M m hm. This is welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Mila. Happy Wednesday, Bitches had hoes, bitches a house, bitches and nose and everything in between.
Happy hump Day. How are you feeling? I feel good.
It's money March, Baby, it's money March. It's first of all, wait, rewind, we're.
Okay.
I feel really good because it's International Women's Day today.
Yes, it is.
And you know what that means, baby, I.
Do know it means. Today is our birthday. Today is the Good Mom's birthday.
It's our five year anniversary. We have been doing this shit for.
Five other fucking years yours. Wow. Wow wow wow wow.
And what and what a testament that lands today an actual episode day drop on a Wednesday. A Also that it is money Mars. We're focusing on money and like really being able to reflect on the growth of this beautiful baby that we've nurtured and created.
Oh my goh, so much growth. I just can just see us in the dining room right now in my head, all the levels, all the angles of the dining room, the bedroom, everywhere, everywhere you name it. We've podcasted. I know it's wild.
And like even the releasing of our first episode, Sex Apps and Kids. If you haven't listened to our first episode, it's titled sex Apps and Kids, And we didn't even realize we.
Were releasing it on International Women's Day.
Yeah, I don't think we did. It was just like we're gonna release it on this day. And then I happened to like look on Instagram and it was like it's International Women's Day.
We're like, oh, perfect, that makes sense. Yeah, we were like, okay, this makes this makes sense. I know. I mean even that that episode Secks Ups and Kids, we didn't really record it thinking that I was gonna be our first episode. It was supposed to be a test, and then we were like, I don't have another hour to do this,
let's just put this one out. Yeah, and just jet, I wish you would have listened to it before we came just genuinely the growth, like personally individually, like where we came from to where we are, it's crazy.
And like really having no expectation to make really any money. I still like think back on so many parts of our journey and like not really knowing or not really having any clarity on why we're doing what we're doing, you know what I mean, Like, I don't even know why I asked you to start a podcat has to be honest. I mean, I know there was some sort of intention. I think I like wanted to just do something with somebody. But it wasn't like I had these big plans.
No, but weren't gonna like we're gonna do We're gonna we're gonna make all this money. It was just like that, it's something to do, let's do it. Like we were. I think we were bored, lonely, desperate for change. I don't know, we had no clear intention because it wasn't like we're gonna, hey, do you want to serve business with me? That definitely wasn't the the first mind.
Yeah, And that's probably why we've been successful, honestly, because there wasn't this pressure that I think a lot of people put on themselves to be super successful. Even now in this podcasting space, Like there's so many podcasts now and you know, we can hit up all the time about you know, just how to start one, and I don't have the answers for that because there really were
no rules here. I think, like when you move with just honesty and excitement and just without like the hope to make a million dollars in podcasting, Like that's kind of the secret.
I think that it's a secret not overthinking it and not overthinking it, because one thing we didn't do was overthink it, and it was intentional, but it was really just like our only intention was to come to show up and tell the truth, like, hey, don't lie, don't sugarcoat shit, and here we are, here we are. We've done a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot of a lot of
things in five years. My love, a lot of events, a lot of meetups, a lot of new friends, a lot of trips, a lot of tears, a lot of community building. Literally, I'm just thinking of like Joshua Tree and fucking getting our hair braided and doing your eyelashes on camera while we were recording a podcast.
Oh yeah, and just and the kids like interrupting, like all of our episodes and the elevator music and us recording on two iPhones and the drama trying to get the fucking videos off the iPhone, editing Amazon microphone, editing an iMovie, like putting up episode like editing till three in the morning so that I could release the episode at eight am. Like just so so much blood, sweat, fucking tears.
And making no money at all. We didn't really know why we were doing it. We just knew we had to keep going.
We weren't making a dollar, not one fucking dollar. In fact, you guys breaking news. We were lying about some of the ads that we were like placing in the podcast early on. They were our friends. Oh yeah, like that, what was it for? Like the model experience. Model Experience was ventured Souls. It was like beauty blender. It was like a bunch of just random things that we just made up because.
We were manifesting getting adds. We were manifesting.
So much lying on media kits as we knew eventually we'd hit those numbers, and we have like times ten. So congratulations, thank you on five years of dedicating yourself to this and sitting down every week to talk and reflect and grow and heal and push.
Forward the collective. Congratulations. Congratulations, we have come a very long way. We're not in the dining room, We're in our own studio. We have our book on the dining room table. I mean not the dining room table, the table, the coffee table. And we just came back from Costa Rica from leading our sixth retreat, and we're wearing our merch.
Yeah, guys, if you haven't checked out our merch, we have a new drop. It's our first sweatsuit drop. It's super cute. It's a redo of our really popular Manifest University sweatshirt that we did a few years ago, and so we reimagined it and know, I think I'm gonna just model it because you know, the youtubes love the modeling. So if you're if you're listening, go on YouTube right now.
Okay, we're modeling. Okay, okay, let's see. She's wearing the full Manifest Universe, straight up Manifest University sweatsuit. It's teal, it's pink, it's cute, it's uniformed, it's screamed spiritual storty and turn around. I look that cute. But and on the back get down says words or spells because they are now watch what you say. You should see her on her knees.
I'm on my knees.
Oh, bend over, baby, so we can see how it so it's it really works. It's stretches. It's good for work and play.
It's super comfortable, you can still.
Like, you know, shake the mass. It's pigment dyed. I've been wearing it for like three days straight, so I know this ship.
