How I Lost My Virginity

Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Mila, and it's Wednesday. Happy hump Day, Happy hump Day and happy What are we calling this month? Like Sexy June.

We've been trying to figure this out for a month, Like Hot mom Summer, Sexy June summertime Fine, which Erica was not.

A fan of.

I mean it's growing on me. I guess it's nineties and I love the nineties, so it just feels.

Bring the back whole hot Summer.

If you have joined us on our dick Challenge, our Dick Talks Challenge, it's over. So I don't know if you guys are back to fucking. I don't know if you guys are back to making better choices. But our main challenge, our May Dick Talk Challenge, is over. I just want to thank everyone that joined me on the journey. Thank you so much. I love you. I loved our weekly zoom calls. If you joined our slack, then you

Just because May is over doesn't mean you have to give up your dick took no. I feel like after the first thirty days it gets easier. So it's like, once you hit thirty day mark, are you even horny anymore?

You could just like go for a full year after that.

Mostly I think you're horny. You're just like more horny for yourself, and it's just like you're just not really inviting just any kind of residual energy and you got to really be with the shits.

Yeah, you're more intentional with the pussy by this time. Congratulations, congratulations house.

Shall we pull a tero my love?

Yes, we shall. My shoveling still isn't better? Okay. The card today.

Is the World, which is number this twenty one, Yes, okay, it's twenty one the World, and it's a woman with two sticks.

She looks bountiful, bountiful.

She just looks happy.

Well. According to the description of the World card, upright represents completion, integration, accomplishment, and travel.

Oh huh, look at there. Hah hah.

Me and Mila just signed a very important contract today which I don't know if we can share it with you guys, but the moment we can, we will, and I hope that you're excited as well. And it is a huge accomplishment and we are about to go travel to complete it. So this card feels very very on time for us.

It says inner and outer wealth, inner and outer wealth. Wow, that's a good ass card to pull because a lot of people have outer wealth, and that don't always mean you have any shoutdown, and Lord knows I need both joy recognition, being in harmony with the universe because we have manifested the fuck out of this finding balance, enlightenment, achieving goals, union of body, mind and soul. You, the world and the intangible are one. Become the creator of

I think it means we're walking in our purpose.

Dear, I mean, duh, I think we found our calling talking shit on the internet.

It's beautiful. Thank you God, Thank you God. I knew.

I told someone the other day. I was like, you know, in my twenties, I did a bunch of shit. I barely said no to shit just because it sounded fun and I needed to accumulate experiences. And at that time I didn't know why I had all these stories.

And God is like, here you go.

You're all the stupid shit you did in your twenties that everyone was like, what the fuck is wrong with you? This is why, because I knew the world needed to hear my whole stories in my thirties. It's so important that I share my crazy, wild experiences. And that's why God let me have them, because he knew I needed to live a little and I needed to share a lot.

Amen. Amen, speaking of our youth and host stories. Yesterday, I had dinner with one of my best friends who's visiting from Germany. Shout out to my boy Jared and I don't really share this information a lot, but I used to like be a singer, oh yeah, and apparently a rapper because I went back into he opened up our SoundCloud, which still exists, which maybe I'll share in the episode description because actually I'm kind of proud. I went back and listened. I was like, wait, we were

I keep telling you we need to use one of the tracks.

Okay, well, maybe we'll use Maybe we'll use it so we've been using before. You know what, maybe we'll outro this episode with one of the songs. Because a bitch was proud. Last night I was listening, and not only that, was I ridiculously sex positive. Like I was talking about like coming sucking dick, Like yeah, there's this one song called focus, and it's like keep your mind in folks, trying not to let go of this, take it all

Were a witch and you were stitch.

I was proudly so sex positive and like I didn't know my life was gonna lead me here, but I think I was practicing then. Then I was listening to these rap skills. I was like, baby daddy, who nigga, I'm the O g rapper bitch. No wonder he never supported me because he knew I was bad at And you know now now I'm telling you, I'm proud. I was, like I told you, I was like, maybe we should

Of music DJ music like mixes that you want to hear.

Yeah, and then I can just sprinkle in my shit.

