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Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices.
I'm Erica and I'm Mela, and welcome to Good Mom's Bad Choices podcast show.
If you guys are just joining us, welcome. If you've been listening for a while, what up, y'all.
If you're just joining us, This is me Mela and I'm Erica, say you know the difference between our voices.
You, guys, we have a problem. All of you are listening, but no one is reviewing.
All of you are listening, but no one's listening because every episode we tell you to leave a motherfucking review and a rate at the end of the episode. So now we're gonna remind you in the beginning.
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And they're free. It just takes two minutes of your time. Scroll all the way down at the bottom of this episode and leave a rate in a review five stars. Thanks, I'm happy that you're joining us. If you don't know where you've found yourself a crazy place. Baby, it's not crazy. I'm just kidding.
So you always say that. You always say that to people, and then I'm like, why do you do that?
Because it's provocative and it gets the people going, oh my god, you said that with my mom the interview, like.
It's crazy, and I was like, oh Jesus Christ, he already thinks we're crazy, and now you're confirming the crazy.
Well that's the thing. If everyone thinks you're crazy, you just up the ante and you make it really crazy, you know, just like when the people.
Yeah, but then you're like, but that when you set up this expectation of crazy and then we're not crazy. And then they're like this, bitches aren't crazy.
That's never happened. This should never happen. I've never set it up. And then everyone was like, you're so calm, you're so relaxed. I had to do it to your mom because you know she feels that way. You know. It's just like when I call myself a witch and then people get weird and I'm like, I like it, like the wild factor.
Okay, all right, well, welcome to our Crazy podcast.
It's kind of like my personality. It's not that crazy, but it gets the people going.
Okay, speaking of podcasting, I don't know if you guys have checked out our new little baby, Innovate her Now. We are holding a summit on June fifth in LA So if you want to start your own podcast, or you want to learn how to be a podcast manager.
Or you've been podcasting and you want to network with some other podcasters and learn some even more gems, please join us June fifth in Los Angeles, California, Woodland Hills to be exact and learn how wellness and podcasting has really benefited our lives and how it can benefit yours.
Honestly, podcasting has become such a source of therapy for me. I mean it's transformed my life. It has, it's done wonders, it's it's led me to so many relationships, friendships. It's been such a source of personal growth for me. So, if you are a podcaster, if you're not, if you're considering it, if you're thinking, oh my god, everyone has left that game podcast, they do, but they're not you. And also they don't have these tools, So make sure
you go to innovate hernow dot com. If you're in LA, or if you're not in LA, come on fly out. It's gonna be very limited space for for LA people though, but also there's virtual space available, virtual for everyone, no matter where the fuck you are. If you're in Australia, pull up, pull up, Africa. We have we have listeners in a lot of places that I'm like, what.
This will be the first time, like you can really interact with us in this like professional slash fun setting, slash wellness setting, and it will be It's gonna be really fun. I think the coolest thing about our summit is that this is us integrating our purpose driven lives that we've discovered via podcasting and podcasting together and really
like speaking about it. You know, we've manifested this journey so much, but it hasn't been really until now that we've really talked about that journey in a professional space. So I think this is going to be a really cool. A lot of gems are going to be dropped, a lot of cool guests are going to be in the building. So if you're interested, please pull up. It's only for women because that's how we roll.
Anyway. How are you.
I'm doing well. I'm doing really well. I feel good. I feel activated. It is springtime and I feel like we are birthing a lot of babies. We have a lot of shit going on, but I keep telling myself, like, damn, I asked for this, and I'm so grateful for it. So like that's the best part, you know. It's just like when preparation meets opportunity.
I was telling my friend that too. I was like, I'm so overwell, but I'm like, but I prayed for this. This is exactly what I asked for. There was a time in my life where I felt like I didn't really understand my purpose. I was like confused, and know, am I going to be an actor? Am I not? I am a failed actor. I don't know I'm gonna be a rapper's wife, you know, I don't. I didn't. I was so confused and scared, honestly, And so all the things that we have, although there's a lot, it feels
overwhelming because we have a little, tiny team. I know everything, but it's growing.
It's growing, and tiny team is growing and we have each other and that's amazing. And I think I'm really excited to show the world all the things we've been working on I know, so like reveal it.
I know because when people are like, bitch, what is it? Y'a all been talking about all these little things forever. Huh, don't worry. We ain't just talking. It's coming.
It's work. And that's the most amazing part about this life is like there's always work in different areas to do. You know, I'm working really hard on Good Moms and all these projects we have, but then there's always just like the life work that's never ending. And then that I'm like, fuck, you know, there's just you know, I'm dating, I'm not dating, I'm having too much sex, I'm not
having enough. You know, there's just so much. There's so many distractions that I'm always happily involving myself in and then like retracting and going back and retracting, and it's like a beautiful journey but also grateful. My kid is safe. I just got back from Atlanta a couple weeks ago, and everything's GoChi. How about you.
