Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Meila. Happy Wednesday.
Boobs are coming on.
Okay, they're in secure the titties. We're posting this a little late because.
Because it's hard, because this shit is hard to have content to put out every single, oh fucking week, no matter if we're tired, no matter if it came from out of town, no matter if baby daddies are.
Getting on our nerves, no matter what is going on, Delivering quality podcasts every week becomes challenging.
True, it does so.
Easily.
I'm tired. I don't even know why I'm tired. I've been tired for like, I just I feel like my energy has kind of been just a little bit low. I don't know if it's because I'm in love and I'm just like I want to be tired and lazy, laid up, or if I just haven't been eating. I've been eating more meat than ever and I don't really eat meat like that, and I've been having tons of bacon and beef, I know, and so I don't know. I'm just not feeling well. I just feel lazy as fuck.
Yeah, I've been kind of feeling the fuck is.
Happening, honestly, my neighbor and the trash.
I feel like I have.
I've been not drinking enough water, not like I eat.
My eating habits they're so fucked up that I usually don't eat until like five pm. I fast all day and then eat at night, and then I'm like, my stomach hurts. Oh, no, shit, bitch, you haven't eaten all day? Right, Yeah, a lot of things that need to be done to have higher energy.
I know. I went on a trip to like Tahoe this weekend, and uh, it was beautiful, so beautiful, But like when I got back, I felt like I needed a transitional day between the trip and life. Like I felt like I needed like another day to like decompress from the trip.
Yesterday, I just felt so anxious.
Everything was giving me fucking anxiety everything, and I just felt like.
I was just stressed and I don't even know why.
Well, your birthday's coming up, do you know? His birthdays on Monday? Guys, My birthday's on Monday.
I will be thirty two. And yeah, I think I do get a little anxious before my birthday's just because it's another year.
You every year, you do, I do.
Yeah, what's the wrong with me?
Oh?
Yes, my birthday is coming, and I just feel like it's such a weird time because like there's so much going on.
It's draining. Also, I feel like we have a lot of stuff going on.
It's really hard to focus on those things. It's really hard to fucking focus. Also, I don't have a million dollars yet. It's just I'm like, what the fuck?
Okay?
And when I was twenty three, I planned on being rich by thirty, own a house, supposed to be married, I supposed to be have my second child.
I know about this.
Every year I made what I was supposed to do.
Well, you know, I think for people listening, if you're in your early twenties and you have all these anxieties, as I did when I was in my twenties, I was like, for sure, like when I'm thirty, all these I'm supposed to hit all these milestones, guess what, you probably won't. And that's okay. I'm not saying like don't try or don't like have aspirations or goals, but I feel like we put so much pressure on ourselves and then we hit these ages and then we're like, why
am I not a millionaire? Why am I not married? Why? Like my life isn't what I thought? And we were talking about that before we started recording, Like how it's a it's a time. I mean, I think that it's all you You never really know how shit's gonna play out. But like we're in a time right now where I feel like those feelings are even more highlighted because we really there's really a lot of question marks in the air, Like am I gonna get sick? Is the one? Is
the pandemic? Ending? Why do black people keep dying? I'm scared to be black? Will I die when I walk out the house?
Like?
Will will school ever be the same again? Is my kid? Okay? Like all these things that there's just there's just like not a lot of answers, just.
A huge fear of the own, the unknown. As I get older, I become more I have I hate to say this, but I have.
More fear of the unknown.
I'm more aware that there's I have very little control over everything, and fear of the unknown. It's amost gives me anxiety, you know, like even like am I gonna have a lifelong partner?
Am I gonna have another kid?
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Like if there's just so much shit like happening all the time, and there's we're so like I feel like I always say, like our brains are only supposed to have so many channels. Like remember back in the day, it's only like thirty channels. Now with social media, there's like six hundred channels, and so our brains are not programmed to be able to switch channels that quickly and on so on so fast levels.
So it's almost like our brains and our bodies are over exposed and jumping from feelings and thoughts so quickly that I think that's the leading cause and anxiety, like really and truly, because we're not programmed to be paying attention to everybody's fucking life on Instagram plus our own, plus all these other factors. You know, there's just like an over and over charge of information, and I think it's making us like function wrong.
But I agree, I think though I will say I think the channels in the last few months have decreased. I mean, I think social media is obviously you know, not going anywhere, and it's been a tool for you know, the movement that's happening and you know, keeping people socially aware. But I think staying at home has eliminated some of
those channels. And I think that probably was some of the source of my anxiety when the pandemic first started, because like I didn't know how what, Like I had all these channels and I didn't know I was sitting with them, and like, I feel like they slowly started because I feel like people are doing less now, like they're more conscious about doing less because if you're doing
too much, you look stupid. And now I know, like things are starting to open back up and like people, you know, are you going out and like traveling more and doing all those things. But I don't know. I think that I hope that there's I feel like there's a shift in consciousness happening for sure, definitely for the better, I think, I hope. But with that comes like a deprogramming, and that can feel weird, exhausting even, and like like you're losing something but you're not well.
It's probe right, you don't have a lot of energy.
Maybe, I think, I don't know, because I think it's my diet diet, to be honest, I think that.
As all these things are happening, it is obviously a pivotal and transitional time. And I think it, you know, when shit is shifting and changing, it takes energy from me, just like when you're growing, you got to sleep more. And I think because we're doing less, I think now is really a time to self reflect on your own energy and what lessons are being taught and what's right, you know, And I think that's my lesson right now.
Like you can't control everything, and that means that you definitely can't be afraid of the unknown because everything is unknown. Finding peace in the unknown and being able to be like chill, accept what it is right now and that's it, you know, like focus on the ship that you do. Know, you know, how you're conducting yourself now and making better decisions than I've made, and being like aware of why I'm making certain decisions or like why I'm afraid of certain things?