I'm here for it.

When you guys drop the like, drop the remixes, just give me a feed you and you know I fully support your baby.

Calise rap dreams.

Oh my god, I had songs about like only like having sex with rich people.

I had. I had some deep shit I had like I had some stuff of a manifestation planting seas Okay, yeah.

Girl, I was on some ship. I don't know what happened, but I know for sure I would be at Coachella this year if I had just kept going. I'm not kidding. I know.

You're just dead serious, do you.

Because you're so good at manifesting, can you lead us into our affirmation for the day. Yes, because you're so sex positive and you're so good at manifesting even before you knew you were doing it.

Oh yep, yep, yep. So today's affirmation is I only invite bomb ass sex into my life.

Oh can we get a hallelujah?

I only invite bomb ass sex into my life. Okay, especially after this dick talks. Okay, don't waste the pussy on some on some not bombs at.

Don't have time for it. Actually, someone asked me last night.

I asked me last night, how often do you give up the pussy and then it's disappointing?

And I said, honestly, I'm gonna have to go.

With an eighty to ninety percent rate. I could have wiped out ninety percent of motherfuck as I fucked. Luckily for you, there's stories for them, but ninety percent of the thing is I fucked were not satisfying. I can't even remember, like I could probably remember five good fucks.

What about you like me?

You know what? Someone asked me that. So I was on a date recently and I asked him, I said, what are your like worst sex stories? And he shared some that were very like scary and like some girl like took out a fork and knife and said she wanted to eat his dick. That was crazy? What yeah? Now, Like I was like, can I see your dick? Like what's going on with your dick?

Too?

I don't know, but now I haven't.

I didn't ask what happened next.

He said he left, but like I have questions now. I'm like I kind of wanted to be like can I see your dick? Like what's going on with the dick?

Like?

Why does she want to eat it? Maybe it's beautiful, That's what I mean. That's what he was alluding to. But anyway, he asked me what my bad sex story was were, And of course I've had like not great sex, but I don't know, like I haven't had like a lot of bad sex. I don't think. I don't think. I think because I've just been manifesting good sex in my life from such a young age, I don't know if.

It's necessarily been bad sex. I bring the sex just.

Like That's what I'm saying, Like I feel like I can get myself there. You I don't know, like, of course I've had bad experiences like you know, people sweating all over my face or like you know, like asking me to like talk a lot when I don't want to talk and like, you know, just like you know, sizing not being you know, compatible to me and all those things. But I just feel like I haven't had terrible sex my I don't know, it's been okay.

I honestly, I'll be completely one hundred, like ninety eight percent of my sex is like foggy, I was drunk.

I was blacked out. A lot of those times not great.

And you know what, you know what, Also there's that because I have a terrible memory, which is a whole other topic which terrifies me and scares me that I'm not gonna remember half my life. Thank god we're podcasting because I'll I can like go back and listen to what the fuck I did. But there's a lot of things I don't remember, and there's people I don't remember. Like there'd be people that will be like come up to me and be like, don't you remember this person

I totally knew I had a problem when I called my homegirl that I used to work with, and I said.

Hey, girl, I just got a weird dream. I just want to know, did I fuck.

Our bartender that we worked with at this job. She said, yes, bitch, you did one time. I was like, thank you, I'll call you back.

It dawned on me, Wow, how many of those are there? Probably quite a few, which you know is fine. I drink less than I did then. I was a wild child.

I was.

I'll be the first to say I was sledting it out hardcore. You know, I've graduated to being an ethical slut being. I'm trying to be more ethical. Erica has come to the conclusion that she thinks that I'm toxic, which could be true.

Did I come to that conclusion?

You said it to me in the car yesterday?

I said, toxic tendencies.

I'm working on it. It's not my fault.

I think that you will like a little drama, like a little spice. Do you like a little sprinkle drama?

I don't like drama.

I like.

I don't like a little psycho love.

That's psycho's drama. Bit I don't usually psycho equals drama.

I want you to love me so bad you're gonna go crazy, but like, don't act crazy to me.

I don't have time for that.

