Dating 101: Don't be a Psycho

Mhm, call hot, Come come baby, Hobby, you came.

You call. Welcome back to good Mom's Bad Choices. This is Erica and I'm Mela, and I'm smoking some sage, well not smoking it, but burning, smudging some smudging sage across our bodies because we need it. We need it.

Start taking deep breaths in the beginning of each episode.

Together, Let's do it together, guys, already one, two, three, in.

Hal When I do breathing exercises, I like to inhale all my stress and give it one one last review, all the tension, feel it and all my body, and then I imagine myself blowing it all out and releasing it back into the universe, never to come back again.

Ever. Hh that was nice. How are you? I am good? Yeah? How's your week so far?

My week is good. I'm stressed out, but it's still good.

Yeah.

I'm learning to balance my stress levels. We've been really diving into work this week. It's only Wednesday, but for.

Me, that always helps because even if I can't organize my other thoughts, at least other shit is happening, you know, Like, Okay, everything's a clusterfucked, but this is good.

You've definitely been diving into work. We've been like workhorses.

We've sent like fifteen emails, which is the maximum of emails we've ever sent.

In forty eight hour period.

Well, it's because we care so much about the content of the email, so we have to really take our time to curate each emails. They all are personalized and all those things hopefully come back to serve as well, which they have they have. Yeah.

I think one of our themes this month, these last few months have been alignment. And it's strangely oddly, I know we say this a lot, or maybe we haven't. Everything aligns in the oddest way, Like we'll speak one person up and then literally like meet that person, we'll speak one thing up, and then like the perfect person to help collaborate with that just appears in our clutch.

So it's almost like you know what. I think it started at the pool. Remember when we had those phone calls that came in and it was like crazy like the.

Happening yeah and those yeah, And then we went to Coachella and Florence and the machine, right, the Florence machine, and even before the Florence and the machine, like the contact we wanted to make at the party.

Yeah, you know, yeah, it's been quite it.

It's been you know what, it's like God patting us on the shoulder and saying.

You're on the right You're on the right path.

See you see how this is working out.

It's because you're on the right path.

So that's cool.

And I think when you were in your in the right space and doing what the universe will send you assurance that way, even the slightest ways. M h. Even with like with Mary with Coachella, Mary's our intern, y'all, Mary's our intern.

Just so much, just so much things that so many things, so much things, so much thing, so much, so much.

Like the mystic, the mystic of it all is this is just like kind of reminds me like the mystical magic part of life, you know it is. It is a story we are, we are creating in We are very much in control of that manifestation, so.

That I'm happy about. Yeah, that's true.

There's a whole list of ship that's not going right.

The whole list of bills that need to be paid and ship, but overall, there's weed for that, and you know, there's manifestation for the rest and that's cool.

What about you? What's been up this week?

What's up?

What did I do?

I've just been chilling with Iri. I don't have her today. She's with her dad. Her dad's finally back in town, so now he has her. And I text Jamila last night because actually I went on It wasn't a date. It definitely was not a date. It was like a meet up catch up with Trembling lip Bay. So it was his lip trembling only trump in my mouth. So I don't know because that didn't happen.

What do you mean, like his bottom lip, that's.

Why he's trembling Lipay. Don't remember I kissed him and it was like vibrating in my mouth. Okay, anyway, if you don't, if you're just like catching up on the podcast, you didn't hear like the story of Trembling Lippey. He's a guy I met on Tinder.

I think that's in the first episode.

Yeah, he's a guy I met on Tinder last year. One of my first like twinder tender experiences. We met at sun Dance in Utah, met on a mountain top because we were skiing. We connected. He met me. It was it was pretty incredible, Like we met, we skied all day, we made out, his lip trembled in my mouth, and we started dating for a while. We're no longer dating.

And it was supposed to be a double date, but my day get stuck at work.

I'm glad it was. I'm glad it was. I'm glad it happened the way it did because we haven't talked in a while and we caught up and it was cool.

I kind of think that was his excuse to hang out with you, Like he was pitching for the double date because he thought like he needed like a reason to hang out with you.

M clearly that's not true.

Yeah, I don't really have I don't know, Like I was wondering, like what the what was going to be like when we met, Like Is it gonna be attraction? Is it going to be awkward? I'm not really, there's not really attraction.

Even after like two tequilas, only because.

I had been celibate for a month and I'm horny. But I had to like talk to myself, like dude, not It wasn't even like the opportunity to presented itself. But I guess I could have flirted more if I felt that way, but I just didn't feel like bad

I think that's important after a long term relationship period because I think long term relationships cloud that.

But the thing is important, But a lot of people can't do it, you know, or they say they can and they're like, oh, I don't know. He did that for me, and like I'm so grateful for that. Because it's like, really, it was a gift that you.

