Dear God, Please Don't Let Her Be a Basic Bitch Feat. Scary Mommy Speaks

Sounds like.

Sorry, when you build mom.

We're healthy.

Welcome back to good mom's bad choices. I'm Erica and I'm Mila and we're in New York. Bitch, you, what's up?

What's going on?

You're late?

I am late? You know what I thought all week? And I was, I love New York.

I love Brooklyn. Look how the sun is setting on the Brownstones. I'm going to move here. And then this morning, when as I'm making my way to this very important recording in fucking still like heels and I'm drunk still and it's bright and it's hot and I'm wearing a long sleeve shirt, I said, bitch, you can't even make it on time in your own car. You can't move to New York.

You're not allowed. I was like, Eric's gonna be so mad at me. Yeah, so New York has been fun.

I feel like every time I come here I do too much, Like I act like a child. So that's what I'm doing right now, being very irresponsible, making bad choices.

And what we're childless right now?

Oh yeah, that's what it is. It's the childlessness. I revert to my old self.

How was your weekend?

My weekend, was great too. I spent the weekend in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.

Oh yeah, I came. I came and saw you there. Well, I came with you yet.

I have a house there, my mom's house. My mom's house there, and I spent time there with my R and b Bay.

Oh yeah, how was that?

It was interesting?

Oh?

I don't know, I don't like that face way interesting good because the vibrating, the vibrating mouth.

I felt it would be like a great weekend.

That was still the thing, But I don't know, it was just weird. I'm over. I'm just done. I just joined Hinge today. You joined hint, Yeah, I joined Hinge on the way here. Anyway, I want to introduce these two ladies that we have here. We can talk about Hinge and all that shit and my really whack profile because Hinge is really intimidating. I'm like, am I witty enough? I don't fucking know. We are here with Scary Mommy Speaks. We have Carrie and Ashley here.

Hi, Hi, We're excited to be here.

Yes, we are so excited. I've actually been following Scary Mommy for a while. I fucking love Scary Mommy. Paige if you guys haven't checked it out, make sure you go check out at Scary Mommy. They just keep it all the way real. Their memes are fucking hilarious. They just like you guys know if you if you follow us, you'll understand Scary Mommy because they just they're just real. This this mom shit is is fun.

It's the realistic approach. You know, there's no everything's perfect.

I hate those people.

Can we can we talk for a second. My husband is from right around Bethlehem or from Easton Okay, yeah, yeah, So where did you go? Where were you frequenting this weekend?

So my place, I think, yea, she has a weekend away from Mercadi and she was like, let's go to what place?

Oh, Sesame Street, theme Park, Disney World.

But of Sesame Street.

I'm actually gonna go. And my daughter is in the vicinity of the East Coast. She's in Philadelphia with my dad and my grandmother. And that's my because I remember going as a child like one time.

It was Yeah, I never was really to Same Street. I know I was iri my daughter. Yeah, god, the Judgment.

Street.

I didn't know there was a Sesame Street. No, But so basically my My main job is I work for Beauty Brandon. We are are main headquarters is in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. It's very random, and so my mom is always traveling there and so she bought a house there and it's it's really nice. It's like kind of off in the woods and it's kind of like a little getaway and I never like take advantage of it.

And I already there.

Yeah, so I was like, I could come to the city, but maybe, like, let me just chill out here.

And you didn't go to the sands.

I've been there, but no I didn't. I literally like maybe left the house twice.

Let me let me give you the real really happened.

Has a Bay an R and B Bay And for a week She's like, no, for months before this, it's not months. She was like, I just want to go somewhere like some are isolated and strange.

I did like a staycation.

With someone, you know, sexication, like something romantic, and I was like, Okay, that sounds actually kind of cool. So she was like looking for all these cool weird arabianbs and strange places.

Colorado, Yeah, I.

Like Colorado sounds nice.

Yeah, So she finally she settles on her mom's.

In Beslaham.

She's like, oh, by the way, Imbba is going to meet me in Bethlehem.

And I'm like, oh okay, Like baby.

He was already in New York, so just take the bus down.

So then she begs me to come one night. She's like, I'm I getting scared to stay by myself.

He doesn't get there till tomorrow, so I'm like, okay, I guess, like just pick me up and fill it, you know.

I'm like, okay, we can just get drunk and bethl Ham. I don't know. But then the bitch is like, but he's coming. He's coming like twelve, so you have to get out down the fucking Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. But you also want me to get out at noon, like it's like a hotel you wait.

So then I get in the car to go and she's like, oh, actually I gave him options, so like, I doubt he'll get on the seven a m.

Train.

But you know what happens. We go get drunk and tucking Bethlehem. And then the next morning, for some reason, I'm up at six point thirty and I hear her phone ringing from the other room.

I'm like, that motherfucker got on that seven a train. Sure enough. She's like, so only for.

Pussy man, get on a seven am train.

And not only for dick. Will your best friend kicking out of her house?

I did? In my defense, I said you don't have.

To leave after she already said I'm so.

I was hoping she would leave, but I just felt like I had to say that. Like I was like, you know, like if you have to stay, we can figure something out. There's other rooms here. Leave.

I feel like I know I ventured a new phase of my life because nothing is worth me getting on a seven am train thing unless it's like is opening up.

You gave me a bunch of money.

Money. Money, that's it. Money, that's about it. Well, you guys are in committed relationships. We are not, So we got to do. I get it. We're trying to get to you. We're trying to get to where you.