Right, Yeah, I mean I when I so when I went to Tahoe this weekend, I went with like a group of friends including Poetry Bay and Irie and all those things. And we we were up there and at night, like we ended up taking some mushrooms and at some point in my trip it was it was a really it was cool. It was very light and it was quick. Like I don't know, you have these chocolatemushrooms. They lasted like three hours or something. Yeah, it was like three hours,
and it was cool. They were visual, not like overly intense, but like yeah, for sure, like saw breathe, like the
room breathing and stuff. But there was a time at at some point I like was looking at my hands and like it was like almost like I was looking at them from outside of myself, and like I was looking at my body from outside of myself, and like suddenly like my mortality became so real, like to look at me from like an outsider looking in and like how like none of this all this is like gonna disappear one day, you know what I mean? And like I think, I don't know. I just became super aware
of my mortality and then like oh I started. I wasn't like I was kind of going dark, but I wasn't like sad, but I was just like damn, like does any of the shit matter? Like like we're here, then we're not, and it's happened so fast, and like you know, we we've been told that. We're like I
don't know, like what were we talking about. We're saying that like basically we are reflect like saying like dust particles and like the sand like not the sand, like the light reflects upon us and that's what kind of creates like these bodies. And I was like, is this even real?
Are you even here?
Like does love even.
For how long?
Like what's the point?
Like?
And I wasn't like like to kill myself or anything, but I was just like it just made everything seem everything so important not seem so important, so temporary. Yeah, And I was like shit, like all these things were chasing, like trying to make money, trying to do all these things, all these things that we feel like we need while we're here, while we're here, we're here, and then it doesn't matter anymore.
It's like literally what actually matters.
And then part of me was like, well that's why, like I have to do everything that I want, I have to earn everything that I want because it doesn't matter and it's quick. Yeah. But then the other party is like, well does it even fucking matter? Like should I even do it? It was like I know, I feel I feel you. Yeah, literally I feel, and I just kept looking at my hands and I was like, fuck, these are hands, These are my these are Erica's hands, and like one day they won't be here anymore, and
one day they'll age and they'll look weird. And I remember, like when my grandfather died, like I was in the hospital with him, and I was holding his hand as he was dying, and like I was there like the while he took his last while he took his last breath, and I remember looking at his hands and they were so aged and they looked like they'd been through so many things, and I couldn't I couldn't stop thinking about his hands when I was on my mushroom trip and
thinking like one day someone's gonna be holding my old ass hand and it's like then I leave and then it's it's done. I mean, of course, like I don't know, like and even like the most iconic people, Oh shit, why.
Is that an alarm?
I'm alarm and I don't know. I don't know why that's happening. One o'clock it stopped video.
That's really fucking.
I think that's where it was. Is a airplane anyway.
Sorry about that alarm? Like even the most, like even the most iconic people, the people that have left their mark here, Like when the world ends, does it matter? Because the world is gonna end one day. This ship is not gonna be here forever, and as.
We know absolutely, I mean even I think for me, like, yeah, all these things that we're chasing, how important are they? Even in these spaces that we're like finding new new ventures and love and that I get so much anxiety over that, like is this gonna be? It? Is this forever? Is this gonna be my partner? Can I do this?
Like there's all these like intense questions, but it's also like, bitch, just enjoy it and shut the fuck up, you know, like why does why, even in goodness that we have to ruin it with expectation and like final like what's the what's gonna be the final thing?
You know?
Like why do I have to ruin what I'm enjoying?
Right?
It's being present essentially.
Yeah, without the without the fear pouring in you know, like what if this doesn't last as long as I wanted to? You know, like what's after that? You know what, It's just a bunch of bullshit that doesn't matter.
None of this should matters, I know, I know, and that I just became so aware of my body and the fact that I don't like really analyze it like I like I should. Yeah, Like, I mean, obviously it was some drugs. But I was looking at my hands and I was like, well, I've never really taken them in and like really looked at every part of me, and like one day, every all this it'll start changing and it'll start looking different and then it just will disappear,
you know. Yeah. So I don't know. I was so that my trip I was kind of I was really quiet on it. I didn't really I laughed a lot though. I cried laughing. I cried laughing. It's fun and funny. Nisha came out at one point. This airplane is so loud. Wow, it's like the loudest one I've ever heard. What is it a jet? Is it a fighter jet?
It's a big one.
Nisha came out at one point and she had a sheet mask on her face. Girl, I almost passed out. She came out and she.
Looked like, oh, like a mask face.
Yeah, and I'm like tripping and I was like, oh my god. And then she was like, do you want me to pull it off, and then she like slowly peeled her face off, and me and art my Bay were like, oh my god. I was like, I love drugs. I was like, just for these moments, you know, and then it's over and it's fine. And you know, I've had like I've had a life awakening moments. I've had moments where I've cried and lapped, i had moments of
self reflection, and that's all I could ask for. I don't understand why people have these such negative, like you know what rules and experiences, and like I'll tell you why.
Because people take drugs like.
Hallucinogens like mushrooms, and then they try to fight what's happening and you can't fight it. If you fight it, you're going against God. Honestly, it's like it's like the peel away of what we of the fakeness, like of these like layers that we've essentially created. And so when you take drug like the peel that shit off, and if you hold on to those those layers instead of just letting him slide off, it's gonna hurt.
It's gonna be hard.
Like even that time when I'm totally like I'm emotional, but I cry by myself. That's my thing. I'll do it in the car, I'll do it alone, maybe in front of Lon because I'm I'm emotional bitch. But like that time I took mushrooms with Adventure Bay and literally he was just sitting there and I just nestled up to the side of his neck like this, and I was like, I just cried.
I just let that shot out, and that is not my style.
Like essentially, I didn't really know him it at all at this point, and I just cried for like five straight minutes, and I didn't try and stop it.
I didn't even understand why. I knew I could feel that it was coming.
I was just feeling in like an immense, intense energy pour over me, and I decided to not fight it, even though I don't know what to expe like he would expect. You know, it's not ideal. It was our third okay, it wasn't ideal to be just in front of the nigga I met on him, yeah, for no reason.
And I just sat there and cried for like.
Seven minutes, and then I was like.
Hmm, that was weird.
That's all I said that that was weird, that's never happened before, and he just held me like really tight, and I felt it wasn't a release for me.
I felt safe.
I felt like like I just felt safe and like I could just peel off and let go, and that's what I did. But I think if you're being like vulnerable with someone you're not comfortable with, or even with yourself alone, if you're not comfortable with being vulnerable.
And you can't no, it'll come up. Then it will come up.
And sometimes, like I said, I didn't really know why I was crying except for the fact that I felt like I was letting somebody in. I knew that was happening low key and my subconscious, But if I had any if I was trying to say face and be cool, it would have been a terrible time because it's hard. It's difficult because those drugs like that really take away like your perception, like the masks that people put on or that you put on, and it really makes you just see like time, space, distance.