Knew it could happen. It's real.

Yeah, And you know, even when we stopped dating, he told me like, hey, I'm gonna start dating someone else more seriously. And we talked about that too. We talked about her and like what that was. And it's interesting to know now more so his thought process when it came to that. So he's now dating somebody different and their guests they're getting pretty serious and yeah, and he thanked me too, like, Yo, you really set the bar when it comes to communication and transparency. So that's what

Yeah, and then I opened her computer and it was on porn per the usual.

And also apparently left my door open because this morning I woke up and my door was opened for this.

First of all, she's the scariest bitch I know. If I come in the door knowing. I'm like, I'm five minutes away. And then I opened there. I was like, why did you just bust in?

I'm like, bitch, you knew I was on my.

Wife, but little like I heard the mailman and but it sounded like wee different the way he put the mail in, And it felt like a door opened, and I was like, what the fuck? It probably was light and then I opened the door. You know, I locked it. The door was locked, but open.

Yeah, you're drunk, Like what drunk is fine?

Literally, someone just did walk in my house last night. It was crazy. So yeah, but.

Did you put that on our story that you that you left your door on lock?

Somebody wrote by the way, one night last summer, I woke up and my.

Car was still on the driveway.

Not sure what the fuck I was thinking, you're thinking tequila's which you were thinking.

Apparently I was too funny.

I've done that for sure, left my Yeah.

Other than that, I've just been like trying to rest. Girl. I've been like, go go go go, go out of town, out of town, out of town, go go go. So I've just been at home. I've just been like not really wanting to go far places unless an uber is driving me there and.

So I like, could be so fucking draining.

I'm just happy to be home for more than like two weeks and just chilling.

But we will be in New York at the end of the month.

Yeah, we're coming to New York May first. So when anyone wants to stay hang out, email us hang out or guide us to cool, cool spots let me know. I'm going out there also with my two friends, the Ashleys. Shout out to the Ashleys.

I'm gonna do some cool podcast shot out there.

Yeah, we're interviewing some good people out there. I'm so excited. Yes, particularly Philly for one of those people. Fingers crossed anyway.

So news abortion, what the fuck is happening?

Yeah, it's the beginning. This is how it starts. Like little by little, they just start taking away your rights. I don't know if you guys saw in the news, but Alabama pretty much passed a pretty much all abortion band in Alabama. Basically, you can not get an abortion if you were raped, you can not get abortion in the cases of incest. A doctor who performs an abortion can get up to ninety nine years in prison.

And in Georgia, if you get an abortion after this sixth week six week mark, then it's also a federal crime and there will be criminal charges against you.

And if you go out of state, oh you get an abortion, you can also go to jail as well, because it's committing a criminal act. I don't remember what the term was, but what the fuck like six weeks? Like I didn't even know I was pregnant until like eight weeks snitch me either. I was at all types of shit right, Like, how what do you mean?

I just think that overall, no government should put their hands in the pussy pot. It's not yours, pussy prell like, this has nothing to do with you. This vagina is handled things.

Yeah, like are you taking care of my vagina three hundred and sixty five days of the year?

And then did they.

Not recall before you know, legal abortion, people were doing fucking easy shit hangar abortions and people were dying in back alleys. Girls were throwing their babies in the trash. So and I mean, it's fucked up, And what's the solution. What is your I'm curious as to what is the solution.

You think people are going to be fucking less because that's not going to happen.

Are you going to educate more people and like intraceptives, because you're not doing that either, especially taking away funding for like programs like Planned Parenthood. Who do that? Like, It's just I don't understand it.

It's really scary, because shit, I had an abortion in high school, but I was like I got pregnant, I was like fifteen. I ended up over that period I turned sixteen, but you know, I went to Planned Parenthood and I didn't tell my mom. My mom ended up finding out the day of because I missed school and they called.

But I can't imagine what the like.

I had an abortioned in college too, Like I hardly equipped to raise the child I had when I was twenty six.

So oh, I just can't imagine.

Being forced legally to have have had those kids, you know, Like, and I don't think it should be used as a form of birth control by any means. However, I definitely don't think that this is a solution. I definitely, especially when they cut back even fund funding for education period, you know.

So I think the government's getting fucked up.

It's crazy that these men are making decisions for our bodies.

I saw a meme that said, Uh, coming ejaculation is murder if you ejaculate that that's the point of conception. There's a life that you've you've made not able to come come to fruition.

You've thrown away your children.

So essentially you should go to fucking jail.

Too, right, Yeah, Like why are we the ones that are criminalized.

Because they can do it and all they gotta do is fucking nut.

So the guy has no no, like there's no repercussions for him getting you pregnant. It's like takes two to tango, my mom managa, Like.

