Welcome back to Good Mom's Five Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Nila, and it's Wednesday, Bitchy, Happy mother fucking hump Day.
Yeah, and pump Day and pump and pump Day. Yeah.
I like how you say that.
I guess, like technically, if we're going to be technical.
It depends where you're at in your journey.
Yeah.
That No, I don't think it matters. I think always pumping comes before the bumping.
I mean, let's be pumped. Lets you're pumping because you've pumped.
Way, pump Day is a different day. No, We're like, we're confusing and confusing.
Well, we have a very special guest today. If you hear a foreign voice, that's not Erica or I. It is the all time most high off at the pregnancy Bible that everyone has seen, read and heard of the series of What to Expect When Expecting, Heidi Murka.
That's me, Like, I mean, why Hi, everybody? Hi? I love there.
Heidi is a very very special guest today.
She is probably like one of the most recognized women in pregnancy world.
She was recognized by Times.
For most one hundred most influential people in twenty eleven. I feel so special to be honored to be able to like interview you.
I feel, Oh, but that's so twenty eleven.
So what it never goes away.
You're a Smithsonian. I mean you've sold millions and millions and millions and millions and millions. I mean I can keep saying millions because it's going to keep going, like twenty millions of millions of books. I mean, I know when I you know, I got pregnant, that's like the book everyone recommends that you must have, you know, So, I mean you are a legend for sure.
WHOA I feel, I don't know what to say besides I love you.
Oh, I love you too.
You had me at Hello.
Thank you so much for like allowing us in your space.
You know Eric, and if you guys have been listening, you know that Eric and I are very pushy. And when Heidi's agent told us she didn't have a lot of time to come to us, we said, we'll come to her house.
Don't worry, We said, ask her if I could come over.
But it's not my house, just so you know, we're remodeling, so this is not my space.
But enough, when you go back home, we'll come over there too.
Yeah, yeah, date, it's a date.
We'll bring red wine.
Excellent your open invitation.
It's not a joke once you come on the show, or your friend for life.
Oh I like the way that sounds. I need me some friends.
Well here you are too, mom friends. You never knew you needed.
I kind of did.
Oh perfect, I'm happy. So let's roll right into it. Should we do our Tarot card.
Of the day. Sure, we always open the show with little Taro. So what do the Tarot gods have for us to day?
Mela today? The Tarot guards Taro guards.
The Tarot gods today have given us the card of judgment.
No upside down.
Oh no.
So it says, in a financial context, don't be overly cautious with money.
That's not to.
Suggest you should go wild. You may find yourself deliberating endlessly about every purchase. If it's something you need and you can afford it, just buy it. It's good to be financially responsible, but you don't have to fret about every penny you spend.
I don't think I think this card is fucking with me.
No, I think it's no.
I think it's telling us something. It's telling us we're going to be rich very soon. Nice, Heidi's richness is bleeding off onto, and just not to worry, like it's fine.
Her success is just gonna bleed.
So those Gucci shoes that I was looking at on the internet last night, I should just get them.
Right, okay, but don't put them on my credit Fine, Like we just met, I know we're going to be best friends and everything.
I don't think I have access to those yet, Heidi, we're your new daughters now, like, just one Paragucci shoes, eat, we're gonna get wait?
Wait, wait, wait have you run this by Emma?
Though we're all going to be matching, it won't be official if we're all that matching to the event.
Oh no, okay, Well, just so you know, Emma buys her own shoes. Now mama wants a new pair of shoes, she has to buy it. I'm just saying that's true.
We're mom's now with my own ship.
Yeah.
Fuck, the one thing I miss about childhood?
Well? Wait, what size shoe do you wear? We can share?
You know what, I'm really sad to say that I'm like very small, but I have an average size woman's foot. I'm like below average and size, but my foot is average size.
So you know what they say about that? Yeah, actually don't.
I just was going with a huge vagina.
Yeah, well they do say that about petite women, Heidi.
I know you've heard it.
I've never heard an inappropriate joke about you know what they saw about small women.
No, that's why I was telling the joke. But I didn't know. I didn't know what the Well.
It's not necessarily pertaining to your shoe sides, but they there's there is a running joke. I don't believe that you've never heard it about petite women.
What you could drive a truck through it or what.
Like, Yeah, you could take big penises.
Well, so now relative to us, they are all big.
True, that's actually that's not a fact.
I do not agree with that. I in fact, I know.
Okay, well you probably someone probably told you that joke, Hidi, right over your head.
I'm happy. I'm tired. You don't think.
Anything goes over my head. But no, nobody has actually said that before. But good to know.
Well, now you can use it your next dinner.
I can.
I'm pissed that everybody feels comfortable enough with me to just throw that joke around.
I must say fuck with me. It's fine.
Yeah, no, I'm I'm down with that.
I always talking as a compliment, but you know, take it out where you want.
I'm taking it.
That's pun intended.
Yeah, okay, we're so inappropriate.
Well yeah, welcome to good mom's bad choices.
Hey, listen. I gotta say, for the record, I was the first person to say penis on national television, right a legend.
