Good Moms Grow Up

Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife.

She couldn't.

She cleaned and cared for her children and the man of the house, and of course she didn't talk back. She was both obeed, hint and soft by nature. She was a good woman who always made good choices.

That we're good mom's bad choices. Who single mom who said fuck the patriarchy, shared all their bad choices and sound out they were so bad. After all, we're experts, overshares and your new besties. Sit back and enjoy the ride. I can do it. Welcome back to good Mom's bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Mela. Happy humpty bitches, Happy motherfucking hump day?

What did it do? How are you feeling. I'm good.

It's the second week of July. I can't believe how quick the summer is going. It's getting very hot as fuck in the valley, going to the beach a lot, not getting in the water because I'm still scared. But yeah, I've been good.

How are you? I'm good?

I know the summer is going by so fast. I feel like, you know, like the summers get shorter as you get older, like you start to notice time I feel like that a lot like that summer is getting shorter, time is going faster. I feel like we're going back to Costa Rica. We just got back. And I also feel like traveling and doing stuff is just like way more tolling on my body. Like it's not even that

This summer specifically, actually the world the world is turning on its access faster, So this is actually going to be the like one of the like fastest summers in like recorded history or something like like like specifically this summer by like two hours or by like how like how much minutes, Because if every day is twenty four hours and every month it's the same amount of days,

Orlando told me that, did you say that the earth is spending four hundred miles per hour or eight hundred eight hundred miles per hour?

But obviously we can't feel it like that. But like.

I, I, you know, I don't believe anything that the government tells us.

So I just who says they're not fucking with the time.

Who actually sat there today, yesterday, or last week and counted every sixty seconds to every hour and said, yep, they did it right.

We're just trusting the clocks and the cell phones.

We don't have watches anymore really unless you have a roleax, and I doubt you even look at it. You just look at the fucking phone. So if they were lying and shaving off thirty minutes a year, we fucking wouldn't know.

Well, if you had a watch, you probably would know. But that's why I don't think they're actually maybe doing that. I think it's just like time is just adjusting, like it's just moving faster. Like I think maybe the watches actually start moving faster because everything else is moving faster, like literally, like gravity.

Starts to pull the little thing face faster. I don't know. I mean I always think about a time before there are watches and cell phones, and we were just measuring by season and by daylight and noon is here, and nighttime and even birthdays, like you think thousands of years ago. They're like, I'm thirty five, No, you were just an adult.

Well, I said, I thought, well, if time is moving faster, but we're not aging faster, does that mean we're going to look younger longer. And he said, no, everything is going to keep moving, and so is your age. I'd so is your aging process?

I'm like, okay, I think the aging process is because we're acknowledging time in this manner. Whoever, we have adopted this programming that you know, twelve months is one year.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

And so technically I'm thirty seven, but in my soul I'm twenty four, So why would my soul not be right? And as long as I, in my soul deeply believe that I'm twenty seven, I'm going to continue to look twenty seven. I thought you said your twenty four, I mean twenty.

Four, okay, whatever.

As I said the other day at the party, that i'm trans age, I identify as a twenty four year old, and if anyone disrespects me and calls me outside of my trans age, we're going to have a problem. I identify as a twenty four year old. I feel that way. I was born this way, and it's twenty four like a good for you? Like why twenty four? You know? It just seems like you're just old enough to not be so stupid. I don't know. Twenty four I was

So what is it that you're adopting from twenty four? If you have the knowledge, what is it then? Because you don't look thirty seven? So what about twenty four? Do you need to adopt that? You can't adopt the age that you are. It's I can't adopt the age I am. I just choose not to because I'm transa aged.

But is it because you think thirty seven is old.

Or because I just don't feel thirty seven?

Like, what does it mean to feel thirty seven that I've lived thirty seven years of life? But that's not a long time though.

I think about like the scheme of the scope of life and how long you're going to hopefully live it, thirty seven is like still baby.

I mean not really if you think about it.

Most people are living to what ninety nine, one hundred hopefully with technology and vitamins, I can at least make it to one twenty five. That's like another sixty years. But Matt, if we live that's a third of your life already. If we live one hundred years and tidal, let's say, and I'm thirty seven, that's about sixty four years ago.

I don't like that.

I mean, but technically you're still thirty seven. So your body, you're still you're still gonna die.

Respect.

If we're gonna be friends, you're gonna have to respect my HI identifying okay, which is trance age of twenty four. Okay, I'm gonnaed you to remember the age. If we go out and so it's like, oh my god, how old are you? Like, oh this is my friend. She had no because.

Everyone's gonna like, bitch, why are you hang out with a twenty four year old, that the fuck is wrong with you?

Where are you going? Especially they're gonna think you're twenty four? Do you want to be twenty four? No?

What was twenty four a bad year for you?

I was.

I mean, it wasn't a bad year. I mean I was with my baby daddy, were traveling a lot.

I mean, I don't ever remember, like, do you remember specifically twenty four, yes, because it was like two years before I got pregnant. Yeah, like a year and a half before I got pregnant.

So actually twenty four was a shitty year. Actually, I moved to New York. I was like in the midst of a breakup. I was so confused. I was broke as fuck.

Oh I don't want to be twenty four. No, I was sad. I was having a sex.

I mean, I'm twenty four with this.

I was security. I was like, broke as fuck. Fuck.

I mean, everybody's broken their twenties. It doesn't like I don't even thinking. I don't know. I wasn't broken. I was twenty four, but I was stupid.

