Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Mila. Happy Wednesday, you guys, y'all, are you get hydrated?
Hydrated, humping and happy today?
I am excited because we have two time best selling author, entrepreneur mom of two, Christine Michelle Carter on the podcast.
So welcome, Hey, thank you so much for having me. And I just noticed we both have a wrist tattoo. Okay, I love it. Oh okay, oh fabulous gus.
I'm not gonna I'm not I have one of those. Yeah I do, but you said you sent us your book a while ago.
We featured it on our Instagram.
It's part of our book club, and so we are super excited to have you on.
And he also said us some edibles, but that was that was very thoughtful.
I appreciate that very much.
But hemp gummies, I guess.
I was like, okay, I was like, she knows us.
Right.
I wish they were they were filled with cannabis, but for everybody listening, they were just hemp gummies, don't I gave them out of my book party and people were like, do you have the real thing?
I was like, I can't give you that right, and I and my book party trying to get right exactly unlike us over here, like everybody, you should take drugs, And I'm just.
I'm a big advocate for that when it comes to mothers. But yeah, I couldn't give it away at my party Allegedly I'm allegedly an advocate because I wink.
So you you have two books, one is mom as Fuck and the other one is to Mommy Go to Work. Can you tell us just a little bit about your journey into you know, writing Mom as Fuck. I mean, I know you're you are a big advocating You speak a lot about, you know, women feeling unsupported in the workplace and in motherhood in general.
Being an entrepreneur.
Yourself, I'm sure you know obviously this is a very personal experience. So tell us a little bit about you so our listeners get to know who you are and how you started on your journey and advocating for a single moments.
Absolutely so. Back in two thousand and seven, I started a retail marketing firm and the idea was to help small businessesses reach millennial consumers. Specifically, at the time, they were called Generation Why, and I was helping them reach them when they were at a younger life stage. So fast forward to today, as millennial consumers go through different life stages, I've just become an ed for at this
point working moms. I was always an advocate for us in the workplace, but once I became a mom, it was like, Nope, done, I'm not going to advocate for anything else but us as moms in every facet of that. What it means to be a black mom, what it means to be a single mom, what it means to be a mom who has a side hustle, everything that
has to do with being a millennial mom. And I a part of me having that brand that business was that I would contribute to different publications about millennial consumers. So I still do that obviously to this day. I write for Parents in Time and Forbes, and written for a huff Posts and I'm the associate editor for Modern Mom. And then I decided that it was time for me to kind of put my money where my mouth is. So five years ago I started a free professional development
event for moms called mom preneur Me. So basically, we go across the country, We did pre COVID and we helped moms learn professional development skills to spend time with their kids too, so they would do yoga together, they would do bowling, they would do all kinds of fun things pay for by brands completely free. They would get
gifts at the end. And when I was going around the country, I was just meeting so many different women who had the same story, who were very afraid to climb the corporate ladder because they felt guilty for doing so for their kid, or they were battling with a husband and didn't want the world to know it. And just like, all these different stories made me realize how much were siloed as mothers, even though social media is
supposed to connect us. And I just really decided that I had to make my mission making women feel confident and understood and showing them that they weren't alone. And I did that through the two books. So through mom AF and through Kim Mommy Go to Work. Kim Mommy Go to Work was so that women understood that the single mothers exist everywhere and children will always try to stop you from going to work. It doesn't mean they hate your job, they just want to be with their mom.
And mom AF was kind of like a loose story of what I was going through during my separation and ultimately my divorce. So it dealt with everything with regards to being a woman in corporate America and being the only black woman sometimes and having a husband who was battling an addiction, and raising these children in today's society and edibles like it dealt with everything. So that's me.
I know a lot in your book you talk about the idea of you know, owning your shite and like the good and the bad and the ugly, and obviously like our podcast is really based in all of those things.
You know, we talk about all of.
Our bad choices that we've made. And I say that with air quotes because a lot of the bad choices are not bad, you know, that's what society has deemed as bad. Like even like like you said, like going to work, leaving your child to go to work, or you know, smoking weed or whatever it may be, having sex and talking about it.
You know, how like how do you how do you find your balance?
I mean you just told me that you're you contribute to so many different things, have so many things going on, Like how the fuck do you do it?
Like?
I need tips? Because girl, I mean I do. I basically have two jobs.
I have, you know, my podcast, which every week is a full on production, and then you know, I work in beauty and so you know, and and that business is you know, since COVID hit has affected been affected greatly and we've had to pivot in our business as well. How like, with all the things you have going on, how do you find the time? How do you find time to hang out with your kids? Also write, feel inspired.
And then encourage other moms to get with it too.
Yeah, yeah, so definitely learning time management. I also am not dating when I was married for a really long time. We met in college and then the year we separated, I wrote two books. I got my business that consults for brands, state and federally certified. I was raising our children, we were traveling, I was thriving, and people said the same thing, how do you do it? How do you
find the balance? All that kind of stuff. That's when mompreneur and me really became national, and we were going all different cities and I was like, I don't have to focus on a guy anymore. I don't have to spend my time pacifying somebody. I got rid of one of my children. I had three children, like, and he had an addiction problem on top of that. Like, I don't have to deal with all that shit anymore. So I have all the time under the sun to thrive, and I didn't. I put so much time after I
got out of college focusing on his career. No one really knew what it was like for me to thrive as an adult and as a professional. So now it is so shocking to people. But it's kind of like, I'm like, I I carried his ass, Like why are you surprised? But that's honestly, that's the biggest thing for me, is like that's how I find the time is because I was doing a lot of things prior, but but people didn't see it. But I was also taking care of him, and now it was just like it's dead
weight gone, which is pretty freaking awesome. I gotta say, I hate to be an advocate for divorce, but every time a woman comes I do. But every time a woman comes to me and she has this sad, sob story about her husband and how he won't do this and won't do that, I'm not the whole prey on it. Go to therapy. I'm like, well, just leave his ass like.
Prayer, right right, skip go and collect you in a dollar.
Keep it moving, you know, Like it's because you can't change men, you know, you just you absolutely can. They can be so freaking draining, and I find that with dating too, I'm like, well, fuck this, I'm not doing this, Like I'd rather just focus on myself and my children.
Happy that you're like able to be that transparent and talk honestly about it.
I mean, like, obviously Eric and I haven't.
Been divorced, but we've both had breakups early on more or like you know, within our relationships or in our child's lives.
But I think you're right.
For women, we do naturally nurture and dedicate so much to pacifying men, to appeasing them. I mean it's a patriarchy to to you know, pretending like what, our identity doesn't exist in order to maintain the household and the children and a lot of times the second or third baby, which is the man.
And I think there's also.
Like this curse because we just discussed this too, and this, like I call.