I just want to know who are like the people.

In the government and these towns that are still fighting for this.

This shit has been.

Long gone, Like who's still in the oppressing hard for you know, abortion is wrong, Like you need to not be in the government. First of all, I don't believe religion and government should be in the same pot. And I think a lot of the abstinence and there's a lot of religion about when the conception is equal as a child or you know, at what point it becomes a human. But I just I feel like it's still religiously rooted, and I don't think religion and politics go together.

In any it's it's just barbaric.

If whether your pro choice or pro life, whether you believe that you know, people should get abortions, or you believe what your beliefs are for yourself and your body, Like that's fine. When you start passing law to restrict people from doing things that, like, especially in the cases of like like, are you you're telling me that if I got raped, I have to have this baby? Like are you kidding? I didn't ask for this, you know what I mean? Like, that's that's crazy to me. That's

I want to know what when is it going to get appealed? How long is this gonna last?

Is it going to continue? And if so, what a setback for women? I was just watching this Netflix movie about the Kennedy's, about the girl that drowned in the car with one of the Kennedys, And at the time, it's like the sixties, and women didn't really have a lot of rights, you know, they were just like, okay with my making decisions that I'm going to work, Like it was just that was and when women started pressing

A big ruckus?

You know, but it's not broken, like saying the system wasn't broken. So what women started fighting for, like women's rights. It was kind of like a burning bras And they were like almost like why are you doing all this? You know, women were so used to being a certain position, And I'm just like, as enlightened and as far as we've come, how is it that we've been being pulled this far back.

It's because those people are being empowered by the state of our politics right now.

Right right, which is totally backwards.

And I don't know, I don't understand what they have a lot of the passing of things is for agenda purposes, Like I just don't understand how. I'm wondering if there's some sort of bend they get to do they save money doing this?

Oh, there's always some what is or is it?

Or is it is it really about the money or is it actually just about appealing to a certain demographic, you know, to get other things passed. If I pass this, then I'll get voted next to you. Too, I'll stay I'll stay in my position. I'll stay in the seat because I voted for something that this is what they feel really strongly about. And then I'll get this other shit that I actually care about past because.

I'll get funding for.

Yeah, I think it's that there's definitely an agenda. I don't think anything in politics is not.

Of course, I'm just wondering if they're really monetarial, like are they gaining a lot substantial money by passing this line?

Sure, if i'll go down like rabbit hole.

Google grapple hole, we can find out. Yes, I don't know, it's it's so crazy, it's crazy. And then you know, also getting outside of the abortion thing, like just just the ship that people that people do and say about women, like the Ayisha Kuri thing.

Like hers being like real about how she was expected, Like but did she say she's like, yeah, a part of me even though I know I'm beautiful, I know I'm you know that he's constantly getting female attention and sometimes I'm like, damn, am I not desirable?

Do you guys not want to fuck me?

And the basic niggas went nuts with their bullshit. There's lack of understanding for the English language, and like, is anybody.

Not fucking hearing what she said?

Sayings like if Ayisha's worried about guy's fucking her, there's no good women. Women ain't shit because Aisha, like because Ayisha is fucking not.

Because Aisha wants to get fucked too. She's just like all these homes right right she no one of meme was like she.

Has a you know, a millionaire husband, a Christian man, you know, three beautiful kids' she's married, what more can she ask for?

And she just wants to get fucked by other guys. Bitches ain't shit.

And I was just like, oh my god, men are so basic.

You know, it's funny when she said that, it's I felt like I could relate to that, you know, dating like my baby daddy, Like other men just were like either scared of him, like Dade was like, they just didn't fuck with me even if there were, like I would find out later after like you know, no longer being with him out of respect for him, you know, and he they'd be like, you know, I've always liked you, I've always and I'm like, what, like, yeah, I flirted

Okay, do you think do you think that women are generally more disrespectful in other people's relationships than men are?

Period?

Like?

Do you think that's just a sneaky bitch thing?

I have to say unfortunately. And the reason I say that, yeah, because we've always been paired against each other more than men have.

So we have that competition.

Yeah, it's a competition. We have that. Even if you're the best bitch in the world, a great person, you can't tell me that you've never done.

That and felt like ha ha done what like got somebody else's man?

Just flirt someone that you knew you shouldn't be flirting with. That's taken that by another woman. Period. Every woman has done that. I don't give a fuck how nice or church going you are. It doesn't mean you're a bad person, but it's just it's kind of like.

Like naughty, like something like something bad. So I think that I also think men definitely, But if you're asking.

Who does it more, I would say I feel like women.

That's a fucked up but it's probably true also.

Because men also make you feel like you have to compete too write for them. They like that ship, so I don't know.

Right whereas for a.