I was making dumb choices like I don't know, I get it, but no, I don't think i'd want to be four. If I was gonna choose a younger age to be honestly, it would probably be like thirty one.

Thirty one was a good year. There's like I had finally like twenty nine, I broke up with my baby daddy. Thirty I was like healing.

Thirty one I was like prime outside like podcasts pop, like just starting the podcast, like just just like discovering all these new parts of myself, discovering all like building the tribe.

Like that was a good That was a good time. I'm not saying so much based on like Mike my going back to that year because it was a mirror, but I would just like to be that age with this knowledge and this and this security and this like state of mind. I feel like in the twenty like I feel like I live my whole twenties without any like I mean, not experience, but just like there was just no care in the world, Like I didn't care

I think, I think perhaps a little bit, but as i'm I'm like, actually, today one of my twenty four year old I would say, she's like my little homegirl.

I was gonna say, but you don't want to be friends with me when I'm twenty four.

I don't hang out with her.

When I said I was transferring, I don't hang out with her.

Like she calls me when she needs advice. Oh I'm not going to put her on that care right now, but yeah, Like she calls me when she needs advice and she's doing she's asking me some real twenty twenty two year old shit, and I'm like, girl.

She send me pictures of shit, Like what what do you think this means?

Do you think he's like a fluck boy and he's like on stories with his abs out with Grace webpants on. I'm like, yes, he is definitely getting pussy outside of you.

And like, what do you think?

Not the streenshot?

So you know, like I don't know how much far along.

The youth is just based off the Internet. I thought

I was at like the do over shout out to the oh Man.

The doover was a time you always said you always take a.

Moment for if anyone remembers the do Over. It was a hot party and on the YouTube channels right now. If you know the Duover, you're in Hollywood.

In those times, it wasn't even in Hollywood.

The duo Over expanded. It was in Brooklyn, it was in Seattle, but at first started here.

I think it actually started in like Seattle. It was a day of part Portland or something was wherever a didas is at.

That's where it started. Organ organ Yeah, it was a dud. It was ad just wants to party, but whatever. Anyway, that's where I would find people outside. I was outside. I wasn't like on the internet, like scrolling through TikTok and finding hot boys on TikTok and hoping that, like they I'd catch their attention. I don't feel like I ever was like so desperate like for love. I wasn't like, oh I want a boyfriend so bad. I was just a real yan out in the streets hoeing. But I

Women are so deeply.

Entangled with the need for like stability, romantically in relationship wise, like even on dating shows.

I'm like, bitch, you're on a dating show.

It's because of program I mean it's we're programmed from a very young age that we're supposed to find love and be married. I mean the marriage age just recently went up, Like we'rees.

We're getting married at nineteen, and that was normal.

Like that was like you graduate high school and you marry your call it your high school sweetheart. That was like a normal thing. Like parents weren't looking down on that. They were actually like happy that their kid was going to go get taken care of, like their daughter because she wasn't going to go to college because why would she do that?

You know, Like no, our era was like go to college.

No.

But I'm just saying like from the beginning like of time, maybe at the beginning of time, but like as this like American as the scope of marriage was formed, which it was in different cultures, but I would say America, like there's this like there's this trajectory of like what happens to a woman. It's like the homemaker, and the homemaker is very young.

It's our biological clock too.

It's all it's like biologically, we're supposed to make babies and we're at our prime. It's just because we get horny, and then horny means it's time for babies. It's not like horny doesn't mean like, let's explore what pleasure is for us, what our bodies can do.

You're getting a.

Horny because we're trying to our bodies are ready to reproduce exactly.

But I'm just saying like because of that, that was also I feel like you used as a way to like, Okay, so now that these women our horny and want to have sex, they shouldn't be going exploring that. They should go be making babies, but their hob they won't.

Yeah, yeah, we see what happens when you don't put them away.

They at crazy. They turned to good moms about choices.

And I, you know, I finally did catch up. Will not really catch up.

I watched two episodes of Love Island, and I don't know if you guys saw my if you go on my Instagram, I posted a story today which she Kim talking about the bombshells and.

Pulling him aside for a chat. Because I watched that was quick.

You watched two episodes and now you're making.

I got enough information because because I went on. I went, I talked about my like I was, had a watch party basically on my stories, And ever since then, I've been getting fed.

You had a watch party of your stories.

I've been getting fed so much Love Island content that I don't really think I even need to watch anymore.

People.

Everyone's updated me on everything that's going to happen. Well, the internet will tell you. Before I saw that Sierra got kicked off, but I'm not there yet. She got kicked off because she said something a racial slur.

I didn't really know that was a I mean, I didn't really know that was racial.

People are so fucking scisage. Yeah, Like, I don't think that was just and in my opinion, but Blue Centric went on a deep dive literally I didn't even know you can make reals this long, a five minute deep dive that I watched last night that said that Sierra.

Plotted on the show.

Her friend, her best friend before she got on the show, planned her a Love Island birthday party, and then she started becoming friends with other Love Islanders, one of which she was like a known racist who basically said Trayvon Martin if this all of this wouldn't happen if he was white, and she became friends with her and then she got on Love Island. So basically they're saying she's

All I know is that when I watched the two episodes of Love Island, that confirmed to me that the younger generation is not actually getting smarter. Maybe they're smarter and like just knowledge of what's happening in the world, we're still very immature when it comes to love, when it comes to their own personal value and why it is they want any of it.