Speaking of which is well, I guess we'll talk off air about this, But I'm just wondering what you know, your little psycho, the psychonist that has led to the drama that is occurring that apparently doesn't happen in your life. No drama. How's that going for you today?

First of all, there's no drama because I am ignoring the whole fucking situation. But if I must confess because Erica has asked me when she didn't wait till laughter, because she doesn't.

Give a fuck about my feelings.

So my toxicity probably includes me falling in love a lot, not a lot.

I do love people.

I'd be loving people, I'd be wanting to liberate them because I feel like I've found that a lot of people have a hard time being free and have a hard time like igniting life like they're not they're lust for life, and I feel like, naturally I have that really Well, shit happens, but always I'm happy to be here, and always I'm trying to find the highest height of what my life experience could be, whether it be in sex and friendship. Like I'm generally the type of person

Anyway, I don't know if any if you're on our close friends.

But some time ago, a few months ago, I first I cheated on that boyfriend. Then I was sad, so I went to the Internet with my sadness. I met a niggain in my DMS. He was entertaining me. I was trying to get over the last guy, and he said, come visit me in blah blah blah blah blah.

So what do I do?

Duh?

I say, Yeah, which better way to get over another niggas to get under another one and go to a trip. Did I have other things going on in my life that needed prioritizing? Sure, I just moved. Did I needed furniture? But first the first recovery, dick right.

Very important.

I fully endorsed this message, so literally, I got the keys to my apartment on like Monday Wednesday morning, I went to get under somebody. So I traveled. I spent a couple a few days with this gentleman. We had a really good time.

We did.

He's totally opposite me. Which is something I guess I tend to do a lot. I just find people who are nothing like me, and I'm.

Like, come here, let me pull you out of your shell.

Come come out of the cage.

Take off your shirt, take off your pants, run wild. It'll be fun. And that's what I do.

And then they do and they get a taste of freedom and life and like vibrantness, and they're like, ooh, Mila, like how that tastes.

Let me get a little more.

Let me And then they get greedy and they want to eat me alive and keep me forever. And it's just that's not how I work. I'm a wild animal, free spirit witch, and you can't put me in a cage. Anyway, that happened. We had a good time. I told him I loved him, because I do be loving people. Anyway, he really really got entangled into Mila, and shortly after at that time, I told him, like, I'm open. I just got out of something. I don't want any type

Never settled, didn't say a word shit, I didn't say one fucking word.

Here's a man of little words. I think that's another thing. I like men of little words, because what are.

You thinking in there? Let me tell me? Talk to me?

Anyway, he came, he left. That was probably about like three months ago, two or three months ago. At this point, I told him he has expectations. I was like, look, I am very busy. We're living very different lives. He wants different things out of life, you know, and I think I kind of like spark that for him. Some people are content doing what they've been doing for twenty years and they don't want anything more. And I don't understand it, but like everyone has their thing, you know,

Hey, how are you? I'm good?

What kind of weed do you smell? Where's those mushrooms that you have? Where do you get those? I'm like, I'm the plug.

I have a lot of plugs. I smoke hybrids.

Now he's like, okay, keep in mind, this person did none of these things. I also encourage all my niggas to take psychedelics.

And he's like, because.

I speaking of psychedelics, DMS.

DMS for the psychedelics or black market advertising, our sponsors are gonna pull out, like these pictures anyway, disregardless of kidding.

No, we're not.

He's like, well, oh, I just wanted to know because I'm gonna need to know the plug in about four hours. Excuse me, sir, you're gonna need to know what in four hours? Why would you need to know that? You don't live in the state that I live in. In fact, the only time you've even visited this state in the last ten years is because of me?

Yours truly? Which what do you mean?

Uh? It took some time to get back to that response, probably because at that point he realized it.

Sounded a little crazy.

I haven't talked to you in months, and the last time I talked to you just said like, I don't have a lot of time for this.

And the next time you hit me up, you're here, You're in my city.

So yeah, this is the toxicity that she speaks of. Again, I don't really feel like it's my fault. I feel like this is I don't pop up in my house, I'll kill you.

