up. It's yeah, I mean it's it is like we're not perfect. This is not perfect. And I think like there's no instruction book. When you're handed a baby. It's almost like it's the most shocking
shit you'll ever do. Like you said, you're pregnant. Everyone's so nice to you and they send your ass home and you're like help, you know, And I just feel like and it's something I'm sure we've all had to deal with, Like you're about to come to tears talking about a conversation how with your stepdad.
And it just reminds me like.
There has been there's been a lot of pivotal points in my adulthood where I had to like look at myself and look at my parents and accept that they are just people. They are children, Yeah, they are all They're healing, they're working through it, and like had to really come to that anger and that frustration and that sadness, that shit, you know, Like like there are many times I would just get in a conversation they want to talk to me, and I want to cry.
Oh my bit, you're thirty years old. Why are you about to cry? Because it's such a sensitive topic.
It's unhealed, because it's so easy to just be that teenage hurt wounded not herd girl again, you know, and to be pissed and frustrated and like, fuck, you should know this, Like you're fucking up. You know, you're talking shit to me, but you're fucking up because I feel like that, you know what I mean, and just taking having the grace to say, oh my god, Like my mom is just a child, she's just a little girl.
She's still figuring it out.
She's still so.
Hurt, you know, like she's blamed things like because she misses her mom, Like she's she's a human person, you know, and it's taken a lot of those conversations with myself, even in like my adulthood and evolving and trying to grow, or then looking at my parents and like, oh my god, you guys are fucking teenagers. But I think a part of it is, like we have to accept that there's no part of our parenting that's perfect. We are imperfect people. So it's by design, right, Because like you said, I
liked what you do. I love what you said about the curriculum of life. Every fucking single experience, every interaction, every relationship, including family are as a part of the curriculum of life. Like I do believe that we choose our parents, and I know, like some people don't want to hear that, but there are lessons in that, those those relationships closest to you that you have to heal
and learn and figure out. And I'm still figuring it out, you know, accepting people and like, are my parents as who they are. And I think one of the biggest things I've tried to apply because lord knows, I may not be doing this parenting thing completely right because I'm a little crazy, but like it's just letting my daughter see me vulnerable letting her know, like I don't have all the answers, like letting her know I messed up. I'm sad. Like the other day I cried and she's
right here. I cried in front of Luna and she was like, why are you crying? And I was like, I don't know, I don't know. Just hug me, hug me, you know what I mean, But like I don't. And I've seen my mom cry and there were things, but just sometimes it just takes being vocal and vulnerable, and even if your kid is six, you know, and I think I think our parents thought that was deeply traumatizing to not let your kid know that you didn't have everything all together.
Yeah, it was like.
Everything's fine, everything's fine, the bills are paid. I'm so happy, Like, no, you're not to lose your shit.
Everybody was so hyper vigilant because even that is such a layered experience. It's like for us it would be like, why mom, were you not just more vulnerable with me? And then it's like for a mom of that generation, especially a woman of color, you were pushed into this this unwanted role of forced resilience all the time, Like society didn't give a shit about what you were walking through. So you probably not only didn't even.
Vocalize it outside of yourself to.
Anyone, because you knew it when it matter and when it changed, but you didn't even vocalize it to yourself. So the ability to be vulnerable is not even a possibility.
It's not even you don't even recognize it in yourself, let alone expressing it to someone else.
And I experience that now, like, oh, Erica, like you're I'm not okay. I'm like, maybe you're right.
You know, you don't even realize that you're not okay until you've given yourself the grace to say it to yourself out loud.
Yeah, you know.
And that's such a powerful thing, Like in exploring the inner child is like first you have to identify that those that those wounds even exist, and then you have to dig back into your your deep subconscious about exactly the moment and experiences and interactions that you've had that
contributed to how you act out in adulthood. Because I've i was listening to your podcast, I've experienced a lot of ways, like drinking, you know, I've feend a lot of my twenties and now like excessively drinking, or like unnecessary sex and unnecessary relationships and toxic love and just feeling comforted by that toxicity because I'm actively avoiding dealing with my fucking self, you know, because that hurts too much.
Well, if toxicity is our normal, we're just craving home, you know, Like we're just craving that same dynamic that we were so used to and that was the foundation of our beans. So it's like even sometimes when we want more for ourselves, we continue these loops in these patterns because that is what was illustrated as safety to.
Us trauma bonds.
