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Out through way you love letters, I got it, make me feel better. I finely got you hol my big, but I still gonna get you with my head. I'm saying you want to take it a time. I know you buy your phone, so boy, pick up your lin I ain't too bout the bag, so was VINCENTID has Vincent.
In Annie?
You to know? You don't know what love is in Annie?
You don't know.
I don't know, you know.
Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Nila and it's Wednesday. Happy Wednesday. I hope you guys had a good day at work or whatever the fuck you did today. Also aggressive work work or if you're listening to this on your way to work Thursday morning, workday, workday? What's up? Nothing much? Just try to live my best life? Hmm, what's up with you? Nothing? I mean, I mean obviously things Patreon We have any Patreon, which was really stressful,
but I'm really glad it's up. So if you guys, we.
Have some new Patreon members. Thank you so much for caring and supporting.
Thank you for supporting us.
Also, we've we sent out we sent a requests for nudes and you guys came through with the news.
Oh my gosh, we've gotten We got some really good nudes, mostly from We had some great ones from women, but I was really shocked about the man ones, Like apparently all of the men that listen to us have big penises.
Know why, it's because we have big penis energy, like big, like big, big, like scary.
Like I'm scared that I can handle that.
It's like, wow, Okay, this is the best. This is the best request you've ever put out we got. We got a couple of pussy pics.
We sent a few.
Don't think if you send news we're just gonna send you some back automatically.
They have to be really impressive only and they will only be on that like one replay setting on Instagram. Although we did encourage our other male listeners, like just send it into the DM. Stop doing the replay, Jamila didn't get to see your day, like I'm missing it. I keep pressing play right, I'm like okay.
And also, I you know, I realized it just if it's fun, it's fun to send needs to your friends, you know, if you don't feel like if anyone to feel sexy for feel sexy for us because we appreciate it.
Yeah, we appreciate your naked body. Other than that, I don't know. It's just it's been it's it's retrograde. I feel like my electronics have been fucking up, but I electronics and me just don't go well period. So I don't even know if it has anything to do with that. I have just been a feeling. I don't know. I've been feeling a range of emotions. I was feeling like super empowered one day because I feel like I like expressed my boundaries to someone and I was like, yeah, fuck,
that feel really strong. And then the next day I was like I fucking hate everyone. And then the next day I was like okay, and then I repissed me off, and then then I did some like desperate like ego shit that we'll talk about later in a minute.
Oh you're gonna talk about that, okay, like real rap. Well, welcome to adulthood.
I realized the other day, I don't know you had left and I was in the backyard with.
Luna, and I have a storage, and I forgot I had a storage, and they called them, like you owe us four hundred dollars or we're selling your stuff, and I was.
Just like, A had a child tantrum.
I was like, and then I looked over a Luna and she was looking at me, and she's just smiling bright, and I was like, really recognized that I had a real life tantrum, Like I I threw a fit, and I.
Just realized, Yeah, every day is a gamble.
Sometimes you're up and you're feeling great and empowered and motivated, and some days you.
Can't get out of fucking bed. And that's adulthood.
So you're not alone, I don't think. But she just really sounds really kind of psycho out loud.
No, No, I know, I know, I know I'm not alone. It's just I don't know. I just feel like it's that mid year things are like I don't know, it's summertime. I don't know what. It is, just a lot happening, and I feel I feel, really, I feel more comfortable with myself than I probably ever have in my life.
But also so and but also with that comes such awareness that my bad choices that I used to make, I used to be able to make them and like be like whatever, but now like I'm just I make them, and then I like hate myself for a little bit for a while, yeah, because of them, or I just like not even hate, Like there is that. But then there's also this part of it where I'm just like over analyzing it, Like what does that mean for me? Why am I still doing that? Maybe I haven't worked
past my triggers. Maybe I'm not over my baby daddy. Maybe I'm you know, like all these things like maybe do I want a boyfriend?
Do?
Or do I want a boyfriend? Maybe I'm not pata. Pattern tells me that I'm meant to walk the lowner's path, like it's like a fucking novella. Pattern keeps telling me I'm so to be fucking alone my whole life. But here I am full of love and ready to give it, but no one wants it. Like so that's where I'm not welcome, Yeah to adulthood. But I think that's true.