I told you, I told you guys, well, it was beautifulson.
It wasn't out of context or anything. I was invited to talk about sexert and pregnancy on Good Morning America with Joan London. We're going back a few years, and so it came up in the conversation, like what was I supposed to call it? And then get off the secon Yeah, yeah, exactly, mister Johnson. I don't know, but I said penis, you know, and as I said, in context, it wasn't out of context. And I get off the set and they were all like, you said penis, and
I was like, yes, I did. We were talking about sex during pregnancy. You saw like everybody shifting uncomfortably. And but anyway, so then it was Seinfeld and everything was penis. Penis penis after that.
So basically you broke the like nothing, I broke the cherry. You broke the cherry of penis on TV. Yeah, I thank you, I really do, thank you so much for your work.
You're welcome. Yeah, I've used it liberally ever since.
You know, I think that that's really important. I think, I mean even now, like with our space and talking about I mean, our spaces were very transparent.
If you can't note I had not thank you for pointing that out.
But even talking about like to our children and kids about their body parts and like things that I'm just like, why are we making all these code names for things?
I mean, call it, call it what it is exactly. Yeah, we've said vagina and peenis so far. So can we move on or is that?
Yeah?
I think I think we want to move on to the affirmation of the day. How do we normally ask our guests to, you know, help our listeners kind of you know, set their week up and something that's going to motivate them for the week. I'd love to know kind of like how you stay motivated or what maybe mantra you live by.
My mommy mantra? Sure, go ahead, Yeah, No, My mommy mantra is stop and smell the babies, because I learned this a hard way. They don't smell so sweet after a while, and I think it's like a you know, it's a metaphor for everything. You got to slow down and enjoy those moments that are going to be over in a flash.
So stop and smell the babies.
Yeah, it's funny you say that because I was smelling my daughter yesterday because she still has like round cheeks, but they're like starting to get thinner, and I'm getting really sad. In fact, like I was looking at her the other day and I like started crying and she was like, why are you crying so dramatic? And I was like, because, like you're growing up and I just need you to stop. And I was smelling her and
I was like, she still has a smell to her. Yeah, although like there have been a few times where I've smelled her armpits and they've kind of smelled and I was like, what is happening?
Yeah, for six you know that. Yeah, I remember the first time. And you know, it's funny. With boys, it's more of a sudden thing. Because I have a girl and a boy, a woman, and a man. They didn't start out that way. And with my son, it was literally overnight. I tucked him into bed one night and he was a little boy, you know, a little blonde chair up with these rown teeth. And next morning I woke up and I took him to school, picked him up,
and I was like, what is that smell? There was a smell in the car and I never ever had been a smell in the car before. And so, but I think with girls it's a more gradual process, like they have pppppms, you know, for like years and then they become women. But it's much more abrupt. Boys.
Well, thank god we have girls.
Yeah.
I don't even know if I don't know. The jury's out, Yeah, the sury's out. The attitudes are high.
Oh yeah, yesterday I cuddled with our friend's new new new babies, like one month old at the beach.
Did you stuff and smell the baby dud in a moment.
It was at a party, and I was still just like, don't someone trying to take the baby from.
No, no, no, don't take the baby.
Hold on, step away from the baby a minute. Yeah, what the fuck?
Uh huh?
I've only had seventy minutes, yeah, but going on the twentieth minute and like take it, I'm getting baby fever.
And when the cheek is again, yeah, you put your face. You can't, and it's like you hope they'll just stick there.
You know, and then they don't. They keep growing and talking back.
I don't want to talk about them. Okay again, I literally cried, it's ridiculous. My daughter the other side, I I didn't cause tra She's like, I always look at little cry my mom. Okay, mentally unstable. Definitely thinks I'm unstable.
She's like, why are you crying. I'm like, I'm just sad but happy. But you're beautiful.
You have grandchildren, so you're able to kind of like relive.
Yeah, and they're both boys.
Both her son and daughter both have kids.
No, just the daughter.
Are they smelling yet?
No? Not yet? No, okay, they're eight and three, but they don't know they well, I mean the three year old smells because he hasn't pooped in the potty yet, so he smells for other reasons, but just he's sweet, sticky sweet. But yeah, it's a smell. We don't want to talk about necessarily.
And the outside doors. Yeah, so I have a question.
Everybody knows your epic amazing book, but like has stopping and smelling the babies of like pregnancy and motherhood has always been your jam?
So true? Sorry, No, I was barely an adult. Got married, like just really. We met in September, got married in Ale. This young man, this young man right here. We met in a bar in New York. And so I was like, I don't even know what guy. We just like decided, okay, let's get married. Got married, and three months later, Oops, it's pregnant. Now I didn't for some reason, I didn't see that coming. So we were completely unprepared. And I went out to the books. Remember when there were bookstores
that sold books very very long time ago. So anyway, iget no not target, okay, and it was. I bought all three books that were available, and none of them answered my question. So two hours before I went into labor with Emma, I delivered a proposal for a book that all I wanted was for a couple of parents to sleep better at night than we just you know, hold their hand, give them a hug. And I had no idea what was about to happen?