It a curse of like this curse of having a baby with someone and then feeling like if this doesn't work out, my whole world is fucked.
You know.
I had this plan as a little girl that I'm gonna have a husband and a baby or two babies, a white picket fence, and we're gonna be that's how it's gonna work.
I'm gonna have a support system.
And I think we were drilled that so hard that women forget that, Hey, if this partner isn't helping you succeed, isn't supporting you, isn't it If it's not a mutual exchange, then he's got to go. That's he's not adding to you know, you moving forward, and it has to go both ways.
Yeah. So when I ended up, and you guys have read the book, when I ended up deciding to separate from my husband, I had never said these words out loud until I said it to him and he completely got it. I was like, you're holding me back, and you're you're draining me, you know, and you're in my way. Because I had that conversation with him. After I was supposed to speak, I came up to New York and I my daughter and I actually had a mother daughter speaking a gig. She was like five at the time.
Oh my god. Yeah, we had a mother daughter speaking gig and he ended up having a seizure in the hotel from alcohol withdrawal, and I had to speak very quickly and leave the conference. And I felt like I had forever tarnished my brand name because it was starting to grow and I was dealing with somebody who was putting me through this. So that's when I told him. When we came back, I was like, you're holding me back, so you either need to figure yourself out or I'm gone.
And he didn't figure himself out, so I left. But you guys have read the book, you know, like it wasn't as easy to just separate, Like there were moments where I physically felt sick because of what you're saying. Like I had this family, and I was supposed to be this wife, and I was supposed to take care of him. But people really don't tell you how hard it is to truly take care of somebody, especially when they're depressed and they don't want to take care of themselves.
There's only so much that you can do. And then I grew up in a household that was divorced, right, my mother's been divorced twice, And I guess there's two sides to that coin because she was divorced twice, and I see how much she's still a advocate for love and she's a huge romantic and always as way for
a night in shining arm or or save her. But at the same time, she's wildly successful, and I feel like it took her to become wildly successful in her fifties to finally settle down and get married for a third time. Hopefully this one not gonna with my stepfather next. But you know, it's just it's it's all a craps. It's just all a craps.
I feel it's so funny how I really believe in timing and just the universe, and this conversation couldn't be like more on time. I feel like, I don't know, sometimes we get messages even if you're just listening in the car or wherever you're at, whatever time you pick up and push this podcast, like there's always gonna be something that you're supposed to hear at the very right.
That's God, that's saying that's good, that's God. Yeah it happened.
And I feel like when you're dealing with a partner who's dealing with depression or addiction.
I dealt with that, and I didn't.
I didn't want to talk about that a lot because I felt like I didn't want to shade this person.
Who's my child's father.
But I think it's really hard for women to say to not feel guilty, Like especially black women. At what point do we say, Okay, I've tried, I've.
And I'm walking away.
Now it's up to you, Like you can't save someone.
I literally like, as much as.
I know my daughter's father is not my person same I knew him since we were thirteen. We went you know, junior high, high school, you know, college, go for years, and a part of me even still to this day feefe and it hurts, and there's a burden of like, damn, like did I not try hard enough? Like could I have pulled this person out of this place? Did I
not stick around long enough? And even in my like glimpses of like like even still like wanting that in some capacity or wanting that whatever I thought I was supposed to have. You know, I even with him, I see that he couldn't even acknowledge it enough to be like, you're right, it's me, you know, even till this day, it's like you, what did you do?
You did this? And I'm like, I can't. You know, you have to really.
As women cut ties when it doesn't like I think we're so programmed to not cut ties and not sore and not to be focused on ourselves.
We're always fucking talking about.
Men all the time.
All of my friends, Yeah, had problems. Are they finding a man? Are they getting a man? Did they leave?
Like me?
Me?
Men?
And it's like we are so we're such strong women and we're so we're such we're dynamic if we can just tap into that shit. And I admit I've had a problem. I've struggled with that, you know, even till this day. And we haven't been together for like three years. So I just feel like, thank you for being honest and thank you for being transparent about you know, that journey, because a lot of women stay and then I hate to be like on my deathbed and be like should have what it could have?
And basically that's where I was coming from. And not only and let me just say that everything that I say in I interview, everything in the book, my ex husband proved he was he really wanted me to write and tell his story because he wanted to be able to help somebody else who was going through it. Now fast forward, like I wrote a part of that. I've been writing Mama AF for a really long time, like even while we were still happily married, and that said,
I'm gonna put you in it. And then I was like, should I put everything? And he was like absolutely. Now today he battles his addiction so much he has turned into a different person. And that's another thing that could very well happen, like the person you're with could turn into a completely different person you don't even recognize. So if you do choose to stay, you have to deal with that. But not only did I try and make it work and stay with him, I married him knowing
that he had the addiction problem. So I really I felt like put and again this is like now hindsight and I can, you know, give myself a little bit of credit from how I was when I left him, But I really think I gave it one hundred and ten percent. If I married you knowing you.
Had a right right.
And still had children with you, So yeah, how do.
You like when how did your children because you said, you have a five year old and you have a I'm sorry twelve.
Nine, nine, nine year old?
Yeah, how I know, there's a lot of people that listen that are either married or going through divorce and maybe their partner has suffered with addiction or how how did you have your children, you know, been able to transition? Like, how are they how? I mean, obviously I'm sure they've been affected. Yeah, how do you talk to them about about it?
Yeah? And I bet they had. You know, there are a lot of people who have because the black people, we kind of sweep that under the rug, and a lot of people do have addiction problems and we don't even call it that. But even he didn't want to admit that in his family. He comes from a family of that and they don't want to admit it. But with my daughter, she was about she was I think she was five or six at the time, and we had the I had a conversation with her that because
he couldn't even comprehend, like he was just incoherent. I had to have the conversation with her that we were moving. So what ended up happening was on a Friday, I was at my wits end by Saturday, we already had an apartment, because that's how fast I move. I don't play games. Once. Once I had decided, I had decided. So I went to her on that Wednesday that I had decided. I said, we're moving, and it's because mommy and daddy need to be separate, and it has nothing
to do with you. And I continuously to this day reinforced that, so she realizes that I am my own person and I had to come to that decision. For me. It's not coming to the decision as mommy. It's coming to the decision as Christine and what's best for Christine. And that's I think part of the difference. My son
was so small, he didn't really care. Every now and again he'll say, I mean and when I say every now and again, I mean really theoradically will he say that he wishes his father was around or his father was there. But even through this whole coronavirus, they haven't seen him at all. So they haven't seen him in like what thirteen fourteen weeks and they're still happy children. Now.