None of that shit matters, right, I know. That's why we advocate for mushroom so hard.
Me and Erica had a side conversation one time that maybe like if like in Good Moms, We're just gonna have a side hustle. Then we're gonna we're gonna put out our own mushroom, Good Mom's Mushroom. We don't know how we're gonna start that side business.
But oh actually we did. We did have we did have a plan. We said we're gonna start out a fans only page and just sell mushrooms on there.
So look up for that.
We won't be shaking ass. Well, maybe they'll be ass towerks and and well, I think because people have reached out to us asking where to get them in the different cities, and I'm like, I don't know, So I.
Like, I'm in San Diego, where can I find out?
My girl?
When you find and let me know because if I come out there, I might need to know.
But we're gonna start creating like you know that Lonely Planet how like you know Lonely Planet is the website, Like it's like a it's like a guide throughout the plan in it like tell you different places. Yeah, so like we'll be like the Craigslist of mushrooms. Like any city you go, just go to Good Mom's Good Mushrooms. It's like it's like it's like the Green Book for mushrooms. If you're black, you can buy mushrooms safely in this part of town.
Make it right. There's gonna meet Jojo and the Brick at the Brick House. Tell them good moms.
Oh my god.
Now I do I do advocate for it. It's been great.
I mean I think I don't. I think you have to. I don't think everyone needs to do them, honestly, I think you have to know yourself, be careful. You know some people you need to be ready.
Yeah, I feel like we take them for fun.
But mostly for their spiritual purpose.
You know, I think even though you do it for fun, but we I think we've learned that to consume certain drugs, it's important to have an intention.
That's really important. I feel like, obviously there's times where I don't, and but I find that it's when you do though, like you might forget it too along the way. You might forget what that intention was at some point in your journey. But like and.
Also sometimes just be opening, just be open to what comes. You know, it doesn't have to be necessarily an intention that's nice too, but like whatever comes and visits you, whatever, resonates while you're on your trip.
I think you have to be open to receiving that.
If it's tears, if it's releasing you know, it's just like because I'm.
Also doing it with someone that you feel safe with. I think is really important. Like, don't do mushrooms at like a house party because also unless it's all your friends, unless it's a homie, a house full of homies.
Have you ever not? There's some times the mushrooms and I can't talk. Yeah, a lot of times you can't talk, like you have deep intense thoughts, don't try to express them anywhere. They don't make sense for me and Adventure, we have conversations that I'm what the fuck are we talking about? Like, yeah, you know, oh it doesn't.
Matter, Well, I yeah, I don't really. I find that when I do do them, I rarely want to talk, and that I'm constantly mind blown on other people can't like when I when we did them in Taho, like they were having full conversations. I was sitting there just in silence, and I literally was I was like, I don't know how you guys were talking. What are you talking about? Why are we talking about TV shows? Talking there's nothing. There's more work to be done here. We
don't care what happened on Insecure. I want to talk about my hands.
Look at them, just sharing my hands, you'll feel that. I do you see these hands?
Do you look at that?
This is the answer to life?
Wait?
Did I tell you that?
Speaking of answers to life and mushrooms?
And did I tell you?
I can't.
I can't remember what I sat on the podcast and what I said to my friends, because all the same ship. When we went when we went camping last weekend with adventure Bay to Petrona Pannacles, we mean Adventuree took mushrooms and got in the tent. I don't know how again, met very little talking, but at some point he was like eating my pussy in the tent and I like looked up and I was just I had this epiphany.
And my epiphany was like I am mother Earth.
This is the beginning of life under the stars, in the dirt with the black man, black woman under this is my womb. Like I was feeling myself. I was fucking like mother Earth in that bitch. Suddenly I was like I was reaching up in the tent and I was like this is how life was created. In my belly. I was like feeling my belly was the stars. He was like, your vagina is always so high. He's like that that makes sense because you're like the you're that's
where creation starts. And I was like, oh, he's right, eat my pussy, because this is.
How life starts.
I was getting real deep. Yeah you didn't. You did?
You mentioned that part, but you didn't you mentioned the creation story. I did not know you were getting your pussy eight at that time. You failed to mention that part.
Sitting on his face, feel like I was fucking mother Earth, that bitch.
I was like, in this darkness under the stars dirt because there's only like fucking dirt out there, like dirt stars.
I'm like, this is how everything started.
Like the wind was blowing really hard. I was like, yeah, this is how we started to create.
You're like, I'm in Africa.
It's literally in my mind.
So yeah, yeah.
I also even though we've both had very.
Earth shaking love affairs from Hinge recently the last sixty day Deep Love in sixty days Love and.
Sixty days Oh yeah.
A step by step guide. First, get my first, join hine.
Second, take my shirts with the stranger, so.
You cry if you want to. Well, I wanted to say Erica because she asked me this, because we also took We had a nice Molly run too. But we're not always doing drugs, so I know that it's even. So, just in case you guys were all wondering if we were in love or we were on drugs, we're both. We've done our fair share of sober hanging.
It's confirmed. I still like him sober.
No, honestly because asking that in the beginning, I was like, I'll get back to you on Monday. But now I'm like, so we went to the beach all day, no drugs. I'm like, okay, this is good to know. We've hang out lots of times drugs.
Okay, yeah, you sound like you sound like a crackhe it sound like a crack up.
No, but it's not.
No sober and not sober. It's great.
So that was just making that.
Okay, I'm so glad. I'm so glad. We've got an update. You guys, you've heard it here first breaking news.
Well, I think a part of me, myself sabotage and my fear of everything, like I'll leave him on Monday or Tuesday, and then I was like do I like, I don't know. I'm fine, I'm pretty cool, like I got this maybe not. Then on a Friday I see him again, I'm like, fuck, I'm in long.
I thought I was, Oh my god.
So much fear, but yeah, it's actually ridiculous.
Do you have those well? Never mind what say it?
But we haven't left each other's side.
I don't want to put your business out there everything which I put.
Your business out here all the time. Don't be shy.
Now, Kay has been with this niggative for an approximately fifteen days straight, like literally approximately fifteen day straight. I was gonna say, do you feel like you try to convince yourself otherwise? But she doesn't know because she hasn't.
I'm not denying. I'm not denying it.
I know you can't.
I've seen you. Yeah.
Also, I didn't tell you this, but since we're talking, I don't care if you get a boyfriend. Bitch, don't you ever keep texting me back when I've called you? When did you call me two times this week? I've called you?
