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And like, even just as moms, we say things and we plant seeds and then we keep going and we hope that it we hope that it like imprints on them, but it does. And you know, this brings me to our affirmation. Lynna was having having it, like being scared to go to sleep and saying she was scared, and I was like, I'm brave, I'm strong, I'm powerful.
Nothing's coming to get me. I'm safe.
I'm brave, I'm strong, I'm powerful. Nothing's coming to get me.
I'm safe.
And like a few weeks later she was like getting nervous, like she was getting scared of something and out of nowhere, she was like, I'm brave, I'm strong, I'm powerful. Nothing's coming to get me. I'm safe.
And I was like, yes, oh my gosh, remembered it. I don't remember it. Welcome back to good Mom's bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Mila. Happy Humpday, guys, Happy Wednesday. How are you feeling, my love? I feel good. We have a new couch in our studio today. It's yellow, which makes me happy, so I feel I feel.
Jubilant, jubilant, jubilant, jubilant, jubilee, jubilee. This is what happens when we try to use new words. That's why we keep using the same twelve big words that we know.
Container and shut up. If you are watching on YouTube or you're not, go to go to YouTube because we look cute today. I'm wearing one of our merch items. I have our hat on. Make sure you subscribe to our YouTube channel. We're kind of cute. We got like a cute little like twenty five thousand subscribers on YouTube over there. Wow. If you haven't subscribed yet, come on and I'd be commenting back. I'd be in there. I be in the comments on YouTube cursing people out a
little bit. So are YouTubers mean, Yeah, they are, because it's like it's like the dark Web. I feel like there's no real profiles. They can hide better. Yeah. So if you got cursed out in our YouTube comments, just know that was me. It was me. But if you said nice things, I also said nice things back. I'm usually the one cursing out people on Instagram.
I'm getting flagged every time, even though people are disrespecting me. I'm like, you know what, I have a problem with this. So you can come here and talk shit, but I can't respond.
Do you go on? You go on the comment section deep dive of Instagram. Mila will send me text like she'll screenshot shit and text me and I'm like, where what is this post? Even from She's like, it's the one with Jordan's sparks. They said that we're witches and they said we're all going to hell for pulling tarot cards.
Recently I went through those text messages. I'm like, first of all, poor fucking Jordan. Second of all, the logic is crazy, Like every time I think like religion is a dying breed, I see these ridiculous things. It's like Jordan's save Yourself the tarot cards. I'm like, do you Someone was like the moon, the stars, the moon, the stars and the tarot. I was like, who in the fuck do you think made the moon and the stars,
witch and the tarot? And I was like, you do realize the Bible was created by a bunch of profits who got downloads. I'm like, sounds like magical, which shit to me?
She did even she wasn't even a tarot car that she posted a picture of. It was like a picture got his card. It was like a picture of a snake, I know, but it was a card. It was a snake on a card. It's about like shedding old skin. I'm like, you guys are slow and your titty is about to pop out at any moment. I just know it. I can see it. The nipple is about to go to war with that time.
Don't hang on my bottom cleavage, you know. I just came to the conclusion like the Internet is a dumb place, especially leaving such a We just got back from our retreat. I'm wearing a hat, my hair is not done, and I'm also still my Mexico vibes slash Madonna DJ makes the people come together.
OW remember that. I hope she's okay. I need to do a check in.
Yeah, maybe you should update me because you're random updates with no end.
Listen. I got I got a mess. I got a post saying Madonna was not okay and that she was shitting on herself. So and then she was totally needed to know and I was like, what the Madonna's a motherfucking legend. We can't lose Madonna. There's certain people we just can't afford to lose Madonna, Jamie FOXX, Okay, well, I have a news for you. Angela Bassett. We're gonna lose you know.
I'm for I can't afford to lose Angela Bassett. We're losing everyone I know, but including us. This is not forever, This isn't temporary.
Oh I'm usually the dark one.
We're gonna lose everyone and everything not lose. They will transition and you will no longer be able to be with them in the physical.
I know. I had that thought today. I was staring at my child as she slept this morning, and I was like, I'm not going to be here.
That's the scariest thing on earth to look at your child and be like, oh my god.
I'm not going to be here, but you're going to be here without me, without me? Yeah, I'm like, are you gonna be okay?
I always say this, being a parent is a highly scary liability because once you have a kid, it's a liability outside of yourself that you think should you could do about it. You could just protect it, hopefully teach it, and if shit happens, you got to deal with it.
Everything that comes ooh darkness. But I think that's the part of the enlightenment, right, like not having an attachment to anything, and not like not an attachment to your kids, because obviously, like there's healthy attachment, but just understanding that we are uh indestructible, we are infinity, Like we exist no matter what, forever, over and over again in the ethers or in this amazing human form where I could have really good under cleavage.
Yeah. I've been staring at my child as she slept the past two nights and just thinking about how difficult it is to stay present all the time. And you know, this weekend I went to see the Barbie movie and I actually left my commentary on the Barbie movie and our Patreon, So make sure you go check out Patreon. Very important commentary for me because I am a movie critic. If you don't know, and I was. When I was watching the movie, I was looking at her and I
was like, oh my God, like time has flown. I remember the days of me playing with barbiees and dolls, and now I have this, and now I have a child that is playing with maybe not Barbie so much anymore, but just how time evolves, traditions somehow stay the same, playing with dolls, all these different things that kind of get passed on along the way.
Who started playing with dolls? I have no idea that's the witchcraft.
Is it witchcraft? I don't know. I just omated it. I don't think it's witchcraft. Everybody thinks everything's witchcraft, might as well go with it.
I think it's more so congascination, imagination or conditioning.
Because about it. I think it's a mixture of imagination and conditioning, because then no one gave boys dolls. Well, if you did it, well, they gave him action figures. You know, they gave girls cards to play moms. Did they give us girls dolls?
To play moms or did we just get the dolls and then play fucking moms because that's what we saw. We imitated our moms maybe and like the family and then they hunched.
Maybe maybe, I mean, yeah, and that's what you know. I did appreciate that they addressed a lot of this stuff in the movie, and I actually feel like the movie was not for kids at all. I actually wouldn't recommend it for a Luna called me.
The first thing she said to me on FaceTime Barbie was inappropriate.
I was like, Barbie was inappropriate. I was like, what do you mean?
She said, Nana, you tell her. I was like, what the fuck is Barbie doing. She's like, she's like they said bad words. It's like what words? And her Nana was like, vagina, penis and the effort. And I was like, Lona, vagina and penis are not bad words. First of all, are both of our children who hear us curse all day long? I know that's why my sensitive as child, I guess we don't say like vagina and penis all day But I keep telling her that these are not
bad words. And I was like, I was like, everybody has either a vagina or penis, and I was like, and I was like, I don't even know why they were saying it, because Barbie don't even got a vagina.
Well that was that's what they said. She said, Yeah, that's what they said. I was like, well, that's a fact. I do feel like a lot of the jokes totally went over Actually, I would say like ninety percent of
the jokes went over Irie's head. And it was more so about just like a nostalgic like it was like entertainment for them, Like there were moments of dance, there were moments of singing, and then Barbie looking cute and also hopefully the idea that Barbie is not should not be regarded as the societal norm of beauty hopefully penetrated her little mind. However, I'm not sure if she was able to fully grasp that, although that was a big
part of the message. Even though that like it's Barbie really thought that like she was saving women's lives and empowering women in her Barbie world, and then she went to like Earth and realized that, like she's fucked up the world. So it was like a rude awakening because she's living in like this Barbie role of like I help women feel powerful and every day is great and that's not And then she went into the Row worlds
not and everyone hated her. So I appreciated that. There was a speech by America Ferrera that kind of brought tears to my eyes. It was like everything that I feel like we always talk about on the show in a thirty second speech.