How did you know though, like being your first child, like during your pregnancy, were you doing a lot of research or how did you come to.
Like, No, I knew nothing. I literally if you if you had googled clueless, but of course there was no Google. So that was a little Yeah, that was me. We knew absolutely nothing and there was nobody to turn to for advice, and so that I had to start from scratch with the research and learn it all.
Is there anything now looking back on that book because you did write it before you actually had a child?
Well, no, I for the proposal, yeah, propose. I just knew that I wanted to do this. I didn't know how to do it. I didn't know what would be in it, Bunny, I knew it was necessary. Right, that makes sense?
No, for sure, I'm just curious of like now as well.
It's it's because things have changed so much, so dramatically since the first edition.
It's changed, right, Oh my god. Yeah, it's like double the about of pages.
Right, I updated like a couple times a year. Wow, because it's that important to say current. But I mean the other thing is if you just look at well don't look at the cover, the original cover, but it was this woman in rocking chair with like the basket of flowers and popery, and she looked miserable and anyway. So but the point is that it has changed so much, because pregnancy has changed so much, and how we are pregnant, how we are empowered in a way that we weren't
in my pregnant days. And by the way, I didn't get to show off my bump, which was spectacular, but nobody ever got to see it because she had to hide it under a polyester pop tent. Yeah, you could sleep a family of four under there with your Yeah, it was really.
That was the norm, like everyone but know you're pregnant, but don't.
Pregnant exactly, huh exactly. Remember back in the day they called not my day, but before my day, they called it the period of confinement. I did not know that women had to be confined because they were pregnant, Like you weren't supposed to be out doing anything or on your feet or living.
You know, just like that's a showcase.
Yeah no, no, no, no, no no no. So it was maybe the most fun time to be pregnant. But I've gotten you know, I've had the opportunity now to experience it through my daughter's eyes too, and through her beautiful pumping close.
Only got the close and not the clothes of coming a long way. I mean, even since I was pregnant, the clothes and come a long way. I mean, the only option really when I was shopping was the pea in the pod and that was it, the p in the pod. Now there's so many cute pregnancy brands. I'm like, do I want to have a baby again? Just so I can't?
I do? I do? I do?
Yeah, right, I do?
I do? I do. I loved being pregnant. I did. I mean it would be hard giving up the red wine, but just the whole idea of.
This, I mean, even that though, I mean there's so many I mean for us, I mean we are cannabis users, and I think even still back there's so many things that have changed as far as like what you can do when you're pregnant, probably a glass of red wine and every now and then is you know, not a big.
Deal as it was like you know, well actually you ask. I feel like then they were like drink a martini. It's fine.
Oh, when Eric's parents, my mother in law, was pregnant, you know, the only reason she didn't drink and smoke the whole time was because she was thrown up for nine months because she didn't know she was having twins. But had she been feeling fine, she would have been having the martinis everybody did.
Yeah that's really normal.
Yeah, babies, we're smaller.
But yeah, but they made it.
They made it. No, that's true. I mean it really it depends who you ask when it comes to things like wine, even you know, sushi, all those things are you know, there's so many opinions on caffeine.
I definitely drank the coffee every single day.
Yeah, yeah, that's cool.
Yeah, I had sushi.
My doctor said it was fine. I was, like, I really did, like besides the coffee, like I was super strict. I was fucking terrified like everything that my doctor told me to stay away from. I listened to a tea, the coffee. Yeah, but you're you're coffee was fine.
Yeah.
Yeah, your doctor.
Did't say there's coffee was fine, and maybe not the five shot.
I'm a latte drinker or regular, but.
Then you're getting calcium bonus.
It's all good.
Yeah.
I don't know, No wonder sunk, but I was so terrified in pregnancy, and I think a lot of people think that once you get pregnant, it's like, really, isn't about the mother at all. It's really about protecting the baby. Must protect the wall.
Yeah, I mean it should be about the mother a lot more than it is. And that's a whole other story. I'm sure we'll get into that, but yeah, it is very much about protecting the baby.
I mean, I didn't eat any cheeses.
I well, first of all, okay, ps who could have eaten all cheeses unless they weren't past pastorized?
I mean that's what I meant.
I mean, but well, there's pasteurized breed.
What are people in France doing eating photoperiod?
Can I explain something? But can I explain? The ish there is that you don't buy drugs like drug store or gas station sushi in Japan like your sushi is fresh. The only reason they tell you to avoid it is because you don't want to get sick like bacteria. Now, the serious a different story. That's in the cheeseese super rare. But I mean as far as like cold cuts in Germany, whole different story than cold cuts here. They're more like to be contaminated so same thing with sushi. So it's
like an abundance of caution. But in terms of like sushi, the only downside would be if you got food poisoning, and it sucks to have food posing when you're pregnant, yeah, and get dehydrate, had to you know, get ivy foods. And maybe it's America and you're pinking anyway.
America has all these rules, yet we have like the highest.
Yes exactly, Well, we have the rules, but we don't have the care right And so a lot of women don't even find out what the rules are because they don't get the information because they're not empowered to have that information in your hands. So that's the problem. Well, there's a lot of problems in our country. That is a big problem when.