My service is terrible. There ye ask everyone, I don't know any I got no miscalls.
I think the phones have been fucking Look.
At my Look at my boyfriend getting pissed, look at my husband. She's jealous.
I'm like, is she text me back? When I just called her? I was like, I know that she got my misscall because I called. That's how the cellular's work.
She saw, well, not when you're in the mountain.
This is when you're back when she's just when I was back here. Then I told him tell her to call me when she's done. She did not call me. I said, is he not telling her the messages I'm sending her. I don't slap everybody. I'm a real boyfriend. When I realized, I was like, why is she text me? And I just called her?
Was like, we go together? We we go together. Yeah. So backing up on my scorpio obsession, Actually today we had a conversation because I got something in the pattern app that said basically, when I'm in when i'm in love or i'm with someone, I can be obsessive And oh no, you don't say obsessive and impulsive or something.
I don't know. It was another if, like a if impulsive, So I don't know, and so I was like, oh my god, I am being obsessive and I was like, wait, this is why I know this is And I had this conversation with him too afterwards because I sent it to him and I was like, look, I was like, I'm obsessive and he was like, no, you're not. I
was like, well, you haven't left. You haven't left. I was like, well, you're a cancer too, so you're also a little bit obsessive as well, Like you will you'll just do you'll be You'll feed into the obsession with me because it's comfy and shit.
I'm actually really lucky that adventure Prase is not feeding into any type of this shit.
I would be.
I would be I would do the same thing.
So I realized that I he left today and I was like, you know, I just feel like fifteen. Yeah. He was like, I don't feel He's like, I don't feel like I'm not getting shit done, like I'm working. Like when you do you do your thing, you do your thing. I do my thing. I was like, it is, yes, that's true, but also I do feel distracted. I have
been somewhat distracted. And also there's a difference between like you being here and me working versus you not being here and me working, like I want to get back to you, so I'm gonna like try to like hurry up, or like maybe I'll cut something short that like I could have probably finished had you not been here. So I think those things are like I've had to. I'm checking back in with myself because I know myself and I know that that has been detrimental for me in
the past. Like it doesn't seem that way at first, but then suddenly I'm like, wait, why I'm not fulfilling my dreams because I'm just here with you, And also like you're fulfilling yours and I'm here to support yours, and I don't really feel like doing mine, so I don't I have to like be conscious of that and he and he kept saying, no, you're not, No, you're not, and I was like, listen, I know myself, Like you may not feel this way, but I know who I've
been in previous relationships, and like, I know how it starts to show up in my life. It's it doesn't immediately feel that way, and it starts to slowly chip away, and then suddenly I'm doing nothing but fucking like one thing I.
Will I appreciate about our friendship is that we're honest with each other and like I like, and I know, like we can both be digmatized dumb bitches.
You know, the records have shown.
But I also know that like you're not, so you're there's no point that you're not. You're not gonna check yourself and be like like, you're not gonna be like choosing dick dick dick, dick dick dick over like day to day, day to day just is not. I know, eventually You're gonna be like, Okay, well this I gotta shift my ship because that's how we check ourselves for the most part.
And if not, you know, I'll check you and then you'll have to listen, right.
I mean, And that might even be the reason that you know what that's probably is the reason why I'm in tired because I've been putting I've been putting a lot of energy into this new relationship that I've been in and also trying to balance this new relationship and motherhood and like trying to like the new opportun tunities and figuring out, like am I doing this the right way? Is she okay? Am I okay? Is he okay? Are we okay, like you know, and.
Now it's it's it's like and then I and then I've even asked myself like do I have time to be liking someone? Like why did I do?
Like why was I on hand?
This is crazy?
Like I want to be over here, I want to do work.
I have to do that I want to like It's the answer I was feeling like I was getting overly anxious about just like there's so many things that we need to do that work behind on. And then you know, my like my personal shit, you know, Corona, my business, My baby is she is she learned, gonna go to kindergarten and know all this shit she's supposed to know.
Plus I'm in love, like it's it's crazy.
And then like adventure Bay is like a real adventure bae, and people not stup sending me links to stuff and I love it, my spear, but so many links, so many trips, so much reason, so many outdoor trips, so many outdoor and I'm so excited about them. But also I'm like, just tell tell me the day, send the calendar, invite and I will tell me what to bring. What's
the weather going to be? Like I don't need the links, but it's so intense, and I think also we're in this like we're growing as women, we're growing as mothers, our children are growing and.
It's like these it's like they are so hyper.
Aware and now we're in these spaces where we've never done this before.
Our kids are aware of what we're doing.
I took Lona to the drive in movie with Adventure Bay and we'd hung out all three of us together before, but I was feeling like a little nervous because she's looking at me. I'm a certain way with him generally without her, and I kind of was like enjoying our separate lives. But now I'm like, that's not realistic. And then because it's not realistic, I'm like, am I Like what kind of mom thinks that way? It's a guilty thought, but like eventually, like it's just something that has to happen.
They have to have a chemistry, they have to get to know each other, and it's just like a very strange place to be right now.
I feel like with like these five year olds going on twenty.
Five, I know, I mean, I know Ari is over here asking me is can't is blah blah, blah spending. Is he gonna spend the night? And I'm like what? And then I don't know, Like I was like on my trip, I was I was trying to be aware of our interactions in front of her. You know, I have to admit though, like I was affectionate towards him. I don't how can you not be? I mean, like he didn't. I don't know if she ever saw us kiss, but she definitely saw us hugging alive, like I don't
think she did. I don't think she did, but there was definitely enough that it was like, this is not Uncle Sebastian, right, this is something else. And you know, at one point he asked her, He was like, Iri, like, how would you feel if I took your mom on a date? Can I take her on a date? And she was like yeah, And then she was like, but you have to get her a ring. I was like, oh my god, fucking Adrian, Adrian, fucking Ladybug, Miraculous. I
don't know if anyone else's kids watch Miraculous Ladybug. Don't let them watch that show.
They're girls. Don't let any kids watch it because it's it's brainwashed.
Honestly, Like I don't, and that's another thing I feel bad that I don't. I haven't really sat down and watched the ship. I have my kid watching because I'm like, wait, what the fuck are they talking about over here?
But just like yeah, just when there's a third person in the relationship, it's a huge dynamic. Even I realized, like this is this is mean, and this is actually I haven't discussed this with him, so I shouldn't.