Emotional immaturity does not change because you know big words from the Internet.

And also, like I'm positive that there was an.

Sti STD outbreak on the show no, they're.

Only making out not I'm positive. I'm like, you have proof, Yeah you can.

You can get an STI from making out if you have an outbreak.

Oh, I mean like like herpies won. Yeah yeah, I mean but no, I mean I'm assuming that they're probably not going to be making out.

They have cold soares.

They are also with the culture.

There's like a lot you did in Orlando.

It's just gross. Honestly, it's really gross.

And I was like, I want to watch Love Island. I was like, hell no, Like I left her watch Love is Blind, and that was already pushing it because then I had to fucking tell her like about sex because Love is Blind, and I had to like have the Birds in the Beast conversation because of the fucking surrogate and all this other shit. So I was like, I'm,

Get blindfolded and duck dug goose bitch.

I mean, they're do it. The twenty year old you're gonna do shit like that anyway.

I mean, I thought to myself, like when I was in my early twenties. I probably would have like not done Love Island. I would never have been videoed doing this shit for my parents to see. But I probably would have done some. I probably did do sometime shit like this. I mean, we were all having sex and closets together, you know what I mean.

Yeah, so it's back in the movie theaters cars, But but the thing was it was in private, like we weren't putting this on fucking national TV never to be able to be unseen again. Soone can just go back and just find all the negative things I've said, pulled me off the show, make it on the internet. I also read or saw something that was interesting. I guess because we're in production, I can all all I can think about with reality shows is production, Like, so the product.

Yeah.

Then I was like, they're got cheap because they didn't even bring the host. And they stopped bringing the host in because she probably her hair and makeup was too much, she was too old, she was too old to be around them. I don't like I I I.

First of all, this show's making so much money, I know, for such little reproduction.

I mean they're in Fiji though that's a huge house or in Fiji. I also realized they're never eating They only eat breakfast. Did you notice that they never eat lunch, they never eat dinner. I'm like, are they getting fed? No, because they're drunk. No, actually I also heard it. But I also noticed too because I peeped. They're not as drunk as you if you've seen on other shows. I

I haven't even gotten there, but I'm and I'm also not going to get there because after I watched the second episode, I told myself there's no way that I can continue watching this.

I will just do recap videos because.

I realized, like, my brain can't take this type of like stimulation. It literally feels like my brain is melting. It wasn't even enjoyable for me, Like I was just.

A sure a while we're like, what the fuck are they talking about?

What they want? It's like the same, like they're crying when people go home. They're making it like I didn't get that I'm a mommy thing. I had no idea that was from Love Island. Like you see this like I'm I'm a mommy, You're a mommy, A mamasita, no, a mommy of a I had no idea that this was from Love Island. I told you by last week, I'm a mommy like the whole No, I had no idea. I had no idea where they came from.

But more so what I realized when I'm watching this and just reality TV in general, And this is probably why I don't really watch a lot of TV. I like scripted shows and like TV and film, but I feel like these things are literally designed to desensitize us because there's so much chaos going on in the world, so it's like we want something to like take the edge off or like distract us, and so this shit

It's actually like I agree, it's it's gonna make you stupid if you watch it too much.

It's like someone was like, I was like, give me three to five hours to catch up. They're like, no, you need three to five days.

Are lost.

I watched one episode and I kept like, you know, talking on stories, and I realized it's been two hours because I can pausing it.

They are so long, or and they're twenty eight episodes and they're releasing them every single day.

I don't have time, and you can vote.

I don't want to have the time.

So I took a.

Break from Love Island and Orlando turned on Naked and Afraid, which has been on for like a decade. I've seen that. I guess I've seen it back in the day, but can you open this for me? But I haven't seen it recently, and I'm just like, reality TV lets me know that the majority of humanity is stupid, and I think it's important to note that, like, don't assume that most people have common sense. I mean Luckily for Naked and Afraid, they'll do twenty one days in one episode,

She's five. She's gonna know I'm so strong.

Like NIGGI, your daughter doesn't give a fuck if you go on Naked Afraid and leave for three weeks so you could prove to whoever the fuck that you can survive all your money.

Now I look that up too.

They look at like compensation for missing work, like twenty grand. They're eating snails. These two people ate a rat. They're like getting attacked by aunts. This one girl, Erica, she had no legs. She had a bilateral amputee. I thought she was gonna be able to leave on her stilts. The bitch took off her legs. She hopped out of the truck and started crawling on her pussy through the jungle.

You get this?

And that's again, that's all I keep thinking about, like as me, if I signed up for this, even if the maybe if the prize was a million dollars, I voluntarily signed up to get naked and afraid and there's probably like twenty motherfuckers and if within a fifteen minute walk just eating and chilling with fucking shelter and I'm just naked and starving because I'm stupid, Like it's one thing if you have to survive in an apocalypt situation, but if I just voluntarily, well maybe they want to

To be with.

Baby.

They don't even look like they they don't even have the skills. I don't even know why they're going there, so I mean they know how to light fires and bill shelters.

I've seen it, baby, I do too now because I watch two episodes.

But it's it's hard. Ain't no. They all get a fire starter in one pot. But I'm like, there's no way in hell I'm going on a show to be naked and afraid in the jungle. It's raining, it's cold, no blankets, you know. And I watched a few days ago, Tropic Thunder. I made Iri watch Tropic Thunder because I was just like, I want to watch something stupid but

You know, Erica has never seen Telldiga Knights.