You're writing this book, Like there are a lot of problems with like childbirth and pregnancy in the States, like and I think we would assume that there's not because it's oh, it's the United States.
We're smart, right, but American exceptionalism right.
Right, or the backs do everything great except birth.
People and take care of them, take care of them than that, we're.
We have no ethics in our food and everything from the time he wrote the book just out of pure there's not being enough information available to you, and then the MUF Now, right, how much has it like since the book dropped and you've had this wild success. I'm sure because you've learned a bunch of stuff in the process. And I keep learning that I'm sure you weren't even aware of because.
No, I keep learning every single day. I've learned from moms. I'll probably learn something from you. Guys, I told you that joke. Well that's true, that's true. That's true.
Okay, Well quickly we forget how that's true.
I filed it away. I'll pull it out one day.
But yeah, like it's a lot of information, and sometimes I feel like I'm better off not knowing some of it. No, I totally get that when I was pregnant, like I'm a very hippie crunchy.
Like I'm gonna give a home birth. I'm gonna do orgasmic birth and breathe through it. It's gonna be great too.
No, I went to I mean, I'm a stuge fan of orgasm. I'm not gonna lie, but maybe not. At the same time, I just that's me.
I was hopeful it just didn't happen, because that shit hurts.
Yeah, Like I did all this research into all these like crunchy hippie podcasts, I read a lot of like all of Nime Gaskins books.
I was like, I'm gonna go to Commune and give births on the fire.
But like I didn't realize, and thank god I didn't realize because I didn't really want to give birth in the hospital that me as a black woman. I was almost three times as high as like not leaving the hospital with my baby. I had no idea of that, And thank god, because I was already scared at the hospital and I end up going to the hospital. If I would have known that, there's no way I would have went. I'm like, fuck that, I'm going to be home,
you know. So it's like I didn't even know that that was fucking seven years ago.
Well yeah, so the reality is that's real reality for black women. It's also reality for indigenous moms American Indian and Alaska Natives so as well as moms living in maternity care deserts, which are all over the United States. So what's that It means you can't get care, there's no hospital, there's no birthing center. There's no hospital that does O B like even in Chicago, in the South Side Chicago, Mattornity Terra is shut down. In a lot
of places in rural areas. That's crazy. So many hospitals have stopped doing birth livery so you have to travel so far to get care and in an emergency, that puts you at great risk. And now, let's face it. We've been to South Sudan and Somalian border, We've been everywhere, and okay, you sort of it's not okay that happens there,
but you understand it to a certain extent. I don't understand why in the United States, the wealthiest nation in the world, we can't do a better job on maternal mortality, morbidity of moms of not making it through childbirth or dying postpartum because they their care lapses, their Medicaid lapses at two months.
What what you see.
The doctor for the last time, it's six weeks. A third of death happen after that because moms aren't getting continued care. So that's not okay. We have to change that. You know, you had information, whether you wanted to access or not, you had it, but a lot of moms
don't get any and they're not listened to. The CDC just did this great campaign called hashtag Hear Her, and it's all based on the fact that many women are not heard black moms, especially women of color, when you speak up and you say this hurts, you know, I'm having this symptom, and they say, oh, it's normal, stopping dramatic.
Oh, I mean I think of Serena Williams. Yeah, except she was hemorrhaging and she told them something's not right, and they pushed her aside until she was like, no, someone needs to listen to me and think about how many women of color, not just black, that that happens too. It's just it's alarming. And we know our bodies. We know when something does not feel right, even me, Like I think about my experience and you know, I did
want to have a home birth. And then because I was the first of all my friends to have children, I told my friends that I told my family that they all looked at me like I was fucking nuts. My mom. I come from a family that's very like you're sick, you go to the doctor, that's it. Even now, they're still like you, what are you doing go to the doctor.
Well, it's probably a good idea right now.
Yeah, But you know when I did decide to because I had of fear. I was telling my daughter's father or we I invited a midwife to our house. And this is my last attempt at like proving to myself that I was going to do this and then like proving to him that, like we're doing this. But I also had a lot of guilt because like, Okay, it's not just my baby, it's his baby, and like I want him to feel comfortable even though I'm the one carrying it. And I remember this moment he was asked
the midwife like, so, what happens in an emergency? And I was like fuck, And he was like, well, we would go to the hospital. And he was like, well, why don't we just go to the hospital. And so we went to the hospital. And that was my first experience ever, Like I'd never laid in a hospital bed ever in my life. I never had surgery ever in my life, so kind of going to the hospital was already traumatic. I remember, like I had planned, I was like a week late, so of course my doctor was
pushing me to nine days. Yeah, I was seven days. But my doctor was like, you must go. The baby's getting too big, like we have to induce you. And so even now wishing like I didn't listen to her, like I wish I would have just waited a little bit longer. I went. I got the potocin. Throughout my pregnancy, she had been like talking about sea sections a lot, and I kept saying, like, I don't want to see section. She's she's like, you know, all my babies were delivered
sea section. It was very sazy. You're obviously capable of your healthy weight and you have a birth. I'm just saying. I'm like, I'm just saying, what. So anyway, I get the potocin. You know, I'm in labor for thirty six hours. I end up. You know, once your water's broken for that long, you're susceptible to infection. I get an infection. Now I'm going in for an emergency. See section. Not
part of my birth plan at all. Never had a major surgery in my life, never sat in the hospital ever except for death, like going to visit people who are dying and just feeling like none of my like, no one was listening to me, like I told her, like I think we should wait, and she said, no, we shouldn't because her baby's getting too big. I delivered my daughter, she was seven pounds. I'm like, people are delivering eleven pounds.