Say it, but I'm going to.
He doesn't have kids, and he's not around well I mean it's probably his ex had a kid, but he fucking and I'm my parenting skills are adultish. But he talks to Luna like he's goddamn like Barney and mister Rogers. And it drives me crazy. And I know he's really trying. He is really trying, and she likes it, and she really likes him. And maybe I'm just a bad mom because I refuse to talk any regular than this. That's
fucking up, what are you doing? Whatever, let's go. So he's like really animated and his talking and it was just like making me like a little.
Tense, not tense, How dare you talk about a kid like a child.
But also I I've come to the conclusion this week, probably yesterday, I think that I'm so cool and so relaxed and so go up the flow.
But that's not true.
I'm actually very rigid, and I actually get annoyed very quickly. And Erica will tell you my number one thing I say is so fucking annoyed. It's a fucking annoyed I say it probably four hundred times a day.
I say it too, though, and then.
But then I'm like, what are you really annoyed about? This nice man? Is being nice to your Child's wrong with me? Everything bothers me. I'm like, don't like it.
That's not how we parent. Well that's why I said to you, Like I say, think it's a simple conversation. I think these men are show but are showing up in our lives, and we have to talk to them about how we have gotten to this place so far with our kids, you know, like how where they're at, like in their emotional development, Like Iris really sassy right now and like doing ship that like there's low key embarrassing, and I'm like, yo is I'm like, is this a
reflection of me? And then like I'll realize that she says ship that I say, and I didn't even realize. I say, like she always like, she goes like what does she say? Like what do you mean?
Like they're in this stage where that they can't curse, so they try to what the heck?
What do you mean?
What do you mean?
What the heck?
She's like, what the heck? What do you mean? What the he.
And then the other day I was like, what do you mean? And he was like, that's where she gets it from. And I was like, fuck, he's right.
But you have the correct because I realize what they're doing is they're trying to say what the hell, like trying to emulate a grown person talking, but they know they can't say that.
So I, yeah, what the heck?
I literally tell Lena, I said, I don't know why you keep doing that, and you're attempting to curse, but you're not al So stop inserting it in a way that you think that you're cursing, because it's annoying. You're not grown. Don't talk to me like that. Even if you say heck, I'll still slap you.
I think it's also she doesn't she doesn't realize, like she's still trying to understand the boundaries of adults and kids, like what's acceptable to say to adults and what's acceptable to say to her little friends, and so those lines get blurred often. And for me, like, I know, I know what's happening because I'm in her life every day, but for someone else coming in who's just being exposed to these little nuances that she's going through, like they
don't know that. And so it's I think it's important for us as parents that are dating people and know are going to be in our kids' lives to kind of have these conversations with them about where our kids are at, and this is how I'm dealing with it, and like I need you to get on board with it.
Do you have any other opinions, Like I'll be open to hearing them, because I don't know what the fuck I'm really doing, But for the most part, like this is I have some sort of like blueprint as to like how I'm doing dealing with certain things, you know, and.
So and also I think it's the first time in our like really in our parents, like that first time that it's actually I realized. It's also like we're also kind of concerned because there's someone judging our parenting.
That's too. I feel me too. I felt I thought, I thought, I kind of felt I'm barras. I was like, oh my god, he thinks that she's a brat. My fault. It's my fault. She's a brat because of me.
She keeps calling him a poopy head.
I'm a bad parent. I'm a bad parent.
Her, Like, I feel like a fucking angel.
You are proud.
We're trying to we're trying to get wet and how I like a good child.
When I was even telling Jamila, like there was a there was a point where on the on the road trip there, it was a really long ride, and like she said something to him or like wanted a pillow, but like wasn't going about it in a good way. Like she was just not going about it in a good way and he wasn't giving into it. And then like she was being a brade. And then he got your id and was like, no, I'm not giving you the pillow. And then I'm hearing what's happening backseat, I'm
immediately triggered. I'm like, what give her the fucking pillow? What the fuck? Like, what do you mean?
What do you mean, What do you mean.
Why are you giving her the pillow? I don't And then I was like, she is being a little bitch, but like only I can do that. And then I was like, oh god, but this is what I asked for. I wanted someone that was like going to, like, you know, help me obviously, like he he has to have boundaries and like this is my child, and like, but that's why it's important. That's when I realized on this trip, I realized it is important for us to me to
have conversations with him. And he even said it. He was like, you know what, I realized that, like I should probably ask you how you're you know, disciplining her, and like if you want me to help you in that way, what you feel comfortable with? And like, because I didn't know, I didn't fel uncomfortable until it happened, and I was immediately triggered and I wanted to curse him out even though she was wrong.
I think it also requires for us, because I've had to do this a lot in this process, is remind myself.
What is it that you actually want? Jamila?
You know what I'm saying, Because we ask for these things we write this manifestation list, we love my baby like it's your own, you know, and then it happens We're like, ah, how'd you know? And then like or we're taking her with us to places and I'm like, this feels weird. Yeah, should I have left your home? You know what I mean? And I'm like and it's like I have to check myself all the time, because no, actually, I do want this. I do want us to be
able to blend. I do want this to feel comfortable. I don't know why I'm sweating so hard while this is happening, Like I'm gonna like this is It's just we've lived our single mom lives so so, you know, so long. At this point, it's just like it is a shift, and it does require us to kind of check ourselves in the process, because we do want partners that are not going to be like, well, it's not my baby my problem. And it's also it's early and
so you have to establish those boundaries. But also, you know, like even having the conversation to say, like, what is you know, I think that's cool because I don't want a guy who wants to be in my life but also doesn't think you know what I mean. This isn't like you're not gonna be beaten my cad or no shit like that. But you know, I just want, I think, if we want to have more kids, I need to know where you're out on parenting, Like, these are.
Things that are important to understand about one another. That is your kid voice.
Why why if you have to talk in that voice? I don't understand. But it's just like it's a very interesting dating dynamic with children and having to have chemistry abroad. You know, it's not just you and this person. It's you, this person and your child. So oh Lord Jesus said help.
Yeah, yeah, it's definitely been Really I don't even want to say the word. It's the word triggered comes up. But it's not that, it's just like it's just pulling things open that I'm I'm like, oh, even things that I thought, like I think I talked about this in the last episode that like things I thought I had worked on that it were done. I haven't really had the chance to work on them because there hasn't been someone to like force me to have to actively address them.