And I think mostly in the thirties, shit happens and then you're so hyper aware of yourself and like, fuck.
I did that because I have trauma.
Still, I'm funck, I'm not heeled, I'm fucked up, dody, did I cry today?
I Mean I went to therapy the other day and my therapist was like, why do you think because I was telling her about like what I what I did this weekend or last weekend? Which, what did you do, Erica, what did you do this weekend? Well last weekend? Okay, let's start.
Okay, yeah, let's start what let's start what we were really drunk?
Okay? So I had been drinking all day and then I went to I invited Jamila and a few friends to my baby Daddy's show. He was performing, and so I went to see his show. And why I went to see his show, or why I've gone to see multiples of his show? This is like the second round of shows in two weeks. Yeah, like I've been, you know, supporting his shows and supporting him because maybe I think I think part of it is because it's what I'm used to doing with him when he's here, just in
our relationship. I just support him, even like when I'm mad at him, I want to support him. But I know a lot of it also has to do with ego, because I wanted to go and see, like what's going on over there? What's happening? What's happening there? See there's girls there? I don't know, like maybe a little bit,
but also like who are you hanging around? Just checking in general, just because I don't always trust the people he keeps close and those people also are around my kid, which I told my therapists, and she goes, this is not really.
Why Oh you got a real one?
Yeah, therapist not be playing. She like, is that really why you went? Erica? I think so. Also, I don't know. I don't know. Anyway, We've just been on good terms lately, we haven't been arguing. And I was like, you know, I know he's you know, work makes him happy. It's when he's the happiest in all aspects of life. And I love him and I love to see him happy, and so I know, I feel like I haven't been I haven't seen that in a long time, and so I wanted to. I guess part of me like likes
to witness him in his element. So anyway, I went to the show. I brought my girls. It was fun. It just kept drinking, drinking, drinking, and then his show ends and we go back to the dressing room and I have to go pee, and so I walk into the bathroom and he's in the bathroom, and I'm like, well, fuck it. He's seen me pee four hundred thousand times, so whatever. So I pulled down my pants and then my phone drops in the toilet and then I like,
I'm trying to get it out. My pants are half down, and I'm like drunk, and it's kind of a hot mess, and I'm like laughing. And then he's laughing and he's helping me get my phone out of the toilet and it's all wet and it's gross, and then suddenly we're close, and then and then I kissed him. Oh my god.
My self proclaimed I never never, I've never done it, which I was honestly. I was out the room. I mean I was in the room, but we're waiting for her to come out the bathroom. Someone else had to pee, one of our friends, one of her very investigative friends. And I'm so drunk. But after first I was sitting away from them and I was looking at them and I'm like, hm, she has been there a minute. So I moved next to them, like she's been in there a long time. I'm like, yeah, but I'm not worried
about that. There's nothing happening in that bath there. Then like three more minutes go by, I'm like, hmmm, could it be. It's like no, there's no way, there's no way. And like two more minutes go by and she's like, oh, I know something's happening in that and I'm like, no, there's no way. And then I'm like, what the fuck is happening in that bathroom? So then she comes out all guilty looking damn sure enough, you overst the baby daddy boundary. I mean I've done it like four thousand times.
Just like the moment I did it, I felt regret and like, I don't know, like I did it and I saw it happening. It was like slow motion, like I saw his face like coming towards me. I specifically remember his teeth for some reason, I don't know. He was smiling and I said, and then finally I knew she loved me. And then at the moment I walked out of the bathroom, my friend Jessica was like her head like she was literally the first person I saw her head like popped out of the crowd and was like,
what are you doing? And I was like, oh my god, like judgment. Fuck, So yeah, I did that. Did you feel anything? Was that where you did it? To if he's to see if you would feel anything. I think part of it was that it was a culmination of things, and that's why I'm saying, like I can't make bad choices anymore and then not over analyze them. And like part of me, like in my analyzation is that word animalization.
It sounds about right. Of what how this came to be is I think a large part of it is ego, because I just felt like I wanted to assert myself in the room and in that situation, I wanted to make sure. I wanted to see if he would still be receptive to me, which I kind of knew he would, but I wanted I also wanted to see if I could if I felt anything. I was, I've been horny.