I'm good, I mean I have I can't lie you all know and be like having anxiety and.
Shape you and everybody else.
Bitch, I have been working through it. I've been waking up really early before Irie wakes up to exercise for at least thirty to forty five minutes, which has really been helping me because exercising really is such like a game changer for my brain. We had an episode last week with Devi that really like helped center me. She's such an incredible human and if you haven't listened to that episode, please please please make sure you go listen.
To that episode.
It's all about healing your inner child. We talked about a lot of other stuff too, So she's.
Also on our Patreon giving us a very dope meditation for the full moon. So if you're not on Patreon, be sure to check that out at goodwaitpatreon dot com, backslash good Mom's Bad Choices.
Yeah, she's amazing. I myself have been on a few different trips over the last month with family and also a little mini trip that was supposed to be work but then it ended up not being worked because the girl I was working with ended up getting COVID and I couldn't do it. I didn't tell you, Oh I didn't know.
I didn't know that. Oh yeah, I had a ring call.
So if you guys seen me post on Instagram, I did a ring collapse with Gypsy by Nature, which it's this amazing black owned jewelry brand by my girl a Nishka.
She's also a fellow fellow.
Mama Dope Dope Jewelry, and we did a collab for Black History Month. This face rings also the Earth Ring and so she lives in Miami. So I went out there and she ended up getting sick, and so I was like, fuck, that's why I'm here.
You're also out there during like the ratchetest time, the second ratchetest time of the year, which is spring break in Miami. The first time the most ratchettess time in Miami of the year's Memorial Weekend. Everybody knows.
I didn't know it was spring break, Okay, I had no idea.
Niggas love Miami.
Oh it was a lot, but I but I was able to stay away from it.
It was cool. I went on a little hinge date out there.
I met a guy.
Oh yeah, I saw that on our close friends.
Oh yeah, yeah, I posted it on close friends. I met this guy. We had dinner and he was cool, like he's going to be my friend. Like it's very it was very like we both were like, this is platonic. He reminds me of Kevin Hart. I don't know, why did that.
Hurt your feelings? I feel like rejection in all forms, even if I don't want people.
Because he didn't reject me. He said that, but I know he didn't mean it, But then I was happy he said it because that's how I felt.
Okay, I know everyone love me.
I kind of know that, Like, if I wanted to pursue it, it could be pursued.
But it's better that we don't.
He's just not it's just not we're not compatible compatible in that way. I don't have had a realization recently. I am in a new space in dating and sex where I don't want to have it. I don't really want to have sex anymore. I'm kind of cool and sex. I'm actually you know, I am dating somebody right now and I haven't been He hasn't been alerted of this new discovery.
The same person.
He hasn't been alerted yet. He'll probably be alerted today.
We were having sex, but I'm sorry, I need to alert you that we're no longer. We can date, but we're not having sex.
Yeah, I just don't have any desire to like share myself with anyone. And it's not that I haven't met and I like, it's not that I haven't met anyone that's like that I would I'm sexually attracted to. And it's not that I don't have the like, the the drive to do it. It's just like, I don't know. I'm kind of in a place where I am open
to connection. I am open to love, I am open to partnership, but I feel like I'm often giving myself sexually before I really get to know confirm the connection fully, and sex be confusing shit, and I just like, you know, let me just try something different. I want to try something different. And also something in my spirit is calling me to do this. I don't know exactly what it is, but I just I literally just don't have the desire. I want to spend time with people. I want to
get to know people, but just without the suck. Yeah, I want to be intimate with people, but just like not in that way. And I think some of it too, came from a conversation that I had with this person that I'm seeing. I was telling him, Who's asking me if I was seeing other people? And I said, you know, I'm flirting with other people, and he was like why, like, what does that mean you need attention? I was like, oh god, no, it's like no, I mean's something I
need attention. I'm getting to know people like Nigga, you ain't my man. And also like, I just feel like flirting this I was trying to I was trying to explain to him that flirting to me is not always sexual. Like flirting to there's an intimacy in like sharing conversation, when sharing conversation with someone that maybe shares the same views that you have about love, life, family, and there's an intimacy in that, and it's not related to sex. And he just could not understand that.
And then I was.
Like, you know, I need to explore this, this intimacy that that I'm talking to him about more because I just feel like it's something that I do with people simultaneously with sex, but I've never just done it without it, and like I just want to know. I feel like I will have I feel like it will make sex that much better. It will for me, it will like when I really feel like I okay, I really fuck with you and sex has nothing to do with it. Like I know, I'm good at sex, I know.
Like, let's take it back to Daphne. Okay, I know this pussy is good, right, I don't have anything to prove to anyone, And that's.
Where I'm feeling, like I have I know it. I know I'm good, like the men's have told me. I'm happy with my sex, my sex, Like I know that, like once I share that with someone, it's undeniably gonna be great. So why so there's no need for me to do that, you know, like, let's make sure that like the intimacy and like the connection is there first. So that's kind of like where I'm at right now. If anybody else wants to join me on the I feel like I'm going to.