It's just like I've been addressing them by myself. You know, and now and now I have someone here challenging me, and I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm still not I'm still not healed from that all the way, even this whole like we've been together for like two weeks straight, you know, like I thought like, oh, yeah, I'm good.
I don't do that.
I'm really good at not doing that. No I'm not. I'm not good at not doing that.
I realized, like because like poetry, Bay is a cancer, and so I have we have. I think there's traits that I see, like because I need a lot. I if you don't give me a lot of reassurance, like tell me you want me to come, tell me you want me to stay, I've immediately in my mind, I'm like, they don't really like me. Do they want me to sit here? Should I leave? Are you trying to tell me to leave? I can get high, I know if they make up some whole shit in my head. He
told me believe is he tired of me? Does he's looking at me funny? He's tapping his pen. I think he's annoyed, you know, like the ridiculous things. But also like I have to train myself out of that, like like thinking that I'm a burden, like, no, I'm here, Like I could stay if I want. If he didn't want me to be here, tell me. If he does say leave give me space, then I'm okay with that too.
And actually, one of our four hundred links that he sent me, but one of our four hundred trips that were planning, he basically said, I want to do these, this and this, but if you don't want to do it, I'm totally cool with you staying behind and doing something else. In fact, I really encourage you to do some travel, like we can go to blah blah blah together, but I really encourage you to do some traveling alone and
do some things on your own. I think it's important, as you know, as a female, to just travel alone.
And initially my first instinct was.
Like, why are you trying to get rid of me on a trip that we've planned, we're planning together. And then after I had to really sit and sit with it and think, I'm like, actually, that's really nice of you to even like give me the option.
It's really nice that there's someone who.
Like, first of all, you're not like women are gonna get raped and killed in a foreign country. You know, like that propaganda that everybody gives and then that you want to give me freedom to go explore and do my own thing. I've never had that really in a relationship. And so I've realized I've developed this understanding of relationships that if you don't want to be up under me and love me and need me all the time, you don't love me, which is sick in psycho, but I
see as the dynamics. I thought of my parents codependence like a motherfucker till this day, you know, like very like my mom. I love my mom, She's amazing, but like her, my dad is her fucking kryptonite. She can call him from the aisle six to ask what beans shoes shit buy? He could be in a different country.
It's just like this thing. But like I've realized that I because I probably have some sort of abandonment issues and other shit that if someone's not constantly reinsuring me or be like please come with me, please come stay, be with me, stay, I love you, then I'm like, maybe they don't want me here, maybe I shouldn't be here, And how fuck that you know of a mindset that is?
And so I'm having to really like address those things in this relationship with someone who's obviously like enjoys his his boundaries and his space, and I actually do too. So I don't know why I've come to believe this, that relationship should work that way or else.
It doesn't mean shit, right right, No, it's true.
I mean, I think there's all the other ways for you, for it seems like he does that, like there's other ways to make you feel secure in it when you are when you guys are apart, you know. So I don't know. I don't know if poetry Bay is exactly like that, But I don't know. I mean I think, I think, I think I'm like that too. I think that's why I have had I think it's not so much about like I, if you're not with me, you
don't love me. It's more so like I don't know, I don't know what it is part of me is like in the past, it was me avoiding myself. That's why I did it because I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I didn't know. I didn't know if I was good at anything, and like he was good at at something, and like I knew I could empower that and I could support that and that was good enough for me at the time, which is really weird and sad to say, No, it's honest.
I think we all go through questioning if we're adequate, if we're doing enough.
It was it was just so much easier to avoid doing anything if I was just with him all the time, and like I was going with him everywhere.
And he wasn't the.
Type of guy tod be like, what did you want to do?
No, of course, not fostering those dreams.
You know, he wanted someone to join him. He didn't. He didn't like to be alone either, So it was like the perfect codependency, Like he doesn't have to really ask me what the fuck I'm doing, and I'm still going to come on the long for the ride with him.
I've been in that relationship where the codependency was equal, and I've seen where that's taken me, and it's not good because I know I can get comfortable like that and then I'll get resentful, but and I'm still doing it. And then, and I've said this before, I think in new relationships in general, and even though you guys have been together for forty seven days and nights, I think part of the problem is when we do that, it's like not only like you can eat burns hot and
then it can sizzle. I'm not saying that at all, but I think what happens is there becomes this routine. I'm being together all the time, routine, routine, routine, and it feels good and it feels nice. And as soon as some break steps out of that routine, you're like, hmmm, this feels different. Where are you going? Why are you
doing that? And so because you've become accustomed to being with someone, so it's not so much that you're really jealous or offended or feel really any probably there's real no deeper reasons except that, wow, it's changed from the routine that we've been in, and so now it feels it feels uncomfortable and it feels awkward.
Like well, why didn't you invite me?
Why why can't I come?
Or you know, like that's not and that's it's something I definitely don't I don't want.
I think we do that as women in it and like and when that happens, because I've done that, I've done that, like to the point where I would fucking take a shower without would be like, why are you taking shower right now? I'm like, because I want to wash my ask He thought we were supposed to take showers every single day together, you know what I mean,
because it was our routine. It felt weird for him when I did it, and then I was like, this is getting too much, so that this is my first time like being an adult and like liking someone and not.
And actually being able to come.
Up for air. I think we've switched, you know, it's I don't even know who I am.
I think we've switched. I think that was me before. That's that's been me in my dating situations, even with Happy Bay, like we had we were together a lot, but we also like had a lot of boundaries just just different boundaries or whatever. But like I know, for me, I do need space period, like I do, and like I don't want to ever be in the position where like I'm like I'm gonna go on a trip with my friends and like someone is like, what, like it
feels weird because that's gonna make me feel triggered. I'd be like, Nigga, what fuck exactly? Like because I know I'm not like, no, I need time. I need my girl, like I need my girl time and that's it, you know. But I think I've been moving really fast in the last obviously like month and a half, and for me,
like if it has felt natural, I'm not. And That's why I've been going with it because before I was navigating and set in a space of such fear that I was like, let me just explore this and like walk into something not feeling scared, and see where it goes. But now I think I think today too was like a big realization for me, not realization, it was just like a reminder like hey, bitch, like okay, y'all secure, you did it. Now let's let's break it up a
little bit, do what you gotta do. And but like still like there's it doesn't mean anything is wrong, anything negative has happened, but I need to find the balance again.