I just really learned that, like the last few years, because I was backstepping and backstepping and backstaffing with my.
Bad Luna go blame God, Oh my business.
I'm backstepping and then like just these toxic cycles of such pain. But I was literally putting myself in the position actively raising my hand to get there. And it's like it took me a long time and realized, like and I would even notice. I would when things would start to feel panicked in my regular life, even if they were already like high stressed, I would seek that even though if it heightened, it would heighten the discomfort,
my sadness. But I saw that with my parents. I saw my parents have toxic relationships my entire life, yelling and screaming and acting crazy and coming and going, And so I saw myself attached to that in my adulthood and in ways that the relationships mirrored so much it scared the shit out of me, you know.
But I was.
Actively doing it to myself and then getting so mad at myself because A, I know the results, be you keep doing it, be you keep doing it, you keep doing it, you keep doing it, and then finding some weird sick comfort in it. Yeah, and then even to the point where my closest friends were like, there's something wrong with you. We're concerned, you're sick, like and then like like, we're really concerned because you keep saying this
and doing that. And I was getting so fucking mad because I know that, and.
I'm telling like, you don't think I know?
You know?
Do you think it's that easy?
Like and actively finding the words to try and like justify it, but not, and then trying to explain to my friends who have none a long time, like you don't think I know you don't think I'm working on it and like I don't need this shit from you now.
You know.
But it's a crazy realization of self to be like I'm inflicting pain on myself because it's comforting to me.
Well, it's like it's like nostalgia, right, Like we like get excited when we hear a nineties R and B record or something because it puts us into that place, and that's nostalgia with like an upbeat flavor.
It's like, oh my.
God, they don't make music like this, Oh this is my jam. But it's the same thing with some of our toxic family traits. It's like you have a longing for it sometimes, you know it really there is this nostalgia of wanting to recreate what you knew.
As a child.
And it's like in moments like that, you know, part of like the reparenting dynamic that's so important, Like reparenting yourself is treating yourself how you wish you were treated as a child. It's talking to yourself with kindness. And so often when we're feeling frustrated with ourselves from like where we're at with growth, it's like, come on, get it together, you know, Like come on, And it's like
you have to do the opposite to you. Anytime you feel like you're recreating chaos or you're finding yourself in crisis, it's literally about.
Like, oh, baby, you're hurting, take a breath.
Imagining yourself as a child, Like speak to yourself the way you would any three year old on the street, not even your own child. If I see any three year old on the street, I'm like, oh, look at a baby, you know, and I'm like, Hi, oh gosh, you're so smart.
Hi beautiful.
Like it's giving yourself that same kind of nourishment and parental guidance to that little you that's still inside. And you know, that's how we heal. It's through the kindness. It's through the grace, it's through the patience with ourselves as a child, and it's not through the get it together.
You should know this. Come on all right, Like go to therapy.
Talk to dad.
It's like the tenderness. It's the slowness, and if it takes your whole.
Life, that's okay.
That's all we're here for anyway, right. We're just here to experience and to learn and to grow and transcend. So if you need to take your time, take it, but do it with tenderness.
When I was listening to your podcast, you had mentioned that, first of all, you said something that was or I guess you had asked a therapist or someone you were speaking with. You'd said, why is like finding wholeness the fight of our life in the childhood?
Girl?
Why is finding wholeness the fight of our life in our adulthood? And I told me. I was like, oh my god, is that what our whole podcast was about? Is like finding our wholeness? And I was like, kinda, And it does feel like oftentimes it does feel like the fight of your life. And I think she said a child has to blame or else.
She'll go and say, oh my god, that was like what Yeah?
And I was like, day when you said that child.
Has to blame or else, she'll go and say And I was like wow. And now having a child and her always like when something goes wrong, you like, she did it, you did it did And I'm like, yeah, Carl're not in trouble.
You're not in trouble, Like, why are we blaming someone right now? Yeah?
I thought that was so interesting.
It's so like and it's also so sad.
You know not, I know it is.
It is yeah, you know I so I you know, off and on. I've gone to therapy over the years. I do think like cognitive therapy is phenomenal, and it gives you language and it.
Gives you structure to your experience.