Say yeah, those estimates are way off in lean Away, so that's not something you can take to the bank. Yeah, thank Yeah.
It's just like I just feel like there's a lot of pressure to just you know, especially as a first time mother like you. For me, like I felt like I must do everything by the book because I am putting my child at risk.
Like there's all this fear around birth, and like that you don't actually matter. All that matters is this thing that you're growing inside.
Right in your opinion, doesn't matter. You're not in a medical school, did you go. I didn't think so, So it's you are. You're gonna die if you don't do this.
I don't know what her experience is with other, you know, women or white women that she caters to. She's not a black doctor, and that maybe she would have been a little bit more like, Okay, let's wait, I could we could argue that or whatever. But I did feel like my needs were not listened to, and I was like, then suddenly I'm in surgery.
Well, here's the thing. I mean, there's a good reason why we have sea sections and why we have induction, why we have all these interventions. It's to save lives when necessary, but it's for use as necessary, and so there's a fine line. And I don't know the circumstances, but I have to tell you that black doctors are less likely to perform sea sections on black women than white doctors. I mean that's just a statistic and for whatever reason. And black moms are more likely yeah, yeah,
and to have all kinds of complications. Now, what it's correlated to, whether there's you know, a higher risk you know, because of certain pre existing conditions whatever not for you. No, absolutely, So it's a balance because you want a healthy mom and a healthy baby. And I you know, then on the other extreme, when I go to Africa and we were in a clinic in South Sudan where a mom walked in barefoot. She'd walked fourteen miles in labor.
Oh my God.
To get to this clinic so she could safely deliver her baby. Now, this clinic had no infrastructure at all, but the midwives were trained and they had clean hands, and that's already a leap above what you could get in your village. So there's extremes, but I feel there's a need for balance with you know, any birth that ends in a healthy mom and a healthy baby is success. I didn't successfully say.
That, but you see, yeah.
And yours was. However, you know, could you have waited? Maybe? I don't. Who knows what the indications were, whether you had any reason to deliver sooner.
I think thinking about what Jamila said about saying that, like, I didn't know that. You know, black women are four times three to four times were likely to die in birth than white women. I had no idea of that either.
And in my work, you know, in this space with good moms and you know, meeting women like you and talking to birth workers and doulas and doctors, I do feel like, reflecting back on my experience, I'm just like, huh, I do feel like I wish I would have been more knowledgeable yeah about that.
And then just being more empowered to say, you know what, I want to wait longer, Like why is there a rush and you're trying to get to are you trying to get to vacation?
A lot of times doctors do do that.
Like there's studies that correlate c sections happening around lunchtime and the time it's time.
O'clock out because people are ready to go home, and there's definitely something to be said for that. I feel like when possible, midwife, definitely have a duela. Those both lower your risk for needing a sea section, because sometimes you need a sea section and there's nothing to advocate for you exactly. Yeah, and I believe every mom should have a duel. We just passed the duel a resolution that just recognizes the importance of them and hopefully we'll get them covered by Medicaid.
We also work on much which is so amazing because.
You know, for a mom who can't afford to hire a doula but will benefit so incredibly from having that advocate. From having that physical and emotional support can make first of all, lowers your risk of sea section, lowers your risk of complicit ex floors your risk of postpartum depression. So it's a small investment for.
Huge for a huge And like, if anyone's had a baby, that hospital bill.
Is like twenty racks, twenty five thousand dollars.
I'm like Okay, America, you could throw like twenty five hundred in for a doula.
Not even not even not right, But it's.
Just crazy, like the amount. First of all, it's so over medicalized. Then it's so very expensive, like if you don't have insurance, you're fucked. And just even to hear I didn't even realize that they only cover you, you know, two months after.
Giving states that have not had Medicaid expansion, which is a lot of states, that's when it lapses. Two months and until the states say, okay, moms matter in this state, it won't change. California, of course, is great, like comparatively amazing in terms of maternal health places like New Jersey and New York, But you go to other states like Texas, and the rates are so high and moms are not
getting care. And you're also talking about undocumented moms who are afraid to get care or they don't can't afford it, so they wait until they have a complication at eight months and guess what that ends up costing more than it would have just to give her prenatal care in the first place. So you know, as far as I'm concerned, if you know, legislators don't you know, see it from a compassionate point of view where I want all moms, these are my sisters, I want them all to be healthy.
Then you know realize it's economically it makes sense.