So I appreciated that. But I don't think. I don't really think that movie's for kids since her movie critics. Now, I also watched a movie last night.
What is it called? Oh I saw that, Oh, Clone Tyrone. It's called Clone Tyrone. They cloned Tyrone. They cloned Tyrone. That was with Jamie Fox right tonight, Tanoya. She's from Dear White People.
And oh yeah, I was a couple of people in that movie.
Yeah.
It was like spooky, but like, uh, I liked it. I'm really liking black people doing more like suspense, uh, scary films because we've been like, we haven't really been in that space a lot, you know, so it's nice to see us have be able to have mainstream range.
But mostly the movie is real, you know, it's like an it it's like an extreme version but like I appreciated the tone of the reality of the fact that we are they like, we are targeted in society and brainwashed heavily with food, with music, with like all these things, and it's like we'd be trying to act like we don't see it, but you know, good and goddamn well, they're programming us and they've continued to and that's their
like means of control. So I liked like the way they exemplified that in a very like spooky way, but then it makes you think, like, oh shit, it is real.
Yeah. No, I enjoyed it too. I just you know Jimmie Fox, he's just he's just epic. He can just do anything. I loved him in that phone. So yesterday Neil and I were here at Good Good Media Studios check out our studio for all your podcasting needs linked bio, and we're here working and then I opened the fridge and I found some like mushrooms that Lizzie Jeff had left for us, and I recall her telling me that they were microds. She did tell us that she's like,
these are micro doses. The very light that it like, goddess mushrooms, what are they called? So yesterday, I was like, you know what, let me take some of this because I've been just i don't know, just been feeling not even edgy, feel like I needed something to make me just feel more grounded. So I was like a little
light micro dose, be fine, bitch. I took the mushroom or the chocolate, and like twenty minutes into it, I was like, huh, this is I have that familiar feeling that you get, you know, a little tickle inside that you get. And then I was I had ordered food, and I ordered food, and then suddenly I like was not hungry at all anymore. And then I was on my computer and I was told I was like, I
can't even look at my computer. This is overwhelming. They were getting emails and people were asking us to like answer questions, and I was like, oh no. Then I was like I looked over her meal and I was like, bitch, I'm I'm high, Like this is not a micro dose, like I'm on mushrooms and if I work.
And of course, because she took one, I've took one. And she was like, I don't I feel high? And I was like, I think I'm okay. And then eight seconds later I was crying on the couch. It's like, I think not I'm not okay, And we had clients here and she was crying.
I was like, let's get this together before they're like what the fuck? You know? I'm like, I was wondering. Actually, now that I'm sitting here, I don't think they could see us. But Mila was like sitting on my lap like crying. I'm holding her. I keep looking over because I think people are looking at us. Our clients are like, why the fuck are they crying in the studio? You know, you know what it is too.
It's like when we go on these retreats and we leave for so long, we really are in these containers that are so safe. You can literally do whatever you want, and it's totally normal and safe to cry midday in a group of people for no fucking reason at all, and no one questions it. You just get hugs in love, and so then you come back to this real world and you're like, people are gonna see me cry.
They're not.
I know they're like, bitch is crazy, But now you know what it is. I think we need to microdo us more. I think if we did it more, like every day like maybe we need to do it again today or maybe not. I have shit to do but studying. But if we did it every day, probably it wouldn't feel so intense.
Yeah. I think that sometimes because I go long bouts without taking mushrooms, that when it comes it's really intense and it's actually really overly emotional at first, whereas like I see some people take mushrooms and they're just like super happy and functioning immediately, where I have to like go through a whole process to get there. And so when I left you, I had to do like a
lot of breathing in the car. I was like doing a lot of and then, you know, I will say it was a microdosi ish because it didn't last long that feeling. The initial feeling was intense at first, and then it kind of dissipated, and then I you know, I was with Iri, and then last night she was like, Mommy, will you watch me jump on the trampoline? And I was like sure, And she did like at least five different dance performances on the trampoline, and I was so
happy watching her. I was like, oh my god, this is the best shit ever. And she was killing it, like she boomboch, she had no she had the she had the hula hoop, and she was like doing She was like a hula hooper with a trampolineho on the trampoline doing all these I wish I would have recorded it, but again I was trying to be present. But it was really beautiful, like she was really in her I just saw her tap into just something where she's felt totally free and she was improvising and she was just
in her zone. And I'd never really seen her like that, because sometimes when I see her perform, like if she's doing with Luna, like she feels like insecurely insecure, but like competitive skills, like she's be competitive or she's like trying to like emulate something. And I kept telling her and I was like, I don't know. I was like, is it the mushrooms talking? And I was like, maybe, like you are really embodying like freedom right now. I see it. I see like the freedom coming through she.
I see the all of the hours and hours and hours of hip hop classes that I've paid for. Finally I see some rhythm happening here. I was like, wow, this is amazing. And so this morning I actually woke up and I worked out and then I got the hula hoop and I like hula. I like hula for twenty minutes, and I was like, I.
Need to start doing this shit more often, Like, yeah, you do, remember you bought seventeen hula hoops for the retreat.
I know, I thought you shipped across country. I'm worldwide stepping into my hula hoop era. I think every morning it helped me kind of like connect to my body and just feeling really feminine. And also it's a work out, but I reinspired it last night.
I don't know if it's the mushrooms, my daughter and the hula, but it did what it did what needed to be done, you know what it's it's really nice, Like it's not, well, obviously it's nice watching our kids grow up, but they're at this age you know, shit, they're about to be nine and Luna is about to be nine, and I'm just like what the fuck? And even this trip, just like seeing them the little women is just like a huge like it's a huge quick shift and like even come into their femininity and their
sensuality and be okay with it and like feminine. It's like it's really a sight to see on the beach the other day. Uh, we were taking pictures and then the girls were like emulating our picture taking. But like when it has these pictures and she's like looking back, she's like flipping her hair. I'm was like, okay, she had like a slow motion video and she's like like all gentle and like graceful and like and I'm like, okay, I see you boot.
That's what I saw last night. I'm telling you. When I her performance, I saw like your femininity comes I saw the feminine essence of her, like not like the little kid. I mean, obviously she's a kid, but like I saw that essence come out of her, and I
was like, wow, okay. You know, and I think a lot of times when parents see that, it scares them because it it's like you're acting grown or like you're emulating something but yet not only like yes and no, like like you're emulating everything you see a fucking Barbie and like Beyonce and like all these things and us, but also like it's in our it's in our innate nature. Does that make sense?
Innate nature to you know, be little women in training and like I'm just so happy that we are smart enough not to like discourage it or make it like make it a thing, but just it makes such a big It makes such a difference to be able to be empowered in your femininity at a young age and not be afraid of it, because I see so many women be afraid of themselves, be afraid of their bodies, be afraid of their sensuality.
I went to.
The Freehand Hotel this weekend. I was at the pool and I met some women because I'm a friendly bitch, and one of the women gave me a piece of mushroom. We were talking. She was older a little bit. Shout out to Genevieve, she's probably never going to know me again.
But she was just like saying something about my like my my bathing suit, and like I was just telling her about the retreating, like we get naked and we like be free and we hang out, and like she's like I can never be naked, and like even with like a group of women, She's like, I can even be naked alone. And I was like, huh, And I know that this is to be true for a lot of women. You know, we start to age and our
bodies like do things differently. Or we have babies, and then it's harder for us to embrace the things that, you know, the standard of what our bodies are supposed to look like, but like really truly, like that's our power and like our sensuality. When you lose that, you're losing a part of yourself. And it doesn't matter what size or what happens as you evolved. It's like a it's an essential part of our existence and acknowledging it
and watering it. And I'm just like, it's something that you have to start doing even in childhood, you know, instead of like confusing women by being like.
Stop doing that.