My daughter is a control freak and has anxiety like her mother, so she does try to take on the parental role when it comes to her dad, because she does know. I've told her that he has a problem with alcohol, because I want her to know early, so she does try to pacify him, and she's trying to see him, to spend time with him, just to take care of him. But you know, that's something I have
her in therapy for. And I recognized very early on her anxiety triggers and her signs because I could see them. I knew them from me. So it's just a matter of just continuing to have like conversations with her. With my son, it's really not that big a deal at the moment. I imagine it will be when he's like a teenager. But for her right now, it's just trying to pacify her dad, right.
I mean, I think too, the fact that your daughter is nine and is in therapy, I mean that is I commend you for that because I think a lot of black women would not do that. First of all, in our community, you know, we don't share, we don't tell our business people, and we can handle it internally and we'll deal with it when we know we probably well,
I don't. I think me and Jamila, you we talk about these issues all the time, so we are more equipped, but for the most part, we are not equipped to deal with it because we haven't dealt with our own traumas from the past. So how are we going to assist our children in these things? We need help, We need to be able to ask for help. And you know, you know, I started therapy. I started doing therapy probably in the middle of my at the very end of
my relationship with my daughter's father. That was the first time I really had ever sought out therapy, and it helped me a lot. I wished, though, that I had been in therapy as a child, because it would have
helped me. I mean, I couldn't imagine how much it could have helped me because I had so many like even talking about my father, like the idea of my mom even asking me about him, I would just immediately cry on cue and she and she just didn't know and she didn't know what to do about it, and so she would just like kind of like let me cry and then like we go get ice cream, and then we wouldn't bring it up and.
Like until it happened again.
You know. Yeah, And I'm just so I am grateful that therapy is becoming more and more normalized for children, even like there's this, there's this, there's an app called better Help that me and Jamila have been using. I don't know if I don't know if you've heard of it, and I've been I've been doing therapy now because my therapist actually that I that I was seeing, uh stopped taking insurance and she was like, just I couldn't afford it,
and so better Help. I actually had a session last night, and it's great because like I'm able to choose my therapist. She's a black woman, and you know, I feel like for me that was really important. They also have therapy for children as well adolescents. So if you're listening right now and you feel like maybe your daughter, your son, maybe you, maybe you and your husband need therapy, I encourage you guys to check out betterhelp dot com.
It's virtual therapy. You can do it. I did it in my room on FaceTime.
It was honestly like, even after COVID, I might not ever go back to write therapy because there's something so intimate about you being able to be in your place of comfort and talking.
To that person and we get off the phone.
You don't have to walk out of an office, I'll look at all teary eyed and shit.
Yeah, it's like I thought it would be more awkward, but it's actually a little less awkward, you know, like just telling pulling out to a stranger and telling your business because it is you're in the comfort of your own home.
Yeah.
So, if you guys are interested in better help, check out the details of the episode means you.
Me love talked about it a.
Few different times, and I really, really really encourage you to get the help you need, because therapy shouldn't be this weird, scary thing, and especially for children, like especially when you're a child. Yeah, I mean, like she's, first of all, she's a girl, and girls we are we're nurturers by nature, and but at some point, though we have to that's already innately in us. We have to learn how and when to share that with people, regardless of if it's your family member or not. And I
wish I would have had those tools early on. I probably wouldn't have wasted so much time in my last relationship. Now, my my ex was not an addict per se, but he had his own dark demons that he seemed to be addicted to even to this day, like the need to feel connected to shit that is dangerous just because.
Yeah, you know, and but all of those addictions, I'm sorry to cut you, ay, no, yeah, I mean essentially.
It is kind of an addiction. It might not be like an actual like substance substance addiction.
Right, but it's all driven by depression.
You know.
That's why I don't judge him for having the alcohol addiction. It's more so for not wanting to treat the depression. And I honestly I don't judge him for that either, but I recogniz that that's the issue, is that you're depressed, you don't want to treat it, and there's nothing that
I can do to stop your depression. Absolutely. When it comes to my daughter, it's funny she's so vocal that it's in therapy that it's made her vocal around the house, Like she'll be like, I just need some meat time, and she'll put on her aromatherapy oils and go in her room. And it helps to put names to things like when you are sick of being around people, if you want to say you want some me time, go ahead. By all means that means I can have some me time, so you go off and do that and it's funny.
So we've had the same she's had our pediatrician since birth, and our pediatrician is like, she's come to me, asking me questions and telling me about what her friends are doing. And she's like, can you believe that? But that's the kind of relationship and communication that I've built, And therapy is also helping.
Damn, I didn't.
I didn't realize how much like therapy just really stimulates the need, like the exercise of talking about out your feelings, right, I didn't even realize, like that's the thing, Like even you saying that story about your mama brings something up and you would just immediately cry. I remember, like my parents bringing up certain things and I just was like, don't say one more thing to me, I'm gonna cry.
And then not wanting to be vulnerable in front of even my parents, not even wanting to cry, not even want to be like I feel this way, not even to myself, like I would may go on my room and just cry, but then not even being able to identify, you know, really just dig deep into those feelings and then express them and to the point where I'm thirty two, and I'm literally crying all the fucking time. I am.
I'm crying all the time. I can cry on a drop of a hat.
A world has gotten to where to go.
Yeah, And I'm just like, you're not work this out, girl, You're not You're not twelve year old girl anymore. You know, Like I get even with certain friends, my closest friends, certain.
Conversations even my not closest.
Friends come up, and I'm like, I'm gonna cry. I don't want to cry, and I'm getting uncomfortable.
I'm sweating, you know what I mean, Because it's just like my own insecurities, my own fears, my own shit. But you're making like this conversation is just so true because it's like and that's true, Like with the better help with your kids getting therapy, there doesn't have to be some traumatic situation to happen. It doesn't have to be divorced on the rise, it doesn't have to be some you know, first.
Of all, growing up as a traumatic situation.
Okay, like there's going to be just puberty and right, like, what's happening to my body?
Who am I? Why?
Am I? Why? Mel all of a sudden, Right, why do my friends act this way? Why are they doing things? Should I be doing the things that they're doing. That's what I'm dealing with, right, And.
Then this this layer of social media and this other shit that we even experience growing up, this is a whole different season.
And so like hell yeah.
Right, like.
I'm I I need to do more therapy.
I need to talk about my feelings more because I'm trying to heal things that I didn't even realize I need to be healed until.
Yeah, at thirty two. And that's crazy.
But can I tell you, I love that you say that you recognize your triggers, because it wasn't until somebody told me to watch Sleepless in Seattle that I realized one of I've never seen the movie before.
Ryan, Yeah, yeah, let me write that down.