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Can you tell our listeners too, I mean, you do such amazing work, I mean all over the world with your foundation, and can you tell them more about your what to Expect foundation? And also bump Day. I'm really excited today.
Yeah yeah, yes, yeah, not surprisingly it's a Wednesday and bump.
Yeah, today is bump Day, and I just want to talk about your work and your foundation and how you came to bump Day and what it means for us and you and all the moms out here.
So this is our seventh annual Bump Day and which is very exciting, keeps getting bigger and bigger. And the idea is to flood social media, especially Instagram, with beautiful bumps, because we're all about celebrating beautiful bumps past and present. I'm going to be personally dusting off my polarizers. Of the three pictures that I actually have pregnant, one there's a little bit of pubic hair that I have to because I was pulling my shirt up, so I have
to like tuck it down. But the idea is to have fun but raise awareness about the urgent need for better maternal healthcare in the US, because motherhood is yeltimate's sisterhood, and our sisters are at risk and we can't let
that stand. We have to advocate share messages about the crisis of maternal mortality that here in the US at this moment, because we have the highest rate of maternal mortality in the developed world, not okay, not okay, not even remotely okay, and we can change that, but we have to all speak up.
Well, I'm really excited to be part of it. I can't wait to show off my bump. And if you guys are listening, make sure that today is the day show those bumps off. If you have any pregnant mamas listening right now, go take a picture or you know, I know you guys have probably photo shoots. I mean, we're in the age of social media exactly. Everyone people love to post a bump photo. I mean I wish
I had more photos. I think even me, like, I wasn't like one to like walk around with like a crop top on and my like belly show.
Oh I would do that, right, I.
Mean I definitely showed my bump. It wasn't hiding it. But I wasn't like boom like sports bron belly here I.
Am oh man to do Yeah, for sure.
I was dedicated to not buying a single maternity outfit. I'm not going to be pregnant very long, so I'm not buying that shit.
That's right.
And then I was just squeezing my already small shit over my big ass belly and you were gonna get it all no matter what.
I love it.
But you know, even as empowered and like I was
in my pregnancy, I do wish. It's crazy how you can think at one point you're empowered and you were comfortable in it, and then you look back and there's things that, like even with breastfeeding afterwards, Like I was a breastfeeder and I breastfed for a long time, but like I just remember some people are like, oh, you know, go in the bathroom and then not feeling like ballsy enough that day to be like no, And I was like okay, like for me, and I thought that I
was like all empowered in it, but I was looking recently. I don't have a lot of pictures from me breastfeeding because I was probably like this is too much to take a picture, right, But now I'm like, I miss it so much.
I miss it all these years later. I miss it like crazy. And I was a person who actually whipped them out back before it was cool to whip them.
I'm so proud of you.
I mean, I like tried to put a napkin on me in a restaurant. But you know, Emma was always like body exactly so I so to speak, how was.
Your husband with that at that time?
Like, is he advocating for you or was he like, oh, totally, well he.
Was fond of them too. I mean, but it's like, if you can show breast everywhere else, damn it, you can share breast when you're feeding a baby, period, end of story. Not even negotiable.
There's so much sexualization of women's bodies, of bodies in general, and it's it's crazy that, like we are so programmed to sexualize every fucking thing, because I guess this is America that even when it comes to something as natural and as beautiful and it is like god given as birthing, and like enjoying the body that you're in, and like even like I think I got flagged on the Internet because I posted a picture like a beautiful my belly, but.
My nipples are showing. They were fucking huge. But the point is it wasn't sexual at all.
Why the fuck Instagram? But you take my beautiful picture down at a beautiful couch.
It's just it's just it's an interesting thing.
And I feel like so many moms like if you're listening, if you're pregnant, if you're about to get pregnant, if you have, you know, having a second baby. There's so many things like to be empowered in and information to soak up and just like just to know where you stand in your pregnancy and to like make sure your partner is informed and you're informed when you go to the hospital. What you want, what you don't want, what
you're standing for. If someone told you to put your tit away in the restaurant, tell the fuck off, you know, like, there's I just I want to give you the unless you're not breastfeeding, unless it's just like.
You're randomly pulling it out nice to me too. Yeah, that's no, and that's okay, and it's a wardrobe malfunction and I get that. But if you are breastfeeding and this is true, all, oh for the world, what is the matter with us?
And also if you're that weird ass fucking friend that's like, oh, hei, do you put your boob away?
Fuck you?
Fuck you friend. You need to shut the fuck up.
And the next time you catch yourself about to tell someone to put their tit away or put a blanket over their baby's head or whatever fucking great advice you think you're about to give a mom or like maybe you should put those new hot milky boobs like away. No, no, I earn these milky boobs and I earned belly, and
I can do whatever the fuck I want. And like, even if it's your mother in law, you know, maybe don't have to use those words because you might get divorced, but like you must stand up for yourself.
Well, and it's true with mother in laws and with mothers, I mean, like they'll give you a lot of shit, all kinds of things, and you just this is your time to be the parent. It's not their turn anymore, right, you wear the parent pants.
Yeah, it's true, it's your time to Really, you make the rules.