I feel like I'm coming a little bit slowly, more behind you, but I'm coming. I feel like it's currectly.
I had.
I feel similarly, and I don't know if we just live fucking lives, but I have been deeply examining my addiction to attention and to love and like, like I went on a date. It's tender day. I said, I wasn't gonna tell anyone, but here we are. I wanted a tender day and maybe I've told already, like a couple of weeks ago or a few weeks ago, and like, I had sex with this person, and I I just told myself before I did it, I wasn't going to do it. In the midst of the conversation, I was like,
I'm bored. I was like, I'm gonna finish this wine and I'm a dip. And then I did a dip and then I had sex, and I was like, what the fuck is wrong with me? And here I am I have problems. So I just feel like that's something I really need to I've had this conversation with myself more than once. As if you've listened to this before you may know, but it's just something that I have to really dig deeper into. Also, speaking of like intimacy
on different levels. I have been talking on the phone with this guy for like five months, literally for five months and increasingly more over like the last few months, and having really good conversations, really intellectual, deep conversations about perspectives, about just things we don't really see a lot of things I die, but the conversation has been really arousing
and really intriguing. And then finally, in like the last two weeks we've met, and the first like three days he just like didn't touch me or try or like anything. And I was like, what the fuck We've been talking about for five months? And then like eventually whatever should happen.
But I was like, damn, he is very disciplined and I'm not, and like he's very selective, and he makes that very clear that he's selective about who he shares himself with, and so I'm like, damn, I need to adopt that, you know, And not that I'm not selective, I am, but like not, I haven't been. There's obviously been times I haven't been enough, in my opinion, and it's just like you said, like I know, my pussy's good.
I know. And even in that date, I went on and I didn't really even like this person, and I declared that early on I still did it. I was thinking, like, I'm so cool and you won't even shut the fuck up to hear to listen, and I was like, is it because I talk a lot and I have a podcast. I'm just used to fucking talking. But I'm like, no, he wasn't listening. He didn't even try to get to
know me. But anyway, I just feel like I'm a hypersexual person and I'm aware of that, and I just have to kind of dive deeper into dissecting why and if it's healthy, and who who I'm sharing space and time and body with and if it's necessary. So, yeah, give me about like what Martha April. Yeah, probably swing around May. I'll be in the same boat.
Okay, Well, I'm inviting anyone who's listening to join me on this journey. You can start today, DM me whatever.
I don't really, but it's a Dicktalks. We're drinking another digtalk ticktogs. It's our second It's not her annual because we didn't do it last year because we had boyfriends. It's our second by annual, So second by annual dick tucks.
And what do we say? Was it supposed to be ninety days?
It's supposed to be ninety days. I'm not starting right now, so.
I'm not I'm not putting a number on it because I feel like that like just sets people up for fucking disaster. It puts too much expectation and disappointment in it. I'm just going with how I feel. I have this feeling that it's going to last for a while.
Ever. The last time lasted me like six months, and I tried only to do ninety days. I think you get really comfortable and it once you commit to it.
Yeah, And like it's funny because I actually like I am seeing someone, but I've also been talking to someone else and he is so fine, so fine, and I don't really do super fine okay, And that's a whole other thing that like I've had to unpack too, because I've kind of avoided very fine men in my life because a problematic because if you, if I think you're fine, so does everybody else. And I don't want to deal with that. But I've realized that hasn't protected.
Me from shit niggas. Shea too, What does your dad say? The trash man cheats everybody in cheats fine niggas, ugly niggas, broke niggas, rich niggas.
And so I've kind of like judged fine men too and thought like, oh, they're kind of dumb. But I'm like, well, shit, I'm fine, Shit, I'm smart.
They're kind of dumb, It's true, the kind of dumb.
They're not, though, and he's not, and like he's really smart and he's really beautiful, like wow, gorgeously esthetically gorgeous. And I like this has been a practice for me too, like of not having sex because like everything in me in the past would have very much, so very easily, and so and he's been so cool and respectful and like we're just getting to know each other, you know, and so. But I don't know how long it's gonna last. We don't see. But yeah, I just want I just
I just want my mind to be clear. And yeah, Dick be clouding the brain. It's true.
Even saying this out loud, even think, okay, you I would get like sick of like telling my my deepest intimate secrets out loud. But I clearly I don't.
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But I feel like like it'suck a fucking teenager having this conversation, Like I'm gonna stop having stupid sex, but I will next month. I know that I don't need to have sex, but I will three weeks because I love love and I love attention. With May four, I'll stop giving my pissy TV.
Maybe five five it's a good.
Number the day.
No, I I'm a little embarras, don't be embarrassed and don't And like, you know, do you think men?
Do you think men experience this? Like, no, I should be more intentional with my dick.
I don't think men go on dick taxes.
Well that's the thing. When I was talking to my.