I watched it because I thought I told. I told she. I was like, this is the Cumula's favorite movie. Let me let me watch it so I get her fucking jokes.

I kepn't even missing my jokes for like almost ten years.

And so we started watching maybe like twenty five minutes of it, and then Iri was like hmm hm, and I was like, all right, fine, so we started watching it. Then we started watching Tropic Thunder, and I've I'm like trying to explain what's going on, Like.

He's not black, but he's white. That's Tony Stark. She's like, who's Tony Stark. I'm like Marvel.

She's like, oh, I.

Hate Marvel, and I'm like, okay, just forget about Marvel. This is a white man. He's like, now he's Asian. Now he's Asians. But he was black. I'm like, I know, but now he's an Asian, he's an act. So it was a lot of communication, but she finally got it and understand Yeah, And then I almost forgot how fucking funny Tom Cruise was of that movie, because Tom Cruise is so scary to me now because he's, you know, such a deep in the scientology that every time I

It was it was, you know, And then I thought, too, I don't know if this movie can come out now. People are so fucking sensitive, Like, I can't say, how could this movie have come out? They were talking about retard.

I watched old movies they were.

Retired, had this movie where he played like like metal and they kept calling him retarded, and I was like, damn, the days of just like Balls to the Wall, Calmedy, You're fucking done.

You'll get canceled like here, yeah, I'm probably gonna get canceled for saying I'm trans age. I just yeah, I mean people need to have a little bit tougher skin. Anyway, I highly recommend going back into the vault and watching Traffic Thunder. It's a classic. It's very funny.

Can you please finish watching Child digod nights?

I will.

I have to watch it without you, without without irin. The first it was good, Yeah, it was funny. I love Will Ferrell, thank He's fucking hilarious. And you know what I love the most about all those guys like Will Ferrell, Ben Stiller, Adam Sandler, like they all.

Hire their friends.

Like Adam Sandler's wife is in a lot of his movies, just like jeded Appatose. Adam Sandler has a wife, And I'm sorry that Adam Samily does have a wife. I met ben Stiller, and yeah, I remember, like Marsha, Marsha, Marsha, I remember the Brady Bench, Marcia, like the new Brady Bench. Yeah, Marcia is Adam ben Stiller's wife.

Oh okay, I didn't know that.

Yeah, okay.

So I just love how they they make each other rich together, and that's what I wanted to casting each other in it.

And it's fucking hilarious, and they're like funny movies, and I always think about that, like even couples retreat the movie. I'm like, they just got all their homies to go out of town and make a movie and got a budget, and I aspire for this. I just want to make a bunch of funny movies, hang out with my friends and make millions of dollars and laugh and not be too deep and just be able to do whatever you want. Yeah, it was good. I hope you hear my christ baby Jesus. Yeah.

No, I haven't been doing that. I'm not doing that. I'm not participating in this reality TV thing. I think like I went through a really heavy reality season in my life where I watched a lot of love and hip hop and housewives, and I think I just like overdid it then that I.

Just I just can't do it.

I don't love it.

But even like the funny ones like love like Love after lock Up, like.

But then I like, I fall off because it's just I don't know, I can't.

I mean, TV is definitely a distraction. I do enjoy reality TV shows that are not exploiting black people as much. Like sometimes I like I was I was getting my hair braided and the raider's daughter came and she was like filling me in on Love Island because she's fucking fifteen, and she was saying, like, oh, you don't watch baddies. I was like, that's where I draw the line. I was like, no, I do not want to see a bunch of black women beat each other up and call

I will disown you. I will cut off all funds. Nothing will be available to you. Nothing, you hear me, Iri, Absolutely fucking nothing nothing.

It's really you know what I think.

Mostly I'm realizing, I mean, watching stupid ass shows and observing how stupid twenty something years old can be, and like just the growth and the maturity that happens between like twenty nine and forty is like I time is going by so fast, and like faster than I don't know, faster than I can like accept this last ten years is eight years of good moms. How fast has it gone by? I feel like I've blinked, and like every

Time as is going by and I think I think especially for like maybe not I want to say especially, but I think for us because we have.

Time markers. I mean essentially everybody does now on their phone.

The phone will fucking trigger the fuck out of you and remind you where you were four years ago on this day. But I think just everyone having at like easily accessible moments to really see the moments in their life puts this like a little bit of anxiety, a little bit of fear, but also like I think that's also a gift too. It's like an invitation for you to like really appreciate the time and appreciate the moment. And like, I know, for me, like in this season

To do, Who was Erica? What made me happy?

Because I had been in a relationship for so long and honestly, like even throughout my twenties, to think about my twenties, like I had moments of like hot girls, subberbness, but like I was in a relationship all the time, Like I was always found myself in a relationship, and it wasn't because I was like seeking relationships. Yes, I loved love, but like I would just fall into one.

Like how is she how is she fucking doing? Is she okay?

Like what are her relationships like really investing time into? Like what are the things do you want to be good at the other day she we went bike riding last night and.

The later and she was like, you know what I used to do when I was eight? And I was like today, like two years ago, year and a half. She was like, sometimes I used to like go to restaurants and I'm like, sometimes like with who me?

Like right?

And I would sing kind of loud because I hoped like a music producer would hear me and then like maybe they'd signed me.

And I was like really not kind of loud.