Well, we're not you know, we're thirty something year old women. You know, we're not like in high school. Like we've said, we have other things going on. We have children, we have friendships, we have businesses, and those things need tending to too. So it's just like you know, doing relationships with the adult style, attempting to be adults again. Anyway, I feel thirty two.
Okay, I'm thirty two. I've seen my boyfriend on the weekend.
Ooh, oh my god.
So stupid. Not my boyfriend, Just.
Kidding, m hm.
Anyway, anyway, do you have any horries?
Somebody asked, are horries done because Erica has a boyfriend? I said, bitch, so, oh my god, speaking of horries, you guys, if you haven't listened, you should go back and listen to Paid.
Sex, Strange Sex, Paid Sex with Wheezy for hormal Decisions.
Because I don't know what came up. I don't think my adventure Bay has listened to the podcast yet, but I was like, let me do. I was like, it's only a matter of time, right, So, like, I don't know what came up. He admitted to some shit he had paid for some pussy or something. He had made a ground tender or something and.
Paid for it off tender.
Well, he thought it was a date, and then in the date she was basically like, okay, well you know this is my intention. Okay. First of all, I meture Bay is a fucking he's a fucking angel. He was like, he's like, you know, we were on Monday and then went again. She kind of laid down and tell me what she you know, what heard what the game was, and you know, I thought she was a really cool girl.
And it's a hard time. It was hard times, and people have different ways of making, you know, different hustles, and you know, so I gave her the money.
Oh my god, shut up.
I said, you were a fucking angel. And he's like, she was nice. I tried to date her. I was like, you were an angel, He's like, But then I realized she was kind of get.
Out what anyway?
So I felt that I should tell him about my paid sex. Oh you told it?
Yeah, Oh my god.
I was like, well, I just don't want I'm like, let me tell you the story.
Once upon a time episode pa change sex.
I told him about this, you know, incident where I accepted money for sex and very many many moons ago, and that it was actually a really nice experience. And he was just like, yeah, whatever, like you know, laughed it off, like whatever. But I just like, I don't ever want you to be in a position where someone else has listened and tells you some shit about me and you have no fucking clue.
You know. It's so funny that you did that because I shared something with Poetry Bay yesterday that was like really personal because when I've talked about it on another episode, which I think was like which one was it? Like I said, no, motherfucker.
Oh yeah.
And we drove by this hotel that I always get triggered by in the valley every time I drive by it, like I get flashbacks. And we had driven by it yesterday and it was like out then the outside it so like the best fried chicken in town, and I was like at the best Western Oh yeah, I saw that, you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, And like I thought about telling him and I was like embarrassed, and I was like I don't want to tell him about this.
And then like he told me. We were we were on a walk and he's like, man, I really want I do want some fried chicken. And then I like started talking.
Not there, no, he was just saying in general.
And I was we go back to that place and then he was like huh, and I was like, actually, that place is really holds a lot of like when I drive by that place, I it takes me back to a really fucked up time. And he and I almost didn't tell Like, he was like, we're gonna tell me, and I was like, no, I'm not.
And it's so weird that.
Really not it's not even your doing.
I know it's not my doing, but it's embarrassing. It's more so like I I feel embarrassed that I allowed it to happen. Because I allowed it to happen, you know, yeah whatever, you go listen to the episode. You don't know what I'm talking about. But but sharing that with him, like I felt like, oh my god, Like I know he wasn't gonna judge me. But I've never told a man that i've dated that. I've never told anyone that
because I felt like it makes me look weak. Yeah, I mean I but inevitably everyone who's listened to our pod know that story about me, and so I'm like, I might as well just tell him because he does listen, and you know, it's just I don't know.
I yeah, I think I even I also mentioned my two three way kisses in New York, and I was just like that was hell it out.
I mean that was fun that I love watching it.
I mean, yeah, I just.
I've been really okay. I've had a bad habit being super blatantly hardcore honest in a dating situation, because I feel like that was my defense mechanism. Like if I'm blatantly honest to people, then like I don't have to worry about taking it there because then they won't really like see me that way. But also, like I realized what I do is when I really start developing feeling for someone, I start to like pull the back well in honesty because it's too honest and it's too crazy
because I'm crazy. And then I'm like, I.
Don't want to do that in this relationship.
I don't want to like start really getting feelings for someone and then start like altering the truth or not being completely honest because I'm scared of what that how you're gonna look at me. I want to feel safe in telling you, and I want to continue to do that even if it's uncomfortable, because what's the worst you're gonna do? Like I've had a life before you, and again.
Right right, I'm not perfect, you know? So right?
This is it?
So do we have horries? Did we ever? Even? People have submitted some.
Where is our hories file? So many? Here? You guys, I just want to give a shout out to May Tarini, to our team for holding us down because we got help, y'all, and we're so fucking lucky because yeah, honestly, we can't do it alone. Okay, So now it's time for horror stories, stories, horse story, hashtag, three a kiss hashtag, Mama unicorn O Mama Unicorn. Okay, so I'm going to make this as short and sweet as possible. So I'm in this mom
group on Facebook. It's already good for cannabis positive melan and mothers in this group. Okay, can you add us? There are several other side group chats to promote other causes as well. Every Friday and Saturday, there's a group chat where we members of the secret group post nudes, selfies, stories, and whatever else we feel sexy we feel sexy about in order to get maybe approval before we need it, to need it, to send to Bay or maybe to
just because we are proud of the photo. So never in my life have I been with a woman before, but I could definitely say I've always appreciated the woman's body. Well, there is this one girl in the group who happens to be my friend from my hometown, but we both now live here in Atlanta, whom I've found myself constantly flirting with, and I can just definitely tell she was feeling me. Long story short, After like a year of online flirting, we finally link up. I went over to
her house and she had cooked her man and I dinner. Ok. M sexing delicious by the way. After we ate, we went to the living room to play Dranka Jinga with a bottle of tequila and Hella blunts of course fun. Finally the bottle is finished, finished, conversation between the three of us was flowing, just vibing perfectly. Finally, her man gets up and runs to the bathroom for a moment.
As he leaves, she looked to me, looked me at dead in the eyes with the look of desire, and says, hey, can we talk about that picture you posted earlier in the chat blushing and flirting? I say, what about it? She then just straight up asked if she could taste it? Matter of fact, she said she wants to taste it. I told her I had never been with the woman before, but fuck it. She then proceeded to say that her man doesn't mind, he could just watch It doesn't matter
to her. As long as she can taste it, he kind of get tasty. Honestly, I need to get to this Facebook group. When tequila is involved. I am very open to suggestions, and since she this is the most.