It was just like a bunch of things, like I just watched him on stage, which you know is a turn on, like whether or not I want to admit it or not watching someone in their element. So it was just it was just all fucked up, and I
feel really guilty about it. I just feel like I didn't want to lead him on and make him think like, Okay, now we're gonna get back together and now there's a future between us, and that's been like why I've been so adamant about not doing that, and also because I just haven't wanted to, you know, and I was just beating myself up about it. And so anyway, I talked to my therapist and I was telling her what I did and she was like, well, why do you think
you did that? And I told her all those reasons and she said, yeah, but there's something deeper than that. I was like, what daddy issues because obviously, like that's like where everyone goes yeah, and she said well yeah, and I said, well, of course I have daddy issues, like that's not a secret. And she's like, yeah, but like what is it that you know? What are your daddy issues? Like did you not feel secure? Did you need you didn't get the attention you want. I was like,
it's all those things. And as we started talking about it, I started getting emotional about talking about my dad, which I feel like I've I thought I've worked past all those things. I mean, but I guess there's still a part of me. Obviously. She's like, there's still that little girl inside of you that hasn't worked past it, which is why you're getting emotional now, which is why you are always seek male attention. If you don't get it from the person you want, you're going to get it
from somewhere, somehow else. And that's always true for me.
Like, oh, like, if you're not getting male attention from the person you want to get it from, you'll divert it to the next person.
I think it's just yeah, I mean, is that human nature? Though? Well she said no, oh okay, she said no, that's daddy issues, because that's what I said. I said, well, don't women do that. She's like no, I was like, I She's like, I was raised by my dad. My issues are my mom issues. I don't seek male attention, don't I don't feel like I need that if I'm not getting male attention from someone whatever, you know, And she's like, obviously, there's a lot of factors that play
into play into that. It's not solely one thing, but a lot of it is rooted. And you know, your first you know, the first male figure in your life, whether he was there, whether he was wasn't there. Maybe he was there but wasn't giving you the attention you wanted, wasn't showing up for you in the ways you wanted them to show up for you and all those things are true for me. And she's said, and I said, Okay,
what am I supposed to do about that? Like how do I She's like, well, when you feel the need to for male attention, when you know it's not necessarily it's not real, then you need to talk check in with yourself and be like do I really do I really want this and be strong enough to say don't say, well, fuck it, I just want to do what I want to do, because that's what I do. Often. I'm aware of it, but I'm like, whatever, I'll deal with the better. And the more I keep doing that, the more this
is just gonna continue going. And like I don't want it to continue or I don't want to confuse my relationship with my father, my daughter's father, Like we're in a really good place, like we've been getting along really well, and this is what I asked for, This is what I asked for. I want. I wanted to have a relationship with him. I wanted to have a friendship with him, and that's what we're working towards. And it's not enough now now that he's giving me what I want, Now
I want more. I want his attention. I want him to want me. You know, it's so fucked up. It is. It is. And you know what, when you're used to like.
Having a companion, the way you're close with your baby daddy, the way I'm close I was, We were close in those spaces, it's like almost like routine to be in this, to be an certain way. I'll write a show together. Oh it's not a video of PE's not a video because like because that's what it is. It's comfortability, Like this is my homie almost, And so the loss of that. I don't think people like women recognize there's a morning that takes place in any breakup early.
But this, particularly when it's with the person you've.
Created a child with, You've never experienced that with anyone before. Like this is a very vulnerable place, and as women and society tells us, like there's something it's supposed to happen.
We're supposed to work.
With a fucking picket fence, even when you know they're crazy, even when they know it doesn't work. But like it's I can get I get emotional now still with shit with my baby daddy, just because it's still such a.
It's still such a like a vulnerable place.
Uh and even not even just that likely who tapt like go backwards, but also healing from it, like you know what I mean reopening that Have you really healed from the pain that he's inflicted on you? And can you imagine overstepping that boundary when that wound is still
not completely healed. I was at one of my girlfriend's house and she's engaged, but the guy talks to her crazy and it's on a regular basis, and it's to the point where I'm like, yo, chill and I've said something and then like, don't say anything.
It's not your place. And it's like, okay, I.