And She's like and I was like, so do you want to be you want to sing? And then she was like no, and I could see her like like no, like she was afraid, Like I was gonna like judge her. No, not not even judge her, like for sort of like tried it, you know, like what do you want to do it?

Like, let's do it.

And I was like, well, I ree like if you ever wanted to sing, like you know, you have like a dad that could like help you with that, like he could produce a song for you, like whatever needed to happen.

If you wanted to try it, we could do that. She's like no, No. I was like okay, So we got to we rode our bikes this restaurant near my house.

Do shit, be careful back and backward.

Oh, take a shout out to the backwoods, because that's all I really need.

God damn.

And I think like I was just like trying to casually bring it back up again because even for me, like I loved, I love music, I know how to record.

And she's like it's cool?

And I was like, what if we like recorded it and just like messed around, because like I want to mess around. I miss me making music and maybe we can make music together. And she was like Okay, She's like, well then let's write it right now. And so we like wrote like a little song last night at the

I was already I had been auditioning since I was like eight.

And for her, like, I've kind of like let it be free flowing, and I want to keep it sort of that way, but there is like a level of discipline that I think is important right now in her life that's going to set her up for the rest of her life.

And I don't want to be too free flowing anymore.

I want to like really try to figure out, like, Okay, if we're going to do something, let's do it. So it's been like I don't know, it's it's been fun

I'm gonna do it anyway. But try to instill that in her. And also like I realize, like I get anxiety sometimes thinking like oh my god, you're not a master pianoist or anything like right now, or I haven't, like have I not made you disciplined enough so that you have something like what Macy Gray told us, make sure your kid has something that they're good at, which I agree.

I also feel like like.

For us, for instance, when we created Good Moms, it wasn't with all of this like very like we're like we're going to be rich. We're just like doing something because we enjoyed it, trying something new. And I feel like there's a point in adulthood where we kind of stop doing that because the reality of bills and responsibility

Let's see what happens. Like look at even Issa Ray.

She put on I mean, I'm sure was serious, but like a series on the internet and this she's a fucking mogul. So it's just like I think sometimes we put we apply all this pressure to things as adults that we need to like apply the childhood lens to instead of being so.

Like this is this is it?

You know what I mean? And I do I want I've thought about this recently, like the nostalgia of like writing poetry or making like scrap books with poetry and them and things like I wouldn't necessarily do that now because why. But it's like why do I need a why and just and other than the point of just

He called me at the morning.

He was like, you know, so and so killed themselves and I was just like I just saw this person at his house and it was so interesting, Like I had a bad feeling then, like he was arguing, he was crying, and I just like was like, you know,

And I'm just like, it is such a deep.

I think that though, Like I mean, yeah, I mean I think there's gonna be the ebbs and flow of sometimes it's guilt, and sometimes it is true sometimes like what I said in my early like when I first started the show and I was trying to find myself, I was away doing shit that like was for me, that was probably sometimes I had to literally sometimes reregulate myself and say, bitch, go sit down, go be a mom,

I wanted to go hang out with my friends. And like, I think that we.

Become in a society sometimes a little too complacent too with our parenting, and like, I do believe like there's a level of discipline, especially in this age, that I maybe like even before this age, honestly, that I think it's important for kids, especially in the world that we're living in now, especially in a world that's like literally wants us to be numb, literally just wants us to just tap in away and go like desensitize ourselves and just go for pay and go forget what's really happening.

Be choose what she wants to do. Oh, you want to quit soccer? Okay, you know you're.

Only eight let's like figure out some other stuff you want to do. And that's fine, but like I don't want that to continue to be the trend in like how I'm allowing her to flow in and out of her interests. Like, if you're going to be interested in something, let's really explore it all the way, fully decide if you don't like this all the way.

Do you feel like when you did soccer and I sorry go ahead, no sorry, no, no, no, go ahead. Do you feel like when you were like, uh, deeply in sports it was because you were like, this is what I want to do and you're like, Mom picked me up, we have a game, or is because she was like, this is what you're.

Going to do?

No, I think that's My journey to sports was layered. It's my dad.

My dad.

My dad was a professional athlete, like you know, the top athletes ever, and like I always knew that growing up, and people always assumed that I was an athlete because of that, And then I actually did have talent as an athlete. And then I also realized I liked winning and so like, and I realized I was naturally competitive and like that I could get good at something in that way I think the first thing that I was good at was swimming, So like I started competing in swimming, and.

Like that was fun.

I could hang out with my friends like I had my crew, you know. But then there's times where like I didn't fucking feel like doing it, and those are the times where your parenting has to step in and you have to like be.

Like it's hard. I didn't realize how difficult it probably was for my mom At times. It's hard because you want to be like, oh, baby, like it is early. I did keep you up all late last night because we were out with my friends, right, and now I'm forcing you to get up at six am to go to your soccer. Let's just stay no, Like my mom did not play that shit, Like she was like, get

But that level of discipline I see show up in me now. I see how it shows up in like how I like my well when I'm when I'm focused on something I'm going to I'm going to follow it through. I want to finish it, and then I see how like sometimes it has it showed up for me too, like in ways where I haven't completed things, and I just want I want to give I want to give my daughter the opportunity to really be able to hone in on discipline, because I think discipline I learned early.

Adult and you can do whatever you want, you kind of like lose track of that and you're like, fuck it, I don't have to do this. I don't have to do that well.

Because there's no practice, there's no coach.