On pussy toxes? Do you ever going to pussy talks?
They don't? Do you want to hate this joint? Also, like do men go on pussy txes? They probably don't. Also, my new friend that I've been talking to, he was just saying like he used to be super super sexual, and then he just was cool and he's like I'll see a fine ass girl and I'll just be like cool. And something about him telling me that was turning me on because I'm like so selective you like me?
Oh god, please don't say that word. You know, the selective triggers.
But it made me think about myself, like there is a time where my my fangs would come out just some fine niggas, and I would have like, I'm a nigga inside, I'm a nigga. I've said this so many times. I'm very mannish. There have been times in my twenties where I'm just like, oh, he's fine target, you know what, Like it is like zone in, like a little psycho bitch. But it's just like as you get older, it's like
they're gonna be fine niggas all the time. And there's gonna be people that intrigue your mind and intrigue you know, there's there's I'm a deeply intrigued person. I love people, so I have to chill. You know, everyone, I'm going to find people attractive because that's the type of person I am. I love people. I think people are beautiful mostly, But like, also, does that mean I have to sleep with everyone? To what capacity? Are you going to be intimate?
You know, it could be energetically intimate. You know, we can moan heavy and like deep breathe and hug or we can actually be intimate. But is it necessary? And oh and he's also a deep reader, so he was making me read oh uh, Napoleon Hill and he was talking about sexual transcendence and I was reading about it, and it was just like pulling me in.
It's like, while you're having sex, you transcend something.
Yeah, just like just exchanging energy with another person and what that means, and like that energy exchange and it's just it had it should be intentional, and it was making me at first feel deep shame and like, oh no, how much which energy do I have inside of me?
You know what I mean?
But also we're growing, and we also we always have the opportunity to evolve and make different change choices and change and then be like, oh, how does this work for me? You know, I don't think we.
Go through seasons, and I don't think it's bad to have sex often with however many people you want. I just feel like, because I truly feel that way, like I'm not doing this because I want to because I think I'm better than anyone else. That isn't you know. It's really just like.
What you need in what season?
Yeah, And like I feel like there's like a spring cleaning that's happening right now. And I've been having a lot of conversations with men and it's more in the conversations have been really enlightening, Like I had one the other day with the guy in Miami actually, and he was showing he was telling me that he was showing me this girl on Instagram. Actually, no, it didn't even start with him. This conversation has kind of hopped around to different men in my life and I'm getting the
same answer from most of them. And the first person that is that guy that I said is really fine he was. I was telling him that, like, I typically don't really do like beautiful men like you, like you are fucking like model fine, you know. And he was like, yeah, well, men feel the same way about fine women. And I was like what. I was like, it's not the goal.
Don't men always want fine women? And he was like, we do, but we don't want to always wife them because we always feel like, well, it's just too much, like it's a lot, like there's probably niggas in her dms or I'm gonna have to like like get all these niggas away from her. Let me find like she's just fine.
Enough, quiet enough covered it.
Yeah, And I was like really okay, And so then I and then then I went to Miami and I met this gentleman and he was telling me that, like I was asking what kind of women he likes, and he was showing me after we decided we're gonna beople toonic friends, he showed me like this, this beautiful girl that he that likes him. He's like, this girl she like is like love with me. She's all but my dick, But like, I can't bring her to the fucking he's a lawyer. He's like, I can't bring her to like
my lawyer convention or like my fancy lawyer dinners. Like it's too much like all this ass, all these titties like.
And I was like, what, Sun, I'm brand for his lawyer lifestyle. I was like, so, let me get this straight.
So niggas want everything, but then they don't want you at all. Like I'm confused because.
Oh yeah, they'd be scared.
And so I'm like, I'm fine as hell. So is that why I don't have a man.
Me an equation? Me too? I was like, yeah, I'm like fine.
Oh my god, this is making me think of did I ever tell you how I saw my aunts.
I'm like Sally Jesse.
Rash, I am, oh my god, what god, sisters who are like crazy? And I remember when I was a kid, I saw them. I saw them on Sally. They're very tall, They're like six to two, and they're like they're athletic women, you know. They're like, men just don't want me because I'm too beautiful and I'm tall. And I'm like, is this me?
Now?
Is this what happens in your thirties? But I do feel like I'm confident in my in who I am. And I don't mean fine just an esthetically. I mean like I know that I'm a good woman, and but I also aesthetically I feel like I'm good looking. So I just feel like, is that like? Because based on what they're saying to me, I just found it was so interesting that perspective because for me as a woman, I always feel like men are they are they're they're
looking for certain qualities. But there's men are very triggered by are they there's at least sexually by the way a woman looks. Absolutely, But I guess that does not necessarily translate to even if you look good, Because I asked.
Him, I'm like, so is she a good woman?
Does she have a good job?
Like, yeah, she's.
Great, but it's too much for him, And I was like, what I was so confused. I'm like, so she's giving you everything that you asked for, but it's it's a little too much.