Get it, but like yes, like the other day, I was like he did something. I'm like squeezing her, like you know what, something is uncomfortable, you like push your friend's knee or something.
And afterwards it was just annoying.
It just bothered me, and I realized I was triggered because I've been in a relationship that was.
Verbally abusive, that was abusive, and it just.
I just realized how triggered I am by it by seeing someone else experience it and them being so numb to it, and it just made me realize, like there's so much healing that still has to take place, and we haven't been together in three years.
I know it's it's it's so true because I realized too, Like I thought that even when I was talking to my therapist and she was saying I was like, well she was, I was. She said, you guys, they're still healing to be done. I know you want to be friends, Erica, but I don't know if that's possible. Like, you guys need to just be co parenting, like you can't because if you don't, then you're just gonna keep going in
this limbo, in this cycle. You like, and you don't want to repeat what you repeated the other night, right, because that's not really what you want. You don't want to fall down that trap. You don't want to lead him on and then have him, you know, end up being mad at you later and then having to basically do a whole like reheal everything all over again.
You were like, really, my baby, we still are my baby mama idol in that sense, I'm like, well, this bitch is never backs up and I've and we both.
Have our baby mama idol single baby mama you're my single.
Baby mama idol because you never mess back with your baby daddy after it was over.
It's so admirable. Girl. It's real hard out here, but somebody has to do. Wait.
I was looking empty for the longest, but now now I'm just normal and basically like everybody else.
I mean, honestly just made out, which is great, bitch like me. And actually he pulled away.
Mmmm wait, like so you would have maybe continued. Probably I was drunk, oh right, so like if you would have turned you over back?
Maybe not maybe, I don't know who knows, but he probably was like what's happening? He probably yeah. And then and then because we're in the bathroom and I was drunk when we pulled away, then he was he was like getting dressed when this was happening. So then he was getting dressed like he was naked, and he was
like putting clothes on. And then I was in the background, like the mirrors in front of it, like we're both facing the mirror, but I'm against the wall and he's getting dressed, and I I just like was making all these faces because I was like having so much turmoil happen. I was just like what do I do? Oh my god, Okay, wait it's fine. No, wait it's not okay. Wait what is he gonna think? Fuck? I'm drunk? Oh my god. And then like I see him looking at me and
he's like, are you okay? How drunk were you didn't realize that he could see you? And I don't know. It was just like couldn't help it. You know, I'm like one of those people that it's really hard my facial expressions. I can't get them together as much as I try, especially with Tequila's involved. Like I don't know, I just didn't give a fuck, And until I realized he saw all the facial expressions that I was making, which was like fear, anxiety, like drunkness, like regret, confusion,
like it was all wrapped in one. And then I looked at myself in the mir and I was like, oh god. And so it was just and then you know what annoyed me afterwards, which is so also ego driven, because after we left, we got out of the room and we sat down and everyone was probably like, what the fuck do they do? And they I probably thought we had sex, which we did not. I asked him. I said I was like, so, what are you doing tonight? Because apparently I cared and he was like, I'm gonna go.
I think I'm gonna go to the strip club. And I was immediately triggered and pissed because there's no reason for me to be but because because I was just like, so you don't want to hang out with me? The fuck? Also, the strip club you spent like he spent most of my pregnancy in the strip club, And that was this is a trigger for you. It's a super trigger for me. I don't trust strippers the offense. If you're one, I
just have had bad experiences. And I was just like, Nikka, I just fucking kissed you, and you can go to the motherfuckers strip club. And then I was like, where which strip club you at? Carson? I was like Carson. I was like, I was like, Okay, this is why this is why we're not. You don't even go to the good show. You don't even go to the good one. Well, maybe maybe there's a good one out there. I know you don't know, but all those things, why does that
matter to me? It shouldn't matter. And then the next day didn't matter. Like the next day after I wasn't drunk, and I wasn't emotional for no fucking reason. I was like, yeah, of course he's going to the strip club. That's what he does, you know, And like that's what and that's what he should do. That's who he is, and that's no judgment. That's what brings him joy and makes him and that's what he wants to do after a successful show,
then by all means, go do that. It's not my place to be mad at him about it, and I like was mad. I was annoyed with myself that I got annoyed, got annoyed, and then I judged him and all those things because he's doing what the fuck he wants to do.