Yeah, there's that's doing it. And then you're like, why am I Why don't I know what I'm doing with my life? I don't know what I'm doing? Mom? Help?

And your mom's like, bitch, I tried, it's on my hands. So letting you get an adult. And then you're like, I hate my nine to five?

What are you know? So it's I don't know.

I just I don't want to be like a fucking what is it called an authoritarian? But I also I think that I'm I realized like that I want her to hone in on what it is that she wants, like, for example, even horseback riding, like she hasn't she stopped horseback riding.

She was getting really good at that. Obviously that was expensive, so we had to stop that. That was getting crazy. But like just certain things, I don't want her to think that she can just pick and choose what she likes and then abandon it when it gets a little bit challenging. Yeah, I'm also realizing like we have to be examples for those, for those for those uh, just little hobbies, you know, like I I have.

To read books. For you to read books, I'd be like, let's go.

You have to see me do the thing to even be like, bitch you, I didn't see you read a book this year. And I've And that's another thing, Like I used to read so much and because I was, I was writing, so I was reading, and like time now like I've finished two books this year, which is a fucking miracle, you know, and it's we're in July, and I obviously that's not a lot, but just diving into my hobbies so that she sees me do the same thing, so that she's encouraged to do the same thing.

Like it's such parenting.

I don't know if we'll ever stop figuring it out, Like it's a constant dissection of like balance and compassion and discipline. And it's just like I realized where my parents could have probably been more like I never had a parent that was like you have to do this or like you know, I mean even when I was deep into dance, like it's because that's what I wanted to do, I was like waking that up, like yo, you gotta drop me off at seven am, you know.

And then you have to read and you have to you have to, Like it's like a resurgence of that on your own terms.

And it's like but sometimes it takes a little bit longer.

And I mean even in our space like of like having a business, like it's like the ebbs and flow of like staying focused, staying activated, staying inspired.

Like right when there's no paycheck, there's no boss, you know, there's no deadline. Yeah, And I think it starts early. Oh and by the way, guys.

I don't know if you guys, if there's any kids of parents between the ages of four and fourteen in the LA area. Speaking of mindfulness of discipline, my partner Skem is doing a muay time meditation program in the park for kids. So IRI's gonna be there. It starts this Friday and it's in the valley, and so if you're interested, make sure you go check out his Instagram. I don't know how to fun she Kem house at Instagram, at him, or you can email shakem works at gmail dot com and and tap in.

Because I'm excited for Iri to do that. I'm excited you should bring Luna.

To to just like even learn about I've meditated with Iri, but have I like sat down with her and like made it fun and like.

She come so good with kids.

So if you're interested in like introducing your kids to muy thai, which is a great confidence builder. Our kids need more than ever to know how to protect themselves and then also mindfulness and meditation, then come.

Join us on Friday at the park in the valley. Do you remember when I used to hate we used to hate sing my partner. I know, I call my boyfriend, my part.

Yeah, I just to say that my friend Romo, she used to call her man her partner, and I was like, he sounds like he's trans or like are you, like.

Are you lesbian?

Are you? I don't know, like what's going on that.

We have a new vocabulary.

But you know what I see, I understand it now because boy friend, my man.

Is not a boy and he's not my friend. So where the fuck did we get this? I mean, he's my friend, but like, where the fuck did we get this? Like it's for teenagers, your boyfriend, yea, even a love Island.

Sorry, not to go back to the violin one of the moments I noticed she was like, I'm going to pick one of the boys.

I always call them boys.

I'm like, because they are they're like little boys, not like the men.

Never the men, the boys.

Because they are boys.

I love them though, I'm like, I love I love the life violent boys.

Oh my god, Oh my god.

But yeah, no, just like going back, like the discipline I think is important and but for sure like the play, like the play is is a big part of them deciding what you want to be disciplined in. So I'm excited to make some music with iron and see what comes of it. And you know, I even when we were writing the song, I could feel myself trying to like I was like wanting to like control, like that doesn't make sense, Like just leave it alone.

Let it not make sense. Okay, it doesn't make sense.

Music listen, it doesn't make sense. Yeah I do.

I just want to do more kids stuff because adulting is intense. I want to pain and play and do makeup and ride bikes night cycles and yeah, just be the best mom I can be.

But there's no rule book.

Maybe that's the next book, a Good Mom's Guide to being a good mom. I think, well, you make the rules. You make the rule book for how you want a parent. I think that.

I think you make the rules, and then you move through life within those guardrails, right, like they're yours to do. But I think that it's important to I don't know, like you wing it. And then eventually, like when you have your second child, you have tools, right, so then it's you do have a book at that point. I mean, obviously you're having a whole different child with a whole

I think I've been really.

Scared and like it's not scared, but like really realizing the the realness of like having another baby. And I'm like, oh, like with one, it's one way, and it's been a certain way with this child.

You know, we've been alone.

You know, it's just been a whole different Twenty seven to ten years later to twenty seven to twenty four is such a It's like I'm a whole different human and like considering redoing that, and just like we have so many friends who just like popped out kids back to back, but we did it because we were just like whoa, we just got the hang of this one. And now considering redoing like doing that again. It's like a resurgence of I guess, like the second half of adulthood,

What does this look like? And also just.

Thinking about aging and not in the like the vain sense, but like safety finances, like I don't want to work when I'm sixty five, Like I have to maintain comfortability and safety for myself and for my child even after I'm gone, And what does that look like?