Gonna get Sleepless in Seattle. That's a good movie. But I had never realized that one of my triggers is chick flicks. Like after I watch a chick flick, I ball, not while the movie is on, but afterwards, I ball uncontrollably. Because I don't want to admit that love and romance matters to me. I won't even admit that to myself, and then sometimes after I watch it, I'm like, just go ahead and cry, and I'll get the cry out and I'll realize how much I miss being in love
and having romance. And I think it does stem from the fact that my mother is so into like the her writing to me right, needing a man like that completes and rounds out her life, and I so don't want to be like that that I push those feelings down and then you put a chick flick on one and then I'm a mess.
Oh my god, that is me? Are you mean? Do I he? Honest to God? Like I don't care these nagas. I don't mean.
Like a year ago, I tried on my girlfriend's engagement ring just because that's what girls do, and literally, as soon.
As it hit the base in my finger, okay, I just started crying. I was like, what is happening.
I didn't even think it was gonna I didn't even feel like I was feeling no type of way.
I just want to try the ring on, see what I look like, go to a rock, And.
Suddenly I was just like, I'm about to cry, you guys, and they're like the person I feel like, what what is?
Who are you?
You do want to be married?
I was like, I guess, oh my god, who are you? Oh my god? That makes me think of I'll never forget.
Like I was in my friends my girlfriend's wedding, Nisha, and it was during a time where like I wasn't happy at all in my relationship, and but I was engaged and watching their like I just remember watching they had like the montage of their whole love.
Story, and I was fucking miserable.
I wanted to like, I was so sad at the wedding. I was, Yeah, I was so sad. I was like mad at them for loving each other, right, I was like, how can they find love? They only know each other for like one year and they're getting married. Meanwhile, I've known, I've been with this school.
We don't have a love story like this.
Yeah, so yeah, I know, yeah, I could see I could see how those those it could be triggering for sure.
Yeah.
And even like you said, you don't date, you're focusing in your career, Like I admire that too, because don't let us get in love interest.
We were getting distracted like a motherfucker.
And that's what they do. And it's just such like so my everything again, everything that happened in the book loosely happened in one way or another. My sister and brother made me set up a Bumble profile and I was like, it's nothing but trash out here, and they're like, you're swiping too fast. I said, but why do I have to take the time to think about if I actually like you shouldn't be a gut reaction. So I'm like steady, like no, no, no. So then somebody was like,
go to match because it's more serious. Okay. I paid thirty nine ninety nine to be on that for four minutes. I literally deleted the app four minutes after I signed up for it because I was like, it's the same fools that are on Bumble, they just paying for it. I was so angry. But that's the thing. I'm like, why do I have to spend the time get telling you about myself, then you ultimately finding out what I do, and you asking me for some type of hookup or
asking me to help you with your writing. It's just like there are too many different factors for me to consider, and then you're definitely not gonna be around my kids, Like absolutely not so this in this season in my life, I'm not focusing on that.
Even for me, like now that I'm dating someone kind of seriously, I'm really like I tell Erica like I was supposed to go to his house late and then he asked.
He told me he was hungry, and I was like, are you want me to pick you up something?
And he said yes, And I was pissed like this, and I'm like, which, this is a part of it, Like people care for you, you care back. It's very bad, I know, right, And I'm just like, after being in such a draining relationship for so long where someone was depressed and abusive and mean, I'm like, after that, I was like, never the fuck again. You're never gonna trick me.
You're never gonna get me to be all acting crazy because I feel like my DNA was intertwined with this person to the fact to the point where I knew something. I knew all the flaws and I knew I couldn't help them, and I still was comfortable in the pain. And even even now untangling that that comfort, this comfort in this terrible place is the strangest mind fuck for me,
Like I need there. This is why I'm in therapy because untangling that what I'm connecting to something that's so abusive is like I had to look at myself and the mayor like, what the fuck is wrong with you? You have some real shit you need to deal with, because if this is what you're missing and this is what feels comfortable to you, this is this is a problem. Yeah, And like to the point where I'm moving, I'm trying
to move forward. And because I do, I like, I want to be in love and be married and shit without you know, dropping off food and stuff. But also I'm just like I have to really come out of untangle that to be able to accept someone else and see a healthy, a healthy you know, relationship and see how it looks and give myself that way. Because when I finally cut that shit off, I was like, don't even say relationships.
To me, Like even when Erica, when you you've been saying.
Boyfriend lately, I realize it triggers me, Like.
I have type of.
Show shut the fuck up, right, we're bad bitches for life long forever.
It's so funny because we are, we are so alike. I remember that it was it wasn't triggering me for me to see the kids because obviously you've had a child with the person you're talking about, and I have too. But it took me some time to not have everybody talk trash about my ex husband. I was like, you know what, that doesn't help you. Guys got to give me time to heal and never say never. You don't know if I'm not going to get back with him,
Just give me time to make my own decisions. And that I remember that pissed my father off because of everything that it was going on through the separation, and I was like, but still at the end of the day, you know that is the person that I'm married. I was just like you, I would rather be. I was comfortable in the pain. I'm not there anymore. And it's funny when I talk about him now with the kids.
I finally allowed myself to heal, to talk about him like when we were growing up and how he was and how he laughs and all of that, and give the kids great memories of their father, because it's hard, like they're never gonna see the lighter side to him. They barely remember that. My son doesn't remember it at all, my daughter barely does. They're only going to remember this guy that they see now, which.
Is not who he was.
I would who not who? Right, God forbid he passed away. I wouldn't want them to remember him like that.
What was the turning point for you where you realized that you were past it?
Like? Was there some specific or was it the time in the hotel?
Yeah? It was a time in the hotel because that year he had had seven seizures and one year and he couldn't even remember it, and you would tell him and he wouldn't remember it. And he also had issues with his family. Who I can I his parents. I cannot stand to this day where on the seventh seizure, I told him you're not coming home. You stay in that hospital until you're well, and they signed his release forms and took him out because to them, it's not that big a deal.
Yeah, that not that big a deal is a big deal, you know.
You know when I was talking to my therapist yesterday, she was asking me if I still felt like we and me and her we went to on a little trip this last week, and I was telling her that I still feel tethered in some capacity to this person.
I'm always worried about him, like it's not that I love I do love, I'll always love him, but like I'm not I don't want to be with him, but I'm always worried about him, worried if he's about his safety, specifically worried about his mental state, and like, how at what point am I gonna like.
Let go of that?
And it's like, how do you do that when you share a human with someone? Because it's not even it is about some of it is like my my like letting go of whatever that those last final pieces of whatever that relationship is. But a lot of it has to do with like not wanting my daughter to experience that, and like not wanting her to feel hurt by his mental state or her to feel hurt by anything that could potentially happen to him because of the lack of
safety that he and the people that he has around him. Like, how have you been able to kind of like separate that.
