Finances Don't Define Me Feat. Amina Buddafly

Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife.

She couldn't.

She cleaned and cared for her children and the man of the house, and of course she didn't talk back.

She was both obedient and soft by nature. She was a good woman who always made good choices.

We're good Mom's bad choices.

Two single mom who said fuck the patriarchy, shared all their bad choices and.

Sound out they were so bad. After all, we're experts, overshares and your new besties.

Sit back and enjoy the ride.

I can do it.

Welcome back to good Mom's bad Choices. I'm Nila, I'm Erica, and it's Wednesday. Happy hump Day.

Poppy Hemp Gay. Well here I'm doing right now?

And what are you doing right now?

I'm gonna do something that's gonna piss everybody out.

What's that?

I'm gonna smoke a backwood without weeding it.

Oh God, to.

Smoke a backwood us like an old man and his cigar. Okay, well, have you tried these specifically? I'm not. I think I'm becoming like a real black smoker because the la are aromatic ones.

Oh they're good.

They taste fucking good. They taste good with just everything that's involved inside of it, not taking out the stuffings, just as God intended this backwards. Specifically, I can smoke in casualness, and this morning or this afternoon, I was like, you know, I feel like smoking a cigar.

You know, I always feel like smoking like a real cigar and a cigar bar because it's just like manly and there's like it just feels like Cuba. I've never been there, but these are the places I feel like smoking cigars and cigar bars amongst the men. Like so I can be cool with cavasier, not just in the morning in my living room, but you know, to each.

It's a it's the afternoon.

First of all, okay, twelve minutes past.

Second of all, I don't reserve cigars for male spaces, you know, I think it's about time that women, you know, I feel like all the men are trying to take over our spaces and like trying to be women do women shit, And so I'm reclaiming. I'm claiming that cigars are for bitches. Cigars are for bitches. I don't know about the men that smoke cigars, but I think that I want to start a cigar smoking club for women.

Oh my god, there probably is a cigar smoking club for women.

We should look into that. Maybe we need to take over a cigar bar. Actually, one time Ashley took me to one and it was a bunch of old niggas and they were on me. You know how much old niggas loved me? And I was really the shit that night. I should really revisit that. I'm gonna go back to the I'm gonna take you to the cigar bar. We're gonna have Actually, we should have a good mom's meetup at the old niggas cigar bar.

I don't know if the moms have gotten into the older.

Niggas, but I advocate for them, you know, like forty five plus, because they're cool. They give you compliments, they take you out to dinner, they really.

See you for the queen that you are.

These wayians ey, but over forty five plus, I mean it could go either way. They could still be corny. But the cigar bar has all the ogs, and I support the ogs with the salt and pepper, just like that Silver Fox crew.

Do you see this, look this technique.

Let me see your technique, your cigar technique. Even though that's not Is that okay?

Anyway?

And you know what, last thing, I don't think it's bad for you because I'm not inhaling and I'm going to brush my teeth after this.

You have to brush your teeth after this, or you're gonna scare away your boyfriend.

I actually think it's worse to inhale it, which I also do, but today we just are casually smoking the cigar. Anyway, baby, take it.

Away with weed.

You inhale, just backwood, no weed inside. You don't inhale. That's just an autumn. I just want to tell that to everybody. You don't inhale cigars. That's not good for you anywhow Anyway, I'm gonna try it back with la Aromatic this week, with the regular shit in it, and I'm gonna get back to you and tell.

You how it goes. I mean, because I thought Eric has lost her goddamn mind. But maybe we're.

Good and we're bringing We're gonna we're doing the meetup. We're doing. We are taking over the men's spaces in twenty twenty last quarters of twenty twenty five.

I like that, Okay, everybody, DMS hold us to this because I want to go see the if they're y n or the o ns old niggas.

None of your state, none of your spaces are safe anymore, niggas, not for.

The y Ins or the Owens.

Anyway, we're home today because we just we had to honor ourselves and sit the fuck down in the living room. But we do have a special guest, and I'm very excited because we haven't had this guest on in literally, i want to say, like seven years, seven years. She was one of our first guests, our first year in the dining room, and so I'm always happy to see

Welcome to the show.

Thank you all. Listen.

I'm a little bit bummed that we're not like in person, because I always envisioned myself coming back to Good Moms and like it being like the real deal and everything. But I'll take it, and this just means to meet that in another five years or so once more a third time.

It could be.

It doesn't have to be five years later, right, we do it. Actually, when you get back. It doesn't have you five years later, we need you back on the show more than once every five years.

I missed you.

I know.

I always see you in passing. Yeah, were happy to have you. How are you? What's been going on?

Good?

It's crazy because I just saw that thing pop up too where it said seven years ago and I was announcing that I was going to be on the pod and I was like, seven years That seems like, you know, it was just it just happened a little while ago. But I'm good, man, I'm good for the circumstances, Like I'm actually personally feeling amazing, but circumstances.

Are not perfect. But you know, life, that's life. And I'm currently in Germany with my kids.

How's Germany?

It's it's I'm always happy to be here because I'm with my family. I'm always happy to see my mom, my, sisters, my nieces and nephews, and it's always good to have that, especially because I don't have that much, Like I don't really you know, get to see them. And it's been two years that I've seen everybody.

And so yeah, I'm just happy to be here. But it was kind of like I was forced to come here because I moved out my place in LA.

And I didn't have no work to go with my kids, and I'm like.

Okay, where do I go?

I go to my family there in Germany. So that's why I'm here. But it's beautiful. I wanted to come here.

I wanted to be with them. So yeah, Well.

I just want to say, I mean, like, I really I admire your bravery around just being fully just transparent about your situation, especially as a mom, a single mom. I think there's a lot of shame and guilt around just being honest and saying, hey, like I don't I

Is expensive as fun.