I mean, I'm still living in sin, but it's committed, it's committed.

It's committed. I really like that committed sin. I just want to be committed sin. That's my goal.

Yeah. Yeah, my weekend was fine. It was fine, okay, great fine.

Speaking of committed sin.

Since we're sinning and ship, I know you ladies both have children.

A little younger than ours.

I was gonna say much younger, but that's because we've had like two years of free time, and so I feel like I can brag.

That's I'm so excited I've heard about Can.

You tell us about your kids? Tell us about you guys where we have each other?

We have daughter name in comment? Oh yeah, so my daughter's Luna. Sorry, I didn't mean to be like, jump on that ship. I mean jump on that dying to hear how why you decided to name your daughter Luna?

I mean, if you care.

To tell it sounds super stupid and hippie.

Oh mine is even stupid.

I've just met your mat.

So I'm a cancer, and cancers are considered moon children moonchild. They always refer to cancers as moonchild. So I have like a strange obsession with the moon and how the moon affects the ocean and the vibrations and like, you know, it's powerful and ship and I was like, oh, yeah, Luna, that's gonna be my daughter's name.

That's hot, yeah.

Hot, that was your hot process. Okay, so hot?

I mean I don't know if I met hot. I just thought it was cool. Yeah, I was cool. I thought it was I don't know, like the name, Yeah's Latin English.

It's a beautiful name. There's like the same reasoning for me.

No.

No, So my partner's last name is Mars, that's his real name. So we were we were having a hard time figuring out like what to put with that.

So we were joking.

I was like.

Plune o Mar missioned to Mars, Brune Omar, and we were just like, name me all these things. And then in that joke we were I was like Luna and we were like and then the next morning we both woke up and we're like that actually sounds awesome.

And then we conceived on the full moon.

It was a triple mood. I got to talk about hippie I was, I was fertile, and I looked at him. I was like, because I call myself a witch and I was like hey, I was like, hey, you want to make some witchy love on this triple moon? Because it was like a full moon, strawberry moon. I forget all the moons it was, but it's like a triple moon.

I think I remember this mood.

It was remember crazy triple moon, Remember this moon?

And I was I was like, I'm fertile on the triple Moon. Let's make a witch. And so we decided we.

Would name her Luna Mars because we're.

Like, I'm kind of jealous. Your last name is Mars.

No my last name, but I don't have that the last name, but he has that.

Let you guys, are you married? Do you want to get married?

I mean maybe someday. It's like a conversation that we have. Mostly I don't want my daughter to feel like her parents aren't together, and I don't think that marriage means that you're together.

I mean, my parents are married and got divorced.

So it's not like that means any But it wasn't a priority because I'm older, he's older. So we were like, let's get that baby out and then we'll figure out what we want to do. Yeah, it doesn't we know, it doesn't necessarily mean you stay together. So maybe if it starts to become a thing, like she feels weird or whatever, then maybe we'll we'll.

Think about it.

I do feel like I met my mom match. Because I also think I'm a witch.

I have some witches. Mostly it's a good witch.

You did really smoked quartz.

Today, and I'm clearing.

I'm like a very very aries but I'm a Virgo rising and a Libra something.

I'm a liberal something to I don't know the many. What's your what's your sign? What's your story? What's your kids?

I'm a Virgo And that's about as much as I know. Technically, I'm on the cusp of Libra.

Cusp attract each other.

I'm a cusper too, a really kind of a cusp, I guess.

Yeah, when when's your March my third?

Oh yeah, I'm September twentieth, I told you, yeah, and my husband's September twenty third. Yeah, so technically he's not a cusp. But maybe maybe.

No astrology podcast we have right now, you would think we actually we're talking, right.

I just want to say this is the most la thing in the entire fucking world, which is not a bad.

Welcome to all that.

Yeah yeah, okay, So side story when we're in Bethlehem taking of her wird genus.

Oh yeah, this is the dumbest shit ever.

But it's not dumb.

It's wonderful and I really really enjoyed it.

So we're in Bethlehem and we like, go to the a bar where there's like Bar Louis.

It's no, no, we went to a bar before that was like old people.

And we're like, was it the hotel bar?

No, this is this restaurant called the copper Head.

Oh yeah, I've heard of that place.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was good at the bar, but there was.

So let's go to another bar, like as if there's gonna be like a more popular together. So we're driving and we're like this sounds creepy. Yeah, I'm like, oh my god, is that is that a cemetery?

And she's like yeah, She's like, you want to go? I was like, yeah, I do you want to go?

I'm like, I'm so happy I have a friend that wants to walk in the cemetery as growing as women for no reason. And we pull over and we fucking walk through the cemetery and she's like, I'm like, I'm scared.

I'm kind of scared. She's like, I thought you were a witch.

I went I was like, where's this witch that you see all the time? There can let's get out.

This is the beginning of Texas Chainsaw. Yeah. So that was my side story.

Yeah, I'm half Cuban.

We don't.

I don't funk with that stuff, you know. Like then I start thinking about like, yeah, like when you find like dead chickens on your doorstep or like broken plates. Not that I've ever found a dead chicken on my doorstep, but I know if I do, I'm in trouble.

I know what I'm doing.

The least funny thing.

You So we have an episode called you Sacrifice to What, and it's with a shaman that's also my homide.

She's no, no, no, I'm stop there.