It's not being that way, you know, even like the shit my parents used to get on me about, like I refuse like wearing fucking glitter on eyelids, tying up the shure, you know, like Lena does that. And I used to be like, you think you are No, I'm just like, come on, girl, you know what I mean. I remember being like six years old and having those little plastic like high heels and clickety clocketing all over the supermarket, all over places, like I was going somewhere.
I don't even think supposed real those motherfuckers outside, I was clickety clacketting, But that's who I am right now, clickety clacking ass, high hill wearing bitch. And my dad talked shit to me and call me grown and stuff, but like I still wore them.
I cried.
But you know, just like the world creating an environment for our girls that encourage them and embrace their sensuality and their femininity really could like essentially are tools that are going to like carry them for a long time, especially in a world that men are going to tell them they're too much and other women and all these things are like to fear their bodies in ways.
So I was really excited to even this morning because I was still thinking about it this morning watching her, because I was really in awe and I was like I want her to know like that that's that was beautiful. And so I woke her up and I was like, I'm still thinking about yesterday, and I was just like, what the fuck are you talking? Like, I'm like, that was so amazing you were doing you were really like
doing her thing, and and she knew it. She felt really confident because she did one song and she's like I want to do oh you know what then she also did She was on and she's like, what song should I do? She's like, oh wait, one second, I need to talk to him. What did she call them? Her? What did she call them? She was like talking to people all night trampoline. She was like, oh hold on,
it's like my spiritual like crew or something. She's like one second and asked my spiritual crew, and then she went like this, and then she was like talking to them and she's like mm hm okay, yep, okay, So we want to do Rihanna umbrella. Oh okay, And I was like wow. And she kept doing that and I was like, I've never seen her do that before. I was like, where did this come from? Like does she have is she like tapping in in some way that I like that I've missed or something, or like is
this moment right now where she's tapping in? Because she did that and then I saw her do something I've never seen her do before, So it was really powerful and that's why I think it stuck with me the most, especially that because I was like, who the fuck is she talking to? But I was like, oh my god, I'm so happy that whatever whatever, whatever spiritual crew she's calling in. That's that she knows that she can do that. I actually need to ask her about that, because I was like, huh, well.
You know what I didn't consider, and then I thought about because okay, so this time the girls have come with us, you know, the second half of many retreats, but this time they stayed on property even though we hid them most and they kept saying, are you going to.
Stop hiding us from the girl.
You're hiding us from the girls. I feel like Drake hiding our kids from the world. But you know, le Jaela, who was one of our healers who came and assisted and gave a Kashak readings and did our Cacaw ceremony, who's amazing. She mentioned to me in my reading. She was like, this is really powerful for the girls just being in this space. They are getting the medicine just
being here on the property. Like they don't even have to be completely like they don't have to be involved in anything, but they are, you know, getting this this this medicine. And uh, one day they're baking us to do things and I had said no five times, so finally it was my turn, and I'm like, okay, let's go.
To the beach also there.
I was just yeah, So we went to the beach and the water is being a little bit aggressive, and I was like, we need to ask the ocean to let us enter her. And then so we held hands and I was like, ocean, come, maybe please enter and then she slowed and then we got in and then like Linnon was like ah crabs. I was like, you can't disrespect the ocean. You can't disrespect its creatures and want to get in. So we started to talk to
her and then I was like, listen to me. Girls, put your hands on the sand, put your hands at the shore. And they're like looking at me, and I was like, dear ocean, like did a whole thing like thank you, thank you for providing for us, thank you for letting us like eat from you, let us like for helping us thrive. And so they like repeated after me, and I was like and then they're looking at me and like they're like whatever, but I'm like they think I'm crazy.
But then three days later, everyone to the beach and.
They're like the ocean said get in, and I was like I'm drinking. And then Ari was like, ocean, her mom's drinking right now. I was like, you smart ass, but it's true, like they're being attuned through us, you know, like just the simply the energy of seeing and hearing what's happening. Because even when I got that reading, they were downstairs but they couldn't really hear, but I'm sure they're like what the fuck are they up there doing and hearing bits.
And pieces of it.
And I was like kind of sharing with Luna, like who who we were to each other in a different life that we were husband and wife and.
She's like what and like but just having the.
Having the mindset and the like the scope broadening the scope because as a kid, if your parents don't believe in certain things, a lot of times you don't even think of those things. So for her even to have the like the two sons, that's like, okay, hey we could talk to the ocean, Hey we could talk to spirit guides. Hey I can you know like we've maybe lived other times and we've been here together before. It
just broadens their like young minds imagination. It's like we're they're gonna have to do so much less work undoing the socialization because they've been with us in these spaces and it really is a beautiful, beautiful thing to witness, and like even just as moms, we say things and we plant seeds and then we keep going and we hope that it we hope that it like imprints on them, but it does. And you know, this brings me to
our affirmation. Lenna was having a having it like being scared to go to sleep and saying she was scared, and I was like, I'm brave, I'm strong, I'm powerful. Nothing's coming to get me. I'm safe. I'm brave, i'm strong, i'm powerful. Nothing's coming to get me.
I'm safe.
And like a few weeks later, she was like getting nervous, like she was getting scared of something, and out of nowhere, she was like, I'm brave, I'm strong, I'm powerful, nothing's coming to get me.
I'm safe. And I was like, yes, oh my gosh, I remembered it. I don't remember it.
And I was like, okay, Like it reminded me that she's always listening and she's always watching, and like it's powerful to plant these small seeds of there are powers outside of us that you can tap into, you know, So.
Yeah, no, it's true. I guess I guess I didn't correlate the experience that we had in Mexico with this experience that I witnessed yesterday. But it's definitely they're definitely linked. And even tell you saying that, you know, Luna practically adopting practice or adopting that affirmation even before Iri was
doing her thing. She she was like, Okay, I'm gonna take some deep breaths, and so she was like, and I noticed, like there was a difference between when she didn't take those deep breaths and her trampoline performance versus when she did, Like she just performed better. And she knows that that is a tool that she needs to use when she wants to focus, she wants to ground. So I am. I am grateful that we've been able to, you know, create these spaces for them to come, even
if we are hiding them from the world. We didn't hit them, we didn't want to hide them. But you know, a lot of these women are coming to get away from their kids, away from their kids, and you know they don't I know, for me, like I don't want to swim in a pool with a bunch of kids. I'm on my retreat, Like no thanks.
Even though we loved thembod on the pool the last day, and I really I do. I like I like them being able to see us like adorn ourselves, be half naked and go back out, come back in.
And like I know our They saw a lot of outfit changes and transitions in between the retreats between us, like wearing lingerie half naked us coming in wearing wichy shit and long gloves with glitter.
On our eyes, us howling, hearing people scream, seeing other women walk around naked, like even if it was briefly, you know, And I think it is really important for them to just be attuned in that in that space and see what it looks like for women outside of us to be naked and to be free and to be in like in a circle. So and then oh, and then Luna said something to me which I was like,
I hadn't even thought about. And she's like, I was like, you know, you know, our hope is that you're gonna this is our first time here, and we're gonna do another location, another location so we can continue to like explore and find, you know, travel to new places together. And she was like, when you guys are done, with the good vibe tree are me and I A gonna take it?
I was like, yes, you are, baby.
That was like her thought process, like even understanding, like this is something that she wants to do, even though she's not really one hundred percent sure what the fuck we're doing over there, She's with it, you know, And I'm like, I'm proud, you know.
Yeah, is it backward time? It is?
I need to smuggle back with Okay, I rolled it the vanilla, but let me just add my little a little honey.
You know, I'm still processing everything that happened at the retreat. This was our first time going away from Costa Rica and hosting women in a different space, and it was different. It felt different, but all in but in the best ways possible. I think. I think there's definitely a different energy when you're next to the ocean versus tucked away into the jungle. Both of these groups were a lot more intimate. They were smaller groups than we've had before. We had a lot of people come back.