But we have to add in like somatic experiencing to really be in the healing or to like dissolve the trauma. We have to love the trauma. We can't just give it language and understand, Oh I act this way because this happened to me. It's like, Okay, now that I can understand that, how can I bring that intellectualization down into my heart so I can actually live as the person I want to be that I really am. And so sometimes like I have this one phenomenal psychologist, sometimes
I just cut. Like so I do a lot of healing work on myself, but I also do a lot of healing education for myself. Like over the last ten years, I've probably gotten like an Ivy League education in different healing modeality. So sometimes I'm like the weirdo that books time with a leading psychologists to ask them questions that aren't necessarily about me.
But I'll be like, how does.
This work in the brain or why does this happen? Or why do kids do this? You know, I'm really really freaking curious. So I you know, when I study trauma and I study the barriers that we put up against our own healing, the common denominator for all of us is this under underlying feeling of being unworthy or being worthless. That is where I feel that one hundred percent of all of our trauma really sinks into and
also experiences lend itself to that. Certain experiences happen that we interpret as being judgments against us or wrongness about us.
So I was asking her, I said, you know, why is it that.
Everything always comes down to us not really thinking we're worthy or us really loving ourselves? And she said, you know, when you're a kid, she said this phrase to me, thats that you share that Jess.
Like it rocked my soul.
It was you know, well a child has to blame or else that will go insane. And she said, you know, biologically, neurologically, the way your mind works as a young person is that like you don't have context for anything, you don't have language for hardly anything, and you don't have life experience, and so everything about our experience is crafted by how
we understand our caregivers. So if our caregivers, who we now come to understand as adults, are these problematic flawed adults like we are, and like we know.
I look like I can't wait to call my mom. Problemiz, Mom, you were a problematic caregiver. You did your best.
I love you did. It was probably dev said that to say that Dad, it's problematic step father.
When I go talk to my stepfather, So listen my relationship.
You're a problematic adult and I am too.
And also, you were a wounded child, right, you know, like you were a wounded child and you wounded me, and that's.
You know what it is.
But you know, the process of like a child blaming or it will go insane, is really found in that the way.
A child processes it has.
To give meaning because it's craving to understand its experience, it's craving to build its structures. And so for a young person, it's not even conceivable to you that the problem is your parent, or the problem is your family system, or the problem is your home.
If that were to occur to you, it would put you.
Into a fight or flight that is not survivable, like if your parent is God, if your home is really your earth, and something is wrong with that, and you're all so very clear that you cannot care for yourself. If you were to find fault in that system, it would send you spiraling.
Who would care for you as a kid.
You would probably give yourself a heart attack from being in fight or flight constantly. So you have to think
it's you. You have to think that it's something wrong with you, and then you commit yourself to this path of being better, of earning love, of you know, trying to get the attention, or trying to get into a safe space with your parents or with your family so that you can feel the love, so that you can feel safe, which then leads you usually on this lifetime journey of on the far end of the spectrum either becoming a sociopath and a full on narcissist or becoming
a really really committed people pleasing.
People say that sounds like the recipe.
For people please who's in fear of losing love, who's in fear of losing safety, who's in fear of losing self? And you know, either side of that is not necessarily anyone's fault, but they are interesting things to look at as we heal ourselves. You know, what is me and what is like this false programming that I can like all of.
Like defense mechanisms almost that we've become accustomed to an innate too. That like someone if certain reactions in adulthood start to make you react different ways. There was something else you said. I think everyone has childhood trauma. There's no one's no one's fucking missing it, you know, but I think and it's hard. You think about your entire childhood and it's hard to go like pinpoint certain moments.
It almost takes you like kind of like really getting into that space and really committing to deep diving into your memory about what you remember, conversations, all those experiences. Because I think also with children and with childhood, as we I know, I have been able to block things out. It's like our response to traumas like I can forget some shit quickly, like don't mention it again. I'm gonna forget now, okay, but like actual tangible tools and ways
to go and start the process. So a friend of mine told me recently, like getting into feudal position and like thinking of those things. And then I know I heard in your podcast about like pulling up a picture of you in a certain age that you weren't comfortable with. And it's so funny that you said that, because I was scrolling through my phone like last night or the other night, and you know, the phone behaving like years and years of shit you didn't ask for, and I
was just like scrolling. I was like, wow, things have changed, thank god. But you know, like all these pictures were kind of triggering in like places. I was like, in certain relationships, how I was feeling in the really times.
Both memories is the worst thing Facebook ever did to humanity.
I mean, and now the phone is good.
Now have you noticed that iPhones are now just reminding me where you.