So five people don't like people like know it, but when you're actually living it, it's a whole other thing.

It's crazy.

And I think there's a there's I think because you're saying it out loud. Because you're saying it out loud, I think that it frees you in some capacity.

I think there's a level of secret.

There's a level of secrecy, and like, especially the black the culture, that we have to keep our struggles to ourselves because there's this perception from the outside world that like, yeah, we're not doing well, or that we're coming up short and all these things, and it's like the more you hide it and the more you act like this is like you normalize that people are not struggling, Like people are struggling out here.

It's not if you've been on TV or whatever. The fuck.

The situation is like adulthood is hard, and hiding it and pretending like everybody is doing just fine is to our detriment because everybody is struggling in some capacity. And I think there's and I think also like I've struggled, and I've been out of a place, I've been out of a car, I've been evicted, I've been fucking a car has been repossessed, I've been fucked up and with it and with a child, And I think there's so much, literally, like that's real.

Life, that's that's the journey.

But I think that there is a level of as a mom when you experience these things, there's a level of guilt and shame that you experience because you're supposed to have it all together because you'res a parent. And the truth is is like I think mostly women and mothers experience this, but not so much fathers because women are generally the caretaker, the primary caretaker, and so when you struggle you're like, damn, I'm putting my child in this position.

But this is real life.

And I think that we also like normalize, we also normalize like twenty year old or like early in your early twenties, you struggle, but baby, guess what shit happens all throughout this motherfucker at thirty, at forty, at all ages,

I struggle to, Like I'm struggling right now. These bills are high.

Money is a source of anxiety for me, and I think that as parents and as black women, we don't talk about it often. And I really, really, really when when I saw you talking about it online, I was like, thank.

God, Okay, yeah, and they'll normalize that. This shit is hard.

It's it's the only way.

Oh.

The only reason why I can be like that and be open with it is because I don't attach my bank account or what I have to my worth. Like I feel the same way about who I am with nothing, then I would feel if I had like millions of dollars like I feel great about the person that I am, And a lot of people don't feel great when they don't have nothing, Like I feel still so capable, so

Got it right now like a lot of people.

I know so many that are in similar situations, Like you just said, like a lot of people are going through this, right, but they're not gonna say it because they're embarrassed.

I'm not embarrassed.

This is life, and so I've always just been real and on my platforms and even when.

I was on reality TV, I was always the real one. I like to say that kept myself on the back.

But I've always been like real to who I am because I'm not ashamed of nothing that I'm going through.

Most people are so.

Yeah, and that's true. I like people attach their worth to their success and to their bank accounts, and that is something we have to shift as a society because it's fake. Yeah, Because just because you have a billion dollars doesn't mean you're fine, doesn't mean you're right, doesn't mean you're a good motherfucking person, and like what makes and like that's true? Like how do you feel even without the things, even without the titles, even without the car?

Who are you without the monetary success?

And like that's that's a word, and that's a lesson for our kids too.

I saw, like, sorry, go ahead.

No, what Mila just said.

I just had that in one of my DaMert House you know, talk in my yoga classes on the other teacher as well. So I talk about things like that in the beginning, and I just you just merit exactly what I was saying to my students, like literally like a month ago when I was still in La.

So that was It's amazing.

I didn't you ever teaching yoga in La.

I would have pulled up right my neighborhood A man.

Yeah, I know, I need to like let more people know. But that was one of my jobs that people say I don't have, get yourself a job. I've had so many different jobs that I was so burnt out, and I just that's why I'm so glad.

To like have a break right now in Germany.

But yeah, how expensive it is to like how how low like the pay rate is, and just jobs in general here, and that the life of an influencer or or someone who you know is able to have a platform with a lot of followers that brands me dean valuable. How that's so up and down and up and down. You have two kids that you're supporting, and like it just money just disappears. I swear about it. I'm like, I look int my bank account, I'm like, what the

Like for me the past year and a half, I barely make it. I barely get everything together. I barely get the money together for all the bills and everything that I need. And I'm back at every single month, Like you don't understand how many I woke up even to my account or negative. It was so stressful that I'm like I just need to reset, like take a break. I just need to fall back and have somebody catch me for a moment because I can't. I I couldn't take it no more.

I was like, yo, I.

Don't know what's gonna happen from here. I know I'll get back up. This is not the end of me, but I need to have a break, Like I just needed that so bad and now I'm in the middle of and so feeling lucky that.

You have the opportunity to do something like that too, Like you have the family that can that can help you do that. So, like I have a question because I know, like you got a lot of like you got a lot of pushback on like obviously social media, because everybody thinks they know your fucking life. Yes, they

These like opinions, I'm like, yeah, you know, the whole thing with Llas like he was obviously he was superhard because it makes him look bad, right, So I understood he was upset that I that I made this publicly that we are struggling, because the truth is it's not just me, him too, and I'm sorry, like we all are together in this because we are, at the end of the day, a family.

He's the father of my kids, and he's not able to cover us all the way, which I don't expect.

I made another post about this. I don't expect him to cover us.

I mean, yes, those are his kids and he's supposed to take care of them, and he has been stepping up so crazy the past year that I'm nothing but thankful and happy for everything that he's done. And I made another statement after that that you know, Peter is not to be involved in this conversation because I just was.

Sharing my truth.

Right now, I don't have an apartment, me and my kids don't have a place for.

Saying with my sister. It's the truth.

He did not want me to say that, but I'm like, you offered me to go to Dallas. This is like seven months ago. That place doesn't exist anymore. He gave that apartment up, so I don't know why he went online and did all that. He could have moved to Dallas. Yeah, six months ago, not now. When I finally ended up getting evicted, the place was not there.

I could not go there, so I had to go to Germany. Like I don't know.