What is what is the four oh one? Kay? What is the retirement?

Like those type of thoughts too, are like I in many ways, I still feel like a young I still feel like love island age, Like fuck, this is Shit's getting real, you know, and it's always been real, But like I it's interesting how we go through these cycles of adulthood, I mean just of life in general, Like you know, there's words for it all the way up into adulthood and then it's like you got it, but

I think everyone, I think everything, there's a lot of conversations around adult fear.

If you look on Instagram, everyone's scared. I think. I think that's the problem, is that everyone's scared. Yeah, I don't have I.

Don't necessarily have fear around having a baby. I mean I just have Like I think I just know that's it's not about the fear. It's just like I'm I'm not in la la land about it. Like I'm very clear about like the reality of it. I'm not like what is it going to.

Be, Like, oh my god, are you gonna have his face? I'm like, who's gonna pay these bills? Yeah?

Yeah, Like like am I gonna have a v am I gonna be able to have a vback?

If not, who's going to pay for this C section?

And like where is the world going to be at when this baby's born? Like are we going to be living in ai fucking universe? Or am I be able to make money as a creator because now there's fake creators,

I don't have a baby with a nigga that you see a lot of red flags and they're like, this is probably is going to be an issue now. If it's an issue now, it's probably gonna be an issue when I have a baby.

Yeah, So you know, And I feel like I'm a lot more. I feel like I feel like I'm a patient parent, but I feel like I will have even more patients. And I also feel like I will have more support literally, like I like will be having a real person that can actually help me tangibly. So I do feel like it would be a different experience and I'm excited about that. But all the other stuff, like, yeah,

And when I'm there, it's a lot more cheerful, it's a lot more happy over on TikTok. And I'm not even scrolling on TikTok. I'm not even a TikTok scroller. But like whenever I open the app, it's not like duty is acquitted on all charges, Like it's not is.

He quitted in all charges?

Well, no, he's not quit all charges, but he's basically going he's not going to serve any time. I don't think he's not out though, No he's not out, but I doubt he'll serve time.

Maybe he'll like do time served already rights.

Wow, But like that, like that compares along with all of the all of the politics and the drownings and just the climates and the love islands and the like.

It's a lot.

And so it's just you know, unplug I would say, if you can, that's my tip of the day.

This is unplugged from the Internet. That's affirmation unplugged from the ship. The affirmation is unplug from the Internet.

Yeah, I think I'm gonna go camping next week. I think, I mean, I think what I need to utilize.

I'm realizing that to utilize nature in the place in which I live, and not just reserve it for me when I go to the jungle.

No, And that's what I've been That's why I've said I've been going to the beach a lot. I live fucking near the beach. I was like, why am I not going to the beach more often? I mean, I knew I hadn't been to Malibu since the fires.

How is it? Does it feel?

I didn't go to the like so when you go over my canyon to the left is where all the fires were.

I go to the right.

And yesterday I can't no. On On Sunday, I went to Zooma zoom and it was beautiful. Really, it was so nice.

The water was blue.

It was like Zuoma reminds me of my childhood too. I spent so much of my child I don't know why everyone was going to Zooma.

I would as a child too.

I know, I'm say she came to he was like this was my beach. I'm like, why was everyone going to zoom?

I guess I was a little bit outside of the city, so the water is supposed to be a little bit better.

Yeah.

So anyway, I've been I've been doing that as much as I can, as much as I can, and it does.

It feels good. I feel like my transition from Costa Rica to here has been pretty nice.

Like it hasn't been. It's like we had those days off. Iri was at camp. I came back and it's been like smooth, smooth sailing. Typically it's like coming back in after a retreat in January and I have I'm in Q one of our business and I have to get back plug back in the team is like brand partnership. So it's a little bit different in the summertime. But I would encourage you guys, if your kids are out of school, this is the time to go plug into nature.

Do a few hours of work, do that. But you have the opportunity of like a free, open schedule and open day, take advantage of it.

Yeah.

I really just want to live my life in peace and just do it. Intentionally, so it doesn't feel I don't want to be on my deathbed and be like, wow, I was rushing, Where was I going?

Everything was moving so fast?

I want to be like I mean, I know, I know, like we I live such a full life, you know, like we have such a good friends, We do fun shit. This is everything that I manifested, you know, so like being present in that too, and just yeah, like in just the environment what we live outside of the internet, outside of that, and just in nature, in this fucking city that we pay thousands of dollars of taxes for and rent.

So just yeah, fucking adult.

Yeah, do that, but then also be disciplined and get your shit done so that you can do that right, you know, like make all the coins you can so that you can fucking retire early. Shrink your life down. I feel like that's like something I've been thinking about a lot too. It's like not that like I wouldn't want to dream big and I don't want to have like you know, I'm not like shrinking my dreams down. It's more so like my need for things, like I've I feel like I've gotten to a place where I've

It's making me to have to maintain all.

Of these things when like, really like the richness of life is in the experiences.

The richness of life is like how you live, of.

Course, but like simplicity, Yeah, there's like there's more simplicity to it, Like and if you if you simplify your life that you can buy that first class ticket to Paris because you're not paying seven thousand dollars of rent back home, you know, So it's like reimagining like what

Were alive, Like how are people retiring?

Like honestly and literally and like feeling good about it, feeling like I can still live how I lived. And I think it's like when you get older, you actually just realize you don't need all this shit, and you just slowly start to simplify your life until you're like living on a farm in Montana that you bought in your early thirties that you never thought you'd really live at and it's.