I recognize that. I feel like this the first time in my life that I've been able. I'm starting to be able to be like, damn, I'm the shit right and say it without feeling like we'd bad about it, you know, weird. And the more I'm in front of men, like you know, dating or whatever I'm doing, like I want that stupid ass tender day and he was boasting about himself and it was like mediocre and I was just like, if he would shut the fuck up, you
would know you're sitting amongst royalty. But that's how I was feeling. But like, I don't know who we're just talking to. Was a DeBie that I'm realizing I do the choosing. M I do the choosing, you know, Like what I'm realizing this is gonna sound. I don't know. I don't care. Everyone I choose is gonna choose me pretty much. I like that's how I feel like.
I don't feel that way.
I feel like the I.
Don't feel that way. I haven't been shown that well.
Like I just I feel like it's it's easy.
For me to for people to fall in love with Fuck me and choose me are two different things. So what do you mean?
Do you mean like have sex with you? I feel like if I wanted to be wiped by most of the men that I've dated, I could have that option, but I don't usually feel as compelled. And it's not that I just don't feel like it's compelled, but I feel like if I wanted to have relationships and like be chosen by certain like people I've dated in my past, that could be I would be able to you know what I mean?
Like, I just.
I feel like I'm doing the choosing and I feel like I'm waiting for someone who's going to come into my realm that I'm like, Oh, it's all the niggas that I've been wanting added up and went, all the perfect mixtures, all the measurements, you know what I mean. Not that I'm like the bomb and I'm the best shit ever, but I'm coming into my power. I'm stepping into my power and I feel that, and I feel that even in dating. I feel that in my personal space. I feel like if I just I feel it, you
know what I mean? I feel that as much people are gravitating towards me more heavily, that I have the power to choose and like it's kind of scary.
It is it is. I feel that I feel that way mostly, but I.
Feel like not all the time.
I definitely feel like there have been definite times where I've not been chosen and like my feelings were hurt and I was like shocked, like what, like what do you mean? Like what else do you need from me?
But absolutely I feel like I've had times where I haven't been chosen. But you can and I know you can identify with this. Had those times been taking place right now, would you have taken it as personally? No?
Like now, no, no, And that's what I'm saying. There's growth happening right now.
That's that's how I feel right now. There's times where i'd be I would feel rejected and take it deeply personally, but I'm so in tune with how cool I am and how dope of a person, and like I don't really feel I don't even the things that are quote unquote rejections, I don't feel that way. I feel like it's just like the journey.
Right, I mean even me saying that I don't want to have sex is essentially me doing the choosing because because I have se because I'm doing the choosing, like I'm choosing who I share space with. Intimately, I have a serious boundary here, you know, there's a real boundary, and it's with love. It's not like fuck you, it's just more so like what I don't want to Let's just do this for now, Let's see this. Let's see if you how how interested you actually are in me?
If I don't if we don't have sex, be friends first. I mean even in our relationship with my baby daddy, Like our relationship may not have been perfect, but it lasted for a long time. I think because we were friends first. You know, there was a we had a long period of time where we it was like a honeymoon period for years, Like there were no arguments. It was beautiful. Whether or not we're meant to be together
now is something different. But the friendship, though, is what held that for sure, And I feel like I haven't really done that and like again, and I want to do that again. I know that that's I know for sure, that's something I want to take from that relationship into my next because even thinking about the real relationship that I got in COVID, like that was so quick, there
was no friendship involved. And then it was just like we're getting to know each other while while having sex, while it's like loving each other while integrating children, while integrating friends, Like that's a lot of that's a lot, like let's just take it one day at a time.
I think the most beautiful thing about friendship based first too, I'm noticing is that it comes with this, Uh, it's easy to be radically honest when you start in a friend's space because I'm not trying to prove shit to you. What did I do last week? Some crazy shit?
Why?
That's it too.
It's the like I think, I'm like, I need you to know exactly who I am.
I want you to know. Wait, I want you to know who exactly who I am. But it's easier to present myself exactly who I am without first having the
expectation that I want you to keep me forever. Right, Because when we begin to want to be kept forever and want a relationship and want someone to love us, you start to feel this deep longing for them to accept you, and then you start to even self reflect about this the person that you are and the things that you do and whether they're acceptable, especially for women as a wife or as a girlfriend, because you know, like how much just like sometimes I'll meet when I
don't give a fuck, like my podcast is cool, and then I want to date them. I'm like, please, don't listen. Whatever you do, don't listen, you.
Know what I mean.
And then even in this, like these these newer relationships, I'm deeply examining how I feel about myself versus how how I will perceive myself when someone else sees me, you know what I mean, Because there are two different things. Sometimes I feel empowered and cool about what I do, and then sometimes I'm like, oh, no, I've said way too much and I'm never gonna be married, you know.
What I mean.