I did not like respond to his life because there was so much craziness and he was so upset. And I understood in a way that he was upset, and I just wanted to let him have his little, you know, getting back at me moment.

But that the whole Dallas thing. I get so many comments, why didn't you go to Dallas?

Peter said, you had an apartment in Dallas that didn't not exist.

When I actually got a victor, I would have went there, but it didn't make SI. So yeah, just to clear.

That up, and even if even if you had, Yeah, you're gonna move somewhere a whole different state where there's no support for six months and then six and then six months later, you're still gonna be in the same situation. So as a mom, I have to think long term and not short term because he is thinking and his ego, because this is how men think, because money is such a source for men and their ego.

And their pride.

It's like, I did offer you this, but no, I need this to be stable. I needed to last a year and I needed to make sense and if it doesn't make sense, and I'm not going to drag my kids there for six months to ultimately make the same decisions that I'm making now, right, And you know.

It was summertime.

My kids, we're done with the school year, and I'm like, am I gonna sit in Dallas by myself, like with the kids, having all of the work on my own again like I had the past two years? Or am I going to go to Germany and have some help, really help, like real help, because my sisters and everyone is physically here to you know, take my kids out and do things where I can have breaks, real breaks, because you know, if I would have went to Dallas, I would have been alone.

Again. I'm a loner in life. I'm always alone.

I've been alone with my kids for ten years. I couldn't do it anymore. I needed someone around me and there so the whole thing with going to Dallas another quest for me to.

Do on my own.

Note, Well, thanks, I'm gonna go were.

Oh you've done it alone. You've done it. You deserve a break, You deserve rest, You deserve the space to re examine how and what you're going to do next. And you cannot do that with two kids running around your house all day. You can ish. But if you have the option to not have to do it that way, after doing it that way for ten years and you've seen that it hasn't benefited you, and you have this

Yeah. I was to the point where I was healthy.

I was feeling I was starting to get sick every month every month around the time time of the month, because that's when the homewards, you know, when my immune system is and I knew clockwork, like every month that week before I was.

Going to get sick because of stress. The stress makes me sick.

And I was just so stressed, and every month I would get sick, like physically sick, where like on top of being stressed out and burnt.

Out and everything. Well, people don't understand is that I was doing so much.

I was working my ass off and I'm like the last person to be lazy, Like I get up and go do whatever I need to do. So I had multiple jobs this whole past year that I was going to every day and it was still still just not enough money coming in. So I was just always like overwhelmed NonStop, and that gets to you like health wise. And at some point I was like if I don't want to take a break here, like I'm going to end up.

Like in the hospital or something. I was literally physically sick, So I don't know.

I just like like was it? I was like was it you that? Like how did you end up going home? Because like did your was it you? Then finally asked your family like this and hey, I need this or did they or did they like be like girl just come here like a little bit of both, because I'm wondering, like, yeah, sometimes people are just afraid to even ask, like what does that conversation look like, No, it's like.

Being that I was already going through it so bad, just being stressed all the time for years straight. I was like just missing my family, like I was missing family, being able to go see my mom like I was missing them, and I wanted to go to Germany for the longest just to visit.

I didn't have the money to take us.

For a vacation.

And now it was like, Okay, we're going to move out, We're getting evicted.

Where do I go.

The first thought that comes to mind is my sister, my twin sister, the closest person in my entire life to me, we can always fall back, we can always come and stay there. So that was like where my whole, my whole mindset was like I just want to go home, just I just want to get home and then figure it out from there because I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what is going to be, so I just want to go home and then figure it out. And I mean, it was like, what's the plan?

What are you going to do? You should do X, Y and Z.

When you don't have space, you can't create, So I can't. I can't come up. I can't even come up with a plan when I'm so not okay, you know, Like so that's why I took these two months.

So I'm a break on my kids. Perfect timing.

I got evictied in end of May, and I'm like, okay, perfect timing. I just need flights to go home and props the Peter guns because he actually did pay for our lights to go to Germany. So we ended up here later. And it's like it's like kind of like open end. But you know, one thing that I have to say, because people always ask and people know that, I'm like, I got my French geam or French old dog who is like my third kid, and he got left behind, and so I have to come back for him.

I'm like, I saw you post him. I saw you post this. This is your baby.

Oh man, he is. He is like my whole world, besides my kids, of course, But I don't know. I was to bring him here for a lot of different reasons.

Not only bringing him here was complicated, but also you know, he wasn't able to stay with us here, Like my family isn't like rich, Like my sister lives in a small apartment. We're all like crunched up with She had the family, two kids, boyfriend, and you know, we don't have a lot of space here either, And so there was a lot of reasons why I couldn't bring my dog.

Honest dog.

Yeah, not the dog, mom, you had to sacrifice the pet, the pet child. No, But honestly, this conversation is a breath of fresh air, just because I think that in LA, I think a gender in LA, people have this this misconception that everybody is just doing fine. And I'm always like,

I don't think I'm the only one.

I think sometimes when you're going through things and you feel like everybody else is not, Like am I the only one failing at this thing called adulthood?

And I've struggled, like I still struggle in adulthood.

I struggle with finances, I struggle with feeling safe with money, and I feel like sometimes I'm like, am I the only one?

You know?

And it's like it was refreshing to be like, oh, it's you're not the only one. And you have to recalibrate and sometimes you have to go home and you have to be like, Okay, what's the new plan? Because I've been there, girl, and I really understand, like how can I figure it out? When I'm fucking stressed about the same shit every four weeks?

Every time, I gotta like, I gotta breathe.

In order to find a new plan, because and if you unless you have the time to figure out a new plan, You're going to be constantly in survival mode and in hustle mode and and this and this and that, and like it's it becomes it can consume your whole fucking sanity.