I totally believe in intention as long as it's like you know, for us, it's like, well, there's always been this preconceived notion that all like which craft type stuff is like scary and dark, and that doesn't have to be the case. I mean I went to a Raikie healer and I was like, yes, tell me who's my spirit animal? Yeah? Touch me again? Oh yeah, I totally I vibrated. Yeah, so I'm cool with that anyway.

You know, I get into weird shit sometimes because I think of a witch until it's time to go to a cemetery.

So it's totally normal, okay, But back.

To what we're back to?

Oh okay, So I have a two year old son, Sebastian, who was named after the never Ending Story. To be completely honest, I love that. I just really loved the name since I was a little kid, and the way the moon goddess that was the character. Right, So I guess I'm on this vein was like Bastian Bastion and it just like really stuck with me. And yeah, that's a I'm married. We've been together for like almost ten years, and uh, that's it. I'm kind of boring.

Amazing, No, it's not boring. We're just we're single by accident. I'm actually supposed to be married right now, really though I am. My wedding last October. Bitch October what I've never heard. I was gonna be October twenty eighth. Actually that was my date except I woke up on October twenty eighth when my wedding was supposed to be in someone else's bed, and I was like, I'm alert, like

Like this is a good Sorry, I.

Don't add the reminder in my phone. I was like, this is I was like, I don't know whether to cry or be happy, Like, you're not my husband.

Are you happy you didn't marry him? Yes, then that's all you need.

Yeah, No, it was definitely for the best. Yeah, at the time, it didn't feel that way.

But of course, well, no breakup or ending is fun. It always feels like shit. Yeah, even if you know it's the right thing, it just sucks.

It does sound so just dating. Yeah, but speaking of LA and New York and those things. I wanted to play a little game with you guys. Okay, I don't know what it's called East Coast versus West Coast.

I said, like Tupac Biggie, but you were that name.

So so basically, we have a list of things that we're gonna name and you maybe you guys should take turns, like one says, like one answers one question, you answer the other, and you tell me whether it's East Coast or coast.

You're gonna start, actually want me to start.

Well, I don't care you start okay, okay, and try to insert quickly like don't overthink it, okay, okay, four West Coast Doula's Last Coast spandex our Pants, East Coast, Keto Diet East Coast flip flops both really Yeah, I feel like I've never seen New york As wear footfalls.

Well that's because your feet get really kind of nasty and dirty. They're like black by the end of the day, which is crud. But I definitely see it.

Okay, okay, luxury strollers East Coast, scheduled Sea section East Coast, that's what That's what the Google said too. Yeah, that's what the Google said. Water birth West Coast, Papa.

Squat East Coast, So you are meant to be here, babe, Clean Squad are literally Papa squat anywhere.

It's like almost I'm like, girl, that's a bathroom.

We just need to get you a tote with a different pair of shoes than you before.

On a she we it's always like, yes, you need what is she's it's a funnel. Yeah, it's like a fun that she's pro she's pro status yesterday, a prospect part. She literally, I think, prefers to Papa squat versus go to the bathroom actual stalls. Okay, I don't know. Juice cleanse uh West Coast spray Tan East Coast, Kale, East Coast best burgers.

East Coast bullshit. We have shake shack And if you try to tell me in and out is better, I not need any world get in and out better than Shakeshack.

Shouldn't say five guys because I know someone tries to tell me about I was like, if you don't get that nasty garbage.

There's also a secret burger place in the back heart. Yeah, that one's really good.

What the burger joint?

Yeah, it's real good.

It's okay, it's no shake sh secret burger place on the back of the park. That's good, right on like fifty sixth Street, right by the part I don't like burgers.

Well, that's silent radio literally awkward side silence.

Best style, Oh, who is it? Is it me? Or you're not?

Best style?

East or West?

Oh?

I didn't know what we were East.

Higher divorce rate mm hmm.

I'm gonna say East Coast because I feel like on the West Coast, on the West Coast, I feel like people get like have kids without getting married more. And on the East Coast, yes exactly, and on the East Coast like people are doing the like well, this is the right thing to do, and then usually just get divorced. Does that make sense?

Yea, yeah, but actually it's California. Really high school graduation rate East Coast California. I was shocked.

We have a higher rate of graduation.

You guys have better schools, I think, yeah, no, better public schools.

Really, I feel like everyone. I feel like all my East Coast friends that are parents or even older people, like they're always planning their kids future.

Like in the world.

So New York City is not all of New York State, right of course. So that's another thing.

Like I always forget that, and then I go upstate and I'm like, this is different here, like California, Like there's a lot, it's very different.

Like go go to ox Nerd ox Nerd. Yeah, yeah, it's like a totally different world. In LA, it's like two hours.

Yeah yeah. True.

Chicken pox? What is that me?

I think so because I just said East Coast, I actually have no I had no statistical group for this one.

I just threw it in, like.

Why I think everybody gets chicken pox. I was like, I never had it.

I've never had the chicken pox really never.

I think it's really strange that like back in the day you used to bring kids, was like hanging out with.

Yes, bye, are you both take gus the chicken you do?

This is my chicken pock. Your first chicken pock always scars.

It's God.

I have what it's called the mama pop.

It's so crazy.

I'm the mama park. I should know that that's the mama pok right there.

I don't know.

That's really sick.

Have you all had shingles too? Yes, people had shingles all.

They don't.

Yes, they do.

Even get shingles all the time. And you can only get shingles if you've had chicken.

But they only get shingles if you live a high stress lifestyle.

You only get shingles.

If you have everybody on the fucking East Coast you gotta take your herbs.