Did your therapist offer you any advice, like actively right now in your adulthood, like what can help daddy issues, like spending more time with your dad right now to like maybe well.
She asked, She asked about the state of my relationship with him right now, and I told him I to re fine. I was. I was like, she's liked you see him often. I was like, no, does that bother you? I said, you know it does sometimes, only because I see him out with my brothers and sisters. And he very plays an active role in their life. But I've almost got become numb to it at this point, and it's not And some of it has to do with
me too. I don't always make the effort either. You know, therapies, you like he therapies.
Me.
I do you think it's healthy to be numb to it? Because obviously, no, it's not. It's absolutely unhealthy. And that's why I kissed my baby daddy.
Okay, right, But she also trikes me to the conclusion of why we're here.
Well, she said that I just need to figure out how to play the role that my dad didn't. I'm never going to get back those those years. So whatever it is that that's missing for me, I need to find out how to fulfill that within myself by myself, and not try to find a man to fulfill those things because I'll constantly be disappointed. And I know that. I know that, And I told her, I said, yeah, that all sounds good. I already know that, but like.
Why don't you just ask your dad to like go on a dinner date every two weeks instead of day?
Maybe? I mean, yeah, I need to make a bigger effort and.
Be like okay, like, let's every second Monday, let's go out to dinner.
And I told her And I told her, She's like, are you happy with the state of your relationship? I said, I'm fine with it. And I said, but if my dad were to die today, would I be Would I have regrets about the state of our relationship? Absolutely? And she's like, if you can say that, then you need to do work. Yeah, like a period. I mean there's And I was like, but I feel like I can say that about Addy.
Yeah, that's true. But that's taking it so deep. Wow, Eric, you know I'm deep.
But because I think about death a lot, and do you I do, Yeah, not in like a negative way, but I think about like the people in my life not being here one day and when how that would make me feel, and how I deal with that and how I navigate my relationships in that way. Well, I guess that's healthy because it's true we're all going to die one day, because that's really like when it comes, that's when someone dies. That's when you fucking everything that
you've held so tightly too doesn't matter anymore. Like it won't matter to me that my dad wasn't around. It's going to matter to me. What did I do after that to make it better? You know, like I can't take back those years. I can't take back who he was when he was in his early twenties as a pro athlete that you know, his friends didn't want him to have kids. He was just being a womanizer. Like, I can't do anything about that, right, So I do need to. I feel like I realized that I do.
You're right, I need to make a big effort to hang out with him. I think I think I've gotten to the point it's a habit now where I'm just like, well, if you're not gonna make an effort, I'm not. And it's not even in a negative way. It's just like it is what it is, right, you know. So that happened, and then I also ended my dating situation. It's with happy Bay. I feel like this is like the fourth
time you've said that. No, but like really ended it when you Bay, but you have said I don't think I've said it on the podcast, but I said we should just like yeah, but then we didn't really and we're still telling each other we love each other and dah dah da da dah. And I just had to like really lay realize that, like I, I've been treating him like my boyfriend when he's not my boyfriend. Why do I do that? Why would he ever want to be my boyfriend if I'm already giving him boyfriend privileges.
And that's what women do, not all women, but I do because I'm a nurturer, you know. I want you to feel loved. I want to give you my love. I want to spend all my time with you. I don't like playing games. I'm not good at them. I can do it for like a few days, and then I'm like, fuck this, Well, we're all or nothing. You know, when you like someone, it's.
Easy to be infatuated and go all out and want to show like your peacock feathers, like look at these dance moves, look at these.
Meal I can't cook, you know, So I get it.
I was with some when we discussed what we might be talking about today, as with some guys, and I brought this up.
I'm not sure if I like follow it all the way, but.
Basically, yeah, why initiate a conversation if anything seriousness, if you're comfortable.
Wait, what do you mean? Oh? Why why why make girls, I was asking.
How often do you as how do you how often like if a woman doesn't bring up the conversation, how often have you brought it up?
Like, hey, what are we doing here?
Like when you really fuck with a woman, does it inevitably come up in your mind?