And it's just like how we see ourselves versus how we see ourselves through someone else's perspective is like those things really need to be like blurred out and cleared out and cleansed, because as long as you're expecting someone to love you and you don't really love and accept yourself, it's gonna be fucked up. Even like me doing that
tender shit and like feeling really bad about it. And then I was kind of like not beating myself up about it, but like disappointed, and it's okay to be disappointed. But also I'm like, Okay, you've done You've done more shit in your past like this one fuck up, this one unnecessary person, Like Okay, it's okay. Keep it doesn't mean you haven't grown. And that's the thing. It's like, Fuck, I thought I've done the work. I thought i've grown. I thought I'm better than this, And it's like that
doesn't mean you haven't done the work. It means you've you've been doing fuck dumb shit for your whole life and you'll slip up, you know what I mean.
But just like it's like that loving yourself like you would your child that we were talking about last week about like you know, if your child fucked up like you you letting you, letting them know that they did it, but also knowing like you're it's okay, like because kids will be like no world, and that's how we are. We're not outwardly like crying like that necessarily, but inside we're almost abusing ourselves even more. At least kids get it out, you know, cry about it in a dramatic way.
We're all internalizing shit and then beating ourselves up about it and not saying it's okay, it's okay, Yeah you fucked up, but like.
It's okay, there's you can just you did.
You're you're learning. You're still in the learning, and like even when you get past the learning, which I don't that doesn't really ever happen, you still might fuck up sometimes, so don't I mean, I know, I mean, it's it's the best part about it all.
Is that you are aware of it and acknowledging it and being able to be transparent in front of someone else, like yeah, I've done this and that, and like you can't make me feel bad about myself, you know what I mean. I told this guy that because he has like very interesting like expectations of women, and like it's something we discussed. But uh, I said, this is the thing.
I said. What I don't want is that for us to feel like we love each other right now we like each other, but then later down the line, I love you and something comes out about me or you learn some information about me, and then oooh.
Girl, that's literally the same shit, and I'm not going to live on eggshells, and then.
I'm like fighting for your validation and then and a questioning who I am from past decision proving my value. I don't want to feel that way. I don't even want to put myself in the position to feel that way in the future. So I don't want to even like I can say I love you and feel all the fields, but like, let's not try and plan what this is because your expectation of me may not be realistic.
And I don't even want to try to fit into this box of like expectation that's not realistic for me in my process because it's just going to make me be mean to myself and feel sad and feel bad and I'm the shit right now. I don't even need that type of energy. And even if it's direct or in like directly or indirectly, I want to be aligned
with myself. And being aligned with myself includes everybody else that I love and is in my space also being aligned with whoever that person is, and I'm able to show who that person is in that moment because it is for ever changing amen. This week's Dating with Erica and Mila breaking news.
Eric is not having sex. Jamila's thinking about it.
They're still figuring it out. Oh my god, should we read an advice question?
What do you think? Which one?
Because you know we have some.
Well, there's there's a deep one. There's one that's very close to my heart. Actually, there's the one where they use the V word. So which one are we going with? B word V? Vagina victim? Oh that's not that's not the one. Okay, Yeah, we're gonna get to that one. Maybe that after this one. Okay, Okay, Hi ladies, My boyfriend slash baby daddy cheated and the girl is pregnant.
They both want me to be a woman.
About the situation, my heart says stay, but my mind says they.
Both want me to be a woman.
Why the fuck is especially a factor in what wants need to be happy?
Don't ever tell me what I need to be doing. You needed to keep your relation, my relationship, out of your legs.
But now we're here, right, They both want me to be a woman. About the situation, My heart says stay, but my mind says leave. I just had a baby with him, and she knew we were together. I don't know what to do.
Wait, is some someone that says that she had twins, she's pregnant with twins.
Yeah, so she's having twins and she's four to five months pregnant.
How much can you handle?
Babe?
Can you handle that? I mean, I if you love someone in your heart is saying stay, Who the fuck am I to tell you? Otherwise? People fuck up, People make mistakes. Now, a bitch like me, I'm highly sensitive and highly reactive, and I don't know if I would, you know, in my knowing myself put myself in the position to be tortured for the rest of my life. It's a hard decision to make it. Only you can make it. Leave him. Run run, bitch, Run as fast as you can.
I okay, I'm kidding.
How old are you?
I mean, I don't I'm I'm kidding, But I'm not kidding only because I've been through this situation personally, And it's when you have a child with someone and that person, especially you just had a baby and that person, and that's a sacred like bond that you share with that person, especially if it's the first one between you or that person.
The most sacred covenant you will ever make with the ot to.
Have to share that space twice because the bitch is having twins within like within with close proximity. That's a lot on my heart for you to for me to have to be and look at you every day and.
Able to trust you and be strong through and.