I don't think it's your fault. I just think that I don't know how many times I have to tell you that you are fucking magical, and when you sprinkle your magic on niggas that are in a little shell, and they get that little click from you, niggas will be crazy. Just remember that episode. Bitches be crazy or whatever the fuck. Bitches be psycho. Niggas be psycho too. When they get the knight fairy fairy dust sprinkled on that very pussy may get the fairy pussy sprinkled, they

Relax. I did all that.

I did twist his hair. I'm a cancer. I'm the mother of all the signs. I like to nurture into hole and to cuddle and to like encourage and motivate. But it doesn't mean I'm here to stay. It means figure your shit out and live better.

Yeah, I know the niggas should not have come. That's out of pocket. That's crazy, that's crazy, I mean.

And then I today, I'm like, who are you here? With himself? So I don't know if there's expectation to see me. I don't really. Here's one thing about me. I care, care, care, I love, love, love. But when I don't care anymore, I can't care. There's nothing I can do about it. I'm sorry I can't see you. I'm booked and busy. You should have called first, you

I did it.

And so I take full responsibility if this portion of my toxicity and I'm going to be more upfront and forward and direct, even if it hurts a nigga's feelings or bitches feelings in the future, because this is probably really gonna hurt when you've traveled to fucking two thousand miles to see someone you're not guaranteed to see and I'm going to guarantee you're not going to see me. So yeah, and he told me in the beginning's like, you're gonna hurt me. I'm like, that's not my intention.

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I love it. It's makes my ethical slut heart smile.

Honestly it does.

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Do you feel this way?

Like if you see a woman and she's thriving, and she's living her best life, and she's going after her dreams and living in her purpose and manifesting abundantly, what the fuck makes you think that? If you are living a life of conplacency and contentness, and you're just like, eh, I'm kind of happy. I think I clocked in and more power to the clock ins.

But are you happy?

Don't come be here in my light and think that we're compatible forever.

It's disrespectful.

Well, those people are usually called energy vampires, and sometimes it's conscious, sometimes it's unconscious. But like I said, you have a light, like I was telling, what was I telling?

Irene? In the car yesterday.

She's like, what did you say to Jamila. I was like, Jamila. I was like, Jamila, it's baby, I was telling Iri was like, baby, it's like when we leave the door open at night and there's that light inside, and you freak out because all the bugs keep coming in because they're attracted to the light. Jamala is the light and all the niggas are.

The bugs keep coming in trying to get it, trying to get some.

And then we keep closing the door, but we keep leaving it open a little bit. So yeah, I think honesty is always the best policy. You're very honest here, so you just got to be honest to these niggas.

And I feel bad right now. I feel bad, like, like, is this my life? Did I get into a career that I do toxic shit and then talk shit about it publicly? I mean, luckily for everyone there's no names involved. But I'm actually just honestly working through my issues out loud, and unfortunately that requires that I talk about other people sometimes.

Yeah, and he's out of pocket, Like I said, that's crazy. I don't care if, especially if you haven't really been giving him that attention. There's no reason to just pop up on you. You have no one. First of all, you have a child, like you have shit going on right now, Like you need to give mom's notice period. Moms need notice and all period.

Yeah.

My old thing too, is like I don't need a hint. If a nigga's not interested in me, I'll be the first bitch to know. Like I'm not, Oh, okay, cool out. I don't think I should have the spell shit out to niggau.

Some people just don't get social cues and they really just don't or they just don't want to.

And I get it. I'm addictive, you know, like I feel good and but.

You take a man you knew that he's never experienced anything like you, and you give him a taste, and of course they're gonna get addicted.

Yes, it's just I wanted him to know that you can have more.

Okay, but do you think did work? No?

Well I did it. I'm sure he's gonna he told me.

Has a job interview on Friday for the same same job in a different city.

That's step one, you know.

But I just feel like, even like he was here around the time, we had a meeting about this thing that's happening with us, and they were talking like numbers and like this huge deal was happening on speakerphone, and I just like looked over and I was just like, this is awkward. It just felt awkward to me, Like I really wasn't like I was celebrating this win. And I just kind of felt bad because I felt like maybe he felt like, oh damn, like, what have I been doing all this year?