Only went to kill me too.
All the suggestions, all the suggestions on tequila. Absolutely tequila will open that mind. And since she suggested to let me let her eat me out, I said sure, because Tequila. So we moved to the room and her man puts on a movie as background noise. She wastes no time and began to start making out with me. That wasn't the first time I kissed a girl, so that wasn't
new territory. However, the kissing definitely turned her man on, so he began to start touching us both and hell I was turned on, so I thought to myself, I was just gonna let it go where it goes. The two person make out then turned into three. As she's eating me out, he gets he starts giving her backshots. Ooh, and I look at this man is hung Helena. Can you put some Hellelia Now? I'm Hella excited because I know I'm next winky face. This goes on for hours
of just endless orgasms for everyone. Needless to say, I will be going over there again now the Facebook meeting side note, I have since spoken with her as she and him have checked up checked up on me every day, making sure I didn't need anything sweet. Oh, that's really nice. We were talking about our previous dick life, our previous dick life, and she explained her theory on how all how all uncircumcised men were extremely big. I don't know
if that's true. I scoffed up my nose and told her i'd take her word as I had never been with an uncircumcised man before. She laughed so hard and said, bitch, you were last night I died.
She didn't even know she did. Well, that's the thing. When it's hard, it looks the same.
That was amazing. That was a beautiful story.
So send the link to the Facebook group. Me and Miela are joining asap because me and my man are trying to have fun too.
Are you guys trying to find it?
Wait?
Okay, I have a question the unicorns a third person. Okay, so you guys trying I've only.
Ever been a unicorn. I've never been in a relationship and had someone come.
I'm generally I've generally been in you know, I've only ever been in Unicorn. I've attempted to not be the unicorn once and that didn't work out. Yeah, I've been discussing opening up the bedroom doors myself, but it's just some pickens because we can't go anywhere. And I told them I actually said I need to join field. Is that for three ways? Oh my god, I can't wait. She he I told him. Actually he was like, oh, so, like he wanted you really want to do that. I
was like, yeah, I'd be open to it. I'm not like trying to have a relationship with a girl, but I don't mind like, you know, playing, And he was like, so should I find someone? I was like, okay, first but you need to do is go and listen to episode.
Successful Ways to have a free experience, And rule number one is let the woman choose.
I said, you cannot choose. Shit, Okay, you don't even make a suggestion. It's like, actually, I kind of want to see you would choose, just because I'm curious. But yeah, so I'm always here for a fun, loving, respectful threesome. I just think it's you know, it could be it could be a fun night tequila.
It's like it's like a it's like an enhancement. It's like a human sexd on, like an add on, like we add on something in a car wash or a spa.
Right, Like, just do at the wax, wax those tires.
You don't anything else is fine. Everything you can do.
The regular maintenance, but sometimes you need a little extra.
Yeah, I know, we've been talking about it, and I'm ready to not be the unicorn. And actually I don't know what the other I don't know what I'm called now, what's.
Like the mom, the mama, corn head, honcho, horse and charge. I'm curious. I'm curious to see how a man can handle two women.
Yeah, it needs a lot of work. It's a special gift and talent as.
So me alone is a lot of work. Like I can have a lot of sex. I can be like five days, five to seven days a week easily and be totally happy about it.
You too.
So I'm just like, can you handle me plus another bitch? Because my pussy stays wet, stays ready, stays ready, And if I bring another bitch in, is that going to take away from me?
I don't know, Well, that's what you need to check in with yourself.
You dissect I'm not tired. I'm not tired yet when I get tired on my tax ah.
I think it's a matter of safety and how secure you feel in the relationship. Don't obviously we've already done this episode, and like, don't do it. If you don't, don't do it unless you feel really secure and in where you're going in it. And you guys, are a boyfriend or girlfriend yet but technically whatever the fuck that means. But like, I mean, I just feel like just if you have any sort of anxieties around the status of your relationship, then probably don't you know.
I mean, I don't I know. I mean, I think it will just happen when it happens. I'm not going to go fucking out my way and go assign a friend to this task or now she's like, I don't have any friends, though.
I mean, I feel like at this point in the game, in the world we live in, we might have to go out of our way.
Oh oh my god, I know he did say I don't want to offend anyone, but I said that I've only eaten one white pussy.
All the white people don't be offended.
But and he's and he was like, I've never you haven't. He was like, well, that that's where I come in. I was like, okay, that could work. Kay of sounds like that could work.
I don't know.
I mean, I'm not saying I'm apposed to it, just you know, you know, I've only done it once. Yeah for me. Yeah, but the sex is good. This is just a very new place for me. I'm so happy that I put girthy big penis on my manifestation list. It was I put it twice, so important. I was like, Wow, I wasn't kidding.
Hut manifestations are we well anyway, you guys, that's enough of our anting. That's enough of our ranting. Make that man infestation list. Whether it's for a man, career, life, your kids, whatever, do that shit because it really fucking works. Me and Jamila have done it in so many realms of our worlds, whether it's with love or even with good moms. And it's a beautiful thing once once you watch it unfold. So I really encourage you guys to
do it. Just take the time. Takes ten minutes, maybe longer, because then once you.
Start writing, you're like, oh goshit, keep going back.
I haven't really thought about this.
And even cross reference with your friends because some of the things I didn't think about Erica had and that's always nice, Like, oh, you're right, I forgot about that. Actually it should be you should do a party if you have like five friends, that would be best. No, sure, you don't forget shit. Also, my birthday is on Monday. Send me nudes and sign up for Patreon. If you want to send me a birthday gift, sign up for Patreon.
For us, support us, rate this episode, leave a comment if you love us, If you fuck with us, sign up for our newsletter on our website, Good Moms, Bad Choices dot com.
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I know you guys have been slacking on the hotline because we've been waiting for some confessionals. Some people have left text messages no, some people have been texting and asking if it's did you see Someone was like I just it's just really good moms, and I was like yes, and she's like, this doesn't sound like a good mom's response. I was like, bitch, it's me.
Yeah, hell yeah.
She wrote me back in a text through the Google phone and was like, this doesn't sound like a good mom's response. I was like, bitch, it's me and the good how about now.
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Suso, Ellen j Solo baa record