We had three people who were who had come other on other retreats that came to this one, which is like super affirming for us since it feels really good that you trust like you had such a.
Good time the first time.
Every time I do this, I feel like oddly like sexual, even though it really like skinny pinks. That's a long backwood, not just how I rolled it. Sorry, I got distracted because I have a potty brain.
What are we think? No? I was just thinking. No, I was just I was saying, it is affirming and even We just announced our next retreat in Costa Rica in February next year, and we already have four girls from this retreat that are coming to that retreat. So it makes me feel good that we've created you know, these circles where women feel safe or they feel recharged. You know a lot of these women went home and said, I'm not I feel activated. I'm not I'm not exhausted anymore.
I'm ready to to make my dreams come true. I'm ready to divorce my husband. I'm ready to love on my head. I'm ready to stop doubting myself. I'm ready to change my career. I'm ready to level up in my career. And that's really the purpose of the retreat is to question everything and rebuild the best parts of yourself.
I mean, just really come back to your power, and I saw that happen. I saw that happen, and it is the most fucking rewarding thing I've ever seen. Like to see people come one way and just slowly blossom out of their comfort zones is literally the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Like I'm thinking of like Connie, who's like quiet, but then by like the last day, it was.
Like talking in the pool.
Even Ashley, you know, like the first time she came until this time she came turking in the pool. She's like, take a picture of me, but ask naked, and I'm like I love you, and like, yeah.
I would say like her transition has been the most beautiful thing I think I've ever witnessed, to be honest, because where she was at in our retreat last year versus this year, it's a totally different person, it.
Is, and even even she recognizes it. And we had someone who likes so proud of her, so proud, so proud. Like I went out one night because I'm thirsty and I really wanted to go salsa dancing, but it was like the first night the girls got there, so I was like, anybody want to go out? And everyone's tired, No one did to go, so I was like, fuck it. Ashley was like I'll go. I was like, okay. She barely spoke the first retreat. She was like, we're out here.
I was like okay, and then she offered some really beautiful words to you know, another woman came who was like releasing heavy, and she recognized that in her and she was like, and you know, there's a moment me and Erica were embracing that woman and Ashley witnessed it and she told her. She's like, I really wanted to tell you that that was me last year, and I'm
a totally like I feel totally different. So I'm just it's really brings me joy to see you experiencing what I experienced last year and just giving her, like giving her encouragement that like everything can change after this, because it has for her, you know, And it really is the most rewarding, most beautiful, purposeful shit. I know I say this every time, but like every time I do this,
I'm so affirmed that I'm doing the right thing. I'm so clear that women, especially Broun and Black women really need spaces and each other to just be free.
And we've been so contained and so.
Hardcore because we got to do this, get the shit done, because sometimes we're not protected, because sometimes we're not supported, because sometimes we don't feel protected or supported, and so that there's no time for crying, there's no time for like giggling and bullshitting, there's no like naked. Why so it's just like giving women the opportunity to tap into that. That space is medicine, and I think we underestimate what medicine looks like.
You think you Papa Zanex or an.
Advila, whatever the doctor prescribes to you, and you think, oh, you know this is medicine. But no, it's like being around genuine ass women.
It's like, well, it's even too like I think about therapy, and you can sit in therapy for hours and hours and months and months and slowly start to feel the effects of whatever the work is that you're working on. I feel like in these short five days it is like therapy on crack because you're actually putting so much of the work into practice. You're forced to get out of your comfort zone and you're excited to do it. Whereas therapy a lot of times is like a singular
practice that you have to work on by yourself. But when you're seeing women that are all in different maybe aspects of their life, journeys of their life, taking off their masks. It's giving women permission to do things that they may not ever get to do, just being in therapy and saying Okay, now go home and put this put this conversation into practice, you know. And I think that's why we see such a rapid transformation in these women's lives afterwards. And I'm not a therapist, but.
However, Ashley's Ashley's therapist recommended that she go on another retreat, and that made me feel really happy, and I'm like, more therapists should recommend retreats like this so that women can have these experiences, because it truly that fuck the prescription, this is the prescription, right, And when she told me her therapist recommended it, I was like, smart therapist, Now it's true.
I think even for me it's there. It's been extreme therapy and I've had to face a lot of things too. Even this last retreat, I realized, I think I don't necessarily label myself as an mpath. I think maybe because my idea of what an m path looks like, I don't know I've had I guess a specific view on
what an mpath looks like. I realized that I am in a different way and that I take on a lot of energy unwillingly, almost like I don't even realize I'm taking on energy because I feel like I'm really good with like, okay, well, I know how to compartmentalize this boundary, like, oh my gosh, she's going through a release. I'm going to be here to support her and we're
going to work through this, and that's that. But I realized I have to have things in place if I'm going to be in these spaces facilitating and also participating in the medicine with these women that allow me to
cleanse from these experiences. And I'm still I feel like even today and now on doing some of some of the I don't want to say, I guess undoing some of the releasing some of the feelings that I've taken on from other people that I didn't even realize I took on, Like when we were supporting someone through you know, when we did our mushroom ceremony, we were supporting her. I saw a lot of women that I know matin her and also a fear of like, oh, if I
don't choose myself, I could be right here. I could be right here, and it scared me and it carried that with me. And you know, when you are doing this kind of work, what I've realized is you do you have to have things in place afterwards to cleanse yourself and to feel like, Okay, those things are not part of me. I've helped someone transition through this journey, but it's not part of my journey. It's not mine, and I'm not I haven't quite figured that out yet
how to do that. I know that like after these experiences, I probably need to take like four days to myself and do a lot of like spiritual shit for myself, saging, meditating, crying, swimming, massaging. You know, But like I really took that for granted, or I think people take that for granted, because even I was trying to explain to my mom how I was feeling, and she didn't understand. She was just like, well, yeah, babe, you can't take on people's energy. I'm like, I don't
think you get it. Like it's not intimate, it's not like it's not like I have I don't have control over it. It's beyond my control. It's not something that I'm like, Okay, I had this conversation. It was heavy, but that's your shit and this is my shit. Yes I can do that. But when there's like a lot of feminine energy and just this power moving through the groups, it's almost like it's an invisible like latch onto you, like you don't even realize it's happening.
Well, I think what I've discovered in the retreats is that, like, especially in that moment and a lot of moments, seeing people really seeing people like hearing people's the things that they're releasing, it's like it's all very similar. We've all experienced similar things, and it's that's the thing. It's like it's all of ours. It's collective, you know, and it's not personal to us, but there's a collective attachment because I know that feeling. I understand what that looks like.
I understand if you don't release, this is what it could look like. You see your mother, you see your grandma, you see you know friends that refuse to you know, give themselves permission to release, and then you see like what can happen if you don't honor that part of you and you don't have practice and it is scary.
That shit scared me too, And I saw my mom and I saw, like, you know, there's this, like there's this you know, angry black woman's stigma and we all hate it, you know, like but it's like that's that's the stereotype. And it took me a while, like I realize that exists, because yeah, bitches can be angry if everything is put on you over and over and over and over again, and yet there are no tools to show you how to move out of those spaces and release it and choose yourself.
And it's scary.
It's scary if I, like even for me, if I hadn't come into this, you know, fallen into this space, who I could have become. And it's like, choosing joy and choosing yourself is a real life job, and it's a real life it should be really a huge priority for us because it's not sustainable otherwise. And then you'll be angry and bitter and resentful and you don't even fucking know why, and it's because you haven't given yourself the opportunity to like pour it back out.