Woman like That's what I'm saying, like between the abortioning, that's so backwards that ship. I'm like, are we progressing?

Are we still here or not?

But we're not though, because even the most I was like, seriously, some of the most woke people are so misogynistic, low key they don't even realize that, I know.

Don't even one of those quote I hate this quote, like this word, but woke men. I'll have conversationships and I was like, oh wow, I thought you were so

It's literally like misogynist's in hipster clothing. And then it's confusing because you're like, wait, wait is that.

Youse so you look super like you do yoga?

You say yoga, you call me a queen. You call me a queen, but like what but I'm but I'm a hope because I stuck with ten.

Guys right, Oh my god, that shit.

I don't want that type. You don't want to bring that type of girl home? And what It's so funny the things that men say. And I'd be like, little, do you know? I did all that shit and now you brought me home, right, you know?

And you love it.

You love it because it doesn't matter, It doesn't define who I am.

Y life goes on.

Yeah, it's just so strange.

I know, this guy told me the other day that he's an alpha male and he doesn't want to date an alpha female like that does not work because he needs her to listen, like she doesn't want someone telling him what to do.

That's like my dad.

I mean, I think it's cool to though who you pair well with.

But I think I mean, I can say the same thing. I know, I know, I'm cool with an alpha femle, but I do feel we are bound to butt heads. I've experienced it.

And then don't you want an alpha male?

I want like a mix of an empatha EmPATH EmPATH EmPATH EmPATH and an alpha like I need a like EmPATH doesn't mean not alpha. But like I said, if you're talking about the categories, that path is not on the category.

It's like it was like alpha beta.

Yeah, and the EmPATH is defined under Wait what's the episode.

Of there's another one alpha?

It's the other one that's beta. Was one is the one in the middle.

But there's another one?

I know?

Fucksa?

Okay, Wow, I don't have to google that. I don't have my phone. Wait why is that? Why? I can't I remember what it's called. We did have a lopposite on the mail versus five five? Are you looking it up? No? You're reading a sorry sorry what the.

Direct?

Reading a text message? Anyway? I guess.

I guess all this is said, keep fighting, ladies.

You've got a lot of work, a lot of work to do, guys. I don't I don't know what to say about any of that.

Omega there's no omega.

Wait is no, I don't think so to say alpha opposite.

And I saw that Steph Curry came out and like supported her publicly because.

He's, as he should, smart enough to know what the fuck she was saying.

Okay, I don't know. I can't find it.

So today's topic.

Five ways to not be a psychopath when dating. We may or may not follow these five rules. They're interchangeable. No one's perfect. We're just saying you shouldn't this is what you shouldn't do. We're just saying if we were perfect, this is what we wouldn't do. This is what we would do or would not do.

If you date, and.

You commonly hear yourself being called crazy to acting too crazy, doing too much. Sometimes these niggas be wrong, but sometimes you're doing too.

Much, so sometimes you're being extra.

Here's are some couple of things. Let you know if you're doing too much.

Oh, don't sleep with someone one time and then fall in love.

Don't do it.

Don't do that shit.

It's only going to harm you, it's.

Only going to confuse you because really you're not in love. Let's just be real. You just don't fall in love. I don't care how deep the connection was. It was so it was like the best I was best sex I've ever had. I'm in love. No, you're not, bitch, You're not in love.

You're confused. You have sex.

Brain digmatized, Yeah, digmatized and detoxing is what you need. You need a good detoxing. I've currently just started my detox, so if you'd like to join me, I'm day thirty in and Jimilla's almost six months in, which wow, I'm so proud of you. I have a long way to go, and I'm going crazy the last few days. I feel like a dog in heat.

No literally that there's those spouts.

I'm like why, I'm like, no, do I'm like do I want to do this? Why am I doing this? Fuck this shit? I don't need to do this. And then I'm like, wait, you need to do this? I think anyway, that's number one.

Also, if you think, if you know you're the type of person that like cannot separate fake feelings from sex, don't have sex, you might enjoy the detox, you know, and we all could do it because I just think vaginally that's how it works. We get a little clouded because it's fun, and then you know.

It didn't. Smoke settles.

The smoke settles, we come up for air and.

You're like, wait is this or yeah, then other things happen that you don't want to happen, and then you react a certain way because you've set yourself up from fulfilure from the beginning for fucking when you shouldn't have.

So basically, don't.

Have sex until you really know the person and you know you know, yeah, you're cool.

Oh okay, So this is another one that's like so annoying, annoying. I don't do this.

I don't do this yet.

There's no way I do this, no way, but I know someone who's listening. Does this ship stop.

If you text someone and they don't text you back, or you've asked a question, don't follow up with the question mark. Okay, that's so fucking annoying. If they saw this question, they miss.