Girl, Oh my god, speaking of everybody on the East Coast. So I'm from California, so I smile at everyone, and so I'm like walking down the street with my East Coast friend. I was like, yeah, that's not oddly smiling at families and husbands.

And he's like he's looking at me all strange, and like what he's like that guy's the cause you want to fuck them. I'm like, what this whole fucking family.

When I was in LA, maybe you want to fuck the whole family.

When I lived in La, well, I lived back and forth for six years and then study for three years at one time. And I remember that the first the three year stint, and I was like applying for jobs or just going out on I was an actor, so I was going out and like go season everything, and I remember everyone asking me if I had an anger management issue, and I'm.

Like a pretty perky.

I'm like pretty perky and I and I was like finally, after like the fourth time non related people asked me this, I was like, what, I don't understand what is making you say that? And they're like, well, you're very aggressive, and I'm like, I'm just efficient. I just don't think stuff should take that long, like way to know what you order before getting in line. If you don't know

Time and being really efficient.

But on the flip side, have you if you go to a bar in La, zero chance you're going to make a new friend, zero chan. No one has to each other randomly in the bathroom different right, because you're usually drunk and you're like, oh my god, you're so cute. Oh my god, so are you? And then you know that's a whole other thing. But like, you don't go to bars in LA and sit next to someone and just strike up a conversation where that's like a normally there.

It's in New York they where people have this conception of New York that we're unfriendly. We're not unfriendly, we're just efficient.

Yeah.

But I remember being like, it's efficiency, I'm gonna get it. And I didn't get any of those.

Jobs, not for nothing. But every place I waited tables in LA, I was like the superstar like waiter because of that, because it was just like that, go, come on, who's got time for the ship?

Yeah? Yeah. I feel like my face was born in New.

York, faced by New York.

Are you friendly but my face?

Yeah? No, because everyone my whole life has always been are you okay? Why are you so serious?

My daughter has the hardest restling.

Ditch face, my resting bitch face. I love that word. Yeah.

So yeah, I wish I had a better resting bitch face. Sometimes I'm like, I'm gonna go. I'm needing more bitchy for sure. Yeah, because bitches.

Bitches get far and then I get out for like eight seconds, I'm like, oh, hi, how are you?

Where are you from? Where's your mom from?

I send Jamila out to do I'm like, oh go, don't make friends.

Yeah, and I'm like, it's supposed to be a bitch today, damn it.

Okay, we're almost done. Best beaches, Oh definitely. Oh no, you know what East Coast?

No? Yes, have you been to Florida? The beaches are beautiful. Basically, that's not fucking up to like North Carolina. The beaches are real nice.

She's making no heaving.

Been to the Hampton's you know that's cool?

Happened?

I have gone one time, and well, the beaches are not nice in the Hamptons.

I mean, West Post has beautiful beaches.

Just cold, it's just cold.

Yeah, bed bugs New York the East. Yeah, you guys are like number two. Yeah.

What was number one?

Philly? Philly.

Oh, that's shocking. I thought for sure would be number one.

Belief in the afterlife.

West Coast Yep, stay.

At home dad, East Coast?

Wrong, Yeah, the West Coast on that I think, I know so.

Many stayed home deads.

Apparently there's two hundred and forty thousand stay at home dads in California, which was a very shocking number to me.

Yeah.

And I was reaching researching this and in the nineteen seventies, only six six people, six men in the United Wow, admitted to being a stay at home.

It was like, I was like, wait, six percent.

Six people people in nineteen sixties, nineteen seventies, seventies, Wow, crazy progressiveness.

They're probably like dudes that were laid off and were like, all right, I'll do that.

Yeah, I'm not telling anybody though, exactly best rappers.

East Coast.

It was like minus nipsy yeah, boo jobs.

West Coast for sure, I feel like that's tied. No, have you been to Jersey?

No? I feel like I feel for so many New York book jobs, you just don't know.

That, yes, exactly, we're also all covered up.

But the like I think East Coast gets like a b C. Okay, like a they get higher.

Yeah, they're like the exactly, you're.

Right apparently at the Zeller.

Yeah on Boattoks, East Coast, it's so much cheaper on the West Coast.

It's East Coast though, really.

East Coast really.

Maybe were great.

Last Wedday drinking because it's our favorite.

East Coast coast West Coast because you have to like take ubers or drive like here, you walk around.

Yeah, I don't know.

Drinking drinking culture I feel like overall is much stronger in New York.

And also we've got Boston, which has like the biggest drinking culture.

I was for sure Borderwain alcoholic when I lived here.

I'm drunk right now because you're here, Can I tell you? Can I tell you?

I'm sad I'm not on that.

Literally no other reason. I have no reason to be drunk on Monday. Well, the reason to.

Be drunk on Monday is Monday.

Yeah exactly, Like legitimately, good, did you drink this morning or you're still drunk from last night.

From last night.

Oh okay, Oh no, I didn't know.

I'm responsible little.

I hadn't listen.

I have a drink this morning, bitch, just like three o'clock.

If there's one person in this room who's not going to judge you ever for being drunk, it is.

I was listening to one of your episodes and you were saying, I think it was you. We were talking about drinking on the train around bag round bag on the train.

I was like, it's not the drunk back the other day. I don't have I don't have time.

Like my partner and I split childcare so far, and he is the primary right now, he's the primary breadwinner, and so he needs to when he's working from home, he needs to be able to work. So you know, when I'm here, when I'm doing something else, I have to usually get back pretty quickly. And sometimes I'm like,

To, or I still have drinks in the middle of the day though, I know, but.