So like I was, I was.

Very it was refreshing to hear you be honest, like, I'm sure it's it's given a lot of other people, you know, like, oh well a Mina from Love and Hip Hop is talking honestly, like, hey me too. You know, like this shit is not easy, and sometimes even after you struggled or fucked up more than once, you still

And that's okay.

And I think that people need to use the internet in a more realistic way instead of just posting the top five percent good shit in your life, because the truth of the matter is most people are fucked up. You know, the economy is not good right now. Shit is expensive. If you have kids, it's difficult.

And like the things, Yeah, the thing with me is the food is expensive.

Oh my God.

The thing with me is like I love positivity and I post. I love posting positive things because that's what life is supposed to be, Like you're supposed to be making the best of it every day, and so I love posting positive stuff.

But I also don't like faking it just to look asa. So I've never liked that.

So I also I've always shared like my struggles and so again, like I'm not embarrassed about it, so why not like share that and be real.

Just because it makes I think you did look best?

Right? Right?

No, it's like I don't mind people him, I don't.

Think about it. Sometimes it's not about him. It's not about him, it's about you, you know. And I think a lot of times when we vocalize our like our experience as women, it's always connected to like the man and like whether he's what, what, what he did? What you did to him? What? All these things? And honestly, and obviously it may be a little bit different because people are are attached to your story because of this relationship that you had, but like it was ten years ago.

Yeah for sure.

I mean I'm like to say, like now I'm like so immune to what people say, Like yeah, I think like like you can't like you can't hurt me with negative comments or like like you said, people are stuck in the past.

Not me.

I am where I am.

I know where I am, this is years ago, this is not my life. So whatever people say, like I just let them say it and let them think it and like let them think they know everything, and I just kind of like laugh about it. And sometimes I'll like reply like, oh, you're stuck in the past or whatever.

But even that is like almost too much for me. Now.

It's like they haven't followed anything I've done since the show. They have not seen my growth, they haven't seen my healing, they haven't gotten to know the person that I am now. So it's like I don't blame them, but at the same time, it's like, wow, do you realize this is like literally ten years ago that this all happened, And do you think that I'm still there? That's kind of dumb.

And I mean whatever people say, it's just you cannot hurt.

Me anymore, Like nothing like that can ever hurt me or get to me because I'm so secure now.

You know, It's crazy how people want to hold you to like a decision that you made ten years ago. I'm sure you get those comments on well, you should have never done this, You should have never done that.

That was a very brave thing for you to do.

And you have to have tough skin to exist in that world and be on reality TV because they edit and pick out what they want you to see and most women do a lot of dumb shit, but you don't have any record of it, but you do, and so you have to live in that because that's what people think they know you for.

But it's just like.

Everybody makes mistakes. Everybody makes mistakes, bitch, But yeah, you don't have to be held.

Sorry cutting you off, But the thing that's crazy is like that people gosh, I just lost my what was it going to say? Say something about what we were just talking about with with the reality TV.

I was just saying that everyone makes mistakes, and like people want to hold you to, you know, these versions of yourself. But people don't have to make mistakes publicly like you've made misticks publicly, where some people are doing the same exact ship with cameras.

You wouldn't believe how many messages and comments I get from women like how did you leave them in the same situation?

I can't do it.

And even just yesterday a woman was like, at least yours was just three years, that mine took nine years, Like you know, I'm.

Like, is that everybody? Everyone goes to shit like that?

Like everyone is making everyone gets stuck, like with the man, there's no good for them, Like like come on, like every.

Really fuck exactly.

I guess I just really get sucked by life. You don't get to avoid the fucking of life. Okay, life is going to fuck you. The more comfortable you get with it, the more in flow and relaxed, you know, open.

I'm gonna I'm going to go that far and say that I'm even I'm saying people say, oh, you wasted all those years. I'm thankful for everything that I went through. Someone just ask me yesterday, do you regret And I don't regret it.

It was I would not be who I am like I am so like I have so much.

More self worth I found I figured out how to love myself through everything. Because of everything, I figured out how to like really love myself.

And I don't think I would be here if it wasn't for everything that I wanted to with.

Not only the show, but the relationship and staying with them. There was, you know, everything that people were witnessing. I don't I would not be the person I am that I'm so part of today.

So I don't have no regrets none. Like literally, I have a question.

I mean, how long are your girls now?

There?

Their birthdays are coming next week and the following week they're gonna be nine and eleven.

Oh my god.

Yeah man, and they have been born on TV. Yeah, so that's how.

Long both of them are born on TV?

Yes, the cameras in the hospital to say that every time, Yeah, I had I have their their image like the camera their first day of their life.

Both of them. Yeah, that's crazy.

I love What about how are they with the move? Like? How are they? Because I think a lot of parents too, obviously you're considering your children too, and how this kind of life change affects them, and you know, also their self worth and making sure that it's also it's not already been tied to value in money because kids don't get that ship until later. Like yeah, but it depends and also just depends on how things play out for them.

I have to say, Like, the only.

Reason I really sometimes feel bad about the situation that I'm in is them, Like it's the kids, because I can't give them certain things.

They're kids.

They want the toys, they want the stuff, right Like I'm like not materialistic, Like I don't mean nothing but my health and my good feeling about who I am, but which I got. But my kids they still kids, and they corey want like my older daughter, she wants her own room things like that, right They they want stuff and I can't give them that right now.

But I know that in the long run and later on when they're grown, they're.

Gonna love and always cherish and look back on the time that they had with me and know that I was want doing my best and also always there.

I was always there. They're obsessed with me.

They never want me to go nowhere, and I don't never do, don't, I don't. I'm always with them. So they're gonna be. I think it's gonna be. It's not gonna be a big deal that we are going through this right now for them later on and even right now, they're happy.