I am sorry, I'm having this, like vision of like what I'm trying to explain, and like a lot of these women are coming to do shadow work, whether or
not they realize it or not. And within these shadows, there's like these there's these egos, there's these alter egos that start to kind of come off of their bodies and they start to kind of just wander around trying to find somewhere else to latch onto, like almost like these shadows that are just like walking through the property of our retreat, like Okay, well she's trying to get rid of me. Where do I go now? And it's
like the ocean, the ocean. But I felt like these shadows and these feelings and these energies were like touch like latching onto me in ways, not all of them, but there's a residualness that's happening as someone that's facilitating the retreat. And it's almost like a testing of my own practices. It's like, oh, bitch, you want to open, you want to crack these bitches open? Oh you want you want you want their shit to spill out? Okay, well I'm gonna come for you. And what are you
gonna do about it? What practices do you have in place to protect yourself from this type of energy, and I realized that I didn't have I don't want to say the armor, because I don't want to have armor when I'm in these spaces, but I do have to have a level of protection and I didn't and I haven't. And so I think, moving forward, because I'm dedicated to this journey of retreating and creating these circles for women, that I do have to figure out what that means
for myself. And that's leaning on other women that have been in this space longer than me and asking them like, what the fuck do you do after experience like that? Because a bitch was crying in the room for like three hours and I couldn't explain why. Even my daughter came in. She's like, Mommy, are you okay? And I
was like, oh my god, am I traumatizing her. She's like one time when I was in Mexico, my mom was leading retreats and then she cried in the room for three hours and I kept coming in and she was still crying, not sure why, and it's like Mommy
wasn't sure either. But I think, now that I'm thinking about it, that's really what it kind of felt like it felt like this this overspill of things that women had been harboring for so long that had finally started to kind of release, and that energy has to go somewhere and it either goes, like you said, to the ocean, to the water, or it can attach to other people. And it was kind of heavy. It gets heavy.
But for me, I feel like I have such I don't know, like it's new, it's different, but I'm so's I'm so clear about that outcome, you know what I mean, Like I can I can physically see the energy move out and that brings me joy, you know, and like sometimes we don't like we're not perfect people and we're just we're going on intuition, and but seeing it released from people, seeing people purge and kind of finally let go is so rewarding. And like I'm I am an EmPATH,
like I can feel things very deeply. I'm also like I don't know, I'm I'm I think I'm This trip kind of solidified and affirmed for me how much this is my work, and so like.
I'm not I'm not afraid of it.
I'm just like I can embrace the hard times because I know there's like I know the other side of it. I think I do feel the sadness that there are people, there are.
Women who will never experience this.
There are women who will take that pain and that hurt to the grave and to their next life and maybe their next life after that, you know, and like to have the privilege of giving someone the opportunity to put that shit down right now is so it's so rewarding. It also is scary as that, like I have the
I have the power to facilitate that. And also I may not ever save some of the people the closest people to me, and not save but like help, Like I know these tools, but like there are people that are so close to me that they can't receive the medicine.
Oh no, they won't. They won't, and they can't because they've judged you or judged me. And and that's the whole reason people come on the retreat and why we encourage people to come by themselves, because people will hold you to a certain standard or to your choices that you've made and cannot see you as a healer, cannot see you as someone that can facilitate like a heart opening experience for someone a transformation of breakthrough, and that's why it's so important for women to come alone on
these retreats. But also it is heartbreaking to know that there's certain people that not that like we're going to go and save all of our friends, but like just the fact that we can't even see each other eye to eye in that way, because honestly, like part of that there's there's a healing for me or for you with that person. If they were open to it, it would be a mutual exchange of healing. It's always a mutual,
you know. And so it is I think about like some of the women in my life, my mom, you know, we've had this is our second time we've had a mom and daughter come on the retreat, and more and more I envy it me too. I'm like, and my mom says she wanted to come this last one, and I was like, oh my god. But then I also
I was like, please don't. I'm scared. But I know I hope that I hope that one day we can, and I hope that one day I won't feel that way, and I hope that she'll be able to come and receive something from me, and I will be able to receive something from her that maybe I wouldn't I haven't been able to receive in our everyday life.
I think when women come like they don't know us, and you know, it's not so they're not they don't have a previous expectation of how we're supposed to show up. But I think a lot of times in the worlds that we live in in general, it's like, oh, you don't have a degree in healing, you don't have you don't have a therapy degree, or you didn't like you.
Do twenty two hours of reiki training right or whatever the fuck whatever?
Just if oh you didn't get your therapy license or whatever, like whatever justifies putting your stuff down and telling someone the truth, you know, being vulnerable with somebody whatever, whatever that is. That's like, oh, this person's my therapist, so she's eligible and has credentials enough to receive what I'm saying. And sometimes those bitches have are fucked up too and they haven't put their shit down, and then it's it's projecting back.
Onto you, you know what I'm saying.
And it's just like, it's unfortunate that we live in a society that has like so much it's really white supremacy that doesn't allow us to see people for what they are. Because when I look at myself in this space, it's.
Back what is good.
There's imposter syndrome sometimes, and there's fear, and there's like doubtfulness about you know, what.
I should be doing or how to do it.
But I realize, like the person that I've always been, like, I'm very empathetic, I'm very compassionate. I want to talk to people. I want to stare into your eyes. I want people to loosen up. I want people to accept themselves, you know, like that's always just kind of been who I am. But I'm like, oh, like all these traits are traits that have always existed in me. Well, the traits is what your expertise is, do you know what I mean?
Right?
But we're still busy trying to go learn traits from something that is your expertise, from some you know, some campus that we forget to actually scan ourselves and say, like, this is actually what I'm good at. You know, I heal because I like to talk to bitches in the bathroom every time, Like I go out and I don't have to do much and women will come to me, and I'm like, you want to be my friend. But
it's because I have a friendly demeanor. I don't feel like I don't think I feel intimidating, and so I can make friends easily.
But you know, in this space, it's just like.
We're doing mushrooms and we're like in this beautiful on the fucking ocean, and I just watched like it was a nishe and I think, uh, who's our fairy?
Nisha, no, Stacy.
Nisha and Stacy were just like dancing together, like holding each other, twirling in the sunlight, and I like, I just started to cry because I'm like, as soon as I doubt anything that I'm doing, it's like, it's not what you're doing, it's who you are. And it brought me so much joy to bring someone else joy. And that's really like, if you're an impath, that's really what you're supposed to be doing, is because if you're feeling all the time and you're surrounded by places and people
that are not feeling good, it's a burden. But if you're an impath and you're creating pleasurable spaces for other people, and that are people who are truly in joy then you were walking in your purpose. And you know, there were a couple of things that just affirmed that for me and this, you know, Micosa reading, so a lot of cards that we pulled.
In fact, after we supported that woman.
That night, it was you know, we did our we did a self devotion ceremony where we dressed up in lingerie, we watched the sunset and you know, we danced together and we how and we feel like sensual and sexy in our bodies. And afterwards we just kind of like everybody went down and there's just Eric, Kay and I and then Aaron shout out to Aaron and our girl was up there and she was just like, I just want to tell you that you guys are walking in your purpose and I can see it and I'm really
proud of you. And I just was like, you can see it, you think, so you know, like thank you, you know, thank you, and I feel that and I received that and then I pulled a card and it was like, yeah.
You're walking in your purpose.
Yeah, like you're working, you're walking in your purpose and it may not be the conventional way way.
Yeah, that was really powerful that moment. That moment was super powerful and we all cried.
Just ride in the around the altar, in the in the like in the darkness under the moon, and then laughed hysterically, and it was just like, this is how it always has been historically, and this is a part of the culture of like the culture of being a
woman that has been forgotten. And I deeply feel that it is our purpose and our calling to bring back those circles and bring back and normalize these these practices and really bring black women and brown women and women in general to the understanding that this is our in our nature and it's not some devil the devil which shit, you know what I mean, it's some God shit. This is actually the best way, the best path to God
is through you. And if you are avoiding parts of yourself, if you're not healing places that hurt, you will not be able to access that that that God.
You can go to every fucking sermon.
I swear to God, read every Bible verse.