Me and Mela showed up to the airport in the same fucking sweatsuit like twice.
Tweetled Bean tweetled dumb. You gotta represent it, we do.
So yeah.
Oh also, I'm wearing our Reimagine long sleeves heather gray, black as fuck, mam as fuck, and of course fine as Fuck tea that was re released on uh in Black History Month.
So yeah, that's our Oh and then this is the children's meet with the kids. If you want to match with your with your with your mini me, we have the mini manifest University. And look what it says on that back.
Oh so cute.
I am magic because the children are magic and they need to always remember that they're walking manifestation, walking affirmation.
So these are our These are our designs.
By the these are our designs.
We are the designers, with the designer of all the cute people always are like so who designed your march? And like us sweet us designer.
We are Canva artists.
I don't know why you're telling everybody business.
Because they need to know that it's fucking you can. You too can be a merch designer. It's not like some secret shit. I think people look at businesses and they feel like things are unattainable. They think like even our like the success that we've had, is unattainable. They think that like creating their own online store is unattainable, Creating their own retreat business is unattainable. Writing a book
is unattainable. It feels overwhelming. It feels like something that you have to wait for, You have to get to a certain level in order to do certain things, and you will fucking your dreams and will crash and burn waiting.
That's true, you can't wait. I think that's our biggest testament to like this is that we just did it and we didn't wait, and we didn't let anyone tell us it was too much and the name was too uh, too taboo or the things we're talking about too or too risque, and we committed to whatever we said we were going to do, and we did that shit consistently, even if we didn't really know, like the law long term goal as they came up, we rose to the
occasion and like we were ready when opportunity came. And yeah, we manifested a lot of shit and we sold ourselves high because we had like high regard for our brand and our business even without the entire full, bigger picture.
And that leads me to today's affirmation, which I think should just be commit to your shit and the money will come.
Commit to your shit and the money will come.
Yeah, just commit to your passions. Like if you say you want to do it, then just do it, you know, and it doesn't have to be crazy. I think we like try to like overwhelm ourselves with these major goals and like these major milestones that we have to hit. And one thing I learned from my mom was just do one thing every single day to push the needle forward, Just one thing. It doesn't have to be the whole
fucking thing. And this is the thing I've had to learn too, because I'm one of these people, like I get really a lot of anxiety if like there's things left unchecked on my checklist that I feel like I could have accomplished in the day, and like I've had to release that I've really like tried hard over the last few months to release that because it does nothing for me. It is nothing for Jamila, it is nothing for anyone in my business by me like making everyone
feel like everything is super important. Granted there is a lot of important shit that's happening, but it's all going to get done. It's all going to get done. And I feel like my value has a lot of my value has been linked to how much work I get done, you know, And I think that's that's something that I think a lot of women, I think men and women we struggle with. It's like our value is really linked
to our productivity. And once we kind of release that, it becomes so much more stress free, it becomes so much more enjoyable. And you start to realize that, like no one was waiting for that thing to be posted, No one even knew it was gonna get posted, you know, except you, bitch.
I mean, there's like this fine balance too, because like some of the one of the greatest pieces of business advice we ever got was from mel Robbins, and she was like, don't disrespect your business and don't let anybody
else disrespect your business. And you know, like this this entire journey has been a lot of things, a lot of like learning about ourselves, I mean, and then learning about ourselves in this space like as bosses and as businesswomen and making hard decisions and making fucked up fucking up and learning from them and taking l's and getting passed up on and just like and taking risks like it's risky, and we took personal risks with this podcast because it's not easy to tell like all of our
business and like be vulnerable. But you know, it's like, what's it saying scared money? Don't make money? So it's just like this fine balance between respecting your shit and also like understanding that like shit always will get done. But you know, just like the journey of becoming a boss ass bitch in business has been, it's not like always that easy. And even to this point, it's like it becomes even more anxiety written because there's more writing
on the line, there's more people writing on you. There's more like it's just a higher price to pay when shit doesn't go as planned. So I've had to do a lot of like I don't know we were talking about sorry, I.
Know, I was just saying, like just you know, I was just sharing that my product, my value has a lot has been linked to my productivity and feeling like I have to get everything done all at once.
Yeah, yes, and I agree. And I also think that we are very lucky that we found a business that also brings us like personal fulfillment. And I don't think it would have been as successful because like, it wasn't about the value in the beginning. It was just about like needing to get something out, you know, like what was.
The value to us it was a value, and how it affected our well being, how we felt after talking for an hour to two hours with each other and then putting it out there, because I think it really like we put it out there. We barely listened to it and just put it out. But I felt better after sitting and talking to you about whatever the fuck was bothering me, right, And then somehow that also made someone else feel better because they were maybe feeling the same way too, Like.
The spiritual equity that it brought, the spiritual fulfillment that it brought like leads and led to financial like financial fulfillment because there was like a bigger fulfillment that it
was like holding and caring, and I couldn't understan. I didn't understand it at first, but I think there is something like we have conversations with our friends all the time, sometimes that as honest as us, but like also the releasing it into the universe, and now I'm letting it go, you know, and I don't care what anybody says, and even for me, because I'll talk about stuff or I'll think about stuff, but then I won't like ever think
about it or pick it back up. It was a way to just be like and there's nothing you could do about it, you know. Like it's been definitely been a factor in like self acceptance for me because it's just like, for sure he said what I said.