It, saw it, or they will see it, and they're also going to see that second question mark and immediately get annoyed.

Definitely, don't continue to just have a conversation by yourself like oh, never mind, it's cool.

Yeah, don't write that.

Don't do that, Like sorry, if I was bothering you, Like.

Oh sorry, if I was bothering you, that's so hard. Just go go type that shit in your notes if you need to get it out, but don't ever send it.

Just like a yo, and then you know, then you wait.

Or sometimes what I've had to do is not be crazy, is low key delete the whole text chain so they're not even in my messages. Have you ever done that you don't want to leave? I mean, it's hard because then you delete pictures and shit, so you have to really commit to it. No like this is it hate or take screenshots so you always have, but that sometimes is a good one. It's like, just delete that, just relate the whole thing. There's nothing there.

To remind me I need to really shit anyway, because that'd be whole on the ship.

That's kind of like deefcluttering your life. Your life, Like just like how you do spring cleaning your closet, you need to do spring cleaning your text messages and clear some shit out. I feel like it clears out any possibility of you going backwards to to go read some shit and revisit how you felt those feelings, because we do that shit. Okay, So that's number two. We probably

Yes, social cues or bit it's crucial that you realize if niggas shying to get rid of you. Crucial, crucial, like you know what it's time to go, you know, like you got to pick up on the vibe of things.

Did he tell you to stay?

And also you know, make him miss you a little bit?

Yeah, sometimes you gotta go. Actually you should have gotta go.

You should always gotta go. And until that niggas your nigga. Yeah right right, Yeah, I need to pick up. I need to work on that.

May or may not.

Need to work on that. No, I think I'm really good at knowing what social cues as far as like if he wants me to go or not. I'm not good at like walking away, walking away even if he does like if he does want me to stay, sometimes you still got to like go, do you know, get out of there?

Yeah, it is. I think it is.

It's funny and that it's not even necessarily a game. I think it's healthy for him to miss you.

I think that space space creating space early on, so that you know, that's if you do get into a relationship with that person when you already understand like you're not going to get in one of those relationships where your friends never see you again.

What happens with those relationships is you get in routine. He gets used to singing all the time, You get used to singing in the times. So anything that veers or shifts from that routine is feels strange, It feels violating, it feels like you've been left behind.

Yeah.

But if you establish that independence in that space early on in a healthy manner, even though it's hard because you're in honeymoon phace, fight it super hard, it's important and it does make you miss each other a little bit more, and it does you know.

The truth is it is like a little it's a it's a chase.

We all less for the little bit of a chase, A little bit of the you know, so I think.

It also kind of like eliminates all these expectations. You know, you expecting it's the weekend. What do you mean when I hang out right? Oh?

Oh, I just thought because you were off at too. Yeah, you didn't tell me.

He's been off of fork for since for like an hour.

I don't understand what's going on.

You broke that down really well. That was like I felt like I was in therapy right now. That was really good.

I have been told that I should be a therapist.

That was really good. So then there's fake Instagram accounts and Facebook accounts and just fake accounts, take emails.

It's really fucked up with social media because there's too much access and if you don't have the same access, you're like wondering what the fuck is going on over there?

You know, what the fuck is happening.

So, you know, you find yourself the crazy part of yourself. It's all we all have a little bit of crazyiness. We've got a fighter, you know, like get out of here. And the part that says, like look on your friend's Instagram to look at his story to see what he's doing.

That I'm able to see that you're looking at his story, or maybe create a secret fake account so.

You can always see the story without having to go to your.

It's like that very liberating, freely okay feeling.

But when you when you can freely stop it, can it gets obsessive.

Because I've done it.

My friend gave me her passwords, so it's just freely stocking. So I didn't at least when I I could just look at my friend's phone. It's not all the time, but I don't always see that friend. I'm like, when I do stand, I'm like, oh, let me see, let me see your phone real click, let me see your secret account so I can go stock. But yes, putting a secret account on your own phone is very unhealthy for your mental help.

Because sometimes you would if you see a.

Chick and then it looks kind of close, but it also looks platonic.

But what the fuck? Who the fuck is that?

Oh is that?

Then your mind starts doing crazy shit.

Mm hmmmmmm hmmm. So so I'm I like, I've definitely, I definitely I could even currently have a secret Instagram. Did you see let me see? I don't. I haven't used it in a long time, but I did use it for like a week straight for once, and then I was like, I have to get off here, but so but I still didn't delete it, so it's still there just in case, you know, just in case.

It's also unhealthy if you're not be like they're private and you don't follow them, but then you go on Facebook.

If you find yourself a.

Casion on faceicook, just to see if it's linked to their Instagram and then you can see what's going on.

That's that could possibly be a little crazy too.

I didn't even know that was an option, But that's good to know. I wonder where you picked that one up.