Every verse, every sermon, every Bible study, every private meeting, every counseling session. And it's so true.
And speaking of that, after one of our devotion dances, we're literally all half naked. Some of us are naked like this is like just everyone's questioning, like who can come?
If I'm white?
Can I come? If I'm black, if I'm Christian? Like literally, everybody comes, doesn't matter how old you are, if women's oldest seventy, if women as young as twenty two, twenty one. It's like if you come in to get the medicine, it's for everybody. There are no like the roles of like age and like your career, all that shit goes out the window.
We're just women girls. Really.
When I looked at us in a circle, I was like, we're just little girls playing, you know, and we all deserve like space to play as little girls together and hug and like and it's just oh, so we're all standing in a circle after our session, and one of the girls is like, first of.
All, first she hold a huge.
Bottle don Julio out of her room right like, poured tequila in everybody's mouth. The boat drove the boat and then athur and she was like, I'd like to share something like okay, she's like Third Corinthians thirty three sixteen.
I was like, oh, okay.
She gave us a sermon, okay, like a full sermon, and you know, it took me a minute. You know, first of all, everything everybody's welcomed. I personally am not like a Bible goer, that's not like my form of practice. But I was like, let's welcome her and like in her spiritual practice and welcome it here. And it was literally a four minute sermon and we were all like almost but ass naked, so it was kind of ironic.
So it's kind of funny. So we all kind of started laughing because we're like, not us pray praying to ge in our titties out.
That is plat of the blood of Christ, but and and and everyone.
Because people come from so many walks of life. There are people who have been deeply traumatized from religion.
There are people who are very religious.
There are people who you know, initially didn't fuck with the stars and the moons, and they're like, maybe I do, you know. So it's really a good it's a really good safe place to practice acceptance of all people, of all types of things, of all practices, you know, and like be able to be like that's not for me, however, I'm here to support you, girl, you know what I mean, Like, maybe don't put the blood christ on me.
But you know, if you do cool. But you know, it's just like it's a it's funny, like I'm thinking of, Yes, it's a it's a great it's a great place to put into practice acceptance and rebuilding your trust and love. Love for women, yes, for people. Know, for women, I think too, because a lot of women come like they judge each other, you know what I mean, Like we can't we don't give each other any grace, you know.
And when you go into this space, this container that where you fall in love with someone, you're like, oh my god, I love this trait about you. And then they do some weird shit and you're like do I love you? But then you're like, oh, I love you again.
It's like you battle this thing back and forth because you're dealing with people from all different walks of life, with different personalities, and ultimately at the end there is this lesson that yes I do, and like there we have our differences, and but you're an ultimate at the
end of the day. At the core, we are all just women humans having this human experience, and there's a level of patience that I think that I hope is a gift for the women that come to and acceptance and love despite whatever differences you think.
You have, because you will leave with friends you would never have had Poblem regularly approached, have ever met, And it gives you this level of self awareness to say, why am.
I what is it about this person I don't like? I don't even know them, and what are those real reasons?
You know, even for me, I just came off this tantier retreat and uh, it's.
Just it was school.
So a lot of these people I'm seeing on zoom and there was one girl who's my friend and you know, she kind of irritated me on zoom because she was asking telling long stories and I was just like I'd made up in my mind like we're probably not like gonna be the besties. And then we got there and I was like, I fuck with you. And it really is a reminder that connection connection, connection, and it's something that we've grown, you know, we've alienated ourselves away from.
But like, people are people, and we have to see people's people, white, black, whatever, and it's so important to be able to do that, and so often we're on our screens that we don't have the opportunity to sit and stare in somebody's eyes and then and be like, oh, your tears are my tears because I was just crying last night. Or let me hold you, let me console you.
But like this idea that like existence really is a part of existence is connection, and if we try to go around that and separate ourselves from others, that's also how resentment forms, and like anger because you're not giving yourself the same self acceptance because you're not giving others the same self acceptance, I mean acceptance, anger, sickness.
I just had this. I just had this thought, like of all the women in our wombs, like being connected by this like thread.
Well you know what I was thinking about in the circle. I was thinking about Sylvia, and like everybody, imagine a red hold from your vagina.
The earth.
But like I was thinking that, like a we're connected this way. And also our wombs are connected to the center of the earth, which are connected to the umbilical cords of the trees, the roots that grow around us and support us and help us breathe, you know, And it's like we are this is a circular system, and we're part of that system.
Our wombs are part of that system. They are but I think we've been so disconnected from our wombs. And when you get into a space like this near water, with all this feminine energy where women are just ready to let go, Like there's this deep connection that happens where you are able to truly accept everyone for every weird, fucked up, funny, strange, beautiful little part of them, you know.
And that's why the circles are important, because women, we need to not only connect back to ourselves, but we need to connect back to one another, and we need to forgive one another and we need to trust one another. Because I've seen it happen. I've seen the power when we all are just in flow, like when we're sitting around our dinner table and we're flowing, and it's just it's what it's about, and it's why we've it's what they don't want us to have, and they've definitely torn
that part away. And so I'm excited when I see other women throwing having retreats to like so many women are awakening to this idea that we need to sit together.
Yeah, and the womb is what connects us and you know, like this is badass birth in August, and so I'm happy. We're starting this way just with like the womb, and you know, it's our heart. It really is one and the same. And if you could disconnect from your womb and the power that it holds, then you're kind of disconnecting and hardening your heart. And I realized that when we can come together as our true selves and connect in a circle and like really embrace like each other
and each other's femininity, it births something. And like like just like Eric and I, we talk about this a lot, that our relationship birthed this, this studio birth, this podcast birth, this sisterhood, and really it's an entity that was created, you know, when we linked up, When we linked up and we decided going to be true friends and really allow each other like this true bubble of space to show up as like something higher than us took place.
And that's exactly what happens when we're in these circles, is that an entity is created, and it's it's really putting back the pieces of this ancient connection that we have to sisterhood to each other, and it's like it really is healing the world. You can't heal the world without healing the women, and you can't heal the women without healing the relationships that we have with one another.
And I'm just like so grateful that our connection, our entity birthed these spaces birth, the good vibratory birth, this power that we both innately have begin to recognize and uncover through our relationship. And now we've had the opportunity to like allow it to uncover the relationships with other people and the power of other people. And like, there are friends from the retreat, Bessie's two girls came back from the two girls that came together, were on a
trip together, came back together. And the truth was, I didn't even realize they were like that close even during the retreat. But they traveled together, they stayed together, and they've been in contact, and like that happens all the time, but we underestimate how important that is to our healing, and we don't take we prioritize.
We can't do it alone. We cannot do it alone. You can't hmmm. That was beautifully said, No, thank you, We're just think blum power a mo ma ma ma ma ma ma, ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma.
Mom hm ah. We just chanted the the seeds for fire element, which is at your root chakra. It's your sex chakra, and it is for magnetization. So if you want to magnetize something, bring it to you. That's how you tap in, tapping into the elements of the of yourself and of the earth. So such a witch, such a witch?
Dare you use nature and elements to conjure up things for yourself? I know? How crazy? Why else wud God put him here? Why would you do that? Why would you use what God put here? How dare you the devil God to a lab and make something up? Generic is how you do it? That's what Jesus wanted. Plastic. Yeah, it's just.
It's the simple things that are truly going to be our saviors. And that's the ship that God herself made. Keep it simple, baby, fire, earth, water, space, air. I was thinking that today actually, like, truly keep it simple, keep the shit simple. Wellness does not need to be your wellness, your spiritual physical That does not have to be a twenty two step routine. Like you can go
to the ocean and feel good. You can masturbate and feel good, you know, like I can hula hoop this morning and that brought me joy and set me off. This morning because I woke up with attitude and then I had hula hooped and I felt so much better and I was like, this was the simplest shit I could have done free inspired by my daughter crazy.