It's you made the baby. You made the baby. You made the baby, not them. And by the way, pregnancy and new moms are not community property. I can't know everybody thinks that meeting. No, No, they're not going to contribute to the raising of your child.
So their opinions.
Honestly, No, they don't get to tell you what to name your baby. They don't get to tell you how to feed your baby or how your baby. You know, should what schedule they should sleep on? Nothing? No, they don't earn that.
I tell you I never got more motherfucking unsolicited advice until I was a mom. And I'm telling you you've got to start that shit in pregnancy. You got to start putting your motherfucking foot down as soon as you see two fucking lines on that stick your swollen foot.
Yes, you put that swollen foot down.
You have to like stand in it because people will try.
You and it will make you question yourself and question how your parents.
That's the thing. And I know you guys are not like this, but there's so much on social media of the mom judging, which is why when you pulled out the tarrot card about judging, I was like, no, no, not that, no, but we can't. We have to support each other. And you know, and there are like two absolutes about being parents. Keep your child healthy and safe, love your child unconditionally. Beyond that, keep it alive, keep it alive, keep it happy. That's it.
And even on social media, there's a lot of judgment from the crunchy moms to the non credown and I think that I have to speak to that too, because there's women that was both ways. Yeah, I mean, it's really easy for us to be like give home birth and don't want don't want to that's if it would put you at high. Why are you giving them formula and mother's milk?
And I'm like, okay it listen. Emma did not make milk. She closet pumps eight hours a day and she would make like this much milk and it was funny because Lennox was loved it, so she would give it to him first. I used to call it the appetitidizer. I was taking literally one ounce and he loved it. And that made her feel so guilty, so she would go back to the closet and pump and pump and pump
until her nipples hanging on by a thread. And we finally had an intervention and said, Emma, you can't continue this like you know, And they did not bond until she gave up the breast pump. She was so gung ho and it was keeping her baby. Lennox hated the sight of her because she would always try to shove a breast in his mouth and there was nothing in it. And she tried every herb she tried every Electasian consultant, she tried cupping drugs from Canada, like she tried everything
and she couldn't make milk. So it's like, yes, breast is bas but if you can't pressfeed or you choose not to, the most important ingredient in a feeding is love, right, that's it. You provide that love. You provide everything a baby needs. So that's what I'm saying.
I sucond this message good mom is not a place for judging or what to expect.
I'm so excited to see all these bumps. I can't wait to see all the bumps on the internet, all the bumps that I've yet to see. I know we have a lot of moms that are pregnant right now. They're like, say, what is the assage? But it's hashtag.
Hashtag bump day. And then we have a social media toolkit you can share messages about the need for better maternal health care. There's so many stats that are really like the fact that you know, two zero point two million moms live in a health care desert where they can't get care.
I mean not okay, it's a lot.
Yeah, And most pregnancy complications that lead to death are preventable, Like you can actually do something about it by spreading awareness isn't that crazy.
There's things we could do about it, but we just haven't done it because you know, well do that last well and a.
Lot of people don't know. They just don't know what they don't know, and I'll give them the benefited I mean, but now you know. So, Yeah, we have to mom mobilize around issues that are really important to all of us, because if we don't do it, who's going to do what I'm going to do it? Mom?
Does matter? Yeah, we make the people. Do you want more people will take care of us?
Fun?
Do you want a population?
Yeah? Well yeah, try to have a health health the future. Without a healthy mom, it's not possible.
You'll have nothing.
You have nothing. You owe it to us, right, Okay, then.
We have a few little questions we wanted to ask you before we head out of here with. So we were recently gifted this amazing game by may our podcast coordinator who's sitting over here. The game is called We're Not Really Strangers. You guys have maybe seen us post about it. Maybe you guys have heard about it because it's all the rage on social media. But it's a good way to have some really amazing questions in here.
That I think some people haven't been asked. I know I have never been asked tobo these questions.
This is a self reflection edition. Uh oh, so you've got a self reflect tidy.
Okay, deep do I have to look.
No questions?
Not in this light? Okay? Yes?
What have you always accepted as true that turned out to be false?
Okay? I'm not good at self. What if I always I assume that everybody cared about moms and babies that turned out not to be I assume that, Yeah, I don't. Honestly, that's one I'm really bad at this. I'm good that.
You've taken the initiative to make people care.
Well, I'm trying starting the.
Hey, you should care about moms and babies.
I'm campaigned because trying done an amazing job. Okay, here's another one. What's a non negotiable in my life?
Your life?
Hugs hugs same same girl. You gotta hug me own friends.
I have hugged my way through countries where nobody hucks, no body hugs. I hug men in countries where men are not supposed to hug. I've gotten people from man pats all the way through shaming them of course. But the other day I was a Senate office and this guy was giving me this like little Mandy candy, kind of like cat and I was like, no, no, that's
not okay. I'm getting train news. So hugs, hugs, hugs. Well, I was like, that's not okay, Like you don't hug like this, It's not you know, it's like the Hollywood air kids.
The people's face like like to touch them, uncomfortable to get I've always.
I only had security called on me.
One security was called called security on you.