And be nice and being a new mom is hard enough to have to also be healing and from that. I don't know. It's it's like I personally could not do that. I didn't do it, And honestly that's why we started Good Mom's Bad Choices, not why, but it's spawned this because I wouldn't be here had I not had the strength to be like, you know what, I'm not tolerating that. I'm not doing that with you, even though like I love, I love that person and I
still love him, I will always love him. He shares we share human we share a bond forever and ever and ever. But I just don't think that that. I feel like there's something better for you out there. I feel like when you experience extreme betrayal and pain and hurt, it's for a reason, and a lot of that reason isn't to stay in it. It's not to stay and fight through it, like like we were saying, like a lot of women, we measure our value on how much we can tolerate.
And that's not how you measure your value.
And that is not how you should measure your value. You are not any less strong because you decided to choose yourself, and I'm gonna.
In fact, you're stronger for choosing yourself.
And let me tell you, it's not an easy road. I know it's not. I know that like deciding to leave you, to separate your family, and maybe I don't know what your job situation is. I don't know if he takes care of you, I don't know. But it's not an easy it's not an easy choice. But I promise you you'll be okay if that's your If that is is that, that's what your heart is telling you, and you're listening to this and you feel like, damn, I feel this. I feel like she's right in this moment. Like,
I promise you you'll be okay. I promise, But I also promise said you know, we're really good at handling trauma as women, So you might be okay ish if you stay.
But will it be easy? Absolutely not, And will you be wondering damn? Was there maybe something better or someone else, or.
And you will be in pro close proximity not only to your partner that's betrayed you, but to this woman. Because you're going to be in close proximity to your partner who's dealing with this woman.
This, this scab will be very difficult to heal because they will be constant contact, contact and content with both opportunities for the womb to reopen.
You're always gonna have to know what's kind of going on, Like, there comes a point where I don't want to know, get me away from that shit.
I'm good, I'm good, you know, And she already doesn't seem like she's in a healthy space. Yeah, to recommend that you be an adult.
About her, Yeah, be an adult, bitch. You know what that she tried to do that to me too. And let me tell you the audacity, the audacity of certain women, men, whatever, people in general who have basically just disrespected you and your whole family to tell.
You that you should react, that you need to.
That you need to settle down, shut the fuck up. That's you do, you will get your ass beat. Sorry, you can tell I'm still I'm still not healed all the way from that, and she said I want to beat her ass.
That's what she wrote in the message.
So I feel that. Uh, but yeah, I'm going to encourage you to do you boo anyway, any other advice.
Questions, Yeah, someone was just giving us advice speaking of audacities.
Oh my god, I'm already hyped. Now now I'm hyped. You know I'm triggered.
Speaking of audacity. Huh. You guys, we get a lot of emails which slip through our hands and eyes because we need an assistant. Does anyone want to be our virtual assistant? Please email production at Good Momsbad Choices dot com. Anyway, we get a lot of emails. Very rarely do we get these kind though, because I feel like everybody kind of mostly gets us. And it's okay if you don't. But we're here to clarify. Okay, I know this show is a lot of things. I know we talk about
a lot of things. We cover a lot of areas where parents were, moms were women, we're black, We're talking about sex and love and dating and witchy shit. But we talked about whatever the fuck we want. But most importantly, I want you guys to know we're talking about our personal experiences because this show, this brand, this shit is real. This is very personal to us. This is our life. It's a percentage, it's not all of it, but this is our life. And so this is a personal labor
of love on some real shit. Laborer tears of love, of a lot of things, of experiences, of stories. But we rarely get advice for they giving us advice on how we should we could better market to our audience. But we got this recently and Erica was not happy this day.
I couldn't respond. Have we responded?
This is a response.
Okay, here we go.
Are you ready?
I don't know, because I look he kind of forgot. It's kind of but I know I was pissed.
It's kind of cute, It's kind of it was kind of also hilarious, and it's also just like, let me just let me sit you down for one moment, please, ma'am.
I know she was said in love, but also.
So I'm going to say back in love. Okay, Hi, ladies. I love your podcast, all of it, the sexual topics, the spiritual topics, money march, and just the fact that you're being brave and doing it. I've always lacked the courage. However, I am not a quote person of color. Peach Caucasian.
You get that.
Yeah, Peach Caucasian, that's her, Shae, you get the point right. And I do think that you are victimizing yourself by harping on statements such as we people of color end quote. I do not think that you grew up in the way you did because you are girls of color. I'm a woman. There are many more people who grew up
that way. I think I can relate to you on many aspects mentioned above, in addition to being an immigrant, growing up on social aid, not learning how to handle money as a teen, and not being allowed to ask questions because this is not what Catholic people do. I think if you allowed yourselves to move past that point, you would reach a larger audience and attract many more listeners. I hope you find this helpful.
You rock.
Ps. My husband is the person of color, I have an eleven month old baby and live in Socaw.
Okay, okay, well, I'm retriggered, but I'm actually I feel better about it. Listen, miss Peach, and I'm only calling you that because you said it.
Where do I begin?
Please don't ever address any black people and use the word victimize yourselves. That's not going to go.