This girl, I know crazy.

Also, Yeah, it's just gonna ruin your day, and yeah, your whole day. You're literally also making up stories in your head.

Okay, you will mope for no reason.

You literally are actually making up stories. There might be truth in the stories, but you don't know all the truth.

And it's probably not your business because it's not your man right right above all.

And but that and going off of that, you know, don't put all your eggs in one basket.

And this is a big one. This is a big one.

Guys.

I've always been told you gotta have some backup on the other burners, just because it's healthy.

Especially if you're just in the dating phase and it's like, you know, you don't know what he's doing and unless you guys are talking about it and not lying to each other, you.

Know, like don't assume and don't assume.

Let's say you have to go and seek this out, like if you're gonna start dating, you must look also for other people. But like, don't be closed off to the to the to the possibility or the energy even you're out, don't be like I can't talk to you because don't do that shit because he's not doing that ship.

And even though it's true, like I know because I joined Hine a couple of months ago, and like who it's a lot of.

Energy, Like it's it's a very big distraction.

It's almost I had to stop looking at it because it's too much energy.

It's too much exchange, it's too much.

Okay, now text me, okay, no, don't text like I'm gonna hang out, Like don't realize.

This person looking back at the profile like I was sreferent.

But so you don't have to like max out and do it intentionally, like you said, seeking it, but stay open and keep in mind to that person's pebbly also doing the same thing.

Yeah, I think that's something I've like because for me, I'm I'm so from so I guess addicted to being in relationships. I've always been back to back relationship that, especially and especially coming out of a relationship with I was in for so long and you know, finally like meeting someone that I'm like, oh my god, I feel feelings again. I have real feelings, right should I can still feel oh my god, I love you right like, oh my god, I do, oh my god, Let's just

Well, you know what it is, it's hard to want to hang out with someone else.

When you really like one person. Yeah, I don't really want to hang out with anybody else.

Because you're the funnest like stupid, but at this think, Yeah, I just think it's I just think.

It's healthy to try. Yeah, I think to enjoy others.

I think so too.

Unless you're not crazy and you can understand that. You know, it doesn't mean you're exclusive.

And it doesn't like it doesn't mean it's like how to say, dimming or making whatever you share with the person that you really like the most currently, And it doesn't mean like you're like shitting on that relationship. It just means like you're.

Still fostering the other relationships that maybe you were you had before.

You met that person. Yeah, unless you guys have agreed that we're working towards being in a relationship, then than fine.

These rules are.

For more like early on dating or after dating, or if you're not together and have them dinner, you're not going to be Yeah.

The next thing I would say is, don't keep going out of your way if they don't women.

Ladies go out of your way period, ladies.

And we are nurturers by nature. We want to give, we want to show up, we want to support what we want. We want what we want, what we want it. But you don't be real, because then that's why you get disappointed, because damn i'd throw like me, I've driven every day down to see you. And then they get used to that shit and they don't feel like they

Just don't overgive, because it sometimes slaps you in the face.

And just because you're over sometimes I think we overgive with the hope. But maybe if I just do this, don't want to be with and they want to they want to be with me.

I want to be with you.

They'll see how amazing I am and hot, I'm a writer. I'm down.

Yeah, no, no, fuck no, that's not how men. Oh my god, I've had my heart broken this.

Way, Like that's not how they think.

Sitting somewhere like I'm so dumb. Why did they do this?

Yeah, keep your schedule that you have to, just whatever you had plan. Don't derail all of your plans to go hang out with someone. Okay, you're gonna do that sometimes that's fine, but don't make that shit a fucking habit. You know, Like every time this person calls, you.

Come running, You come running.

Plans canceled, like oh nope, we're not doing that anymore. Oh, let's hurt. Yep, we gotta go, you know, like, don't do that, just don't m m because they're not doing that ship for you. Yeah, I agree.

I'm just thinking about all.

The times you've done that.

Yes, oh my god, all the time I'm doing it.

I still I'm right now, I'm in a phase right now of undoing that right now because I was so I'm so like I care about this person that I'm dating so much, and like we do have a connection that like is unlike any I don't care. How is no? I know you're right, but it's like but that. But but girl, when you're in it, you know you feel the same way. Oh I know. You know literally it's so easy to like say it to someone else because even it's easy for me to say it to you.

For the same person who shitted it on me like bad.

Right, And it's like same with me, like you know, making all the effort to go see this person all the time when I'm the one with a child, when I'm the one that you know, maybe like I don't know, there's just not a balance and a lot of it's my fault because I'm the one that's been like, well, I just come down there. I'll just go down there. I have the friends there, like finding my finding excuses to be down there like a crazy person too, like hey, I'm just down here, just over here.