I just I just don't have time like I used to be able to like go and whatever anyway, you know what I mean. So sometimes I just want to feel that freedom and just remember I'm having a lot of issues person Like I said, I've been going to be nine months tomorrow. I'm having a lot of issues with my identity. Like the hardest part for me of being a parent. You didn't ask, but I'll tell you, Oh, Hell isn't so far her she's fabulous, Like she's she's great.

Place break down exactly.

I do have to tell you, I genuinely do think and this is what I was saying when Sebastian turned two. I do think, like by the second birthday, and you guys can chime in on this, but I felt I finally felt back to my old self, but like settled in the new version of my old self. Maybe a little bit before that, but it was like two, that's she's in like the really hard the dark.

Yeah, the dark yeah.

Too.

Literally, that's I say the same thing. I'm like, Okay, we'll just give yourself three years. Yes, when you hear you're pregnant, yep, like another four thousand years of your your fucking breastfeeding.

Yeah.

And then and then you're like, oh, okay, I can still be myself.

Yeah I could still like be a hot ass MEAs but also come and do stuff mom mehit on Monday. Yeah. That this that that all goes away, and and it is. It is a strange time where you're just like, can I be the same person? Am I the same person?

There.

It's like it's like a coming of age.

But I also did all the things at once, like I was a single lady for many years I spent I've been in New York twenty years. I would say almost all twenty I was just dating around like casual here and there may be a one year relationship, maybe a three year, but I always dumped them, like almost two years, I dump and then maybe we would do a do over, and never made it past two years for some reason. My freak out point was like two years but a lot of like randos, you know, and

By the way, I never told you this. I did jay date and that was the only online dating experienced. And if you know me, I'm not at all dater, but I did it. I just be to throw that did you want a date or too? No, okay, you just went on it.

I just went on it.

I got too many things saying like you're my Jewish princess. I'm good, so good, thank you yeah.

But anyway, then we met and we dated, and then we had a baby pretty pretty soon after dating. I mean not soon, but pretty soon. And I never lived with anybody. I'm a live alone lady, and so we didn't even move in together until a month before I do date.

Oh my god.

So I moved real big, real angry, real hot, and.

It's a lot, and then had the baby and so like, I have three roommates now and I so I did all the things. So part of the identity thing is like I've always supported myself. I've always lived by myself. I've always and now I'm like, what is this?

Who am I?

I live with somebody? Live with two people?

Now?

One came out of my vagina, or she actually didn't, she was ripped for my stomach, but still like, yeah, I was like now, so that's that's also part of the identity thing because I just did all the things at once, and so it's a little bit dizzy and.

Yeah, trying to like recalibrate because I'm so like, I.

Wish that we've lived in a Brownstone and I could live on month learn you can live on another right, because I'm a live alone kind of like, yeah.

The evolved, like the evolving aspect I mean of life period is real. Especially I feel like after thirty you're like, yep, yeah, you think you're evolved, like you did yoga four times, I'm at peace with myself. And then you have a kid, and like then you have like someone connected to the kid, which is hopefully your partner but probably sometimes not and even worse. But it's it's that ship is real. And I know you like, uh, wait, which one of you has like the yoga background.

That's me right, it's about you probably.

Did yoga like four hundred times probably, yeah, And still it's so fucking hard.

Yeah, especially through the mirror of like a kid.

Everything I do, you're like, oh, there's a person looking at me doing you know, it's like wait.

Until they start repeating it, girl, wait until that happens.

It's like a beautiful it's a beautiful, fucked up like mirror of yourself.

Yeah, you know, and then you have to re examine everything, like am I doing a good job? Like why do I care? I should care? This person cares I do this.

I'm sort of like I did this straight up witchy thing. I'm gonna forget what data so in the Kundolini yoga tradition, which is not the tradition that I practice specifically, but there's a specific date where they feel the soul enters the baby and it chooses the mother.

Oh, so do you agree with that?

So the baby's inside you and then on his third trimester, well it's like, no, it's a one day one twenty something based.

On the moon or is it based on like gestational period.

I have no idea.

I would be lying right now.

Twenty eighth day of the baby existing.

It's like something I don't know. I think it's like like you know how Kabala has those like sacred numbers. I think it has something to.

Do with like the sacred wish.

She's like.

But anyway, so on this day they feel that there's like all of these.

Reincarnated soul, you know, because it's come from a Hindu tradition, and they pick the mom and then it comes into the So on that day, I liked had a healing session. I meditated most of the day and I was like trying to fall into the soul, trying to call the kind of.

Soul that it's gonna be me.

So you know what I did, So aside from like, I want you to be creative. I was like, and above all, please do not be a basic bitch. I was like, I need you to be funny. I don't know how I'll relate to if you're not funny and you can't roll. Also, please don't be a basic bitch.

And then now.

Whatever, no basic bitches.

But then now she is the feistiest, and I'm like, well I got what you asked for.

Yeah.

My partner's always like, well you said you didn't want a basic bitch. She is not a basic bitch.

I was like, that is shared.

And that he was like, yeah, no basic.

Meanwhile, I've gone around and been like, I hope Sebastian's an accountant or something that as like a four to oh one K or something stable, because mommy and daddy are both creative and have struggled for so long that I just want you to be established in your life and not struggle like by a house at twenty five.

You know right right that part, Oh my god, that's like me too. I'm I'm like, I read, don't paint.