I think there also came a point though in our business where we were like and it's there does I think there comes a point in everyone's business, no matter what your passions are, if you're passionate about something and like you really actually want to you know, monetize the business or really start to like, you know, enjoy the fruits of your labor. Besides getting messages from women that are like me too, there was a moment I think
in our I don't know what to think. It was like I think it was like year three, which is not that long ago, and it was like December, and I think I said to you, like, we have to make money next year. And I think once we like.
Flicked that on, like, well, if we don't make money, what are we actually doing? Like like what the fuck? Like we're working hard, but for what?
M M. But I think like, okay, we've established that we're like we're here, we are with the shits. We're all about you know, sharing, elevating the community, supporting our community, they're supporting us, But like what else, Like how we how? What is how do we create even more value here? And I think once we started really like taking time and space to really think about it, things just kind
of started happening. I think we started to actually become more intentional, whereas before we were just like Okay, it's because every week was like we're just trying to catch up, keep up, keep up. Oh my god, there's another Oh my god, it's another week. Oh my god, it's another episode. Oh my god. They told us we can't take any seasons. They told us that this is the best way to
do it. We got that advice early on with podcasting, and I don't know if that's actually like sound advice at this point in you know, podcasting.
Consist of like not taking off any breaks. Yeah, yeah, we certainly did it. And I don't know if that like killed us or like made us super committed, because after you've done it every week for two years or three years, you're like, this is not going to be the end all, like things are starting to cost money.
We need to do this and slowly and surely, like I think as soon as you write, as soon as you made that decision, slowly, like honestly, like the biggest beginning for us of making money was like, yeah, we started to like create little small batch merch runs, but the book and that was not something we seeked out. It like found us. And even that entire first year of writing the proposal of our book, like we didn't know that there was like a financial gain on the
other side. I don't really know what the fuck we thought. We were just like, let's write this thing. It took us a year to write, and then finally we took all these meetings and at the end of all these meetings, our agents were like, Okay, now you get to choose, and I'm like, well, how do we choose? And they're like, well, whoever offers you the most money and we were like what, well,
how much should they be offering? Guess I was like really looking forward to hearing whatever like these numbers, and they're like, well, hopefully in the six figures. I said, bitch, why didn't you say that sooner? I literally I think we're in New York, are on a call, and we're like,
what the fuck are they talking about? And sure enough, that first like we got the highest bidder and the highest bidder head was Harper and we had six figures, and we we made a decision that that day this was gonna this wasn't this wasn't going to be the last of our biggest checks we ever got. And that was just that was the only decision that had to
be made. And literally when we went to go write the book in Costa Rica, we created the Good vibera treat on accident and then that really shifted things for our business, and we grew that business in one year because we were really committed. I think once you do something like for no pay consistently for three years, like you really don't have you don't have fear, Yeah, you know, like I can do this, I can do anything.
Fuck it, I did it for this long without money. Fuck it, let's try and make some money.
Yeah, like it was, it was and yeah, and here we are. And then we made six figures in the first year with that business because we said out loud, this is not going to be the last time that we do this.
I think there's something to be said too about the Tribe. I shout out to the Tribe and everybody listening, like, you know, being able to speak to you guys directly, and you know, form relationships with so many of you, Like we've done a lot of talking one on one with many many of you, and whether that's in social whether that's on our discord community, whether that's you coming to the Good Vibe retreat, whether that's you coming to
our meet up, coming to our live shows. Like we've definitely like created bondships with a lot of a lot of people. And because of that, you guys kind of like do the work for us, spread the message. That's really like the secret to our growth is like other people sharing other good moms, other people sharing us. And so I think that because we were so genuine and continue to be genuine in our commitment to you and commitment to creating spaces for you guys to feel safe.
The community has in turn supported us and our dreams. And I think that there's no amount of monetary there's no amount of money that can build that kind of that kind of.
What's the word I'm looking for.
I don't want to say following, but just trust, trust, And I think a lot of it had to come without money because it had to be really genuine. And I think a lot of people missed that step. They missed the step of like cultivating community.
Genuine community, not yeah, like just genuine trust, genuine relationship relationships.
You can't skip over that part if you're if your business is community based, there's no way to skip over it. I don't care how many fucking Instagram ads you run, I don't care how many panels you speak on. Like the groundwork happens at the ground and you have to build the community, and it takes time, and it takes honesty, and it takes commitment.
It takes for you to really be committed to it in order to build that and like, yeah, I mean even with each other, you know, I think, like even not really knowing each other in the beginning, and like the trust that we've built. I think the more we began to trust each other, the momentum grew and like what we saw that we could accomplish together. You know, it's just like it's like a web. You know, it
started here and this friendship. You know, even within the relationship with ourselves, you know, we had to build like a certain kind of confidence and trust in ourselves to be like, let me tell the truth and not be scared, and then tell this other person and then in turn tell all these other people. And it does. It creates a space where people were like, oh, these crazy bitches are talking about what they did and that they smoke weed or they went to Coachella and did this or
whatever it is. But it creates a space where you know that, like, this is not a place you have to come perfect, you know, like this is just a place where you can come as human as you want to. And that has really created trust because you've heard me cry, You've heard me fuck up, heard us cheat, you've heard us like, you've heard all the things you know, like, and I am not one I even sitting here and
having this conversation is like I'm like, I'm not. I can't believe that I've been vulnerable as vulnerable on like a public platform because that's not really Like I'm honest, but it's not my thing to be like crying in public amongst a bunch of strangers that I don't know. But it's like this is how genuine this faces that we just like there are times we really couldn't help it, you know, or like we're not trying to perform. It's
not performative, it's not performative. It just is so like, yeah, the community is really why we have grown, like been so successful, and I'm so grateful, so so grateful because I realize like most of our community are not our personal friends.