If you have a story to share and you feel as if that you and you've had everyone is going through shit. I think that that the podcast is never contesting that, we're never arguing whether or not women share the same struggles and humans. We're black people are not the only people on welfare or.
Yeah, that triggered as have you ever talked about welfare?
I'm so confused, And are also not the only people that struggle with financial literacy. We're not saying that, no one has ever said that.
What we are saying is, Hi, I'm a black woman, the only woman I've ever been because that's my life. This is me talking a black woman of color, this is my experience. My name is Jamila.
That's what we're saying, and systematic racism exists.
If me speaking, if you tuning in to my show about us about my fucking experience, and then you tell me how I should address me and talk about my fucking experience and what verbiage I should use to better include a broader audience. When I didn't even fucking ask you about your marketing fucking advice. It just doesn't. It just doesn't make sense. Furthermore, Babe, like you too, and I get it, and I don't want you to feel excluded, nor did we ever want anyone to feel excluded. That's
not while we're here. But I want everyone to understand and to know everyone has a separate experience. Erica in Ies is similar in this sense that we both grew up in the same area, blocks away from one another, in a predominantly white space. So we are we share that experience in a lot of ways, and so we can only speak on that. We're not here to exclude anyone, but we've lived a life of exclusion just by existing in this space.
Do you feel uncomfortable?
Good? Check out why this is how we felt k through twelfth grade. Honestly, like, welcome to real life. This is just a podcast. You could turn it off.
I'm not, and I don't think that's what she wants to do. I think and I don't want to make you feel like an asshole, but this was an asshole email. I don't think maybe you are an asshole, but this
is an asshole email. And I need you to check yourself and really ask yourself why you felt so compelled to type this out two women of color, black women, Latina woman here too, and tell us that we are victimizing ourselves by calling ourselves women of color, which a we are, and relating it to the systematic experience that people of color experience in so many sections of the world.
Whether it's finances, whether it's sexuality, whether it's motherhood, whether it's the job wherever you work, whether it's just walking down the motherfucking street, whether it's going to get a fucking candy bar at the liquor store, whether it's dropping your It just goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on. And I'm not here to make this a whole racial thing, but you started it. So I just need you to just really check yourself and also understand that, yes, me and Mila
we have a podcast. Of Course we care about marketing. Of course we want people to find us and shit, but this is really a podcast based in true passion and love and sharing our personal experiences. I don't do this for the fucking clout. I do this because I love connecting with people. I love talking to my best friend, I love healing, I love learning, and I don't.
Really give a fuck about your broad audience. We're not here to cater to anyone particular audience because that's not what brought us here. It's just that we're speaking. And if you resonate, great. If you're offended, I'm sorry. I'm not sorry. It's no other podcast. There's no personal you know, hatred being spewed by speaking our experience, and if you feel that way, you should check it.
Okay.
And lastly, most important, lastly, the last part of the email. Lastly, please, this is the number one role of white people. Do not throw your black or person of color husband in the mix to justify your stupid ass letter that you've typed out. Being married to tyrone or whoever the fuck you're married to doesn't really justify.
The letter, doesn't put you in closer proximity to blackness. So stop.
And actually, you're doing your black or child of color a disservice by even using your husband or your baby daddy as a token of don't worry, this doesn't come from a place of because that kind of says the opposite. It's not cool. Don't throw your personal color husband in the mix to validate your words. It's kind of hurtful.
It is. It's very hurtful. And I'm sure you love him, and I'm sure he loves you, and I'm sure you've experienced his experience in ways. But that doesn't make me feel closer or it doesn't make me feel less offended by your email, because I feel like maybe you knew your email was a bit offensive, and you thought by throwing that in you were going to relate to us in some way. That doesn't work ever, in fact, it never works. So I love you. I don't know if you'll ever listen to this.
Podcast again, but we wish you peace.
But I wish you peace, and I hope that maybe like this will help you in the future.
No mistake anyway.
Anyway, we got a bounce.
We have shit to do. I'm high. Thank you. It's nice catching up with you as always. Of course I love you. I love you too. It's like our one time we were not like acting crazy like must do shit. We're like, let's talk like regular humans. Listen, this goes off, We're gonna be acting crazy again.
Did you build the deck?
Did you do the word you you stop there and look at that shit? Did you send the email?
Oh my god, Anyway, I hope, I hope you guys have great week. Make sure to rate and review this episode. You guys were almost at a thousand.
I don't know, I have forty off. I don't understand why no one's listening to us. I know you're listening. Just fucking rate and review it. Just scroll all the way down to the bottom and say they're great, yay, I love them. Do it. No, this is free. It costs you nothing. You're being entertained for free. You're hearing all of our fucking business for free. Just rate and review us. Thanks on Apple Podcasts.
Make sure you go follow our patreon for more bonus content for debbies, meditation, and so much more at patreon dot com. Backslash good Mom's Bad Choices, And I said, I love you.