Well, I mean I think we need to Well we all know obviously they're like, you know, they're the closest thing to God, right, we all say that. And what do they do all day? Play and eat and be merry. Yeah, So I think that's too why the retreat is special too, because it does. It feels like adult camp, and we do kind of keep it simple. It's very basic. It's not basic because you know, we're like, you know, some lux bitches, but basic in the ideas of the practices
that we're encouraging. Hey, scream, bitch luxury amenities. Oh my god. The other day I was medicine. I needed to scream, and I was like, I got my pillow and I screamed so fucking loud, and I was like, I need to text the discord and tell them scream here today. I'm going to is it scream in a pillow Challenge. I think women need to scream and pillows at least once a week. Actually, if you're listening right now, I'm going to encourage you. You're in your card, in your car.
If you're in your car, car, yes, but you're driving, and sometimes you got to get out of control. So I want to encourage you to get that pillow, put your face in it, and scream for at least one minute. Matter of fact, set a timer, because just when you scream for a minute, no it's not you just have to take breaks. But just when you think you've gotten out,
there's more. And I think that's also kind of like what I've experienced at the retreat when we do our workshop, is that there's there's always more, you know, And as women like, we don't release in that way.
Especially don't scream because you think it's crazy exactly.
I think I'm crazy exactly. But why were we given these voices to only speak at a certain decimal all the time that makes people feel comfortable. No, we were given it to fucking use it. And I think some people, like not most people, they have never screamed ever, except in maybe an argument, right, you know, and even then it wasn't loud enough, it wasn't really what you felt, and so you still or okay, it just comes up, so you still suppressed it, and you suppressed it.
We don't say certain things, yeah, because you're worried about the other person's feelings. That that's you know what I realized too. We do We did to mescal ceremony and you go into a pitch black dark oven. Essentially there's hot rocks in the center and you pour water over roam from shamans. And the first thing I noticed is
that the darkness gives people power over their voice. Obviously it's the hot ass circumstances too, but it's the darkness where you get to hear people's sounds, their primal groans, their moanes that were in any where. If I could see you or you wouldn't do it. If I could identify who that noise was coming from, I would be more,
you know, more self conscious than to do it. And like, it's crazy how we just I don't know the word I'm looking for, like deprive ourselves of the privilege of using our voice, even on a very primal sound level. But you see kids do it all the time. They throw tantrum, scream, don't give a fuck where they're at target and you're in the first thing, you're like shut the fuck off. You're embarrassing us, you know. Oh yeah, no, it's true.
And that's what I'm saying, Like, that's why kids they they are, they're so such powerful beings, and that's why it's so important to try to preserve that part of them and trying to awaken that part of us. Screaming is like again, keeping it simple. It's such a basic concept, such a basic release that you could do to make yourself feel better.
I just realized, like the entire retreat is physically and spiritually a rebirthing. We literally get naked as if we're birthing, We literally submerge in water. We literally scream and grunt and moan and laugh, and it's like we really let these this darkness pass through us, and we support each other in birth, but it's really the birth of ourselves. And Erica and I are the duels, and all the
women who attend are the duels to one another. To usher out these parts of us that we've forgotten, and the parts of us that we've forgotten, to let go of the pain, the disappointments, you know, the attachment to things we no longer want to be attached to, that we all share common common ground on and like the entire that's what it is like. Retreat is a duelied rebirth of your room, of yourself and releasing the parts of you that no longer serve you and calling back
in the inner child. It's a rebirth of your inner child.
And it does.
It takes free to be in a childlike state. It takes you to be at a pool in the sunshine on the beach with your girls. It takes you to be maybe with what girls you don't know anymore, Like you don't know at all, because you have the courage to be who you were as a child.
And uh, it's really really, really beautiful.
And it is nice to have the children there because it's a reminder.
A reminder. Yeah, it's a reminder be like them, be like this. Yeah. And they didn't have any problem telling us their feelings either, because that's the same thing with kids. Like our kids were like, this is how we feel. You're not paying attention.
Why did you have us come out here? I could have done this at home, is what Luno said. I said, what would you have been doing at your grandmother's house?
Playing? She said, no, I'm going to the jump zone. I said, who was going to take you? She said Murray.
I said, well, Marie is here, and and like her saying you and I'm like, well, you're in a floor to ceiling windowed castle off the side of the ocean cliff. Miss, You're pretty lucky. I'd rather be playing here than somewhere else. But it was like those are her feelings, and like the fact that she had the intelligence and the vocabulary to.
Express Hey, bitch, you could have brought.
Me a little bit later in the game, you know, like I didn't need to be here if you weren't going to be spending time with us. And so like we would do days of healing and then go do fourteen tiktoks with our kids, you know, And that's like that's another thing, being allowing each other to unravel and express the feelings and normalizing listening to your daughter's feelings,
to your sister's feelings, you know. Even you know, our nanny was like having a day because she's watching two kids all day, being hidden, and she.
Was like, I was just having a hard day.
I think it's the new moon, and you know, a guy was bothering me. Whatever she was going through, and I was like girl, you have to express that. You have to talk to us like this is a part of the village, and it's like, no matter what's the relationship, you know, even if it's not your closest friend, hold space for the next woman, Hey are you good? I'm the type of bitch if I'm walking down the street I can see a stranger crying, like are you good?
Are you okay?
I will hug a stranger, you know whatever, But like some sometimes we forget to do that or like I don't have time for this today.
I don't. I don't know. She got her own problems, you know.
And it's just like even in a work environment, even with each other, even with their kids, in all spaces, be compassionate and empathetic and recognize that, like it just be having bad days because we're moody, because we feel everything. And that's a part of being a woman, you know.
It's just so we are like the water and we can take on a lot of spaces and a lot of forms, but we're also very easily imprinted upon, and you have to be like able to like guard it and also give grace to others and listen and be like you're right daughter.
I thought that.
I was like, listen, I thought that you would like to be here with your friend. We're working right now, but I'm we're at the end, you know, we have time at the end of.
The trip together.
And that's all I could offer her is the truth, and the truth is overall, she doesn't really give a fuck about this big ass villa on the side of the ocean.
She just wants to hang out with her mom.
And she proved it because later on the last stretch of the trip, my dear loving friend booked an airbnb.
In the middle of I don't know, I don't know. It was on booking dot com, and booking dot com had five stars, had lots of reviews. I did not know that it was very local.
We were on a budget, so it was very budget friendly. It was nice side, it was nice on the inside. On the outside it was sketch and I was like, I was like, you know, just on I think you're bougier than me. I'm boogier than you, because I was before we went, and I was like, cancel it, find another one. You're gonna You're gonna take me from the side of the ocean mansion to.
This what the fuck we're grounding. I was like, I'm two grounded.
Uh.
And so we went inside and the girls were like, I love it. It's so amazing. Oh my god, it's beat Wait. Wait. The best part was when they opened the windows and the backyard was not It was like it was like a broken down garage of our next door neighbor, like a fucked up, like lot, overgrown. It was not good at all. They're like, the view is beautiful.
They're like, oh my god, there's so many hide and seek spots. I was like, what the fuck? I was like, am I a bitch? Because I was great.
They were like they were just happy to get out of the other spot that this means Mom's not working it right.
They're like, they're going to be our friend. I mean, I'm sure they found the reason talk shit to us twenty four hours later, but it was a true testimony to they don't give a fuck, you know, but also just yeah, like the feelings, you know, accepting that even people you work with, even people, everybody's gonna have feelings, and why not validate them and give them a hug and move on instead of taking it personally?
Amen, Sister, let the.
Church say amen, Do we need one of those buttons like pasture pasture weed, so like.
That you put it right here? Hell yeah, I mean I have to wear headphones. No, you know, refuse to wear headphones. We're not those podcasters. This is a TV show. Anytime we go to a podcast, DUDEO, they try to give us headphones, We're like, we don't do them. We don't do those. I have an afro. I don't know if that's really gonna work for me, then.