Here, here's a stethoscope, here's a spreadsheetread power is so ye yes, So here's a really fun power of your Christmas listen.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. So I have two middle names. My name is Ashley Melissa Danielle Heron by birth and Melissa Danel. Melissa Danielle Melissa daniel are two you know, based off of two important people in my life. Uh obviously via my parents. And it is no coincidence that those middle initials are MD because my Cuban ass mother was like, you're going to be a doctor. You're going to be a doctor, and I the complete opposite past on television. I was like, no, I'm good. I don't like blood,

My initials are enough.

Yeah, that's actually, thank.

You so much.

And also if I change my name, it will not be to Melissa or Danielle.

Okay, So with your evolving and your yoga background, because you do like yoga and mental health awareness, which is bomb because everybody knows everybody's fucked up, everybody needs therapy. How what do you do you have any advice on how to like instill that in our kids young like we're toddler age where they repeat it and they're actually like kind of smarter than us.

It's kind of fucking.

Annoying because they have no filter.

It's none.

Yeah, what's your advice on that?

Since you're like a professional, I mean I'm not. I mean I'm not a professional, but I don't know.

I've tried to.

It's like a couple of things I've done for her so far. I mean she's like nine months, so like.

I'm like one of those moms.

I'm like, well before as she was born. No, anyway, I try to like instill gratitude. So even though she can't tell me at the end of the day, like after her a good night story, I'm always like, I'm grateful for this today. I know you can't tell me what you're grateful for, but maybe here's some things that you're grateful for. You're grateful for that you saw your friend Rocky in the park, or that whatever you got

That's what I do.

And then I really and it helps me too, because I need gratitude because I can be a snarky ass bitch and it helps me to remember what I'm grateful for. I always say that, like, if you don't have great gratitude in your life, it's like waiting till last call to find the guy you want to go home with. Like whenever you are empty, you make terrible choices, you know you make or like when you're hungry and you go to the grocery store. If you're empty, you make

To be a nanny too.

I'm like, oh, celebrities, yeah, So I'm like, you know, you don't always have to know while someone's angry. I can't always put on I'm angry because I don't know. Because I'm angry, you don't need to know, you know. So those are a couple of things. And I also want her to know that it's okay to be depressed or anxious. Those are normal things. You're not broken, You're not going to have a messed up life because you feel that way, and that there's things that you can do to help yourself.

You know.

I don't know.

I just I just as a yoga teacher, I I felt really weird about having anxiety and depression. I'd like felt like as a yoga teacher, I shouldn't be. And then one day I was just like fuck it, and I started telling people that I had it. And that was the moment that my whole entire life and yoga practice just like burst right open. Then I found the kind of students that were like my freak tribe that needed to hear that, and it made me feel better.

Yeah, I mean I think I can we both can relate to that. I think starting this podcast, like I felt initially going into parenthood, I really felt like I had to be a certain type of way. I felt like I couldn't do the things that I was doing before, you know, I felt like I couldn't act in certain ways anymore that were not motherly.

Or wholesome or maybe not wholesome.

But I just felt like, I don't know, like you know, we've talked about it.

Oh yeah, no, for sure, there's a whole there's a whole thing.

Yeah, And it's just it was important to me that I what didn't change a ton. I mean, you change as you have a care I don't want to be I don't want to be one of those people that you're like, you have no you don't even recognize them because.

What happened.

I've seen you piss yourself who.

Right? Cut?

Yeah?

Absolutely.

First of all, I think like the power of testimony sounds so religious, but the power of testimony and the power of like just.

Being honest that people can relate, and that's the fear of it.

Yeah, just like fuck it like this when it's honest, it's true, Like who's going to check me.

Yeah, we're gonna be like, well, it's the truth. What the fuck the truth?

What are you going to do about it? If you're just being authentic? Yes?

Yes?

And also like what are you going to do?

Yeah, I'm not going to get a job because I have anxiety depression, right, that's not going.

Yeah, And you got to still love yourself and you got to keep you know, like you can't feel guilty about who you are. And that's I think that's the biggest one of the like, one of the biggest reasons I think we've started our podcast, like is because there's so much pressure to be one dimensional as a mother, and you know, we're human, We're so many things.

You know.

There's like I'm drunk right now.

That's one dimension right there.

That's just.

In two hours, she won't be and we'll be like, oh, we're still I was fifteen minutes late. We are still productive exactly right. Yeah. And I fell on someone, but I'm here.

I made it, you know, and I put yourself back up again, you know, And that's that's that's the goal. And I think like our kids need to see I always tell people, like, you want who is your child going to know some fake ass person, some unhappy person. Like I don't want my child to know the unhappy version of me. I want you to know genuinely who I am at my best, you know, like when I when I'm getting drunk on the weekends, when I'm when I'm having orgasms, you know, like.

That want the child to know about your organs?

No, I want her to know the best version of me. And the best version of me is having orgasms and getting drunk.

I know it's not that's not the best version of your.

Sometimes I read some article recently that said that you're that it's a good idea to show your kids all the emotion, even including fear and sat but how much you share of that like verbally so so like let's say you get laid off, right, you don't need to tell your kid, I'm really nervous that we're not going to have dinner on the table. But you can say, you know, mommy's nervous, and then you can say something

I think that's so this morning on my way out, I got into a fight with my husband, and uh, you share that well, I know it is. It's authentic. You know, we fight, we argue, and we got into a fight. He was driving me to the train to get here, and he was like, you know, you're really scaring Sebastian because I'm I feel feelings and he is very white man who does not feel things, who just kind of like swallows you know, that's how he was raised,

His way.