Have to create a whole album that you don't ask for. I'm really like seeing my baby daddy on the beach. I'm like, no, we asked for this. Shit. Fuck I ask for this goddamn memory. I was there. I didn't need this. I take the picture.
Don't be pulling shit ibout and asked for Siri, Yo, Siri cut the ship.
What the fuck? But it just it just you know, even fuck even.
Childhood this last year, bitch, I was looking at pictures from the last the twenty twenty. I was like, I'm a whole different person. I've come so far. Wow, you know what I mean. But just like giving yourself permission to dig and dive into those places like I don't think sometimes we have the tools to where to begin. It's so it's so hurtful, it hurts so bad. Yeah, I've locked those doors. I've cemented it.
Like, yeah, so what are some tools, like some beginner step tools for people that are like I don't even know where to start with this healing?
Yeah, love it.
It's actually it's actually so simple, but it takes practice to feel.
Comfortable with it.
It's really be able to look at the work you need to do with joyful curiosity.
Or at least like deep interest.
You know. It's like when something comes up for me now, like if there's a piece of shadow work that I have to do, it's it's really about like, oh what is this? Why do I feel that right now? Am I jealous? Am I angry?
What has charged?
Why does it feel that way? Instead of like I'm so angry right now?
Or god?
You know, like people always do this and I'm just so instead of leaning into that as the way that you're processing what you're feeling, coming into it from more of a neutral space allows there to be like a rapid fire healing.
Like I can't even stress that enough.
Like the healing comes so fast when you come more into a space of neutrality about your journey and come more into a space of just like really deep interest in curiosity, as if you were walking a dear friend through their process. You know, like, well, what happened? What comes up for you when you say that, you know, what did something happen that lent itself to that? Like you're in the role of like journalists and women, we
are natural inherent psychologists, journalists and detectives. Sure, yet we don't apply that same ability that is a refined skill. We don't apply that to our own process of self.
And it's like if we gave it that same level of diligence, that same level of like creative introspection and that same curiosity, like we can free ourselves so much faster with ease, with ease and joy, Like healing does not have to come through all of the knights on your knees and tears or the yelling into your pillow, or the taking the drives, like healing can come through the tiny moments, the twinkle of an eye, the joy,
the self inquiry question. You know, it can come through the one time that you decide to say no, and then that starts to build up your ability to say.
It more and more when you want to.
And really investigate.
But it's the secret is the curiosity, Like I treat myself with the deep curiosity for my needs, for my joys, Like hmm, what am I craving today? Like what could I use to smile today? What would feel good for me? Okay, let me do that to then? Oh wow, I feel really defeated today. Okay, what's coming up? What do I feel? Where in my body do I feel it? It's in my heart? Okay, that feels like grief? What am I experiencing right now?
What's here?
You know?
And just being willing to be with yourself. And that's what we avoid, you know, I think we get through life without realizing all the tools of avoidance we have for ourselves. We avoid ourselves with the packed schedule, We avoid ourselves with friendships, with fun, with perceived happiness, like we can find we can turn anything into a tool of avoidance.
Anything, and so it's so.
Important to really create those moments where we're just with us, Like go stare at yourself in the eyes in the mirror with your face two inches away from the mirror. Light a candle and do that.
For a minutes and see what happens.
You know, for real, Like it's really comfortable.
Do you get eye contact? Period? Is some shit? It is really some shit, especially with yourself. It's crazy. You said that.
I had an acting like exercise with a stranger in an acting class randomly, and the exercise was for us to stare at each other in each other's eyes for two minutes. And I was I get awkward. I can like someone can yell at me or send me something, tell me something sensitive, and I'll like smirk, So I
can avoid very easily. But this girl started to cry and I was like I embraced her, and I was like, god, damn, Like that's first of all, is this acting class is fucking therapy both But second of all, like damn, that is like she saw me seeing her and it made her very vulnerable.
Yeah, And like sometimes.
I will catch myself in the bathroom I'll try and tell myself things, but I'm like, oh wow, I haven't looked at you in a while.
Like you know, it's like this deep and you know what you just said in the acting class, that's so beautiful because like in like the mindfulness world, in like retreating systems and workshops, what you did is actually a really powerful tool for meeting yourself. And it's called soul gazing.