I love the dirty home.

I found myself downtown And what are you doing available? Okay, that's fine, but I guess I'll stick around around, eat something. Yeah, work, But it's hard. That one's really hard, I think, I think especially for women, because we've been actually conditioned to feeling like we have to take. The more we show someone we can take care of them, that makes us worthy of love, worthy of attention, right showing you that I'm I'm a nurture. I'm a nurture that I can

Like, which goes back to keeping your schedule and oh okay, So from one of our I can can maybe consider.

This a dating bible of all time.

I really encourage anyone to pick it up and just keep it in their back pocket. It's called Why Men Love Bitches. Just honestly the Bible of all bibles on dating, and I really believe in sticking by it.

And one of the things she says, because wow, she keeps.

It really real, a literary mass a literary fucking masterpiece. And I think one of the chapters goes something like this, don't even don't even cook. Don't make them even popcorn, maybe popcorn, you know, like, don't be making meals. Don't be like, don't get them used to nothing, because that's that's a giving in a relationship sense, if you're just dating a motherfucker, honestly, like, give them bare minimum because

It's not even like in a bowl.

Yeah, she says, don't even put the shit in a bowl like a bag will do, or else you're taking me out. And again, it's not these these it's not really the rules, but it's the way you have to speak to men because they're slow, you know, there's only certain things.

See. But then I feel like the woman who is listening to this that literally can't imagine throwing a bag of chips that a man is thinking. But then I'm not wifey material.

Right, and he needs to know that we're not here to convince you we're wifey material. When it's time for you to get girlfriend material level, package will graduate to there. But until then, I'm not treating you like I'm you're my man, and you're not. And I think that's the huge misconception. Maybe if I act like a girlfriend up and then I'll graduate to girlfriend material girlfriend level, but that rarely happens because you will stay.

At this because you've already given away the milk for free. Essentially, why by the cow?

Why by the cow?

And I know that's the oldest one in the book, but it's true. That is one of the biggest nuggets of the book, along with so many I'm gonna have to highlight and say a smile.

It's so true. And I'm guilty of that too, Like not even it's not even so that I would like, it's not for the purpose of like, then make me your girlfriend. It's just like, I'm a nurturer by nature. I like to take care of people, and I really like you, and yeah, I do. I like to take care of people.

But it's like, but what is that I want you to like me, so I like to take care of you or no, I do like taking care of you people.

But I just have always felt like in relationships somehow I was disappointed because they weren't. It wasn't that it doesdn't seem like it was reciprocated in the way that I thought it should be because of what I was doing. And now that I'm not in a relationship, obviously those

Because you have some sort of expectation.

I have expectation. But also I did everything like I never made it have to, you know, like now that I'm saying, okay, I really don't feel like driving there anymore. Now I'm really going to see how much this person actually wants to hang out with me, or if we hang out out of convenience and this or he hangs out with me out of convenience, not because not even out of convenience, Like I'm there's a love there for sure, undeniable, but like how strong is it? Is it because of

That brings us to another one, which is a huge one. I mean, I always say, don't have expectations of people. That's the number one that's the number one way to be disappointed. You will you will be disappointed having expectations, period.

But I think the biggest.

One is, like you said, is uh really really paying attention to actions and not words? Actions? Actions? What is this person doing? I know it feels like this, it feels like love. This feels like love, but what are the what are the actions showing?

You know?

Because that shit's pretty flucking.

That's so It's crazy how some talk can make you forget about some actions. Like you can be mad about some shit and then they'll talk you, like talk you down, like and like make you feel chill about it, like okay, all right, Like maybe he's right, Like well he said he's gonna start doing that, and then like that that that holds on. You hold on to that for like a few days, and then it pops up again, and then the conversation happens again. It's just I feel like

Maybe I always tripping.

Yeah, no, you weren't tripping. Another one is this is our last one? Yeah, our last one, which is probably it's really important and really really really annoying.

Really annoying, really immature, and please don't do this.

Social media subliminals. No, social media subliminals.

Do not socially subliminally talk shit. It's so dumb.

Oh my god.

The quotes, the quotes. First of all, everybody knows you're going through something.

The Maya Angela quote, Oh my god, there's so many good ones. Or the rap versus yeah, the rat verst captions, memes, all of them.

Don't do it, don't give it a week or two.

Just calm down and then come back and think about it.

Right, yeah, because it's just it's so obvious.

Just text just tell them, Yeah, just pick up the phone because type of bitch I am.

If you're going to say something, just call me because that's what I'm going to do for you.

Have people put up people put up social subliminals.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's so stupid, so dumb.

Yeah for sure.

Have you ever put up a social media subliminal? Oh?

For sure? Definitely.

One hundred is also for me to tell myself stop doing that ship bitch. That's don't be lame.