You're not equally yoked. You're not, And you know what, don't feel bad about it.

I feel bad because I've not I haven't always been here. Of course I'm not, of course not. But you're here now and so and so. Don't bring yourself backwards because of where you used to be. No, Like, that's not how you continue to propel forward by bringing people from.

Behind with you on the journey, right, you know what I mean? It's one thing to like, you know, bring your people with you and you're like, you know, wanting them to be a part of the journey.

But like niggas can't if you're not not everyone can come. And I'm learning that not everyone's invited.

I'm learning, you know, I have no problem on inviting people.

I know that's where I need to take more from you.

I'm gonna start calling people for you, like, hey, So this is really.

When this was conspiring.

I wanted to give you my phone and I wish that you would just do it for me.

My Hello, this is Tremila's wife. It's over.

She's moved on.

She's moved on. I know she sprinkled the fairy dust. I know, nigga, I know the pussy was bombed. But it's over. It's over. She's in love with someone else now and you should but you should do all the things she said that you should do, like do all those things, but.

With someone else.

I this is a perfect example of why Dick can confuse you and why Dick is not the solution of getting over somebody else, because it just doesn't work well.

Speaking of Dick, and you know confusion, and you know the history of penis in our life. I thought, in honor of this first week of June and us talking all about sex all June and having some really cool guests on this month as well to talk about sex, sex, work, all the things I wanted to share with you guys our history with sex, starting with how we lost our virginity, which for me was not great.

Please do tell.

Okay, Well, you know, I started thinking about sex at a really young age. The first time that I saw sex was at shout out to my friend Gigi. Her dad. He was an NBA player, and he had this huge mansion and I was basically living there all summer long, and he had like every single channel that there could have ever been on television, and he had this workout room, and I remember like he had these bikes, these like stationary bikes, and me and Gigi would like fake bike

That was a fingering year.

And I forget it was like my dad was eleven and twelve.

You're getting the finger fucked all over everywhere.

My dad was getting inducted into the Hall of Fame in Dayton, Ohio. And like his assistants son was my age Daniel.

Oh oh, and he was probably so small, this valley, so small, and he was so fine to me.

Oh my god. I was in love with him, and he was coming on the trip. I was like vacation and we I remember we were in we were at the pool. We're at the pool, and there was like a steam room at the pool too. So we went in the pool and we started making out under the water. Like that was like my first kiss was like underwater. And then actually my first kiss was with a girl, but I didn't count that first kiss with him was underwater. And then we went into the steam room and then

And you know what interruption just because I know this because we're in the valley. If you grew up in the valley and you're black, there are very little black guys in the valley.

So if you were black and you grew up in the valley. You know that there are very.

Little black girls and black boys, so if you spotted a fine one, you needed to figure it out quickly. I mean there was literally I feel like there was a hunt for black boys.

In this age.

Literally since I've met.

My baby daddy on a hunt for black guys.

This is a fact.

Through AOL. Then there was al Mousenger and then you connect.

You found the found one black guy and he found the rest because I maybe had friends at a different school and.

Then well even my boyfriend who said we I wasn't ready. He lived in like South Central and like I met him because I went to like a private school dance and he went to school at Loyal or he went to a where do you go, Pilgrim, He went to some school and like a few of these guys that happened to be at this dance, Carlton him, my friend Justin who I'm still I'm still friends with all these

Get off the phut and I was like, okays up, don't come back.

And I started sneaking him into my backyard because he could just jump over the fence, and so at first we just started kind of like making out. So he was at an all boys school at that time. I was, I guess I had. It was the summer right before I started high school and he was a year older than me, and so over time, sneaking him into the backyard eventually led to now I'm going to give you head,

I wait for thisment.

You knew what you were doing. And I was like, well, nigga, I've been watching porn for three years. But also I felt like ashamed. I was like, was I supposed to bleed? Like is my pussy broken? Like I don't know, And at that point of course, I'd never looked at the pussy ever and like getting a finger bringing in the sauna. Maybe I bleed bled but I don't remember ever bleeding. I don't know. I guess I didn't have Maybe my time broke hymen my hymen. I haven't heard that word,

Much, and now as an adult, like what the fuck is that?