I definitely don't think it's the right way. There's a middle somewhere, And you know, he was like, you can't act like this in front of Sebastian, And I'm like, I'm not throwing things, I'm not screaming, I'm not calling you the names I want to call you. I'm doing better. Yeah, And I don't want him to think that it's realistic that mom and dad don't disagree. We disagree, We disagree, And I would rather he feel safe letting feelings out and talking about things, even if it comes out in

Yes, all relationship is healthy to have a right exactly absolutely.

I also think your kids also need to know. I mean, you're probably not there yet. Your your son is too. I don't know if he's entered terrible twos yet. Oh yeah, what's going on over there? My daughter waited till three, so I thought it had gotten out. I was like, oh, we skipped her three year old around. I was like, you're a bitch.

Yeah, yesterday he spent a whole hour tantruming for no reason.

But with that, with what you were saying, like I had a there was. We had a moment me and my daughter in the mall where she's just been fucking crying all day for nothing. Yeah, and I was in the mall and I would just fucking had it, and like I was at them. I had to get I had to go to the mall for something for work. I had to be there. I had to get it. She wanted me to pick her up. She's fucking heavy. I didn't want to pick her up. She's crying. I'm crying.

I don't know, like I've never seen as I'm sorry you feel that way.

Literally literally that's how I apologize.

And so but later that, oh god, you have such a road aheadache.

It's my karma. So then like the next day in the morning, she's like, Mommy, today I'll be better, and I was like, okay, baby, But they need to see that, they need to see like real human interaction. The world is not perfect. Relationship marriages aren't perfect. My parenting isn't fucking perfect. Even the other day, I yelled she was she was yelling at me, like not not even yelling, She's just like screaming about something. And then I started screaming, and then I was like, you like it, and I

We're all flawed. And that's the other thing that our kids need to learn is like, nobody is perfect. Obviously. You know, there's a line you don't want to like beat the crap out of your kids or be abusive emotionally or anything, but like to have feelings is perfectly normal, and they need to see that to some extent, you know, Like I don't know that maybe that's the wrong perspective, but that's where I lie on.

Right because we're right away, we're perfect mother exactly. But I have to say, as a parent from both of our podcasts, that's.

What's really nice about both of these podcasts is like they're both very realistic, and it's both it's not you know, a bunch of people sitting there being like, isn't life perfect? Don't you just love when your child smiles?

At you, like, if you don't call your child an asshole, I'm not friends with you. I mean your children are assholes?

Yes, yes, yes, And they're like, how could you call your child? I'm like, yeah, we can't. There's gonna be worse things that are coming out in my mouth shortly. So if that's the cat, we're going.

To be okay.

Right, yeah right, you're not gonna like me.

No, your episode where you asked your kids about where they came from, I was laughing.

Oh yeah, what did they say? I forgot?

Yeah, well they kept talking each other.

Yeah.

I'm strangely obsessed with uh, with childbirth. So even before I had a baby, or like, watch home birth a lot.

I'm I follow a bunch of accounts.

On Instagram and I.

Love that.

So when she like born to four, I always showed her like her birth video birth you.

I wanted one to but.

But I'm sure animal birth, sure a lot of child birth, to the point where other kids want to watch like other shit on YouTube.

Like I want to see I want to see an elephant give birth. I want to watch birth mom. I'm like, that's my little thing. Yeah, I think it strange. And then I had to check myself, like who gives the fun? At least you know where you came from.

And maybe she'll never want to have kids because I've scarred her for life, or maybe or maybe she'll won't be fucking super fearful of it when it's time and you won't have any other knowledge except this fucking screaming bitch on er.

You know, how would you have a question? Because we actually we pose this question on our instagram how did you? How do you? I don't you probably haven't had this conversation, but when you plan on having this conversation because eventually your kids are going to ask you, because my daughter has asked me a few times, how did I get in your stomach? Specifically? And actually, at first I started, I started like doing this fairy tale thing, and then

Strangest like a wizard came and like.

It so creepy, weird as shit like, and then they like so much so that they told like one lady, I can't remember what she said, she told her kids some weird shit and then the kid went back to school and told the teacher or something, yeah, and it was like the kids were like, what the fuck is this good? Like the kid thought that he got in his mom's stomach in some strange way for a very long time up until like I think he understood probably

I don't know the exact terminology I would use, but I think it would be in your vein of what

It might take a long time.

Hope daddy's not drunk blassus is not fun. But I think something along those lines, some kind of you know, we love each other very much, and you know, and he was an accident, so and I don't think. I also don't believe that that's a bad term. I don't. I think beautiful things can come from accidents. So I

So my mom is a single mom and she was a nurse, so it was like very clinical and she wanted to start it early. She didn't want me to get any bad information, so she had like medical books. I actually actually gave me the medical book right before I had a baby, and like, Mom, I know you showed it to me every year, and I remember I was obsessed with watching back to Back Three's Company and the Jeffersons.

I'm a little bit.

Older, but there was a company.

There was a back to back, and I remember my mom was like, so now we're gonna we're gonna it was like this time of year again. We're gonna sit down, We're gonna review from like a Baby's Born book about like how babies are made. And I was like, is this gonna go past the Jefferson So I was like, you talk a lot. I was like, really, how far is this going to go? I have to make the Jefferson.

It's my show.