They think this is just a getaway, which I'm trying to.

Make it into that, right because I'm still figuring stuff out, and we are supposed to come back to l E because of the dog and because they want to go back to their schools and.

Things like that. I have not everything figured out yet.

But they think it's just we're just with family right now and then we're going to go back, and so we'll just go with the flow with that, you know.

So they're totally good. They're actually excited to go back, and I'm working on it. Yeah, that's where it's a good time. Yeah time, you know, like like it's okay.

Kids are so flexible. Yeah, and like you said, like the especially they're still an age or they just want to be with their mom and they get to hang out with their cousins and you know, they're you know and like they speak a German too, right they because I remember I remember you always teaching them. That's a big question that we like they can get along honestly sucked up because they don't speak it.

I literally yes, but that was when she was wont to her.

I spoke to Corey solely when she was from when she was born to like one or like one and a half.

And then I had my second baby, Bronx, and then at that point Corey was too starting to talk, and I kind of lost it.

And I don't know how it got there, because my plan was always to have them know my native language first thing.

It's a great opportunity for them to think about.

Yeah, I connected this part of them, and I don't know, I've grown America's ghetto like you Are you sure I did? I texted me and I thought, why would you, like, I don't know, go somewhere else in Europe, somewhere else, just don't come back here.

Yeah, you know, it would have to be somewhere else because Germany, even though it's my home, my family's here, I love it right now, but I can't I don't see it. I don't see us here like I don't

Don't know our place.

Maybe you need to go on take and take advantage of having help and go on little quick trips on train rides to other places. Because I feel like when you're in Europe, I mean, Germany is really big, but I feel like what's in Europe you can kind of get around. Yeah, I feel like Spain. Have you been to Spain? I really I lived.

I live like a year, almost a year in two even.

Too much.

Oh my god, I was, I was.

I was living there two thousand, well for like seven months. I was there for like a while, performing every night.

I imagine that another side of a visa that isn't like party, because when I think of Aviza, I think of Vegas.

No no, no, no no. I wasn't no, I wasn't one of those I wasn't and another I was not.

The party Liisa. It was like more like that hid But yeah, I know, I promise you.

If it wasn't for like.

School and my dog, I would not rush to try to come back to La at all. Like that's literally like the reason why I'm trying to get us back.

But yeah, I think kids, I think we we we we need so much stuff or we give tell telled ourselves this lie that we need so much stuff that of course kids are gonna want ship. But those like once last, you know, they're usually like a five minute one. I want that and then I forget. But truly, I

You know, She's just like kids are resilient.

We're sleeping on the floor. Like my my sister has two kids. They have a three bedroom apartment. My niece has she's three. She has her room, and we're sleeping in her room. There's only like a little crip like a baby bed in there. We're sleeping on the floor on Memphisis right now, and they're loving it.

I mean, there's it.

Right, it's a sleepover, it's a sleep every night.

It's like yeah.

And then she has a fourteen year old and like we're literally like a big like like back then, you know, like a tribe. We're like yeah, community and it's it's cool. On the long term, I don't know.

I don't know.

That's why I got to figure it out. But for now, we're all they're happy.

I'm happy.

You're you're happy, you're safe, you have a roof, you have food, you're with family. That is what children need, right and that and that, and that's what you if you're providing. And you made the right decision to go home and reset, and honestly, I'm proud.

Of you for doing that.

And you will figure it out because women and moms are resilient and whatever you want to do, you'll get back to it because that's what the fuck we do every time.

Even if it with it.

Within the time period that you think or or not, whatever it will, you will get back to where you need to be, just period.

Thank you.

Yeah, I feel that way. I just yeah, I just got to figure it out the way and make a plan. But again, that's why I needed to sit back, so I.

Can't do that.

I mean, what's your birthday? What's your son?

April eighteenth?

I'm as aries, yeah, yeah, and yeah, I guess stubborn, right, Like, yeah, I don't listen. I don't listen. That was a problem in my last relationship.

Listen that last relationship. You didn't need to listen to that man. You didn't need to listen to that man.

Dad wanted me to do nothing.

But I mean, I could see through the internet waves that I was like something right because I don't know, I was like right in his eyes.

I literally told Eric, I said, look at this. I don't know, but I don't like the feeling of this. I don't like it. And I was like I was hoping you That's why I asked you when when I saw you, I was like, are you guys still together? And You're like no, And I was like good. I did not feel like it was good. I was like, I was looking at the comments. I was like, does anyone else notice it?

And everyone you're so happy? I was like, she's not. I don't know, she's.

Had mixed I don't know.

I was telling my sister the same thing. I'm like, why didn't you send it because I mean, that's my sister. She could have told me.

What she thinks she thought. I don't know. She never really gets involved in anything with me, and kind of vice versa. I don't with her. She has the best, best, amazing man ever.

Like there's another talk, Well, if you give me permission, if you give me permission, if I if I see another man that I'm like.

Do I have permission, I'll text you. I will. I'll be like my friends, yeah, okay, and my first you could do it to me too. I'm just saying, like, sometimes we need a friend that's going to get in your business and be like, so what he's.

Going to hate, He's gonna he follows me like I wish him the best, like to just to say that because he's so far. But you nothing, nothing that happened except that everything every day there was a problem about something that I did, when I didn't when I didn't feel like I did anything right, like everything that I did just being me, I was it was a problem for him. But that was that was Yeah, some people it's just not a match, you know, it's not a match at all. But he was finally someone that was

Course, because we get fed like the thing that we are like in deficit of, and sometimes that can be equally as confusing as like, oh, I'm finally say I never had that was.

All about me.

I had never in my life a man that was all about me, and this was the first time. So I'm like, damn, I'm going to give this up. I never had a man where I didn't have to worry about like other women like he was his I was his whole life, and I.