Have I No, I'm sure I have, ah for sure.

Also a lot of the social because I do post a lot of quotes and stuff. They're really reminders.

To my right be better note to sell.

Reminders for myself. But those are the five to eight ways to not be a psycho when dating. I hope this resonates with you like it is with.

Me, because this was motivated by one of our advice questions and our DMS.

Well, it wasn't motivated. This is just something all people need to know.

But she said, how long should it take you to get over an X?

We said, bitch, we don't know.

I read that it's double I half the time you were together. So if you were together for someone for four years, don take two years to get over that month. It's math equation. Everybody knows. Everybody knows basically three point five years to go. Well, no, it's almost been two years. It would be two years in September. Crazy that it's almost been two years. I was thinking about that, like, wow, like two years have gone by to think about like

It's like, wait, so you're on two years, not three and a half.

I'm two and a half okay, So no I'm not. I'm almost two okay, And three and a half would be the amount of time divided divided by seven, right, yea two divided by seven Yeah, three and a half, got it. It's just crazy to think about how time passes in that way, how you're with someone for so long and then like it's over.

Yeah, it's funny how we just have periods and chapters of our lives, of friendships, of states we've lived, just like when things were so normal, that was such a routine and and now you're here.

You know. When I found that picture under my bed, I was cleaning out under my bed and I found this photo of me and my baby Daddy was like the first photo we ever took at the do over, like a thousand years ago, and I was looking at us and thinking about like how we felt about each other in that picture, you know, and it was the beginning of our relationship. Like everything, there was nothing between us.

So it's just good always I'll be connected.

Yeah, I have no choice of a kid exactly.

All right, Well, that concludes our show for today, Happy hump Day, Happy hump day.

Oh, happy masturbation month.

Yes, yes, it's always masturbation month for me.

We know. Little rabbit over.

Here Chamila opened up my computer and saw the porn I was watching. But I wasn't actually watching that porn, and it was like really embarrassing.

It was big booty white girl porn.

I wasn't looking for that. I was looking What was I looking for?

I was on gang Bros, Big booty white Girls.

Bang Bros.

Sorry what did I say? Gang Bro Bang Bros, Big booty white girls? Like, oh, is this the porn you search? Sometimes I do search that porn because.

I like Alexis Texas and she but apparently she said some racist shit, so her now no Texas, Texas. And she used to live in my building downtown too. The porn stars are racist? Great, Yeah, she's big booty white girl that has sex with sometimes black guys. But I guess she doesn't well that's what it was. She doesn't like to have sex with black guys anymore.

I don't know.

Anyway, is that offensive?

Should I share my like porn playlist with people? They'll be nice? You know. I subscribe to the newsletter that would be a gonna do.

You should subscribe to the newsletter. We just we're doing some cool ship over there. Yeah, we're doing secret meetups, we're doing some keep in touch.

We're spilling a lot of ship secretly, and.

Yeah we are. We just, yeah, we have this newsletter that you know, you get to know us a little, even more intimately than maybe we reveal here on the pod.

If you can imagine, Yeah, how much deeper can you go? Right?

Okay, back to Lexix Texas not wanting the black guys anymore?

Dude, that's racist.

I have some friends, white friends who are like, I don't I don't do black guys, and I'm like, cool, it doesn't bother me.

I go, I don't know. I think maybe it was because.

It's porn, Like how dare you have a cutoff? Like how like I don't know, I don't, I don't know. I guess you're right, I mean, like why, like right, like why did she probably likes black people? She just might not don't want to fuck black guys?

More power to me, more for me. Actually, I don't want to fuck an Well that's not true.

You don't want to fuck anyone.

I was saying. I don't know if I want to suck a porn star. But it's not it's not like in the car. It's like not on my radar.

But you know, if it happened, maybe I've definitely fucked a porn star.

I already said that, like twenty times. I'm very proud. There may be one or two others.

Was it? Was it like porn? Was it like as good as was it one? Some of the best sex you've had? Yeah?

For sure, he has gray sex. So he lived up to his expectation of the expectations because sometimes see porn stars, I'm like, I have no desire to have sex with you. You you do all that fucking and you still funck bad.

No, he's really good. And I fucked him for a long time and it consistently was good. But he's not a good kisser. And exactly you.

Never had to do that blast like the last thing on his agenda.

But I made out with a porn star recently and it was nice you did? Yeah?

Oh female or male?

Male? Anyway, we are going to say one more thing, corn racism.

Where was I going with?

Slipped my mind?

All right, well, we shall catch you next week, y'all. Have a good week, eddie us do that breathing every morning?

Yeah?

They call happy happy day. Baby, you call call hock call, can.

You call call Happy happy day?

Tell me do you think a man

You as well