You know or and the Three's Company afterwards, Like I got to get those shows, so I knew, and I was I was like the girl that taught other girls how to wear tampons. And because my mom was like the medical lady, she didn't want any false information. I was the one that was like, that's not where babies come from, which probably people were not happy about because but my mom taught me really early, and I was like, and this is how you put a tampon in, and

I guess with my daughter.

I mean I turned out okay, so you know maybe. And I always was a responsible kid. I mean I did some stupid shit and I of course, but I was like, I was like responsibly irresponsible. Does that make sense? Like even when I was being crazy, I was usually prepared crazy. Yeah, I was prepared crazy. Can I just say I thought I was a cool mom until I listened to your podcast. Yeah, I did not feel like a cool mom.

I said that earlier before you got here. I was like, big takeaway, I'm not a cool mom.

I'm also not convinced I ever really thought I was a cool mom. I don't think I'm like cool in general. I'm just like there.

Well, I think like our podcast is very appropriately named yea, because we've made a lot of bad choices something that a lot of them turn into great choices and learning experiences. We're still learning along the way, and you know, I think instead of like looking at bad choices as like this.

Like daunting, daunting, forever permanent. Of course.

I could have not done that. That would be great not doing that thing, of course, that way right now, get this girl some water. Drink water. But everyone's I you know, I realized that, you know, me and Jamila as moms and as people, not everyone that can relate to us. Not everyone's going to relate to our experience, and that's totally fine. I don't expect everyone to do what we do or act how we act, And you know what, I might not act like this and next year, who knows, you know, maybe.

Christians fucking baptized.

I don't judge their way, but that's how I feel.

I'm like, yeah, like, let's let's love and respect, Yeah, and.

Respect that you know we're parents and that you know we're all I can think the end goals that we're all just trying to be better yea, and heal and like evolve, and that's and that's really all that matters, even if it takes me and Erica a really long time to get there.

I was just like, I need better friends.

I don't really have mom friends.

Come to lay.

At one point, I think we were leaving, I was like, okay, if you haven't, I.

Was like, I have a few things that I can relate to and some other things that I'm like, yes, I'm so glad, I'm listening.

We were leaving and I was like, you know what, Erica, you know, maybe we are crazy, Maybe we are a little absurd as mothers.

This is a little fucking crazy. I don't I don't get it.

But I made it to the kid's birthday part exactly in costume and costume costume.

The takeaway is like being a mom doesn't change who you are. That's really right, and it can it can for the better, hopefully for all of us, but like it doesn't have to change like who you.

Are before, because if you're not that stable and who you are then and go yeah, and it got it was able to be moved around so easily.

Right, Well, I also think I think kids bring an opportunity for healing in your life, like the damage that has been done to us as children, the damage we've seen been that's been done to other people. Kids present this opportunity to you know, try and right those wrongs.

I didn't ask.

Yeah, so I don't know. Thank you, guys. This is really fun.

Yeah, I'm so glad we were able to connect. And you guys, make sure you go check out Scary Mommy and let our listeners know where they can find your podcast.

Everywhere Podcasts, Gary Mommy Speaks, Yeah, Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify. Am I missing anything?

All those places, all those play podcast places.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm really happy we have to connect. So thank you, guys, Thank you, Thank you for not judging me wrong.

I was a little jealous. Actually I'm not jealous.

Honestly, I went to breakfast with my friend who was in town from l A and I was like, oh, I should have had that bloody Mary alone.

Yeah.

I was texting her. She wasn't answering. I'm like, you're scaring me. Where are you?

I was trying to like totally cool, like why are you scared?

Them?

On my way I'm in transit when I was like, she's gonna kick my hast Anyway, thank you guys for for coming on.

Uh.

Also, if you guys are looking for anything in the women's health department.

Yes, you make sure that you check out Bloomy, the world's first intimate clean wait clean intimate care market. I actually just ordered something off Bloomy, a yon egg, which I'm fucking stoked about because I've been wanting to try one for years, but I was scared. I just came. If you saw my stories, you know that it came.

I saw that story. And here's my question. Is that like the the eggs they talk about in like fifty sheets of gray or does it actually have like healing?

No? I think I think you're thinking of.

A weighted You're thinking of a weighted egg for pelvic flame.

Okay, those are like sexual where you pull them out at during.

Sometimes you don't have to pull it but the.

This is made of a crystal.

This is rose quarts and it's supposed to activate your chakra.

And also that's nice.

It helps with apparently lubrication, libido, piano.

I have wands.

Wait, that's this one is actually to like and also to strengthen your publicore. I didn't give vaginal birth, notth if that means anything that you're screwed up. But I feel like why not? I want to be strong in all aspects.

Oh, I'm going to check out Bloomy.

But they also offer books. Uh, tamp organic like tampon Mela.

Got a necklace vibrator?

Oh yeah, because I was. I was last week. I was dating someone when I ordered it.

But there's gonna be someone else. You need a vibranting necklace for it.

In my mind, I was like, i'mouna better of Restaurant'm gonna have the necklace. I'm gonna be like, Oh, by the way, it's right here.

It's right here. So make sure you check out app Bloomy and use Good Mom's ten for ten percent discount, and make sure you follow us on Instagram at Good Mom's Underscore Bad Choices. Join our newsletter Good Momsbad Choices dot Com and leave a fucking review and also like rate us five stars because you love us and you're listening and I know you've been listening, so stop haying. Just do it, Just do it anyway. We'll check you guys NEX Monday. Bye bye.

So also interesting bookkeeping, interesting bookkeeping when a bail far babook keeping don't interesting bookkeeping