Or is that something that you write it out? You write it out or you wait for the woman to bring it up.
Yeah, that's what I asked them, because because I've been victim of like not being in relationships because I'm so cool and I don't care and I'm not having that conversation because it doesn't matter to me. And I also feel like it's like a conversation a man should initiate if you want, like I want you to be in a space where you're like, oh, I value you, I want to be with you, like I let's explore like who we are in each other's lives. I would like
a man to initiate that conversation. Nine times out of ten, these niggas don't. But that's ideal, But I just feel like, the fuck what was I saying?
I said that, Oh they said that they don't do that.
Oh yeah, So one of the guys at the table he was forty six. He had been married for I think seventeen years. He said, he's only done that twice in his life, once with his first wife and now once with the woman he's with now. It took him, he said, he got bamboozled the first time by his first wife, his kid's mom. Then they have good he said, we have a good relationship. I paid for her and her new husband's reception, Like we just came from dinner.
He's like, the second how does that make the husband feel? I don't know.
I would assume here should be thrilled. And this is the second one, he said. It took me four years.
To They were dating just casually, he.
Said, but she was doing all the right ship And he said, I just would I refuse to get bamboozled again. So he did have it. He did do it again, but it took him four years. Well did was she allus? Was she under the impression they we already boyfriend and girlfriend?
Like no talking about a proposal or proposal? See that's what I said. Four years I said, she having sex with other people?
He said, even if she wasn't, I assumed that she was because I was. I was so tainted by the first situation.
So that's why. Well maybe they were farther along in their life too, where they don't want any kids, marriage isn't that important, so that they can not they can navigate in that space more, whereas me, I want, I want, maybe want another kid, and I you know, it's just I mean, and you know, I talked to Happy Bay and I told him, like we actually had lunch, you know, after I told him that, like we really we can't date, we're not intimate. It's just friendship, and like I need space.
We did have lunch, and I told him, like, you know, I didn't end it with you because I wanted you to, because I want you to be my boyfriend. Like it was like this isn't going anywhere. Are you my boyfriend? And he was like, you did it. That's not why you that's not why. That's not the reason. And I know, like the black and white reason that's probably very black and white for men, Like it's like, well, she must
have endered it because we're not. No, it's because I don't actually know where we're going, Like yeah, I don't know that we even want the same thing. Yeah, Like it's like, are we going like, are we heading that direction or are we just like enjoying each other's company indefinitely, because like, for me, like I'm not really good at enjoying someone's company and being saying I love you and then it being casual, because that's what we were doing. We were saying I love you, I'm in love with you.
We had very like intense moments of like people have had to. We've shared some beautiful moments that I'm so grateful for, but it's confusing to my heart and my body, and my body kept telling me like, this doesn't feel good. Why do you keep doing this? Why could you?
Felt like I was in limbell that he could be sharing those same intimates with someone else.
I felt triggered because I've never felt safe in a relationship. I've never felt safe emotionally, I've never felt safe physically my body like, and being in an open dating relationship doesn't feel safe, Like this doesn't feel like safety to me. It doesn't feel like security. And it's not that I and I told him, I was like, I'm not that I want to possess you, because I don't. It's just that I need to know that like we're building something
sacred that's going somewhere at some point. He constantly was so adamant about telling me I need my freedom, I need my freedom. I need me to the point where I'm like, okay, nigga, then why are you then why are we doing this? Like, go have your freedom? Am I in hinging on your freedom? Don't think so? It just doesn't seem like we were in line, And I just felt like I was. It was just taking up a lot of space in my life.
So you're giving him girlfriend treatment. He wasn't giving you boyfriend treatment.
Absolutely, I was driving. You felt like you were getting a short end of this stick kind of yeah. And and it's really my fault because he told me what he was capable of, you know, and and you saw and I saw it, and he showed me over and over and over again. It was me like wanting to be like, Okay, well I can handle this. Maybe this is what I need. This is what I need, but I don't know how to give it that. I don't know how to give that way. I'm like, well, do
you do you want to? You want someone who's just going to show up as in.
Like with the same amount of energy and the same amount or didn't want to be a boyfriend or someone who eventually wants to be in a relationship.