But they've been turned given us confidence as business owners and entrepreneurs. Like their support and your support has literally made me be fearless, has really made me write these
chapters in this book and say fuck it. And and for me, like I feel like that's harder for me than it is for you, you know, Like I'm not, I'm a little bit like let me just wait, you know, but like I said when I sat when I sat down and wrote, you know, my parts of this book I said, like I've only given piece like parts and pieces a protecting certain people that I don't you know, I'm I think about my daughter and just like you know, the things that she might read about read later on
in this book, I think about, you know, my child's father, and you know the ways that I continue still to like, you know, I don't want to say protect him but not give him power. Really was what it is in my voice and in my power in this space, because early on he wanted to attribute his he wanted to make it seem as though, like the reason why I have a podcast is because of him, which you know, you did make me a single mother, that's a fact, congratulations.
But the tribe is what made has made me feel safe and saying you know what I'm gonna put it, I'm laying it all out, and I've laid it out here, but really writing it down has been like extremely powerful
but made me feel confident. It's like this is my business, like whether I'm whether I say it or not, you know, and even creating the retreat, like me and Meil have never been on a retreat, just like we've never started a podcast, just like I've never opened up a podcast studio, just like I've never written a book, just like I've never been a mom or I've never designed jewelry or never designed clothes or jewelry.
And like all the never's.
They don't scare me anymore.
I could do that. Yeah, everything I think of something that we don't have. In fact, I'm like, never done it, Fuck it, let's just do it. Let's try that. Yeah, have you ever started a cannabis business? Nope, No, no, never do that. I think we could do it. Yeah, we just do a little market research, you know, never
styled a shoot, never made a deck. You know how many decks I've made for our various companies, how many pitches, how many times we've pitched ourselves for knows how many fucking emails LinkedIn's that we've like just searched, how many lists of brands we'd like to work with, how many knows we've gotten like a lot, a lot, a lot a lot. But I think just having clarity on what our brand was, and you're right, like the only reason we have clarity on what our brand was and that
it's okay is that our community has said so. Like, like I said, We've had friends literally be like, I really don't like I think that like bad Choices is not a good name, and you know, saying all your business is not like like likable or people are not going to be associated with it, and brands telling us we're explicit or like having having titles like make Come Taste Good Again and what was it one with Kanye.
Make America? Oh?
Is that what the Rachel zoul is all? Yeah, Rachel zols Kanye some of our earlier on you.
If you guys are just catching up on our show, I really would to encourage you to go to the beginning, because Wow.
It's the wild wild West over there. It is the wild one.
It's the wild wild West of podcasting. Not much has changed now, but I think we've just grown more. And like we were saying a lot about land as shit that you know, maybe one day we'll come back to haunt us. For example, how to tell if your man is gay or bye? Five ways to find out if your man is gay or bye, because we're experts, because we're super experts in that, and that is super duper I'm prosthetic in this in this climate this day, it was.
Like my idea too, I said, I know I've wrote down some ideas, how about this, people, the girls are gonna lie this, and it was like, such stupid shit. If we put this arm like this, Oh my goodness, there's a lot of things in there that probably are not going to be popular next year and two years from now. I'm not popular right now, but honestly, we didn't start the podcast become popular. We started the podcast
to find our people. And I've just learned that our people are our people, you know, even like I even going to the retreat, it's always a beautiful like example of like what a versatile like just community that we have because I know, like I know, like you know, we're obviously black, and we've said, like we talk about race, and we joke about race and spirituality and we make
fun of a lot of shit because we're silly. But then like we go to the like retreat and there's so many different types of women for so many different places, and it reminds me that everybody gets our sense of humor. It's fine, everybody gets it, you know, everyone feels included and safe.
Well there's that, but then there's also women that don't get it. But then they keep listening. Yeah, like there's been women that are like you triggered me when I first heard you. Yeah, like I actually really hated your voice. Your voice triggered the fuck out of me. But then I had to ask myself why, and so I kept listening shout out to Dutch so and I love that.
I love those stories too, because it just really, it just it shows that a there is like there is something of value here that keeps people coming back, even if they don't necessarily subscribe to anything that we talk about anything any ways that we live, any ways that we raise our kids, any ways that we navigate our love lives, our relationships. But yet they still come back because there's something here that feels relatable, feels even if
it's not relatable, it feels maybe aspirational at times. And I think a lot of times too, that's part of the business too. It's like people want to be inspired.
I think people have this idea that there's like this. I mean, in ways, there are this level of fearlessness, you know, because we are saying things like people usually don't say, I'm being like incredibly honest and all those things, but like, I am really really scared about our book
coming out. I am getting increasingly more anxious. And it's something different about like that black and white printed you can turn the page and put it in my face and I have to read it like I'm I'm really really scared and I've like I'm anxious about it, you know, And I realized, like damn, I gotta go like talk to people and let them know it's coming, and that I've said certain things, and like.
Same, there's some people. There's certain people I'm not going to talk to. You can just read it, yeah, but there are certain people that I feel like deserve to know, like what I've shared, whether or not I've already shared it on the podcast or not. Like it's our book is actually out for pre order now. Click the link in this episode description to pre order our book. But yeah, it's printed and it's coming out and I can't take it back, and I don't want to take it back.