And so it's like I've been I've been at retreats before where I got in a line outside with two hundred people and we each spent a minute staring into each other's eyes, like spent the whole afternoon what all walks of life. So you're seeing every kind of face and every kind of eye. And I remember the very first time I did it, I was like I could see like every person I would look in their eye for that time span, I would literally just say to them, you are whole, you are worthy, like with my mind,
and I would extend that same feeling to myself. And you know, I've cried, or the people in front of me would cry, because we don't realize how often we're not even getting enough touch alone enough eye contact, especially now in quarantine, like you know, for those that have been inside or having like really limited access to people,
it's like something like holding your friend's hand. Like me and my best girlfriend, she came to hang out with me and my son for a few days, and she's like, whenever she comes over, we spend a few days together, you know, which is like rare, Like we're both busy, so we rarely get to do it. But when we do, it's like, let's have a sleepover for three days. Like she'll come over, spend time with the baby, We'll wake up,
have coffee together. Sometimes her and I just sit on the couch and we'll hold hands watching something, you know what I mean, And it's.
Like that's my friend, like really just my friend.
But you know, it's like it's giving people you care about, those moments of intimacy, that deepening, you know, looking at someone in their eyes, like it that's such a gift for you and them.
And I think I think that the longer we've been friends with people, and the longer people around us, we forget to do that. Yeah, because I remember like that, like obviously, I mean, Erica at the closest people that ever existed in fucking human friendship. But like in the beginning, like the first meeting Erica have only really been best
friends for three years. But in the first like year or two of our relationship, even now, because she wasn't my friend that had been super comfortable with for years and years and years, she would just touch me and like rub my shoulder and be like, you don't seem okay, And I would just like jar me because I wasn't
used to that, you know. And now you feel so close to people, but sometimes you'd get so close to people that you are not close, you know, you forget to offer them the courtesy of just like the things I touched, you know, of cuddling, of love, and just like those little things of her like reminding me. Even like she apologize this to me, I'm like, no, well, damn.
Where my feelings hurt? You know what I mean?
Like they weren't, but maybe they were, you know, yeah, yeah, But because we forget that gentleness, we forget that like that that kindness to be to the people we've known the longest, our moms, our parents, you know, Like.
I'm like, as a friend, I am a kissy, huggy, like wis your birthday?
I feel like birthday's in the close to mine. I just read this June and nineteenth.
My birthday is June eighteenth.
Yeah, okay, mine June twenty seconds.
She's only I'm a Gemini or I'm a double Gemini with the Leo Rising.
A Leo Rising too is crazy.
Oh I love being a Leo Rising. Oh okay, So I want to ask some o question.
I know we've been talking a lot, but we had this question, and I don't know if you have any more questions.
Oh I was gonna actually ask that.
Okay.
Yeah, so we have a question our DMS for you and I don't.
Mean to read it or yeah, go ahead, Okay, we had a question. Actually, this is from Torri, who I love.
She love you.
Yeah, she's always a.
Young cool ass listening, artistic shout out to tor.
Yeah, she's dope, she said. I'd love to hear her approach to breath work and how she ritualizes it throughout her day.
But before you start, I want to say when I picked my two cents that I recently went to Mexico, I told everyone, tell everyone again. I was with like my hippie friends and I was.
There part of Mexico we went.
I was in zach It was like right outside of Cabo called Zacatthas. Oh okay, No, not Zachary's those total No, it was.
I And we did acid.
So all those things you were saying, like one drop of this, one drop of kinda is like one drop of.
Acid heels everything, but a lot of it.
Like the first week of being there, they're just like cool hippie burning man people and we're just doing a lot of like.
Yeah, a lot of moaning, a lot of looking at due, a lot of beautiful sight seeing, and just like a lot of touching, like a lot of bodywork.
And getting on my body. That was and I didn't know it was my jam girl. I didn't know was just following my white people.
Were eating fruits.
I was eating fruits and moaning, seeing sunsets, waking up early.
I was just like.
Stretching naked, dancing naked around the house like we're having this my jam.
Energetic intimacy, just being comfortable, just be vulnerable, because I feel like we don't give ourselves the permission to do that a lot. And so days later and we did this acid trip and we put attention into the acid. I had this like life changing experience and so what I've taken from that is that experience. But very much, I don't give a fuck where I'm at, who I'm with. I'll be like fucking uber, like yup, join me?
When to join? Ye? I have a hard to die homework. Yeah, and I have a lot of weird stares.
But also I feel like there's fucking I mean obviously I have a podcast, so there's there's power and frequencies and voice like we put our we put our words out and those frequencies go forever until they bounce off of nothing, you know, to the universe. So I just based on Tory's question, like how what.