I am no, but that was my virginity story. And then I remember, like my mom reading my journal, I know you have a lot of trauma, trauma, and I guess I said, I mentioned that I lost my virginity, and then she asked me about it and I lied, and then she like tried to make me go to the gynecologist. I'm not tried. She made me go to the gynocologist, and like I knew she was trying to like investigate whether my hymen was broken or not, and I refused to go in.

You know, they're like, you know, your friends, like they can't tell your mom, it's top secret.

Like again they did, they did say that. All my friends did say that, and but I was like, I'm not going in there. I'm not. We went to this Beverly Hills fucking doctor. I'll never forget. It was bougie ass office and I was like nope. And I just sat there and I was.

Like, she would wouldn't go in the you would.

She couldn't force me.

You just sat in the waiting room the doctor and then we just left er dis yep, and you just and I sat there.

Oh, this is stubborn as fuck. I was like, I am not going in there.

It's just a regular check out yep.

And I was like, You're not gonna fool me, bitch. Uh ah, this nigga? Are you told me that car ride home was not good?

Wow?

And that's my virginity story, a.

Little freak my virginity story. Wow.

I feel like I had some confusion around mind that I'm sorting through. I started like doing weird shit and like humping friends at a very young age, probably like six, which is very fucking strange to say out loud because I have a six year old daughter who's like not humping anything, Thank God Jesus. I also realized that I was around other cousins and friends that had sexual abuse

And I told my mom. But I remember being like this huge deal.

Whatever the whole thing is, I can't pinpoint if my freakness came. Probably it's natural. Probably came naturally. I'm a freaky ass bitch, but I think it was heightened and it came too early because of those experiences. And so at like six or seven or eight, I was finding my parents porn humping a lot of shit, lots of pillows were being humped. And by the time I was like twelve or thirteen, again everyone's having this conversation about sex.

Like I hate school here, like it was intense.

I wrote in my journal that I was ready to graduate from finger banging from sucking.

I think I don't know if I was ready to graduate from.

Titty sucking to finger banging, if I was ready to graduate from fingerbanging to fucking.

I was ready to get it going.

And much like Erica, I was sneaking boys into my room after football games on Friday nights.

Helen niggas would come to my house.

Because my parents were so smart, they gave me a bedroom that had a door to the front outside.

World the door and to the house. Why the fuck would you give a teenage girl a room that has a door to the outside. I don't know.

I was sneaking boys in. I got caught twice. Then I became a Christian. I was crying about it. Then I fell in love with like two niggas. My baby daddy, who I've known since I was thirteen, and this other nigga. And I remember being at a cousin's house and her older brother was there with some friend.

Oh my god, his name is Darwin, and he was cute, but.

He had like a lot of acne and we like went into the room and like I was like humping him and it felt good, and then he like stuck it in and like we did it, and then I was immediately I.

Was like, oh, this is not special at all. I don't know him.

There's actually niggas I love. Why did I do this? And I was like crying and he didn't know me at all. He was looking at me like, bitch, are you okay?

And I was like I didn't want to lost my virginity like this.

But then like fifteen minutes later we started humping again because he consoled me. What a nice stranger, and then I was like wanted to do it again. So I would say that my virginity and my sexual appetite started very much in confusion. And I can understand this now as an adult that like I've had a lot of conflict between like my pussy feeling good and like my mind saying no, And so as an adult that's kind of trickled along, and I probably for sure had some trauma.

We were fucking.

I started fucking my baby daddy and that took place in various places, the front yard, the car, dressing rooms at the mall, the park, recreation rooms, lots of places.

And then when I turned, I was turned out. Once I had sex, it was can you not call yourself turned?

I was?

There was a wrap like I was fucking and so much so that I met a porn star when I was like sixteen.

This is like the peak of my meat getting turned out.

And he had a white mom was aati so la hit a white mass rioting, and we got his number and he came and got us in another car.

He had a range Rover. Where the fuck are my parents? Don't know?