I think the biggest lesson in this entire thing is like feel the fear and do it anyway. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Like I'm scared as fuck, but it's coming, Like like I get like all this shit is new to me, Like I've like you said I've never run a studio, We've never done a lot of shit. It's all new, you know, I've never had a team of ten people. That's never happened. And then like it's just something that just like we've risen to
the occasion. We never fucking put a podcast out edited video, but we did. And I think like the biggest lesson of all this is like, if you want to do it, just do it and stop stop letting fear like stop you from even starting. You've got to do the shit and then once you get there, you figure it out. And I'm scared right now. I'm scared yesterday. I'm scared
next week. But I'm not gonna not do it. You know, Like everything is going to be scary, especially the older you get, you have more I have, the stakes are higher. But one of my biggest things is like I would hate to grow old and like about to be out this bitch and then have like Matt, like have so much, uh have so much like disappointment about things I wish
I would have done. That's my biggest fear in life, always has been, is like I would hate to get to the end of this bitch and be like I should have could have would have.
Yeah, I should have tried this. I should have tried that. I should have put that on. I should have just fucking said I don't care, like I'm going to show up this way. And I'm still working through those things too, Like there's certain parts of my of who I am that I still feel like I could show up even more authentically, and and it's the fear.
Is still there.
I don't know, I feel like it's like a constant evolution too, because I'm constantly growing and finding out new parts of about myself and.
And how to cope with them, how to cope with that, you know, how to cope with the fear and like live with it. I literally was like, do I need a call my therapist? But maybe shit? But like it's the doing it anyway.
Yeah, there's just so many and there's just so many things too, like in this world too, that like they feed us and they show us like, hey you can try this, Hey you can try that, Like want to try this, want to try that, And there's certain things I'm like, all right, I don't try that.
But they also make you feel like you can only be good at one thing, you know, like even like I've done it, Like, oh, you know, I do this, I do that. I'm a dancer, I make I'm a cook. I also do me Like, oh, I could do use security, Like you got to choose one, but you don't, you know, you could do it. You could do them all. You can make one business and make them all and make
it all makes sense. It's not like no one can tell you what you're good at except you, And it's like it's unfortunate that we think that we needed like a certain level of I don't know, like I don't know, cerification or title or success us in order to say you're an artist or you're this or you're that. But like, yeah, you can beat there with the fuck you want to be.
Yeah. I do, though, think that you need to You can't be good at everything all at once, though, Like you do have to like decide what you're gonna do.
You can one thing at a time. Yeah. Yeah, we've definitely shifted a lot, but mostly we like we've been consistent as fuck with this and then we're like let's try this and see how this goes, and let's try this, but like first let's get a good grip on this. And the podcast has been like our our rock, our foundation has.
I just feel like people look at certain people's successes and they think they're special, like they've been given something special, and like I can't do that. I don't know how to do that. And I think I'm here to say like there's really nothing so unique or special about me or Jamila, like.
No, we are special and unique, but so are you.
We are but just I just I'm more so mean to say.
We're not doing anything that you can't do or no one else can do. And that used to be my most annoying part of watching award shows when people would think people and they're like, I just want to say that anyone can do this, and I'd be like, bait, shut up, bere at the Academy Awards. But but now I get it. I actually get it, and I think we are just so blessed that we we realized early
that our gift is just literally showing up as ourselves. Yeah, as weird, as fucking quirky, as like as triggering as it can be for some people. I know people hate when we say nigga, you know, like, I'm sure there's a lot of shit that irritates us about people like that's a part of being human. I might remind you of somebody something about me might like same with Erica, Like there are so many there are so many factors,
but it doesn't fucking matter. Like showing up as your complete self is like I think half the battle, especially if you want to you want to pursue a career in something that doesn't feel against who you are. I feel like if you want to feel like follow I think anything. When you follow your purpose, it's gonna be so aligned with who you are. It's not gonna hurt to get up and go every day. It's not gonna be a go against everything, you know what I mean.
Like when we're at the retreat, I'm literally like leading a mushroom ceremony and I'm topless, like being super serious in a like sister circle, like everybody, can everyone take deep breaths? I literally I want to go. Yeah, we're both the titties out, titties out in the jungle like and like then our women, the women are like can I think I need to get naked? I'm like a naked yeah. And I'm just like spreading sage around naked women while they're just so freaking their bodies and comfortable
in the jungle. I'm like, I did this. I didn't I sent out the siren to call these women to come feel so comfortable and so themselves that they said fuck it at three o'clock on the afternoon in the jungle, in the middle of the yoga shalla, I'm about to get butt ass naked and listen to these sambals with Milan Erica, Like, ha, do we not said all the weird shit we've done, told all the stupid stories, like
all the dumb shit. Maybe someone would would feel like weird about showing up and like doing these weird things. Like you guys, we were like very weird women. But we but we.
Go through all the same exacttion as everyone else. Like I bleed, I fucking sometimes I pee on myself.
Oh my god, I've told I totally freak somebody out. I'm pretty sure everyone was, Like I try to like take it to wait till like day three to get too weird at the retreat, you know, but like I really had to pee, Like we really had to pee, And there's so much grass everywhere, so I'm like I'm not walking all over there, so I just gently walk my ass up the yoga shalla into the grass, squatted over the grass and pull my bathing suit to the
side and pete in the grass. And I saw someone look over at me like huh, and I'm like yeah, I'm yeah, sorry. I'm not sorry though, because we don't say sorry. It's a retreat. But I got a pee and it's the most human nature thing. But like my bladder is very is not as unreliable at this point. I don't know if it's because I'm thirty five. I'm about to be thirty five. Well that's why you need to do yard lab. That's why you need to try
yard lab. Oh you know what I did. I tried it a little bit and it's so weird you don't even feel it.