And eventually I just look like, for there's things that he had he like we're we're seriously dating. There's things that he hasn't done for me that are important to me that I can't expect to be done just because we become boyfriend and girlfriend, Like just because okay, now we're boyfriend and girlfriend. So now all those things that like you didn't do before, now you're gonna start doing, right, Like no, that's how you get fucking disappointed, right, and
then you're like what the fuck? So like I just had to understand who meet him where he is right now, and this is who you are and accept and accept that and that that was really hard because like I could still be dating him right now, I could still be like doing this thing, but like you know, I had to, like and that's what I was saying, Like I felt good about the other day setting boundaries. I really had to set a serious boundary for myself and
be like this doesn't feel good. Stop it. Stop normalizing shit that is not normal for your for your who you are in your core, Stop denying who you are on your core because you want to be this free open I don't care, and it's it's not like you can't be It's not that you're not like that in some ways, but you also know what feels good to you and stop judging yourself for that and making you feel like, well, maybe it only feels good to me because you know daddy is well, well, well it's okay.
I think it's okay.
Challenge yourself and be like, you know, why am I feeling this way? But I think it's also acknowledged, like oh, because maybe this person's not giving me what I deserve and that's why it doesn't feel good.
And I think I'm so proud of you.
That's a big deal because the more you do that, the easier it will become, the more like the quicker will be won't be nine months later and you're life right because so this is also I know, you know, like a huge, a huge I think, like, uh thing I keep hearing a lot and a lot of my friends like theme, and a lot of my friends who are in relationships, are in marriages is issues like deal breaking issues in their marriage and my own my first
questions always was that present in the beginning, and all of them say yes, every single I can't think of one situation like no, this is how it's always been.
And I see how much we fuck ourselves wanting something to be something something that it's not, or you think you can work on it, work on it, and not being you know, aligned with your five unbreakables, frozen five for your frozen five, because I don't want to waste two years shit I don't know, six months dealing with somebody who may they have all these other qualities, but this one quality I can change. I know they'll change,
because that shit doesn't change. And then you've married, you've had kids, you've bought houses, and you're all intertwined and it seems impossible to move forward and move on. But because you've lied to yourself, and if we can be more in tune with what doesn't feel.
Good, then we could cut a lot of that bullshit out. I feel like for me, I know, my body literally tells me every time, and I constantly reject it. And when I don't reject it, it flows so much better. But it's sometimes not in line with what my brain wants or what my mind I think my mind wants and what I think I need or what I can tolerate, and it's like no, So like setting that boundary was really totally based out of my body, because my body and like the way I feel, have not been feeling good.
Every time I think about that person. It's not filled with joy like the way it was and uncertain. I have to acknowledge it and stop denying it, and I feel better about it, and I just hope hopefully my next situation or whatever that comes, I just know I can't be giving these niggas fucking boyfriend privileges when you're not. It doesn't feel good to me, like that would feel great, like we've worked towards something and now like, well, I think what it does is it creates an illusion. When
you start treating someone like they're your man. It's fun. It's like playing house, you know, it is like playing Yeah, it's like it's so sick. It's sick. It's like it really is like playing house.
And so you create this illusion like I'm in love, I love people having sex, I'm cooking breakfast.
Hey baby, i'm massaging you. We're having sex without a condom. And then you leave and then you go home and then you're like, oh my god, when is he gonna call me again? Is he calling me? Oh my god, it's been like two days. Hasn't called you this? But I made you breakfast and I fucking we like kissed in the rain and shit, like you know, it's just like oh, anyway, I know right, kissed in the rain. It's like a real thing. Like remember that time we were holding hands in the rain and you told me.
We have that movie moment, don't watch movies moment. I'm so happy I'm not the only psycho.
It's not psycho.
It's real because literally I was like holding's hand in the rain, I love you, and I was like, this is us, this moment, it's us forever to break out in song. Anyway, we need to work on our sanity.
Well, I mean, I'm glad I'm making progress, but I'm one step forward like two steps back. Yes, yes, that's such a thing.
And I really had to reflect on that this year because I was like, I thought I was making so much progress, but no, I don't anymore. I feel like I'm still like I didn't have sex for six months.