Was the question?
The question was she loved to hear your approach to breath work and how you ritualize it throughout your day.
You know what, for me, everything is literally sacred, Like every single thing about my day is a ritual or an offering to God in some way. Like I feel like I feel like I'm building a life for myself, that my life.
Is the altar for God, you know. And it's like with breath.
Work, that is a piece of it's just a natural piece of everything. Like I'm always stopping much like you just describe to take a moment to breathe, to take a moment to center, Like yesterday I was on not like my work day is typically and this is gonna sound crazy considering I work in well being, but my day is five am to ten am every day, every single day without fail. And moms I know can definitely relate.
To that, you know.
And it's a lot, but I managed to get a lot of great solid sleep, and I was like.
How am I functioning?
And it's really because if I have ten minutes of each hour, I'll use it for myself and I'll go outside and i'll ground and I'll just focus on my breathing and for me, like the hand placements that feel really good, it's like one over my heart, check ra one over my sacral and just really take time to like feel my heartbeat, connect to my womb, my creativity center, and just.
Take that big deep breath.
In through your nose. And I usually do a lot of the slower breathing or like the lion's breath, where you're taking in a big breath through in heal through your nose, really big, filling your lungs like their gorgeous balloons, just expanding holding the breath for a moment and then like letting it come out and just doing that repeatedly and really noticing myself and my body and even like wiggling and how do I feel and what feels good, you know, and like letting your eyes kind of hang
a little lower and go with the natural movements of your body. And then sometimes I like to like do one like deep journey a week. So like last night I did a two hour breath work journey, and it was.
It was more intense. There was definitely the.
For two hours, and then like everything started tingling and I might have like, you know, levitated for a second.
I don't even know what happened.
But.
I went somewhere really really fucking enjoy my own company, like I am such a great friend to me, Like I really like having moments to just spend with myself and there not be any comparison, there not being any Like I can, honest to God, find joy and absolutely anything and feel connected to it. So that's kind of the way that I use my practice throughout the day.
But also like if I enter a room in my house, I let it incense before I walk into my office, I do a prayer in the room, I light an incense, I light certain candles, I call in, you know, certain energies to just aid me. And that's a part of every single day and of every process. If I run myself a bath, I do reiki over the water and like say a prayer that the water rejuvenates me, and then I get in and you know, it's like there, I feel like there's always opportunity to turn something into
like a moment, not just for growth. Like we can't get too focused on how we're growing, what we're growing, how we're healing. Sometimes it's like, let me relax into the pure joy of what is in this moment and exactly the version of myself who I am in this moment. I know I'm looking to potentially refine or chisel in this way and in this way, but I can also love the shit out of her right now as is. I can also love how she's showing up to herself even when she hasn't figured out this tool yet.
You know, I can.
Still celebrate the process. So that's kind of like the way that I move. But definitely I introduce breath to everything. I introduce reiki to everything. I find ways to do both in every part of my day.
That's amazing. That's amazing. I've seen the breath work that you've done on social, on following your on social, and Miila's really inspired me to. I mean, I've always incorporated breath, but like honestly, like I feel like there has been even sort of like, don't breathe too loud.
You know that's weird, You're actually weird. You know, rhythm, like why are you just dancing for no reason? Chill out like you're being weird.
Oh my, don't breathe that loud.
Don't make us all known right now?
Like even like we want a yoga class and you hear that one person that's.
Like, ah, you're like shut up, Actually no, it's me.
You're having the best classes ever know the poss but I get but like, no, it's really It's really has helped me. So thank you, Mila, And I'm so glad. I'm so happy that we have reconnected. I know, and you live in the valley, So now I'm not You're not gonna get rid of me. I'm coming over to your house. I just want you to know me and Erica bring the things we bring.
Me and Erica recruit all of our guests to be our best friends in three way and three way group text.
So I'm your your were birthdays with three days apart. We're best friends now we both like.
Simon, let's let's moan less, let's dance like ground naked in the backyard, let the kids run free. I'm about that life. Absolutely put attention into our water together name.
And I'm only available for people like this in my.
Life, like the girls again, gift of like being this version of me and the pandemic.
It's just like I there's no time to be wasted none. I want only people near me that we want to be naked together sometimes.
Can you hold me? Can we hold each other?