I know, no, because bitch, last time, I was in Costa Rica. Do you remember when I was in the grocery store and like you guys, this is really embarrassing. This is we're going off topic real quick. But I was in the grocery store at Costa Rica and I don't know if it's because it's warm there or like I'm thirty five now, I was thirty four at that point, but I'm sitting and I'm like, but I'm like looking at bread and I'm like I look down and I'm like,
did I what is what? What is running down my life? And I realized that I was peeing myself?
Yeah, and I was.
Like, what the fuck is this?
Did you feel like you had to pee? No? Like that was the weirdest part of all.
And like when I was out there, like I was feeling like that kept happening, Like I don't know, It's like sometimes I've heard that there's like anxiety induced incontinents.
Oh for sure for me in my own anxiety, and.
I would like to think like I'm at my lowest anxiety when I'm in Costa Rica. However, at that point in the retreat business, we were doing absolutely every fucking thing, including holding space for like fifty women. So probably what
did have a little bit of anxiety? You have anxiety, But no, I've been I've been not since then, but recently I've been starting to use yr lap And you know, I feel like talking about the pelvic floor muscle, like women get really weird about this, but it's something that like we all experience, especially as you get older. You don't even have to have a child to have in continents like you bitch, you know, if you sneeze and you be on your yourself a little bit, you know
what the fuck I'm talking about. If you have to wear pantyliners in your thong daily, you know what I'm talking about, and that really can fuck with like your mental and like, granted I haven't gotten there yet, but I was not about to get there, and so I started using your lap and literally I just like put it in. I read a book and it does these kegel exercises for me. It's actually I barely feel it,
and I had no problems ever since. Girl. Well, in fact, my orgasms are much stronger because I have been also trying to in this new year, my goal was to stop using vibrators because I'm a slave to my vibrator.
Specifically the rose mine broke.
So thought it's probably for the best, honestly, like I really love the rose shout out to anyone who gave us one. But I started to feel like my pussy was getting desensitized, Like for real, I was like when I touched my pussy with my hands, like I would get frustrated, like the fact that it was like taking
longer than I wanted to get. So I've been really trying to focus on, you know, self pleasuring, especially in school in Tandra school, Like you're not telling you to use the death's definitely encouraging you to use your hands.
Yeah, and I was cheating. I mean. The thing for me, it's so crazy, is like there there are so many things that women are trained to, you know, condition to keep up, you know, like get botox, get all the all the highest skincare, go to the gym, you know, like like all these things you do yoga, all these things that we do to take care of ourselves our hair, our nails, our skin, just to keep it like up to par, taking vitamins, but we forget about our woman,
our pelvic floor, and like these are the things that support us through our lives. Birding babies, having orgasms, like the most two important things that are like our bodies perform and we don't think to do the necessary exercises and like hegels are one of them. It's not like we don't know what they are, we just forget to
do them. And even like yeah, in Tantry school, it's like a part of a lot of the meditations is like extra like holding in your keegel floor and exercising and doing your kegels and so especially like for me, when I like I can, I'll be holding pee, but like that very last moment, as soon as like I can see the toilet, my bladder's like, aha, fuck you, I'm kidding, Like I'm like, oh, am, I I'm too old for this, right, Like why am I peeling my pants a little bit? And hopefully I'm.
Not worry you're not using your lap, bitch.
I know I'm gonna go use my yar lap because I definitely sprinkle a little bit and hopefully, like that's another reason I've been wearing panties because if I don't or panties and I'm really fucked, and if I'm wearing a skirt or something, it's just it's just it's a real thing.
And women really, like I feel like women like really suffer in silence around so many things when it comes to you know, our womb our pussies, like whether it's the scent, whether it's how it feels, is it tight enough? Am I peeing on myself? Can I squirt? Is that pee?
Like the don't look like that other pussy is my pussy.
Is my pussy lips too long? Are they too short? Like you know, is it like there's ween?
Is it too dry?
Yeah? It tastes good, but there is I feel like pussy upkeep and we ignore it because we just are ashamed or we feel like, h I'll get to it. Or maybe it was just that one partner, maybe like he's just not pleasing me, and it's like, no, bitch, your pelvic floor is falling and.
You gotta you gotta work on her, work on her. Yeah, it's like she's worth keeping up too, and it's not something to ignore. We are so trained to ignore our entire like beneath our belly buttons. You know, it's like you want to be too sexual, it would be over like, but it's it needs to be cared for. And it's true your love makes it super easy. So there's no need to like suffer in silence anymore. There's no need
to ignore her. Like she's a part of you, she's important, she deserves pleasure and like sometimes like you need to put a little little extra work.
And I'm here to say I think when you start really acknowledging your womb, you become even more and more powerful in all spaces, including business, like including how you show up in your relationships, including just feeling overall empowered. I know it sounds crazy like to kind of like blend those two things together.
Emily said from week one. She said, I had a premonition that our power is directly connected to our womb, and we forget that. If we ignore our womb, we are not in contact with our power. We're not like we're not We're ignoring parts of ourselves and in one of the most powerful parts. You will forget your own power if you're not connected with her, and society will already make us do that.