Pulled up to my front of my house. Me and my cousin Sheena got in. She was like significantly older than me, and we get in the car. At this point, I didn't know he was a porn star. I don't really know porn stars, but like when I as I grew up, because we're still friends, he was like a huge porn star at the time, Justin's Slayer. And I got in the front seat, all young, I don't know, and he's like, y'all look young, let me see you ID.

College, like I'm an adult lives and he was.

I was like, do you have a girlfriend, because I thought I was so mature and grown, and he was like, baby, I got a lot of girlfriends. Do you want one? And literally my heart melted. I was like that must have been when I knew I was a ethical slight. I just didn't know the word for it. And I was like, huh, And he proceeded to take us to some sex parties. I was a junior in high school, and honestly, from there it was a rap. Like I did a lot of sex between sixteen and now, and

Let's talk about it, screamed at me.

I got an abortion by one of those not my baby daddy, but the other guy that I was in love with. And I went to Catholic school, so I wasn't allowed to miss school. They called my mom couldn't find me. She ended up picking me up from the clinic. This was traumatizing. She was like, maybe I should put her business. This was not a good mom moment. And in fact, I brought this up as an adult and she denies it, but I'll never forget. She was like, you think it's cute to sow your baby in the trash.

I was like, this is why I do. I'll tell you.

Anything, my God.

So that happened, and I just was wild. I just liked sex.

And I remember liking sex, and I remember being turned up.

And just me too.

I remember after well, my heart was broken because Kyle didn't thought you were Kyle was also he was a hoe, So the guy was my Virginia too. He was also a scorpio Scorpio metatrash. He was a hoe and he was like the hoe of the all girls school Louisville, and he was fucking all these girls. Also he's fucking a lot of white girls, which is probably why trauma when it comes to like black men choosing white women over me, I'm like get very upset by it.

I have that trauma because my mom used.

To say that a lot to my dad m and after that I was like, well fuck you, And so that I was like, well, I'm about to just go fucking explore all my whnus And so I did, like and I think about like high school sex, like there weren't a lot of play sais to fuck. So like you're fucking in closets, you're fucking in movie theaters, You're fucking in like the most rant, You're fucking rooms with multiple friends.

Oh yeah, I've done that.

Oh my god, there's like seven people in one room having sex. That's so crazy.

I can't wait to disgusting, weird, fucking gross.

And because we didn't even know like three somes were an option, at least I didn't. It was just it was all separately. It was all separately. It wasn't like some yeah not through.

I mean, I guess I knew I went to a sex party.

But I think about all the things that I did and all the sneaking that I did, and all the lying that I did, and just manipulations for sex that I wasn't even really was I even enjoying myself? Like who knows, Like no, probably not. And I just feel like now as a parent, I talking about consent with our kids, talking about your own self pleasure with our kids. I mean, even that episode that we had with Michelle Hope, who if you guys haven't listened to, the episode is

Uh. I mean, I feel like that just came, like honestly recently and honestly, like my parents didn't talk to me about shit, but by the time.

So I've known my baby daddy for many, many.

Years and he was my high school speak art, he's high school boyfriend. Like after I sledd it around, I was probably still slutting around at the end. He just loved me, even though I'm sure he knew I was being wild. My parents would like for proms, and I went to like every prom junior year, senior year, sophomore year. They would get us a room, and my mom took me to get my pussy wax, so I don't. It was very confusing, and even like by the time I was a senior in high school, he was allowed to

On the couch, then we move to like the office.

Then eventually by the time I went to college, I remember like he could sleep in my room, in my bed with the door open, which is if black people are listening, like this is some white people shit. But even at his house, his parents wouldn't let asleep in the same room. But I think at that point my parents are just like fuck it, Like Lisa's the same.

Nigga, what do you think that? How would you navigate that with Luna?

First of all, I would navigate it completely different. We're gonna have conversations.

You're not gonna be pressed because we're gonna have conversations about it, about consent, about pleasure, about self pleasure, and honestly, like, I don't want my kid fucking at the park like I was doing. I don't want my kid to feel like she can't talk me about it because bitch I've been.