So that'll never go I honestly don't think that'll ever go away, because I thought you were gonna say, trying to hold onto a part of the relationship, but no, I'm with you. I feel the same way. I don't. I could give a shit, especially because I don't get child support. I could give a shit about what happens to that man as a man. But what I am so concerned about is, like I said, what my daughter goes through or what my son could go through because
it is a vicious cycle in his family. His father was the same way to him, and I don't want my son to become an alcoholic and I don't want my daughter to be taking care of a grown man. And I mean, it all goes back. I guess to my anxiety, and I have to tell myself, what is the absolute worst that could happen? And I always go to a place like te says, like she's like I always go to a place of death, and I'm like one
step from that. I'm always like severely injured. But I have to remind myself, like the worst that could happen is, you know my daughter, She'll always come to me with her problems, so I can I can block something really bad from happening, I think with my daughter and my son. But it's it's I'm never gonna stop worrying about it. It's just I got to stop thinking about the worst possible thing happening as a result of that I know.
I know, I've I've been like plagued by it lately. I've been like seeing signs of like telling you me and I'm like, Yo.
There's a crows. Black crows are following me.
I'm telling you, I've seen them everywhere, And like my boyfriend was like, uh, you're tripping, Like you need to look up the meaning black crows. They don't always mean death, they don't always mean negativity. And I was like, yeah, nigga, no, But like I know, I was like, I know how it makes to that when I see them and they're literally following me. They were circling my house yesterday. I
just don't know if I'm noticing more than ever. But then there was a moment the other day and I was like, Okay, I have to like I've decided that I'm going to combat this with so much light that and I'm not going to give it any more power because it's starting to like take over and I'm starting to be fearful that something negative is going to happen to him. And I know a lot of that is based in fear because of our past relationship, because of
the decisions that he's made in our relationship. He wanted me to feel like he was the leader and I could trust him. But time and time again, his leadership failed, and therefore it always does. I don't trust your leadership, you know, And like, even to this day, he's always you have to trust me.
I'm like, maybe you don't realize your track record is poor, but I think, like I'm glad that you said that you don't know if it ever does, because and because I really felt that way too, Like I don't know if I'll ever not worry about how.
This affects you.
It's probably just the severity of how much you worry about it, but I think you're always worry about it.
Yeah, And like now that I'm dating someone else, I'm like also feeling like like is.
This unfair to him?
You know?
Is this unfair to him that I'm still in some capacity? I get like the other day he saw my whole mood shift based on an interaction that I had with a man that I used to love, And I'm like, how does that make him feel?
Like? Is pay?
Because like, clearly this man still affects.
Me in some capacity, and these are things that I'm now having to, like, you know, honor and adjust and think about now that I am in a relationship. But it's more so I worry. It's not about the relationship or the fact that it's over. It's really like I don't want to have to tell my daughter something like I don't want to have to wake up tomorrow and be like, so, daddy, you know what I mean?
Like yes, And then so I told and I told him that too. I was like, they're gonna make me.
You're gonna make me have this conversation with her, like you because sometimes I'd be like, nigga, do you want to die? Right?
And I haven't seizures in a year, I will do you think it's gonna add to your lunch? Like I don't understand, Like I just I don't want to have to have that conversation like that's just yet one more way that I will have felt hurt by you, Like can you.
Just get this right?
I'm just I think it's just like let me be frea not having you don't have control.
You don't have That's what it is.
And that's what anxiety is. You can't control things exactly.
And I feel like this is like I think there's no heartbreak like or no breakup like the breakup of the person you share a child with and usually your first child with, or you know what I mean, like because my thing is not like a care about his health there as well being, but also like I'm judging myself for caring.
I'm like, want to shake the shit out of me and I can't, and that that that makes me sad. It makes me sad.
I know all the facts, I know this person is this, this, and that this person does not honor me, does not respect me, and there's still some fucking shit inside of me that really gives a fuck.
And I think it is because I thought.
I don't have this family and they're like, you know, I'm like, why did you have to fucking why.
Can't you just grow the fuck up like everybody else's man who had a kid? But did they No? I mean, I don't know, but I'm just that's.
Because because you never realize how many people are in shitty relationships. Because once I got divorced, everybody wanted to tell me about how they hated their husband. People were like, I can't wait till he dies because then I'm not kidding you, it's crazy. It was not until I got divorced that people who I thought had fabulous marriages they cannot stand their husband. So don't believe that hype, do not.
I saw my parents have like a long, crazy, fighting, cheating relationship like till this day they're married and who knows what the fuck they're doing, but like crazy, And I always felt like my mom was just like.
Just like couldn't couldn't do without him.
She would just pass out.
And faint if this nigga left, Like no matter what he did, she stayed and stayed and stayed, even if it was even if it was just craziness and the chaos in the house. And my whole thing was like, I do not want to be this person. I do not want to depend on someone so bad that like, no matter what, I won't leave them. And then you know what I think I'm I'm kind of like I'm kind of battling with the.
Feeling of like I'm not her.
I left, but I'm still hurting really badly from the disappointment of this person.
I'm gonna cry again, Oh lord.
I'm always crying this month.
He's crying as you But you know, I feel like I feel like that's what something like a lot of moms deal with, you know, a lot of just holding on to something and loving someone so hard that you just you almost have to learn to live with it, learn to like give it space and live with the fact that you're going to love someone that may not.
Love you back.
Yeah.
Yeah, and not the way that you want. And I think it's like a morning you have to mourn it. You have to you have to cry, you have to cry it out, you have to release it. You can't.
And that's the thing too, like us talking about like black women that were always so strong, and it's like, yeah, and that's great, but like when do we get the space to not be, you know, and to feel it and to mourn it and to cry and to scream and to just you know, not feel like we failed.
It was all our fault. We didn't try hard enough, you know.
I mean, because like I said, I was deciding by a Saturday where I was living. I was taking the kids around to see apartments. I was going to steamroll it and go full steam ahead. And my aunt told me, she was like, can you just for me, just stop for a moment and feel it and mourn and grieve. And I did, Like I had to sit and mourn the fact that the person that I when he was a good person, when he had his ups like, that person had died. Basically he had completely turned into somebody
I didn't know. So that's why I also think if something happens to him now, I'm not as attached to that person because alcohol, addiction and depression can really turn you into a completely different person. So that's not the person I'm married. I had to mourn the death, and it was painful to mourn the death of the person that I had married while they are still alive, right, I.
Know, because memories are a motherfucker man.
They will just pop up and you will hold on to them so hard. Those moments where you're like, I I saw the best part of you.
What happened? What happened to that moment where we've made those vows where we said we.
Made these people, we made these little people.
We made these people. You look in my eyes.
You said you were going to promise, you promise you're gonna protect us. You promise you we're gonna fight for us. You promise you're gonna show up for us.