I think even just like overall health in general is so important when you are trying to be successful, like you can't You can't expect to be able to really fully nurture your creativity, your ideas, your passions. If you're not taking care of yourself like you kill but you're not at your you're not going to be operating at your highest capacity.
Now that we've we're at this point where we have so much shit going on, I realize like the importance of just taking care of my mind, body, soul, or else I'm not gonna be able to keep up all the all the work I've put into all the manifesting. If like, if I get to this point and I have, if I haven't cared for myself spiritually and in health, like I'm going to be fucked. I'm not gonna be able to keep up with all this momentum because we
all we are moving really quickly. And I realize, like, okay, but you need to go have a seat and breathe, but you need to go, like you need to wash your face at night. You know, we're moisturizer. Okay, Like it's like it's true. I'm like, wow, I'm an adult. I need to I need to fucking moisturize my hands and my neck.
I realized the spiritual aspects has been missing, kind of missing in my in my life. You know, we talk a lot about that. But like the dedication to my practices I feel like has really helped me in the last few months immensely, especially even as a business owner. My patience and like my optimism, like it's just different like I was. You know, we did this challenge with open the Open app in January that really like set me up for the rest for this year. And then
I continued off. I continue to do it in February, and then I came back from Costa Rica and I went a few days without, you know, doing my practices, and I was like, I actually and then I meditated actually today, and I was like, okay, no, I cannot fall off. I'm not starting back all over again, Like I am not doing this to myself. It's like when you start exercising and you get to a point where're like, I feel good and then you like want to fall fuck and fall off and you have to start all
over again. Like that's the same shit when it comes to like your the dedication to your practices. And I am was like, no, bitch, come back, come back. And even today's meditation was whack as hill. Okay, I was like, I didn't meditate, shit, I sat there, I did something,
but it's okay. I know that, like at least I dedicated that fifteen minutes of time to just even if I was even if I was sitting in silence and my mind was going to this, this, this, and that, I still sat down and said, Okay, I'm this is my this is my practice, and I'm doing it. And I think, like you have to carve out time for those practices while you're trying to nurture and build a business. You can do without it, but like that's one thing that I'm learning right now. It's really hard to do
it later. That's what I'm thinking learning right now. That's been super transformational. And just like honestly, like, yeah, believing in whatever it is, what you believe in, whether that's a god, whether that's whatever it is, Like having an anchor is really really important because if you don't have an ancher, you don't have faith, then none of this shit is gonna work out.
It's so true. And it's that's my that's hard as hell for me, like to take time for myself and just to like to be like this is you're gonna be half later because I get super anxious and then I'm like, bitch, because you haven't carved out time. It's hard, but it's for you. You know, you do it for your kid, you do it for everybody else, and it's
like are how important are you to you? And like that's difficult for me, But I also realize like if I want to have longevity, then I absolutely have to do it or else I'm going to fuck myself and I'm not going to be able to keep up, and my thoughts are going to move really quickly, and I'm going to be super anxious about if I told everybody in the book what I said, and like all these things, and it's like I've realized at this point, it's like, bitch,
there's nothing like you gotta either like to step into it, or you're gonna constantly be living in the present, living in the past, living in the future, and you're going to be anxious all the time, like worrying about things that don't need to be worried about, wasting time, wasting time in the present, worrying about shit that you can't change.
Is a waste of fucking time. Mm hmm. It's like a waste of your life because there's always gonna be something to be stressed about, always, forever always.
I finished my meditation and then I was like, don't look at your phone. Don't look at your phone, because.
You're gonna get And then I was there stressing.
So I waited like ten minutes, and you know, my meditation kind of went to shit because we had a little hiccup today and I was like raw, and.
I wasn't helping, like hyping you up, and then Luna was hyping me up. So it's just you don't like that. I was waiting for you to give me the light. I felt like if I held it, you would have a lighter.
You had it, it was green, Oh, I have it?
Okay. Anyway, do you have any other money business advice you'd like to give the people for money March?
Just whatever is a value to you. If whatever, if you've had something, if there's something that you find valuable, other people will find it valuable too. You just have to figure out how to make it easily digestible, Like do you think we made it easily digestible. I think there's been times, Yes, yes I do. But I also think that there's been times where like we've you know, overthought things. And that's that's one thing I know about us. Don't let us sit on some shit for too long,
Like we're not good at that. We're not good with those kind of things we are really good at, like quick intuitive decision making. Like if you let me sit with a decision for too long, I'm gonna over fucking think it and then it's gonna get fucked up. You know, like like you just but that's not always everyone else's, you know, way that they process things. You know, I think in when we have that reading with Aaron Claire Jones,
she's a human design expert. She came on our show and gave us our human design I'm a projector Jamalism manifestor. I realized that that's my superpower.
It is.
I always knew it, but I thought like, well, maybe I'm I shouldn't be so instinctive, like I should just there or what's not non instinctive? What's the word where you're like make decisions too quickly?
You know what I mean?
Hey, that word? But that's when I make my best choices, Like my first mind is always the best mind. So you know, find whatever you find value in. Start there. Like if you're like I don't know what, I don't know what my calling is, whatever, what do you find value in?
What is it that?
Like? What is the problem you're trying to solve in your everyday life?
You know?
For me, it was like I needed to someone who could relate to my experience. That was the problem I was trying to solve. That was what I needed. And so when I met Jamila I was like, boom, that's it. I started there and then everything else kind of manifested from there. You know, our our retreat business has been wildly successful. We've only had this business for a year, one fucking year. People think people like, you've only done it for a year, but like, you've been doing this
for years. I'm like, no, bitch, it's been one year, one year, and we've made a great amount of money. You know, that's been able to support us. It's been able to support our dreams, it's been able to support our kids, and you know, even more so than the podcast for.