Done at all. You know what does he say done done at all? That's me. I've done it and there's nothing you can't tell me.

And like, kids are gonna fuck, so I would much rather like I'm not gonna like everybody come here and fuck at my house, but honestly, like you don't need to fuck in a fifty dollars hotel room with four other couples. Okay, just call me and just you know, I just want be real about it, like if you need birth control, if you want to talk about it, like, let's talk about it, because I'd rather that discomfort my mom. Obviously,

You're encouraging them to do it. And that's just not realistic.

Like you're going to discover that feeling, slash the orgasm at some point, and so let's just talk about it.

You know what. It's so funny and the other day, I was, you know, me and Iri, we always are talking about her body parts and how like I was always I was telling her. I've been showing her consistently how to clean her vagina and like in the shower and like I was cleaning her, I was helping her, and she was like, ooh, that feels good. And I was like no, no oh. I was like, oh god, and I was like and I didn't say anything because I it was it was such a casual moment that

She's just like, yeah, it does.

She knows she feels pleasure. She knows what that feel like and right. But like, as a parent, it's not something that like I think as parents, we think there's certain time frames that things are supposed to happen. And I think that's why parents often wait, like Okay, well I'll talk to my daughter about sex when she's like fourteen, and then she'll have sex when maybe she's like eighteen.

We've socialized, like socially, we've socialized certain things, and I think we think pleasure is like sexual pleasure has to include another person. But sexuality and sex are not like it's not the same, and we have to acknowledge that, like there's sexuality just then that we inherently have solo and you have to address it, like it's dumb to take away the pleasure in all things because if I touch you, you're gonna.

Feel it, you know.

And it's just like we sexualize children, and we sexualize any type of intimacy, and we sexualize any type of intimate pleasure, and those two need to be separated.

I mean, yeah, like even her say it felt good? Was it? Like her being sexual? IS's simply acknowledging her body, which is a sexual body, and the sensation of pleasure.

And that's why I think it's so important as parents, as people, as adults that we stop sexualizing children and literally we stop sexualizing.

Just everything because your conditioned.

To believe that, and like reevaluate how you approach sex, how you approach sexuality even in your grown ass selves. You know, like I've said this four hundred times. You know, a bitch's titties come out at any party. If the heat goes over eighty two degrees, my shirt comes off, and no matter who's around, if I'm in a comfortable,

Much more than that.

Amen.

So that concludes where our horrishness began, our early childhood adolescent freakiness.

I hope that you'll share. I want to hear about your virginity story. So if you guys have any virginity stories that you'd like to share that we can share throughout the month, please please share them. Also, this is a great month to send those hories in, So if you have any hories that you would like to share, And if you don't know what a hoy is, it is a highly hosh host hoos story that is either funny or just great or just level ten hoish and we love that.

Oh my god, I still remember the host story of the gardener and the Sodacan.

Oh god, what episode was that you won't have to bring have to like bring some like hories out of retirement that.

One needs to become out of retirement. That was one of my favorite. Anyway, thank you for sharing. And you know, if you're just joining us, you're new to the show, this is a safe space.

So if you're in your car at.

Home judging the shit out of us for telling all our business, don't, just know that this is a safe space that you can come and tell whatever the fuck you want. You can feel comfortable in your skin and your experiences in your stories because there's none too weird or too hory, or too graphic or too dirty to talk to us about. As we understand, everyone has different life experiences and all are welcome.

Yes, And you know what I did actually add a hoary channel to the Slack group. So if you guys are on Patreon and you're part of our slack community where we all talk per day, you can share your hories there. We are sharing hories talking about them and it's fun. I love it over there.

Yeah.

Well, anyway, we will catch you next week. I love you.

Leave this episode a review, rate and review us goddamn it, because it's important. If you're not already, follow us on Instagram. It's Good Mom's Underscore Bad Choices, and we're Good Mom's Bad Choices on all podcasting platforms If you have a friend that hasn't heard us yet, they need to hear about our horrishness as teenagers or any other horrishness. Please share this episode and all of your favorite episod so it's because sharing is caring and we love you.

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