Right, and it's like now left for these big hands, big Fea leave me at the house of home during COVID.
Oh my gosh, wow, what's your sign?
Christine Gemini?
Oh what's your birthday?
June fourteenth?
Oh my god, same as my baby daddy and Trump.
I know, I know when you said Gemini, I knew you were gonna say June fourteenth.
I don't know why not that you remind.
Me of him? Oh okay, funny.
He's actually very intelligent. He's just you know, troubled. So I saw I saw that.
You know, you've obviously you've explored and written so many different things about you know, motherhood and what I was reading this article today that you had written recently about infertility in the black community, and it really struck me because I think, like me and Jamila have talked about like, you know, we're in our thirties now, and like the idea of freezing your eggs is like this big thing
amongst friends. Lot of our friends don't have kids, and you know, people are starting to have children later and later because women, you know, we're our careers are taking off and you know, our priorities have changed, and you know, oftentimes like I'll laugh and be like I don't need to freeze my egg like I'm a shit work. I'm good, but like I don't actually know that to be true for sure, right.
And.
Also like.
When I was reading an article I was, I was really what struck me the most was like the idea that and I find because I'm Mexican too, like the stigma around like like Latino Latino people, Latino people is that like we just are baby making machines, right, Like
we just pop them out like every six months. And the same with black the same with the Black community that we you know, because we just keep having kids that we can't afford, right, have all these children welfare, right, and but no, no one really talks about you know, women that want to have children that really they can't or that have had issues and the shame that goes along with even talking about it amongst especially in the
black community. I feel like it's way more normal and like I hear white women talk about the shit like they're ordering.
Coffee hello, and men and men there's a lot of shame with men too. And I'm a mom, prenured me my team when somebody wrote about that, like the infertility that men experience. But you're right, like among the white community. It's it's no big deal, like it's almost it's almost and again this is it's now an employee benefit, so it's a.
Designer it's almost like, well, it's an employee benefit.
So so basically, if somebody wants to explore freezing their eggs or fertility options, that is now an available company benefit. Wow, because they have made it so mainstream.
It's literally like, well, you can't have you can't have a baby naturally, It's fine, we can design one for.
You, but that's or do your career. You're going to become a manager, senior manager, then let's put a baby in there and then we'll keep going on our career like it's now a planned part of your career.
Right, And it's just crazy. I mean I think too.
I mean, when I was reading the article I was, I took aid.
It said.
Said only eight percent of black women seek medical health to get pregnant, compared to fifteen percent of white women. But it can also be attributed to the historical belief that infertility doesn't exist within the black community. The black woman has forever The black woman as forever fertile is a notion held over from slavery. And I didn't even
realize how deep, how deep that is. And it makes total sense because yeah, like we had the children, we also took care of so many people's children, like we were wet nurses, like we just we almost are like considered just the care taker, and therefore we must be able to bear children as well.
Exactly. You know what drives me crazy, informal duelers. You know what drives me crazy is we are these maternal essence beings on the planet. Yeah, we're so unappreciated. It's it's wild, It's absolutely wild. We're raising children from our communities, our friends, kids, our families, kids, other races. We are these caring, nurturing our men, these caring, nurturing beings, and yet we are so unappreciated. What is the to me? It just it blows my mind the dichotomy there.
And they wonder where the angry black women right exactly?
How about you respect the fact that I just gave you a fucking caprice son. How about that? How about I just worked eight hours and now you're asking me to play roadblocks with you. I don't feel like it. My daughter, every day.
I found myself like snapping and my daughter's like, like, don't call me crazy, right, talking to me like a chick on the street, right, right exactly.
I was even thinking about, you know, the idea, the controversy that surrounded like Beyonce's pregnancies, right, like and like the and the secret the secretness of it all and the seculation of whether or not she had them, and like really so much judgment within our community against her, like the idea that she can't have kids, like.
The superwoman woman who was you know, down all these amazing things. Hat she also she can't have it.
But but do you think it was the black community putting that sigma on the charade that we thought took place of the pretend pregnancy. Do you think had had We're definitely speculating, right because we don't know Yeah, okay, we don't know if Blue Ivy she carried her or whatever. But like, do you think has she been like, hey, I'm super robot Queen Beyonce, and I am having trouble getting pregnant. Like I think I think our community would have been more receptive.
I think it should.
It could have been a very like a turning point for this conversation in our community. Had she been willing to maybe express before Lemonade that she had miscarriages, that hey, I can dance and sing and backflip and I could, you know, do all these things.
But I'm struggling here.
I think that's why for me, like I love Beyonce, don't come for me be high.
Look. I was about to say, wait, pause, disclaimer, which won't do because I have a picture Beyonce is Mona Lisa in my office right, But I think, but but you know what, as much as I say that would absolutely drives me crazy about Beyonce and have been being her fan since she was sixteen, is she is a business and she is a brand, and you're absolutely right we have no right to know that information. But what she will always do first and foremost is protect her brand.
So back, I always say, like, what drove me crazy about her? When she was doing Deja Vu and did I Am Sausha? Fearce was like, why are you making these cutesy songs when you're engaged or you're married and you're really going through struggles and you're going through relationship issues and I feel like you're still singing about upgrade you Like I need you to be relatable and then she came out with Beyonce, and then she came out with Lemonade, and I was like, thank you God.
Likely well, I.
Mean, unfortunately in her defense, not that I know you Beyonce at all, but she's.
Been doing this a long time.
She's been a brand, No, but she has she's been She started this when she was a child. Essentially, people, yeah, white people told her what she was allowed to do and how she was allowed to show up and the thing, and like imagine like how many deals that she couldn't she wouldn't have gotten had she had had a lemonade in two thousand and.
Four, you know what I mean? Yeah, and I get all that. I think. I think honestly, her sister was really took made her brave.
I loved her. I'm reading this.
And I also love but I also say, like you know, you said, going back to the pregnancy and whether or not whatever, how how it had she been open enough, it would have you know, opened up the conversation.
But like that's the problem is that we don't.
She didn't feel safe doing that, she didn't feel encouraged enough to do that, she didn't feel empowered enough to do that.
Even being fucking Beyonce.
If that wasn't you think she would? But do you think? But that's what goes back to my point, like, I don't know that she would like it took her so long to even address the fact that people were talking about her daughter's hair when my kid was running around with the same hair, and I wrote an article for Harper's Bizarre about it, like I'm always I am in
a different position. I guess as a person. I don't think that Beyonce would ever be in that position to just be like, look, this is my daughter's head, Get the fuck off.
I feel like, now, now, after all these years, she is coming into herself and.
She's like, I'm rich, bitch, I'm gonna talk to my black ship.
I'm gonna say, yeah, there's a there's a million billion dollars in the elevator.