We're gonna be like our audio isn't good like bit because you shouldn't be wearing your fucking headphones.
Well, anyway, I'm really excited for our retreat in Costa Rica. I can't wait. It's like our It's like our home base.
It just keeps evolving, and it's really beautiful to witness.
Now that we've gone somewhere else and coming back there feels even more epic. For some reason, I don't know why. I'm just super excited to invite the women back to like our home, our home base. Yeah. So if you're interested in coming, if the good vibe sounds like your vibe, make sure you check us out in Costa Rica February first through the sixth or February eighth through the thirteenth. It's going to be everything we just talked about plus more.
It's such a beautiful, beautiful property, such a beautiful space. All the women that come are supposed to be there. It's like this sacred sister sorority, spiritual sorority energy that gets created when when we link up and we let God kind of play the conductor of Okay, you are going to be here this you're gonna come on week one,
You're gonna come on week two. Even like this last retreat one girl was supposed to be in week two and then switched to week one, and I was like, you were supposed to be in this week for a reason. So I'm just excited to bring you guys back to Costa Rica. Let's make sure you check out the link in our episode to get the details on that. We pulled a card at the top of the show. We did what was it? Oh? Got me a little? I know back would be Hitt and girl.
This is the two Pentacles now two to one. Sorry the two of Wand's.
Shout out to Bitty Tiero. Should we email them one day and tell them we like we use them exclusively on the show We Can Trouble. I don't think we've ever even told them we should.
Upright means future planning, progress, decisions, discovery, and HM. The Two of Wan's takes the spark of inspiration from the Ace of Wands and turns it into a clear action plan. You went through the discovery phase, and now what you want to manifest? Now you need to figure out how you're exploring your options and carefully plotting out the path ahead,
accounting for all possibilities and potential challenges. You are open to growth and exploring new territories so long as you maintain a level of certainty that your efforts will work out in the end. When the Two of WANs appears in a Taro reading, you're not ready to make your move. It's more importan and that you establish a clear plan before proceeding. The Two of One's is also about discovery, particularly as you step outside of your comfort zone and
explore new worlds and experiences. It may take courage to set out, but this card gives you the confidence of self knowledge. You know what your goal is and you are sure of its eventual fulfillment. Let your intuition and passion guide you as you confirm your next steps. It considers your It indicates you're considering longer term goals and aspirations and are ready to plan what you need to do to achieve them.
Sounds about right.
Also, shout out to Mahogany Tiro all brown and black people on the deck our favorite deck.
Well that resonates with I think, where I'm at, where we're at.
Yeah, long term plans. We've been doing this for five years, Darling. Our baby is five years old. Entity be birthed, Entity be birth is five years old.
Wow. Shout out to everybody who's been listening for five years. Yeah, I know it's been quite a journey. If you're listening, I mean obviously hello all new listeners, But if you're an og listener, I love you. I fucking love you. I really do love you. Thank you. Thank you for staking by us, thank you for riding with us. Thank you for not judging us or judging us, and then not judging us again allowing us to be that process
for you. And I'm just I'm just grateful for this space that I've been given to feel safe to share the inner workings of my thoughts, my life, my mistakes, my judgments, and I'm high me too, and I'm high, So thank you. I'm high at org, so thank you. I'm high. Well, what did you do? You? Letting me get high at work guys as hard as my end and talk to my friend every week? Thank you appreciate that. I really do, I really do.
Who knows, like if we'd even been friends had it not been for the podcast like real friends.
Well, something told me to go to that bathroom, something told me to come to that bar, or something brought me to your instagram somehow I didn't know to I never saw you really before that, and so it was all as it should be. Imperfect timing.
And thank God for like Luna and Iri being able to have like the sisterhood that they have and be able to grow up grow up with each other.
I was looking at them in Mexico and I was like, they've known each other their whole life, like they they will always have that and continue to have that, And I can't wait to see how that evolves, what that looks like as adults, teenagers and ten year olds, and what however it goes. You know what a blessing is? Sisterhood? Well, are you ready to get out of here, my love? I am. I have some work to do.
I have a thirty page paper due, so gosh, college.
I'm in college?
Is I'm almost a tantric practitioner and sexologists.
I love that. Oh my god, looks like you have a little like mole right here and it looked very you look like for some reason, you look very official.
If I can see you, I'm Jamill Mapp, the tantric practitioner and sexologists. How can I help you? How can I help you vagina? How can improve your sex life?
How can I improve your pleasure? How can I help you embody every juicy part of life, joy, sex, your sex.
Ah, you can start by saying, I'm going to start all my sessions.
When we were in the temescal at the retreat, I literally heard and I don't know who it was, but I know how every person sounds during sex. And that was the craziest thing to be in a womb and hearing everyone's sex sounds. It was like I felt overwhelmed, Like my heart started pounding, like I was my heart was racing. I felt like this energy, like building and building and building.
That's the thing about tantra that really like magical, like whichy shit that happens in tantra is that it starts to teach you and like unveil the power of sex as women and like the power of pleasure, sexual pleasure. And that doesn't mean necessarily in you know, act in act the sex act with someone else or like you know, but just the energy, the energy, this life force energy, and it also kind of it starts to help you cultivate, like just destigmatizing it and not not not always having
to be erotic. And how even in unit like even for like our self devotion ceremony, showing up in our sexual essence and moving sexually and like sweating and.
Moaning and like doing it in.
A non erotic but erotic platonic space is powerful. It is the exercise of the womb, you know, and like we have to exercise that sex, that sex chock remove it because that is really, especially as black women, like something that's been taken from us quite literally, and it's on a cellular level. We require that we have to build back up that that muscle memory, that spiritual memory of like how powerful that is without like thinking it's
gross or nasty or lesbian or whatever. The fuck things people make it because I'm sure it's like people listening to this are.
Like what the fuck are they doing at that retreat?
But like just like having it be for you and not for an end result of something else, right, I think that's what people think, like, oh, you want that because you want attention, or you want to get fucked, or you want right, it's all about everything outside of yourself, like when you when we're in these when we're doing these ceremonies, it's really about kind of building up that sexual energy for yourself, in yourself, with each other and together,
and there's no end result, there's no like except that you feel you sweat it out. There is a result for yourself. It's not for anything else. And I think even as women, like if you are listening to this and you're you automatically think because I think women think if women come together and they're doing like sexy shit, are they like lesbians?
Are they like it's something nasty happening there? And it's like no, Then we went downstairs and ate dinner, eat delicious dinner, and I cried. There's just like a sensual aspect of like being in tune your sexual essence without having to give it away. And we've been so tainted too to be thinking that that it means that we want attention, that it means you want to get fucked it literally, we have we have come up so far
from it because it's a form of protection. We've had to protect ourselves in places because we haven't been safe because historically bad things have happened to women who are sexual or sensual. But it's you have to remember that that is not the truest essence of it, and that's not how it's supposed to be. And being in those type of environments and cultivating those type of ceremonies and just energy is powerful.
And I can just see tribes women.
Doing it all over the world in ancient times in very little clothing.
But just like bringing back the sex, bring back the sex, bring back sex again, I'm bringing sex back, bringing sex, feedback, bringing sex back.
I'm brilliant sex back, bringing sex back to the woman.
I'm gonna make those red Donald Trump hats that's say, bring back sex again, make sex, make sex, makes sex great again, make sex pleasurable again, bring back sex, make sex good again, good again. We're gonna work on work in progress. Oh my gosh. Anyway, I love you, I love you, thank you, thank you, thank you guys, and we'll see you next week. Make sure you go rate and review us on Apple Podcast, check out The Retreat, check out our cute ass merch and see you next week. Just moving up, Elana J.
Sologala record The Lallos and Elas
M hmm