You are, you are though you are, and you can start whenever again. Whenever you want. You know what I mean? It's like no, but I just mean like, I don't mean sex, I don't mean in anything. Yeah, I know. Okay, so obviously our life's kind of in shambles right now, but someone wants our advice something. Not sure why, let's read it.
My kid's dad and I broke up a couple of years ago. I have absolutely no feelings for him, and we don't talk too much. We are in a good place for the most part. However, he still does secretive, shady shit without telling me. While I have no cares about him, I do care what goes on when he has my daughters. Sometimes he will have them shut off their phones. He denies it so I can't see where they're at and other similar stuff. I don't know if he's doing this just to aggravate me, but I really
dislike how he blatantly lies right to my face. So I just found out, not by him, of course, that he moved in with the girl, and my daughters already know, and my daughters already know sorry her, and have been spending time there. Okay, I knew this day would come, but he chose not to mention it. He was introducing my daughters to a whole new person. It gets under my skin even more because he did this years ago when my kids were smaller and had a whole other
baby without me knowing. My kids were too small to even be able to tell me, so you can understand my frustration. So I plan on meeting up with this girl and learning more about her as she is going to be around my kids. I've never had to deal with this, and I'm clueless on where to meet. Any advice on how to do this in a non aggressive way.
Laugh out loud. It's not the other girl's fault. It's your baby daddy's fault that he didn't communicate this. So you have to go in meeting her not mad at her, right, don't you agree? I agree? I think the more copeesthetic, the better you know.
You need to actually get to know her, and that requires being chill.
Maybe meet in a made at a coffee shop or something, or at your house is too no, it needs to be an even playing field so they both feel comfortable. I don't know what to do about well, firstly the baby daddy issue, Like, I'm not really sure how to resolve that. Obviously he lies and it can't be honest, I'm not sure there's anything you can actually do about that. All you're really only resource now or I think best option is trying to meet with this girl, see how
she is. If she seems cool, then try to build a good rapport with her, because she could be an ally to you. Actually, I feel like, you know, obviously her loyalty is going to be to your baby daddy. But if women, hopefully, I think at the root of us, we like, you know, have a connection and like a sisterhood, and that if she's gonna be spending time with your kids, if she's a good person, like you know, hopefully.
I mean, I feel like anybody should be able to understand. You have my greatest prize possession. I need to know who you are. I want us to have a relationship because it's important to me because you're going to be around have a relationship with Mike kids obviously if you guys are living together, and I think it's important that you let your baby daddy know that, Like, there's really no reason to hide anything from me.
I'm not here to like, maybe he needs to know I'm not I don't want you, I.
Don't care and and you should tell him like if the lies really trigger me, and you know why, I mean, obviously you had another baby. Like I would just prefer from here on out, like let's just co parent from an honest place because we're just friends and I don't really give a fuck, So just you could keep it real with me. You know, maybe it just comes to just being mature and like the homie approach.
Yeah, but try not to be a bitch to the babe, to the girl unless she's a bitch and then in that case, beat your ass. No, but yeah, what she is a bitch? That's she'll have to ride in again because I got to think about that one and I we're running out of time. Okay, Well, anyway, thank you guys for tuning in. We are having a meet up August tenth at the Hollywood f for Cemetery again because y'all, bitches, we're scared of the Exorcist, so we picked a better
movie and it's bomb. It is Boys in the Hood by John Singleton our IP So make sure you buy your tickets at Sinnespia dot com asap and check out our evite and rs VP so we know you're coming and we can reserve a space for you. Twest. Love is DJ DJ Pooh, We're dressing nineties. We have Black Girl Bravado podcast coming and hang out Jessica Urth Girl, Jessica Rows. Everybody's going to be there. Everyone's going to
be there. Also, bring tequila. Also bring food. Also it's a picnic, so you can just picnic and drink wine and it's a pot luck and hopefully ice Cube comes out. It's like, I'm really trying to manifest ice cbe coming out.
Yeah, and shout out to people who came last weekend because we.
Had a Yeah, we had a really good time and the Exorcist is still fucking scary it is. Anyway, Well, good bye Juesday.
You know what love is, but I swear I've never seen it in your life. Oh I swear I've never seen it in your life.
Oh h m hmm.
I swear I've never seen it in your life.