Was like feeling suffocated, which perfect, this is what I want.

I think that these I think that which is probably you needed to know that it exists and that you can ask yeah, and that it's not my body that specific quality, but didn't have the other ones that were. It taught me your body will tell you your nervous system man, exactly.

I like your sex drive, oh my god, yes, and oh my god, that's a whole love.

Oh my god. He was constantly complete. I just I guess I wasn't that much into him, because when you are, you want to do it right. It was also I was also right.

I didn't.

I didn't because I was constantly just exhausted.

Like, yes, he helped me out with like you know, money here and there and groceries and listen, gas all the time and little things. He didn't pay my bills, my overhead, so I was still living in survival mode, trying to get it together every month. And then he always wanted me to take care of him. That's when I made that other post talking about I can't, oh, don't have the capacity to take care of someone on top of what are already the load that is already like armed me every day.

And so whenever he wanted to be his mom.

And she didn't want to, she said, are you paying you paying? You filling my tank and buying some groceries on top of the two kids, my fucking thirty five hundred dollars rent that I have to pay for la it's not motivating me.

The second dick, I'm going to be keeping it real.

It's actually seriously, unless you take me completely out of survival mode, like don't ask me for.

It, like don't don't ask me for ship, don't ask me for ship. No, for real, like it's difficult as a woman when.

You're stressing people.

I don't know.

He didn't understand.

No, it felt like work and I just couldn't the complaining, that star complaining just everything, like I smiled too much, Like no, this.

Is who I am?

Did you say yes?

Like I'm not going to cheat, Like I'm all for like compromising, you know, like when you were with a partner.

I'm all for compromising, but not who I am. Not who I am. You know, I'm not going to compromise myself.

I'm gonna compromise on things and lifestyle and things that we do around the house, if we live together, whatever. I'm a compromise on the AC temperature, not who I am.

Ever, I'm not. I don't know people I don't know.

I mean, it's that's that's a very like yes. I feel like more women need to hear that. You Like, I'm used about what the compromise means. We get confused about what we're supposed to being.

On your cell, they tell me things you.

No, you're you're absolutely you're absolutely right.

Women here compromise, and I feel like gas lighting ass Men gets.

Thrown around so much.

Men use this a lot.

The compromise, and the and the uh and the what's the other word that men love?

The S word?

When you are is it when you are fucking full? When you listen when you men, men love to use submissiveness and compromise against us. But let me tell you guys something, ladies, Smiling is not something to compromise. Okay, if you're a smiling joy, if you're a friendly bitch, you're going to smile and there's nothing you can do

And you're right.

You compromise about the temperature on the fucking ac compromise about who's driving, you compromise about shit like that. You never compromise about the inner workings of who you are unless you're just a drunken, hot bitch. And I mean that's me actually, and I hadn't didn't even have to compromise that much.

And even I'll say, like, what relationships will inevitably do is be a mirror to you. So things might come up where you actually do have to not compromise, just self analyze and say, oh, maybe this person's right, maybe

And by the way, like wearing less hoocy outfits isn't not something that you need to compromise. Men will try to like weed in certain type of compromisations to make you feel like who you are or how you dress or how you show up in life is not acceptable, not respectable. But that's where you have to be really tend toes down and confident in who you are and knowing you know, like if you're a faithful woman, if you are if you've shown up as a girlfriend, you

Yeah, he was.

Trying to mold me into the girlfriend or woman that he wanted for himself.

He's trying to mold me into it. But it was just not me. And that's how we always will plans grown.

I'm not a teenager. I am.

I used to have to have to tell him all the time, like except me the way I am, or like they don't be.

With me, Like that's literally what I would say.

And he's like, yeah, but he wanted to be an Instagram couple.

Oh my god, I mean yeah, I think he wanted to be a star.

He's trying to be a star. I mean you are a star, Okay, you are talented, You're gifted, like truly truly gifted. There's a reason why people are drawn to you. There's a reason why there's a light on your life all the time, like there's a there's a reason for it. So you are natively going to attract people that want to want the same for themselves. But maybe did is not their calling this lifetime. Yeah again, I.

Always feel like I'm like light and it was trying to like he was trying to dim it like so I I just I noticed it early on and again like I don't know what I ended up. This lasted for two and a half years.

Date where you guys dated two and a half years?

How do you think you've bought apps? Or how did you mean? How do you meet people?

Are you like, oh gosh, don't ask me now, because I totally.

Do people slip slide into your DM.

Like completely, I totally have de centered you know how people say the decentering men's thing is the thing man?

But no, I told your lot on Instagram.

I don't date, Like I literally don't date especially I mean now my situation is like last year. I haven't been with this guy since last like twenty twenty or like summer, so a year now, so we've been we've not been together. But I don't date. I don't I

I miss. If I miss something, it's the sex.

And I can figure that out somehow if I need to, when I need to, and I yeah, I figured it out on my own. But I don't miss anything else about a man, because I've never had a man that's given me so much that I would now. Yeah, I never there's a thing that I could miss about a man in sex. And like I again, yeah, I can figure that out.

I get all my.

Like oxytocin cuddles with my kids and my dogs.

I'll never forget when I discovered. When I discovered the section dick, I realized that women we could get by without men for a while, that heartier situation. Right now, I wouldn't recommend giving. It's such a section that gets sections to like the wall, and then you can get it and then you can use your vibra on. When that happened to me, I literally remember after that first I had some.

I had some. I had like a bag.

In my closet, like all the way up there, like in my closet, a bag of like toys and stuff like that, and I just threw them in the trash.

When I moved out. I threw ninety percent owned in the garbage, So now I have nothing.

I mean that would be a little bit of margin travel like that would be like you know, you pick.