Sure, You guys, Podcasting doesn't make you rich. Podcasting will not make you rich unless you're fucking Joe Budden and fucking but other than Joe, Joe Rogan.
And even Like and even Joe Like, they have different legs to their things are making money while they sleep.
That is the secret.
You will always be working day to day if you haven't figured out how to make money while you sleep. I don't know where I saw that quote online or something, but it's true. You have to have multiple streams of income or else you're just going to be a slave to your nine to five Unless you want to be a slave too. Nine to five. Some people really like that lifestyle, and that's cool. You're not a slave to me though. For me, I feel like a slave in
that way. I need flex I need creativity. I need to be creating on some on a few different realms in order to feel fulfilled. So that's how I feel.
I'm pulling all these crazy cards. I streight and pull another one. Then this one came.
I don't know how to pull the death card, but yeah, I know that's it. Just dreams. Find something of value. The money will come be. Just make take one step at a time, work towards your goals, one thing every single day. Make sure you take care of your mind, body, and soul, and your pelvic floor most importantly, your mind, body, soul, pelvic floor very very important, even for the men's you guys have public floors.
Also.
You need to do kegels also, and maybe do some steaming retention to put your put that chi energy back inside of you, because some of you guys are really fucking depleted. Edging, not even edging, because edging, at some point you release, I mean, don't calm, nigga, put that ship back inside. Let that ship go back to your brain. Maybe you'll be a little bucking smarter. Maybe ye know, so we pulled to is a tarot time I pulled
the seven swords, I'm gonna read it reverse. Maybe this is for somebody listening.
Trying to read it any other way than they can read. The seven of swords often appears reversed when you feel like a fraud and are suffering from imposter syndrome. You may doubt yourself and your abilities. For example, if you have started a new business, you may ask yourself, who am I to be doing that? Know that this is fear talking, Get out of your head and trust that you have everything you need to make a new venture
six us. Similarly, the seven of Storis reverse can suggest that you are deceiving yourself, trying to trick yourself into believing something even though it is out of integrity with your true self. Integrity with your true self, You may attempt to fool yourself that everything is okay when it does not. You now it is time to get real with where you are and confront your situation head on. As a card of inner deceit, the reverse seven of
swords represents keeping his secrets hidden from others. You may be harboring a dark secret that you will you hope will never be revealed. Keeping the secret may bring you stress and tension, along with deeper feelings of guilt and shame. While the thought of confessing may be horrifying, it will free you from the negative emotions you're experiencing. First, forgive yourself, then confide in someone you trust you will not doubt.
You will not doubt feel much lighter as you will no doubt feel much lighter as a result.
So stop lying to yourself. Be honest with yourself. Are you happy with where you're at? Also, know you are capable.
You can do it.
You don't have to like look at other people and seek outwardly and doubt yourself because you see other people's successes. That's super easy to do on Instagram. It's super easy to do just looking anywhere where you see people you know getting the things that you want or you feel like you deserve.
I pulled the death card after it says death is probably the most figured and misunderstood of all the cards in the deck. Most people freak out word. They will suddenly kneel over and die as soon as this card apires. Relaxed. The death card can be one of the most positive cards in the deck after a period of pause and reflection with the hanged man. The death card symbolizes the end of a major phase or aspect of your life that you realize is no longer serving you, opening up
the possibility of something far more valuable and essential. You must close one door to open another. You need to put the past behind you in part ways, ready to embrace new opportunities and possibilities. It may be difficult to let go of the past, but you will soon see its importance and the promise of renewal and transformation. If you resist these necessary endings, you may experience pain, both emotionally and physically. But if you exercise your imagination and
visualize a new possibility, you allow more constructive patterns to emerge. Hmm, don't play yourself, Stop playing yourself? Do you have any anything else to add to the podcast?
My Love? Fuck the Fear and do it anyway?
Fuck the fear and do it any motherfucking way. Yolo.
Well, you guys hopefully know where to find us, but if not, make sure you go follow us at Good Mom's Underscore Bad Choices, check out our retreat. We just and we announced our new retreat, our next retreat, which is in a new location, Mexico. I'm almost saw you lead the Maico. It's Peblo Magico Michicel and you're I know, and it's gonna be amazing. If you have been thinking about taking a summer vacation with your girls, come through. If you need to find your tribe, come through. If
you need an excuse to get away, come through. We'll be there and it's always a vibe, So make sure you check out at the Good Vibe Retreat for those dates, or to click the link in this episode description. Please please, please please go pre.
Order our book, please right now. Just do it.
It means so much to us.
Please just do it. Thanks. Buy it for a friend too.
Yeah, buy it for a mom. If you're not a mom by buy it for a mom, Buy it for a new mom. This is really a book that I wish that I had prior to having a child, honestly, not even like yeah, like even prior to having a kid.
Yeah, I mean, I wish I would have could have come on handing in a lot of points prior to having a kid, having a kid, being newly single as a mom. It could have come in.
Handy many many Yeah, there's many points in which this book could have I feel helped me, But.
I made all the mistakes for you. So give it to a friend, save her.
I guess that's it. Check out our merch on our website and support to black baby mamas.
Bye bye, m H.
This is yo Ellena j solo ball recorded
Elas