I think almost No, it was it was five one woman, it was. It was on this it was no. I haven't. Oh, I would not. That would be my one exception. That would be. Yeah. It was on the set of the What to Expect when You're Expecting movie. I don't know, I thought it and if you did, I apologize. It was embarrassing. You love it. So we were on the set and I was hugging everybody, and I got to what's his name, Dennis Quite and he was at the you know the.
Is that Meg Ryan's ex husband? Yeah?
Okay, rude, he didn't he called security.
Well, no, I was like, hi, I'm mighty, and everybody else had been so awesome about it, and he was like, he didn't actually call security, but I'm exaggerating little, but he won't exactly.
Look Dennis get it together.
Yeah rude.
So I'm just I wouldn't give him one rain check.
He seems like a hugger. I'm pissed.
Well, you'd be surprised he was my shunger that you think is a hugger. He's an actor, Eric damn.
Yeah. And some people are weird about it.
So it's I mean, like minus COVID and all the other you know, whatever, the cold that's gone crazy.
But people are so weird about human touch.
Okay, but yes, And I actually the first time I went to the CDC and I met with the director of the CDC, and everybody who knew I was a hugger. They would take me into his office and saying, whatever you do, do not hug him. Don't don't do it, don't do it. I went right in, Like, I went right in. I gave him a big old hug, and I swear he would not let go, like he was hugging me for the next like.
Waiting for this hug.
And I said, you know, here's the thing. About hugs and public health, Like, I understand no handshaking, handshacking scross, but hugs, you're going like this, you're not. There's no swapping of any fluid. You don't keep fluids on your shoulder. So I feel it's so much more hygienic and it's good for you.
I can only imagine the memos that like go before, like Heidi's agent.
Sends up, she's a hugger. Just morning everyone. She will touch everyone. Be aware.
No, it depends on it depends on literally.
You know a lot of important people.
Oh my god, I you know, Star General, I know I do. Oh my god, slide it here. That photo. That photo. So that's when Eric or somebody told her. She wrote what to expect when you're expecting, and that's her. You did not.
Our face was to look at this, look at this hug an amazing.
But there's this well, first of all, I'm wearing heels, she's wearing flats, and I'm in her armpit. But but regardless, she is an amazing hugger. But that's her face saying literally, she was saying, you did not.
I see it. That's your facing.
Yes, I did.
That's me, and that photo. She's she's saying, and I used to go through it every night, and she was using the hand description.
And everybody's read the book. I meant read the book, including Michelle Obama.
That's amazing you've made it.
She's it's a really good hugger though.
I have to say you're a good hugger too. You gave me a good hug. I was very pleased with that. I'll do Oh, I'm so excited and binding over our feet hugs.
Yeah, we crushing.
I love I love it, I love it here.
This is my family. Now, well, why do you thank you so much for coming on the podcast.
Thank you for coming to me.
Yes, yes, we came to you, and we'll come to your house.
So special.
You're aggressive and we don't take no for an answer.
I don't either, so yeah, I don't.
Maya was like good news, I'm like perfect. Nobody was going to email. I'm like, I'm going to do it.
I'm so happy that you joined us and shared your knowledge and shared energy with us in space, and thank you for all the work that you do. And we will be posting every fucking picture of our bump that we can find on it. Yeah today, Yeah, I hope you do too, tag what to expect when when expecting, and hashtag.
Bump day, happy bump day. All my beautiful mama's out there.
Happy bump day, Happy healthy bump day.
Happy healthy bump day. And don't forget to hump because it's also hump day.
Yeah, well, you can get the bump or not.
Yeah, well you don't have to get the bump every time you hump. I'm just clarifying.
That you can pull out.
Please don't rely on that, okay, or you.
Can take better.
Yeah.
I'm not a doctor, and I don't certify this message.
We're gonna have a snort, I did.
Where can our listeners find you?
At Heidi Markoff. All my social media is at Heidi Markoff. And of course there's at What to Expect and the What to Expect Project, which is the foundation, and there's a lot of things and what to expect. App wait, there's what to Expect podcasts, there's a lot of what to expect.
Just google what to Expect It follow all of them for me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, And you know where to find us.
We're Good Mom's Underscore Bad Choices on Instagram and Good Mom's Bad Choices everywhere else.
Don't forget to read review this episode.
Make sure to follow us on Twitter. You guys, we do have a Twitter. We tweet why you do? I do?
I mean I've gone on a little Twitter Titus. Yeah, it's a lot over there, but it is. But I for bumped ay, I'll do it.
So I think we're good. We're bad girl, good mom.
No, good mom, underscore bad girl. That's what it is. Oh well, we will tag all of the lik.
Like you're good and you make good choices. You just yeah, I have a feeling you do.
The bad choices are not necessarily bad, they're just you know, some people might think that talking about sex is bad, but or saying.
Penis on the tele, well, clearly I'm not one of those people.
You are a good mom bad You are a good mom that makes bad choices and good choices. But we will link everything in this episode description. Don't you fret and we'll see you guys next week.
Bye, my mos.
So don't so. Then I saw him and he saw him the best a
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