I got rid of everything. I kept my music instruments and that's it. Like a few clothes, but not much. So I have a storage unit, but I only kept my most important music stuff, guitars.

And things like that.

But all the day I had like a toy bag gone. So I don't know out.

There's the thing too.

I think the mayor we we were having so much ship like, we don't even need half this ship.

We over keep ship like, we.

Just over clutter. We think we need a lot of things, and we just need the basics. I just went camping for five days and I.

Was just sleeping. We don't really need ship. We don't really need much. We need each other. We need food.

That's really it, you know, And I think we like we Sometimes it requires that you lose everything, you declutter your life in order to be like what is truly essential?

But let you go, you know what you really need.

Those toys could come back to.

You know what you need to feel, You need to feel good about your song.

Like I figured like that out girls late. I'm forty two.

But you really just need to feel good about yourself and everything else is small.

Seriously, that's true.

Yeah, People people literally underestimate. They underestimate how do you feel about yourself? Because nine times out of ten, if you feel good about yourself, if you know who the fuck you are, if you know what you possess a You're not going to get into relationships with with with men who are trying to dim your light. It's not going to be so confusing, even when they're filling your tank or even paying your bills. You won't be compromised.

Think even like, how how did you get wait an.

Say, do you think it's gonna be because I'm so much about Like you know, I'm so good, I'm so good just because of the work that I've done, like how good I feel about who I am, and even without a man, I don't miss it. I don't miss I don't even miss like dating, Like, so, do you feel like it's going to be so much harder now to find someone? Because it would love? I would still love love and a partner. But at the same time,

Always dating, They always well, who are you talking to?

Right?

Like?

And I'm always like, is this gonna make it so much harder for me? Because I'm so okay by myself.

No, I think as long as you a I think, as long as you know who you are, you're confident about that. And I think as long as you are open and recognizing, I still want love.

I still would like a partner. I still want a relationship. I think people.

I think there's women who are like I don't need it, and I'm good I don't need I don't need.

To think the people who are so traumatized.

By men and by their decisions that they cut it off, the cut off the possibility, and that they don't even admit that they want They don't they want.

Companionship in that way.

But honestly, I think when you are so clear about what exactly it is that you want, and when you have relationships that you can you like, oh, you know what, he was nice, he was faithful, but no, this didn't work, and this didn't work, and this didn't work, So you can refine the manifestation. I truly believe that is when you become you become so clear that the person that you're looking for shows up. Like a lot of people told me what I was looking for did not exist.

Yeah, I think that that's I think.

And I also think women who are pressed when you are pressed about having a nigga, when you are pressed and always looking, and that's never run conversation, it's desperate and what like. When you are desperate, the universe just brings in whatever stragglers.

That are available, and that's what you don't want.

You have got to be picky, and you've got to be clear and don't make compromises, be compromising because they may not show up exactly how you think.

But also just to be clear about what it is you won't accept.

Like a nigga telling you not to smile a lot.

I think also I'd like to add that when you do, because I'm I'm curious to me to like, what are a few things that I guess helped you be really

Is that now you know what it feels like it.

You know, and it's like, actually that's really me. Fuck, Like I want someone to accept me for all of

I mean, I don't know, I feel like ask you too.

I mean, I'm like, I'm sorry.

Yeah, no, I just feel like something.

Yeah.

So I just feel like I've made it now that I've become this person that I am, like secure one, the one that loves themselves like I made it so much different, so much more difficult for anyone because I just don't take no ship, like I don't take like I will not accept anything, but like something that really like really fits and really like aligns with who I am and everything. Like so I feel like it's just so much more harder now for anyone it's to be really difficult.

And I feel like they're intimidates men just in general.

They can kind of like sense it and feel it, and then a lot of times they don't want to get like involved, like they like me, but they kind of like, oh I can't live up to that.

I don't know, it eliminates the fuck shit. Let that let them all fall toes.

Thank you.

Yeah, I mean I'm not maybe sometimes I think like maybe I just need to wait till fifty when my kids are grown, because like it's too much for most men right now with the three kids and the dog, and I'm like, this is that they're literally all my life, live my life, Like I'm always with that, and like if you can't fit into this world, then it just won't work right now.

But they're going to be grown, so when it went by so.

Fast, they're already ten and eleven, like in another six years, like they're going to be doing their own thing, and I'm going to be freed up.

Maybe sometimes I'm like, maybe I'm just gonna wait a few years.

No, you don't have to wait, but also you should probably you also probably I mean I can't tell you what to do, but I would suggest also getting used to having freeing up a little bit, because at some point they will be out of the house, and then when they are, you're gonna be like, what the fuck do I do with myself? You know, like so so not maybe right out the time I know you live

I would love to next year.

Yeah, there's yoga, it's right up your alley.

I need that so bad.

Yeah, oh my god, somebody needs to hold my girls out, so I'll figure that.

Yeah, but you have to let them, You have to let them do it, and you have to you know, be able to release that control too, because it's hard when you've been doing everything for as long as you have, like and you and I know you feel good doing it and it's not like but like you don't know what you feel like without doing it, so it's like, what what does that feel like? Like? You know, so like being able to kind of really and your your girls, like, I mean, I'm sure they would love like some sort

Yeah, safe and comfortable. Comfortable it's a word for me, because.

I am we should we should have planned this sooner. I know that while they're there with this with family.

Man, like, I just know that if they're not comfortable, I can't enjoy myself. But if I figure it.

Out where they're comfortable, right, oh my god, please please I need it and really.

Badly. Yeah, I feel you, I feel you. Okay, Wait, we didn't do an affirmation. I don't know if you have one that you'd like to share. M I just said something earlier that I felt like it doesn't have to be an affirmation, but it was something that I wrote down because I think it's really I think it's really important and it like relates to my life as well. You said when you don't have space, you can't create, and I was like, yeah, yeah, man, because I have no ideas.