Fuck y'all right.
But it's taken for her to be so long I'm there forty to be like, okay, fuck it, let me be me and you know what, And I respect that because we don't know her existence and she has been doing the ship for forever.
She probably was programmed to be a low key robot's.
The juvenile industry and navigating fear.
At any point this could be taken away.
Yeah, God, bless your Beyonce.
Making bringing her out of the closet.
But I use that as an example of, like, you know, black women not feeling safe enough or comfortable enough to talk openly and discuss, you know, their issues, whether it's about you know, infertility, whether it's about you know, whatever, it is, therapy, all those things. And you know, white women feeling very empowered by so.
Many of my white friends growing up, like would.
Brag about going to therapy like, oh yeah, my therapist blah blah blah, and I'd be like, bitch, we're talking about this out loud.
Like, and it just became normal.
It was normalized to discussed your feelings, normalized to talk about your vagina, normalized to talk about you know, your whatever. And especially and don't even get me started and as far as black men talking about infertility, because they would never, never take accountability.
It's not me, it's not me. My shit work, my shit work, right right right.
And but you know what, in contrast to that, to that very point, you got Britney Spears who lost her damn mind and she has two kids and it's okay for her to lose her mind and lose her kids and on Instagram and be crazy, and Beyonce could never do that.
Well, child services would be at Beyonce's house if she was making these dance videos.
I don't think Brittany has her kids because she's she's fully full time dedicated to dancing in the living room.
But nobody says, but.
You know what, that's so true, not even just Brittany, who's clearly gone left field. And what's the other, uh, the other white chick who's like a pop singer who they she overdose on heroin and then she.
Like some heroin and then like six months later, hosted an award show or some ship.
Nobody's so ship. Demian's fun not to say you gotta bed.
You know she's struggling truth, struggling a drug.
Whitney so damn bad Whitney's they're dragging her in her death. We do not have the same privilege to be to fuck up, to be parents and fun up, to be to exist in fuck up. It doesn't exist. We can barely smoke weed and have kids and talk about sex. I mean we can, We're not Beyonce, but it's just this stigma that we can only be one way, and that's right.
If we fuck it up, we're done. That's how reputation for life.
We can only play the supporting role. We cannot have lives, full, full, holistic lives. We have to be the supporting girl.
Right.
I even feel bad because I didn't really think about infertility because obviously it's not something that I personally have dealt with, and I don't have a lot of friends who have per se like close friends, but I do have. My best friend is the same age as me. She's about to be thirty three, and she's like obsessed with wanting a family and having a baby, and like me and me and our other friend have friends like kids.
Everybody's starting to have kids, and like her whole thing is like, where's my.
Kid, where's my baby, where's my husband.
I'm like, chill out, chill out, like I think about I mean, know, if my thirty five, I'm just gonna do with a friend, I'm gonna freeze my eggs. I'm like, girl, shut the fuck up. And the truth is I'm a bitch. I'll be like, guess some white people shit, you want to freeze your eggs. But you're thirty two and a half.
Chill, You're funny. I'm so busy mothering everybody, you know, my best friend. So I'm like, I want that experience for you, and you would make wonderful and I do. I do it. I do want.
I want you to, but I don't want you to worry about it. And I just feel like it's just not funny.
It's easy for you to.
Say I can as you have a kid.
Exactly and what she says, and I understand that. And then now at thirty two, I'm like, hmm, do.
I want to kid? I guess, shit, I guess I gotta got I got a three three years to decide, and shit, because that's what the doctor tells you. You got to be by thirty five. Your shit's getting old.
And my doctor told me at twenty nine. So that's why I pretty much wrote the article. Was not because I was experiencing fertility, but both times were a challenge for me. So with my nine year old, I had proclamshaw and I was and basically I was in labor from a Wednesday to a Sunday. I was having attractions. And then with my son when he was born. My blood pressure shot to two thirty and I could feel
nerves in my brain. And the neurologists came in and said, a woman of your age we having children And I was twenty nine.
Wait, so I had preclamcia, So this age in preclamsia have relation.
Those were two different pregnants. Okay, No, those are two different pregnants.
But even if your blood pressure was high with your second that means that was proclamsia too.
No, they didn't tell me that. They didn't diagnose it its proclampsit the second time, of course, not because you're black.
I'm gonna say that sounds right.
Basically, they gave me, basically a cat scan, told me I was fine, and then instaid a woman of my age shouldn't be having any more children.
Wow, wow, Yeah, and we never we don't really consider also the fact that you know, freezing eggs is a very expensive process and it's not very accessible.
You know IVF And when I was reading an article it can be up to twelve thousand dollars a year, and like, we don't want to talk about what black women and women of color get paid annually, right, And the idea that if we ever before we even can even possibly even afford that, we're probably well into our late thirties, right, you know, especially if we're not married and we want to do this on our own and we don't have someone contributing to that.
It's like these conversations just they just don't.
They don't happen, like I have never Like I have one friend who she's black, and she actually did go through IBF and she was there, like I felt like she was almost ashamed to talk about it, you know, and because it feels and I get it.
It's not even just being black.
I think as women, we feel like we this is our like civic duty, like we must be able to do this, and if not, somehow we're less then we're less than a.
Woman, yeah, less than human?
Yeah, right, So I think normalizing the conversations like white people do, like literally, like they are excited about their IVF treatments, right, they're excited to tell us me about like what they're.
There is tell them, you know, and it's it's funny. So the article that you're referencing, I interviewed Kimrie who was on Single Parents or I can't remember what the show was called, but I know her from being on the MINDI Project. She was when Mindy was dating the white guy. She was his ex wife, and I think she's absolutely gorgeous. She has sent me all these photos of her doing IVF and she was like, and make
sure you shared with everybody. And it's expensive. And she's an actress, she's a working actress, and she's still like, it's expensive, it's painful. There's for some reason we don't talk about it as black women. Please, like, educate as many Black women as you can about it.
That's amazing, that's so cool.
Well, I'm grateful because I'm grateful that I stumbled upon that article because I really I never even thought about it in the perspective of, you know, the shame surrounding it as black women, and you know, the stigma of the fact, like the stigma that follows us that we are just these fertile, myrtle women, you know, and that's just not It's not always the case, and we should be.
Able to talk about it and normalize it.
Yeah, I'm stressed up.
I'm like, oh god, now I feel bad.
I need to free some eggs.
And you know what else, people don't really to discuss which I guess is the same can go.
And it's not infertility, but like early menopause.
I have a friend, a friend of a friend who just was like, you know, she's like thirty nine or in her forties, and she was like, her period started getting less and less. And I was like, did you want to have kids? And she was like, I wanted the option, you know, And it's just like just again, one of those things I had even dawned. I mean,
what if my period just started to slim up? You know, just so many things that we're not discussing in that you know, a lot of us are dealing with and we're not really recognizing, and.