Fine and you're actually better off and you're TechEd away. So I'm trying to get to that place sooner, yeah than sixty five to seventy. I do feel like simplicity. I do feel like, yeah, simple shit, simple, simple, simple. But I do have things to do while I'm here, and I love what I do, So yeah, I'm remembering that, you know, like I we get to travel, we get to make friends, we get to heal, we get to play in a lot of different like different parts of ourselves.

Envisioned in ways talking for a living hanging out with my friend.

And pull a card. It's a terroot time.

It is terroot time.

Go ahead, okay. Resilience, courage, persistence, test of faith boundaries. It says, the nine of Wands comes as a sign that even in the face of adversity, you stand tall and strong. You may be on the edge of exhaustion, but you are resilient, persistent, and ready to do what it takes to get to the finish line. This card may also come when you feel battered and bruised, having

The Nine of Wands.

Asks you to trust that it trusts that this is merely a test of your grit and resilience, and know that every time you overcome an obstacle, you're getting stronger. You have the inner resources necessary to overcome any difficult any difficulty you encounter, even though it may seem impossible at the time. See this nine as an assurance that you will eventually prosper if you maintain your position, and if you do not succeed at first, then try again

Knowing that there's more that I want to expand upon even in this space that I haven't really had the opportunity to, and that I wanted to. I wanted to feel good, I wanted to feel in play. But I also know that there's like a level of like focus that it requires, So I guess I resonate with that.

Yeah, I definitely feel like there's a shift happening, like there's I mean, I guess there's shit is always changing.

Change is the one thing that's consistent.

But yeah, in my I guess maybe because I just had a birthday and just where we're at in the world, but I do think there's like an awakening and a shifting happening and it's like a transitional time.

Yeah.

Sure, can you guys write in and give us hories I need, we need your horse stories.

Riding your horries. If you have any hories, make sure you write them in. Well, actually, there's a link that will put in this episode description where.

You can write in your hories.

You can write in your bad choices of the week. Make sure you join our Facebook group. We have a retreat coming up you guys at the end of the month. We have a few more spots left. If you miss the sale for a memorial Memorial Day, whatever the fucking stupid ass to day that it was, and you want to escape with us. We've extended the discount code, so if you still want to use it, you can get eight hundred dollars off your trip when you use code escape.

Stop waiting for your friends.

Fuck those bitches and come hang out with us and find a new tribe of bitches to hang out with. It's going to be in Costa Rica July thirty first through August fifth. We also have August eighth through the thirteenth. We have a few solo rooms left. We have a few shared rooms left, so if you do want to come with your homegirl, you can come, or if you want to share a room with a new homegirl, that's great too.

If you're thinking this is very last minute and I am not going to be able to leave next week, you can because we've extended payments so you don't have to have it all paid by the thirty first. I realized that's in two weeks, but if you need a little more time, you have the option to do that. You can also get your friends and your family to contribute to your trip because there's a link for that, so utilize your tribe and your family. If you got a birthday coming up, let them know that's what you

And you know, I think, like we used to post testimonials of the women from the retreat. If you go back in our episodes, you can listen to a few testimonials. But maybe we'll just share a testimonial at the end of this episode, just so you understand from someone else that has fully experienced this retreat what it does is all about. Because I think some people are like, what's going on there? What's happening. It's kind of hard, it's like hard to explain. You kind of like got to

Anyway. I hope that I see you guys in Costa Rica, because I'll be there and you should too. I'll definitely be there. And if we're there and you're on the stories and you're seeing us living our best lives, you're gonna be mad you didn't just.

Especially because you didn't even have to pay for it all at one time. Girl, Come on, yeah, don't make excuses. Treat yourself, don't cheat yourself.

Anyway. You can follow me at watch Erica. You can follow me on TikTok At. Watch Erica Cole and make sure you follow Mela Mila Underscore, map and rate and review this episode. Go subscribe on YouTube and share us with your friends. Share us with any moms, upcoming moms, upcoming mom, upcoming moms, mom or mo or current moms, or people that are thinking about having babies, or just women in general. Spread the words bread, the good mom love and the message. We really rely on our tribe

So keep it going.

Yes, that is your gift to us. We come here and we talk once a week, and.

You know.

It doesn't see it's pretty often. So do us a favor, write a review, tell a friend. If you have any mom, any upcoming moms, give them a Good Mom's Guide to making Bad Choices. Because this it's the book for the moms to be and the moms who are already momming and maybe haven't read it yet. So Amazon, no Okay, or a black bookstore. Malik anyway, we love you and we'll see you next week.

Bye please.

Yeah, I'm living so good. Can't you tell I went through a drought. That's until I find out, well, may my.

Have been known?

Earth that used to be broken tail now got the blues in to like Beyonce Jasell throat shot or the Pop and his Cow wearing our voices. Patriarchy kept it in the box to exploit its women put the pee and powers.

So what's pointless?

They want me to be good?

So I made bad choices.

Bad mom, not a bad mom.

But a bad mom. Ititter's in on, put cannabis in their bath.

Bon walked in Bostons cap and I blew his cat ball tied dog. Now I'm immune to the cat called Herbie, and no waisted straight to it like a dollar sign. Mother, rent the lover when too, It's like a water sign where you're rent the winter essential will win the summertime.

I do at all. Ain't no one that needs to run it by