I have know this because I was getting bombarded.

With these ideas from strangers, not only strangers, also like friends and people suggesting what I should be doing. But I just couldn't. There was no womb for me to like start even the thought process of what something could you know, become Like so I just when I read that quote, I read it somewhere I don't know where, but I read the quote like you can't like you need space.

In order to create.

I was like, God, you need to just create some space and I will be able to come up with something and come up with a plan and so that.

Yeah, that's a great one.

I love that one, and I always since I saw it, I always keep it in my head and I feel like it's really true.

It's really true, and now I'm living it.

Literally mm hmmm, because I'll be coming back. Yeah, I'm excited what you create with this this new space that you have. Yeah, yeah, and it's only something.

Only this, The only good is going to come of this, you know, Like you're prioritizing yourself. You've made a choice, a powerful choice for your family. You're giving yourself space. Yeah, like you're using your throat chakra exactly. You know, you're in your body, like you have so many tools that you already are using just naturally and like innately in you.

So I just I'm excited to see that's like the yoki. Oh my god, it's like that's the yo and me a big, big one is like change me so much too, And I think that is a big, a.

Crucial part of like how I found.

The self love and all of that and the self worth because that was one of the biggest things that I was get thrown at me, like when I was on.

The show, you don't have self word to be staying with this.

Guy, and like I feel like I came out on the other side so big, Like I'm like now overflowing with it.

Like I'm so I'm like just really proud of myself and let let us see that.

Yeah, I'm proud of you too. I'm proud of you and of your will be back. Everything will be better than ever.

Thank you, thank you, Oh my god.

When you know you know no one can tell you differently, So that's all that matters for real, ferral, thank you, thank you.

Well, I've pulled some cards here, ladies. I know that we're not in person right now, but I pulled.

Let's see, Oh my god, yes the deck okay, okay, shout out to mahogany Taro.

And so I'm just going to pull a collective card. Mm hmmm mm.

Hmmm mm hmm.

The card is it turned around?

Sorry to count because my rooman knowledge isn't so great. I was like, wait, is this nine? So it's nine of pedacles? We have the nine pentacles that we here.

Oh it looks like you about to be rich, bitch.

Yeah, it was positive. I think.

Look at her, she's in her garden. She has coins all around her. She looks like royal, she looks she looks like she's the nervous system is relaxed and she's chilling and she's just all knowing that she's in abundance.

Yeah, we're manifesting coins for amina for all women listening. Yes included, okay, coins let me okay, so I have the the meaning mm hmm. So when a nine of pedacles shows up up in your tarror, reading it means sorry, it's still loading bitty taro oh Okay, abundance, luxury, self sufficiency, financial independence. The tarot cards never.

Perfect one right now.

Okay, you have worked hard to create abundance in your life, and the nin ap Pednacles says you can finally enjoy the fruits of your labor than when the nine A pedicles appears in a taroor reading, do not be scared to splurge, okay, indulge or pamper yourself, especially as a reward for a reward for all your hard work. Treat yourself to a special occasion or a personal gift to celebrate your journey. Here. You have achieved so much. You have you have. You may not be at the finish

This could not be more perfect. That is so you so perfect? Oh yes, wow, as wow.

I'm going to send you a picture of this.

It's the universe confirming all the things that you're already know that are about to be upon you. So don't even worry when you know, you know, and that's all you have to do.

That's all it is. It's just a matter of time. I love that.

That was that was great.

Wow, thank you, thank you for this time.

Yeah, I know it's late in Germany, so we're gonna let it go.

It's like, yeah, thank.

You so much for coming back on the show. And we love you. I love you. Good energy.

Tell everybody where they can find you before we get out of here too.

Oh, just social media, I mean a butterfly on everything. I mean on instead of TikTok, I am a mean a butterfly. But yeah, just I mean a butterfly. And my music to just search, I mean a better always ask when can we find it? It's like all platforms have music. Just search, I mean a butterfly. And then if you're interested in me and my sister stick together black butterfly as well.

And that's a butterfly with two D B U D D A.

F y yes.

And well, and we'll make sure every link everything in this episode description, so make sure you check out the links in this episode description. We have a lot of special things happening in the copy of these episodes. So if you have a second, go ahead and go just read our little beautiful description and all the things we got going on over there, and I'll see you next week.

It's crazy, you guys.

Let this like this weird time in my life. This just means that we need to follow up one day.

No, absolutely, and you know what we called you at this time because this is what people needed to hear. Other moms and other women needed to hear this message, and it's important, Like it's not always fucking sprinkles and butterflies, but it always is sprinkles and butterflies if you let it and just you know, let me you know what, and you are a butterfly.

You're in transformation right.

Oh my god, I didn't even think of that. Hello.

Yeah, you've been in it since you named, gave yourself that name. It with you transformation energy, so.

It will always fly no matter what.

My nights, my night, drink your wine.

Enjoy your time in Germany. Able see you a human.

So I love y'all, love you by by.

Yeah, I'm living so good. Can't you tell? I went through a drought, that's until I found a well. May might have been known Earth that used to be broken tail now got the blues in to like Beyonce justll throat shot or popping his car wearing our voices. Patriarchy kept it in the box to it'spois.

Women put the pee and powers.

So what's pointless?

They want me to be good?

So I made bad choices.

Bad mom, not a bad mom, but a bad mom geters in on, put cannabis in their bath, bon walk in bosses cap and I blew his cat balls hot dog.

Now I'm immune to the.

Cat called her being no waisted straight to win like a dollar sign.

Mother rent the number when.

Two winds, like a water summer where you're in the winter, essential will win the summer.

So I do with all. Ain't no one that needs to run it by