A lot of things that I feel like we are still praying on. And it's not that I'm not a woman of faith. I just think that in twenty twenty, with all of the resources and all of the community that we have available to us that women in previous generations didn't have and all you did have was faith in your neighbor, that we should do a little bit more than leverage faith and.
Like a fertility ceremony right and.
Whole faith in like such a high regard. It's funny that so that article you're talking about the infertility one. People were talking about how family members were telling them to pray on it. And then I wrote another piece which is kind of related, about the fact that a lot of women nowadays are turning back to a lot of women of color are turning back to being brujas and and women who are more spiritual than religious in a very specific faith. And the backlash that I received
from older black women and mothers about that article. How dare you say that products like candles and oils and whatnot can replace Jesus. I didn't say that.
I hear that.
Girl.
I went to my cousin's house, sorry to interrupt.
You, and you know you didn't know my cousin's getting hairit it.
I was now with this other girl that.
Was there, and she has some some sage, so I just pick up the stage.
I'm talking.
I start lighting this sage and you know, I'm thinking I'm doing a good deed for the room. I started saging everybody.
The girl was like, a no, I don't do all that. I was like, oh, you're allergic.
She was like, I believe in Jesus.
I was like, girl, Jesus made stage.
Mean my daughter's like out bad spirits. Like she's like, it's the first of the month. We got to clean the house. We got a sage. I want the juju out, send your daughter to me. Right, we hold on the faith way too much.
Is a blindly blindly And my my biggest thing is like I you know, I respect everybody's faith or whatever path.
I feel like all paths to God, whatever path you want.
To take, Judaism, bodyism, whatever it is, that's that's ours. But like for especially for black people, my biggest thing was, first of all, I didn't grow up religious. My dad was like a white man made up Jesus. He made him white, and all the black people believed it. That was what I That's what I got as a child, to the point where I was when I did think I wanted to be.
Christian, he was like, I don't feel comfortable with this.
I was like, Jesus said, I'm in the youth group and I'm in church camp, and he was pissed.
But what I never understood was like, how can black people so blindly accept this white Jesus and this book that was literally used to manipulate us to believe that we should be working for free and stolen and abused and raped. You can't give me this book and make me feel cool with it. As much as a lot of those stories obviously are rooted in some other shit, and they've been whitewashed extremely, most of those those stories took place in Africa. Let's be clear. Hair of Woule
ain't no white person, you know. I just one time I got high on Easter and I went to church and all there's all these beautiful black people braids and locks, wearing all white and singing and praising.
And I was just so high.
I was like, this seems like brainwashery.
It's usually like a white Jesus somewhere in the in the in the ability, and everybody's crying and dancing, and I'm all about. I'm all about like your energy being channeled wherever you want. I feel like that's very powerful. It's just like manifesting. However, it creaked me the fuck out. I was like, get me out of here right now.
And it was because I just felt like it was just this deep brainwashery of America, you know, like just like American ministries want to go to Africa and these rural places.
And what do they call it when they go missions mission.
Mission everybody and recruit them like nahn, leave them alone with.
Their son God and whatever that works for them.
Like if you believe in whatever you believe in, cool, but you don't have to press it on everybody else. Yeah, that's my feelings on black men, the church, in the black communit.
We've covered so much.
Well I'm gonna I'm gonna wrap it up, and because I know you have to go, but I just wanted to ask you one question that I think you know people listening. I know there's a lot of moms and women, but I think generally a lot of our listeners are moms that you know, want to start businesses and they want to be entrepreneurs, and they don't know where to start or how to start, or how to feel supported or where to get help.
Like what advice would you give to women.
Moms who want to start businesses but don't really know how to start, like as far as like how to find the balance between the two?
Yeah, Jesus, I would say follow me because that's what I mean.
Time management is on there.
Time management is on there, but there are a variety of different resources. You know, mompreneur me. We have free content that will help you with that. It's a network of other women who are just like you, who are thinking about starting their own business or have their own side hustle. My good friend out there with you guys in La Nef for Terry Pleasy of Single Moms Planet does a great job of creating resources for mothers who want to start their own business. Another fabulous Black mom.
And then I would say, just make sure you pick something that you would do even if you weren't paid for it, because then you'll really be dedicated to it and very passionate about it. And I constantly get asked that question. I constantly hear from women that they want to start businesses but don't know where to start it, or don't feel like the market is saturated, then don't
have a place. And I always say, think about the first thing that you've done as an entrepreneur, which has become a mother, and how you've learned leadership skills from that, and how you've learned to delegate, and how you've learned time management from that, And don't tell me that you can't be an entrepreneur, because it's been statistically proven that matrescence, which is the psychological part of you, the part of
your life that turns you into a mother. The brain actual development of it just designed to make you a better leader in the workplace. All the things that you learn and all the things that you happen when you become a mother. So there's no reason why it's actually the best time for you to become an entrepreneur or to pursue a passion project is after you become a mom.
You know what, I feel like you should be able to put mother on LinkedIn.
Like I think that there's a lot of time job, full time job. There's a lot of skills that are involved. There's a lot of education like fast track education, low key and I'm like, yo, put thath.
The but you know, specialist. But there are some really great companies that I know a couple off the top of my head that are basically like firms that put mothers in jobs where people need those kinds of skills and not skills like babysitting. I'm talking about the core leadership and professional development skills that you get. And those companies specialized in finding and recruiting moms.
That's amazing.
Well, you guys definitely check out Christine and all of her Her page is full of resources. She has amazing articles on her book, her books to our listeners.
Where they can find you exactly.
What find you So Christine Michelle Carter dot com has most of my articles, links to mom Prenore and me, my social media sites, everything videos Christine Michelle Carter dot com.
Dope, Dope, dope, Well, thank you so much for coming on.
Thank you you you We're twins soul.
Right, Jamila cried, So now you can never get rid of her, like hello.
Yes, you must, you must, you must.
Yes, I'm going to pull you out when we come.
We're gonna, we're gonna go out.
Have you been a stadium, Well that used to be.
But wait now I'm feeling old. Now I'm feeling old because I'm like, I think you're talking about No, you're not talking about dream well love, You're talking about stating, which is a cross like diagonal when you get off of fifty. Yes, I have long way of saying yes, I have a.
Wonderful two dollars Tuesday. I don't know if that's still going because.
Of covid O.
I don't know.
Maybe by the time I get there because just long.
Yeah, yeah, I love a good strip club. Me too, me too.
They always have good food too, so we all know that's important.
Thank you so much, girl, I appreciate you all right for having me on guys, and you guys.
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