Let's hold and you know what you said too, And I know we're ending. Sorry not to drag it on, but like when we were talking about like like how breath work shows up, or like making sounds like last night, after I did that that two hour journey, I went and I took a shower and I just started making crazy sounds in the shower. Perceived crazy, it's not crazy, but I was just like, what would this sound sound like?
And I was like, oh, and then I was like, and then I just started making any sound that came to me. And it's like doing that, it creates like such a freedom and a space disst and you like create with your breath, like make sounds what's inside of you that wants to come out, Like.
Kids do it forgot child.
Kids do that ship all day They do weird ship all day long. My daughter is a fucking weirdo.
I love her showing me shit Like look, mom, I'm like, what the fuck?
That's great, honey, you know y. I was like, lately, my daughter's been taking showers alone, which has been wonderful, like like we've found We've gotten to this new ritual of like every morning you take a shower, okay, Like sometimes we'll skip a day and I'm like, you know what, no, we're not skiing in mornings. And so she has been really enjoying it by herself. And I hear her in there making all types of sounds and ship singing like water.
She's like this, she's ancient like healing because Lina does the same thing. She'll get in there even as a young kid, like she was in there forever.
I had to get her out. I'm like every morning. I'm like, okaybe it's.
Been thirty there's deep healing in water, that's why. And the kids be knowing, girl, the kids be knowing. Yeah, the primitive things and you that want to come out. It's okay to give your permission to let them out.
So, Debbie, can you tell her our people where they can find you.
Yes, hit me on the gram. All my channels and my website is just Debbie Brown. So d E v I Debbie Debbie Brown on ig you hit my.
Link in bio.
It leads you to all the places and all the things awesome.
And you guys know where to find us Instagram at Good Mom's Underscore, Bad Choices. Make sure you follow us on Patreon. That's patreon dot com backslash Good Moms, Bad Choices. Debbie is going to be blessing us with a full moon meditation. It's a little five minute, short little meditation, but get us in the get us in the spirit. You know, we always me and Jamila are always about
manifesting period. But on the full moon, and even after we had this conversation last month with Loose Warrior, your all needs to be manifesting on your period.
My period is like all on the end, but I just had I was feeling bitchy about it.
I did tap in. I'm like, have you heard about the red tent?
Okay, so Loose Warrior she talked to us about rev her by the way, Oh, she's amazing to talk about
the tent. And basically, how like in ancient history, women were put in the They had this red tent and these tribes and all the women because their cycles would be would be the same, because you know, once as women can get together, our cycles start to be similar in the moon, and they would all go into this red tent and they would anything that the tribe needed to get done down, they would write it down, give it to the women. They'd go in the red tent
and pray, pray over it and manifest. They believe that for the community. When you're on your period, you have a direct you have a direct channel to God.
Yeah.
So we've been we've tapping in on that.
And I guess what I'm gonna be on my period on the full move So I'm red tenting and full moon manifest.
It's on Saturday.
Yeah, Okay, well, yeah, I hope my period doesn't the end by Saturday, me too.
I feel like you got three day residual effects.
Yeah yeah, and I'm sure me and you have manifested a lot of shit in our period together and absolutely Oh and also in addition to that, please go check out our girls new children's book, Mommy, Can You Write Me a Bedtime Story? By Jessica Schrody aka Jessica Rose. Because it's the bomb and she's about to.
And we've been drinking out of her glasses all day. We're drinking wine. There are her baby daddy tear glasses. Our baby daddies are crying right.
Now and we're drinking their tears.
Stay hydrated ladies, choking on them, just like a baby daddy, Just like a baby daddy.
You would Anyway, you guys don't where to find us. Like I said, have an amazing week and we'll catch you next week.
We love you. Bye bye.
Hey guys, have you joined Patreon, where we offer even more juicy content.
Yes, y'all.
We have a secret episodes, secret segments, and some very personal blog posts that we don't share on the interwebs, So make sure you go check out our Patreon. That's patreon dot com. Backslash good mom's bad choices. Here's a little sneak peek.
You know, for people who are exploring this. If you're trying to fulfill something that's missing in your primary relationship, like that's that's not the way to go into this.
This is like you're so fulfilled.
By your partner and you want like little extra icinger sparkles on the cake. You know, it's like this is this is this is not something to relationships. You're not don't try to fix your relationship, like go in with an empowered relationship or as I've.
Done it as a single woman.
That is fun.
It's going to dude, being a single girl of a sex party is so much fun.
This is
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